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Stop Being Mean to Yourself: A Faith-Based Framework for Your Mental Health | God & Mental Health Podcast · God + Mental Health Podcast

• 0:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to the God Invental Health podcast.
• 0:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: My name is Ross and I'm so excited to be back in front of the microphone with you this week.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: We are closing out our god and kindness series today.
• 0:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to make a quick mention before we get this episode started.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am actually recording this episode video in my office.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you are used to listening to this episode audio, you can now take the opportunity to actually go and listen to this episode on.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I will link the link to that episode in the show notes.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: because that is where I will be actually recording podcasts as well and posting them on YouTube.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I plan to have some really good episodes for the podcast coming up this year, but as well as doing some videos on YouTube that are separate from the podcast, and I think you're really gonna like it.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Episode I am going to close out this series in episode one as we talked about before.
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: We talked about the character of God being kind and not shameful.
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: In episode two, we talked about how Jesus modeled curiosity and how he approached people.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now we're going to actually talk about what does it look like for us to have kindness and even curiosity for our skills in our mental health journey.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: And to most of us have been taught to approach our struggles with judgment, criticism, and shame, and I really want to talk about today how curiosity, which is something that I have learned personally in my own mental health journey of being curious about what's going on with me instead of critical.
• 1:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: towards ourselves and even how we see God seeing us, okay?
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: So today I'm gonna kind of introduce a framework to you that I think is gonna be very practical as a way to shift to the perspective of kindness.
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is something that I've talked to clients about all the time because I believe that kindness is something that we have to learn to do.
• 1:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is a fruit of the spirit.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: So it's something that we have to work to grow.
• 1:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until I'm going to name the kind framework and we're gonna walk through each letter, what it means and why it matters.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: First, let me start before we even get into that of talking about why this framework is even important.
• 1:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: So when we're in pain and in a hard season or dealing with something that may be very challenging for our mental health, it is a difficult posture to be kind and curious to ourselves.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: What we end up doing is we, over and we get very overwhelmed, we criticize, we compare ourselves, we condemn ourselves and we often have the default setting of just going to criticism.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: until that inner critic can be very loud and for a lot of us, it sounds very much so like we are incorrectly believing God's voice that He's saying to us.
• 2:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it doesn't line up with scripture of what I talked about in the first episode about how God actually sees us.
• 2:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I want to really talk about the way we talk to ourselves in hard moments.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's often a mirror of the version of God we have been relating to.
• 2:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if we believe He was disappointed in us, we are going to be disappointed
• 2:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is something so deep that I think we could talk about on another episode.
• 2:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: So this is why the first two episodes mattered so much because kindness and curiosity aren't just theological concepts.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: They are something that we have to put into practice and they have to be learned and repeated.
• 3:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So talking about the brain neuroplasticity when we have a routine in our brain creates new, more pathways that actually connect and allow us to be able to keep up with those things.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so the brain can also default to threat detection, meaning that when something feels wrong, the instinct is to go to fight flight of freeze and not get curious.
• 3:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in this episode, I really want to want you to approach your mental health with kindness and curiosity and understand that this is not weakness.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is not spiritual immaturity.
• 3:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is actually the most Jesus-like thing that you can do for your inner world.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's talk about the framework.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the kind framework it has for letters, it's not a formula, but it's more of a direction to move in when things feel heavy or stuck.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And each letter is really like an invitation and not really a demand for you, but just an invitation for you to look at this very differently.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into it.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about Kay.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Kay is know what you're actually feeling without judging it.
• 4:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: The first step is to just name it.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: What am I actually feeling right now?
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to preface this topic or this point specifically with a story time.
• 4:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: So I was walking, I think I talked about this in another episode.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was walking and I used to do these locks every Friday to close out my week and I will go on the three mile walk.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I remember one time being very frustrated with the week.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think I just had a lot of hard clients that week.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember asking the Lord, what is the point of all of this?
