Latest / Jess Ask / Life After Motherhood: Overcoming Postpartum | Featuring Antwanette Glover | EP45

Transcript

Life After Motherhood: Overcoming Postpartum | Featuring Antwanette Glover | EP45 · Jess Ask

0:06
Hey, it's your girl, jess You've just entered a safe space for Kingdom
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entrepreneurs and creatives to decompress, have fun, and yeah, you've guessed it
0:17
a safe place to just ask. Before we get into it, be sure
0:21
to subscribe and download the podcast, follow me on all platforms at the Jessica
0:28
S. Smith and invital friend. Also make sure you DM me your feedback
0:35
and questions so we can keep the conversation going. Now, let's get into
0:41
this week's episode. It up. I feel like myself. I don't expect
0:48
to ever be myself again. Don't say nothing else. Don't say nothing else
0:59
that's getting tell me what your ready? Go? You ready? You ready?
1:07
You said you ready? Go go go go, go, go go
1:14
go. Who's singing that song? So you just you just decided to I
1:21
just heard it one time. Oh okay, let's just go yo. It's
1:29
your girl, Jessica as Smith and I want to welcome you guys to just
1:34
As, the podcast where we create safe spaces for influencers to decompress, have
1:41
fun, and just ask. I'm super excited to be here today, on
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this day, on this lovely weather. The weather is weathering today. The
1:49
weather is definitely weathering the wind. The chili winds are blowing. Okay,
1:55
that this morning you did you? Did you sing it out your heart?
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I did? Did you? Was great? I went found y'all missed desiret.
2:00
Yeah, I went and found her face and so I went this that,
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I went found the up, I went found the song and the winds
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don't blow me. I'm going, well, yeah, you're supposed to back
2:15
me up right there though, so you you feel you feel there was an
2:19
EPI fiel. Anyway, y'all, Justica in the building, Desirat in the
2:23
building up. I also gets it. When I say special, I mean
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in real life special like this. This is my girl right here, we
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go back like four flats on a cadillact. What color is it? Nick?
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What color is the cadillact? Nick? Yes, you do. We
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can go with it, y'all. Glover is in the building. This is
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my friend. This is She's just so brilliant. Okay, if you know,
3:00
if you're in the city, y'all know her like y'all. Don't act
3:01
like y'all like y'all y'all know her like they know you. You popular not
3:07
really from from the time I've known you, you've been popular in my eyes,
3:14
I guess popularity. Yeah, it looks different for everybody because you popular
3:17
in my eyes, it's like, hey, you know. I was like,
3:21
yeah, I don't know. I don't think I've met anybody that doesn't
3:24
know you in the city. I don't know everybody in the city, So
3:27
how do you know me? That's the point. That's the point to being
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popular. Everybody that's popular, they know them, I guess. But y'all,
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I wanted her on the platform. She she is, like I said,
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she is so intelligent, she's a mom, she's an influencer, right,
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and she has her own lifestyle community. That is what's called me because
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we don't changed the name. Yes, it's just it's just it's just her
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yep. Lifestyle, motherhood, faith, faith, food, food, family,
4:04
health, and willness. Come on, my Nancy, gotta bring awareness.
4:09
Come up. Yes, how you feeling todays? I'm feeling great.
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I'm so glad to be here and so glad to be here with you.
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No, I'll be glad to be here with you. Like I know,
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we don't even y'all. So life life changed dress. Okay, do we
4:28
want to tell the story a little bit? Do you wanna, okay,
4:34
So so let's start forgetting. So Nick and I have been we've been knowing
4:41
each other. I will tell you I'm laughing because I can't. I can
4:46
never tell our story without thinking about this. Okay, So I'm gonna lead
4:51
it part out. Okay, I'll leave it out. So we went to
4:55
Restoration Academy. So that was eighth grade. Yeah, that was eighth grade.
5:00
We're older now, I'm not gonna say, oh, we're older.
5:02
Okay. We got a little McCormick. So we we met at Restoration.
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That was our first introduction of each other. So eighth grade, and then
5:18
Net went to Fairfield. Well, she went somewhere else. I don't know
5:23
what. I went to JB. Norman to finish the year off. Okay,
5:28
you didn't finish that rest now, Okay. So a lot of things
5:31
happened in that time, don't asks us. It was a lot of things
5:34
going on. But Restoration is good. Now, this is good. Okay.
5:39
They stated, we're back in the day. So we met there and
5:46
then we picked back up. We went to the University of Alabama road time,
5:51
and we hit it off there and we had some classes together and hung
5:59
out a little bit and just you know, it was a friendly face.
6:02
And then we graduate and I ended up she ended up sending me some apartments.
6:11
I was ready to move at one point. I think it was a
6:13
couple of a couple of years and moved from college. At that point,
6:15
I did I send you to an apartment? Yes, girl, that's how
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I ended up buy you. You skipped apart? What part is my mom?
6:25
You are absolutely right. I got that. So that's before college.
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So I ended up seeing her again. I was selling insurance, y'all.
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Y'all thought that was during college. Oh, that was right after we graduated.
