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Are You Wasting Your Time With A Narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  Are you wasting time with a narcissist?
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  Because I don't think that a narcissist is wasting their time
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  with you. That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. How narcissistic people do not
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  feel like they are wasting their time with you while you might
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  feel like you're wasting their time with them.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to yet another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So yes, narcissistic people do
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  not feel like they are wasting their time with you.
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  Like seriously, this is how narcissistic people think right
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  here. Y'all.
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  They are not wasting their time with you because they are
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  getting their needs met. Well Lee, are we wasting our
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  time with them because we're not getting our needs met?
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  Bingo was his name. Oh yes.
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  The reason why so many people get frustrated when the
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  relationship with a narcissist ends, especially after it's been
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  a very long term relationship, is because you feel like you
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  wasted so much time with this person.
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  Because you kept giving this person chance after chance after
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  chance. Even though they were not
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  changing their behaviors, even though they were not interested
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  in treating you better, even though they might have promised
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  and told you and said this and said that, they still didn't do
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  it. So you on your side of things
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  feel like you wasted time where the narcissistic person can
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  seemingly move on. Like effortlessly, effortlessly.
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  They can move on with very little effort.
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  Effort effortlessly. I can't even talk straight
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  today, y'all, I'm a, I'm a break that down.
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  I gotta get that word right, but I'm bobbling it.
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  But yeah, they don't feel like they're wasting their time with
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  you, y'all, although you might feel like you're wasting your
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  time with them, it's the opposite is true.
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  As long as I'm getting my needs met as a diagnosed narcissist or
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  whatever, I don't think that I'm wasting my time because the the
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  time I'm spending with you is calculated.
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  It's coordinated. I'm getting what I want.
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  You're the one that's not getting what you want, which can
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  be so frustrating for people that are dealing with
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  narcissists. When This is why I tell people
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  and so many people push back when I say this.
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  Leave at the first red flag when you are getting to know people.
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  Leave when you when you see the first one of these like the
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  first positive or could be could be red flag.
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  Leave when it start flapping with if the red flags are
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  flapping in the wind like Marilyn Monroe's dress back in
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  the day when she was standing on that air vent.
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  If they're flapping in the wind like that, it might be time to
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  dip y'all early on. I know that there's so many
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  people out there justly What if you're wrong and and and what if
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  you're wrong and we end up missing out on a good person?
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  What if I'm right and you end up feel like feeling like you
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  wasted your life on a person who didn't deserve you?
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  Which one stand? Which one can you possibly make
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  up for? Let's say what they right there?
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  Which one could you possibly make up for?
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  I'm not saying that your life is over if you've given your given
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  given twenty 30-40 years to north.
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  I'm not saying that right, but most people in these situations,
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  if you get down to the brass tacks and you ask them straight
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  up, would you have, would you have lived your life over again
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  with the same person for the last 25 years?
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  If you could choose differently? Most, a lot of people would say
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  no. They're like, hell no.
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  I love my kids, I love my family, but damn, there was 25
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  years of torture. There was five years of torture,
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  10 years, however long it was of torture, of trying to be right,
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  of trying to do things correctly, of trying to make
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  this person happy that I couldn't make happy.
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  I'm, I'm upset so, so many people would answer the
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  question, say hell no, that they would not get what they would.
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  They wouldn't do it again with the same person.
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  And that's understandable. Let's be real.
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  It's absolutely understandable that people feel that way.
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  I didn't keep it hot, y'all. That's one thing about me.
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  I'm a, I'm a keep it hot. I'm a keep it as ready as I
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  possibly can, right? Because so many people are going
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  to be dealing with this toxic narcissistic person.
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  So many people are going to be hurting and trying to make it
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  work. So many people are going to try
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  to be understanding what they're going through.
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  This is why it sucks when I do these videos.
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  I'm telling you straight up that the narcissistic person doesn't
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  care about wasting your time because it's your time.
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  It's yours. It really is.