• 4:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: What, why do I need to help people explore their emotions?
• 4:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why do I need to help people understand what these emotions are?
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: forward, what does the point of me teaching people these things when we are all experiencing so much pain?
• 4:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And they're kindly, and gently, the Holy Spirit said this to me and I will never forget how he explained emotions.
• 4:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: He said,
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it made me kind of think to myself that emotions aren't this necessarily good or bad thing.
• 5:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is actually information and evidence to something that we might be needing to explore versus criticize.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so in K, the first step is just naming it.
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: What am I actually feeling right now?
• 5:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, what I'm supposed to feel may not be actually the spiritual answer, it's really more about what am I was actually happening inside of me right now, because you can experience a range of emotions, anxiety, depression, loneliness, frustration, grief, all of these things, and those emotions to give you information to what is actually going on.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, what am I just feeling, this is just an assessment.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of us skip this step entirely, and we go straight to judgment without ever stopping to name the emotion.
• 5:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is something that I have to do with clients often.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have to slow them down to stay okay.
• 5:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: What are you feeling from this circumstance or this situation?
• 5:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you don't name it, it drives you.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you name it, you can begin to work on it.
• 5:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I have in mind, I actually have a journal that I'll link in the show notes for y'all that I wrote.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: A couple of years ago when I was pregnant and it's,
• 6:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Basically, a journal that I wrote for people who just really struggle in spending time with God, and what I found was people who struggled in spending time with God would find that when they said down with God, they just didn't know what to say to him or what to do in their Bible study time.
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so in that journal, I basically gave a framework of what you can do in spending time with God.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one of the questions is, what am I feeling in this moment?
• 6:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's just a way to slow you down, because in James 1-5, it says, if you need wisdom, ask our generous God and he will give it to you.
• 6:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: He will not review you for asking.
• 6:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: So even asking for understanding starts with acknowledging you need it.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so here's a practical point.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Feelings are not facts.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: They are data, information.
• 6:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: They're telling you something.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Getting curious about what you're telling yourself is the beginning of healing.
• 6:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: So remember how when Jesus asks, what do you want me to do for you?
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Kind of what I talked about when he was healing the blind or healing the man who was lame at the pool of Bethesda.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: He invited people to name it.
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: He invited us to actually say, what is it that you're feeling?
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is it that you need for me?
• 7:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this is what the letter K represents.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: So K says, or K means, know what you're actually feeling without judging him.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, the letter I,
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Once you've named the feeling, the next posture to ask questions rather than make accusations, once you've named the feeling, next, the next posture is to ask questions rather than just make accusations against yourself.
• 7:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in that in sound like, why am I always like this?
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is wrong with me?
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I should be over this right now.
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: This shouldn't bother me anymore.
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just ready for this to be over.
• 7:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Inquiring sounds like, I wonder why this keeps coming up.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is this feeling connected to?
• 7:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know for me, I'll talk about this very openly.
• 7:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have been trying to lose weight now for about three years.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's been a constant wheel swing up and down.
• 8:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I have been so critical of myself about this to the point of where, when I will go to that, I would just kind of approaching with so much shame about it.
• 8:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Instead of saying, okay, why am I struggling with losing weight?
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And what I found was,
• 8:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Especially on the other side as I'm trying to actively work on it that I have moments in the month where I am extremely emotional and I cope by eating and I didn't know as someone in my 30s my late 30s now this point that I would be at this point where I would still be in this rabbit hole of coping with food because I worked really hard over the last five years to not make that happen but what I was finding was that I'm why am I eating this I'm asking myself this now why am I eating this I
• 8:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: and I would find that when I would eat things that would be more heavy on myself, I would have cravings, or I would be more emotional, or I would just want this and want to engage in it.
• 8:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I want to tell you the difference of these questions when I talked about in dieting versus inquiring, I wonder why this keeps coming up.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: What is this feeling connected to?
