Latest / Reverse Jackass / Ep36: Evelyn uses whimsy as a ladder out of the pit; Nick still believes in fast food and good weather.

Transcript

Ep36: Evelyn uses whimsy as a ladder out of the pit; Nick still believes in fast food and good weather. · Reverse Jackass

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's reversing.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, you know what we should do, Nick?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: What we should do?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think we should uh do a podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: Let's do a podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: Why don't we just do a podcast?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't we just do like that's a great idea.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you thought of it.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_02: Lead us in, Evelyn.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a little rusty.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't I haven't done this in a little while.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: So last I remember doing it, you gave me feedback every second word or so.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna try and get feedback.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: Was that helpful for you?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if helpful's the word I would say.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: What would be the word?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Invasive.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: Why does it how does it feel with me doing it right now?
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh about the same.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: About the same.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: So what did we learn about calling people out on their own podcast?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I learned that I should just stifle my feelings.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I should take them and bundle them up and just press them right down.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Press them.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: And that Evelyn is what makes me a great therapist.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Reverse Jackass podcast, everyone.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I am Evelyn the Canadian Blade.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And here with me, as always, because no one else wants to do this, is Nick Bagner.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: Sup.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even have to tell you to say hello to the people.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_02: You already know my my dream is that you'll just seamlessly like that.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: You'll just say hello to the people.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, hello to the people.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'll just say with me as always is Evelyn the Canadian Blade, and that you'll just be like, whatever the Canadian version of it is.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: See, now that's that's it.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I feel though, like now I'm gonna be talking over like we have a rhythm.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't want to disturb, I feel like we have a delicate balance happening here, a real delicate ecosystem on this podcast that I I just have to be careful with.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: We I don't wanna I don't wanna you know ruffle any feathers.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: I've never in my life been accused of having a rhythm of any kind.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you, I guess.
• 1:52
  unknown: Thank you.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's an Evelyn day.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Damn right.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a topic that could 100% tank, and it's a risk I'm willing to take today.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I love a risk.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Let's risk it.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: The risk is I'm I'm not sure how funny this is, but I trust that you and I could make this funny.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's my hope.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's no, it is about putting animals down.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Just kidding.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about your wow, that is ambitious.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is not at all.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: It has nothing to do with this.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: So um, lately, at the time of this recording, uh, I have been in the pit of despair.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And just a little bit of context for our listeners out there.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, let's reduce the stigma of mental health being an embarrassing thing.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, maybe some of you listening are in the pit too.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe after listening, some of you will be in the pit.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: So just know that Nick and I are rooting for you, and we recommend our prescription is to binge every episode we have out of this podcast.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: Help yourselves.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's like three hours of content at this point.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's a it's waiting for you.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: Three hours of content.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: Short episodes.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they are.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, some of them are.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're getting longer, probably because we're we're gapping all the time.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not good.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like the premise is short episodes.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think the premise is peace talks, and I think given the way things are going between our countries, I think it makes sense that there are longer episodes happening.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: I just real quick to take a break from this.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, how how are Canadians looking at the corruption in this dog shit administration and not just just salivating?
