Latest / Multiple Nerdgasm / Remember That Time Vol. 1: Best-Of Compilation

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Remember That Time Vol. 1: Best-Of Compilation · Multiple Nerdgasm

• 0:00
  [Music] welcome to multiple
• 0:02
  nerdgasm your destination for all things
• 0:08
  nerdy hi it's Matt here um we don't have a new episode this week I'm very sorry
• 0:13
  about that what we do have are a selection of clips from earlier shows
• 0:17
  that we think are pretty funny think of it like one of those Simpsons episodes
• 0:20
  where they just show you old bits and pieces except probably not as funny
• 0:25
  Jenner has been nice enough to edit these together for you so be sure and
• 0:27
  thank her on Twitter for her hard work thanks for listening and we'll be back
• 0:30
  next week as usual [Music]
• 0:36
  thanks and welcome to multiple nerdgasm
• 0:38
  I'm David I'm Matt [ __ ] Johnny [ __ ]
• 0:46
  Pig and you can be luke Al sex
• 0:53
  offender or there's also another first with this podcast is I'm actually doing it
• 0:58
  naked thankfully that is a first Are you
• 1:02
  seriously naked or I am naked I I can't concentrate now hang on
• 1:09
  because hang on when you when you called me on Skype it said [ __ ] wants to share
• 1:14
  video now I'm extra Disturbed I'm glad you cck to know [Music]
• 1:20
  then when Dan was a bit younger he actually started a radio station on is a
• 1:25
  bit younger he means like over half my life ago 18 no no I bought you like 10
• 1:30
  no 12 12 I was 12
• 1:37
  uh so D was 12 and he had this Mar H never listens to just out at this guy I
• 1:42
  love Mark H too this can we take a moment to explain not like a not like
• 1:46
  Mark H loves a boy but I mean I love Mar
• 1:52
  H I think we should explain there's just been two things that we've seen in the
• 1:58
  last 24 hours that have alluded to the fact that Mark H makes
• 2:04
  inappropriate there's a video on on YouTube that I guess I think it was
• 2:08
  going like doing the rounds it's all shut
• 2:12
  up it's uh this kid won a prize to go on the set of Empire Strikes Back and it's
• 2:18
  it's really awkward and uh uh Mike hell's having a picnic with him
• 2:23
  and whing him dining him you watched it
• 2:27
  okay it is so awkward to see camel makes
• 2:30
  small talk with with a 10-year-old boy he literally says things like so how you
• 2:36
  doing in school yeah I think it was on the TV show because and then it cuts
• 2:40
  back to the studio and the because the kid gets teleported because apparently
• 2:43
  Star Trek now he gets teleported back into the studio and then chewy walks in
• 2:47
  to the to the Imperial Death March
• 2:50
  thing that's that's a bit confusing that's a misuse of elite Motif yeah yeah
• 2:56
  yeah and uh and yeah and even the I don't know what the show is it's it's
• 3:00
  all just yeah it's just really really awkward and so there's that and then
• 3:04
  also all right so we were already making jokes about Mar ham bringing young boys
• 3:10
  to Deo right and then today we watched this behind the scenes where Hamill
• 3:17
  shows a bunch of clips of Star Wars fan films that kids have made and he makes
• 3:22
  particular attention to point out how young they are DN 14 because it's
• 3:27
  impressive to be fair created this she's only 10 years okay okay just to confirm
• 3:33
  that he didn't sound like that he didn't sound like a creepy mining boy hungry
• 3:40
  penile it's
• 3:45
  just so if for some unexplained reason
• 3:49
  Mark H is listening why if you know Mark H yeah we not try we just it's just a
• 3:55
  joke yeah Commander Blair Commander four and five and three you were awesome you
• 3:59
  were awesome love I mean I was one of those rare people that still stands by
• 4:02
  Luke was my favorite character in Star Wars I didn't I didn't Pand it to harm I
• 4:06
  I loved Luke it was a great character I mean if I could go back in time like as
• 4:09
  a kid and offer myself I would I he would take you up on that off he would
• 4:14
  I'd be like I am six take me on a picnic take me on a picnic oh Dy
• 4:20
  six time to take a picnic picnics in quotes yeah did he take you into that
• 4:26
  dark tree where he met his [ __ ] s in the Darth ba suit is that where you did
• 4:30
  it you will not me them what's in there only what you take with you I'm taking
• 4:34
  this boy stop taking this young boy so don't you be me and the boy then yeah
• 4:39
  had some binds oh my
• 4:42
  dad dar's going to kick your ass so Dan um you went on a bit of a
• 4:49
  sojourn to get a [ __ ] mouse pad didn't you I did and it didn't turn out
• 4:53
  well did I does anyone want to hear the story me trying to find a [ __ ] mouse
• 4:57
  pad I want to hear it because I live for this [ __ ]
• 5:00
  you would assume well I did that a mouse pad is a pretty easy thing to find right
• 5:06
  but I live in a town that doesn't have an office works or any real computer
• 5:09
  store so I thought all right well I'll just go to my local Kmart and I'll find
• 5:14
  one there but all they had there was a 3D Dora the Explorer mouse pad doesn't
• 5:20
  really go with everything else on my desk no cuz everything else is the
• 5:24
  wiggle get in your desk get in your desk everything's from the film Necro
• 5:30
  romantic yeah so came out was a bust I
• 5:35
  then decided to go into just my local ww Worth's uh Supermarket because they do
• 5:40
  have a computer section in there I went in they've got [ __ ] portable hard
• 5:44
  drives they got discs they got everything no [ __ ] mouse pad all
• 5:47
  right fair enough so I decided to go to the uh the post office because they've
• 5:52
  got computer equipment there you can buy a [ __ ] printer there you can get your
• 5:55
  ink you can get everything like that you can't get a [ __ ] mouse pad Jesus Christ
• 6:00
  so I went to uh you were so set on
• 6:06
  getting a mouse pad you could have just waited till you went to work one day and
• 6:09
