Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 51 | Pillow Talk

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51 | Pillow Talk · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Boo! Indeed, Matthew.
• 0:03
  Eric: Um spooky.
• 0:05
  Eric: Yeah, happy soon-to-be Halloween, my friend.
• 0:08
  Matt: Happy Halloween soon to be to you as well.
• 0:11
  Eric: And may the spirit of Halloween be with you this day.
• 0:16
  Matt: Oh, and also with you.
• 0:17
  Eric: Thank you.
• 0:18
  Eric: Uh and in true, true red-blooded American fashion, I did indeed go to a spirit Halloween store.
• 0:26
  Matt: Spirit Halloween.
• 0:28
  Eric: Now I know that we have listeners across the pond.
• 0:33
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 0:33
  Eric: Uh, for anyone not, you know, living in beautiful United States of America, Spirit Halloween, it's like a ghost.
• 0:43
  Eric: It is.
• 0:43
  Eric: It literally like Spirit Halloween is a business that haunts other dead businesses.
• 0:50
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 0:51
  Matt: Well, it sort of consumes them like a parasite, like a host.
• 0:54
  Eric: Yeah, well, like, not even that, because like you know, if you live in a neighborhood where there's been like a JCPenney that's been a like just empty for decades, it'll be a spirit Halloween at some point.
• 1:07
  Matt: Yeah, it's probably been several spirit Halloween.
• 1:09
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 1:10
  Eric: And it's kind of cool because they they shift from husk to husk.
• 1:14
  Matt: Yeah, it's become a it's become a quite the meme of the internet.
• 1:18
  Matt: Yeah, it might even be international.
• 1:20
  Matt: I don't know.
• 1:21
  Eric: I'd I fuck if I know.
• 1:22
  Eric: But like, yeah, they they just show up, they roll up to like, you know, an abandoned Best Buy, yeah, and they they slap their spirit Halloween banner.
• 1:31
  Eric: They're like raiders almost.
• 1:33
  Matt: And then they take they take up about let's say a third of the floor the blueprint.
• 1:39
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:40
  Eric: They all get the same amount of stuff, and they just kind of have to.
• 1:45
  Eric: In fact, the smaller your spirit shell is, the more kick-ass it will feel.
• 1:51
  Matt: Yeah, it would feel like it's bursting from the seams if it's a if it's an old bookstore.
• 1:57
  Eric: Oh my god, yes.
• 1:58
  Eric: Like I fucking love Halloween stores, of course.
• 2:02
  Eric: And um, I like to feel claustrophobic in them.
• 2:06
  Eric: Like when I go in, I like to like on also think, ooh, what is this?
• 2:10
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:11
  Eric: I feel you.
• 2:12
  Eric: Yeah, so we we we we made a field trip to uh to to spirit Halloween, and I'm and it's been a minute since I've actually been to one.
• 2:23
  Eric: Yeah.
• 2:23
  Eric: It's been like a f I've been to some some legally distinct similar stores.
• 2:29
  Matt: Yeah, I can't tell you the last time I was in a physical spirit Halloween, but then again, I don't frequent physical stores much these days.
• 2:37
  Matt: I'm still very much avoiding them.
• 2:40
  Eric: Me on the other hand, yeah.
• 2:41
  Eric: You'll I'll just throw my immune system at the wall, see what sticks.
• 2:45
  Matt: Sure.
• 2:45
  Eric: You always have, but I I do there was there was a funny that when I like last week we we went to the knockoff spirit.
• 2:54
  Eric: It was called like it was called like Halloween Town or something.
• 2:58
  Eric: Yeah, not to be confused with Disney Channel original.
• 3:01
  Matt: Yeah, something tells me it wasn't legally called Halloween Town.
• 3:04
  Eric: Also, not to be confused with Halloween Town 2, Calabar's Revenge.
• 3:08
  Matt: Yeah, of course.
• 3:09
  Matt: I don't think anyone was confused.
• 3:11
  Eric: Halloween Town 3, Halloween High.
• 3:14
  Eric: But uh, we were in that one.
• 3:16
  Eric: I what I really appreciated about that store, the knockoff one, was they just had a giant sign, wasn't in spooky font, wasn't in in in creepy crawly, like drippy droppy blood font.
• 3:28
  Eric: No, it was just black and white font that said no limits Halloween.
• 3:32
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 3:33
  Matt: I don't know that I like that.
• 3:35
  Matt: That's a little purgy.
• 3:36
  Eric: I don't, and that's been fucking with me all week.
• 3:39
  Eric: Like thinking of what does that mean?
• 3:42
  Eric: What is no limits Halloween?
• 3:44
  Eric: There's no safe work.
• 3:47
  Matt: Is it just like mischief night to but but but like just mischief, but just the mischief.
• 3:54
  Eric: You have to heist the candy.
• 3:56
  Matt: You have to break into hosting and entering to get that rob the candy.
• 4:02
  Eric: You basically got a the purge on Halloween.
• 4:05
  Matt: Yeah, you need to to really go the disturbing route, you need to stage a funny games-esque escapade to get the candy.
• 4:14
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 4:14
  Matt: Anybody who has not seen funny games, it's a very good film.
• 4:18
  Matt: It's a little um, how should I put this?
• 4:20
  Matt: Fucked up.
• 4:21
  Eric: Super fucked up.
• 4:22
  Eric: Uh, don't watch it unless you are really cool with a lot of bad things happening to people in a movie.
• 4:29
  Matt: Yes.
• 4:29
  Matt: There's two uh there's two versions of it.
• 4:31
  Matt: It's a sh there's a shot for shot remake of it, the American version, which is the one I've seen actually, but it is quite good.
• 4:37
  Eric: I and it is quite good.
• 4:39
  Eric: I have seen that one, but it always also always has driven me a little nuts when they do that too.
• 4:44
  Eric: Like when they have a perfectly good, like like uh when REC became quarantine.
• 4:49
  Matt: Yeah, well, that is not a complete shot for shot remake.
• 4:52
  Eric: Not complete, and the REC was better objectively.
• 4:56
  Matt: REC is one we're getting into a tangent immediately in this in this opening, but REC is one of the best scary movies that I've ever seen.
• 5:05
  Matt: Let me ask you this.
• 5:05
  Matt: Yeah, what do you think is the because I used to be such a big horror buff, and I don't I say used to because and I'm not trying to throw anybody under the bus here, okay, but it's a fact of life.
• 5:20
  Matt: Lindsay doesn't like scary movies.
• 5:22
  Matt: So since we've been together, my my my dosage of scary movies has gone down considerably, and that's just the the the that's just how things work.
• 5:34
  Matt: Yeah.
• 5:35
  Matt: So some of the some of the more recent scary movies, and she to be fair, she's she's she's pushed her boundaries with with horror in recent years.
• 5:43
  Matt: But the scariest movie I ever saw, you may have been there when I saw it.
• 5:48
  Matt: I saw it in college.
• 5:49
  Matt: So it's a little bit, you know, a decade plus old.
• 5:52
  Matt: What is this what would you say is the the scariest movie you've ever seen in terms of actual fear for you?
• 5:58
  Matt: Oh god.
• 5:59
  Eric: Um movie that probably scared the shit out of me the most.
• 6:05
  Eric: Yeah.
• 6:05
  Eric: Now, see, there's like my child answer, and then there's like my adult answer.
• 6:10
  Matt: Um, sure.
• 6:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 6:12
  Matt: I mean, when I was a toddler, the Wizard of Oz scared the shit out of me.
• 6:16
  Eric: Uh the one that irrationally scared the shit out of me, like the one where it was like objectively, I knew it wasn't that bad, but it just like uh child's play, Chucky, fucked with me on a whole other level as a child.
• 6:26
  Eric: Um as an adult, scariest movie, man.
• 6:30
  Matt: I mean, like REC fucking slapped.
• 6:33
  Matt: Um Well, what I'm talking about is R.E.C.
• 6:36
  Matt: is a is a really good movie.
• 6:37
  Matt: It's it's got thrills in there, it's got a a bitchin' like 15-minute single take.
• 6:44
  Matt: Yes.
• 6:44
  Matt: Uh that is like cinematic history.
• 6:47
  Matt: Goals.
• 6:47
  Matt: Uh, but there is the film I'm I'm saying I have seen one time, and I have no desire to see it again.
• 6:57
  Eric: Okay.
• 6:58
  Matt: That's the kind of thing I'm talking about.
• 7:00
  Matt: Do you have a film like this?
• 7:01
  Eric: Only needed to see it once.
• 7:03
  Eric: My I I I don't feel like this is a cop-out answer, but it scared the shit out of me, but it wasn't scary, it wasn't like pop-out scary, it was just existential dread scary, which was uh a Requiem for a Dream.
• 7:13
  Matt: I knew somehow when you said Existential Dread, I knew you were.
• 7:16
  Eric: I only needed to see that movie once.
• 7:18
  Matt: Uh no, I actually haven't seen Requiem of all the films that I've seen.
• 7:21
  Eric: You should be one time.
• 7:24
  Matt: The film I'm thinking of is The Poughkeepsie Tapes.
• 7:29
  Eric: You've The Poughkeepsie Tapes?
• 7:31
  Matt: Yes.
• 7:32
  Matt: Why does that sound so familiar?
• 7:34
  Matt: I may.
• 7:35
  Matt: Like I said, you might have been there when we watched it, but it doesn't seem like you remember it.
• 7:39
  Matt: And let me tell you something.
• 7:41
  Matt: Yeah, this movie.
• 7:41
  Matt: If you had seen it, you'd remember it.
• 7:45
  Matt: Because it is fucked.
• 7:48
  Matt: And like that's the best way to describe it.
• 7:50
  Matt: It isn't so maybe it's not as scary as it is fucked.
• 7:54
  Eric: I I do love a good movie where I'm just like, this is fucked.
• 7:58
  Matt: It's disturbing, it's disturbing.
• 8:00
  Matt: That's what it is.
• 8:01
  Matt: It's disturbing.
• 8:02
  Matt: But there's an image at the end that is haunt that literally haunts me to this day.
• 8:08
  Matt: That I was like, nope, nope, what is that?
• 8:10
  Matt: Don't care for that.
• 8:11
  Matt: And um that's essentially what Spirit Halloween does to a Sears.
• 8:18
  Eric: Yes.
• 8:19
  Eric: Now, could we get a Spirit Halloween in a former Pizza Hut?
• 8:23
  Eric: Oh, there's the money shot.
• 8:26
  Eric: If I can get a Spirit Halloween in a former Pizza Hut, I can die a happy man.
• 8:31
  Matt: You could, but imagine that if you imagine can I raise you one?
• 8:35
  Matt: Raise me.
• 8:37
  Matt: A Burger King.
• 8:38
  Matt: Because the scariest thing of all is if it's in a former Burger King, all of a sudden you turn around and there's the king.
• 8:44
  Matt: You know the one I'm talking about.
• 8:45
  Matt: Yes.
• 8:46
  Matt: You know the visage of the king.
• 8:48
  Eric: There's the fucking king, and and you know you're like, is that a costume?
• 8:52
  Matt: Somebody turns around, the inventory manager's like, hey, when did this come in?
• 8:55
  Matt: And they're like, what are you talking about?
• 8:56
  Matt: We don't sell this.
• 8:57
  Matt: You turn around, the king's not there.
• 8:59
  Eric: Fuck.
• 9:00
  Matt: Fucking there, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 9:24
  Matt: My name is Matthew Shea.
• 9:26
  Eric: My name is Eric Pout.
• 9:28
  Matt: I thought we were gonna do spooky voices.
• 9:30
  Matt: So spooky.
• 9:31
  Matt: We didn't talk about that at all.
• 9:32
  Matt: I like we're just gonna be on the same wave.
• 9:34
  Matt: I thought I guess we are no longer on the same wave.
• 9:37
  Matt: All right, fifty fifty episodes in the books.
• 9:40
  Matt: Yeah, and now we are have gone different paths.
• 9:43
  Matt: You wanna you want to do a different take?
• 9:44
  Matt: You'll get a second take.
• 9:45
  Matt: You'll get a second take.
• 9:45
  Matt: All right, all right, all right.
• 9:46
  Matt: Do you so do I do the whole thing again?
• 9:48
  Matt: Just just going, just going fresh.
• 9:51
  Matt: Okay.
• 9:51
  Matt: All right.
• 9:52
  Matt: Let me see.
• 9:52
  Matt: Uh uh uh do I do is it just my name?
• 9:55
  Eric: Yeah, just your name.
• 9:56
  Eric: Just your name.
• 9:57
  Eric: Anything else, that'd be that'd be too much.
• 9:58
  Eric: That'd be too bad.
• 9:59
  Matt: The rest of the intro is the same.
• 10:00
  Matt: Okay, here we go.
• 10:01
  Matt: Uh let me see if I can get back to that place.
• 10:05
  Matt: Well, hello there, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This, the podcast answering life's least pressing questions.
• 10:12
  Matt: My name is Matthew Shay.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: Chills.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: Chills.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:20
  Eric: That was good.
• 10:21
  Eric: Oh, and my name's Eric Poach.
• 10:22
  Eric: I don't do voice.
• 10:24
  Matt: You were so critical of me.
• 10:26
  Matt: Every time I have to be the one who's wrong.
• 10:31
  Matt: But that's what you get when I oh because you you didn't anticipate me opening the throat to try to.
• 10:39
  Matt: What I'm trying to do is my best Vincent Rice.
• 10:42
  Eric: Oh, hello, hello, doctor.
• 10:44
  Eric: Yeah, I just got this, it's this tingling in my spine.
• 10:48
  Matt: That's sciatica.
• 10:49
  Matt: I have it too.
