Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - It's Warm & a Little Damp

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - It's Warm & a Little Damp · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  joe can i please get a suggestion for some improv
• 0:18
  laundered laundered
• 0:23
  money laundering sounds like the coolest uh like there's something about it sounds so cool to me
• 0:32
  like i remember hearing about it and being like yeah like that's like the real criminals money
• 0:36
  launder yeah that's the last step before it's before you can do whatever you want with it
• 0:41
  yeah exciting step but then when you find out like i never thought of it as actually like
• 0:47
  washing money i thought it was like i don't know like cooler than it actually is like no you just
• 0:54
  hide it you just have a business that you filter money it's just more work it's more work i wanted
• 1:00
  to work i wouldn't have done this criminal enterprise i know if i wanted to like buy a
• 1:05
  small gift shop in the mall i would have just done that yeah jenna's dundies
• 1:12
  llc yep yep llc i'd buy from your gift shop thank you um i appreciate that
• 1:24
  you're welcome uh what what's your favorite kind of gift to buy
• 1:29
  it's hard for me to answer that question here's what i'll tell you yeah i think you know this
• 1:34
  about me already. I love
• 1:36
  L-O-V-E, love
• 1:38
  a airport souvenir shop.
• 1:41
  I bought some less
• 1:42
  useless crap from those stores.
• 1:44
  When I find a good souvenir shop at the
• 1:46
  airport.
• 1:48
  They're all the same now, I feel like.
• 1:50
  No. No? No.
• 1:52
  Such variety. Really? There's some that are, it's like,
• 1:54
  okay. I feel like it's all kind of like
• 1:56
  the Hudson News kind of, right? You get a bunch
• 1:58
  of t-shirts, maybe some shot glasses.
• 2:01
  Nope. There's a store
• 2:02
  in the Seattle mall. I mean, airport.
• 2:04
  that is like,
• 2:07
  it goes,
• 2:09
  you reach the end and you turn and there's more.
• 2:11
  What?
• 2:11
  Yeah.
• 2:11
  I wish I could take you there someday.
• 2:15
  Yeah.
• 2:15
  Bucket list.
• 2:17
  Oh yeah.
• 2:18
  That's one of the things I want to do before I die.
• 2:20
  Go to the Seattle airport gift shop.
• 2:23
  You joke,
• 2:24
  but do you remember like,
• 2:25
  is it a specific terminal?
• 2:27
  Like what if I could get you there?
• 2:30
  Okay.
• 2:31
  Yeah.
• 2:32
  Yeah.
• 2:32
  I always find it.
• 2:33
  They have like weird kitchen stuff, cookbooks, interesting cookbooks, pens that say things on them.
• 2:42
  Seattle related?
• 2:43
  No, sometimes, sometimes they sell scarves.
• 2:47
  This sounds like your room of requirement.
• 2:50
  Like whenever you need the Seattle airport gift shop, it just appears and it moves.
• 2:55
  It changes stock.
• 2:56
  It finds you.
• 2:57
  I love that idea.
• 2:59
  And magnets.
• 3:00
  well that magnets is standard gift shop fair
• 3:03
  only thing my one complaint is it has children's stuff get that out of there
• 3:07
  yeah more adult stuff please kids don't need
• 3:10
  crap yeah go sit in the airport chilies and shut up yeah then that chili to go and just shut up And then you go Yeah And now improv
• 3:28
  Oh, crap.
• 3:30
  I forgot my phone charger.
• 3:33
  Ah, shit.
• 3:34
  USB-C?
• 3:37
  Oh, hi.
• 3:38
  Hey.
• 3:39
  Where did you come from?
• 3:41
  I've been waiting.
• 3:42
  I've been around the corner.
• 3:45
  What?
• 3:46
  For years.
• 3:48
  I needed a USB-C charger, and then you're standing, you're just a stranger here.
• 3:53
  I'm not a stranger.
• 3:53
  I know you intimately.
• 3:56
  That sounds a little weird, but, I mean, my flight's delayed.
• 4:01
  I've got some time.
• 4:02
  I want to hear more about this.
• 4:04
  Why?
• 4:04
  How?
• 4:05
  You weren't here a second ago.
• 4:07
  I was.
• 4:07
  I was listening in the walls.
• 4:11
  Okay, this seems a little...
• 4:14
  Are you like an airport weirdo?
• 4:17
  Can I offer you a snow globe?
• 4:20
  Ooh, look at this one.
• 4:21
  Turn that, turn that. Let me show you what happens.
• 4:23
  Turn that.
• 4:24
  Oh, there's music in this one.
• 4:27
  Oh, shh, you're ruining it.
• 4:28
  Oh, sorry.
• 4:31
  You like that?
• 4:33
  Well, I do, actually.
• 4:34
  I need something for my niece.
• 4:36
  I forgot to get her something.
• 4:37
  Only one of three million.
