Latest / SHULCHAN ARUCH YOMI: Own the Halacha in 25 minutes a day! / Yoreh De’ah 240:16-23. Honoring Parents: Vs a Mitzvah or a Chumra, Moving to Israel, Wife, Non-Religious Parent, Hitting Children, Step-Parent, Older Siblings

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Yoreh De’ah 240:16-23. Honoring Parents: Vs a Mitzvah or a Chumra, Moving to Israel, Wife, Non-Religious Parent, Hitting Children, Step-Parent, Older Siblings · SHULCHAN ARUCH YOMI: Own the Halacha in 25 minutes a day!

• 0:01
  OK, good morning. We're going to continue with
• 0:04
  Hilka's Qibodaga AIM. We're with Reshmem and we're
• 0:08
  starting inside with Ted Zine. But just where we left off was
• 0:15
  that there's if a parent tells you not to violate a mitzvah, So
• 0:21
  we learned that one does not violate the does not violate the
• 0:26
  mitzvah. He doesn't listen to his parents
• 0:28
  in that case, because he's also Matsuva.
• 0:31
  It says Ani Hashem, right? We're also Matsuva in keeping
• 0:34
  the mitzvahs of Hashem, the same one who commanded us in kibut of
• 0:37
  the aim. He's the one who gave us all the
• 0:38
  mitzvahs. So we just mentioned, I just
• 0:42
  want to share from Ruben that there's the, it's, it's said
• 0:48
  about the Arizal in the mikvah. So the famous Arizal mikvah in
• 0:52
  Swat. So the question is, did he?
• 0:55
  I believe he went there, Laish la Dun.
• 0:58
  Why it's called his mikvah, but it is written there that he did
• 1:03
  not go at least when it was cold in the winter months, be quiet
• 1:07
  because his mother told him that she's she was afraid he was
• 1:11
  going to get sick. I don't know.
• 1:12
  He had an hernia or some issue and she was particularly afraid
• 1:15
  he was going to get sick. So she told him not to go into
• 1:18
  the mikvah. And since it's not a mitzvah,
• 1:21
  it's only mitas hasidas to go into a mitzvah, there's no
• 1:26
  mitzvah, there's no chiev. So therefore he listened to his
• 1:29
  mother and then I'll go. So in general, when it's a, it's
• 1:34
  a, it's a mitzvah that one needs to do.
• 1:38
  So then you should listen, You should do the mitzvah if it's a
• 1:41
  mitas hasidas. So then he should not listen.
• 1:45
  If the mitas hasidas, then you should listen to his parents.
• 1:47
  That's the general consensus again, every situation and if
• 1:52
  it's a mitzvah rashus. So really depends on the
• 1:55
  situation or the mitzvah at hand.
• 1:57
  But in general, 1 is not obligated to listen to his
• 2:01
  parents. Certainly if it's a mitzvah
• 2:02
  rashus, but that's again, depending on the situation.
• 2:08
  Postscheme discuss moving to Eretz Israel.
• 2:11
  Just to just to touch on it, not to get into any detail, but
• 2:14
  there is it's clearly the general consensus among the
• 2:18
  postscheme. It's clear from the the Rambam,
• 2:20
  the Rambam, the Shokanara from postscheme that there's halafas
• 2:23
  about it, that there is certainly a mitzvah to live in
• 2:27
  Eretz nowadays. Question is, is it hiev?
• 2:31
  Is it rashus? Probably it's more of a rashus
• 2:34
  than a hiev, but it's a mitzvah and parents are also, there's
• 2:41
  also a mitzvah for the parents to live in eretz ISRO.
• 2:44
  So in general, postgremes say one this is not obligated to
• 2:48
  listen to their parents to, to not move to eretz ISRO.
• 2:52
  One certainly has the right, but it's a, it's a personal, it's a,
• 2:57
  it's a personal issue. I don't know how to put it.
• 2:59
  It's a personal complex issue, which is ideal, which should one
• 3:05
  do, which is a greater mitzvah and it's it's far too complex
• 3:11
  for this year. But there's a lot, a lot to
• 3:16
  consider and keyboard of aim is one of them, one of the
• 3:20
  considerations. OK, now let's see.
