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Episode 36 - Psychologists React to Relationship Advice Videos · Psyched For Sanity

• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Hello, welcome to Psyched for Sanity.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: I am one of your hosts, Dr.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: Tara McKelvey Parker.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a licensed clinical psychologist working in private practice.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: I specialize in assessing and treating complex trauma and attachment wounds from childhood.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm your other host, Dr.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: Brendel Doss.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm also a licensed psychologist specializing in forensic psychology, geriatrics, trauma treatment, and child psychology.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, you do.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: I yes, I do.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for confirming that.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes, sometimes I forgot sometimes you just throw random things in there.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: It seems like that, I think.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I train myself rigorously to try to be prepared for all my fields.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_03: You really do.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_03: You've got a lot of experience.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, speaking of experience, have you ever noticed how there is a lot of advice about relationships on the internet?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's quite overwhelming.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: Right, yes.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so today we thought we would kind of react to some key some videos we have found and share our thoughts.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Some people I um I think can give really helpful advice on the internet.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: I think of a lot, I think a lot of it is super helpful, although as a as a as a perfectionist, watching the videos.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: Recovering perfectionists.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: Recovering perfectionists, watching the videos can be quite unhelpful at times, so I sometimes have to not sure and I think a lot of the times because and this is more of a commentary on our the you know, the interplay between human beings and social media and the internet, you know, people really want things boiled down to a 15-second short or real.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: They really want it really, really brief.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: Which I get.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: You don't have a lot of time.
• 1:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it's a lot of these things are not really digested, in my opinion, in short form content.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think it makes it a little bit, I think it's more fodder for perfectionism in that way.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: It feels more black and white, right?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: When you're watching a little snippet of it, and I think that can can make things harder, at least for me.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so my favorite thing is when people don't watch the full video, even if it's like 30 or 40 seconds, and then they react to it and they don't watch the full video, and then their reaction doesn't make sense in the comments, and I'm always like, You don't know what to do.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: If you watch the full video, you might understand more of what the person's saying.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm I am attention spans are short though, I think.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm guilty of doing that at times.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: They are.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: I have this theory about this, so imagine olden times.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_03: Olden times?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Like what we're talking like villages and like cows.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: Just go with me.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going somewhere.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to ask you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_03: My brain went to like the 60s or something.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_03: The olden times and the sixties.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I clarified.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so olden times.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: So back in the city.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: Village cows.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like well before technology or part or like parts of technology.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: They had the wheel, whatever.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: There's no time period with this.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_02: But imagine people saying out loud in a village square or in a pub, a bar, whatever, tavern.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: Imagine them saying their comments out loud that they write on the internet.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Would they ever do that?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: A lot no, they wouldn't.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because even though you get immediate feedback on the internet sometimes, right.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: With your comments, right?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: You don't know you're not face-to-face with a necessarily another human being.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's a screen.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's flattened.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: The internet and social media can flatten the world if you let it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so people feel much more emboldened.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: There's a lot of information about this.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: They're much more emboldened to say things that they would never say to another 3D human person.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's always interesting to me when people comment on stuff and don't really.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: I always in my head, I'm like, would you say this out loud in a in a in a public space?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: Even not to necessarily to their face, but would you say this amongst a group of friends at a table?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you would.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, that says something about you say it, not me.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not saying it.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just gonna say that says something about someone's personality.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's not in a necessarily negative way, but maybe.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: Anyways, let us we're gonna react.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna react to videos.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna react to some videos.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_03: And we're gonna see what happens.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna see what happens.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I found this video a while ago and I am high key obsessed with it.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_03: You did like this video.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: I liked it too.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: I uh this this creator is, to my understanding, not a mental health provider, but I have never co-signed every word of the video so much as I have this one.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I really like it.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but let's see what you think about it, and let's see what what we can talk about.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's go.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Things I wish someone would have told me before I got married.