Latest / True Horror Stories / 3 True Airbnb Horror Stories That Will Make You Rethink Your Next Booking

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3 True Airbnb Horror Stories That Will Make You Rethink Your Next Booking · True Horror Stories

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: So I work at a small McDonald's in an even
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: smaller town in the South, and I've encountered many strange
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: people and seen some fucked up things so far. But
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I saw something today that I thought I would never see,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and was shocked at how many people didn't notice or
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: didn't care about what was taking place right next to them.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: I was working behind the counter at around seven pm,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: and we had lots of people in the lobby, a
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: few children as well. I like kids, so usually I
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: watched them play around in the lobby because they're really cute.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: But I got distracted by the large amount of customers
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: we had to serve and ignored them for about fifteen minutes.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I looked back, though, when I heard a man ask
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: in a small voice, almost whispering, so how old are you?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I turn around to see this extremely tall guy with
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: a shaved head and red shirt talking to a little
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: girl who looked to be about five or six. He
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: had a little boy around the same age on his
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: shoulders who was giggling. They were beautiful children, with blond
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: hair and blue eyes. I saw that they were happy
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: and that the guy seemed friendly, but something in my
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: head was extremely worried. I had a huge suspicion upon
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: seeing this that these kids were not his. What grown
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: man would ask a little girl how old she is?
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: And if he knew who they were, wouldn't he already know?
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Why would he care? But after this he said something
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: that made my heart sink. You should come with me. Now.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I have a little brother who's six too, Let's go
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: play with him. He then began to walk to the
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: exit with the boy on his shoulders and the girl
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: tagging along. I immediately shot for the door to stop him,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: just as a lady with blond hair came out of
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: the bathroom shouting, Hey, where are you going? Get over here.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: The tall guy froze with eyes as big as saucers,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: who was fucking petrified. The lady then scooped up the
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: little girl in her arm and reaches for the boy
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: as the tall guy lets him down, stammering, oh, I
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: was just playing with your kids. They're really nice kids.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: I just really like kids. All at once with a
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: nervous smile. The blond lady then faked a smile back,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: but still had eyes that clearly said stay the fuck
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: away from my children, you fucking creep. But her mouth
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: ended up saying, oh, well, I'm glad you had a
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: nice time, but we need to order now. She then
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: led her kids to the back of the restaurant. The
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: tall guy hurried out of the front exit, and the
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: lady clutched her kids close to her the entire time
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: she was there, even in their booth. If I ever
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: see that guy work again, I will immediately call the
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: cops on him. Who knows what would have happened to
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: those kids if I wasn't looking well their mother hadn't
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: come out of the bathroom at that very second. I
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: think it's awful that she left her kids unattended in
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: a full restaurant lobby, but no one does deserve to
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: lose their children to a disgusting creep with a sick
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: grin like that. When I was growing up, my dad
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: and I lived with my grandparents. My parents had me
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: while they were teenagers, and my dad got full custody
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: because he lived with my grandparents and my mom was
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: just living with random friends, going from house to house
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: every few weeks. I was the daughter my grandparents never had,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: and they doated on me. When I was six, my
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: grandpa passed away from cancer. This story takes place about
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: five months after he passed. This was, I believe or
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: on a Saturday, and my dad was at work. My
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: grandm decided to take me to McDonald's for lunch, and
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: like any six year old, I was really excited. So
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: we go down to the McDonald's that was about a
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: mile and a half from our house, order our lineunch,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: and sit down at a table to eat. At the time,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: we were the only ones eating inside. About ten minutes
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: after we sit down, though, a scraggly looking man walks in,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: orders a meal and sits down at the table diagonally
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: in front of us to the left. The area we
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: lived in was middle and upper class, so this guy
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: looked pretty out of place. Graham had her back to him,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: but I could see him perfectly. This man was in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: at least his mid fifties, with really wiry, scraggy and
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: dirty white hair and a beard. He had on blue
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: shorts and a white T shirt, also kind of dirty,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: and sandals. It's amazing this happened twenty one years ago,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: but I can remember it like it was yesterday. So
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I noticed that under the table this man had something
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: dark pink and wrinkly in his lap, and he kept
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: glancing at me and rubbing in every few seconds. In kindergarten,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: we learned about stranger danger and good touch bad touch,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: and learned which parts of our body people weren't supposed
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: to touch. It clicked in my six year old head
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: that this man was not supposed to have that out
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: like that, nor be doing what he was doing. I
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: got really queasy and nervous. I didn't want to tell
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: my Graham right then and there, because I thought the
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: man might hurt us. If my dad had been there, though,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: I would have said something because my dad was my
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: hero and could take on anybody. Instead, I put my
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: happy meal box in front of my face so my
