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Andy Stanley - Leading Yourself Well · Andy Stanley Sermons

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  Speaker 1: Now, some of you don't know who I am and
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: you don't care. You were told you're gonna learn some
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  Speaker 1: great leadership stuff. So I just thought as we start
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  Speaker 1: off today, I should tell you one thing about myself
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  Speaker 1: that would maybe put you at ease and let you
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  Speaker 1: know that I'm pretty much an expert in what I'm
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  Speaker 1: about to share with you. And the thing that I'd
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  Speaker 1: like to share with you is this, and I would
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  Speaker 1: prefer that we just keep it in the room, okay?
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  Speaker 2: Here it is.
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  Speaker 1: I have participated in every bad decision that I have
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  Speaker 1: ever made.
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  Speaker 2: They don't laugh, okay?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, every bad relational decision, I was there for that.
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  Speaker 1: Every bad financial decision, I was there for that. Every
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  Speaker 1: bad hiring decision, I was there for that. Every long
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  Speaker 1: and boring meeting that I led, I was there for that.
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  Speaker 1: I was there for all of it. I have talked
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  Speaker 1: myself out of exercising. I've talked myself into dessert. I'm
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  Speaker 1: a sucker for you might also like.
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  Speaker 2: So are you, come on.
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  Speaker 1: I'm also a sucker.
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  Speaker 2: Customers who have purchased have also purchased. How about that?
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  Speaker 1: And it's embarrassing, but the only reason I feel like
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  Speaker 1: I can share this with the.
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  Speaker 2: Whole world is this.
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  Speaker 1: You have participated in every bad decision you have ever
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  Speaker 1: made as well, right?
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  Speaker 2: You were there for all of them. You were there
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  Speaker 2: for your.
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  Speaker 1: Worst spending decision, your worst financial decision, your worst parenting moment,
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  Speaker 1: your worst marriage moment, your worst professional, your worst purchase,
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  Speaker 1: that stock that you were absolutely sure and you convinced
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  Speaker 1: your husband or your wife, this is a great deal.
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  Speaker 2: You were there for all of that. In fact, this
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  Speaker 2: is really embarrassing.
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  Speaker 1: You were the mastermind behind your greatest regret. Now, the
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  Speaker 1: reason I say all that is because of our topic today,
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  Speaker 1: and here we go. We face, all of us, we
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  Speaker 1: all face our greatest leadership challenge every morning in the mirror.
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  Speaker 1: You are difficult to lead, and you should know because
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  Speaker 1: you attempt it every single day. Now, our topic for
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  Speaker 1: the day is actually self-leadership, as hopefully you knew before
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  Speaker 1: you got here, which isn't necessarily fun to talk about
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  Speaker 1: because self-leadership, the topic of self-leadership reminds us that all
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  Speaker 1: of us have work. But it's an extremely important topic,
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  Speaker 1: and it's an extremely important topic for three reasons. First
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  Speaker 1: of all, you will not be a leader worth following
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  Speaker 1: if you don't lead yourself well. You won't be a
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  Speaker 1: leader worth following if you don't lead yourself well. That
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  Speaker 1: doesn't mean you won't be able to lead. You'll be
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  Speaker 1: able to lead, but you won't be a leader worth
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  Speaker 1: following if you don't lead yourself well. Well, in organizational leadership,
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  Speaker 1: being a leader worth following is not a necessity, and
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  Speaker 1: great self-leadership is not an essential, but again, you won't
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  Speaker 1: be a leader worth following unless you lead yourself well.
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  Speaker 1: We all know some leaders who are a mess, right?
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  Speaker 1: Their personal lives are a total disaster. They may be
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  Speaker 1: here with you today, just keep looking straight ahead, right?
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  Speaker 1: So we all know leaders whose personal lives are a disaster,
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  Speaker 1: and here's the thing, isn't this true?
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  Speaker 2: You don't want to be like them.
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  Speaker 1: You may want to travel like them and vacation like them,
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  Speaker 1: but you don't want to be like them.
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  Speaker 2: And you learn this from your parents.