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  It's your time. They don't care about wasting
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  your time. Look, if I'm a selfish this over
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  eagerly overly eager to egotistical person, if I'm a
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  selfish overly egotistical person, why do I care about your
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  time? If everything is about me, why
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  do I care how you feel? Why do I care about how you we
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  got 10 years into this we gonna leave me yes, because doing that
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  10 years, although you were unhappy not getting your needs
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  met, I got mine met. So right now in this moment, I'm
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  not saying that. Look, y'all, this is not me
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  saying that you wasted your time with a narcissistic person,
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  right, 'cause I don't believe, I don't believe that, right?
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  I'm saying that right now, after you understand what you're going
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  through, then the clock starts ticking on wasting your time.
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  After you realize what you've been through, understand what
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  you went through, and you get that validation and clarity that
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  you want, that's when that's when the clock starts ticking on
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  wasting your time. Because that's when I believe
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  right there, that's when I understand.
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  That's when I actually think that you start wasting your time
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  once you absolutely understand what you're going through,
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  right? There's so many people out there
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  who don't understand it right being real.
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  There's so many people who that will never ever understand what
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  they are going through with the narcissistic person.
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  Your grandparents didn't have Lee Hammock's YouTube available
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  to them while you do. And I feel like your
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  grandparents might have left their toxic at your.
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  Your grandma might have left her toxic abusive as grandpa in your
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  toxic abusive as grandpa if they had this type of stuff available
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  to them. Your grandpa might have left
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  your line cheating as grandma if they had these video videos and
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  all this knowledge available, but you have it.
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  I don't think those people from the from our past generations
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  felt like they wasted their time because although they might have
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  been in those abusive, manipulative situations, they
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  might have tried to live their lives to the fullest extent that
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  they possibly could with the knowledge base that they had.
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  You, you who are healing from narcissistic abuse, have the
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  ability to understand what you're going through.
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  You have the information right in front of you.
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  So you have to ask yourself what what's going on here, right?
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  You have the information that your grandparents didn't have,
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  that your mom or your dad didn't have, that your brother and
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  sister might not have gotten, might not be Privy to right now.
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  You got it. So you have to act on it because
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  I guarantee that narcissistic person does not care about
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  wasting an ounce, an ounce, an ounce of your time.
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  It, it, it doesn't matter to them.
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  And that's what hurt. That hurts so many people's
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  feelings that it, it doesn't matter to them.
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  It's like Lee, I'm just so hurt. I'm just in so much pain.
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  I'm, I'm suffering right now. Why don't they just care?
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  They, they do not, do they not feel like they're wasting their
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  time? Y'all?
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  I'm sad to say no, they don't feel like they're wasting their
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  time with you. They really don't because
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  they're getting what they want from you.
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  You're the one who's not getting your needs met.
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  And this sucks for me to have to say that out loud.
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  You know what I mean? Well, Lee, that sucks.
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  You sound like you victim blaming.
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  I am not victim blaming. I absolutely am not.
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  Somebody other day told me I was victim blaming when I put
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  something simple on, I put something simple online.
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  You know, that's like, it sounds like victim blame.
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  I was like, wait, what? How the hell did you get victim
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  blaming out of this and other people?
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  Just like, how is this victim blame?
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  Like you? I feel like you're looking.
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  You're looking for something. I forgot what I said, but it was
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  absolutely not victim blame because the the people who have
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  actually been victims were defeating me.
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  They was like, yeah, this hell now this ain't this.
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  No, no, you know, Lee's page is not about that.
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  He ain't about blaming no victims.
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  He not about lack of accountability.
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  No, if he thought he was wrong, he would apologize.
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  He would just correct that shit because I would have, right?
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  This is not me victim blaming. This is victim empowerment.
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  This is trying to me trying to help you transition from
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  survivor to from victim to survivor to thriver.
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  That's my goal right here, right now.
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  It really is, you know, So you have to empower yourself on this
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  journey right now of healing, growth, thriving, and being able
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  to move forward. Seriously, seriously, that's
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  what I'm just telling. This is why I tell so many
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  people as you're as you're growing on your journey, this
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  clock is ticking. Now you're watching this video,
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  the clock is ticking. And I'm like, look, when I say
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  wasting your time, I don't mean that you should just up and
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  leave right now. I'm just like, at least say I'm
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  wasting my life while I'm staying here.
