Latest / The Scene Projects / Healing and Growth: Exploring Core Wounds, Relationships, and Self-Reflection

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Healing and Growth: Exploring Core Wounds, Relationships, and Self-Reflection · The Scene Projects

• 0:02
  Welcome into an exciting episode of Get Better Together.
• 0:05
  I am your host, Bubba Starts.
• 0:06
  With me today is my cohost and friend, Jamie Gilcrease.
• 0:10
  Jamie, welcome back.
• 0:12
  Hello.
• 0:14
  Well, we were talking off camera as we often do when we when we meet up, and you're like, you
• 0:19
  know, it's on my heart to have you record this because we're getting into it.
• 0:23
  And I am just so thrilled that you suggested it because now we can get into it and get better.
• 0:34
  Yeah.
• 0:34
  Absolutely, Barbara.
• 0:37
  And I'm so glad that you did record it and started to have this conversation and come in
• 0:44
  to play and how we hurt the others around us.
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  And I think it's so important that we look at these things.
• 0:53
  I was just talking to you about how I got into a new program, and it's around the attachment
• 0:59
  styles.
• 1:00
  And I'm super excited because what I do in my day to day practice of coaching, we deal with a
• 1:08
  it's two different kind of theories.
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  It's the iceberg theory, and we wanna get down into the belief systems and structures of how
• 1:13
  you work, but also the hole in the bucket.
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  Like, where's your resources, everything being let out?
• 1:20
  You know?
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  And I thought, oh my gosh.
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  If we take this attachment theory and we actually look at our core wounds and we
• 1:27
  actually see this because we all fit into an attachment.
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  Right?
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  There's four attachment styles, and, they all have these core wounds.
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  And it's just we could go right there and be able to help you, by knowing right away what
• 1:43
  your core wounds are and what your subconscious is working through.
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  I learned yesterday in the call that I was on to say if I was accepted into the program or
• 1:53
  not accepted into the program, and it was around our subconscious actually drives 95% of,
• 2:01
  our actions, our habits, all of that.
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  And 5% is our conscious being, you know, conscious.
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  And our consciousness cannot outpower our subconscious.
• 2:13
  What?
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  Holy, I've been trying to seriously, consciously change these things, and I have so
• 2:20
  many tools in my tool basket that I've been helping with people.
• 2:23
  But I'm like, oh my gosh, this could open up a world of healing.
• 2:26
  And so we started talking about relationships.
• 2:28
  And do you wanna kind of go back to where we were and start that conversation?
• 2:34
  Yeah.
• 2:35
  Well and we were talking about, you know, how you had just come back from vacation and how,
• 2:39
  you know, taking that time to cut loose.
• 2:41
  Right?
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  You have so many responsibilities, your business, your kids, your your just your life.
• 2:46
  Right?
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  And much in the same way that I do and how how it was kind of freeing to have zero
• 2:54
  responsibilities for a little while, but how at the end where you were, you know, cutting back
• 2:59
  on the drinking and partying and getting ready to come back home to your responsibilities and
• 3:03
  then seeing it in others.
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  And I was recounting how, you know, since stopping, quitting alcohol back in October that
• 3:11
  I've seen it in my relationship with, you know, my wife, my mother-in-law, how alcohol affects
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  them, how alcohol has affected me, and being able to have some consciousness brought to
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  that.
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  And for me, alcohol has always kind of been like the the moral compass just kind of goes
• 3:29
  out the window.
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  And it's not like after I've had a case of beer, it's after I've only had one.
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  Right?
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  And and having, you know, no limits and and not not uncovering what necessarily wounds or or or
• 3:43
  what that may be that gives that, why it is that alcohol just throws that out.
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  Because I don't get that if I use other substances.
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  We talked about, you know, I have a medical marijuana card, so sometimes I'll I'll use
• 3:55
  marijuana.
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  Like, I don't lose my moral compass when I smoke pot.
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  In some ways, it makes me, you know, more apathetic and sympathetic to others' feelings,
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  but how do I bring that consciousness to a sober life?
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  And that's kind of what I'm working on now is, like, why can't you be that apathetic person
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  without smoking pot?
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  Like, why is it only when you're doing this that you think in this way?
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  And that's because of these subconscious wounds I think that you're talking about and exactly
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  why you wanted to record is that I have a sword.
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  Right?
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  And every time, you know, especially when, you know, sober sober and just moving, we know.
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  I operate on a high energy level, vibrating high that anyone trying to oppose that feels
• 4:45
  like an attack.
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  Right?
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  And I would rather just come back at you with a sword instead of kind of accepting that energy
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  a little bit and going, okay.
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  Well, what place are they coming from that, you know, that it's not always an aggressive place
• 5:00
  that someone else is coming from that I need to be defensive of?
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  And I get very defensive even with my wife, and and we talk about it a lot, but it's because,
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  you know, it's probably because I'm a bit of a narcissist.
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  I think that my way is the way, and I'm so focused on this goal.
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  And I'm really chasing so many things that I can't I can't step back all the time and to
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  look at the bigger picture and to try to understand someone else's point of view while
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  I'm still trying to figure out what my own point of view is on that, if that makes any
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  sense at all.
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  Do you think that that maybe with that substance of marijuana, it could slow you down
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  enough to where you're able to just see things at a slower rate?
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  Right?
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  Because sometimes I mean, I understand that full bore.
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  I was like that for so many years.
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  I was going a hundred miles an hour trying to figure out all the things.
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  I got goosebumps.
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  I got look.
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  I mean and so for me, taking that step back and for me, it was different.
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  It was heartbreak, right, that got me to slow down and take time.
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  And, I mean, the other day, I had some heartbreak happen the other day again, you
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  know, and and just be in that.
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  And something that I thought was supposed to be working towards something wasn't that.
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  You gotta breathe.
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  So, anyways, I took another day where I got quiet.
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  I mean, I didn't use substance, but I just I got quiet.
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  I I laid in bed literally from two in the afternoon until evening and took a tubby and
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  just really slowed down and kind of got quiet within myself and just because the world is
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  going so fast.
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  And it's not gonna stop on the account of our pain or our suffering or our wanting to get
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  somewhere.
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  Right?
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  And so, yeah, I understand how those core wounds come in.
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  And when you're going so fast, it's hard to even recognize when those core wounds are are
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  literally leading our steps.
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  Right?
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  I think we talked about that in in another video.
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  It was like those core wounds, as we're navigating, they're driving us.
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  And we just talked I mean, I just talked about how the conscious, it's 5%.
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  The subconscious is literally driving 95% of our actions, our habits, our behaviors.
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  And so and we're unaware of that.
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  Like, until you start being slowly taking account and having the conversations and having
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  you might be able to say, hey, Jamie, I noticed that you said this.
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  What does that really mean to you?
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  Right?
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  And we start getting a little bit down deeper, and we go back to those questions, insightful
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  questions.
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  Because I know that you, Bubba, hold all of your answers for everything.
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  I don't know.
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  You know?
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  I don't know if that kind of is bringing up anything for you.
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  But Well, exactly what you the slowing down.
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  Like, I don't ever because that 95% is also doing 95 miles an hour down a wide open
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  highway, I don't ever have to slow down.
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  Right?
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  I I am in much uncharted territory because of the industry we're in with this podcast network
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  and and all of these new things and because of who I am.
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  I just did a new kind of star chart personality test, the Align app, and it's allowed me some
• 8:35
  insight, you know, and calling the terms that she used was a generator.
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  Right?
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  Like, you aren't made necessarily to slow down.
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  You are made to go and to be in that new space.
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  That's where your energy lies.
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  Right?
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  So it's like, okay.
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  That can be true, but also you don't have to be an asshole all the time to every single you
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  know, anytime someone kind of poses some opposition.
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  And for me, I take I take criticism and opposition so much better outside of my home
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  and my personal circle.
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  Right?
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  Because I want my personal circle to kind of just shut up and support me in in so many ways,
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  and that I only listen to people that are kind of outside of that.
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  And my poor wife, you know, Danielle is the one who kinda gets the brunt of that usually to
• 9:22
  where, and there's something about, you know, her it's a mentality switch.
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  Right?
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  Where I am go just do, we'll deal with problems as they come at us.
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  She's looking six months down the road and going, but what if this happens?
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  And I'm like, we haven't even built the plane yet, and you're worried about it crashing into
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  the ground and burning up.
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  And I'm like, I don't even I am so not worried about that problem right now.
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  Like, we haven't even gotten there yet, and and some of that is maybe and also probably work
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  that she needs to do.
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  Worries that she carries as well from her mom being an extreme worrier and and and having
• 10:05
  this, oh, well, every well, yes, everything can go wrong.
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  Anything is possible.
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  Right?
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  And I am just the kind of person where, like, I'm not gonna worry about something until it's
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  right here.
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  Why would I worry about something that may not even happen six months down the road when our
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  lives and and everything about the situation can be completely different?
