Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 46 | Mansplaining Mansplaining

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46 | Mansplaining Mansplaining · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Fuck Eastern Maryland.
• 0:02
  Matt: Whoa, okay, hold on.
• 0:04
  Matt: Coming in hot.
• 0:07
  Matt: Hold on.
• 0:07
  Matt: Hold on.
• 0:08
  Matt: I barely sat down, Eric.
• 0:10
  Eric: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 0:11
  Eric: And I want to be clear.
• 0:12
  Eric: I want to be like, gang, just like pull it in, pull it in, take a knee.
• 0:15
  Eric: I want to be real with you right now before I launch into this.
• 0:18
  Eric: If you are from Eastern Maryland, first of all, I'm sorry.
• 0:23
  Eric: Second of all, I hold nothing against the people of Eastern Maryland.
• 0:28
  Eric: Eastern, not Eastern Maryland.
• 0:30
  Matt: I am fighting the urge to check our downloads from Eastern Maryland right now.
• 0:34
  Eric: We gotta take this hit because I gotta speak my peace.
• 0:37
  Eric: I have to speak my truth.
• 0:39
  Eric: Well, Eric, what what has happened?
• 0:41
  Eric: I hold I bear no ill will against the people of Eastern Maryland.
• 0:47
  Eric: But I hold I I hold nothing but contempt for the location that is Easton Maryland.
• 0:56
  Eric: I am on the edge of my fucking scene right now.
• 0:59
  Eric: We went to like a wedding this weekend.
• 1:02
  Eric: Thank you.
• 1:03
  Eric: It was beautiful.
• 1:04
  Eric: It was a beautiful wedding.
• 1:06
  Eric: Everything around the wedding seemed like it was designed by like a Sumerian trickster god to to to to fucking like razzle us every step of the way.
• 1:23
  Eric: That's fun.
• 1:24
  Eric: And and the fucked up thing is I'm going to like I'm gonna tell you like this right now.
• 1:27
  Eric: I'm going to sound like a crazy person because any one of the things I'm about to describe, in and of themselves, is nothing.
• 1:37
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:38
  Eric: But when you start to put together the entire bullshit sandwich that is the layer cake uh of ineptitude that is Easton Maryland, we arrived at the quality inn.
• 1:54
  Eric: First mistake.
• 1:55
  Eric: The East the famed Easton Quality Inn.
• 1:58
  Eric: And let me tell you, my friend, anything but quality at that inn.
• 2:03
  Eric: I think we all knew that before you began.
• 2:05
  Eric: Oh sorry, bruh.
• 2:07
  Eric: We get there.
• 2:08
  Eric: First of all, we're I'm like, I'm dragging like it's hot.
• 2:11
  Eric: I'm dr I'm dragging my my suitcase.
• 2:14
  Eric: I'm holding my suit.
• 2:15
  Eric: I have Sam's bag and my suitcase in one hand, I have my suit in the other.
• 2:19
  Eric: And we're like, all right, let's get in.
• 2:21
  Eric: Let's get into the air conditioning.
• 2:22
  Eric: We get in.
• 2:22
  Eric: The air conditioning is not on.
• 2:24
  Eric: We're like, all right, let's put our clothes in the closet.
• 2:26
  Eric: There is no closet.
• 2:28
  Eric: Okay.
• 2:29
  Matt: After both of those topics separately, I would have gone to a different hotel.
• 2:35
  Matt: I just want to point it out.
• 2:36
  Matt: If either one of them, either one of them had taken place, I would have been out of there.
• 2:41
  Eric: Matt, there's no closet.
• 2:45
  Eric: And I could see where there was what they did have.
• 2:49
  Eric: I can see, I can see you're gearing up to tell me something horrifying.
• 2:53
  Eric: There, there was there's a bar that was just mounted on the wall.
• 2:57
  Eric: Stop it.
• 2:57
  Eric: No.
• 2:58
  Eric: To act as your closet.
• 2:59
  Eric: Oh, Matt, I'm sorry.
• 3:01
  Eric: I'm describing a luxury right now.
• 3:03
  Eric: You're describing a pull-up bar.
• 3:05
  Eric: No, I'm describing a luxury because we didn't have that because I could see where it had been ripped from the wall and plastered over.
• 3:14
  Eric: My God.
• 3:15
  Eric: So we had to hang our wedding garments.
• 3:19
  Eric: I from the shower?
• 3:21
  Eric: Oh no, my friend.
• 3:23
  Eric: Uh, what I did was I took the ironing board off the wall, and the two little hooks that had been holding up the ironing board, those became our hanger hooks.
• 3:35
  Eric: That is what our clothes hang from the whole time we were there.
• 3:39
  Eric: Okay.
• 3:40
  Eric: Uh, and mind you, at this point, by this point, it is like we're there, it's like like 6:30.
• 3:47
  Eric: I have not eaten since like 7 a.m.
• 3:50
  Eric: that morning.
• 3:51
  Eric: Oh, that is a problem for you.
• 3:53
  Eric: I am at this point.
• 3:55
  Eric: That's a hangry Eric.
• 3:56
  Eric: I am, I am, I am, I am a little, I'm a little hangry.
• 3:59
  Eric: But but it's great, it's fine because as soon as we pulled in A, we were going to the welcoming party that was being held in Easton that night.
• 4:07
  Eric: And even if there wasn't, because we knew it was being held at a bar, we didn't know what the bar food situation was, but it's okay because here's like the one shining ray of hope out of Easton, Maryland.
• 4:18
  Eric: Uh, there's a Denny's literally in the same parking lot as the quality in.
• 4:25
  Matt: Okay.
• 4:25
  Matt: The fact that that is your ray of hope is a very dark barometer.
• 4:31
  Eric: Yeah, and I'm like, because it's stable, right?
• 4:34
  Eric: It's it's the pain I know.
• 4:36
  Eric: Sure.
• 4:36
  Eric: It is like I know what I'm getting from Denny's.
• 4:39
  Eric: It's Denny's, it's open 24 hours.
• 4:41
  Eric: It's the devil you know.
• 4:43
  Eric: It's the devil I know.
• 4:45
  Eric: So we get in and and and and Sam is thrilled.
• 4:50
  Eric: She's like, okay, cool.
• 4:51
  Eric: I I she's like, I need, I cannot wait to get to this welcoming party because it's like open bar.
• 4:56
  Eric: I'm like, I can't wait to just get a drink and chill and like hang out with my family who I haven't seen in a very long time.
• 5:01
  Eric: So, like, this is gonna be awesome.
• 5:03
  Eric: We're excited.
• 5:04
  Eric: So we're like, cool.
• 5:05
  Eric: And we specifically picked this hotel because it's only five minutes from the venue.
• 5:11
  Eric: Okay.
• 5:11
  Eric: And it's also just like eight minutes from where the welcoming party was happening.
• 5:15
  Eric: So we're like, cool, we'll just Uber or Lyft over.
• 5:19
  Eric: So we start looking for an Uber or a Lyft driver.
• 5:23
  Eric: Dope.
• 5:23
  Eric: They're gonna be here in 15 minutes.
• 5:25
  Eric: 15 minutes goes by, we look at the phone, still says they're 15 minutes away.
• 5:29
  Eric: 15 more minutes pass, they're still 15 minutes away.
• 5:32
  Eric: Hate to see 15 more minutes pass, they are now 20 minutes away.
• 5:37
  Eric: They are actively moving away from us.
• 5:39
  Eric: I can only assume to escape Easton Maryland.
• 5:42
  Eric: Okay.
• 5:43
  Eric: And so at that point, we're like, well, we're canceling that Uber, and then we go to check all the other liftings.
• 5:49
  Eric: For the next 20 minutes, we're just looking for any lift driver, any Uber driver, anyone, nothing.
• 5:56
  Eric: There is no this is one of the most heavily it is a Friday night.
• 6:01
  Eric: Uh-huh.
• 6:02
  Eric: It is a Friday, and there is nothing.
• 6:06
  Eric: There is no Uber driver within like 20 miles of where we are.
• 6:11
  Eric: That's that's awful.
• 6:12
  Eric: And so Sam is like, okay, well, I just drove.
• 6:16
  Eric: I like I just drove like the the the hour and a half to get here, and I guess I'm driving us to the welcome party because my dumbass partner can't drive a manual.
• 6:24
  Eric: She didn't say that, but like that's what I was saying.
• 6:26
  Eric: But it was implied, it is heavily implied, and yes.
• 6:29
  Matt: Okay, well, she can also get a uh regular car.
• 6:32
  Eric: She could, she could, she could, but she's proud, stubborn.
• 6:35
  Eric: Um, she's willful.
• 6:37
  Eric: Uh so talking about like like she's my daughter that I'm trying to marry off in Game of Thrones.
• 6:45
  Eric: Thou art willful child.
• 6:46
  Eric: I didn't say that.
• 6:47
  Eric: Um, no, she's an amazing human being, and I love her so much.
• 6:51
  Eric: She drives us, and she's like, Great, cool.
• 6:53
  Eric: She's like, uh, well, you know, it'll at least I'll get to be around my family.
• 6:57
  Eric: We go in.
• 6:58
  Eric: There is like a simultaneous event being held at this bar, and it was populated by just waves of the most obnoxious loud people on earth.
• 7:06
  Eric: So, like, we get in, there's a screaming conversation, and whoever was running the music decided, oh, it's people are talking really loud.
• 7:15
  Eric: I better cran the volume up so that way the music can match the vibe.
• 7:20
  Eric: It was just blasted.
• 7:21
  Eric: There was food.
• 7:22
  Eric: We each got like a small plate, but we had to like retreat outside to like eat a little bit of it.
• 7:27
  Eric: And like, she couldn't drink.
• 7:29
  Eric: I wanted to drink, but I had to wait really long to get drinks because this place was so fucking packed.
• 7:33
  Eric: We also found out this is the last night this bar was ever going to be open, it was shutting down.
• 7:38
  Eric: So, like oh yeah, it was it was wild.
• 7:40
  Eric: Like you were at the blowout?
• 7:42
  Eric: We were at a we were at a yeah, we were at a blowout, but apparently the wild thing is the bar had already like we're like, oh yeah, we're closed down, and then they found out, oh shit, no, we're supposed to host this welcoming party for this wedding, and they reopened they just forgot that night.
• 7:57
  Eric: Oh, they just forgot, you know, kick it back in the east and do whatever you like.
• 8:01
  Eric: No rules, just right.
• 8:02
  Eric: Um, it is the outback of Maryland.
• 8:05
  Eric: So we finally like, and we're and we're hanging out, we do have a good time like meeting with her family.
• 8:09
  Eric: We do like we just hang out outside while drunk girls stumble out of the bar and cry, and like that's a whole thing, all right.
• 8:16
  Eric: And I didn't and we didn't know how to address that.
• 8:19
  Eric: So eventually we're like passion.
• 8:20
  Eric: I'm like, hey, why don't we just hit a liquor store, get some beers, go back to the hotel, and just drink and watch Jeopardy?
• 8:29
  Eric: And she's like, Yes, please.
• 8:32
  Eric: And I was like, and I can get Denny's because I'm starving.
• 8:36
  Eric: I'm so fucking hungry.
• 8:37
  Eric: I can taste colors.
• 8:39
  Eric: And like, and like we even looked at my home, like, all right, cool.
• 8:42
  Eric: Yep, Denny's is still open because they're open 24 hours, and like, great.
• 8:47
  Eric: So we hit the liquor store, we get we get a six-pack of Reds apple ale.
• 8:52
  Eric: I I get a uh a six pack of what appears to be like a local Easton brewery.
• 8:56
  Eric: I'm like, oh maybe their beer's good, and we get like a six-pack of some just safe choice.
• 9:02
  Eric: It was like Bo.
• 9:03
  Eric: Yeah.
• 9:04
  Eric: And mind you, we don't plan on drinking it like some of her family was coming to hang out with like I just realized, no, we were not drinking between us, between us two two humans, like 18 beers.
• 9:15
  Eric: So we go back, we start driving back.
• 9:17
  Eric: As we're pulling up, like, God, I cannot wait.
• 9:19
  Eric: I'm like, I'm gonna fucking destroy this Denny's light of my life, Denny's beacon of hope.
• 9:24
  Eric: That is Denny's, Matt.
• 9:26
  Eric: I know, Denny's.
• 9:28
  Eric: I already know.
• 9:29
  Eric: It's closed.
• 9:30
  Eric: Denny's was closed.
• 9:31
  Eric: Yeah.
• 9:32
  Eric: Denny's was closed because it's Easton Maryland.
• 9:36
  Eric: Of course it's closed.
• 9:37
  Eric: They closed at 10.
• 9:38
  Eric: It was like 10.15.
• 9:40
  Eric: I just like I it was like I couldn't even have even like placed.
• 9:44
  Eric: I there's no world in which I could have been like, I said.
• 9:48
  Eric: So you're there with your your cheap beer.
• 9:50
  Eric: I'm I'm there with my cheap beer.
• 9:52
  Eric: Uh the the in a parking lot of sorrow.
• 9:55
  Eric: In a parking lot of sorrow, walking past like the the the eerie glow of the pool that our that our room overlooks.
• 10:04
  Eric: I know the glow.
• 10:05
  Eric: Oh, it's it's so sad.
