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Seeing the Value in a Past Relationship to Be Wiser and More Discerning · The Hypnotist

• 0:05
  Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
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  access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine
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  issues. Brought to you by the
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  Hypnotherapist, Demanded by celebrities CE OS and even
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  royalty Adam Cox, These recordings took place live from
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  Evans Clinic in London's world famous Harley Street.
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  So get yourself comfortable and enjoy today's episode of The
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  Hypnotist. Hi.
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  It's Adam here, now this. Is a hypnosis session.
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  To help you really extract all of the.
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  Value the wisdom. From a past relationship that
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  can enable you to be much more. Discerning in any.
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  Future relationships at the crux of this.
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  Hypnosis session. It's really about the ability to
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  look back at key. Moments through the lens of
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  knowing. What I now know, what would I
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  have done differently? And this was a client that had a
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  long relationship, 27 years. And in that time, they tolerated
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  a lot in that relationship that now they wouldn't tolerate.
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  But it came from their own childhood of what they saw in
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  their family and a desire to really make something work.
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  And I think it's such a power belief that if you are in a
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  relationship, you have the ethos to mend that relationship rather
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  than end the relationship. However, that can lead to broken
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  values and almost ever reducing self esteem.
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  If no matter what happens in the relationship, you tolerate it,
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  that would. Be a form of.
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  Weakness because there is no boundaries.
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  So what? This hypnosis.
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  Session does is helps the client to go back to key moments of the
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  relationship. Through the.
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  Lens of knowing what I now know, what would I do different and
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  how can I extract the value? Going forward.
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  Now, that's quite a powerful and useful frame of thinking and I
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  would encourage you if you are, let's say, coming to the end of
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  a relationship or the relationship has already ended,
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  but at some level you haven't quite moved on.
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  There will be some elements of this that at the structural
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  rather than superficial level, will connect to your experience,
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  because at some level there is. Always wisdom.
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  That we can learn, and I'd encourage you to think about
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  whether it's yourself or someone else, that when they leave a
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  relationship, they're in such a hurry to get into a new
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  relationship that there is no self reflection.
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  There is no. Wisdom being taken.
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  From the past, either about selection, choice or what they
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  actually bought. What you actually bought to that
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  relationship. So there might be something
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  valuable that you can take from this.
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  And it ends with future pacing where they can actually imagine
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  themselves in a positive relationship, but using all of
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  that discernment from the past into their future.
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  So if at some level these themes connect, you should get some
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  value from this. It was created for an individual
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  though, so some of these suggestions might have been
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  relevant for the client, but not quite relevant for you.
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  So feel free to hone into the suggestions that are useful,
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  ignore any that aren't, and if you do like the idea of a
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  bespoke session, there will be a link in the description where
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  you can. Book A.
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  Completely free consultation. Call to explore working with me.
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  For now, don't find a quiet, comfortable place where you
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  won't be distracted or disturbed.
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  Relax and enjoy the session. Take a deep breath in, and as
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  you breathe in, breathe in that slow, long breath of relaxation.
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  And as you exhale, just allow your eyelids to feel heavier and
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  more relaxed. That's it.
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  As you release that breath, feel tensions start to leave your
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  body deeper and deeper, relaxed now.
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  And I want you to imagine breathing in a color that
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  represents worthiness. Whatever that colour feels like
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  it should be, Imagine a bright glowing version of that colour.
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  Imagine that worthiness going in through your nostrils, down your
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  windpipe, into your lungs. And imagine your heart taking
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  that colour of worthiness and distributing it to every cell in
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  your body. And as you exhale, imagine the
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  opposite, leaving your breath a dark shadowy colour that
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  represents unworthiness. I want you to get a feeling
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  then. Sometimes the value we give
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  ourselves can sometimes be tainted by the way other people
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  treat us. I want you to imagine someone
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  sleeping on the street, ignored. Perhaps people are yelling abuse
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  even they experience violence, and it would be easy for that
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  individual to equate how other people treat them as a measure
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  of their value. Imagine that person sleeping on
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  the street is teleported to a different reality, a different
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  universe. They are treated like AVIP in
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  every area of their life. People are opening doors.