• 10:50
  Matt: Now the that's the true specter that haunts me.
• 10:57
  Matt: Uh it's the scariest guy.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you get all.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
• 11:02
  Eric: Ooh.
• 11:03
  Eric: Physical therapy.
• 11:07
  Eric: Did you take your multivitamins?
• 11:11
  Matt: I can't take multivitamins.
• 11:14
  Eric: Why?
• 11:16
  Matt: I have I because they all have iron in them, and I have a uh I have a rare disease that means I hold on to iron too much, so I like can't take a multivitamin now.
• 11:28
  Matt: Isn't that wild?
• 11:29
  Eric: That is fucking wild and also not surprising considering your laundry list of ways your body betrays you.
• 11:40
  Matt: Don't I know it?
• 11:40
  Matt: Uh don't I know it.
• 11:42
  Matt: So, speaking of bodies betraying them.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 11:47
  Matt: Uh, this has nothing to do with that at all.
• 11:49
  Matt: I just didn't want myself to go down a spiral of dread.
• 11:53
  Matt: Uh so instead, why don't we talk about what we got on tap today?
• 11:57
  Matt: Because Halloween really is just around the corner when this episode is dropping.
• 12:02
  Matt: And uh what we uh what we have on tap here, Eric, is a bit of a themed episode.
• 12:07
  Eric: Oh, Matt, yeah, yeah.
• 12:08
  Eric: We it's gonna get real spooky.
• 12:10
  Eric: I guess you could say these questions are gonna be a real scream.
• 12:16
  Matt: I suppose you could.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_02: But I was I suppose you could.
• 12:20
  Matt: Oh, there it is.
• 12:21
  Matt: So why don't we jump right in?
• 12:23
  Matt: Um some of these we did solicit a little bit because we had some Halloween-esque and spooky season-esque questions, but not quite enough to fill out an episode.
• 12:34
  Matt: And one of the people who came to our aid was at Sarah Feldman on Instagram.
• 12:42
  Matt: Yes, good friend of the pod, former guest, and you heard from her last episode.
• 12:48
  Matt: But today she brings us uh uh a true heavy hitter of the Halloween season.
• 12:54
  Matt: What is the worst Halloween candy?
• 12:59
  Eric: Everyone listening to this just shouted something at their dashboard or at their their listening device.
• 13:06
  Eric: Yes.
• 13:07
  Eric: Or at the nearest person.
• 13:09
  Matt: I th or just the nearest passerby.
• 13:13
  Matt: I think we can we there's a there's a cop out that I think we need to get out of the way right off the bat.
• 13:19
  Eric: Hit me with it.
• 13:20
  Matt: I say this as a 30-something, and I say this as an inner child going to h uh doing a proper trick and treat.
• 13:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:31
  Matt: Trick and treat is what I just said.
• 13:33
  Eric: A trick and I did both.
• 13:35
  Eric: I want your candy, and also I'm gonna key your car.
• 13:38
  Eric: Fuck you, old man.
• 13:40
  Matt: That's not so much a trick as it is vandalism.
• 13:43
  Matt: Um, so no.
• 13:44
  Matt: What uh what I would like to say on behalf of I think everybody is the worst Halloween treat is no candy.
• 13:56
  Matt: Is any version of uh receiving anything that's like an apple or uh or I I I once went to, this is a true story.
• 14:07
  Matt: I went to a house once that was of a teacher who gave out, are you ready for this, Eric?
• 14:14
  Eric: Hit me with it, rulers.
• 14:17
  Eric: That okay, and sorry, I just want to preface this with Matt, and I'm kind of glad you opened this door for me.
• 14:22
  Eric: All of my everything I'm gonna say in response to that and this question is all coming from the same place.
• 14:28
  Eric: That is my inner child.
• 14:30
  Eric: Yes, this is coming from fucking fifth grade.
• 14:34
  Matt: Oh, yeah, me too.
• 14:34
  Matt: Yeah, me too.
• 14:35
  Eric: Uh, and to that I say, fuck that lady.
• 14:38
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 14:39
  Eric: I hope her house got egged every single year.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_02: It was amazing.
• 14:43
  Eric: I hope her house was mummified in toilet paper.
• 14:47
  Eric: Uh, and I wish nothing but misery upon her and all her ilk.
• 14:52
  Matt: Yeah, it was that, and you'll remember the highlighter too.
• 14:54
  Matt: They were popular when we were in fifth grade.
• 14:56
  Matt: They had like a holographic image on them.
• 15:00
  Matt: But the actual ruler part with the numbers was very thin and small at the at the edges.
• 15:08
  Eric: Yes, like a blade.
• 15:09
  Matt: Yeah, the actual functional part of the ruler was so thin because they had to open up all that real estate for their holographic uh Lisa Frank image they got going.
• 15:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 15:19
  Eric: That is we we we lost education at the altar of dolphins jumping through water and sparkly cats.
• 15:28
  Eric: And snow uh snow tigers.
• 15:31
  Matt: Yes, absolutely we did.
• 15:33
  Eric: Uh so that sucks.
• 15:34
  Matt: Can I hit you with can I hit you with the most odd uh but I'm saying those don't even count no those don't anything that wasn't candy sucks even more than what the answer is.
• 15:44
  Eric: Yeah, and again, this is coming from fifth fifth grade, Eric.
• 15:46
  Eric: That like that little blue bird in my chest.
• 15:48
  Eric: It's it comes chirping.
• 15:50
  Eric: Come here.
• 15:50
  Eric: Uh and it sweet it my sweet innocent prince.
• 15:53
  Eric: What do you have to say?
• 15:53
  Eric: And and what it's saying is anyone who says, well, any candy's better than no candy, can get fucking bent.
• 16:00
  Eric: I would rather get nothing than you desecrate the inside of my bag with your trash.
• 16:09
  Matt: Now, I also want to speak as fifth grade Matt here to that same person who has just said to me, any candy is better than no candy.
• 16:19
  Matt: And I would like to say, Grow up, act like an adult, goddammit.
• 16:24
  Eric: We're talking about candy.
• 16:25
  Eric: This is serious business.
• 16:27
  Eric: Anytime I try to think of you as a child, I hear your voice now and I see a beard.
• 16:34
  Eric: I can't not see that.
• 16:36
  Matt: I just I I mean, it's once the voice dropped, this has been it.
• 16:40
  Matt: This has consistently been it.
• 16:42
  Matt: It hasn't changed.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: Hey Ma, hey Poe.
• 16:44
  Eric: Well, I guess I'll go trick or treating now.
• 16:49
  Eric: Trick or treat.
• 16:51
  Eric: Um classic, but worst Halloween candy.
• 16:55
  Matt: I I mean a candidate jumps to mind of the so the usual suspects.
• 17:02
  Eric: Yeah.
• 17:02
  Matt: Of the usual suspects, a candidate jumps to mind.
• 17:06
  Matt: And that would be the miniature, but really any version, but specifically the miniature Tootsie Roll.
• 17:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 17:16
  Matt: And I say that with no sort of prejudice against Tootsie Rolls.
• 17:23
  Eric: No, we're not putting disrespect on that.
• 17:25
  Matt: I like a Tootsie roll.
• 17:26
  Matt: But when I open up the bag, let's say I open up the bag and I grab a sampling, uh, just a handful, and dump it on the table, just to see as a as a sample size.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:36
  Matt: What oh, what do we got in here?
• 17:38
  Matt: A little box of nerds.
• 17:41
  Matt: Excellent.
• 17:42
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 17:43
  Matt: Uh perhaps even a Tootsie Roll pop.
• 17:46
  Matt: Love it.
• 17:46
  Matt: Top tier.
• 17:48
  Matt: Top tier.
• 17:49
  Matt: Oh, what is this?
• 17:50
  Matt: A Mr.
• 17:51
  Matt: Good bar?
• 17:52
  Matt: Okay.
• 17:52
  Matt: Nice to see you.
• 17:54
  Matt: Nice to see you there.
• 17:56
  Matt: Oh my god, is this a crunch bar?
• 17:58
  Matt: Fucking yes.
• 18:00
  Matt: And then the mini Tootsie Roll.
• 18:03
  Matt: The mini to the mini Tootsie Roll.
• 18:05
  Matt: There's just something about it that when you put it up against nerds, or a smarties, even.
• 18:12
  Eric: Uh, yeah, and like, and and so when it when it when when I am happier to see smarties than your candy, it's garbage tier candy.
• 18:22
  Matt: Do you and I just wanna I just want to say something, because I'm not gonna pretend Smarties is the best of the ones I just mentioned, but are you anti-Smarty?
• 18:34
  Eric: I'm not anti-smardy so much as I'm anti-eating sour chalk.
• 18:40
  Matt: Wow, okay.
• 18:41
  Matt: All right, hold on.
• 18:42
  Matt: I have to take a moment to uh uh recover from now.
• 18:46
  Eric: They're not the worst, though.
• 18:47
  Matt: They're not the worst.
• 18:48
  Matt: And do you so do you have something?
• 18:50
  Matt: Do you have a candidate to rival the Tootsie Roll?
• 18:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:53
  Eric: I I I I I've I've got a I I think I got a couple.
• 18:56
  Eric: But A, I just want to say mini Tootsie Roll.
• 18:58
  Eric: Yeah, they'll it'll never get eaten.
• 19:00
  Eric: In fact, it'll just calcify at the bottom of the bottom.
• 19:03
  Matt: Exactly.
• 19:04
  Matt: It's bottom tier.
• 19:05
  Matt: And like because you leave it.
• 19:07
  Matt: It's what I think everyone can agree.
• 19:09
  Matt: It's one of the ones you leave.
• 19:11
  Matt: You leave it.
• 19:12
  Matt: The first to the first to exit the populace of the bag are your Smarties, are any full-size candy bar of any kind, and any chocolate-based bar, any mini Mr.
• 19:24
  Matt: Goodbar, Crunch, Hershey's, whatever.
• 19:26
  Matt: They're all gone.
• 19:26
  Eric: And as I'm reaching fists into the bag over over the next like week or two to get candy out, I'll just notice the the number of Tootsie rolls growing in each palm, and it's like, oh no.
• 19:38
  Eric: We're reaching the end here.
• 19:39
  Eric: The dark age is out of place.
• 19:41
  Eric: They're like the silica packets of of the fucking candy.
• 19:44
  Eric: They're just there to absorb other things away from the good candy.
• 19:48
  Matt: Yeah, they're there to take up the space.
• 19:50
  Eric: Uh uh, but my candidates, uh, I got two, and I'm honestly struggling as to which one.
• 19:57
  Matt: Oh, I just thought of another one.
• 19:58
  Matt: Continue.
• 19:59
  Eric: Okay.
• 19:59
  Eric: Good and plenties.
• 20:01
  Matt: Oh, I do dislike a good and plenty.
• 20:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 20:04
  Matt: You you I because you know what?
• 20:08
  Matt: Because you know what it's you know what the problem is with good and plenties?
• 20:12
  Eric: Yep.
• 20:12
  Matt: It's neither of those things.
• 20:14
  Eric: No, it's not, it is not good nor plentiful.
• 20:18
  Eric: And you get this little fucking box of them, and you're like, if you open it, you're like, well, I'm obligated to eat them now.
• 20:24
  Eric: And they're they're gross ass licorice, and they're covered in that like shell that can so it's like you're eating grit while trying to chew through the fucking licorice shell.
• 20:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 20:38
  Eric: Fuck that.
• 20:39
  Eric: Um well, what was yours?
• 20:40
  Eric: Oh, go on, go on.
• 20:41
  Matt: Yeah, what I was gonna say is you want to talk about sour chalk, and you want to apply that to a smarty, which I just have to say, I'm not sure how you get the sour part of the chalk because all a smarty chalk, all a smarty is, is just like uh compounded sugar.
• 21:02
  Matt: Like that's all it is.
• 21:03
  Matt: It's a sugar pill, literally, it's a sugar pill, as opposed to I think I have this correct in my head, and I'm not saying they always showed up in my um, you know, in my in my candy selection, uh-huh.
• 21:17
  Matt: But but it happened enough that I can mention the Neko wafer.
• 21:23
  Matt: Oh now that is a sour shock.
• 21:26
  Eric: And that might uh uh so Neko wafers oh man, they're so bad.
• 21:32
  Eric: Like I agree.
• 21:32
  Eric: I'm like right there.
• 21:33
  Eric: I'm right there with you.
• 21:34
  Eric: Like, it's just bigger smarties, but they're not with less sugar.
• 21:39
  Eric: No, they put fill it's like it's like I I I bought this pound of child drugs uh huh uh you know from the dealer, and then I cut it and like what the fuck?
• 21:48
  Eric: This is like filled with flour and drywall.
• 21:51
  Eric: That's all NECO wafers are.
• 21:52
  Eric: It's just smarties that have been ground up and cut with some fucking filler because they wanted to get bigger packs.
• 22:00
  Matt: Yeah, they're thin.
• 22:01
  Matt: They're long and thin for some reason, like a fucking Alka seltzer.
• 22:05
  Eric: I feel like my teeth are breaking.
• 22:07
  Eric: Every time I hear like the snap, I'm like, was that was that NECO or was that?
• 22:11
  Eric: Was that enamel?
• 22:12
  Matt: Yeah, absolutely.
• 22:13
  Matt: Uh what's your next candidate for the bottom of the bag?
• 22:16
  Eric: My next candidate, and I think and here's the fucking thing.
• 22:20
  Matt: Here it is.
• 22:21
  Eric: A I got this shit every single year.
• 22:25
  Eric: Every single year this appeared in my bag.
• 22:28
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 22:29
  Eric: I don't know where the fuck people buy it from.
