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5 Things you lose while in a relationship with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite self aware narcissist, Mr. Lee Hammock,
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  better known as Mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This your first time?
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  It's in my face or hear my voice.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and I use my platform
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  on social media to raise awareness for MPD, get more
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  people into therapy and also validate the victims, survivors
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  and thrivers who said disorder, said toxic people who said toxic
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  traits. Today's episode is going to be
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  about 5 things that you lose in a toxic relationship with a
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  narcissist or toxic person. Five things that you lose, and
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  there's going to be plenty of other things that you can lose
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  as well. Y'all.
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  But I'm going to focus on the five things that pop into my
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  head from talking to survivors and victims and thrivers, that
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  have dealt with narcissist and the things they feel like
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  they've lost the most. So it's me, you know, It's not.
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  Like I said, if you have anything else that you want to
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  add, just drop it in the comment section.
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  Y'all you might not. You never know who's watching
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  you. You never know who you're going
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  to help and what not. But yeah, the number one, one of
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  the number one things that people lose in toxic
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  relationships with narcissistic people is their identity.
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  Yes, you lose who you are, you know.
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  If y'all don't know, join my e-mail list, my newsletter.
• 1:19
  I'm about to come out with a self love course to help people
• 1:21
  rebuild their self love and identity.
• 1:23
  It's in the. It's in the works right now and
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  people will get notified, they'll get, there'll be
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  discounts, all kinds of stuff like that.
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  So join the newsletter link in the link is in the description.
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  But yeah, you lose your identity.
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  You don't know who you are anymore.
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  So many people that I talk to. I ask them, I'm like, what have
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  you done for you lately? Oh, I took my friends.
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  What have you done for you lately?
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  Well, I took the key. What have you done for you?
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  You see what I'm saying? You get so used to serving other
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  people and and and living this life in a social relationship
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  that you forget to serve yourself.
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  You forget to take care of yourself.
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  So you lose who you are, what I what I mean by identity.
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  You lose your you might gain, lose or gain weight.
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  You might go to the gym less. You might forget the things that
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  you used to like to do. You might forget the things that
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  used to bring you some joy and some peace.
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  You might forget those things, lose those things because you
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  don't know who you are anymore while you're in this
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  relationship. Because it's not like when you
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  get in a touch relationship with a narcissistic person.
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  It's kind of like you're no longer living for yourself.
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  You. It's kind of like you're living
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  for this other person. It's kind of like you're living
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  to make this person happy, or you're living to you become you.
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  You transition from being happy to trying to survive.
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  You know now you're trying to survive now you're trying to
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  live now. You're trying to find peace and
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  happiness and growth, but like in this relationship, but you
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  lose what used to make you happy, the original things that
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  made you happy, things that you might have done 232345 years ago
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  that made you happy. You might not do them anymore.
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  I almost dropped my remarkable 2 tablet and I said sound you
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  here, but your identity is pretty much one of the first
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  things to go when you get into a relationship because you used to
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  have your own identity, possibly.
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  But when you get into this relationship, it's like your
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  identity transitions to fit the relationship, your identity
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  transitions to fit the narcissist.
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  You see what I'm saying? The toxic person you lose the
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  things that made you happy. So there's one thing that goes.
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  The second thing that you could possibly lose in here is time.
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  Time. And this is probably the most,
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  one of the most important things.
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  You lose a lot of time. I think that one of the biggest
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  regrets that I've that so many people have experienced dealing
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  with narcissists, y'all is they regret not living like leaving
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  earlier. Somebody literally left this
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  comment in my comment section earlier said I regret not
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  divorcing this person earlier. I regret not taking my kids and
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  moving out earlier. They it's like I feel like I
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  wasted 10/15/20 thirty years of my life.
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  I don't believe it's a waste of your life and it's you know, we
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  I'm going to go over there in the course.
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  But you you you just lose a lot of time.
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  Y'all you in time. Y'all you know you cannot get
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  that back. You know you cannot get it back.
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  Time is gone. It's just like a year.
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  Oh, it's only six months. Y'all six months is a long time.
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  There's people on this earth that will love for six more
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  months of life. They will love to spend 6 more
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  months with their family before they go to the to the afterlife,
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  the heaven, the world. You know they will love it.