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like we could be a part, we could be the 51st state in an astonishingly corrupt nation.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: Doors wide open.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think at this point, um I think that's not going to happen if I can just lay that out very plainly.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Pearls before swine.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Pearl emphasis on swine.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: And uh as a swine, I'm telling you.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you here.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so so I think the longer episodes make sense.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But going back to my context, pit of despair, rock bottom.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we are now resurfacing, but part of what has helped me resurface is deciding to take a real hard look at the amount of whimsy in my life and what that could entail.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I have thought of myself as a fun-loving, effervescent person.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: I would describe you that way.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: But then when I get down, unlike the chumbawamba song, I cannot get up again.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: They are going to keep me down.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: Do you follow the hold on?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: Do you follow the uh the recipe, the chumbawamba recipe?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Take a whiskey drink.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: First, you have to piss the night away.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Then you have to take a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink, and a cider drink.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_02: So you're four drinks in.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: If you're not able to feel a little better at that point, then yeah, I don't know what to do for you.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it makes me wonder if you're really Canadian.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: In terms of pissing the night away, I am over 40.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I had almost 20 years of teaching where I did not pee between the hours of 6 a.m.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: and 6 p.m.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So needless to say, I am not only pissing the night away, I am pissing most of the day away as well.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's fair.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is a public service announcement for all the pelvic floor exercises out there, my friends.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Make it happen.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Do it, squeeze when you can.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, needless to say, I needed to take a look at the whimsy happening in my life.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I was running a surprising deficit.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: I just have to say it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I can call myself out.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, you know, self, you can do something about that.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And you're the only one who can.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Me, like you being me, not you.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to clarify.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, literally, no one was lost on that point.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: But you were like, okay, hold on.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: Unless they sound like a philosophy textbook.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided to start with something very simple.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you and I talked about this briefly on Friday.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I went and got a manicure on Thursday, and every single one of my fingers was a different color.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I went in wanting green.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: The shade of green that I desired would did not exist there.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: So that's fine.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Plan B, it's just nails, right?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to tell myself it's just nails.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Calm down.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: So then I decided, what if I just did one nail every color?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of what we ended up with.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I cannot tell you how often, like if I'm typing or reaching for something, I look at my hand and I look at the different colors together, and it brings me inexplicable happiness looking at these things, which tells you that it doesn't take much right now.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But it's so small and it has been so effective that I was like, well, what else can I do?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided to then do a couple of different things.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've shifted some things around in the house so that I can sit in the sunlight.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I went and got a newspaper.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I have I just realized I'm getting so off track here that I lost my own.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: No, I love it.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: You have you got a newspaper, so now you have a creative place to pee.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: So now which is some uh a solution that would have served you very well during the teaching years, but now you know better late than never.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: I also want to say, as a person who can see you and other people can't see you, the manicure is badass.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: We've already talked about that.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: But just for you folks at home, the different color on every finger is actually a pretty dope.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I'm on board with it.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Your wife called it a Skittles manicure, which I thought was a great Oh, she was insulting you.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so sorry.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Did you not say oh, Amber, if you're insulting me, my dear Amber, you should have used less exclamation marks because that that led me to believe that you were about to go get one yourself.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And Amber, if you're listening to this, you have my permission.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I believe you know what?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: When I first met Nick, I think he mentioned you get one free sucker punch a year.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Am I right?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And is this a thing you remember?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: They happen.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: I might say she takes one free sucker punch a year.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, Amber, green light, babe.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Green light is what I go for the throat.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Go for the throat.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So all of these great little things.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm adding whimsy.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the the kicker here, and this is gonna lead us into the question, is I'm trying to now look at things in my life that younger me would have thought was so cool.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I hadn't actually really thought that way before because when you're down, it's easy to be like, man, 16-year-old me would be like, How did you get so fat and sad?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not the true story.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's not the well, that's not the whole story.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds like a little bit of a twit in this regional story.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she was she was not always kind.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, so going back to the manicure, I was like, you know what?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: All of these colors, and I always love color, despite the fact that I'm typically wearing gray or navy in most days of my life, but I love color.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And looking at this, I'm like, ooh, younger Ev would have really, really liked this.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: She would have thought that was pretty cool.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: What other things would younger Evelyn have thought was really cool about my life now?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: So Jay and I had a really cool conversation where we were talking about younger versions of ourselves and what they would have thought was really cool right now.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a few of mine.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: 16-year-old Evelyn would have died.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: She would have been so happy that I own my own piano.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like that I have a piano of my own in my house that's mine.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: For the if you all haven't listened to the to the Irv story episode, then you will understand just what having her own piano would have done for teenage elephant.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: There's a there is a couple traumas stacked on top of each other baked into that episode.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: If you haven't listened to it, listen to the Irv story and understand what a boon owning your own piano would have been to Evelyn at that time.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And now also owning a stack of newspaper.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you have the whole kit?
• 9:48
  unknown: Okay.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also wearing sweatpants right now.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's got the Holy Trinity going on, right?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay, a 16-year-old Evelyn would have loved a piano.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: 10-year-old Evelyn would wonder why I own a baseball glove and no baseball and have a perfect concrete patio out back with a wall to throw a ball on and catch.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: She would be like, Why are you not getting it and doing that?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I love playing baseball when I was younger.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I didn't know that about you.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you know, we have to leave some things to the imagination.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: And if there's one thing I imagined, it's it's 10-year-old you playing sports.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's something I spend a lot of time on.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, was it soccer?