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We were going into our friend. Girl, let me tell you how
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my daddy told me I wasn't gonna work for nobody but him like that.
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So, y'all, I really tried to get me a server job, a
6:47
job doing something else, and my daddy wanted me to sell life. And
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I don't listen, but I want to be in your living room because your
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mama had counseled on me. Oh yeah, miss Katrina counseled on me.
7:02
She did, and because it was raining, the power had went out.
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I remember that the power went out, and she said, you told her
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that. She was like my daughter said, go ahead, come on you,
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I'm gonna need the life insurance. And she said, I ain't gonna
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never forget that because all of you. I remember that because when I got
7:19
to the house, I was like, I gotta tell this part, man.
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Okay, y'all, hold on, y'all. I don't remember it really,
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but don't judge me. It's real, stupid, y'all, it's real.
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So and I'm we're gonna get to the meeting, potatoes, But just
7:40
to set you guys up for where this is going, we have to tell
7:45
this part, well, the story, not this part. So I have
7:48
this fun this funny thing that we're on the phone one day and this is
7:54
eighth grade and I don't even know why we was on the phone, what
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we was talking about. You know, you be childish when you be childish,
8:00
And so I'm on the phone with her and I'm like, okay,
8:01
we're talking about something that she was like, God, bite your nose off.
8:11
I was like, my nose. I mustn't have anything like you bite
8:18
my nose. I would never let that down. So fast forward to her
8:24
mom need insurance. I go to her house, not knowing it's her house,
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and I was like, Oh, this isn't it She told me she
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was. I think it's funny and it's a fun fact about our relationship that
8:41
she don't remember. But yeah, so we reconnected there and then we see
8:45
each other in school, and then a few years removed from school, I
8:50
was looking for I mean, we're still talk or whatever, but we really
8:54
started hanging out when I moved to the apartments next to her apartment. So
8:58
she had an apartment comeplace, I had another apartment complex, and I learned
9:01
about that apartment complex because of her. And so that I mean, I
9:07
just gave y'all some years like there was that was That was the quick version
9:11
of our relationship until today. This is my sister, y'all. Like when
9:18
y'all talk about in a circle, when y'all talk about you know that that
9:24
chick, Like she's that chick for me. And so one of the things
9:28
like I appreciate about Unit is that you've always, no matter what, you
9:35
always kept it real with me. You've always kept real. And so let
9:39
me tell y'all something. Let me tell y'all something, because this is the
9:43
part of the conversation we're gonna get into. So fast forward, you know,
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I had finally got out this relationship that you know, I wanna say
9:52
finally, but the relationship ended. So both of us became homeowners within a
9:56
year of each other, and so I she came became a home on her
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first. Yeah, yeah, she became a home on her home on her
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first. And then I became a home owner, probably shortly, not too
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far after that, and so we both are home on her We were both
10:15
seagull probably third of the sixty days. The disneygro up and gets booed up.
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Now shout shout out to Fred. I love you, man, but
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you kind of came early. I was trying to be outside because we friend
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was trying to teach me how to be outside, okay, but she was
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having me grow closer to the Lord. It was a balance, yeah,
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it was a balance. I was trying to relearn my heaving language. Like
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we had, We had the things to do, We had plans and plans.
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Fred interjected. I love Fred, I really do. But I was
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like, I just got outside with my friend and now she want to be
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inside. Why are we doing this? And then we go to that beautiful
11:07
relationship creating my beautiful niece, my t Amora, and so she is a
11:15
beautiful mom, a beautiful partner, and she she has had some transitions,
11:22
and so I wanted us. I want to kind of like for us to
11:24
get into into that. Like I've seen you block, I've seen I've seen
11:30
you pre child, and i've seen you post child, and I really feel
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like you could you really, you really can write a book. Sis like
11:41
girl, you might, you might want to write a book because you really
11:46
went that transition. So let's let's let's walk walk it up. Because I
11:50
felt like that you lived your single life well and you you can, you
11:58
can, you can differ with me all that, but in my eyes,
12:01
because I was so relationship hungry, I felt like you lived it well and
12:09
you were so free and then you had to learn how to be committed to
12:16
motherhood. Like you you just stopped a lot of things to commit to motherhood.
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How did you? How was that transition for you? I think committing
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to Fred first was the transition for me because we was outside, that was
12:37
outside. But before he came even I wasn't as outside, not really,
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So I think I was just in a good place, like God had really
12:48
set me down because I feel like I was I desired to still have a
12:56
family and stuff like that. But I kind of had got to the point
12:58
where I was telling myself, I'm okay if it doesn't happen, and I
13:03
feel like I was telling me like, either you gonna trust me that I'm
13:07
gonna still do it for you, or you not, And so I kind
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of had to change my mindset, like, oh, nah, I'm gonna
13:13
be a wife, like I'm gonna be a mother. And the conversation we
13:16
had with Paris that morning, and then I had spokes to someone else who
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like a week afterwards, who graduated with me, who's a prophet, and
13:24
just both of them were speaking on the same things. They don't even know
13:28
each other, and it was just confirmation to me, like God reminded me,
13:31
like, I still got these plans for you. They just don't look
13:33
like what you thought they was gonna be like. And when you thought it
13:37
was gonna look like So why didn't you feel did you feel like it just
13:43
wouldn't go happen or were you afraid of the responsibility of it. I wasn't
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afraid of the resility. I just I just wouldn't seeing it happening because I
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wasn't gonna settle and not be happy, and I wanted a healthy relationship.
