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What If You Stay "Blind" After You Die? · Prioritize Your Life

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  Speaker 1: What if someone was in an accident that caused them
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  Speaker 1: to go blind? And then what if when they died,
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  Speaker 1: they stayed blind? And in order to have their sight
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  Speaker 1: restored in the afterlife, they had to learn to see
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  Speaker 1: the things that they failed to see in life.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to Prioritize Your Life and PrioritizeYourLife.com. Today we have
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  Speaker 2: Nathan Sellers. Thank you so much for joining us today.
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  Speaker 2: For me, this is honestly a treat. I worked with
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  Speaker 2: him at a residential treatment facility for youth probably eight
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  Speaker 2: years ago. And your day today is still right, a
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  Speaker 2: counselor at that same place. So that's awesome. First, thank
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  Speaker 2: you for what you do in the world. And I
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  Speaker 2: know it's hard. you get up and you make the
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  Speaker 2: world a better place by helping people. So I just
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  Speaker 2: have to thank you, first of all, for that. During
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  Speaker 2: that time while we were there, I looked up to you.
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  Speaker 2: I just really loved the way that you work with
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  Speaker 2: people and how personable you are, even to everyone, not
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  Speaker 2: just the boys, but the staff. And I just always
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  Speaker 2: thought you're an incredible person. So thanks so much for coming.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm excited.
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  Speaker 2: Do you have, with your expertise, either one thing or
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  Speaker 2: a couple things that you could tell someone that is
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  Speaker 2: dealing with trauma?
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  Speaker 3: Like where to start?
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  Speaker 2: Where can you start? I mean, obviously buying your book
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  Speaker 2: is one. That's a really cheesy, really terrible plug. But
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  Speaker 2: obviously the world that we're living in seems like every
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  Speaker 2: year it's just more complicated in every way. And trauma
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  Speaker 2: is like almost just a part of almost everyone's life
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  Speaker 2: in one way or another.
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  Speaker 1: And there's like, there's big T trauma.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And there's little T trauma. And I think the little
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  Speaker 1: T trauma is what we ignore sometimes because it seems like.
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  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, come on, toughen up.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Right. And it's this thing that I've learned as I've
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  Speaker 1: been a therapist. And I get better at it every year.
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  Speaker 1: I had this epiphany probably seven years ago while I
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  Speaker 1: was working with this family. And it's sometimes easy when
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  Speaker 1: you're working with parents of a troubled kid to like.
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  Speaker 3: Judge them.
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  Speaker 1: You must suck as a parent, right? And that is
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  Speaker 1: the dumbest thing we could ever do. And I had
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  Speaker 1: this moment where I was thinking, because I'm very familiar
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  Speaker 1: with their son, right? I was working with him and
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  Speaker 1: very challenging kid. And I was in that moment of judgment.
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  Speaker 1: And I thought, what if I was raising him? And
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  Speaker 1: immediately I was like, that would be so hard. So
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  Speaker 1: how would I, man, I would struggle with this too.
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  Speaker 1: And immediately I went from this place of like judgment
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  Speaker 1: to this place of just compassion just love and compassion
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  Speaker 1: for these parents. And I haven't like, it's so easy
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  Speaker 1: for me now to not be in that place of judgment,
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  Speaker 1: to just be in that like, man, you are going
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  Speaker 1: through something hard and I'm here to help you navigate that.
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  Speaker 1: And so I've learned that empathy is magic.
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  Speaker 3: Empathy is magic. And it is, there are so many.
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  Speaker 1: Times where I will have a parent who I'm working with,
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  Speaker 1: they're upset about something that's going on with their son
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  Speaker 1: or something that's happened. And I'll just sit with them
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  Speaker 1: and just say, yeah, that is so hard. This has
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  Speaker 1: been really challenging for you, hasn't it? And their energy
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  Speaker 1: goes from here to here. What if we did that
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  Speaker 1: to ourselves? What if we had empathy for ourselves? What
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  Speaker 1: if we had compassion for ourselves? to really heal, to
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  Speaker 1: forgive ourselves, and to recognize that there are things that happen.
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  Speaker 3: In our life that aren't our fault.
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  Speaker 1: And they might not even be someone else's fault, but
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  Speaker 1: they're circumstances of life. That compassion, I think, is the
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  Speaker 1: crux of healing from trauma. The empathy and the compassion
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  Speaker 1: for others and for ourself. Without it, I don't think
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  Speaker 1: healing happens.
