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Andy Stanley - What Happy Couples Know, Part 3 Sometimes You Have to Throw Things · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We're brought here today by the love that Sarah and
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: David share for each other. We're going to be so happy.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: We'll be so happy.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: I'm going to crush it at being a husband. I
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: really hope she looks like her picture. Pete says she
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: has a good personality. That's a red flag.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Davis.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: Whoa, that is one beautiful personality. Cutie alert. Thank you, Pete. Sorry,
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: I got you a latte.
• 0:34
  Speaker 3: Thanks, latte.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Why did I just say that?
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: Quick, say something.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, that's Derry. Probably shouldn't immediately correct him.
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: So, do you.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Sports?
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: Failure. Yeah, I love golf.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: What?
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: No, I don't.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: I hate golf. Me too. Yes, I love with the
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: chipping and the putting. birdies nope tweet tweet get a
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: hold of yourself um so what are you looking for
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: in a relationship oh my gosh i'm gonna die alone.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Oh um you know it's um someone just like me.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Someone who's just kind of their own person someone pretty
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: adventurous someone who likes to stay at home someone who'll
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: just listen to me someone who doesn't talk too much
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Someone who isn't intimidated by how much money I make.
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Somebody who doesn't mind how little money I make.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: He looks like a good dad.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Hope she doesn't want kids like soon. Um, you know,
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: it's like another.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Person.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's me.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, me too.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I think I love her. wow time flew by it's
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: over think.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Fast oh yeah oh yes yeah um you gotta uh
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: do you want me to maybe should i give her
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: a hug is that weird no okay no kiss okay
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: no wait oh my gosh what do i do uh
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: this is great what is happening okay he smells good.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Well i'll just see you well you messed that up.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: It's okay we'll crush our second date So we are
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: in part three of what do happy couples know? And
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: so the question is, what do happy couples know? And
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: here's what happy couples know. That over time, and sometimes initially,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: but oftentimes eventually, that our hopes, dreams, and desires become expectations.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: And they become expectations when we take our hopes, dreams,
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: and desires, which seem so light and so happy and
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: so tangible and so easily fulfilled, and we hand them
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: to somebody else, and it feels like that. And so
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: from my perspective, it's hopes, dreams, and desires. I mean,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: who wouldn't want to organize family the way I want
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: to organize family, resolve conflict the way I want to
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: resolve conflict? I mean, I know exactly how we're going
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: to do money and budgets or no budgets. I know
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: how many kids we're going to have and when we're
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: going to have them. I know I'm going to get
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to keep my car and you're going to drive whatever.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: And I know where we'll live. And so we all
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: come into our relationships with hopes, dreams, and desires. And
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: from our perspective, that's what they are. But from the
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: perspective of the person on the other side of me,
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: or the other side of you, or the other side
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: of Sandra, it begins to feel like and look like expectations.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And then, what was meant to be enjoyable becomes transactional.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And when the relationship becomes transactional, it's not as much
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: fun anymore, because everybody's negotiating. and we did it your
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: way last time, it's my turn to do it my way,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: it was your family last time, it's my family this time,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: you got to spend extra on, hey, you blew the budget,
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I get to blow the budget, and back and forth,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: back and forth, and now we're negotiating. And now it's debt, debtor.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: And the problem with transactional is the best negotiator in
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: the relationship always wins because it's a negotiation. So the
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: best negotiator continues to win. He always wins, she always wins.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: I had my plan, I knew exactly what I was
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: gonna say, I had my approach all planned out, and mmh.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: She won again. He won again. And the problem is
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: in a relationship, when someone wins, the relationship loses. In
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: a relationship, when I win, we loses. When you win,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: we loses. But the problem is we all bring this
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: stuff into the relationship and we just can't help it.
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  Speaker 1: It's absolutely unavoidable. And it's not just the kinds of
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: stuff that you can put in a box. A lot
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  Speaker 1: of it It's intangible. It's things that maybe you haven't
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: thought through, but they're kind of on the emotional, intangible,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: relational side of things. When you think about future successful,
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: happy relationships, you think about things like this, right? I mean,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: you want to be respected. I do. You want to
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: be desired. You want to be admired. I mean, us guys,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: we want to, whoever we spend our life with, we
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: want them to think that we have what it takes.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: And the reason we want them to think we have
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  Speaker 1: what it takes is because about every other hour of
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  Speaker 1: every other day, we wonder if we have what it takes.
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  Speaker 1: But I want Sandra to think, I have what it takes.