• 10:07
  Eric: Get back to the room, the keys to our hotel room, the card not working.
• 10:12
  Eric: Amazing.
• 10:13
  Eric: Batteries dead in the door.
• 10:14
  Eric: Batteries dead in the door.
• 10:15
  Matt: Batteries are dead in the door.
• 10:16
  Matt: I didn't even know there were batteries in there.
• 10:18
  Eric: Oh, there are batteries in there.
• 10:19
  Eric: We had to go in.
• 10:19
  Eric: They had to like go like bring someone up.
• 10:21
  Eric: Fuck it.
• 10:22
  Eric: It was it was like another 30 minutes before we could even get into our Jeopardy.
• 10:26
  Matt: Jeopardy, long over at this point.
• 10:28
  Eric: Long over.
• 10:29
  Eric: Now all we have to watch is Guy Fieti.
• 10:31
  Eric: We we're like, fuck this.
• 10:33
  Eric: Fuck this.
• 10:34
  Eric: We're at this point.
• 10:35
  Eric: We're just like, fuck this place, right?
• 10:36
  Eric: Fuck this place.
• 10:37
  Eric: Domino's came in clutch.
• 10:39
  Eric: Domino's was still open.
• 10:41
  Eric: Dominoes knows what the fuck is up.
• 10:43
  Eric: Hey, yo.
• 10:43
  Eric: Support your local dominoes.
• 10:46
  Eric: Sure.
• 10:47
  Eric: Uh your local mom pa dominoes.
• 10:51
  Eric: Sure, yeah.
• 10:52
  Eric: Uh, yeah.
• 10:53
  Eric: Local restaurant.
• 10:54
  Eric: Your local franchisee dominoes.
• 10:56
  Eric: God damn.
• 10:57
  Eric: Show them some love.
• 10:58
  Eric: Yeah, sure.
• 10:59
  Eric: They they did deliver.
• 11:00
  Eric: The driver did get lost.
• 11:02
  Eric: I had to navigate them.
• 11:03
  Eric: Okay.
• 11:03
  Eric: Sure.
• 11:04
  Eric: But I at this point I'm with it.
• 11:06
  Eric: It was better than your Uber driver.
• 11:07
  Eric: Turns out the Reds apple ale was like past exasperation date.
• 11:11
  Eric: The the local beer that I decided to give a swing tasted like fucking soap.
• 11:15
  Eric: So we sat there drinking, drinking bows, eating fucking, eating fucking dominoes.
• 11:21
  Matt: And just for our larger non-Marylland audience, that's national bohemian.
• 11:25
  Matt: Yes.
• 11:26
  Matt: I just want to put that in there because there are certainly people who don't know what the fuck a natty bow is, which is a crime.
• 11:32
  Eric: Yeah.
• 11:34
  Eric: They're not fucking down with it.
• 11:35
  Eric: I get it.
• 11:35
  Eric: I'll recruit them that it's it's basically it's just putting it out there.
• 11:40
  Matt: I'm just putting it literally is Papst.
• 11:42
  Matt: It's literally made by Pabst.
• 11:44
  Matt: It's made by Paps.
• 11:45
  Matt: It literally is Papston and a different label.
• 11:49
  Matt: But but we know I just want to be clear about all things, and this is for all Marylanders.
• 11:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:54
  Matt: We know it's bad.
• 11:56
  Matt: We know it's bad.
• 11:57
  Matt: But but for the price I'm paying for it, it's not even the price, but it's also the best.
• 12:04
  Eric: You know it's also the best.
• 12:05
  Eric: It's the best.
• 12:06
  Eric: It's it's the it's the it's the best worst.
• 12:08
  Eric: Worst best.
• 12:09
  Eric: If we have any listener, if we have any listeners in Chicago right now, it's our malort.
• 12:14
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 12:14
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 12:15
  Matt: We are getting all kinds of hyperlocal.
• 12:17
  Eric: Anyway, your story.
• 12:18
  Matt: You're drinking Buzz.
• 12:20
  Matt: You're sad.
• 12:21
  Matt: You're watching Guy Fieri.
• 12:22
  Eric: Watching Guy Fieri.
• 12:23
  Eric: And I want to be clear, the dominoes was terrible.
• 12:25
  Eric: Like it was the worst made dominoes I'd ever had.
• 12:27
  Eric: Like the pizza was all kind of like fucking frank and stuff.
• 12:30
  Eric: I'm like, they it was training night at the domino, but it was the best food I'd ever had at that point because I hadn't eaten in like 12 hours.
• 12:38
  Eric: So more than that.
• 12:39
  Eric: Jesus.
• 12:40
  Eric: That's a horror show.
• 12:41
  Eric: Yeah, so I was like wolfing it down, guzzle, guzzle, guzzle, guzzle.
• 12:45
  Eric: The the next day is the wedding.
• 12:46
  Eric: The wedding goes off without a hitch.
• 12:47
  Eric: We did have to figure, because originally our plan was to just lift or uber to the wedding.
• 12:51
  Eric: Luckily, uh Sam's brother came in clutch.
• 12:53
  Eric: He was also staying in that hotel, so he just gave us a lift to the wedding.
• 12:57
  Eric: Wonderful time, danced the night away.
• 12:59
  Eric: Great.
• 13:00
  Eric: Beautiful ceremony.
• 13:01
  Eric: Amazing.
• 13:02
  Eric: Nice job.
• 13:02
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:03
  Eric: We go to leave the next day.
• 13:04
  Eric: Get the fuck out of there.
• 13:06
  Eric: And we it like it's just the cherry on top.
• 13:09
  Eric: This sad, sad tale of woe uh is reaching its its its conclusion.
• 13:13
  Eric: Easton, Maryland is exactly like one hour and eleven minutes from my house.
• 13:19
  unknown: Okay.
• 13:19
  Eric: Don't dox me.
• 13:21
  Eric: Uh anyone who did that, figure that out.
• 13:24
  Eric: You did that.
• 13:24
  Eric: Anyone who's trying to like CSI me right now, don't don't miss me with that shit.
• 13:30
  Eric: I've survived Easton.
• 13:31
  Eric: I will survive you.
• 13:32
  Eric: It took us like two and a half, three hours to fucking get home.
• 13:36
  Eric: Damn.
• 13:37
  Eric: Because what's what's a fucking just battering about in Easton without a good healthy dose of Bay Bridge traffic, people trying to get home from Ocean City, just slow.
• 13:51
  Matt: I'm just gonna I'm just gonna wrangle you back onto your story here for a second because this is the cold open.
• 13:56
  Matt: Thank you.
• 13:59
  Eric: And to conclude, we had to take refuge at the subway in the little rest stop.
• 14:05
  Eric: We sat there for like a half hour, 45 minutes till the traffic kind of called, like the beast calmed, and then we just we we did not drive home.
• 14:15
  Eric: We did not even we slunk home.
• 14:19
  Eric: We slinked out of fucking Easton, Maryland with our tails between our legs and our heads just hanging, hats in our hands.
• 14:29
  Eric: So I I say and I say again, fuck Easton Maryland.
• 14:35
  Matt: That does sound like a genuinely horrible at weekend, and I am sorry.
• 14:38
  Eric: It was fun, it like it was only thank god I was with the love of my life because otherwise I would have been fucking.
• 14:44
  Eric: I wasn't fucking there.
• 15:14
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 15:16
  Matt: Yes, back from the brink, Eric Poach.
• 15:20
  Matt: Yeah, from Easton's back Maryland.
• 15:23
  Eric: Also, have you always said it, Matthew Shea?
• 15:26
  Matt: We've I've kind of swapped back and forth.
• 15:28
  Matt: In fact, we had like a whole prolonged discussion about the other Matt Shea podcast.
• 15:34
  Matt: Right.
• 15:35
  Matt: I think it'd be great, Eric, if you remembered some of our conversations.
• 15:39
  Eric: Yeah.
• 15:40
  Matt: I mean, we do record them uh and put them out into the world.
• 15:43
  Eric: I yeah, and I get to hear them twice.
• 15:45
  Eric: Like when I'm saying them and when I'm listening to the episode before it goes out.
• 15:49
  Matt: Yeah, you somehow do have feedback for me.
• 15:52
  Matt: So how you how you have that without listening to the episode is truly remarkable to me.
• 15:58
  Eric: I just trust in my co-host.
• 16:00
  Matt: Oh, you're too kind.
• 16:02
  Eric: That night just you know, I'm I'm just Matt, I'm just so present.
• 16:06
  Eric: Like I'm so present that anything before or after tomorrow is tomorrow is a tomorrow, Eric problem.
• 16:16
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 16:17
  Eric: Yesterday is yesterday Eric's responsibility.
• 16:20
  Eric: Oh my gosh.
• 16:21
  Eric: No day but today.
• 16:22
  Matt: No day but today.
• 16:24
  Matt: Um well, Eric, uh, you know, your cold open uh did did go a little bit long.
• 16:32
  Matt: So, you know, I don't know that we can uh take the kind of time we have for our our traditional bullshit at the top of the show.
• 16:40
  Matt: We got questions to ask.
• 16:41
  Eric: Let's get right into it.
• 16:41
  Eric: Let's get in.
• 16:42
  Matt: But but we but we do have a very important announcement.
• 16:47
  Matt: Oh, so we do have some bullshit.
• 16:49
  Matt: Okay.
• 16:49
  Matt: I specifically separated this from the bullshit segment.
• 16:52
  Eric: Oh, oh, sorry, there was a delineation.
• 16:54
  Eric: I apologize.
• 16:55
  Eric: I said it was a very important announcement.
• 16:58
  Eric: It is a very important announcement.
• 17:00
  Matt: This right here, which you're listening to, is episode 46.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Our last episode.
• 17:09
  Matt: No, I'm I'm no that that's not true.
• 17:11
  Matt: Please, please keep listening.
• 17:12
  Matt: It's not at all that, unless this is how you're telling me you're quitting the show.
• 17:17
  Matt: Bye! Um this is episode 46.
• 17:22
  Matt: Yes.
• 17:23
  Matt: And in just a couple of weeks, by the time actually, by the time you are listening to this episode, this episode is dropping on the 18th and on August 29th, Monday, August 29th, at 5 30 p.m.
• 17:43
  Matt: Eastern Standard Time.
• 17:46
  Matt: E S T We will be recording episode 48 live.
• 17:55
  Matt: Live, baby.
• 17:57
  Matt: You will be able to be able to see the magic, the magic of us kind of try to get our shit together.
• 18:07
  Matt: Raw sweaty passion.
• 18:10
  Matt: The raw sweaty passion.
• 18:11
  Matt: Although I'm certainly not going to record this live episode uh in the uh pod pod.
• 18:16
  Matt: But that is because we are going to be doing a definitive ranking live.
• 18:23
  Matt: It will be live streamed on YouTube.
• 18:27
  Matt: There is information that you need in the show notes of this episode, but go to our Instagram, go to our Twitter, go to our Facebook.
• 18:35
  Matt: We're gonna be posting by the time this episode's come out, you already know that we're gonna be doing this because we've been posting about it.
• 18:43
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 18:44
  unknown: Yeah.
• 18:45
  Matt: August 29th, 5:30 p.m.
• 18:48
  Matt: Mark your calendars.
• 18:49
  Matt: You're gonna be there with me, you're gonna be there with poach, and you're gonna be there with former guest Andy Rawlings.
• 18:56
  Eric: And I know what you're the man the man who threw a gauntlet from across the sea.
• 19:04
  Matt: Yes, and I know what you're thinking.
• 19:06
  Matt: Wow, you're already having a repeat guest.
• 19:10
  Matt: And you know what?
• 19:11
  Matt: You want to know how you get to be a repeat guest?
• 19:14
  Matt: You send each of us a giant box of British biscuits.
• 19:22
  Eric: A f uh like folks, cannot stress this enough.
• 19:25
  Eric: He Andy was like, hey, can I send you guys some biscuits and you rate them?
• 19:28
  Eric: And we're like, yeah, fucking sure, whatever.
• 19:30
  Matt: And get the bit off a crate, a full-size crate.
• 19:36
  Matt: Each of us.
• 19:37
  Matt: Each of us, full-size boxes of cookies like that are like 20-size packages.
• 19:44
  Matt: Because all because he saw some meme ranking these biscuits and said, This is bullshit, and I know just who can rate these British delicacies, these two American douchebags.
• 20:00
  Matt: So he sent us these cookies.
• 20:02
  Matt: So if you want, if you want to be a guest again, you gotta send us hundreds of dollars worth of cookies and pay international shipping.
• 20:13
  Matt: So we will be rating these for Andy, for you, for Britain.
• 20:19
  Eric: We're very clear.
• 20:20
  Eric: You're gonna hang out with us while we eat cookies and talk about eating cookies.
• 20:28
  Eric: But hey, it's happy hour.
• 20:29
  Eric: You guys party.
• 20:30
  Eric: Oh my god, show up, bring it, bring a beer, wear something, wear, wear some comfy.
• 20:35
  Eric: Come in your gym, James.
• 20:38
  Eric: I'm I'm probably gonna be wearing my silk robe.
• 20:41
  Matt: Oh, are we gonna silk robe it?
• 20:43
  Matt: I was thinking maybe we need to be like full tie, you know, tie and suit for or dress like chimney sweeps.
• 20:50
  Matt: Nobody's ever said tie and suit before.