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  But it doesn't also mean that I have to come out with the sword and to chop off an arm when
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  they reach out to say, hey, slow down and think about the the things that you're doing or
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  promises that you're making in the moment because how they may affect other people.
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  Right.
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  And I think those are the tools that we're seeking, I think, and we're seeking to help
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  other people is how do we show up and how do we not cut somebody's arm off, right, that we love
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  and we support and we want them to support us, but we're not even able to support them.
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  Right?
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  Because you're saying, don't worry about it.
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  Right?
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  And so what is the next piece is what's really coming up for you.
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  Right?
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  And I I understand where she's coming from in some aspects because I was a worry war.
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  Right?
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  I was built on a foundation of fear and trauma.
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  So until I personally went within myself and, like, started to reprogram that deeper internal
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  stuff, I wasn't able to see the world any other way.
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  And so I had to start asking myself those questions.
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  Well, if I'm willing to ask myself what's the worst thing that can happen, I need to be able
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  to ask myself what's the best thing that can happen, right, and giving myself these other
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  pieces.
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  How do I wanna feel in those moments?
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  How do I want to project into the future?
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  That's where the vision I do a lot of vision work with my clients, and I do vision retreats,
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  vision board things.
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  Because I want people to understand that working then, not only from the conscious.
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  Right?
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  Because if we're stuck here, everything is right here.
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  But, like, even though, you know, you wanna wait till it's right there.
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  But, everything is right in your face.
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  And if you take a step back and you get on your knees and you're like, okay.
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  What do I see now?
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  But what if I stood up and took another step back and stood up and looked at the whole
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  picture?
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  Right?
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  It's like, okay.
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  That might happen, but what if?
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  And giving her that space too.
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  It's like, okay.
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  How do we step back?
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  How do we start having conversations?
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  And that's where that level up collective that I started and using that cohort guide is really
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  important because we we teach people how to communicate from a place to understand and not
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  to respond.
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  When we are so, like, right here or when we're going a 10 miles an hour, 95 miles an hour, we
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  are only responding or hearing to respond.
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  There there's no hearing to understand the other person.
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  And I wanna be understood.
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  So I want to also learn how to understand others and give that space.
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  So I think that these are the tools that we're talking about.
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  Like, how do we get from giving space to both people?
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  Right?
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  She's got worries.
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  That's real for her.
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  That pain that pain point is real for her.
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  And the pain point for you is a hundred miles an hour.
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  Let's keep going because if we stop, there might be a fear there.
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  So how do we give space to both of those?
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  Right?
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  Right.
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  And you just touched on something there that, like, the reason that I don't want to slow down
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  is because then it allows space for fears and worries to creep in.
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  And and if I got caught up in the worries, right, like right now, our financial situation
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  isn't great.
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  Right?
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  I got bill collectors calling every single day.
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  Their credit card payments are falling behind, but we're also right at that cusp of every
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  single thing that we have built in the last year hitting at once.
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  And I've kind of said that it's not gonna be a trickle when it turns on.
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  It's gonna be a tsunami.
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  So just keep moving.
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  Just keep moving has kind of been the mantra.
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  But at what point do can you not outrun that tsunami?
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  And what point do you have to slow down, go, okay.
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  We need to take care of these things.
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  Right?
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  You can't just let them go forever.
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  You need to take care of them and and to alleviate those worries, and then that will
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  build a stronger foundation for the other people around me that aren't necessarily in
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  that in that space.
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  Right?
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  And and I know that right now, I I need to to pull back.
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  I I need to be to slow down, to really start absorbing because so much of what we've built
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  and things that we're pursuing are are starting to bud.
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  Right?
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  And and nice time for that with spring coming and the flowers are starting to push through
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  the dirt, and it's like, okay.
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  You need to sit back and kind of enjoy this process as well.
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  And and, yes, you've pushed and that push has got you this far, but now you have to let them
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  grow.
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  And it coming back to watering the ground.
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  Right?
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  You planted the seeds.
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  You gave it the energy for it to for it to push through.
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  Now you need to also give it time to just grow and to flourish and just be that water.
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  And we all know the, you know, the nature of water is to just be steady.
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  Right?
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  And to flow like like a river does where it's not worried about tomorrow or yesterday.
• 15:38
  It's in that moment and flowing and moving at whatever pace it's going to.
• 15:45
  Mhmm.
• 15:46
  Well, I think that's why I work so much with vision.
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  Right?
• 15:48
  It's because where are we going?
• 15:51
  Right?
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  And having that business plan for a business if I'm working with an entrepreneur that has
• 15:55
  started a business.
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  Or if I'm working with a woman that wants to be more, family oriented, what does that look like
• 16:01
  for her?
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  What does the entrepreneur look like?
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  How does it feel when we get there?
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  Right?
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  So I wanna bring in all these different pieces so that you know, okay.
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  We've watered.
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  We've we've done all this pushing.
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  We've planted the seeds.
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  We've done this stuff.
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  When is the time where I get to sit back a little, rest?
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  Right?
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  Because there is a resting period.
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  I mean and and we have to have that.
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  I knew if I trusted.
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  Right?
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  And it's like, okay.
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  It's gonna happen.
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  Right?
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  Something's gonna happen.
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  Which that day, I company here in town that had had some work, and I was able to zap over.
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  And my car didn't I mean, but this is me.
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  Like, I mean, there are some, you know, things that are happening.
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  It's like now what?
• 17:16
  Right?
• 17:17
  So is starting to, you know, prosper for you guys?
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  How are you gonna know by feeling?
• 17:23
  How what what are you gonna see happening?
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  You know?
• 17:25
  And maybe that will also give space to her fears.
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  And people like, okay.
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  Or am I coming from fear or love?
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  Am I you know because I still I've done this work for so many years, and the other couple
• 17:36
  days ago, I literally crashed and burned.
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  Like, went reverted back to probably six years ago in my behavior.
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  And, yeah, that's hard.
• 17:47
  Man, that's hard.
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  But again, how do we do it?
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  How do we yeah.
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  And then how do we wake up the next day knowing that we hurt somebody or that we did something
• 17:58
  that we know doesn't work?
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  And how do you come back from that?
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  You know what I mean?
• 18:06
  I say I'm sorry a lot, Jamie.
• 18:09
  Yeah.
• 18:10
  I yeah.
• 18:11
  And I don't I mean, gosh.
• 18:13
  It's so interesting.
• 18:15
  And I think for me, it's also asking if my trauma is is the reason why or if I'm because I
• 18:22
  don't set very good boundaries sometimes.
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  I mean, I'm that person.
• 18:24
  I'm like, oh, you know, I'm all about forgiveness, and I'm trying to figure out this
• 18:28
  love always wins stuff and this system within myself and that everyone has good and, you
• 18:35
  know, I'm definitely dealing with some big, big stuff.
• 18:40
  I don't know.
• 18:41
  Did any of that make sense?
• 18:42
  Did you pull any of that from or anything from any of that?
• 18:47
  Well, totally.
• 18:48
  And it's it's it's a growing process.
• 18:54
  Right?
• 18:54
  And it and it kind of ebbs and flows just like everything else.
• 18:58
  Right?
• 18:58
  We're we're riding that wave, and it's the it's the consciousness of knowing when you're on the
• 19:05
  downturn of that wave.
• 19:06
  Right?
• 19:07
  And knowing when you need to give yourself some space, when you need to give yourself some
• 19:10
  grace in that, and that it's okay.
• 19:13
  Like, we're going to like, old habits die hard.
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  Right?
• 19:19
  And and that's not just, like, habits that you do, but habits of your thoughts, habits of your
• 19:24
  emotions.
• 19:26
  It's okay that they come up.
• 19:27
  It's it's it's okay because but only if you take that consciousness that you have now and
• 19:35
  you're able to talk to, you know, that older self and to talk as that older previous self
• 19:41
  and to say, okay.
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  What what do you know now?
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  And and can you correct that?
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  And and you have that consciousness.
• 19:48
  Right?
• 19:48
  That's why we're doing the work.
• 19:50
  We don't become better people and better at all of these things overnight or over the course of
• 19:57
  a year or even over the course of a decade sometimes.
• 20:01
  Right?
• 20:01
  There's going to be moments where you take those and it's not necessarily a step back.
• 20:06
  It's just a quick reversion of like, oh, I snapped into that old person again.
• 20:11
  Wow.
• 20:11
  That that was weird.
• 20:13
  Right?
• 20:14
  That was an that was an odd moment.
• 20:16
  And for it to feel uncomfortable being that person again that you were totally comfortable
• 20:22
  being six years ago or sixteen years Right?
• 20:27
  And and to see it on your face where you're not comfortable being that person.
• 20:31
  That's a huge step.
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  And I think that's something maybe that we never give especially people like me and you
• 20:37
  that we would never give ourselves that credit for.
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  Right?