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  Speaker 1: We want to be cherished, protected, defended. We want to
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: be trusted. I don't want somebody always checking up on me,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: and I want somebody who's trustworthy. I want to be prioritized.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: You don't want to compete with his car. You don't
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: want to compete with her job. You don't want to
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: compete with his income. You don't want to compete with
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: her family. You want to be pursued. You want to
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: be attracted to. I mean, there's all these things, and
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: the list goes on and on and on. And these
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  Speaker 1: are good things. And these are good things. In fact,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: some of these things, I think, are a reflection of
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: the image of God in us. So this isn't a good,
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: bad thing. This is just a thing thing. But the
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: question is, what do we do? And how do we
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: handle this? This is just an ongoing relational dynamic. So
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: last week we said, and the week before that as well,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: we said that happy couples know that in order to
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: keep hopes, dreams, and desires, to keep them from feeling
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: like expectations, you have to make a decision. And the
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: fundamental primary decision that you make is he doesn't owe me.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: She doesn't owe me. Yes, this is what I desire,
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: but I'm not expecting him. I'm not expecting her. He
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: doesn't owe me. She doesn't owe me. And then last week,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: we looked at what I think is the most powerful
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: relational dynamic in the whole world, the whole idea of
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: mutual submission, mutual submission. that in a Christian marriage specifically,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: it is a race to the back of the line.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: In a Christian marriage, it is a submission competition. Everybody's
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: trying to put the other person first, and if you argue,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: you argue over how can I put you first as
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: opposed to how can I get to the front of
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: the line. In a submission competition, in that kind of relationship,
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: we talked about that whenever it becomes a tug of
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: war over expectations and desires and wishes and dreams, that
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: happy couples know, happy couples know, In order to win,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: in order to win, the only way to win is
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: to drop your end of the rope. Because in dropping
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: your end of the rope, you put yourself in the
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: back of the line. But it's scary to go first.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: But happy couples know that you have to go first
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: in order to be last, in order to win in
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: the relationship. So today, what do we do? And the
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: good news is Peter tells us. Now Peter was a
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: follower of Jesus, one of Jesus' original followers. In fact,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: some of the most famous stories in the New Testament
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  Speaker 1: have to do with Peter and all the cool things
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  Speaker 1: Peter did. Peter had a big mouth. Peter got in trouble.
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  Speaker 1: Peter talked too much. Peter was a coward at the end.
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  Speaker 1: And in the end, he was one of the first
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  Speaker 1: two people to look into an empty tomb and realize
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  Speaker 1: that Jesus had risen from the dead. Now, Peter is
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  Speaker 1: somebody we should listen to not only because he spent
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: three or so years listening to Jesus. And by the way,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: everything Jesus taught doesn't show up in the gospels. The
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: gospel writer John said, hey, if I had written everything down,
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  Speaker 1: Jesus said, it would take up all the books in
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  Speaker 1: the world. So Jesus taught so much about so many things.
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  Speaker 1: And Peter was there for all of it. And then
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  Speaker 1: after Jesus left the earth, Peter went on to help
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  Speaker 1: other people become Christians and to teach what Jesus taught.
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  Speaker 1: but he faced extraordinary persecution and eventually his life was
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  Speaker 1: taken from him, probably under Nero in the city of Rome.
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  Speaker 1: So he knew what it was like to be with Jesus.
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  Speaker 1: He knew what Jesus taught, but he also knew what
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  Speaker 1: it was like to face extraordinary hardship. And so Peter
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  Speaker 1: tells us exactly what to do with all the things
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  Speaker 1: in our box because he gives us a relational principle
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  Speaker 1: that is not specific to marriage and specific to romantic relationships,
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  Speaker 1: but it certainly applies to those as we're about to see. Now,
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  Speaker 1: I ought to warn you, though. What Peter says is
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  Speaker 1: a little weird, okay? And what Peter says may be
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  Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable for you. And what Peter says may
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  Speaker 1: just seem so religious you're not sure you want to
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  Speaker 1: embrace it. So I just want to invite you, if
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  Speaker 1: you would, to put down your skepticism for just a
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  Speaker 1: few minutes, put down your objections for just a few minutes,
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  Speaker 1: and listen to the words of a man, come on,
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  Speaker 1: who knew Jesus. Jesus. And besides that, the alternatives to
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  Speaker 1: what Peter suggests, they don't work either. I mean, what
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  Speaker 1: are you gonna do with this stuff, right? What are
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: you gonna do with this? Just, you're gonna ignore it?
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  Speaker 1: You can't ignore it. If you just ignore it, you're
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  Speaker 1: gonna become unhealthy. You're just gonna be a pretender, and
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: pretenders are no fun to have in a relationship, and
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: eventually the person you're in a relationship with is gonna
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  Speaker 1: think you're getting kind of weird. And if you just
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: give and give and give and give and give and
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  Speaker 1: give and never acknowledge what's in your heart and never
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: acknowledge perhaps the God-given desires that rattle around in your
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  Speaker 1: heart and your soul, eventually you're gonna get worn out.
