Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / The Full Cycle: Why the 'Love Bomb' ALWAYS Leads to the 'Reverse Discard'.

Transcript

The Full Cycle: Why the 'Love Bomb' ALWAYS Leads to the 'Reverse Discard'. · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Stop waiting for the person that love bombed you to come back.
• 0:06
  They really never existed. The love bomber was not real.
• 0:10
  They really were not there. You met the representative, like
• 0:15
  they said, the proxy. You didn't meet the real version
• 0:17
  of them. You met the proxy version of
• 0:20
  them. So if you don't, if you're new
• 0:22
  here, I'm Lee Hammond, a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:25
  And if you're here today, it's because you're realizing that
• 0:28
  the fairy tale you were sold in the beginning was actually the
• 0:31
  blue, the blueprint for the discard that you might be going
• 0:35
  through right now, the discard that you might have went through
• 0:37
  previously, the discard that you still might be healing from,
• 0:42
  right narcissistic people. So that right in, in essence,
• 0:46
  what we're talking about is how the love bombing phase could
• 0:50
  transition to the reverse discard, right?
• 0:54
  Because I have two, my 2 most recent videos which will be in
• 0:56
  the description are about love bombing, the four stages of the
• 1:00
  love bombing and then the reverse discard.
• 1:03
  You know when you first meet a narcissist, when you first meet
• 1:08
  a toxic person, when you first meet a toxic narcissistic person
• 1:12
  that most times they're going to love bomb you.
• 1:19
  Most times they're going to love bomb you.
• 1:22
  Most times they're going to do things.
• 1:24
  Most times they're going to put you through it.
• 1:28
  They're going to give you everything that you wanted and
• 1:29
  needed. Everything you've been asking
• 1:31
  for, everything you've been praying for, they're going to do
• 1:33
  it for you, right? They're going to do all of that
• 1:36
  stuff for you. They're going to meet you.
• 1:39
  They're going to pick you. They're going to love bomb you.
• 1:42
  They're going to they're going to they're going to send their
• 1:45
  best. They're going they're going to
• 1:46
  be they're going to where their Sunday best to get to you right?
• 1:51
  They're going to go to war that Sunday best give you everything
• 1:54
  you need mirror. You act like y'all have the
• 1:57
  exact same interest, but you don't.
• 2:00
  You don't have the same interest.
• 2:03
  Sometimes you do sometimes you do, but sometimes you don't.
• 2:06
  You realize later on that y'all have nothing in common.
• 2:09
  They were pretending they just love bombed you.
• 2:13
  They gave you the old love bomb. They pretended to be whoever you
• 2:18
  needed them to be in order to make you fall in love with them.
• 2:22
  And guess what happens when the love bomb ends?
• 2:26
  That's when the discard phase begins, right?
• 2:30
  Let me let me take you to the mind of a narcissist real quick.
• 2:32
  Come here real quick, Al. When I, as a narcissist love
• 2:37
  love bomb someone, I might actually want them, right?
• 2:41
  I might want them, but a lot of times I want something from
• 2:44
  them, right? So in essence, if I just want
• 2:47
  something from them, I'm not falling for for them.
• 2:50
  I'm analyzing them, I'm studying them.
• 2:53
  I'm looking at your insecurities.
• 2:55
  I'm trying to get get the blueprint of who I need to be.
• 2:59
  I'm trying to get the it's like acting, y'all?
• 3:02
  It's like acting. I'm doing research for a role
• 3:06
  when I'm love mum and somebody, I'm doing research for a role.
• 3:09
  I'm trying to get this. I'm trying to get this part.
• 3:13
  This is an audition. This is a cold read right here.
• 3:17
  You just gave me the script or, or you gave me the script
• 3:21
  beforehand. When a narcissist is loved by
• 3:23
  me, it really is kind of like an audition.
• 3:25
  My actors or actresses are in here, right?
• 3:28
  You know, if you get time, if you get time to prep, it's going
• 3:33
  to be better, isn't it? If you give me time to prepare,
• 3:36
  it's going to be better, but if I just sit down and you hand me
• 3:40
  the script and say, hey, play this part right here, it's going
• 3:43
  to be a little bit more difficult.
• 3:45
  So guess what happens before the love on me?
