Latest / CALL ME MISTRESS / SUBMISSION, DEPRESSION AND HUMILIATION/DEGRADATION

Transcript

SUBMISSION, DEPRESSION AND HUMILIATION/DEGRADATION · CALL ME MISTRESS

• 0:06
  Hi. Welcome to the latest episode of
• 0:08
  Call Me Mistress. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
• 0:11
  and I've got with me my 2 favorites, Madame Liv and Lil
• 0:14
  PO, Master Viper. A.
• 0:17
  A. A.
• 0:18
  Yo-yo yo. You know, I went through an
• 0:26
  edited Friday's episode and holy shit balls we laugh so fucking
• 0:34
  much on that episode. I hope no one said.
• 0:38
  God I wish they would quit fucking laughing so much.
• 0:41
  I don't care if they say that I had a good time it.
• 0:43
  Was too as. Much as this is for like the
• 0:46
  general public, it's also for us.
• 0:48
  And we get to have fun and we get to release our thoughts.
• 0:50
  And if you don't like us, happy. So sorry.
• 0:52
  Alright, I like that note. So anywho, Speaking of notes, we
• 0:57
  have two emails. This was quite funny.
• 1:00
  I don't think people realize that I get multiple emails and
• 1:04
  multiple texts every day and I really try to find the time to
• 1:08
  respond as quickly as possible. And so when we were expecting
• 1:13
  different people to come yesterday to the dungeon and I'm
• 1:16
  juggling what I am, I get this e-mail on fat and this this
• 1:21
  gentleman he requested to see live, okay.
• 1:25
  And I said, yeah, you know, she, you can see her today at 11:00.
• 1:29
  And he's like, no, I can't do 11.
• 1:31
  I said, OK, well what time he's like, I don't know, I've got to
• 1:33
  get stuff to do an enema because he wanted to do some anal play
• 1:38
  and I'm like, oh, lucky live. But I told him, I said if he
• 1:43
  wanted that, then he has to do an animal.
• 1:46
  And it's a really critical thing and people don't get this.
• 1:50
  So if you want to come in for ass play, in the words of Lady
• 1:54
  Velvet Steel, I don't want to play with your shit.
• 1:56
  I want to play with your ass and that's it.
• 2:00
  So people have to realize you have to fast at least 4 hours
• 2:04
  minimum because we don't want to strike an oil Chamber of shit.
• 2:11
  We have one gentleman and he contacts me all the fucking time
• 2:16
  and poor Barbie got stuck with him last time and you know he
• 2:20
  wanted to see Barbie but his asshole became a quick lava cake
• 2:25
  of fucking disgustingness and we had to put the trash can like
• 2:29
  and he was like oh he completely obliterated to the oh excuse me.
• 2:35
  He was completely oblivious to the fact he.
• 2:39
  Obliterated that room is what he did.
• 2:42
  He obliterated the room and he was oblivious to it, but he.
• 2:47
  Fucking wasn't. He pretended to be, yeah.
• 2:51
  But. Anywho, in the continuation of
• 2:54
  this e-mail he tells me he has two enema.
• 2:58
  So I tell him I said you get a warm enema bottle from the store
• 3:03
  and instead of using the contents you throw the contents
• 3:07
  out and you get distilled warm water.
• 3:11
  I said flush it three times until it's clear.
• 3:14
  But I mistyped instead of saying until clear my phone picked up
• 3:20
  don't eat. Until your ass is no longer
• 3:26
  eating that enema. OK, I see.
• 3:28
  Where you going with that I. Know it was a mistype.
• 3:31
  It was a mistype. I couldn't.
• 3:33
  Don't eat it anyway. So like I asked, don't eat.
• 3:42
  So I thought that was very amusing.
• 3:44
  I. Like it?
• 3:46
  I like it. You know, instead of saying, oh,
• 3:49
  Mistress Mia, I get it, this is probably a mist type.
• 3:53
  No, I'm not going to eat my enema before my shit.
• 3:58
  But but we do have a gentleman and he wants to come in this
• 4:01
  week at some point, but the week is almost over, so probably have
• 4:04
  to be next week. And I said I'm pretty much the
• 4:07
  only one who do toilet toilet training.
• 4:11
  What's up? With you today, it's toilet
• 4:12
  training. It's.
• 4:13
  Toilet training in obliterate that.
• 4:19
  Toilet. And.
• 4:22
  Really getting made fun of right now.
• 4:24
  Like I just lost my dog 2 days ago.
• 4:27
  Hey don't bring that up. You fuckers are making fun of
• 4:30
  me. Fuck you, hey.
• 4:33
  The dead dog card. Kind of shine and you're lying.
• 4:42
  How about you come to work and actual clothes that belong?
• 4:46
  To. You you wear something that
• 4:49
  covers too. Where are you wearing?
• 4:53
  Yeah, you can see my Tatas anyway.
• 4:58
  Hey, I'm just sitting over here enjoying the conversation,
• 5:01
  y'all, Y'all keep going, keep going.
• 5:02
  It's happening so fast, I don't know what's going on.
• 5:05
  OK, all right, so let's get serious for a moment.
• 5:08
  Stop making fun of your mistress Mia.
• 5:10
  OK, so. No promises.
• 5:13
  She said I'm a dog, damn it. So there's this gentleman and he
• 5:18
  is absolutely, it's just a sweetheart.
• 5:20
  He's been writing the podcast and myself for the last year.
• 5:24
  I told him that last October when I went to a wedding in
• 5:28
  Vermont that I would make time. I would more than happy to come
• 5:31
  and see him, but he at the time just wasn't available.
• 5:35
  You know, our our schedules didn't mash.
• 5:37
  And so you know, he's proceeded. He's continued to write me
• 5:41
  during this time, but his name is Tony and Tony really
• 5:44
  struggles a lot with his own self worth, his value,
• 5:49
  depression, etcetera. And he's never told his wife
• 5:53
  really all of his kinks, which is a lot of like forced male
• 5:57
  bisexual, you know, aspects of his sexuality and you know,
• 6:01
  there's various things. I'm sure there's more there that
• 6:04
  he really just hasn't revealed with everything, right?
• 6:08
  But anyway, he writes me and he's like hello Mistress, happy
• 6:11
  Labor Day. I hope you had a great weekend
• 6:13
  and even better summer. I wanted to get your opinion on
• 6:16
  something given your years of experience in the dungeon.
• 6:20
  I consider you an expert in the field.
• 6:22
  On top of your masters in BDSM kink, you're also a kind and
• 6:26
  caring person, so your point of view means something to me.
• 6:29
  Do you believe there's a correlation between submission
• 6:32
  and depression? We've talked about this in the
• 6:35
  past. I do enjoy degradation and
• 6:37
  humiliation. I've also been into hypno and
• 6:41
  forced intox videos. He does poppers, that kind of
• 6:46
  thing. He said.