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  Speaker 1: You're gonna get tired. The relationship isn't gonna be healthy
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  Speaker 1: because you aren't gonna be healthy. And besides that, ignoring
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  Speaker 1: your hopes, dreams, and desires doesn't make the relationship healthy.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Any better? What is your other option? You can just
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: stay busy, I guess. You know, just pour more time
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: into tennis, more time into golf, more time into work,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: more time into the kids, more time into hunting, something
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: that just keeps you apart so you just kind of
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: show up like roommates. But that's not what you got
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: into this for. I mean, that's no fun. That's not exciting.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: It certainly doesn't model anything positive for your kids when
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: you have kids or if you have friends. Kids, so
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: staying busy isn't an answer. Creating your own world isn't
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: an answer. And besides that, this sets you up for
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: the third eye. which is I'm just gonna go find
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: someone else. Now, if you're dating and you're just a
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: few months in or a few weeks in or you're
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: not engaged yet, you're just kinda moving in the direction
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: of maybe a permanent relationship, and it dawns on you
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: that your hopes, dreams, and desires are nothing like the
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: person you're dating's hopes, dreams, and desires, then you probably
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: should change relationships or maybe get out of that relationship
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: because there's time and you have that opportunity. And this
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: is very, very, very important. But if you're in a relationship,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: and especially and obviously if you're married, then simply getting
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: out of the relationship oftentimes doesn't solve anything, and here's why.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: And this is pretty deep, okay? Wherever you go.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: There you are. Let me go over that again, okay?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Wherever you go, there you are. In other words, you
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: go with you. And whatever part of the relationship problem
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: you are, you're going to take that into your next relationship.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: So simply swapping out people oftentimes doesn't solve anything because
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: you're still the same old girl you used to be.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: And besides that, this is still a lot of weight
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: for somebody to carry around. And just because somebody else
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: couldn't fulfill your hopes, dreams, and wishes... What makes you
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: think you're gonna find somebody else who can besides that,
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: besides that? When you meet this other person, and you
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: know this, but sometimes it's just good to hear somebody
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: tell you. When you meet this other person, if you're
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: married and you meet somebody else or you're engaged and
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: it's like, I met this other person or you're in
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: a committed relationship and you meet this other person, let
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: me tell you about the other person. I've met them, okay?
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: They are on their best behavior ever. You don't know them,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: you're not gonna get to. I mean, remember when you
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: were dating the first time and now when you're meeting
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: this other person, you're on your best behavior too. They
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: think you're incredible. They just need to talk to your
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: husband or your wife or your fiance or your roommate.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, aren't we all on our best behavior? And
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: so it's so enticing, it seems so easy. And the
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: problem with this, this is so much easier than staying
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: in a tough relationship and it feels so fresh and
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: it's exciting and it stirs all that stuff that got
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: stirred up the first time around. But this is generally
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: not the answer. Again, here's an observation that I promise
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna stay here too long. This is another
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: message for another day. But just in case, this is
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: for you. People don't rush into a new relationship because
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: they're eager to give their lives to someone. In other words,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: the person that you're thinking about getting in a new
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: relationship with, okay, you're not anxious for that new relationship
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: because it's like, wow, I just want to know what
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: his or her hopes, dreams, and desires are. I need
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: a new relationship so I can help somebody else fulfill
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: their hopes, dreams, and desires. That's not why you're looking
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: for something new. And by the way, that's not what
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: they're looking for either. People don't jump into new relationships
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: because they're trying to give their lives away. The problem
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: with my relationship is I just can't give my life
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: to my husband. I can't give my life to my wife.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: I just can't give my life to my fiance. I
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: got to find somebody else. That's not what's going on,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: is it? I mean, come on, let's be adults. Let's
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: be honest. You're hoping to get something that you aren't getting.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: You're hoping to have something happen on the inside of
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: you that's not happening on the inside of you. You're
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: hoping to get some of the stuff in the box
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: that you're not getting even though it's been in your
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: box for a long, long time. So be honest. This
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: isn't about giving of yourself. You may just be looking
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: for somebody to get the stuff from and get the
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: affection from and get the affirmation from that you're not
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: getting in your current relationship. And you should at least
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: know that and you should be honest enough with yourself
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge that. Which means, You're going to hate me
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: for this, but if you are dating someone who is
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: recently divorced, time is your friend. If you are recently
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: divorced and you're dating someone, time is your friend. In fact,
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: the only rule I have for our pastors and our
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: staff in terms of who they marry or remarry, my
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: only rule for all these years has been not to
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: do a wedding for anyone who's divorced and has been
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: divorced for less than two years. You say, Andy, why
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: two years? And it's because I don't think I can
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: talk people into five years. That's why two years, okay?
