Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / Getting Right With Yourself Leads to Success: with Actor + Director Katie Lowes (Scandal)

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Getting Right With Yourself Leads to Success: with Actor + Director Katie Lowes (Scandal) · QUESTION EVERYTHING

0:04
Speaker 1: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
0:08
Speaker 1: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests
0:12
Speaker 1: and I have conversations that put a new spin on pretty.
0:17
Speaker 1: This is pretty smart. Katie Low's is one of those
0:20
Speaker 1: people who you might feel like you already know, even
0:24
Speaker 1: if you've never met her. Her energy is infectious. She's
0:30
Speaker 1: funny and so full of life. She has one of
0:33
Speaker 1: those personalities that just feels familiar. Maybe it's because she's
0:36
Speaker 1: been a part of some of Network TV's hottest shows
0:38
Speaker 1: throughout the past decade. She's a key member of the
0:41
Speaker 1: Shondaland crew, with roles on Scandal and Inventing Anna. But
0:45
Speaker 1: her rise to TV fame didn't happen overnight. She's been
0:48
Speaker 1: at it for years, on a path filled with setbacks,
0:51
Speaker 1: odd jobs, and the inevitable imposter syndrome. So how did
0:55
Speaker 1: she spin.
0:56
Speaker 2: Her struggles into a flourishing career in Hollywood and honestly,
1:01
Speaker 2: a really full, flourishing life.
1:09
Speaker 1: Okay, you're from Long Island.
1:11
Speaker 3: I'm from Long Island. Where are you from. I'm from Chicago.
1:15
Speaker 3: Oh I love Chicago. Yeah, but I'm from Long Island. Yeah,
1:18
Speaker 3: my mother talks like this, she's got a thick fucking accent,
1:20
Speaker 3: like she curses every other fucking word. She's like I
1:24
Speaker 3: used to talk like that, and then I went to
1:25
Speaker 3: School of the Arts and they were like, honey, you
1:27
Speaker 3: gotta like work that out a little bit.
1:30
Speaker 1: Did you really? Oh yeah, I mean had to unlearn
1:32
Speaker 1: the strong islands I did.
1:35
Speaker 3: I mean my mom has like a proper queen's accent,
1:38
Speaker 3: and I was getting the more long island like Jewess situation,
1:42
Speaker 3: like the sleepaway camp and the I went to like
1:45
Speaker 3: ninety five Barba mitzvahs, and like it's a different days
1:49
Speaker 3: of distinct. Yeah. Yeah, it's just really flat. For some reason,
1:54
Speaker 3: you associate it with like not being intelligent or something.
1:57
Speaker 3: You're getting me at like probably the biggest crossroads of
2:00
Speaker 3: my life. So for everybody listening, oh my goodness, I
2:03
Speaker 3: don't know, Like I just am at this like huge.
2:06
Speaker 3: I'm turning forty in like two weeks September twenty second, congratulations,
2:11
Speaker 3: thank you. I'm I'm not like a huge birthday person.
2:14
Speaker 3: But I'm also not like I don't hate them. I
2:18
Speaker 3: absolutely love them. I use any excuse to celebrate fucking
2:22
Speaker 3: anything like that is in me, in my value system
2:26
Speaker 3: from how I was raised. So I always do something
2:29
Speaker 3: on my birthday. But I'm not one for like a
2:31
Speaker 3: big party or anything like that. But I always have
2:33
Speaker 3: to be away or I have to be like having
2:34
Speaker 3: some sort of like spiritual moment where I'm looking back
2:38
Speaker 3: and assessing where I am and what am I so
2:41
Speaker 3: thankful for and all those things. I'm just at this
2:44
Speaker 3: really like I'm not feeling la anymore, which is very weird.
2:49
Speaker 1: I know, Well, we're gonna have to talk about that,
2:51
Speaker 1: but first, what are you wanting out of this moment?
2:54
Speaker 3: Well, I've started about a month ago. My gift to
2:59
Speaker 3: myself was I asked for five days by myself.
3:03
Speaker 1: That's nice.
3:03
Speaker 3: Yes, I just for the past few months, I can't
3:08
Speaker 3: even begin to tell you, like it just was a
3:11
Speaker 3: mix of I had horrible postpartum depression with my daughter,
3:16
Speaker 3: like very very bad, clinical diagnosed severe postpartum depression, and
3:23
Speaker 3: had to for the first time in my life, go
3:25
Speaker 3: on medication. Which it's funny because I would always think
3:29
Speaker 3: I would be so pro and my husband's been on
3:31
Speaker 3: medication our whole relationship, we've been together sixteen years. But
3:34
Speaker 3: when it came to me, I was like I don't
3:36
Speaker 3: need it. I can get through it. Just give me
3:37
Speaker 3: another week. So it was a real stigma that I
3:40
Speaker 3: had to let go of that I needed help, and
3:43
Speaker 3: I really needed help. I mean when I tell you
3:45
Speaker 3: like suicidal, intrusive thoughts, paint thoughts about doing terrible things
3:49
Speaker 3: to my children, I mean the text book things that
3:52
Speaker 3: you read about postpridum depression, screaming, crying, sobbing at the ceiling,
3:55
Speaker 3: don't know what's wrong with you? And I have never
3:58
Speaker 3: in my life had about thank you. I had ruling
4:01
Speaker 3: panic attacks every day all day. It was a nightmare.
4:04
Speaker 3: And this is completely hormonal and chemical. It's wild. And
4:10
Speaker 3: I think I had a little bit with my son,
4:12
Speaker 3: who's almost five, but it wasn't during a global pandemic
4:17
Speaker 3: when I had him, and so I was able to
4:19
Speaker 3: sort of grasp on to some yoga classes, some friends walks,
4:26
Speaker 3: things like that. When I had my daughter, I got
4:29
Speaker 3: pregnant with her a week before shut down, and there
4:31
Speaker 3: were so many unanswered questions about COVID and how it
4:33
Speaker 3: affected pregnancy and fetuses and things like that, and so anyway,
4:36
Speaker 3: I was very isolated and very alone. And I'm an extrovert,
4:38
Speaker 3: and I think that that really yeah, just was my villain,
4:43
Speaker 3: you know, like you need it, was my anxiety villain.
4:46
Speaker 3: But anyway, I had just weaned off Zoloft, which I'd
4:50
Speaker 3: been on for two years, and had just weaned breastfeeding.
4:55
Speaker 3: And I did this all under the help and support
4:59
Speaker 3: of a psychologist, a therapist, my husband, close friends, you
5:04
Speaker 3: know how you're supposed to do it. And still I
5:07
Speaker 3: was really thrown for a loop. And just for those
5:11
Speaker 3: couple weeks there, I was missing appointments. I was like
5:15
Speaker 3: forgetting where I was. I was like sleeping and like
5:18
Speaker 3: taking to my bed and like crying and letting my
5:21
Speaker 3: body hormones sort of let go. I had breastfed both
5:23
Speaker 3: my kids for almost two years, and it was really
5:27
Speaker 3: like this whole coming back to what and who is
5:34
Speaker 3: my body for now? You know what I mean? It
5:36
Speaker 3: was really weird. So for my fortieth birthday, as it
5:38
Speaker 3: started a month ago, I said to my husband, the
5:40
Speaker 3: one thing I want when I'm done breastfeeding and I'm
5:45
Speaker 3: off of zoloft, which some people have post warm compression
5:49
Speaker 3: and they stay on their meds for their whole life,
5:51
Speaker 3: and who knows, I might go on it again at
5:53
Speaker 3: some point, but I really did it correctly, where slowly, slowly,
5:59
Speaker 3: over months, I went down slowly and solely and slowly
6:02
Speaker 3: and tight traded down really safely. But my thing I
6:05
Speaker 3: told him was I wanted to go away for five
6:06
Speaker 3: days by myself and not speak to him and not
6:08
Speaker 3: speak to my children or good it's a god. Yeah,
6:13
Speaker 3: I agree. I need to talk about all this, like
6:16
Speaker 3: I just can't keep like walking around like this is
6:17
Speaker 3: like bizarre, Katie.
6:20
Speaker 1: What are you feeling in terms of transition, Like what's
6:22
Speaker 1: bubbling in you?
6:24
Speaker 3: Well, it's coming at it. So I went on this
6:26
Speaker 3: five day retreat by myself, which was a fucking rad
6:31
Speaker 3: loved it. And then while I was there, my favorite
6:35
Speaker 3: person in the world went into the hospital. And so
6:39
Speaker 3: it's really been a sort of magic. I wanted to
6:42
Speaker 3: have this sort of magical retrospective month, and that's also
6:47
Speaker 3: part of it. I mean, I think birthdays they've always
6:50
Speaker 3: been for me. I don't know if they are for you.
