Latest / The You Project / #2194 The Classroom Series: #2 Important Self-Awareness Questions

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#2194 The Classroom Series: #2 Important Self-Awareness Questions · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'll get a champs. Who else would it be? It's me.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I hope you're great, hope you're having a good day,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: good morning, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. So let's
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: get into it. I talk about self awareness a lot,
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  Speaker 1: so you know what it is. You understand the importance
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  Speaker 1: if you've heard me I bang on a lot about it.
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  Speaker 1: But how do how do we get better at it?
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  Speaker 1: For one of the better term, how do we increase
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  Speaker 1: our self awareness? And then what can we do with that?
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  Speaker 1: And then what's a value in that? So a good
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  Speaker 1: place to start with all of those questions is with
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  Speaker 1: other questions. So what I'm sharing with you today are questions,
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  Speaker 1: real questions, not questions that I just scribbled up for
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  Speaker 1: a bloody podcast chat, but actual questions that I use regularly,
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  Speaker 1: Actual questions that I use when I'm coaching, when I'm
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  Speaker 1: working with teams, with corporates, with individuals and groups in
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  Speaker 1: a range of contexts and settings to open the self
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  Speaker 1: awareness door. Because I think when we think about self awareness,
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  Speaker 1: we don't even know where to start. How do I
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  Speaker 1: get better at that? What am I aware of? What
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  Speaker 1: am I not aware of? What am I missing? How
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  Speaker 1: do I understand me? Or how do I be more
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  Speaker 1: objective and less subjective about the me experience and the
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  Speaker 1: way that I live? Am I efficient? Inefficient? Am I
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  Speaker 1: living in a version of groundhog Day which doesn't really work?
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  Speaker 1: What are my outcomes telling me? What are my typical
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  Speaker 1: habits and behaviors and rules and rituals telling me? Are
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  Speaker 1: they working? Are they destructive? Are they productive? All that stuff. So,
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  Speaker 1: you may or may not want to take notes, But
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  Speaker 1: if you want to use my stuff as especially these
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  Speaker 1: or probably only these ones, really where that's kind of
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  Speaker 1: you and me. It's just a you and me affair.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: It's quite intimate, isn't it. Anyway, it might be worth
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  Speaker 1: your while if you take down notes to the things
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  Speaker 1: that are relevant for you, or of course, feel free
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  Speaker 1: to say fuck off, ha aps. I'm not taking nuts. I
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  Speaker 1: totally get that. But the reason that I say that
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  Speaker 1: is because when I am teaching and coaching, I know
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  Speaker 1: that if somebody just sits there for even thirty minutes
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  Speaker 1: like this will probably be and they listen, but they
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: don't write anything down, they will forget most of what
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  Speaker 1: I have said. And we can't operationalize or put into
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  Speaker 1: practice what we can't remember, and so you know, I've
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  Speaker 1: got quite a few people who reach out to me
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  Speaker 1: and tell me that they with these kind of teaching
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  Speaker 1: podcasts or solo podcasts, that they have a protocol. And
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: the protocol is they listen to it once and then
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  Speaker 1: they go back and re listen to it, but they
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  Speaker 1: pause it as they go and write notes around the content.
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  Speaker 1: The questions are important, but more important than the questions
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  Speaker 1: is the answering of the question. So these are ones
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  Speaker 1: that I ask myself and others. I'm going to skip
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  Speaker 1: through them because they're like, I'm not going to labor
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  Speaker 1: on each one, because they're quite self explanatory. So in
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  Speaker 1: no particular order of importance or preference. Question one, as
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  Speaker 1: it sits in front of me on my POWDA, is
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  Speaker 1: am I adaptable? Can I really adapt? Do am I
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  Speaker 1: okay with change? Can I be the person that who
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  Speaker 1: in the middle of the uncertain and the unfamiliar and
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  Speaker 1: the unknown and the unpredictable and the uncomfortable? Can I cope?
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  Speaker 1: Can I survive or maybe even thrive in the middle
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  Speaker 1: of the stuff that I can't control or anticipate or predict?