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Because if I can talk you into five years, I'd
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: talk you into five. And let me just tell you,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I've been doing this a long, long time. Time is
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: your friend. But come on, let's be honest. Why do
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: we rush into another relationship? It's not because we just
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: want to be selfless with someone new.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Is it?
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Is it? No, it's because I got this dang box
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: and I am tired of lugging it around and I'm
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: ready to hand it to somebody new. Because I think
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: she's going to do a better, he's going to do
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: a better job. Now again, we don't think this way,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: but come on. You just got to be honest about
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: this stuff, right? So when you start feeling pressure in
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: this new relationship with this new person, when you start
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: feeling pressure to perform, when you start feeling pressure to maintain,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: when you start feeling pressure to step it up, you
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: probably need to hit pause. And you may need to
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: hit eject. And if your mama said hit eject, you
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: need to hit eject, okay, because she knows. And if
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: two or three of your friends have come to you
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: and said, okay, you know, he's really cute, but hey, okay,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: if two or three friends of you, they're red flags,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: come on, pay attention. Just getting into a new relationship
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: doesn't mean anything changes, except the face and the address
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: and the complexity, perhaps. of the problem. So, okay, back
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: to what we're talking about. So the question is for today,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: what in the world do we do with this stuff?
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: And as I said, Peter tells us, and in one
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: of his letters that he wrote to Christians in the
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: first century, he picks up on this, you know, put
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: others first idea. He doesn't use the phrase mutual submission
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: like the apostle Paul did. He uses a different term.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: So we're going to jump into this passage and make
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: this super practical. So here's what Peter says. This is powerful.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: He says, all of you, that's All of you. All
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: of you clothe yourselves, that is put on so that
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you're characterized by. All of you put on, clothe yourself
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: with humility toward one another. It's a general relationship principle
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: that we're gonna apply to romantic relationships in just a minute.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: In other words, clothe yourself with humility. That means go small.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: That means go others first. That means go to the
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: back of the line. That means at every relationship iteration,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: at every point of decision, At every transition, anytime there's
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: a potential conflict, here's what you're supposed to do. You
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: should ask yourself, what would a humble person do? So
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: we're gonna practice that because most of us have never
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: asked that question before, right? What would a humble person do?
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: You say, well, Andy, I'm not really humble. I know,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: that's why we're asking this question. And you don't have
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: to be humble, but you should at least know what
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: a humble person does because in just a minute, Paul's,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, Peter's gonna tell us why he says that.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: And when he tells us why, you might get interested.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: So I would like for all of us, and if
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: you're at home alone, this is gonna be weird. It's
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: gonna be weirder if there are other people in the room,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: but I would like for all of us to say
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: out loud because this is a powerful and compelling question.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I want us to all ask the question, what would
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: a humble person do? Ready, here we go. What would
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: a humble person do? You don't have to do it.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: You should at least ask the question. You should at
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: least pause and ask the question. Okay, if I were humble,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: what would a humble person do? Now let me tell
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: you a little secret about humility. If you start doing
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: what a humble person does, you'll be humble. You'll be humble.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: You go, oh no, it's an internal thing. It's not. See,
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: you read your mind. You know if you're arrogant. But
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: everybody else just reads your actions and actions speak louder than? Exactly.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: So if you start doing what a humble person does,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: you'll be humble. And if you go, oh, I'm already humble.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: already humble. No, you're just reading your own thoughts. We're
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: reading your actions. You're not. So stopping every once in
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: a while, I'm telling you, this is a relational game
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: changer and asking the question, okay, I know what I'm
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: gearing up to do. I know what I normally do.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I know how I feel. I know what happened last time.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: I know what my mama says, but you just stop
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: and you go, okay, but if I were to go small,
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: if I were to go into the line, if I
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: were to put someone else first, what would that look
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: like in this circumstance? What would a humble person Now,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: before you just turn me off, listen to how Peter
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: finishes this statement. All of you clothe yourself with humility
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: toward one another because, why humility, Peter? Because God opposes
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: the proud. It's like, oh, okay, yeah. What would a humble,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: in other words, do you really want to be in
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: opposition to God? In fact, some of you, you would say,
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: the reason I don't believe in God, I'm not so
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: sure about a personal God. Part of it is, you've
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: stiff-armed God a little bit. And Peter, who knew Jesus,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: who was the son of God, said that God pulls
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: back from proud people, that God leans away from and
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: leans back. from proud people. And before you judge God
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: too harshly, that's what you do as well, right? I mean,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: you're not drawn to arrogant people, right? Don't you pull back?