6:51
Speaker 3: It's like such a cyclical life death thing. And my
6:55
Speaker 3: granny was ninety when she passed and lived such a
6:59
Speaker 3: full and beautiful at the same time simple but such
7:04
Speaker 3: a full, adventurous, beautiful life that when I as sad
7:10
Speaker 3: as I am, and I miss her terribly. We were really, really,
7:14
Speaker 3: really connected, and I'm so lucky I got forty years
7:17
Speaker 3: with her. I think a lot of people don't get
7:18
Speaker 3: that much time with their grandparents. I'm so grateful that
7:22
Speaker 3: her ending was as good as it gets. And I
7:25
Speaker 3: hope for you and for I and for our loved
7:27
Speaker 3: ones that we get these this ninety year thing where
7:31
Speaker 3: you just you were in your house, you weren't really sick.
7:34
Speaker 3: The week before, she was at my cousin's art show.
7:36
Speaker 3: She was with family all the way up to the end.
7:38
Speaker 3: She saw her ninety four year old sister last week,
7:41
Speaker 3: Like you know, she made it. And I'm so relieved
7:45
Speaker 3: because the last few days were tricky, and had she survived,
7:49
Speaker 3: it wouldn't have been the life quality she would have wanted.
7:53
Speaker 1: When you say she lives so fully, what does that.
7:55
Speaker 3: Mean to me? Oh my god, I've just been writing
7:58
Speaker 3: a lot about her. I can't even tell you. It's
8:01
Speaker 3: so fucking crazy. Okay, she had four kids, she basically
8:06
Speaker 3: raised them on her own, got divorced really early. If
8:08
Speaker 3: he was the one love of her life, so so
8:11
Speaker 3: so so so in love, and he was a had
8:13
Speaker 3: a drinking problem and wow, a cheating problem, but she
8:16
Speaker 3: would They were freaking hippie. She had like the first
8:18
Speaker 3: VW bus in the neighborhood. She was an opera obsessor.
8:22
Speaker 3: Her and I went to every single one scandal took off,
8:25
Speaker 3: and I got a contact at the Metropolitan Opera. We
8:27
Speaker 3: would go for opera weekends in the city. I would
8:29
Speaker 3: take her like four operas in a weekend. She took
8:32
Speaker 3: me to see all my first major plays. She saw
8:35
Speaker 3: every show I ever did. She was brilliantly smart. She
8:38
Speaker 3: was like an armchair politician obsessed. She read the New
8:40
Speaker 3: York Times backwards and forwards, would talk politics till two
8:43
Speaker 3: three o'clock in the morning. She was a fencer.
8:46
Speaker 1: She was oh my god.
8:47
Speaker 3: She went to and by the way, like also this
8:50
Speaker 3: aging thing. Her hugest trips of her life. So her
8:53
Speaker 3: wake out. We had out her fencing sword, her fencing mask,
8:58
Speaker 3: which I'm obsessed with. We had her. She went to
9:01
Speaker 3: Africa by herself with the Buffalo Zoo and slept outside
9:05
Speaker 3: for two months. Then she went to Alaska by herself.
9:07
Speaker 3: By the way, she did all this traveling in her sixties,
9:10
Speaker 3: like on her own. For people who are listening, who
9:11
Speaker 3: are like I just it's so fucking inspiring. She took
9:15
Speaker 3: her goddaughter on a road trip around Ireland. She took
9:17
Speaker 3: her daughters on a road trip for three weeks around Ireland.
9:19
Speaker 3: She drank guinness. She did a lot of butter. You know,
9:23
Speaker 3: when I was a kid, I'd sleep in her bedroom
9:25
Speaker 3: and I would wake up and she would be reading
9:26
Speaker 3: her New York Times and have her one vantage cigarette
9:29
Speaker 3: a night when I was sleeping in there with the
9:30
Speaker 3: fucking windows shut, and I was like, this woman is
9:32
Speaker 3: so cool.
9:33
Speaker 1: I actually think eating a lot of butter is like
9:35
Speaker 1: a big it's a big descriptor. Eh. Oh.
9:39
Speaker 3: She put butter on every single one of her sandwiches.
9:41
Speaker 3: All the bread was buttered, so she really it was
9:43
Speaker 3: really cool. Her wake and her funeral were filled. This
9:47
Speaker 3: is how you know it's full life. Her funeral and
9:50
Speaker 3: her wake were filled with so many people at ninety
9:53
Speaker 3: years old, and I'm talking cousins, second cousins, third cousin's neighbors,
9:58
Speaker 3: but also her dental health hygenist, her YMCA, swim teacher,
10:03
Speaker 3: every single person. And by the way, all these people,
10:06
Speaker 3: she didn't have a dollar. She was so broke and
10:12
Speaker 3: it just like the most valuable thing we have is time,
10:17
Speaker 3: and if you give people your time and your spirit,
10:23
Speaker 3: you make an impact. Because that room was boisterous and loud,
10:28
Speaker 3: and it felt like I was in a frickin Irish
10:30
Speaker 3: pub and everyone was screaming, laughing and also crying, but
10:33
Speaker 3: telling so many stories about her and how much they
10:36
Speaker 3: loved her, and she just gave them her time and
10:40
Speaker 3: her ear, you know, and her heart. And it's like,
10:44
Speaker 3: oh my god, she made such an impact that way. Ah,
10:48
Speaker 3: and I you know, my dad, like there were people
10:49
Speaker 3: coming up to my dad's best friend who hadn't seen
10:51
Speaker 3: in fifty years came up and he was like, you know,
10:53
Speaker 3: your gran, your grandma was my favorite person in the world.
10:55
Speaker 3: I was like, I say that. So anyway, it's just
10:58
Speaker 3: been a really interesting time. So it's making you reflect
11:03
Speaker 3: on what's important to you. It sounds yes, yes, which
11:07
Speaker 3: is sort of I think also coming into this like
11:10
Speaker 3: LA thing of like.
11:13
Speaker 1: No, I do live outside of LA with what you do, though.
11:16
Speaker 3: I don't know, I think it's a really I'm obviously
11:20
Speaker 3: asking myself a lot of hard questions right now, you know,
11:24
Speaker 3: I don't know. I think COVID changed a lot of things,
11:26
Speaker 3: like I haven't booked a job in person in three years.
11:31
Speaker 3: Everything's been via zoom. Every chemistry read that I haven't
11:36
Speaker 3: booked has been over zoom, but those aren't even in person.
11:39
Speaker 3: I'm just like, you know, I used to feel such
11:42
Speaker 3: a strength to be in a poll, to be here
11:45
Speaker 3: because I'm an actor, like first and foremost, and I
11:47
Speaker 3: love being an actor and I love being surrounded by actors.
11:51
Speaker 3: And our mutual friend Sarah Utterback, we started a theater
11:54
Speaker 3: company together fifteen years ago with our best friends from NYU.
11:57
Speaker 3: That's a thriving theater company and really my artistic home
12:00
Speaker 3: out here. But you know, I'm kind of at this crossroads.
12:03
Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to raise my kids
12:05
Speaker 3: here like that simple. I feel weird about billboards being
12:11
Speaker 3: around a little bit, and I do think that I'm
12:15
Speaker 3: torn because I do think kids are who are your parents?
12:18
Speaker 3: Are the parents, school, the parents have a good value system,
12:21
Speaker 3: then it doesn't fucking matter where. And then I get
12:24
Speaker 3: pulled in the other direction where it's like wow, you know,
12:27
Speaker 3: like I really loved La in my twenties and my thirties.
12:31
Speaker 3: I love that hustle. I waitress here for ten years.
12:35
Speaker 3: I nannied here for five years. I have so many wonderful,
12:40
Speaker 3: really really close friends best friends here. Yeah, but I'm
12:44
Speaker 3: also missing like raising kids in a place where all
12:49
Speaker 3: of my friends aren't in the same sort of place.
12:56
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12:59
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14:09
Speaker 1: One thing I think about and I don't have kids,
14:11
Speaker 1: so you probably understand this in a way that I don't.
14:14
Speaker 1: But I see my friends that grew up in LA,
14:18
Speaker 1: and I've talked about it with them openly. They are smart,
14:22
Speaker 1: thought like, they're all the things. Yeah, and they also
14:25
Speaker 1: care so much about what other people think. And that's
14:29
Speaker 1: something that I missed in Chicago, Like that just didn't
14:33
Speaker 1: hit me. And I think a lot of my friends
14:35
Speaker 1: from home are the same way. It does feel I
14:38
Speaker 1: have what you have.