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: view of this guy could be blocked. I had about
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: half of my food left, but at this point I
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: had lost my appetite. Graham asked me if I was full,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: and I just nodded yes. I was and still am
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: very petite, so not finishing a full meal was nothing
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: new for me. She asked me if I wanted to
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: go play in the play area before we left, but
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I just shook my head and quietly said I want
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: to go home. Graham cleared our table and we left.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: When we got home. I was still really nervous and
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: I felt like I was going to throw up. Graham
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: asked me, what's the matter. Munchkin her pet name for me,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: and I started crying and told her about the man
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: at the mc donald's and what I saw. My Graham
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: didn't panic or freak or get hysterical. She just hugged
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: me and said, it's all right, go on to your
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: room and play. I'll take care of it. She wiped
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: my tears, give me a blueberry kool Aid burst, and
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: told our dog Patches to go to my room with me,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: which she did. After I was out of earshot, Graham
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: called the mc donald's and told them about this guy.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Turns out he was still there. The manager told grammy'd
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: take care of it and call her back. An hour later,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: the manager calls back and tells Graham they called the police,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: who showed up in record time and arrested the guy.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: When the police told the man to stand up, his
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: frank and beans were still hanging out of his shorts.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: The manager also told Graham that you could bring me
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: back for a month's worth of coupons for free happy meals.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: I have another story about a weirdow that happened a
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: few years later, and this time my dad was there,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: and believe me, what my dad did to him was
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: not pretty. But that's a story for another time.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I'm of the ripe old age of ninety one, so
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: as you can probably guess, we're going to have to
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: go back quite a few years for this story. Back
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: in nineteen fifty seven, I was twenty eight years young
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: and I was working as a door to door salesman
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: for Howard and Lawrence home Insurance. Back in those times,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: a door to door salesman was an honest living. You
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: would have your fair share of turnaways, but at least
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: you didn't get the door slammed in your like you
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: do now. My colleagues and I were working this remote
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: neighborhood outside of Tyler, Texas. We would take turns knocking
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: on doors trying to sell the good people of Texas
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: homeowners insurance policies. Our initial sweeps to the neighborhood were unsuccessful,
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: but I was ambitious At this time in my life.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I had been married for a year and my eldest
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: was only six months old, so that commission pay I
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: would receive by closing a deal was a priority for me.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: There was this two story Cyprus house with some horse
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: stables out front, and stood out to me because most
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: of the dwellings up to this point had been for
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: simple living, and the owners of this place looked like
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: they were better off as it were, so I viewed
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: it as a golden opportunity. As I was approaching the house,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: I got this unnerving feeling deep inside. But I ignored this
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: feeling and did what I came there to do. Howard
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: and Lawrence homeowner's insurance, and I speak to the man
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: of the house. Anybody home there did not appear to
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: be anyone in the house. Had it been any other day,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I would have most likely just taken my leave. But
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: as I said earlier, I was eager to make a deal.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: I wanted to impress my superiors by being the first
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: one to sell off a policy in this particular area.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: So I figured that the homeowner was probably out back
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: chopping some firewood or fixing a tractor. I grew up
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: on a farm myself, when I can tell you from
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: experience there is always work to be done somewhere. As
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: I made my way around back, this uneasy feeling persisted.
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: That's when I saw it. There was something on the
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: ground behind the side house. It looked like a bed
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: sheet with bloodstains on it, with a machete sticking out
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: of the ground beside it. I didn't want to come
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: to any rash conclusions. Perhaps it was a deer carcass
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: or a dead hog, but something told me that I
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: had to take a look. I had to see what
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: was beneath the sheets. What I saw was truly horrifying.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: An utter shot, I stood and turned, and that's when
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: I saw him. In a panic, I made a break
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: for it. I knew that if I ran back the
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: way I entered from, the man with the axe surely
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: would have caught me. That left me with no choice
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: but to take my chances in the forest behind the property.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Upon entering, I seemed to have lost the man with
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: the axe. He had been hot on my heels, closing in,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: but as soon as I crossed the tree line, he disappeared.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: It was now a game of cat and mouse. While
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I was wondering aimlessly among the trees, looking over my shoulder,
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: every five seconds, I heard another set of footsteps coming
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: from somewhere nearby, so I quickly hid behind this large
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: tree hoping that the man would pass by so I
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: could discreetly head back in the direction of the house.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: The man walked right past the tree I was hiding behind,
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: and as it was just about to make my move,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: the unthinkable happened. I panicked and stupidly went back to
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: my hiding spot. I could now hear the man with
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: the axe closing in. He knew exactly where I was.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: The only thing I could think to do was just