• 20:41
  That we would be, you know, oh, well, yeah, and we're slapping ourselves on the hand over it
• 20:47
  instead of going, well, we are so much better because now we're conscious of that behavior.
• 20:52
  Me just talking about my narcissistic tendencies and and my the the harshness at
• 20:59
  which I come at my wife mostly because that's my big everyday personal relationship.
• 21:05
  Right?
• 21:05
  Most of my other relationships are in this format, are with people that I'm either just
• 21:10
  meeting for the first time or I've only had a few conversations with.
• 21:14
  I don't have a lot of long time, you know, relationships in that way anymore.
• 21:21
  The only person that I see and deal with every single day is my wife, and she is not conscious
• 21:27
  of a lot of the things that I'm doing every single day to grow this life that I see for us
• 21:34
  for our future.
• 21:35
  So it's kind of rude of me to assume that she sees that big beautiful life that I already
• 21:43
  have the vision of in my head and all the things.
• 21:46
  And, yes, I I communicate some of these things, but if she's operating out of her 95% of
• 21:52
  subconscious and and being unaware of that, then how how am I to break through that?
• 22:01
  And and I and I and we've suggested I've suggested and and and what we want to get is
• 22:06
  really being in groups together and talking having that safe space to talk about these
• 22:11
  things where we are away from the grind of our everyday life.
• 22:16
  Right?
• 22:16
  A retreat, to get out of that, to have zero responsibility, right, to be able to leave all
• 22:24
  of that home and all of that responsibility that can sometimes feel absolutely crushing to
• 22:30
  be able to leave all of that.
• 22:32
  And maybe to have two or three days in the beginning where you're just cutting loose and
• 22:36
  kind of shaking all of that off and then having two, three days of work because you're able to
• 22:44
  leave so much of that baggage behind that you would otherwise be bringing into that.
• 22:49
  Right?
• 22:49
  I don't think deep work gets done in a day or in a, you know, an hour.
• 22:54
  Everybody thinks they can go to an hour of therapy and you're gonna be better.
• 22:58
  I don't know how I don't know how anyone walks out feeling better about just a single hour of
• 23:04
  therapy.
• 23:05
  Right?
• 23:05
  Like, I don't I don't understand how therapy sessions aren't two to three hours long similar
• 23:10
  to a Joe Rogan podcast.
• 23:12
  Right?
• 23:12
  Because anybody can bullshit you for an hour.
• 23:15
  Right?
• 23:16
  And very few people are going to open up the way that you and I do with one another now that
• 23:22
  we've established this this trust with each other.
• 23:25
  Right?
• 23:25
  That we don't spend a whole lot of time in niceties.
• 23:29
  We were only on the call for about five minutes before you're like, you gotta hit record.
• 23:33
  We're diving into the deep end.
• 23:35
  Right?
• 23:36
  Right.
• 23:36
  Because we're we're busy people, and and we don't wanna waste each other's time.
• 23:40
  But most people are gonna come into a therapy session and spend that first forty five minutes
• 23:46
  just kinda emptying the bag and not even having a chance to pull anything out.
• 23:51
  You're just kinda dumping it all on the ground, and then you have fifteen minutes to try and
• 23:55
  organize all of that.
• 23:56
  I I don't think that that's a very effective, I don't think that's a very effective method for
• 24:02
  getting better at all.
• 24:04
  Right.
• 24:05
  I think without the tools, like, I have a lot of tools.
• 24:07
  So I actually therapy.
• 24:09
  I do therapy every every week.
• 24:11
  I sit down.
• 24:12
  But because I have these other tools.
• 24:14
  Right?
• 24:14
  And so for me, talk therapy again.
• 24:17
  Like you said, we're all unleashing, and and people are just throwing all this stuff out
• 24:21
  there.
• 24:21
  Well, then how do we organize it?
• 24:23
  Right?
• 24:24
  And so when you had I had goosebumps again like that.
• 24:26
  So when you talked about you and Danielle, like, having that couples time or retreat,
• 24:32
  like, it got my mind thinking.
• 24:34
  Because when you were talking and not realizing or being aware that maybe she doesn't see the
• 24:41
  whole vision, that, yes, you have been giving her a little bit, but what would that look like
• 24:45
  if there was a retreat for couples that they go in and they do maybe some of this cohort work
• 24:52
  that you you learn to communicate a little bit, right, better from a place of understanding
• 24:58
  instead of just responding.
• 25:00
  But then you also have these tools together that you you build a vision.
• 25:04
  What does that vision look like for both of you?
• 25:06
  You know?
• 25:07
  Maybe you do your own visions, and then you come together as a family.
• 25:10
  What does that look like for somebody?
• 25:12
  You know?
• 25:13
  And being able to go because we do come with these core wounds.
• 25:16
  We do come with all of this our separate bags, and we think we communicate, or there's times
• 25:22
  where I think I communicate, right, in relationships.
• 25:25
  And, you know, with me, that's my biggest pain point.
• 25:29
  Like, I am not in a relationship.
• 25:32
  Like, you know, I am single, and and I find myself in that space, you know, based on the
• 25:39
  fact that I I don't communicate very well.
• 25:41
  Like, I come from a core wound of abandonment, a core wound of trust.
• 25:45
  Like, I really struggle with trust.
• 25:47
  And so the person that I'm with, if they have a core wound, right, that they're not good enough
• 25:52
  or, like, the attachment style, like, if they're anxious attachment, it's awful because
• 25:58
  I'm a push pull.
• 25:59
  Right?
• 26:00
  And so I'm like, woah.
• 26:01
  I'm in.
• 26:02
  And then I'm like, woah.
• 26:02
  Woah.
• 26:03
  Woah.
• 26:03
  You're coming at me too quick.
• 26:04
  You know?
• 26:04
  And that trust, I retreat.
• 26:06
  So, again, how do we help couples?
• 26:09
  And that's something I really want.
• 26:11
  And this new program I got into is actually working with couples, which that was new to me.
• 26:17
  I was like, oh, this is great.
• 26:18
  You know?
• 26:19
  Like, how could I help somebody?
• 26:23
  And a big thing that Danielle and I do together that really helps strengthen our relationship
• 26:28
  is we do hard shit together.
• 26:29
  Right?
• 26:30
  We're in the gym working out, going really hard, but we also do other things.
• 26:34
  Right?
• 26:35
  Big sporting events is always how we kinda cut loose.
• 26:37
  Right?
• 26:38
  My wife loves going to Vikings football, and doing those.
• 26:41
  And I think it's a combination of the two.
• 26:43
  It's not just coming in and and we're gonna get intense and we're just gonna do seminars and
• 26:48
  and everything out of the time.
• 26:49
  I think the day has to start with, like, let's just go out and enjoy each other's company.
• 26:54
  Right?
• 26:54
  Just go out and do the things that you like to do together or trying something new that's new
• 27:00
  for everyone.
• 27:01
  And and I think that's a good way to kinda get on the same level again.
• 27:05
  Right?
• 27:05
  And to bring that, whether it's an art class or it is going and doing something physical or
• 27:10
  it's that that I think the the weekend or each day of a weekend kinda starts with that so that
• 27:17
  you are in this now you're coming into this space where everybody's on equal footing, and
• 27:23
  then you're able sit down.
• 27:24
  And maybe it's the wives or the girl the women together for a little bit and the men together
• 27:29
  for a little bit, and then bringing them together.
• 27:32
  And I think I think the work that we're going to do together building out this kind of a
• 27:37
  program where it's not it's not all just one kind of therapy.
• 27:45
  It's all not just the cohort sessions, which are extremely valuable, but can be really
• 27:50
  intense.
• 27:51
  Right?
• 27:51
  And really and and it takes like, you can't just throw people into that deep end and expect
• 27:57
  it to hit everyone in the same way.
• 28:00
  And I think finding equal footing over the course of several days and bringing people in
• 28:06
  and using music or using art and using all these different avenues out there, I think
• 28:12
  there's a way to bring the whole thing together.
• 28:15
  You know, some deep meditation and yoga and, you know, some sauna, some really heat therapy.
• 28:21
  Right?
• 28:21
  I love going to Sweat That's my kind of, like, my and I like doing it alone.
• 28:28
  I like going into that community, because I'm a different person there by myself as as Bubba
• 28:36
  than I am going as a husband and father and then having to have other responsibilities
• 28:42
  while I'm in that space.
• 28:44
  Right?
• 28:45
  But and it's not to say that I don't want to go experience that with my wife.
• 28:49
  It's that I am bringing a different person to that space.
• 28:55
  And, yeah, how how it all works together.
• 28:58
  You know?
• 28:58
  Women sweat, men sweat, and then group sweat on the last day where we're all able to enter that
• 29:04
  space the same.
• 29:06
  You know?
• 29:07
  I think it's gonna be great.