• 6:47
  I came across a particular video from a content creator that
• 6:50
  makes hypno popper intox videos with degradation and
• 6:55
  humiliation. Verbal abuse sounds like a
• 6:58
  perfect combo for me. Afterwards, even I thought it
• 7:02
  was a bit intense and it had me taking a look at the bigger
• 7:05
  picture. I added a link to the video
• 7:08
  below just in case you're curious.
• 7:10
  So I recently have been thinking how I view myself and myself
• 7:14
  image. Recently I've been thinking
• 7:15
  about how I view myself and myself image.
• 7:17
  I came to the realization that I don't think I like myself at
• 7:20
  all. I judge myself harshly for the
• 7:23
  mistakes I've made and not having the balls to do what I
• 7:27
  need to do to be a better person.
• 7:29
  I then began looking back on different actions in my past and
• 7:33
  realize that self loathing has been around me for a very long
• 7:37
  while. I personally think my sub traits
• 7:40
  kick in stronger when I feel depressed or anxious about
• 7:44
  things. At times it makes me wonder why
• 7:46
  I'm attracted to humiliated and degraded.
• 7:49
  At times I just love it. Other times I wish I didn't like
• 7:53
  it as much as I do. It's like a catch 22.
• 7:56
  I feel like I need it but I'm afraid I might be harming me.
• 8:00
  I didn't mean to have this letter ramble on like this.
• 8:03
  I guess I never put my thoughts on paper, so to speak like this
• 8:07
  before. It's been bouncing around in my
• 8:09
  head for like a week or so and I'm very curious to hear someone
• 8:12
  else's opinion. I apologize for dumping this on
• 8:15
  you. And you don't have to respond at
• 8:16
  all if you don't wish to. Anyway, he said PSI don't mind
• 8:21
  if you use this on the podcast either.
• 8:23
  I think your show is a vital part to other kinky people out
• 8:27
  there. If I can help people that, that
• 8:29
  would be great. There's just a couple of emails.
• 8:31
  We'll continue and I'll read on and then then after we're done,
• 8:34
  we'll well, feel free to you can tell me your side of everything.
• 8:38
  So I said, I wrote to him. I said, Tony, First off, thank
• 8:40
  you for sharing this with me. I really appreciate you putting
• 8:43
  me in such high regard. I will tell you that in my past,
• 8:46
  I've worked with mental health for a number of years and being
• 8:49
  in diabetes and for over 30 years at this point, I would
• 8:52
  have to say, yes, there's a correlation between submission
• 8:55
  and depression. No one wants to admit that
• 8:57
  typically. But in the mix of it all, I see
• 9:01
  drug abuse, alcoholism, addiction, depression, chemical
• 9:05
  imbalances, etcetera. I think that we as gangsters get
• 9:10
  into the lifestyle because of needing the outlet to express
• 9:12
  ourselves openly and freely and in some being submissive, they
• 9:17
  go back typically to a place of trauma or go to back to a place
• 9:21
  that makes them whole again. Is it possible we all have some
• 9:24
  chemical imbalances or some depression?
• 9:27
  Sure. But when you start talking about
• 9:29
  humiliation and depredation, that typically is centered
• 9:32
  around abuse, child or different types of trauma.
• 9:36
  Normally it's an abusive parent or someone else.
• 9:39
  And there is, there's always another person or an adult who's
• 9:43
  the enabler and not the protector.
• 9:46
  Tony, don't feel guilt or shame for anything.
• 9:48
  None of this is your fault. You have to do in life what
• 9:51
  makes you happy and what helps you be you.
• 9:55
  Please feel free to contact me anytime.
• 9:57
  Please feel free to tell me your story.
• 9:59
  Warmest thoughts your way, Mia. Then he's this mistress.
• 10:03
  Thank you for writing me back. I didn't know you worked in
• 10:06
  mental health also. That's amazing.
• 10:08
  I really thought what you provided in the dungeon was a
• 10:11
  gift and now add that on type. I generally think that you want
• 10:15
  to help people. That's not something I usually
• 10:17
  see from someone in your line of work.
• 10:20
  That's why I put you in such high regard.
• 10:21
  I still regret not meeting you in person when you were here
• 10:24
  last year. As for my story I mentioned
• 10:26
  before about the babysitter, they expose me to porn at a
• 10:29
  pretty young age, like 9 or 10 years of age and I think now how
• 10:33
  that affected me especially being the father of a 10 year
• 10:36
  old boy myself. As for trauma or abuse, I didn't
• 10:41
  really have it. My father wasn't a St. but
• 10:43
  definitely was not abusive. My parents divorced when I was 7
• 10:48
  and my father turned drugs and into a full blown addict by the
• 10:51
  time I was 16. I don't speak with them as a
• 10:54
  result. But no sexual abuse or physical
• 10:56
  abuse. That's why it leaves me so
• 10:58
  confused at times why I am the way I am, why things pique my
• 11:02
  interest. So I really appreciate you
• 11:04
  taking the time to write me. You really help people so much.
• 11:07
  Thank you again for helping me so I continue.
• 11:09
  I know. Not me, it's.
• 11:11
  Not me. It's your kids going to school.
• 11:16
  Yeah. OK, let me see.
• 11:23
  I said. Tony, my dear, if given the
• 11:26
  situation with your father was was that scenario, then maybe
• 11:29
  you just send her some guilt, maybe thinking at a younger age
• 11:32
  that you could rescue the man who was closest to you or at
• 11:35
  least should have been. I think the biggest thing is
• 11:38
  letting go and forgiving yourself.
• 11:40
  And if there's a way that you could communicate with your
• 11:43
  father now, maybe comfortably get in touch with him without
• 11:47
  without ill feelings and gain closure.
• 11:49
  If you can do that, think about doing that.
• 11:51
  Addiction is a hard thing to overcome, especially not knowing
• 11:54
  what your father endured as a child himself to become who he
• 11:58
  is. But think about it this way.
• 12:01
  By men want the love and or acceptance of other men for a
• 12:05
  reason. The humiliation stems from maybe
• 12:08
  guilt of not being able to change your circumstances.
• 12:12
  The fucked up babysitter was obviously a predator in the
• 12:14
  making and if we have no other vices and considering you didn't
• 12:18
  become an addict like your father, sex became the next
• 12:21
  logical vice. And then I said again, our pass
• 12:24
  will cross one day and I'll gladly meet you and we can
• 12:26
  finally talk in person. You have to know you're a good
• 12:30
  man and I'm sure a good father and husband.