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  Speaker 1: Can I adapt? Can I make it work? Can I
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  Speaker 1: find a way. And this really important part of self
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  Speaker 1: awareness is understanding yourself in different situations and different challenges
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  Speaker 1: and different contexts. And this ties in with question number two,
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  Speaker 1: which is also a no brainer in terms of it's
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  Speaker 1: kind of obvious. The question is can I perform under pressure?
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  Speaker 1: Why do I ask that? Because life is pressure, or
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  Speaker 1: part of life is pressure. Sometimes that's real external pressure,
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  Speaker 1: expectations of others, certain demands of a job or a project,
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  Speaker 1: or certain personalities that we need to deal with and
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  Speaker 1: navigate certain financial issues that we might be dealing with.
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  Speaker 1: But the bottom line is that life is part of
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  Speaker 1: life is usue me being able to deal with the
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  Speaker 1: hard stuff, the unfamiliar, the unwanted, all those things, the
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  Speaker 1: uncomfortable stuff. Can I perform under pressure? If I can't,
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  Speaker 1: If I can't insert situations, how do I do? That?
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  Speaker 1: Will give me an example? So you come up with
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  Speaker 1: an example for yourself, and then when you go, well,
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  Speaker 1: I cannot perform when this is happening. So we're not
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  Speaker 1: going to go from zero to sixty in five minutes.
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  Speaker 1: But maybe I might recognize that, For example, when I'm
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  Speaker 1: an environment where I feel like I'm not in control,
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm out of control. I feel like
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  Speaker 1: the situation or the conversation is being hijacked by somebody else.
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  Speaker 1: What is the thing that I could do? What is
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  Speaker 1: the thing that I could do to move the needle
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  Speaker 1: a little bit? Maybe it just means Maybe it just
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  Speaker 1: means not getting up and leaving the table. And I'm
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  Speaker 1: not talking about anything that's particularly volatile or anything, but
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  Speaker 1: just a regular I find this quite uncomfortable. I find
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  Speaker 1: this quite difficult. Cool I totally understand that. But part
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  Speaker 1: of in example, part of life for you might be
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  Speaker 1: that you were going to need to resolve conflict moving forward,
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  Speaker 1: that you're going to have hard conversations, that you are
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  Speaker 1: going to deal with difficult people. This is pressure that
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  Speaker 1: you're going to have to meet deadlines and so on.
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  Speaker 1: So where we start there is no miracle, There is
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  Speaker 1: no magic. Where we start is just by voluntarily putting
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  Speaker 1: ourself in that situation and building that muscle, building that
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  Speaker 1: under pressure muscle, building that cognitive strength, that emotional strength,
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  Speaker 1: that mental strength. And we can't build that muscle, we
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  Speaker 1: can't build that strength, we can't build that skill without
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  Speaker 1: firstly opening the door and putting ourself in a situation
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  Speaker 1: that we might not like, enjoy, or even appreciate on
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  Speaker 1: any level in the moment, but you know and I
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  Speaker 1: know that moving forward, you and I are going to
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  Speaker 1: have to deal with hard stuff, unfair stuff, unjust stuff
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  Speaker 1: perhaps or just messy stuff or uncomfortable stuff socially. But
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  Speaker 1: the only way that we can get good, effective, empowered
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  Speaker 1: at performing in those situations is by stepping into them.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, initially you might not go great. Guess
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  Speaker 1: what if I go into jiu jitsu tonight and I've
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  Speaker 1: never been to a jiu jitsu class, but I go
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  Speaker 1: there tonight and there's expectation, and there's pressure, and there's
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  Speaker 1: everyone in the room who's younger than me and more
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  Speaker 1: athletic than me and got more skill than me. I
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  Speaker 1: am definitely under pressure, real absolute objective pressure, also the
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  Speaker 1: subjective pressure that I put myself under because I'm I
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  Speaker 1: don't want to look like an idiot. I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to be a failure, I don't want to get injured,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to you name it. But the only
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  Speaker 1: way that I can get good in that particular situation
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  Speaker 1: is showing up. So showing up quite often is the key.