• 29:09
  What we end up building and what comes out of all of these conversations that we've had since
• 29:14
  the first conversation, since I first got to know you, and really it started for me getting
• 29:20
  to know you in your episode with Sarah on her podcast.
• 29:24
  I I know she doesn't really call it that, but that's that's what it is, right, on her show.
• 29:28
  And getting to know a little bit about your story and where you were coming from and just
• 29:32
  who you were as a person Because it's very easy from the outside to look at everything that
• 29:38
  you've built and to build up this this avatar of who Jamie Gilcrease is.
• 29:46
  Right?
• 29:46
  Like, it's very easy to look at, oh, successful business owner and but she's a boss bitch.
• 29:52
  Right?
• 29:52
  Look at the way she carries herself in the public, and she's always smiling and doing
• 29:56
  that.
• 29:57
  Meanwhile, nobody's getting to know the wounded, you know, the experience that has
• 30:03
  built you into the person that you are behind closed doors.
• 30:07
  I feel very fortunate just as a human being to get to know that other side of you, because
• 30:14
  it's it's coming from a place of vulnerability.
• 30:16
  And you helped me so much with my personal relationships because of the tools that you
• 30:22
  have.
• 30:22
  And I know your passion for how do I give everyone else these same tools that I have.
• 30:28
  And I think that a lot of your healing is going to come from that because of the dreams and the
• 30:34
  visions you've had of pulling other people out of the mud that you're not going to feel
• 30:40
  complete until you've satisfied that.
• 30:44
  Right?
• 30:44
  Until you've pulled enough people out of the mud to be able to look in the mirror and go,
• 30:49
  now you are successful.
• 30:51
  Right?
• 30:52
  Which I'll already tell you.
• 30:53
  You've pulled me out.
• 30:54
  Right?
• 30:55
  You've pulled me out of a malaise that I was kind of stuck in emotionally.
• 30:59
  And I've done so much work.
• 31:01
  You know?
• 31:02
  I don't even think about my relationship with my dad anymore.
• 31:05
  Right?
• 31:05
  Like, that's an and I don't get that angry bitterness about it anymore.
• 31:09
  I've been able to pull that out, examine it, and go, yeah.
• 31:14
  That but that doesn't serve me anymore.
• 31:18
  Right?
• 31:18
  And now it's kind of on to the next stab wound that we're healing from, you know, other
• 31:24
  personal relationships beyond that.
• 31:26
  And, yeah, it's a long process, and it doesn't it doesn't happen over even the course of a a
• 31:32
  year is such a short time.
• 31:33
  I think as humans, we built up that, like, that revolution around the sun is so what if we
• 31:38
  treated each year like it was only a day?
• 31:41
  Right?
• 31:41
  Like, that's only a day.
• 31:43
  And and and started to change our perceptions of time.
• 31:47
  Like, you're not gonna get all of this perfect in in thirty years or forty years or fifty
• 31:52
  years.
• 31:53
  Like, the growth never ends.
• 31:55
  And, I think because of, you know, society kind of beating us into, well, you should have it
• 32:00
  all figured out by '25.
• 32:02
  Who the has it figured out by '25?
• 32:04
  Right?
• 32:05
  Like, you don't even know who you are.
• 32:07
  Your brain isn't even fully developed at that point.
• 32:11
  Right?
• 32:11
  But some of us have careers and lives and kids by that point, and and now, like, yeah, we we
• 32:20
  stopped searching for the tools.
• 32:22
  Yeah.
• 32:22
  I've been working from these deep wounds, Bella.
• 32:24
  Right?
• 32:24
  So for so long, I was literally working from these deep, awful wounds.
• 32:30
  Yes.
• 32:31
  It did push me to succeed in, like, x, y, and z, but it also like, I needed more.
• 32:38
  Right?
• 32:39
  Because my relationships were failing, and I wasn't able to show up for people because I was
• 32:44
  coming from this place of fear.
• 32:45
  I wanted to be liked or I wanted I mean, these undertone of all this stuff.
• 32:51
  And so and I still I'm not perfect.
• 32:53
  I hurt people, and I you know, there's some people where it's like, okay.
• 32:57
  Well, you're coming from your perspective as well.
• 32:59
  Right?
• 33:00
  Because we're all coming from our own filters of our own footsteps.
• 33:04
  And so kind of like an onion, taking off each layer and being like, okay.
• 33:10
  Like, because there's times where, you know, I might be telling my truth.
• 33:14
  This is my truth.
• 33:16
  Right?
• 33:16
  This happened actually a couple days ago.
• 33:18
  Like, I was telling this person that I care deeply about, like deeply, deeply about.
• 33:24
  And coming from I'm telling my truth, and he was not believing me.
• 33:28
  He's like, no, you're lying.
• 33:30
  You're a liar.
• 33:31
  You're whatever.
• 33:32
  And my old self would then attack because I'm telling you.
• 33:36
  Right?
• 33:37
  And while you were talking earlier, I think because I allowed myself to go back into that
• 33:43
  partying and not just, like, free spirit, drinking, like, who cares?
• 33:49
  Like, I wasn't able to come from that place of love and kindness and and stuff that I normally
• 33:55
  would with that person because I I I was like, fuck that.
• 34:01
  Like, I mean, and I feel bad saying that word even, but I was like, fuck that.
• 34:05
  Like and I went back into this, this woman that I have done so much work not to be and and just
• 34:13
  I cut him at the knees.
• 34:15
  I used every piece that I had, even though it wasn't driving.
• 34:21
  Like, my normal thought process, I allowed it to drive it in that moment.
• 34:26
  I'm literally trying to defend my stance on whatever it was by utilizing this hurtful stuff
• 34:34
  and just cutting him down.
• 34:36
  And I literally cut him down.
• 34:38
  I've never done that.
• 34:38
  In the four years that I've known this man, I've never done that.
• 34:42
  And I found myself so angry.
• 34:45
  And I'm like, he's done this to me numerous times, and I I never went to that place.
• 34:51
  Right?
• 34:52
  I never came from that place of, like, that hurt and that grossness.
• 34:58
  So gross.
• 34:59
  Right?
• 35:00
  And I used to do that in my relationships before.
• 35:02
  It's like when you say the sword, like, you hurt me and I felt that hurt.
• 35:06
  Even though you might not have meant it, fuck you.
• 35:09
  And I'm gonna cut you, and I'm gonna get you, like, down in the dirt because that's where I
• 35:15
  was feeling.
• 35:16
  Right?
• 35:16
  And so it was like, oh my gosh.
• 35:18
  I watched this old behavior.
• 35:19
  Me step back into this old behavior, to this person that I care deeply about, love deeply.
• 35:27
  And I was just like, oh god.
• 35:29
  Like, the next morning, I woke up, and I was, like, was a mess.
• 35:32
  I couldn't even show up for the world, like, bawling, like you know, because I hurt this
• 35:37
  person.
• 35:38
  And so yeah.
• 35:41
  I don't know.
• 35:41
  It's like all this work that we do, and like you said, like, we can move forward and and
• 35:46
  learn all these tools, but we can also choose to backtrack.
• 35:52
  And what is it our behaviors are habits?
• 35:54
  Like, me taking a week and just drinking and being irresponsible.
• 35:58
  Like, did it bring me back into that woman that I used to be?
• 36:02
  You know what I mean?
• 36:05
  Like
• 36:05
  And then that was gonna be my question is, like, do you think that returning to those old
• 36:10
  habits kind of left the door open for that other woman to come back and be like, yeah.
• 36:16
  No.
• 36:16
  Fuck them.
• 36:17
  Nope.
• 36:18
  Yeah.
• 36:18
  It did.
• 36:19
  Yeah.
• 36:20
  Oh, gosh.
• 36:21
  And seeing that she was right there, like, that she was right there ready to attack, which I
• 36:27
  have worked so hard and literally in nine days was willing to go right back to that.
• 36:35
  And I think that that, in the last couple days, has really shook me.
• 36:43
  It shook me.
• 36:44
  Like, how do we allow that door to open?
• 36:48
  Like, what is it that our old patterns or behaviors like, what is those things that allow
• 36:54
  us to go back to those those places that we have worked so hard to get away from?
• 37:00
  Right?
• 37:01
  And because I am about forgiveness and I am about, like, we are all God's children and we
• 37:06
  are all this and that's my core belief.
• 37:09
  I woke up this morning, like, thinking about this human.
• 37:12
  And, literally, I had a burst in my head that I had to look up.
• 37:17
  Right?
• 37:17
  And I don't know the Bible.
• 37:18
  I think we've talked about this.
• 37:19
  Like, I don't know the Bible.
• 37:21
  Like, I mean, here and there.
• 37:22
  Right?
• 37:23
  And I I love Jesus.
• 37:24
  I am a Jesus lover.
• 37:26
  But I'm like, okay.
• 37:27
  Why do I have to look this verse up?
• 37:29
  And it was, John, but there was a one in front of John, and I knew it.
