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Capitulo 020: La novela de Diosa & Mala · Locatora Radio [A Radiophonic Novela]

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Radio Radio Radio Mommies, a myth and Bullshit, a radio
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: phonic novella. Look Radio hosted by Malamuios and welcome back,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: look At Motives. Welcome Backlalla. This is look At Radio,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to Brown gro Our. This is ther FM,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: and this is Malamus look at thought A radio is
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: where we celebrate the legacies and geniuses of women and
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: fems of color. I'm so happy yet again to be back. Yes,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: shout out always. We have some new equipment today. Took
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: us a little, oh my god, a little while to
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: figure out the new equipment. Took us out. Shout out
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to Nique and the team met Es bacio Um for
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: having the radio station here and bringing in the new
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: equipment and upgrading. And I think the sound is actually
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: going to be crisper and even better than it already was.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: So we're really grateful for that. Yeah, but it did
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: take us out. We had a hard time. We were
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: getting very frustrated. We had to go get a juice
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: after him. Yes, we did to recover very hot in
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: l a Californian Todd it's a heat wave, yeah, completely, so,
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: oh my god. We have so much to cover today,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: so we need to get right into it um and
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: do a quick recap. So our last episode was a
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: love letter to cheat on us. And you know that episode,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: like we weren't really feeling that well. We were kind
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: of sad. We were like in a moment, having a time,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: and we were in our feeling and we weren't the
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: only ones. As it turns out, No, we saw that
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: it resonated with a lot of our locomotives. Maybe it
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: was mercury in retrograde, maybe it was the clips. We
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: were all in our feelings right, Who knows what it
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: was a combination of all of the above. I know
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: you and I personally, we each we're dealing with ship
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: and putting out major fires like on our own, honest honestly,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: and that's one reason why we were feeling like I
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: feel like so much better today. I feel like I
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: have like a much like a positive outlook, new months,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: new blessings, my favorite, my favorite time. Yes, I feel
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: the same way. Yeah, I have a whole new outlook.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I agree. I feel like, all right, all the hardship
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: is behind me, let me move forward. Yes, I even
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: organize my closet. That's how you know. I bought myself
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: some sunflowers and cleaned up my room yesterday. That's some stage.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling good today. Yes, And today we're gonna get
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: in the pool and cool off. We are months going
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: to come over to my parents house later. I'm excited. Yeah.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: So another update we wanna you haven't seen it. We
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: were featured, along with any other queer feminist Amazing podcast
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: on an auto Straddle article. Um, so we want to
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: shout out Yvonne, the creator writer that put that together,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: put that list together, and it's amazing. Some of our
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: faiths are on it. Ethical cheese mail of course. Shout
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: out that Mario, so many of our faiths I'm not
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: doing it, Yes, and new ones that I hadn't heard
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: of before and I hadn't seen. Um so super excited
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: to follow them and listen to them and see all
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: this great magic happening. Yes. And I just like, I'm
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: so excited that, you know, like we were talking about
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: the journalist Yvonne who wrote the article, she didn't reach
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: out to us beforehand, but the fact that she thought
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: of us and thought to include us, thank you so much.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: It's just really exciting to see, you know that people
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: are listening and trying in and liking it, liking the program.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: And I also want people to really understand that like
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: we are, we are queer as well, like that we
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: may not be like it may not be as a
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: parent because we're super fim, but that's also like kind
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: of it's in connection. It's a connection we're so like
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: visibly fem and so like political about them because there's
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: also a queer component to it. So I don't want
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: anyone to ever forget that either. Yeah, and we were
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: talking about intentionally doing more queer content in the future, Yes,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: so watch out for that. Yeah, definitely tune in UM
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: and then moving forward, UM, we want to give UM
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: or just share, you know, with our listeners that are
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: maybe in Texas, that are in Houston, that are dealing
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: with the Hurricane Harvey disaster. UM. One of our listeners
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: actually reached out to me yesterday asked me, like to
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: turn on a Velita for her. Thankfully she's fine, well
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: for Houston in general, but thankfully she's fine and so
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: is her family. But thoughts, my thoughts are with her. UM.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: And we also have a list that Riquel Willis put together.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: She's an organizer, a black trans woman, super amazing. We
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: featured her one of our after the Women's March. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: she has this really great thread on Twitter about different
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Hurricane Harvey relief funds to donate to, and they're basically
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: for marginalized communities such as trans, queer, black, POC, undocumented.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, so people that you can donate. We're
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: gonna go ahead and make sure to retweet that thread
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: from Raquel on the Look at Thought on Twitter and
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: on our individual twitters, will post on the Instagram as well,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: so you guys know, like some good places to go donate.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Don't donate to the Red Cross. Don't donate to the
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Red Cross. The funds that they fundraise go into their
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: pockets and they go to pay their CEO. They don't
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: go to on the ground work. Just to name a few,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: she has the Transgender Foundation of America listed UM. She
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: also has the Montrose Center, which is a fund for
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: LGBTQ folks in Houston. She has a Docu Families UM
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: one as well. It's a you Caring and then she
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  Speaker 1: also has some paypals listed and then a trans Latina
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  Speaker 1: Coalition that's based in Texas. UM. So different, yeah, different
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: people that you can donate your money to um specifically
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: that are doing groundwork, so we will list that as well.
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  Speaker 1: And then we also have another you carrying fund that
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: we want to shout out. Yeah, our good friend we
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: played her Gumbia mix on the last copy of the
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Little Bit DJ Sizzel Fantastic zactly. Um. She's hosting a
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: fundraiser for thirty DOTA beneficiaries. I think that they are
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: paying their renewal fees right, so they're currently raising funds
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: to cover partial renewal application fees and they're asking for
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: support from people in community who need, you know, dire
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: financial assistance. So especially if you consider yourself an ally
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: and organizer member of the community, this would be a
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: really good place to donate so that you could directly
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: help a DACA recipient, UM, you know, undocumented members of
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: our communities. So thank you as you for putting that together,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: and we're gonna put that on the Facebook, we'll share
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: it on Twitter, We're going to do the whole thing.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: We'll look out for that as well. Yeah, thank you mama. UM. Okay,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: so transitions, Yeah, it's kind of moving a little quickly
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: because we have a lot of content for a lot,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: so we're gonna like, you know, just quickly. So before
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: we get into what, I want to ask, what is
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  Speaker 1: your look for today? What are you say? My goodness?
