Latest / DidiLawren / What It Takes To Be A Good Wife Material - The Endurance Game

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What It Takes To Be A Good Wife Material - The Endurance Game · DidiLawren

• 0:31
  Hello and welcome back to another episode of Entre.
• 0:34
  Le raincy, only Lauren TV channel that celebrates ordinary
• 0:38
  people doing extraordinary things.
• 0:41
  So please subscribe like and also click on a notification
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  Bell to get notified anytime. I post new content.
• 0:49
  So for today's episode, we're going to be talking about wife
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  material or what it takes to be a very good wife material in the
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  African and Mandarin sense. Of that word.
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  So this discussion was inspired by talking mocking were media
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  personality in Nigeria. She came out and she mates, you
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  do some certain claims in her tweets or what she put us in our
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  social media page. So let me just read that for
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  you. So talk are marking what
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  basically said Nigerian men's definition of a strong woman.
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  One is long suffering, emotional abuse and high tolerance of
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  accepting bad behavior. You will hear them.
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  Say she turned, the boy in me into a man.
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  That means that her name is endurance.
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  The woman has endured. She went on to say that Society
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  encourages, that sort of narrative, women are seen as
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  strong by the amount of BS. She has to endure till the
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  money's ready to give her. Peace.
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  When they meet the woman who stands up for themselves Society
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  label them as Wayward and too opinionated.
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  Who is the society again, so she's basically asking who are
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  these people making these rules? A lot of people are tucked,
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  talking back in were saying that she's not qualified to even make
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  such General statements about Nigerian men.
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  Some people argue that talking like a should have just said, so
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  men, instead of saying nice. Jared management.
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  So they came out it, especially the main they argued on that
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  basis, that she should not have generalized All Nigerian men to
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  say their own and remain, are abusive, emotionally, abusive.
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  And not giving you a wife piece. So let me just give you a bit of
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  a background about talking McKeon work.
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  I cannot show you that talking Mark and what is very qualified
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  to have said what she said talking mocking what has been
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  through it. It she made, she dated her
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  ex-husband for over 11 years. They finally got married and got
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  married, was short-lived. Because she said, she was
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  enduring everything before the marriage.
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  She, he was cheating. He had a side chickie.
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  He had different girlfriends and she was busy working footing.
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  The bills. He was living in her house, but
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  she felt. Okay.
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  This is somebody I love. This is somebody I want to spend
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  the rest of My life with. I am happy to do, everything
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  takes to make him mine. So she was the typical Nigerian
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  and do your wing woman and a lot of people classified her as a
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  good woman at that point in time until they got married.
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  She said after they got married, the abuse continued.
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  He was still going about doing everything he was doing, he left
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  her to do stuff, out everything in the house.
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  Why he was spending his money on his side chick who apparently at
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  that point in time got pregnant had their son Tucker said she
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  was not, she knew that he was dating this other lady, but she
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  was thinking. Okay, now that she is the wife.
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  He would not continue without relationship or she said, most
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  of the time that they were married.
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  He was always traveling that because he's kind of a fitness
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  trainer. So she said you was always
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  traveling. They claiming to be going for
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  One Fitness job or the other or warm Fitness seminar or the
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  other. But he always end up in the side
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  chicks house. So when she found out that they
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  had a child. She said, she confronted him.
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  I think even before the wedding, but he denied everything.
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  But when she actually found out that he is the father of her
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  child. She called of the marriage, and
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  that was how that wedding ended. So it's true.
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  Can I can walk qualify to have said what she said?
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  Yes, because she had be, she wasn't typical Nigerian woman.
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  Talking has been through it. All Tokyo was married to this
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  man. Took care detailing for 11
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  years. She was hoping praying to be the
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  one. He chose among collateral of
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  girlfriends and, you know, side chicks and baby mamas.
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  And when he eventually picked her she was thinking.
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  Okay. This is going to be Final boss
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  stop is going to since his made a choice.
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  He would kind of stick with her. But that was not the case.
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  He was still feeling entitled to go out the eggs with cheese and
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  all that. And when she decided to leave
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  the marriage she was tagged, Wayward.
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  She was tagged to bad wife. She was tagged huge.
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  They courted only whole lot of names saying that she could not
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  a big deal. She did not give her husband
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  Pete. This, that was why he went out
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  today. This other lady to get her
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  pregnant that she could not. She was career-focused.
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  That was why she couldn't get pregnant.
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  And he goes somebody else pregnant.
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  So it was a whole lot of backlash.
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  So for talking mocking, what to have, come out to say those
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  things and to have tweeted or steam, it is coming from a place
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  of experience. I think in Africa, or in
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  Nigeria, especially because I'm going to speak as a Nigerian and
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  I Our enrollment. There is this expectation that
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  people expect from the lady. Let's say you're getting
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  married. Nobody is selling the husband.