• 22:32
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:33
  Eric: I've been to like stores all my life where they're selling candy during Halloween.
• 22:37
  Eric: Dollar stores.
• 22:39
  Eric: Fucking Walmart.
• 22:40
  Eric: Like, I don't even know what they're called.
• 22:42
  Eric: But as soon as I describe them, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
• 22:46
  Eric: It's the little nondescript fucking caramels that come in the black or orange little wrappers.
• 22:54
  Eric: Oh.
• 22:55
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 22:56
  Eric: Like they they come in the twist.
• 22:58
  Eric: There's no label on them.
• 23:00
  Eric: There's not it's just pure black or pure orange wrapping paper around the most aggressive caramel I have ever.
• 23:12
  Eric: Like it is hard as a fucking rock.
• 23:14
  Eric: You know I know exactly in your mouth for like 10 minutes just to be able to bite into it.
• 23:20
  Eric: And then once you do, it's like fucking gorilla glue for your teeth.
• 23:24
  Matt: Yeah, where it's just truly an unlabeled uh label, an unlabeled f foil around them.
• 23:32
  Eric: Apparently they're called peanut butter kisses.
• 23:34
  Matt: And we're gonna put that on the Instagram because that is an important document for you all to see.
• 23:40
  Matt: But you probably know the ones, you probably got it faster than we do.
• 23:43
  Matt: But yeah, they so but I don't get peanut butter from them at all.
• 23:47
  Eric: No, that like like no part of them tastes good.
• 23:51
  Eric: No, zero part.
• 23:53
  Eric: It's it it's bad.
• 23:55
  Eric: It's they're rock hard, they're they're like they're the most low effort giving out.
• 24:00
  Eric: I I hate everything about them.
• 24:02
  Eric: I stand against them all at least with good and plenties.
• 24:05
  Eric: I know what the fuck I'm getting.
• 24:06
  Eric: Each of these things, it was always like, what are you again?
• 24:10
  Matt: Because like I'm also not a big fan of Mike and Ike's, but I at least respect the Mike and Ike, you know, because I know what it is.
• 24:17
  Matt: I know what I'm getting.
• 24:18
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 24:19
  Eric: I love a good Michael and Isaac.
• 24:21
  Matt: Michael and Isaac, you know.
• 24:23
  Eric: The lime, a lemon.
• 24:24
  Eric: I get some like nice fruity flavors.
• 24:26
  Matt: Mikhail and Dwight.
• 24:28
  Eric: Yes.
• 24:28
  Matt: I just want the Eisenhower route with it.
• 24:31
  Matt: But like I always, I'm not gonna lie, I always did picture Eisenhower when I when talking about Mike and Ike.
• 24:36
  Matt: Oh because that's that's where Ike came into my uh my my psyche.
• 24:40
  Matt: Your little schema.
• 24:42
  Matt: My schema, yeah.
• 24:43
  Matt: Okay.
• 24:44
  Matt: Um so again, here's fifth fifth grade Matt with this voice and this beard talking about Eisenhower.
• 24:51
  Eric: Oh, we like Ike.
• 24:53
  Matt: Oh little button.
• 24:55
  Matt: Yeah, as he turns out, he's anyway.
• 25:00
  Eric: I I'm imagining you like they oh they they open the door for the trick-or-treaters, and you have to like put down your newspaper to put your mask back on and then ask for can.
• 25:11
  Eric: Yeah, trick or treat.
• 25:13
  Eric: Let's go.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_02: Trick or treat.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: I got a bedtime.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh I got I got things to do, okay.
• 25:19
  Matt: Um I've got a biography of Theodore Roosevelt I need to get back to.
• 25:23
  Eric: I got some Pokemon to catch.
• 25:24
  Matt: Yeah, it's uh I got I don't know if you heard, but I gotta catch them all.
• 25:28
  Eric: Hey, you're gonna you gonna donate money to the uh to the thing?
• 25:31
  Eric: No?
• 25:31
  Eric: Okay, wow.
• 25:32
  Matt: Wow, all right, great.
• 25:33
  Matt: Wow, got the little guest speed.
• 25:35
  Matt: Yeah, I expect your attitude to change when I come around selling my popcorn, okay?
• 25:39
  Matt: Okay.
• 25:39
  Matt: See you in November.
• 25:40
  Eric: Yeah, see ya.
• 25:41
  Eric: Joe Corby sends his regards.
• 25:45
  Matt: I'll say this.
• 25:46
  Matt: My neighborhood was traditionally quite fucking stingy when it came to my Boy Scout popcorn.
• 25:51
  Matt: Really?
• 25:52
  Matt: I really had to I had to do some set because let me tell you something.
• 25:55
  Matt: I can I I could have been in sales, and I've been told that my whole life.
• 25:59
  Matt: People have been like, you'd be a great salesman.
• 26:01
  Matt: And you know what I say to that?
• 26:03
  Matt: Yeah, I would be.
• 26:05
  Matt: I have no desire to do it.
• 26:08
  Matt: It it's I have no desire to have it sucked the life sucked out of it.
• 26:12
  Eric: I do want to meet the person who woke up one day and just realized that their bliss would be sales.
• 26:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:19
  Eric: Like they totally like, oh my god, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna like fucking just stand on strangers' doorsteps and convince them that they want this.
• 26:29
  Eric: That they want to talk to me and that they want what I am offering.
• 26:33
  Matt: There was once a um, we did a at first scouts, we did uh uh like a table at the grocery store selling, it was right before Christmas, I think, selling uh like car wash gift certificates.
• 26:45
  Matt: It was some partnership with a local car wash.
• 26:46
  Matt: I don't remember the I don't remember the details.
• 26:49
  Matt: Yeah, but I just remember we were selling them and I was super good at it.
• 26:53
  Matt: And there was this guy who came in that I like greeted, I like greeted him at the door and like walked with him because you know I can do that.
• 27:00
  Matt: I could do that because I was like, you know, whatever, seventh grade or whatever.
• 27:04
  Matt: Fucking closer and be like, come on in.
• 27:06
  Matt: I was like, yeah, so what are you showing?
• 27:07
  Matt: You know, uh it's it's salty out there because of the streets.
• 27:11
  Matt: You know, you probably could use the car wash, why not?
• 27:13
  Matt: Or maybe the missus could, you know, like you know that this was me.
• 27:17
  Matt: This was me.
• 27:18
  Matt: And so he he was like, I don't think so.
• 27:20
  Matt: I don't think so.
• 27:21
  Matt: Leave me alone.
• 27:22
  Matt: And like he walked away.
• 27:23
  Matt: I was like, all right, all right, all right.
• 27:24
  Matt: I see this guy, I see this, I see this guy coming out, and he just he had like a mini shop, right?
• 27:33
  Matt: Like he just had the little basket, and his basket was filled with those like plain animal crackers.
• 27:40
  Matt: I remembered because it was that big tub of them, yeah, and probably some other things, but like not much else.
• 27:46
  Matt: And when he was walking out, I like stepped in his path, pointed at his bag, and I said, This is what you got instead of a car wash, and then and then he bought a gips or ticket.
• 27:58
  Eric: Yes!
• 28:00
  Matt: Oh man, so again, that's so good.
• 28:04
  Matt: That's so good.
• 28:06
  Matt: I'm good at it.
• 28:07
  Matt: I just don't want to do it at all.
• 28:09
  Matt: Now, now let's get back to the topic at hand.
• 28:14
  Matt: Worst Halloween candy, just bad Halloween candy.
• 28:16
  Eric: I this is what this is uh you wait, you said you had a second one.
• 28:20
  Matt: Oh, I think I think that was what I was talking about.
• 28:23
  Eric: Oh, the necker, okay.
• 28:25
  Eric: Uh another one, I don't even know if this counts.
• 28:27
  Eric: That's how bad it was.
• 28:29
  Eric: And that this like rides the line of like no candy.
• 28:32
  Eric: Uh uh, I'm gonna describe the situation.
• 28:35
  Eric: You let me know if we should include this.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:37
  Eric: We went to a house.
• 28:40
  Eric: You know, I'm there to trick andor treat.
• 28:43
  Eric: To trick and treat, yes.
• 28:44
  Eric: To trick and treat.
• 28:45
  Eric: Uh, we knocked on the door.
• 28:47
  Eric: The sweetest, most kindly old lady opens the door.
• 28:54
  Eric: Like just short of pinching our cheeks is just stereotypical sweet old lady.
• 29:00
  Eric: We say trick or treat, as is as is custom.
• 29:03
  Eric: And she In my country she responds, Matthew, by by pulling out a big beige, I can see it so clearly in my mind to this day.
• 29:15
  Eric: Beige Tupperware container with like a lid on it, one of those lids that burps.
• 29:21
  Eric: And she peels this yellowing lid off of the off of the and we're like, and we're thinking like, oh, maybe cupcakes, maybe, maybe okay.
• 29:31
  Eric: So like homemade confections back then, like that, that wasn't too like out of the order.
• 29:36
  Matt: Oh, we we would get a couple of things.
• 29:40
  Matt: Yeah.
• 29:41
  Eric: And like that's always appreciated.
• 29:43
  Matt: I wonder if that still happens in today's world where things are un you know, an unwrapped thing.
• 29:48
  Matt: Yeah, well, that this is because I feel as if if if I am not a parent, but if I was, if someone was like, Yeah, here this lady gave me a cupcake, I'd slap it out of that child's hair.
• 29:59
  Eric: But it but if she even took the extra step of putting it in a plastic baggie and handing it to you, you'd be fine with it.
• 30:05
  Matt: Well, it's wrapped.
• 30:06
  Eric: No, it's wrapped.
• 30:07
  Eric: Well, that'll be a conversation later today.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh uh about Can't stick a needle through this cellophane.
• 30:13
  Eric: Uh so she she she cracks open the fucking Tupperware.
• 30:17
  Matt: I swear to god, I heard it go the yellowing Tupperware.
• 30:22
  Eric: Yeah, the yellowing Tupperware.
• 30:24
  Eric: And we we get as she presents us like it's the fucking Ark of the Covenant.
• 30:31
  Eric: I knew you were gonna say that.
• 30:32
  Eric: Inside the the Tupperware pretzel rods, unwrapped, loose, individual pretzel rods, and then she looks us dead ass in the eyes and just says, remember one each.
• 30:57
  Eric: I know I know what I have.
• 31:00
  Eric: I Matt, I she we the silence hung in the air for a second.
• 31:07
  Eric: We kind of just exchanged looks.
• 31:09
  Eric: No crowding, no crowding, reached in.
• 31:12
  Eric: I made sure with just two fingers to be dick.
• 31:17
  Eric: And I go, wow, and the sec we each took one assaulted the second Matt, the second that door closed, we turned and threw them into her yard.
• 31:34
  Matt: You dicks, you just told me she was a sweet old lady.
• 31:37
  Eric: She was until that point.
• 31:38
  Eric: This is fifth grade, Eric, talking.
• 31:41
  Eric: That's why I want to be clear about that.
• 31:43
  Eric: 32-year-old Eric would be like, all right, well, you know, just I hear I'll eat.
• 31:47
  Matt: To be fair, she's a sweet old lady.
• 31:49
  Matt: So she that another way to say that is she's old enough to know better.
• 31:54
  Eric: She's old enough to know better.
• 31:55
  Eric: And that you know what you did was wrong.
• 31:57
  Eric: I'm not even fucking kidding you.
• 31:59
  Eric: We threw them into her yard, right?
• 32:01
  Eric: There were other pretzel sticks in the yard.
• 32:05
  Matt: Wow.
• 32:05
  Matt: You know, well, all I can think about now is because I would have done the same thing, absolutely.
• 32:10
  Matt: What am I gonna do?
• 32:11
  Matt: Put this unwrapped pretzel rod in my cage.
• 32:13
  Eric: I am like what the f this is gonna infect my this is gonna attract mice.
• 32:16
  Eric: I'm just gonna give it me a hazard.
• 32:19
  Matt: I'm just gonna have salt at the bottom of my plastic bag or whatever.
• 32:22
  Matt: Yeah, get it.
• 32:23
  Eric: Like, what the I have never been more suspicious of an offering at Halloween than the uh singular unwrapped pretzel rod.
• 32:31
  Matt: But in the in the morning, that woman's gonna come out and be like, oh, let me just go get the paper for the day.
• 32:39
  Eric: And oh no, what's this on the lawn?
• 32:46
  Eric: Oh who put all this trash here?
• 32:49
  Eric: Trash indeed, madam.
• 32:51
  Eric: Trash indeed, trash indeed, Marie.
• 32:54
  Eric: Trash indeed.
• 32:55
  Eric: I wonder why there's so many fucking birds.
• 32:58
  Matt: Oh my no, the birds don't want them.
• 33:00
  Eric: The birds don't want them.
• 33:01
  Matt: The birds, because you want to know why?
• 33:03
  Matt: Because there's sugar lying around in the streets.
• 33:05
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 33:06
  Eric: So does that count?
• 33:08
  Eric: I don't think it does.
• 33:09
  Eric: I think that goes into the category.
• 33:11
  Eric: I put that in the same category, me personally, as like a getting a fucking ruler.
• 33:15
  Matt: That's what I'm saying.
• 33:16
  Matt: Anything that's not candy doesn't count because it is worse than the worst candy.
• 33:21
  Matt: Every child out there is out there for one purpose and one purpose only, and that is to come home with a haul of candy.
• 33:31
  Eric: Fucking trove.
• 33:33
  Matt: To dump on the kitchen table for your parents to inspect.
• 33:38
  Eric: And I don't know how your parents inspected candy.