• 3:26
  Fine. I just wanted to mention in case
• 3:27
  I didn't about calling, calling name calling a kind of person.
• 3:33
  That's not the right word. But if a person can call, we
• 3:37
  learned that part of keyboard of AIM is that you don't call your
• 3:42
  parents by their first name, right?
• 3:46
  Even in front of them and not in front of them.
• 3:48
  What happens if a person asks you what's your, what's your
• 3:52
  father's name? What's your mother's name?
• 3:53
  Can you answer their name straight out?
• 3:56
  So without saying Avi Mori or my mother?
• 4:00
  So then the post can generally say yes because you're answering
• 4:03
  to the question. It's a conversation.
• 4:05
  They asked you what's their name?
• 4:06
  So you're allowed to say, and you don't have to say Avi Mori
• 4:09
  what the name is. If you want to introduce
• 4:11
  yourself, you can also just say my name is or you could just say
• 4:16
  I'm the son of and that's fine. Like I'm the son, whatever you
• 4:21
  you know, right? But you could even do that,
• 4:25
  right? And that's, you could just say
• 4:26
  it straight out. People are even referred to, as
• 4:30
  we know in the Gemara, Ben Benzoma Benbogbog.
• 4:33
  That's how they introduced themselves, apparently.
• 4:35
  That's how they were known. You could even call.
• 4:39
  And I don't know if it's appropriate or or not nowadays,
• 4:42
  but certainly from the Gemara, you see, you're even allowed to
• 4:44
  call your parent by their first name.
• 4:47
  If you say like Avi Mori or in the Kumar, there's an ABBA
• 4:52
  Khalafta, the father of Ribiosi. Sounds like that's how you refer
• 4:57
  to his father. I don't know if he called him
• 4:58
  directly, but certainly if you quoted a story about his ABBA
• 5:03
  Khalafta, his father's name was Khalafta or Rbikiva to Yohai
• 5:08
  ABBA. He would refer to his father's
• 5:10
  name. He would refer to him as with
• 5:14
  with his first name, but as long as he used that beforehand,
• 5:18
  that's OK. We're going to get to older
• 5:22
  brothers and sisters. We'll get to that in a moment.
• 5:25
  But that we, the men, I guess clearly to call you, call them
• 5:29
  by their first name that we're not OK, let's get to we're going
• 5:35
  to get there soon. Let's do Ted Zein AB schezi
• 5:38
  vadbeno Shaloya Debert Imploni the shaloh yim holo Adzman
• 5:44
  katsuf. So the father tells his son, you
• 5:49
  know, don't speak to so and so and don't forgive him for
• 5:51
  anything until I, you know, I, I tell yourself at a certain time
• 5:55
  there have been ayah, wrote Selit Payas Miyad.
• 5:58
  But the son he wants to make up with with this individual Miyad
• 6:05
  right away the latest about Aviv except his father's telling him
• 6:09
  not to his you know, I don't know family politics and I'm
• 6:13
  sure some of us are familiar. So the halacha is in Lola hush
• 6:18
  with Sabato. So don't you know, don't delay
• 6:22
  in making peace. You're not supposed to listen to
• 6:26
  your father because you and your father is is obligated in making
• 6:31
  peace. And therefore it's one should
• 6:35
  not not delay. OK, so then that's included in
• 6:40
  being over a mitzvah and Natara. Yeah, it's an application of the
• 6:47
  previous lot same same topic. Obviously if it's family
• 6:52
  politics, it's a question went in to invite everyone, but
• 6:55
  that's another story. But as far as basic making
• 6:58
  peace, that's a clear heel and one should not listen.