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: My husband and I have been together 16 years, married 10.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And if I could go back and talk to my younger self, here's what I would say.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: One, you are not just marrying a person, you are marrying their childhood.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Their coping mechanisms, their family dynamics, their weird money habits, their conflict style, the way they shut down when stressed, the fact that they leave one sip of juice in the refrigerator like a sociopath.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: They're marrying all of yours too.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Two, love is not enough.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: I know people hate hearing that because it sounds unromantic, but shared values matter more than chemistry long term.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because eventually you stop asking, do we love each other?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: And start asking, do we want the same kind of life?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Three, learn how to fight without becoming cruel.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because every couple fights, but there's a difference between we're frustrated and I'm trying to emotionally destroy you because I'm overstimulated.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Marriage is basically two exhausted people trying not to psychologically waterboard each other during tax season.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Four, you are both going to become completely different people.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: The person I was at 22, gone.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, thank God, because she thought being emotionally compatible meant liking the same bands.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: The goal is not to stay the same forever.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: The goal is can we keep meeting each new version of each other with curiosity instead of resentment?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Five.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: The little things are not little.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: The dishes, the forehead kiss, the drive safe, the coffee made for you in the morning, the I picked this up because I thought you'd like it.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's the relationship.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Not the anniversary posts, not the wedding photos.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Love mostly lives in boring Tuesday behavior.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Six.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: Pay attention to how they handle accountability.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Lots of things related to it.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody wants honesty until honesty applies to them.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: Can they apologize without making themselves the victim?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Can they hear feedback without turning it into a courtroom drama?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Can they repair after conflict?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or does every disagreement become an ego survival mission?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Conflict is normal, but defensiveness is what kills intimacy.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: And seven, your partner cannot be your entire universe.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: I actually think this destroys a lot of relationships.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: People stop having individuality, friends, passions, purpose, creativity, mystery.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Then suddenly marriage has to provide romance, therapy, identity, healing, security, purpose, best friendship, sexual chemistry, and entertainment forever.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, your husband is just standing there trying to eat pretzels in peace.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: That is too much pressure for one nervous system.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of pressure.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: In the end, successful marriages are usually two people who are willing to grow up instead of just grow older.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: Reaction.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: React.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: You react, no.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: You react.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: I well, my reaction is that I think every time I watch that or see that, it's just there's new pieces that I can connect with.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: I think that um the biggest pieces for me that I really first of all, I agree with everything you said in the video.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_03: So this this content creator, you really you have liked for a while.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: I think it randomly.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: I found this video randomly.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: And this is the video I found.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: And it's one of her most popular.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, got it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I just think this video is so apropos to our work, to my work, whether it's an individual or a couple, because a lot of the people that I work with and see on a daily basis are either in relationships or they're coming to me for a relationship concern.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: And because I really agree with a lot of things in the video, I will have them watch it in session.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, really?
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_03: It's a good one.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's a good video.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because it covers so much ground in a sufficient amount of time, and it really covers like a lot of the key elements of what I personally and professionally believe are part of a healthy relationship, especially a healthy relationship that has longevity.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's her whole point.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_03: So, okay, so like which one of these Okay, I'm telling you.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, are you having I haven't I have my favorite points um are the accountability.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_03: Accountability.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: The accountability without making themselves the victim.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: Or without making any court to courtroom drama.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: I think so many people don't know how to fight.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_02: They don't know how to fight in a relationship, whether it's not even necessarily in a romantic relationship.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think they know how to we know how to have conflict in relate like I guess when I say conflict, healthy conflict, like productive fighting.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_03: Or productive disagreement.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_03: And like be curious and take responsibility, even if they don't necessarily agree or or are necessarily if they didn't mean, right, to like create that feel.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: They can kind of like take accountability, right?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: And problem solve for what I think the accountability more is not like I want, like, if you you and I are in conflict, it's not that I'm saying I want you to take accountability.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about when something comes up.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: I always encourage my patients, you talk about yourself first.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Don't talk about the other person's behavior.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: Talk about your experience first.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: What are you doing?