• 20:52
  Matt: Tie and suit.
• 20:53
  Matt: But I will be I will be that's what they say in England.
• 20:55
  Eric: Emphasis on the tie.
• 20:56
  Eric: Yeah, that's well, yeah, because the toilets flush backwards there or whatever.
• 21:01
  Matt: Uh so anyway, the um absolutely join us.
• 21:07
  Matt: You can stream it on YouTube.
• 21:09
  Matt: You're gonna be with us.
• 21:10
  Matt: We're gonna be excited.
• 21:12
  Matt: Something's probably gonna go wrong.
• 21:14
  Matt: It doesn't matter.
• 21:16
  Matt: But you know what?
• 21:17
  Matt: We're gonna have a great time.
• 21:18
  Matt: We hope you'll join us again.
• 21:20
  Matt: That is August 29th, Monday at 5 30 p.m.
• 21:24
  Matt: Get yourself a happy hour beer and and have a good time with us.
• 21:27
  Matt: Eastern Standard Time.
• 21:30
  Eric: Eastern Standard Time.
• 21:31
  Eric: Which is the time zone of our nation's capital, which makes it the only time zone that matters.
• 21:38
  Matt: Yes.
• 21:38
  Matt: But also it should be noted that uh, you know, that uh London, meanwhile, it's gonna be 10 30.
• 21:47
  Matt: So, you know, poor Andy As the crow flies.
• 21:51
  Matt: Andy uh is gonna be uh up up late um just for you.
• 21:56
  Matt: So the least you can do is tune in.
• 21:58
  Matt: And we are perfectly Pretty much halfway through the show now, Eric, without having started it.
• 22:04
  Matt: So I can love it.
• 22:07
  Matt: Shall we begin?
• 22:08
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 22:09
  Matt: So we have three questions here.
• 22:12
  Matt: Uh, and they are all they're all kind of related.
• 22:15
  Matt: Um, they're all sort of road trip themed.
• 22:18
  Eric: Yeah, and and and and honest to God, anyone who's ever been on a road trip knows that this first question is 100% road trip related.
• 22:26
  Eric: This comes from our our good friend AJ Stigler on Instagram.
• 22:31
  Eric: Are Swedish fish gummies?
• 22:35
  Matt: Are Swedish fish gummies?
• 22:38
  Matt: Now, Eric, yes.
• 22:40
  Matt: I was prepared for us to really like stretch this out, have some fun with it.
• 22:46
  Matt: But I did do a little bit of research, and by that I mean open two tabs.
• 22:50
  Eric: Okay.
• 22:51
  Eric: Go on.
• 22:51
  Eric: Throw I'm ready.
• 22:53
  Eric: I'm ready.
• 22:53
  Eric: Please, Mr.
• 22:54
  Eric: Bucket of Cold Water.
• 22:56
  Eric: Please follow me, right in the face.
• 22:58
  Matt: Well, we got a lot of we have two other road trippy questions to get to.
• 23:01
  Matt: So I just I want to see.
• 23:03
  Matt: Okay.
• 23:03
  Matt: Eric, let me get in it.
• 23:05
  Matt: Let's take a temperature.
• 23:06
  Matt: Yeah.
• 23:06
  Matt: What is your initial impression?
• 23:08
  Matt: And I know what my initial impression was.
• 23:11
  Matt: So when I read this question, I'll say, I'll say mine.
• 23:15
  Matt: Okay.
• 23:15
  Matt: And then and then we'll leave it up to you.
• 23:17
  Matt: Because when I first read this question, I was like, well, this is a ridiculous question.
• 23:21
  Matt: Oh well, well, wait a minute.
• 23:23
  Matt: That's what I did.
• 23:24
  Eric: That's kind of what I did as well.
• 23:25
  Eric: I'm wondering if we went the same direction.
• 23:28
  Matt: And the end of my exploring.
• 23:30
  Eric: Are we gonna have to do that thing where we where we where we we say it just on the count of three?
• 23:35
  Eric: Oh, yeah, we can do that.
• 23:36
  Eric: All right.
• 23:36
  Matt: So what are we saying?
• 23:37
  Matt: No or yes?
• 23:38
  Eric: Yeah, no or yes.
• 23:40
  Eric: Okay.
• 23:41
  Eric: All right.
• 23:41
  Eric: So our Swedish fish gummies.
• 23:43
  Eric: Three, two, one, no.
• 23:46
  Eric: No.
• 23:47
  Eric: Hey, alright.
• 23:50
  Eric: Hey, sister.
• 23:51
  Eric: Now I'm just mostly fascinated by how you got there.
• 23:55
  Matt: So here's how I got there.
• 23:57
  Matt: Before I did the research, and then I'm gonna give you the research, which I do think, I actually think for once I'm going to deliver you factual information.
• 24:05
  Matt: Hell yeah.
• 24:06
  Matt: So I didn't look up shit for this.
• 24:08
  Matt: This is pure opinion on my end.
• 24:10
  Matt: Go on.
• 24:10
  Matt: This is our dynamic, Eric.
• 24:12
  Matt: I I know where I know my responsibilities.
• 24:14
  Matt: My unsaid responsibility.
• 24:15
  Matt: Your scully, yes, yes, yes.
• 24:17
  Matt: Oh sure, you're fucking molder, huh?
• 24:19
  Matt: Let me get my fucking ledger of lights in.
• 24:22
  Matt: Uh so here's what I'd say.
• 24:25
  Matt: My first impression was like, yeah, they're gummies.
• 24:28
  Matt: But when you bite into them, yeah, they're not the same bite as like a gummy bear.
• 24:33
  Eric: No.
• 24:34
  Matt: As like a let's just say another type of gummy.
• 24:38
  Eric: Yeah.
• 24:39
  Eric: A gummy bear bounces back.
• 24:41
  Eric: Like it gives you some it gives you some bounce.
• 24:43
  Eric: And there's some bounce to it.
• 24:45
  Matt: And whenever you bite into a Swedish fish, the first thing you realize is, oh yeah, these are a lot thicker than I remember.
• 24:53
  Matt: Yes.
• 24:54
  Matt: Yes.
• 24:54
  Matt: These are a lot, these stick to every every orifice of my mouth.
• 25:01
  Matt: There's only the one orifice, but you know what I'm saying.
• 25:03
  Eric: Yeah, it is, it is gonna be on the roof of it's gonna be in my teeth for the rest of the day.
• 25:09
  Eric: Yeah, that is that is it.
• 25:10
  Matt: Yeah, your electric toothbrush is gonna have to go to work on those molars.
• 25:14
  Eric: I I once ate Swedish fish like the day before going to the dentist.
• 25:19
  Eric: Let me tell you how much of a mistake that was.
• 25:21
  Eric: The guilt trip I got.
• 25:22
  Eric: All right.
• 25:23
  Eric: He's like, he's like, oh, oh, oh, what, oh, what is this?
• 25:26
  Eric: Like he thought I was dying at first.
• 25:28
  Matt: What is what you turn into Jimmy Stewart there?
• 25:31
  Eric: Oh, pouch! Oh, you can't have that.
• 25:33
  Eric: Oh, Swedish fish.
• 25:36
  Eric: Oh, oh.
• 25:37
  Matt: Eric.
• 25:38
  Matt: All right.
• 25:38
  Matt: Would you be interested in knowing the ingredients of the Swedish fish?
• 25:42
  Matt: I really would.
• 25:43
  Matt: Okay.
• 25:44
  unknown: All right.
• 25:44
  Eric: I'm glad Swedes.
• 25:45
  Matt: Because I was gonna give them to you anyway.
• 25:47
  Eric: Okay.
• 25:48
  Matt: We have um two the first two, very interesting to me.
• 25:51
  Matt: The first one is sugar.
• 25:53
  Eric: The second one is I'm just imagining you see sugar and you go, really?
• 26:00
  Matt: The second one is invert sugar.
• 26:03
  Matt: What?
• 26:04
  Matt: I don't know what that is.
• 26:05
  Eric: Invert sugar?
• 26:06
  Matt: Invert sugar.
• 26:08
  Eric: Like anti-sugar?
• 26:10
  Matt: Invert sugar is a syrup mixture of monosaccharide, glucose, and fructose.
• 26:16
  Matt: I don't know why it turned into Hansen Franz when I read that.
• 26:19
  Matt: Anyway, that's what it is.
• 26:20
  Matt: It's a it's a sugar syrup.
• 26:22
  Matt: Corn syrup, modified, modified corn starch, citric acid, natural, natural and artificial flavors, white mineral oil.
• 26:37
  Matt: Okay.
• 26:38
  Matt: Carn Carnuba wax, carnoba wax, or beeswax.
• 26:46
  Matt: Or wait yes, it's or carnoba max.
• 26:51
  Matt: I'm probably fucking that, but carnoba max if it's made in Canada, or beeswax if it's made in Turkey.
• 26:59
  Matt: Okay.
• 27:00
  Matt: And then of course, depending on the fish, red dye, yellow dye.
• 27:06
  Eric: Oh, so there's no gelatin in this.
• 27:08
  Matt: There is no gelatin.
• 27:13
  Matt: That's correct, Derek.
• 27:15
  Matt: And that is what solidified it for me.
• 27:17
  Matt: And just to hammer it home, yeah, if you go to Gummy Candy on Wikipedia, which I should say every single page right now is advertising Wikipedia's annual donation drive.
• 27:29
  Matt: And I know we say it all the time, but I do mean it sincerely each and every time.
• 27:32
  Matt: If you have gotten$2.50 of knowledge from Wikipedia this year, please donate, as it says on the banner ad I'm reading right now.
• 27:41
  Matt: But they probably mean it very gently.
• 27:43
  Matt: I'm telling you, forcefully, fucking donate to Wikipedia.
• 27:47
  Eric: Just know that I'm glaring at you, listener.
• 27:50
  Eric: Like I'm over Matt's shoulder right now, and I'm glaring at you.
• 27:54
  Eric: I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying anything.
• 27:56
  Eric: I'm not like making any move.
• 27:57
  Eric: I'm just I'm just I'm looking at you meaningfully.
• 28:00
  Matt: So on the gummy candy Wikipedia page.
• 28:03
  Matt: Yeah.
• 28:04
  Matt: It says that obviously gummies, gummy candies, gummy candies, spelled two different ways, or jelly sweets are a broad category of gelatin-based chewable sweets, such as gummy bears, sour patch kids, or jelly babies.
• 28:23
  Eric: Yep.
• 28:24
  Eric: Yep.
• 28:25
  Eric: Yep.
• 28:25
  Eric: I think that's it right there.
• 28:27
  Matt: Like that's what it does not have gelatin.
• 28:32
  Eric: Once again, Matt, I am so happy that the research concludes that my feelings were correct.
• 28:39
  Matt: It's always nice when those things align.
• 28:42
  Eric: It it really is.
• 28:44
  Eric: Yeah, it's just like you bite it, like a gummy has a gummy, a gummy does not give.
• 28:49
  Eric: Like it's bound, you have to break it with your teeth to get it to to to separate.
• 28:54
  Matt: And a gummy has a certain emptiness inside of it, you know?
• 28:58
  Matt: Like it's light.
• 29:00
  Matt: A Swedish fish is not light.
• 29:03
  Eric: And I want to be clear, I fucking love Swedish fish.
• 29:06
  Eric: Oh, do not get me wrong for a moment.
• 29:08
  Eric: But like the favorite way to eat them is to let them slowly dissolve in my mouth.
• 29:14
  Eric: You gotta warm them up.
• 29:15
  Eric: Otherwise, I have to chew them.
• 29:17
  Matt: They gotta melt a little bit.
• 29:18
  Eric: Gotta melt.
• 29:19
  Eric: Gotta gotta gotta thaw them out of it.
• 29:21
  Matt: Whereas uh the the the gummy bears, for example, they're literally jumping around in there.
• 29:27
  Eric: Yeah, they're bouncing, like like ooh.
• 29:29
  Matt: It's a bouncy castle inside your mouth with a gummy bear.
• 29:32
  Eric: Yeah, like a gummy bear is a festival.
• 29:35
  Eric: A Swedish fish, it it it's it's an experience.
• 29:38
  Eric: Yes, if if uh the Swedish Swedish candy technology, much like their Swedish sleep systems, it like molds to your body.
• 29:50
  Eric: It like it doesn't bound, it does it does not have a will of its own.
• 29:55
  Eric: It's like, hello, yes, I'm I am you now.
• 29:59
  Matt: Well, we you know, we have been a long time pro-IKEA podcast.
• 30:04
  Matt: It's time we just become a pro all the Swedes.
• 30:09
  Eric: If you are Swedish and you can hear my voice, uh fucking come talk to us, we'll interview you.
• 30:15
  Eric: All right, that's it.
• 30:16
  Eric: Sweden.
• 30:17
  Eric: This is a Swedish podcast now.
• 30:19
  Eric: Sweden, you're good with us.
• 30:21
  Eric: You're cool.
• 30:22
  Eric: We're cool.
• 30:23
  Matt: Yeah, we're cool.
• 30:24
  Matt: Sweden, we're good.
• 30:26
  Eric: Like just it does we don't have to make it a thing, just we're cool.
• 30:29
  Matt: Yeah, this this is like that it's like a moment at the bar where you got a little upset and then you realize the other guy is way bigger than you, and you're you know what?
