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069 - Book Ten Chapter Six · Brothers Karamazov

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  Speaker 1: Chapter sixty nine of the Brothers Karamatzov by Fyodor Dostayevsky,
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  Speaker 1: translated by Constance Garnet. This Librevok's recording is in the
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  Speaker 1: public domain recording by Tony Addison, Chapter six percocity. What
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  Speaker 1: do you think the doctor will say to him? Kolia asked, quickly,
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  Speaker 1: what a repulsive mug thou hasn't it? I can't endure medicine.
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  Speaker 1: Ilusha is dying. I think that's certain, answered Alyosha mournfully.
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  Speaker 1: They are rogues. Madison's a fraud. I am glad to
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  Speaker 1: have made your acquaintance, though Karamatzov, I wanted to know
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  Speaker 1: you for a long time. I am only sorry we
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  Speaker 1: meet in such sad circumstances. Kolia had a great inclination
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  Speaker 1: to say something even warmer and more demonstras, but he
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  Speaker 1: felt ill at ease. Alyosha noticed this, smiled and pressed
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  Speaker 1: his hand. I've long learned to respect you as a
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  Speaker 1: rare person, Colia muttered again, faltering and uncertain. I have
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  Speaker 1: heard you are a mystic and have been in the monastery.
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  Speaker 1: I know you are a mystic, but that hasn't put
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  Speaker 1: me off. Contact with real life will cure you. It's
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  Speaker 1: always so with characters like yours. What do you mean
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  Speaker 1: by mystic kull? Me of what? Alyosha was rather astonished, Oh,
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  Speaker 1: gardened all the rest of it. What don't you believe
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  Speaker 1: in God? Oh? I've nothing against God? Of course God
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  Speaker 1: is only hypothesis, but I admit that he is needed
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  Speaker 1: for the order of the universe and all that, and
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  Speaker 1: that if there were no God, he would have to
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  Speaker 1: be invented, added Colya begin to blush. He suddenly fancied
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  Speaker 1: that Alyosha might think he was trying to show off
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  Speaker 1: his knowledge and to prove that he was grown up.
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  Speaker 1: I am the slightest desire to show off my knowledge
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  Speaker 1: to him, Collia thought indignantly, and all of a sudden
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  Speaker 1: he felt horribly annoyed. I must confess I can't endure
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  Speaker 1: entering on such discussions, he said, with a final erth
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  Speaker 1: it's possible for one who doesn't believe in God to
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  Speaker 1: love mankind, don't you think so? Voltaire didn't believe in
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  Speaker 1: God and loved mankind. I am at it again, he
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  Speaker 1: thought to himself. Voltaire believed in God, though not very much,
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  Speaker 1: I think, and I don't think he loved mankind very
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  Speaker 1: much either, said Alyosha, quietly, gently and quite naturally, as
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  Speaker 1: though we were talking to someone of his own age
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  Speaker 1: or even older. Colia was particularly struck by Alyosha's indiffidence
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  Speaker 1: about his opinion of Voltaire. He seemed to be leaving
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  Speaker 1: the question for him little Collier to settle. Have you
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  Speaker 1: read Boltaire? Alyosha finished, Uh, no, not to say read,
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  Speaker 1: but I've read Condide in the Russian translation, in an absurd,
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  Speaker 1: grotesque old translation. At it again again? And did you
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  Speaker 1: understand it? Oh? Yes, everything that is. Why do you
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  Speaker 1: suppose I shouldn't understand it. There's a lot of nastiness
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  Speaker 1: in it. Of course, of course I can understand that
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  Speaker 1: it's a philosophical novel and written to advocate an idea.
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  Speaker 1: Collier was getting mixed by. Now I am a socialist,
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  Speaker 1: Kara myself. I am an incurable socialist, he announced, suddenly,
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  Speaker 1: apropos of nothing a socialist, laugh, d Alyosha. But whenever
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  Speaker 1: you had time to become one? Why I thought you
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  Speaker 1: were only thirteen, Collier winced. In the first place, I
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  Speaker 1: am not thirteen, but fourteen fourteen in a fortnight, he
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  Speaker 1: flushed angrily. And in the second place, I am at
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  Speaker 1: a complete loss to understand what my age has to
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  Speaker 1: do with it. The question is what are my convictions,
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  Speaker 1: not what my age is, isn't it When you are
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  Speaker 1: older you'll understand for yourself the influence of age on convictions.