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_02: What can you see in this dynamic or this conflict between you and this person that you just you are accountable for?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure it's always easier to do that.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: What's your role in that?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: What's your part?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what's your part?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it's super important.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: That was my kind of takeaway that for that point, and that's why I like it so much, is it really talks about, you know, how did they take accountability?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's one thing for your spouse or your significant other or whatever relationship you have to call you out and then say, Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: That's part of it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_02: But can the person independently say, you know what?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: I really recognize in our conversation, I was really, I did not do this well.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_02: I did not do this well.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: This was I did not approach in the right way, I did not respond helpfully.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: And or I, you know, when I said that, that was really uncool, you know?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_03: Like I have a role in this, I have a part.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's not just, you know, yeah, that's important, right?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_03: To c I I think to sort of like look at a conflict or a problem as a team.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_03: You're a team together.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: I talk about that all the time.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you I mean, and so then you both are able to see your role and your part, and then you can kind of problem solve to try to figure out what to do differently next time.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_03: If you know, absolutely.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I think the um meeting each other um at every new iteration.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: That one's hard.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_03: I think, you know, when I listen to this video, I think I do also agree with all of the points and think they all sound so hard and so like I don't know.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm thinking about myself in my twenties when I was dating and trying to find a partner, and like in no way was I thinking about these things.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, like it's not a realistic example for people in their 20s to think about that.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I don't know.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_03: Well, she I think she c she's she is does, you know, she's been what she was been with her partner for 16 years.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: They've been married for 10.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: So they are they've gone through iterations of themselves.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_03: They clearly she clearly has matured and grown up.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_03: She, you know, intentionally or unintentionally, you know, found a partner that she could grow with that she could learn this stuff with.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that is hard to do when you're not really being intentional.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: About it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_03: So when I think about the I mean, yeah, the the conflict stuff and the accountability and the the values.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: I think we've talked about on this show, you know, like only really in the past couple of years I have even really intentionally thought about what my values are.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: So you know, basic ones, right?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: I want kids.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: Does my partner want kids?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like maybe religion or money, like or I value independence in a relationship.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: What have you?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: But I think like the more nuanced values, that's that it just it just feels incredibly relevant and also incredibly challenging, actually, when I hear the video and important, but I think it takes maturity and practice and intentionality.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think also the when you're in your 20s, I don't know, when you were in your 20s, we were both in our grad in grad school in our 20s.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: So we were not like well, like we were not, I mean, we were intentional, but not about we were intentional about our degrees, I feel like.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, yeah, I think that was like my priority for the that was the objective.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I also really feel like I don't know if I if you had pulled me aside at 25 and said, what are your values?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I would have been able to answer you.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_03: So that's a good point.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think like you don't necessarily have to know no, but I suppose you should know enough, at least instinctually, what's important to you.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: Or ask.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think a lot of people make assumptions and don't do a lot of there's a lot of assuming going on in relationships, guys.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of assuming.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: About what's important.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: About what what their values are and what they think the other persons are, versus like having a concrete conversation.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I think a concrete conversation is really good.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_03: I think the more aware you are of your own values and what you think you need or want in the expectations of your partner.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: The expectations, I think that's all really important.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: As a nearly 40-year-old woman, this feels relevant, especially post-divorce.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: Right?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: I am sort of re-entering this space, um, so to speak.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm like, I'm hearing this video, I'm like, oh, okay, this is like, you know, I'm like filing it away.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think I can digest this and use this much more easily now than I ever could when I was 20, 25.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know her demographics.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know any, you know, I I've seen other of her videos, and she's really, she's really good.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: I like her, I like her whole vibe.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_03: But in terms of how to use this professionally with patience, I love that you do that.