• 30:36
  Matt: We're cool.
• 30:37
  Matt: We're cool.
• 30:37
  Matt: We're cool.
• 30:38
  Matt: We're cool.
• 30:38
  Matt: Bro, we're cool.
• 30:39
  Matt: Now, that being said, Eric, we have two other uh road trip questions.
• 30:45
  Matt: The first is from our good good friend, former guest at Zach Deuce.
• 30:50
  Matt: Zach E D, it's a guy for me.
• 30:54
  Matt: And Zach Deuce has a selection of questions, and they're all about the same thing, which is the roles of the people in the car.
• 31:03
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 31:04
  Matt: His question is as follows Who decides the music?
• 31:08
  Matt: What are the responsibilities of the front seat passenger?
• 31:12
  Matt: What foods are acceptable and what is banned from consumption since you're locked in a sealed box of air with each other's musk?
• 31:20
  Eric: So let's let's get right the fuck into it.
• 31:23
  Eric: Um, who decides the music?
• 31:25
  Eric: So here's here's my take.
• 31:26
  Eric: I'm just gonna throw it out there.
• 31:28
  Eric: Anyone in the car can decide the music as long as they have the explicit blessing of the driver.
• 31:37
  Matt: I here may I venture to say my belief.
• 31:42
  Matt: And then I would love to hear how our own individual road trips work.
• 31:46
  Matt: I think the person who decides the music at the end of the day is the driver's call.
• 31:55
  Matt: Oh, 100%.
• 31:57
  Matt: The only person in the car, let's say there are four passengers for the sake of this hypothetical suggestion.
• 32:02
  Matt: The only person in the car who does not decide the music is the driver.
• 32:08
  Matt: But the driver picks the decider, picks the DJ, picks the DJ.
• 32:14
  Eric: Yeah, and that is and that is a sacred duty and and and oath, and one which the driver should not take lightly.
• 32:19
  Eric: It's more important than driving.
• 32:20
  Eric: Yeah, it 100% is.
• 32:22
  Eric: And Matt, correct me if I'm wrong, you take road trip music very Matt.
• 32:28
  Matt: I have been in your car.
• 32:29
  Matt: My friend, I am so fucking glad you teed me up.
• 32:32
  Eric: Oh, bro, I was so I completely forgot about this until just now.
• 32:36
  Eric: I'm so excited.
• 32:37
  Eric: Take it away.
• 32:38
  Matt: I I so in our own personal road trips, traditionally, Lindsay drives and I am in the passenger seat, which means I am in control of the music, the curation of the audio experience, as I like to describe it.
• 32:57
  Eric: And it is not a position that Matthew takes lightly.
• 33:00
  Matt: Now, this is mainly because my beautiful, loving, gracious wife does not like the way I drive.
• 33:09
  Matt: She might, if she was here, she may or may not offer pushback about that.
• 33:13
  Matt: And quite frankly, I'm not always the biggest fan of how she drives, but in a marriage, you define the roles.
• 33:22
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:24
  Matt: And the roles that have been defined are it just works out better for everybody.
• 33:30
  Matt: If Lindsay drives and I choose the music.
• 33:33
  Matt: Because when Lindsay chooses the music, there is no no curation.
• 33:40
  Matt: It's just whatever her whim is, that's what we get.
• 33:44
  Matt: Maybe you get like a five or six track uh theme, uh uh, you know, but meanwhile, if I don't pick out the play, if I don't make a playlist in advance, which in recent years I don't, I get in the car.
• 34:02
  Matt: That's me assessing the vibe.
• 34:04
  Matt: I assess the vibe.
• 34:06
  Matt: I assess the vibe of wherever we're going.
• 34:08
  Matt: Okay.
• 34:09
  Matt: And then I pull up Spotify and I start cue building, baby.
• 34:15
  Matt: I start putting that, I put that cue to work.
• 34:17
  Matt: What am I feeling first?
• 34:19
  Matt: Am I feeling show tunes?
• 34:21
  Matt: Am I feeling classics?
• 34:22
  Matt: Am I feeling 90s nostalgia?
• 34:24
  Matt: Current day.
• 34:25
  Matt: You know, what am I feeling?
• 34:26
  Matt: What am I ironic music?
• 34:28
  Matt: What am I feeling?
• 34:30
  Matt: And when I go from there, I can't stay there forever.
• 34:34
  Matt: You know, we can't just listen to InSync and Backstreet Boys and Destiny's Child.
• 34:39
  Eric: Peaks and valleys.
• 34:40
  Matt: Peaks and valleys.
• 34:41
  Matt: So I think about how not only where I am, but what is the next selection of music I want to get to?
• 34:49
  Matt: Where do I want to go?
• 34:50
  Matt: And what are the two to three transition tracks that will get us there?
• 34:57
  Matt: That will be seamless.
• 34:59
  Matt: How do I how do I get how do I get from the Book of Mormon to the Who?
• 35:04
  Matt: How do I do it?
• 35:05
  Matt: It's always an adventure.
• 35:08
  Matt: So I take great pride in in this in these play.
• 35:12
  Matt: I make good playlists, I make good mixtapes for people.
• 35:15
  Eric: I it's a talent I've always had.
• 35:18
  Eric: When we were in college, the first time I ever got into Matt's car, he showed me his fucking collection of CDs, custom burned CDs.
• 35:30
  Eric: They were numbers.
• 35:31
  Eric: His own, oh my god, his tomes of musical nuggets.
• 35:36
  Eric: Yes.
• 35:36
  Eric: And like each one, like at any given point, Matt Matt's like, oh, I got a mixtape for that.
• 35:41
  Eric: Like, like he like he has he has in just these vibe discs.
• 35:45
  Matt: It's a it's discs of vibes.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Discs of vibes.
• 35:50
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 35:51
  Matt: So traditionally, that is my role in in the car.
• 35:56
  Matt: I pick out the music, and because we take most of these trips, just the two of us, I'm also the reach into the backseat for the snack bag supplier.
• 36:06
  Matt: Lindsay, before me, uh man, what did she do?
• 36:09
  Matt: She was in road trips as a child and into her adulthood, just no snacks.
• 36:16
  Matt: Oh, none.
• 36:17
  Eric: Yuck.
• 36:18
  Matt: Nothing.
• 36:19
  Matt: I have to constantly explain to I have to, I have to man-explain to her.
• 36:24
  Matt: I'm afraid I have to, that snacks are necessary and what kind of snacks.
• 36:28
  Matt: Once she was like, I'll go get snacks, and she came back with like a solo box of Cheez-Its.
• 36:34
  Matt: And that was it.
• 36:35
  Matt: Lindsay, bless.
• 36:36
  Matt: I mean, am I am I am I in the world here?
• 36:40
  Eric: And I I won't even say a childhood with with with no snacks on the road trip.
• 36:46
  Eric: That's what she claims.
• 36:47
  Eric: Arguably one of the best parts of the road trip.
• 36:49
  Eric: That's what she claims.
• 36:50
  Eric: At that point, I don't even think you're mansplaining.
• 36:52
  Eric: Sorry, I'm gonna mansplain mansplaining to you.
• 36:54
  Eric: Please do.
• 36:54
  Eric: I don't think that's mansplaining.
• 36:56
  Eric: I think that's humansplaining.
• 36:58
  Eric: Like that is like this is what people do.
• 37:02
  Eric: This isn't like, oh, let me show you how to change a tire.
• 37:05
  Eric: This is like, oh, here is how here is what our culture is.
• 37:10
  Eric: Like, here's what our planet does.
• 37:12
  Eric: Here's here's farming and irrigation and goddamn fucking good written the written word.
• 37:20
  Eric: Fun fact so you take snacks on a road trip.
• 37:23
  Matt: Fun fact, human splaining was the original name of this podcast.
• 37:28
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 37:31
  Matt: Oh man.
• 37:32
  Matt: Okay, so those are our roles.
• 37:35
  Matt: Now it I will say, if there was someone in the back seat, that person is by default the snack person, I th I'd I think.
• 37:43
  Matt: Because the snack bag has to go in the backseat.
• 37:45
  Eric: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 37:46
  Eric: Or they're passing shit up.
• 37:48
  Eric: I will say I serve a similar role when Sam, because Sam is you like if we go on a road trip together somewhere, she's usually driver A, because my car is a piece of shit, uh, and it makes her very, very road sick.
• 37:59
  Eric: Sure, it's the car that makes her road sick.
• 38:02
  Eric: Wow.
• 38:04
  Matt: I I hey, I I I just told you that my that my wife has not not openly necessarily, she doesn't think she doesn't like the way I drive.
• 38:16
  Matt: I mean, I I know this.
• 38:17
  Matt: I've come to terms with it.
• 38:18
  Matt: And perhaps I'm just saying perhaps it's not the car's fault.
• 38:22
  Eric: What I'll say is it's gotten to the point where my Jeep is in such disrepair that it doesn't matter how good I drive.
• 38:28
  Eric: It's like I'm I'm just used to it.
• 38:31
  Eric: It's still a Jeep, baby.
• 38:32
  Eric: It's still a Jeep, baby.
• 38:33
  Eric: Go anyway.
• 38:34
  Eric: It where can it go?
• 38:35
  Eric: Past a gas station.
• 38:36
  Eric: All right.
• 38:37
  Eric: So uh my role, but but I serve a similar role.
• 38:41
  Eric: I am the I'm the snack squire.
• 38:42
  Eric: Uh snack squire.
• 38:44
  Eric: Sam will literally Sam, Sam though, she will select the snacks.
• 38:47
  Eric: Like before we went to fucking Easton, she was like, I've already got road snacks.
• 38:50
  Eric: I'm like, oh, and she's so she's so fucking good at it.
• 38:54
  Eric: She's so like her we are very lineup.
• 38:57
  Eric: We uh uh honestly, like, she's got her diet coke.
• 39:01
  Eric: I've got my coke, and we're we're we're simple folk.
• 39:04
  Eric: We got like Zap's voodoo chips.
• 39:07
  Eric: We're we're we're talking uh uh combos.
• 39:11
  Eric: Uh combos are a fucking necessity.
• 39:15
  Eric: Lindsay never gets a staple.
• 39:18
  Eric: A staple of the car.
• 39:19
  Matt: Where do you eat combos if not a car?
• 39:22
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 39:24
  Eric: Uh other road trip staples of ours.
• 39:26
  Eric: Uh, you know, if we don't have zaps, it'll be salt and vinegar chips.
• 39:29
  Eric: You need some kind of salt and vinegar element.
• 39:31
  Eric: Yeah, 100%.
• 39:32
  Eric: Uh you need your you need your savory, salty, that's your combos.
• 39:36
  Eric: And then you need your sweets.
• 39:38
  Eric: I my personal, my personal is uh uh trail mix is great, but I just I'm I'm a simple man.
• 39:44
  Eric: Uh chocolate-covered pretzels are like my go-to sweet snack.
• 39:49
  Eric: I like to incorporate, notice the theme of salt throughout.
• 39:53
  Matt: There needs to be a something from, and I wouldn't for the for the sake of this, I will include Swedish fish.
• 40:01
  Matt: There needs to be something from the gummy family, gummies and gummy adjacents, which as we've decided is sweetest fish.
• 40:09
  Eric: One of Sam's personal favorites is hairbow gummy bears.
• 40:12
  Matt: My dad notoriously always on uh road trips had to have those peach rings.
• 40:18
  Matt: You know, those yellow and red rings, those are the that's me.
• 40:22
  Eric: That I am peach ring boy.
• 40:24
  Eric: I am I like peach rings are my absolute.
• 40:27
  Matt: Now, this is the I've since learned this is a curveball, but this is something that we we I always had growing up.
• 40:32
  Matt: We had a box, and I know you know the box.
• 40:35
  Matt: I think it I can't I think it's Snyder's.
• 40:38
  Matt: The big brown box of hard pretzels, yeah.
• 40:42
  Matt: Full hard pretzels.
• 40:44
  Matt: Yep.
• 40:44
  Matt: And for some reason we always had it, and I've since learned this is uncommon, but a hard pretzel is a good road trip snack to me, even though it isn't.
• 40:52
  Matt: It's never hard pretzeled.
• 40:53
  Matt: But give it a hard pretzel.
• 40:55
  Matt: I've never thought to trail mix in a car.
• 40:57
  Matt: I mean, maybe I have instead of.
• 40:59
  Eric: Well, we would get well, we would bring like the fucking Kirkland brand Costco.
• 41:03
  Eric: Like this was like growing up, like they get that pound bag that you just pass around the car.
• 41:07
  Eric: So there was always something you never had to worry about it running out.
• 41:10
  Eric: You weren't running out of that on the road trip.
• 41:12
  Matt: Our snacks have really evolved.
• 41:13
  Matt: I mean, my parents will travel with like a full cooler and a full bag of like not only the snacks have gotten much better, but that snack bag is packed.
• 41:23
  Matt: And what comes out of it, you might not know.
• 41:26
  Matt: These days, you reach in ever since Entemans started making those individually wrapped coffee cakes.
• 41:32
  Matt: Oh, those suckers are in there.
• 41:33
  Eric: Oh, yes, you know, you that is that is a bit of a gamble.
• 41:38
  Eric: That's a little bit that's a crumbly food.
• 41:39
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 41:40
  Eric: You got that is a crumbly food.