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  Speaker 3: We need it.
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  Speaker 1: Think about how mean we are to ourselves. Think about
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  Speaker 1: the self-talk that we say to ourselves. Like if we've
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  Speaker 1: done something maybe stupid or even if something's happened to us,
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  Speaker 1: when we say things like, man, you deserve that, you're
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  Speaker 1: so stupid, would we ever say that to a loved one? No,
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  Speaker 1: we would never say something like that, but we say
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  Speaker 1: it to ourselves all the time.
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  Speaker 3: And what if we change that?
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  Speaker 1: What if we said something like, wow, that was hard,
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  Speaker 1: and you're strong, and you can handle hard things.
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  Speaker 3: You are lovable.
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  Speaker 1: You have worth. What if we said that to ourselves instead?
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  Speaker 1: How much quicker we could heal from our trauma. Another
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  Speaker 1: aspect that I think is important to healing from trauma
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  Speaker 1: is stepping out of a victim mindset. And sometimes that
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  Speaker 1: sounds weird, like, but no, You're a victim.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, you are.
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  Speaker 1: You might've been a victim, right? We're all victims in
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  Speaker 1: one way or another, whether that be to a situation
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  Speaker 1: or to circumstance. But stepping out of the victim mindset
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  Speaker 1: is different because a victim mindset says, I can't change.
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  Speaker 1: I have no power. I have no influence over my life.
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  Speaker 1: I'm relegated to this situation. Whereas when we step out
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  Speaker 1: of that victim mindset, we say, I actually have control.
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  Speaker 1: I don't have control of the past. The past happened.
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  Speaker 1: But if I can accept that the past happened, own that,
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  Speaker 1: and then move forward. Consciously choosing what I will do.
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  Speaker 1: Consciously choosing how I think about myself.
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  Speaker 3: Then you have power.
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  Speaker 1: Right?
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  Speaker 3: I remember.
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  Speaker 1: I was getting some training for some specific therapeutic skills
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  Speaker 1: and was doing.
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  Speaker 3: My own work in that.
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  Speaker 1: I remember having this just remarkable experience where I went
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  Speaker 1: from this intense anger just radiating heat through my whole
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  Speaker 1: body about a situation that had happened in my life
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  Speaker 1: and then I had this realization and And the realization
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  Speaker 1: was that person that was doing something to me had
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  Speaker 1: had something done to him. And that person had had
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  Speaker 1: something done to him. And it was this generational kind
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  Speaker 1: of thing. And I realized what he was doing to
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  Speaker 1: me wasn't about me.
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  Speaker 3: It wasn't me.
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  Speaker 1: And it opened up this huge emotional window for me
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  Speaker 1: to like, Just heal. And I went from this intense
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  Speaker 1: anger to.
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  Speaker 3: Love. How's that even possible, right?
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  Speaker 1: Intense anger to love. And it was love for myself
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  Speaker 1: and it was love for this person. And the intensity,
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  Speaker 1: like I can go back and think about that memory
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  Speaker 1: that happened to me and I don't have the emotion
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  Speaker 1: there anymore. Like the intensity, it's gone. I remember it
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  Speaker 1: very clearly. I remember it being really painful. bad, but
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  Speaker 1: the intensity is gone because it's been replaced. And I
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  Speaker 1: remember getting on the phone right after that training and
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  Speaker 1: I called this person up and just said, I forgive you.
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  Speaker 1: And the person didn't even remember it, but immediately apologized.
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  Speaker 3: I'm so sorry.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't know I had that impact on you. And
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  Speaker 1: it was just this healing process, right? That's what trauma
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  Speaker 1: can be. And an interesting thing with trauma is sometimes
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  Speaker 1: when it comes to forgiveness, we think that forgiving someone
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  Speaker 1: is saying that what they did was okay.
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  Speaker 3: And it isn't.
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  Speaker 1: Forgiveness is something far different. The act of forgiveness is
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  Speaker 1: actually saying that what someone did wasn't okay. Right? And
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  Speaker 1: to forgive is saying, hey, I have power. This is
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  Speaker 1: something that's in my control and only my control to
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  Speaker 1: give because forgiveness is a gift. And it's not just
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  Speaker 1: a gift to that person, but it's a gift to
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  Speaker 1: ourself as well.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, that answers your question.