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god, because like a third to like.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's now, it's now, it's now like my mission when I am not just because of this video, but because of my own journey and because of my own learning in this domain, because I have been thinking about a lot of this as I'm making sense of my relationship history and trying to grow and learn and be intentional about choosing, you know, partners.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: I am going to teach this stuff to my patients, you know, to my 20-year-old patients that I have.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: Not, you know, maybe I'll show them the video like you, but I'd certainly want to coach them right on what are your values, what's important, like how do you feel when you're with this person?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_03: Can you resolve conflict and repair?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: I think all of that's really important.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: And growing up, it's like you're choosing, it's like I love the part about the childhood.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, Yes.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: You're marrying all of them, not the part that you dated.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: That is like so irrelevant, and I think like something that I kind of wish I had thought more about when I was younger.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: I think we all could have thought about more younger.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and also like me and my history and then what you're bringing versus what I'm bringing to the table.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_03: I just don't think I was thinking about that so intentionally when I was dating what, you know, younger and when I was in long-term relationships necessarily.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I think um I have been um with um my wife since 2011 and married since 19.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'll be honest, part of this kind of video kind of affirms my relationship.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: I know that's part of why I like it.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: That's part of why you like it.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was just gonna be honest.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_02: I do feel like we have grown together and as individuals so much, and it's so lovely, and I love every version of her, and I have, and that's just I feel like a great gift that especially as I go on, I'm like more and more, I have more and more gratitude towards her and that, and and her intentionality to show up on her own and do her work and then her encouraging to me to do mine.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, I think um yeah.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_02: The last thing I want to say about this video is, and because we need we have other videos.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: We have some other videos, we have some other videos.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: I really think people, and I think we're gonna do maybe an episode over this, maybe something else.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: People don't know how to fight and how to repair.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I really think it's something that's relevant for parent-child relationships, friendships, romantic relationships.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Child to parent, there's tons of different, you know, yeah, accountability and actually repairing conflict where where it's not just being thrown over your shoulder to have a giant pile of resentment that you're dragging around with you into the next thing with this person.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's what people say, oh, I just let it go.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, do you?
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's what breeds resentment for sure.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_03: And resentment, like she was saying, defensiveness, resentment also intimacy killer.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: You can't feel close or attracted to a person, either physically or emotionally, that you're still angry with secretly.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that you're that you're harboring resentment for.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_03: That's 1000% true.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: I think it creates distance, tons of distance.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: Let's watch our next video.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: Video, video, video number two.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: I think one of the biggest things that my wife and I both needed to learn was that intent doesn't negate impact, right?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: That means just because I didn't intend to hurt you doesn't change the fact that you might still be hurt.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, am I saying that you need to apologize for things you didn't do or take responsibility for someone else's feelings and just agree with all their accusations?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or that they should be able to bring up concerns in a disrespectful and critical way.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: No, but we have to be very careful because I've met plenty of men and women who think any complaint, regardless of how it's brought up, is a form of disrespect.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that is immature.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Take it from someone who was.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: While feelings aren't always 100% reliable or true, they are 100% real.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if we love this person, we should at bare minimum care that they're hurt, right?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just try to be curious instead of defensive.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's close our mouth long enough to listen and try to actually understand the hurt underneath the complaint or the unmet need hidden within the frustration.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let's care about how our words and actions impacted them, even if you believe it was unintentional or they're misinterpreting things.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we don't, when we default to immediately launching into why we're not the bad guy, and we defend and we make excuses and we justify our actions and we interrupt them and we use it as an opportunity to counterblame, it only leads to them feeling unheard and alone.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't protect your connection together, it kills it.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yikes.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_03: Well, here we go.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_03: Jimmy is also agreeing with the other content creator.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_03: Defensiveness kills intimacy.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe that should be the title of this episode.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_03: Defensiveness.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: Bad.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: But also so common and so hard.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: It's hard.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: Again, this feels hard.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: Totally relevant.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: And so important.