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  Speaker 1: The next one I'll be brief, but it is very
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  Speaker 1: self a very important self awareness question that you've heard
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  Speaker 1: me talk about too much. But that is, do I
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  Speaker 1: know how other people perceive me, or experience me, or
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  Speaker 1: understand me, what it's like for them to deal with me,
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  Speaker 1: Commune with me, have a conversation with me, solve problems
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  Speaker 1: with me, work as a colleague with me, be a
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  Speaker 1: team member with me, Be an employee of mine, be
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  Speaker 1: a boss of mine. Do I know that? And if
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  Speaker 1: I have no idea, then that is problematic. So what
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  Speaker 1: I want to do is, over time, I want to
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  Speaker 1: try to build that kind of awareness. Sometimes it's called
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  Speaker 1: external self awareness in some literature in science. Sometimes it's
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  Speaker 1: called metaperception in my research. But you know what I'm
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  Speaker 1: talking about now. Again, as I've said many times, this
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  Speaker 1: is not about being obsessed with what people think of you.
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  Speaker 1: This is not a fear driven thing. This is not
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  Speaker 1: about insecurity or self doubt or self loathing. It's not
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  Speaker 1: about do they like me? Will they accept me? It's
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  Speaker 1: not about It's not about that. It's just about knowing
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  Speaker 1: that for that particular person over there, they might find
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  Speaker 1: you intimidating, or they might find you or they might
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  Speaker 1: think you're disinterested, or they might think you're rude when
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  Speaker 1: you're not rude, but if you were them looking at you,
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  Speaker 1: you might understandably think, oh, not very social, not very inviting,
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  Speaker 1: and kind of rude. Now it's all well and good
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  Speaker 1: to go. Well, I'm not that, and I'm not that,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm not that cool. We get it, and maybe
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  Speaker 1: you're not that. You're probably not that, although we can
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  Speaker 1: all be that at times, I guess. But just having
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  Speaker 1: that insight into how other other people experience us gives
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  Speaker 1: us a greater capacity to be able to not only survive,
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  Speaker 1: but in social situations work with others, have better conversations,
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  Speaker 1: have better experiences, build stronger connections, and all of those
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  Speaker 1: things matter in business and in life. Of course. The
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  Speaker 1: next one, which is a little bit this term is
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  Speaker 1: not a really scientific term, but I'm going to use
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  Speaker 1: it because I use it. And the question is can
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  Speaker 1: I read people? Can I read people? What do I
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  Speaker 1: mean by that? What I mean by that is can
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  Speaker 1: I gain information and insight and understanding of that person
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  Speaker 1: despite what's coming out of their mouth? Can I read
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  Speaker 1: or can I interpret their behavior or their physiology, or
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  Speaker 1: their body language or their tone of voice? Or their cadence.
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  Speaker 1: Can I gain some kind of knowledge or awareness or
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  Speaker 1: insight just by paying attention and paying attention to what
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  Speaker 1: people are doing, sometimes more than what they are saying,
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  Speaker 1: will give you a lot more information than the conversation
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  Speaker 1: you find yourself in the middle of. I am very
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  Speaker 1: after a long time. I think I'm quite good at
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  Speaker 1: reading people because I'm fascinated with humans and human behavior,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm an observer of people and an observer of
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  Speaker 1: what's going on socially when I'm among other people. Not
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  Speaker 1: because I'm trying to solve some kind of dynamic into
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  Speaker 1: personal problem, but because if I can have a capacity
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  Speaker 1: to know what's going on with somebody despite what they
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  Speaker 1: might be saying, then again I can find a way
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  Speaker 1: to connect. And connection is really important. And if you're thinking,
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  Speaker 1: well where do I start, HAPs where you start is
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  Speaker 1: just by doing what I just suggested is sometimes get
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  Speaker 1: out of your head and get into their behavior or
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  Speaker 1: get into that awareness of how they are being. And
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  Speaker 1: it might not even be with you. It's like how
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  Speaker 1: they are with others. It's like what do they typically do,
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  Speaker 1: how do they typically behave, what kind of decisions do
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  Speaker 1: they make? What kind of and it might be even
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  Speaker 1: something as seemingly personal as you know, understanding their lifestyle.