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  Speaker 1: You see, whether or not you want to be like
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  Speaker 1: your mom or whether or not you want to be
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  Speaker 1: like your dad has far more to do with how
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  Speaker 1: well they led themselves than what they taught you. What
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  Speaker 1: they taught you and what they said to you was important,
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  Speaker 1: but whether or not you want to be like one
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  Speaker 1: of your parents has far more to do with how
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  Speaker 1: well they led themselves because leaders who are worth following
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  Speaker 1: and people who are worth emulating are people who have
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  Speaker 1: mastered self-leadership. The second reason this is a big deal
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  Speaker 1: is that exceptional self-leadership is the key to sustained influence.
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  Speaker 1: It's not the key to authority. You can have authority
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  Speaker 1: because of your position or a job title. That comes with,
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  Speaker 1: you know, that just comes with, you know, the.
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  Speaker 2: Office, with the job.
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  Speaker 1: But in terms of sustained influence, you have to be
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  Speaker 1: a leader with following, which means you have to lead
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  Speaker 1: yourself well. Because none of us open ourselves up to
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  Speaker 1: the influence of people that we don't trust. respect so
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  Speaker 1: to be a leader worth following you have to lead
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  Speaker 1: yourself well in order to have sustained influence with people
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  Speaker 1: to have them open up to your leadership and your
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  Speaker 1: influence you have to lead yourself well and the third
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  Speaker 1: reason this is a big deal is that exceptional self-leadership
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  Speaker 1: is actually the key to sustained performance now isn't this
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  Speaker 1: true in most cases when a leader burns out or
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  Speaker 1: when a leader is taken out it's because they weren't
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  Speaker 1: leading themselves well Great leaders, this is so important. Great
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  Speaker 1: leaders last because they lead themselves first.
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  Speaker 2: Great leaders last. They go the distance.
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  Speaker 1: They have sustained influence and sustained performance because they lead
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  Speaker 1: themselves well first. So this is a really, really important
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  Speaker 1: Big deal. As my friend Clay Scroggins says in his
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  Speaker 1: fabulous book, I love this quote.
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  Speaker 2: He says this.
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  Speaker 1: He says, you don't have to be in charge to
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  Speaker 1: take charge. You don't have to be in charge to
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  Speaker 1: take charge of leading yourself.
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  Speaker 2: It's your primary.
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  Speaker 1: Responsibility as a leader. And he's absolutely right. And if
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  Speaker 1: you haven't read How to Lead When You're Not in Charge,
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  Speaker 1: I highly recommend the book because you're not in charge. Anyway,
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  Speaker 1: so in terms of leadership, leading ourselves first is our
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  Speaker 1: number one responsibility. And we are the most difficult people
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  Speaker 1: we will ever be called upon to lead.
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  Speaker 2: So that leads us to this question. What in the
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  Speaker 2: world do we do? How do we do this? So
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  Speaker 2: what I want to do for the next few.
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  Speaker 1: Minutes is just give you some handles because exceptional self-leadership,
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  Speaker 1: I think, requires three decisions that each one of us
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  Speaker 1: has to make. You're going to hear bits and pieces
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  Speaker 1: of this scattered throughout the presenters today and their stories
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  Speaker 1: and in the interviews that you're going to be exposed to.
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  Speaker 1: You're going to hear these three things talked about in
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  Speaker 1: different ways with different language.
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  Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, extraordinary.
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  Speaker 1: Self-leadership requires that we make these three And the first
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  Speaker 1: decision is the hardest. I will not lie to myself
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  Speaker 1: even when the truth makes me feel bad about myself.
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  Speaker 1: I will not lie to myself even when the truth
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  Speaker 1: makes me feel bad about myself. And in our culture,
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  Speaker 1: we've been told that the worst thing in the world
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  Speaker 1: is to feel bad about ourselves. That is not true.
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  Speaker 1: There is something worse than feeling bad about yourself. What's
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  Speaker 1: worse than feeling bad about yourself is not doing anything
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  Speaker 1: about the thing that's.
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  Speaker 2: Bad about yourself. But we have a very.
