Latest / Dam Internet, You Scary! / 373: The Rules Changed: Dating, Work & the American Dream on DIYS with Kali Scott

Transcript

373: The Rules Changed: Dating, Work & the American Dream on DIYS with Kali Scott · Dam Internet, You Scary!

0:02
Damn, internet you scary. Here's what we need,
0:07
and it's hard to do
0:10
without offending people
0:15
and getting labeled as a misogynist, but the
0:21
closest thing we had to it was, what's the man that died?
0:25
Black man from Atlanta that was doing- George Floyd? Uh-uh.
0:29
Oh, the meme?
0:29
That was Milwaukee or Minnesota, actually. Nah, it was Milwaukee.
0:32
But he was even sitting, he would talk to the camera, and he had guests on.
0:35
Who died? He died, he had a heart attack or whatever. Kevin Samuels?
0:38
Kevin Samuels, right. Kevin Samuels was probably the closest thing, and I think
0:43
there are some other pages on Instagram, somebody was telling me, but you need a
0:47
page for how
0:49
a real n***a thinks. I think Kevin Samuels' downfall was, well,
0:55
not his downfall, his shortcoming was the fact that he was judging the women
1:01
based on their environment and where they were in life.
1:03
You just need a n***a to tell you how he really feel. Like an average real n***a.
1:09
I was talking to my friend about this. Are we rolling?
1:12
So,
1:14
gay men
1:17
have a very casual hook-up lifestyle.
1:21
Mm.
1:21
Mm. They meet a n***a in the club. "Hey, n***a, like the way your d**k hanging."
1:25
"Hey, freaky as hell." "What's up with that thing?" They f**k that night.
1:29
It's no strings attached because they understand, as a man, I just want the
1:33
physicality of this. They're n****s. I don't have to keep in contact with it.
1:36
I feel like because women are the gender that are shamed
1:42
publicly for only wanting sex, they don't have that freedom, right?
1:46
That's a good point. So, they feel like they have to have the investment of time,
1:51
energy, and finances to validate them sleeping with a man.
1:56
So I think we should start a movement called We All Hoes, just not all the time.
2:03
And anybody that subscribes to this movement has that T-shirt, and they also have a
2:07
T-shirt that says, "We all hoes." So based on the day and how you're feeling,
2:13
if you wear that T-shirt, we know what you're working with.
2:17
And it ain't no judgment because look, we all hoes, just not all the time.
2:21
You know who's going to sue you? Who? Amber Rose.
2:24
Mm.
2:25
Wow. She did that first. Did she do it? You repackaged the SlutWalk.
2:30
No, but here's the thing. The SlutWalk is like- Just gave it a different angle ...
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hey, different hoes, to embrace your hoe in solidarity and let's take the streets.
2:38
Nah, we hitting the streets. We all hoes.
2:40
We ain't taking the streets, we just hitting the streets.
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And sometimes you want to be hoe-ish, do a little hoe dancing-
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But not every day
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... pop that little p***y on the handstand-
2:48
Right
2:48
... but you ain't really trying to give that p***y up tonight. Sometimes you are.
2:52
Happy hoes. Sometimes you're just like, "No." Happy hoes. Yeah.
2:55
That's not all the time part. But sometimes you're like, "Yo, I'm on that s**t
3:00
tonight. I'm drinking Hennessy tonight.
3:02
I already ain't wearing no panties." You know what I'm saying?
3:04
I got the clear jellies on.
3:07
I'm trying to get my f**k on tonight.
3:08
Are you talking as you, or are you talking as them?
3:10
Well, I'm talking as the women, right? Okay.
3:13
Well, I think that we would also need to coach our young men to be okay with her
3:17
just sleeping with you tonight.
3:18
Mm-hmm.
3:19
That's also a big factor for why women don't feel like they can be hoes, is because
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emotionally, men are like, "You gave me some, you want me, right?"
3:27
Uh-huh.
3:27
And it's like, "Oh, no, I was just having a good time.
3:30
See you later."
3:31
Some men are like that because there are possessive men, just like there are
3:34
possessive women, but men are also conditioned to believe that we have to do the
3:39
dinner, contact you, good morning, love, good night, love, how was your day s**t,
3:44
because that's what the societal norm is.
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If we start a movement, a new movement- ...
3:49
and we be like, "Yo, we out here hoeing sometimes, right?
3:53
We out here hoeing sometimes, and then we out here hoeing." So we know exactly
3:57
where you are, and if you're in the community, you see somebody with a shirt on, if
4:01
they not hoeing that night, you can still like, "Hey, what's up?
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How you doing, hoe?" "I'm good. How are you doing?" Boom. Right?
4:05
Oh, like hoe neighbor. Let's normalize it, right? Let's normalize it.
4:09
We taking back hoe like Black people take back the N-word.
4:11
Well, I mean, yes- They tweeted ... but there's not as much- They tweeted ...
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trauma as attached to hoe.
4:18
So like the B-word for women?
4:20
Sort of. But here's the thing. See, the B-word belongs to a community, like the
4:24
F-word belongs to a community, like n***a belongs to a community.
4:27
Right.
4:28
Right? Hoes is for everybody. We don't own these hoes.
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And that's what n****s need to get across their head. We don't own none of these.
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Even when you married, you don't own these hoes.
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You make a conscious decision to wake up every day and love that person and be
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faithful to that person and be kind to that person. It's just like happiness.
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Happiness is a state of being. It's a mindset. You don't wake up happy.
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You wake up and say, "I'm going to have a good day today." Mm-hmm.
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But there's not an emotion that is directly tied to happiness other than smiling.
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But even that, you was like, "Oh, my God, they gave me 12 wings instead of 10.
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I'm happy about that." Great example.
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Happiness is a mindset, and it's typically directly connected with a situation or a
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state of being. It's not something like
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you don't just wake up with it. It's a conscious decision to be happy. Mm-hmm.
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And that's a lot of things, I think that's a thing that people don't understand.
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It's like if you're going through some s**t,
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like the past couple of months or last year, I was going through some s**t, right?
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And now I'm coming out on the other end of the s**t.
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And yes, overarching theme is I'm still in the mix of this s**t, right?
5:36
Mm-hmm.
5:36
But if I zoom in and get into the minutia, right?
5:41
This day, I was good. The day before I was good. The day before that, I was good.
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Tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be good, right?
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So I'm making a conscious decision to say, "I'm straight.
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I'm happy."
5:52
Mm.
5:52
Regardless of the overarching s**t I'm still going through, this week I'm in a good
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space, and I'm choosing to embrace that.
5:59
The same way we should choose to embrace the hoe-ism.
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You spitting with this wig on-
6:04
Yeah
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... is really a lot for me. Like having to separate you-
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Screen for this
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... as a theologian and-
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Hey, man
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... with the wig outfit.
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I'm trying to put this s**t in simple context, and sometimes you need to see an
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unfamiliar face to listen, because you see my face, you go, "Oh, this n***a on that
6:19
b******t." But this pumperdoodle, this pumperdoodle right here spitting like a
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m**********r.
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Do you hear what I'm saying?
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I, unfortunately, do.
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Look, I need you to understand that sometimes you got to embrace the hoe.
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Mm.
6:33
You don't have to go to Vegas or Cancun or Cabo to embrace the
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hoe. We should have the luxury of embracing the hoe wherever we at.
6:43
No, out of town hoeing is great because it don't even count as a body.
6:47
Out of town hoeing is fundamentally a good idea-
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Right
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... for everybody.
6:50
Right. But hear me out on this.
6:52
Out of town don't count. Out of town is a body. Huh.
6:54
Well, this is my theory. I always thought that, like if you stayed on the East
6:57
Coast or the Midwest and you went to Vegas to hoe, then it never happened because
7:02
you never catch up with that time. That time is always in the past, and the past is
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always the past. So you have to go from East Coast to West Coast for it to not
7:08
count. Yeah, like if you live in Vegas or if you stay in Seattle and you go to
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Vegas and you do some hoeing, oh, b***h, you was hoeing.
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What if you go from the West Coast to the East Coast and then go back in time to
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reverse it like in "Flash"? Actually, that s**t might catch up with you because the
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present always becomes- Three hours later.
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Yeah, the present always becomes the future. You know what I mean?
7:25
The future becomes the present. But I'm saying, man, we need to embrace, because
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I'm
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all for feminism, I'm also all for equal rights, but my thing is, like if we going
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to do that, then all right, well, you pick up the tab for the date.
7:40
No.
7:40
Exactly. Exactly. So why should I invest-
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I'm all for hoeing, but I'm not with reverse tricking.
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It's not reverse tricking, it's an investment, right?
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It is.
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If it ain't an investment, then we can meet at Starbucks.
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We can meet at Starbucks, we can take a walk, we can chill in the car and go song
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for song for who got the best playlist. Versus- We don't have to... Yeah.