  nicked one from there or just G to the shop near work but I was off work I had
• 6:13
  two weeks holiday hours off work I had the time and and my mouse that was your
• 6:17
  plan for that day exactly only reason I left the house take two weeks off I need
• 6:21
  to go get a mouse pad cuz a mouse pad I've got it's not like I don't have one
• 6:25
  I just do have one it's just old and uh it's getting some kind of d and divots
• 6:30
  in it that really [ __ ] around with my mouse and when you're doing kind of
• 6:32
  precision things it's annoying it's a pain in the ass so finally I I ended up
• 6:37
  in the in the uh the discount Variety Store hot dollar and they they did
• 6:42
  indeed have a mouse pad there one did you just say hot do hot
• 6:47
  hot it's a bit racist um that's what it's called yeah this we
• 6:54
  do live in Orban so uh so I I purchased
• 6:58
  said mouse pad uh I was kind of thinking it did look a little small and when I
• 7:03
  when I brought it home I realized it it is really only 2/3 the size of a regular
• 7:07
  mouse pad so right there it's not ideal the other thing is it doesn't say mouse
• 7:13
  pad you know like I was expecting it says high level anti-radiation
• 7:17
  mysterious Mouse evil spirit pad now [ __ ] that's the name and that's
• 7:23
  in bold at the top of the packet and that should have thrown me off but
• 7:29
  literally I've been in four [ __ ] stores by this point that's all about convergence Dan
• 7:35
  like they packed a lot into that mouse pad well sorry go
• 7:39
  on so there's a there's a big paragraph on the front here if you'll permit me
• 7:45
  some of it makes sense uh some of it doesn't and it seems to lose clarity as
• 7:50
  it goes along so if you'll permit me the mysterious mouse pad uses the import
• 7:55
  non-toxic food grade silicone material annoy
• 8:00
  titanium principal after the national SGS six heavy metal content examinations
• 8:06
  achieves the European rohs examination standard conforms to the National
• 8:11
  Environmental Protection standard the mysterious mouse pad sorry I assume that
• 8:16
  was the end of a sentence but but it isn't the mysterious mouse pad also
• 8:20
  considering the human body engineering which function May reduce Wist
• 8:27
  weary protect radiation and increase blood circulation when using it the
• 8:32
  mouse pad Surface after the special texture processing and surfaces smooth
• 8:37
  which is extremely sensitive to the optical Mouse and moving smoothly the
• 8:42
  soft material has the strong absorptive attraction to the table facet and not
• 8:47
  easy to remove the silicone mouse pad may clean time and time again with
• 8:54
  nonfading random curl with non deformation carry home one word carry
• 9:00
  home can be customized any designs and colors obviously
• 9:07
  obviously it's using life that's hyphenated compound word using life is
• 9:12
  very long and suitable for and then it just
• 9:17
  stops no but then on the other side it's got some consumer advice which is lucky
• 9:23
  uh cuz I needed to know if this was suitable for me and it says the
• 9:26
  mysterious mouse pad is suitable group The Long longterm users the office
• 9:31
  computer Asian healthy condition easy weariness the longtime computer player
• 9:37
  light workking pressure group and Pregnant SL underage
• 9:43
  group so all my questions were answer I've got know D how much did this mouse
• 9:48
  pad cost the mouse pad cost all of
• 9:52
  $1.99 and the thing is I was prepared to spend up to 20 bucks on this [ __ ]
• 9:57
  mouse pad I was really expecting to get one ordered something online oh look I
• 10:01
  [ __ ] will I'll just wait till I'm back at work tomorrow and I'll just take
• 10:04
  one home but I took this thing out of the packet and nearly choked on the
• 10:08
  stench of got he all through it mate it it's if you use it you might die in your
• 10:14
  sleep I put it down for about 5 minutes of computer use and my eyes started to
• 10:20
  hurt so I sealed it in a plastic bag and put it in the garbage what what um what
• 10:26
  binding material did it use to stick to the table what what what special feure did they
• 10:33
  um let me just find uh the strong absor
• 10:36
  of Attraction for the table facet using
• 10:40
  um oh the um the food grade silicone
• 10:44
  material food grade annoying I don't even know what annoying is I'm just back
• 10:51
  to the pregnant slash underage yeah like that very specific pregnant underage
• 10:56
  sorry yeah that's that's right yeah yeah oh oh dear well that's great well I'm
• 11:01
  glad you uh you finally gave up and decided to well let's just say for $1.99
• 11:07
  I got my money's with you get what you pay it seems that way Jesus
• 11:13
  [Music] Christ I uh I spent some time in the early ' 80s uh living with Mark Hamel
• 11:20
  and is there is there anything you'd like to tell us about uh that time spend
• 11:23
  well it's funny because I came across um
• 11:26
  I was fiddling through my drawers and as
• 11:33
  he and um I I found my old diary from when I lived with Mark Hill diary that's
• 11:37
  a bit gay but go on well yeah I mean it was it was the ' 80s dude everyone had
• 11:41
  Diaries and you know I was I was just trying to break into um you know the
• 11:44
  scene in LA and and try and get some work and the gay scene yep go for it
• 11:47
  well you know I just uh I just wrote some thoughts down that's all let's uh
• 11:53
  let's hear it it's a bit private I don't know if I want to share them to be
• 11:56
  honest do it God all right okay Jud really like Shar that thing he did with
• 12:01
  that dead body and his exgirlfriend yeah true all to put this recording up on the
• 12:08
  Internet or anything yeah yeah all right just between us then Dave just between
• 12:11
  us all right okay you'll cut this out you yeah we'll cut this out of the
• 12:13
  podcast yeah of course okay cool all right so this is uh the first extract um