• 33:41
  Eric: Mine was my dad picking out the shit he wanted while my mom just kind of did that, like read my candy like it was braille, like just kind of passed her hands over it, just kind of sifted through it, just like, oh, okay.
• 33:55
  Eric: Okay, yeah, it looks good.
• 33:57
  Matt: Uh no, my my so my dad did the same.
• 33:59
  Matt: Uh my dad would do the same thing, the the dad tax, if you will, of grabbing a couple of whatever the whatever the fuck he wanted.
• 34:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 34:10
  Matt: And you know, I you know, there I am protesting, but he'd meet me with like, oh, it's not safe, gotta see if it's safe.
• 34:15
  Eric: Oh, gotta classic shit.
• 34:17
  Matt: Gotta see if it's got a taste test.
• 34:18
  Eric: Um and I was also very fortunate because my mom fucking loves Smarties and Neko wafers, no lies.
• 34:23
  Eric: So I'd be like, here you go, Ma.
• 34:25
  Eric: She'd be like, Thank you.
• 34:26
  Matt: No, my mom would remove anything that was like partially unwrapped, she'd pluck right the fuck out of there.
• 34:32
  Matt: Yeah.
• 34:32
  Matt: Um, but uh similar, anything weird looking, like those orange and black candies, maybe this is why I couldn't remember them.
• 34:39
  Matt: She'd grab them.
• 34:41
  Eric: That looks like poison candy.
• 34:43
  Eric: Like if you were to show if you to Google poison Halloween candy, I guarantee those would be in the picture.
• 34:50
  Matt: And like per year, it wasn't like much.
• 34:54
  Matt: It probably didn't even happen every year that she'd like remove something.
• 34:57
  Matt: But I definitely remember her giving a sideways glance and be like, You're not eating this.
• 35:01
  Matt: You're not, you're not eating this.
• 35:02
  Matt: And throwing it direct to trash.
• 35:04
  Matt: Yeah.
• 35:05
  Matt: But otherwise, no.
• 35:07
  Matt: Uh yeah, but no, they didn't.
• 35:09
  Matt: My mom didn't do a laying on of hands to the to the overall banquet.
• 35:13
  Matt: Like your mom's.
• 35:14
  Eric: She looked like she was consecrating my fucking candy.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Much, much sugar highs uh contained here.
• 35:22
  Eric: Uh so so well, if if pretzel rod isn't counting, yeah.
• 35:26
  Eric: My answer, my answer is those little black and orange fucks.
• 35:28
  Matt: I think I am inclined to agree with you because they're they're one of two things.
• 35:32
  Matt: They're either so hard they might as well be a nips, yeah, or they're so sticky, they're gonna pull your fucking fillings out.
• 35:42
  Eric: Oh yeah, and they will remain with you for several days.
• 35:45
  Matt: Oh yeah, no, no amount of quip brush would take care of that.
• 35:49
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no.
• 35:50
  Matt: So you're fucked for there.
• 35:51
  Matt: You're fucked for life.
• 35:52
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 35:53
  Matt: Yeah, I'm good with that.
• 35:54
  Matt: But of course, anything lower, anything lower than that is a non-candy.
• 35:59
  Matt: That's no place at Halloween and you should be ashamed of it.
• 36:03
  Matt: Did you have anyone in your neighborhood that gave out full-size candy bars?
• 36:07
  Eric: Yes.
• 36:08
  Eric: Who it was uh there was one family that did it every single year.
• 36:12
  Matt: Same.
• 36:12
  Eric: They were safe on mischief night.
• 36:14
  Eric: They were, they were, they were protected.
• 36:16
  Eric: Their house went unharmed.
• 36:18
  Eric: Yes.
• 36:18
  Eric: And and like, gang, I just do want to be clear, again, this is fifth grade Eric speaking.
• 36:23
  Eric: For a kid on Halloween, it is the most selfish time of year for a child.
• 36:28
  Eric: It is the day of the year where they're like, no, I demand not only that you give me free shit, I want this to be high quality free shit.
• 36:36
  Eric: And if you don't give me high quality free candy, I'm gonna throw shit at your house.
• 36:43
  Matt: Yeah, the thing about you keep mentioning fifth grade Eric, and I just want to say fifth grade Eric is scary to me because it's a reminder that the the the the version of Eric that I'm speaking to now actually has matured.
• 37:03
  Eric: Oh got him.
• 37:08
  Eric: Oh my god, can we get a Wilhelm scream in there?
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's what you get for attacking Smarties, you son of a bitch.
• 37:15
  Eric: Oh fuck.
• 37:17
  Eric: I am butt wounded.
• 37:19
  Matt: Yes, yes, yes.
• 37:21
  Matt: You're talking, don't forget, you're talking to the to the car wash closer here.
• 37:26
  Eric: Jesus.
• 37:28
  Eric: Savage.
• 37:29
  Eric: I didn't even get time to flinch.
• 37:33
  Matt: Oh man, I mean, I apologize, but I do mean it as well.
• 37:39
  Eric: And it's okay.
• 37:41
  Eric: I also forget that fifth grade Eric was probably your height.
• 37:45
  Eric: Current height, you mean?
• 37:46
  Eric: Yeah, yes.
• 37:47
  Matt: You mean my current height.
• 37:49
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 37:49
  Matt: Yes, yes, absolutely.
• 37:51
  Matt: Yeah, you you it didn't quite fill into the the gangly hero you would become.
• 37:57
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, shall we move on to another?
• 38:00
  Eric: Oh, we shall.
• 38:01
  Eric: Uh, and our next question.
• 38:03
  Eric: Uh, this comes uh uh from at do babe on Instagram.
• 38:09
  Eric: At doe underscore babe.
• 38:12
  Eric: What does your trick or treat bag choice say about you?
• 38:17
  Eric: So, like what the vessel you use to carry your candy, what does that say about you as a person?
• 38:25
  Eric: Because there's so many options.
• 38:27
  Matt: I do feel as though mine evolved.
• 38:30
  Matt: When I was uh when I when I began my trick or treat career, I believe I was using that like plastic pumpkin.
• 38:38
  Matt: You know the word.
• 38:38
  Eric: The the orange pumpkin with the little hand, yeah.
• 38:41
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 38:41
  Eric: So when I, you know, when I was a like toddler, you know, like really say when when I when I had to be like stopped from falling and dying every 10 feet.
• 38:51
  Matt: When we uh solidly within the parents accompanying you trick or treating ages.
• 38:58
  Matt: Definitely use those.
• 38:59
  Matt: And then I think I moved up to like a like a themed bag, you know, like like my mom maybe picked up at the the an end cap of the grocery store the week before Halloween, you know.
• 39:12
  Matt: And then eventually, when we're into you know the the later years of trick-or-treating, the tail end just using a plastic grocery bag.
• 39:22
  Eric: Okay.
• 39:23
  Eric: Yeah, okay.
• 39:24
  Eric: My my vessel was nowhere in that trajectory.
• 39:27
  Matt: Interesting.
• 39:28
  Matt: What was your vessel?
• 39:29
  Eric: Did you only have one vessel?
• 39:31
  Eric: I I had but one vessel.
• 39:32
  Eric: Well, of course, when I was a toddler.
• 39:35
  Eric: Yeah.
• 39:35
  Eric: Like when I was before I my living memory trick-or-treating, I had the or the plastic box.
• 39:41
  Matt: I feel like ever no, I don't want to say everyone, because that's probably elitist, but a lot it's common.
• 39:48
  Matt: It's a it is a common for baby's first Halloween to have, and that's what I think my trajectory is, right?
• 39:56
  Matt: As the number of Halloweens began to grow, the budget for the accoutrement of the of the trick-or-treating went down.
• 40:05
  Eric: Yes.
• 40:06
  Eric: But Matthew, when I put down the bucket, yes, I took up the pillowcase.
• 40:15
  Eric: You oh my god.
• 40:18
  Eric: Oh my god, dude, bro.
• 40:20
  Eric: Yes.
• 40:21
  Eric: I thought that was just a fuck no.
• 40:23
  Eric: We wouldn't because like we me and my brother would be like, can we like, should we get one of these?
• 40:27
  Eric: Oh, look at these cool bags.
• 40:28
  Eric: My dad was like, got a perfectly fine pillowcase at home.
• 40:31
  Eric: Pillowcase?
• 40:32
  Eric: And we're like, oh my god.
• 40:33
  Eric: Now let me tell you this, Matt.
• 40:35
  Matt: I did you dump your candy and then put that fucking dirty thing back on your pillow?
• 40:39
  Eric: No, we used a clean one.
• 40:41
  Eric: Like we were like a fresh out the wash pillowcase.
• 40:44
  Eric: Oh man.
• 40:45
  Eric: But like, like you can't beat it.
• 40:48
  Eric: Like, in terms of depth, in terms of pure can it has no handles.
• 40:54
  Eric: Bro, it doesn't need them.
• 40:56
  Eric: You twist that shit up, sling it over your shoulder like you're like you're Santa or a hobo on tracks.
• 41:04
  Eric: Oh my god, and dude, the fucking damage you could do with another kid.
• 41:10
  Eric: Yeah, here it is.
• 41:11
  Eric: Here it is.
• 41:13
  Eric: I would not start these fights, but I would sure, but you'd finish them.
• 41:17
  Eric: Oh my god, just turn that shit into a morning star.
• 41:22
  Eric: God help them if they got hit part of the bag that was full of lollipops.
• 41:25
  Eric: That's basically tax, like nails, just bam.
• 41:30
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 41:31
  Eric: Yeah, no, pillowcase fucking ruled.
• 41:34
  Eric: There's so much space.
• 41:35
  Eric: It could, it was a weapon.
• 41:37
  Eric: You you could feel, you could feel the real salt of the earth fucking like this is my candy.
• 41:44
  Matt: Salt of the earth?
• 41:45
  Matt: Like what?
• 41:46
  Matt: You like you're a fucking fisherman's son?
• 41:48
  Eric: Like the fucking couple of shipman of candy?
• 41:51
  Eric: Ah, you can't.
• 41:52
  Matt: My rucksack just came in off the bay there, crabbing, and now I got my pillowcase.
• 41:58
  Matt: What are you talking about?
• 41:59
  Matt: What's this character, this folklore you're building?
• 42:07
  Eric: I mean, like if it's warm to the earth, get fucked.
• 42:10
  Eric: What are you talking about?
• 42:12
  Eric: Just a real sweat of my brow from a latex mask.
• 42:16
  Eric: Oh, yes, sweat of my brow in this Dust Bowl era world I'm growing up in.
• 42:21
  Eric: Oh, and we'd fucking, we'd like at the end of each street, we'd all kneel, put our sacks down on the ground, like, what do we got?
• 42:28
  Eric: Like we're panning for gold.
• 42:29
  Eric: Like, oh, oh, oh, that's a Reese's.
• 42:32
  Eric: Oh, yeah, it's good.
• 42:33
  Eric: I fucking bite into it and mend it with my teeth.
• 42:35
  Matt: Oh, you know what's another shitty candy that is chocolate?
• 42:38
  Matt: Those little chocolate coins.
• 42:40
  Matt: I don't mind a chocolate coin.
• 42:42
  Matt: I don't mind them because they're just straight chocolate.
• 42:46
  Eric: But like, yeah, I feel like I got those way more for Easter than I did for Halloween.
• 42:51
  Matt: Maybe.
• 42:52
  Matt: Maybe.
• 42:53
  Eric: Uh, but yeah, man, pillow sack till the day I die.
• 42:57
  Matt: I don't I don't know that I agree.
• 42:59
  Matt: I don't know that I agree.
• 43:00
  Eric: My fellow, my fellow sackers, they recognize the realness.
• 43:04
  Matt: I don't agree.
• 43:06
  Matt: No, you got no.
• 43:07
  Matt: So, okay, so you're saying if you use a pillowcase.
• 43:10
  Eric: Yeah.
• 43:11
  Matt: You're the because the actual question was what does it say about you?
• 43:15
  Eric: What does it say about you?
• 43:16
  Eric: If you say pillowcase, you're down to earth.
• 43:19
  Eric: You're you're you're with it.
• 43:20
  Eric: You're down to it.
• 43:21
  Eric: You're down to earth.
• 43:22
  Matt: You're humble.
• 43:23
  Matt: Oh, you're humble.
• 43:24
  Matt: I would say my plastic grocery bag says that I'm humble.
• 43:29
  Matt: It doesn't need to match my costume or anything.
• 43:33
  Matt: No, I just grabbed what was around.
• 43:35
  Matt: It's utilitarian, it's practical.
• 43:38
  Matt: And here you can likely to develop holes.
• 43:41
  Matt: Likely to develop holes.
• 43:43
  Matt: Meanwhile, here you are taking a home good out into the world, the dirty, nasty world.
• 43:52
  Matt: You're you, as you put it, you're laying your sacks down on the sidewalk.
• 43:56
  Matt: Ooh, what do we have?
• 43:57
  Matt: Bent over them, getting dog shit all over.
• 44:00
  Matt: Over the bottom of it, and you think you think one round through the washer and it's good to go back to put out into rotation, and you wonder why you probably I'm just gonna assume had pink eye no less than three times as a child.
• 44:12
  Matt: Matt, and you know, you get a you want to know what it says about you?
• 44:15
  Matt: I'll tell you what it says about you.
• 44:17
  Matt: It says to me that you don't give a shit about yourself or others.
• 44:24
  Matt: Sackers rise.
• 44:26
  Matt: Sackers rise.
• 44:28
  Eric: Don't call yourself sackers.
• 44:31
  Eric: First of all, it's better than the pillow pals.
• 44:36
  Matt: Yeah, all this pillow talk.
• 44:39
  Eric: Oh my god, dude.