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: Was it lacrosse?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just yeah, it's a mystery.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Was it yeah, everyone women's field hockey?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Water polo, big, it's really big in southwestern Ontario.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, yeah, she would wonder why you have this baseball glove.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have a baseball.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, why are you wasting that perfectly good space out back?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: You could be like lobbing a ball and catching it, right?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: This would be great.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: 17 or 18-year-old old Evelyn would wonder why I cut off all my hair.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: She would be like, What's happen- what happened there?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what did you do?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you do that?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_02: But then, but for the folks at home, 17-year-old Evelyn had cornrows.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: So, so I think it's very clear to us why why Evelyn has made this choice now.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, back in the 90s, not so much.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: 90s were a different time.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: 90s were a different time.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she would wonder, and maybe, you know what, maybe not even 17, maybe when I got the spiral perm, right?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: That would have been like 13, 12, 13.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: She would have been like, What do you mean you cut you have an inch of hair now?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool, right?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: 19 20-year-old Evelyn would love that I got married to a really great guy.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she would be like, Thank goodness.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank goodness, because it's been a bit of a rocky sweating.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: What happened here?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there would be part of me, I was thinking like 29, 30-year-old Evelyn in the throes of unmedicated anxiety, would be like, What do you mean you have gotten on an airplane and traveled to California thrice within one calendar year?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like you never even talked about California.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't care.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: What how did that, but she would be so in awe.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: So this has been so now I'm looking at things through the lens of how old is the version of me that would think this is so great?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So my question for you, Nick, is what versions of you would find parts about your life now that are just incredible?
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe a little hilarious and embarrassing?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_02: Ugh.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it would be fair to say that it would be fair to say that younger Nick would have had some questions about my size.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um Although younger Nick had questions about his own size.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: So that's worth so it's worth noting that I've that it's never felt good.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great way of putting it though.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're right.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's easy to be like, and sorry to cut you off, but I'm actually not sorry because you brought a really good point.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like something I hear women talk about is like, don't you wish you were the size you were when you were younger when you thought you were really fat?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like I hear so many women be like, I would kill to be the size I was when I thought I was fat.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't hear men say that, but it is it is easy to be like, oh yeah, I would have really let younger me down in that area.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the point you just said that I loved is that younger me was a tough critic with myself then.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Already felt like dog shit all the time.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: So like this wouldn't make any difference.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: So suck it.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, please continue.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: So suck it, yeah.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Deal with it, asshole.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I would say to younger me.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: Younger Nick.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, younger me, uh God, that what a great question.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so there's gonna be a little dead space editing here.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: Not where I thought you were going with the question.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh I will say, uh candidly, I just went to a I went to a uh party recently for a colleague of mine who just got his doctorate and uh wonderful guy, and his partner is an event organizer for Playboy and put on this wonderful event and basically mentioned conversationally that like he works for Playboy.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so he walked off, and there were three of us straight dudes talking, and one of them was like, What does Playboy do these days?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: And we like kind of had to speculate because it's like they don't have a print magazine anymore, I don't think.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even think they're into nudes anymore.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's like I think they do a lot of branding around the bunny and then like some form of whatever journalism.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought, like, and I said to them, like, 12-year-old Nick is freaking out right now.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like, he's so angry that this is what's become Yeah.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: Of what the most of the most important publication to him at uh in the seventh grade was.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: So that's that's a that's a disappointment.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: What would uh okay, so I'll tell you the a big difference is that younger Nick, uh Nick from age 17 to 20 had a job that he really loved.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then Nick from age about 20 to 35 had no jobs that he really loved, like had jobs that he hated and had resigned himself to being miserable, and then becoming a therapist, like having a job that I'm excited to show up for and that I feel really good about is like that's awesome.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I absolutely didn't think that was possible.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: So that part is is very fucking cool.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I would say that I don't know that this was friend of mine, but uh Nick in his 20s felt like he was always going to have to have children and felt like that was you know part of the Catholic upbringing and that was something that that women would expect.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_02: And then right around 29, Nick met the only woman that wanted children less than he did.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: And so the the joy and delight of living a child-free lifestyle, and you know, no shade to people who have kids, it's awesome to do it, and it seems like it's very fulfilling for them.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: But like a child-free lifestyle is for me, and I really enjoy it for all the reasons I mentioned.