Latest / Intentional Guy / Why You Think God Is Disappointed In You (It Started With Your Dad)
Transcript
- Michael Chestnut: When I was thirteen, my mom told my dad it was time for the talk. So he sat me down and he explained the birds and the bees to me. And he told me the birds go tweet tweet and the bees goes booze booze. The birds will poop on you and the bees will sting you. That was it. That was the whole conversation. My dad wasn't just bad at that. The talk, my dad was silent about everything that mattered. And years later, I found out exactly how far that silence could go. Because when everything came out, my lawyers told me I couldn't talk to anyone. Not my wife, not my doctor, nobody. So I sat in that silence. completely alone. My marriage would end, and we never once got to actually sit down and talk about it. If you ever felt like you can't quite measure up to your dad or to God, stay with me. I'm Michael Chestnut. This is the intentional guy. And today it's just me and you. Growing up, my dad was a pastor. And here's the thing: nobody tells you about growing up a preacher's kid. You don't just carry your own shame. You carried the pressure of never embarrassing the family name. I wasn't a great student. And instead of my dad sitting with me in that, he teased me. about my grades in front of church members. I asked him once why he did that, and he told me straight up because he was embarrassed. My dad wasn't a villain in this story. My dad was doing what was modeled to him. He was the oldest of a very big family. And my grandparents were hard on him, not because they didn't love him, they did, but because they believed criticism built character. Push a kid hard enough, and he'll rise to it. So that's what got trained into my dad. And that's what he trained into me. He was also one of the funniest men I ever knew. It took me years to understand that some of that humor was armor, covering up his own insecurities the same way I later cover mine. Proverbs twenty two six says train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. We usually hear that verse as a promise, but it's also a warning. Whatever gets trained into us, good or bad, tends to stick. My parents trained criticism into my dad. My dad trained it into me, and I've had to fight. To train something different into my own kids. That's how I ended up building my whole understanding of my Heavenly Father. Out of a chain of imperfect earthly training, going back further than just my dad. If dad's disappointed, God must be disappointed. If dad's embarrassed of me, God must be embarrassed of me too. And I don't think my dad ever knew. That's what he was passing down. so when it came time to talk to me about pornography, about sex, about the stuff that actually would have protected me, nothing. Birds and bees, tweet tweet, buzz buzz. And I want to be clear, I don't say that to dishonor my dad. Most dads are uncomfortable having that conversation. But uncomfortable isn't a good enough reason to stay silent. Because while he stayed quiet, the whole world was not staying quiet. It was already teaching me everything. And it was lying to me the whole time. Yesterday I had Chris Rogers on the show. He works with teenage boys and pornography recovery. And he said something I haven't been able to shake. You don't have to be healed to help. If you haven't seen that episode yet, go watch it after this one. Seriously. What he shares is too good to miss. You don't have to have it all figured out to sit down with your son. You don't have to be unembarrassed, unashamed, unbroken. You just have to show up. Because the question your son is actually asking isn't, does my dad have this figured out? It's am I safe with him and can I trust him? so how do you actually break a cycle like this? Three things help me. One, name it. Not to blame anyone, but just say it out loud. This is where the pattern came from. You can't fight something you won't name. Two, choose presence over perfection. Remember what my guest said. You don't have to be healed to help. You don't need the perfect word. Your son doesn't need a finished man. He needs a present one. Three, have one real conversation. It doesn't have to be the birds and the bee version of a conversation, but a real one. This week, not someday. If your son is struggling right now, and statistically he probably is or will, would he tell you? Would he even know he could? And if you're the one still carrying shame from your own dad silent, don't carry that alone. Find a celebrate recovery near you. Take one step today. Let's get coffee. Let me be your brother. Let me walk. beside you. And until next time, just keep being intentional.