• 41:42
  Matt: You got like a six-pack of those crackers, you know the ones.
• 41:45
  Matt: The Lances.
• 41:46
  Matt: You got those kicking around in the pantry, those are in the bag, maybe.
• 41:49
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:50
  Eric: We would also we goldfish, like a carton of goldfish, just to have along.
• 41:54
  Eric: Just just just in case anyone got desperate.
• 41:57
  Matt: I I think I don't even think that's desperate.
• 41:59
  Matt: I think that's appropriate.
• 42:00
  Matt: And then I think I think truly a necessity, whether you count it as your gummy or not, Twizzlers.
• 42:08
  Eric: Twizzlers.
• 42:09
  Eric: Yeah, Twizzlers.
• 42:10
  Eric: Uh my brother.
• 42:11
  Eric: My my brother, Matthew Poach.
• 42:13
  Eric: Um Matthew Poach.
• 42:15
  Eric: He is a Twizzler man.
• 42:16
  Matt: Elsewhere in the multiverse, I am Matthew Poach.
• 42:19
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 42:20
  Matt: And you are Eric Shea.
• 42:22
  Matt: It's fucking wild.
• 42:23
  Matt: Every every 10 episodes or so, we'll drop in the fact that we do have real brothers with our real names.
• 42:29
  Eric: Uh, and I think we've we actually transitioned.
• 42:31
  Eric: We're I didn't even realize we're already balls deep into the the the third part of this question, which is what are the acceptable, but we haven't covered what is banned.
• 42:41
  Matt: What is banned?
• 42:43
  Eric: I will say this.
• 42:45
  Eric: After suffering through the I love my brother, one of my brother's favorite foods on earth, pickled onions.
• 42:52
  Eric: What?
• 42:53
  Eric: Matt love to bring pickled onions on a road trip, and I would just sit there gagging from the fucking smell.
• 43:00
  Eric: Like, and and my parents didn't have to deal with it because the window's in dower shit.
• 43:04
  Eric: We're in the back seat.
• 43:05
  Eric: They're not they're not getting any of it.
• 43:07
  Eric: The that is that is insanity.
• 43:09
  Eric: Yeah, it is absolute fucking insanity.
• 43:12
  Eric: Anything anything that is suspended in juice, yes, like you know what I mean, out the windows.
• 43:19
  Eric: Fuck because notice all the foods we were describing, dry foods.
• 43:23
  Eric: Yeah.
• 43:24
  Eric: Because you gotta seal them back up.
• 43:26
  Eric: You you you gotta like and and you're not gonna be able to wash your fingies.
• 43:30
  Eric: No, you're not gonna be able to wash your fingers, and a wet one won't do the job because now you got a wet one to deal with that will not do the job.
• 43:36
  Eric: And sure, there's a trash bag kicking around.
• 43:39
  Eric: And that's why you also like gotta accept that like if you do bring chocolate covered pretzels, you're on you're working on a timeline.
• 43:46
  Eric: You too long in the back seat on a hot summer day, that shit's gonna melt.
• 43:50
  Matt: And I think I think to get back to the roles here for a second, I think if you've got passengers in the back seat and you know you got a melty snack.
• 44:00
  Matt: Whoever is in charge, whichever, left or right passenger in the back seat, whoever has been designated the snack person, you better be keeping an eye on that.
• 44:09
  Matt: That's your responsibility.
• 44:10
  Eric: You gotta be feeling that bag.
• 44:12
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 44:13
  Eric: Feeling that bag.
• 44:13
  Eric: You gotta feel if you feel any like frictionless slippage.
• 44:18
  Eric: You get that right next to the vent.
• 44:19
  Eric: Yeah, yep, yep.
• 44:20
  Eric: Pop it open.
• 44:21
  Eric: If you're a real fucking bro, if you're a friend, crack that shit open, aim the aim the AC into the bag.
• 44:27
  Matt: Aim the AC into the bag.
• 44:29
  Matt: Or drop it in the cooler if you got a cooler back there.
• 44:31
  Eric: Yeah.
• 44:32
  Eric: We never had a cooler.
• 44:33
  Eric: When we were road tripping, we never had a cooler go.
• 44:35
  Eric: We would have a cooler for like my dad would buy a bunch of food to like bring to theme parks as he was horrified at the concept of ever buying food from a theme park.
• 44:44
  Eric: Okay.
• 44:44
  Eric: So like he would pack it, but none of that was road trip food.
• 44:46
  Eric: That was there was always a separate road trip cat.
• 44:49
  Eric: We had a big plastic bag full of shit.
• 44:52
  Matt: That's that's interesting.
• 44:54
  Matt: No, we always have had some sort of cooler within arm's reach of the front seats.
• 44:59
  Eric: Oh, that is nice.
• 45:00
  Matt: I mean, the Shays are a snacky folk.
• 45:02
  Eric: They are snacky folk.
• 45:04
  Eric: I I have known I have known the Shays of a time.
• 45:06
  Eric: If there's one thing my my parents taught me how to do, it's snack.
• 45:11
  Eric: Snacky coffee folk.
• 45:13
  Matt: Yes, of course.
• 45:14
  Matt: Well, yes.
• 45:15
  Matt: We and we we've covered that, I think, extensively over the course of the uh so have we really ironed down the roles though?
• 45:24
  Eric: No, no, and we're we're I feel like we're gonna be dipping much like a road trip.
• 45:28
  Eric: This is a journey.
• 45:29
  Eric: Rolls.
• 45:29
  Eric: So did you have a thought to add?
• 45:31
  Eric: It's it felt like I I was getting some I was getting some.
• 45:35
  Eric: I have very strong opinions, Eric.
• 45:37
  Eric: Please do not bulldoze this.
• 45:39
  Matt: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 45:40
  Matt: Well, I mean, sure, but what do we do on the show if not bulldoze one another?
• 45:44
  Matt: Um, I do think that the person the front passenger decides the music most often, but I'm not necessarily married to them getting the aux cable.
• 45:54
  Matt: Here's what I'll say about my parents, though.
• 45:57
  Eric: What a wild transition.
• 45:59
  Eric: It's like you're in therapy.
• 46:02
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 46:02
  Eric: I don't know how I feel about hand of the passenger, the aux cable, but about my parents.
• 46:05
  Matt: Well, no, no, well, I'm saying I'm I'm I've we've been talking about this music and how I take great pride in it.
• 46:13
  Matt: My parents do not listen to music on road trips.
• 46:16
  Matt: Oh, yuck.
• 46:17
  Matt: They have since started listening to podcasts.
• 46:19
  Matt: In fact, if they hear this episode, it will probably be on a road trip.
• 46:23
  Matt: But they don't do playlists.
• 46:25
  Eric: My parents didn't do they didn't do music either.
• 46:27
  Eric: They did late, my dad liked to do audiobooks.
• 46:30
  Eric: Oh no, that's never happened.
• 46:32
  Eric: Because I would be in the backseat with my fucking iPod video uh just like blasting my own tunes.
• 46:39
  Eric: Me too.
• 46:40
  Matt: That's what I did.
• 46:41
  Matt: I just popped on the uh the old the wraparound headphones.
• 46:44
  Eric: The thing that would fuck me up though is like, oh, I don't want to listen to some John Grisham novel.
• 46:50
  Eric: And then like I hear the first like opening paragraph, and I'm like, ah, well shit, might as well.
• 46:55
  Eric: I'm like invested.
• 46:57
  Eric: The thing that would always fucking piss me off is we would always have enough audiobook, right?
• 47:02
  Eric: This would be one of our trips to Virginia to see my grandparents.
• 47:05
  Eric: It's like a five-hour trip.
• 47:07
  Eric: So there would be enough time for me to get so invested in the story, but not enough time to actually finish the audiobook.
• 47:18
  Eric: After which I knew there was I would never hear this audiobook ever again.
• 47:22
  Matt: You'll never hear the end of that Grishom tale.
• 47:24
  Eric: Infuriating.
• 47:26
  Matt: Well, okay, so but all that slight therapeutic interruption to say, I'm not married to the person in the front getting the aux cable, but I think whoever gets the aux cable needs to be perhaps the most confident.
• 47:42
  Matt: Yes.
• 47:43
  Matt: Or at the very least, be in tune.
• 47:46
  Matt: Because like be in you have to know the audience.
• 47:49
  Matt: You gotta know the audience.
• 47:51
  Matt: Because when I do this, when I when there are more than just me and Lindsay, different tunes, you know?
• 47:58
  Matt: I don't go to the same stuff.
• 48:00
  Eric: Or at the very least, have a Spotify playlist in your back pocket that you know no one could take issue, a safety net.
• 48:08
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 48:09
  Matt: And they've got a million of them.
• 48:11
  Eric: There's a million, like just hit 80s hits, you're good.
• 48:15
  Matt: 80s hits, you're good.
• 48:16
  Matt: You're good.
• 48:17
  Matt: 90s RB, you're good.
• 48:19
  Eric: You know, but like I'm not gonna be busting out like go tests.
• 48:24
  Matt: Because that's how you can do it at once, right?
• 48:26
  Matt: Yeah, if you're like, hey, hey, uh, what do you you guys want to get down with some 90s music?
• 48:32
  Matt: That's all you gotta do.
• 48:33
  Matt: You pick on a now, any now.
• 48:36
  Matt: Sometimes, and this is true, sometimes I'll go to the playlist that they do have on Spotify, which is all of the now that's what I call musics.
• 48:46
  Matt: God damn it on a rolling list, and I'll just kind of popcorn it.
• 48:52
  Matt: That's good.
• 48:53
  Matt: But but I establish everything you're about to hear is from now 38 or whatever, you know, and then phenomenal.
• 49:00
  Matt: And then it's fun.
• 49:01
  Matt: It's fun, then no even if it's a bad song, yeah.
• 49:04
  Eric: They're like, Oh, you know where it's yeah, yeah, that's perfect.
• 49:07
  Eric: Exactly.
• 49:08
  Eric: That is great.
• 49:09
  Matt: So whoever has the music needs to have a strategic mind.
• 49:12
  Eric: You need to have a strategic mind.
• 49:14
  Eric: You also can't be like, I I get what like like, hey, how do people feel about this?
• 49:20
  Eric: But like you kind of have to throw people options.
• 49:22
  Eric: Like, if I if someone's like, oh, give me the chord, and then you give them a cord and you're like, and they're suddenly, you know, oh I don't know, what do you guys want to listen to?
• 49:31
  Eric: I'm like, give me that fucking chord.
• 49:32
  Eric: You cannot be trusted.
• 49:34
  Eric: Like if they're if they're just I'm like, you you asked for the cord, and now you're telling asking me now the owner, I'm like, no, I'm not gonna act through, because then they want to be, then they want to be pseudo driver.
• 49:46
  Eric: Because I've been in that position, and and we all have like you know who I'm talking about.
• 49:51
  Eric: They're like, oh yeah, give me the core, give me the core, and they're like, I don't know what I want to play.
• 49:55
  Eric: And then you're like, okay, we'll just play this, and they're like, nah, I don't feel like like they want to adjudicate, I'm like, mmm, they want to watch the world burn.
• 50:03
  Matt: No, they just they want it, they wanted the power, but they didn't want to make any decisions, they didn't want the responsibility.
• 50:11
  Matt: Yeah, and we don't want that, we don't want that in government, and we don't want that in the car.
• 50:16
  Matt: God damn right.
• 50:17
  Matt: Get out of there.
• 50:18
  Eric: If this was the fury road, you'd be on the pavement, friend.
• 50:22
  Eric: I uh this is also just I think I think we've the the music, I think we've I think we've nailed that.
• 50:28
  Eric: And I love where your fucking head is at.
• 50:30
  Eric: Uh an additional responsibility diving back to the front seat passenger.
• 50:36
  Eric: And these are and these are somewhat tied together.
• 50:40
  Eric: Responsibility number one, if you're front seat passenger, unless you're a parent and there are two children in the back of the car, you're not allowed to fall asleep.
• 50:48
  Matt: No, no, you if arguably less than the driver.
• 50:51
  Eric: Yeah.
• 50:53
  Eric: No, because that leads to my next point.
• 50:56
  Eric: One of your, and I know like no one should have to do this, but you're low-key responsible.
• 51:01
  Eric: If you notice the driver is fucking like making a wrong turn or like about to take the wrong, you gotta be the one to be like, oh yo, no, not this one.
• 51:09
  Eric: Like your secondary GPS duty.
• 51:11
  Eric: I was gonna say, like, we you gotta check, you gotta check the map.
• 51:14
  Eric: You shouldn't be there with a fucking map.
• 51:16
  Matt: We talked about a navigator role because I actually don't think it exists anymore.
• 51:22
  Matt: I don't think it exists anymore unless you're talking local, you know.
• 51:26
  Matt: Front seat passenger, loc, you know, that had the map quest printout back in the day.
• 51:30
  Eric: Now the front seat passenger, you're more like uh you're like a navigations officer.
• 51:36
  Eric: You're not plotting any courses, but if you notice the computer is giving you a wrong solution, if you're like, if you're local to the area, you're like, oh, don't let it take you this way.
• 51:45
  Matt: Or if it tells you like there's been a delay, you gotta scroll.
• 51:50
  Matt: You gotta look ahead, see what's up.
