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A trial run: I’m sports commentating · An ASMR Practice

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hello.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Okay. So, the main problem with United States football is
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: that this shit is happening, like, extremely fast. Like, they're
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: doing all sorts of cuts. It's not, like, a consistent video. It's, like,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: they're cutting, they got all these kinds of, like, crazy
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: graphics and And then there's like ads and then there's
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: like commentators and then there's like all this other stuff.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: And the abbreviations, the abbreviations are really sending me in
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: a big way. Right now it appears I am watching
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Kansas City football versus Seattle Seahawks. Which, if you know
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: anything about me, this is highly symbolic because.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: The Kansas City Chiefs is the only NFL game I've
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: ever actually been to. And the Seahawks, you know, we
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: got the C, right? I have a very complicated relationship
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: with the C.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: And then Hawk. Hawk is like.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Well, one, you gotta give him that Hawk tour. And two,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Hawk was also like my... The woman who raised my
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: father from like seven onward, he called her Hawk.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: So Hawks sort of symbolize this like maternal sort of
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: figure in my father's life.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: And so I'm watching this and I'm like, okay, we
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: got the referee. He's doing hand signals.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: He's trying to look extremely serious, and I'm really not
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: taking him seriously. And look, I just saw the last
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: name of one of my exes. Like, this is really
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: sending me.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Like, why did I have to see that name? And
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: now all I'm seeing is numbers.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: 75, 16, and 76.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: 75 is.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Giving we only need a quarter until a dollar.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: And 16 is giving four squared.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: 76.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Is giving 24.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Cents until a dollar.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Like, what? Oh, it's zero to zero. Awesome. And we're
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: in the second round, and it's zero to zero. Like,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: this is literally stupid.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, the referee's looking very mad. He's looking extremely mad.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: On the Fox channel, we have a show that I recognize,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: but I don't currently know the name of.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I think it might be Community... I think it's community.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Or.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I recognize this guy. Okay, we got 88, 11,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: and 15. Obviously 15 is my birthday. 88 is like
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: infinity twice. And 11 is like 9-11. So this is
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: not looking good, you guys. I'm gonna be honest.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Um... And the TV show has now gone to commercial.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So, what the actual heck?
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: Have a good night.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I'm that fucking guy. That guy's trouble, I can just tell.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Listen, I considered it. I really did consider it. He's
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: kind of handsome, but ultimately I was like, this guy's trouble.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: The signs were pointing me towards him, and I was like,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: this cannot be good.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: I can't believe it's 0-0, and we're in the second freaking...
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: We're in the second freaking something. The Great Jamaica Comeback Sale?
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Okay, it's a new commercial.
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Gain. Personally, I'm an arm and hammer kind of girly
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: when it comes to laundry. I mean, gain I think
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: might be cheaper, but I think it depends.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Where you shop. Okay, Target. Okay, Target. I don't give
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: a fuck about sports. I'm going to be honest. Like,
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: third down? What does that even mean? I'm trying to
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: pay attention, and I just cannot care.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Like... Bro. What is this shit? Less joint pain, swelling,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: and stiffness. Okay, they're trying to sell me something. Okay,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: it's an upside-down bike.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, whoa, he just flipped it over. Okay, very skilled.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Let's go.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: Um... Yeah, football is so stupid. I gotta be honest.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: This shit is for, like, incels I think we.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: Got 17, 11, and 30 these numbers mean nothing to
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: me except for 9, 11 and 30 is like haha
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: giggle cause 3 is like the giggle number this is
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: like the hee hee hee we're playing a prank on
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: you number.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: 3, 0 is.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Like that times 10 So, you know, I'm not exactly
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: rocking with that, but it's not.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: The worst thing ever. Okay, we got 14. We got 11.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: We got 38. 38 might be the worst number on
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: a scale of 1 to 100.
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: 33.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: This is, like, giggle times 2. This is giggle times 11.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: It's giggle squared.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: Like, okay, we got Jones Jr., We got Jones Barbecue
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: and Foot Massage here.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Junior. Alright. The crazy thing is, is that, like, dudes...
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: Dudes be liking sports and, like... They're not even tapped into, like,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: angel numbers.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: They probably don't even remember their sports team numbers from, like, youth....
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: They probably didn't even play a sport.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: That's, like, the most unfortunate reality of them all is
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: that they don't even have, like, the discipline of an athlete.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Like, what the actual heck? Me?
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: Me?
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I played all kinds of sports.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: So....
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I said this. I said this to one of the
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: guys at my last job.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: I was like, I've played for all kinds of teams.
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: I wasn't trying to be flirtatious, but I think it
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: landed like a flirtation. God. Nobody has scored and we're
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: in the second. There's like 10 minutes left in the second,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: whatever that means.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: This is so stupid. Sam's Furniture. Okay. This is where
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I got my couch. Okay. Affordable dentures. Let's go. I
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: really don't like tequila. I really, really don't. Something came
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: over me and they said it's time for a margarita.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I blame Roy. I seriously blame Roy.
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: One time Roy made me hang out with all of
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: his girls. I was his girlfriend and he made me
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: hang out with all his girlfriends. Like his girl space friends.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: And um... and they were they just kept saying i
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: remember i was journaling i was like i don't really
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: want to be a part of this i was journaling
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: on the couch and they were like in the kitchen
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: causing a riot and like.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: They were like they kept saying the word marg marg
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: they were like we're.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: Having margs it's marg day marg marg marg marg marg
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: and i was like writing my journals like these motherfuckers
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: want stuff saying marg i'm gonna kill myself Well, no, no, no, no. Guys,
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: do not 5150 me or whatever.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: It's not like that.
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I ate way too much. I should
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: have stopped halfway, but I ate like 60% instead of 50%.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: And now I'm extremely full. It hurts.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: Okay, I just saw the last name of a girl
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: who was in my human geography class in high school.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Let's go. It was literally, like, five of us.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: It was, like, my ex-boyfriend, this guy I was sexting,
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: this girl that I kind of sort of not really dated,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: and then this other girl who I think is now
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: married to, like, a firefighter, and then me, and then, like,
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: the teacher who got a DUI.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: This was our class, so.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: I just saw the girl who is married to a firefighter.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I just saw her last name. But for her, I
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: think she's probably... Honestly, probably doing better than the rest
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: of us, if I had to guess.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Good for her.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You know, like a state employee usually kind of has
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: a good life.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I think she's like a stay-at-home wife. And I think
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: she's just pumping out children left and right. If I
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: had to guess. This is what they do.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: The state employees' wives, they just pump out children left
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: and right. This is all the state employees want is
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: for their wives to just be extremely fertile. me me
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: you want to know about me i i deliberately eat
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: things wrapped in heated plastic so that this does not
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: happen to me but that's just me i'm like oh
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: they say microplastic makes you infertile okay great i'm gonna
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: i'm gonna microplastic max this shit.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: It doesn't even.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Matter literally doesn't even matter Suddenly the bar is popping.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I get on the phone and suddenly the bar is popping. Like,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm going to throw up.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I ate way too much.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: We're on double commercial.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Ugh.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Stupid.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: Alright, this has been my commentary. I'm going to pause
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: and see if we find anything better later on.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Oh boy, we're screaming.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, bye.