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  Speaker 1: I fancied too, that you were not expressing your own ideas,
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  Speaker 1: Alyosha answered serenely and modestly, but Collier interrupted him otlely, Come,
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  Speaker 1: you want obedience and mysticism, you must admit that the
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  Speaker 1: Christian religion, for instance, has only been of use to
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  Speaker 1: the rich and the powerful to keep the lower classes
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  Speaker 1: in slavery. That's so, isn't it. Ah? I know where
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  Speaker 1: you read that, and I am sure someone told you so,
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  Speaker 1: cried Alyosha. I say, what makes you think I read it?
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  Speaker 1: And certainly no one told me so. I can think
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  Speaker 1: for myself. I am not opposed to Christ. If you like,
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  Speaker 1: he was a most humane person, and if he were
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  Speaker 1: alive to day, he will be found in the ranks
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  Speaker 1: of the revolutionists and would perhaps play a conspicuous part.
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  Speaker 1: There's no doubt about that. Oh where did you get
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  Speaker 1: that from? What fool have you made friends with? Exclaimed Alyosha. Come,
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  Speaker 1: the truth will out. It has so chanced that I
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  Speaker 1: have often talked to mister Rakitin, of course, But oh,
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  Speaker 1: Balynsky said that too, So they say by Lynsky, I
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  Speaker 1: don't remember. He hasn't written that anywhere. If he didn't
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  Speaker 1: write it, they say he said it. I heard that
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  Speaker 1: from it. But never mind. And have you read by Lynsky? Well, no,
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  Speaker 1: I haven't read all of him, but I read the
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  Speaker 1: passage about Tatiana, or why she didn't go up with Onyegen,
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  Speaker 1: didn't go off with Onyegen. Surely you don't understand that already.
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  Speaker 1: Why you seem to take me for a little Smeerra,
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  Speaker 1: said Colier, with a grin of irritation. But please don't
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  Speaker 1: suppose I am such a revolutionist. I often disagree with
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  Speaker 1: mister Rakitin. Though I mentioned Tatiana. I am not at
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  Speaker 1: all for the emancipation of women. I acknowledge that women
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  Speaker 1: are a subject race and must obey les farm three
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  Speaker 1: cootan as Napoleon said. Colia for some reason smiled, And
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  Speaker 1: on that question at least, I am quite of one
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  Speaker 1: mind with that pseudo great man. I think too, that
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  Speaker 1: to leave one's own country and fly to America is
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  Speaker 1: mean worse than mean silly? Why go to America when
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  Speaker 1: one may be of great service to humanity here now, especially,
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  Speaker 1: there's a perfect mass of brutal activity open to us.
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  Speaker 1: That's what I answered. What do you mean answered whom?
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  Speaker 1: Has some one suggested you're going to America? Already? I
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  Speaker 1: must own they've been at me to go, But I
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  Speaker 1: declined that's between ourselves, of course, Karametzov, do you hear
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  Speaker 1: not a word to any one. I say this only
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  Speaker 1: to you. I'm not at all anxious to fall into
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  Speaker 1: the clutches of the secret police and take lessons at
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  Speaker 1: the chain Bridge. Long will you remember the house of
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  Speaker 1: the chain Bridge? Do you remember? It's splendid? Why? Why
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  Speaker 1: are you laughing? You don't suppose I am fibbing? Do
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  Speaker 1: you what if he should find out that I've only
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  Speaker 1: that one number of the bell in father's bookcase and
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  Speaker 1: haven't read any more of it? Colia thought, with a shudder,
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  Speaker 1: Oh no, I am not laughing, And don't suppose for
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  Speaker 1: a moment that you are lying. No, indeed, I can't
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  Speaker 1: suppose so for all this alas is perfectly true. But
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  Speaker 1: tell me have you read pushkin on Yigen? For instance?
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  Speaker 1: You spoke just now of Tatyana. No, I haven't read
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  Speaker 1: it yet, but I want to read it. I have
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  Speaker 1: no prejudices, Karamatzov, I want to hear both sides. What
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  Speaker 1: makes you ask? Oh? Nothing? Tell me, Karamatzov, have you
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  Speaker 1: an awful contempt for me? Kolia rapped out suddenly and
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  Speaker 1: drew himself up before Alyosha, as though he were on drill.
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  Speaker 1: Be so kind as to tell me, without beating about
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  Speaker 1: the bush, I have a contempt for you. Alyosha looked
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  Speaker 1: at him, wondering what for. I am only sad that
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  Speaker 1: a charming nature such as yours should be perverted by
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  Speaker 1: all this crude nonsense before you have begun live. Don't
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  Speaker 1: be anxious about my nature, Collier interrupted, not without complacency.
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  Speaker 1: But it's true that I am stupidly sensitive, crudely sensitive.