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  and it's uh it's from 1981 um I've only I've only got uh months listed in here
• 12:24
  so I don't I don't know what the story is uh oh wait no did I say 81 it's 84 my
• 12:29
  mistake so anyway this is uh this is February uh
• 12:34
  1984 I woke up this morning and headed out into the kitchen Mark was already up
• 12:39
  cooking eggs and generally singing show tunes I [ __ ] hate it when he sings
• 12:43
  those things he gets really into it and it makes me uncomfortable he always gets
• 12:47
  right in my face with it and it has some kind of deep-seated psychosexual
• 12:51
  innuendo that makes my skin crawl but as usual he cooked breakfast for himself
• 12:55
  and didn't offer me any I used to get pissed off but now I just come to expect
• 13:00
  it from him coming off the back of Jedi I've noticed some distinct personality
• 13:05
  changes he's always on about how far he's come what great movies he's been in
• 13:09
  one time he told me that he and George Lucas had a long talk about Mark's
• 13:12
  future George saw him becoming a leading man exploring complex roles and being a
• 13:17
  huge star I mean normally I just nod my head and ignore it but something about
• 13:21
  it got to me I mean deep down though I have the feeling he's going to be the
• 13:25
  next Pino I'd never tell him that though today we plan to head over to
• 13:30
  Carrie Fisher's house to hang out normally I'd say no but Carrie is the
• 13:33
  best [ __ ] blow in town and when she's High she gets [ __ ]
• 13:37
  loose I've heard that I have heard that one time I even convinced her to wear
• 13:42
  the slave outfit from Return of the Jedi she put it on and we started falling
• 13:45
  around but she got one of her Unstoppable nose bleeds and basically
• 13:49
  painted the [ __ ] bed red it didn't stop me as usual Carri was unconscious
• 13:54
  within 5 minutes but I finished up after 10: and just went back to the party so
• 13:59
  Mark and I head over there and he's pretty excited he's driving his new BMW
• 14:03
  and we head down Hollywood Boulevard on the way to just you know check out the
• 14:06
  scene and look at the girls the trip was pretty uneventful and Mark was blasting
• 14:10
  some new tracks from the latest Bon JY album we were just singing and generally
• 14:14
  mining our own business the thing you need to know about Mark and I was that
• 14:18
  we love to [ __ ] talk and I mean to [ __ ] and talk thing about Mark and me is we love
• 14:24
  to [ __ ] talk I mean nonstop what we really like to do was talk about the
• 14:29
  future you know what we wanted to do who we wanted to [ __ ] usual guy stuff
• 14:34
  sometimes however Mark will come out with some really weird [ __ ] on this
• 14:38
  occasion I was telling him about how much I wanted to have a family one day
• 14:41
  you know a wife kids the whole nuclear family thing the usual BS by this stage
• 14:47
  I was getting really passionate talking about how I'd love to read them HP love
• 14:50
  crft stories as kids play ball with them you know enjoy that time we had together
• 14:55
  while they were young anyway he gets this really quiet Serene look about him
• 15:00
  for a minute and he turns Bon JY down he looks me dead in the [ __ ]
• 15:05
  eyes with those piercing peepers and
• 15:08
  says you know I love 12y olds I don't know why but that really
• 15:14
  [ __ ] unnerved me I mean that's so [ __ ] specific isn't it I mean most
• 15:18
  people just say they like kids not Mark though he's always really particular with
• 15:24
  stuff I brushed it off with a laugh then we crw down to car's house the music was
• 15:29
  blaring and we could hear it as we pulled up to the driveway Mark jumped
• 15:33
  out first and started singing another show tune a real song and dance number I
• 15:37
  guess he's practicing for a new role or something [ __ ] always gets work I
• 15:42
  still haven't had a single acting job 3 years in LA and I have [ __ ] to show for
• 15:45
  it except living with Mark [ __ ] Hamill I know what you're thinking but
• 15:49
  why does a movie star share a three-bedroom apartment with a nobody
• 15:53
  well let's just say [ __ ] happened in the past and Mark and I are pretty tight now
• 15:57
  suffice to say blow [ __ ] and crossbows don't make for the best [ __ ] party
• 16:02
  [ __ ] gets out of control real quick so we head inside the first thing
• 16:07
  I hear is screaming at that moment I thought Carrie or one of her deadbeat
• 16:11
  friends at [ __ ] OD but when I walked into the lounge room the truth became readily
• 16:16
  apparent Carrie was lying down on the C couch with some huge [ __ ] black guy
• 16:21
  her leg was spread wide open and hanging in the air she's squealing like a
• 16:26
  [ __ ] pig on a stick and Mark takes one look at the scene and just grins at
• 16:30
  that moment I had to admit I was a little jealous but there was no way I
• 16:34
  was going to [ __ ] say anything to the guy face deep in car's
• 16:38
  poon besides Mark had always told me way worse stories from the set of Empire and
• 16:44
  Jedi I just walked past shaking my head and headed for the kitchen I asked Mark
• 16:49
  if he wanted anything to drink and he said to make him a sod and dry he can be
• 16:53
  such a [ __ ] sometimes anyway I'm getting pretty tired I'm go to head to bed and ride
• 17:00
  some more later so there you go that was from uh February 1984 when uh I live
• 17:06
  with my ham it was a different time back then it was a different time it was
• 17:09
  literally was a different time it it was 1981 yeah oh man we're going to
• 17:16
  jail we to jail somehow for [Music]
• 17:22
  that all right please tell the story when I was in in high school in year
• 17:27
  12 um I was drama and you had to do you had to write like a monologue
• 17:31
  performance for the end of your 12 to be judged on the whole class set and we
• 17:35
  everyone watched your performance and um so this one guy got up and I mean he
• 17:42