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  Before you meet a narcissist, sometimes right before you get
• 3:50
  entangled with them, guess what happens?
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  They look at your social media pages.
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  You already look on social media.
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  You already put every look. You already put everything that
• 3:58
  you want and need in a person. You are.
• 4:00
  You already put everything you're looking for.
• 4:03
  So I already got the script. You're giving them the script
• 4:07
  right there on your social media, on your dating sites, on
• 4:11
  all it is right, you giving them the script.
• 4:16
  They got to do less work. They got to do less work.
• 4:20
  You're already giving them the script.
• 4:23
  So that's what I'm saying is sometimes don't put everything
• 4:26
  that you want online. Stop putting everything on a
• 4:28
  dating profile. Leave it vague.
• 4:30
  Put some things on there because you want to, you don't want to
• 4:32
  seem boring, like a blank slate, right?
• 4:34
  But you also don't want to give them everything about you.
• 4:37
  Because if you get if, let's just say you put that you like
• 4:40
  your favorite type of rose is a pink rose.
• 4:43
  Guess what happens when you get it?
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  Like I said, when you get to that first date and they got a
• 4:48
  bouquet of pink roses, why you act surprised?
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  How did you know that I love pink roses?
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  How did you know that I wanted Madden 26?
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  How did you know? How did you know I like fishnet
• 5:03
  stockings? What are you doing with the
• 5:04
  things on girl? I want to bite through them.
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  You see what I'm saying don't give them too much information
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  on your profile. Don't do that type of stuff
• 5:12
  right there. Don't do that because guess
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  what? When a love when they when they
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  feel like they got you, when I feel like I get you right when,
• 5:23
  and this is what could be so twisted when you're trying to
• 5:25
  connect the love bombing and the reverse discard.
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  This one can get so twisted right here, right, because the
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  love bombing takes you from the highest of highs to the lowest
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  of lows. It and it just doesn't happen
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  like that, right. You can see it's meticulous over
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  time, right? It's subtle things.
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  They will start dissing you. They will start me meaning to
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  you. They'll tell you one day, they
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  go from telling you that they that they love you every single
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  day to now they treat you like they hate you.
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  They treat you like you've done something wrong to them.
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  They do all of this type of stuff to you and they mess with
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  you, right? They keep doing this and now
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  they pull it away. Now when the reverse discard
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  happens, guess what happens when the reverse discard happens?
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  They just start treating you badly and make you be the one
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  that leaves them. You're the one that leaves right
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  now. You left.
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  You left me. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what happens. From love bombing to reverse
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  discard. I treat you amazing.
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  And then I started treating you horribly to make you be the one
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  that leaves me. And guess what happens when you
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  leave me? You set me free.
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  So guess what happens? This Guess what I can do now.
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  I can love bomb the next person. And I can be justified in my
• 6:47
  love bombing. You left me.
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  Yeah. I loved bombed you, but you left
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  me. Don't act like you didn't.
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  Did you not? You left me.
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  You see what I'm saying? So can I not move on fast?
• 7:03
  Can I you? You expect me to wait around
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  after you moved on from me? You see what I'm saying?
• 7:10
  You see that's what I'm saying like no I'm not.
• 7:12
  I'm not pre streaming. This is me.
• 7:13
  He is streaming on a pre recording.
• 7:15
  No, this is not pre recorded. This is me live right now.
• 7:17
  Joanna, this is or, or that I already know that you were going
• 7:21
  to leave that comment and I'm. I'm predicting stuff.
• 7:25
  I'm predicting stuff in the future, right?
• 7:28
  No, this is live. I knew Johanna was going to come
• 7:32
  in in 7 minutes and 15 seconds, so I just decided to call her
• 7:35
  out. No, I'm live right now.
• 7:38
  And if you're watching this later.
• 7:44
  Yeah. This is this recorded later.
• 7:46
  I'm glad you found that funny. You got.
• 7:50
  Look, y'all you, if you follow me, I got a very unique sense of
• 7:53
  humor. I like to make people laugh.
• 7:54
  That's what I do. You know what I mean?
• 7:56
  That's what I do. What's going on?
• 7:58
  What's up? Back to the future.
• 7:59
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 8:02
  But that's narcissistic of you to to do that right there.
• 8:07
  Yeah. Yeah, It's got.
• 8:09
  I can't be boring on here, man. Like I can't just.