• 7:03
  OK, you'd sign ekha de ish, the ekha de isha shaving the kavod
• 7:09
  uvimura. So both a man and a woman are
• 7:13
  both obligated. Everyone's obligated for both
• 7:16
  their parents. Ella, there is a slight
• 7:19
  difference once they're married. Shahaisha in BIA de la Sochi,
• 7:24
  meshubala baila she. There is certain limitations
• 7:28
  that one has for the wife, the married woman, for her parents
• 7:35
  because she's also has certain obligations to her husband, Lafi
• 7:40
  kahib tura mikhibudova aimbo ODA nesua.
• 7:43
  So as long as she is married, there are certain leniences in
• 7:51
  what she's able to to do one second need Garcia once she gets
• 7:58
  divorced. So then oh need Almana or a
• 8:01
  widow. So then Hayebet.
• 8:03
  So then she's 100% obligated just as before.
• 8:08
  Again, she is there's still obligations of keyboard Ave. in
• 8:12
  even for a wife who's married. But when it comes to the tug of
• 8:17
  war at the not at the expense of what her obligations are for her
• 8:22
  husband and OK, but we do know, you know, husband also has
• 8:28
  obligations for a wife that's more for help us from Evan Azer.
• 8:33
  But so we'll just we'll leave that for now.
• 8:36
  But basically when there's a conflict.
• 8:40
  So depending on what the conflict is OK, right and if but
• 8:50
  then give it a shot points out. And if the husband doesn't mind
• 8:53
  if there's no conflict. So then she's 100% obligated no
• 8:57
  difference. OK, I think we'll OK, we'll go
• 9:02
  on. You're fat moms are Kayev
• 9:06
  recovered Aviv of a moral now even a moms are kayev in
• 9:10
  keyboard Ave. And then and Mora as well, a few
• 9:14
  Aya Aviv Russia, even if his father was a Russian Ubala
• 9:21
  veros, Ubala veros, even if his father is Russia is involved in
• 9:27
  many averos machaldo umutiare nimeno.
• 9:31
  He's obligated in keeping the halafos of keep it up in
• 9:37
  postures. It's medin.
• 9:38
  So that's the that's kind of so Mahoka be shown him.
• 9:42
  That's how the Shah Kanarath Baskin's medin Medarisa 1 is
• 9:46
  obligated. Some say it's only because the
• 9:50
  father might do chuva. I'll explain in a moment what
• 9:55
  we're saying. But a father might do chuva and
• 9:58
  then he'll be obligated because we're going to see.
• 10:01
  I'll just say it now. Let's keep reading the Rama and
• 10:03
  then we'll come back. Viyesh Omri and the Rama writes
• 10:07
  to Anamukhi of Akhaber Aviv, Russia, Alinkin ASA chuva that
• 10:11
  he's only obligated if he's if he's a firm Jew.
• 10:15
  But if his father is a Russia, then how you define Russia as a
• 10:20
  question but doesn't keep any of the mitzvahs.
• 10:25
  So then he is he's not obligated in kibut of aim for someone who
• 10:31
  is not who we call amka. So we know we that's a that's a
• 10:36
  clear passer by not by keyboard of aim doesn't say the word amka
• 10:43
  by keyboard of aim. But there's a gamar.
• 10:45
  There's a couple different gamaras or mashma two different
• 10:48
  ways. If amka that amka means he's
• 10:53
  like you. He's with what's it called?
• 10:56
  He's from and he's behaving like the from Jews and the Nasi, the
• 11:05
  Amkhal lotta or or OK, yeah, so OK, both.
• 11:10
  But anyways, the point is he the question is, is keyboard of the
• 11:15
  aim apply with someone who's behaving like Claudius from or
• 11:20
  not? And so a couple different
• 11:23
  kamaras. I don't know.