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  Speaker 1: If I can understand someone's lifestyle, I can know more
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  Speaker 1: about them. But then there's that more specific in real time.
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  Speaker 1: Can I read this person? Can I understand them? Because,
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  Speaker 1: as you know, a huge amount of communication, a huge
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  Speaker 1: amount of information that inbound information to you from them
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  Speaker 1: has got everything to do with everything, to do with
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  Speaker 1: everything other than their words. So can I read people?
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  Speaker 1: And you can make that a little project, and over
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  Speaker 1: time you'll find out how accurate you are or aren't.
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  Speaker 1: Another self awareness question? Can I build trust and respect
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  Speaker 1: and rapport? Can I do that? Does that matter to me?
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  Speaker 1: Does it matter to me that people trust me, that
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  Speaker 1: people respect me, and that I can have meaningful connections
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  Speaker 1: and or build rapport? Does it matter to me? And
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  Speaker 1: if it does, are you good at it? And if
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  Speaker 1: you're not good at it, that's fine. Become more aware
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  Speaker 1: of it, become more aware of them, become more aware
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  Speaker 1: of what builds trust and what doesn't build trust. As
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: soon as somebody starts to tell me how great they are,
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  Speaker 1: I shut down. I don't trust them, I lose respect
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  Speaker 1: for them, because if you are great, I will figure
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  Speaker 1: it out. You don't need to beat your chest and
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  Speaker 1: tell me you may be great, but generally people who
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  Speaker 1: excel or people who are great, whatever that means in
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  Speaker 1: this conversation, don't need to trumpet it to the world
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  Speaker 1: because it's self evident, it becomes apparent. How do I
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: build trust with people? How do I build or how
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  Speaker 1: do I gain their respect? There are a million ways.
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  Speaker 1: There is no set way, but for me, it is
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  Speaker 1: very much about being genuine. I hate that word, but
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: it's because it gets overused, but authentic and walking my talk.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I hope that if and when you meet me one
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  Speaker 1: day off the podcast, that I'm just like I am
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: now this is not some special podcast energy or podcast voice,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: but that you will go Harps is exactly the same
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  Speaker 1: away from the show as he is on the show,
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  Speaker 1: and therefore, hopefully straight away I will have a level
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  Speaker 1: of trust and respect and rapport from you and with you.
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  Speaker 1: Because I walk my talk. I try not to speak bullshit.
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  Speaker 1: I try not to commit to things that I won't
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  Speaker 1: follow through on. And another question in this conversation also
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  Speaker 1: is am I reliable? Am I reliable? Can people rely
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  Speaker 1: on me to do what I say? I will do.
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  Speaker 1: Do you want to be seen as unreliable? Of course
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  Speaker 1: you don't. Have you give given people reasons to think
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  Speaker 1: you're unreliable? Well I have. I have, If I'm being
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  Speaker 1: honest and self aware, I have done that. So therefore
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: can I be mad at somebody because I let them
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: down three or four times in a row, or I
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: said I'd do something and not only did I not
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  Speaker 1: do it, I fucking forgot about it. Well, if now
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: they start to doubt me and my reliability and my integrity,
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  Speaker 1: I don't blame them. What do I want to be
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  Speaker 1: a reliable person? Of course I do? Do you of
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  Speaker 1: course you do? Okay, mean what you say, say what
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  Speaker 1: you mean, do what you say you're going to do.