• 12:32
  Do not demean yourself or devalue yourself for something
• 12:35
  you feel shame for. Too many factors come into play
• 12:38
  in our lives that make us who we are, and despite our kinks,
• 12:42
  we're pretty amazing. I include you in that statement.
• 12:45
  So take a deep breath every time you start to think negatively of
• 12:48
  yourself and say to yourself at least three good things about
• 12:52
  you. For one, you're smart, kind,
• 12:55
  understanding, and devashly handsome.
• 12:57
  This man's fine as fuck. You deserve to be happy, Tony.
• 13:00
  Don't find fault in something that doesn't exist.
• 13:03
  You are a beautiful soul. And then he writes me back.
• 13:06
  Thank you for taking the time out of your day to listen to me.
• 13:09
  I'm the kind of guy who bottles things up sometimes, and I don't
• 13:12
  always face the things standing in front of me.
• 13:15
  Just taking those 5 minutes out of your day to respond really
• 13:18
  means the world to me. I know I'll find that self love
• 13:22
  and forgiveness soon enough. Tony.
• 13:25
  And one final e-mail I did write to him today.
• 13:27
  I said Tony, you know I'm your friend and although we've never
• 13:31
  met, I still think of you as such.
• 13:33
  I'm here for you anytime you want to talk things out.
• 13:35
  But yes, find that self love and acceptance within yourself.
• 13:38
  I know your family loves you because they see all these
• 13:41
  amazing attributes of you and you want to be a strong
• 13:44
  individual and parent for your son.
• 13:46
  Never slight yourself and don't turn the mountains you've
• 13:49
  climbed into small little hills. Just keep growing, find your
• 13:53
  inner strength and know you were loved and cared for.
• 13:55
  Your friend Mia, I love it. You love it.
• 13:57
  You did a great job, Fred. Thank you.
• 14:00
  Thank you. Yeah, I my heart just goes out
• 14:03
  to this man. He sent me, you know, pictures
• 14:05
  of him and his wife. And like I say, he's he's a
• 14:09
  damn, he's fine. But you know, Poe live, you both
• 14:13
  have your own chemical imbalances.
• 14:16
  You've all struggled with depression.
• 14:19
  You know, I went through a severe depression, you know, at
• 14:22
  a point in my life, but it was a situational depression.
• 14:25
  I didn't have to live with this every day.
• 14:27
  All right, So what advice would you all have to get to Tony
• 14:32
  Hope? Would you like to go first on
• 14:33
  that one And then we can get to live?
• 14:35
  Sure. First of all, I really
• 14:37
  appreciate the way that he is diving into himself.
• 14:39
  Actually self examine, that's where a lot of people kind of
• 14:42
  fall flat. Maybe they on a very surface
• 14:45
  level go, OK, this is what I do and dive deep into it to figure
• 14:49
  out, OK, well, but why do I do this and OK, then why do I do
• 14:52
  that and then kind of follow the rabbit trail bound.
• 14:55
  So kudos were even beginning to do that because that's very hard
• 14:59
  to. Self analyze yourself.
• 15:00
  Various. I mean, I understand what he's
• 15:03
  saying. He mentioned in there something
• 15:05
  about forgiving himself. Through what you were reading, I
• 15:08
  didn't find anything that he needs to forgive himself about.
• 15:11
  I find there's things that he needs to accept about himself,
• 15:13
  but forgiving that, saying that he's at fault.
• 15:16
  There's situations that happen that maybe put him in that state
• 15:19
  of mind where he wants those things or needs those things in
• 15:22
  his life, but that's not something that you have to
• 15:23
  forgive yourself over. No, I think he he in correlation
• 15:27
  to that statement. I think at the beginning of it
• 15:28
  he was saying that he didn't have the balls to do what it
• 15:32
  takes to improve his life and do what he had to do in order to
• 15:37
  better himself. So like earlier in life.
• 15:39
  Yeah, so I think he's blaming himself.
• 15:41
  OK, OK, well, you, but you can't hit, but you can't see.
• 15:44
  And just the fact that he's willing to analyze himself and
• 15:46
  try and figure out things. Absolutely.
• 15:49
  Yeah. So I understand you're saying
• 15:52
  basically what you're just saying is that you would have
• 15:54
  wished that you had figured this out years ago.
• 15:58
  And hindsight's always 2020, so yeah.
• 16:01
  Always just move forward. Don't look back.
• 16:03
  They're just exceptionally hard. Oh, yeah, definitely.
• 16:06
  There are still things that have happened in my past.
• 16:08
  I will literally talk out loud and go, oh, here's here's what I
• 16:11
  should have said, here's what I should have did.
• 16:12
  And almost like rehearse it over and over again so that the
• 16:15
  situation never happened again. I know exactly what I would do
• 16:19
  and how I would respond to it. But even then, unless you're
• 16:24
  actually put into that situation, you don't know if
• 16:26
  you're going to have that stuff come to mind or it's waste.
• 16:29
  It's wasted energy, you know, walking towards peace.
• 16:32
  But I feel like with his his feelings, if he feels like
• 16:35
  there's guilt involved, I think submission and BDSM can help him
• 16:40
  get to know himself better and be able to maybe get a sense of
• 16:45
  release in it. And once he releases that
• 16:48
  feeling, he can then walk forward in it.
• 16:52
  Yeah, I agree with that. And I think that Liv always has
• 16:56
  the best advice to people. And you always say journal.
• 17:00
  And he said in the e-mail that he's never put his words down on
• 17:04
  paper, you know, versus an actual e-mail.
• 17:06
  So he hasn't really put his thoughts down.
• 17:08
  And I think, Tony, I think the best advice to write in your
• 17:12
  journal. But Liv, don't you agree?
• 17:14
  You always talk about people writing in the journal.
• 17:16
  Yeah, a lot of, I mean I benefit from it too.
• 17:20
  Like I will think I'm well, even whenever came.
• 17:22
  Let's start back over. I read my journal recently.
• 17:26
  I put all my thoughts onto the paper and then I reread it.
• 17:29
  And then you kind of look at yourself.
• 17:30
  You can either be like, wow, that's ridiculous.
• 17:34
  Why would I feel that? Or, you know, you kind of like
• 17:36
  see a little bit more self reflection, like, wow, I'm
• 17:39
  talking to myself like that. Or you could see where you went
• 17:42
  wrong with something, you know, just you could see things a
• 17:44
  little clearer whenever you read back.
• 17:46
  I don't necessarily recommend doing it through typing because
• 17:49
  you don't really go back to it. You just type it all out and
• 17:52
  your mind is it's gone, which is good.
• 17:54
  It's some sort of like you let it go, but there's something
• 17:57
  about just writing it down. It's painful and you know your
• 18:00
  fingers will start hurting, but all of it is connected.