14:39
Speaker 3: I think. Yes, I grew up in New York. It's
14:42
Speaker 3: like New York. It was like you're so celebrated. I
14:44
Speaker 3: feel like, and I think LA's getting better, Yeah I do.
14:48
Speaker 3: But you know, when we were with my family this
14:51
Speaker 3: whole weekend, like my kids are hanging out with all
14:53
Speaker 3: these kids whose parents are like like all my cousins
14:57
Speaker 3: are mechanics and plumbers, like skills, like trades, and that's
15:01
Speaker 3: my fault, Like, that's my fault. I don't know anyone
15:03
Speaker 3: other than people in the business in LA and I
15:05
Speaker 3: love that, Like I love people in the business so
15:08
Speaker 3: fucking exciting, Like how cool, Like you're a writer, you're
15:10
Speaker 3: a director, you're a producer.
15:13
Speaker 1: Also worked so hard to get there.
15:14
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I worked so hard, And I do
15:18
Speaker 3: love all those people. But I just don't know if
15:20
Speaker 3: it's like if we could call it a normal place
15:23
Speaker 3: to raise a kid. I mean, look, last night I
15:25
Speaker 3: was literally googling should I move to Finland? So I
15:27
Speaker 3: don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, And I
15:29
Speaker 3: was like, are there Jews there? I'm like, I've maybe
15:31
Speaker 3: four I don't know. There's probably not any funny where
15:34
Speaker 3: you're Jewish.
15:35
Speaker 1: You have to be like, are there Jews where I'm going?
15:38
Speaker 3: Oh that's my husband's like middle name. He's like, I
15:40
Speaker 3: feel wildly uncomfortable if I'm not somewhere where I'm at
15:46
Speaker 3: least like in vicinity of Jewish people's.
15:48
Speaker 1: But when you were because I know you mentioned waitressing
15:52
Speaker 1: and babysitting and I was reading a lot about your
15:54
Speaker 1: time doing those jobs, and you said you identified as
15:58
Speaker 1: a starving artist. Did you have this inner knowing that
16:03
Speaker 1: that wasn't going to be forever or did you like
16:06
Speaker 1: were you like, if this is it, I'm still happy.
16:08
Speaker 3: No, not at all. I never had this like I'm
16:12
Speaker 3: gonna make it and be famous. I never had that
16:17
Speaker 3: because I used to sob to my mom and be like,
16:19
Speaker 3: I'm fucked, Like this is really hard. Like I would
16:23
Speaker 3: cry to her when I would be dropping. I used
16:26
Speaker 3: to do breakfast catering at photo shoots at five o'clock
16:28
Speaker 3: in the morning, Oh my god, and put out you know,
16:32
Speaker 3: coffees and bagels and forritatas and all this stuff for
16:35
Speaker 3: like you know, Amanda Pete doing the cover of a
16:37
Speaker 3: lure like whatever.
16:38
Speaker 1: And that's like also depressing because you're like kind of there.
16:42
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm always adjacent. Yeah yeah, yeah. Oh. I cleaned
16:45
Speaker 3: every I've been in Time Cruise's house, Courtney Cox's house,
16:47
Speaker 3: I've been in everybody's fucking house, so washing their dishes.
16:51
Speaker 3: And I used to cry to my mom and just
16:52
Speaker 3: be like, I'm scared. I don't know if I'm going
16:55
Speaker 3: to quote unquote make it to a place where I
16:58
Speaker 3: can just pay my bills through acting and b I
17:03
Speaker 3: don't know if I could do this, Like you hear
17:06
Speaker 3: these stories, if I think it was like Dustin Hoffman
17:08
Speaker 3: who said something that was like I would have been
17:11
Speaker 3: happy to be, you know, just an artist in whatever fashion.
17:15
Speaker 3: That wasn't me either, Like I was like, I just
17:19
Speaker 3: want to be a working fucking actor, Like I just
17:23
Speaker 3: want a job that I love to go to that
17:26
Speaker 3: like pays me the bills. So yeah, I was not sure.
17:29
Speaker 3: But what I did know, and what other people have
17:31
Speaker 3: told me, is that I'm an incredibly hard worker, and
17:38
Speaker 3: I think a lot of actors in la are not. Yeah,
17:44
Speaker 3: And I remember when I first met my husband and
17:46
Speaker 3: he called himself an actor, and he booked like ten
17:49
Speaker 3: national commercials a year, so he was really thriving. I mean,
17:52
Speaker 3: the guy had more money than like any other actor
17:53
Speaker 3: friends I had. I mean I literally said yes to
17:55
Speaker 3: a date with him because he was like I wanted
17:56
Speaker 3: to get out to a fancy dinner, and I was like, oh,
17:58
Speaker 3: that's different from all the other bro dudes that I'm dating. Okay,
18:00
Speaker 3: But he was also like smoking weed till noon every
18:03
Speaker 3: day and calling himself an actor, and I was like no, no, no,
18:05
Speaker 3: Like I call myself an actor because I do things
18:07
Speaker 3: for acting nine am to five pm Monday through Friday,
18:10
Speaker 3: like hiking Runyon or wherever I was doing or going
18:13
Speaker 3: to gold gym. It's going to therapy to make sure
18:16
Speaker 3: my mind's right, my body's right. And then it's like
18:18
Speaker 3: going to my acting class, rehearsing for all my scenes
18:20
Speaker 3: study classes, like going to a casting director workshop, Like
18:24
Speaker 3: I mean, I was fucking on it.
18:27
Speaker 1: It's interesting that you say mind and body, because people,
18:31
Speaker 1: I think will kind of just say, like, I hustled
18:35
Speaker 1: in act or in their respective profession. And I met
18:39
Speaker 1: with a manager really early on who ended up being
18:42
Speaker 1: like so gross, but he did say to me, and
18:44
Speaker 1: I'll never forget it. Are you taking care of your
18:46
Speaker 1: body and your mind and your spirit? And nobody'd ever
18:49
Speaker 1: asked me that. Wow.
18:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, for me, it was very much like I found
18:54
Speaker 3: a sliding scale therapist when I was twenty four because
18:59
Speaker 3: I had moved out to LA and I was waitressing.
19:02
Speaker 3: I'd just come from waitressing in New York and there
19:04
Speaker 3: were people from NYU who I'd gone to school with,
19:06
Speaker 3: who were drama majors, who were already finding success right
19:09
Speaker 3: out of the gate. And I was seethingly jealous, and
19:13
Speaker 3: I was like, this is only going to hurt one person,
19:15
Speaker 3: and that's me. And I don't like feeling this way.
19:19
Speaker 3: I mean, I think there's a healthy bit of competition
19:22
Speaker 3: or a healthy bit of like wanting it to be
19:24
Speaker 3: your turn or whatever it is, right, But I was like,
19:27
Speaker 3: I gotta figure this shit out. And I also really
19:32
Speaker 3: think this is a long road with a lot of
19:37
Speaker 3: ups and downs. And for me, I was like, I
19:40
Speaker 3: want to be able to go into auditions all the
19:42
Speaker 3: time and honestly not give a fuck about them and
19:45
Speaker 3: have the best time. And I do and I do
19:47
Speaker 3: that now. Yeah, oh since, like honestly, once I got
19:50
Speaker 3: into therapy, like that's what I started booking all the time.
19:54
Speaker 1: That's what George Clooney said too, because.
19:56
Speaker 3: It wasn't result oriented and it was like no, no, no,
20:00
Speaker 3: like this is it. This is it, like what I'm
20:03
Speaker 3: working on right now, like going to auditions and showing
20:05
Speaker 3: what I do. And I really thought, and I still
20:08
Speaker 3: do some days, thought I was good. Like I was like,
20:11
Speaker 3: I'm good at this, Like I could do it, Like
20:13
Speaker 3: I could play a person that like has a job,
20:17
Speaker 3: you know, and you should want me on set, Like
20:20
Speaker 3: I'm stable and nice and nice fucking show up and
20:24
Speaker 3: I'm a cheerleader for any of your projects, Like and
20:27
Speaker 3: I'm going to be the glue. Yeah, And I tell
20:30
Speaker 3: when I go into young acting classes all the time,
20:32
Speaker 3: I'm always like, guys, I have so many friends who
20:35
Speaker 3: are better actors than me, and they don't work because
20:41
Speaker 3: of their mental health and for whatever issues they haven't
20:45
Speaker 3: worked out in their journey of their life, whether that's
20:48
Speaker 3: self sabotaging, whether it's a fear of failure, whether it's
20:50
Speaker 3: a fear of success, whether it's because they're an actor
20:53
Speaker 3: because of some shit that went down with their family,
20:56
Speaker 3: whether it's not being able to validate for themselves who
21:01
Speaker 3: they are and they need only external validation, whatever the
21:05
Speaker 3: fuck their story is, and we all have it. I
21:07
Speaker 3: have that stuff too, but I work on it weekly
21:11
Speaker 3: at least because I don't want that shit there.