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  Speaker 1: Difficult time as human beings acknowledging the things about ourselves
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  Speaker 1: that need to change. People don't let go of what
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  Speaker 1: needs to change because they never acknowledge they're actually hanging on.
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  Speaker 2: The point being this.
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  Speaker 1: That exceptional self-leadership requires brutal honesty with that person in
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  Speaker 1: the mirror. The easiest person, the easiest person for you
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  Speaker 1: to deceive, the easiest person for me to deceive is
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  Speaker 1: the person in the mirror. Nobody does a better job
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  Speaker 1: selling you on a bad.
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  Speaker 2: Idea than you. You are a sucker for you.
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  Speaker 1: Now, you know this is true because as soon as you,
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  Speaker 1: think about it, as soon as you see something you want,
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  Speaker 1: if we take this out of the realm of leadership
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  Speaker 1: and just in terms of personal behavior, as soon as
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  Speaker 1: you see something you want, what do you start doing?
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  Speaker 1: You start selling yourself. You start coming up with all
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  Speaker 1: the reasons it's a good deal, all the reasons you
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  Speaker 1: need it now. You begin selling yourself and we have
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  Speaker 1: all sold ourselves on some terrible purchases.
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  Speaker 2: Why?
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  Speaker 1: Because we know how to sell ourselves. The person in
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  Speaker 1: the mirror is generally our greatest obstacle. You can't lead
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  Speaker 1: yourself well You can't lead yourself well as long as
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  Speaker 1: you're lying to yourself. Have you ever tried to lead
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  Speaker 1: a liar? What happens when you discover there's a liar
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  Speaker 1: in your midst at work? You don't lead a liar,
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  Speaker 1: you fire a liar, right? And for some of us,
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  Speaker 1: if we're honest, we need to fire the version of
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  Speaker 1: ourselves that keeps lying to ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: We need to fire the.
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  Speaker 1: Version of ourselves that keeps making excuses for all the
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  Speaker 1: dumb decisions that we've made. We need to have the
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  Speaker 1: courage to lead ourselves well, and to do that, you
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  Speaker 1: have to be brutally honest with yourself. This is the
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  Speaker 1: beginning of great self-leadership. You can't lead yourself until you
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  Speaker 1: are honest with yourself. So I want to give you
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  Speaker 1: an exercise to kind of make this easy for you, okay?
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  Speaker 1: Whenever you're about to make a decision, whenever you find
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  Speaker 1: yourself with that little bit of tension on the inside
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  Speaker 1: of should I go, should I stay, should I say this,
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  Speaker 1: should I attend, should I put this off? You just
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  Speaker 1: need to ask yourself this question, and I highly recommend
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  Speaker 1: you figure out a place where you can ask this
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  Speaker 1: question out loud, even if it's just under your breath,
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  Speaker 1: but it's gotta be more than a thought. And the
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  Speaker 1: question is this, it's so simple. Why am I doing this?
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  Speaker 1: Why am I doing this? And then you got to
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  Speaker 1: take it up one notch. Why am I doing this really?
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  Speaker 1: Why am I doing this really? In fact, I would
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  Speaker 1: like for all of us at all of our host
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  Speaker 1: sites and here in the room with me, I want
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  Speaker 1: us to say this out loud. And I want you
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  Speaker 1: to pause after this and then add the word really. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: you ready to do this together?
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  Speaker 2: Here we go, everybody. Why am I doing this?
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  Speaker 1: Really. One more time. Why am I doing this?
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  Speaker 2: Really.
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  Speaker 1: Why am I postponing this meeting?
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  Speaker 2: Really. Why am I postponing this phone call? Really. Why
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  Speaker 2: am I avoiding him? Really. Why am I avoiding her? Really.
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  Speaker 2: Why am I going?
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  Speaker 1: Really.
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  Speaker 2: Really?
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  Speaker 1: Why am I saying this, really? Why am I about
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  Speaker 1: to ask this question? Why am I purchasing this? Why
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  Speaker 1: am I wearing this? Why am I doing this, really?