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  Speaker 1: To get started, I mean, there's a lot to healing
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  Speaker 1: from trauma, but those are huge principles right there.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Well, it sounds like in your own life, going back
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  Speaker 2: to empathy is magic, it sounds like that was the
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  Speaker 2: trick right there. You suddenly.
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  Speaker 3: see something.
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  Speaker 2: Then that that goes right back to your book too
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  Speaker 2: right you could suddenly see and had this layer of
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  Speaker 2: empathy for this person that you it was you were
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  Speaker 2: blind to that until finally it was like oh do
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  Speaker 2: you have any do you have any suggestions is there
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  Speaker 2: like an empathy like how do i develop empathy because
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  Speaker 2: that's it seems like some people have that gift right
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  Speaker 2: of just it.
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  Speaker 1: Is a gift isn't it but it can be developed
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  Speaker 1: yeah as an empath um it's hard for me to
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  Speaker 1: sometimes understand how people can't do it.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I think creativity is a huge part of empathy because
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  Speaker 1: it requires us to genuinely put ourselves in another person's shoes.
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  Speaker 1: To actually go there, to suspend our own self, right?
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  Speaker 1: To suspend that idea of, well, my perspective is clearly
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  Speaker 1: the only perspective. And so everyone should just see through
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  Speaker 1: my perspective, right?
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  Speaker 3: No, that's stupid.
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  Speaker 1: But when we can learn to like, okay, I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to go in that creative process. I'm going to put
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  Speaker 1: myself in their position and feel what they might be feeling.
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  Speaker 1: And instead of trying to feel what they might be
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  Speaker 1: feeling from my perspective, try to see it from their perspective.
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  Speaker 1: If I've hurt someone, which I'm sure I've done hundreds
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  Speaker 1: of times, intentionally and unintentionally, what if I went into
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  Speaker 1: their position and learned what it was like to be
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  Speaker 1: them outside of my relationship with them? Learn about their
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  Speaker 1: experience in life. Maybe they've been harmed or maybe someone
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  Speaker 1: has said something to them that what I said triggered them.
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  Speaker 1: And then I put myself in their shoes of what
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  Speaker 1: that was like, to feel that, to know what that
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  Speaker 1: was like, to experience that, and not try to compare
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  Speaker 1: it to myself. Comparison is the thief of joy, right?
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  Speaker 1: Not comparing, just being, being present with, and not trying
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  Speaker 1: to change their feeling.
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  Speaker 3: To match my agenda.
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  Speaker 2: Right, yeah.
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  Speaker 3: That's beautiful.
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  Speaker 2: I've never thought of empathy as a creative process, but
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  Speaker 2: that's awesome. That's totally, in some ways it's like, it'd
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  Speaker 2: be almost like in that case, like the process an.
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  Speaker 3: Actor goes through.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 3: And like learning a character.
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  Speaker 2: And that's what it made me think of.
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  Speaker 3: It's exactly that. That's fantastic.
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  Speaker 2: So you have a book and it's not something I
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  Speaker 2: don't think you ever kind of expected. And I love
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  Speaker 2: what you're doing because first of all, I'm a storyteller myself.
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  Speaker 2: So creating stories I feel like is a wonderful way
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  Speaker 2: to make a change and make a difference in the
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  Speaker 2: world because you can touch people at these different levels.
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  Speaker 2: And even think about some of the stories that have
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  Speaker 2: made a big difference in the world, even like, you know,
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  Speaker 2: the Christmas Carol, you know, these things that have these
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  Speaker 2: awesome foundational morals and people bring it into their lives.
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  Speaker 2: And if they really think about it, it can, it
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  Speaker 2: can change lives. So I love what you're doing. I'd
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  Speaker 2: love to hear the story about all of it.
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  Speaker 3: If we have time. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So this, this is, this has been such a cool
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  Speaker 1: experience for me.
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  Speaker 3: Um, Because I.
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  Speaker 1: Was reflecting on this even just a month ago. When
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  Speaker 1: I was in fifth grade, my teacher asked me, Nathan,
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  Speaker 1: what do you want to be when you grow up?
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  Speaker 1: And I remember very clearly saying to her, I want
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  Speaker 1: to be an author. And she said, well, why? And
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  Speaker 1: I said, well, because I think it would be cool
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  Speaker 1: to have people read something that I wrote.
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  Speaker 3: That was fifth grade. Like I wasn't.