• 11:25
  I would. I don't know if I'd call it a
• 11:26
  Stira, but mashma in two different directions, if that's
• 11:29
  applicable to kibbut of the aim. So basically the sholkhanar of
• 11:34
  paskins that it's that's a halakhah of whatever cursing or
• 11:38
  it's a halakhah of by by Nasi. It's a there's halakhas by Ribis
• 11:42
  and that's where it applies. But it doesn't have nothing to
• 11:46
  do with kibbut of the aim. Even if they're not from your
• 11:49
  Hayef, the Ramapaskans that know that it's similar and therefore
• 11:55
  if they're if they're a din of a Russia, if they're not, so
• 11:59
  therefore there is no chiev. Now some point out it could be
• 12:03
  the Chauhanarak who's only Mahmir because when he's not
• 12:07
  from so maybe he won't be hive right that like that opinion
• 12:11
  that we've shown him. But if he does Chuva then Lima
• 12:15
  Freya it'll turn out he was. And then when you violated it,
• 12:21
  you're hayeb on Kubarava in. So that's a sum, right?
• 12:26
  Because I'm Afraida, you were I I hear the question, but it
• 12:30
  depends how because I'm Afraida. We say they were amhah when you
• 12:34
  cursed them or when you didn't when you violated Kubarava in If
• 12:39
  they did shuba, no. Or if they did shuba in the
• 12:41
  future, Shuba works. I'm Afraida.
• 12:45
  It undoes what you did in the past.
• 12:47
  That's right. OK.
• 12:48
  So you're saying if someone was in Russia and he gave AIDUS and
• 12:51
  he was possibly AIDUS and then he does, too bad he's
• 12:54
  retroactive. So that I don't that I don't
• 12:57
  think so it's a discussion. So that's the anyway, so that's
• 13:03
  so if some point out and some of the Acronium are not so are more
• 13:07
  strict than the Rama. That's one issue for the
• 13:10
  Ashkenazi in particular. Also some say that nowadays many
• 13:15
  say that kind of depending on how much of A Russia or non from
• 13:20
  somebody is. But often we say that it's Tina
• 13:23
  Chenishpa or it's you know, there's different levels.
• 13:27
  Sometimes you can have parents who are not from, but they're
• 13:30
  also sending their kids to a private religious school.
• 13:34
  So that's it's a whole nother story.
• 13:37
  So anyways, Lamaisa, I would say even for Ashkenazim, it's again,
• 13:43
  depending on if they're how anti they are, but in general, one
• 13:47
  should or is Hayev in keyboard other ink.
• 13:51
  OK, so let's go on to your test. Asura, Adam, The Hakbid Ulo
• 13:57
  Albanov Well, Doctor Bikavodo, Imam Shaloya VM Lyde.
• 14:03
  A father should not be a parent, should not be too difficult and
• 14:07
  too demanding on their children, because then they're going to
• 14:10
  end up, if never, they're going to end up making their children
• 14:15
  fail, right? If they're too demanding or they
• 14:18
  they fight with them or they embarrass them.
• 14:20
  And it's very easy to have your children answer back Allah yimko
• 14:27
  via alim enav mayhem, but you should just forgive them and
• 14:32
  close your eyes from them if they don't behave appropriately.
• 14:35
  Shahav Shah Mahal al cavodo cavodo maho.
• 14:39
  A parent is allowed to forgive. So therefore and therefore it'll
• 14:44
  turn out that their lack of cubit of aim will not be a
• 14:47
  violation. It is mocha on.
• 14:50
  It's always a balance between good parenting, you know how
• 14:53
  much to be a little bit tough and to give a little criticism
• 14:59
  gently, or a little bit tougher or right one to just close your
• 15:04
  eyes, cough hamake livno gado menadino toshihare over al the
• 15:11
  leaf naive Lotitaine Michel. A father should not hit their
• 15:17
  older child. In other words, a child who is
• 15:20
  old enough to fight back. Now that could be quite young.
• 15:24
  It depends, you know, we're talking about 12 year olds, 15
• 15:28
  year olds, certainly 18 year olds, sometimes at a young age,
• 15:34
  they're already much stronger than their parents.
• 15:37
  So anyway, so we do not want to avoid leafinite, we'd want to
• 15:40
  avoid violating leafinite either.
• 15:43
  And just anyway proper relations in Khule Hagar below mikre
• 15:49
  gadol, the varzerak akhar kafbe Shana akafte chala mahokas in
• 15:54
  the gumara. So in order to be high of the
• 15:57
  Gumara. So based on the Gumara, the Rama
• 15:59
  does say age 22 or 24. But again, it's all really a
• 16:06
  colifia inion. It's also to hit your kid,
• 16:11
  period. Because in the old days, you hit
• 16:14
  your kid, the kid who you loved him.