• 18:02
  Yeah, I think that's a great way to do it.
• 18:04
  But I'm like, PO, I'm it's like, what does he have to forgive
• 18:07
  himself on? And it's like, you know, the
• 18:09
  humiliation degradation, a lot of people love that.
• 18:13
  But anytime I've come across people who love the humiliation
• 18:16
  degradation, it's usually someone who endured some type of
• 18:21
  kind of like a push back, you know, growing up as a kid, you
• 18:24
  know, getting that, you know, you weren't, you weren't worthy
• 18:26
  enough, you don't deserve this, blah, blah, blah, I feel.
• 18:30
  Like it would be opposite. See I I the opposite way as
• 18:33
  well. Yeah, to take and be like
• 18:35
  smothered with that. You're awesome, you're great,
• 18:38
  you're fantastic. And you're like, no, I'm not.
• 18:40
  I have all these other qualities.
• 18:42
  I'm trash. And he needs to be told that
• 18:43
  he's trash because he knows that he is trash when he's not trash.
• 18:47
  But that's why you feel about yourself.
• 18:48
  So you wanted somebody else to validate that for some reason,
• 18:50
  and it releases it in your brain?
• 18:52
  Yeah, yeah, like I said, I've already got so many negative
• 18:55
  thoughts in my head already, I don't need another person saying
• 18:58
  it out loud and validating that thought.
• 19:01
  Yeah. Remember you saying that before?
• 19:03
  It's just just something about, you know, that, you know,
• 19:07
  embarrassing situations that's totally different.
• 19:10
  That's just a a momentary thing where it's like, you know,
• 19:13
  everybody laughs, that kind of thing, whatever.
• 19:14
  But if it's true, like something about my character that you're
• 19:18
  pointing out, change. Oh, that.
• 19:20
  I don't believe that anybody should be pointed out for things
• 19:23
  that he can't or she can't change.
• 19:25
  You can't point out something about their eyes, their nose,
• 19:28
  their lips, that but their weight, the way that they're
• 19:31
  talking to themselves. These are things that they can
• 19:32
  change. You can work on things about
• 19:35
  yourself, but things that you can't change.
• 19:37
  I think it's just rude. Yeah.
• 19:38
  And it's disgusting to just be mean to somebody.
• 19:40
  We don't want to be mean, No. Like so if that's what you want,
• 19:43
  power to you somebody. Support you can be mean.
• 19:45
  I get it. I understand that those people
• 19:47
  are out. That's why I leave that up to.
• 19:49
  Yeah, she's good at it. What am I good at?
• 19:52
  Being mean. Oh, like, you know, they want
• 19:55
  that, you know? Yeah, they.
• 19:56
  Want that? Yeah.
• 19:56
  When they come in saying that they want it, yeah, you're like
• 19:59
  game fucking on. Yeah, it's game on, isn't it?
• 20:03
  Yeah, problems with that. I will say that the people that
• 20:05
  I've always come across, especially local people coming
• 20:09
  to events or whatever, submissives or people coming
• 20:12
  into the dungeon that have been submissive, I've never
• 20:14
  specifically said, hey, you have depression.
• 20:17
  But it's usually if they want humiliation, degradation,
• 20:20
  there's obvious depression. There's obvious things that
• 20:23
  they've experienced and basically ruined aspects of
• 20:26
  their life that they regret because of addictions or, or
• 20:30
  other things. So that was his question.
• 20:33
  Do you think BDSM submission is correlated to depression or
• 20:38
  mental health? You know, I don't think a lot of
• 20:39
  people want to say yeah. Yeah, You know, I would say
• 20:42
  mental health, not always depression.
• 20:44
  You definitely have some traumas or something going on.
• 20:46
  But I could see where he's coming from because if you're a
• 20:48
  submissive, that means you're gonna get praised for, you know,
• 20:51
  looking at somebody else's needs and supplying those needs.
• 20:55
  And if you're not feeling too good about yourself, you can
• 20:58
  look at how at least you're treating other people around you
• 21:00
  and going, hey, I got a little bit of a high just knowing how
• 21:03
  happy I made that other person. Yeah.
• 21:05
  So I could see the correlation between the two.
• 21:08
  It's proving yourself, yeah. It's proving yourself.
• 21:10
  And being constantly validated, yeah.
• 21:12
  I could definitely understand it, and you have someone who's
• 21:14
  solely paying attention to you because you're meeting their
• 21:17
  needs so well that how can they not solely have all their energy
• 21:20
  and their mental focus on you at that moment?
• 21:23
  Oh yeah, I could definitely see where there would be a
• 21:25
  correlation between. It and it's definitely needed.
• 21:27
  I think it should be a talk about things throughout
• 21:30
  anything. It doesn't have to be just like
• 21:32
  a kink. I think BDSM is therapy.
• 21:34
  No, definitely. It is very and very much so,
• 21:37
  therapy. And that's part of his, man, the
• 21:39
  emails that come back and forth, that's kind of what I, I sense
• 21:43
  is he's trying to figure out how to release some of this negative
• 21:46
  energy that he feels about himself.
• 21:47
  Instead of looking at it as I need forgiveness and I can look
• 21:50
  at it as the experiences that you experience here can actually
• 21:53
  help you take back that power. Sometimes that power is not
• 21:56
  going to be given back to you. You have to take that shit back.
• 21:58
  Yeah, there's been some situations here at the dungeon
• 22:00
  where I, I took that shit back. They don't get to have it
• 22:03
  anymore. And by doing that, it allowed me
• 22:05
  to be able to go OK. And there's a lot of things that
• 22:07
  happened in the past that today I'm like, yeah, it happened, but
• 22:09
  it doesn't affect me on a daily basis now.
• 22:11
  So in a way, you kind of forgave yourself.
• 22:13
  I think it's the opposite way. I forgave the other person
• 22:15
  because I back at the power and I figured out that didn't kill
• 22:19
  me. Maybe it was just because it
• 22:20
  happened at a certain age that it's morphed my brain into
• 22:24
  thinking, not necessarily that they weren't wrong, but it was
• 22:27
  worse than it really was in a way.
• 22:29
  And then when you recreate that situation and you choose to put
• 22:32
  yourself in that situation, sometimes you can be like, hey,
• 22:35
  actually kind of enjoy that here.
• 22:36
  Again, not saying that what they did initially was right, and it
• 22:40
  may be one of the reasons why you enjoy it is because your
• 22:42
  brain needs to rewire itself to be able to accept whatever it
• 22:45
  is, but I guarantee that's when my pants look.
• 22:47
  Yeah, well, like with my mom making me cut grass and stuff
• 22:50
  and little tedious stuff, I feel like it kind of makes it funny
• 22:53
  in a game versus kind of like a torture.