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: My look for today? Well, first of all, I'm wearing
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: this really cute like sit up in mini skirt from
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: shot Me Viva in Highland Park, and when Yosa and
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I modeled for them recently, we took some pictures. This
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: is one of the skirts that that we wore, so
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I wore the skirt in some of the photos. I'm
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: wearing that. I'm wearing a bathing suit underneath because I'm
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: getting ready to go to the pool. My earrings are
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: my Michael get Us my gold Cold get Us that
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I actually got here at Espasio, and they have the
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Aztec calendar on them, which I love. They're so cute.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So today I'm kind of feeling like, you know, kind
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: of like like heat wave pin up type level type
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: looks is what I'm serving today. Yeah, up in a
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: heat way, Yes, I love it. Yeah, also melting, I
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: love it. I love it and yourself, So I scribe
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: your look. What are you wearing? Girl? I feel like
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I'm doing a like sporty spice from look right now.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I agree with that right. I'm wearing a also from
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: maybe that, a halter top and it's black and it
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: has a rose on it. I've been wearing it a lot.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: It's super comfortable. Um, and I love the halter lookum.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And then I'm wearing these little like pink metallic shorts
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: but they're like ath leisure were um. Yeah. And then
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I'm also, believe it or not, wearing some nikes. She's
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: wearing sneakers. It's so weird. I always feel so sneakers on.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: But they're pink and they're adorable. They're very cute seekers
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I wanted to be comfortable and it's also hot,
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: but I wanted to be cute. So this is how
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: I'm trying. You succeeded and did it. Oh, thank you,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: thank you accomplished, thank you. So we're cute today, We're
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: cute today, We're always cute. We're always cute on look
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: recording day. Absolutely, we have to we have to be.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: We're in uniform so um, as you all know, in
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: celebration of our I can't even believe it. Yes, we
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: are doing a twenty questions and we put out a
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: curious cat um link so that y'all could submit questions anonymously.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Some of y'all tweeted your questions at us UM. The
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: majority of y'all went to the Curious cat me directly,
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: So thank you for everyone that participated. Thank you. UM.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: We're not going to be able to answer all the
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: questions because some of them are actually safe for a
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: future with future guests, so you will see those answered
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: in the future exactly. So if you didn't get your
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: answers today, just keep listening, ning and eventually you will.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: You will, and keep s many questions too, even after today. Yeah,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: we're thinking we're going to add in a question. We're
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: going to answer a question every week each time we
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: have a capito the end of UM at the end
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: of the episode, so tune in obviously. So let's just
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: get into it. Let's get started. So the first question,
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: what are our signs? Go ahead, Arianna, what's your sign? Yes?
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: So I am a libra Um. I love being libra
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm true to form libra um. Libras
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: are known to be well, we're the scales, so we're
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: known to like have good judgment, which I don't know
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: if I've been judment, but I do weigh things out
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: all the time. Like that's why I'm very indecisive, because
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I'm always thinking about like it from multiple angles. So
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I think that's also that could be why I'm more
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: like empathetic, because I'm like thinking about what someone else
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: is going through. Maybe that's why they're acting this type
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: of way. Blah blah blah blah. We're also known to
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: be very flirty, very true, true true, right, and we're
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: also known to be very vain whatever, whatever, whatever. I
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: don't believe that vanity is a thing. I think that's
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: a made up term. I completely agree. For the record,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: vanity doesn't exist. I agree. And my birthday is coming up.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: It's in its next month, it's in October. Um, so
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: I'm excited. I love being a libra Um. Yeah, I'm
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: a Capricorn, and you know, I am not as well
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: read when it comes to you know, our signs and
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: what each sign means and all that stuff. But what
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I do know is that, um, there's a lot of
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Capricorn slander that takes place because we're terrible, and that's
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: like the general consensus. I love it. Capricorn slander. Capricorns
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: are awful. Capricorn slander is my kink. Like, I love
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Capricorn slander because it's so true, like all of it, Like,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: especially on Twitter. I spend so much time on Twitter,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: and people talk about like, oh my god, capricorns or this,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: and you're that, and you're this. You're kind of goofy,
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: but you're kind of mean, but you're kind of bougie.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: But yeah, and I'm like, you know what, Yes, let's
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: say all the things because they are correct. The capricorn
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: and question number two. Question number two um one of
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: our favorite stories. How did you at all the other
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: mummies meet? Well, we met online, we met on Instagram.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: We all met on Instagram. We were all following each
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: other for a few years before we met in real life,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: and it just so happened that one day, not too
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: long ago. It wasn't that long ago, but um Brisca
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: was coming into l A with Raquel Um Raquel who
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: formerly is of Latina Magazine, and Brisca Mohica Rodriguez. You
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: guys know her. She writes, she's of Latina Rebels. They
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: came to l A for something I don't remember what
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: it was, for something writing related, I think, and then
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: they organized like a meet up with the chink On
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: on Fire Girls with Jessica and Angela, and so we
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: were all going to meet up at the Down and
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Out in downtown l A. We get there, Um, we
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: all meet each other in person for the first time.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: It's super cute. Roquel has an empty bottle of Henny
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: or whatever in her bag and we couldn't get into
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: the Down and Out, so we moved the whole thing
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: across the street to Onyx Lounge and we had a great,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: fabulous time. Yeah, there were so I want to say
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: that there were about like fifty women there, if not more.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: There were just there for the meet up. Um. But
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I think since we had already been following each other,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: you know, we just all kind of gravitated to each
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: other and then we took photos together and all of that,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: and then um them collective was born. Yes, we were right, alright.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: So the next question number three, I want to make
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: a podcast or start a blog, but I'm not really
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: sure where to start. What recommendations do you have? What
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: have you learned from making look at our radio? Take
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: take your time, take your time, take your time, build
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: your concept, um, build your brand. Um. We as much
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: as we wanted to put out like teachers and all
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: of that. We are. Logo wasn't ready so we waited
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: it and it was really hard. And then even after
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: our logo was ready, we were like, okay, well we
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: still have to edit photos. We still do do this, right,
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: So definitely, UM, having a vision, UM, and your vision
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: can change. I mean ours has changed definitely, UM, and
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: it'll continue to channel, continue to change. Let something grow,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: like you don't need to let it just be one thing.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I think that has also been what we've learned. Like
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: we're not yes for a podcast, so we're also more
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you know, we we host events, UM, we do workshops
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: UM that are also like content related to the podcast,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: but we also do more and we also do more
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: in our own work. So also letting that you know,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: kind of be a part of the podcast. And that's
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: my advice. I love that advice. I agree with all
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: of that advice. UM. Also, you know, I think there's
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: a balance between because I get really bad anxiety just
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: trying to start something, just trying to get something started,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: so I get so anxious about it that I put
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: it off, put it off, and then it never actually happens.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Right where you you have plans to do something, but
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: you're never quite ready, so you don't want to launch it,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: or you don't want to start it because you're never
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: quite ready. So it's this balance between just do it,
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: just fucking do it, Just make it happen, just put
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: it out there. It's a balance between that and yeah,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: do it when it's right and when it's what you're
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: going to be proud to present to other people. So
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: that would be my advice is striking that balance. Don't
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: hold yourself back, but also be willing to wait and
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: not rush yourself the timing. You'll know when the time
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: is right. You'll know when the time is right. Yes,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: and onto number four for Ariana. Yeah, this is actually
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: a two part um. This question was submitted twice or
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: by two different people, so we're kind of just going
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: to combine them. Um, do you want to ask me
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: someone asking yourself? Ariana Yosa, would you be able to
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: share more about coming out to family as a queer
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Latina and what was your experience growing up in the
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Latino X household as a queer person. Um, So I
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: don't I don't like to say that I came out.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Um I was out it actually um by my mother.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: So my mother. Um, we have a great relationship, but
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: you know, this was definitely a very difficult time both
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: of our lives. So she actually went through my phone,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: um and saw text messages exchange between my girlfriend and I.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: At the time, I was fifteen, So now looking back,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: like I didn't have the language to obviously come out.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I wasn't ready. I had like still a lot of
