Latest / Sober Readings / A Sense Of Belonging
Transcript
- 11 10Reading: Hey, welcome back to Sober Readings, everyone. Today is Tuesday, the 10th of November, and it also happens to be the United States Marine Corps' birthday. So happy birthday to all the Marines out there. It is 251 years today. Today we're gonna read from Daily Reflections 24 Hours and a third reading from the Grapevine. It's a holiday reading today. Let's get started like we always do with the Serenity Prayer. God Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. From Daily Reflections, the title today is A Sense of Belonging. Perhaps one of the greatest rewards of meditation and prayer is the sense of belonging that comes to us. And that's a line from the twelve steps of twelve traditions. That's what it is belonging. After a sense of meditation, I knew that the feeling I was experiencing was a sense of belonging because I was so relaxed. I felt quieter inside, more willing to discard little irritations. I appreciated my sense of humor. What I also experience in my daily practice is the sheer pleasure of belonging to the creative flow of God's world. And I like the way this reading starts off saying, that's what it is, belonging. So for many years while I was drinking and using, I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. Even when I was surrounded by people, I often felt alone or disconnected and misunderstood. But when I walked into the rooms of AA, I discovered something had been missing for a long time, and that's a sense of belonging. I found people who understood me, accepted me for who I was, and especially didn't judge me for my past. I no longer had to pretend to be someone I wasn't. And as my sobriety grew, so did my relationship with God. I began to experience a different kind of belonging, a spiritual connection that brings me peace and comfort, and the reassurance that I'm never truly alone. Today I know I have a place in the fellowship of AA, and I have a place in God's world. I don't have to earn either one by being perfect. I just have to remain willing, honest, and open to the love and guidance that are available to me. And that's one of the greatest gifts of sobriety, knowing that I belong, that I'm accepted, and that I never have to walk this journey alone again. Let's get to today's reading from 24 hours for November 10th. And for the last few days in the 24 hours readings, we've started with the things that we've lost in sobriety. And this one starts with I am less self-centered. The world used to revolve around me at the center. I cared more about myself, my own needs and desires, my own pleasure, my own way, than I did about the whole rest of the world. What happened to me was more important than anything else I could think of. AA taught me to care less about myself and more about the other person. And the question is: am I less self-centered? The meditation for the day. When something happens to upset you and you are discouraged. Try to feel that life's difficulties and troubles are not intended to arrest your progress in the spiritual life, but to test your strength and to increase your determination to keep going. Whatever it is that must be met, you are to either overcome it or use it. Nothing should daunt you for long, nor should any difficulty entirely overcome or conquer you. God's strength will always be there waiting for you to use it. Nothing can be too great to be overcome, or if not overcome, then used. And in today's prayer for the day, we're praying that I may know that there can be no failure with God. Another thing I've lost in sobriety, and I'm certainly grateful for this one, is some of my self centeredness. Before I got sober, so much of my life revolved around me, what I wanted, what I needed, and how everything affected me. Today I've discovered that there's so much more happiness and satisfaction in thinking about other people than there ever was in constantly thinking about myself. When I take the time to help someone, offer a kind word, or simply be there for another person, I get something in return that selfishness could never give me a genuine sense of purpose and fulfillment. And there's another benefit I've noticed also. When I'm focused on others instead of myself, I spend a lot less time getting frustrated or angry with myself over the little things that really don't matter. I'm not constantly picking apart my mistakes, worrying about my problems, or dwelling on things I can't control. Helping others gets me out of my own head, and that's a pretty wonderful place to get out of sometimes. The less I make life about me, the more peaceful and rewarding. And I believe that's exactly how God wants me to live, being of service to others one day at a time. Alright, so let's get to today's third and final reading for the day, and that comes from the grapevine. And since we're coming into that season, I picked this one, it's titled Making Peace with the Holidays. This Christmas Eve, a lonely newcomer learned that choosing joy was the way to go. It was 1984 and Christmas was approaching. I hadn't had a visit nor heard from a single friend or relative since I had moved into this recovery house more than three months earlier. No one called to say they missed me or wished I was there. I experienced moments of self-pity, but wouldn't allow myself too much time in that debilitating darkness. I chose to live with the truth that I was the person who left the trail of damage behind me. Loneliness and shame hung