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  Any wish, any demand immediately responded to.
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  I want you to get an intuitive feeling that their feeling of
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  worthiness could change. The same person in a different
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  environment can feel more or less worthy, and one of the most
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  powerful things to do to increase a feeling of self worth
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  is to remove yourself from an environment where you're not
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  valued. As you breathe in and breathe
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  out, I want you to imagine looking at a photo album.
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  Even if you've never had a photo album, you know what they look
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  like. Big, thick leather books.
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  Each page has. Three or four photos and imagine
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  this is a photo album of memories up to now.
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  As you look at the. First few pages I want you to
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  see he was a baby and then as a young child living in different
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  places, different countries and I want you to see from the
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  expression on your face how worthy you felt based on
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  different environments you were in.
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  Keep turning the pages and we need to see then all it took.
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  Was a few. People in your life to believe
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  in you, to value you. And things immediately changed.
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  But I want you to imagine. Turning to a.
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  Page in that photo album where you met someone that became the
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  mother of your children, I want you to see how young you looked.
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  Perhaps naive. You'd never had a long term
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  relationship before and I want you to see the qualities in that
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  younger version of you. Qualities of loyalty, love, a
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  desire to support, provide. And in the same way that you had
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  your past and your beliefs, your roles and identity, everyone
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  else has their own. Men often feel that to love is
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  to protect, to provide, to give. And many women grew up watching
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  Disney films where the Princess doesn't need to do anything,
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  that they are the prize, that their responsibility is simply
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  to receive. And we need to look at that
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  through a lens of acceptance, not judgement.
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  People have different ideas as to their role for their
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  responsibilities, and I want you to imagine that every human.
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  Is both. The lock and the key.
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  And I want you to get a sense then you were the key, the kind
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  of fit that lock, but not perfectly.
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  Just enough to feel, feel like it was meant to be.
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  But as you turn the pages of that photo album, I want you to.
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  See it? How often you are relying on
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  hope to make the relationship the relationship that you always
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  wanted. I want you to get a sense then,
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  in the same way that there are some men that don't want a team,
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  they want. A.
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  Trophy. To put on a pedestal and that's
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  what they're looking for in their partner.
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  And some want to be the trophy or be the Princess.
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  And I want you to get a sense that that was never what you
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  were looking for when you look. Back what?
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  You were really looking for was a partnership, A-Team pulling
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  together in the same direction to build a life that you both
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  wanted. But what if that's what you
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  wanted, not necessarily what they wanted?
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  I want you to get a sense of how.
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  Easy it is. For two people to move a sofa
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  from one part of the room to another.
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  It just happens in seconds and think how.
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  Difficult it is. For one person to move that same
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  sofa. And what if you were doing what
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  you could to move that sofa on your own, hoping you'd get
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  someone else to lighten the load?
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  And even when you asked and even when you communicated, it always
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  ended up you moving that sofa all by yourself.
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  And I want you to think as you look through the photos that
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  represent key milestones and memories of those the first few
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  years in that relationship, what were the red flags that were
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  being waved and you avoided? You may have seen them but
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  ignored them, or maybe you didn't notice them at all.
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  But now, with all your experience and wisdom, now when
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  you look back, some of those red flags were obvious.
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  As you turn a page in the photo album, I want you to.
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  See pictures of. An early holiday Some people
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  consider an early holiday in a relationship as a litmus test, a
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  clue. It's almost like a relationship
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  training at altitude. If the relationship.
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  Is strong that holiday? Will bring people closer
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  together, but if. It's the wrong key for the wrong
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  lock. An early holiday could reveal
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  the lack of compatibility what if, all along, what you wanted
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  was different from what they wanted and what if you ignored
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  those early signs because of your own past the belief that
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  you can simply. Will it?