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I wasn't gonna hold to be in a relationship and have a family to where
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I would bring a kid in this world in an unhappy situation. And you
14:07
know what I'm saying. So I just wasn't the day pool ugly you know
14:11
how to look at I mean, I'm them the one who's still in the
14:15
pool, like you you out the pool. That's where I got floated.
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I got on floated on trying to out he this mother hear me, like
14:24
for real, but I know there are good men out here. And I
14:28
had to tell myself that even when other people was like, oh you you
14:33
have too high expectations or you live in a stairtyal, I'm like, no,
14:37
if God gave me a desire for reason, if I won't that he
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gonna give it to me. So I think that shifted mindset prepared me for
14:45
him. And then knowing that he was I wasn't trying to have a kid
14:50
when I had a kid, but knowing that scause she's laughing because you know
14:58
she was trying to have the kid. They they had the kid. Yeah,
15:03
the greatest thing ever, though, how did that, how did that
15:07
change you? Having the more I feel like, like the broken little girl,
15:16
she had to heal and I just knew I had to like I had
15:18
to heal her, I had to be grown, and I just knew I
15:22
had to be the best version of me for her. And I feel like
15:24
this what prepare me? Like I gotta be the best. I know I'd
15:28
never be perfect, because we know I try to be struggle with perfectionism.
15:33
However, I just feel like I just had to be the best version of
15:37
myself. And I even feel like in the nexting phase of being pregnant prepared
15:43
me for her too, Like I'm I'm not a person who gets angry fast
15:46
anyway, but I'm ways lower to anger since I was pregnant because I people
15:50
used to say, well, everything you feel, the baby gonna feel,
15:52
well, then ain't failed to her. She ain't even hear yet. That's
15:54
so good. So I used to just let so much stuff just roll off.
16:00
I was just so easy going to meet my pregnancy. I was just
16:03
for real, my pregnancy feel like I was just flowing. I just didn't
16:07
like nothing really bothered me for real. How much how much of an impact
16:11
did Fred have on that like as far as like your ability to not have
16:17
to be angry. He was a huge like he don't play by me anyway,
16:26
but he didn't want me to worry about anything. He was there for
16:30
me through everything, like and he still is. So that was great.
16:34
Like having a good partner is so important. And I feel like if he
16:40
wasn't there, I don't know, it's hard with him there. Yeah,
16:45
so I can only imagine how it could be without having a supportive partner.
16:51
That's so good. That's so good. I love the fact that because your
16:56
story is different from growing up, like growing up as far as like be
17:03
the support system and what they looked like. And so what did you do
17:07
practically to no, because I keep hearing the microphone, Oh oh this is
17:22
y'all say, Hey, that's a right, like I would what is she
17:26
doing? She came up, but y'all know she's as a cosmetology pologist too,
17:36
Like she got her life. She thought that's what she was going to
17:38
be doing, but she she's a whole produce side in the streets. Girl,
17:45
what was I asking you? Because I'm not a practical child, Like,
17:48
okay, the practical steps that you took to go from not seeing something
17:56
to actually being what you didn't see. I want to make sure I answer
18:03
that right, So so crazy for me. So for example, like,
18:07
I know the relationship with your parents don't look like and I'm saying parents in
18:14
general, your parents doesn't look like what you and Fred have. And I
18:18
know you were very intentional with that. What practical steps because even for him,
18:25
from my understanding that it still looks different in a way, what did
18:29
y'all do to make sure that looks different? So when the more gets to
18:33
this point, she'll be like I've always seen X, Y and Z.
18:38
I think, well, he may have had more of that in his in
18:45
his upbringing is out told, but like because his mom and dad were together
18:51
or yeah, are together, and we try to make sure she see love
18:56
like well, I saw Daddy treat Mama like it. I seen Daddy always
19:02
express express love and show a fiction to mom. And he's ver admiral about
19:08
that, and he's voiced it even before she was here, Like he wants
19:11
his kids to see love, the see what love look like. Because I
19:15
asked him before about something he did and he was like, oh, I
19:18
always think my dad do that. So it's important for him too, to
19:26
make sure she sees him treating me well and I treat him well, Like
19:30
we make sure we show a fiction in front of her, we share a
19:33
fiction with her, you know. So yeah, so I know that you
19:41
and I'm bring this up now. You can tell me we ain't gonna talk
19:45
about that or whatever. I'm okay, I'll sweet And it's not bad because
19:48
I know you and I have talked about it. But I think it's an
19:52
important thing to bring up because you are a content creator. You are getting
19:55
back into what you were already doing prior to motherhood, right, and so
20:00
so a part of you that halt for you was postpartum and can you can
20:06
you kind of walk us through because me and jesutray we're not mothers, but
20:08
I know we do have mothers that listen. How what was that? What
20:12
was that like for you? And how I had because right like at this
20:18
point you're out of it. I would say, you're out of it and
20:22
you've overcome that. How did you get there? Like, because that was
20:26
a really really hard time for you. Yeah, especially when you don't know
20:30
that you're dealing with it. And I think that was either I was in
20:33
denial, I wouldn't even say I was in denial. I was just thinking
20:37
like, oh, well, it's a different season in my life. Maybe
20:41
I'm supposed to feel this way because I don't know, you know, so
20:47
just not knowing, because when you know, like people say all the time,
20:51
like half the bell is knowing. I didn't know that I was suppressed.