• 22:58
  No, it was more of a mental torture because it's not, well,
• 23:00
  I mean, you would get physically hurt, get little tiny scissors,
• 23:03
  but it's more of mental because, you know, you're never gonna
• 23:05
  finish. Little pair of scissors cutting
• 23:07
  the grass, you're never gonna finish.
• 23:09
  And then she would make fun of you to the other parents.
• 23:11
  So this is what she does for her to a kid.
• 23:13
  So you're just like. And be proud of it.
• 23:15
  She was proud. That's the thing that they're
• 23:16
  proud of that action. And then he just messes with
• 23:18
  your mind to go, well, if they're so proud of that, maybe
• 23:22
  they're they're great if they can boast about it to other
• 23:24
  people and other people are like, Oh yeah, you did this.
• 23:26
  It almost makes you feel like, OK, maybe it was acceptable and
• 23:28
  maybe maybe I did do something that I do need to forgive myself
• 23:31
  for that. I need forgiveness for him
• 23:33
  because. Yeah, I look back.
• 23:35
  I would be grounded for some dumb stuff.
• 23:37
  So I don't think that I was, I don't think it was right.
• 23:41
  But the other parents would send their kids over and have their
• 23:45
  kids get this treatment as well. Yeah, and like I said, and
• 23:48
  that's just validating the the person who's wrong in this
• 23:51
  situation. Yeah, same way.
• 23:53
  I mean, I was, you know, whipped, spank, beat, whatever
• 23:55
  you want to call it because I make bad grades.
• 23:57
  But she never once tried to get me a tutor.
• 23:59
  She never, she never put me on medication for my ADHD.
• 24:02
  She never tried to give me any kind of counseling.
• 24:04
  She never gave me any kind of outlet for it.
• 24:07
  She never really studied with me.
• 24:08
  So it's like, OK, you're gonna leave it all up to a 7-8 year
• 24:12
  old to figure out you. Shouldn't be punished.
• 24:14
  For it and you know it's not going to work.
• 24:15
  I don't believe in punishment or unless you just latently like
• 24:18
  not doing your work or something.
• 24:20
  But to be struggling? No.
• 24:22
  Yeah, but it's. Been a recent asked question.
• 24:25
  But even if it's a thing about OK, they're not finishing the
• 24:27
  work, OK, so I know for an hour after they get home from school,
• 24:31
  an hour, an hour after I get home from work, we both, we need
• 24:33
  to sit down at this table. I need to look and see what you
• 24:36
  did that day. Look at your papers.
• 24:37
  Make sure that you got it done because ADHD makes us have a
• 24:40
  terrible memory. So it's not your.
• 24:41
  Decrement in the bottom of your book bag that's.
• 24:43
  How it was. There you go.
• 24:44
  I'm. Homework.
• 24:45
  Yeah, yeah. And you really legitimately
• 24:47
  think you don't. Yeah.
• 24:48
  But you know, then you, you know, at the end of the six
• 24:50
  weeks, you know, or the 9 weeks now, you know, the teacher would
• 24:53
  start right now, you know, names and all the things that and all
• 24:55
  the assignments that were missing for all the students.
• 24:57
  Oh my goodness. Mine would always have like 16
• 24:59
  check marks of just all these assignments that I was missing
• 25:01
  and yeah so. How did we get on that subject?
• 25:04
  What's that? Because you 2 are both
• 25:06
  vocalizing your childhood trauma with your fucking horrible
• 25:09
  mother. Yeah, well, I think we we got
• 25:11
  because we were talking about, you know, how it past actions
• 25:14
  can lead to making you think that you were wrong, whereas it
• 25:18
  was actually not saying you weren't a little bit wrong, but
• 25:21
  I'm saying that that age you don't even have a fully
• 25:23
  developed brain. Therefore how can you really
• 25:25
  hold yourself accountable? I mean, it's the same reason
• 25:27
  that the judicial system that, you know, the 12 year old does
• 25:29
  something wrong. We don't just put him in jail
• 25:31
  forgiving, you know, there's, I feel like.
• 25:33
  OK, so we talk about forgiveness and I want to say that I forgive
• 25:36
  her, but when we talk about it, I still get angry about it.
• 25:39
  So I'm like, and then she'll, you know, deny it.
• 25:41
  But then she's such a great grandma, so she just assumes
• 25:44
  that that's how she's always been.
• 25:46
  And so it makes it a little bit harder to get a little bit more
• 25:48
  validation that, hey, this maybe did happen to me.
• 25:51
  I'm sorry, fuck her and I really like her even now less the more
• 25:55
  you talk about it. You were the most selfless,
• 25:57
  forgiving, kind person I think I've ever met.
• 26:01
  You are very happy there's not a mean bone in your body.
• 26:04
  There's never a malicious thought.
• 26:05
  You're always so kind and compassionate.
• 26:07
  Don't make me cry. It's true.
• 26:09
  You're so understanding, You're so understanding, You're so kind
• 26:13
  and you're so good. And yet, God, you had a horrible
• 26:16
  fucking mother who did something like that.
• 26:18
  And I just, I hate her worse. I really do.
• 26:20
  I think that's just horrible. And you know, you don't have to
• 26:22
  forgive her. Fuck her.
• 26:23
  And I don't care if she's a good grandparent now or not.
• 26:25
  Fuck her. I mean, you know, she's a poor
• 26:29
  grandma. She was a horrible fucking
• 26:30
  mother. And she knows what she did.
• 26:32
  She knows it. She knows.
• 26:33
  She knows she doesn't even like talking about anymore.
• 26:35
  She's divorced about it and tell her friends and now she does not
• 26:39
  talk about it of. Course so just like she don't
• 26:41
  brag about how she used to be a stripper.
• 26:42
  Fuck her. I'm sorry, Fuck that bitch.
• 26:47
  I'm sorry. You know, I just, I have such a
• 26:49
  hard time ever thinking about being horrible to a child, let
• 26:53
  alone an animal, you know, because I they're like puppies
• 26:56
  and kids are like right there with me.
• 26:58
  You know, I just, I can't, I cannot imagine.
• 27:00
  I can't imagine. I was just talking to my
• 27:02
  boyfriend the other day and we were talking about my childhood
• 27:04
  dog, which you were just asking me about if I loved another
• 27:06
  animal like that. My curtain dog, yes, my
• 27:09
  childhood dog. I don't remember what that
• 27:10
  animal did because he's he's a dog, an animal, but my stepdad
• 27:14
  kicked him out the door and he rolled down the stairs and I
• 27:17
  always well, you know, I still heard about the squirrel.
• 27:20
  There's a lot of things where I just don't understand how people
• 27:23
  should be able to keep animals if they treat him like that.
• 27:26
  Now, he wasn't abusive like that with him all the time.