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  I didn't say that. I'm saying you're going to feel
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  like you're wasting your life staying in that relationship.
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  But also, but also you can try to live your while you're still
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  in it. Why are you trying to survive
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  and try to figure out what you want to do?
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  You can start living your life to the full extent right now
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  within certain within the parameters of your relationship,
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  right? I'm not telling you go out there
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  and look for new love while you're currently with somebody,
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  right? I'm not saying that.
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  I'm saying they start doing the stuff that you want to do, like
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  the stuff that they've been trying to hold you back from.
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  Go out and do it right? Absolutely go out and do the
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  stuff that they told you that you could not do seriously,
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  because I feel like it it it, it will empower some so many of
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  y'all to be take to take your power back to stand in your
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  truth, to stand in your power and just be like, you know what
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  to hell with this. I ain't dealing with this type
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  of shit. No MO and to just power yourself
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  up because I believe in you. But you have to believe in
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  yourself more than I believe in you, right?
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  You absolutely have to. That's one of the things that's
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  that's the exact lookout. That's a damn necessity right
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  there. That's a necessity that you have
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  to get a hold to. You know me, but there's a big
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  piece of it and whatnot. So I said it to say this y'all,
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  in closing, they don't feel like they're wasting their time, but
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  they will act. But they will actively try to
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  waste yours like they will. Yeah, they will move on and be
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  in an entirely new relationship and still be telling you that
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  they that they love you and they're trying to figure things
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  out and they don't want, they want to come back and they just,
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  they don't know what they, they don't know what to do.
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  They made a mistake and rabble rabble rabble, blah, blah blah,
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  Boo Boo Boo BB B. But they're not.
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  They don't. Again, they're living their life
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  and they're getting their needs met.
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  You are not. So you have to make the choice
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  for yourself. Y'all before I go.
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  Y'all before I go. My new course is available right
• 11:17
  now. It's called finding your why,
• 11:20
  Finding your why. I'm going to put the picture
• 11:21
  right here on the screen so you can see it looks like this.
• 11:24
  It's available at courses.mentalillness.net.
• 11:28
  I'll put the link in the description of every video and
• 11:30
  podcast that you see. It's about about healing and
• 11:34
  thriving after narcissistic abuse.
• 11:36
  Y'all, it's 40 videos, 40 longer videos about how to heal from
• 11:43
  narcissistic abuse. I put together this course from
• 11:47
  the knowledge that I've gained from my own personal experience
• 11:49
  and the knowledge that I've gained from coaching and
• 11:51
  mentoring over 4500 people over the last five years.
• 11:55
  All this stuff I put together, all that knowledge I've squeezed
• 11:57
  together in this 40 video course.
• 12:00
  It's self-paced is a powerful course.
• 12:03
  It is not crazy expensive. This is this is not a A10
• 12:06
  thousand 5010 to $2000 course. I promise you so I'm gonna put
• 12:12
  the link in the description of every video and podcast that I
• 12:14
  do from this point forward. Check it out.
• 12:16
  It's called finding your why, how to heal from narcissistic.
• 12:20
  I'm excited about this. I put it.
• 12:21
  I wrote a script. I got AI got everything for this
• 12:24
  course, but check it out. If you've taken the course
• 12:26
  already taken my other courses leave a review.
• 12:28
  I have a support group. Everything is at
• 12:30
  courses.mentalillness.net. I will see you later peace.
• 12:33
  Before you go make sure that you hit that subscribe button if you
• 12:36
  haven't already. Y'all you already here just hit
• 12:38
  the button. Also you can find my coaching,
• 12:40
  my courses, my one on ones. Everything is available at my
• 12:43
  website, mentalillness.net, kids book, self love journal.
• 12:47
  Also check out joining the channel memberships as well.
• 12:49
  Y'all thank you so much for being here.
• 12:51
  I'm super grateful I'm out. Peace.