  wasn't particularly unusual guy or anything like that he was just a guy he
• 17:47
  was in my class he got up and he did this on The Tubby side he may have been
• 17:50
  a little bit chubby but um we
• 17:55
  go so he gets up and he's he's doing his thing and the the his piece is you know
• 17:59
  it's him dancing and he's in a club somewhere how you do and U was there
• 18:02
  music to this or was he just no he's just m he's just m so he's M dancing
• 18:06
  he's dancing really in the moment good him and then obviously some someone
• 18:09
  comes over and starts talking to him cuz he he's going what's that sorry oh sorry
• 18:12
  the music's really loud I can't can't quite hear you what's that but just to
• 18:14
  clarify there's no other actor it's just him it's just him and he he so he's
• 18:19
  going what's that what's that oh you want to go outside oh all right okay
• 18:23
  yeah let's let's go what no no no the the the front door's this way what oh
• 18:26
  you want to you want to go the back was just the alley all right can I also
• 18:33
  just point out the fact that they went out the back door
• 18:37
  foreshadowing set this up didn't so he follows this you know this person out so
• 18:42
  he's acting you know he's outside he's like oh you know what did you want what
• 18:44
  did you want to talk oh what are you doing no no no and so he's Ming out
• 18:48
  being accosted by this guy and basically he minded out
• 18:55
  in detail him being like thrown up against the wall and like his pants
• 19:00
  being pulled down was he pulling his own PS he was pulling his own pants down
• 19:04
  going no no oh my God I'm assuming the room was deathly silent we couldn't even
• 19:10
  laugh was like what is he doing and and so anyway yeah so he mind and and then
• 19:16
  he mind being raped in the ass he mind being raped yeah how did it in with him
• 19:20
  crying on the floor so basically the scene ended with
• 19:24
  him this fat chubby little kid crying down crying on the floor and
• 19:31
  scene and Q egg white isn't that in Dragon Age though
• 19:37
  there's racism like if you're a a um if you're a dwarf or something like You'
• 19:42
  get treated like [ __ ] isn't that well that's that's normal I would know I'm
• 19:46
  not going to play as a dwarf but no that is true yeah shout out to any dwarves
• 19:52
  listening you got that picture I sent you right Dan which no did I the one
• 19:56
  with the little little guy ordering KFC oh yeah [ __ ] yeah that was hilarious I
• 20:01
  felt so guilty after that like what did he order and you're like two pce feet
• 20:05
  yeah I'm like I hope he can he can finish it all he's only little wait you
• 20:09
  saw a dwarf like in real life he took a
• 20:14
  picture Dave is a true friend and if either of you see a dwarf I expect a
• 20:18
  photo I for Dan's benefit if anyone out there excuse me my friend loves your
• 20:24
  people your people yeah I friend spit on you my
• 20:31
  friend female dwarf so if you know any and I assume you do cuz I assume you
• 20:35
  hang out together yeah oh dear possibly
• 20:38
  your mother oh awful awful people
• 20:42
  dwarves no we are me no I like
• 20:46
  them how can it be racist going [Music]
• 20:52
  on well um I mean it's sad that kind of
• 20:57
  Matt took advantage of the fact that um you were kind of opening up to us really
• 21:02
  by um reading out of your diary I mean because now that's that's a great
• 21:06
  segment over but I mean but if it's any constellation i' just like to say that
• 21:10
  um Dave you weren't the only one that um oh 30 odd years ago spent some time with
• 21:15
  a um Star Wars cast member no um and um I've actually uh I'd like to follow up
• 21:20
  your mark and me segment with um with a little segment I call Peter Mayu and
• 21:26
  me this is a guy play chewbaca yeah yeah guy that talks like
• 21:33
  this yeah yeah him obv um him and I um knew each other back in the day and um I
• 21:39
  mean I never kept a diary but I mean I I could read a chapter out of my
• 21:44
  Memoirs if you'll permit me please do I mean if we don't have time that you can
• 21:49
  cut this but can I give a bit of a jingle for here uh for p please go go
• 21:55
  for it P Mayu and
• 22:00
  and nice I like it I like it it's beautiful I want I want like a kind of a
• 22:05
  rock guitar in the back like a real 80s kind of ' 80s rock not the good rock I
• 22:09
  mean like the bonji rock sure all right so we'll we'll insert the
• 22:16
  jingle in and then I'll go straight in so in Jingle cting in Jingle cting
• 22:21
  oh Oran all right
• 22:28
  [Music]
• 22:34
  in the summer of 1981 I was backpacking through Europe on sabatical I'd
• 22:38
  inherited a small fortune from an obscure relative and decided to take the
• 22:41
  opportunity to see the world the trip would fill the year before I began
• 22:44
  college and also provide a good opportunity to lay low after an
• 22:47
  unfortunate incident involving a mid-level prostitute and my consumption
• 22:51
  of what doctors were already calling a courageous amount of
• 22:54
  methamphetamine by the time I'd arrived in Britain the money had all but dried
• 22:57
  up to make n's meet I'd began working as a dishwasher for a local Pakistani
• 23:02
  restaurant in central London it was there in those dank roach fi kitchens that I met Peter
• 23:08
  Mayu Peter had been thrust into the public arena with the success of Star
• 23:12
  Wars but three years later was shooting still yet to begin on the much
• 23:15
  anticipated sequel Peter had subsidized his lack of income by waiting tables at
• 23:19
  his local Curry House and it was there amongst those greasy
• 23:27
  immigrants on the back steps of the restaurant passing a spliff back and forth during
• 23:32
  break time Peter used to tell me of his plans for the future he'd submitted his
• 23:37
  own script to George Who focused primarily on his character Chewbacca in
• 23:41
  Peter's script it's chewy who single-handedly goes off to fight the