• 27:29
  It was just that one incident that it was like that, but it
• 27:32
  really stuck in my brain where I'm like, wow, I would never do
• 27:35
  that to that poor baby. He.
• 27:36
  Probably did other things when you weren't around that you
• 27:39
  probably didn't see he. Probably didn't even know I was
• 27:41
  on the porch. Because I mean anyone to have
• 27:43
  done what he did with the squirrel.
• 27:44
  In itself. Oh yeah, The squirrel, that one,
• 27:46
  that was, yeah, that affected me very long term, yeah.
• 27:49
  He's a horrible fucking human being, yeah, but him and your
• 27:52
  mother deserve each other. So fucking.
• 27:54
  I'm sorry. I hate both of them.
• 27:57
  They're good. People now, I think.
• 28:00
  I guess so forgive you. What you're saying though, there
• 28:03
  are certain aspects of it and I think it's the same way with
• 28:05
  with us as we had a certain development of our brain.
• 28:08
  But time we get at this age, our brains have still continued to
• 28:11
  develop and we learn lessons. Fortunately, they learn those
• 28:14
  lessons. Later.
• 28:15
  Later in life. Exactly and it just affected us
• 28:18
  more. By the time that they have been
• 28:20
  able to practice it with two or three kids and they get to those
• 28:22
  grandkids, they somehow magically know how it works and
• 28:26
  the magic formula algorithm. And then they get on you for
• 28:29
  doing the same thing. Maybe that's exactly that, baby.
• 28:33
  Yeah. But to bring it back, I guess
• 28:35
  where I was going with it is that, yeah, there's going to be
• 28:38
  stuff in your past that you're going to get depressed over,
• 28:41
  that you're going to try to validate in your head.
• 28:43
  You're going to think about it over and over again.
• 28:45
  You're going to go, OK, well, this is it.
• 28:46
  This is just, but use BDSM as a weapon to help you get over
• 28:51
  those things versus an excuse for having to have a negative
• 28:56
  excuse to tell yourself, oh, I just need this and it makes me
• 29:00
  less of a person. If you go from the mindset of
• 29:02
  no, I'm doing this as therapy, it's going to help me in the
• 29:06
  long run. I think you'll be a lot more
• 29:07
  successful and you'll be able to eventually take back that power.
• 29:10
  Yes. So Tony, you probably need a
• 29:13
  really good therapist who's in the lifestyle who understands
• 29:16
  things more, or you need to see see a really good fucking
• 29:19
  dominatrix like the one here in Pensacola Live and me.
• 29:26
  Or you just need to associate with, you know, people who are
• 29:30
  in the lifestyle more. And sometimes that comes at a
• 29:32
  cost of having to be vulnerable and be open and actually take a
• 29:36
  chance that you're going to be rejected.
• 29:37
  And for people like himself and people like me have, you know,
• 29:41
  to identify with that. Like I was rejected so many
• 29:43
  times throughout my life that like when it comes to situations
• 29:46
  like this, you're like, I don't want to reach out these other
• 29:48
  people and see if we have a commonality and that type of
• 29:50
  thing. So I'm just gonna keep it all
• 29:52
  bottled up. And then you analyze and
• 29:54
  overanalyze yourself. And sometimes, you know, it's
• 29:56
  still jump frog, you know, experiment.
• 29:59
  Tony, you are good enough. Yeah, yeah.
• 30:01
  And we can't wait to see you. I'm telling you, I'm gonna show
• 30:04
  you a picture of him. He is so hot it's ridiculous.
• 30:06
  Sorry, Tony, I keep focusing on that, but you're a hot
• 30:09
  motherfucker. Jeez, you know, I just think a
• 30:13
  lot of times when I've come across and it's usually like
• 30:16
  submissive women in the lifestyle, a lot of the local
• 30:18
  women that I see they, they've all done like self harm.
• 30:22
  They have so much baggage. I mean, you can just see that
• 30:25
  they have so much pain in their eyes and I just, I have a lot of
• 30:28
  compassion for them. And and then I see, you know,
• 30:30
  we're in the South and I see these guys who really can't be,
• 30:34
  you know, weak. They can't be.
• 30:37
  God, that's such a big one. It's true.
• 30:39
  Yeah. Any, Yeah, them older people
• 30:41
  will really push that on. On on the on the newer crowd.
• 30:43
  They can't show vulnerability. And this is something
• 30:46
  interesting too, when, you know, we've had this conversation
• 30:49
  about my Sissy slave, OK, my my husband has grown.
• 30:53
  I mean, we've been together for 13 years.
• 30:56
  And you know, when he came to 1st see me, you know, he's a
• 30:58
  virgin, you know, and I've helped him in so many ways.
• 31:02
  He told me the other day and he's like, you know, you've
• 31:05
  helped me grow so much. I don't even think you realize
• 31:08
  it. And it was only because I was
• 31:09
  loving and supportive and I, I never judged him and I, I
• 31:13
  always, I always looked at him and said, I'm not looking at
• 31:16
  your faults, but I want you just to see yourself to be the best
• 31:20
  version of yourself. Don't ever change for me, you
• 31:22
  know, do things that you want to do for your own self and and I
• 31:27
  will always tell him, you know, don't change.
• 31:29
  Just stay who you are, be you are be be happy who you are.
• 31:32
  But umm, I did that session where I told you I was seeing my
• 31:36
  Sissy slave and I just adore him so much.
• 31:39
  But I see pain in his eyes and I see the struggle that he has to
• 31:43
  go through and I think about people like Tony and Justin and
• 31:46
  people that have endured these things from fucking horrible
• 31:49
  parents and that kind of thing. But I said to him as I'm, I've
• 31:53
  had him shackled and handcuffed and everything and his anal hook
• 31:57
  in his ass, you know, I gave him a hug and I told them I was
• 32:00
  like, you know, you were perfect the way you are to me, the way
• 32:03
  you are to yourself. You have to find happiness
• 32:06
  within yourself. And you know, and I think that's
• 32:09
  I think that's what is really important is finding happiness
• 32:12
  and what makes yourself happy. So instead of blaming yourself,
• 32:15
  Tony, for, you know, watching intox videos and doing poppers,
• 32:18
  I mean, it's not like you're snorting cocaine off of a
• 32:21
  hooker's ass and. Even if you weren't, and even if
• 32:24
  you. Were you know, it's like there's
• 32:26
  worse things I. Mean it's not Well, there is
• 32:28
  worse things. Yeah, it's you.
• 32:30
  Yeah. Be OK with you.
• 32:33
  Yes, yes, if you like Snorton and don't let other people tell
• 32:37
  you. I was going to say in
• 32:39
  continuation of my thought, I was basically.