• 51:52
  Eric: Looking ahead, like, oh sir, I'm checking the forecast.
• 51:54
  Eric: It is not looking good.
• 51:55
  Eric: It's not looking good.
• 51:57
  Eric: It is not looking good.
• 51:58
  Eric: I see a big red line.
• 52:00
  Eric: Yeah, it is also your responsibility, like, ooh, according according to Google Maps, a faster route is available.
• 52:06
  Eric: Captain, shall I lay in a new course?
• 52:09
  Matt: No, know your place for something.
• 52:11
  Matt: Know your place.
• 52:13
  Matt: Yes, and I do think it is the responsibility if there if we're going with the theory that there are four passengers in this car.
• 52:22
  Matt: Yep, there has to be some duties of the two people in the backseat.
• 52:26
  Matt: And I think one of them is the snack person, but that's not a dual duty.
• 52:29
  Matt: So that leaves one person that we haven't even touched.
• 52:32
  Matt: And I think there is an important role for that third backseat person.
• 52:36
  Eric: I think I know where you're going.
• 52:38
  Eric: Let's find out.
• 52:39
  Matt: I think that third person, there are two things I think there are two things required of the backseat people in a four-passenger scenario.
• 52:47
  Matt: Yeah.
• 52:48
  Matt: The people in the backseat are responsible for two things primarily, I'd say.
• 52:52
  Matt: The first being pointing out shit.
• 52:55
  unknown: Yeah.
• 52:56
  Eric: Oh, pointing out funny shit, pointing out interesting shit.
• 52:59
  Matt: If you're calling out license plate, if you're doing the license plate game, you're in full effect.
• 53:03
  Eric: Classic.
• 53:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 53:04
  Matt: You're in full fucking effect.
• 53:06
  Matt: They're they're there.
• 53:07
  Matt: The backseater, they gotta keep the party going.
• 53:09
  Matt: They gotta keep the party.
• 53:10
  Matt: They gotta keep the party going.
• 53:13
  Matt: They're the arbiters of fun.
• 53:14
  Matt: They are the arbiters of fun.
• 53:16
  Matt: They are the who wants a snack, who wants pretzels.
• 53:20
  Matt: Yes.
• 53:20
  Matt: You know, they're that person.
• 53:21
  Matt: But but I that's a shared duty.
• 53:24
  Eric: That's a shared duty.
• 53:25
  Matt: If there's a four-person scenario and there we've we've still got a fourth person with no primary duty, and I feel that it is the role of that primary duty.
• 53:36
  Matt: To what level you want to take it, it is up to you.
• 53:42
  Matt: It's up to the person.
• 53:44
  Matt: You have to read the room.
• 53:46
  Eric: I I got it.
• 53:47
  Matt: And by read the room, I mean read your driver.
• 53:53
  Matt: Because it is your responsibility, my friend.
• 53:56
  Matt: Send me home, Matt! To every now and then throw out some biting criticisms.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_00: That is actually not what I thought you were gonna say.
• 54:07
  Matt: Oh no, really?
• 54:08
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 54:08
  Matt: I mean I mean not necessarily criticisms of what?
• 54:13
  Matt: Now I'm fascinated.
• 54:14
  Matt: Driving.
• 54:15
  Matt: Not of their driving?
• 54:17
  Matt: Not necessarily hardcore things.
• 54:20
  Matt: Like, for example, we have a long-running joke in my family of whenever my dad parks anywhere.
• 54:30
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:30
  Matt: Anywhere, anytime, and I mean every time.
• 54:34
  Matt: Yep.
• 54:35
  Matt: Some it is the responsibility of someone, if not all of the people in the car to go, this is the spot.
• 54:44
  Eric: Okay.
• 54:45
  Eric: That kind of criticism.
• 54:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:46
  Eric: Right.
• 54:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 54:47
  Eric: Okay.
• 54:47
  Eric: That kind of criticism.
• 54:48
  Eric: 100% on more.
• 54:49
  Matt: Not like hardcore mansplainy, like, oh, you really want to be in the left lane.
• 54:53
  Matt: But none of that shit.
• 54:55
  Matt: Just every now and then throwing out like a you want to spend any more time in this truck's blind spot?
• 55:01
  Matt: Or and you can't do it often.
• 55:06
  Matt: Like you can't be an aspect.
• 55:08
  Matt: I'm just saying, every now and then, when you see the pitch, you swing.
• 55:13
  Eric: You know what I'm saying?
• 55:14
  Eric: Yeah, oh, no.
• 55:14
  Eric: Okay, yeah.
• 55:15
  Eric: A little a little healthy rousing, but here's the thing.
• 55:17
  Eric: When we growing up, I knew I became a man when I knew I could do that to my parents.
• 55:23
  Eric: Yes.
• 55:24
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 55:24
  Eric: Yes.
• 55:25
  Eric: And that means you've got to read it.
• 55:26
  Eric: Children as children.
• 55:28
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 55:28
  Matt: You can't do children.
• 55:30
  Matt: Although, can you imagine?
• 55:32
  Matt: Can you imagine the hilarity of a seven-year-old saying all the things I just said?
• 55:37
  Matt: This is the spot.
• 55:40
  Matt: That's funny as shit.
• 55:42
  Eric: Little Matt with the beard.
• 55:45
  Eric: This is the spot.
• 55:46
  Eric: Okay.
• 55:47
  Eric: This is the one.
• 55:48
  Eric: My favorite, my personal favorite Raz is wow.
• 55:50
  Eric: Like, because my dad, my dad lives in eternal fucking terror.
• 55:55
  Eric: That if he parks anywhere close to the entrance of a place, that like vandals are gonna come.
• 56:02
  Eric: Like everyone's like, oh no, they're gonna bang into our door.
• 56:04
  Eric: Like, so like my favorite, like, we get out, like, gee, dad, think I can see the fucking Walmart from here.
• 56:09
  Eric: Right.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think like, oh yeah, I think what's got it way off in the distance.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's the place we were going.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_00: Got him.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: I have to know.
• 56:17
  Matt: I have to know what did you think I was gonna say?
• 56:20
  Matt: Okay, because I might also believe it.
• 56:22
  Eric: Okay, it is a four now.
• 56:24
  Eric: Here's the thing.
• 56:25
  Eric: I want to be so clear that this can never be an explicitly stated responsibility.
• 56:32
  Matt: Yes, and that's what I mean about the criticisms as well.
• 56:35
  Eric: So same family, it can never be explicitly stated, but if you're if you're in a four-person car, yeah, and you're friends, like you were you're with your family or you were with friends.
• 56:47
  Matt: If you don't know the driver, none of what I just said is applicable.
• 56:51
  Matt: Also true for what I'm about to say.
• 56:53
  Matt: If you are a guest, everything I just described was when you're in deep with everyone in the car.
• 57:00
  Matt: You're with the fam.
• 57:01
  Matt: The jokester is in the back seat, is what I'm trying to say.
• 57:04
  Matt: 100%.
• 57:06
  Eric: But I feel like if you're in the back seat and and you're of the age to do so, and again, this is not an explicit thing, but it is it is your ethical and moral responsibility to every now and then again lean up and go, hey, hey, if you need a break, I can drive.
• 57:29
  Eric: Do you know what I mean?
• 57:30
  Eric: Do you know what I mean though?
• 57:31
  Eric: Sure.
• 57:32
  Eric: Like, you gotta offer like, hey, if you need a break from driving, like I can we can pull over.
• 57:36
  Matt: Yeah, you gotta make the offer no one will ever accept.
• 57:40
  Eric: Yes, correct.
• 57:41
  Eric: No one will ever like unless it's your sp your partner or your spouse, at which point I do expect, okay, I need you to drive.
• 57:48
  Eric: And but like, yes, if it if it's your friend, like they they it's and I think it's like some do it's like dueling etiquette at that point.
• 57:57
  Matt: I think that becomes even funnier if it's wrapped up in the same body that's doing all the shit I just said.
• 58:04
  Matt: If if you're throwing out these light criticisms of like, you know, you're not supposed to be on the white line, you know.
• 58:11
  Eric: Good cop, bad coping, the driver, like, oh wow, really.
• 58:15
  Matt: But what I think what I'm really because I don't what I'm not I'm truly not trying to say or advocate for actual backseat driving.
• 58:23
  Matt: No, fuck that, fuck them.
• 58:26
  Matt: I think someone in the backseat's gotta be the comic relief.
• 58:29
  Matt: A healthy rat, especially like and I love that bit of popping up to the front seat because that is something.
• 58:37
  Matt: Here's a bit leaning in.
• 58:39
  Matt: This is a bit I have done since I was a child, and I continue to do I'm go I am going on a road trip with my parents this weekend, and I probably will do this.
• 58:48
  Matt: Yeah, I enjoy from time to time, at some point in the road trip, taking off my shoe, taking off my sock, and without warning, in the mid in the median between my parents, sticking my bare foot up there and acting like it's a puppet, and be like, what's going on up here?
• 59:09
  Eric: I have done this since I was like seven.
• 59:11
  Eric: Are you the Sumerian trickster god that sent me to Easton?
• 59:15
  Eric: I might have been that is some, that is some it's some of my best work.
• 59:19
  Eric: I'm actually gonna say, I am shocked.
• 59:21
  Eric: This is some, this is where your wild card shit comes into play.
• 59:25
  Matt: This is a bit I have kept going my whole life.
• 59:27
  Matt: I feel like, Matt, you are so like and my dad, my dad fucking hates it.
• 59:34
  Matt: It's never not funny how much my dad fucking hates it.
• 59:39
  Matt: It's it that's why I keep doing it.
• 59:40
  Matt: He's always and he's always surprised.
• 59:42
  Matt: He's always like, what the fuck are you doing?
• 59:45
  Matt: Like it's so funny.
• 59:48
  Eric: Good God.
• 59:49
  Eric: This is your hidden room.
• 59:51
  Eric: This is the car is like your hidden chain.
• 59:54
  Eric: It is where you get to unleash the beast.
• 59:58
  Eric: It's where I come alive.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're like, let me put on my music and put on a puppet show for me.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not a puppet show, it's just my dirty foot.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, that is wild.
• 1:00:12
  Matt: But but I don't do any, but if I'm doing the music, I'm not doing that other stuff.
• 1:00:16
  Eric: So you have to be a P They have to make offering like please, please take the aux cable that we may be spared your feet seeds.
• 1:00:23
  Eric: I know the role I need to play.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: I was expecting so I think what's blowing my mind is that every turn I think we are 100% like, oh yeah, here it comes.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: We're 100% other way.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you're like, and then my foot, I just stick my foot.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny.
• 1:00:39
  Matt: Right exactly what you just did.
• 1:00:41
  Matt: Stick your foot into the zoom camera.
• 1:00:44
  Matt: That is exactly what I do.
• 1:00:46
  Matt: It and it can't, it it is best done after like five minutes of silence.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: That that is if there is like two to three minutes of no one talking, or maybe my mom is like half asleep, that is when I will pieces the pieces have to come together because that's when I will rocket that foot up to the.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: What I was saying was a piece has to have settled over the car for whatever antics you had previously.
• 1:01:14
  Eric: Yes, like they have to think they're safe.
• 1:01:17
  Eric: Yes, they have to think it perhaps even best if they think you're asleep.
• 1:01:22
  Eric: There there is like we've entered that category.
• 1:01:25
  Eric: This is like the unspoken category of road trips of shit you can only do to your family on a road trip.
• 1:01:30
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 1:01:31
  Matt: I would never do the foot thing to my friends, but I do it every time with my parents.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: Yeah, I my favorite is always just saying shit that I know they cannot do anything about while we're in a moving vehicle going 80 like 80 miles an hour down a highway.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: Because no one, no dad has ever actually turned this car around.
• 1:01:50
  Eric: The the worst part is there's someone listening to this going, oh, sweet summer child.
• 1:01:55
  Eric: Yes, I know.
• 1:01:56
  Eric: But there's a certain power we get on the road trip.
• 1:01:59
  Eric: Yes, there's a certain like once we're like, ooh, we're in the lane, we're on the Bay Bridge, he cannot stop this car.
• 1:02:05
  Eric: No, he can't.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: He has you have no way to go.
• 1:02:09
  Eric: But tread carefully, traveler, for you might hit a traffic jam on the Bay Bridge, and he will open the car door and come drag your ass out of it.
• 1:02:18
  Matt: Yes, and never forget, never lose sight of the fact when you're in the throes of your newly found power, your newly found freedom Drunk on the ecstasy of your power.
• 1:02:32
  Matt: Never, ever forget that this trip will end.
• 1:02:36
  Matt: And that all things must come to a close.
• 1:02:39
  Matt: And at the end of this road, when at the end of this road, when you have forgotten your antics from eight hours before, your father has not.
• 1:02:50
  Eric: Oh, he will remember.
• 1:02:51
  Eric: See, I will remember.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: My my piece of shittery, my god, I was I was such a little shithead.
• 1:02:57
  Eric: I would never do it going home from my grandparents because then we were going to our house where where my parents reigned sovereign.
• 1:03:07
  Eric: Yes, yes.
• 1:03:08
  Eric: I would pull all the antic shit on the way to my grandparents' house where I was a prince.
• 1:03:15
  Eric: Where you had diplomatic immunity.
• 1:03:17
  Eric: I had diplomatic immunity! They couldn't do shit.