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  Speaker 1: Like that was not my life goals, right? But I
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  Speaker 1: was like, I remember thinking that because she was getting
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  Speaker 1: me into writing. Yeah. And then, you know, life continues
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  Speaker 1: and I wanted to be an artist and I was
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  Speaker 1: doing all sorts of art and fun.
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  Speaker 3: Stuff and loved it, right? And then life changes, right?
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  Speaker 1: I was into art and then I had, you know,
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  Speaker 1: some strong impressions in my life in college that I
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  Speaker 1: needed to change my major from art, right? and spent
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  Speaker 1: a lot of time thinking about, well, what would I
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  Speaker 1: do different? What else would I do? What else am
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  Speaker 1: I even good at? And it really clicked with me
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  Speaker 1: that I needed to be a therapist. I needed to
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  Speaker 1: help people with their internal struggles. And so I really
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  Speaker 1: pursued that. And that was actually a hard transition to
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  Speaker 1: go from art to therapy because I'm a very hands-on,
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  Speaker 1: get-in-the-dirt kind of person. And I've learned so much and
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  Speaker 1: I love engaging with people. I love that aspect of
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  Speaker 1: like getting past the surface, right? Getting through the false
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  Speaker 1: self that we put off to each other and getting
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  Speaker 1: to the core and the heart of someone. And more importantly,
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  Speaker 1: into relationships and helping relationships to shift and and move
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  Speaker 1: into something that is meaningful and full of love and,
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  Speaker 1: and hope. And so, and I've, I've been a therapist
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  Speaker 1: now for 15 years, but even in the midst of
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  Speaker 1: all that, this sense of, um, creation is, is never
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  Speaker 1: going to leave me, right? It's an important part of
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  Speaker 1: who I am. So I, you know, I've been doing
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  Speaker 1: art projects on the side, but about three years ago,
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  Speaker 1: I remember I was driving home and, um, and we,
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  Speaker 1: We were in the car and I was pulling in
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  Speaker 1: to the driveway and this idea hit me. And the
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  Speaker 1: idea was what if, what if someone was in an
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  Speaker 1: accident in life that caused them to go blind? And
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  Speaker 1: then what if when they died, they stayed blind? And
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  Speaker 1: in order to have their sight restored in the afterlife,
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  Speaker 1: They had to learn to see the things that they
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  Speaker 1: failed to see in life. And it was like, wow,
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  Speaker 1: that's a really cool idea. I have to write that story.
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  Speaker 1: And it was one of those things where it wasn't like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: that's just a cool idea. Because legitimately, in my head,
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  Speaker 1: I knew I had to write this story. There was
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  Speaker 1: a compelling something inside me that just said, you have
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  Speaker 1: to write this story. So I spent a lot of
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  Speaker 1: time researching and trying to figure out, what would actually
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  Speaker 1: cause someone to go blind? I don't want to have
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  Speaker 1: someone sprayed with acid or something like that. What are
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  Speaker 1: some legitimate reasons that someone might go blind? And so
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  Speaker 1: I spent a lot of time researching, trying to figure
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  Speaker 1: that out, and then figuring out, well, what kind of
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  Speaker 1: professions would losing sight really be a bad thing? And
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  Speaker 1: And that's where I tapped into some of my own experience.
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  Speaker 1: And I realized an art restorer, an art restorer really
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  Speaker 1: needs their site. And the connection of those two things
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  Speaker 1: of not just that they're visually needing that and having that,
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  Speaker 1: but also the restoration process and understanding the restoration process
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  Speaker 1: of something was really cool. The main character is an
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  Speaker 1: art restorer, and his greatest real joy in life is color.
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  Speaker 1: You know, the visual spectrum that he gets to play
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  Speaker 1: with in his profession. And then to be in an
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  Speaker 1: accident where he loses that is.
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  Speaker 3: Terrible, right?
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  Speaker 1: Like it is just this thing that is ripped away
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  Speaker 1: from him, and the joy and passion of life is gone.
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  Speaker 1: but he's kind of this bitter person and goes through
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  Speaker 1: life with that bitterness even before he was blind. People
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  Speaker 1: love him, people do things for him, but he had
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  Speaker 1: all this trauma in his life.
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  Speaker 3: That shifted the way he saw the world.