20:53
Really I knew, but I didn't know. Then said like you was
21:00
like, I know read a lot. Yeah, was like, well I
21:04
don't have this is that. It don't look like this, It don't look
21:07
textbook, you know. But I didn't feel like myself, like things didn't
21:14
normally bring me joy I was enjoying, like cooking. I wasn't really enjoying
21:18
cooking. I was so focused on surviving. If you would say like okay,
21:23
I gotta get a meal cooked versus taking my time to cook it and
21:27
pour love into my food the way I like to, and that brings me
21:30
joy. So I feel like, you know, cooking is well, it's
21:36
therapeutic for me. So I lost that. I feel like I lost it.
21:40
But now when there are times where I want to try to recipe or
21:44
something, and I wait till I know for it's gonna be home and I
21:47
let him know, Hey, I'm cooking this tonight, need you to watch
21:49
her? Or baking this? I want to feel like making a cake or
21:53
but she goes to sleep so early. Honestly, I can do it at
21:56
night, but at one point she was going to sleep a little bit later.
22:00
So just keeping her on a bedtime schedule, I think that helped,
22:03
taking advantage of the time where she is sleep and even just prioritizing self care
22:10
time. And I felt so pressured to and Fred did. He meant well,
22:17
and he wanted me to spend time by myself. But to me,
22:22
with spending time by myself, I didn't know what people wanted me to do,
22:26
like what you want me to do? Because to me, just going
22:29
to the grocery store by myself was a brother of fresh air going. I
22:33
did enjoy, like going to the spa, maybe going out to eat by
22:37
myself, because there's something I enjoy. But outside of that, that's enough
22:40
for me. And I think I felt like I had to find something else
22:45
to do to make people feel like I'm doing the things that made me happy.
22:49
But I really was doing and it made me not want to go do
22:52
things. You know what I'm saying because it's like, well, I don't
22:55
think that's gonna be enough, Like am I making sense? No? You
22:59
may so it sounds like to me that it's almost like you were relearning yourself.
23:06
Like do I even like doing this anymore? I don't even know what
23:08
self care is for me anymore? Right, so, like now I got
23:11
this human I'm worried about them. It's like an attachment thing. Yeah,
23:17
like you care, You cared her for nine month and you just want me
23:19
to get her like like she wh me, she whip me everywhere, shower
23:25
without you, in the bathroom with out, shopping out, and give my
23:27
nails done. And now you say, go self care? What is that?
23:32
What I didn't I didn't have a whole human like and then now I
23:34
just supposed to like not take her everywhere with me, which is always with
23:37
me, but yes, and then I had to be okay with just like,
23:42
hey, this is truly what I enjoyed doing when she's not with me,
23:45
like taking a long bath, taking a long shower that is really good
23:49
for me, like a little glass of wine. And now I find that
23:53
I actually I'm not the best at editing my videos, but I find joy
24:00
because I get a joy from ending the videos that I don't get from my
24:03
nine to five. I get to see a finished product. I get to
24:07
see proof of the work that I put in. So that's so good.
24:11
I enjoy doing that sometimes at night. So yeah, and just accepting the
24:17
fact that I'm never gonna be who I was before I had her, That's
24:19
what I struggled with the most. I think that was the biggest hurdle,
24:23
trying to get back to who I was instead of just accepting that I will
24:29
never be her again. Whoa And I think that's such a powerful statement.
24:37
So that Nick versus this knit y'all hear me calling her Nick because this is
24:42
my friend? Real? What do you miss about her? And what are
24:49
you happy that you were able to release about her? I kind of missed
24:56
the care freeness, just the easy going, Oh hey, Giry gonna go
24:59
here? Yeah, girl, come on, let's go. I missed it
25:02
too. Look I missed it, like, oh my god, see her
25:08
do that a little bit. We just put a date on the calendar.
25:14
We've been trying to put the day on the calendar for a minute, and
25:15
we just did this. So we about to have a girl's time I'm excited
25:18
about it. We haven't done that in a many years. And Fred had
25:23
told me to take you like a week or two ago and ask you.
25:26
Then I was like, she's being busy. She got so much going on.