• 1:03:21
  Eric: They couldn't even be like, they couldn't even be like, because my grandparent my grandmother is like the swe sweetest cinnamon, like just kindest human.
• 1:03:32
  Eric: My father could not, god damn it, er, motherfucker.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like he'd just be there steaming, like, oh hello, grandmama.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_00: Take me into your arms and tell me how precious I am.
• 1:03:43
  Eric: The second tormenting my father for the previous five hours.
• 1:03:49
  Eric: God damn.
• 1:03:50
  Eric: But you know what?
• 1:03:51
  Eric: It comes back around.
• 1:03:52
  Matt: Comes back around.
• 1:03:54
  Matt: Now, we did have one other adjacent question, and that one comes from at let me google that uh on the podcast, let me google that.
• 1:04:04
  Matt: Uh, our good friends over there, definitely give them a listen.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: Uh on Twitter there, let me Google that.
• 1:04:10
  Matt: G-L-G-L that.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: I'm sure that was clear.
• 1:04:14
  Matt: Anyway, their question is Are there any states besides New Jersey that don't let you pump your own gas?
• 1:04:21
  Matt: And if you try to pump your own gas there, like what happens to you?
• 1:04:25
  Matt: Do lasers shoot out of the pump or what?
• 1:04:27
  Eric: So it's rare that we actually answer questions that have answers.
• 1:04:32
  Matt: Yeah, we can slap this down.
• 1:04:33
  Matt: It's Oregon.
• 1:04:34
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:35
  Eric: It's oh, it is.
• 1:04:36
  Eric: It is Oregon.
• 1:04:36
  Eric: It's Oregon.
• 1:04:37
  Eric: So, like It's New Jersey and Oregon, baby.
• 1:04:40
  Eric: Okay.
• 1:04:41
  Eric: Wild.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  Eric: Now, the as far as what happens.
• 1:04:47
  Eric: Can I, Matt, before because I assume you know.
• 1:04:50
  Eric: I assume you've looked it up.
• 1:04:51
  Eric: Eric, take it away.
• 1:04:52
  Eric: Let me hit you with my theory first.
• 1:04:54
  Eric: I just want to see how close I get.
• 1:04:56
  Eric: My theory is if you pump your own gas, I'm gonna say they can legally ban you from that gas station.
• 1:05:04
  Eric: And you have to pay a fine.
• 1:05:06
  Eric: And the fine pay is like goes into a fund that also pays gas station attendance because they're employees of the state.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: I don't know that.
• 1:05:14
  Eric: I'm just throwing that out there.
• 1:05:16
  Eric: Go on, tell me the truth.
• 1:05:18
  Eric: I mean, you know the truth, Eric.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: What do you think it is?
• 1:05:21
  Eric: Nothing.
• 1:05:21
  Matt: No, it's a fine.
• 1:05:22
  Eric: It's a fine.
• 1:05:23
  Eric: Yeah, okay, good.
• 1:05:24
  Matt: There's a fine.
• 1:05:25
  Matt: Uh so if you do a real quick, quick Google of this violation of uh this law in New Jersey gets you a fine from 50 to 250.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: Ooh.
• 1:05:35
  Matt: Now, I want to know what that range is about.
• 1:05:37
  Matt: You know, like what's the difference?
• 1:05:40
  Matt: Is it per gallon?
• 1:05:42
  Eric: If you're using premium, you get the 255.
• 1:05:46
  Eric: Because they know you're good for it.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: If you if you're confused about it, is it 50?
• 1:05:50
  Matt: Or in but if you're a dick about it, it's 250.
• 1:05:53
  Eric: You know what I'm willing to bet?
• 1:05:54
  Eric: If you're from like out of state, it's probably the 50.
• 1:05:57
  Eric: If you're from Jersey, you know.
• 1:06:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:06:01
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 1:06:02
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 1:06:02
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 1:06:03
  Matt: Yeah, but it's just the two, Oregon and New Jersey.
• 1:06:06
  Matt: Um, and you know what?
• 1:06:09
  Matt: Uh, I don't I I don't have jokes for this.
• 1:06:12
  Matt: You know?
• 1:06:12
  Eric: I got nothing.
• 1:06:13
  Matt: They I wanted to answer.
• 1:06:15
  Eric: They break your fucking legs.
• 1:06:16
  Matt: Yeah, I mean in New Jersey, yeah.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: Maybe uh you feel like pumping your own gas.
• 1:06:21
  Matt: Maybe you want to pump one of these crack.
• 1:06:25
  Eric: That's uh baseball bat on your on your very tender kneecaps.
• 1:06:28
  Matt: Oh, see, I thought you were gonna make like a sh pump of a shotgun joke there.
• 1:06:31
  Eric: Oh.
• 1:06:32
  Matt: Sort of hanging there for you.
• 1:06:33
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 1:06:34
  Matt: That's all right.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: You're not a violent man.
• 1:06:36
  Matt: I'm not.
• 1:06:37
  Matt: I say to the black belt in the room.
• 1:06:40
  Matt: Matthew, not all my secrets.
• 1:06:43
  Matt: Like you haven't talked about your Kim's karate van extensively on this podcast.
• 1:06:46
  Eric: Oh shit, that's right.
• 1:06:47
  Matt: I have you truly do not know what we talk about on this show.
• 1:06:52
  Eric: I truly live in the present, Matthew.
• 1:06:55
  Eric: Namaste.
• 1:06:57
  Eric: Well, I know who's not making our Wikipedia for us.
• 1:07:00
  Eric: You.
• 1:07:01
  Matt: You don't remember.
• 1:07:02
  Eric: I'll just start making shit.
• 1:07:04
  Matt: What episode are we recording?
• 1:07:05
  Matt: 46.
• 1:07:08
  Eric: Yes, that's correct.
• 1:07:10
  Eric: I don't know.
• 1:07:11
  Eric: It's sad or the fact that it took me that long, or the fact that I wasn't doing a bit.
• 1:07:15
  Eric: He wasn't doing a bit.
• 1:07:16
  Matt: He folks, his eyes went up and to the left.
• 1:07:19
  Matt: He as he searched.
• 1:07:22
  Eric: The fucking best part is at the top of my window, if you look in the address bar, it tells me what episode we're recording.
• 1:07:30
  Matt: What episode we're literally recording.
• 1:07:32
  Matt: Um, yeah.
• 1:07:33
  Matt: It's I have it in my calendar.
• 1:07:36
  Eric: I have it.
• 1:07:36
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:07:37
  Matt: You are a wonder.
• 1:07:40
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:07:42
  Matt: So I don't know that we have to go deeper into this.
• 1:07:44
  Matt: I think in in New Jersey, maybe you get a little bit of a passive aggressive.
• 1:07:51
  Eric: I'm just gonna point this out though.
• 1:07:53
  Eric: I kind I just want to say, let me Google that podcast.
• 1:07:56
  Eric: I see you because you gave us a question that we had to Google.
• 1:08:00
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:00
  Matt: They knew what they were doing.
• 1:08:01
  Matt: That was very good.
• 1:08:02
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:03
  Eric: All right, we're cool.
• 1:08:04
  Matt: That's great marketing.
• 1:08:05
  Matt: We're good.
• 1:08:05
  Matt: And you should listen to what uh let me google.
• 1:08:08
  Eric: You should absolutely listen to them.
• 1:08:10
  Matt: Listen to Let Me Google that and um and and all our friends.
• 1:08:14
  Matt: Uh of course, Zach Deuce, we just appeared on uh Podcasters Assemble.
• 1:08:18
  Matt: Listen to that.
• 1:08:19
  Matt: Yes, the neat cast and all our other uh people who send us wonderful uh suggestions from time to time.
• 1:08:25
  Matt: Send us questions, send us beefs, send us beefs.
• 1:08:28
  Matt: In fact, we do have a a question from F and Cultured in the queue.
• 1:08:32
  Matt: So, F and Cultured, you stay, you stay safe, you stay too.
• 1:08:37
  Matt: We'll see if we're still cool.
• 1:08:38
  Matt: We're still cool.
• 1:08:39
  Matt: Hey, the piece was brokered.
• 1:08:42
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:08:43
  Matt: Mostly by us letting the bit just fade away.
• 1:08:45
  Matt: We just we let that bit just both sides just kind of let it go.
• 1:08:49
  Matt: We just kind of and then you know what?
• 1:08:50
  Matt: And I I'm I think we're all better for it.
• 1:08:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: Now, Eric, so Oregon, New Jersey, that's what happens to you.
• 1:08:57
  Matt: In New Jersey, uh, you get you have to deal with the the mafia, and in uh Oregon, you have to deal with um you have to go on a hike, actually.
• 1:09:06
  Matt: You have to go on a hike.
• 1:09:07
  Eric: You get eaten by a Sam squanch.
• 1:09:08
  Matt: You have to go on a hike with someone who's gonna make you um who's who's gonna make you uh like a very specific hipster latte at the top of a peak.
• 1:09:19
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 1:09:20
  Eric: Their name is Shiloh.
• 1:09:21
  Matt: Yes, yes, you you have to go on a Shiloh guided tour.
• 1:09:26
  Matt: Of course, now I'm thinking about the great children's novel Shilo and Am Sad.
• 1:09:32
  Matt: Now, the um you're not familiar with Shiloh.
• 1:09:35
  Eric: I can tell from your face you don't know Shiloh I'm super not.
• 1:09:38
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:09:39
  Eric: I I know of Shiloh, I have heard of such, but uh I've never I've never actually read it.
• 1:09:45
  Matt: Now, that makes me want to make you sad.
• 1:09:48
  Matt: That makes me want to make you sad.
• 1:09:51
  Eric: Sign of a healthy relationship.
• 1:09:56
  Matt: Well, it because there is a sad element to it, but oh, it's a book about a dog, Matt.
• 1:10:02
  Eric: Of course it's sad.
• 1:10:04
  Matt: Okay, I won't pull out the card I was thinking about pulling out.
• 1:10:07
  Eric: Don't don't make me pay the R tax.
• 1:10:10
  Matt: The R tax?
• 1:10:11
  Eric: You you might not get it, but someone listening to this, they know that's a funny ass joke.
• 1:10:17
  Matt: You know what?
• 1:10:17
  Matt: I'm gonna I'm I'm gonna be thankful I don't get it.
• 1:10:19
  Eric: I'm gonna be thankful I don't get it.
• 1:10:21
  Eric: You're gonna get it.
• 1:10:21
  Eric: You're either never gonna get it or you're gonna get it like two in the morning and you go, oh, you son of a bitch.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: And I'll be so pissed that I will call you.
• 1:10:29
  Matt: I won't text you, I will call you.
• 1:10:31
  Eric: I if it's about this, you have to get away.
• 1:10:33
  Matt: And you'll you'll be like, man, are you are you you okay?
• 1:10:35
  Matt: Everything all right?
• 1:10:36
  Matt: And you'll just hear me going, you son of a bitch.
• 1:10:39
  Matt: You son of a bitch.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is going in the ledger.
• 1:10:42
  Matt: Anyway, thank you uh for the questions.
• 1:10:45
  Matt: At let me Google that at Zach Dewson at AJ underscore Stiegler.
• 1:10:50
  Matt: Those are your road trip and questions.
• 1:10:53
  Matt: Eric, this has already been a long episode.
• 1:10:55
  Eric: Uh good golly gosh, it has been.
• 1:10:57
  Eric: But we still feels like a road trip.
• 1:10:59
  Matt: We still have a closing segment to do, my friend.
• 1:11:01
  Matt: We still have a format to uh to stick to.
• 1:11:05
  Matt: And we are revisiting one of our newer end segments that would be neighborhood watch.
• 1:11:14
  Matt: We're back on the watch, back on the prowl.
• 1:11:17
  Matt: Look out! Yeah, let's take a look out there.
• 1:11:20
  Eric: Berets on Talkies Out.
• 1:11:23
  Matt: Talkies Out.
• 1:11:24
  Matt: And now this one comes from again, uh as you may recall, if you listen to our premiere segment on this.
• 1:11:31
  Matt: Neighborhood watch is where we are sharing your stories from neighborhood groups, Facebook groups, chats, next door, whatever you want to send us.
• 1:11:43
  Matt: We want the hot, dumb goss.
• 1:11:46
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:11:46
  Matt: And we've got it from give us that shade.
• 1:11:49
  Matt: We we are going, once again, we will protect the innocent.
• 1:11:53
  Matt: We will protect the civil.
• 1:11:55
  Matt: We will never say the name of the actual place.
• 1:11:57
  Matt: We will not say the name of the actual place, which is why it is important that this per uh we say that up top, because this person who has asked to be called Dundock Abbey.
• 1:12:08
  Matt: Like, you know, Downton Abbey, nothing.
• 1:12:10
  Matt: This person is this person is neither an Abbey nor from Dundalk.
• 1:12:16
  Eric: Yeah, this story does not play take place in Dundalk.
• 1:12:19
  Eric: I think they I think they tried to threw Dundalk out there to like throw you off the scent because of the poop factory there.
• 1:12:24
  Matt: And you know what?
• 1:12:25
  Matt: We we drew attention to that.
• 1:12:27
  Eric: We we did.
• 1:12:28
  Matt: So they sent this to us a little while ago, and we are happy to get it to it now, but they didn't send us to they did not send this to us when it took place, which was around the holidays of last season.