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  Speaker 1: Don't let people down, don't make commitments. Don't make verbal
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  Speaker 1: commitments to people that you will not absolutely one hundred
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  Speaker 1: percent follow through on. If there's some kind of major
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: catastrophe or a distraction, let them know as soon as
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: possible so they understand the reason. If there's a legit reason,
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: then you lose no credibility in their eyes. My next
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: self awareness question is, am I curious? There's a lot
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: of talk in psychology. There's not heaps of research, but
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: there's lots of talk in psychology, and I've listened a
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: few podcasts where they've actually spoken about this lately, and
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  Speaker 1: I find it fascinating. And that is that people who
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  Speaker 1: are curious tend to be better to be around, tend
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  Speaker 1: to be more likable. This is, by the way, this
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: is a little bit bro science, but it's my experience
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  Speaker 1: that when I'm around somebody who and this is very
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  Speaker 1: self centered in a way, but when I'm around someone
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  Speaker 1: who wants to know about my work or about my background,
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: or they ask great questions, or they want to know about,
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  Speaker 1: you know, their genetic potential, and they might be asking
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  Speaker 1: me something that I can or can't answer, or they
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: want to They want to ask me things about why
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: do I do this? You know? Why does my mind
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  Speaker 1: work that way when that happens? Why do I respond
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: like this? What is going on? When we ask better questions,
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: when we are curious, we tend to learn more. When
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: we are curious, we tend to make better decisions, we
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: tend to do better things, and we tend to produce
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: better outcomes. And there's a working hypothesis that curious people
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: end up being more successful. I'm inherently curious. I didn't
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: set out to be that. I didn't go you know what,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: this is going to make me much better person. I'm
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: going to be way more successful for whatever reason. I'm
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: just wildly fucking curious about way too many things. And
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: I think once we get curious, and once we open
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  Speaker 1: new doors, new opportunities present themselves, and we start to
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: create momentum that a version of me without curiosity would
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: not create. Question whatever up to can I solve problems
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: for me? Problem solving represents creativity, ah, it represents resourcefulness,
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  Speaker 1: and it represents intellect. I think problem solving mainly just
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: trying to figure shit out. That could be how do
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I put this wheelback on this car, which for me
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: could be quite a problem because I'm not the mechanical giant.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Or it could be how do I how do I
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  Speaker 1: smooth the waters with this person where it's a little
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: bit clunky. It could be how do I how do
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  Speaker 1: I fix my sleep issues? It could be what's the
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: best kind of workout for my body? It could be
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: it could be how do I build a business and brand?
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  Speaker 1: And so this comes back to the great questions and
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  Speaker 1: the curiosity. But when we are in real time, in
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: real life, recognizing issues or challenges or problems, and then
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: we are creatively and consciously and strategically doing something, not
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  Speaker 1: necessarily relying on anybody else, perhaps using somebody else as
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: a resource or a sounding board, but we are in
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: real time upgrading our life and upgrading us because our
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: capacity to solve problems. Once we solve a problem, we
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: build confidence and we know, well, now I know I've
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: solved those ten problems, or I have at least made progress
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: with those things. What can I do? Because I also
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: think that there's a propensity or a likelihood with many
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: people that they sell themselves short in terms of their
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: capacity to do amazing fucking things and solve problems and
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: fix things and make real progress without somebody telling them
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: what to do. There are many times that I've solved
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: problems that I actually didn't think I could, but I
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: just took it very slowly, very step by step, you know,
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  Speaker 1: the old eating the elephant one bit at a time
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  Speaker 1: kind of vibe. And I built knowledge, and I built confidence,
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  Speaker 1: and I built momentum, and then eventually something that I
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: thought was not solvable for me became solved, became fixed, addressed,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: whatever the right language is there. But you know what
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I'm saying. I've spoken about the next one a bit.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: But can I ask good questions? And do I ask
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: good questions? That's probably a better question is do I
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: ask good questions? And specifically, do I ask solution focused questions?
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  Speaker 1: And this ties in with the previous one. Can I
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  Speaker 1: solve problems? Because when I'm asking questions that are all
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: about a solution, that I'm putting myself in that creative,
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: resourceful problem solving headspace. So let me give you an example.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Somebody comes up to me and they say something like,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I've been working out in the gym and I'm just
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: going around in circles? Why do I even bother? Why
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: should I bother? A better question might be, ah, here's
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: what I've been doing, it doesn't work. What a one
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: or two things that I could change or do differently?