• 4:38
  that that rare yeah yeah i saved it for you wow what wait i'm sorry i'm still hung up on this
• 4:47
  you say you know me of course you're you're a frequent traveler i know i know i i mean i come
• 4:56
  in and out of the boston airport like in and out of logan all the time yeah i've never seen you
• 5:01
  before well i you look i mean you look like you're an employee here yeah that's what i am i work here
• 5:08
  but you know me specifically.
• 5:10
  You must see thousands of people a day.
• 5:13
  You didn't know that every airport employee is assigned 10,000 travelers,
• 5:19
  and it's my job to know you?
• 5:22
  No, I had no idea.
• 5:24
  Yeah, Susan.
• 5:27
  Yeah, it is Susan.
• 5:28
  Yeah, Susan Rachel Fanuja.
• 5:32
  Susan Rachel Fanuja, yes.
• 5:34
  Yeah, I know.
• 5:35
  Okay, did you just see my ID when I went through security?
• 5:41
  If I just saw your ID, how would I know that you like the aisle seat?
• 5:45
  Okay, well, everybody likes the aisle seat.
• 5:47
  That's a good guess.
• 5:50
  Okay, Miss Cranapple, no ice.
• 5:53
  Oh, whoa, okay.
• 5:55
  Ah.
• 5:57
  Okay.
• 5:58
  That's a little weird.
• 5:59
  That's a little weird, right?
• 6:00
  That's a little weird.
• 6:01
  How would I know that unless I, Jacob.
• 6:06
  Jacob.
• 6:06
  Okay, nice to meet you.
• 6:09
  Okay, so you have 10,000 other.
• 6:13
  No, I have 9,999.
• 6:16
  Okay, yes.
• 6:17
  All right, very good.
• 6:18
  But you're my whole world right now.
• 6:22
  The other 9,999 don't come through Logan?
• 6:26
  Sometimes.
• 6:28
  But I the only one here right now The only one here right now This is Isn that amazing We gotta get you a hat Oh okay Here it is The perfect hat
• 6:40
  Holy cow.
• 6:41
  I heart Logan.
• 6:44
  This is amazing.
• 6:45
  A hat's never looked good on me.
• 6:46
  This hat looks really good on me.
• 6:48
  I made it.
• 6:49
  Jacob.
• 6:50
  Yeah.
• 6:50
  Really?
• 6:51
  Yeah.
• 6:51
  I have a little mannequin head.
• 6:54
  And I took a class.
• 6:56
  It's required to work here.
• 6:58
  You have to take a class?
• 7:00
  I have to make hats, aprons, magnets.
• 7:04
  Okay, well, I got time, Jacob, as I'm sure you know.
• 7:08
  Oh, yeah.
• 7:09
  I know the exact moment we have to stop talking.
• 7:12
  Can you show me?
• 7:15
  Do you have your own personal store for me?
• 7:19
  Can I see it?
• 7:21
  You're the only person who's ever asked.
• 7:23
  Am I the only person that's ever known about you?
• 7:26
  Yes.
• 7:26
  No one ever says, I need something.
• 7:30
  Hold my hand.
• 7:31
  Hold my hand.
• 7:31
  I'm going to take you there.
• 7:32
  Oh.
• 7:33
  Let's skip.
• 7:34
  It's warm and a little damp.
• 7:35
  It's because I'm nervous and happy.
• 7:37
  Also, that's just how it is.
• 7:39
  That's okay.
• 7:40
  I'm not judging you.
• 7:41
  It was just a comment.
• 7:42
  Let's go to your store, Jenna.
• 7:43
  Let's go.
• 7:44
  Let's go to your store.
• 7:45
  Look me in the eyes.
• 7:46
  It's Susan Rachel Finuja.
• 7:50
  Yeah, but all your closest friends.
• 7:53
  That's true.
• 7:54
  Yeah.
• 7:55
  Because you ate your twin in utero.
• 7:56
  How would I know that?
• 7:57
  Oh my god, how did you know that?
• 8:00
  And my mom was going to name the twin Jenna.
• 8:02
  I know.
• 8:03
  And so now a little bit of me is like...
• 8:06
  A lot of you.
• 8:07
  Oh, oh my god.
• 8:08
  All right.
• 8:09
  I'm ready to skip to my store now.
• 8:12
  Here we go.
• 8:14
  Yay!
• 8:15
  Oh, sorry.
• 8:16
  It's a published space.
• 8:17
  Sorry, that's what I do when I skip.
• 8:18
  Yeah.
• 8:18
  I'm so sorry.
• 8:20
  All right, we're here.
• 8:21
  Close your eyes.
• 8:22
  Okay, they're closed.
• 8:23
  Think of heaven.
• 8:25
  Okay.
• 8:26
  I'm going to open the doors.
• 8:27
  They're glass.
• 8:29
  Ooh.
• 8:31
  Look.
• 8:33
  Oh, my God.
• 8:35
  Oh, wow.
• 8:36
  Oh, my God.