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  You have to give you a wife, peace.
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  Nobody is looking at the wives piece.
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  It is always give you a man, peace.
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  Give your husband peace and that comes with a whole lot of BS
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  because if you were giving peace, I don't see how you're
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  going to give somebody piece in. If you're alive or your
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  girlfriend, you're dating somebody and that person is
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  going out doing whatever they are doing.
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  And you are aware of it. I don't see how you're going to
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  give that person piece. You're going to enjoy for some
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  time. Yes, you're going to put on your
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  big girl pants and be like, okay.
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  We are in this relationship over in this marriage for better for
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  worse. One day.
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  You're going to snap. One day, you're going to get
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  tired of it and you're going to give that.
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  And peace in as much as men are thinking.
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  Okay. I want to get somebody that will
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  give us. Peace.
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  Are you able to, do you even have peace within yourself?
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  You have fulfillment within yourself?
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  Because if you don't have peace and you're going out and you
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  marry somebody and you're thinking okay, this person is
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  going to give me peace. But within yourself, you don't
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  have peace. You're just going to frustrate
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  Somebody's Daughter and that person's daughter is going to
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  give you peace. You need enough piece for
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  yourself even. In the ladies, I mean if you're
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  getting married to somebody thinking this person is going
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  to, you know, fulfill my whatever or they're going to
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  make me happy because women men are looking for peace.
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  Women are looking for happiness. So if you're not making me
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  happy, I am not going to give you peace.
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  I think that is where the whole thing, clashes so men, get your
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  piece yourself, find inner. Peace.
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  Sure, you're doing what? You're not going to do because I
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  the end of the day, if we look at most of the comments that
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  came from this treat. Everybody was saying, why would
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  you not give your husband peace? Even if it's doing anything that
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  he's doing? He's the man of the house.
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  You should allow him to do those things.
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  And then I was reading those comments and I'm like, you think
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  you can get away with even if I don't leave any even if I want
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  to enjoy that marriage, just for the sake of Of keeping face just
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  for the sake of still answering mrs.
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  I'm going to stay there and in durable piece.
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  You're going to get peace. Think we're talking about here
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  is trying to say is that you cannot abuse, Somebody's
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  Daughter, emotionally mentally, psychologically, physically and
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  all the wise, and then you expect to have peace and
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  sometimes I don't think with how men are so broken.
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  Some of them, some of them are so broken, that they don't even
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  know when the abuse they don't even worry is abuse because you
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  know, most times some of these people grow up in homes where it
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  is vast moose, you know, your issues are what I was trying to,
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  your father is throwing, daggers everybody shouted and to then
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  doesn't want my family, so you If somebody coming up from that
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  sort of environment and getting married to somebody thinking, I
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  want peace. Because if you're coming from a
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  very dysfunctional home, the first thing they're looking for
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  is peace, and we don't remember, you're carrying a whole lot of
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  baggage from where you're coming from and then you getting
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  married to somebody thinking, you want, peace.
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  And then you're doing everything that you've learned through that
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  person without even realizing it.
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  And then that person is reacting based on what you're doing and
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  you're saying, oh, this person is not a good wife.
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  It's not giving me peace. After all, my my mother endured
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  everything. My mother's name is endurance.
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  She took everything like a champ.
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  She was there for my father regardless of anything.
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  Now, this generation of women. Nobody wants to endure marriage.
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  Nobody wants to endure suffering lesson.
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  We are work generation. Get with the program.
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  If you want peace, be ready to make somebody happy.
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  And if you cannot make somebody happy, don't expect that person
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  to give you peace because it goes hand in hand.
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  If a woman is happy. She is going to give you peace
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  you. She's not happy then.
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  I don't see how you should expect because if we didn't
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  sell, if she doesn't have happiness.
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  She is no peaceful. You won't come.
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  So I don't see how she's going to give what she doesn't have.
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  I don't see how anybody can project happiness.
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  When inside, they're not even happy.
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  I think this whole thing boils down to Inner Peace, inner
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  happiness, before you go out, looking for somebody to make you
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  happy and show that within yourself.
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  You happy before you go out to give somebody to give you peace
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  and show that we did in yourself.
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  You have peace and you can actually give peace.
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  Because if you have peace within yourself, you're going to be
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  peaceful. What are you like it or not?
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  If you're happy within yourself, you're going to light up a room
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  regardless of the mood in that room.
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  So, be fulfilled in yourself. Don't seek fulfillment from
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  somebody else. Be happy within yourself.
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  Don't seek happiness from somebody else.
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  Then I see who I think people can come together and then make
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  things forward but Africa, especially Nigeria.
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  They just few that no matter how broken in man is a woman is
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  supposed to endure a woman is supposed to fix that.