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Or what is the right program for me? How do
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: I find out what the right program, the right protocol,
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: the right operating system is for me, not for anyone else.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: What if I changed from pinloaded machines to free weights?
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: What if I what if I ate five small meals
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: a day, not three? I'm not making any of these
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: as suggestions for you. What if I, instead of relying
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: on tea and coffee and bloody produce or whatever, what
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: if I introduced a leter of water a day into
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: my regime, my health protocol. What might happen all of
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: a sudden. I'm asking questions that are taking me towards
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: a range of potential answers. The quality of our choices,
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: as I said before, often comes down to the quality
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: of our questions. We make better question or we ask
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: better questions, we have more more awareness, more insight, more
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: understanding as a result of the question that we just
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: asked and our subsequent research. Now I'm more informed because
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I asked a great question and learned some stuff. Now,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: with that new information, with that new context, with that
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: new data, I'm going to make better questions, I'm going
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: to take better action, and I'm hopefully going to produce
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: better outcomes just because I did one thing at the
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: start of all of this. I asked a great question
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: which led me on this psychological and educational and behavioral journey.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Next question, can I do what scares me? And again,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: probably better phrased, do I do what scares me? Now?
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: Of course, when I'm talking about things that scare you.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about things that align with what you want
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: to do, be create. I'm not just going to go
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to go run in front of a
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: car that scares I'm not just I'm going to climb
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: up something hysterically high just because I'm no. I'm talking
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: about the things that we might need to do, which
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: for us at this point in time are unthinkable, perhaps
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: or at the very least elevate the old bloody cortisol
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and adrenaline. And something that I might need to do
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: is I might need to have a conversation with that
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: person that I really don't want to have a conversation with.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: But I've been in the middle of this bloody shitty social, situational,
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: professional situation and they're not doing anything. So maybe I
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: need to do something. Maybe I need to address it.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: Can I can I talk in a meeting at work?
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Can I turn up to a gym. I've never been
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: to a gym in my life, but I want to
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: be fitter and stronger, and there's a million bucks worth
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: of resources there, and yet I could train in my garage,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: but I've started and stopped thirty seven times. So am
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: I willing to go to a gym. It could be
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: any task or any environment. But I'm just using this.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: Of course I'm somewhat familiar with it. But my experience
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: of people who have started in the gym being scared,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: being intimidated, feeling somewhat threatened, the vast majority go from
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: that state to oh, this is actually fine within a
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: very short period of time, to or this is not fine,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: this is actually fun. This is not fun. I fucking
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: love this. And now the reason that they went from
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: being intimidated to being joyful and loving the experiences is
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: because they took the first step. They asked the question.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: They went, well, I'm scared of going to the gym,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: but I would really like to improve my physiology and function,
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: So will I go? Will I go? And they made
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: the decision. They took the step, they did what scared them.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Then the scary thing became the fun thing. And that
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: so much in life, people that I've worked with that
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: have been terrified of public speaking end up being a
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: glutton for getting up on stage. They can't get enough
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: of it because they've gone from that state of fear
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: and anxiety and self doubt and rumination and overthinking and
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: everyone's going to hate me and I'm going to fail.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be bad. They go from that mindset
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: to this is fun, This is really enjoyable. I'm teaching,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I'm helping, I'm getting recognition, I'm growing, I'm building resilience
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: and competence and skill, and I'm getting good at this thing.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: And the terrifying process is now actually an enjoyable process
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: because I did what scared me. Next question, we call
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: this in science. You've heard me say this, theory of mind.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: How can I understand? Will I try to understand how
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: other people think? This is a great awareness, not just
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: self awareness, but there's also another term called self other awareness,
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: or we might call it bumps into social awareness. Can
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I understand how other people think? Why does it matter? Well?