• 23:44
  Empire after the final battle Princess Leia would be so enamored with the new
• 23:48
  hero that she'd forget all about The Love Triangle she'd previously been
• 23:51
  involved in and the film would end with what Mayu described as the filthiest
• 23:55
  walkie on woman scene you're ever likely to see I asked if he thought his co-star
• 23:59
  would be up for that he just smiled and told me that Carri was up for anything
• 24:04
  so because of his size Peter was popular with the ladies he could have taken his
• 24:08
  pick of any of the young Packy girls but it didn't interest him Peter had a particular
• 24:14
  taste his pensant was Asian girls and the younger the better he used to call
• 24:19
  him his little Beauties anytime there was a group of Chinese school girls in
• 24:24
  the restaurant Peter would conveniently be on a smoko and suddenly no to be
• 24:28
  found but I knew where he was he was on the back fire escape ramming his immense
• 24:33
  appendage into a willing but unprepared virgin fortune cookie girls of that size
• 24:38
  lack the elasticity required to take Peter's disproportionate
• 24:43
  member but Peter rarely talked about his sexual Conquest he was more excited to
• 24:48
  tell me that they'd already began building the sets for the Deo bar
• 24:51
  sequence and that they were being used by Hamill who was hosting a series of
• 24:55
  bizarre picnics on the swampy set one Friday I left early to babysit my
• 25:01
  friend L from San Francisco he was in London following diamond head on their
• 25:05
  UK tour that night we went along to the woit odion to see them play Peter came
• 25:10
  along and he and L hit it off immediately L told us he was going to
• 25:13
  start a band and be the biggest musician in the world one day big talk for
• 25:17
  someone that didn't play an instrument his plan was to give their albums out
• 25:20
  for free cuz [ __ ] the record companies Peter liked his attitude and commented
• 25:24
  that L was a cool guy the next day Peter headed off to El
• 25:29
  stre for filming on Empire I was sad to see my friend go but had my hands full
• 25:33
  trying to get rid of the [ __ ] that me and L had shared the night before and
• 25:36
  find someone in town that could give him drum lessons but the trny was telling us
• 25:39
  that the double penetrative anal we'd given her was costing more than we'd initially
• 25:44
  negotiated as usual Peter had come to the rescue slinging me a 20 to cover the
• 25:48
  difference before heading out the door on Monday I was surprised to see Peter
• 25:52
  back in the restaurant he told me that shooting had been pushed back after a
• 25:55
  carpenter had discovered the bodies of half a dozen young kids hidden in the tank The
• 26:00
  Bu apparently they'd all claimed to won some sort of competition but no one
• 26:05
  could seem to find any record of it the kids from all over the world boys and
• 26:09
  girls and the only thing they seem to have in common was that they were all
• 26:12
  exactly 12 years old I told Peter that I thought it all
• 26:16
  sounded pretty dodgy he told me not to be so judgmental and we headed off to
• 26:21
  get some Chinese Takeaway that's the end of the chapter
• 26:26
  oh my God
• 26:34
  [Music]
• 26:42
  I'd like I'd like to ask something of you uh basically where is this going Dan
• 26:47
  it's called uh it's called [ __ ] watch and
• 26:52
  um and basically uh how it works is that uh you're out and about you're at work
• 26:58
  or you're no D you can't people to do this wherever you are and you see a
• 27:04
  [ __ ] doing anything no and you very
• 27:08
  discreetly no take out your phone and take a picture of the [ __ ] and send it
• 27:14
  into us do not do this and each week the
• 27:19
  best photo will be put up as our [ __ ]
• 27:21
  watch photo of the week no it it will
• 27:26
  the uh the current winner of course is Dave's [ __ ] at KFC that was a special
• 27:32
  treat for you it was a seg it was and now I've gotten greedy and now I need
• 27:37
  more no listen just do not feed Dan sick little fetish now I'm I'm pretty sure
• 27:44
  very wrong with this segment and I this is not a sexual thing not a sexual thing
• 27:49
  but I think we all know that it's not right I just really really like midgets
• 27:53
  and I really really want to see them doing stuff in their everyday lives so
• 27:58
  in a very respectful way I'd like you to spy on them and send their pictures in
• 28:03
  to our website I'm prepared to add this is a podc about stuff it's not your
• 28:10
  personal repository to have every sick little whim of yours fulfilled then look
• 28:15
  if you don't like [ __ ] watch we can call it dwarf watch how's that is that
• 28:18
  better or [ __ ] photo time yeah everyone super happy fun [ __ ] reason
• 28:24
  in this am I apparently I'm I think we need to take a quick vote uh
• 28:31
  so I'm I'm for yes for [ __ ] watch Luke i' also just like to say if you are a
• 28:37
  [ __ ] yourself feel free to just take pictures of yourself and send them in I
• 28:40
  mean you'll be the clear winner so that's fine too that's not cheating feel
• 28:45
  oh I'm a [ __ ] I can't enter this you can't just use go image do we have to
• 28:50
  have this no they have to send them in they have to send them in it has to be
• 28:53
  viewers or listeners of the show or you know anybody who watches site going out
• 28:59
  and I want to get people active you know what I mean I want to I want to really I
• 29:03
  want to just start something you know I want to start [ __ ] watch yeah so
• 29:07
  that's awful Matt are you voting yes too look I think it has to it's got to be
• 29:11
  done oh well that's uh that's three to one I've people that I thought you would
• 29:15
  too would be [ __ ] watch is a thing yep and I'm I'm yellowing this out on the
• 29:20
  spreadsheet because it has been mentioned look I I actually I've got
• 29:25