• 16:16
  Today you hit your kid, Your kids, you're gonna want to kill
• 16:19
  him. OK, I hear it's tough.
• 16:24
  Yeah, right. OK.
• 16:29
  You definitely have to show a lot more love than than
• 16:33
  strictness or hitting and right kept to it must be yeah.
• 16:37
  I'll just say it's important that hitting kids must be kept
• 16:41
  to a minimum. Whether that's zero or whatever
• 16:43
  the minimum is. It should not be over abused.
• 16:47
  OK kaf aleph and it should never be done out of English can
• 16:57
  always write otherwise don't do it correct.
• 17:00
  Which is very difficult, right? Not to Hayeb Adam Lehabed Aishad
• 17:06
  Aviv Alpha Pisha EMO. So a person is Hayeb to honor
• 17:10
  his the wife of his father, right?
• 17:12
  Let's say they remarry so that parents get divorced or someone
• 17:16
  passes away and then they get remarried.
• 17:19
  So this is your stepmother, right?
• 17:21
  Alpha Pisha EMO calls. No, this applies even though
• 17:25
  it's not your real mother. Father has more than.
• 17:28
  One or the father? OK, the father has more than one
• 17:31
  wife calls the Mancha Aviv Kayam.
• 17:34
  As long as your father's alive, then you're Kayev to honor your
• 17:39
  stepmother. And also as long as they're
• 17:43
  still man. Yeah, as long as the stepmother
• 17:46
  is still married. Right?
• 17:50
  But Kayev Ahabed Bal emo calls Mancha emo Kayamet.
• 17:54
  And so too 1 is Kayev the stepfather, right?
• 18:00
  Same thing, it goes both ways. As long as they're married, the
• 18:04
  stepfather is married of Allah akhar mita anokhaya bichloda.
• 18:08
  Once they pass away, you're the person's mother or the person's
• 18:14
  father. Then they're not Hayev in the
• 18:16
  stepmother or stepfather anymore.
• 18:19
  We call Malcolm. However, even after they pass
• 18:24
  away, one's parents, Davar, Haguna, Khabdam, Aflahar, Mita 1
• 18:29
  should properly honor their stepmother or stepfather forever
• 18:34
  for life. That is the proper, proper way
• 18:40
  to behave and right according to Khazal.
• 18:46
  What exactly is the KOA? Is it just an isatova on some
• 18:52
  level? And not exactly clear but it's
• 18:55
  certainly only Durabanan. Unless you want to get into
• 19:00
  Akara Satov and and Ratsana shaman Musser, then there is
• 19:05
  certainly a level of duraisa. OK but from the standpoint of
• 19:13
  pure Ki bhadava aim we would say it's it's not duraisa.
• 19:17
  Fine. I'm saying that's after Amissa
• 19:21
  while they're married. Pashtas it is.
• 19:24
  It's a drash from the Gemara, has a drash from ET, and it's
• 19:28
  Pashtas de araisa. But it's not 100% clear.
• 19:31
  Let's keep going. We'll continue that thought.
• 19:34
  Kafbet hayabadam called ahiv or echav hagado.
• 19:38
  That's a question, right? It's from the Gemara where it
• 19:41
  says echav or ahiv however you want to.
• 19:43
  It's unclear which way it's supposed to be.
• 19:46
  Benchu. Well, I don't know.
• 19:53
  You're saying it would be plural brothers.
• 19:55
  It would be a gadolin. I'm not sure how.
• 19:59
  I'm not sure what Khazal had in mind it.
• 20:04
  Doesn't mean any older brother. So that's right.
• 20:07
  So that's the question exactly. Bench who?
• 20:11
  I don't know whether it's from his father or Ben shuhu akhiv,
• 20:17
  me emo or right. It could be 1/2 brother.
