Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 279 - Your presence versus your absence

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 279 - Your presence versus your absence · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:02
  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
• 0:04
  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermindset
• 0:08
  coach. Filled with inspiration,
• 0:10
  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
• 0:13
  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
• 0:16
  of yourself you could ever imagine.
• 0:18
  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
• 0:21
  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
• 0:28
  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
• 0:31
  Have a question for you. Does your presence hurt more
• 0:36
  than your absence? Really strange question for me
• 0:40
  to be asking, right? Well, maybe, maybe not.
• 0:43
  Sometimes in relationships, human beings have a very hard
• 0:47
  time navigating who to be, how to show up, what's the right
• 0:51
  thing to do? I mean, come on, there's nothing
• 0:53
  harder than dealing with human beings and our emotions and
• 0:56
  dealing with each other, especially in family situations
• 1:00
  and work situations. It's tricky to say the least.
• 1:04
  But when you have to stop and pause and wonder why you don't
• 1:09
  have a relationship with someone that you want to have it with
• 1:12
  and they are choosing not to have it with you, you have to
• 1:17
  stop and pause and say, well, does my presence hurt them more
• 1:23
  than my absence? And clearly, if they don't want
• 1:27
  to talk to you, your presence hurts them more than your
• 1:30
  absence because they're staying away from you.
• 1:33
  And in staying away from you, well, yes, they might be
• 1:35
  avoiding pain and they may just have decided that it's not worth
• 1:40
  it to have a relationship with you.
• 1:42
  And I've been there. I have an entire chunk of my
• 1:45
  family that I am like that with, where I do not have a
• 1:48
  relationship with them at all. Now, some of you may be shocked
• 1:53
  to hear that based on who I am. But truly, their presence in my
• 1:56
  life hurts more than their absence does.
• 1:59
  And for me, I'd rather not have them here.
• 2:03
  Based on their belief systems, based on their rigidity, based
• 2:06
  on the fact that they cut extremely hard lines on things
• 2:10
  that I just don't deem need to be so hard.
• 2:14
  And one of them is religious beliefs.
• 2:15
  And for me, it's just a no, It's a no.
• 2:19
  It's a no starter. I mean, I'm just not going to go
• 2:20
  back to it. So I had to draw that.
• 2:22
  And definitely their presence hurts more than their absence
• 2:28
  does. So sometimes when you start
• 2:32
  looking at this and you're the perpetrator of the pain because
• 2:36
  listen, we've all been there. I have been the perpetrator of
• 2:38
  pain in the past and we I had to look at that.
• 2:42
  I was young, I didn't understand how I was showing up.
• 2:45
  But when you start looking at that, let's just say you're
• 2:48
  listening and you are the one that you know.
• 2:52
  But wow, maybe I do 'cause them more pain than I should.
• 2:56
  You have to go and decide. Is there absence worth me making
• 3:00
  the effort of changing who I am in order to draw them back in
• 3:06
  and show them I can be different?
• 3:08
  Now that is a big ask. If you don't really think about
• 3:12
  it, if you just sit there and say no, this is where we are,
• 3:15
  I'm done, great, that's totally fine if that's the way you want
• 3:19
  it. But it's a big ask for you to
• 3:23
  sit there and look at yourself and say I have to.
• 3:25
  I have to judge myself. I need judgement driving my bus
• 3:28
  and I need to figure out if I am the problem.
• 3:31
  Am I the problem? And if you are the problem, and
• 3:35
  you know, that's what we do here every morning, we take a look at
• 3:37
  how we can be better. If you are the problem, then you
• 3:40
  have to ask, do I want to be the one that that creates the pain?
• 3:44
  Do I want to be the one that puts that on someone else?
• 3:48
  I don't think if you're a listener here, you do because
• 3:51
  you're here because you want to be better.
• 3:53
  You're here because you want to change things.
• 3:54
  You're here because you're trying to make your life
• 3:57
  significantly different. And I love that.
• 4:00
  That's the that's why I do what I do so that I can reach people
• 4:03
  that I could never otherwise reach.
• 4:06
  You have to pull back and say, OK, what are the ways I
• 4:10
  inflicted the pain for them to choose this?
• 4:14
  And you don't have to have it accurately.
• 4:17
  You just have to have an idea. So they could have many threads
• 4:21
  of the pain. But if you at least have an
• 4:23
  idea, this caused them pain, that caused them pain.
• 4:26
  When I did this, this happened to them.
• 4:29
  All of a sudden you're going to start to notice that things
• 4:33
  start to lighten up for you in the sense that, OK, I, I can, I
• 4:38
  can recognize it's easier for me to find them.
• 4:41
  Once you start unplugging it, it's going to lighten up.
• 4:43
  You're going to be able to see it all.
• 4:44
  You're going to be able to feel it all.
• 4:46
  And that's what we're looking for.
• 4:47
  And then you can start to project and say, if I was in
• 4:50
  their shoes, if I were in their shoes, what would this look
• 4:52
  like? What would that feel like?
• 4:54
  I promise you, once you start putting yourselves into someone
• 4:57
  else's shoes, you know that old saying, until you walk 1000
• 5:02
  miles in a man's shoes, you have no idea.
• 5:04
  Well, something like that. I'm sure I just butchered that
• 5:07
  one because it's an old one that I really don't remember that
• 5:10
  well. But you know, the truth is you
• 5:13
  have to do that in order to be able to help people and see
• 5:17
  where, where are they? What are they thinking?
• 5:20
  Once you do that, life starts to change and if you're committed
• 5:23
  to it, you can do it. So ask yourself the very
• 5:26
  important question, does my presence hurt more than my
• 5:30
  absence? Ouch.
• 5:32
  OK my friends, I hope you have a blessed day.
• 5:34
  Bye.