21:16
Speaker 1: You must have sobbed when you got the role on Scandal.
21:22
Speaker 3: Well, I didn't think it was going to necessarily change
21:24
Speaker 3: my life. First of all, I was you can see
21:27
Speaker 3: on the behind the scenes DVD of season one, you
21:29
Speaker 3: can see when Shonda Himes gave me the role and
21:32
Speaker 3: I burst into ugly, ugly, ugly sobs. But basically, this
21:36
Speaker 3: is the other thing I tell acting classes I go
21:38
Speaker 3: into You're not going to book the first job you
21:40
Speaker 3: go in to a person like I think Scandal was
21:44
Speaker 3: like my eighth time, maybe tenth time in that office.
21:48
Speaker 3: I had auditioned for Private Practice and gotten a guest
21:52
Speaker 3: star on Private Practice, which was a Shonda Himes show
21:55
Speaker 3: I had. The year before Scandal, there was a Gray's
21:59
Speaker 3: Anatomy without border Is called Off the Map that only
22:02
Speaker 3: lasted for thirteen episodes on ABC, and I got down
22:06
Speaker 3: to the final two for every single lead doctor. I
22:10
Speaker 3: was a nanny at the time. I remember showing up
22:12
Speaker 3: every single day and I would read for Shonda and
22:15
Speaker 3: she I could tell she like dug me. I also
22:19
Speaker 3: knew that she liked normal girls because when I would
22:23
Speaker 3: watch Grays, I used to always audition against Sarah Drew.
22:26
Speaker 3: And when Sarah Drew got April, I was like, fuck, yeah,
22:31
Speaker 3: two things are true here. A. Get that girl a
22:34
Speaker 3: job so she can stop taking anything that I could
22:37
Speaker 3: be right for. Yay, get her a series regular, get
22:40
Speaker 3: her work out that's awesome. A. I love that girl. Great. B.
22:45
Speaker 3: Maybe I'm Shonda Rhimes type right, So I go keep
22:49
Speaker 3: going in for the doctors on Off the Map every
22:52
Speaker 3: day they have me try like one. It made me gummer,
22:55
Speaker 3: got it? They were like, can you come back tomorrow
22:56
Speaker 3: and read this one? Rachel Lefevra got it. Then the
22:59
Speaker 3: next day like can you come back and read this one?
23:01
Speaker 3: And every day I'm like running home and learning a
23:02
Speaker 3: new fucking monologus thing. I'm like, oh my god, oh
23:04
Speaker 3: my god. There, I feel like in the room, I
23:06
Speaker 3: feel like she's liking my style A and B. Why
23:10
Speaker 3: do I keep listening things? And that maybe is a
23:12
Speaker 3: forty year old thing. I don't know. Anyway, I felt
23:14
Speaker 3: like she was trying to find a place for me.
23:16
Speaker 3: Didn't get any of them, kept walking out on my
23:19
Speaker 3: babysitting job. So that woman fired me, and now I'm
23:21
Speaker 3: flat fucking broke and I have no job. Okay. The
23:26
Speaker 3: next year, one year later, I auditioned for Quinn on Scandal.
23:32
Speaker 3: I go, holy shit, Quinn on Scandal. My middle name
23:35
Speaker 3: is Quinn. That's my granny Pat who passed away. Her
23:38
Speaker 3: maiden name is Quinn. I am named Katie Quinn lows
23:40
Speaker 3: for her.
23:41
Speaker 1: Okay, I go and connected.
23:43
Speaker 3: Connected so Quinn. I go in and I'm like, oh
23:45
Speaker 3: my god, oh my god, oh my god, this might
23:46
Speaker 3: be me, this might be mine, this might be mine.
23:47
Speaker 3: And it felt right it was so fast, fucking talker,
23:49
Speaker 3: I've talked faster. I'm always told to talk slower. Blah
23:52
Speaker 3: blah blah. I do the scene once, Seanda says, great, amazing,
23:55
Speaker 3: do it again faster. I go, oh, faster, Okay, do
23:58
Speaker 3: it faster. I leave. I get call a week later.
24:01
Speaker 3: They're like, Seanna wants you to come in. And I
24:03
Speaker 3: think it's for a screen test. And I come in
24:05
Speaker 3: and this is the part that you can see online.
24:07
Speaker 3: And I sit down and she said, you don't have
24:11
Speaker 3: to because I already showed last week's tape to ABC
24:13
Speaker 3: Studio and network, and I'm just going to give you
24:15
Speaker 3: the part.
24:16
Speaker 1: And your whole life changed.
24:17
Speaker 3: And I cried, like I'm growing right now. And I
24:20
Speaker 3: sobbed and I was like, can I hug you? And
24:22
Speaker 3: she was like yes, well I said here. Oh my god.
24:27
Speaker 3: I was just like so.
24:30
Speaker 1: Relieved.
24:31
Speaker 3: I was so grateful that someone was giving me a
24:33
Speaker 3: fucking chance. Like I had spent years, you know, doing
24:37
Speaker 3: side jobs. But I knew I was good because I
24:41
Speaker 3: kept being a bridesmaid in ever a bride, you know
24:44
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like I kept always being in the
24:45
Speaker 3: last three or the last two, or let's screen test
24:48
Speaker 3: you or let's try it, but it never went my way,
24:50
Speaker 3: and I was the first person cast and I remember
24:53
Speaker 3: just being like, can I hug you? And I hugged
24:55
Speaker 3: everybody and then I said, well, what do I do now?
24:58
Speaker 3: And she said, they're going to call you for a
25:00
Speaker 3: costume fitting and we're going to make a pilot. And
25:02
Speaker 3: I was like, we're going to make a pilot, and
25:03
Speaker 3: I was just bawling. I'd never made a pilot before.
25:07
Speaker 3: And then I remember leaving and sitting in my car
25:11
Speaker 3: outside of Prospect Studios and I couldn't drive for an
25:15
Speaker 3: hour and a half because my hands were shaking. And
25:19
Speaker 3: I called my agents and I told them I got
25:21
Speaker 3: the job because I knew before they did, and my husband,
25:25
Speaker 3: who was my then boyfriend at the time, was like
25:27
Speaker 3: waiting back at our apartment and had flowers and a card.
25:32
Speaker 3: And even still though like we made the pilot, and
25:37
Speaker 3: I was still convinced that every turn, because I think
25:40
Speaker 3: that's the journey of the act, right. It was like
25:41
Speaker 3: I was like, well, it's not going to get picked up,
25:44
Speaker 3: or I'm definitely going to get fired and they're going
25:46
Speaker 3: to replace me, right, you know, like you're always like
25:49
Speaker 3: this can't possibly do what Scandal did because there's so
25:54
Speaker 3: many hoops to jump through. And I totally changed my life.
25:59
Speaker 3: And that whole cast are some of my I mean
26:03
Speaker 3: all my family and some of my bestest friends in
26:05
Speaker 3: the whole world.
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Speaker 1: and conditions apply. I remember watching an interview and it
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Speaker 1: was the whole cast, and I was studying it because
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Speaker 1: I had to interview like a whole cast of people
27:53
Speaker 1: at Comicon. I never it was so hard to interview
27:57
Speaker 1: like eight people at once, and I was studying it.
27:58
Speaker 1: So I watched it a few times. Yeah, and you
28:02
Speaker 1: seemed like the center of the relationships. They're like you
28:08
Speaker 1: were the sun. Yeah.
28:10
Speaker 3: I tend to be that that's such. I mean, the
28:13
Speaker 3: only reason I can say that now is because now
28:15
Speaker 3: I've gone on from Scandal to a bunch of different things.
28:19
Speaker 3: You know. I did Wagers the musical, and I just
28:21
Speaker 3: did this sitcom and then inventing Anna.
28:24
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, yeah, I see everybody.