25:29
He's like, you don't know until she asks. And so that's another
25:33
thing I sugar with, ing for help and just accident people to do stuff
25:37
like this. But also we've talked about it, We're gonna talk about it
25:41
right now. Just the change of dynamics of the relationship. Like I think
25:48
that I had to learn this with my sister, and I think I told
25:52
you this. Yeah, that was the first experience I had with someone that
25:59
exit singleness and that care free lifestyle that I've been attached to for so long,
26:07
and it changed just like that. Yeah, And I had to get
26:11
comfortable or understand that she was just developing and living her life's journey and I
26:22
was still living mind. But I felt left out. Yeah, I felt
26:26
like I couldn't relate anymore. I felt like it just didn't make sense.
26:30
And like I've experienced that with Keil the first then came you know, Sydney,
26:36
and then Ariel and I'm like, hold up, Like, but I
26:41
guarantee you, if not all of them, one of them probably felt left
26:45
out too, because I feel like that sometimes, like, oh, don't
26:48
nobody an't really inviting me nowhere anymore? You know, I might not be
26:52
always able to say yeah, it might not be at the job of a
26:53
dime, but I still like to hang out, you know. But I
27:00
think that goes both ways, like with the mother having a learn how to
27:03
still be a good friend and how to be a friend with the responsibilities that
27:07
we now have, you know, and just hoping that your friends, yeah,
27:12
because you got people that that act up and just don't want to be
27:18
in a mature place to say, hey, we're evolving, like this is
27:22
part of my evolution story. And so I think it's a responsibility for both
27:27
people, both parties, like I'm your friend, but you still got to
27:32
live your life like you want to. You you can't marry me, right,
27:41
We cannot marry each other as much as me and Declarate probably enjoyed joined
27:47
each other. Right now, I thought about what's crazy is? I thought
27:49
about that this morning. I was like when my husbands come, like I
27:53
really feel like yours wanna come? Wait? Hold up, no, like
27:56
seriously serious like, I was thinking about that joint today and I was like,
28:04
how am I gonna manage it? Because it now mind you y'all and
28:11
tell me if y'all can relate. Okay, I know we're really having girl
28:15
time right now. And so what I what I feel like I experienced is
28:22
as soon as my like I get in this on the same PLAQ playing field
28:27
with my friends, boom a man call boom, somebody having a baby,
28:33
and it's just like alter the algorithm. Like, and I'll be like,
28:38
well, every time I'm around you, you tell somebody their husband coming,
28:42
because you did, He said, Amber, is it amber A? I
28:45
showed that she married, and she married, she said, But next time
28:48
you come to my house, you'll be married. In the next fact,
28:51
the next time I see you, I told him. See, I don't.
28:55
I don't just saying stuff out the side of my neck. I don't
28:57
then, and I have to be care words. But I was thinking about
29:00
it this morning. But I think the Lord is preparing my heart because I
29:07
know that he knows how there's an attachment there that I have to be mindful
29:15
of. But then it goes also goes into the excuse me, It also
29:22
goes into I'm developing or getting prepared, but it can easily become a wall.
29:33
Like a wall, yeah, abandonment issues, Yeah, like abandonment,
29:38
rejection, like people changing their minds. You know what I'm saying. Like
29:45
that's real, like and I love y'all. Y'all know I'm gonna telling you
29:51
the people right there, I love heart like hard and so to have that
30:00
experience with you, I know you and I have discussed that. M let
30:07
me say this, I appreciate our friendship because real quick, Jessica, each
30:17
time that you've experienced that, was it experienced the same or do you feel
30:22
like you took the tesla differently? I think I think I developed. The
30:30
hardest hit I had was Kendall. That was the hardest hit. Like we
30:33
were young, you know what I'm saying. She was my baby sister.
30:36
I mean, she's my baby sister, but she's younger than me, you
30:37
know what I'm saying. So it's like it's an US thing. And you
30:41
know, I wanted I want a lifestyle for Kendall. And Kendall's life changed
30:48
dramatically when Katie Katie had happened. But Katie, I feel like it was
30:52
one of her best, best things that happened to her life. Kendall is
30:56
a wonderful mother, like just I can't wait to be a mom just so
31:02
she can teach me how okay like that, my my sister hands down,
31:06
got it down pack. But that was the hardest hit. It was my
31:10
first hit in my hardest here because that was my sister. And then,
31:14
like I said, Sydney situation and I won't call a situation because she got
31:18
a beautiful family. She hear it, got three kids, now, you
31:21
know what I'm saying. And then aerial like everybody that I was close to
31:26
or been close to, you know what I'm saying. Then my girls,
31:29
man like, it's so funny how I'm talking about Sidney Aaron shout out to
31:32
y'all. I love y'all in real life. Oh, it's so interesting trying
31:36
to navigate that because both of them are mom's and both of them are married,
31:40
and so it's like, now, how do I show up and love
31:45
on you. It's like, Hey, I'm supporting you and what you're doing.
31:48
Hey, I see you like I love you. Text messages like hey,
31:51
girls, y'all want to y'all want to go out to eat? I
31:53
even I'm even like, hey, if y'all got to bring the kids,
31:56
I'm okay with, don't worry about me. I can hold something, you
31:59
know, I can hold one. TJ left Okay, they told me no
32:02
if they going out with me, they like, that's they free day.