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I routinely, my wife and I even had a couple therapists, and a couples therapist basically said, like, this might not be good therapy, but I really want you to consider whether you want to have kids because the window is probably closing, and I think you might really regret it.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: And we spent a week with it, and we were like, No, we really, we really feel good about this decision, and we have never felt bad about it ever.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like, there's never been a look back, and every now and again we'll be sitting on a plane and some some child will start screaming and I'll turn to Amber and say, bear me one and we have a laugh over that for a variety of reasons.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so that part is great.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, having a dope marriage where I feel empowered to do what I want to do and where I feel loved is fucking great.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: I, you know, no shade to the people I dated before, but you know, there's a reason I'm not with them now.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so to be with somebody who is really wonderful and sets me up to do what I want, that's pretty great.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: But these aren't fun answers.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: These are like, these are like ah shucks answers.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: What are the cool parts of my life?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so uh I have a question.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hit me.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: What age of Nick would be excited to have a black and white cat named Stampy?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Nick at all ages is excited for all cats.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm excited when I run into a cat.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: I'm excited when I meet a cat, I'm excited when I get a cat.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm very excited right now to have Stampy because he's turned a little corner, he's been a little more friendly lately and not such a dick.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: So that that part has been satisfying.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: We don't know if that'll go away, but he's been a just a teeny tiny bit cuddlier.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: Great.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: So that part's great.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think there's little things of like I love I love being able to stay up late, and I always do.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: I love being able to go buy whatever fast food I want.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: That was something that I didn't have as a kid.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like the thrill of that has never worn off for me, which might explain some of my misgivings about my size.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_02: Is that like the part of me that like got a job on I literally got a job on my 16th birthday.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: That was how I spent my 16th birthday, was going to a pizza restaurant and getting a job because I wanted to have money.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_02: And like the good news is I didn't grow into one of those people who like contorts himself for money.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: But I always wanted to have it because I wanted to be able to buy stuff that we didn't buy, like fast food and video games and shit.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: And now it's like, you know, I can buy a video game.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and and I live in the age, thank God, where like when I was a kid, you had to go to the mall while it was open and hope they had the game you wanted in stock, and then you'd pay 40 bucks for it, and it was an 8-bit piece of shit that you'd you know play for four months, like it was the greatest thing, and then you'd be done with it.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's the same price.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: Video games still cost$40, and they just send it over the internet connection to your Nintendo Switch.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's great.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: 10-year-old Nick would be very, very excited about that.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's similar to something Jay and I talked about with him.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: I said, like, would 10-year-old Jason believe that not only did your job require you being on the computer all day, but you also own multiple computers.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, would he multiple computers right?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Would the top of his head just blow right off at this fact?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like you own your own car, right?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: You own what was the other thing he and I mentioned?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: But you're right, it's the it's the choice, like it's the freedom of choice.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that is something that just kind of gets to become so ho-hum and overwhelming.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, not only do we take it for granted, but it becomes really overwhelming sometimes.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want choice.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just want I'm sick of making decisions.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: I just want someone like if Jersey Mike's just had one kind of sub, some days all I want to do is click a button and I just get that one sub and no one asks me anything, and I it just shows up and I eat it.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's magical, isn't it?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: What age of Nick would not believe that you moved to California, but also like played a bunch of gigs?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's a great question.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: So uh I think that you know, moving to California is doable.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I always I had a brother since I was 12 who lived out here.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: So like so the good news is that I wasn't like breaking through a ceiling or anything to move across the country.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: I already and benefited greatly from his having already set up a wonderful support network.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_02: And he he has always been very, very supportive of me um since coming out here.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: But the part of me, this is embarrassing, but I'll just tell you the part of me that like bought a copy of REM's eponymous and then and then lip synced and and played guitar in the mirror for hours, yes, he would be very excited.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't realize until I started playing the guitar that I had been pandemiming it left-handed, which in retrospect, I think I realized I was doing because I was watching Kirk Cobain all the time, and I think he was doing.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: But like the fact that like this is something I would say to people who want to play music is that like the great thing about music is you can just do it.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like, acting is hard because you have to find somebody that will say yes to you.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: You have to like get permission and then you have to join a production or you have to audition a bunch, you have to get headshots and all this shit, which is why I never endeavored to do it.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: Music, you can just contact a booker and say, I will bring 15 people to this thing, and then you get to play.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: And it's great.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you don't need permission from anybody.