  some [ __ ] news oh that can be another that can be another segment [ __ ] news
• 29:30
  [ __ ] news Dave can you do a jingle for [ __ ] [Music]
• 29:36
  newsid all right and now you have to do one for [ __ ] watch yeah or if you're
• 29:41
  offended
• 29:46
  midet oh okay okay that was good I like that uh I think we need to pitch shift
• 29:52
  that up so it sounds like a munchkin and I need you to um put some kind of uh
• 29:56
  filter on it so it sounds like there's hundreds of them singing it is that okay
• 30:00
  yeah so it's probably going to end up sounding a little bit what the [ __ ] are
• 30:03
  you doing it's going to end up sounding a little bit like [Music]
• 30:10
  this and that's where I'll put it in that's great perfect um can I just say I
• 30:16
  in no way condone this [ __ ] watch well you have because you've just performed
• 30:20
  the jingle yeah so yeah you can no longer back out you're you're an
• 30:24
  accessory after the fact or before the fact well the fact cuz the first picture
• 30:29
  is going to be from you someone that I know Mar Davis attends a gym yes oh okay
• 30:34
  I'm listening now let me just working at the gym yeah that's exactly what this is
• 30:37
  come on someone I know works at a gym where there is also a a [ __ ] who works
• 30:42
  out and all right I'm only going to ask you this once Matt and I want you to
• 30:44
  think very very carefully before you answer sure which
• 30:50
  gym I asked for photographic evidence however well he can send it into midg no
• 30:56
  because you you get banned if you take photos of other people at the gym that
• 31:01
  is the only reason there's no photo oh oh that's the only reason is above
• 31:08
  okay apparently there's a big sign it says do not photograph the
• 31:12
  midgets inside the gym inside the gym inside the gym yeah inside being the
• 31:18
  operative word yeah I want a photo of that [ __ ] entering or exiting that gym
• 31:23
  with his little gym bag his little tiny gym bag
• 31:28
  you know he he goes in to Wayne Enterprises and asks for a job in
• 31:35
  applied sciences meets Fox and gets Luci the Tumblr which was commissioned by the
• 31:41
  government and paints it black and then oh well we have no idea what that is
• 31:45
  dude have you ever seen the D and D's [ __ ] re the dod's research stuff man
• 31:49
  I didn't know what the [ __ ] going on all right fine seriously it's a mountain
• 31:52
  of paperwork know we're talking about the US government man like the most inet
• 31:58
  bureaucracy in the entire world bring it back there was some guy who actually
• 32:03
  oversaw and built that he's not going to go this BL there blueprints no no it was
• 32:07
  it was over and built by Lucius under contract from the US government all
• 32:12
  right so so he built some guy behind the desk went yeah try and make something
• 32:16
  that does this the mechanics involved in this on the news and go wait a minute
• 32:23
  that's the Batmobile I just built the Batmobile I spent the last 3 months the
• 32:28
  that's mine yeah someone stole my AG well I think they actually even
• 32:33
  addressed that in the second one yeah the guy when the guy to account yeah
• 32:38
  yeah yeah yeah but if you're going to play something for truth and play it for
• 32:41
  believability I think you you you have to honestly say there's going to be a
• 32:44
  line you have to draw somewhere and for me that line was when the Batmobile just
• 32:48
  crashed and pretty much caught on fire and then a motorik popped outside uh
• 32:53
  hold on do you know where I actually saw this cuz I saw this last night I and
• 32:57
  then we rewound it we knew you were going to bring this
• 33:01
  up the front two wheels are the wheels of the motorcycle yeah so so what
• 33:07
  happens is why does it turn into a motorcycle because it's multi-purpose
• 33:11
  it's the eject sequence it says eject sequence in from the 80s what does an
• 33:18
  airplane turn into a chair you eject
• 33:23
  exp can I just give this some context for the people who are lost at moment
• 33:29
  when we saw the Dark Knight Dave's one criticism or his first criticism the
• 33:33
  first thing he said I thought it was a [ __ ] movie because quote there was aik
• 33:39
  exploded into a motorbike no there was a car that exploded into a bike sorry your
• 33:43
  exact were there was a car that exploded into a motorbike that's when I tuned out
• 33:47
  that's when I was like okay I watched this I saw no explosion with this car
• 33:51
  okay the car just ran into a giant fiery crash no it sits there for about 3 or 4
• 33:56
  minutes after that crash he into the oh yeah of course so so you
• 34:01
  type turn into motorbike enter before that he's already gone into motorik mode
• 34:08
  remember he up like this and then he goes down yeah goes down into a motorik
• 34:11
  he knows he's going to very clever very clever which in in Batman Forever he
• 34:16
  don't even talk to me about those movies no no sorry he should that that actually
• 34:20
  I didn't like about that how he's already in motorcycle mode before he
• 34:23
  even knows he's going to be he does that look it's such a stupid that's jump from that's
• 34:30
  that's but it really characterized what I found distasteful about the film
• 34:33
  because I thought it had lost that appeal to truth that you were talking
• 34:36
  about earlier I see my I I don't think the first one had as much of this cuz
• 34:41
  I've watched the first one again recently yeah and I mean that part where
• 34:43
  he's driving on the rooftops in the tumbler exactly and uh God what else and it was
• 34:49
  dark yes I like how steal mode on the car is literally just turning off the
• 34:55
  lights stealth mode on the car I sometimes like Ste mode my we say last
• 35:01
  night some of this stuff like you know sometimes I accidentally drive mode he
• 35:05
  decides he's not going to be Batman anymore and they burn all the paperwork
• 35:07
  in that and so they're shutting everything down and the lights turn