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: to bow my head and pray. This man would most
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: definitely bury that hatchet into my head. But it was
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: my own fear that was my ultimate downfall. I didn't
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: pray for my life to be spared. I asked God
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: to forgive my sins and watch over my family. I
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: remembered wondering if it would be over quickly. To my surprise,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: death never came, and I heard footsteps heading away from
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: my hiding place. I got up and saw the man
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: heading back towards the house. I simply didn't understand what
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: was happening. I thought maybe I was already a ghost,
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: but the pounding in my chest told me that I
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: was still very much alive. I didn't know what to
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: make of the situation, so I decided to hide out
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: in these woods a while longer. After about an hour,
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: the Texas heat finally got the best of me, and
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: I eventually backtracked my way to the house. Maybe not
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: the smartest move, but I figured that if the man
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: was going to end me, he already had plenty of
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: opportunity to do so. And besides, I had left my
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: briefcase behind. When I finally made it back there, there
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: was no sign of the man with the axe or
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: the bloody sheets. There was only a few red stains
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: on the ground next to my briefcase. I took my
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: leave and reported this incident to the local sheriff. I
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: found out that the old lady who lived at that
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: house had recently passed away and the place was unoccupied.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: The woman's son would come by every day to take
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: care of the horses, but after seeing photos of him,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: I can say with certainty that he was not the
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: man that I saw that day. The sheriff suggested that
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: who I saw that day had been a poacher who
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: was illegally hunting on that property, and me walking around
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: in the Texas sun all day had caused me to
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: see things. There had been no missing persons report filed
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: anywhere around that area, and without a body, there wasn't
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: really much the sheriff could do. Mind you, this was
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: long before the times of forensic science or DNA testing.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: But I do know what I saw under those bed sheets.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Someone had met a very gruesome end. It was ultimately
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: this experience that made me quit being a door to
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: door salesman. I couldn't tell you why the man with
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: the axe didn't kill me. It's something that baffles me
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: to this very day. I'm just grateful that I didn't
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: end up in a bed sheet myself.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I'm a twenty three year old mail in Florida, fairly introverted,
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: and I hardly get out of the house. This encounter
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: happened a few months ago. It was about twelve a m.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: And I was getting a bit stir crazy and needed
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: to get out and just chill with someone. So I
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: texted as special lady friend of mine. We made plans
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: to do our normal routine of hanging out at this
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: nice secluded park. I went and picked her up. We
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: drove past our spawn and spent a couple of hours
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: just chatting about anything and everything. Then she got hungry,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: so we decided to hop in the car and drive
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: down the road a bit to McDonald's. Hooray for twenty
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: four to seven fast food. This is where things started
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: getting weird, though. We arrived at the McDonald's and went
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: inside instead of through the drive through. She ordered her
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: food while I went to the restroom to wash my hands.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I'm a bit of a neat freak. I really wish
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I hadn't gone into the restroom that night. As soon
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: as I walked in, I saw this guy standing at
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: one of those heater dryer things. All right, not too weird,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: but then I noticed that he was kind of hunched
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: over at it and wasn't moving whatever. I chose to
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: ignore him. I washed my hands, but then I realized
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: that he's standing at the only dryer in the place,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: and the damn paper towels are also empty. So I
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: awkwardly try to ask the guy if he was done
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: using the dryer. He doesn't respond. I really creeped out.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: I just walk out and draw my hands on my shirt.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I get out of the restroom and find my friend
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: and we sit down at a table to eat. Maybe
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: twenty minutes go by and we're headed back out to
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: the car to go back to our spot. Well, my
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: friend has to use the restroom, so I figure I'm
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: mad as well. Also, I mean, surely that guy had
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: to be gone by now, right wrong? That guy is
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: still standing at the dryer, mumbling something to himself. Now,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: I go into the stall and take a leak, and
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: I can hear him hitting the button on the dryer
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: over and over again. I wash my hands again and
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: don't even attempt to get at the dryer, but the
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: guy moves just as I'm trying to walk past him.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: He steps back right in my path and just looks
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: at me. I notice he's around my age. He just
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: stares at me and says, excuse me, okay, hey. I
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: put my head down and quickly say pardon me and
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: rush around him to get out of the restroom. Thirty
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: seconds later, as I'm waiting for my friend to get
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: out of the ladies restroom and the guy walks out,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: he just sits down at a table near me and
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: just staring straight at me. My friend walks out and
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: notices the creep just eyeballing me. She jokingly asks, make
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: a new friend in there. I just shake my head
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: at her and try to lean her out to the
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: car without making it obvious that I'm wanting to run