• 44:40
  Eric: No, but like, and like, man, like think let me put it this way.
• 44:43
  Eric: I'm not saying like plastic bag, totally valid.
• 44:45
  Eric: But like you get a hole in that plastic bag, hope you double bagged, hope you brought a second bag because you're fucked.
• 44:51
  Eric: Where's your god then?
• 44:53
  Eric: If I get a hole, if I get a hole in my pillowcase, I'm sitting down there like busting out my needle and thread.
• 44:59
  Eric: Just uh, ooh, oh yeah, we gotta repair that.
• 45:03
  Eric: I'm like snapping the thread with my teeth.
• 45:05
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:06
  Matt: Look at me.
• 45:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 45:07
  Eric: You double bagged.
• 45:08
  Eric: You double bagged, you 100% double bagged.
• 45:11
  Matt: You don't think I double bagged me who has double knotted his shoes since the day he learned to tie them?
• 45:18
  Eric: How big of a plastic bag would it be now?
• 45:21
  Eric: You I'm talking about the general man, I feel like that thing got did that thing get full by the end of the day?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, baby.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_00: It was full.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's the other cool thing.
• 45:31
  Matt: But again, I feel like I feel like that was real late.
• 45:33
  Matt: I think I feel like I used like a big, long, like thick plastic bag with like, you know, a jack-o'-lantern on the front of it that my that would my mom picked up.
• 45:44
  Matt: You know how uh in in the same way one might now pick up a reusable grocery bag.
• 45:50
  Matt: I'm pretty sure that's where one got these.
• 45:53
  Matt: And I feel like I used the same one or two of them for like three, four years.
• 45:57
  Matt: So if you will, it was like the size of, say, I don't know, a pillowcase, but it was acceptable to take out in the world, and it had handles that you could handle as opposed to going, oh yeah, just sling it over my shoulder, like just fucking like like ah, allow me to complete the look of my costume as Jack Skellington with this big old white sack.
• 46:21
  Eric: I'm out here with my fellow sackers, and like we are seizing the means of confection.
• 46:27
  Eric: We are but here's the other thing.
• 46:30
  Eric: Let me hit you with this.
• 46:31
  Eric: Matt, you don't think you don't think that before I I I didn't just grab a pillowcase at random.
• 46:40
  Eric: I had a s I I had choices, Matt, because I had some pretty boss ass sheets growing up.
• 46:45
  Matt: Matt's.
• 46:45
  Matt: I was just gonna say you had a you I thought you were gonna rescue this by saying there was a designated Halloween trick-or-treat bag.
• 46:52
  Matt: That would at least make it make more sense.
• 46:54
  Matt: But no, here you are picking out your parents' finest linens.
• 46:57
  Eric: Oh no, my five like my Batman pillowcase.
• 47:01
  Eric: I was Batman every year from like age five to age like 13.
• 47:05
  Eric: Sure.
• 47:05
  Eric: Uh so that was always kind of a I am the night.
• 47:07
  Eric: Yeah, a bat got a Pokemon pillowcase.
• 47:10
  Eric: I got an NFL pillowcase that was a hand-me-down from a brother.
• 47:13
  Eric: That one was a great default bugging, just sacking it up.
• 47:18
  Eric: Sack up.
• 47:19
  Matt: Sack up.
• 47:20
  Matt: Okay.
• 47:20
  Eric: Hashtag.
• 47:22
  Matt: Hashtag sack up.
• 47:24
  Matt: But I think that's gonna get you different results.
• 47:27
  Eric: So plastic bag, what that says is you like to advertise to all the bullies that you have candy.
• 47:33
  Eric: You're rat like it's like candy, candy bag's gonna make noise no matter what.
• 47:38
  Eric: But yours is like you just you just want to crinkle it.
• 47:41
  Eric: You're you're crinkling, you're just making noise, swinging around.
• 47:45
  Eric: Me, stealth.
• 47:46
  Eric: Stealth stealth.
• 47:47
  Eric: Stealth with your Pokemon.
• 47:52
  Eric: With the Batman sheet though, with the Batman pillowcase?
• 47:56
  Matt: Son, oh Eric, I am the knight.
• 47:58
  Matt: You know what?
• 47:58
  Matt: You you are so right.
• 48:00
  Matt: When somebody, when I on Halloween night, see someone walking down the street with a pillowcase slung over the bag like Santa back like Santa Claus, I just have no idea what could be contained.
• 48:14
  Matt: What what mysteries lie within?
• 48:17
  Eric: You d you might hesitate.
• 48:19
  Eric: That's all I need.
• 48:20
  Eric: You're like, oh, is that candy?
• 48:21
  Eric: Or is he just an issue?
• 48:24
  Matt: Were you getting jumped as a fifth grader?
• 48:27
  unknown: No.
• 48:28
  Matt: Were you Eric?
• 48:30
  Matt: Eric, look at me.
• 48:30
  Matt: Once I was in No, hey, hey, focus.
• 48:33
  Matt: Were you doing the jumping?
• 48:35
  Eric: Oh, fuck no, no, no.
• 48:36
  Eric: I was bullied relentlessly as a child.
• 48:38
  Eric: Good.
• 48:38
  Matt: Um I mean, good that you weren't bullied.
• 48:44
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 48:44
  Matt: I mean, good that you weren't bullied.
• 48:48
  Matt: But I was bullied relentlessly as a child.
• 48:51
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 48:52
  Matt: So was I.
• 48:53
  Matt: I mean, obviously, so was I.
• 48:55
  Matt: You have a black belt.
• 48:56
  Eric: I had no, I had Well, oh, there's a reason I started doing martial arts.
• 49:00
  Eric: Um but uh uh And the student has become master.
• 49:04
  Eric: It was one of the it was like the first year, or it was either the first year or the year after that I started like trick or tree just with my friends.
• 49:12
  Eric: I did have to like, you know, to repel an older kid, fucking swing this shit.
• 49:18
  Eric: Seriously?
• 49:18
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 49:19
  Eric: And he didn't do it again.
• 49:21
  Eric: Sure.
• 49:21
  Eric: So so we I feel like we've we've hit plastic bag, we've hit pillowcase.
• 49:25
  Eric: We've clearly hit what we think about people who have plastic bag or pillowcases.
• 49:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 49:30
  Matt: And I think the uh the I I think if you've got the plastic pumpkin and you are a small child accompanied by a parent, we all know you're just starting out.
• 49:40
  Matt: You're just starting the career.
• 49:41
  Matt: You're a rookie.
• 49:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:42
  Matt: You're getting there.
• 49:43
  Matt: You get there.
• 49:44
  Matt: If, however, you are say, what do you what was your cutoff?
• 49:48
  Matt: When was the last year you went?
• 49:50
  Eric: Probably when I was, I want to say when I was 13.
• 49:53
  Eric: I feel like I was around there.
• 49:55
  Matt: Eighth grade.
• 49:55
  Matt: I feel like there was a year, and I can't remember what year it was, maybe 13, maybe 14, where I went out and immediately felt like I don't belong.
• 50:08
  Matt: I'm not, I'm not I don't belong in this club anymore.
• 50:10
  Matt: What what do you think?
• 50:11
  Matt: It's not as dark as I remember it being.
• 50:13
  Eric: Yeah.
• 50:14
  Eric: I feel very visible.
• 50:16
  Eric: I feel so seen, right?
• 50:18
  Eric: I don't like it.
• 50:19
  Eric: Nobody look at me.
• 50:20
  Eric: What is what is the line for you?
• 50:23
  Eric: What is the line of like how old kids kids come trick-or-treat, you open your door.
• 50:28
  Matt: Well, we did get this, we did get this submission a couple of times.
• 50:31
  Matt: Uh, yeah.
• 50:32
  Matt: So uh a couple people submitted this.
• 50:34
  Matt: So for everybody who submitted this question, here you go.
• 50:36
  Matt: I don't know because I did see a meme earlier today that was like, remember, if you see a teenager trick-or-treating, it means they're not out drinking, so give them the candy.
• 50:48
  Matt: And like, okay, I guess that's it.
• 50:51
  Matt: That there is a some kind of a point there.
• 50:56
  Matt: But I I don't know.
• 50:57
  Matt: I I'd say I don't know.
• 51:02
  Eric: 15.
• 51:03
  Eric: Here's how I feel about it.
• 51:04
  Eric: And I think you kind of touched on this: the older the person, the more effort I need to see exerted into their costume to read my candy.
• 51:14
  Eric: You can be fucking 40 coming to my door.
• 51:17
  Eric: If you come correct, you're gonna get candy.
• 51:20
  Matt: You can't be 40 outside of like a adult-only trick-or-treat, which I'm so down for.
• 51:27
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 51:28
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 51:28
  Eric: Adult only with little little little little alcohol bottles and little fucking little adult treatment.
• 51:33
  Eric: Little because that's a thing they do in some neighborhoods where they'll give out little mini booze bottles for the parents.
• 51:38
  Matt: One year um, I was living with uh Lindsay and this other couple, we were roommates together, and we assumed because there's all these kids in our apartment complex, we assumed we're we were gonna get hit hard for trick-or-treating.
• 51:54
  Matt: So we got like a couple of bags of like the mix, you know, the nerds and the tootsie rolls and whatever yells.
• 52:00
  Matt: And so we filled this big bowl.
• 52:02
  Matt: Not a single kid showed up at the door.
• 52:06
  Matt: So for for seriously, like months, it was we just left this bowl by the front door.
• 52:11
  Matt: And every time you left the house or entered the house, it was like, oh, I guess I'll take a Tootsie Roll for the road.
• 52:17
  Matt: Like, that's how we had to get rid of it.
• 52:19
  Matt: We just had an entry, and and anyone who came to the house, we were like, You I think you did actually.
• 52:25
  Matt: You came over and it was like, take some candy, take some candy, get it out of here.
• 52:30
  Matt: Take some of the road, I pull out a pillow sack.
• 52:32
  Matt: I was ready.
• 52:33
  Matt: I didn't realize your father was in the mines this morning.
• 52:37
  Eric: Oigav, go back, head!
• 52:39
  Matt: Now you're a chimney sweep, yeah?
• 52:40
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 52:41
  Eric: Oh, yeah, that'd be a good homie cast.
• 52:43
  Eric: Street erction.
• 52:44
  Eric: So we've discussed pillowcases, we've discussed little plastic pumpens, we've discussed plastic bags.
• 52:49
  Eric: There's also like some of the more exotic options.
• 52:53
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 52:53
  Eric: There is, uh I I you see, these are like ubiquitous now.
• 52:57
  Eric: Um, they were they were kind of like new and cool when when we were kids.
• 53:01
  Eric: They're these are the ones with like the plastic hand, like the claw with like the hole and like the sack attached to that.
• 53:08
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 53:09
  Matt: Yes, I do.
• 53:10
  Eric: Yeah, that just seems like a chore.
• 53:12
  Eric: That does not seem fun to carry around.
• 53:14
  Matt: It doesn't seem like it would get the job done in terms of you want something that can support a haul.
• 53:21
  Matt: Yes.
• 53:21
  Matt: When you have your Halloween vessel, you're very optimistic about how much you think it's gonna be full to you're gonna be dragging it home.
• 53:29
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 53:30
  Eric: Ah, but like at that, there's just so little real estate in that.
• 53:33
  Eric: They do, they do not give sufficient room in this.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_02: No, I don't think so.
• 53:37
  Eric: I don't believe so.
• 53:38
  Eric: What I will say is is what that says about you is is your you, more specifically your parents, are someone who goes style over substance.
• 53:48
  Matt: Yes, yes, yes.
• 53:49
  Eric: As Paul Hollywood would say.
• 53:51
  Matt: Yes, a little style over substance for sure, there.
• 53:55
  Matt: For sure.
• 53:56
  Eric: I'm trying to think of what other options there are.
• 53:58
  Matt: I mean, I think we've gotten the headliners, you know.
• 54:01
  Eric: Have you ever seen someone with like a brown paper bag?
• 54:05
  Eric: Yeah, oh, for sure.
• 54:06
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, I have.
• 54:07
  Eric: I felt like a thing I would have seen.
• 54:09
  Matt: And I've I've looked at them.
• 54:11
  Eric: Conscientious conscientious is what I would think of.
• 54:15
  Eric: It's very green.
• 54:16
  Eric: Very green, not as green as like, say, a pillowcase, it's reusable, but oh no, I looked on them with sad eyes.
• 54:21
  Matt: Oh, with sad.
• 54:24
  Matt: Oh, the pitiful look at this pitiful creature.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_04: Look at this urchin.
• 54:28
  Matt: Look at this pitiful creature.
• 54:29
  Eric: I love those.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_02: Unless you if y'all at least come out with a pillowcase.
• 54:33
  Eric: If y'all haven't been able to tell after 50-some episodes, I love the word urchin.
• 54:38
  Matt: You sure do.
• 54:40
  Matt: 50-some, it's 51.
• 54:41
  Matt: You've lost count after that.
• 54:42
  Matt: That's 50.
• 54:43
  Eric: It's some, ah, 50-some.
• 54:44
  Eric: Uh we'll be on like episode like 200.
• 54:47
  Eric: I'll be like, ah, after 50-some episodes.
• 54:49
  Matt: This is why I have to keep the data straight of this podcast arrangement.
• 54:55
  Matt: The episode the episode numbers would change.
• 54:58
  Matt: The next episode would be 65, followed by 112.
• 55:02
  Eric: Yeah, it truly would be.
• 55:04
  Matt: Yeah, from the person who said feels over reels in the last episode.
• 55:08
  Matt: Feels over reels.
• 55:10
  Eric: Okay, so I I feel like we've covered like we've covered all I mean, there's always gonna be some absurd shit.