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, you can play.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's it's always helpful if you play something that people like, but like you get to just create art.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: And that part is fucking great.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're not in California, you don't even need to bring 15 people.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like, like if you're not in a big city, big cities make you bring people, but like I used to drive down.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: This was, I mean, like some of the most fun shows I ever played were in Lafayette, Indiana, where you go and they would be so kind, they would pay you, they would feed you, they would just treat you, they would be just be such wonderful hosts because you drove down there to play.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas, you know, in the bigger cities, like, no shade, they've got to, they've got to live their lives, it's more expensive.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: But like, you know, my first gig in Los Angeles, I brought 30 people, and the and the promoter bought me a beer and was so excited and shook my hand and was like my best friend and wanted to book me again.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then my second show, which was a month later, I brought five people and the promoter literally wouldn't talk to me.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, literally wouldn't make eye contact with me.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: I said, Thanks for booking me, and he just said nothing and went back to what he was doing.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I never heard from that guy again.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's wow.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm getting off topic here, but all of this is to say that that's still easier than acting.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: That's still easier than you know, like so.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: I feel really lucky.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and I tell people all the time, if you want to play guitar, the only difference between me and somebody who doesn't play the guitar is practice.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like, it's I have no natural talent for the guitar.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I mean, I have a little musical talent, but I don't actually have like I'm not a dexterous person, like I don't have like a lot of the things where I see people just pick it up and nail it.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that was just because I sat friendlessly and virginistically throughout my high school career just learning how to hit those cowboy chords again and again.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you know what I mean?
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: So there's a second.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Question.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, can I have one more thing before you that Nick at any age would have loved and didn't anticipate about California is that the weather is good here virtually all the time.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: And growing up in a place where there's seasons, there are like three seasons that I don't really like.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so to be able to be away from winter, spring, and fall is awesome for me.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just like it's good for my health, it's good for my mental health, it's good for my life.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like the notion that you could tell that kid trudging around in the fucking rain in a sweatshirt that one day he was gonna live in a place where it doesn't really rain, like paradise.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, what was your question?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: No, I like that.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: The older I get, I understand that more, right?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've always been kind of a melancholy, I have I have whiffs of melancholy that I like in my life, right?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I don't whiffs, I don't actually mind the melancholy, but the fall, like those rainy days, I really nestle in.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: But the older I get, the less I'm able to romanticize them.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's and it's more like it's like not only does it not help my mood, I'm like, oh, there's a pressure headache behind my left eye.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: And for some reason, my joints hurt.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of these these weird things that you know, when you're 13 years old, listening to the rain on the roof of your bedroom, listening to that Tori Amos song for the 26th time, crying and just becoming one with her pain in those lyrics.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's a bit different when you're almost 45.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: And you're still a raisin girl, a cordlake girl.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the question, and it's it might be hard to answer, but I also want our listeners to think of this too, because part of the reason I also brought this up as a question was I want people to think of that in their own lives.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want to think about like you, your younger self, and not in a way that's like, oh man, I've really let myself down, but it's like really tapping into you as a nine-year-old.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what did you think was cool?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: A brand new box of crayons?
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: Go buy a box of crayons and sniff those things and get that waxy crayola smell right in your sinuses, right in there, and just go back there.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do something that your younger self would think is cool.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the second part of the question is what now in your life, because you and I are in our mid-40s, what now are we doing that 55-year-old or 60-year-old Evelyn or Nick would be blown away by?
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: What am I gonna what am I gonna blow myself away with with 10 years from now?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_02: Or what do you hope?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, is this something I'm not grateful for right now that I'm gonna look back on and be like, oh my god, that's great.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: Or is it or is it gonna be something I'm gonna be grateful that I did, or what are we talking about here?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: Anything.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's no right or wrong answer.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: I think that um I look back on pre-pandemic Nick and how much he was lifting weights, and I was like, that kid, that kid was really doing something, and I've let that fall off.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I think that, and I've let pickleball take its place, which is you know important because as a white middle-aged person, you have to play a certain number of hours of pickleball a week to do your government mandate.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: You have to play pickleball and you have to have a podcast.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: And currently, right now, you're two for two.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: I'm killing it.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so I hope that in 10 years I'm gonna go, wow, I really set myself up like I really set myself up fitness-wise to take good care of myself.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I'm hoping.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm with you on that.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it seems different now wanting to move for longevity instead of wanting to move so I can revisit 90s diet culture one more time.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was such a hoot the first time around.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, how much non-fat yogurt can one person eat?