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  So time is one of the most important things and it's one of
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  the most valuable things on this planet.
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  And you you you lose a lot of it in touch relationships with
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  narcissistic people. And here's a kicker, y'all
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  narcissist do not care about wasting your time because their
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  need what doing this relationship, most of their
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  needs are being met. Your needs are getting
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  neglected, their needs are being met.
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  So they don't care about wasting your time because they don't
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  feel like they're wasting theirs.
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  You see, they don't care about wasting yours because they don't
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  feel like they're wasting theirs.
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  That's the that's the dynamic, yo.
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  That's how it goes in a lot of these, in a lot of these
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  situations, a lot of these positions or whatnot.
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  So the next thing that you could lose in here, y'all, and it's
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  going to be a big one. All of them are big.
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  You know, Y'all going to apply the weight, the weighted scale
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  as you see fit, but the next thing you lose is happiness.
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  Y'all you lose the happiness. This is kind of tied into the
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  first thing. When you lose your identity, you
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  lose happiness. You're not, you're not happy
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  anymore. It's kind of like the longer you
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  stay in this relationship, it's kind of like the the more the
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  light has left your life, you know, is that the more the light
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  that used to make you happy, the things that used to make you
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  happy don't make you happy anymore because you get
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  chastised for doing them now. You get, you know, you get you.
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  These things get held against you for doing these things.
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  The same things that used to make you happy, they get held
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  against you now. They get brought up and
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  weaponized against you. Now you feel it.
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  You know, or you understand that.
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  You know exactly what I'm saying.
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  Like, it's weaponized against you.
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  It's used against you, and it hurts and it sucks to deal with.
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  It hurt. It's a terrible space to be in,
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  you know. You lose happiness.
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  You lose that joy. And this is me.
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  I'll say this right here. Y'all.
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  It's hard to if you have kids about this person, it's hard to
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  parent and give your kids your all when you're not coming from
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  a place of happiness. I'll just say I'm not calling
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  you a bad parent. I'm just saying it's hard to
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  give your all as a parent when you're not internally happy.
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  You see, you might seem happy, you might fake happiness to keep
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  them to make to so their kids have a smile on their face, but
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  it's hard for you to give your all when you are not happy
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  internally. So you lose a lot of happiness
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  while you're in these hot relationship dynamics in these
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  spaces and whatnot. It is a very tough thing to deal
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  with. You lose that.
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  You forget the things that make you happy.
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  And trying new things doesn't make you happy because you it's
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  like you have this cloud over your life in the cloud.
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  The longer you say in the relationship, the the the
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  cloudier it gets. The thicker the fog gets.
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  You know and that that happens. Y'all you know.
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  And the 4th one is just as big as all the other ones.
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  Y'all #4 is friends and family. You isolation happens in a lot
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  of these toxic relationships. Y'all isolation absolutely
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  happens. You lose a lot of friends.
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  You lose a lot of family, you know, I know life happens in
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  general, even outside of toxic relationships where you can lose
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  family and friends. But in these spaces you lose a
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  lot of family and friends. You lose your your closest
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  friends. You have for 20-30 years they
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  gone because they don't they they either get pushed away
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  because of the toxicity of relationship or they choose to
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  walk or you could you by cutting them off or they choose to walk
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  away from you because walk away from the friendship and give you
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  your space, do whatever, do what you need to do, do whatever you
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  have going on because they don't want to see you suffer.
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  So you lose friends and family members alike.
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  You know when I say friends and family members, when I say
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  friends and family members, your siblings, your own kids, yeah.
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  Sometimes your kids grow up and know that you're in a toxic
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  relationship and they can't stand they see you in it.
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  So sometimes your kids cut you off when you're not.
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  When you are also a victim, they they tie you all together.
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  If one parent is toxic and the other parent stays in it and
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  keeps in there, sometimes the kids cut both parents off.
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  Y'all have talked to people who've cut both parents off
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  because they're toxic parent. The the the other parent the
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  non-toxic parent the parent who's trying to survive just
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  kind of stays with the toxic parent and just they they get
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  tortured and the kids came. I'm just telling you it's it's a
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  tough dynamic. I'm just like oh it's rough
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  cutting a parent off when you lose a lot of friends and family
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  while you inside of these toxic relationship spaces.