28:26
Speaker 3: For some reason. I don't know. If it's because I'm
28:30
Speaker 3: not intimidating. I don't fucking know, or maybe it's because
28:33
Speaker 3: I'm the person that's just like, what's your number? And
28:35
Speaker 3: I end up making for the first movie I make
28:37
Speaker 3: the text chain, I'm always like, well, everybody should just come,
28:41
Speaker 3: Like we're the house that everybody comes over to.
28:43
Speaker 1: So you definitely can't leave La. I mean, we'll table that.
28:48
Speaker 1: I was reading the article you did for Shondaland where
28:51
Speaker 1: you talk. You talked about buying a house in LA
28:54
Speaker 1: and that it gave you imposter syndrome.
28:58
Speaker 3: Oh god, I still have that. My husband and I
29:01
Speaker 3: are still like what the Oh yeah, we show. I
29:03
Speaker 3: pull up to my house in stud City in my
29:05
Speaker 3: minivan and I'm like, what. Well.
29:08
Speaker 1: I think it's like the business of acting feels so
29:12
Speaker 1: amorphous to people because actors just want to act and
29:17
Speaker 1: I get that entirely. What do you think people misunderstand
29:21
Speaker 1: about the business of Hollywood.
29:23
Speaker 3: Well, I think when people think of the business of Hollywood,
29:25
Speaker 3: they think about the you know, the less than one person.
29:29
Speaker 3: I think they think of Brad Pitt or Angelina, Joelee,
29:31
Speaker 3: or the Kardashians or something like. I don't think they
29:34
Speaker 3: think about like the people who I look up to,
29:38
Speaker 3: like Laurie mccaff or and Dowd. Like I looked at
29:42
Speaker 3: the people who work in He's So Good, a big
29:46
Speaker 3: career that's long, that spreads on TV, film and theater,
29:54
Speaker 3: that there are years where that person seems like they
29:56
Speaker 3: are completely gone and then they back in this thing
30:01
Speaker 3: doing something you didn't know they could do. So for me,
30:04
Speaker 3: it's like the long road, and it's definitely not flashy.
30:09
Speaker 3: I mean, I go to Emmy parties and I have
30:11
Speaker 3: to for Mediana thinks of that and it's so exciting.
30:14
Speaker 3: But really it's because I'm like seeing my friends.
30:16
Speaker 1: You feel comfortable at those, Yeah, that's.
30:19
Speaker 3: But again, oh yeah, I don't. Again. I think maybe
30:22
Speaker 3: because I grew up the island, or maybe you and
30:24
Speaker 3: I are just lucky that that is something our soul's
30:27
Speaker 3: worked out in past lifetimes or some shit. I've been
30:30
Speaker 3: on red carpets before with actresses I will not name
30:33
Speaker 3: who are incredibly talented and are way better actors than me,
30:37
Speaker 3: and they're just way more tortured, especially when it comes
30:40
Speaker 3: to the red carpet and what they look like and
30:42
Speaker 3: how they hold themselves. Is that and so for that,
30:44
Speaker 3: I wouldn't really trade shoes. I don't know. I kind
30:47
Speaker 3: of trust look like I hired somebody to dress my body.
30:50
Speaker 3: I hired someone to put makeup on my face, on
30:53
Speaker 3: my hair. I trust super talented people to do their job.
30:56
Speaker 3: They don't try to act. I don't try to do styling,
30:59
Speaker 3: and then I get out there and I try to,
31:01
Speaker 3: like I don't know, copy well, Kerry Washington taught me
31:04
Speaker 3: how to do a red carpet. That's what Scandal really
31:07
Speaker 3: was to What was so great about Scandal in terms
31:10
Speaker 3: of gaining any sort of success was that it was slow.
31:14
Speaker 3: It was not overnight. Yeah, and I was surrounded by
31:19
Speaker 3: the healthiest, most supportive people, but mostly but women that
31:27
Speaker 3: I think I've heard these horror stories of girls on
31:30
Speaker 3: other shows, like cutting each other down and who's wearing
31:33
Speaker 3: with this and who got more scenes than the other person,
31:36
Speaker 3: and who got you know, the premiere and then gets
31:39
Speaker 3: to go do Jimmy Kimmel Like Carrie and Shanda set
31:43
Speaker 3: it up from the jump that that shit's going to
31:47
Speaker 3: going on, and I don't know it might have been
31:51
Speaker 3: had it not been then. I don't know, because I've
31:53
Speaker 3: heard these stories of like people fighting for the front
31:56
Speaker 3: seat of the van if you're the higher number on
31:59
Speaker 3: the call sheet. So I think, you know, I just
32:01
Speaker 3: learned in the Scandal graduate school, like it felt like
32:06
Speaker 3: ensemble theater. It felt like no, like everyone's working for
32:11
Speaker 3: the greater good for this show to be successful so
32:14
Speaker 3: that you can continue having a job, Like get your
32:17
Speaker 3: ego out of the way, it has no place here.
32:20
Speaker 1: No.
32:20
Speaker 3: I also learned early on, like you know, I remember
32:24
Speaker 3: the first sew seasons again therapy, thank you very much.
32:26
Speaker 3: I learned for season or sex season, like, oh my god,
32:29
Speaker 3: they're not writing for Quinn in this episode. Someone else
32:32
Speaker 3: has the lead storyline. Oh my god, do they hate me?
32:34
Speaker 3: Oh my god? Am I terrible? Oh my god? Am
32:35
Speaker 3: I being written off? Oh? Holy shit? Darby got a
32:39
Speaker 3: whole spread about her fashion and how beautiful she is
32:43
Speaker 3: is that because she has red hair, Is that because
32:45
Speaker 3: she's so skinny, Is it because she's so beautiful? Or
32:48
Speaker 3: oh my god, Bellamy won the Critics Something Choice Awards
32:53
Speaker 3: and she fucking should or oh my god, And then
32:57
Speaker 3: you're like, oh my god. Guillermo booked a movie during
33:00
Speaker 3: the hiatus of Scandal during the summer, and I didn't,
33:03
Speaker 3: So I'm I only ever going to be Scandal and
33:05
Speaker 3: no one will ever hire me again. All of this
33:07
Speaker 3: is to say, the needle keeps moving of what your
33:15
Speaker 3: ego like wants, and so it's never going to be enough.
33:19
Speaker 3: So you really just have to be super fucking content
33:23
Speaker 3: with the scene that Quinn got that week, do you
33:26
Speaker 3: know what I mean?
33:27
Speaker 1: Yes? And it's very hard.
33:29
Speaker 3: And I pushed me like that first year. I was like,
33:32
Speaker 3: I gotta learn this fucking quick, otherwise this is gonna
33:34
Speaker 3: eat me alive.
33:36
Speaker 1: I think the only way to learn that is to
33:37
Speaker 1: fuck it up, like to go in it and feel
33:40
Speaker 1: all the bad stuff and realize, oh, this is not
33:44
Speaker 1: how I want to live.
33:45
Speaker 3: That's what happened to me. And I also saw someone
33:48
Speaker 3: in the cast who will remain nameless, who it was
33:51
Speaker 3: sort of eating them up. Yeah, And I was having
33:54
Speaker 3: a polar opposite experience. And it was really early on.
33:58
Speaker 3: It was like the second season early on when we
34:02
Speaker 3: were all hoping, like, O, who are they going to
34:04
Speaker 3: write the most for and whose characters is the writer's
34:07
Speaker 3: room favorite and all this, and I just figured out
34:09
Speaker 3: really early like, oh, I can just like enjoy this,
34:14
Speaker 3: like this is like some episodes are gonna be mind
34:16
Speaker 3: some aren't. I hopefully I'll get to do a talk show.
34:20
Speaker 3: I'll probably book another job at some point in my life.
34:22
Speaker 3: Like it was just like really a crash course in
34:26
Speaker 3: a lesson that I think it takes other people very
34:28
Speaker 3: long to learn.
34:29
Speaker 1: If ever, so we kind of glossed over the fact
34:32
Speaker 1: that Kerrie Washington taught you how to do a red carpet,
34:34
Speaker 1: and as somebody who came up doing red carpets, I
34:37
Speaker 1: need to know what she said. Like being on the
34:40
Speaker 1: other side of the gate, Yeah, I'm always like I
34:43
Speaker 1: don't know how they do it because we're asking the
34:45
Speaker 1: most inane things and you're expected to like be funny
34:48
Speaker 1: and quick and with it. And it's I feel like
34:52
Speaker 1: I've like all the reporters set the actors up for failure.
34:55
Speaker 1: Most of the time.