7:59
This is the thing. All right, people do first dates at the movies.
8:02
What the f**k you going to do at the movies?
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Sit quiet for an hour and a half, two hours?
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You could just be creative. A free date is never the problem.
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It's the intentionality and the effort of the date.
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If you were creative, I've been on free dates that were fun.
8:14
Uh-huh.
8:15
You got to trick me into thinking that you want to have fun more than you want it
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to be $7.
8:20
Okay. All right. Why can't I do both?
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Why? It's the energy behind it.
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Because gas is $6. Gas is $7. B***h, who the f**k want to come pick you up and
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meet you somewhere, then pay for it, right, walk you to your car, right, all for
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the possibility... Ladies, I came up with this a couple nights ago. I was high.
8:40
It's when I did that honor board video. But I feel like- You were high?
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Oh, n***a, I thought it was a sleep gummy. I was up at 2:00 a.m.
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doing product reviews before I did that honor board.
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I was like, this is the oldest energy.
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I know you was high that whole video because I was like, "What the hell is wrong
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with you?" N***a, I was high as eagle p***y. You hear me?
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I was in the clouds, n***a. I had a Weemo playin' in the background, n***a. Yeah.
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Let me tell you something. Ladies, this will tell you exactly the type of man
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you're dealing with and how old he is, right?
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Because 21 to 25 just out the gate be like, "Hey, would you stay up with me- All
9:15
night with just the possibility of getting some p***y,
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right? Just the possibility. It's a 50/50 chance you might get something.
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You might stay up. Y'all might link up around 8:00.
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We talking 6:00 AM, and you might get some p***y.
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21 to 25, all they hear is might get some p***y. P***y, right? They going to do it.
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They in it for the long haul. 26 to 35, them n****s be like, "I don't know if I
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like that ROI. That return on investment don't sound good.
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50/50 chance, and then I got to miss sleep.
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I got to come over to your s**t you don't even feel comfortable on.
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Respectfully, don't feel comfortable coming over to my s**t." Fine. F**k it, right?
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36 to 44, you out your rabbit-ass mind.
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The possibility of getting some p***y? It ain't even a guarantee.
10:00
That's true.
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You out your goddamn mind. And then, y'all don't even be telling n****s, when y'all
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be having pets, everybody ain't dog people. Everybody ain't cat people.
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You going to come over to your funky-ass house, right?
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With this big-ass dog that likes to lay in between us and on me. F**k this dog.
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It's the smell.
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And it might not give me p***y.
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It's the smell.
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As soon as you walk in-
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I love dogs too, but women who have dogs that they're best friends with, it has a
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certain smell.
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Really?
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And every man has put up with that smell for some c***h.
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Let me tell you something. Now I got to get a lint roller in the car-
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Oh, yeah
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... every time I leave your m***********g house.
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Oh, the hair.
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Right? Yeah.
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And I start sneezing.
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And hair be everywhere. And if she got on little shorts or something like that, and
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she do give you some p***y, you go down on her, it's going to be some dog hair
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somewhere on there.
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Oh, I never thought of that.
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That hair get everywhere, right?
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I never thought of that.
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This is the s**t y'all need to be asking when y'all be dating people, too.
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"Are you a pet person?"
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That's a werewolf.
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"How much of a pet person are you? Does your dog sleep in the bed with you?"
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Yep, that's what I'm talking about.
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That s**t right there, that's different.
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"Do you kiss your dog after a long day?" These are questions that we don't ask,
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that we need to ask.
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I don't like men that have dogs, most of the time.
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Why?
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I don't like how they interact with men, and how they interact with their dog.
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Mm.
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So, if I date a man, and he has a dog, I need to know what kind of dog.
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Because if it's a big dog, I already know, you probably got control issues, and
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that dog is a slave.
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What?
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I don't like men who won't let their dogs be dogs.
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Like the guys who are like, "Oh, yeah, he's crate-trained, and he don't do nothing.
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Get down." I'm like, "Yo, he's a dog."
11:34
Mm-hmm.
11:35
"Let him be a dog for a minute." If not, I'm like, "Oh, you're a cra-" Like, the
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dudes who are super strict walking their dog, and the dog got to be like right here
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at their side-
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Mm-hmm
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... and can't sniff nothing. It's outside. That dog got a great nose.
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He does have a great nose.
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Right? I don't know why-
11:48
That's hilarious.
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I completely understand where you're coming from.
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I disagree wholeheartedly, though.
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What?
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Keep your m***********g dog near you, bro.
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I agree with that.
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That's your dog at home.
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The training. Yeah, the training.
11:59
His thing, and that's the thing, I think that white people, we going to get to some
12:02
stories at some point. Our guest is Callie Scott, ladies and gentlemen.
12:04
She's a content creator, comedian. She hosts panels about comedy.
12:10
She dope all the way around, right? But we going to get into that s**t in a minute.
12:13
Here's my thing.
12:14
Whatever you say, they did. That was a great intro.
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White people, I need y'all to understand, and I need y'all to tap into me.
12:21
Is this my circle right here, Amir?
12:23
Mm-hmm.
12:23
Hear me out. White people who go hiking with y'all dogs, put your dog on that
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m***********g leash-
12:28
For real
12:29
... on that leash-on area. I need y'all to understand that Black people, a lot of
12:33
Black people, are dispositionally already trained to not trust or like dogs.
12:38
We had the m**********r sick on us during the civil rights movement.
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Oh, my God.
12:44
I can't walk past a dog or a fire hydrant without shuddering, okay?
12:48
Because the s**t is ingrained in me the same way the sharks still travel the
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Pacific slave route.
12:56
What?
12:59
They do.
12:59
For real?
13:00
Yes. Look it up, bro.
13:01
They changed the migration pattern?
13:04
Well, because they would follow the slave ships because so many slaves would die in
13:07
transit that that became their way of eating, and they still travel that way all of
13:12
these years after slavery is over.
13:13
That's crazy.
13:14
It's f*****g crazy. So, when you got your dog off of f*****g leash, and I'm trying
13:18
to hike to stay fit, and you like, "Oh, he's friendly," I don't give a f**k if that
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b***h is selling lemonade on the side of the f*****g street.
13:25
Put your f*****g dog on the leash. Now, if I kick him, I'm wrong.
13:29
If you hear a m***********g "Brr!" I'm wrong.
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But your m***********g dog ran up to me, and I don't know what type of dog he is.
13:36
I don't have a purse to clutch like y'all do when we cross the street, so I'm going
13:39
to kick this f*****g dog.
13:41
Have you ever owned a dog?
13:42
Yes, we got a dog at the f*****g house. I don't f**k with him, though.
13:45
That's they dog.
13:46
I don't get how people don't like dogs. That's crazy.
13:48
Here's the thing, it's not like I don't like them.
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I just prefer not to be around them.
13:53
That's not liking something.
13:54
No, no, that's like kids.
13:55
That's the same. No, that's like kids.
13:56
That's like kids.
13:57
I don't really f**k with them like that.
13:58
I don't really f**k with kids like that either.
13:59
To be around them?
14:00
Yeah.
14:00
That means you don't like them.
14:01
Well, here's the thing. Kids ask a lot of questions. Their hands be sticky.
14:05
They stink a lot of the times. You know what I mean?
14:07
And they got germs. They're germs.
14:09
When a kid gets sick, something about kindergarten classrooms, when they bring the
14:14
illness home, you get ill.
14:16
Right.
14:16
Mm-hmm.
14:16
You don't even get sick. You get illnesses-
14:19
Yeah
14:19
... from kids being sick.
14:20
Because they ain't been living long enough, so they haven't built up enough
14:23
antibodies, so you getting the f*****g potent-
14:26
The first strain
14:26
... the potent version. Yeah, they're f*****g- ...
14:28
patient zero when they come up-
14:30
The pure
14:30
... with that s**t. You know what I'm saying?
14:31
That pure influence.
14:32
Kids walk around with the strongest cases of COVID-
14:35
Yeah
14:35
... because they ain't got no antibodies. Little young b*******s. Y'all weak, bro.
14:39
You're f*****g weak, bro. I'm going keep it a bean.
14:42
A lot of y'all kids ain't going to be s**t when they grow up. Let's keep it real.
14:45
They not. College isn't being pushed off on kids no more.
14:48
They're more in tune with learning s**t online, which is great for fast food
14:54
information, which means that you're going to get the bare bones of s**t, but you
14:57
don't necessarily understand the inner workings of it.
14:59
Now, I will give this new generation props, for they're way more emotionally in
15:03
tune, and they're way more inclined to go to therapy to find out what's really
15:08
going on. But they also find every excuse not to be a hard f*****g worker.
15:13
They're overly-
15:14
P*****s
15:14
... emotionally available. Sometimes, suck it up.