32:07
That's they get out of mother, mold wife, moue for a few moments
32:13
and just relax. And I've learned to embrace that. That's my reward.
32:16
Like I get to be that freedom for them. Yeah, I get to
32:20
be that freedom for you. I get to be that freedom for my sister,
32:22
like to the point where me and my sister do weird stuff like get
32:29
on FaceTime and dance the songs that we used to dance to. We literally
32:32
did this last night and it was so I provide a freedom that maybe somebody
32:37
that can relate to you can't because I don't have that level of responsibility yet.
32:44
And I think it was gonna be an advantage for you, Like I've
32:47
never been in your situation. Well, my friend Toya, she's mirrele kids,
32:52
but she's older than me, so she had a kid, shouldn't get
32:59
married while in cos she had a kid while I was in college. I
33:00
think but you know how you've been there for other people, so when you're
33:07
in the seat, you may know how to communicate better what you need because
33:13
sometimes you know you need help. It might not be like, come do
33:16
this for me, but you might not know, like what what is it
33:20
that I need? I need something? I need a break, but what
33:22
does it look like? Or what do I need? Do I just need
33:24
a phone call? Do I need a prayer session? Like? What do
33:29
I need? Because I was able to see you go through it, that's
33:34
so that's not that's a that's an advantage. It's an advantage. That's an
33:38
advantage, y'all. Y'all learning for me. So I ain't got a really
33:42
good like, well, I know I needed this with Kendle. I face
33:45
time her and danced and I could tell the the weight that it let off
33:49
her shoulders from the day. So let me call Kendle and tell her,
33:52
hey, sees, I need a dance session on FaceTime because the baby it's
33:55
crying. Yeah, and you you knew how they made her feel. So
34:00
let me try. But I don't. I don't. I've never had that
34:04
experience, so I kind of got to figure out. Okay, Well,
34:07
let me try this and how does that feel? You know what I'm saying,
34:08
how does that make me feel? So I think there's an advantage.
34:12
It's preparing you. It's putting like tools in the toolbox for you. So
34:17
we're talking about friendship and we're talking about that transition. I'm trying to see
34:28
how I want to work this. How did you know who was going with
34:30
you? Oh? Wait, wait, at what point? I mean,
34:37
you know, at either point? Because I feel like moral developing? Like,
34:44
so you learned something every new at mean every new what you learn something?
34:50
Girl? Like my mouth and my words are gonna have to align at
34:54
some point today. But you learned something about yourself every day, right.
35:00
And you said that earlier that I was chasing something that I used to be,
35:06
but I'm not anymore. And at some point you got to realize there's
35:09
also some relationships like unless they're evolving with me. And I don't want to
35:15
say evolving, because people mature or develop in the way that they're supposed to.
35:20
I guess you know what I'm saying. By the wheel of God,
35:22
you know what I'm saying. However, how did you know and then not
35:27
just know, but except the timing of that of of expired expire. That's
35:37
that's the word that it's so I told you she's small inspire relationships. I
35:45
think when people can appreciate where God's taking you, just like you can still
35:51
love people even though they might not be growing when you're growing, and you
35:53
still able to love them, they should be able to love you. Me
35:57
and you have never been on the same like that, we've never really,
36:02
but we still know how to love each other despite of And there are things
36:07
that I feel like that I bring to you and things that you pour into
36:14
me, and we our friendship compliments each other. Yeah, but you got
36:19
some people just like well, if you ain't gonna be hugged, then I
36:22
don't know how to be friends with you, or then they treat you differently
36:25
and then they become not good friends. Then you just can't You can't worry
36:30
about that because you can't change you. You gotta keep going. So either
36:35
they gonna get on board and learn how to love you the way you are,
36:38
and hopefully you motivate them to want to evolve as well. But some
36:43
people are complacent and comfortable with being stagnant, and all you can really do
36:46
is pray for them. But I feel like I just kept praying about it.
36:52
I knew when the time was right, God was going to release those
36:53
people from my life, or like he was gonna force me to because that's
36:59
what he always had to do. He'll tell me they gotta go, and
37:01
I'd be like, but I'm a better friend than that. Listen that you
37:07
definitely are, and like, so what was your grieving process when when you
37:12
had to do that, Like when God was like, Okay, this is
37:15
time, it is your opportunity, I just had I already knew he wanted
37:20
me to do it, because when you talked about a situation, he was
37:22
like, you can grieve that, and I was like, I think I'm
37:24
okay because I knew he wanted He had already been at me about it because
37:31
in like in one situation, it was something that was going on every time
37:37
I would talk to this particular person, and then I would feel like the
37:39
need to repent for it every time I get off the phone with them.
37:43
Now I don't have to do that. It's a weight lifted off, and
37:45
it doesn't change the fact of being appreciating relationship when we had our relationship.