• 8:39
  Wow.
• 8:41
  I know you're crying.
• 8:42
  You're crying, Rachel.
• 8:44
  This is better than heaven.
• 8:46
  This is...
• 8:47
  That's what it's called.
• 8:49
  Better than heaven?
• 8:49
  Yeah.
• 8:50
  This is everything I didn't know that I needed.
• 8:55
  Holy crap.
• 8:56
  You like this second hand?
• 9:03
  Yes.
• 9:04
  It attaches at the wrist to your other hand.
• 9:06
  Yes.
• 9:06
  It can grab things up to five pounds.
• 9:07
  Thank you.
• 9:08
  Yes.
• 9:09
  I am constantly using my left hand.
• 9:12
  I'm a lefty, as you know.
• 9:13
  As I know, of course.
• 9:14
  Yeah.
• 9:15
  And I just have to write everything by hand, but then it's like, it doesn't need me time.
• 9:19
  Sometimes I need to make notes with hand notes, and I can't type at the same time.
• 9:23
  Susan, I know.
• 9:23
  Oh, this is like an invention that I wish somebody had invented.
• 9:27
  Yeah.
• 9:28
  Did you also wish for your own color of lipstick?
• 9:31
  Look at this.
• 9:33
  Oh my God.
• 9:33
  I have to look at the name.
• 9:35
  It's called Susan's fern.
• 9:39
  That is exactly the color of my fern at home.
• 9:44
  I know.
• 9:45
  Sometimes you must know this too I know Sometimes I take the leaves of that fern and I tape it to my lips because I love the color Susan I know
• 9:58
  This is unbelievable.
• 9:59
  Oh my God.
• 10:00
  I know.
• 10:00
  Is that a full-size wax figure of David Attenborough?
• 10:09
  Better.
• 10:10
  David Attenborough's brother.
• 10:14
  Chris Attenborough.
• 10:15
  Chris.
• 10:16
  the third Attenborough that's the lesser known.
• 10:20
  Yeah, this is rare.
• 10:21
  He's my favorite.
• 10:23
  Attenborough.
• 10:24
  I know.
• 10:24
  Why am I even telling you these things anymore?
• 10:26
  If you want to take this home, though, it can't go on the plane.
• 10:28
  I can have it shipped to you, though.
• 10:29
  I'm a certified DOT shipper.
• 10:32
  It's a requirement of the airport.
• 10:34
  I got to tell you, I always thought airports were just kind of a pain in the ass.
• 10:39
  Oh, no.
• 10:40
  This is unbelievable.
• 10:42
  I can break up with someone for you.
• 10:44
  I'm a certified relationship expert
• 10:47
  and therapist.
• 10:50
  Can you do it right now?
• 10:52
  If I get Jeffrey on the phone.
• 10:53
  This has been such a long time coming
• 10:56
  and I just don't know how to do it.
• 10:57
  No, it's okay.
• 10:58
  I have a clone phone of yours.
• 10:59
  You don't need to give me that.
• 11:00
  Hold on.
• 11:01
  I'll call him.
• 11:03
  All right.
• 11:05
  Is it ringing?
• 11:06
  It's ringing.
• 11:07
  He always waits until the last second.
• 11:09
  It's a real asshole.
• 11:11
  Jeffrey?
• 11:12
  Speaking.
• 11:13
  she's done bro
• 11:14
  what? Susan Rachel?
• 11:18
  Susan Rachel Fudnucha
• 11:19
  she's gone
• 11:21
  how's he taking it?
• 11:22
  he's not crying at all do you want him to cry?
• 11:24
  I want him to cry a little
• 11:25
  she never loved you
• 11:27
  hold on let me put this on speaker
• 11:30
  okay not quite that much love
• 11:33
  don't kill yourself click
• 11:34
  whoa
• 11:36
  hot right? that was amazing
• 11:39
  I know
• 11:40
  can can you call somebody else for me yeah i'm certified well can you call
• 11:48
  can you call okay it's my dog walker oh they're gonna say your dog i was like oof
• 11:55
  no no no i'm certified jacob don't stop jacob uh your dog walker yeah yeah can you call my dog
• 12:04
  walker just i i gotta i if you would just tell him i'm doing a really great job i feel intimidated
• 12:12
  every time she's around are you gonna buy something in here or not jacob i'm a real person i got sales
• 12:18
  quotas to meet call jeffrey call my dog walker talk about fern i'm so sorry jacob i didn't think
• 12:25
  about you do you need me to call anybody for you oh it's a little late for that i'm going i'm going
• 12:31
  in the back room. It's a tiny room
• 12:33
  just so you know.
• 12:35
  I hate you.
• 12:37
  No!
• 12:39
  No, but I need a scarf! No, Jacob,
• 12:41
  no!
• 12:44
  All boarding
• 12:45
  for a tentative, for a tentative.
• 12:48
  Thank you.
• 12:51
  End scene.
• 13:01
  you