15:20
Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
15:21
Sometimes you got to punch a n***a in his chest. Like, sometimes- ...
15:24
you don't need to talk about it.
15:26
I
15:28
completely understand what you're saying, and to that part, I agree.
15:32
I think kids nowadays, we have so much information available, they lean on that
15:36
more than anything, and I think that there needs to be a balance between
15:40
information, retaining it, using it, and still being a hard worker.
15:44
I was having a conversation with my daughter one time, and I was talking about her
15:47
work acumen, and she called out from work. I'm like, "Yo, you be calling.
15:50
You ain't got enough money, you calling off to hang with your friends." She was
15:53
like, "I mean, why would I be excited about going to a job that's never going to
15:56
pay me enough money to be able to afford a house?"
15:59
Oof.
16:00
And I was like-
16:01
Uh-oh
16:01
... "Yeah, that's right. You dead a*s right."
16:04
I get that. I'm in the same position, though.
16:06
Yeah.
16:06
But here's the thing, I might not have a house.
16:07
I might be able to afford a nice-ass condo, or I can move out of state, and I can
16:11
afford a house. Yes, you might not be able to live the specific dream that you had
16:16
initially when you cooked it up, but you can alter it and still achieve the goals
16:20
that you want to. And eventually, if you get a house in another state, and you just
16:23
keep saving in the other state, you might save up to be able to put down on a house
16:26
in the place that you originally wanted, or at least a vacation home.
16:29
Well, the problem is we were raised with the American dream being still a delusion.
16:33
We thought it was going to be possible.
16:34
We still thought all these things were achievable.
16:37
We seen Barack Obama be president, and it was like, "Whoa, that's so crazy for us."
16:41
Mm-hmm.
16:41
However, these kids are being raised and told straight to their face, "All this
16:45
s**t is on fire."
16:46
Yeah.
16:47
And all the information that we had hidden from us, like when the housing market
16:51
crashed-
16:51
Mm-hmm
16:51
... I had no clue-
16:52
Okay
16:52
... what was going on.
16:53
Right.
16:54
But everybody else knew. All the adults know all the s**t, and that's not being-
16:59
We have stopped telling the kids-
17:01
Yeah
17:02
... the s**t is on fire.
17:03
No, I don't think we have to anymore. They see it.
17:05
It's the social media, yeah.
17:06
I think that the idea of the dream and the American dream for us growing up,
17:11
especially as people of color, was always there, but we also understood that that
17:16
dream and that path to that dream wasn't necessarily for us.
17:20
Because I was always told as a Black man, I got to work twice as hard as my
17:24
counterparts.
17:25
Right.
17:25
So yeah, you got access to the American dream.
17:28
You just got to go through the back door, take the steps up, can't use the
17:31
elevator. You also have to use used books and hope that all the pages are in that
17:34
chapter for you to study and be able to be ready for the quizzes of life.
17:38
But yeah, you still have access to it, and that's still what it is.
17:41
Mm-hmm.
17:41
Unless you're a nepo kid or you come from money, that
17:46
path to that American dream is not fully accessible to you.
17:50
You have to figure out a different route to get to it, but it's there.
17:54
But it's also like, it's the illusion of ignorance is bliss.
18:01
If you give people something to work toward, they'll work.
18:03
Mm-hmm.
18:03
Right? We all did that. Even with college, I don't think my
18:09
education was the most valuable tool I got from college.
18:13
I think it was my problem-solving skills.
18:15
I think it became the network of friends and contacts that I made when I was there.
18:19
I think it became the ability to be on my own, and problem solve,
18:25
and budget on my own without that safety net of parents, or friends, or family to
18:31
be there for me to take care of s**t. That's what I got from college.
18:34
Those are the useful life skills that I'm still grasping for today when I have a
18:40
problem, not necessarily finite math. You know what I mean?
18:43
What was your major?
18:44
My major was business administration with an emphasis on entrepreneurship and a
18:48
minor in marketing.
18:49
Ooh.
18:49
Wait, it was what?
18:51
Business administration with an emphasis on entrepreneurship.
18:54
So basically, business classes.
18:56
Okay.
18:56
Learning about finite math, learning about interest rates, learning about scale,
19:02
learning about demand and supply, all of that type of stuff.
19:07
That sounds useful.
19:08
Yeah. It's definitely useful.
19:11
As far as sales forecasting and creating a business plan, absolutely.
19:16
But who in entertainment, for the most part right now, is creating a business plan
19:20
to be a comedian?
19:22
You.
19:22
No.
19:23
You.
19:24
No, we're not. We're so far removed from the things that were
19:30
necessary for business years ago.
19:34
You don't think that your structure and foundation of college, your education in
19:38
business, has set you up to be far ahead of your peers who have no education in
19:42
business?
19:43
I think
19:45
I have access of knowledge of certain tools that they may learn eventually later on
19:50
in life, but I still think that life is the best teacher.
19:54
I can go into any job in entertainment with the knowledge that I have, but there's
20:00
still going to be a learning curve for the way this business handles their
20:03
business. I can have all of that knowledge, be like, "Yeah, we don't do any of that
20:07
s**t. So, what I need you to do is we're going to take these emails, we're going to
20:10
cold email people to see where they are in their career, and if they want to sign
20:13
up and do commercials with us, or sign up with us." This level of business
20:19
is completely separate from what I learned in college.
20:21
What was more helpful for me is when I worked at DirecTV for three months before I
20:26
went back on tour, and I learned stuff like how to sell to strangers.
20:31
Mm-hmm.
20:31
How to disarm strangers. You know, you try to sell somebody something, you keep
20:35
saying, "Sir, ma'am, sir, ma'am," they only hear that s**t because you already feel
20:39
like an opposing force.
20:41
Mm.
20:41
But if I learn your name early on, "Hey, what's your name?" "Callie." "Oh, what's
20:44
up, Callie? Oh, I like that name. Is that with a K or a C?" "Oh, it's with a K."
20:48
"Oh, s**t, where you from originally?" "What? I got family out there.
20:52
I used to go there every summer and spend the summers with my grandparents.
20:56
We went to this little lake." But anyway, you don't want to hear all of that.
20:58
Now I've disarmed you. Now I feel like a friend.
21:00
Now I don't feel like such a threat that's trying to sell you something.
21:03
Mm.
21:03
And I think that is way more useful than a lot of s**t that I learned in college.
21:07
How so?
21:07
Because even, it doesn't matter what profession that you're in,
21:14
you're in f*****g sales. You're an influencer?
21:17
You're trying to sell people on whatever you putting on your page.
21:21
To stay there more, to watch it, to subscribe, to follow, to check you out on
21:25
Twitch, to check you out on Facebook.
21:27
If you got shoes, you're trying to sell people your shoes. I'm a comedian.
21:30
I'm trying to sell y'all tickets. I'm trying to sell y'all time to watch these
21:34
videos, these sketches, and these reaction videos so you believe that when I start
21:38
selling these tickets, I am worth that investment, and that time, and that money,
21:41
and that energy.
21:42
Mm.
21:42
We are all in sales, and I think everybody should have a sales job because you will
21:47
learn a lot about how to talk with people, how to win them over.
21:52
So, I'm going to get off my high horse right now. I'm to hear more.
21:59
Talking about the outro. I'm Patrick Claxton.
22:02
And this is another episode of "Tell Me That You Scary."
22:05
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, damn, Callie, you scary.
22:08
Hey, today's guest is Callie Scott.
22:11
She is an entertainer, comedian, writer, a public speaker, a mom, which I found
22:16
out, like, three years after we were already f*****g friends- ...
22:19
because she kept that completely separate side life. You understand me?
22:24
But an amazing friend to the pod, and an amazing friend to me as well.
22:27
Ladies and gentlemen, Callie Scott.
22:28
Ba, ba, ba,
22:31
ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
22:32
Thank you.
22:32
What's up, n***a?
22:33
Hey. I come from the clapping.
22:35
Coming in here looking like a thick-ass Wilma. Wilma!
22:38
We need a real n***a to say your name.
22:39
All that, "Wilma!" It's like, "Hey, Wilma." "What the f**k going on though,
22:44
shorty?"
22:48
I'm used to doing the flirting.
22:49
Mm-hmm.
22:49
And when I get flirted with, I clam up.
22:51
You're just like-
22:52
Yeah.
22:52
I'm like, "Oh, hey."
22:53
"Hey, Wilma."
22:57
I feel that. I'm used to eating a*s.
22:59
When somebody else gets me, I be like, "Whoa."
23:01
Wow.
23:02
Huh.
23:02
Crazy. Crazy flip of the coin.
23:04
Hey, man, listen, I thought we were just sharing the things that make us-
23:08
I hate that women are doing that.
23:10
Really?
23:10
I hate it. I hate it so bad.
23:12
Why?
23:12
I hate it.
23:12
Coming from a caveman.