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  Speaker 1: Telling yourself the unfiltered truth about what you're doing and
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  Speaker 1: why you're doing it is the key to great self-leadership.
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  Speaker 2: Now, here's the little secret. When you discover, when.
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  Speaker 1: You hear yourself answer this question, why am I buying
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  Speaker 1: this really? Why am I saying this really? Why am
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  Speaker 1: I going there really? You don't have to do anything
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  Speaker 1: with that new information.
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  Speaker 2: But you owe it to yourself to know the truth.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm just telling you, if you'll develop the habit
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  Speaker 1: of pausing and saying, okay, I'm moving in this direction.
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  Speaker 1: My emotions are moving in this direction. This is how
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  Speaker 1: I've always done it. This is what I've been told
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  Speaker 1: to do. But I at least owe it to myself
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  Speaker 1: to be honest with myself and ask the question, okay,
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  Speaker 1: but why am I doing this really? So, first decision,
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  Speaker 1: you've gotta decide, I will not lie to myself even
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  Speaker 1: when the truth makes me feel bad about myself. Second
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  Speaker 1: decision for exceptional self-leadership is this, I will prioritize what
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  Speaker 1: I value most over what I want now. I will
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  Speaker 1: prioritize what I value most over what I want now.
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  Speaker 2: This one just needs a little bit of explanation.
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  Speaker 1: In organizational leadership, you know this, if you're a manager
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  Speaker 1: or you're a, or you lead a franchise, or maybe
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  Speaker 1: you're a business owner, or you have a division, or
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  Speaker 1: if you have anybody reporting to you, you know that
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  Speaker 1: when it comes to leading a team, you have to
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  Speaker 1: know where you're leading the team, right? If you're leading
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  Speaker 1: a team, there has to be some sort of destination,
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  Speaker 1: there has to be an end game, there has to
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  Speaker 1: be some kind of goal.
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  Speaker 2: And the same is true for self-leadership. So here's the question.
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  Speaker 1: Where do exceptional self-leaders lead themselves? Where do, in other words,
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  Speaker 1: if leadership is about going somewhere, if leadership is about
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  Speaker 1: an end game, if leadership is about we're moving in
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  Speaker 1: a direction, this is an important question. Where are exceptional
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  Speaker 1: self-leaders leading themselves? And here's the answer, and this may
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  Speaker 1: be the biggest takeaway from our first session today. Exceptional
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  Speaker 1: self-leaders lead themselves toward what they value most, not what
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  Speaker 1: they want now. Toward what they value most, not what
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  Speaker 1: they want now. What you want now is rarely what
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  Speaker 1: you value most. What you want now, this is a
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  Speaker 1: lesson most people never learn, but this is essential for extraordinary,
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  Speaker 1: exceptional self-leadership.
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  Speaker 2: What you want now is rarely what you value most.
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  Speaker 2: We know this, right?
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  Speaker 1: Because later today, it's gonna happen before this day is over,
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  Speaker 1: you are going to want dessert, but you value your health.
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  Speaker 1: I want dessert, and we could go down, we could
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: create two columns with dozens and dozens of these illustrations.
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  Speaker 1: That tension between immediate and ultimate, immediate and ultimate. What
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  Speaker 1: you want now is rarely what you value most. That
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  Speaker 1: means there's a catch. That means, as I said earlier,
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  Speaker 1: there's some work to do. You can't really lead yourself well.
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  Speaker 1: You cannot become an exceptional self-leader until you discover what
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  Speaker 1: you value most. And because of what I do as
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  Speaker 1: a profession, I'm convinced of this, most people never discover
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  Speaker 1: what they value most until it's too late. Most people
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  Speaker 1: never discover what they value most until what they value
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  Speaker 1: most is out of reach. So, how do you discover
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  Speaker 1: what you value most? It's actually pretty simple. Ladies, it'll
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  Speaker 1: take you about an hour and a half Men, it'll
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  Speaker 1: take you about 15 minutes, okay? Now, that's a little
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  Speaker 1: bit of an exaggeration, but as I've taught this through
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  Speaker 1: the years and as I've helped people work through this
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  Speaker 1: exercise through the years, ladies, you are so much better,
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  Speaker 1: generally speaking, at understanding and thinking about things as it
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  Speaker 1: relates to what's going on on the inside of you.