• 37:33
  I had to look up the one in front of John and then four through seven.
• 37:38
  And it was all about love.
• 37:40
  And I was like, oh my gosh.
• 37:43
  Like, I just cried.
• 37:44
  And then I looked on the Bible app because that's huge for me, and I was blown away.
• 37:50
  I was like, oh my gosh, Jane.
• 37:52
  Like, and it was all about love.
• 37:53
  And I'm like, oh god.
• 37:55
  What did you do?
• 37:56
  Right?
• 37:57
  And so I have so much more compassion for people that, you know, maybe have addictions or
• 38:03
  those things that, you know, my addiction was keeping me safe.
• 38:07
  Like, that behavior and that pattern, like, how do I keep myself separate from love?
• 38:13
  You know?
• 38:13
  And I've worked so hard to open that up and being open and people judging me or whatever.
• 38:19
  And I'm like, oh god.
• 38:20
  Oh god.
• 38:20
  Here it comes.
• 38:21
  Like, oh god.
• 38:22
  Here you know?
• 38:23
  But instead, I just look like, fuck that.
• 38:25
  I am back to that woman.
• 38:28
  You know?
• 38:28
  Like, god damn it.
• 38:31
  And it can happen so fast, and that's why we talk about being a process and giving yourself
• 38:35
  grace.
• 38:36
  Like, you're such a better you're in such a better place now because you woke up that next
• 38:41
  day.
• 38:41
  You didn't wake up five years later and been like, I probably shouldn't have said that.
• 38:46
  Right?
• 38:46
  Like, when there's no chance of going back and and fixing that, you woke up the next day and
• 38:52
  like, oh my god.
• 38:54
  Who was that?
• 38:55
  Why is she here?
• 38:57
  And we're addressing so that's our conscious.
• 38:59
  Right?
• 39:00
  That's the con that's the 5% trying to peel away at that 95 and going, hey.
• 39:05
  Let's get to maybe 75, 20 five is a good start, right, where we can be operate on a much
• 39:11
  greater conscious level because the subconscious just wants to survive.
• 39:16
  Right?
• 39:16
  That's the ego.
• 39:17
  That's the edge.
• 39:18
  That's the average just wants to survive to be the best, which can drive us to in to
• 39:25
  insurmountable heights.
• 39:26
  Right?
• 39:27
  That you wouldn't be able to get there if you were trapped in that conscious level of
• 39:31
  thinking all the time.
• 39:33
  You would never get there without a bit of ego, without a little bit of that that unconscious
• 39:38
  drive.
• 39:39
  We need that.
• 39:40
  But can we can we operate from that that consciousness that is love?
• 39:47
  Right?
• 39:47
  That that consciousness is love.
• 39:49
  And and Ami, I'm trying to like, I know I have that when I smoke when when I use a lid, like,
• 39:55
  tiniest amount of marijuana or tiniest amount of alcohol can take me down two separate paths.
• 40:00
  Right?
• 40:01
  The alcohol takes me down that subconscious.
• 40:04
  Boom.
• 40:05
  We're gonna shut off our emotions.
• 40:06
  We're gonna turn off all of that shit that ain't serving us anyway, and we're gonna get
• 40:11
  what we want.
• 40:11
  Right?
• 40:12
  And whether that was sex or the party or whatever, then that's what I talk about the
• 40:17
  moral compass.
• 40:17
  And it's not like I I would never treat on my wife.
• 40:19
  Right?
• 40:20
  But I don't I don't have those thoughts sober.
• 40:23
  And I don't have those thoughts if I smoke pot.
• 40:25
  But if I have a little bit of alcohol, it's all of a sudden, oh, I I I'm like, I'm just
• 40:31
  recognizing these thoughts and, like, no fucking way.
• 40:35
  No way.
• 40:36
  I'm not even willing to court the idea of it.
• 40:40
  And if alcohol is going to lead me down that path, then fuck you alcohol.
• 40:45
  I'm not gonna open that door.
• 40:47
  Like and to the point where I just like, I don't have a taste for it anymore.
• 40:51
  I would love to, you know, say that I probably could.
• 40:55
  Right?
• 40:56
  But I'm maybe not.
• 40:58
  Maybe and I'd I'm not willing to even tempt it.
• 41:01
  Right?
• 41:01
  And even hearing your story where you're like, okay.
• 41:03
  No zero responsibility.
• 41:05
  I'm a drink.
• 41:05
  And then hearing your, you know, your story of like, oh, I went right back to that person.
• 41:10
  That's the that's enough for me to go, nope.
• 41:13
  Not doing it.
• 41:14
  Not not doing
• 41:15
  you look at that.
• 41:16
  It looks fun and it looks enticing because I think that that too, like, we see people
• 41:20
  interact.
• 41:21
  Oh my god.
• 41:21
  They're having so much fun.
• 41:22
  And then it's like, okay.
• 41:24
  What's the reality of this?
• 41:25
  Like, I literally have worked years and years and years to strip these pieces for myself and
• 41:30
  come from this place of love and come from this place of, you know, knowing that that others
• 41:35
  exist and and I the empathy and the empathetic parts of me.
• 41:40
  And then I was like, oh my gosh, Jim.
• 41:42
  You just literally cut this person down to nothing that you love, and you don't really
• 41:48
  believe that these pieces.
• 41:50
  Right?
• 41:51
  Like, you have pieces to work through, but you don't believe this wholeheartedly about them.
• 41:57
  And it was awful.
• 41:59
  It was awful to see myself.
• 42:00
  And until I think we had this conversation, like, things weren't clicking for me and
• 42:04
  understanding.
• 42:05
  Right?
• 42:06
  Because but there's this deeper knowing.
• 42:10
  There's this such deeper knowing of something so much higher than me saying, Jane, look at
• 42:15
  the whole picture.
• 42:16
  Right?
• 42:16
  Like, when we're talking about stepping back, like, when we're right here in it, we only see
• 42:20
  that.
• 42:21
  Right?
• 42:21
  We only see the hurt and the pain.
• 42:23
  But then if I step back, get on my knees, kinda look around, I see a little bit more.
• 42:27
  Then if I stand up and look up, I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 42:31
  And the impact of that.
• 42:32
  Right?
• 42:33
  And the impact of hurting another person, like, cutting them with the sword.
• 42:37
  And, usually, it's the sword takes out the people that we love the most.
• 42:41
  It's like, okay.
• 42:42
  How do we how do we stay in that centered spot?
• 42:46
  How do we I think cutting out alcohol.
• 42:49
  Like, for me, that yeah.
• 42:51
  Probably.
• 42:52
  It's probably a good thing for me because, yeah, it was fun and, you know, to let loose a
• 42:59
  little bit, not have worries.
• 43:00
  But could I have done a retreat somewhere and done, like, painting or, you know, riding the
• 43:07
  dog?
• 43:07
  Done the same thing, but just without the alcohol.
• 43:11
  Right?
• 43:11
  Like, even if everybody else is doing it, no, guys.
• 43:13
  I'm good, and I'll drive the Camaro.
• 43:15
  Right?
• 43:16
  Yeah.
• 43:17
  Yeah.
• 43:19
  Totally.
• 43:19
  I mean, that was in that night.
• 43:21
  Like, I had stopped drinking.
• 43:23
  Right?
• 43:23
  And so then but I think the effects are still there.
• 43:27
  I think the the undertone is still there.
• 43:30
  Like, crack that door open.
• 43:32
  And crack that door open for for that other woman to come back.
• 43:37
  Second point
• 43:40
  Yeah.
• 43:40
  And and, unfortunately, it alcohol being so societally, socially acceptable.
• 43:48
  Right?
• 43:48
  And especially alcohol abuse.
• 43:50
  Most people don't need six beers.
• 43:53
  Well, like and six is a pretty low number for some people.
• 43:58
  Drink cases.
• 43:59
  Like, I just didn't care.
• 44:00
  I would drink all of it until it's gone.
• 44:02
  Like, you can't leave it around me, but I cleared out my shelves.
• 44:05
  Right?
• 44:05
  A few a few months back where I was like, no.
• 44:09
  I'm done with this stuff.
• 44:09
  I'm empty in the fridge.
• 44:11
  I'm and I haven't worked on this fridge yet.
• 44:13
  It still but it's just it's all just sitting there.
• 44:15
  And not that I'm even tempted by it, but why am I letting you take up space in my life?
• 44:21
  Like, I could put good food in there that I that I love.
• 44:25
  Right?
• 44:26
  Yeah.
• 44:27
  And that's interesting because that's something, like, at my home, I still I have
• 44:31
  alcohol at my home.
• 44:33
  But, like, I have a bottle of Crown Royal that's been there probably for a year.
• 44:36
  Like, I've had it.
• 44:37
  Like, I haven't even opened it.
• 44:38
  Because, like, in that moment, like, I don't need it.