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Don't you kind of resist entitled people, demanding people, people
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: who are always trying to squeeze out of you whatever
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: they can get out of you for their benefit and
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: they only think about themselves and they rarely think about
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: how their behavior impacts you? Look what he says. God
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: opposes the proud, but he shows favor or grace. In fact,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: grace is actually a better translation of this word. He
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: shows grace or favor to the humble. Now, this is
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: an extraordinary promise, and in the English text, it's a
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: little hard to see how this is a promise, but
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: here's what this means. Peter says that when you humble
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: yourself in a relationship, it is an invitation for God
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: to give you the strength you need, the endurance you need,
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: the power you need to maintain and to do the
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: right thing. Because humility is an invitation to God. Humility
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: is an invitation to God. Humility throughout the Old and
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: New Testament, humility, and perhaps you've experienced that, humility, when
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: we go small, when we go back the line, when
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: we go others first, it is an invitation for God
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: to do something extraordinary in our lives and in our relationships.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: So he says this, let me say it again a
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: different way. Peter says, humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Not under God's mighty hand like gotcha, not that kind
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: of under God's mighty hand. To be under God's mighty
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: hand is to be under the canopy of his protection,
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: is to be under the canopy of his authority. He says,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: when you go humble, you are basically backing into the
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: safest place you could be because God leans into the humble.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: God leans toward the person that says, what is the
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: humble thing to do? What would a humble person do
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: when she says, when he says, when he doesn't, and
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: when she doesn't? And this is an imperative. It's when
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: you want to power up, when you want to get demanding,
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: when you want to defend, he says, nope, ask what
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: would a humble person do, and then you just do that.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: And not only are you under God's mighty hand, he's
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: about to say you're also in God's mighty hand. So
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: it's not only under authority, it's not only under protection,
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: it's in a place where when God is ready, he
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: can do something extraordinary for you. And that brings us
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: to this second promise. That, or the purpose, or the result,
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: that he may lift you up because you're in his
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: mighty hand. God, I've done the humble thing. I've done
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: the submissive thing. I've done the other's first thing. I've
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: placed myself in your mighty hand. And God says, and
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: when the time comes, when the time is right, you've
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: put yourself in a position to where I can lift
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: you up. Now, you hear all that and you think, okay.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: You're the preacher. I'm sure that makes perfect sense to you.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: even think God had hands. In fact, I read somewhere
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: in the Bible where he had wings. So does he
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: have wings or does he have hands? Is God an eagle?
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: Is God a lion? God's a mighty hand. I'm supposed
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: to go home and say, God, give me a hand.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: What does this even mean? So I think when Peter
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: was writing this, this made perfect sense to him because
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: of the context and culture he was in. I think
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: he's writing this and he realizes, okay, this is probably
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: way over everybody's head. So I need to give him
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: some handles. I need to explain exactly what I'm talking about.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: What does it mean to go humble? What does it
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: mean to put others first in this context? What does
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: it mean to rest under God's mighty hand? What does
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: that look like? So Peter gets really, really practical. Now,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, Clay Scroggins preached on this very
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: same passage in a different context and gave us an incredible,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: incredible visual. Some of you might remember that. So we're
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: going to look at what Peter says within the context
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: now of relationships, personal romantic relationships. And here's what Peter says.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: This is incredible. He says,' I' m inviting you because I
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: spent time with Jesus.' And so speaking on behalf of Jesus,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: the Son of God, he says,' I' m inviting you.' Check
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: this out. He says, cast all your anxiety, all your frustrations,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: all your she said, he said, I thought, I always
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be, I always dreamed it would be,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: they promised. Cast all of your anxiety on him. Talking
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: about God. In whose mighty hand you stand and under
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: whose mighty hand you dwell. Cast all your anxiety on him.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: In other words, don't miss this. This is an invitation
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: for you to unload on God. Here's what he's saying.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: He's saying, look, instead of trying to get your significant
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: other or whoever it is you're in love with to
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: carry this stuff around, he says, I want you to
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: cast it. I want you to hurl it. I want
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: you to fling it towards your heavenly father. All your anxieties,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: all your cares, all your frustrations, all your unfulfilled dreams,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: all your he promised and she said and I believed
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: and I thought and I thought we'd talk that through
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: and I thought we'd agreed upon. Peter says, okay, before
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: you take it to them, take it to him. Cast
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: all of it on your heavenly father. Wow. Now, here's
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: where you're gonna struggle with this and so I'm gonna
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: kind of bear down a little bit, okay? Maybe uncomfortably.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: You've got to stop praying polite prayers. Don't pray polite prayers.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: Don't pray formal prayers. Stop praying formal prayers as well.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: In fact, sometimes I talk to people and it's like, well, Andy,