23:14
I hate it so bad.
23:15
I hate it.
23:15
They was eating nothing but a*s back then.
23:17
That's horrible. Horrible.
23:18
Why is it horrible?
23:19
It's just man butt is just... Like, if you eating girl butt, all right.
23:24
You know what? It's all hair down there. It's Bath & Body Works at the worst.
23:28
Mm-hmm.
23:28
But like, that's Axe body wash.
23:30
No, it's not. Not necessarily. First of all, not every man uses that.
23:34
And also, for me, I found out late in the game that there are women that enjoy
23:38
giving fellatio. They get turned on by it.
23:40
That's in the front.
23:41
Hold on. Let me finish.
23:43
I'm still buzzing.
23:44
Goddamn, I'm still adding ingredients and you already looking for a plate.
23:47
That's in the back.
23:48
Let me cook. Let me cook, right? There are women that get turned on for giving
23:52
fellatio. Who's to say there ain't women out there whose nipples get hard when she
23:55
look at a little a*****e? You know what I mean?
23:58
I mean-
23:58
She like the way-
23:59
... she works it
23:59
... them balls closed against her cheeks and she gets that
24:04
.
24:04
Yeah. Where's your primal instinct?
24:06
In the trash.
24:08
It's gone.
24:11
It's only here for breathing purposes. All right. Do it.
24:14
Oh, man.
24:15
Preference.
24:15
Preference, preference.
24:15
First of all, man, and some people like it.
24:17
And then there's a lot of guys out here who take pride in their cleanliness, right,
24:23
and their hygiene. I am one of those guys. I don't take no quick showers.
24:28
I need to know what I'm doing, so I got to rush my shower, because after I get out
24:30
the shower, I got to cool down.
24:32
What?
24:32
I got to be able to cool down before I even put on the body butter, the shea
24:35
butter, or the oil.
24:36
What you mean cool down?
24:37
I got to let my internal temperature cool off after I get out the shower.
24:40
You don't just go right into it?
24:41
Take a cold-
24:41
What?
24:42
After, like, drying off and then going-
24:43
No, because my body's still hot. If you... Here's the thing.
24:46
You get out the hot shower-
24:47
You sit out like a steak.
24:49
I do. I got to rest on-
24:51
You got to rest on a plate.
24:52
I have a chaise on the side of my bed, and I sit on the chaise like this, and I
24:57
cool my body down first with the fan on.
25:00
He airs himself out. That's crazy.
25:01
Yeah. I set that Dyson right in front of me and I cool my whole body down, and then
25:06
I moisturize.
25:07
You know the option is, you could turn the shower down so you're not in there
25:10
broiling.
25:10
So, you want me to take a mid-temperature shower?
25:13
But, okay, so like, I'm just saying-
25:14
But you was just complaining about n****s being dirty
25:14
... take a warm shower. But you can-
25:14
You was just complaining about n****s being dirty
25:16
... you can turn the temperature. Like, when you're getting out-
25:20
But we know the hotter temperature kills the germs
25:22
... right. And then-
25:23
You like eating that a*s
25:23
... that's crazy.
25:24
That's crazy to me.
25:25
I don't like eating any a*s, on the record. Don't even ask me.
25:30
You will not be getting no c*****e.
25:32
Yeah, I can tell, you not-
25:34
No c*****e.
25:35
You got to speak into the mic. Hey, oh.
25:37
Yeah.
25:40
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28:12
You hit flow state there, huh?
28:13
Hey, man, I was in a m***********g zone, baby. I was in a m***********g zone, baby.
28:19
I didn't think anything was about to donkey Kong.
28:21
Yeah.
28:21
That was crazy. That was like-
28:22
Real n***a s**t
28:23
... wow. Terms and conditions.
28:25
Hey, let me ask y'all a question.
28:27
You break up with somebody,
28:31
are they allowed to go to any place you took them to, you introduced them to?
28:37
And are you allowed to go to any place they introduced you to?
28:41
I'm going to give y'all some time to think, and I'm going to give y'all my claim.
28:44
Okay.
28:44
All right? My thing is, you can't go anywhere I took you to if I
28:50
paid.
28:52
I can go to any place you took me to. You introduced me-
28:55
Oh, that's a recommendation
28:56
... yeah, because I paid. Now, if you paid when we went to that place I introduced
29:00
you to, by all means.
29:01
It's yours.
29:02
Right? But if I see you in that place and I paid the tab every time when I see you
29:07
in there, I'm acting a fool.
29:10
Oh, it's "I'm acting a fool." What if it was
29:17
sent back and forth in a reel first before y'all went?
29:20
Mm.
29:20
Does it matter who found the location via reel?
29:23
Whoever sent it is the person that found it.
29:26
Okay. So, then that's... Hmm.
29:28
So wait, if you're paying, if she introduces you to a place-
29:31
Uh-huh
29:31
... and you pay for the place-
29:33
It's my place
29:34
...
29:35
you stealing the place.
29:35
It's my place.
29:37
But you wouldn't have known anything about it.
29:39
I don't give a f**k about you. You wouldn't know what the food taste like if it
29:41
wasn't for me.
29:43
You'd just be sitting looking at the reel talking about, "Oh, this s**t look good."
29:46
But if that was her place,
29:48
if that was a place she frequents, and she was like-
29:50
Okay
29:50
... "Baby, let's go to my spot."
29:51
All right. Right. Okay, that's what I'm saying.
29:53
If she introduced it to me, right, and she was already frequenting it-
29:59
Okay
29:59
... I'll let you get that.
30:01
Okay.
30:01
That's your s**t right there, right?
30:03
Okay.
30:04
You know what I mean? So, what you don't know is I still got your location on my
30:07
iPad, so I'll see if you there, b***h.
30:10
And I'll just go when you ain't there if I like the s**t.
30:12
If the calamari buzzing like a m**********r, I'm going to that m**********r.
30:15
I'm just making sure you ain't going there.
30:16
I think it matters, like you said, if she went there before you and she was like,
30:21
"I go here all the time," it's her spot.
30:24
Yeah.
30:24
Yeah.
30:24
If you guys went for the first time, and it was her suggestion, I think it's up for
30:29
grabs.
30:29
Yeah. If I paid, it's up for me. And here's the thing, I'm going to be 100% honest
30:32
with you. A lot of people like me, so even if it was your regular spot, and they
30:36
like me more-
30:37
Uh-huh
30:37
... this is my spot now.
30:38
No.
30:39
This is my chairs. This is my chair.
30:41
They know when I walk in, they're like, "Damn, look at it's me."
30:44
That's crazy.
30:44
They don't even f**k with you like that. You don't tip good.
30:47
You always got a problem with the service and s**t.
30:50
Clutching your eyes with these b*****s talking about, "Oh, these b*****s think they
30:52
cute." These b*****s is cute.
30:55
That's why they servers. You ain't have no ugly a*s servers, because they don't put
30:58
you in the mood for food. You got this Magilla Gorilla m**********r trying to tell
31:02
me about the specials. The special is you need a mask.
31:06
The special is you walking around this m**********r without a gun pointed to you.
31:12
I got rules in place with my ex.
31:14
Your what?
31:15
I got rules in place. So, being from LA is a unique situation, right?
31:19
So, we got rules. So, I don't be in his city on dates unless I'm with someone who
31:25
can fight.
31:25
Wait. Hilarious. Wait. He's in LA, though?
31:28
Yeah.
31:29
So what do you mean his city? Like, his part of the city?
31:31
Well, he's in Santa Monica specifically.
31:33
Okay.
31:33
So that's where he's at right now.
31:35
Okay.
31:36
But he a LA dude.
31:38
Mm-hmm.
31:38
So,
31:40
generally speaking, I can be anywhere within all this LA, right?
31:44
Mm-hmm.
31:44
But if I'm in Santa Monica specifically-
31:46
Right
31:46
... I know there's a high chance we might bump into each other.
31:48
And if I'm on a date-
31:49
You got to be a Power Ranger.
31:50
I got to be. I mean, I hope you can fight, sir. And I've done it.
31:55
I feel like anybody in Santa Monica that's repping Santa Monica, I ain't got to
32:00
worry too much about.
32:02
Physically.
32:03
I don't-
32:03
And if the n***a big like that, I ain't got no problem calling the cops.
32:06
Could've been relocated, yeah.
32:08
I ain't got no problem calling the...
32:09
You ought to understand, you get to a certain point where you realize, "I can't be
32:14
lying on the glass no more." I might be one n***a, and I bite another n***a to get
32:19
him to stop and get up off of me. He going to get some good hits in, though, before
32:23
I bite him. But I'm going to bite the f**k out of this n***a. That's where I'm at.
32:26
So if that n***a, if he walking up, I'm like, "Hmm, what's that going to be?" I'm
32:29
just go ahead and call the cops already. I'm going to report that n***a like Karen.