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  Speaker 1: we oftentimes have.
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  Speaker 2: To work on this. But here's the easiest way. You
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  Speaker 2: can do this in an hour.
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  Speaker 1: The easiest way, I think, to discover what you value most,
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  Speaker 1: and you may think you know what you value most,
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  Speaker 1: but let's be honest, very few of us have sat
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  Speaker 1: down and even asked ourselves this question. We always know
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  Speaker 1: what we want now. But how do we discover what
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  Speaker 1: we ultimately value most? And again, the worst thing that
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  Speaker 1: could happen to you is to get toward the end
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  Speaker 1: of your life and realize what I value most is
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  Speaker 1: out of reach.
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  Speaker 2: And that happens all the time.
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  Speaker 1: So about 28 years ago, I picked up the copy
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: of Stephen Covey's book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
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  Speaker 2: It had just come out. And I read the whole book.
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  Speaker 2: And many of you have read that book.
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  Speaker 1: If you haven't, of course, it's just a standard, it's
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  Speaker 1: an extraordinary book. And in the middle of the book,
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  Speaker 1: or actually about two-thirds of the way through the book,
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  Speaker 1: he suggests that the reader stop and work through what
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: he calls essentially a funeral exercise. And you ask yourself
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  Speaker 1: this question, what do I want said about me in
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  Speaker 1: the end? What do I want said about me in
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  Speaker 1: the end? Now, he gives some, you know, he sort
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  Speaker 1: of teases this thing out, and here's what he suggests.
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  Speaker 2: And let me just be honest with you, when.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I'm reading a book, And I get to the part
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  Speaker 1: where the author says, set the book aside and answer
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  Speaker 1: these three questions. I'm like, I'm not doing that because
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  Speaker 1: the goal is to finish the book. I'm not here
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  Speaker 1: to learn anything. I'm here to say, oh yeah, I
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: read that. Oh yeah, I read that. Oh, he's so smart.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't learn anything, but I read all these books.
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  Speaker 1: So when I get to the assignment part of a book,
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  Speaker 1: I very rarely stop and do the assignment. You're probably
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: the same way, right? So, but I actually, this is
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  Speaker 1: almost 30 years ago. I actually stopped, I set the
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  Speaker 1: book aside. And for the next four mornings, because I
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: have a habit of getting up early in the morning
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: and spending some time alone. And as a Christian, I
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  Speaker 1: use that as a devotional time. But I decided to
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: spend the next few mornings actually working through this exercise.
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  Speaker 1: And here's what he suggested. And here's what I highly suggest.
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  Speaker 1: If you'll work through this exercise, you will discover, you
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  Speaker 1: will discover what you value most. He said, imagine you're
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  Speaker 1: at your own funeral. And imagine the following people get
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  Speaker 1: up to talk about you. Your father or your mother,
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  Speaker 1: your husband or your wife, a son or a daughter,
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  Speaker 1: a best friend, an employer, a coach, somebody you work with.
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  Speaker 2: He goes through a list of people.
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  Speaker 1: He said, imagine that these different peoples from these different
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  Speaker 1: walks of life get up and say something about you
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  Speaker 1: at your funeral. Then he said this, write down what
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  Speaker 1: you would want to hear them say.
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  Speaker 2: So I did. And it was amazing.
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  Speaker 1: At the end of that exercise, I spent about four mornings,
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  Speaker 1: about 20, 25 minutes, about four or five mornings in
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  Speaker 1: a row. At the end, I looked at what I'd
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  Speaker 1: written and I realized, this is my personal definition of success.
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  Speaker 1: This is what I value most. What you want said
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  Speaker 1: about you at the end is what you value most
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  Speaker 1: and you owe it to yourself to discover that. You say, well, Andy,
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  Speaker 1: that's just so depressing. Now, let me tell you what's depressing.