34:56
Speaker 3: I completely agree with that. They always taught me unscandaled,
35:00
Speaker 3: don't if you don't want to answer the reporter's question,
35:02
Speaker 3: don't just answer the question you want to answer it.
35:05
Speaker 1: So like politics, if you always see politicians that.
35:08
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, same well, and especially like on a show
35:11
Speaker 3: like Scandal, where it's like they're people are trying to
35:13
Speaker 3: get spoilers out of you. But you know, for her
35:16
Speaker 3: and me, it was more about her teaching me how
35:18
Speaker 3: to hold my body because when I did the first
35:20
Speaker 3: Scandal photo shoot as Quinn, the photographer said a few
35:25
Speaker 3: comments about like the size of my hips and I
35:27
Speaker 3: should stand like this because this is more flattering. And
35:30
Speaker 3: Carrie saw me get like really quiet, and I told
35:34
Speaker 3: her I felt insecure and I didn't like it, and
35:37
Speaker 3: so she made it her like fucking mission. The next
35:40
Speaker 3: time I had pictures taken or I went down red
35:43
Speaker 3: car but she was like right next to me. She
35:44
Speaker 3: was like, breathe, they're so beautiful, like let's stand like this.
35:48
Speaker 1: Yeah.
35:48
Speaker 3: She was just like nothing but supportive and like oh yeah,
35:53
Speaker 3: oh yeah. But again, I think if I imagine these
35:55
Speaker 3: poor girls that get on shows where m the women
36:00
Speaker 3: or threatened or like cutting them down or something like
36:02
Speaker 3: that shit did not fly on Scandal. It was really, really,
36:09
Speaker 3: really supportive.
36:13
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37:08
Speaker 1: squash ravioli, Gobble has you covered each week. You can
37:13
Speaker 1: hyper personalize your menus from a new selection of twelve
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Speaker 1: gobble dot com slash Pretty Smart six three six to
37:25
Speaker 1: get your first six Gobble meals for just thirty six dollars.
37:32
Speaker 1: How do you think about what you're looking to do now?
37:35
Speaker 1: Because I think the like the roles that you've chosen
37:38
Speaker 1: since Scandal have all been really different, like they yeah've
37:41
Speaker 1: been challenging.
37:42
Speaker 3: I'm so lucky. I just feel I'm like whoa Like
37:44
Speaker 3: Sometimes I look back, I'm like, you know, all I
37:47
Speaker 3: wanted was like my Gray's Anatomy, and all I wanted
37:50
Speaker 3: to do is Broadway, And all I wanted to do
37:53
Speaker 3: is play a sitcom wife. In my whole life, all
37:56
Speaker 3: I wanted to do is be a wife, like be
37:58
Speaker 3: like everybody loves rain and beavers treh. Really, That's all
38:01
Speaker 3: I ever wanted till every wanted, and then all I
38:04
Speaker 3: ever wanted was to do like the lead of a
38:06
Speaker 3: rom com, which I just did that's coming out on Hulu.
38:10
Speaker 3: And now I'm thinking, like I really want to do
38:13
Speaker 3: something period, like no one lets everyone puts me in
38:17
Speaker 3: this modern box, which I'm down for but you know
38:19
Speaker 3: theater trade. I did shitloads of Shakespeare. I studied at
38:22
Speaker 3: the Royal Academy and dramaticalts in London. Like I want
38:25
Speaker 3: to do not necessarily ver sexon, but I want.
38:27
Speaker 1: To do like how about like Gilded Age?
38:29
Speaker 3: Oh, I would die. I want to Guilded Age. I
38:32
Speaker 3: also want to do like sixties seventies, Like, oh, that
38:35
Speaker 3: would be suck, Like anything where you get to do
38:39
Speaker 3: some cool like my husband always gets to do like
38:41
Speaker 3: really cool like fifties or sixties or seventies. I would
38:46
Speaker 3: love to do something like that. I'd love to do
38:48
Speaker 3: sci fi. I'd love to do horror. I just think
38:50
Speaker 3: it's a long road. But I definitely got closed on
38:53
Speaker 3: something I didn't get. But it was like fifties and
38:55
Speaker 3: I got like I was like, oh man, I think
38:58
Speaker 3: I kind of want to do this. I want to
38:59
Speaker 3: do this. I want to do this.
39:00
Speaker 1: That's cool, So.
39:01
Speaker 3: I'd like to do that. But then there's also a
39:02
Speaker 3: part of me that's like I want Kelly Ripper's job,
39:04
Speaker 3: And there's also another part of me that's like want, oh,
39:06
Speaker 3: I just want to be Marishka Hargatea on fucking Law
39:09
Speaker 3: and Order and like live in New York and like
39:12
Speaker 3: have so much moola la that you can just like
39:14
Speaker 3: take your family and loved ones. All I want to
39:16
Speaker 3: ever do is take all my family and friends and
39:18
Speaker 3: loved ones on vacations. That's like all I ever want
39:21
Speaker 3: to do. So you need endless funds to do that,
39:24
Speaker 3: and it's hard to take like forty people on va Yes, yes,
39:27
Speaker 3: but you can do that. I think if you're a
39:30
Speaker 3: Mariska Hargatee or Kelly Rippa.
39:31
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm going to hold that vision for you.
39:35
Speaker 3: Thank you.
39:35
Speaker 1: I like that. I feel like you've always like kind
39:39
Speaker 1: of it sounds to me like whether it's manifestation or
39:42
Speaker 1: whatever it.
39:42
Speaker 3: Is for you, yeah, kids, manifestor I never even knew
39:45
Speaker 3: I was doing it. I just like before I go
39:47
Speaker 3: to bed, I always just say thank you, and then.
39:49
Speaker 1: I just like think he's the best prayer there is.
39:52
Speaker 3: That's best prayer, and it's the one I've got, you know,
39:55
Speaker 3: that's the one I know, like through and through. You know.
39:58
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's like being a school kid. It's like just daydreaming.
40:02
Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm like, you know, I'm not going to read
40:03
Speaker 3: tonight because I'll probably fall asleep in ten minutes, So
40:06
Speaker 3: I'll just like lay down in the dark for ten
40:08
Speaker 3: minutes and just like let my mind sort of roam
40:10
Speaker 3: around and like say thank you and think about, oh,
40:14
Speaker 3: what would that What would my life look like if
40:16
Speaker 3: I had that job or I lived there.
40:20
Speaker 1: You turn to that when you feel down.
40:22
Speaker 3: When I feel down, I'm a napper. I like have
40:24
Speaker 3: to turn off and shut off the world.
40:26
Speaker 1: Okay, we have three minutes, so I'm gonna.
40:28
Speaker 3: Be okay, I can hate tell me.
40:31
Speaker 1: Tell me what else something you've learned recently that you
40:33
Speaker 1: never knew before.
40:35
Speaker 3: Well, that my grandma was a fencer.
40:38
Speaker 1: Just learned that. Yeah, that's a big thing to learn
40:41
Speaker 1: at somebody's funeral.
40:42
Speaker 3: I was like, what, what do you mean? Where's her fences?
40:45
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, he's a fence with her
40:46
Speaker 3: all the time. I was like, I can't even.
40:48
Speaker 1: A parenting hack that you think people should know something
40:51
Speaker 1: that's worked for you.
40:54
Speaker 3: You know, I don't know anyone's listening. I fly a
40:58
Speaker 3: lot with my kids and they watched t be like
41:01
Speaker 3: a lot, but I only give them an iPad at
41:06
Speaker 3: three things. Okay, so they're never allowed an iPad except
41:10
Speaker 3: for a plane ride. An incredibly fancy restaurant, which I
41:17
Speaker 3: wouldn't take them to it, but the few times I
41:19
Speaker 3: have and a wine tasting. So my kids are not
41:25
Speaker 3: having the ipadd so like they're only given an iPad
41:28
Speaker 3: probably once every other month, so.
41:32
Speaker 1: They really look forward.
41:33
Speaker 3: Oh my kids are the best fucking flyers you have
41:36
Speaker 3: ever met in your life, because there's zombies like scrolling
41:42
Speaker 3: and playing games in the iPad and they're fucking in heaven.
41:44
Speaker 3: But I only use it for that.
41:46
Speaker 1: What is a small act of service that someone can
41:49
Speaker 1: do for you that really makes you feel loved?
41:51
Speaker 3: Someone tell this to my husband right now, because this
41:53
Speaker 3: motherfucker We've been together sixteen years and our acts of
41:56
Speaker 3: service do not line up. It's funny. I'm so it's
42:00
Speaker 3: a feminists, but I love like that's chivalrous shit. I'm
42:02
Speaker 3: like when he puts the fucking all the luggage in
42:05
Speaker 3: the car, because I usually do that. I'm sort of
42:08
Speaker 3: like the workhorse of the family. He's you know, has
42:12
Speaker 3: like back stuff, so I'm the one constantly lifting shit.