32:34
But the vice versa of it all is he's not allowed to be above the 10, like on a
32:38
date.
32:38
See, why does everything above the 10? He only in Santa Monica.
32:41
Above the 10, or a 10?
32:42
Above the 10.
32:42
This is the s**t I be talking about, women are selfish.
32:45
Yeah. Oh, well, I don't want to see you because you weren't up here before we
32:49
started dating.
32:50
Okay. He was always a stay-in-his-area type of n***a.
32:52
Yeah.
32:52
Okay.
32:53
So don't come up here now.
32:54
Has he been out the country? I feel like that's the type of n***a that never been
32:57
out the country.
32:57
He hasn't. But also-
32:59
Don't think he dangerous
33:00
... he's come to my spots, and I've been like, "What's up with you?
33:04
You know the rules."
33:05
Yeah.
33:05
Like, "Don't come up here." And he came and specifically celebrated his birthday at
33:09
one of my spots. I walked in his section, his homies was like, "Mm."
33:12
You were there?
33:13
Yeah.
33:13
He looking for another you.
33:15
First of all, I forgot it was his birthday. We not together no more.
33:17
I forgot everything that had to do with you.
33:19
Same time, yeah. He's kind of crazy.
33:20
Yeah. He looking for another you. He's not going to make the same mistake twice.
33:24
Wilma.
33:26
What? Nothing would p**s me off more.
33:29
So I walked in the section, walked straight up to him in the lap, because I'm like-
33:33
Yeah, in his lap?
33:33
... on his birthday.
33:35
Wait, you sat on his lap?
33:36
No, he was sitting up on top of a couch-
33:39
Uh-huh
33:39
... which also I hate as a man. But he was sitting up on-
33:42
No, I was sitting on the couch
33:43
... because that's where the bad b*****s sit. What are you doing up there?
33:46
I mean, b***h, I am a bad b***h.
33:49
We can't have nothing.
33:51
First of all-
33:51
You want to sit on the couch?
33:53
... you know what I'm saying? Any n***a that takes pride in the way he looks and
33:55
his clothes, and his upkeep, upset clothes, understanding that chicks be sitting up
34:00
there, that means that their feet are on the f*****g seats.
34:03
You think I want to sit right here with all these fake a*s-
34:06
That's true
34:06
... Louboutins and s**t-
34:07
And you get secure-
34:08
... that have s**t. You don't want that.
34:08
... the ground.
34:09
I had the bathroom nasty. So you think I want to sit my brand new jeans on this
34:14
dusty a*s b***h-
34:15
That's crazy
34:15
... a*s couch. I'm sitting up here with the bad b*****s. Screw it over, b***h.
34:17
I never thought about it like that.
34:18
Screw it over, b***h. Let me get me a mimosa, too. Let me get me a Paloma.
34:22
Get me some hookah.
34:23
Yeah. Let me get a tip so I get that hookah. Where the good tips at?
34:27
They sit on that m***********g b***h.
34:31
Y'all get to be elevated while I pay everything.
34:32
You out your rabbit a*s mind, b***h. Let me get up here.
34:36
I want to get in some of these pictures, too, b***h. Yeah.
34:39
So, wait, what happened?
34:40
I walked up there, I got in his lap, and I said, "What's up?" And he was like,
34:43
"Hey." I said, "What you doing in here?
34:45
You know better." He was like, "Man." I said, "Happy birthday." I said, "You got a
34:49
b***h in here?" And he was like, "Nah." I said, "Oh, okay." Because you know
34:52
better. And it's like-
35:16
Why can't he have a b***h? He
35:27
can bring a b***h in the booth
35:31
... well, you're not supposed to be here. We in my room.
35:34
What about the new b***h from
35:38
here? I got to tell her no too?
35:40
Yes.
35:40
Wait, wait, wait. He can't even go there with his homeboys, then?
35:44
Well, he was in there with his homeboys.
35:46
So it's cool.
35:46
So I let it slide.
35:46
You let it slide.
35:46
Let it slide.
35:46
Don't let this happen again.
35:47
Were you there with a n***a?
35:50
No.
35:50
See? Lies. Lies.
35:51
But what about the conversation?
35:53
But I was in there backing. I was in there getting it.
35:57
She was in there with Barney.
35:58
Okay, I'll tell you this, right? The n***a said, "Oh, I seen you was on stage
36:00
grinding on a n***a." And I said, "Yeah, because this is my spot."
36:03
This
36:07
is the same conversation?
36:08
This was the same day.
36:11
Oh.
36:11
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37:20
that she at.
37:21
That's a crazy transition.
37:22
Making me out a villain in the ad is crazy.
37:25
It going to make you a villain? Or am I just telling it like it is?
37:27
See, your perspective is skewed, okay?
37:29
I mean, that could be true, but whose is it?
37:31
When you're talking about another person.
37:33
The craziest part is I seen you that night.
37:36
When I seen him at the club and it was his birthday, you was there-
37:39
Huh?
37:39
... and you was like, "Are you good?" We wouldn't even have to have that
37:42
conversation if he wasn't where he wasn't supposed to be.
37:45
Wait, wait. What club was we at?
37:46
It was at
37:48
Monday Night Vibes.
37:49
That's what I thought you was going to say.
37:51
Yeah. He didn't ought to be there.
37:52
Yeah.
37:52
He don't even look like the kind of I need to be with.
37:53
No, he absolutely is not the I'd be... Monday Night Vibes has turned into...
37:57
You know the place that used to be a lot of fun and like that?
38:00
Because, and I'll say this. It's lit.
38:02
Last night, shout out to all the homies over there at Monday Night Vibes.
38:05
You was, he was last night?
38:07
Last night. Last night was the eight-year anniversary.
38:09
Last night was the eight-year anniversary, so shout out to them.
38:12
Doing a Monday night is crazy. Doing a Monday night for eight years is insane.
38:18
Doing a Monday night with karaoke for eight years is-
38:22
That's crazy
38:22
... mind-boggling.
38:23
And they didn't have to.
38:24
And they have everybody come through. Chance goes there regularly.
38:27
Damn.
38:28
A lot of the actors. RJ Walker goes there regularly.
38:30
He's from "Harder They Fall."
38:32
Mm-hmm.
38:33
A lot of people be in there, bro. And it's just a chill vibe. Actors is there.
38:37
Me and Omar Dorsey hang out there. A lot of the Wayans hanging out there.
38:41
It's a good a*s vibe.
38:43
Hmm.
38:44
And they do be some in there. It do be some in there, but they be chill for the
38:48
most part. They get in the section. They will get a section.
38:51
They'll get a couple bottles. Chicks go up. They smoking weed. They doing hookah.
38:55
It's a good time. Let that do it. Let-
38:57
You seen the and you was literally like...
39:00
When I says I'm bougie and I judge .
39:03
Because he wasn't supposed to be there.
39:04
Well, it don't matter. If you embarrassed by him, you shouldn't have been him.
39:08
I made a mistake, and I'm not above-
39:10
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah
39:10
... I'm not above admitting that. Look, accountability.
39:13
I hear you. But you keep making the same mistake because you ain't tripping and
39:16
falling with the
39:17
He was paying my rent.
39:17
Oh, well then just, you, okay, that's how the game go.
39:20
Damn.
39:21
You was in the game for a minute.
39:22
Damn.
39:23
You got subbed out.
39:24
And now I'm ashamed.
39:25
You got ashamed.
39:26
I'm not ashamed.
39:27
Hey, listen, you got your rent paid for how many months? Two, three, four months?
39:31
that's a win.
39:32
We call that a hobo section.
39:32
You could've stacked up that money and you could've bought you a if you want.
39:35
He didn't live with me. He was just paying my rent.
39:37
Yeah.
39:37
He doesn't even live there.
39:38
No, I mean-
39:39
He was a great person for a little bit.
39:40
He a terrible
39:43
though.
39:43
He be like his vagina though.
39:45
It be like his... I mean, before in my life, I done had some great vagina for some
39:49
people I absolutely despised.
39:52
Damn. Hatred during or after?
39:54
I
39:56
don't want to talk to this person. Do not enjoy talking to them, phone, via text,
39:59
or anything. Just good vajan.
40:02
Vajan?
40:03
Vajan mustard.
40:04
At least-
40:04
It was the best vajan mustard
40:05
... that's better than bijan.
40:08
Bijan mustard. Excuse me, do you have any great vajan?
40:10
Do you have any bijan mustard?
40:12
Ah. That's what we call the good c*****e now.
40:15
Vajan.
40:16
Great vajan.
40:16
Vajan. I like that.
40:17
Sounds like it goes with sauerkraut. I don't like that.
40:19
No, no, no. No, baby, it goes with the finest calamari.
40:23
Sauerkraut's good.
40:24
The finest calamari.