• 8:11
  I can sit here and talk to you like this.
• 8:14
  Hey, guys. But narcissists love bomb you.
• 8:16
  They don't really love you. They don't really care about
• 8:18
  you. What they really do is they it's
• 8:20
  not real love. It's it's it's inauthentic.
• 8:23
  It's plastic love. It's it, it looks like love.
• 8:27
  It feels like love. It's just like, it's splendid.
• 8:30
  It's splendid love. Just like I can do that right
• 8:33
  there, right. Let's go to Anna.
• 8:36
  But yeah, this is part of it right here when a reverse
• 8:39
  discard happens and go check out, make sure y'all check out
• 8:41
  my my previous videos about love bombing and reverse this my
• 8:45
  last, my last two videos. They're both LinkedIn the
• 8:48
  description on YouTube, right? They are about it because it's
• 8:52
  the it's like when you go from love bombing to getting reverse
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  discarded. You go through what I refer to
• 8:58
  as emotional whiplash, right. It's emotional whiplash.
• 9:03
  Imagine driving down like you. You're in this relationship
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  vehicle. We're driving down the street,
• 9:08
  love, love bombing. It really is speeding down the
• 9:12
  highway because you're blowing you're you're speeding, right?
• 9:14
  You're moving so fast. You're living together in two
• 9:17
  weeks. Y'all talking about having baby.
• 9:19
  Y'all picking out kids names six weeks into the relationship,
• 9:22
  picking out houses. You mean unprotected?
• 9:24
  Yeah, speeding down the highway. Now, if I were to slam on
• 9:29
  brakes, look, you don't have. Look, you have a seat belt on.
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  Now, if I were to slam on brakes, what happens?
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  Squirt, then net your neck. Go like this whiplash.
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  You go from speeding down the highway really fast to going
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  really slow. Emotional whiplash.
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  That's what happens. That's the bridge between the
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  love bombing, the four stages of the love bombing and then like
• 9:55
  literally the emotional whiplash and what not the the the getting
• 9:59
  reverse discard love behind me, sleep on the plane.
• 10:02
  Yes, this what ends up happening right here.
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  Y'all. This is the mentality.
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  This is so many narcissists face.
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  So if you dealt with a narcissism or talk as a person
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  and you feel like they sort of treating you badly until you
• 10:13
  left, that messes with you right there, right.
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  That messes with you because you can't believe that the person
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  who treated you so amazing is now cold, calculated, damn near
• 10:25
  evil. You can't imagine that right
• 10:27
  there. So it it can be a lot to deal
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  with, y'all. It can be a lot to process when
• 10:31
  the person you love and you treat it like gold is treating
• 10:34
  you like crap right now. It really truly can.
• 10:37
  So this is part of like we're going on right here.
• 10:39
  Y'all It it, it, it goes to this is what happens.
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  You know what I mean, You were describing you're describing the
• 10:47
  whole beginning and the fit throwing race sometimes, You
• 10:50
  know what I'm saying? Yeah, just because that's a good
• 10:52
  question right here. That's a good right here.
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  Just because they tell you to leave or they force you out the
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  door because they treated you horribly does not mean that they
• 11:01
  will let you go when you decide to go.
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  I know that sounds stupid, but that's how it goes sometimes.
• 11:07
  Now I got a few minutes for a couple questions.
• 11:08
  If you want to watch my videos about love bombing and the
• 11:11
  reverse discord, they are linked below in the in the description
• 11:15
  on YouTube. So check those out drop your
• 11:17
  question and I got a few minutes for some chats.
• 11:25
  It's hard messing. It's been messing with me for
• 11:26
  three years. I can't trust anybody right now
• 11:28
  Yeah, you first person, the first person you have to learn
• 11:30
  how to trust is your stealth is yourself.
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  Let's see your stealth yourself yourself.
• 11:36
  Yes. It's hard to realize that it was
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  all a lie. So I'm not going to necessarily
• 11:39
  say it was all a lie right, Because if you think 20 years is
• 11:43
  a lie, it'll be a very difficult to heal from that right.
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  So some of it was a lie. Yeah, a chunk of it could have
• 11:50
  been based on lies, but I don't think all was a lie from the
• 11:53
  beginning. If that helps you heal, go with
• 11:56
  that, right? Go with whatever helps you heal.