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  Speaker 1: Depressing is getting to the end. and realizing what you
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  Speaker 1: value most is out of reach. And it happens all
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  Speaker 1: the time. So opt for ultimate over immediate. Opt for
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: ultimate over immediate. Don't settle for what my friend Adam
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Johnson calls not goals. You know what a not goal is?
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  Speaker 1: A not goal is I'm not gonna be like him,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be like her, I'm not gonna end
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: up there, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: But Adam says this, he says not is not enough.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: And defining your future and defining your success or trying
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: to lead yourself with not goals will not set you
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: up to lead yourself well.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: You have to discover what you value most.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: So the second decision, I will prioritize what I value
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: most over what I want now. The third decision is
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: this one. I will not attempt to lead myself by myself.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I will not attempt to lead myself by myself. Now,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: this seems a little bit not intuitive. It seems like
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: if I'm leading myself, aren't I leading myself by myself?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: You're not.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: In fact, you can't lead yourself by yourself. And you
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: know this from personal experience. You know this from childhood.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: You may have a few stories from your adulthood that
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: underscore this. Because we know, as we think about our childhood,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: as we think about our college years, as we think
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: about adulthood for some of us, your greatest regrets, let's
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: be honest, your greatest regrets, when you were creating what
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: would become your greatest regret, you were with friends. You
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: were with some friends that now you wish perhaps you
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: had never met.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And what happened? What happened? It was very simple.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: You were moving in a direction with people who supported
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: you moving in that direction. And now you look back
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: and you think that was terrible self-leadership. That was a
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: terrible decision. It was a terrible financial decision. It was
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: a terrible investment. It was a terrible idea. But you
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: had people around you that supported you in that decision.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: You can't lead yourself by yourself.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: And here's why. It's a principle. Our friends... Your friends.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Our friends determine the direction and the quality of our lives.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Our friends, your friends, determine the direction and quality of
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: your lives. And in fact, if you have kids, I
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: have three children. I have two out of college, one
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: that graduates Monday.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Yes. It's such a wonderful.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Thing to write that last check back in November to
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Auburn University War Eagle.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Anyway, yeah, over here on the right.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Yes. I'm sure out there in the broader world, there
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: was much clapping about Auburn. Anyway, so if you, the
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: point is this, if you have middle school kids and
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: you have high school kids and they're starting to kind
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: of pester you about that first tattoo, you know, I
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: want a tattoo, I want a tattoo, here's what I
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: would suggest. I would suggest as a parent, if you're
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: in that season of life, you say, sure, honey, you
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: can get a tattoo, but mama gets to choose it.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: And I suggest that you tattoo right here.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Your friends will determine the direction and the quality of
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: your life and have them look at that for the
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: next 10 years of their life because you know what
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: you know from your past and I know from my past?
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: My friends determine the direction and the quality of my life.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't end at 13 or 15 or 18.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And this is the thing. And here's the application as
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: it relates to this third decision. You don't simply need
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: friends with common interests. Most people develop friendships with people
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: who have common interests.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: That's a shortcut.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: It's easy to find people who share common interests. You
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: need to find people who share common values because self-leadership,
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: exceptional self-leadership is value-driven. Consequently, you need to find a
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: way to connect with people who don't simply have the
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: same interests that you.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Have, although obviously there's nothing wrong with that.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: You've got to do life with people who are moving
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: toward and embracing the same values that you embrace. And
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: the reason you know this is absolutely true is because
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: if you have kids, that's exactly what you would tell your.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Kids, right? But mom, we like the same music.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: And you're looking at the people who like the same
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: music as your kid going, that's great.
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: I still don't want you to go over there, right?
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: But you know, we have the same, I know, but
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: I still don't want you to hang out with him.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Because you know this as a parent. You know this
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: as an older brother, an older sister. The values that
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: a person embraces ultimately determines the direction and quality of
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: their life. And embracing or spending time with or building
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: communication with people who are moving in the same direction
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: has more to do with helping us in terms of
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: self-leadership than perhaps anything we can do on the outside.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Which means, and this is the hard part of this one,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: it means you may need to disconnect from a friend
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: or two. Again, this isn't just for high school students.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: This is for grown-ups. This is for And the reason
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: you may need to disconnect from a friend or two
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: is this, is that ultimate can be threatening to folks
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: who've opted for immediate. That ultimate could be threatening to
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: people who opt for immediate.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: When you decide, you know what?