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_03: Critical.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: And like absolutely I agree.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: I really like what he's saying.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: I really like the beginning part of the nuance of how he talks about um not taking on.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: He's not saying the feelings are the person's feelings are invalid.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: But he's also not saying you should just cosign everything that they're saying.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you may not agree with their interpretation of what you did.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: But the fact that they feel hurt is important.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: And something that you can validate and be curious about while also holding on to your truth.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: That you didn't intend the harm, but that's okay.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: But I think a lot of people get defensive when they didn't mean to hurt a person.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: It wasn't their intention and they take it personally, or it feels like a criticism, or they feel responsible for their partners.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_03: Feelings, all kinds of things get in the way.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's so hard to be curious about the hurt.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's so easy to feel attacked and really tricky to remember.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: If you're in a romantic relationship with a person, you're on the same team.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: You guys are supposed to be a a pair, a a couple.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: You're just hopefully choosing each other in this dynamic, I would think.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're choosing this person, then I you know, what what can you think instead of feeling, well, they're just da-da-da-da-da.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: They're feeling this way.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Let me listen to why, let me understand.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: Because this is something that we need to be on a team together to understand and and potentially problem solve.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_03: And like because, you know, the the idea is that the relationship and and the the space and how it feels is co-created and it's both partners, I think you know, should be a priority to sort of you know.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so yeah, I think that it just gets really hard.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um because for lots of people with actual or perceived conflict or criticism or when their partner is not okay or they feel bad, it can be a threat to the attachment system.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's just you know, lots of people feel like that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: The person that feels hurt, it could be coming from a place of um something that they're not addressing within themselves and that's they're kind of reflecting back to their partner, like accusing them when that wasn't the intent or even maybe the messaging.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: So maybe it might be exactly accountability for the, you know, okay, I understand that you might have received it that way, and I'm so sorry.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: Can you talk?
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_02: Can we talk about why that might be?
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: What might be happening for you?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, exactly.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: That this is coming up, especially when you know that I love you, I care about you, I'm with you, I'm choosing you, I choose you every day.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right, right, right.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: And then it may be the other person is interpreting that action from a certain lens, particularly if they have anxiety or depression or trauma or they're you know extraction.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: Negative self-beliefs.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: Negative self-beliefs.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Something that's not the other person's responsibility functionally.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's not right.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_03: So it's not about taking responsibility or agreeing with the interpretation that your partner is making, but it is saying I care enough and I and I choose you and I love you enough to be curious about your feelings and understand and approach this with you on the same team.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_03: And to validate the hurt.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_03: And to sort of figure it out together.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: And perhaps you, you know, yeah, perhaps you misstepped and there's an apology that needs to be uh made, but you know, also maybe your partner is interpreting something based on their own lens, and it's you know, the hurt makes sense, and also it's not necessarily true.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you know, right.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: Two things that seem opposite can be true at the same time, which is really confusing for a lot of people.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I for some people.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_03: I think for a lot of people, I think what Jimmy's talking about constitutes emotional maturity.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_03: But this is something, you know, I think that you can only really do if you are emotionally mature.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that takes a lot of time for some people and practice in particular for those of us who did not grow up with any kind of model for what it looks like to be emotionally mature, or if we've not been in relationships, you know, romantic or friendship-wise, that have promoted that.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: So like both of the videos that we've watched so far, I feel like are two people who are quite emotionally mature, or at least sort of like promoting skills that come from emotional maturity, and and that is, I think, just very, very hard for many of us.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_03: So I think this is lofty and ideal and also challenging, and we can take baby steps towards doing some of this stuff, I think.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: You know, this is like perfect scenario to me.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't think it always, you know, needs to go this way or has to go this way, but I think that's but that's part of the learning.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's part of the learning.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_03: Mistakes, inevitable.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: Mistakes are inevitable, and it doesn't mean anything about us.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: See, recovering perfectionist, I'm trying.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: Recovering, take away the shame, babies.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: Take it away.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: Hold on.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: What was the last thing you said?