• 55:17
  Eric: Some kid just walks up, it's like, I give him the candy and they just put it in their pockets.
• 55:21
  Eric: I'm like, kid.
• 55:22
  Eric: Yeah.
• 55:23
  Eric: Here, have a pillowcase.
• 55:24
  Eric: Here, have a packet.
• 55:25
  Matt: And then they're like, let me go upstairs and get you a pillowcase.
• 55:28
  Eric: I'm like, all right, fuck off.
• 55:29
  Eric: Slam the door in their face.
• 55:30
  Eric: I take the candy back.
• 55:31
  Matt: That again, that's not what I sounded like.
• 55:34
  Matt: Um it would have been more like, what's this, a pillowcase?
• 55:38
  Matt: Keep it.
• 55:38
  Matt: You don't have any plastic bags?
• 55:40
  Matt: That's what you want to put your candy in.
• 55:41
  Matt: Oh, I did occasionally see people with a trash bag.
• 55:46
  Eric: Trash bag, they they have ambition.
• 55:49
  Matt: There's two things there.
• 55:50
  Matt: They have ambition and also no respect for candy.
• 55:54
  Eric: No respect for candy, but also they have ambition, but they also suck at setting realistic goals, or as we would call them, smart goals.
• 56:01
  Matt: Smart goddamn.
• 56:03
  Matt: Smart goals, yes.
• 56:05
  Eric: Smart goals.
• 56:06
  Matt: They weren't they weren't great at that.
• 56:08
  Matt: Um, and they probably still aren't.
• 56:10
  Matt: And then you're just they're you're just walking around your neighborhood with a fucking trash page.
• 56:15
  Eric: Yeah, they grew up to be ideas guys.
• 56:18
  Matt: Hey, hey, whoa, I'm an ideas man.
• 56:20
  Eric: Yeah, but your ideas are good.
• 56:22
  Matt: Yeah.
• 56:23
  Matt: Well, some of the time.
• 56:26
  Eric: All right.
• 56:26
  Eric: I feel like we've we've plumbed that depth.
• 56:29
  Matt: I feel like we've properly insulted a good number of people.
• 56:32
  Matt: Good number of people.
• 56:33
  Matt: Uh, for sure.
• 56:34
  Matt: So the next question that we have comes from our good friend Darry King11 on Twitter.
• 56:40
  Matt: All hail the king.
• 56:42
  Matt: Uh, this might be a quick one.
• 56:43
  Matt: If you had to be roommates with any fictional serial killer, such as Ghostface, Jason, Chucky, Freddie Krueger, et cetera, et cetera, who would you choose?
• 56:57
  Matt: And why?
• 56:59
  Matt: I think I have my answer right off the bat.
• 57:01
  Eric: Oh, hippie with it, babe.
• 57:02
  Matt: My good friend, Michael Myers.
• 57:05
  Matt: And I'll tell you why.
• 57:06
  Eric: Why?
• 57:06
  Matt: Quiet.
• 57:08
  Eric: Very quiet.
• 57:09
  Matt: Very quiet.
• 57:09
  Eric: So quiet.
• 57:10
  Eric: Very quiet.
• 57:12
  Eric: That is that is honestly from a roommate.
• 57:14
  Eric: That's the only bar you gotta do.
• 57:16
  Eric: He said I will be able to do that.
• 57:16
  Eric: He said roommate.
• 57:18
  Eric: Huh?
• 57:19
  Matt: He said roommate.
• 57:20
  Eric: Yeah, I and honestly, that's how I feel.
• 57:23
  Eric: Like Can you imagine Freddie?
• 57:26
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 57:27
  Eric: Just constantly scraping the fucking claw.
• 57:29
  Eric: And like every night you sleep, that's when he would.
• 57:32
  Eric: See, you would never see him during the day.
• 57:33
  Eric: That would be the upside to Freddy.
• 57:35
  Eric: You'd never see him during the day.
• 57:36
  Eric: You go to bed, that's when he wants to hang out.
• 57:38
  Matt: Meanwhile, Ghostface is over here prank calling people.
• 57:42
  Matt: Oh god.
• 57:43
  Matt: Then we got Chucky, who's just causing mischief around the house, cutting phone lines and burning your t-shirts.
• 57:52
  Eric: Yeah, and uh so here.
• 57:55
  Matt: Who yeah, what's your pick?
• 57:56
  Matt: What's your thought here?
• 57:58
  Eric: And this is if like I was in a place where, like, you know what?
• 58:01
  Eric: I want to better myself as a person.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 58:04
  Eric: I want to improve my my outlook, um, and I want to improve my, you know, or maybe get some exercise.
• 58:12
  Eric: Jigsaw.
• 58:13
  Matt: Jesus Christ.
• 58:14
  Matt: Come home every day.
• 58:15
  Eric: Would you like to play a game?
• 58:17
  Matt: You know, there was, I think I don't know if it was college humor or something, but there was a a video, a sketch of like if Jigsaw was your roommate.
• 58:27
  Eric: Was there?
• 58:28
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:28
  Eric: Damn, look at me.
• 58:30
  Matt: Damn, did you make it?
• 58:32
  Matt: Uh no, but there was like this, it was it was things like it was just the doll, though.
• 58:38
  Matt: Like it was just Billy.
• 58:39
  Matt: The little doll.
• 58:40
  Matt: Yeah, it was just Billy.
• 58:42
  Matt: That's I'm pretty sure that's his name.
• 58:43
  Matt: Billy going around and like, like he the guy's trying to leave for work.
• 58:49
  Matt: This was the end of the sketch.
• 58:50
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:51
  Matt: The guy's trying to leave for work, and he was like, and then he like looks for his keys and his dog runs up to him and you hear a little jingle.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_02: And Billy like is sitting on the counter and is like, if you're going to get to work on time, you're going to have to kill your best friend or face being late to work for the fourth time this month.
• 59:13
  Eric: And and like I'm I'm I'm thinking about it from both the aspect of like the doll would probably be the the present, but like what actually be more impressive is if he was my roommate and I only ever saw the doll, like, but he was still an old, old man setting all these elaborate traps and schemes for me.
• 59:29
  Eric: Yeah.
• 59:30
  Eric: Um, also, nothing around the house would ever break.
• 59:34
  Eric: Like, nothing would ever break.
• 59:36
  Eric: He'd be on that shit.
• 59:37
  Eric: Like, the man can build bear trap helmets, he can fix a dryer.
• 59:41
  Matt: I was gonna say, I think he'd be breaking everything to in order to make his little games.
• 59:46
  Matt: Are we operating under the assumption that there's some sort of deal in which maybe there's psychological torture?
• 59:54
  Eric: They're not allowed to kill us.
• 59:55
  Matt: That we won't be killed.
• 59:56
  Eric: We won't be killed.
• 59:57
  Matt: There's some sort of understanding between us and the person that we're not a we're not the victim for them.
• 1:00:02
  Eric: No, like like I get home and then I have a new answer.
• 1:00:06
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:00:07
  Eric: What's your answer?
• 1:00:08
  Matt: Hannibal Lecter.
• 1:00:10
  Eric: Oh, immaculate.
• 1:00:11
  Matt: The man can cook.
• 1:00:13
  Matt: He's classy, he has upscale taste.
• 1:00:18
  Eric: He will also be quiet.
• 1:00:20
  Eric: He will also be quiet.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: He'll also help you, you know, reach some self-actualization.
• 1:00:25
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 1:00:25
  Eric: Uh, he is a he is a psychologist.
• 1:00:29
  Matt: And you cut, yeah, you can tell you can talk to him.
• 1:00:32
  Matt: And then you get home, you get home from a long day of work, and he greets you and says, Hey, I may just finished making some dinner.
• 1:00:40
  Matt: No, thanks, honey.
• 1:00:41
  Matt: I'm good.
• 1:00:42
  Matt: I'm good.
• 1:00:43
  Matt: You enjoy it.
• 1:00:44
  Eric: Got some chipotle.
• 1:00:46
  Eric: We are good to go.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: You earned it, my friend.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: Like, I now the only annoying bit was like I feel like I couldn't bitch to him about my day because he would always just turn it around on me.
• 1:01:01
  Eric: Like, like, like I'm like, oh god, my boss has just been riding my ass.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, was he riding your ass, Eric?
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_04: How curious.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_04: How long have you been letting other people walk all over you when you grew up in Glen Burney?
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_04: How many pillowsacks did you sling over your shoulder hoping for a brighter day?
• 1:01:20
  Matt: You're still, still slinging that pillowsack to this very day, aren't you, Eric?
• 1:01:25
  Matt: No, it's just when you close your eyes, you would finally admit to yourself that it was you doing the bullying, wasn't it, Eric?
• 1:01:33
  Matt: It wasn't someone else.
• 1:01:34
  Matt: It was always you.
• 1:01:37
  Eric: And then I'm just like, nah, I'm just pissed because it could have been an email.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_00: It could that's what you always default to, isn't it, Eric?
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: It could have been an email.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_00: It could have been an email.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_00: And yet an inbox will not fill the void within you, will it?
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_04: You're sending, Eric.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_04: You're sending, but it's all in your outbox, isn't it?
• 1:02:00
  Eric: God damn it.
• 1:02:01
  Eric: That's why you'd have to keep all interactions with Hani to a minimum.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: Like just to abrelate, hey man, how you doing?
• 1:02:09
  Eric: Yeah, I'm just gonna be in my room.
• 1:02:10
  Eric: I'm in my room, Bob.
• 1:02:11
  Eric: Bye-bye.
• 1:02:12
  Eric: Hang on.
• 1:02:13
  Eric: And maybe deal with him like petting the door from the outside for several hours.
• 1:02:18
  Eric: But that's what they make noise-cancelling headphones.
• 1:02:21
  Matt: I just thought I'd pop in to see if you wanted a nightcap.
• 1:02:28
  Eric: And like if I fuck something up, like I forget to do a chore, he was like, that wasn't part of our deal, Eric.
• 1:02:35
  Matt: I thought we discussed that I would vacuum every other month.
• 1:02:41
  Matt: Tell me, what are you really looking to clean?
• 1:02:45
  Matt: That is what he would do the whole time.
• 1:02:47
  Eric: And then I was like, Honey, I gotta, I gotta fucking go.
• 1:02:51
  Eric: I thought, oh Eric, love your coat.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: Like, whatever.
• 1:02:57
  Eric: Bye.
• 1:02:58
  Matt: And then, yeah, then uh you do a gift exchange or something, and you get him like a gift card or something to like a steakhouse.
• 1:03:05
  Eric: And he's like overanalyzing.
• 1:03:08
  Matt: And then you you open yeah, you open up his gift, and it's just this jacket, and he goes, That's genuine leather.
• 1:03:17
  Matt: I'll put it in.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: Imported.
• 1:03:19
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:22
  Eric: I've got it's just like my closet is full of leather items and and things.
• 1:03:29
  Eric: I just have like just a box with a little sign on it that has imported in quotes.
• 1:03:35
  Matt: Eric, I couldn't help but notice you haven't worn your coat.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: Is it not to your size?
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_04: I couldn't help but notice you never bring anyone around, Eric.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_04: Whatever happened to that one girl, she was a real dish.
• 1:03:52
  Eric: I'm like, Hani, come on, man.
• 1:03:55
  Eric: Like that that would be the thing, like several times.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: So uh that would be the infuriating thing, is I would have to get the the landlord involved so many times, but the landlord would always side with Hannibal.
• 1:04:06
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:04:06
  Eric: Picture of Charisma.
• 1:04:08
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 1:04:09
  Matt: But then one day the landlord would just disappear.
• 1:04:13
  Eric: And I stay because we're rent controlled.
• 1:04:15
  Matt: Oh, yes, absolutely.
• 1:04:16
  Matt: So like that.
• 1:04:17
  Eric: He he managed to get in on that.
• 1:04:19
  Matt: Yeah, he's had this apartment since the 70s.
• 1:04:22
  Matt: And you're living with him now.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_04: You're not playing against the landlord, Eric.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_04: You're playing me.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_04: I went to visit the landlord, but it simply said out to lunch.
• 1:04:33
  SPEAKER_04: Fucking god damn it.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_04: Every time.
• 1:04:36
  Matt: Who knows when he'll be back.
• 1:04:39
  Matt: But he elected me as his successor in the meantime.
• 1:04:46
  Matt: So I will need the check no later than the fifth every day.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_04: You're killing me, Annie.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, not yet.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, trust me.
• 1:04:59
  Matt: No, Eric.
• 1:05:00
  Matt: Uh okay.
• 1:05:02
  Matt: So yeah, I my choice is Hannibal now.
• 1:05:04
  Eric: Yeah, no, that's a good choice.
• 1:05:06
  Eric: He would also bring all the furniture and it'd be nice ass furniture.
• 1:05:09
  Eric: He has refined taste.
• 1:05:11
  Eric: He's a refined gentleman.
• 1:05:13
  Eric: Um, any others?
• 1:05:14
  Eric: Any others worth considering?
• 1:05:17
  Eric: Obviously, not any centibytes from Hellraiser.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: Um, Mike Myers, quiet.
• 1:05:22
  Eric: Jason Voorhees would leave the place a fucking wreck.
• 1:05:25
  Matt: Yeah, he'd be a mess.
• 1:05:26
  Eric: He'd be oh mess.
• 1:05:28
  Eric: I feel like the shit he would listen to, like, it'd be constant, like five-fingered death punch and like monster cans laying all around.
• 1:05:35
  Matt: Yeah, as opposed to Mike Myers, who you open his room, and sure, the deck the decor is questionable.
• 1:05:44
  Matt: But he what is he doing when you open the door?