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: learning to do about myself. I was fifteen, Um, but
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: that forced me to kind of be out. Um, so
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: having to navigate that was really difficult. Um, my mom
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: felt really betrayed because I was lying to her. I
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: was like bringing someone around under the pretext of a friend,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: but this person was like spending the night and you
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: know all those things that are accompanied with that DA right,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: So it was really difficult for a while. Um, I
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: think my my mom felt really betrayed because of that.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: But I think it's me understanding that. But now as
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: an adult, I can see, like, well, I was afraid
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: and I didn't have the language to say anything. So
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I wasn't lying to hurt you, you know, I just
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: wasn't sure what I was feeling. Um. So yeah, I
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: mean it was kind of one of those things where
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: we um we kind of said it, but we wouldn't
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: talk about it. It was out there, not my entire
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: family didn't know. Um so, little by little. I think
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: as I became, as I grew, I wouldn't win. I
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: grew up and I went away to college and all
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: that kind of coming out to people like at different
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: times in my life. Yeah, it was a lot. And
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I don't have a coming out story if I've never
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: come out, I've just existed as myself. I completely. Yeah,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I think the whole coming out narrative is just like
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: it's great for some people, but it just also doesn't
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: make your truth more true. Um So if you're not out,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: but you're out to yourself, and I think that's what
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: matters the most. And if you're in a healthy relationship,
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: you know, absolutely absolutely so thank you all for these questions. Yeah,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: we're getting into it now. Of some real questions. The
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: next one is about can we talk about our indigenous roots,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: like can you talk about I can um so on
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: my dad's side of the family, like my grandparents they
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: were m Y Indians um from northern Mexico. And on
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: my mom's side, my or my grandma's from um There
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: from Jalisco. So that's us. And I really like wish
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: that I had more access to like learning language because
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I know, like on my dad's side of the family, um,
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: like his grandparents they I know that one of his
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: grandparents spoke right there like Ratamori, like their indigenous language,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: and I think that even for him, Spanish was a
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: second language, you know. But um, like I don't have
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: any language, um, and whatever traditions we have are what
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: ever we've held on to, right right, So yeah that's me. Yeah,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I mean on my mom said, I don't have any
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: direct connection. I couldn't even tell you, Um, my grandparents
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: or so my grandma, it would be my mother's grandparents
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: died when they were really young, so that kind of
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: all got lost. We do know that our this is
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: an indigenous at all. But we do know that my
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: mom's last name or my grandfather's last name is actually Basque,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: so that's actually like a part of northern Europe, I think,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: or wherever Spain is whatever. Um, so that's like all
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: that we know in terms of heritage. Yeah, so even
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: like indigenous roots on my mom's side, I have no idea. However,
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: on my dad's side, um my grandmother was from Norte
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: from Trujillo, UM, so assumingly her ancestry is back to
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: the Mochica tribe, which was later conquered by the Incas.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: So that is all that I know really. And then
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: my grandpa and my dad's side was also from UM.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: He was from the coast, from Gaya, which is where
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: all of us are from. So I really have no idea.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, kind of like I think in terms of
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: my Peruvian side, Um, there's been a lot of like
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: trying to cover up where our indigenous roots are from
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: UM in an emphasis on like more of the Spanish ancestry.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: So I really couldn't tell y'all. I like, like Mama,
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: like I wish I knew more, UM, but I can
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: only piece some stuff together based on geographical location. Yeah.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Most I would say, like if you are some type
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: of like a mess thesa mestiza like Latin American, you've
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: been what's called detribalized, right, So, like we have indigenous roots,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: but we're not necessarily um, indigenous people exactly because we
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: don't live in indigenous context, right, We're not sort of
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: ostracized from society and marginalized in that particular way because
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: we're not in our original lands and territories speaking our languages.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: We've been detribalized, right, So but thank you for the question.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Um ooh, the next one, this is a good one
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: that we have so much to talk about with this one,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: which is how can one deal with the breakup? And
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: what are your favorite I love the question because it's
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: what are your favorite ways to deal with a break
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Let me count my favorite ways to break up with somebody?
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Let me count the ways. Um. I think in my
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: experience that I've learned is the more that you go back,
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: the longer you delay the breakup process. So the longer
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: you are away, the further you are away from being free.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean, because you do that whole
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: like you break up and then you miss them, you
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: both miss each other, and you go back and you
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: do this dance for a while. So I would say, like,
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: if you really really want to be done, like missing
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: someone doesn't mean you should get back with them. So
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: if you really really want to be done, like hold
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: you around, like stick to it, because you're really just
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: hurting yourself and the other person in the long run
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: because you're staying there. But you don't want to be there.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: It just gets worse. It does not get better, exactly,
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: going back and the leading and going and it's so painful. Yeah,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: it makes it my Oh my god. I honestly think
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: there are parts of me that think that in a
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: lot of ways. You know, there's this term ghosting, right,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I think that ghosting can actually be one of the
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: best and safest ways to break up with somebody, especially
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: when you're dealing with somebody who does not want to
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: let go, refuses to let you walk away, you know,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: will not let you take that next step. Um, and
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: it can be hard. You know, I haven't ghosted on anybody,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: but I can see the appeal. Um, maybe I'll try
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: it one day. But yeah, I agree, sad like, just
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: remember why you broke up with that person to be
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: in with, Remember why that person is an X. That
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: person has not changed, I promise you. The problems are
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: not fixed, you know, the issues are not resolved. They're
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: all still there. And it makes me think of like, um,
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: that song that we played, the New Rules, Oh my god,
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: you're under him, you're not getting over him. Those Okay,
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: So that's the answer to this question is dualipa new rules,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: that's the answer. She literally has rules on how to
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: nugle back yasically, don't pick up the phone. He's only
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: calling he's drunken alone. Don't let him in. You're going
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: to have to kick him out again. Don't be his
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: friend because you're gonna wake up in his bed in
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: the morning. And if you're under him, you will not
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: get over him. Yes, girl, all true. I didn't follow
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: any of that advice saying, and it took me six
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: months to break up with somebody. I feel like I
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: went through like a yearlong breakup at one point, and
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: it was painful. But we're not. We digress, We digress.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: But I guess also, like in addition, like favorite ways
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: to deal with a breakup is like get a new hobby, girls, yeah,
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: get a get a pet, get friends, join a gym,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: get a hobby, take a class, literally anything. And he
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: feeled the time I went to the dog park last night,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: me and my dog, like until ten at night. I
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: was fabulous. And I think, what did I do post
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: a breakup? I'm trying to think of something new that
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: I did. The podcast what the podcast? This, this, this,
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: this um mama, and I map this out post breakup
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: for me. Um, and yeah, this was my baby that
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: came from a lot of difficult things, difficulty to be nice,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: difficul things. Anyway, Our favorite books and why, ranging in
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: any topic. Um, I love to read. I love books. Um,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I don't read them as much as I like. But
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I really loves fight me. I don't care fight me.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I won't fight you. He is like his character Junior
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: is like the ultimate fun boy, super abusive, all of that.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: But his writing is just so good that I don't care.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: And I feel like everything that he writes. So this
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: is how you lose her drown Um. The brief and
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Winder's life of Oscar. Wow, love all of it. I'm
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: waiting for his next buck to come out. I love it. Um. Yeah.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: Can I be honest and that since I've graduated, I
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: have not picked up a book. That is, Okay, I
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: graduated from college, I haven't. I have not. I've been
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: much more into like, um, reading journalism and reading articles
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: versus reading like nonfiction. I just haven't been drawn to it,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: not nonfiction fiction as opposed to reading fiction, you know,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: or more creative work. I've just been much more for
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: whatever reason, the past couple of years, I've been much
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: more drawn to what's out, what has been, what is
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: MPR putting out, what's on the Atlantic. That makes a
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: lot of sense for like what you do now like