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  To make it work. If there's a problem, you'll
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  fix. It and.
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  What if by doing that? The other.
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  Person started to feel less of a need to change or alter
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  themselves because all of the changing and altering was being
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  done by you. As you turn the pages and see
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  these memories, I want you to feel how.
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  Easy it is. To extract all of the wisdom
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  wisdom about what kind of person do you really want to be with
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  wisdom about what are you willing to tolerate and what are
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  you not willing to tolerate some people believe that the the
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  reason that bad things happen to good people is that you get what
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  you. Tolerate.
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  Not what you deserve and I want you to see.
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  As you flick those pages. Just how much you tolerated and
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  therefore. You received.
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  What you tolerated, your intention was good, but at some
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  level you enabled everything in that relationship to happen the
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  way it happened. Because by accepting it, the
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  message implicitly is that this is OK.
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  But knowing what you now know, I want you to imagine updating
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  those photos to what they would have been.
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  Those. Early meetings, dates,
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  conversations may have meant that a relationship never became
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  a relationship, someone you simply got to know and figured
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  out wasn't quite compatible for you.
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  Or maybe it was an early holiday, but rather than that
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  holiday finishing no longer on speaking terms, rather than that
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  creating a desire to make it better, what if that was all the
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  information you needed to think it over and think, this isn't
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  quite right, It's not for me. As you update memories to new
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  choices, empowered, discerning choices, I want you to get a
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  feeling that when it comes to relationships, if it's not quite
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  as you want it to be, you don't end it.
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  You mend it. It gives it a chance, but I want
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  you to feel not. Just a belief, but a.
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  Conviction taking form that if you try to mend it and you can't
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  mend it, you can't get the relationship.
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  To the level. That you're happy and fulfilled
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  in that relationship, then your duty is to end it.
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  For the good. Of you, and for the good of them
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  and for the good of anyone else involved, I want you to get a
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  sense that time is precious. And to stay in something that
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  isn't quite there means that time that could be deployed
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  elsewhere for you and them gets tied up and something not quite
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  right. And if your unconscious is
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  willing to extract the wisdom of the past to influence the
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  future, let me know by nodding your head.
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  That's in. But let's not just extract
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  wisdom. Let's extract gratitude.
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  I want you to think how much you've grown over that time, how
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  you've evolved your level of self-awareness.
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  Demons of the past that have banished your resilience, your.
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  Capabilities. All enhanced and then see the
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  photos in that album of the births or early memories of your
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  children. It's.
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  Possible that incredible. Things can come from a
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  relationship that wasn't ideal, and you get to be grateful.
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  Grateful that incredible things can come from things that were
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  suboptimal a rotten. Fruit could be.
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  Thrown into the ground and the seeds of that rotten fruit.
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  Could create. Wonderful, impressive trees.
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  While the fruit. Wasn't desirable.
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  It doesn't mean it had no value. As you breathe in and breathe
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  out, extract the gratitude and the wisdom from that
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  relationship with a clear perspective.
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  But it was never yours to own. She was never a possession.
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  She was a passenger in the journey of your life, and you
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  were a passenger on hers. And for a while, you were two
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  passengers sat side by side sharing a journey, but the
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  journey was never, ever going to the same destination.
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  And when you think of that now, it all makes sense.
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  And you've sat next to passengers on a train or a plane
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  and you don't think about them when that journey ends.
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  This may have been a longer journey and you may have been
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  passengers for longer, but now anything that they do, unless it
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  directly impacts your children, is none of your concern.
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  Their choices are their choices. Their decisions are their
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  decisions. But that also applies to you.
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  Your choices are your choices and your decisions are your
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  decisions. I want you to get a flavour and
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  a feeling. Then you were too reliant on
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  hope, and rather than relying on hope, I want you to be willing
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  to make choices and decisions based on reality, not hope and
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  wishful thinking that when shown someone shows you who they are.