• 35:11
  off in the same direction so at some point he said to ALF it's very important
• 35:15
  that the lights turn off one day I'm not sure what you mean
• 35:19
  by that what what do you day Batman
• 35:23
  anymore go at once no no second thing I don't like okay I'm not a huge fan of Katie Holmes
• 35:30
  I mean after I saw her her tits in the gift don't jump ah don't jump ahead what
• 35:37
  but we're still talking about a car that explodes into a
• 35:39
  bike thought I thought we back to the ' 80s or the early '90s the Tim Burton
• 35:43
  ones which you've already stated you do like the Batmobile putting that out there what's
• 35:49
  that Batmobile Sid shoot off the middle becomes the bat missile isn't that in
• 35:54
  the second one yes yeah I thought the second one was sh that's
• 35:59
  with missiles attached to the what you're saying is you actually don't like
• 36:02
  Batman I like the first
• 36:08
  Batman just like origin just like origin stor so you're like the first Tim Burton
• 36:14
  Batman where he has a jet that conveniently has a thing that grabs
• 36:18
  balloons on the and then cuts the strings wonderful balloons and then he
• 36:23
  floats them out under the sea so it's some other City's problem
• 36:31
  wind currents and what I'm you like the one that the soundtrack was done by
• 36:34
  Prince Yeah by dance yeah
• 36:38
  okay I'm going to punch ight shamalan in the twist if I ever seen him in the
• 36:44
  twist it's not his twist gland that's where he gets all his ideas down I know
• 36:48
  it is I'm going to punch him hard in it don't breathe the air I got to cut it
• 36:54
  run it's the wind
• 36:58
  sake yeah M you are the worst filmmaker
• 37:02
  ever I I think we have to agree he's the worst he he may not be the worst but
• 37:07
  he's still name one worst uh then run it's the win name name a worst movie
• 37:14
  where something worse than run it's the wind happens uh what's the the day after
• 37:19
  tomorrow where they run away from the cold Happ I think the cold would kill
• 37:24
  you before the wind but you can't run away from it you can't run away from
• 37:32
  ether next time we're all over let's see if we can outrun I think you got a
• 37:36
  better chance of out running Ice let have a movie marathon of films where
• 37:40
  they have to run away from something that is like abstract
• 37:46
  concept yeah yeah I think we need to make that film where people are chased by a giant
• 37:52
  metaphor I mean I thought it look cool but I was I was expecting it to be over
• 37:57
  the top because it's to faced I liked it yeah I thought it was because this is a
• 38:00
  Batman movie it's not a Merchant Ivory film yeah and in fact I would have been
• 38:04
  annoyed if it was too subtle because I'd be like well it's you know it's got to
• 38:07
  be it's very it's got to be very well nothing's less subtle than a car
• 38:11
  exploiting into a motorbike I tell you that much so you got what you wanted it
• 38:14
  didn't explode I'm sick of you saying I've seen it two wheels at the front two
• 38:20
  wheel at the front the left wheel shoots goes forward you guys really did pause it and
• 38:26
  what the right hand wheel that's acting this
• 38:30
  out the left wheel starts going and comes out and then the where he's
• 38:36
  sitting and and it spins it's hard to do oh you're convinced
• 38:41
  now I'm making actions but this is obviously not good listing but anyway
• 38:45
  the whole thing pivots around and then the right wheel spins around back
• 38:50
  and anyway actually something else Luke pointed out you liked something less
• 38:55
  yeah what was I thought stupider was when he drove up to a building drives up
• 38:59
  the wall and spins around stupid okay but and I want to point out that I don't
• 39:03
  think anyone addressed this is you're saying that the fact that the bike can
• 39:07
  do that is silly yeah but it does stuff like that earlier on it's just I don't
• 39:11
  know if anyone notices but when he comes out of the shopping center no no did it
• 39:15
  sort of spin or something the wheels what did you do when you were young we
• 39:19
  talked about Batman Sons about that I don't mean when you were a kid I mean
• 39:24
  when you were like a young adult like in your 30s talk about
• 39:28
  the wheels spin through like all the way I saw that but I didn't think I actually
• 39:32
  saw it no no because the lights are on because that would just be stupid no
• 39:35
  it's not stupid it's [Music] awesome I get a dragon story I haven't
• 39:40
  played Skyrim yet but but it the talking about Skyrim did remind me of uh when I
• 39:45
  was at work fairly recently and my boss had seen what I can only imagine is a
• 39:52
  mockumentary about dragons right yeah and um but he didn't realize that it was
• 39:57
  a mockumentary he it was a documentary
• 39:59
  he comes in and with no irony and no
• 40:04
  kind of uh you know joking around at all he just says did you guys know Dragons
• 40:10
  Were Real oh what and most people in the
• 40:15
  office just humored him and went oh what and he started just really really
• 40:21
  chalantly telling the story about yeah no they um I watched the sto on them and
• 40:26
  um and they uh they they ate rocks which
• 40:29
  is why they got the fiery breath and they uh they were egg layers and U and
• 40:35
  and he just started rattling off facts I'm doing air quotes facts that he had
• 40:40
  heard in this documentary um and I was looking at the guy I work with in my
• 40:46
  department Ben kind of like what the [ __ ] is this conversation no one else
• 40:51
  was calling him out on it everyone was just like oh okay okay and we were like
• 40:56
  sorry I'll stop you there there's no [ __ ] dragons and he actually started
• 41:02
  getting quite uh aggressive and saying well I saw the documentary you obviously
• 41:07
  didn't see it and I I don't care what you saw there
• 41:13