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: in your own writing, that makes a lot of sense.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: So I've transitioned a lot. And so you know, Um,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of like young writers that I'm like,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: everything that they put out I end up reading. Like
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: our friend Riquel, Like, I'll read her articles, whatever she
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: puts outsco writes a lot, even Yessica, the poetry that
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Yessica puts out. Um. And she has a new book
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: coming out. She has a new book, but her first
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: actual book by a publisher. UM. And you can preorder
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: it so it'll be out in October. Check out her website. Yeah,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: check out her website. Also, I'm thinking because we're at
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Espasio and they have a really great book selection here,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: just like looked out of the corner and they have
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Hunger by Rock sand Gate, which I've been wanting to purchase. Um.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: They also they do there's so yeah, if you're in
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: the area or it can make it out here. There's
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: good books that you can get here. UM. I also
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: like to follow like like post like seven books and
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: you should be reading byers like like that. I like
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: those kinds of lists, UM, and I'll keep note of them.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Right next, career goals and aspirations. Oh God, what a question.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Well, I guess I don't like I
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: don't like to say too much because I don't like
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: to like speak on things that aren't haven't happened yet, right, um.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: But I guess this year, for the next year, I
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: have planned on applying to master's programs UM. And I
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: do see myself working in some type of like UM,
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: community based relationship type stuff like I've done now, but
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: more on like sex sex education and like prevention UM.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: More like intersectional work like there's there's more being done now,
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: but in terms of research about like queer folks UM
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: and even like domestic violence and abusive relationships between queer folks. Right.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: So I don't know, I see that being a path.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: And then I also see like you know, future podcast
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: things happening for us. So I mean I'm open right now.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: That's kind of like how that's just kind of how
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I feel. Extremely open. Yeah, I'm in. I'm like in
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: my grad school process. I've been putting it off putting
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: it off, but like this week I started, yeah, talking
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: to the admissions counselor and looking at the application package
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: it sending out my request for letters of recommendation all
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: that stuff. But as far as career wise, I want
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: to write more. I would like to write books. I
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: would like to maybe one day write biographies of people. Um.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I like writing about other people and like their stuff
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: and what they're doing and their lives. Um. I'm thinking
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: of a degree in public health and doing like kind
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: of like what you mentioned, prevention work, especially when it
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: comes to sexual assault stuff. So yeah, Also to be
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: the Latina Opera. I don't think I don't know any
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: of you. It's like better but better you know, if
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: anyone is out there, give us a show. Career goal, right,
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: if anyone's listening. So yeah, next question, UM, how do
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: you deal with homophobia in the latin As community and
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: in your family's I think, um, talking about language for
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: me has been um the has what's helped me be
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: able to navigate that, Like don't say maricon, like if
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: you're not a queer person trying to reclaim it, right,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: like do not say those things? Um, even just like
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: it's so difficult when you're in a Latino X family
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: and you, um, there's like no language literally in Spanish,
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: like for there's no equivalent to queer, right, so even
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: having those conversations can be difficult when the language doesn't match. Um.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: I really have no idea how to answer this question
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: because it's like an ongoing process. Um. And this kind
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: of goes with the next question, to which I think
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: we can answer kind of both at the same right,
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Like how do we navigate dinner table conversations with family
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: members that make problematic comments? Right, So whether the problematic
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: comment is homophobic, whether it's racist, whatever, whatever the case
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: may be. Right, Um. And so this particular look, I'm
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: more this listener said, you know, especially since growing up
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Latin X, if I calmly challenged a point or spoke
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: up about something problematic, my mommy would immediately call me.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: So how do we deal with that? Right? I personally say,
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: just own it? Um. My dad calls me a Marcreal
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: all the time because I'm always talking back. And this
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: is a new thing because I was the same way
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: growing up, like very quiet because I had to right, Um,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: But now like, well I'm an adult, so I am
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: a macreal right, because I am talking back and I
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: am asking all these questions. So if you're able to
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: like own it and actually um talk back and not
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: talk about obviously in a disrespectful way, but like in
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: the sense that you're speaking exactly, um, then do it.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: You know, absolutely, And I think that you know what,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: it's one of those situations where, whether it's in your
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: family or out in the world, UM, there's this saying
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: right that basically like you're damned if you do damn
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: if you don't, because if you don't say anything, well,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: it persists, and it's the moment has not been marked right, right,
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: And if you do say something, then there might be
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: negative reactions to you, right, But it's kind of like
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: you know what the bullet is there, are you going
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: to bite it or exactly? You know? Yeah? And you
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: know with that also, going back to the first question
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: about homophobia in your specifically in your family, it makes
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: me think about why it's so important to have chosen family,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: because if you have a very toxic family, you have
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: talked to family family members and you have to kind
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: of be away. You also don't want to be isolated,
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: So it's really important to have your chosen family, um
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: that are you know that are queer folks um or
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: people that you feel safe with. So being able to
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: create that is really important, especially as queer people of color.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: And this conversation is also so interesting to me because
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: you can sort of take the identity piece of it
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: and you can switch it out or combine it with
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: other types of identities and family. Right, Like even like
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I follow some women some Chicana, some women online and
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: who are black Chicanas right, right, And we'll talk about
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: for them, right being after Chicana in their family where
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: they're the only one and in their Mexican family, everybody
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: else is non black, non black, Mesthiso or indigenous or whatever, right,
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: and so having to navigate problematic conversations related to race,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: right or related to homophobia whatever it is. So for
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: any of us, like depending on our even just girls
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: in Latino families, Like the next thing's problematic problematic comments
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: about women, about girls, about rape culture. Right. So that's
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: a good one. That's an ongoing it's an ongoing conversation. Um.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Like we said, we do want to have we do
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: want to do more content in the future where we're
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: talking specifically about queer issues. Um, so you know you
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: can stay tuned for that. But yeah, definitely an ongoing
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: conversation to have within your community. Yeah, if you're like
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: in your cute community. Um. And then also with your family,
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: right yeah, and build your cloth and family as well.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: And with that, I think we're song breaks. Yes, we're
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: going into a song break or castera belly rostra and
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: and and spends and and and and spends and and
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: and and spends and and and and spends and and
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: and spends belly rong and and spend it belly wrong
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: and and and spends belly wrong and and and um
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: from from from from from from from from from from
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: family of it and we share all right, and we're back,
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna get back into the car to our questions.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: So this is a question number eleven, Um Manta water.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Top three things you are currently loving. It can be
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: anything currently loving my dog, Loving Papas because he's still
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: growing so fast and he's such a good boy. Um.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: Loving the fan that I bought yesterday and I just
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: sat in front of it like all nights so hot.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: And also loving um my new desire to organize my
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: entire life. Yes, oh my god, I love it. Yeah,
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: I'm just so excited, like the fact I had to
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: send a photo of my newly rearranged closet to my
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: coworker to be like, I have to show this to someone. Yes,
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I love that. So those are my top three right
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: now and how about you. Um. Immediately, the first thing
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: I thought of were like beauty things, so I'm just
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: gonna go with that. UM. I really like, I'm really
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: into Tea treet oil right now as like a blemish
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: spot treatment. UM. I've read a lot about it on
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Twitter and I was like, all right, I'm gonna just
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: finally try it and I like it a lot. I
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: love it. Um. I am also love loving African black soap. UM.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: I had always heard about it but didn't think it
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: would be right for me in my skin, But I
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: tried it and I also love it. I feel like
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: there's definitely a difference in my skin as like as
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: a cleanser. Um. And then the last thing is my
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: favorite lipstick of all time is Lolita by Cavandie. It's
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: the perfect shade of brown and it looks different on
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: all women of color, which I love. UM. So yeah,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: beauty things are always the first thing I think of
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: when it comes to top three. Anything, right, yes, all right?