• 9:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: what my God be trying to show me here.
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is an invitation for you and the Holy Spirit to co-labor together to find that out, which goes back to the scripture and James where I talked about if you need wisdom as God.
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: God will show you what it's connected to.
• 9:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: The difference in not is not just tone, it's direction, and diamond closes things down and query open things, these things up.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is where the Holy Spirit becomes your partner.
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: So in John 1613 it says he was designed to guide you to into truth and you can ask him what is this about?
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: What do you want me to see here?
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: God, what is this connected to?
• 9:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Why do I find this to be a consistent struggle?
• 9:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: What am I actually trying to use this for?
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So connect to Jesus and really understand that he really wants to open that up for you.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we talk about Jesus in the woman at the will, he didn't open up her sin.
• 9:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: He opened with questions.
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: He drew things out and remember that's the model.
• 9:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: People who have specifically experienced trauma and choir is important because a lot of what surfaces and hard seasons is connected to old wounds.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And those wounds deserve to be understood and not immediately condemned.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And while we are talking about this on the topic, I think when we're thinking about the idealification, salvation is our invitation to become to become ears with Christ.
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is our essentially our connection point in relationship with the Lord.
• 10:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is the handshake that connects us to the Lord.
• 10:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: Stuntification is the point of where God is now trying to make us look like Christ.
• 10:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that requires him scraping off old things.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I don't want us to really look as sanctification as this role or this practice for us to be perfect, because that is never God's intention.
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Jesus was perfect.
• 10:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times God uses broken people and he uses broken cultures to and even, and I would even say not necessarily even broken cultures, but broken things, broken vessels to show his glory in how he can truly transform you inwardly.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think as we talk about this with kindness, we have to know that in this kindness aspect, the idea of even our own sanctification has to be looked at differently because it's not for perfection.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, normalize.
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are not the only one and brokenness is a part of the journey.
• 11:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So this is what I talked about earlier.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is the shame breaker.
• 11:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I got a message from somebody who asked me about shame and I want to do a series on shame.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I did one a long time ago and I want to talk about a little bit more because that was about four years ago when I did that series.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And how shame has really impacted us feeling as though we're the only ones in this journey experiencing this.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: which is not true.
• 11:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: So chain thrives in isolation.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It tells you that you're the only one who struggles this with this thing and this way that something is uniquely wrong with you and that no one else is dealing with what you're dealing with.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And normalizing is not excusing it.
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not saying it's fine and everyone does it.
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's basically saying this is a human experience and I'm not
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I say this very often, I think when I read the scripture, it'll make difference.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It'll make sense in a second.
• 12:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: But the scripture in first Corinthians that I am going to read to you all is the way that I see in my mind is if I'm experiencing these thoughts, these are things I'm pretty sure my brothers and sisters are experiencing in Christ.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's to almost help me to see that we're all in this human experience together, like really experiencing the hard warfare that it takes to seek the Lord and change your heart and do the things that do the things that please him.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: But also to really rest in the kindness of God that we are all equally experiencing this together.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: So first Corinthians 10 and 13 says, the temptations that are in your life are no different from what others experience.
• 12:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: God is faithful.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: God built the reminder that you are not uniquely broken, right into scripture.
• 12:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that if I take this step further, let's go back to James.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: So James, five, 16 says, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that there is a unique design that God created when it came to community
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: First of all, healing cannot happen in isolation.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's one.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because a lot of times we the people are God's hands in feet.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: We pray to God for us to be healed, but we're not knowing that the community, the brothers, the body are a part of that healing process.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I can tell you so clearly, especially in recent seasons of my life, that having to be open and broken before friends is one of the hardest things I've ever had to endure, but it is the most rewarding thing because they have been able to pour into me in ways that I have never thought I would need.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: and tell me the things that I didn't know I needed to hear, and it's just been a great experience to be able to have people that you can do that with, and I know that not everybody has that, but I will tell you, even as our brothers and sisters in Christ now, I want you to know that you're not alone in this, and that it's okay.