40:25
You on a calamari kick today.
40:27
I do enjoy it.
40:28
We got-
40:29
I do enjoy some good calamari. I will-
40:31
Yeah
40:32
... do that. You don't like calamari?
40:33
Not anymore.
40:34
What?
40:35
What?
40:36
Because I don't know if this is true, but there's a myth that people who are,
40:39
restaurants that are too cheap to have calamari be using pig anus, and they just
40:44
chop it. Can you imagine like-
40:45
It's not even that much anus
40:46
... boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
40:48
You talking about intestines?
40:49
Like a, you know the ring of the pig booty hole?
40:51
But that's not even that much anus to be using.
40:53
How do you know?
40:53
That's anus-
40:54
How long a pig anus is?
40:56
Mm.
40:57
Anus is-
40:57
If it was this big, that's at least one app.
41:00
That's one calamari app
41:04
Into rings. So I just, I don't know.
41:06
You talk about you don't want to eat butt, but you out here eating calamari.
41:08
Man.
41:09
Crazy.
41:10
That's crazy.
41:11
Pig butt.
41:11
Put your mouth on something, huh?
41:13
Out here eating piggy booty.
41:14
Somebody getting that booty hole ate.
41:16
Somebody getting that booty hole ate, baby.
41:22
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody eats the butt, babe.
41:27
And you know who it is. Somebody eat your
41:33
butt.
41:36
Wilma.
41:36
Hey, hey, hey. Somebody eats that booty.
41:42
And you know who it is. I eat butt too, though.
41:46
When you clip this, add in a, "I don't eat butt."
41:49
Well-
41:49
Regularly
41:50
... at all. Never, ever did it.
41:52
Through the week. But the weekends-
41:54
Cut that part out. Cut that part out
41:55
... if you give that booty to her by Friday at 8:59, it can be eaten by Friday at
42:01
11:00 PM.
42:02
I will say-
42:03
At that rate
42:03
... if you marry me, I may try it.
42:05
See, that is spoken like a true booty hole eater.
42:08
Yeah.
42:09
She's like, "I'm just waiting to get off the starting line."
42:12
She won't promise you something. Yeah, who going to promise you something that they
42:14
don't know is good, that they're good at-
42:15
I don't even want to try it
42:17
... after you married.
42:17
Because as a wife, I want to just, one butt lip. You know what I mean?
42:20
I don't want to have many anuses on these lips.
42:23
No, but-
42:23
I want really nice lips
42:25
... yeah.
42:25
And I can't just be out here eating everybody lip. What if I get a little limp lip?
42:29
I can't do that.
42:30
Well, I mean, you could get that from the front too.
42:31
Yeah, you really could.
42:32
And now we know that you just at the starting line like this of eating butt-
42:35
I'm not
42:35
... and you're just waiting for that starter pistol.
42:37
I'm not. I'm not.
42:38
She going to eat that butt.
42:39
I won't.
42:39
Soon as you get married, pew.
42:40
She go, "I'm going to do my research.
42:42
I'm finna find everything you talk to." I'm like, "Callie eat your butt?" "Oh, you
42:45
can ask them all." "You can ask them all."
42:48
That's why that showed up on his birthday looking for you.
42:53
I don't eat no butt.
42:54
He went straight to the lab and opened it up.
42:56
"What you doing here?" He was like-
42:57
He ate no a*s
42:58
... "Hell yeah."
42:59
All right, we got to talk one story.
43:02
But before we go to that one story, man, if you are having problems with the
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Mm-hmm.
45:45
You might find the right guy, you know what I'm saying?
45:47
Power up. What is your costume? Are you a snitch?
45:56
Did I fail that miserably?
45:59
Oh, you a snitch.
46:01
What? I want to know-
46:02
Wow
46:03
... I want to know how you came to the snitching.
46:06
Because you just look like a plain-clothed detective. You look like...
46:10
So you couldn't even say detective?
46:13
Why I got to look like the n***a that's snitching?
46:15
First of all, you could've said undercover.
46:17
Could've said undercover.
46:19
You could've just said a cop, because you see the straps around, you know that
46:23
means that's a holster. So you know law enforcement to some degree or a killer.
46:27
No, honestly-
46:27
You could've been a killer
46:28
... the way holsters are wallet accessories now, that's actually fashion.
46:32
So you can be anything.
46:33
Yeah, I done seen n****s doing that, and I don't like what he doing.
46:34
Honestly, I don't understand.
46:37
Those look like they beat the s**t out of people.
46:38
Oh, yeah, feel them.
46:40
Those beat the s**t out of people.
46:43
Okay.
46:43
Leave it for the judge. I am Leon Kennedy.
46:47
She don't know who that is.
46:49
You know Leon Kennedy.
46:50
Oh, the guy.
46:52
See, no, it's from Resident Evil.
46:54
Oh, okay.
46:54
It's a video game about zombies and killing zombies.
46:57
The white guy?
46:57
The white guy? Yeah.
46:58
You play him when you do it at the arcade, yeah, mm-hmm.
47:01
You play him when you do it at the arcade. That's him.
47:05
That's him. And for those that are residents in a Southern California
47:11
neighborhood, you may be on high alert because an illegal four to
47:17
five-foot-long Gaboon viper was spotted loose in a Santa Ana tree.
47:22
Authorities still don't know who owns the African reptile, which boasts the longest
47:27
fangs and highest venom yield of any venomous snake.
47:32
Damn.
47:32
Unlike many snakes that strike and retreat, this predator is known to hold onto its
47:36
prey until it dies.
47:39
They're probably all women or female snakes.
47:42
Police are warning locals to keep their distance and immediately report any
47:45
sightings. Don't start no s**t, just let me have that one.
47:49
Why is there so many animals coming over from overseas? Who's doing this?
47:54
Who's bringing snakes from Africa?
47:56
I remember that we had a story where someone was caught with a bunch of monkey
48:01
meat-
48:01
Yeah
48:01
... in the airport. There's people bringing bats over. What is happening?
48:06
Just keep s**t where it is.
48:09
Guys doing add-ons. You know, you get the update in Fortnite-
48:13
Gaboon
48:13
... and you got extra skins and-
48:16
It's DLC
48:17
... yeah, you just putting that in, it was like, "Hey, by the way, I meant to do
48:19
this two years ago, man."
48:20
What's crazy-
48:21
Gaboon is a silly name for it to be so venomous.
48:23
What, the Gaboon?
48:24
Right.
48:24
Yeah, why you got to-
48:25
It says the most venomous.
48:27
Right.
48:27
So how have we never heard of a Gaboon viper?
48:30
Because we're not supposed to be in Africa.
48:31
Well, first of all, it's an African snake. It's an African reptile.
48:34
Right.
48:34
We should've never heard of that.
48:36
I'm still finding about new animals and insects in Australia.
48:41
Mm-hmm.
48:41
I shouldn't know that. I already knew I wasn't going over there.
48:43
I don't need to know the new names of all of that s**t.
48:45
Yeah.
48:46
I need nothing to do with that.
48:48
No way.
48:48
And this s**t says it strikes you, so let's say it's wrapped around you.
48:52
Mm-hmm.
48:52
Bites you, longest fang of any reptile, right?
48:56
Mm-hmm.
48:56
Boom, fang, and then it's going to look at you-
48:58
Just watch you
48:58
... and watch life fade out of your eyes. That's a serial killer.
49:01
Yeah.
49:02
It's horrible.
49:02
That's a f*****g serial killer.
49:04
It didn't say that they caught him.
49:06
No, it's not caught. It's still on the loose.
49:09
Right.
49:09
4 to 5 feet long.
49:10
Hmm.
49:10
It was just spotted.
49:12
I don't like that.
49:12
I don't like that.
49:14
Real image, stock image. Okay.
49:16
I had a snake growing up, and-
49:18
Really?
49:18
I did. I had a California king snake, which is, fun fact, they have a tail that
49:24
makes the same sound as rattlesnakes, and they eat rattlesnakes.
49:28
They are-
49:28
Are they venomous?
49:29
They are not venomous
49:29
... That is confusing.
49:30
How the f**k you going to suck on a venomous snake and you ain't even got that type
49:34
of power?
49:34
What are they, constrictors?
49:36
What the f**k do you think they are?
49:36
Oh, they are constrictors, yeah.
49:38
So then what's that mean? They wrap around?
49:39
They wrap. Mm-hmm.
49:40
Mm-hmm. So I can only imagine watching him kill mice and
49:45
things, that
49:48
sucks, right?
49:48
Mm-hmm. It turn you on?
49:50
No, I was also-
49:51
I thought you was trying to see how that s**t taste.
49:52
No.
49:53
Okay.
49:53
You could be into hyper asphyxiation.
49:56
I like a little choke.
49:57
Yeah, see?
49:58
Yeah.
49:59
Little snake.