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: Next question, Oh, this is a good one because it's
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: about navigating and networking at predominantly white institutions p w
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: i S universities while remaining genuine and true to oneself.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: What strategies to the look I thought I was used
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: to make professional, goal oriented connections with white boats. Lord,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: this is a big question. This is a lot especially
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: I think when you work in like the nonprofit world,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: or you're if you're in student affairs, typically people that
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: are directors will be white people. This is just without
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: a doubt. If you have a director that's a person
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: of color and actually good, well then you're in luck.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: But it's more common that the directors will be white people. Um. Personally,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: I kind of just like play my cards. Um, I
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: play my cards, So I like, I'm kind of nice, Um,
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: I know what what battles to fight? Thinking about the
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: community at large, Like, well, who am I actually advocating for? Um?
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: So if by playing this card, will this get me
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: this in the long run kind of thing? So unfortunately,
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: like you have to play the game, and there's there's
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: a lot of politics involved when you're working in student
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: affairs or even in like the nonprofit sector. So yeah,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: kind of you've gotta make your friends and you've got
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: to make your connections. You do. And you know it's
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: so interesting too, because I think it's even at a
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: p W. I I think as a student of color,
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: like at my university, it was possible for us to
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: surround ourselves only with other people of color if we
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: really really wanted to, not for a lot of the
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: big general education classes and like the required classes, but
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: in terms of like our majors are concentrations, are focuses
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: our social life, you know. So, and that's what I did.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I intentionally surrounded myself with people of color. I took
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: classes with professors that were people of color here when
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: I came back home to l A, like, the people
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: who have interviewed me and hired me for jobs have
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: all been women of color. The editors that I have
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: worked with that have published my writing have been women
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: of color. Right, Um, so for me, I think that
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I myself have sought out professional people of color who
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: can serve as mentors or whose work gives me a roadmap. Yeah,
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: I say, I think, Yeah, I mean, going off of
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: what Mana says like if you aren't in the situation
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: where you do have to like gauge of white folks, right,
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: it's like, well, maybe you can have a mentor also
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: that is a person of color that can also help
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: you guide those things. You know, when I was working
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: in student affairs, my mentor who was also my boss,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: was a person of color, a queer person of color.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: So when I had stuff with like his boss who
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: was white, you know, um, he would help me guide
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: that absolutely, right, So yeah, I hope. I don't know
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: if that's helpful, but that's my input. Talk to us
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: if you're in student affairs, Um, I have folks. I
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: have friends that are in student affairs, And if you
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: need some like more professional guidance, let me know. I
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: can connect you to people, because what I can't do
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: is give necessarily advice on how to like network, like
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: you know, if the question is like networking in like
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: a room full of white people, Oh yeah, I haven't
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: done that. I don't know. I just haven't done it
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: for I may in the future. That's the skill I
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: haven't necessarily developed yet, I guess. But yeah, I've done Okay,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: not right, I've been to Networking is not on the
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: professional aspect. It's not my strongest suit. I'm not the
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: best at it. I get very I kind of just
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: shut down. I get very timid. Um, that's definitely something
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: I'd like to work on for my next job. You know,
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: it's definitely a practice skill. Yeah, for sure. Let's get
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: on to the next one. All right. This was asked
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: via Twitter. Are any of you in relationships? If so?
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: If so, is it hard to be woke in brown
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: and be in one? Yes? For me, like it has
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: been difficult to be in a relationship just in general,
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: but to be like a feminist and a Mohetri Spence
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: in a relationship with a man who is a strait
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: ss gender man, I think is always going to be
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: difficult no matter what it just is. You know, Um,
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: I am not in a relationship. Um, I'm not, and
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: I'm very I'm very in this phase where I'm like,
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: I've been working on not being in this relationship for
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: a while. Right now it's very final, and so it's
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: like I can now finally breathe and feel like next chapter,
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: and so I'm happy. I'm good, But it is it
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: was difficult for me to be who I am and
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: how I am in a relationship. I think it takes
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: a certain type of person to actually be in a
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: relationship with me because I'm a lot. I'm a lot.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: My politics are very They're a lot, you know, and
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: if and if you're not down with them, it can
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: cause some conflict. Um. I think though, I'm definitely trying
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: to be more gentle with my partners, especially if we're
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: on a different um, if we're on a different learning path.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: So for me, being woke and brown means respecting my
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: boundaries in relationships very good, um, and also advocating for
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: my needs, giving myself space and letting it be respected.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I think in all of my relationships, I never ever
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: did that. I would let people come over when I
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: don't want to come over, I would go out with
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: them when I didn't want to go out with them.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: I would accept gifts from them when I didn't want them.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: But like well quote, I was being treated right right,
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: but I didn't want it. So I wasn't respecting myself
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: and I wasn't being true to me and what I needed.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: So I think now dating, I'm definitely more aware of
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: my limitations. I think that's good. I think that actually
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: gets into the next question, Yeah, let's do it. Which
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: is the next question is regarding dating LA Dating in
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: l A. Oh God, what are your top dudes and
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: don'ts of healthy dating? When and when a potential suitor
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: sutras is acting up? What to do? So? Dating in
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: l A is a ship show as hot as nasty asthma.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: Everybody knows everyone, everyone, you have slept with, everyone that
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: is related to everyone, all kinds of ships, all kinds
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: of ships. Not sam the dudes and don't I'm gonna
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna kind of echo off of what you were saying,
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: which is about the boundaries. Very important to have boundaries
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: in a relationship, especially like you're if you're adults and
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: you're working, Like I was getting sucked into this situation
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: where me and my partner were seeing each other every
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: single day for like long periods of time, and it
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: was exhausting and it was so tiring. You know, um,
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: my dues and don't of healthy dating n l A
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: for our locomotives, for my listeners, don't travel for your partner.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: Don't do it, especially like if you're a woman, if
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: you're a fem don't travel. Don't if you live on
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: on the East side. Don't go to the valley to
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: visit you know your partner. Don't do it. Let them
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: come to you. I agree, and let them come to you.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: I was dating someone in the valley for a while
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: and it was rough rough, which the definition of rough
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: is traveling back and forth from the valley. Right, don't
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: date anyone from the valley. That's my valley. Halfway, I'm
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: halfway joking the commune. There's one way in and out
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: of the value. What else, other dudes, And don't um
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: I don't ship where you eat. Sorry, go ahead. Just
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: you know, if you are working in l A, a a
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: lot of people you have your job and there's a
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: lot of creative side projects and after hours and weekends,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of people who have their nine
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: to five and then their weekend's gig. Right, if you're
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: an entertainment or something, I would say like, do not
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: hook up with people who are artists in your circle,
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: people who are subjects of your art. Don't do it, Like,
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: don't hook up with people that are in the same
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: little bubble as you. Yeah, then the breakup is that
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: much worse, so much worse. There are like I could
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: name the people that I've had to like either not
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: be friends with or cut off because I was no
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: longer dating someone. It's shitty, especially when communities are so
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: small and there's like subgroups. Like my former partner, We're no,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: we were dating for a while, we were dating for
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: a hot minute, um, and he was in the proving community.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: So now when I go to proving things, I'm like, fuck,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's just that's its own thing. So yeah,
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: I mean, I completely agree with you. Don't take anybody
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: who has like a large Twitter following or an Instagram fall.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: Don't date a musician either. Better, no musicians, no dj is,
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: no producers, no actors, no rappers. The list goes on
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: it Instagram, celebrities. No, don't do it. Only date people.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: My advice would be date somebody that nobody else fucking knows.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: I agree, a new person. Yeah. When I started dating
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: this this foll too, people would tell me stuff about
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: him and I was like yeah, and then I was like, well,
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: we'll see maybe he's dem about No, he ended up
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: being exactly none of them are the same exactly anyway. Um.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Not to sound bitter about dating in l A or anything, No,
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: I mean no. Also, when I sota onto the second part.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: What do you do when they're acting up if you
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: don't want to, if you don't want to be with them,
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: get rid of them, dump them, don't There's no need
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: to stress yourself out out of the potential of a relationship.