• 44:41
  Like, you know what I mean?
• 44:43
  But there was a time I had split up with a partner, and I ended up calling my friend.
• 44:50
  I was like, I need all the alcohol out of my house.
• 44:53
  I need anything and everything out because I was in such a bad space.
• 44:56
  You know?
• 44:58
  And I think that there was a lot of healing that took place in that.
• 45:01
  And then slowly but surely was, you know, here and there, I'd pick up a bottle or something if
• 45:05
  a friend was coming over and just having one drink after shoveling a ton of snow.
• 45:10
  And that seems to be okay for me.
• 45:12
  But the drinking, like, as a, like, a coping or an escape, that does not work for me.
• 45:20
  It does not work for me.
• 45:22
  Well, and I feel like it amplifies the days in a row that you're doing it.
• 45:26
  Right?
• 45:26
  Because you're never really sobering up.
• 45:28
  If you're drinking five, six, seven days in a row, like, it takes your liver's not
• 45:34
  recovering, so you're just even though it's been, you know, several days now since you got
• 45:40
  back, right, like, you're probably just now done with it.
• 45:45
  Right?
• 45:45
  Like, it's just now finally all of it cleansing out of your body and getting back to your
• 45:50
  healthy life lifestyle and getting back to work and your cohorts.
• 45:53
  And I saw the superstars event looked like it went so amazing.
• 45:57
  And Yeah.
• 45:58
  Like, there's just getting back to who you are.
• 46:01
  Right?
• 46:01
  And, god, it's nice to go and to and to have the zero responsibilities and take that
• 46:07
  vacation.
• 46:08
  And maybe this vacation was all about just reminding yourself of like, hey, it's this easy
• 46:15
  to slide right back to that life.
• 46:17
  And all of these years of work that you've put into that can be erased in a moment.
• 46:24
  And maybe it was just that reminder that you needed to recommit to how do I get okay.
• 46:30
  Okay.
• 46:31
  It happened.
• 46:32
  You gotta give yourself the grace.
• 46:33
  Right?
• 46:34
  You gotta forgive yourself.
• 46:35
  Right?
• 46:35
  Don't don't continue to beat yourself up over that.
• 46:38
  Go apologize.
• 46:39
  Say the things you need to do.
• 46:41
  Maybe take them out and buy a lunch if they live close or or send them flowers or whatever
• 46:46
  you need to do to repair that relationship if you truly love this person.
• 46:50
  Right?
• 46:51
  Like you say you do, obviously.
• 46:53
  And then to be able to repair that and to go, hey.
• 46:57
  You know, I I can't get this off of my mind, but I think this is kind of why this is the
• 47:02
  space that I was coming from.
• 47:03
  This is, you know, why I and I'm sorry.
• 47:06
  I can't take back what I said.
• 47:08
  I can't take back that moment of of fragility that I let get the better of me.
• 47:15
  But I can be better now, and whether they accept it or not, it kind of becomes up to them
• 47:21
  at that point.
• 47:22
  There's nothing you can control about that either.
• 47:25
  But hopefully, you're able to repair, you know, this one relationship and to be whole again,
• 47:31
  but you're never gonna forget this moment and the moment of realization of, like, oh, wow.
• 47:39
  That that person is hiding behind a very thin curtain and is right there ready to peek out
• 47:46
  again if you let them.
• 47:48
  And it takes a lot of light to pour and to to completely dissipate that darkness.
• 47:56
  Right.
• 47:57
  And I think that that's the piece.
• 47:58
  I think that that's the piece for all of us that we can learn is that that protection and
• 48:03
  and that can be gone in an instant if we allow it.
• 48:07
  Like, you know, and and I was so unaware that it was even happening.
• 48:11
  Right?
• 48:12
  I was coming from a place of wounded and hurt because he wasn't believing me.
• 48:16
  And then all of a sudden, it was like the attack just, like, swept me out.
• 48:22
  And then it was like, oh my gosh.
• 48:24
  Right?
• 48:25
  What just happened?
• 48:26
  What all of that work that I've done, all those years of really coming back to center, not
• 48:33
  being drove by emotion in the way that I was before.
• 48:37
  And then I was like, oh lord.
• 48:39
  Like, I am so sorry.
• 48:42
  You know?
• 48:42
  And, like, knowing that for me, it's like, damn it.
• 48:48
  Damn it, Jane.
• 48:49
  You know?
• 48:50
  But I saw the human
• 48:52
  And I and I and I don't want you to beat yourself up about it because you would never be
• 48:57
  here now without all the work that you had done.
• 49:00
  And like I was saying is that, like, maybe you needed this moment to be like, hey.
• 49:04
  You've been on this path, but gay girl, you got a long way to go.
• 49:08
  Right?
• 49:09
  And that's why I think, you know, helping other people even though we're not like, you don't
• 49:13
  have to be perfect to help someone else.
• 49:16
  Right?
• 49:16
  We don't have to be in this place of absolute perfection and light and namaste, right, to to
• 49:23
  help other people get to this level.
• 49:26
  And that's, you know, a big part of everything that we're building right now between all the
• 49:31
  networks I'm building, both broadcast networks and community networks, is that everyone's at a
• 49:37
  different point on their journey, and we have to be able to help every to meet you where
• 49:42
  you're at.
• 49:43
  And, Jamie, you're a lot farther down here than most people.
• 49:46
  And that's why you're beating yourself up about not necessarily like, oh my god.
• 49:50
  I can't believe you did that.
• 49:51
  Well, anyone can.
• 49:52
  And we have to be able to help people to to move past that too.
• 49:59
  Right?
• 49:59
  You had to experience this for yourself to know that other people are gonna do the same thing.
• 50:06
  There's people that have been on a path for twenty years.
• 50:09
  Something happens in their life, whether it's a death of a family member or a relationship
• 50:13
  dissolving or whatever that slide back into old habits.
• 50:16
  Right?
• 50:17
  We've seen a fall from grace from pretty much every human.
• 50:22
  Right?
• 50:22
  I mean, those are the teachings of Jesus is like nobody has that god grace.
• 50:27
  That's why it has to be given to us.
• 50:30
  Right?
• 50:30
  And that's why we have to give it to ourselves to say, hey.
• 50:34
  For me, it starts with apologizing.
• 50:36
  Right?
• 50:36
  It starts with the admission of it, which you kinda just did, the confessing of our sins.
• 50:41
  Right?
• 50:42
  That's why there's so much power in that.
• 50:44
  And why I think there's power in these conversations that we record and then we put
• 50:48
  out as a podcast is that that's our confessions.
• 50:52
  Right?
• 50:52
  Hey.
• 50:54
  Yeah.
• 50:54
  I've been on this journey for a long time, and most people look up to me and see me as a
• 50:59
  lighthouse.
• 51:00
  Well, sometimes a lighthouse can can crack.
• 51:03
  Sometimes a light bulb can burn out, but that doesn't mean that we can't pull the bulb out,
• 51:08
  recharge it, dust it off, or put a new one in completely and and be even brighter in the
• 51:15
  future.
• 51:16
  And I think that we have to have these little slides.
• 51:19
  We have to have these little slides back to be able to to connect with other people in the
• 51:27
  future on that journey because people we're all gonna slide.
• 51:31
  Like, we're all gonna have these moments of imperfection, and and perfect is never the goal
• 51:36
  anyway.
• 51:37
  We're just trying to get better.
• 51:39
  The show's not called get perfect together.
• 51:42
  It's called get better because there's always gonna be room for improvement on this journey
• 51:47
  for all of us.
• 51:48
  You and I, probably most of all, because we are trying to evolve to that highest level of
• 51:55
  consciousness and to to be able to reach from whatever place that we're at to pull other
• 52:02
  people up and to keep pulling people up, you know, and eventually growing beyond just right
• 52:08
  now, we're just pulling each other up.
• 52:09
  Right?
• 52:09
  We're like, oh, you slipped.
• 52:11
  Hey.
• 52:11
  Let me help you.
• 52:12
  Right?
• 52:12
  And and don't chop my arm off when I reach down to grab you.
• 52:16
  And that's why I'm so blessed in our relationship that we've never we've never come
• 52:22
  at each other like that.
• 52:24
  We've always been very accepting of what one another has to say because we've both shared
• 52:30
  all of our shit with each other.
• 52:32
  We have both pulled it all out and have bay able to see Jamie with all of those wounds, to
• 52:38
  see Bubba with all of those wounds, and that I think builds that apathy and that empathy for
• 52:44
  one another to where we're like, hey.
• 52:47
  She's not saying this because of her ego.
• 52:49
  She's saying this because of that wound's bleeding right now.
• 52:53
  Right?
• 52:53
  They're they're it's gushing.
• 52:55
  And instead of coming from, well, she made me bleed.
• 52:58
  Well, I'm gonna stab her back.
• 53:00
  We're coming with the bandages.
• 53:01
  And we're like, hey.