• 32:41
  Like you know what? I mean, you want to.
• 32:45
  Watch that crazy porn and people want to tell you that it's.
• 32:47
  Wrong. In continuation of what I was
• 32:50
  saying, both of you, you got caught up on the porn in the ass
• 32:54
  and the cocaine in the ass and all that with the.
• 32:57
  Clicker but. I'm just saying it's not as if
• 32:59
  he's fucking a hooker with no condom and then taking it back
• 33:03
  home to his wife. Yeah, this doesn't affect his
• 33:06
  wife, right? You know, And if this part makes
• 33:08
  him fucking happy, that's why we have people come to see us,
• 33:12
  because they need this outlet. They need things like this
• 33:15
  because other people aren't going to understand it.
• 33:17
  And personally, we'd be doing, you know, Tony's wife a favor
• 33:20
  who can't deal with this, who doesn't understand it like we
• 33:24
  all can understand the situation.
• 33:26
  So we could do a nice session. You don't need this forever.
• 33:28
  No, you don't. This is not something you keep
• 33:30
  around. You take it with you.
• 33:32
  Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 33:33
  You know what I mean? You get here, you're able to let
• 33:36
  out all these things and then grow with it, and then
• 33:38
  eventually you're like a little butterfly and we let you go.
• 33:43
  And, you know, I was recently told by a submissive he's like,
• 33:46
  you know, I want to be a Sissy because of my mother.
• 33:49
  Don't die. It's because of how she treated
• 33:51
  me. I said, yeah, it is.
• 33:53
  You know, so it's like, does it really matter?
• 33:55
  Doesn't Nope. It.
• 33:56
  Doesn't matter at all. Doesn't matter if it makes you
• 33:58
  happy and that's what you want to do, you'd be the best fucking
• 34:01
  Sissy you want to be. That's it.
• 34:03
  So yeah, gonna go back to your mother on that statement.
• 34:06
  Your mother is jealous because you're fucking awesome mother
• 34:09
  and she sucks. She's a good grandma.
• 34:13
  She's you keep saying. Honestly, there was, there was
• 34:16
  good things. It's not like my my whole
• 34:18
  childhood was trash. She was, she was good at a lot
• 34:21
  of things. Yeah.
• 34:23
  I don't think that she could. She needs something to take care
• 34:26
  of. And she had to make me little in
• 34:28
  order to take care of me because, like, making me feel a
• 34:30
  little like I'm always on, like I have autism.
• 34:33
  It's like, you know, I'm not on the spec.
• 34:34
  But she didn't, she would just be like, oh, she, she can't do
• 34:37
  this because of this. She oh, she's struggling with
• 34:40
  this because of this. Like it was always a reason
• 34:41
  versus hell. So I'm like, I always think
• 34:43
  like, now I have an excuse. I had this little crutch I have
• 34:45
  to take with me and then I have to let it go be like, no,
• 34:47
  nothing's wrong with me. I don't have an issue.
• 34:50
  But yeah, I was really made to feel that way.
• 34:52
  And once I told my sister that, like, I felt like the only way I
• 34:55
  could get attention is if I was like that, That's the way I got
• 34:58
  the attention from. Yeah.
• 34:59
  She would tell our friends about it.
• 35:01
  Jesus Christ. Was she like but like the
• 35:03
  smaller version of the Gypsy scenario?
• 35:06
  No, it's if it is exceptionally small.
• 35:08
  No, I do not think it had. I don't think it had anything.
• 35:11
  Munch Housing. Yeah.
• 35:15
  She attention though, she. Loved doing like projects with
• 35:20
  me and having things like that. I really liked that about her.
• 35:22
  She was really good at doing that.
• 35:23
  And if I wanted something, if I desired something or if I had
• 35:26
  like this, this thing that I liked, like I liked monkeys, she
• 35:29
  would shower me with monkeys until I was sick of it.
• 35:32
  So there were things that were good about her.
• 35:34
  Again, so forgiving. I'm just saying I was speak only
• 35:38
  I'll on her. She was a good person, you know,
• 35:41
  because she wasn't very good at handling things because like how
• 35:44
  her parents work, you know, like how they did it.
• 35:46
  And then she was only going off of what she knew.
• 35:48
  But you know and you know, everything follows through.
• 35:54
  I get what you're saying. You know, that whole pizza can
• 35:57
  be really great, but that one slice that has that Roach on it,
• 35:59
  you know what I'm saying? Like it ruins the whole pizza.
• 36:04
  Yeah, that fucking thing. Like, you know, they.
• 36:06
  Just had pizza for lunch and that was now.
• 36:08
  It's good helping, good helping. Who wants that last slice?
• 36:14
  Sorry, this was a really like deep episode.
• 36:16
  I need some laughter here. I ordered a pizza one time years
• 36:23
  ago and I didn't eat it. It was kind of funny because I
• 36:27
  just wasn't eating pizza at the time.
• 36:29
  And of course it was my ex and he was eating it and I was like,
• 36:33
  he was a horrible person. Just a fucking horrible person.
• 36:36
  He still wants to call and talk to me.
• 36:38
  I am telling you Tony, you're so much better than so much of the
• 36:41
  scum that's in this world and he's one of the those people
• 36:43
  that just won't die like a fucking cockroach.
• 36:46
  But I was looking. I was looking at this box, a
• 36:49
  fucking pizza, and I opened it up and I see a fucking dead
• 36:54
  Roach skeleton baked into the fucking crust and I was like.
• 36:59
  No, you didn't. I don't think that's what they
• 37:01
  meant by stuffed crust. I thought, what are you about to
• 37:04
  say, woman? Please tell me.
• 37:06
  The. 2nd to him, yeah. You.
• 37:09
  Let him eat it. I wasn't going to touch it.
• 37:13
  Fuck him. This is a man that was so
• 37:15
  fucking horrible. He threw my shit out in the
• 37:18
  front yard. I can't tell you how many times
• 37:19
  if I was I was working a double shift mind you, and I would have
• 37:23
  to drive a power to and from. Some people scrub their toilets
• 37:27
  with a toothbrush and give it back to him, so I mean.
• 37:29
  He attempted to do that to me as well.
• 37:31
  I'm just saying like he would. Pillow, I mean, he was, he was
• 37:35
  next level crazy sociopath. I I can't stand him.
• 37:39
  It's so crazy, so fucking crazy. And he and he texts me and tried
• 37:43
  to call me. It was like 3-4 months ago.
• 37:46
  Hey, can't we talk every day now?
• 37:47
  Motherfucker, I divorced you. I don't want you in my life.
• 37:51
  I didn't want to talk to you every day when we were married.
• 37:53
  Well, it makes you think I want to talk to you every day now.
• 37:55
  Exactly, you're like COVID times a. 1000 I don't.