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: If you actually both want to be together, then you
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: share work things out. But if you don't end it,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: there's no need to stress yourself out. Listen, like it's
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: really like I have never understood really this, Like oh
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: my god, no, like, don't leave me, don't break up
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: with me, like we have to be together if we
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: don't have kids together, we don't own property together, and
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: we are not legally bound. Why are we debating and
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: going back and forth about whether or not I should
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: be with you? Right? You know? No, because I don't
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: want to go bye, So I would say get rid
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: of them dump um. Yeah, I agree. You will feel better,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: you will be happy. Maybe not right away, but you
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: will you will. Yeah. So anyways, thanks for that question.
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: We love relationship questions. We do. We do. We are
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: not the experts, though, take our look this with a
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: grain of salt. That is a good to note. You
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: don't want our relationship history. I know but you wanted
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: to know. But I will say that I am now
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: in a very healthy relationship, so I am happy about that.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: We I think we've both put in a lot of work.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: But anyway, moving forward, UM, this is a good question. Um,
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: can y'all talk about skinny privilege? I'm still trying to
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: better understand that. What do y'all think about it? This
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: is also via Twitter. Skinny privilege. Privilege is a real
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: social economic privilege. People who are thin and thinner are
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: treated better, are considered to be healthier, are considered to
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: be smarter, attractive, considered to attractive, considered to be more productive,
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: considered to be active and healthy, and all of these things.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: And the way that people view you and the way
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: that people see you has a direct impact on the
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: way that they treat you. So skinny privilege means that
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: people who are skinny get treated better and are treated
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: better not only just in social interactions, but at the
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: doctor's office, in court, when you're talking to a cop,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: like important interactions. Right, You're going to be treated better,
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: You're going to be given more patients in time if
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: you're thinner. Right, It's like it's like social capital in
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: a way. You know that skinny privilege, and a lot
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: of people, like a lot of people have written more
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: in depth about the privilege about fat phobia. I would
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: recommend you could do a very simple search on Twitter
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: and you will find the conversations that are being had.
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm not even just not even not even
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: do a Google search. Just go on Twitter and just
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: type in skinny privilege. The conversations are there, the information
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: is there. They are all right. Next question, this is
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: also related, so we wanted to group them together. Um,
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: can you please talk about the intersection between body posey
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: and help. I'm all about being body positive, but with
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: a background in public health, I have to think about
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: things such as obesity, diabet and other weight food related
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: illnesses that are very prevalent, especially in our Latino communities.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: Thank you for your thoughts. Wow, wow, let me start.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Let me, let me let me say something. I was
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: watching this documentary right what the health right? Right? And
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: I wonder, like, why so much focus on the body
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: when we have these conversations about health right when we
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: know that even like people who are considered thin and attractive,
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: even eating or buying food from your local market, like
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: no matter what you touch the produce, the meats are
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: going to be filled with steroids and chemicals and things
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: that make you unhealthy. We have no healthy options, right,
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: So when I so so a question like this about
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: body positivity and health, I'm like, I think that focusing
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: on fatness and on the body is way too small scale.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: I agree with you, I think, um, it's important to
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: understand that you're like the you're the way your physical
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: body looks has no relation to your internal health, the
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: way your organs are functioning, the way your cholesterol blood
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: pressure is, if you're like pre diabetic or not, like,
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: it doesn't really have a correlation. It could, but it's
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: not directly connected exactly. Um. And also, like if you're
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: like perceivably like conventionally thin or whatever, like that doesn't
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: make you more healthy, right, It doesn't make you more
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: healthy because you can be very thin and still be
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: a diabetic. Lots of thin people are diabetics. Lots of
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: youth children you know, are diabetics. Um. So, Like the
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: other thing is like body positivity is not just about
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: taking pictures of oneself, and it's not just about admiring
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: the physical beauty of big bodied people of fat people
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: of curvy people. But it's also saying that fat people
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: should not be discriminated again because of their fatness. Fat
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: people should have places to sit in public places. Fat
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: people should be able to go in and talk to
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: their doctor and have like the same care and attention
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: that anybody else would. For me, that is body positivity
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: is treating the body in a positive manner, like in
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: all ways, it's not just about celebrating. That's a big
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: piece of it. And if we want to talk about health,
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: well let's talk about mental health and emotional health exactly.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: If you're in like a fat phobic, skinny centric world, well, okay,
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: how does that affect a person's mental health right when
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: you don't meet those standards? I completely agree with you.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: Um yeah, So I guess like, as this person that's
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: working in the field of health possibly are also public health. Um,
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: I guess challenge the discourse, you know, change is changed
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: the narrative of like how fat folks are perceived to
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: be unhealthy. Um. And there's a lot of activists, like
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: fat activists that are doing that work, So include them
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: in the rative as well, I would say. And since
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: we're not like I'm not considered fat I'm not fat, Um,
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: I'm considered curvy or thick, right, So, like it's also
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: not for me to be like, oh well, you know
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: face of you know, body positivity, because I don't need
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: to be because I generally speaking, my body and my
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: body type is represented and is loved and you know,
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: like I don't get a lot of negativity for my body,
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: right you know, So yeah I go that as well. Yeah,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: all right, let's go on to the next one. Um,
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: this is number seventeen. Love how y'all keep it super real?
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of us look texes or look
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: amotives really feel you when you say men are trash?
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: I so agree. I'm wondering though, what was is your
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: relationship like with your dad's. So it's so interesting because, like,
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: especially online, a lot of women and I mean a
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: lot of women tweeter about and write about and post
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: about and talk about how men are trash, like millions
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: of us. It's an army. Just it's great, so many
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: of us and a lot of men. Their response instead
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: of being like, oh well, tell us more like what
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: are you guys talking about? Or how can we fix it?
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: Or how can we do better? Oh yeah, I know
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: exactly what you're talking about, because most men know exactly
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: what we're talking about but pretend like they don't. But inevitably,
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: in these conversations, the men will come out and say, oh, well,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: you must have never had a dad in your life,
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: for you have a bad relationship with your dad, or
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: your dad was never there for you, and that's why
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: you feel that way. And it's interesting because it's like, um, well, yeah,
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: that could be a very real reason. And so that
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: man was being trash. So that's an example of a
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: man being trash or like for me, I'm like, well, no,
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: my dad has always been around in my life, always consistently.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: He was our coach. He took us to school every day,
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: He coached track and across country for years. Like he
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: was it like ad, like go dad right. He was
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: a super dad. And he also taught me that men
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: are trash. He told me because most girls, our dads
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: tell us, don't play with the boys. Watch out for boys.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: They only want one thing from you. They're gonna do
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: this to you and then they're gonna scram and then
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: they're gonna leave. Our dads teach us that men are trash,
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: to warn us because they were trash, and they know
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: they know exactly what the game is, they know how
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: men run game on women, and so they try and
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: prepare us. Right. I have a great relationship with my father.