• 53:03
  I see where you're bleeding.
• 53:04
  Let's get that bandaged up here.
• 53:06
  Let's heal that part, and let's let's put down the sword.
• 53:09
  Right?
• 53:10
  Let's like, you don't need that here.
• 53:12
  You don't need to come from me and and and in our personal relationships with, you know,
• 53:17
  you're gonna have significant others in your future, I'm sure, but your friends, I know you
• 53:21
  care very deeply about the people that you call friends.
• 53:23
  They are your family, right, because you don't necessarily have a family to go to.
• 53:29
  You've you've built these friends into that, but you don't necessarily see all the wounds
• 53:34
  and where this person was coming from.
• 53:36
  I know you said you've been friends for years, but have you had all the conversations to see?
• 53:42
  Have they shared their deepest, darkest parts of you?
• 53:46
  And the fact that they were, you know, calling you a liar or that you felt that way from them
• 53:50
  tells me that you probably haven't gone as deep as you need to in that relationship because you
• 53:56
  are willing to put it put to grab that sword and to, to kind of come back and attack at
• 54:02
  them.
• 54:03
  And I know that my wife and I haven't haven't gone that level because I'm always willing to
• 54:09
  just I'm treating her like someone who doesn't know all my wounds, but we don't because our
• 54:15
  life is so big and it's been nothing I mean, we've been together for almost it'll be seven
• 54:19
  years this year that it's been, I had just got out of prison at that point.
• 54:23
  I dropped three kids on her.
• 54:25
  Right?
• 54:25
  She got the instant family, one with a crazy ex that we've been battling just for visitation of
• 54:30
  our son.
• 54:31
  Like, it's been nothing but shit.
• 54:33
  We've never stopped and taken a weekend to say, hey.
• 54:36
  We're gonna work on our marriage and our relationship until it's right because we've
• 54:44
  never been financially able to take a whole week or however long it takes.
• 54:51
  It might be a month that we need or or or weeks during a year to really get to that place, but
• 54:58
  the fact we are where we're at speaks a lot about the strength of character that we have to
• 55:05
  even get this far, but we could be so much better given, some emotional maturity, right,
• 55:13
  on both of our ends to treat each other a lot better.
• 55:19
  Yeah.
• 55:19
  And I think, like, when you were talking, I love that the maturity because this person does
• 55:26
  know a lot of the deep wounds, and and I know a lot of his deep wounds, like, deep wounds.
• 55:32
  And I would never, in the right mind, use those against him.
• 55:36
  And so because we have gone so deep.
• 55:39
  Right?
• 55:39
  And for so many years, I was able to just hold that space for him.
• 55:43
  Now he wasn't able to hold that space for me.
• 55:45
  He used a lot of my wounds and cut me down in numerous things.
• 55:50
  So it wasn't a good balance.
• 55:52
  It's never been a good balance.
• 55:53
  So I think that there's some things there for me to understand, you know, and try to, like,
• 56:02
  reevaluate, like, what that is for me and learning boundaries and learning these things.
• 56:07
  But I think there's some trauma bond there.
• 56:09
  I'm learning about trauma bonds, and and I didn't wanna believe that we were in one, but I
• 56:15
  believe that it is.
• 56:16
  And but what I realized is that, you know, before, I would use those tactics.
• 56:23
  Like, you hurt me.
• 56:24
  I'll hurt you.
• 56:25
  You know?
• 56:25
  And I I see that so many other places, and so I try to always choose that higher ground because
• 56:32
  I I've been that person to just cut people down.
• 56:35
  I mean, probably seven years ago, I was still really deeply into that.
• 56:39
  And so I was really looking at what my wounds were.
• 56:42
  And when I was divorced from my husband, I was at that place.
• 56:49
  Right?
• 56:50
  I was, like, trying to find anything to hurt him.
• 56:52
  Like, he was hurting me.
• 56:53
  I was hurting him.
• 56:54
  And I was sitting at a at a pool in Mexico.
• 57:01
  And the Lord spoke to me in something first.
• 57:05
  And I had been drinking actually that day.
• 57:06
  So it's like, oh, the Lord can't call on me at any time.
• 57:10
  Right?
• 57:11
  But I saw this vision, and I saw this clear vision of that what if I changed my
• 57:17
  perspective?
• 57:19
  And what if I'd given this human that I love deeply, because I was married to him and I
• 57:25
  never really let him in until the very end, right?
• 57:28
  I started to be vulnerable.
• 57:30
  And so then he was using these vulnerabilities against me to hurt me.
• 57:33
  But what I realized is it wasn't about that hurt people hurt people, But the Lord showed me
• 57:39
  that there was this map.
• 57:41
  And instead of like looking at, Oh my gosh, he hurt me again.
• 57:44
  Oh my gosh, and focusing on that, what if he was doing me a favor?
• 57:48
  What if he was poking and hurting me in places that I still need to heal within myself?
• 57:53
  Because then once people poke it and you're clear with that and you you've healed those
• 57:57
  parts, it doesn't hurt anymore.
• 57:59
  Right?
• 58:00
  And so I know that to be true.
• 58:04
  Right?
• 58:04
  And so I want to be the healer.
• 58:06
  And so instead of attacking back to that other and really hurting them, what I could do is
• 58:11
  just come back home to myself, and that's what I teach.
• 58:15
  Right?
• 58:15
  Come back home to myself, look at that pain that he touched, and be like, okay.
• 58:19
  I have more work to do.
• 58:21
  And so with this other person I love dearly, I've I was able to use these tools and be able
• 58:27
  to see when he would say mean things to me or do things.
• 58:31
  There was a hurt, right, and a gash.
• 58:33
  I'm like, oh, that hurt.
• 58:34
  That hurt.
• 58:35
  And so I remember telling him one night, was very angry at me, and he had some wounds coming
• 58:40
  up, and he was saying really mean things.
• 58:43
  And I looked at him, I said, I'm not gonna say mean things back to you because I love you too
• 58:47
  much.
• 58:48
  Like, this hurts so badly.
• 58:51
  So badly.
• 58:52
  And so and, like, I'm looking at these wounds, and I'm like, oh my gosh.
• 58:56
  That hurt.
• 58:57
  And so then he leaves, and I and I attend to my wounds, and I cry it out, and I do all the
• 59:02
  things.
• 59:02
  And and then more as those pokes, if they come from anyone else, it doesn't hurt anymore
• 59:08
  because I've I've tended to those ones, and I've bandaged, and I've I've done the work.
• 59:12
  Right?
• 59:13
  And so, obviously, I just went right back to this.
• 59:19
  It was so weird because it's so out of character for me to go to this place to know
• 59:24
  his deepest wounds because for so many or four years, I've not ever done that to him.
• 59:29
  I've never went and just take him out, and and I did.
• 59:34
  I mean, Bubba, I did.
• 59:35
  Like, I I took his mood, and I just, like, again, took it, and I just it was bad with
• 59:41
  words.
• 59:41
  Right?
• 59:41
  But also, if you're going to look at at him and him saying those things as the push that you
• 59:48
  needed, then you need to also accept that you could be that push to them too.
• 59:52
  How dare he use your wounds against you?
• 59:54
  And maybe he needed the finger in the eye, you know, or in that wound to examine his own
• 1:00:00
  behaviors and to go, oh, I I screwed up too.
• 1:00:05
  Right?
• 1:00:06
  Like, she hurt me because I was prodding her, and she's never done this to me before.
• 1:00:11
  And how dare I?
• 1:00:12
  And I'm not saying that it is or it isn't, but I don't, you know but we can be both sides of
• 1:00:18
  that, and we all are.
• 1:00:20
  Right?
• 1:00:20
  The duality of human beings, that we are all that one consciousness, and we don't always
• 1:00:27
  know how we're going to be used in in these ways.
• 1:00:30
  And maybe it was, you know, the the the days of partying that even prepared you to be that
• 1:00:36
  person again.
• 1:00:38
  Maybe that was coming regardless.
• 1:00:40
  Right?
• 1:00:41
  Maybe he needed it, and that's just the god's way of like, well, I'm gonna have to callous up
• 1:00:45
  Jaime a little bit because she's gonna have to go back to this person.
• 1:00:48
  And through that, you both grow.
• 1:00:50
  Right?
• 1:00:51
  You you both and I and I hope that's I hope that's the situation that we're growing too and
• 1:00:56
  that you both come back together and are able to look at each other as mirrors of yourselves.
• 1:01:02
  Right?
• 1:01:02
  And to go, hey, I didn't mean to do that to you.
• 1:01:07
  I was coming from a place of hurt and that you both have that, but you only get there through
• 1:01:12
  through conversation and through communing with one another again.
• 1:01:15
  And and, yeah, the the confession of our sins one to another.
• 1:01:20
  Right?
• 1:01:22
  And I'm so well, I'm so grateful that we have this stage to be able to do that too.