• 11:58
  Because like, I don't think it was all a lie from the beginning
• 12:00
  because it'd be very difficult for me to talk to my one-on-one
• 12:03
  of my one-on-one clients. And they've been together for 70
• 12:06
  years and then all of a sudden they're nice in the year.
• 12:08
  They've been at it for 40 years. I just say it was all fake.
• 12:11
  You wasted 40 years of your life with somebody who never cared
• 12:14
  about you. No, I don't think this is true.
• 12:17
  I don't think that's true. Right there, Right.
• 12:20
  You must move in silence. It could be dangerous.
• 12:22
  You could tell. Yeah.
• 12:22
  If you're trying to leave, don't.
• 12:23
  You don't necessarily have to tell them.
• 12:25
  Of course, if there's kids involved and things like that,
• 12:27
  you have there has to be a plan of action and order.
• 12:30
  But leaving can't and is the most dangerous time.
• 12:33
  Kathy, what's going on? Says let me tell you, your piece
• 12:35
  hits differently once you find your way out.
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  There you go. True.
• 12:40
  I left the house with the kids and keep on blaming me that I
• 12:42
  left. And yeah, it can't be.
• 12:45
  It can't be something that I've done.
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  You a horrible human being. You left me for no reason.
• 12:50
  You left me with no explanation. You had no reason to leave me.
• 12:54
  Damn it. You must have somebody else.
• 13:00
  What up, Gathi? I made her feel as a real
• 13:03
  individual. There you go.
• 13:05
  Does narcissistic behavior develop from toxic?
• 13:07
  Sometimes. It's not always.
• 13:09
  It's not always 100% certain that narcissists are developed
• 13:13
  through childhood trauma or something like that.
• 13:14
  Sometimes there could be a genetic component in it.
• 13:16
  Y'all. It really just depends.
• 13:18
  Now, a lot of times it's caused through trauma and neglect in
• 13:21
  childhood. Mine was right, but not
• 13:25
  everybody. The way to go above and beyond
• 13:27
  just to get you to fall for them.
• 13:28
  Yep. That's crazy.
• 13:29
  But that's the emotional whiplash right there, Sarah.
• 13:32
  That's the emotional whiplash you experience right there.
• 13:36
  I just spoke to you a few weeks ago about about being by an R.
• 13:41
  Oh, you talk to me? Oh, how you doing?
• 13:44
  Being R By an R OK, no contact one month.
• 13:48
  Haven't heard from him and he lives in my building.
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  Stay safe. Stay safe.
• 13:52
  When they are unaware they are narcissists, they actually say I
• 13:55
  don't understand myself. Yeah.
• 13:56
  I mean, sometimes they don't know if they can say I don't
• 13:58
  understand myself and they're not trying to understand
• 14:00
  themselves. That's just more manipulation,
• 14:02
  right? They're just like saying they're
• 14:04
  just like offering you an apology without changing their
• 14:06
  behaviors. You know what?
• 14:07
  I'm just like, I'm sorry. And they don't, they don't
• 14:10
  change anything about themselves.
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  So yeah, the person I left said they were allowed to abuse me
• 14:16
  because they worked so hard. My mirroring.
• 14:18
  Oh, hell no. Allowed to abuse you is an
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  insane thing to say. Allowed to abuse you is an
• 14:24
  insane thing to say. That's absolutely insane.
• 14:27
  I'm in a situation where I'm preparing to leave, but I'm
• 14:29
  starting to feel crazy. And I did this to him.
• 14:31
  You didn't do that to him. That's the that's that's that's
• 14:33
  kind of like the the leaving jitters right there.
• 14:35
  You didn't do that to him. Make sure you feel you are safe
• 14:38
  on your way out, y'all. Anyway y'all, I do have to hop
• 14:41
  off this thing. I really appreciate everyone of
• 14:43
  y'all. I'll be live again maybe
• 14:44
  tomorrow. I'll be live again tomorrow.
• 14:46
  If you haven't already, make sure you hit the subscribe
• 14:48
  button. Check out my website
• 14:49
  mentalillness.net for all things Lee Hammock.
• 14:52
  My coaching, my courses, everything is there y'all.
• 14:54
  We will chat again y'all and I'll see you later.
• 14:57
  Peace.