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I used to pray. I don't know how to pray.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, you do. Here's how I know that.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Because you need to pray honest prayers. And everybody knows
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: how to pray an honest prayer. You may have never
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: prayed one because you were afraid or because you memorized
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: prayers as a child or because the only prayers you
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: pray are behind the steering wheel or while you're putting
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: on makeup or at the meal. But Peter's like, okay,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: forget all that. I'm talking about some different kind of praying.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I want you to get honest. In fact, when it
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: comes to praying about this kind of stuff, you need
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: to get on your knees by yourself. You go, Andy,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: that's weird. I said, I told you part of this
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: is going to be weird. Let me tell you why.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: You need to be on your knees because you know
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: what being on your knees demonstrates? Humility. And in some cases,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: if you're desperate, you need to raise your hands. You go, okay,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: that's really weird. Do you know why you need to
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: raise your hands? Who raises their hands? Children. Children. Let
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: me pick you up. When you go to pick a
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: child up, what do they do? They raise those hands.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: They're saying, I'm dependent on You say, okay, okay, okay.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: I think I'll just maybe find a comfortable chair. Now
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: look up here. This is very important. You say, is
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: the posture of prayer important? It's very important. Let me
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: explain why. Because your brain is connected to your body.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Your brain is connected to your body. Your body is
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: connected to your mind. And your posture sends your mind,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and your mind sends your body signals. Now you know this,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: and some of you studied this. Some of you could
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: come up here and explain this better than I could.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: In his incredible book, Love Does, Bob Goff tells this
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: incredible story. He was an attorney for many, many years.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: And when he was doing depositions or when one of
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: his clients was being deposed and having to go through
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: a deposition, here's the advice he would give them. He
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: would say, when we get there, I want you to
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: sit at the table. I want you to put your
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: hands in your lap. I want you to put rest
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: your arms on your knees. And I want you to
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: open your hands and do not close your hands because
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: it is virtually impossible to be defensive with your hands open.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: What happens to your hands when you start getting defensive?
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: What do they do? They start going like this. You
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: just try this at home. In fact, some of you,
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: you're gonna get home and you're gonna notice everybody sitting
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: around the table and it's like trying to eat like
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: this because, you know, I'm not getting defensive. You know,
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: I just, you know, there's something, I'm telling you, there's
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: something about your posture. And when you decide, I'm gonna
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: get in the habit of casting all my hopes and
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: dreams and desires on my Father in heaven, you should
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: be in a posture of prayer that signifies submission And
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: if it's a tough, tough, tough season in that relationship,
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: you may need to lift your arms because your lifting
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: of your arms is a sign of desperation. In other words,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: here's what Peter's saying. He's saying, look, you're going to
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: take all this energy somewhere. Start with your father in heaven,
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: not the guy down the hall. not your wife in
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: the other room. Don't wait for that garage door to
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: open and get ready to unload your hopes, dreams, and desires.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: You start with your Father in heaven and you pray
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: this out loud. Told you this was gonna be weird,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: but let me just tell you something. If you're in
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: any of our rooms, if you're in any of our gatherings,
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: I would bet you just about anything. There are people
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: within 10 people of you who could come up on
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: this stage right now and tell their story about how
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: they learned to pour out their heart to their heavenly father.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: And here's what they would say. They would say it
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: was that habit. It was those prayers of desperation. It
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: was those honest prayers. in polite prayers where I found
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: the strength to carry on. I found the strength to endure.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: I found the ability to take one more step. I
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: found the ability to go back into that relationship. I
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: found the ability to listen. I found my strength on
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: my knees in the small place so that I could
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: experience the peace of God and the presence of God.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it was almost like the power of God.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: in the difficult times. Now, Peter didn't make this whole
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: cast your cares on the Lord thing up. He actually
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: lifted this from one of David's Psalms written hundreds of
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: years earlier. So because I know some of you have
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: never prayed honest prayers, again, you say, well, I don't
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: know how to pray. You do know how to pray.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: You just haven't done it like this. Because if you've
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: ever been mad, you know how to pray. If you've
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: ever lost your temper, you know how to pray. If
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: you've ever told someone off, you know how to pray.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: That's part of what praying is. And the thing is, Peter,
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: this is powerful. You see, one day Peter and the guys,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: the disciples, they would watch Jesus go away and pray.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And then they would pray and they would look at
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: each other and they would say, I don't think we're
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: doing it right. These were Jewish boys who'd memorized all
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: kinds of prayers, but they would watch Jesus pray. And
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: they were like, it's different. I mean, it's like he's
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: over there in a wrestling match. I mean, he gets
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: kind of loud. I think we should move further away, right?