heavy over my shoulders that December. Blessed with the gift of desperation, I continued to take the simple actions I had learned in AA. I kept trudging through my daily recovery routine as if my life depended on it. It did. I maintained daily meeting attendance. Over a few months in AA, I took on a couple of small commitments that kept me in the fold. These commitments were at meetings that were all within walking distance of my home, as I had no car. I learned early in recovery that keeping commitments is a crucial part of staying sober. I later discovered that keeping commitments was an essential part of developing good character. One of the responsibilities I had volunteered for was to serve as an alternate secretary for a new AA meeting. My turn to chair the meeting happened to land on Christmas Eve. When that night came, the sky drizzled rain off and on. With my big book in hand, I pulled a kitchen trash bag over my old woolen sweater and walked to the meeting place about two miles away. I tramped through the wet streets past homes decorated with lights, ornaments, and all the reminders of family and the joy of the season. The walk gave me time to think about my ghosts of Christmas past. My father had died on Christmas Eve not too many years before. My drinking and drug use ruined many many other holidays before and after his death. The holidays were an excuse for days of drinking without guilt or restraint. The days ended up dreadful and lonely as I reinforced my December misery each year. I arrived at our meeting place early. The room was dark, empty, and cold. I opened the doors and turned on the lights and organized chairs for a small group. It was a new meeting and had not yet developed a group of regulars. I made a small pot of coffee and sat alone in the room, waiting for the heater to kick in. I watched the clock as the meeting time came and went. With no place to be, I sat and looked at the meeting format and the slogans on the walls. I just continued to sit. After a while a man came into the room. He appeared to be sixty something, with greying hair and a grey mustache. He was neatly dressed in a reindeer sweater and slacks. He was an alcoholic. He had just come from a Christmas party, he told me. Together, we began the meeting with usual rituals. We read the opening pages. We agreed on gratitude as the topic, and we shared our experience, strength, and hope with each other. It was nice. We ended the meeting with the serenity prayer and a hug. We wished each other a Merry Christmas. After we were done, we He gave me a ride back to the recovery home. When I went inside, I saw most of the residents sitting sullenly, eating pie donated by sober former residents. I ate a slice of pie, said my prayers, and crawled into bed. The next morning I woke up sober. I didn't die from loneliness and the world didn't come to an end. That holiday experience changed me. I learned early in recovery that I needed to change everything if I was to remain sober. And everything included my attitude. So I worked on changing my attitude about the holidays. Like them or not, the holidays came every year. I'm not going to make them go away. Did I want to experience misery, sorrow, grief, and loneliness every December? Give me the serenity to change the things I can, I thought. In the years that followed, I chose to put my magnifying glass on the joy so many others experienced during the holiday season. I could be part of it if I chose, or I could choose not to. I have made that choice every year since 1984. The memory of my first sober Christmas Eve stays with me today, and I still visit that recovery home nearly every holiday season. Thirty-six sober Christmas Eves later, I share this memory for someone I will likely never meet. This year I'm spending Christmas Eve with my brother and his daughter and her daughter. And my sober wife. They have never seen me drunk. Days before coming into AA, I stole money from my brother that he needed to provide for his infant daughter. That was my bottom. Tonight, they are feeding me, and we are all celebrating and loving each other the way I imagined families did the night I kept my commitment to be at that meeting. It's my choice. Merry Christmas or not. It's up to me. And that comes from Oakview, California. And I'm sure there'll be many more holiday stories from the grapevine to come as the season comes closer. So that's it for today's episode of Sober Readings. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you heard something today, or maybe I said something today that helps you along your way. If you'd like to be a guest on Sober Readings and share your experience, strength and hope, or just join me for a reading and share your thoughts and your take on that reading. There's a link in the show notes below to send me an email, which is soberreadingswithscott at gmail.com. You'll also find a link in the show notes to my website where you can learn more about sober readings and me and stay connected. And if you'd like to drop a dollar in the virtual donation basket for today's readings, just stay on that website, navigate to the support page, and find that button that says drop a dollar in the donation basket. So thanks for spending a few minutes of your day with me. Be good to yourselves, be good to others, and remember we only have to do this one day at a time. So just for today, don't drink, go to a meeting, and keep coming back. Have a great day, everyone, and as my friend Larry says, best day ever.