50:00
No, but also, the venom makes different things happen in your body, so it depends
50:05
on what that venom is doing.
50:07
Mm-hmm.
50:07
If that venom is making your heart rate go up and you just hyper-aware now, you
50:10
dying worse.
50:11
Yeah.
50:11
Really?
50:12
Yeah.
50:12
Like-
50:12
Because you're aware of everything.
50:14
You feel your blood pressure go up, you feel your breath shortening, and you
50:19
might sense the loss of activity of your limbs and s**t like that.
50:25
That's anti-fun.
50:25
That's a crazy way to die, man.
50:26
Yeah, you can't just go to sleep.
50:27
To be totally aware? That's like when,
50:31
what was it? Law Abiding Citizen, when he got Dobbey, and he kidnapped him and took
50:36
him to that warehouse, and he had him tied up, and he squeezed the gun to try to
50:40
kill him, but that toxin went in him, so he was completely paralyzed-
50:44
Oh, damn
50:44
... but he still felt everything.
50:46
Ooh.
50:46
And then he hit him with the adrenaline.
50:48
So while he did all this crazy s**t, like saw off his eyebrows and break his toes
50:52
one at a time, and saw off his scrotum, he couldn't pass out because he had the
50:57
adrenaline coursing through his vein.
50:59
I just realized I didn't see this.
51:00
Couldn't pass out.
51:01
You didn't see Law Abiding Citizen with Jamie Foxx?
51:04
I must not have.
51:04
And Gerard Butler?
51:06
If he was getting nuts sawed off-
51:07
Yeah.
51:08
It was at the beginning of them, too. It was at the pretty early...
51:10
I mean, you saw Law Abiding Citizen.
51:12
Damn.
51:12
What's wrong with y'all, bro? I saw it on my phone-
51:14
I'm lame as hell
51:15
... dead homies, bro.
51:16
What?
51:17
You ain't seen it either? Say you ain't seen it either.
51:19
What?
51:20
You ain't seen it either?
51:20
You have on a dress. Don't act like you haven't seen last week's.
51:24
It's not a dress, it's a onesie.
51:26
I would also like to point out, as many times as you done had this onesie on, I
51:30
don't think anybody's complimented, you actually have a little cake in the back.
51:33
Thank you.
51:34
Yeah.
51:34
I lost a lot of-
51:35
That's not a compliment
51:35
... what I mean is that, man-
51:37
What?
51:37
That's not a compliment
51:37
... I like to be a full-figure man, you know what I'm saying?
51:40
I want to look good when I'm naked for my lady. You know what I'm saying?
51:42
I don't want no flat booty.
51:43
And that's the worst.
51:44
I ain't saying I want-
51:46
Flat.
51:46
Flat?
51:46
... I want butt out here, but I want that flat booty that just-
51:49
Big
51:49
... you know the white booty in jeans?
51:51
Sure, but you'd rather have a n***a with a fat a*s?
51:54
I'd rather have a fat a*s.
51:54
I got to say, I like a bounce to it.
51:55
Of course I want full figure.
51:57
But I need it to-
51:58
Huh?
51:58
I need you to have just a regular human anatomy of an a*s.
52:02
I have-
52:02
I hate seeing, many have that cute little hill-
52:04
Oh, the hang tail?
52:06
Yep. Ugh.
52:06
Yep.
52:06
That's crazy that he has the worst a*s of all time.
52:08
We said it at the exact same time.
52:09
Yeah.
52:10
That's the worst.
52:10
I done smashed a chick with that hang tail before.
52:12
Really?
52:13
Yeah.
52:13
From the back?
52:13
Doing it from the back was not fun, bro.
52:15
Why would you feel the-
52:16
You feel that butt bone.
52:17
Yeah.
52:17
You feel it more than normal in that pelvic region, and it's painful.
52:21
So you tried to discreetly turn her over, or you just was like, "I'm right here"?
52:26
I put her on the side. You got to put her on the side, and then put the legs on top
52:29
of each other, and then you come in from right here.
52:31
It eases a little bit, because the canal is usually in front of that, so you can
52:36
get away from that butt bone, and get into that cake.
52:39
Yeah, the butt bone.
52:40
That butt bone is-
52:41
It'll bruise you afterwards.
52:42
Ooh, it will.
52:43
Yeah, I know.
52:44
And you'll feel it the next day while you walking.
52:45
Yeah.
52:45
Be like, "Why the f**k is my pelvis area hurt?"
52:47
That's crazy.
52:47
I got this butt bone to tone your a*s up, baby.
52:49
Little booties matter.
52:50
You really don't want no dude with a fat a*s, though. That's irritating.
52:53
I would think that's what it's going to be doing.
52:55
Yeah. This is-
52:56
And they always got a fat a*s and it's high. Men be having high booties.
52:59
That's so irritating.
53:00
Deion, his is wide. Deion booty is like a bumper on a 70s Cadillac, because Deion
53:05
all the way around.
53:07
It's evenly distributed a*s.
53:08
Yeah.
53:09
Right.
53:09
The ratio is real proper. It's almost unsettling.
53:12
I don't really-
53:13
It's not almost unsettling, it's unsettling.
53:15
By how you guys are describing it, it's unsettling.
53:17
It's unsettling.
53:18
Yeah.
53:18
For
53:20
real. Deion can't ever go to jail. He cannot ever go to jail.
53:24
That n***a would not last an hour.
53:26
That n***a would not last. They would tear his little milk dud a*s up.
53:30
That n***a look like a thick Easter bunny.
53:31
He always forces me to hug up above.
53:34
Because you try to hug below his waist?
53:36
Yeah.
53:37
You try to rape on his booty?
53:39
No, I just like-
53:39
You wilding. You sick in the head
53:41
... I think he only wants a hug, and I think he's been traumatized because he
53:44
always makes people, the girls, he always makes them put their...
53:48
You got to hug him up here.
53:49
Mm-hmm.
53:49
He ain't going to let you hold him at the bottom.
53:52
Hold him at the bottom is wild. All this would make me-
53:56
I know Brian going to grab it.
53:58
If this conversation was ever being told about
54:17
me
54:18
I've seen Pat slide out of so many airplane chairs.
54:23
He's like an 8B, just slides on out, he's got a booty to hold him in place.
54:26
I'm okay with it.
54:27
Yeah.
54:27
My slider's right in the middle. I don't have any booty. I don't have...
54:31
I don't know, it's just right in the middle. Just default.
54:33
You got to be one of those cowgirls with the tall boots.
54:35
Default booty. Wow.
54:35
You don't feel conscious when you get out of the bed with a girl, you're not
54:40
wrapping a blanket around you?
54:41
Because I think my a*s is big or small?
54:44
I mean, small.
54:45
No, I think it's default a*s. Like, stock.
54:48
It's just stock?
54:49
Yeah, right off the assembly line. Just nothing added, nothing taken away.
54:54
Yeah, no lunches.
54:55
Salt and pepper booty.
54:56
How you think your booty is?
54:58
Mine? It's all right. I lead from the front.
55:00
You lead?
55:01
I lead from the front.
55:02
You lean or you lead?
55:03
Lead.
55:04
Lead.
55:04
She lead titty first. And she's like, "Oh, but trust and believe, up under these
55:08
titties-
55:10
She try to walk around like, "Hang on, hang on"
55:12
... is Honey Kichanjis."
55:12
Hang on, hang on.
55:13
What you looking? What you trying to see?
55:15
What you getting out the bed like this, "Hey, so what you finna do?"
55:22
He like, "Turn around, let me see the other thing.
55:24
Nah, nah, nah, nah, never mind."
55:25
See, I just have a nice under, you know what I mean?
55:28
I wish it popped out the top a little bit.
55:29
Is it, there's a cup at the bottom?
55:31
It do, it's a little-
55:32
So you got the heart drop. You got the upside-down heart booty.
55:36
Yeah, I don't got the J.Lo onion. It ain't like a bunch down there.
55:39
There's no top?
55:40
It's there, but it's not-
55:42
It's kind of slow.
55:42
Yeah.
55:42
You know n****s that don't have that at the top of the head?
55:44
So they're bald. They shaped like balls.
55:46
What you got going on?
55:46
Whoa.
55:48
Whoa.
55:49
Whoa.
55:49
What you-
55:50
Just hang low, sweet chariot.
55:51
Whoa.
55:52
So, yeah.
55:53
Whoa. Off the line, n***a.
55:55
Stock booty and-
55:56
You said there's no top. You just said there's no top
55:58
I didn't say there's no top.
55:59
You just got booty holes.
56:00
There's top. It's not as... Some women have one of those magnificent, like, pow,
56:05
it's a*s there. You know what I'm saying?
56:06
Yeah.
56:06
Mine is just like, "Oh, it's a*s."
56:08
It built to it.
56:09
Yeah.
56:09
You got a mountain out your a*s.