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we should overhear this. And so
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: one day they went to Jesus. Their praying and his
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: praying were so different. One day they went to Jesus.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: You remember this maybe if you grew up in church
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: and they said, Jesus, teach us to pray. Which means
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: we've been praying. We don't pray like you. We don't
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: think we're doing it right. So all these years later,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Peter says, okay, I learned a few things about prayer.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Unload on your father in heaven. Cast, throw, fling it
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: all at him. So anyway, he lifts this little phrase
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: out of the Psalm of David, getting back to that.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: And so what I want to do real quickly, I
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: want to read you. a bit of this Psalm where
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: he got this because it's a great example of what
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Now, when David would write, he's a poet,
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: he's a warrior. I mean, he's been covered in the
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: blood of his enemy. I mean, he's a king, he's
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: a shepherd, been there, done that. He's an adulterer, he's forgiven.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, he's a father, he's a grandfather. He's all
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: these different roles. And yet time after time after time,
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: he would recenter himself on his relationship with God and
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: he would write his prayers. And his prayers were kind
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: of like journals and prayers and rants all mixed together.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: And God, the scripture says he was a man after
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: God's own heart. So I think we all have permission
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: to do this. So here's an example of what I'm
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: talking about, okay? This is David. If an enemy, not
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: a friend, if an enemy were insulting me, I could
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: endure it. That's what enemies do. If a foe were
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: rising against me, I could hide. But it is you,
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: he's writing this down, but it is you, a man
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: like myself, my companion, my close friend. I can't believe
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: he would do this. I can't believe she would do this.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: I can't believe they've turned on me. with whom I
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God. We
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: used to go to church together. As we walked about
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: among the worshipers and people thought, oh, look how they're
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: such a lovely couple. Oh, they get along. And it's like,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I can't believe it's happening to me. Check this out.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: Let death, be honest, Dave, let death take my enemies
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: by surprise. Let them go down alive to the realm
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: of the dead for evil finds lodging among them. Ooh,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: can you say that to God? Do you know what
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: the English equivalent of this is? To hell with them.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: That's what that means. To hell with them. Okay. He
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: keeps going. As for me, I call to God and
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: the Lord saves me. Now check this out. Okay, this
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: is so powerful. Not behind the steering wheel on the
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: way to work. Not while I'm putting on my makeup.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Not while I'm getting dressed and having a thought prayer. Evening, morning,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: and noon. Evening, morning, and noon. Evening, morning, and noon.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I cry out in distress and he hears my thoughts.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: He hears my voice. David's saying, sometimes I'm so desperate
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and frustrated, I pray three times a day and I
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: pray loud and they are not polite prayers. And as
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: a result, he rescues me. He rescues me unharmed from
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: the battle waged against me. It's like a war, he says,
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: even though many oppose me. God love us. God who
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: is enthroned lifts his eyes off of his circumstances, off
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: these relationships. God who is enthroned from of old, who
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: does not change. He will hear them and humble them
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: because they have no fear of God. God's going to
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: get my enemies. My companion, my companion, this person that
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: I thought was a friend, my companion attacks his friends.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: That's me. He violates his promise. He broke his promise.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: He violated his covenant. He said, she said, he promised,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: she promised. I thought we, I thought we were on
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: the same page. Didn't we agree? Haven't we talked about that?
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: Didn't we write it down? He violates his covenant with me.
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: And he's such a talker. She's such a negotiator. He
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: always wins the argument. She always wins the argument. His
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: His words are more soothing than oil, yet they are
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: drawn swords. Everybody's like, she's so sweet. I'm like, no,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: she's not sweet. You ought to see what she's like
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: at home. He is so sharp. He is so polite.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: He's so gentle. Oh, that's an act. You should see
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: the way he is at home. Words, oh, knows how
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: to use words. Smooth as butter, smooth as silk. But
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: behind all that is swords. And then David kind of
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: regathers himself, recenters himself. And he makes this statement that
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: Peter lifts up and uses in the New Testament years later.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: He says this. Cast, here it is. Cast, throw, hurl, fling.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: He will never let the righteous be shaken, or he
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: will never let the righteous be brought down. But you,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: he's not done, but you, God, will bring down. I
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: might not be brought down. The righteous may not be
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: brought down, but you, God, will bring down the wicked
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: into the pit of decay. The bloodthirsty and deceitful will
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: not live out half their days. See, that's not nice,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: is it? You know what that is? That's honest. You
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: ever prayed like that? I know you've unleashed hell on,
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: you know, the person you're living with or your husband
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: or your wife or, you know, you just kind of,
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you one more time, you know, you've
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: done that. But have you ever talked to God that way?