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: Take away the shame, baby.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, no, before that.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: Rewind.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's my rewind sound.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: Is that your Yeah, you said something about the video.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_03: The last thing you said about the video.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_03: I have to have it on tape, so you can go back and look at it later.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'll go back and look.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very interested in what you have to say.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: I apparently, I which I appreciate in a co-host and a friend.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_02: I find all the things you say very fascinating.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_03: You're welcome.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: Someone should.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, let's watch our last video and see what we have.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm nervous.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: This one's a short one.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, good.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: This one's a really short one.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, a child psychologist.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: Don't love this.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: Threaten me with a good time.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: Now I want to sing this song.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: But this is rage bait.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_02: This is rage bait.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: This is rage bait.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: So there's some content that people should look at if they're Yeah, we need to read the I am.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: This is the caption underneath this video.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, hear me out.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: The definition of valid is, quote, having a sound basis in logic or fact.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: Let's take an example.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: Your child is feeling terrified that if they order their own food, they will be judged and scrutinized by the waiter.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: Is this feeling based in logic or fact?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: Of course not.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: But that doesn't mean it's not in it's not important.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: Understanding the difference between acknowledging a feeling and validating a feeling is very important.
• 26:21
  unknown: Oh.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah, I really didn't like I didn't really like this.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm nauseous.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: There's more things, but I don't want to read it.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: We turned this out.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_03: Dylan, could we turn this off?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_02: I love Natasha, but.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's a lot right now.
• 26:31
  unknown: It's a lot right now.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's a lot with this video.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_02: I have a lot of feelings, and you know what?
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_02: They're valid.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_03: So this is So she's saying not all feelings are valid.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_03: That's what she said.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's what she said.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_03: And she is take she's taking the definition of valid and trying to link that to this example where if a kid is terrified because they are, you know, afraid of being scrutinized, then you can acknowledge the feeling, but it's not valid because it's not based in logic.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: That's what this woman is saying.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_03: But I think she's confused.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: I'm nauseous.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_03: Keep going.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: She's gonna try to regulate she feels confused because the feeling is always valid.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_03: This in this example, this child's scared because of a belief or interpretation, right?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: A belief that they have about being scrutinized, a thought.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_03: Not a feeling, not a feeling.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_03: So when people all of the time in therapy tell me I feel scared because you know, so and so is gonna make fun of me or I'm gonna like make a mistake, then I will very intentionally say, that makes a lot of sense, actually.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_03: That is very valid.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: Because it would be upsetting if that happened.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_03: Of course, you would feel scared if that is what you think is going to happen.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: However, it is the thought, it is the assumption, it's the belief that is invalid.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like my own my own five-year-old started school this week, and she asked me, like, one night before bed, before school, what if the other kids laugh at me?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh boy, so cute.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: So cute.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so, and I was just like, oh honey, you know?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, then that just is gonna tell you that they're all probably not gonna be a good friend, and they're probably not someone that you really wanna spend a lot of time because it's you know, that's not that's not good friendship.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's not good friendship right.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and so but I absolutely validated her emotions because it is distressing when people are making fun of you.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_03: That is why this is like not correct.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like this because this is I really don't like this at all, and I strongly disagree.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think all feelings are valid.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: What I always you know, my favorite example.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna do it.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: I think I've done it already, but that's okay.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_02: I can be repetitive.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: Of course you can.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: You can do whatever you want.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_03: I can't.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_03: You're Dr.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: Brendel Dodge.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: I am.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: I am.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: So what I all when people struggle in session with me as a professional to understand, you know, the difference between thoughts and feelings and how to understand and make sense of them, I always say, okay, we're gonna do a little example.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna do like a little um a little thing.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you something and I want you to react to it.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_02: I was okay.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like the king of France.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_02: And they'll be like, making faces at me.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I feel like the king of France.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like the the king of Mother America, France, right?
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then I ask them, is that real?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: Is that am I really the king of France?