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  Nobody teaches the man, how to be your husband.
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  Everybody is focused on the woman, how to be a good wife.
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  And when she now get into, he has embodied all those things.
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  She's learned. How to, please her husband.
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  She's learned how to take care of our children.
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  She's learned how to keep your home.
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  And then you're getting into Union with somebody that That
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  has no clue. Has no idea.
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  And just think that, okay, you are coming in there to serve
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  them. They are literally children that
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  you have to nurture. You don't train like, I don't
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  know. Does everybody have the patience
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  to do that. I think this is where the
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  difference is, this generation. We don't have patience.
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  We, we don't have patience to sit down and take the It has
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  some people. Do some people still have that
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  patience Bowl. I think what we're seeing is
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  that majority are saying, I don't have to take it like
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  talking mocking, what she can do it for 11 years before getting
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  married to a husband and that Mary didn't even last hope to, I
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  think. Yeah, it will last up to a year
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  before she was like I'm doing I cannot potty-trained.
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  This person. So marrying.
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  Learn how to be husbands Before You Accuse.
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  Somebody of not being a good wife Before You Accuse.
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  Somebody of not being a wife material, sit down and ask
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  yourself. Are you husband material?
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  And it's know about finances. It's not about or I can go to
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  work. I can provide for the family.
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  That is not the point. Can you provide security for
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  emotional security, for that person?
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  Can you be there? Can you have you seen one man?
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  I think they are literally, like babies or when the wife is sick.
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  They don't. They just be grumbling are not
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  eating. I've not done this.
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  I've not done that. Put that woman is sick.
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  Why not, you know, take care of her.
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  The way she takes care of you. But they said, oh, women we have
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  to nurture, but the main they have to provide most times.
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  Hello women. Provide as much as men do
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  provide. So it, I think this is where the
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  balance has shifted. If you're in this Century.
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  If you 20 22 and you're thinking, that's the whole
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  responsibility of a man is to provide then you've lost the
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  plot. Then you wake up one day and
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  say, women don't enjoy because you're providing she's providing
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  and then you expecting her to give you peace happiness, love
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  and children. While you just bring money to
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  the table. She's also bringing money.
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  She don't need your money. So where she bounds, you know,
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  the say the worker generation. This is why the wolf generation.
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  They are not interested in marriages, if you found that
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  person your person, then that's perfect, but don't end you
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  because once you enjoying your relationship, you're going to
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  enjoy marriage is like, hello? That's going to happen.
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  Happen. So, before people come for
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  taking, I mean, I don't agree with everything that okay says,
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  but I think she is speaking from, you know, from experience.
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  She's been through this. A lot of times we say, oh, we
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  don't know. And they have to learn from
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  experience. But the same people if you're
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  telling them don't, and you're certain things before you get
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  married to somebody, they will tell you.
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  You don't want me to get married.
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  You want me to be as miserable as you are.
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  You don't want me to. No, it just make a modest
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  excuses. And then when they get into that
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  relationship will get into that. Marriage has decided realising,
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  ah, taka is actually right? She was making sense, but I
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  chose to ignore it. So sometimes you do not have to
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  believe everything that anybody is saying, but if the message
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  is, don't be a doormat, don't NGO?
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  Because this same menu, you can tolerate the achieve.
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  Eating but kids somebody that marriage or relationship is
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  over, but they're literally going to bring a baby and dumped
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  on you and expect you to take it.
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  They're not going to give you peace.
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  But once you give them war is going to be.
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  She is bad. She is this and she is part.
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  So I think the whole moral of this is do unto others what you
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  want them to do unto you if you don't have peace within
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  yourself, don't expect. Peace.
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  That person if you don't have happiness within yourself, don't
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  expect somebody else to give you happiness.
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  If you don't, if you want fulfilled internally, don't
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  think somebody can fulfill you don't think.
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  Marriage can feel. You don't think relationship can
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  make you who you have to find those things yourself.
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  You have to be fulfilled yourself.
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  You have to find purpose within yourself.
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  So that when you get into, you know, things that are not
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  working, is it, are you? Find how to compartmentalize
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  everything and deal with them or you be like, work generation and
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  bounce. So let me know your opinion.
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  Do you think talking Mike and why is out of line to have said
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  what she said or do you think she because of the fact that she
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  generalized saying that Nigerian men?
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  She has she lost the plot or she lost the whole line in that.
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  Bots is the message. True is the fact that Nigerian
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  women and do a lot, especially European women, ah, your by
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  women and your ass is their name.
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  I don't want to generalize so it's not like, oh, it's old
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  Yoruba. We met for so many about women.
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  I know some of them and what? They take, even a relationship,
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  ah, hmm. Nah, so anyway, let me hear your
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  comments. Let me hear your views and thank
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  you very much for watching. Bye.