42:15
Speaker 3: I clean all the dishes, I do a lot of stuff.
42:17
Speaker 3: So I mean we split a lot of housework, but
42:20
Speaker 3: he's just not as good at it as me. So
42:21
Speaker 3: like when he makes the bed, he puts the stroller
42:24
Speaker 3: in the back of the car, he does all that.
42:28
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm so into you.
42:31
Speaker 1: I totally get that. Yeah, Like I'm a luggage such
42:36
Speaker 1: it's like a I don't know what that is, but
42:38
Speaker 1: it's a thing.
42:39
Speaker 3: Yeah.
42:40
Speaker 1: M hmm. Okay, So this is interesting because we were
42:42
Speaker 1: talking about time, But what do you wish you had
42:44
Speaker 1: more time for?
42:45
Speaker 3: I definitely wish I had more time to read. I
42:51
Speaker 3: love reading books. I'm in a book club for anyone
42:54
Speaker 3: who wishes they read more. Yeah, I think being a
42:57
Speaker 3: book club is like the best thing ever because it
42:58
Speaker 3: gives you a due date and that's just like super
43:00
Speaker 3: helpful for me.
43:01
Speaker 1: Jock A right one.
43:03
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna I see that for you. Yeah,
43:07
Speaker 3: I'm kind of in talks about one right now.
43:09
Speaker 1: That's awesome.
43:10
Speaker 3: And I also would love more time. I mean, traveling
43:12
Speaker 3: is my most favorite thing in the entire world, and
43:15
Speaker 3: I think it's now something that he was going to
43:17
Speaker 3: further connect to in my granny pat Now I want
43:18
Speaker 3: to copy these trips she took. You know, she skied
43:21
Speaker 3: in Zermont, Italy and France. And now I'm like, well, now,
43:23
Speaker 3: I definitely got to be Kelly Ripper and Marisco harget
43:25
Speaker 3: Taste so I could take my whole family skiing in
43:26
Speaker 3: fucking Europe. That. Oh god. I love traveling so much.
43:33
Speaker 3: I love traveling with my family, and I just love
43:37
Speaker 3: spending time in that way. I also think I love
43:40
Speaker 3: traveling so much because I sort of always require when
43:42
Speaker 3: I travel with my family that there's no cell phones.
43:46
Speaker 3: You know, there's no there's no phones at sleep Boy
43:48
Speaker 3: camp for kids. It's the best. I mean, good Lord,
43:51
Speaker 3: thank God. I can't wait, because like this is crazy.
43:53
Speaker 3: My son at numerous times this week was like, look, Mommy,
43:56
Speaker 3: everyone's on their phones. You, Daddy, Papa, Ama, Aunt, Sarah, Uncle, Tony,
44:02
Speaker 3: all of us. We're not even talking to other on
44:04
Speaker 3: our fucking phones. This is fucked up.
44:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. I love that.
44:09
Speaker 3: He pointed. Oh he said, He's like, look, mom, everyone's
44:12
Speaker 3: on their phones. I'm like, oh my god.
44:14
Speaker 1: So we talked about your fortieth birthday coming up. What
44:18
Speaker 1: is something that twenty year old you wouldn't believe about
44:21
Speaker 1: your life at forty or at almost forty.
44:24
Speaker 3: Definitely that I had two kids. Really, Yeah, when I
44:27
Speaker 3: was in my twenties, I ety one to have kids.
44:29
Speaker 1: Did that change because your husband or it just felt right?
44:32
Speaker 3: It was a new number of things. I really was
44:36
Speaker 3: so focused on career stuff in my twenties and I
44:38
Speaker 3: was like, ugh, I nannied later in my twenties, but
44:40
Speaker 3: I didn't nanny in high school. I didn't really like children.
44:43
Speaker 3: I didn't get it. I was like, Oh. And then
44:44
Speaker 3: my granny Pat, who passed away as my favorite person
44:46
Speaker 3: in the world after nine to eleven, we were talking
44:49
Speaker 3: about stuff and she was like, well, if I hadn't
44:51
Speaker 3: if I didn't have kids, where would I be right now?
44:53
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be with you. And I was like, oh, fuck,
44:57
Speaker 3: I didn't get that far, you know what I mean.
45:00
Speaker 3: I was like, I didn't think about that. And then
45:04
Speaker 3: I met my husband, and yeah, it just really gutturally
45:09
Speaker 3: felt like something we were going to do, and we
45:13
Speaker 3: talked about it. I mean, we have a bunch of
45:14
Speaker 3: dear friends who are much older than us and did
45:18
Speaker 3: not have children and lead exquisite lives, and I remember
45:22
Speaker 3: partying with them and Adam and I getting in the
45:23
Speaker 3: car after we were hanging out with them, we were like,
45:25
Speaker 3: should we not? Like, are we really sure we want
45:30
Speaker 3: to do this? Because we could do what they're doing
45:34
Speaker 3: live exquisitely. Yeah, like way just really blow it out,
45:40
Speaker 3: you know. And I think we were just kind of
45:43
Speaker 3: playing Devil's advocate, but we kind of knew, like we
45:45
Speaker 3: were like, no, we're going to do this thing, aren't we.
45:48
Speaker 3: We're going to do this thing, hardest thing we're done
45:50
Speaker 3: my whole life. Really, Oh, hardest thing I've ever done
45:54
Speaker 3: in my life. I can't even express to you. Oh
45:57
Speaker 3: my god, it's hardest thing I ever done in my life.
45:59
Speaker 3: I really think it is so hard and it's worthwhile.
46:03
Speaker 3: I don't know.
46:05
Speaker 1: Get back.
46:06
Speaker 3: I being literally honest with you, Like, I don't think
46:08
Speaker 3: you can know that. Like I think it's easy for
46:12
Speaker 3: my parents to say that now. Yeah, I think my
46:14
Speaker 3: parents are sixty five sixty four. They have really good
46:16
Speaker 3: relationships with me and my brother. We have really wonderful
46:20
Speaker 3: memories and times with them. But like, I don't know
46:22
Speaker 3: how this is going to go. Will it be worthwhile
46:26
Speaker 3: if my son turns out to be really challenging or.
46:33
Speaker 1: Let's not put that out to the well.
46:34
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, like, we don't. You don't know.
46:36
Speaker 1: It's sort of like there's a lot of greatest it's the.
46:39
Speaker 3: Greatest practice of surrender. And also it's so stressful because
46:44
Speaker 3: you really do love something more than you've ever loved
46:48
Speaker 3: anything in your entire life, and it's completely out of
46:51
Speaker 3: your control. It's so fucking hard for me. Ah, Like,
46:58
Speaker 3: like if he's sick, it's a horrible day for me. Really,
47:01
Speaker 3: oh my god, it's horrible. Like if you're at work
47:04
Speaker 3: and your son is a fucking cold and your nanny's
47:06
Speaker 3: taking them to the fucking pediatrician, you are out of
47:10
Speaker 3: your mind. You're like, I can't exist today. I have
47:14
Speaker 3: to take a hall pass because my scene And if
47:16
Speaker 3: you know, it's just a cold. I mean, you get
47:19
Speaker 3: better at it the more cold they get. But it
47:22
Speaker 3: just is that your happiness is so and maybe I'll
47:26
Speaker 3: learn one day to get it back to myself. But
47:29
Speaker 3: like right now, having a four and a half year
47:31
Speaker 3: old and a one and a half year old, my
47:32
Speaker 3: happiness is so intertwined with how they are because they're
47:39
Speaker 3: still too little. They're just like such extensions of me,
47:42
Speaker 3: and they're so mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.
47:44
Speaker 3: I mean, they love daddy, but mommy's their person. I mean,
47:48
Speaker 3: I'm there yeah, like they if they see me, like
47:52
Speaker 3: I sometimes ad I'm totally Them'm just like running away
47:54
Speaker 3: hoping that they don't see me, because it's like fucking
47:56
Speaker 3: crazy when they see me, and that's so wonderful and loving.
48:00
Speaker 1: They're just like so obsessed with me.
48:01
Speaker 3: They're just so obsessed with me. It's just like wow,
48:05
Speaker 3: it's just you know, it's just like, oh my god,
48:09
Speaker 3: something my heart that's saying, like your heart is just
48:12
Speaker 3: no longer in your body anymore, it's in another person.