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: It matters because when we understand how other people think,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: versus agree with how they think, or condone with what
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: they think, condone what they think I should say. Now
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: we kind of know their program a little bit. Now
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: we have insight into something that we didn't have because
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: we took the time and made the effort to try
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: to understand that. Many people get confused with this, so
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: they think that for example, trying to understand someone's bad behavior.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: Is condoning or accepting or approving it is not. I'm
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: interested in others' bad behavior because I want to understand
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: where that comes from. I want to anticipate what might
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: come next. If I've got to deal with somebody on
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: a regular or semi regular basis and we just clash
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: and I don't I just don't understand them, and what
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: are they thinking? And how this are they? And how
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: that are they? And wah wah wah, that's cool, Craig,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: that's all good. And maybe that's all true or maybe
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: partly true. At the end of the day, you've got
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: to interact with this person. You've got to coexist or
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: work with this person, or bump into this person at
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: family gatherings or whatever the thing is. Of course, we
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: don't need to understand how everyone works. But even when
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: I see even when I see real bad behavior, I'm curious.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I'm curious about that. I'm not condoning or accepting, but
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: I want to know why the fuck did that person
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: do that? Because I can't navigate or I can't overcome
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: what I don't understand, You know, sons Su said in
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: the Art of War, keep your friends closer and your
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: enemies closer. And to one of his kind of big,
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: kind of teachings was to understand the enemy, Understand what
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: they would do in most situations, Understand their strategy, understand
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: their mindset, their thinking, because how can you defeat in
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: a war context? How can you defeat the enemy if
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: you do not know what the fuck they're gonna do next?
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: And if you understand their mindset and their culture and
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: their typical protocol and their typical behavior, then all of
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: a sudden you've got an advantage because you know how
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: others think. Now that's very strategic. But then in a
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: less well is it less strategic? But in a different way.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: We can understand how others think just because we want
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to be good humans, just because we want to have
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: nice conversations, just because we want that interaction to be
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: more enjoyable and more fluent and more fluid. Next question
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: is am I prepared to fail to grow? Am I
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: prepared to fail to grow? Many people are not. Obviously,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: we don't set out to fail. We set out to
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: win or succeed. The truth is you're going to fail.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: Now I'm going to put an asterisk next to that word.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Fail or failure, because in the real world, whether or
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: not it's a failure or we see ourselves as somebody
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: who has failed, that is really a matter of perspective.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Because what we actually did is we created an outcome.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: We did a thing hopefully hoping that we'd get a
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: particular results and we didn't. So I could say I
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: tried the thing, I failed the end going home see
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: you later, tail between the legs fuck that I knew
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't have tried. Or I could say I tried
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: to achieve X, and in order to achieve X, I
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: did this, this, and this, and I actually achieved X
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: minus thirty percent, or I achieved Why. What I want
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: to know now is, oh, what did I learn from
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: doing that thing? What do I now understand? What do
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I now have insight into? What am I now better
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: prepared for that I have had that experience that didn't
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: work out the way that I wanted it to. Now,
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it goes from a negative I
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: failed the end, put the Q in the rack fuck off,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: to oh, I had an experience that was full of insight,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: that was full of teaching, that was full of awareness
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: for me, and so I'm going to try again. I'm
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: going to try again, but this time I'm going to
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: do it differently based on what I just learned. So
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: and yes, it sounds a bit cliche and bullshitty when
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: people go, oh, there's no such thing as failure. There
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: there are only lessons. But again, truly, when you come
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: back to how you think, metacognition, how you think, how
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: you process experiences, how you tell yourself stories, this idea
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: of being prepared to fail is really the same as
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: being prepared to have different and new experiences and learn
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: something along the way. My next one is this, I'm
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: going to do two more and then I may do
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: I may do version two because I've got quite a
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: few on my list here. My second last one is this,
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: which I've spoken about many times before. But let's call
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: it reinforcement, and it's something I have to reinforce in
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: myself daily, and that is, will I embrace discomfort in
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: order to get where I want to go, or in