• 1:01:26
  Because I think maybe as we navigate and talk about these things that other people will see
• 1:01:32
  and be like, oh, I think I've I've done that.
• 1:01:34
  Right?
• 1:01:35
  Because through our stories is how I believe like, hearing other people's stories and how
• 1:01:41
  they've come out of the deep, dark mud, I'm like, oh, well, I did that too.
• 1:01:46
  Maybe I can climb out.
• 1:01:47
  Right?
• 1:01:48
  And I and I know and as you were speaking, I I feel like I got goosebumps again.
• 1:01:53
  But and my office is so warm.
• 1:01:55
  But I was like, oh my gosh.
• 1:01:57
  Like, maybe, you know, there's a part of that that I I truly understand that, you know, I've
• 1:02:02
  never hurt him like that.
• 1:02:05
  And two, it's like, that's how it feels.
• 1:02:08
  I just hurt you so badly, and and that hurt you so bad.
• 1:02:12
  And I know that to be true because of your actions or whatever, but that's what you've
• 1:02:16
  been doing to me for so many years.
• 1:02:18
  And, yeah, it's it's such an interesting as you were talking, I was like, oh gosh.
• 1:02:23
  You know, touching those OUIs.
• 1:02:25
  You know?
• 1:02:26
  Yeah.
• 1:02:27
  And and we never know how God is using us.
• 1:02:29
  Right?
• 1:02:30
  Because we don't have that.
• 1:02:31
  We are right here.
• 1:02:32
  We are not that step back on our knees and then stand up.
• 1:02:36
  And then there's levels above that still.
• 1:02:39
  Right?
• 1:02:40
  And we don't have that, but that's why we pray.
• 1:02:44
  That's why we do the things that we do to get better.
• 1:02:47
  We use these insightful questions and these cohorts.
• 1:02:51
  And every time we get to know another human better, we get to know ourselves a little bit
• 1:02:57
  better.
• 1:02:57
  And and that's that's my lesson of why you need to slow down is that for I I I prayed really
• 1:03:05
  hard, you know, through December and January and even into February.
• 1:03:09
  Like, I just wanna time travel.
• 1:03:10
  I wanna get what what takes most people ten years to build.
• 1:03:14
  I wanna get there right now.
• 1:03:15
  Right now.
• 1:03:16
  We're gonna do a 10 miles an hour, and we're gonna get there.
• 1:03:18
  And now I need to stop and realize that, like, hey, buddy.
• 1:03:21
  You're there.
• 1:03:22
  Right?
• 1:03:22
  And coming up to, you know, a few days from now, we're at this battle of the bans.
• 1:03:26
  I need to focus on, hey.
• 1:03:28
  We're here.
• 1:03:29
  We're in this moment right now.
• 1:03:30
  This moment is the most important moment of your life, and not because of what it means for
• 1:03:35
  your future, but because that is where you are.
• 1:03:39
  Right?
• 1:03:39
  You are in this present moment right now.
• 1:03:42
  You need to be here, And and that's that's what I'm trying to focus on.
• 1:03:48
  Right?
• 1:03:48
  Like, today, this I had a phone call prior and this, and I was like, that's it for the day.
• 1:03:53
  I'm gonna spend some time with my wife.
• 1:03:55
  She's off work.
• 1:03:56
  She had a wisdom tooth pulled yesterday.
• 1:03:58
  So, she to spend some time with Danielle.
• 1:04:01
  It's supposed to be absolutely beautiful here in South Dakota today.
• 1:04:04
  The sun is shining,
• 1:04:06
  and and we're gonna get a little time.
• 1:04:07
  Picture.
• 1:04:09
  Yeah.
• 1:04:09
  Well and we've been having some great ones, and it's understanding that.
• 1:04:13
  And that's why I walk in the morning right away.
• 1:04:15
  Drop the kids and and Danielle off at school.
• 1:04:17
  You know, we're very fortunate to live in the situation that we're at where our whole world
• 1:04:22
  is within six, seven blocks of each other.
• 1:04:24
  Right?
• 1:04:24
  The school and to some you know, while her dad was in the hospital recently with his leg and
• 1:04:30
  things are just continue to get better.
• 1:04:32
  Like, everything's moving in the right direction.
• 1:04:35
  Right?
• 1:04:35
  And I kind of I kind of feel half responsible for him breaking his leg because in praying for
• 1:04:40
  time travel, part of that is our responsibilities on the farm.
• 1:04:44
  Well, if he doesn't fall off the trailer and break his leg, we're not given that opportunity
• 1:04:49
  either.
• 1:04:49
  So I'm like, hey, buddy.
• 1:04:51
  Next time you pray to time travel, maybe be a little bit more careful.
• 1:04:55
  You know?
• 1:04:55
  Like, not everyone's prepared for that speed, and and I wanna slow down.
• 1:05:01
  Right?
• 1:05:02
  That's kind of my big takeaway from our conversation today and to just take this day by
• 1:05:07
  day now.
• 1:05:07
  You made it.
• 1:05:09
  Everything is building.
• 1:05:10
  I mean, the the meetings and the podcasts have all led to such great opportunities that are
• 1:05:16
  all like I said, that wave is breaking.
• 1:05:19
  It's starting to come down now.
• 1:05:21
  Enjoy it.
• 1:05:22
  Be be about the work.
• 1:05:23
  Be about the people and these relationships that you've been able to form, and you don't
• 1:05:28
  need to chase anymore.
• 1:05:29
  It's all coming to you.
• 1:05:30
  Now it's the it's that it's that catch up time where the world is catching up now, and and I'm
• 1:05:36
  preparing myself for the wave to crash.
• 1:05:40
  Right?
• 1:05:40
  And I think what we built was a massive 600 foot tall wave that will swallow a lot of
• 1:05:48
  people.
• 1:05:49
  A lot of people that are in my life now that I still maintain attachments to, they're gonna
• 1:05:53
  get washed away.
• 1:05:55
  And I need to be okay with that.
• 1:05:56
  Right?
• 1:05:57
  Because where this wave is taking us is to that mountaintop that I've been praying to get to.
• 1:06:04
  And once I get there, it's not necessarily reaching out to the people that I've been
• 1:06:09
  attached to for twenty five, thirty five, forty years almost now.
• 1:06:13
  It is for the other people out there, Jamie, that are like you and I, that have these
• 1:06:18
  wounds, but they know they can be better and they have these these dreams and we know how to
• 1:06:24
  get them there.
• 1:06:25
  It's about pulling them up.
• 1:06:26
  It's about, okay, we're finally kinda getting put on that mountaintop.
• 1:06:31
  We we are being washed up there, and all this personal work that we're doing is putting us to
• 1:06:36
  that space where we can finally turn around to reach down.
• 1:06:40
  And maybe you needed a quick reminder of how easy it is to slide back to the places that
• 1:06:46
  we've been and that you're not going there anymore.
• 1:06:49
  Right?
• 1:06:49
  The old Jamie would have just kept going status quo and would have never felt bad about it.
• 1:06:54
  Right?
• 1:06:54
  So think of how much growth it's taken to get to the point where you're just like and and it
• 1:06:59
  didn't take you a week.
• 1:07:00
  It didn't take you a time.
• 1:07:02
  It took you instantaneous of being like, shit.
• 1:07:06
  Right.
• 1:07:07
  Yeah.
• 1:07:09
  I think that's a great place to break off for today.
• 1:07:12
  Yeah.
• 1:07:12
  That was beautiful.
• 1:07:13
  Oh my gosh.
• 1:07:14
  I so appreciate you and all the people that are listening.
• 1:07:17
  Same.
• 1:07:17
  I totally forget that we were recording and that other people are going to listen to this.
• 1:07:21
  Right?
• 1:07:22
  But this audience is gonna continue to grow.
• 1:07:25
  We appreciate you all liking, following, subscribing to all the stuff that we are doing
• 1:07:30
  and and to just come be a part of this community with us.
• 1:07:33
  We wanna help as many people as we can.
• 1:07:36
  We have huge audacious goals, you know, as far as numbers go, and and we're not gonna stop
• 1:07:42
  doing this.
• 1:07:43
  This is our calling.
• 1:07:44
  This is our life's work now.
• 1:07:46
  And everything that came before that was just to build us to the human beings that we needed
• 1:07:52
  to be to it built us into that lighthouse.
• 1:07:55
  Right?
• 1:07:56
  And now it's our time to shine, Jamie.
• 1:07:58
  Yeah.
• 1:07:58
  Amen, Bubba.
• 1:08:00
  Yes.
• 1:08:00
  Amen.
• 1:08:00
  For all of all of us in this world.
• 1:08:03
  Yeah.
• 1:08:04
  Thank you.
• 1:08:04
  Thank you for doing the work, and, yeah, continued support.
• 1:08:10
  Bye now.
• 1:08:11
  Bye.
• 1:08:11
  See