48:16
Speaker 1: When I first moved to La, I dated this guy
48:18
Speaker 1: who was so not for me, lovely guy, but his
48:22
Speaker 1: sister in law became a really good friend of mine
48:25
Speaker 1: and somebody I always admired. And she's given me these bits,
48:29
Speaker 1: these nuggets, whether she knows it or not, just by
48:31
Speaker 1: like talking, because she's very wise. And she once said
48:35
Speaker 1: to me that one of the hardest parts of having
48:38
Speaker 1: kids for her was that, similar to what you said
48:40
Speaker 1: at the beginning, her body wasn't her own. It belonged
48:43
Speaker 1: to them. And then at night her husband wanted to
48:45
Speaker 1: have sex and she was like, what about me? Like what, like,
48:49
Speaker 1: what about my body? What part of it is mine?
48:54
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's really I have heard though, from so many
48:57
Speaker 3: people that where your cat's right, And I was sort
48:59
Speaker 3: of the hardest part. I mean, I definitely think teenagers
49:03
Speaker 3: will be hard, and eight and ten year olds are hard,
49:06
Speaker 3: But there's something about a baby that just it's like
49:09
Speaker 3: you're negotiating with the terrorist all day. It's really crazy,
49:13
Speaker 3: Like they don't make sense, so don't try to figure
49:16
Speaker 3: it out because they are. They don't have like a
49:20
Speaker 3: frontal cortex or whatever the fuck, it's not developed yet.
49:23
Speaker 3: They don't have rational faking until they're seven. So I'm
49:26
Speaker 3: like dealing with absolute fucking insanity and like trying to
49:30
Speaker 3: get this creature to go to bed when his job
49:36
Speaker 3: is to push my buttons, push the envelope, see what
49:38
Speaker 3: he can get away with, arg you for two more minutes?
49:40
Speaker 3: What can you do? But he didn't get that book?
49:42
Speaker 3: Make you feel bad? What tactics? Because it's fucking fascinating.
49:45
Speaker 3: It's so crazy. Oh, and then go bone your husband
49:49
Speaker 3: or give him a blowjob. It's like, are you fucking
49:51
Speaker 3: kidding me? Oh? And then go to the gym and
49:53
Speaker 3: lose the baby weight and forget acting job, and are
49:56
Speaker 3: you wrinkling? And did you put on your suns? Screen
49:58
Speaker 3: and how your grays. It's like, oh my god, uh no, stressful, stressful,
50:06
Speaker 3: But what's cool about having a kid, especially if you're
50:09
Speaker 3: an actor, which is I just think it's really refreshing
50:13
Speaker 3: for me to like, as much as it's so hard
50:17
Speaker 3: that your heart is no longer in your own, it's
50:18
Speaker 3: also so on the other side of that coin. It's
50:21
Speaker 3: such a relief to no longer be the center of
50:24
Speaker 3: your universe anymore. Because I was getting bored.
50:29
Speaker 1: I've heard people say that.
50:32
Speaker 3: You know, like it's really nice to have somebody else
50:36
Speaker 3: just like I don't have time to like obsessed think
50:41
Speaker 3: about my bullshit, Like I don't like I have to
50:43
Speaker 3: clean her shit and I have to clip his toenails,
50:47
Speaker 3: and like it's just like there's just other shit on
50:50
Speaker 3: the table now.
50:51
Speaker 1: I've honestly never thought of that, So thank you for
50:53
Speaker 1: bringing that. I've never thought about clipping someone's toenails. Really,
50:56
Speaker 1: It's like, you're right, that's part of a job.
50:58
Speaker 3: I clip there, and there was like every other their
51:00
Speaker 3: nails go so fast and then they're razor blades and
51:05
Speaker 3: then when they're having a tantrum, they claw your face
51:08
Speaker 3: or your arm.
51:09
Speaker 1: I can't believe you don't know that you're so funny.
51:12
Speaker 1: That's so wild to me. Okay, I do a pretty
51:14
Speaker 1: smart question.
51:14
Speaker 3: I can't wait.
51:16
Speaker 1: Okay, so you tell me when to stop.
51:18
Speaker 3: Stop.
51:20
Speaker 1: This is one of my favorite questions. What's something you
51:22
Speaker 1: wish people could see about you that they don't see
51:24
Speaker 1: at first glance?
51:26
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I think people don't take me so seriously.
51:31
Speaker 3: Is that what you thought?
51:32
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, No, that's not But that's so
51:36
Speaker 1: interesting to me.
51:37
Speaker 3: Like I think I'm actually like like I'm a good
51:39
Speaker 3: business woman.
51:41
Speaker 1: What is a book that you think everybody should read?
51:44
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you guys, I just read this book
51:46
Speaker 3: called Seven Days in June. So it's fucking steamy if
51:53
Speaker 3: you are looking for a hot, hot summer. Oops. Now
51:56
Speaker 3: the fall read that. It's a great book. I'm in
52:01
Speaker 3: a book club where I was like, guys, I really
52:04
Speaker 3: need like a light like fifty Shades of Gray, but
52:07
Speaker 3: like better, like way better, and like better written. But
52:09
Speaker 3: I need some like hornytown Us. And my book club
52:14
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, yeah, we'll do that, but the leads
52:16
Speaker 3: have to be people of color, Like we're not doing
52:19
Speaker 3: another book like that. And that's this book Seven Days
52:23
Speaker 3: in June. It's a fast read. It's so delicious. We
52:28
Speaker 3: also read really hard books and stay that. But I
52:30
Speaker 3: was like, it's August. Can we read about fucking Thank You?
52:34
Speaker 3: So that okay? Like a real book. Yeah, that is
52:37
Speaker 3: a real book. Okay, a book that everybody should read.
52:40
Speaker 1: Something that really impacted you. Year of Yes.
52:44
Speaker 3: I love Year of Yes. It's so fucking good. I
52:47
Speaker 3: just read Molly Shannon's book. It was really Yeah. Did
52:51
Speaker 3: you read that?
52:52
Speaker 1: It was really good?
52:54
Speaker 3: Did you read Where the Crawdads Sing? No? That book
52:59
Speaker 3: is amazing.
53:00
Speaker 1: Okay. The final question that I ask everybody, first thing
53:03
Speaker 1: that comes to your mind, what is the smartest decision you've.
53:06
Speaker 3: Ever made to marry Anam Shapiro.
53:10
Speaker 1: That's really beautiful.
53:11
Speaker 3: That made this life, I'll tell you because I really
53:14
Speaker 3: think you choose your partner if you're one to do that,
53:18
Speaker 3: and I chose wisely and filled with heart and everything.
53:23
Speaker 3: You know what I didn't. I was fucking terrified. I
53:26
Speaker 3: had a panic attack. When he proposed to me. I
53:27
Speaker 3: was like, what are we doing? Why are you doing this?
53:29
Speaker 3: And I thought about saying no. When he asked me
53:31
Speaker 3: out on a date, I thought about giving him one
53:33
Speaker 3: number off that's how like not into him I was.
53:36
Speaker 3: Then we made out and I was like record scratch.
53:38
Speaker 3: I was like, wait, what the fuck? Our pheromones were crazy?
53:44
Speaker 3: You know what it is? First of all, someone has
53:48
Speaker 3: to be more of the risk taker, and that was
53:50
Speaker 3: never going to be me. He proposed to me and
53:54
Speaker 3: we had not talked about it, and I was terrified.
53:57
Speaker 3: He was the one that was like, it's time to
53:59
Speaker 3: pull the goalie. It's like have a baby, and I
54:01
Speaker 3: just was like, no, I'm so scared. I don't want
54:03
Speaker 3: my life to dead. I don't want my life dead.
54:05
Speaker 3: But like each time, thank God, thank God, because we
54:09
Speaker 3: have to move along. I would be stay. I would
54:12
Speaker 3: really be comfortable staying. But the most wonderful thing about
54:16
Speaker 3: Adam Shapiro is that he is a optimist. He is
54:21
Speaker 3: a glass half full person by nature. He loves life
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Speaker 3: and he is my fucking cheerleader.
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Speaker 1: That's so awesome.
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Speaker 3: And so for that, you know, he's the guy that's
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Speaker 3: like just thinks I'm the shit and you need someone
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Speaker 3: like that in your corner. And I think he's the shit.
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Speaker 3: And We've built this really beautiful life. And that was
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Speaker 3: the best decision I ever.
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Speaker 1: MA all Right, Today is a good day to have
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Speaker 1: a good day. I'll see you next week. H