56:11
It builds up.
56:11
If you love me-
56:11
It's not down sloping. There's no top
56:13
... you going to cup it and make me feel good. You know what I'm saying?
56:16
My a*s would be-
56:16
You going to be like, "Get in there"
56:18
... sloping. So it's got a little on the bottom.
56:20
It's not that much on the bottom.
56:21
My a*s has got a hell of a peak. It's almost like she's peaking.
56:23
Everybody hold on. Hold on, hold on.
56:24
From like a Windows Media hell.
56:26
Hold on, hold on.
56:26
It's two teardrops. So imagine a teardrop, right?
56:29
Because it's a little something at the bottom.
56:31
Okay.
56:31
But it's like nothing.
56:32
Teardrop is good. Teardrop is good.
56:32
There's still some roundness at the top, it's just not overly-
56:36
You ever seen sand in a sock?
56:38
What you got going on?
56:46
Chicken out of order.
56:49
You know-
56:50
The slope is too big
56:51
... you know a McDonald's bag?
56:53
No, no.
56:53
Let's say if you got a McDonald's bag, you got two double cheeseburgers in the bag,
56:56
right?
56:57
Okay, so-
56:57
The top of the bag is holding it. There's nothing there.
56:59
No. You know how balloons come in different shapes?
57:01
You said what?
57:02
Balloons come in different shapes, right?
57:05
And they got the one that's more of a teardrop-y one.
57:08
Mm-hmm.
57:08
But if you like-
57:08
Before it's blown, when you hanging it like this.
57:10
What you doing?
57:11
I thought that's what you meant.
57:12
What you doing?
57:14
This table's full of just disrespect.
57:17
We're trying to get a vivid idea of what you're talking about. That's all I know.
57:21
Of the top.
57:21
And the lips.
57:22
And whatever's going on here is not going to be-
57:24
A real n***a would want to hold this though
57:26
... talked about like that.
57:26
A real n***a. A real n***a.
57:27
It's flat, see, when you do that, when you do that, it's flat.
57:30
A real n***a.
57:31
And I'm uncomfortable.
57:32
It's not a*s.
57:33
It's flat.
57:34
And if this was flat, if all of this was flat, oh, b***h, I'm finna tear the sides
57:39
up. I'm finna f**k this garage up.
57:43
Listen,
57:46
it's a wrecking ball going into a mouse hole, if this is my d**k flaccid.
57:50
You understand me?
57:51
That's violent. That's violent.
57:54
A wrecking ball going into-
57:55
In a mouse hole?
57:55
... Jerry the mouse's hole?
57:57
Yeah, that sounds painful.
57:58
Oh, b***h, you crazy. You don't want this to be me flaccid.
58:02
If I can roll this b***h up, it's like this, like that flaccid, this ain't even
58:07
hard-on, b***h. I got a Louisville Slugger.
58:11
You going to start sucking my d**k and die.
58:14
Standing this up next to the wall right here.
58:15
This a half chub, that's crazy.
58:16
That's crazy. This ain't even a half chub.
58:19
Look, this is-
58:19
Half chub.
58:20
This is all flac... Oh, b***h.
58:24
It's like Pennywise.
58:25
I can get a hard-on solid as your whole body just start slipping.
58:31
You crazy. You don't want this.
58:33
That's violence.
58:34
Don't nobody like... Listen, man, I done seen my fair share of porn.
58:38
I don't want no super big d**k, man. That look like a lot of work.
58:42
Agreed.
58:43
That look like a lot of work, man. The maintenance on that m**********r, bro.
58:46
Get your Speedo a*s over here.
58:49
Man, you got to sit down a certain way when you carrying more than 12 inches.
58:52
That's insane. That's a lot of d**k, man.
58:54
Contrary to popular belief, I think most big women have small vaginas.
58:59
I do, too.
59:01
I think bigger women have shallow vaginas.
59:03
Mm-hmm.
59:03
I think skinny women have canals.
59:06
Yeah. There's a lot of room.
59:08
Their vaginas go to the center of the Earth.
59:10
Scientifically speaking-
59:12
M***********g canals
59:12
... I have a lot of mass pressing on a open hole.
59:16
Ah. That makes sense though.
59:17
So it caves the roof in.
59:18
You know what my, you know what my caves the roof in is like?
59:21
Hey, man, you got it all caving in there, you know?
59:24
Yeah, when it come out, it's like, it's like a lunchbox.
59:27
Wait, that's the sound it make when the d**k come out of your vagina?
59:29
Oh, you got that tight glove.
59:31
Go right back.
59:32
It's hilarious.
59:33
All right. Well, good for you. Keep putting that apple cider-
59:37
It's like when you come above the tip.
59:40
Keep putting that apple cider vinegar in your bath water, because that's what
59:42
that's from, right there.
59:43
Don't nobody do that. Don't do that, young ladies. Don't do that.
59:46
Give me that snap back.
59:48
Don't do that.
59:48
That apple cider vinegar. I used to drink it cat full every morning.
59:51
You got it or you don't, all right? This came from my great mammies, all right?
59:55
This ain't-
59:56
I didn't know grandmama passed down tight t**t.
1:00:00
Hey, y'all know what kind of property?
1:00:01
She was one of the first African American women to own property in California.
1:00:05
Really?
1:00:05
Yeah, this good vagina. This come from good stock.
1:00:08
T**t? What?
1:00:09
Good stock.
1:00:10
What? Well, hey, man, there it is. Well, listen, we got to get ready to get up out
1:00:13
of here.
1:00:14
My undercarriage is hot in this goddamn thing, so we got to get...
1:00:18
I'm not here for the judgment. Okay, tear drop?
1:00:22
Undercarriage is actually a good word.
1:00:24
What you got going on?
1:00:25
I'm just saying, from what we were describing earlier.
1:00:27
What you got going on?
1:00:28
You got like-
1:00:29
You got to keep using, "What you got going on?" That is the equivalent to, "I know
1:00:33
you f*****g lying." "What you got going on?" And the way you do slide it in, very
1:00:37
smooth like.
1:00:39
What you got going on?
1:00:41
That's a professional, "B***h, is you cool?"
1:00:44
It's a good jingle.
1:00:45
How the hell did that get in here?
1:00:46
Put that on a T-shirt.
1:00:47
Catchphrase.
1:00:47
You know what else do it?
1:00:48
Got it.
1:00:49
What you got going on?
1:00:49
What you got going on?
1:00:51
What you actually got going on, though? It's October. You got any shows coming up?
1:00:54
It is.
1:00:54
Let the people know, man.
1:00:55
I will be in Chandler, Arizona-
1:00:58
Drop the location
1:00:58
... I'll be in Chandler, Arizona at Mic Drop Comedy on October the 17th.
1:01:04
I'll actually also be there this weekend, if you want to come and learn my
1:01:08
skillsets of growing your audience, and social media, and all the things that I
1:01:12
teach. You can come learn from your girl.
1:01:14
I'm thinking about getting back on having a foot page, but here's the thing, my
1:01:17
face not going to be on it. Don't get in my DMs asking.
1:01:21
What's the foot page?
1:01:21
You know it's me, I know it's me.
1:01:22
Foot.
1:01:22
My feet's so cute.
1:01:24
Foot, okay.
1:01:24
My feet are so pretty.
1:01:26
Okay.
1:01:27
So pretty. And I don't want to talk a lot, so do you want these feet pictures or
1:01:30
not?
1:01:32
That's what I got. Oh, also, I got my website, calliescott.com.
1:01:36
Follow me on all the things.
1:01:37
With a K or a C?
1:01:38
With a K.
1:01:39
There it is.
1:01:39
Yes, sir.
1:01:40
All right. Pat, you got anything you want to tell the people, remind them about?
1:01:43
Yes, happy Halloween. Spooky season has started, so I'm going to be streaming a lot
1:01:48
of horror games. Also, make sure you check out Era. Subscribe to that new channel.
1:01:53
It's a new roasting show I got coming out this holiday season, Elite Roasting
1:01:57
Arena. Check it out.
1:01:58
And make sure you check us out. If you're going to the LA Comic-Con, we're going to
1:02:01
be there October 31st. We'll
1:02:04
put
1:02:41
it in the
1:02:46
description what time we're actually doing Scaryoke at the LA
1:02:54
Comic-Con. It's a big f*****g deal, guys.
1:02:56
We're at a
1:02:59
con, doing karaoke, AKA Scaryoke. Our first time.
1:03:02
Yeah.
1:03:02
So we want y'all to come on out, man.
1:03:02
We might put somewhere
1:03:08
where you can sign up for it, so we can get the sign-up going beforehand.
1:03:10
But it's a big deal. Also, you can check me out in Chandler, Arizona.
1:03:10
Well, actually, check me out first
1:03:18
in San Diego. That's going to be October 17th to