• 14:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, what I see in my clients a lot of times is one of the most powerful moments in therapy is being able to just realize that you're not alone and what you're experiencing, it almost reduces that shiny blood.
• 14:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It takes the power of feeling like you have to hide away.
• 14:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, brokenness is not a disqualifier in the kingdom.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is actually a prerequisite.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is actually the thing that God requires you to do in order to be able to come close to Him.
• 14:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's to show that you're broken, to show that you're not worthy, to show that you do not have the answers.
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is humility that allows us to connect to God to show that He is the one that knows all.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so normalizing also means understanding the season you're in, because not every heart feeling means something is wrong with your faith.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's a whole other conversation for another day, because I sometimes think that we think weight weakness is an indicator that we're not, we don't have enough faith.
• 14:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is just far this from the truth.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oftentimes showing that you are weak is showing that you have faith, because it's showing that you don't have all the answers, and you serve the one that does.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, even coming from a place of victory requires us to know that victory belonged to Jesus before it ever belonged to us.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay?
• 15:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: So D, D is the last one.
• 15:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: It means depend.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your weakness is an invitation for God's strength.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this letter ties everything together, which goes into what I was talking about earlier,
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: We live in a world that needs you to be self-sufficient and have it together and figure it out.
• 15:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm going to tell you that is the thing that's going to suck your piece away more than anything.
• 15:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you work, when you are self-sufficient and you feel like you have to figure it out on your own, that is the quickest thing that can make you feel overwhelmed.
• 15:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because then you have to carry the burden and the weight of what you end up having to carry the burden of the weight of what was actually meant for God to carry.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, in the kingdom, dependency is that the posture that opens the door for God to move.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Second Corinthians 12, 9 through 10.
• 16:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: My grace is all you need.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: My power works best in your weakness.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: So now I am glad to boast about my weakness so that the power of Christ can work through me.
• 16:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love this verse so much.
• 16:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is like one of my favorite verses because it talks about from God.
• 16:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: My power works best in your weakness.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: actually God's power makes it so vast and large when we're weak.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now that is such a concept that I think we will have to talk about another time but I think power and God being weak is so not talked about enough and I think we have to think about dependency is not pastivity.
• 16:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not doing nothing.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's doing what you can do while leaning into what God can do.
• 16:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: And for someone that is healing, this is why I always talk about it with my clients, especially those that I believe are about.
• 16:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where's your relationship that will God through your perspective of Him?
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have resentment and your heart towards the Lord?
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because a lot of times, it's hard for us to surrender to a God that we are angry at, that we are frustrated with, that we feel like doesn't listen to us, who isn't there for us, who we can feel these things.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: We can know what the Bible says.
• 17:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: So here me clear, you can know what the Bible says, but still have resentment and frustration and just on some unwell feelings in your heart towards God.
• 17:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those are real things.
• 17:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: David talked all the time in the songs about his frustration towards a Lord with things.
• 17:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think for a person who wants to depend on God, there is an aspect of, it's hard for us to surrender to him.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's hard for us to surrender to him if we feel this way.
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until this letter D is also an invitation for us to stop like holding to our healing alone.
• 17:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: In your relationship with God, that's where you find it.
• 17:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: In therapy and even in community.
• 17:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so for a person who's trying to manage everything on their own, dependency is not a failure.
• 17:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is the actual design.
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: We have been designed to depend on the Lord.
• 17:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so, God's kindness is what makes the Pintency feel safe, and I'm going to name that some of us don't feel safe with God.
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some of us have perspectives of Him that we have to really work out and heal because that perspective can make us feel unsafe with Him.
• 18:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It makes us feel very anxious towards Him.
• 18:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: It can even make us feel very avoidant towards Him.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you believe he is con, you can lean on him.