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: You're like, I didn't know we could talk to God
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: that way. Look, if you've never been that honest with God,
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: my friends, you've never opened your heart completely to God.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: He doesn't want polite people. He wants you. And that's
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: part of humility. It's heart wide open. God, I am
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: so frustrated. I am so fed up. I am so done.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I am so over it. I wish I'd never met him.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: I wish I'd never married her. I wish I'd never
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: slept with him. Well, there's that. I wish I'd never
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: met him. I'm just so over it. And I need
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: you because I don't know what to do. I mean,
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: this isn't unrealistic. We talked about this. God, I need you.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing, and I understand this. If you
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: didn't have permission to be that honest with your parents
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: growing up, especially with your father, don't you talk to
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: me that way, you know, one of those deals, this
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: is gonna be hard for you. And I've been doing
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: this a long time. And when my kids hit that
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: age where they just had some things to say, I
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: told Sandra, it's okay. I am honored and I always
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: tell them when they would just lose it at me,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: on me, because of me, whatever it might be, I
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: would just absorb it. And when they were finished, I
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: would say, thank you. Thank you for honoring me with
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: what's inside of you. And you're thinking, you're making that up.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: You didn't do that with your teenage kids. Yes, I did.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: And you know why I did it? Because I've known
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: for a long, long time that my father in heaven
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: invites that kind of feedback from me even when I'm wrong,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: even when I'm misguided, even when I don't see the
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: world the way the world really is. And I decided
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: a long time ago before my kids ever hit adolescence,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: you know what? I would rather them bring it to
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: me fearlessly than to shut it down and let all
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: that energy go somewhere else. But here's the best part
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: of all. This is so powerful. And if you've been
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: away from church for a long time or you've been
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: out of church for a long time or you're skeptical,
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: I get that. If I were you, I would be
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: as skeptical as you are. If I went to school
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: where you went to school, I'm sure I'd have the
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: same thoughts and doubts. And if I was raised the
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: way you were, so I'm not critical at all. I mean,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: we are where we are because of things in most
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: cases we had no control over. I get that. But
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: if you're the least bit open, this next part, this
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: is gold. This is so powerful. He says, cast your
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: anxiety on him. Why? Because he cares for you. That's why.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: the reason you can bring it, the reason he's not offended,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: the reason he's not gonna shut you down, the reason
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: he's not gonna be like, whoa, don't use that kind
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: of language, is because he cares for you. Listen, if
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: it's important to you, it is important to your father
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: in heaven. That's how good fathers are, right? If it's
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: important to you, it is important to your father in
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: heaven because you are important to your father in heaven. Amen.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: And Peter saw this in Jesus. I mean, come on,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Peter really saw it. Because there at the end, Peter
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: was exactly like the friend in David's psalm. He spent
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: three years with Jesus and saw it all, did it all,
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: walked on water, did the whole deal. And at the end,
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: he betrayed his friend. And in the end, Jesus took
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: him back. He didn't just take him back. He put
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: him in charge. Of the whole enterprise. Peter knew. God
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: can handle it. God can take it. You are invited.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: To bring it.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: Again.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: You're going to unload this somewhere. Your heavenly father says. Start.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Start with me. Get on your knees every day and
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: just give me your list. Give me your box. Give
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: me your expectations. Give me your disappointment. Give me your heartbreak.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Give me all the things he or she promised or
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: the things that aren't working out. I'm telling you, bring
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: them to me every single day because that is an
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: expression of humility and humility is an invitation for God
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: to do something remarkable. But I gotta warn you. The
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: first remarkable thing God does will not be in the
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: person down the hall. The first remarkable thing God does,
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: if you do this, will be in you. In fact,
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: you'll begin to see this box differently. You'll begin to
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: see some of the things in this box differently. Chances
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: are you'll take some things out of the box. You
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: may discover that you've been trying to squeeze something out
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: of your husband or your wife or fiance that was
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: never in them to give in the first place and
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: that they weren't created to give you in the first place.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: And you may discover that you both really hope for
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: and dream of and wish for the very same thing.
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: But that transformation will never happen as long as you're
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: taking it to them first. And so your heavenly father says,
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: I invite you. No more happy prayers. No more polite prayers.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: No more, you know, go through all the, just bring
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: it to me. You see, happy couples know. Happy couples
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: know that hopes, wishes, and dreams, and hopes, dreams, and
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: desires quickly become expectations. And happy couples know that they
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: just have to decide the other person doesn't owe me anything.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: Happy couples know that it's a submission competition, that it
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: is a race to the back of the line. And
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: happy couples know that sometimes Sometimes, sometimes you have to
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: throw things. And there's one other thing that happy couples know.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: And we'll talk about that next week as we wrap
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: up our series, What Happy Couples Know.