• 1:05:46
  Matt: He's sitting in uh a wooden chair, staring out the window.
• 1:05:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:05:52
  Matt: And then you say, Hey, hey, hey, Mike, we were we were gonna watch a movie.
• 1:05:57
  Matt: You you you up for that?
• 1:05:59
  Matt: And he just Turns his head three quarters of the way, doesn't make it furn far enough to look at you, turns back to the window.
• 1:06:09
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:06:10
  Eric: Classic.
• 1:06:11
  Eric: Occasionally.
• 1:06:13
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:06:15
  Eric: Uh occasionally.
• 1:06:16
  Eric: I feel like the only challenge with him is like you'd lose him every now and then.
• 1:06:20
  Eric: Like you'd have to go, like, oh, he's out.
• 1:06:21
  Eric: And like you, you know where to look.
• 1:06:23
  Eric: It's like a cat.
• 1:06:24
  Matt: It's like check the closets, check the closets.
• 1:06:27
  Eric: And then you get to be like the doctor from from uh Halloween four, where you just be like, you find him and you're like, Mike, go, go home, Michael.
• 1:06:35
  Eric: Loomis.
• 1:06:36
  Eric: Loomis.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: Go home to where it all began.
• 1:06:39
  Matt: You you do realize you are quoting yourself from the second episode of the hero of Haddenfield.
• 1:06:44
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:06:45
  Eric: Whoa! Look at you remembering the name.
• 1:06:47
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:06:48
  Eric: It's my fate.
• 1:06:49
  Eric: It's my favorite Halloween movie.
• 1:06:50
  Eric: It's my favorite quote.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: Go home, Michael.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_00: Go home, Michael.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_00: Go home to where it all began.
• 1:06:56
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:06:56
  Matt: Absolutely well.
• 1:06:57
  Matt: Rent is due.
• 1:06:58
  Matt: Rent is due.
• 1:07:00
  Matt: Yeah, but the uh with yeah, the other thing about Michael is like you'd be looking for him, and all of a sudden you look at, oh shit, he's out on the lawn.
• 1:07:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:07:07
  Eric: You'd startle me every time.
• 1:07:09
  Matt: How do you get out there?
• 1:07:10
  Matt: Uh yeah, so he's a slippery fish.
• 1:07:13
  Eric: Yeah, I think Hannibal.
• 1:07:14
  Eric: Hannibal feels good.
• 1:07:15
  Matt: Well, that was good.
• 1:07:16
  Matt: And that I like that question because to end on, because it is a bit of a transition question.
• 1:07:21
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:07:21
  Matt: Because uh, you know, we're starting a new era, the second, the second batch of fifty, if you will.
• 1:07:27
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:07:27
  Matt: So uh we thought we'd do a little check-in with some personal questions.
• 1:07:32
  Matt: Which which we haven't we haven't gotten some in uh in a little while.
• 1:07:37
  Matt: So we thought we'd do something a little different with personal questions this time.
• 1:07:41
  Matt: And we have we we each have a question for each other.
• 1:07:44
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 1:07:45
  Matt: Yeah, a little mixing up a little bit.
• 1:07:47
  Matt: So um hit me with it, Matthew.
• 1:07:49
  Eric: I'm ready.
• 1:07:50
  Matt: You want me to hit you first?
• 1:07:52
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:07:53
  Matt: And you know what?
• 1:07:54
  Matt: This works quite well since we're talking about things of growing up and high school and all these different questions.
• 1:08:01
  Matt: My question for to you, Eric, is we are both we're both actors, we're both theater professionals, and uh, you know, we obviously, as the as longtime listeners know, know we met in college at at uh Towson University uh in the theater program there.
• 1:08:18
  Matt: Now, before that, Eric, we both did theater in high school.
• 1:08:22
  Matt: True, true.
• 1:08:23
  Matt: Now, I would and this is a question I've asked a few people after realizing that I might have had a different view.
• 1:08:31
  Matt: When you did theater in high school, how did you view it?
• 1:08:37
  Matt: What was it to you?
• 1:08:39
  Eric: Oh, I just wanted to make people laugh.
• 1:08:43
  Eric: I wanted an excuse to go on stage, do funny thing, make audience laugh.
• 1:08:48
  Eric: Ooh, give me that dopamine.
• 1:08:50
  unknown: Ooh.
• 1:08:51
  Matt: So it was like a it was just like an activity, like an after school club kind of thing?
• 1:08:56
  Eric: Yes, it was like it wasn't until my senior year of high school that I actually decided, oh, you know what?
• 1:09:04
  Eric: I actually might want to pursue this as a thing.
• 1:09:06
  Eric: Really?
• 1:09:07
  Eric: I but yeah, the previous three years of like, oh yeah, for most of high school, my dream was I wanted to be a video game designer because I was a 14-year-old boy, and then I took one programming class and said, nope, not for me.
• 1:09:23
  Matt: Yeah, see, I want to I I went through the same phase, and that's why again, I'm an ideas man.
• 1:09:28
  Matt: I wanted to think of the games.
• 1:09:31
  Matt: Somebody else, somebody else put it together for me, please.
• 1:09:35
  Eric: I just want to give you bitch and ideas and you turn them into a video game, but then I get all the credit.
• 1:09:41
  Eric: Yeah, I'm an ideas man.
• 1:09:42
  Eric: I'm an ideas man, rattles his plastic bag.
• 1:09:46
  Matt: The uh interesting.
• 1:09:48
  Matt: So, like what what when when you did your first show, you just you kind of thought it'd be fun.
• 1:09:55
  Eric: I kind of thought it'd be fun because I didn't even get into theater originally to act.
• 1:09:59
  Eric: I originally did carpentry.
• 1:10:01
  Eric: Like I I liked building things.
• 1:10:03
  Eric: Sure.
• 1:10:03
  Eric: So like my my freshman year, I didn't do any I didn't start doing theater till sophomore year.
• 1:10:11
  Eric: But you chose to build the sets.
• 1:10:13
  Eric: I chose to build the or actually sorry, I did do theater my my freshman year.
• 1:10:17
  Eric: The first half of my freshman year, I was not in any way, I was just there to build sets.
• 1:10:22
  Eric: And then the second half of my freshman year, I tried out for the very first play, like in high school that I was ever in, Footloose.
• 1:10:28
  Eric: Um, and I got into that show, and that's when I started building the sets and acting on them.
• 1:10:34
  Eric: Look at that a theme that would run throughout college.
• 1:10:38
  Eric: Sure, yeah, it sure did.
• 1:10:40
  Matt: Yeah, that's interesting.
• 1:10:41
  Matt: That's very interesting.
• 1:10:42
  Eric: Yeah, how about yourself?
• 1:10:43
  Matt: Totally opposite, and uh I have come to learn that everybody else, not everybody else, but a lot of the kids that were in I had a very good performing arts um program in high school.
• 1:11:01
  Matt: Our sets were very nice.
• 1:11:03
  Matt: The our our two directors both had had worked professionally as actors.
• 1:11:09
  Matt: Uh they you know, they so they put together a really great, really great program.
• 1:11:14
  Matt: And uh, I've been thinking about this a lot recently because we we just had this like uh semi-reunion, but they retired right in 2020 after 33 years.
• 1:11:25
  Matt: And so they had this huge career of of j literally generations of kids, 66 shows they directed, if I remember correctly, for the uh for the for the school.
• 1:11:37
  Matt: And when I auditioned, the first show I auditioned for in high school was The Crucible, and I didn't get it, I didn't get in, I was devastated.
• 1:11:46
  Matt: Understandably so and because I had our as I've said on this podcast before, in in middle school, I had auditioned and got cast without a callback to be Reginald Smarmy in Who's Dying to Be a Millionaire?
• 1:11:59
  Matt: And this was both a gift and a curse.
• 1:12:01
  Matt: The gift was I thought I didn't get that show, saw the castless who's over the moon.
• 1:12:05
  Matt: The curses for the rest of my professional career when I don't get a callback.
• 1:12:12
  Matt: There's a small, tiny, naive voice that says, Well, maybe they didn't need to see me again.
• 1:12:20
  Matt: Yeah, it's permanently in there.
• 1:12:22
  Matt: I can't go away.
• 1:12:23
  Matt: But I didn't get in.
• 1:12:24
  Matt: So I I did set crew, I did do build crew, and I had a great time in build crew.
• 1:12:32
  Matt: I met some great people.
• 1:12:33
  Matt: Some of my friends from Scouts did build crew, so like I already had an in.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: Mr.
• 1:12:38
  Matt: Palmer, if you're listening, was like a great mentor, was a great guy.
• 1:12:43
  Matt: I learned some really valuable like skills in terms of actual build and carpentry and things.
• 1:12:51
  Matt: But I did ultimately, when I got it, view it as, well, you gotta do your time to, you know, you gotta pay your dues to work your way up.
• 1:13:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:13:03
  Matt: And then when I got cast, and then so I did I didn't feel confident about being in musicals, something that I remain not confident about.
• 1:13:10
  Matt: And so I didn't audition for the spring musical, auditioned the next year for the fall play, got in, was on stage ever since.
• 1:13:17
  Matt: But the but I always viewed it as like okay.
• 1:13:22
  Matt: And I'm talking about from freshman audition, I always viewed it as like, okay, the conservatory program has begun.
• 1:13:31
  Matt: My training is in session.
• 1:13:33
  Eric: Hell yeah.
• 1:13:34
  Eric: And I mean, I think it makes absolute sense for you.
• 1:13:37
  Matt: From like moment one, I was in it.
• 1:13:39
  Matt: And like some of the people who were like seniors when I was a junior, let's say, or even a sophomore, that I viewed as like some of the more talented people and all this stuff, at this reunion, it just became apparent to me.
• 1:13:54
  Matt: And I mean, I've seen their lives on Facebook and whatnot, but I've just been thinking like, oh, it was always just like an after school club for you.
• 1:14:05
  Matt: Like you never had any ambitions about going to theater school or tr giving this a go.
• 1:14:13
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:14:13
  Matt: And I thought we were all on the same page here.
• 1:14:17
  Matt: But so I'm I I think it's very interesting to add I'm asking the people who are still doing it to be like, Did you start that way?
• 1:14:25
  Matt: Uh and I think that's very interesting.
• 1:14:26
  Eric: God, that speaks to our energies.
• 1:14:28
  Eric: You're here like, I have begun my path.
• 1:14:30
  Eric: And I'm like, Ah, I'm here for kicks.
• 1:14:32
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:14:32
  Eric: Oh, this is fun.
• 1:14:34
  Matt: And that, and again, for those who listened to our first meeting at that audition, I feel like we brought in those two paths.
• 1:14:41
  Matt: Those two paths walked right into that room.
• 1:14:43
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 1:14:45
  Eric: Worlds collide.
• 1:14:46
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:14:47
  Matt: Uh so uh that so that was that was my that was my question for you, Eric.
• 1:14:52
  Matt: That was my section of the interview.
• 1:14:54
  Matt: What uh what do you got for me?
• 1:14:57
  Eric: If you could commit any crime and like any act of breaking the law, wanton destruction, what have you, completely get away with it.
• 1:15:08
  Eric: Like, you you don't you will never be connected to it in any way.
• 1:15:12
  Eric: You just want it like for fu like vandal it like you know what I mean?
• 1:15:18
  Eric: Like, what fucking thing do you want to do and be like the DB Cooper of it?
• 1:15:23
  Matt: Wow, that's a good question.
• 1:15:26
  Matt: Because there are some that's a good question.
• 1:15:30
  Matt: Let me think about that for a hot second.
• 1:15:33
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:15:34
  Matt: Because part of me wants to say, you know, well, there's some evil people in this world that gotta go.
• 1:15:43
  Matt: But I don't know if when it really comes down to it, that that's something that's in me, in my bones.
• 1:15:50
  Matt: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:15:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:15:52
  Matt: So I don't I don't know, because I do I and I do like the story of D.B.
• 1:15:59
  Matt: Cooper because uh and I know right now in the true as as a person who lives ho pretty solidly in the true crime world, there's some infighting about DB Cooper.
• 1:16:12
  Matt: People don't like the story, blah blah blah.
• 1:16:15
  Matt: But but the m and really the mythos of him potentially surviving is why the story is so uh uh captivating.
• 1:16:23
  Matt: It's funny you pulled that out because in high school I wrote a screenplay about D.
• 1:16:27
  Eric: Yep.
• 1:16:28
  Eric: I you have shown me that screenplay, I'm pretty sure.
• 1:16:31
  Matt: Oh you've talked to me about that screenplay.
• 1:16:33
  Matt: It must have been in college.
• 1:16:34
  Matt: It was it was in college when you talk about it.
• 1:16:35
  Matt: I haven't clapped my eyes on it in quite some time.
• 1:16:38
  Matt: Um I don't know that I want to right now.
• 1:16:42
  Matt: But uh it'd be a good film.
• 1:16:44
  Matt: Anyway, I mean speaking like to this moment in time in this life, if I could pull off a bank heist of some kind, and I'm I mean victimless.
• 1:17:00
  Matt: The only people the only person losing money here is the bank, you know, like or a hedge fund, or a hedge fund or some some sort of heist.
• 1:17:08
  Matt: Like uh, but but without you know a body count.
• 1:17:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:17:13
  Matt: I think that sort of influx of cash speaks to me currently as um as an adult.
• 1:17:23
  Matt: As an adult, that kind of influx of cash would be nice.
• 1:17:27
  Matt: But it also would be fun because you know the best part of GTA 5 is pulling off the heists.
• 1:17:35
  Eric: Oh my god, yeah, the heist is the best part.
• 1:17:37
  Matt: Ever since GTA 4 and the four-leaf clover mission.