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  Speaker 1: He's having to make these realizations, this anger that he
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  Speaker 1: has to people or this resentment or this negative emotion
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  Speaker 1: that he has towards himself. because of things that have
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  Speaker 1: happened to him and, and to recognize it for what
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  Speaker 1: it is to heal from that and, and be through
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  Speaker 1: that healing, being able to see the good that was
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  Speaker 1: still happening in his life. He was there the whole time,
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  Speaker 1: but our vision is so often clouded by hurt and
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  Speaker 1: pain and negativity and, and our own rigidity, you know,
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  Speaker 1: and this is where it's now getting into that message, right?
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  Speaker 3: Is, Well, who am I? Nathan, right, as a person.
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  Speaker 1: What messages do I want to send? And I think
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  Speaker 1: the big thing that I found to be so important
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  Speaker 1: is what we focus on is what we create. If
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  Speaker 1: we focus on the negativity in our life, we will
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  Speaker 1: see it. It will be there. And if we focus
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  Speaker 1: on the good and the positive in our.
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  Speaker 3: Life, we will see it.
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  Speaker 1: And it will be there and we will see the
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  Speaker 1: abundance of it because the truth is they exist simultaneously, right?
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  Speaker 1: And so looking at my own life and looking at
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  Speaker 1: the lives of others, the people I work with, how
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  Speaker 1: often do I see that they miss the beauty in
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  Speaker 1: their life because of where their focus is? Now that
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  Speaker 1: might be because of trauma, right? And trauma is a
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  Speaker 1: real thing. And it shifts the way we think. It
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  Speaker 1: shifts our physiology. And that makes it so much harder.
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  Speaker 1: But that doesn't change the fact that the good is
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  Speaker 1: still there. And so that idea of healing.
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  Speaker 1: Physically by healing emotionally was a powerful one to me.
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  Speaker 1: And so I'm really motivated by this story and the
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  Speaker 1: impact that it can have on people's lives to to
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  Speaker 1: heal themselves. It's, it's been kind of cool. Cause I
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  Speaker 1: released the book a month ago. Okay. Yeah. And, um,
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  Speaker 1: I've had lots of people, um, reach out to me
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  Speaker 1: since they've read it.
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  Speaker 3: And it's like, wow.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I've, this is
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  Speaker 1: my first book I've ever written. I don't look at
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  Speaker 1: myself as this, like, you know, really amazing person or
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: anything like that. But, um, I got this, I had
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  Speaker 1: this email yesterday. I was looking at, um, of a
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  Speaker 1: mother who her son was at the facility that I
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: work at, um, years ago. And, but she started reading
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: it and she says, I couldn't stop. I just kept reading.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: And she, she sent me her Kindle notebook of, um,
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: of the notes and the highlights that she had from
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: the book. And to see the impact of that, um,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: that it had on her for her own mental wellbeing
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: and her own recovery and seeing that and, and making
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: sense of, you know, what her son was going through
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: was really cool. Right. Um, but the idea that the
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: afterlife is something far different than maybe sometimes we think
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: is like this, this freebie, like, yeah, okay, we die
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: and everything's good. And I don't think it is that
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I think there's still work. I think there's still healing.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: There's still growth.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: But it's also not a place for regret and resentment.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: It's a place for healing. But we have to do
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: the work to heal. And that's what my book is
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: all about, is there's work to be done to find beauty,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: whether it's in this life, and that's really what I'm
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: hoping to help people see, is let's be a little
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: more proactive, or in the next life.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: I'm really excited to read it. I just ordered mine
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: three days ago. It's too bad. I should have ordered
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: it so I could have talked from a little bit
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: more of a spot where I had read it. So
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: there is a link in the description below for you
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: to go and to check out this book. What is
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: it called, by the way?
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: I don't think we ever... Yeah. So the book is
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: called Sight. Okay. S-I-G-H-T. Yeah. I'm super excited for people
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: to read it. I wrote this.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: To change lives, to help people heal, to grow, and
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: to become their best self. And it's like therapy, right?
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: When you're reading it, it's therapy for yourself as you're
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: experiencing the therapy for the character.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, thank you so much for your time. I
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: wish you all the success with your book. And I
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: love being able to say that because this isn't just
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: something it's like, oh, you know, like Nathan's trying to
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: make a bunch of money on a book.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: It's like, this is a.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Tool for what you're already doing in your life to
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: help people change and to share a valuable message in
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: the world. So that's That's right up the alley of
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: everything we're trying to do with this channel. And I
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: hope people experience your book. And I'm excited to read it.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Nathan.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Thank you.