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not interested in finding out anymore.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: I I didn't ask this question with a an answer in mind.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, part of it is because I feel a real shift in my life right now.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that 10 or 15 years from now, I look back on this time in my life is the time when I just started to lean into what really felt good.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: You know, doing things that really felt good, right?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And like, like you and I have talked before off camera.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, most because most of our conversations are on camera, but like we've talked about how, you know, leaning into the parts of your life that maybe you're the most insecure of, you're right.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: I always talk about being too much, and it's like, what it's what is it like to be that weird woman who just feels really deeply and and laughs a lot and makes people feel really loved.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think about like what if that 10 years from now, what if I look back and was like, you know what?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: When I decided to really lean into that was my mid-40s, you know, things like that.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like I think I would really like that, and it kind of just helps me put a pin in it right now, like put us put a stake in the ground here and be like, well, I'm I can't just turn that on overnight.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna start making those little decisions now.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: And to think that all of this started with a Skittle manicure.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, to be fair, all of it started with a depressive episode.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: All of this started with me waking up one day and being like, what would be a better bath partner?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: The toaster or the air fryer?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: It started with a surrender, but not the good kind of surrender.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: A tragic, a tragic, risky surrender.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: No, I I agree with that.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: And again, your your Medicare is badass.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: So kudos to you for you know, honestly, like I always I always tell people, and I think this is important because this has been my this has been my experience in my life, and it's not my experience as a clinician, that like if you're looking for what the the silver lining of the cloud is while you're still suffering, you're gonna make yourself miserable.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you feel pressure to like, what am I supposed to take away from this fucking misery?
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're just adding sadness onto your own stuff because you're then you're failing at taking something from a tragedy.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: Let your tragedies be tragedies, and then later it will be revealed to you whatever you could get out of it, you know?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's great.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I really hope, you know what I'm gonna do?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna insert what I'm gonna insert in the editing is Nick saying that again, right here, because no one has the time to rewind a podcast 30 seconds and listen again.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna save you the trouble and I'm gonna put it again right here.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_02: If you're looking for what the the silver lining of the cloud is while you're still suffering, you're gonna make yourself miserable.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like if you feel pressure to like, what am I supposed to take away from this fucking misery?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're just adding sadness onto your own self because you're then you're failing at taking something from a tragedy.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: Let your tragedies be tragedies, and then later it will be revealed to you whatever you could get out of it, you know.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: So the episode has come to an end.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And not a gut busting, hilarious episode, but you know, I think uh a worthwhile one.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, depending on your contempt for us, this could have been our funniest episode.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_02: It could have been.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_02: If we have any hate listeners, they probably fucking loved this.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_02: I I hope they do.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, oh, oh, congratulations on all your lip syncing.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you played in front of 20 people in the Midwest.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're a genius.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, that's awesome that you talked about a manicure on an audio only podcast where nobody can actually see it.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: For all for all you know, I could have bare fingernails right now.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: I could be making this whole thing up.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: The greatest hoax of the 21st century.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's only two people, three, four, listening to this.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe okay, half a dozen people listening to this who know the truth.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: And only one who could judge me, and that's God.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that's, well, I was gonna say you because you're pretty judgy.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty judgy's truth.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's pathological.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: Take us home, Nick.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: Take us home.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_02: Folks, we love that you listen to the reverse jackass podcast.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_02: We love you.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_02: We hope that you will tell everybody if you love this podcast, and we hope that you will tell everybody if you hate this podcast, because remember that hate gets attention too.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: We hope that you are kind to yourselves, seek opportunities to give and get support, be grateful when appropriate.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: Um, love yourself, and we'll see you next week on the reverse jackass podcast.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: And get a manicure.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: Some neighbors are besties.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: Others quarrel bitterly.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: Stuck together through geography.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: One of us has nukes, and the other has tokes.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's American and Canadian diplomacy.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's remote.