• 18:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you believe he's disappointed in you, leaning feels like exposure.
• 18:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: It feels like failure.
• 18:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: It feels like disappointment.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: It feels like at any moment God is gonna forget about me.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why we started where we started in the first episode.
• 18:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so I'm gonna give you some practical things to walk this out and these are things you can actually do this week to build into other rhythms So start with a daily check-in using K once a day just ask yourself what am I feeling right now?
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Name it out loud or write it down.
• 18:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're interested in that journal, then I mentioned it is a great journal first for anyone who just wants to spend time with God better and easier.
• 18:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I call it the field poose method in spending time with guys called the W method journal
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, I will link it in the show notes and you can start to daily evaluate what am I feeling towards God?
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Who do I know God to be?
• 19:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And who has got to me in this season?
• 19:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then use that as your kind of like your launching pad and your time with the word on a daily basis.
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't just evaluate it, name it.
• 19:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is building the muscle of emotional awareness over time.
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Keep a curiosity journal when something card comes up, a reaction, a struggle, a pad you keep seeing, write down three inquiry questions instead of three criticisms.
• 19:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wonder what this is connected to.
• 19:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wonder what God wants to show me.
• 19:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: I wonder what I actually need right now.
• 19:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of times, emotions are connected to some type of need.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm angry, I might need comfort.
• 19:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm angry, I might need to then how I feel.
• 19:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: If I'm disappointed, I might need to talk to someone about the expectation I had.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: What are you needing in this moment?
• 19:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: find your in your safe person.
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I identify one person in your life who is safe and seasoned, someone you can be honest with without performing, shame loses power when it's spoken out loud in a safe space.
• 20:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: So if you don't have that person yet, ask God to show you who it is, okay?
• 20:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then practice dependent prayer.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is something that I love to talk about with clients.
• 20:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I call it my sincerity prayer.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is the prayer where I do not sugarcoat anything with God.
• 20:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is the prayer that starts from a place of honesty, rather than polish presentation.
• 20:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not, Lord, I come before you today grateful and bliss.
• 20:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you're actually exhausted and frustrated, it's God I'm running to you on empty.
• 20:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what to do, I need you.
• 20:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is the prayer of dependency that makes these things possible.
• 20:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, we're trying to this framework when you feel stuck, I'm going to go through it once again, and it's not a one time exercise.
• 20:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It is a direction to move inward.
• 20:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you notice yourself spiraling into shame, criticism, or fear, come back to K.
• 20:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: which is knowing what you're feeling and just name it.
• 20:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: What are you feeling and starting from there, okay?
• 20:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: We started this series off with who God is kind, not ashamed to you, not ashamed of you and moving towards you.
• 21:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We moved into how Jesus shows us what kindness looks like and even showing it curiosity over condemnation, questions over these accusations we may have and drawing things out rather than calling them out.
• 21:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And now we're ending with how do you take it and apply it in your inner world.
• 21:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way God treats you in the way Jesus treated people, this is a template for how we can treat ourselves.
• 21:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we name it directly, you're allowed to get curious about your own story and you're allowed to be kind to yourself in hard seasons.
• 21:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is not selfishness.
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is actually very much so stewardship in the way that God made us to be.
• 21:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, to go over kind once again, K is know what you're actually feeling without judging it and choir instead of in-dite, normalize, you're not the only one and brokenness is a part of the journey.
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then D depend.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your weakness is an invitation for God's strength.
• 21:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you love this episode, please, I love getting DMs from y'all.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: DM me on Instagram at Rosalind Renee, ROS.
• 22:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: L-Y-N-R-E-N-E, leave a review of course on Apple Podcasts, and then if you are listening on Spotify, please leave a comment under this episode because I read them and respond to them.
• 22:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love when I get to read Jaws comments, and I might even be sure one on the episode.
• 22:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I look forward to having more conversations around this, and I look forward to talking to you all next week.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Have a good one.
• 22:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.