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: I love my dad. Yeah. He also taught me to
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: not trust any of you fools. Yeah, I agree. My
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: dad taught me the same thing. Don't trust any man,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: don't trust any person. Actually, um, his phrases trust nobody right,
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: that is his galty phrase. And never on leaving the house,
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: but trust nobody right. But in English, So I think
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: it's great. Um. But no, you know, my dad and
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: I actually had had we still have a very very
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: difficult relationship growing up. My dad wasn't around. Um. I
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: don't really want to get into the details of it,
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: but me on my end, it has taken a lot
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: of internal work to like forgive him for all the
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: ship he put me in my mom through. Um. But
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: and also I see how that has affected my relationships
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: romantic ones. Um. But you know, again doing that internal work,
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: and also like recognizing my father is also a man,
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: so he did a lot of funked up things like
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: men do. So yes, he's also trash. Men are trash.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: He's also in my life, and I have made peace
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: with it, you know. And that's the thing. Like, listen,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: we all know a lot of us hold onto trash,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: We hold onto it, We hold on to the clutter,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: We hold onto things in our homes that we need
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: to get rid of, in our cars, we hold on
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: to people, right and also because we can't always get
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: rid of people, can't on everyone should be disposable. Not
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: everybody can or should be disposable, and so like it's
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: a matter of we have to live with these people.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: We have to live with men we have no option. Right. Also,
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: let me let it be known the reason that I
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: decided that I had to like work on this relationship
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: with my dad was because I moved back home. I
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: was able to be away for four years, right, so
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: I was able to not be around him and not
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: have to deal with it. But having moving back home
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: made me have to deal with it for your own exactly,
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: health and wellness exactly exactly. And I think now, as
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: of me coming from a place of forgiveness, it has
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: better relationship. I don't think you should or can forgive everybody,
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: but I had to because I will have moved back home,
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: and it was better for my health. Yeah, and you know,
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: and if you love somebody, we want them to be better. Absolutely,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: So with the men in our lives, it's like, listen,
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: if you mean that much to me, I'm going to
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: tell you that you're being trashed because you need to
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: know so you can be a better human. Right, Yeah,
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: these men, So you're welcome, guys, You're welcome. All right.
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: This next question, was there a time you felt like
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: it was necessary to be less feminine in orders to
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: be taken seriously? And how did to deal with it? Mean,
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: Donna Hue, Oh thank you? Yuh mean mm as fems,
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: I think this is a real thing. Yeah, absolutely, Um,
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: I definitely depending on where I'm going and what I'm doing,
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: Like if I'm going to court with my clients, if
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: I'm going to anything work related where my clients are
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: going to be there, I tone tone tone tone, tone, tone,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: tone way down, and I cover up and I try
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: not to be distracting basically, But other than that, if
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: it's not work, Also, because I find that if I
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: don't have any makeup on and I don't do my
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: hair and I keep myself pretty plain, that it lessens
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: the chances that some man is going to bother me
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: or say something gross to me, you know, So sometimes
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: I'll be less feminine, very intentionally to be left alone.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: I completely agree. I also do that too. Um, when
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: I'm by myself during the week, I tend to just
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: wear jeans and a T shirt. This last week was
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: really hard, but I didn't want to be I didn't
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: want any skin showing because I was gonna be out
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: and about by myself. So definitely like navigating, Like am
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: I going to be out? Am I going to be
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: walking around? Is the potential of someone following me going
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: to be there? Um? So definitely thinking about those things. Um,
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: when I'm giving presentations though, I like, I'm super high
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: fem bold, lipstick, heels on, you know, and not only
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: like through the podcast. That's like a whole different thing.
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: Of course, we're going to be super firm. But even
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: when I was working, um, work related things, if I
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: was doing your presentation, I would fam it up because
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: I would feel more empowered and I would feel like
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: I could do a better job. Yes, power, Yes, right,
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: that's a good question. Thank you for that one. Yeah, okay,
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: this is second to last question. How was your how
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: has your parents relationship influenced for good or bad your
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: own relationships. This is a lengthy question. We had to
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: actually pick one of the multiple questions, but basically the
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: question was about like wanting to know how our parents
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: met and all that. Personally, I don't want to share
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: that my parents have had a really tough relationship, So
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: I can focus on this this one, this half. How
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: had your parents relationship influenced for good to bad your
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: own relationship? Do you want to start? Um, you know
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: my parents relationship. I think that they make a good team.
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: You know, they raised us, They've they've done a good job.
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: They've got us all through school. None of us have
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: ever broken a bone or had a cavity, which is
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: like a right. So I'm like, wow, you guys did
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: something right. Um. So they taught me that it's possible.
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: I think to have that partnership that you can make
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: it work. It's possible. Like they're doing it. They support
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: each other. UM. My mom, like, you know, she met
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: my dad when they were in night school, when they
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: were in um law school, and then my mom when
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: I was in high school. She she didn't finish her
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: law degree and my dad finished his degree, but she
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: ended up when I was in high school, went to
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: school and getting her masters, So it also taught me,
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: like you know, they started out in education, my mom
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: continued her education. They've always emphasized that with us, and
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: so I think for me, it's like no matter who
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: you're with or what your partnership is, to continue like
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: learning if that's what you want to do, to do
• 59:17
  Speaker 1: the work that you want to do, Like you have
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: to keep your life up. My mother always taught me, always, always, always, always,
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: you have to have your own money. Like as a woman,
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: you have to have your own money. My mom always
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: had multiple jobs because she wanted her stash. She wanted
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: her bank account that she could dip into when she
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: needed to. She never had to ask, right because it
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: didn't matter if she was working three different jobs, she
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: could take care of her stuff. So that's what I
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: got out of my parents relationship is as a woman,
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: stick to your guns, have your own money. If it's
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: possible for you, do the things that you like to do,
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: the work that you like to do. If you want
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: to go back to school, do it right, keep it
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: moving forward. Yeah, you know, I echo I that obviously,
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: like having your own money, having your own life and
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: having your own friends. I've definitely learned that, um from
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: lack of seeing it, so quite the opposite. Um. And
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: then also um on learning I had to I've had
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: to unlearn unhealthy relationship patterns because of stuff that was
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: produced in my house. Um So, I mean I already
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: touched on this, but really having my boundaries has has
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: been something I had to unlearned. So sticking to my
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: boundaries has been something I had to learn and learning
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: these like kind of codependent things. Um So yeah, I
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: mean yeah, yeah, I mean that's the thing because your
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: parents can either teach you ways to be or ways
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: not to be. Yeah, definitely, yeah, I definitely on the
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: on the not to be. You know, I love my
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: parents individually as a unit, they have a lot of stuff,
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: you know, and definitely had to carry that with me. Um.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: So now you know, I think I've making better relationship choices,
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: making better choices for my self in general because of that. Right,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: that's good. Yeah, that's good. I agree. Alright. Final question, good,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: favorite question somebody asked me, asked me specifically in a
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: curious cat me a question that I'm not going to
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: answer because you're trying to get me in troubles. I
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: am not going to answer that question. If you're listening,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: I want to know who you are, right. But the
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: gist of it, the gist of the question is has
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: a listener ever asked you out? And what is the
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: best way to approach you? If interested? You guys want
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: a step by step a guide on how to approach
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: and ask out less. Look, I thought, as well, we'll
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: give you a list. We'll give you a list. Yes, Um,
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: don't have any expectations, no expectations. What don't expect anything
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: from us? Nothing? You can buy us a drink. You
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: can buy us a drink and then don't expect to
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: dance or a conversation afterwards. I agree. I mean, if
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: we want to talk about our parents in onces, I've
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: always said, like, if you want something serious with me,
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: if you want to marry me. My dad proposed to
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: my mom. He got a painting done of her portrait.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: That's accustomed. If you're listening when you're trying to take
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: out mala, this is what you have to work with.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: You need to buy me a house. If you would
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: like to propose to me, I need like an oil
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: painting done of myself. This is not far fetched. My
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: mother's portrait hung in our house. Our whole lives in
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: the center of the living room like above, like in
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 1: the middle of the house, like in the middle of
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: the last centerpiece. Good, That's what I'm glad I did.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 1: That's what you need If you would like to take
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 1: me out an oil painting, I would say the best
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: way to approach me now I am not available, but
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: you know, in the past, or just in general, I
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 1: think if you're not pushy, that really that really just
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: speaks more for for you. Like if you don't be aggressive,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: I really cannot stand aggressive men. However, if you are
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: a woman that wrote this, I always think the friend
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: like the friendly like I want to be your friend.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: I think that always works. Um. I do also think
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: that that could also pose a question like wait, is
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: she hitting on me or she trying to be my friend?