• 1:17:41
  Matt: Uh or is it three-leaf clover mission?
• 1:17:45
  Matt: One of them clovers.
• 1:17:46
  Matt: I think it's four-leaf clover.
• 1:17:47
  Matt: Uh actually, I think it is three-leaf clover.
• 1:17:50
  Matt: It couldn't matter less.
• 1:17:51
  Matt: But since that mission, that does kind of have the like, I mean, who doesn't like a heist film, you know?
• 1:17:57
  Matt: Like heat.
• 1:17:59
  SPEAKER_02: Oh heat.
• 1:18:01
  Matt: I mean, filled with family turmoil.
• 1:18:04
  Matt: But but yeah, to to have that adventure built into the crime, yep, I feel like that'd be super fun.
• 1:18:15
  Matt: But like but victimless.
• 1:18:18
  Matt: Like if or if I could somehow be like, and not this actual thing, because he's less a criminal he's less of a criminal and more of a terrorist, uh-huh.
• 1:18:29
  Matt: But Dennis Hopper in Speed.
• 1:18:32
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:18:33
  Matt: The because again, I wouldn't want to body count, but like the mastermind, the adventure that he pulls is is fun.
• 1:18:41
  Matt: And you know what's funny?
• 1:18:43
  Matt: In in an acting class in in high school, uh, this was not from the the teachers I was talking about before.
• 1:18:50
  Matt: This was another teacher who taught an acting class independent of the performing arts class or the performing arts program.
• 1:18:57
  Matt: She wanted us to bring in these monologues from a movie.
• 1:19:00
  Matt: And I brought in Dennis Hopper's phone speech from the beginning of speed when he blows up the bus and he calls and he goes, What do you think, Jack?
• 1:19:10
  Matt: If that you pick up all the bus driver's teeth, they'll give you another medal.
• 1:19:16
  Matt: It's starting that.
• 1:19:17
  Eric: You want to be able to have that kind of fucking line.
• 1:19:20
  Matt: Forty years I dedicated myself to it, Jack.
• 1:19:24
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:19:25
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:19:26
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:19:26
  Eric: Almost like a if you ever saw Phone Booth.
• 1:19:28
  Matt: Oh, fucking, I love phone booth.
• 1:19:30
  Eric: You would be Kiefer Sutherland in Phone Booth.
• 1:19:33
  Matt: Oh, 100%.
• 1:19:34
  Matt: Phone booth's such a good movie.
• 1:19:36
  Matt: And it's so fucking good.
• 1:19:38
  Matt: Kiefer Sutherland got four pages into that script and was like, I'm in.
• 1:19:42
  Eric: 100%.
• 1:19:43
  Eric: Like that must have been dream rolls.
• 1:19:45
  Matt: So much fun.
• 1:19:46
  Matt: Oh my god, are you kidding me?
• 1:19:48
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:19:49
  Matt: The uh yeah, but so yeah, that kind of that kind of that kind of role.
• 1:19:54
  Matt: But I I think it'd be better to do the like a bank heist where you then have to run through the subway.
• 1:20:00
  Matt: Like, I want challenges.
• 1:20:01
  Eric: You yes, oh yeah, it's gotta get it's gotta get hairy.
• 1:20:04
  Matt: It's gotta get hairy, but at the end of the day, nobody's dead.
• 1:20:07
  Matt: No, and like a dog day afternoon situation.
• 1:20:10
  Eric: Yeah, and like several times they're like, we've got him.
• 1:20:14
  Eric: And then it turns out, oh no, you planned for that.
• 1:20:16
  SPEAKER_02: I I had I had a Hans Gruber backup plan the whole time.
• 1:20:20
  Eric: They didn't even arrest you at one point, right?
• 1:20:22
  Eric: They're like, We got him.
• 1:20:23
  Eric: They put you in a holding cell, and then later they're like, they're like, wait, he wanted to be in that cell.
• 1:20:28
  Eric: And like they they open the fucking door, there's just like a hole in the ground.
• 1:20:32
  Eric: Like you, you you had it all planned.
• 1:20:34
  Matt: They put me in the car, and then the the cop in the passenger, you know, they they drive around the block uh toward the outskirts of town, and the the guy in the passenger seat that you know they they they for some reason they park, they have to pull over for some reason.
• 1:20:50
  Matt: The guy in the the the the partner in the passenger seat's like, yeah, chief wants us to pull over here.
• 1:20:55
  Matt: He says uh reinforcements are coming.
• 1:20:57
  Matt: As soon as that car's parked, bam, hits them with hits him with some chloroform.
• 1:21:01
  Eric: Yeah, or g gives them one of those classic, like just knocks him on the back of the head with the clock knocks him on the back of the head, turns around, gets me out of there.
• 1:21:08
  Matt: Yeah, uh, and then says, All right, boss, let's get you out of those cuffs.
• 1:21:11
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:21:12
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:21:13
  Eric: There are several points where you're unzipping your suit and there's just like a uniform underneath of it, like a minute or uniform.
• 1:21:20
  Eric: So so many fucking suits.
• 1:21:22
  Eric: You would that would kick ass.
• 1:21:23
  Eric: You would kick ass at that.
• 1:21:25
  Matt: I'd have so much fun and then walk away with three million dollars.
• 1:21:29
  Matt: I could have picked any amount, and I picked three million dollars.
• 1:21:33
  Eric: It's a good he might have to do this again amount.
• 1:21:35
  Matt: It's a yeah, yeah.
• 1:21:37
  Matt: It's like it might run out.
• 1:21:38
  Matt: It might run out.
• 1:21:39
  Matt: Uh so you know, once I get, or even more, you really want to lose the body count, an ocean's 11 style caper.
• 1:21:48
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:21:49
  Matt: That'd be fun.
• 1:21:50
  Matt: That'd be fun.
• 1:21:51
  Matt: Where I have a team, and you'd be on the team.
• 1:21:53
  Eric: I I'd be on the team.
• 1:21:54
  Eric: I'd be, I'd, I'd want to be guy in the van, like on the computers.
• 1:21:59
  Eric: That would be me.
• 1:22:00
  Eric: That's it's probably not like who I would be in real life.
• 1:22:05
  Eric: In real life, I'd be muscle.
• 1:22:06
  Eric: I'd be they're like, hey, can you get that for me?
• 1:22:08
  Eric: Yeah, boys.
• 1:22:10
  Matt: I don't I don't think I'd even cast you as muscle, although you could provide it.
• 1:22:14
  Matt: You could provide it.
• 1:22:15
  Matt: I'd cast in the Oceans 11 situation, I'd put you in the Elliot Gould role where you have you have to be the f you gotta be the distraction.
• 1:22:23
  Matt: You go in.
• 1:22:24
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 1:22:24
  Matt: I'd give you a you know, just if I'm doing this right now, I'd give you a big old cowboy hat, yeah, beige jacket.
• 1:22:31
  Eric: Yeah, just like I am there to draw all eyes towards being you.
• 1:22:36
  Eric: Yes, exactly.
• 1:22:37
  Matt: God, oh my god.
• 1:22:40
  Matt: Do you know who my daddy is?
• 1:22:42
  Matt: Yes, and then all of a sudden Tucker III, the oil kingpin of Pasadena.
• 1:22:51
  Eric: Fucking amazing.
• 1:22:54
  Matt: Yes, that's who I'd cast as well immediately.
• 1:22:57
  Matt: Good shit.
• 1:22:57
  Matt: But then you could provide muscle if need be.
• 1:23:00
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:23:00
  Eric: My dream is be guy in the van, like I'm just sitting there on clacking keyboard and just like, all right, I'm in.
• 1:23:06
  Eric: And I'll like it.
• 1:23:07
  Matt: Yeah, but you but you don't want to be uh you don't want to be the the uh Emilio Estevez in Mission Impossible.
• 1:23:13
  Eric: No, I do not, no, do not want them face spikes.
• 1:23:17
  Matt: No, that and that, I'll tell you what, that is a scene that sticks with me.
• 1:23:20
  Eric: That fucked me up.
• 1:23:21
  Matt: And that's not even a horror movie.
• 1:23:22
  Eric: No, that fucked me up.
• 1:23:25
  Eric: That shot, that shot.
• 1:23:26
  Eric: That shot Emilia Estevez, like the the the oh no, like that look on his face.
• 1:23:31
  Matt: Oh direct to eye.
• 1:23:32
  Matt: Oh man.
• 1:23:33
  Eric: Ugh.
• 1:23:34
  Matt: Whoa man, what a great fucking movie, Mission Impossible is anyway.
• 1:23:38
  Eric: God damn.
• 1:23:39
  Matt: Or a mission impossible style caper.
• 1:23:41
  Eric: Mission Impossible style caper, very good.
• 1:23:43
  Eric: Gotta dodge lasers, gotta lower from the ceiling, got lots of lots of angles.
• 1:23:48
  Matt: But let's be honest, I I I don't have the body for all that running right now.
• 1:23:53
  Matt: You know, I need I gotta be more a Hans Gruber caper.
• 1:23:57
  Matt: Yeah, less physical activity, less physical activity.
• 1:24:00
  Matt: I'm sorry for everything Tom Cruise is, he's fit.
• 1:24:06
  Matt: He is.
• 1:24:07
  Matt: The man can run.
• 1:24:08
  Matt: We've seen him.
• 1:24:09
  Matt: Man can run.
• 1:24:10
  Matt: Uh so well, uh that was that was that was quite fun, Eric.
• 1:24:14
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:24:14
  Matt: Thank you for your question.
• 1:24:16
  Eric: Thank you for your one.
• 1:24:19
  Matt: And that'll about do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask for This.
• 1:24:24
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, give him the business.
• 1:24:25
  SPEAKER_04: Give him the fucking business.
• 1:24:26
  Matt: All right, here's the business.
• 1:24:28
  Matt: We need your questions.
• 1:24:29
  Matt: The least pressing ones, the stupid ones, the dumb ones.
• 1:24:33
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:24:33
  Matt: And and the intelligent ones.
• 1:24:35
  Matt: We'll take a crack at it.
• 1:24:37
  Matt: We'll take a crack at string theory.
• 1:24:39
  Matt: Well, yeah, we'll do it.
• 1:24:40
  Matt: We'll miss, but we'll swing.
• 1:24:42
  Matt: I love string.
• 1:24:43
  Matt: Uh so you can send them to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com, all spelled out, or you didn't ask pod.
• 1:24:53
  Matt: That is the letter you didn't ask pod on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.
• 1:24:58
  Matt: Or you could leave us a voicemail on our thought line.
• 1:25:04
  unknown: Thought line.
• 1:25:05
  Matt: And that's 410-929-5329.
• 1:25:10
  Matt: 410-929-5329.
• 1:25:14
  Matt: Leave us a voicemail.
• 1:25:15
  Matt: We'll probably play in the show.
• 1:25:17
  Matt: In fact, right now, uh we have two voicemails about the same question, two different sides of the arguments.
• 1:25:24
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:25:26
  Eric: Clash of marital titans.
• 1:25:28
  Matt: That that's probably coming down the pike by the time this episode comes out.
• 1:25:32
  Matt: We might have already processed it, but hey, you got a buddy, call us in, man.
• 1:25:36
  Matt: We'll we'll play both sides.
• 1:25:37
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:25:38
  Matt: We'll play both sides.
• 1:25:39
  Eric: The thought line is still very much in that place where, by mere virtue of calling it, leaving a message, you're probably gonna get featured.
• 1:25:46
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, anything short of a manifesto of some kind is probably gonna end up there.
• 1:25:51
  Matt: And if it's a fun manifesto, give us your manifesto.
• 1:25:54
  Eric: We'll give it your manifesto, we'll give it a swing.
• 1:25:55
  Matt: We'll screen it.
• 1:25:56
  Matt: Oh, yeah, we'll screen it.
• 1:25:57
  Matt: We'll screen it.
• 1:25:58
  Matt: But uh yeah, give us your manifestos, give us your uh give us your neighborhood drama.
• 1:26:04
  Matt: Uh, we haven't had a neighborhood watch in a while.
• 1:26:06
  Matt: If you've got some uh bullshit happening in a Facebook group or uh uh or a private uh uh newsletter of some kind, oh yeah, give that to us, we'll feature that a neighborhood watch.
• 1:26:17
  Matt: Same thing with local legends, weird news, and all the rest.
• 1:26:22
  Matt: Hand it on over any of these any of these here methods.
• 1:26:26
  Matt: Um and uh yeah, uh did I miss anything there?
• 1:26:30
  Eric: No, that was that was goddamn thorough.
• 1:26:33
  Matt: Hey man, after after 50 episodes, I'm finally getting concise with it.
• 1:26:37
  Eric: After 50 some.
• 1:26:39
  Matt: But that'll be it for 51.
• 1:26:42
  Matt: And uh we'll see you back here in uh two weeks' time.
• 1:26:45
  Matt: But until then, for all of us here at You Didn't Ask for This, my name's Matt Shea.
• 1:26:50
  Matt: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:26:52
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:26:53
  Eric: But uh just go ahead, pass the Reese cups, the Kit Kats, the I gotta check it.
• 1:27:00
  Eric: Oh, is that a Twix?
• 1:27:01
  Eric: Oh, give me that Twix.
• 1:27:02
  Eric: Left Twix over.
• 1:27:04
  Eric: I gotta I just gotta test it.
• 1:27:06
  SPEAKER_02: Or I wouldn't be a following.
• 1:27:10
  SPEAKER_02: You can keep the uh Tootsie Girls.
• 1:27:12
  SPEAKER_02: You can keep it keep the key like too.
• 1:27:14
  Eric: Keep the Tootsie Fucking you know the fruit flavored ones too.