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  Speaker 1: Who smiled just now, and I fancied you seem to, Oh,
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  Speaker 1: my smile meant something quite different. I'll tell you why
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  Speaker 1: I smiled. Not long ago I read the criticism made
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  Speaker 1: by a German who had lived in Russia on our
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  Speaker 1: Students and Schoolboys of the Day show. A Russian schoolboy
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  Speaker 1: he writes a map of the stars which he knows
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  Speaker 1: nothing about, and he will give you back the map
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  Speaker 1: next day with corrections on it. No knowledge and unbounded conceit.
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  Speaker 1: That's what the German meant to say about the Russian schoolboy. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: that's perfectly right, Calia laughed suddenly. Exactly so, Brabo the German.
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  Speaker 1: But he did not see the good side. What do
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  Speaker 1: you think conceit may be that comes from you, that
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  Speaker 1: will be corrected if need be. But on the other hand,
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  Speaker 1: there is an independent spirit, almost from childhood, boldness of
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  Speaker 1: thought and conviction, and not the spirit of these sausage
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  Speaker 1: makers groveling before authority. But the German was right all
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  Speaker 1: the same, Brabo the German. But Germans once strangling, all
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  Speaker 1: the same. Though they are so good at science and learning,
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  Speaker 1: they must be strangled, strangled, And what for smiled Alyosha. Well,
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  Speaker 1: perhaps I am talking nonsense. I agree. I am awfully
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  Speaker 1: childish sometimes, and when I am pleased about anything, I
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  Speaker 1: can't restrain myself and am ready to talk any stuff.
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  Speaker 1: But I say, we are chattering away here about nothing,
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  Speaker 1: And that doctor has been a long time in there.
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  Speaker 1: But perhaps he's examining the mamma and that poor crippled Nina.
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  Speaker 1: I like that Nina. You know, she whispered to me
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  Speaker 1: suddenly as I was coming away, why didn't you come before?
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  Speaker 1: And in such a voice so reproachfully. I think she
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  Speaker 1: is awfully nice and pathetic. Yes, yes, well you'll be
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  Speaker 1: coming often. You will see what she is like. It
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  Speaker 1: would do you a great deal of good to know
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  Speaker 1: people like that, to learn to value a great deal
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  Speaker 1: which you will find out from knowing these people. Alyosha
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  Speaker 1: observed warmly, that would have more effect on you than anything. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: how I regret and blame myself and not having come sooner,
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  Speaker 1: Colia exclaimed, with bitter feeling. Yes, it's a great pity
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  Speaker 1: you saw for yourself, how delighted the poor child was
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  Speaker 1: to see you, and how he fretted for you to come.
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  Speaker 1: Don't tell me you make it worse, but it serves
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  Speaker 1: me right. What kept me from coming was my conceit,
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  Speaker 1: my egoistic vanity, and the beastly wilfulness which I never
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  Speaker 1: can get rid of, though I've been struggling with it
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  Speaker 1: all my life. I see that now I am a
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  Speaker 1: beast and lots of ways caramuts up. No, you have
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  Speaker 1: a charming nature, though it's been distorted and I quite
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  Speaker 1: understand why you have had such an influence on this generous,
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  Speaker 1: morbidly sensitive boy. Alyosha answered warmly. And you say that
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  Speaker 1: to me, cried Collier. And would you believe it? I thought,
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  Speaker 1: I've thought several times since I've been here that you
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  Speaker 1: despised me, if only you knew how I prized your opinion.
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  Speaker 1: But are you really so sensitive at your age? Would
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  Speaker 1: you believe it? Just now? When you were telling your story,
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  Speaker 1: I thought as I watched you that you must be
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  Speaker 1: very sensitive. You thought, so, what an eye you've got?
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  Speaker 1: I say, I bet that was when I was talking
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  Speaker 1: about the goose. That was just when I was fancying
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  Speaker 1: you had a great contempt for me for being in
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  Speaker 1: such a hurry to show off, and for a moment
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  Speaker 1: I quite hated you for it and began talking like
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  Speaker 1: a fool. Then I fancied just now here when I
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  Speaker 1: said that if there were no God, he would have
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  Speaker 1: to be invented, that I was in too great a
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  Speaker 1: hurry to display my knowledge, especially as I got that
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  Speaker 1: phrase out of a book. But I swear I wasn't
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  Speaker 1: showing off out of vanity, though I really don't know why,
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  Speaker 1: because I was so pleased. Yes, I believe it was
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  Speaker 1: because I was so pleased, though it's perfectly disgraceful for
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  Speaker 1: anyone to be gushing directly they are pleased, I know that.
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  Speaker 1: But I am convinced now that you don't despise me.