  weren't any dragons like that's that's just a fact and he's like well I saw a
• 41:18
  doco all right you're saying I'm lying that I didn't see a doo and we're like
• 41:22
  well no you you obviously did see a doco that doesn't prove that they were dragons
• 41:28
  just agree to disagree well agree to disagree then no documentary it was
• 41:32
  presented by um by Christian Bale and uh MTH
• 41:36
  MC yeah that was a great concept R he's not listening to this is he Dan so that
• 41:41
  was a that was just a uh who Christian
• 41:46
  Bale no it was just a conversation I never
• 41:51
  thought I'd actually have to have tell somebody look I don't care what you saw
• 41:55
  dragons are not real Jesus Christ um yes and sorry for anyone who's listening to
• 42:00
  this who thinks dragons are real they're not oh no not sorry you're a [ __ ]
• 42:06
  idiot well put [Music]
• 42:10
  Dave so I um I was the gray the other day with Liam niss oh you watched a
• 42:16
  movie with Liam niss yeah did he like it oh he he was in it he enjoyed it doesn't
• 42:22
  take is it good it's the wolf one yes Liam wolf wolf puncher they crazy C
• 42:29
  that's oh my god really is that is that what people are calling it yeah wolf puncher wolf
• 42:35
  puncher that's what does he punch that's funny only because if you see it that's
• 42:39
  not what you think oh really yeah isn't that a movie about him punching wolves
• 42:45
  well no oh no not punching them no is he a
• 42:51
  wolf the question I don't know what it's about then now I'm have to watch it no
• 42:56
  it's it is a tale of survival yeah I thought he he gets trapped in the snow
• 43:01
  and there's wolves so he fights them hand to hand combat if that isn't a movie that should
• 43:07
  be it it looks like he he like takes down these wolves like a like he's the
• 43:12
  predator and they're Arnold schwarzeneger and his
• 43:18
  team no it's um it's actually quite a spiritual film it's um oh sounds great
• 43:25
  yeah run out and see that no okay I'll watch is it good it's good
• 43:30
  it's good is it it's in 3D I only watch punching 3D I assumed it was just going
• 43:36
  to be him and some dudes punching wolves like you said man but um I'm
• 43:40
  disappointed that it's not oh no it is it is it is that what what are you
• 43:44
  telling me here is it's secondary it's it's so secondary to do wolves get
• 43:50
  punched or not yes wolves do get punched fine well
• 43:56
  watch the film but to call it Liam n's wolf
• 44:02
  puncher would be disingenuous and not and not and not true to the spirit of
• 44:07
  the film I'm just saying it's it's it's it's more about survival and the where
• 44:13
  he's like a negotiator on the phone with the Wolves
• 44:18
  skitt which will make your life very unpleasant would would would we still
• 44:23
  get the gist of it if we just fast forward it in between the wolf punching SC
• 44:28
  like so you only watch The Wolf punching bits yeah is there a scene like is there
• 44:32
  like a special feature on the disc where you can skip to just the scenes where
• 44:35
  wolves get some kind of wol punch Montage I don't know I don't he's a
• 44:41
  manly man though isn't it I'm G to come out of it going a man I wish Le n was my
• 44:44
  dad yeah pretty much yeah yeah you would
• 44:48
  be such a disappointment to
• 44:52
  Le we all would not just you m I'm we could you just be gay or something yeah
• 44:58
  that's right [Music]
• 45:02
  yeah woman in Skyrim we all married that same woman and it's odd because we do
• 45:08
  have quite different tastes generally we do and we joke about that and we in the
• 45:12
  game and Skyrim we we all just wanted in all honesty guys it was the first bit of
• 45:16
  poon that wandered our way that's why we all seem no no because we discussed this on
• 45:22
  this show on on this on this very show you guys I told you guys how to to go
• 45:28
  about getting married yeah and then you then went and all married the same
• 45:32
  person I had no but you didn't tell us who you had married that's what I'm
• 45:36
  saying yeah but that's the first woman that expresses any interest yeah but I'd
• 45:40
  been playing the game for like 20 hours before I actually got
• 45:44
  married that's me too but like I had to get that necklace and then I had to
• 45:48
  travel back to her and I've met other girls on the way have you I didn't meet
• 45:54
  a single other woman who expressed any interest in me you can marry that woman
• 45:57
  in um rifton who uh the the a filthy rifton woman are you crazy she's not the
• 46:04
  she's it's a [ __ ] sewer taale she's the goody two shoes that's there I know
• 46:07
  you I I mean doesn't interest me but uh I know that you can I think I've got mat
• 46:13
  so like me Dan and Luka you know we be the kind of guys that would marry a
• 46:16
  [ __ ] sewer Town [ __ ] is that what you're saying I'm not
• 46:19
  saying if you want to you know if that's how you want to run with
• 46:24
  then look I mean you all you guys all want my [ __ ] whatever yeah well I'm
• 46:30
  just saying I saw her first yeah well you know if I could murder her I would
• 46:34
  well I moved mine into a three-story house where she now lives in um absolute
• 46:38
  luxury so uh oh you're not living in White Run anymore no no we moved to uh
• 46:42
  Solitude because um it's too snowy and no I have a beautiful I know I have a
• 46:46
  beautiful house
• 46:49
  now we just listen to ourselves
• 46:53
  sometimes moving to a different town it's beautiful in solitude you really
• 46:59
  haven't spent enough time there Solitude was ruin 20 years ago Daniel this is the
• 47:05
  video game talk people want where real estate tips in the
• 47:11
  virtual world you we should open up a real estate agent in [ __ ] Skyrim
• 47:16
  that's all for this week thank you for listening and we hope you enjoyed the
• 47:21
  show if you enjoyed it then please subscribe and iTunes to receive episodes of
• 47:27
  automatically we'll see you next time