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  You believe your own eyes and your own experiences when they.
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  Show you believe. Them and if they're
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  disrespectful, rude. It's information.
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  For you to. Influence your choices, your
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  decisions. There is no obligation to stay
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  in a relationship that is 1 sided, that is parasitic, where
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  you're the. Host.
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  And they just take and take. That's not a relationship,
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  that's a transaction. And if your unconscious is now
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  willing to draw a line on the past, the same it.
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  Is what it is. And it was what it was.
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  So any. Thoughts and emotions that come
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  up from this point forward are simply echoes.
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  Echoes of the. Past and any pangs of desire are
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  not for the past, it's for the future that you are currently
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  creating. If your unconscious mind is
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  willing to extract all the. Value.
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  From the past and now move. On from it.
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  Let me know by nodding your head.
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  That's it. And now, as you turn the pages
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  of that photo album, I want you to imagine seeing yourself over
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  the next few months with a new. Level of confidence.
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  A new lease of life with all. Of that.
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  Wisdom and gratitude. In the future, if anyone asks
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  about that relationship, you speak from a place of how much
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  wiser you are and how grateful you are.
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  No resentment. No bitterness.
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  No. Anger because it doesn't exist.
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  What you truly have. There's a feeling of gratitude.
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  You're grateful for what it did for you, but you're more
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  discerning now to avoid history repeating.
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  See yourself over the next few months.
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  New dates, new interactions. Not from a place of.
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  Weakness from a place of strength.
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  The wisest. Most capable?
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  Version of you and anyone that doesn't want that is good news
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  for you because it means you don't need to be so discerning.
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  You only need to be discerning with those that are interested
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  in you. I want you to feel that whatever
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  happens, you're moving forward. Every day makes you wiser, every
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  interaction more discerning, and you are operating from a belief.
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  You don't need a relationship. You're just open to the right
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  relationship. And I want you to imagine that
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  future relationship in the early weeks, perhaps months of that
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  relationship before it becomes exclusive or serious.
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  I want you to get a sense that you initiate.
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  Conversations about the. Future or a shared holiday so
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  that you can extract the value of the past to be more
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  discerning in the future. Your unconscious mind agrees.
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  Let me know by nodding your head.
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  That's it. Imagine closing that photo album
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  and try and think about the far the past in a way that makes you
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  feel sad or nostalgic and notice how elusive it is.
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  It becomes impossible to think about that relationship without
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  feeling that you're wiser and grateful that you have moved on
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  completely. Start to leave this place in
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  your imagination. So take a deep breath in through
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  your nose and down through your nose.
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  Wiggle your fingers. Wiggle your toes.
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  Start to connect and calibrate into the here and the now as I
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  now count from 1:00 to 10:00 to awaken you starting to count 123
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  waking up 456 more alert. 78. Open your eyes.
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  Open your eyes 910 Wide awake, Wide awake.
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  Wide awake. Thank you.
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  So much for joining me on today's episode of The
• 31:11
  Hypnotist. If you've enjoyed this episode
• 31:14
  or got some value from it, please give it a five star
• 31:17
  rating and review. And maybe, you know, someone
• 31:21
  that would also benefit from this particular episode.
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  In which case? Share the episode with them so
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  they can also get the benefit too.
• 31:30
  And if you would like. To listen to this episode where
• 31:33
  it's just the hypnosis. So no.
• 31:36
  Intro No outro. No explanation, just the
• 31:39
  hypnosis and completely ad free. There will be a link.
• 31:42
  In the description where you can subscribe at a very low cost and
• 31:46
  only get access to the hypnosis. So if that's of interest, please
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  check. That out.
• 31:52
  Thank you again for being a regular listener of the
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  hypnotist, and I'll see. You again soon for more.