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: order to succeed, or in order to win whatever it is,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: however you want to phrase it. But the truth is,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: most of us don't progress or learn or evolve or
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: adapt in comfort. Now, the problem being with us humans.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: We fucking love comfort, but it ain't typically where we grow, evolve,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: learn and develop. As I said before, so how do
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I am I capable of? Or more better question, am
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: I willing to get uncomfortable in order to grow, in
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: order to do better, in order to succeed in the
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: capacity that I want to succeed because and yes sounds cheesy,
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: but fucking true. Nonetheless, so just wear the cheese. It's
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: in the discomfort that I learn, often learn the most.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: And it's definitely in the discomfort that I become more
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: adaptable because I have to adapt because shit's hard. I
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: build resilience because shit's hard. I build understanding and awareness.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: And I may or may not love the journey, and
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I may not create the outcome I want immediately. But
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: what I am doing so forget the external outcome or
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: even the goal for a moment and just think about
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: the self, the person, the individual in the middle of
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: the discomfort. Oh yeah, I'm not right now achieving the thing,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: the external validation or the thing that can be seen
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: by others as success. But what I am doing is
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: I'm changing me. I'm evolving. I'm better, I'm tougher, I'm
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: more resilient. I'm better at solving problems. I'm better at
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: being the calm in the chaos. Well, that in itself
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: is success. So success might show up for us in
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: a totally different way to what we expected it might.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Success might not. I'll tell you. For me, success hasn't
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: been I've had some success in inverted commerce that from
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: the outside in you would go, well, that is a
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: version of success well done. But for me, the game
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: changer has been about who I've become, about what I've learned,
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: about what I understand, about how I can self regulate
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: and self manage along the way. It's about what I
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: can do. It's about how I feel and how I respond.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: It's about the person that I am in the middle
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: of all of the things that I am. Not little
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: lah a little deep there, but that's okay. Last one
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: for now. Do I take ownership of my choices, actions,
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: and outcomes. This is hard because we don't like being wrong.
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: We don't like being the folk of negative attention. We
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: don't like criticism. We don't like what we perceive as
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: negative feedback. But what if the feedback's honest? What if
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: have you noticed that when you talk, no matter who
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: you talk to about a problem that they are in
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: the middle of, some issue they're having with some person,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: for example, some work problem. Have you noticed that the
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: person that you're talking to is never the fucking problem,
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: It's always the other person? Well, guess what. At least
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: fifty percent of the time on Planet Craig, I've made
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: fucking stupid choices. I've done dumb things that didn't work.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I've been inappropriate, I've been insensitive. I've created outcomes that
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: I didn't want to create. And I will continue to
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: do all those things, hopefully at a lower level, hopefully
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: less often. But I will continue to because I am human,
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: and I am flawed, and I am a work in progress.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: And the moment that I start to blame and point
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: and avoid any kind of responsibility or awareness or ownership
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: of the things that I am doing. Of course, other
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: people do shit to you that's unfair. Of course we're
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: not talking about that. We're talking about the shit that
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: you do. That you do that is not a good choice,
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: that is not a good response, that is not a
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: good action, that is not a good outcome, that is
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: not a good moment in time for you. This is
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: not again, for the million time. It's not self loathing.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: This is honesty. Personal development is not fucking fun. Personal
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: development is not a podcast. Personal growth sucks. But part
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: of the growth is taking ownership. At certain times, in
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: certain situations, you will be the problem. Not always, maybe
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: often you're not. Maybe it's something or someone else. But
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: there are definitely going to be times in your life
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: where you need to take responsibility. You need to own up,
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: you need to step up. You need to be the
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: bigger person because blaming and avoiding, blaming and denying this
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: is not a great strategy for you. This doesn't help
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: you become the person that you want to become. You
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: want people to look up to you and respect you
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: and listen to you. You want to be the human
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: that you say that you want to be to yourself
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: and others. Well, guess what you are going to fuck
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: up when you fuck up. Don't beat yourself up, just
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: go fucked up. Got it wrong, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: In this case, I was the problem. I will do
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: better and then do better. Let's leave it there.