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna spend the time to decide, to determine, to
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: discover what I really value most. I'm gonna quit lying
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: to myself. I'm gonna fire the liar and I'm gonna
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: become brutally honest with myself. And I'm gonna embrace what
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I ultimately wanna look back on. The people who aren't
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: moving in that direction, the people who are living for
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: immediate as opposed to ultimate, there may be some conflict
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: and that's okay. Because you're leading yourself. And here's the
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: bottom line. I'm gonna wrap up in just a couple minutes. Everybody, everybody,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: everybody ends up somewhere in life. Everybody, there's no option.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: This is just the way it is. Life's a journey, right?
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: It's the principle of the path. Direction determines destination. Direction
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: not intention determines destination, right? Everybody ends up somewhere in life.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: And the reason we're doing this day today and the
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: reason we put all this together is we want you
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: to end up somewhere on purpose. And there is only
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: one person on this planet that can determine whether or
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: not you end up somewhere on purpose. And it's the
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: person that you're confronted with every single morning in the mirror.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: So my friends, Lead that person well.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: You have very little influence, perhaps, at work in terms
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: of who you lead, but every single day you get
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: up with the opportunity and the responsibility to lead the
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: person that has more to do with your destiny than
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: any other person you'll ever meet. You think it's your boss,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: you think it's your company, you think it's stockholders, you
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: think it's the economy, you think it's a.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Whole lot of things.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: The person, the influence that has more influence over your
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: future then anybody or anything you'll ever confront is the
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: person in the mirror.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: So lead that person well.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Decide today, I will not lie to myself even when
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: it makes me feel bad about myself. Those days are over,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna fire the liar. Decide that you are gonna
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: prioritize what you value most over what you want now. Now,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: I realize that I've already ruined lunch for many of you.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: Today with this one.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Because you're going to sit down with the people on
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: your team, the people you came with, and you're going
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: to sit at, you know, most of you are going
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: to go to some fabulous restaurant or you're going to
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: be served a lunch, you know, on your site. And
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: everybody's going to look at dessert and feel terrible. So
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: I just want to free you of that guilt. But
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: I do want to remind you of this. Dessert is immediate.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Health is ultimate.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: Okay, enough about that.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: So what I want you to do, and the thing is,
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: you can do this before this weekend or during this weekend,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: is to sit down and spend some time asking the question,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: what do I value most? And work through that funeral exercise.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: It won't take very long. It's not depressing. It's gonna
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: open you up to the reality of what's most important.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: And once you decide and once you discover what your
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: values are, write those down. When I went through that exercise,
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: I forgot to tell you this, when I went through
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: that exercise, I actually, I took all those paragraphs and went,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: you know, what would I want? I wasn't married at
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: the time. Actually, I was engaged, you know, what would
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I want my future wife to say, all those things.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I took all that information, it was several paragraphs, and
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I condensed it to nine words, nine words. And I
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: could rattle off those nine words today. Those nine words,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: those value words became a perimeter around my behavior, a
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: perimeter around my thought life, a perimeter around the way
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I did business, the way I did ministry, and the
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: way I did relationships. Those became because I recognize as
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I want you to recognize. That's what success is for you.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: And then third, last, you got to decide. I'm not
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: going to lead myself by myself. I'm going to find
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: a way to do life with, to build a community
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: around me of people who value what I value. They
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: don't simply share the same interests that I Share. Leading
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: yourself well is not an essential for being a leader,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: but leading yourself well is essential if you want to
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: be a leader worth following. A leader with sustained influence,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: a leader with sustained performance. And every day of your life,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: every day of my life, we will be tempted to
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: opt for immediate over ultimate, but don't do it.
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: The person in the mirror.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: And not only is the person in the mirror counting
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: on you, for most of us, there are some other
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: smaller faces and smaller mirrors that are counting on us
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: as well.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you.