• 1:12:41
  Matt: Now, this to give you a little bit of background, in this town, what should we call this town, Eric?
• 1:12:46
  Matt: Let's call this cr Crimbistown.
• 1:12:49
  Matt: Crimbistown?
• 1:12:51
  Matt: Crimbistown.
• 1:12:52
  Matt: Okay, Crimbistown.
• 1:12:54
  Matt: So in Crimbistown, yeah.
• 1:12:57
  Matt: Um, they put out some elves, some cutouts of elves.
• 1:13:02
  Matt: It looks like they might be wood or at least cardboard.
• 1:13:05
  Matt: I think they're wooden.
• 1:13:07
  Matt: And they're all holding and they put them around the town as like a cute little, hey, look at these elves, spot 'em.
• 1:13:14
  Matt: The kids are taking pictures with them.
• 1:13:16
  Matt: It's cute.
• 1:13:17
  Eric: It's cute.
• 1:13:17
  Eric: It's cute.
• 1:13:18
  Matt: The idea the idea is cute.
• 1:13:21
  Eric: The idea is very cute.
• 1:13:24
  Matt: All of these elves, as this person, as this person pointed out, they're all holding gifts or stars or Christmas tree uh um ornaments.
• 1:13:37
  Matt: Holding them at crotch level.
• 1:13:41
  Matt: They're holding them in the dick in a box position.
• 1:13:44
  Eric: And like the one elf is making what I can only describe as my dick is inside this present phase.
• 1:13:52
  Matt: And I I don't I I don't think we will post these photos on Instagram because I think it would be very easy to then identify the town.
• 1:14:02
  Matt: But just take our word for it that this elf in question is holding a box very similar to Andy Sandberg in a Taco Box.
• 1:14:12
  Eric: It is haunting me.
• 1:14:13
  Matt: So they put these around town.
• 1:14:15
  Matt: People are taking pictures with it.
• 1:14:16
  Matt: It's a great time.
• 1:14:17
  Matt: But, but we do have an issue because somebody posted in this Facebook group I am so let down with someone.
• 1:14:27
  Matt: It breaks my heart to tell you that someone has stolen at least three of the elves.
• 1:14:34
  Matt: The images below are the missing ones.
• 1:14:36
  Matt: I ask that if anyone sees them, please alert me or the police who will have a report.
• 1:14:45
  Matt: Thanks.
• 1:14:46
  Matt: Sorry, someone is uh ellipse.
• 1:14:51
  Matt: Two ellipses, no less.
• 1:14:53
  Matt: Uh two different sets of them.
• 1:14:57
  Matt: Now, the ensuing chaos in this Facebook group.
• 1:15:02
  Matt: My God.
• 1:15:03
  Matt: There are a hundred and eighty-seven reactions to it.
• 1:15:07
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:15:08
  Matt: And I'm gonna tell you right now that the only two versions of reactions are a crying face and an angry face.
• 1:15:16
  Matt: And that's it.
• 1:15:17
  Matt: Now, the first person to comment came in hot and heavy.
• 1:15:21
  Matt: The police should be able to pull video from businesses.
• 1:15:25
  Matt: This person threw lots of this makes me furious.
• 1:15:28
  Matt: Lots of this is disgusting.
• 1:15:31
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:15:32
  Matt: My daughter loves driving through town to look for them ellipses.
• 1:15:37
  Matt: Sad.
• 1:15:38
  Matt: And one of those things is sad.
• 1:15:42
  Matt: Now, now we did get some selections, some highlights from the submitter, uh Dundock Abby, who said who wanted us to make sure we pointed out this comment in particular.
• 1:15:53
  Matt: Are you serious?
• 1:15:54
  Matt: How low can you go?
• 1:15:56
  Matt: I hope they or the is caught and made an example out of.
• 1:16:04
  Matt: And given the maximum time, this makes me really angry.
• 1:16:11
  Eric: One person just said, idiots.
• 1:16:15
  Eric: That's what happens when you put a space between the end of the word and the exclamation point, it's just idiots.
• 1:16:21
  Matt: And then we we have some of these.
• 1:16:24
  Matt: I love this take too.
• 1:16:26
  Matt: I'm disgusted, but I hate to say it.
• 1:16:29
  Matt: Not surprised.
• 1:16:33
  Matt: Uh, and uh somebody commented on that.
• 1:16:35
  Matt: Nothing surprises me anymore.
• 1:16:39
  Matt: In in this world, in this political climate, this is the thing that makes people go, man.
• 1:16:48
  Matt: People really can go.
• 1:16:50
  Matt: This is no limit, we've no limit to how low some people will go.
• 1:16:54
  Matt: Well, uh, this drama did unfold, but I have to say it does have a, I guess let's call it a happy ending.
• 1:17:05
  Matt: For for the sake of all these people, uh, two of the elves were quickly found and reposted downtown.
• 1:17:14
  Matt: The story that I'm getting, this is the original poster, is that a pub crawl Saturday night was a lot of college age.
• 1:17:22
  Matt: That's it.
• 1:17:23
  Matt: Just a lot of college age.
• 1:17:25
  Matt: And they decided to have the elves join them.
• 1:17:28
  Matt: So no harm, no foul.
• 1:17:31
  Matt: This from the like of Karens that were just saying, give them the maximum time, or you will be fed to the flames.
• 1:17:40
  Matt: And by the way, just so you know, poster, the maximum time.
• 1:17:43
  Matt: I'm not looking this up, but I'm pretty sure is no time.
• 1:17:47
  Matt: Why would someone go to prison for this?
• 1:17:52
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:17:53
  Matt: Um, uh this person said, hopefully, no adult would do this.
• 1:17:57
  Eric: I know.
• 1:17:59
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:18:01
  Eric: It really does bring me.
• 1:18:03
  Eric: I wish y'all could see how how fucking stupid these elves look.
• 1:18:07
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 1:18:08
  Eric: I mean so dumb.
• 1:18:09
  Matt: They're so dumb, but I am worried they'll give away the location of the town.
• 1:18:13
  Matt: But uh, so Dundok Abby, thank you for sending this to this hot gas.
• 1:18:20
  Matt: And uh if you or a loved one have experienced elf kidnapping, have experienced some ridiculous neighborhood bullshit.
• 1:18:29
  Matt: Or mesothelioma.
• 1:18:31
  Matt: Or close.
• 1:18:32
  Matt: Man, you can't.
• 1:18:33
  Eric: So man, that was so close to being a word.
• 1:18:36
  Matt: Mesothelioma.
• 1:18:37
  Eric: Mesothelioma.
• 1:18:38
  Eric: And also with you.
• 1:18:39
  Matt: I where I am, we get we often during Jeopardy, which we watch religiously, we get an ad for a law firm whose ads begin.
• 1:18:48
  Matt: This is the opening statement.
• 1:18:50
  Matt: Mesothelioma is all we do.
• 1:18:54
  Matt: Hey, at least they specialize.
• 1:18:56
  Matt: Just each uh like you could be coming off of like a delightful, like funny, quirky geico commercial, and then you just get a guy staring into the camera saying, Mesothelioma is all we do.
• 1:19:09
  Eric: I'm sorry.
• 1:19:09
  Eric: I know we've been derailed so much.
• 1:19:12
  Eric: What even isothelioma?
• 1:19:14
  Eric: We're not doing no, no, I don't want to know.
• 1:19:16
  Matt: I don't Eric, I don't want to know.
• 1:19:19
  Eric: Oh, that looks unpleasant.
• 1:19:21
  Matt: So uh listen, I think it's time that I give you some of the business.
• 1:19:28
  Matt: Give them the business.
• 1:19:29
  Matt: So the business is we need your questions, we need your comments, we need your concerns.
• 1:19:34
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:19:35
  Matt: And we need you to send them to us uh at the whatever's your uh pleasure.
• 1:19:39
  Matt: You didn't ask for this, gmail.com all spelled out, or reach us on any of the social medias, by which I mean Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook at you didn't ask pod.
• 1:19:50
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:19:53
  Matt: You can even leave us a voicemail on the thought line that we will potentially play on the show for you.
• 1:20:01
  Matt: All I'll say is we haven't had one in a while, so maybe that potential is pretty high.
• 1:20:05
  Matt: Uh, and that number is 410-929-5329.
• 1:20:12
  Matt: And that is also in the show notes, I believe.
• 1:20:15
  Matt: Uh uh, so yeah, leave us a message.
• 1:20:18
  Eric: Like it it's at the point where we're pretty much obligated to do your question if you call the thought line.
• 1:20:25
  Matt: If you called the thought line and were using us as like that a fake number that you call to have a fake conversation to get away from a creepy person on the subway, use it.
• 1:20:36
  Matt: We'll probably we'll probably use it.
• 1:20:38
  Matt: You can put us down as a reference.
• 1:20:40
  Matt: Put us down as a reference.
• 1:20:41
  Matt: We've set up before.
• 1:20:42
  Matt: We will call your boss.
• 1:20:45
  Matt: We will call your boss and lie to call your boss.
• 1:20:47
  Eric: We will call your boss and lie to them.
• 1:20:49
  Eric: I will happily do this.
• 1:20:51
  Matt: We I I will employ any of them.
• 1:20:53
  Eric: Give me detail, just give me enough details about you that I know what to say.
• 1:20:57
  Eric: Give us the talking points.
• 1:20:58
  Eric: Clear that I know you.
• 1:20:58
  Matt: Give us the talking points and we'll tell us who we sell you on.
• 1:21:01
  Eric: We will be your job reference.
• 1:21:03
  Eric: This is not a joke.
• 1:21:04
  Matt: This is not a joke.
• 1:21:05
  Matt: I can't wait to do it.
• 1:21:06
  Eric: And we won't fuck, and we won't even fuck around.
• 1:21:09
  Eric: We will 100% with two professionals.
• 1:21:13
  Matt: We are you are talking with two professional bullshitters, and we majored in lying.
• 1:21:20
  Matt: And I can say this though, we do reserve the right to play it on the show, though.
• 1:21:25
  Matt: We do reserve the right to play.
• 1:21:26
  Eric: Oh, 100%.
• 1:21:27
  Eric: We'll bleep names, we'll bleep names.
• 1:21:29
  Matt: We'll protect the innocent.
• 1:21:30
  Matt: Uh oh, and don't forget, August 29th, Monday.
• 1:21:34
  Eric: August 29th.
• 1:21:35
  Matt: 5 30 live episode.
• 1:21:38
  Matt: Be sure to tune in.
• 1:21:40
  Matt: We want you to be there.
• 1:21:41
  Matt: We, of course, it's a live recording.
• 1:21:43
  Matt: We will be playing the the episode will drop, it's normal time, all that stuff.
• 1:21:47
  Matt: But you would be you can send us messages and you can see us talk with us in real time with tea and biscuits.
• 1:21:54
  Eric: You talk shit about British biscuits.
• 1:21:56
  Eric: You can if you're from if you're from Jolly Old Ingoland, you can be in the chat and just like fucking you know, correct some yanks on their bullshit.
• 1:22:05
  Eric: Cranky.
• 1:22:06
  Eric: I don't know.
• 1:22:06
  Eric: I'm just trying to watch people fight in the comment section.
• 1:22:09
  Eric: That's what I'm hearing about.
• 1:22:10
  Matt: That's what every stream is about.
• 1:22:11
  Eric: While me, Matt, and Andy just sit there eating biscuits with our monocles.
• 1:22:15
  Eric: It'll be great.
• 1:22:16
  Matt: All right.
• 1:22:17
  Matt: Well, this one has been a long one.
• 1:22:19
  Matt: It's been off the rails, but it's been a delight, Eric.
• 1:22:22
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 1:22:23
  Eric: It's been, you know, it's been a real, it's been a journey.
• 1:22:26
  Eric: It's been a real ride.
• 1:22:27
  Eric: They thought they were going on a road trip, but what they got was a road journey.
• 1:22:33
  Eric: Thank you, Eric.
• 1:22:34
  Matt: Thank you very much.
• 1:22:36
  Matt: So um, I guess this is the part where we end the show.
• 1:22:39
  Matt: Okay.
• 1:22:40
  Matt: So from all of us here, uh, you didn't ask for this, and for this episode in particular, you certainly did not.
• 1:22:47
  Matt: My name is Matt Shea.
• 1:22:49
  Eric: My name's Eric Poach.
• 1:22:50
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:22:52
  Eric: But did you know that Easton, Maryland adopted the traffic light system of DC?
• 1:22:59
  Eric: They picked the one.
• 1:23:00
  Eric: No, not the horizontal ones, the the fucking off to the side ones.
• 1:23:04
  Eric: Yeah, the off to the side, and they have off to the side lights that are just arrows.
• 1:23:09
  Eric: So, like, you'll have a red, a red left turn light, but a green straight light.
• 1:23:16
  Eric: Like, it it's fucking, it's bedlam.
• 1:23:20
  Eric: It is absolute madness.
• 1:23:23
  Matt: You don't even have a joke here, do you?
• 1:23:24
  Matt: No, you're just ranting, Maryland.
• 1:23:27
  Matt: This is my this is my hill.
• 1:23:29
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 1:23:30
  Matt: Uh you you must be stopped.
• 1:23:32
  Matt: I run on me! I'm stopping you.