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: Because I've been in that situation. Um, But yeah, I
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: mean I think depending on who wrote this question, I mean,
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: I think if you're a man, don't be pushy, and
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: if you're a woman, like, let's talk, like maybe we're
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: not going to date, but I would love to be
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: your friend, right, I just like whether it's men or women,
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 1: I don't like the pushing, and I agree, you know,
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: don't be pushy. If it's a no, then it's a no.
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 1: I try to give hints and like use body language
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: and I try to be pretty like courteous like at
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: the beginning, and then if you don't get it, then
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to have to be a little bit more straightforward.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: There are men that don't do not pick up on
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: the body cues, none, none of none, or they do
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: when they ignore it because they're waiting for you to
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: basically puss them out for them to finally leave. Basically.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: The other thing is I've noticed, like me and my
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: friend Melissa, my coworker, when we go out, is like
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: men have this tendency to be like reveal very early on,
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: like the second you meet them, even if you're out
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: of a bar. Men have this weird tendency to reveal
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 1: how like rape they are. Listen, that happened to us,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: but the other day with rape culture, that one of
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: the first things they say that literally happened to us
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: the other day because we were out with Melissa. We
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 1: were out with Melissa and someone asked her, a man
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: asked her what she does, and she said, like I'm
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: a rape crisis counselor. And he said, are you here
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 1: to offer your services? What what? He? He goes, or
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: you here promoting your services? Why would you be promoting No,
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: Like that doesn't make any sense. I did not understand
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: as a rape crisis counselor, like me and Melissa have
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 1: this experience all the time that you go out right
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: and you're like socializing, you're talking to people, you're drinking.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: If someone wants to talk to you, they're always going
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: to ask you, what do you do? What do you do? Always?
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 1: So always our response is always rape crisis counselor rape
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 1: crisis center. So it's I have stopped telling people that
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: when I go out, because it immediately puts rape into
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: the conversation. And then men immediately immediately reveal how fucked
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: up and weird and gross they are, and how like
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: accepting and believing in rape culture they are. So it's
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 1: kind of like it's a good smoke screen in some ways,
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: like it's good for me to talk about it because
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: then I know you're a fucking weirdo and I need
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: to get away from you. But I also like it's
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: so disturbing the other day we were at Lasita, me
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: and Tony's my friend Donna, and the same thing. These
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: guys started talking to us, and right away it became
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: like this weird like, oh, well, women lie like nobody
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: nobody brought that up, like nobody asked you, you know,
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: so don't be like that. Basically, do not do that.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: Don't do that if you would ever like to have
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: a civilized conversation with me. I think also, like if
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: you do, if you were to approach us, and you
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 1: were to see us, obviously you know us, and say that,
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: tell us like you're we're meeting a stranger. Yeah, like
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: we're gonna know why you know us. It's from the podcast,
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 1: It's from Instagram. Um, say hi, don't be you know,
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: don't be shy. I say hello, Yeah, introduce yourselves, all
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 1: that cute stuff. Yeah, and buy me a drink and
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: buy me a drink. God damn it. Yeah. No. I
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: won't always accept a drink from people like we did.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: The other night. We went to a La Junta party
• 1:06:33
  Speaker 1: and and there was this man that kept trying to
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: buy his drinks, specifically was trying to buy me a drink,
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: and I was like no, no, I no, no no.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: And then he told me, I thought I was too
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 1: good for everyone. They're true. Well yes, and okay, don't
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: find me a drink. I don't want one, right, yeah,
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 1: Alice man, But um yeah, I mean, I think if
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: you listen to the podcast, if you're a listener, if
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: your local more, I think you're already on the right
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: You're on the right foot, you're on the right foot.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: You know what you're doing. But you might not know
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: what you're doing, but you're on your way, you're learning.
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: I wonder how this is. Oh my god, I want
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: to know who it is. Reveal yourself, yourself, send us
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 1: a d M. But the question, the other question was
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: if there were any listeners that we could date, who
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: would it be That I'm saying, y'all are trying to
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: get us in trouble. I don't necessarily have any listeners
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: um in minds that I'm like like they're seeing after
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: because I don't think of our locomotives that I don't either.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: That seems predatorial. If our locomotives are our friends, are
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: our little community, exactly, we're home girl. I would love
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: to go on like like a like a like a
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: date in the sense of like both of us are like,
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: maybe we go to dinner and drinks and dancing with
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: like some locomotives. Idea one day we raffle ourselves off
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: for like a date that would be cute. We're gonna
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 1: think about that one. We're gonna let that one peroc.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: I agree, But I think, yeah, I mean, I don't
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: think I exactly. I don't think of the local motives
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: as people that a dating pool. I think that's wrong.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: You shouldn't think of your community as a dating where
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: you eat. If things come naturally, that's different. Um. But
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: if you're like, yeah, that just seems very predatorial. It
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: seems very predatorial. This is our safe space. I agree.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: You know. Um, you know, I'm trying to think of like,
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: because there's so many look on what if I want
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 1: to be friends with in real life. So I'm just like, oh,
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, we can go out for drinks, we can
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: go out dancing. We love to invite us out hang
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: out with us. Oh my god, you know who I'm
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: thinking of. I would want to go. We actually have
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: scheduled a friend date. Um, one of our local motives.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: She's been listening to us since the beginning. Oh my god,
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, let me find you. Oh my god. Yes,
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 1: friend dates. I'm so down for friend dates. I'm down because,
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: like listen, we love to dance, we love to go
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 1: drink like oh yes, yes, yes, she's been all out.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: We don't really know how to say her name. I
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: want to say it's tr TR. Yeah, is that U
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: t R? She follows both of us and listens to
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: the podcast. Yeah. No, I totally recognized the account, absolutely,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: And we're always like we're like I G friends, you know,
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: like re applying to each other stories, commenting on stuff,
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: and we talked about She saw that I was at
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: a cafe and she was like, I know where you are,
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: and we were like, let's hang out, let's do coffee.
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 1: So she's so I would want to go on a
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: cute friend date with friend date a girl date with
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: And if you guys know of any fun events like
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 1: coming up in l A and you think that we
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: would enjoy it or you're gonna be there, let us know.
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 1: We're always looking for a party. We are. Events are
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: show stuff like that. Yeah, events, um, anything where there's music,
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: where there's dancing, where there's folks. I think that we
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 1: might be going to the Oh my god, there's the
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: block party, the West Adams block party tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: Oh it'll be over by the time we put this out.
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: Never mind, but that's let's right. She was on and
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: um that's their their nonprofit. Yeah, follow them all right.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: We this is a long episode and we really try
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: to like do the questions quick, but we always have
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: a lot to say. Um so as always engage with
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: the share, Facebook, us, Instagram, tweet all of that. One
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: of shout out to one of our locomotives. She tweeted
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: a picture of her riding a bike and she was like,
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: my favorite way to listen to local do and that
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: was so cute. It was cute. I love that one.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: That was adorable. Yeah, with her permission, I want to
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 1: share that on Instagram. It's such a cute photo. Send
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 1: us more questions and questions. We will continue answering them
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 1: one at a time throughout ls UM use the hashtags
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: Radio Bronco, our Radioda, and locomoties.