• 20:19
  Either way from the mother or the father side one is
• 20:23
  obligated. That's also the same Gemara
• 20:25
  basically from a drash from the letter vav and on the letter vav
• 20:30
  an Akhiv. It's interesting the Rambam
• 20:31
  writes we did very so for him. He doesn't say it by it.
• 20:35
  I don't understand, but because often we'll make Dresha's Derisa
• 20:40
  on one letter as well. So it's unclear, but maybe
• 20:44
  anyways, that's what he does. That's what he writes in Mamrim.
• 20:48
  So anyway, so just mention, yes, so it's a question.
• 20:52
  So there is a heave of covered again, one does it's very
• 20:59
  there's definitely a level or a heave of Derisa of covered at
• 21:04
  least to your older brother to the oldest, that's for sure.
• 21:08
  Does it apply to all older older brothers and sisters?
• 21:13
  So the post can do go back and forth.
• 21:15
  It's not clear. I think the Birke Yosef and many
• 21:18
  say it should apply to to all, at least according to the Arizo.
• 21:24
  But it is it is a question mark, but at least me there are
• 21:29
  errats. One should be should be strict.
• 21:33
  And as some point out, you know, if if you want your younger
• 21:37
  siblings to respect you, then you need to respect your older
• 21:40
  siblings. That's just a lesson in life.
• 21:43
  But as far as is there an absolute heal or not, it's
• 21:48
  unclear. Many point out it's only by
• 21:50
  giving them covered and not year up because it's a drash from
• 21:54
  covered. But that again is a so that's
• 21:59
  also a question then. And does it include?
• 22:04
  Yeah. So what does it include exactly?
• 22:06
  So that's also a big question. Certainly one is Macaim it by
• 22:11
  letting them get the first they get in line.
• 22:13
  You know, whatever it's brothels, kiddish, whatever.
• 22:16
  There's first in lines, the older younger to offer them
• 22:21
  first should maybe some say maybe one should at least show a
• 22:26
  little bit of like so they walk into them or walk into the room
• 22:30
  where they are within dollar Amos.
• 22:31
  They should maybe show as if they're starting to stand up.
• 22:36
  But these are all but the men, I guess certainly don't.
• 22:39
  No one stands up in general. And people do call them by their
• 22:42
  first name and you don't have to go over and cook them breakfast
• 22:45
  every morning. So it's a it's a, it is a
• 22:48
  question, but there's certain, you know, some things that are
• 22:51
  obvious where it's you're showing them respect versus
• 22:54
  torturing them. You know, siblings do, but OK, I
• 22:59
  think that's let's should we read one more an.
• 23:01
  Issue of whether it's Shasta by age or status and role in the
• 23:08
  family that's an issue, and also whether it's Daska when the
• 23:13
  parents are alive or even if they're dead.
• 23:16
  So, right, so, so that's also a question if it applies after
• 23:20
  Misa of the parents. OK, we'll do one more real
• 23:22
  quick. Kav Gilmo Ah Gadol Shahira
• 23:25
  Fabizio de Akov. But here it seems to be everyone
• 23:28
  agrees that if the older sibling or older brother, right?
• 23:36
  What's it called? Ah Gadol here.
• 23:37
  It's the singular right? The he embarrasses him shahu or
• 23:43
  curses him out or whatever. Shahu Talmud khatam, the khatam
• 23:47
  Emmanuel bashanim who to his younger brother, who's a Talmud
• 23:50
  khatam and greater than him, the venida khatam legado yafa ASA
• 23:57
  shenido. The younger sibling, the younger
• 24:01
  brother is allowed to put him in nido.
• 24:02
  He deserves it. The caveman Shenonosi pani and
• 24:05
  batera Eno Osama si amka veno khayeb l'odo.
• 24:09
  And here with here, here even here the Shokanarath says by an
• 24:12
  older brother that you are allowed to even if he's or if
• 24:15
  he's not from you are allowed to and or doesn't behave like my
• 24:19
  samkha. So here you do see that Akhi
• 24:23
  Bagado is not on the same level. OK, stop.