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  Speaker 1: It was all my imagination. O Kaiamatzov. I am profound
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  Speaker 1: be unhappy. I sometimes fancy all sorts of things that
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  Speaker 1: everyone is not being at me, the whole world, and
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  Speaker 1: then I feel ready to overturn the whole order of things.
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  Speaker 1: And you worry every one about you, smiled Alyosha. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: I worry everyone about me, especially my mother. Karamtself tell me, Am,
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  Speaker 1: I very ridiculous. Now, don't think about that. Don't think
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  Speaker 1: of it at all, cried Alyosha. And what does ridiculous mean?
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  Speaker 1: Isn't everyone constantly being or seeming ridiculous? Besides, nearly all
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  Speaker 1: clever people now are fearfully afraid of being ridiculous, and
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  Speaker 1: that makes them unhappy. All I am surprised at is
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  Speaker 1: that you should be feeling that so early, though I've
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  Speaker 1: observed it for some time past, and not only in you.
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  Speaker 1: Nowadays the very children have begun to suffer from it.
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  Speaker 1: It's almost a sort of insanity. The devil has taken
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  Speaker 1: the form of that vanity and entered into the whole renovation.
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  Speaker 1: It's simply the devil, added Alyosha, without a trace of
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  Speaker 1: the smile that Collier staring at him expected to see.
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  Speaker 1: You are like everyone else, said Alyosha in conclusion, that
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  Speaker 1: is like very many others. Only you must not be
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  Speaker 1: like everybody else, that's all. Even if everyone is like that, Yes,
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  Speaker 1: even if everyone is like that, you be the only
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  Speaker 1: one not like it. You really are not like everyone
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  Speaker 1: else here. You are not ashamed to confess to something
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  Speaker 1: bad and even ridiculous. And who will admit so much?
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  Speaker 1: In these days no one, and people have even ceased
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  Speaker 1: to feel the impulse to self criticism. Don't be like
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  Speaker 1: everyone else, even if you are the only one splendid.
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  Speaker 1: I was not mistaken in you. You know how to
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  Speaker 1: console one. Oh, how I have longed to know you,
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  Speaker 1: karam itself. I've long been eager for this meeting. Can
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  Speaker 1: you really have thought about me too, you said, just
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  Speaker 1: now that you thought of me too. Yes, i'd heard
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  Speaker 1: of you and had thought of you too. And if
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  Speaker 1: it's partly vanity that makes you ask, it doesn't matter.
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  Speaker 1: Do you know, Karamatzov, our talk has been like a
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  Speaker 1: declaration of love, said Collier in a bashful and melting voice.
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  Speaker 1: That's not ridiculous, is it not at all ridiculous? And
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  Speaker 1: if it were, it wouldn't matter, because it's been a
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  Speaker 1: good thing. Alyoysha smiled brightly. But do you know, Karamatzov,
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  Speaker 1: you must admit that you are a little ashamed yourself.
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  Speaker 1: Now I see it by your eyes. Colier smiled with
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  Speaker 1: a sort of sly happiness. Why ashame? Well, why are
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  Speaker 1: you blushing? It was you made me blush, laughed Alyoysha,
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  Speaker 1: and he really did blush. Oh well, I am a
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  Speaker 1: little goodness knows why? I don't know, he muttered, almost embarrassed.
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  Speaker 1: Oh how I love you and admire you at this moment,
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  Speaker 1: just because you are rather ashamed, Because you are just
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  Speaker 1: like me, cried Colier in positive ecstasy. His cheeks glowed,
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  Speaker 1: his eyes beamed. You know, Colier, you will be very
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  Speaker 1: unhappy in your life. Something made Alyosha say suddenly, I
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  Speaker 1: know I know how you know it all beforehand, Collier
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  Speaker 1: agreed at once, But you will blust life in the
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  Speaker 1: hole all the same. Just so hurrah, you are a prophet.
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  Speaker 1: Oh we shall get on together, karamatselv. Do you know
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  Speaker 1: what delights me most is that you treat me quite
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  Speaker 1: like an equal. But we are not equals. No, we
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  Speaker 1: are not. You are better. But we shall get on.
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  Speaker 1: Do you know all this last month I've been saying
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  Speaker 1: to myself, either we shall be friends at once forever,
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  Speaker 1: or we shall part enemies to the grave, and saying that,
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  Speaker 1: of course you loved me. Alyosha laughed gaily, I did.
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  Speaker 1: I loved you awfully. I've been loving and dreaming of you.
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  Speaker 1: And how do you know it all beforehand? Ah, here's
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  Speaker 1: the doctor. Goodness, what will he tell us? Look at
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  Speaker 1: his face? And of Chapter sixty nine,