37:51
It isn't change the love that I have and had and still does half for
37:54
the person. But it's just it is what it is because that had to
37:59
go. You just had to go. I couldn't take it with me,
38:05
not to where God's trying to take me. So yeah, I'm just smiling
38:08
in the ear because like the way you brought up the Lord like consistently in
38:16
your answers. Yeah, consistently like consistent. And I'm not saying you was
38:25
a heathen before, like that was never the case. However, the growth
38:32
is there, and so what I'm hearing you say, even when you say
38:36
God, God told me this was about to happen, I'm hearing you say
38:42
that because I've decided to trust God. I don't have to grieve on things
38:47
that God has just told me to do because I've accepted God. It's not
38:52
meant for me to understand how did you get there? Like, because let
38:57
me tell you something, I'm still I think there's ray that's a right Listen,
39:00
I'll be trying to figure it out. Listen, I'll be trying to
39:04
figure out. I think that's why the same tests be coming, because he'd
39:08
be like, yeah, you're gonna trust me. Not I'll be like yeo.
39:10
But you give me a little some like can I get a little something?
39:15
He'd be like, yeah, no, you're gonna trust me, not
39:17
repeat. We're gonna keep this test on repeat until and been there. You
39:22
fully trust me because I need to know. Yeah, we want to know.
39:30
Go ahead, think I don't care about certain things. But it's not
39:34
that. It's just like I didn't been there and I know we're overthinking it
39:37
and not trusting God can just like you said, repeat like I ain't got
39:44
so sick of me. I just real that I had to change. And
39:51
now I just know what it's like to just trust God because I can't do
39:55
it. Come on, says I got to to me. That's so good.
40:01
You just she just gave me to you. She said, I got
40:06
tired of me. She said, I got tired of me. I just
40:08
I want to tell you I'm proud of you. Thank you. Like the
40:14
glow up is real. I feel it. I'm grown, grown, look
40:21
at the at the camera say I'm grown real, grown, you are grown,
40:28
you are wise you. I'm like, I can't stop smiling. I
40:34
can't start smiling like y'all when you see people and that this is so good
40:39
when you allow yourself to remain in someone's life and whatever change or development pieces
40:47
that they're experiencing. Right, it would have been it would have I won't
40:52
say it would have been easy just to let you be like, Okay,
40:53
girl, I'm gonna let you deal with it, pos' yourself. I'm gonna
40:55
let you do this. I could just I had no responsibility to that because
41:00
at that point I had been I knew i'd been a good friend. But
41:05
it was a decision that was made to say, hey, I don't remain
41:07
here like I might not understand. I don't have no words for it.
41:12
I ain't ever experienced it. Were figure it out together, you know what
41:15
I'm saying. The reward is to see you free. The reward that is
41:20
to see you like this and so girl, I like I'm being words right
41:24
now. I'm like, wow, you look so good and you look like
41:30
and I can really just tell thee the weight has been lifted, Like now
41:36
you get to enjoy being a partner. Now you get to enjoy being a
41:39
mother, even though it's still hard, but you still enjoy it. Yeah,
41:45
it was a point where you was like I don't know, Like,
41:46
God, I asked this, and I'm grateful but it cause should have came
41:52
in instruction somebody, right, man, But I really think you didn't even
42:01
ask me this, But I'm just gonna share it. But we like it.
42:05
I think what changed because I asked read this on my Q and a
42:09
video like what point did he think I came out of post part and depression.
42:14
I think when I started working out and then instead of listening to music,
42:20
I would listen to a sermon. Most time, it's gonna be Jerry
42:22
Flowers a bishop baby first, first of all, Jerry Flowers be Jerry Flowers.
42:25
Do you hear me say? He come for the nick that told the
42:29
eyeball the teeth and go ahead. I don't want to go to Houston just
42:32
so I can go to church. Can we do that together? Like women?
42:36
I will make that commitment with you because I want to go to his
42:37
journey too. Yeah, let's go okay and Bishop movie shout out to you
42:42
and movie yes and yeah. So I would listen to them while I work
42:47
out, and that was my me time doing it in the mornings before I
42:51
pour into Fred and the more and it was just like ooh, I like
42:54
her, m M. And then just reading proverbs utter one like we read
43:00
it and we know what it's safe. But then like he literally tell us
43:06
to get up before dawn, to prepare your house for your kids and your
43:10
family, like and prepare me like to just waking up, spending time with
43:15
God, spending time with yourself, all for everybody else to get up.
43:20
That made my life so much easier. And then to see it, and
43:22
I felt God kept telling me, like, just get up in the morning.
43:25
Just get up in the morning, even if you don't go to the
43:28
gym, just get up earlier. Read your word, get up early,
43:30
and do something. And it was all in my face the whole time,
43:36
Like He literally provides us with all theirce we need. We just have to
43:40
see it and be obedient and act on it. Yeah, because getting up
43:45
in the morning sometimes, especially like if Shada had a bad, bad night
43:52
and she come get out calling to get out the crib. You know what
43:54
I'm saying, Like, it's a sacrifice. Yeah, you know what I'm
44:00
saying. And it's like, Okay, are you willing to make that sacrifice?