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: from the guy. And then he does the weirdest thing.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: He just starts calckuling like a madman, I mean, straight
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: up joker laugh. I'm thinking to myself, Oh shit, this
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: crazy drug a dude is gonna do something bad. He
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: then just stops, suddenly looks down at my feet and says,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: nice shoes. Oh Cyrus O. Cyrus is a brand of shoe,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: by the way to stutter, thanks, and I walk away
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: quickly out to the car. As my friend and I
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: are getting in, we noticed the guy staring at me
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: from inside the McDonald's, just straight eyeballing me death stare.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: He then stands up and starts booking it towards us.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: He wasn't running, but he was like speed walking. He
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: burst through both doors of the McDonald's and starts coming
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: right at us. Now he looks angry. I pulled onto
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: the parking lot so fast. It's a damn good thing.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: The roads were empty. My friend and I went back
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: to our spot and hung out some more. Every car
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: we saw in the distance, I kept freaking out, expecting
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: it to be that weird guy following us. My friend
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: teases me about it the entire night, and still teases
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: me about it to this day, about how I made
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: friends with the creeper in the bathroom who liked my shoes.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: I was living in a low income the housing apartment
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: in Minnesota, and at the time, my mom and I
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: simply couldn't afford to have an actual Internet provider, and
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: this meant that I leeched off of people in my
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: building who had an unprotected wireless connection. Whenever their Internet
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: connections would go out, I would be forced to walk
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: down to McDonald's in order to use the free Wi
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Fi there. This had become a pretty common thing for me.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: During one of these internet drafts, I was standing about
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: in the lobby of my apartment about to leave when
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: the guy who lived next door to me, an older
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: guy named Joe, stops me before I go. He tells
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: me that him and another one of my neighbors were
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: going to McDonald's for coffee and that he'd buy me
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: one if I went along. I figured why not. I
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: didn't really know much about Joe, since I mostly kept
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: to myself. Let me explain Joe. He's a hunchback with
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: a beard, gut and a Zzy top esque beard was
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: full of food crumbs that I can only assume were
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: from a mcbiscuit. But he seemed like a nice enough guy,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: so I went along, and after a ride in his
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: rickety truck through the Minnesota winter, I was happy to
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: reach the McDonald's free WiFi had last and if Joe
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: held up to his word free mccaffee as well, I
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: sit down and fire up the laptop to soak in
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: all that free WiFi. Soon after, Joe comes back with
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: our mccaffee's. As soon as he sits down, he starts
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: asking me in a raspy voice, so, boy, ever heard
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: of God's DNA? I look up from the Windows loading
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: screen and ask what. I was totally baffled and thinking great,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: stuck with another fucking missionary. He goes on to inform
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: me that God's DNA is the molecules that hold the
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: universe together, not to mention, it's what makes men genetically
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: superior to women. I sure as shit didn't learn that
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: in physics class. So I blew him off, and when
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I got the chance, quietly ducked into another booth to
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: browse the Internet in peace. He didn't seem to notice,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: because afterwards a barrage of freaky, beardy lumberjack dudes would
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: come in and out of the McDonald's and talk to
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: him for like fifteen minutes at a time. I can
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: only assume they were talking about God's DNA because I
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: did my best not to pay any attention, but Joe
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: and his gang of weirdos still gave me a very
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: creeped out feeling. I could tell that they kept looking
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: over to stare at me when they thought I wasn't looking.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Having had enough weirdness for the night, I decided to
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: duck out. When he hobbled off to the bathroom, I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: assume only to take an epic mixed shit. I took
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: my chance, folded up the laptop, and headed out to
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: brave the cold Minnesota winter. On the way back home,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I reckon that having to put up with the elements
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: was still preferable to being around a bunch of weird
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: looking lumberjack creeps. I was almost back to the apartment
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: when I heard the truck slowly rolled up and crunching
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: the snow. I looked over my shoulder and saw Joe
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: in his truck. Next to him was another one of
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: those fucking bearded bums from McDonald's. I waved to them,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: but I got no response whatever. But then every night
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: after that, every time I went to McDonald's, either Joe
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: or one of his weird o lumberjack buddies would be there.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I could practically feel them leering at me. They always
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: appeared grungy and disheveled. Forced to go to McDonald's just
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: to use the internet. I tried avoiding them as much
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: as I could. It almost seemed as if they knew
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: ahead of time that I was going to be there.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: Considering they all had a relationship with Joe, I think
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: it's very much likely that they actually did. Eventually, someone
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: broke into Joe's apartment and stole his bicycle, prompting him
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: to move elsewhere. I learned a couple of things about
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Joe after he left the apartment, such as that he
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: traded most of his foods dance every month for drugs,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: and that he regularly told women in our apartment that
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: he wanted to leave his body in spirit and ravish
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: them in their sleep, whatever that meant. After this point, though,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I saw the MacDonald stalkers only sparingly, and then finally
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: never again.