• 37:58
  Want that? No, he's a butt rash.
• 38:01
  Look, you can heal a butt rash. Still keeps coming back if it's
• 38:04
  a fungus. That's right, he's like an
• 38:06
  eternal itchy owl soul. Or a wart because they keep
• 38:09
  coming back too. I got a wart on my finger
• 38:11
  that's. Just a crazy sociopath that
• 38:14
  there's no fixing him. You know your Rd. story.
• 38:17
  Reminded me, and I think I've told you this story, I've
• 38:19
  probably told the podcast, the story, but now that it's
• 38:22
  following your story, it sounds a little bad, but it's always
• 38:25
  been bad. But I'm ready.
• 38:28
  For this let's. Hear it So me and my sister used
• 38:32
  to share a room OK And I was sleeping in her bed for some
• 38:36
  reason and me and her were sleeping right next to each
• 38:38
  other. And I wake up we're all sweaty
• 38:41
  don't know why it's hot in the room.
• 38:42
  I turn over I look at her she has a big old Palmetto bug
• 38:46
  sitting on her face. OK.
• 38:50
  I lean over to her and I say hey hey I'm going to go ahead and go
• 38:54
  back to my bed. I left her there.
• 38:59
  With her face. And once I told her that when I
• 39:02
  was an adult, she. Literally.
• 39:03
  Brings it up every time she has a boyfriend and she says this is
• 39:06
  the sister that left the Roach on my face.
• 39:12
  Oh so you traumatized her for her whole life now?
• 39:15
  Well, it traumatized me. What am I going to do with it?
• 39:18
  One time I smacked her in the face because a mosquito and I
• 39:20
  killed it and she still punched me.
• 39:22
  What am I supposed to do? Fuck her.
• 39:25
  What that Roach fighter? Who knows?
• 39:27
  Roaches don't bite. Well, they're disgusting.
• 39:29
  They are. They're a little bacteria.
• 39:30
  Yeah, they're. Disgusting.
• 39:32
  Lay eggs in your ears. I just don't like when you step
• 39:34
  on them. They crunch.
• 39:36
  Oh, gross. Nice.
• 39:37
  Why didn't? You hear?
• 39:38
  That what the fuck do you? Do it with shoes or or with your
• 39:43
  barefoot with shoes. I'm just saying step.
• 39:45
  It on no Roach in my bare feet. I don't know what type of nasty
• 39:51
  you know. My husband does.
• 39:52
  I swear he's fucking Buddhist. He takes and gets the Roach,
• 39:55
  picks him up and goes and takes him outside.
• 39:57
  With his toes. His toes with paper.
• 40:01
  I'm gonna say I do that too. It's just it's off.
• 40:03
  I had to scrape it off the bottom of my shoe when it's
• 40:05
  outside. No, no, I don't need to do it, I
• 40:08
  will. Just if there was a Roach I
• 40:10
  would get my son to come get it. Now I have a boyfriend and we'll
• 40:13
  probably both be running from the Roach, but look, I might get
• 40:16
  anywhere. We're just not going in that
• 40:19
  room for a while. Oh.
• 40:20
  My God no. I want to see it dead.
• 40:22
  I'm the same way with spiders so it's OK I get.
• 40:24
  It Yeah. OK, so back on point on this.
• 40:27
  Where are we? I don't know.
• 40:29
  OK, Tony. You're great.
• 40:30
  I had enough of a poet live. Never.
• 40:35
  We love you. Forever.
• 40:38
  Yes, Tony, we're all your we're your friends, and we are
• 40:42
  certainly here to listen to anything you want to tell us
• 40:44
  without judgment. Yeah, we will not judge you for
• 40:47
  anything because we've all done some really freaky shit and some
• 40:51
  of us have gotten paid to do some really freaky shit.
• 40:53
  So it's true. Hey, whatever.
• 40:54
  Freaky shit shit, there you go. And I'm very interested in where
• 40:57
  he how this develops. Like said, he started on the,
• 41:00
  the path of self self realization, self examination.
• 41:03
  And I'd, I'd like to know, you know?
• 41:04
  Is he planning to come well? You know, he lives upstate.
• 41:07
  He lives up on the East Coast, so he's not going to come down
• 41:11
  to Florida. But, you know, if you ever
• 41:13
  vacations here, I tell him when I go back up to Connecticut,
• 41:16
  I'll certainly go and visit him. You know, we'll meet up.
• 41:19
  So yeah. What air paths will cross?
• 41:21
  There's nothing but the best for him and you know, keep, keep
• 41:23
  going because you're on the right path.
• 41:24
  Yeah, I told him oh, so long ago that we'd meet at a coffee shop
• 41:27
  and then I would take his coffee cup and I would go and urinate
• 41:30
  it. Excuse me?
• 41:31
  I would take it into the bathroom and urinate in it and
• 41:33
  then bring it back to the table and make him drink it for
• 41:35
  humiliation, degradation. I think that got him hot.
• 41:39
  You need to put it in a see through cup.
• 41:41
  Everybody's gonna think apple juice.
• 41:42
  Oh. Yeah.
• 41:43
  See through cup, make him drink it in front of people.
• 41:46
  Oh. Fuck.
• 41:47
  Yeah. And he would.
• 41:47
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 41:48
  Nice and warm and not cold like regular apple juice.
• 41:52
  Oh yeah. Do.
• 41:54
  You think it's worse if it did, if it was warm or if you had put
• 41:58
  like ice in it, it made it cold I.
• 41:59
  Feel like if it had ice in it, it wouldn't taste that bad
• 42:01
  because first of all it's watering it down.
• 42:03
  Back to Tony. Sorry.
• 42:08
  Yes, the outer I said it I. Tasted urine, but I will say
• 42:11
  that mine is very clear so he'd be lucky to get mine and not
• 42:14
  someone else's because there's a lot of stinky urine out there.
• 42:18
  Sometimes at the end of the day, mine's stinky.
• 42:21
  And I said it, Liz does not want to drink water all the time, so
• 42:24
  we have to. Drink water on my boyfriend's
• 42:26
  foot. It's the goal I have every time
• 42:29
  I get out in the shower and. It kills his athletes feet like.
• 42:32
  Yeah, that's why I do it. I do it for him and choose it,
• 42:35
  you know, I'll be like, like, you gotta roll your eyes a
• 42:37
  little bit just to try to get it out, you know, like that.
• 42:40
  And then you pee and yeah. That's sexy.
• 42:42
  Nice. That's true love right there.
• 42:44
  Wow. OK, well, let's go rub one out
• 42:45
  after that conversation. All right, Tony, we love you.
• 42:48
  You're great. Until then, it's been the latest
• 42:51
  episode of. Call me Mistress.