44:05
What sacrifices are you willing to make? Yep? And lately I've been
44:09
struggling with end up in the morning. I don't know why, but I
44:13
have. But you see that lately somebody been getting up except for strawberries and
44:17
blueberries. And I told Fredder, I said, I think this God telling
44:22
me I gotta start breaking up earlier than five fifty. I gotta start breaking
44:25
up at four four thirty. So and it's been like I work, m
44:30
hmm. Yeah. God loves you so much that he's like I want to
44:36
keep you here. Yeah, that's what I feel for you, Like I
44:39
really like God is like not even gonna let down on you because he enjoys
44:45
you as much as you are enjoying him. Hm. That Like that's that's
44:55
that's so sweet, Like it just just to just to think about it,
44:58
you know what I'm saying that he he actually loves that much. Yeah,
45:01
like for real, for real. That's why the pauls it was. It
45:06
was such a beautiful pause break there because it's like, wow, God,
45:09
you enjoyed me like that, Yeah, because you know what I did,
45:14
you know the stuff, you know, all the stuff how we got back
45:16
but got here. But God was like you really fought for this, yeah,
45:22
And he never gives up on you. He don't even when you as
45:27
loud as I am when you feel like you should. You're right like me,
45:35
like me, Okay, now I can sit here like I'm really sitting
45:40
here in amazement, like who am I talking to? Sometimes I don't recognize
45:45
myself and like a lot of times I say that all the time and not
45:51
in a physical like literally just but but it's almost like you got what you
45:58
wanted, but you didn't you also so God, who you didn't think that
46:02
you could be with God? You know what I'm saying, Like it's one.
46:07
It's so beautiful when we're at a place where we're like, Okay,
46:12
I want more, I want to be this place, don't want to be
46:14
this place, and you're looking so it's almost like comparing, like we talked
46:16
about before, comparing. They all want to be so much brother Loan,
46:20
but look at how far you've come. I have to remind myself there all
46:23
the time you done came since, Yeah, you have come far. And
46:30
so I'm just I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm so
46:34
proud that you're content creating again. Shout out to free thing, trying to
46:38
be consistent, but I'm doing it ye like and he be pushing me,
46:44
like you look at camera home again, partner. I love that. I
46:50
love that. I told him I'm gonna retire him and pay him to be
46:53
my cameraman. Come on, come on, because I amen ed it,
47:01
amen ed it. Fred. We should got to do one with Fred though
47:06
too. See if you see, if you're willing to come on the show,
47:09
he will, I think because Fred liked me, he loved him to
47:16
gym. I love I've been team I'm team Fred. You have been and
47:22
you don't like people like that when it comes to me, listen the friends
47:28
I might if I like you, I like you, I don't like you.
47:32
I don't like you, but I'm really I'm really proud of you,
47:38
and I want to give you an opportunity. We've talked about multiple things.
47:42
We talked about, you know, basically what you talk about on your platform,
47:45
like motherhood, lifestyle, partnership, transitioning and basically just a foundation of
47:52
principal of relationship with God and trust in God. If there was a last
47:55
thought that you wanted to leave with people, like if they ain't hear nothing
48:00
else that we said on today, what is the last thing that you would
48:05
want to leave with people? She over there, deep dogs, I feel
48:22
like one thing that I've struggled with is knowing when I'm hearing God and I
48:30
talked to you about this, and when it's just me if you told me,
48:34
like if you just keep nudging you about something and it's not your desires,
48:37
and it can just be applied to anything, like even just feeling better
48:44
about myself coming out of depression, Like I feel God nudging me about getting
48:47
up in the morning, nudging me about going to work out, nudging me
48:51
to become veing or to change my diet and look look into food that talk
48:54
about that on my channel and just how food affect our moved to fake that
49:00
body and to make other people aware of it. And when I felt like
49:07
God was nudging me about it, It's why I talk to you about it,
49:08
Like, Okay, he telling me to make this content, then I
49:12
gotta do it. But now I feel like, yeah, I would love
49:15
to get paid from it, But like I said, editing makes me feel
49:20
so free. It gives me a reward that I don't get from my nine
49:22
to five, And I'm able to help other people like I post on Instagram,
49:29
but I don't get feedback from them. I get feedback from Facebook but
49:31
so many people tell me, oh, I was trying to find a way
49:35
to feed my kids healthier, or I was struggling with trying to find this
49:38
and you know, and it's just feels so good. So I feel like
49:43
whatever it is in life, like, if you feel like God is telling
49:46
you to do it, do it like, just trust God and just be
49:52
okay with that. It just goes back to what we was talking about earlier.
49:55
Just okay, God already told me this person you gotta go, So
50:00
just trust God. Just trust God that it man, that is so powerful.
50:07
I'm so man there, my friend y'all, My friend y'all. Thank
50:09
y'all so much for tuning in. Nick, thank you so much for being
50:13
here. Desiree, you know what it is Until next time. Until next
50:17
week. Remember, life could be much more simple if you just ask.
50:23
See you later. Hey, y'all, thank you for listening to just ask.
50:31
If you enjoyed this experience, be sure to like coming and rate so
50:36
others can find the show. If you'd like to stay connected with me,
50:39
feel free to follow me at the Jessica and Smith on all platforms. Again,
50:45
I'm your girl, jess Until next time,