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, well, no, that's da-da-da.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I do intentionally choose a really extreme example.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_03: Right, right, right.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: To make a highlight to them, just because you have it, like I can feel powerful and important and special, but I am not the ruler of a large country.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: That is a that is there is an emotion and there is a reality.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's part of the picture.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Your feelings are part of the picture.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but they're not the full camera.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, the feeling's always valid, and then you want to like think about the accuracy of the thought belief assumption behind the emotion.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, just like we were talking about with Jimmy before, right?
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_03: Feelings are always valid.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_03: Jimmy said it.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_03: Jimmy said it already.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: Feelings are valid, but also your interpretation may not be accurate.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_03: So which is the thought or the belief, and that comes from your history and you know internal working model, your internal working model of yourself and relationships and schemas and beliefs that you've developed over the course of your life that may not always be very realistic and factual.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_03: It's a real relief.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's a real relief to people when their thoughts and beliefs aren't the full like are not fully accurate because there's scary things we think and sometimes even scary things we might believe about ourselves or others.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_03: The whole approach behind cognitive behavioral therapy, you know, like some of our beliefs are helpful and some are not, and it all makes sense based on our history, and we want to challenge unhelpful assumptions, beliefs and thoughts.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_02: I usually I literally use that language all the time.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah because people use bad or good, and it's it's really like the valuation is not helpful.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, what's what are we doing that's helpful?
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_02: What's working for you?
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: What are we doing that's what's unhelpful right now?
• 30:54
  unknown: Yeah.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: Absolutely.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm annoyed by this video.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_03: I think she probably did this on purpose.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_03: There was a little comment in there too about how comments were were turning off to protect everyone's mental health.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: I think because there were probably lots of people being like, She got a lot of fish with that rage bait.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: She got a lot of fish with that rage bait.
• 31:13
  unknown: Yeah.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I don't I don't really agree with what she's saying.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_03: But um and I can under I can understand like even why people would some people would believe that though, too.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: I guess.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: Like I think lots of people don't know the difference between thoughts and feelings.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, absolutely agree with that.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: I think it that's just misunderstood.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's misunderstood, and it's kind of hard.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_03: She's misunderstanding it.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_03: She's misunderstanding.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: She's a child psychologist.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_03: She's a child psychologist.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_03: But again, we she may have she may have intentionally tried to rage bate us.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_02: I did not want to find out the validity of her anything, and I just was like, I didn't want to.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't research it.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to know if there's a licensed professional out there spreading such fundamentally inaccurate information about a basic therapy that we're all taught in school, cognitive behavior therapy.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like that is wild to me.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: Wild.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of wild.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_03: Oh what?
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_02: What did you think of today?
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: What are you taking away?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, from this from this this saga, this episode?
• 32:10
  unknown: Saga.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm getting more comfortable with the unscripted stuff.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: And also we need to work on your song.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_03: That's not amazing.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it started with a high note and it just went flat.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: Oh well.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm taking away that that, you know, I definitely want to get like I feel like it's confirming a lot of the things that like when you find other creators that agree with a lot of things, that it's nice to hear and see on the internet information that is accurate and that is thoughtful.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: And also, again, it's a good reminder that not every not everything on the internet is is accurate, even when the person says they're a licensed professional.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sure.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I think I mean I'm taking away just the balance of it.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, just need to be like thoughtful about what you're consuming.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_02: And don't assume everything.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_02: This is an obvious one, but don't assume everything that you see is accurate.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like do your own research.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, cool.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: Well, hey, let's do it again.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast is intended for informational and educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for therapy, diagnosis, or any kind of professional mental health treatment.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: We hope that we can share with you our experience authentically and genuinely, and we hope that occasionally we'll make you laugh.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you can relate to our quest and how we're psyched for sanity.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_02: The content we share is our personal opinions and insights.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_02: They are not clinical insights to anyone, and they don't represent or reflect any entity that we work in or have worked for in the past.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_02: But if listening to this podcast has made you think, we really encourage you to seek out a mental health professional in your area.