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  Y'all it's just one of the things that kind of goes you,
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  you, you sacrifice, you end up sacrificing a lot for the toxic
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  relationship. You you, you really do.
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  You know it's not me just trying to say, well, Lee, that's just
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  being to say like y'all, I'm not y'all know.
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  I'm not. My intent is not to be me.
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  My impact might come off as me, but my intent is not to be me.
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  My intent is just to show you that y'all these people don't
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  really care. They're not wasting their time.
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  They might not they might not be losing their family and friends.
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  They are doing things that make them happy and they look, they
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  they know who they are. Well, you know, narcissists
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  don't really know who they are, but you get that point right
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  there. Number one, you know they might
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  be missing on all. And one of the last things that
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  I feel like you're losing times relationships.
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  I know there's other things. Y'all one of the last things,
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  one of the last things I was saying freedom and control.
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  Freedom over your own life and control of your own life.
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  It's gone now. It's pretty much gone.
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  It's it's it's damn near evaporated into nothingness
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  because of the toxicity of your relationship that you're in.
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  You lose the freedom, you lose the control that you thought you
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  had over your own life, over your own.
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  You lose autonomy over your own existence.
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  It's like you become a member of a one person cult and that
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  narcissistic person, or they might have a whole cult family,
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  that narcissistic person or that cult family dynamic, they keep
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  you like like, yeah, they they they isolate you.
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  They get you away from your thing.
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  You lose your freedom. You can't go where you want to
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  go. You can't do what you want to
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  do. You can't talk to who you want
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  to talk to anymore. It's like you're in a cult of 1
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  and a cult leader is that narcissist or toxic person.
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  And it's it's hard for a lot of people to tell them that.
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  But like, this is me being real. This is me keeping it hot and
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  ready. Like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  You know, you lose a lot. Y'all.
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  Now if you if you can find some things that you gain while in a
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  toxic relationship, you know, you can put them in the comment
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  section. But most of them, most people
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  think they lose, you know, it's just in these spaces, in these
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  spaces as well. My wife sent me a picture.
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  You lose finance, You lose control over your finances.
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  You do. You lose control over time with
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  your kids. Even if you get out of it, you
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  know, even if you get out of it, you might have to Co parent with
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  this person. You lose.
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  You stand and lose so much the longer you stay in it.
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  And that's why I tell people, yeah, I'm not telling everybody
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  to leave. I know everybody's situation is
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  different. I'm just saying if the losses
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  are piling up and the gains are few and far between, it might be
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  time you've made the same decisions.
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  If the gains are few and far between and the losses are just
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  piling up, you got a you got a mountain of losses in a little
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  mold. Hill of Games might be time for
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  you. Do what you need to do.
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  Do what you have to do now. If not for you, for your kids.
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  Yeah, be safe, be strong, y'all empower yourself.
• 10:56
  If you have anything else that I might have missed you drop it in
• 10:58
  the comment section. Y'all and remember to sign up
• 11:00
  for that newsletter. I promise you that I'm working
• 11:02
  on the course right now. It's called How to Love Me, 30
• 11:05
  Days of Self Love, Healing and Growth while dealing what they
• 11:07
  talk to relationship is I'll be dropping.
• 11:10
  I'll be dropping details and hints and stuff like that.
• 11:12
  And the release date in my comments, I mean in my in my
• 11:15
  newsletter e-mail letter, you make sure you sub.
• 11:17
  It's free. Yeah.
• 11:19
  Mental illness is out. Please like to subscribe.
• 11:20
  Thanks. Thank you so much for making it
• 11:22
  to the end of my video. Y'all.
• 11:24
  If you didn't know, we wrote a kids book called Remember It's
• 11:27
  Not Your Fault. To help kids understand that
• 11:29
  they are not in control of whatever circumstances they were
• 11:32
  born into. Talk about boundaries, telling
• 11:34
  the truth, all of that stuff. Y'all.
• 11:36
  It's available on Amazon right now or the link in my
• 11:39
  description of every single video or podcast that you listen
• 11:41
  to. Thank you so much.
• 11:43
  Remember, it's not your fault. Peace.