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Will I Always Be the Other Woman? & My Boss' Flirty Husband · Therapy Thursday with Ellen K

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: And he's a good man. But you know he's marrying
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: and I see this, I see the problem here.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, two kids, Amanda. What if I told you that
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: being in a relationship with you could very well be
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: making his unhappy marriage tolerable.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Woof o. It's therapy Thursday. Three friends gathered round to
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: give therapy because therapy is good for you, and therapy
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: can help you through situations.
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: I'm Ellan Kay, I'm Ryan Mano, and.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: I'm Sarah ash So. Sarah is a licensed therapist. Sarah,
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: you've seen and heard pretty much everything.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: I've heard quite a bit over the years.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: One of the most fun things that I love to
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: do with you, Sarah, is well, pick a restaurant, will
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: go have lunch. Usually if there's a lobster salad on
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: the menu, Sarah will order, and then we'll we'll talk
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: and and you never break patient confidentiality, of course, but
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: there are situations that we'll talk about.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: There are because there are so many common themes that
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: run through life, and it's always interesting, never a dull moment.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: Here's another question I've always wondered from therapists. Do you
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: ever stop sort of sizing people up? You know, when
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: you go through life, you just kind of like that.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: No, I get I could actually get asked that question
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: a lot, and I think there is sort of a
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: switch that turns off. Okay, you're not working, so I'm
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: not constantly analyzing. If somebody asked me a question, then
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: I can go back into that therapist role and kind
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: of become more analytic. But it's not something that happens all.
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I think one of these podcasts you have to analyze, Ryan.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we could do. We could do like a series.
• 1:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah. And by the way, don't think you're off the
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: hook either, Ellen.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: No, I would love to. I would love analysis. I
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: would like to know who and what I am. You
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: know what I mean.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: I would be really fun. I'd love to do.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Aren't we blind to We really are.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Many times we can be We're looking for a validation
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: of what we already think is true. Oh and so
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: we can often have tunnel vision.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: And do we surround ourselves ourselves with people who validate
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: what we think?
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: Absolutely? Yeah, absolutely all the time. That's why it's like
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: an echo chamber. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can create our
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: own echo. That's fascinating, and that's why it can be
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: really hard to open ourselves up to other perspectives.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I'm constantly in the pursuit of blissful happiness. Yeah, and
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: so if something takes me off that track, I think
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I feel it more than the average bear she does
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: I do. I get like I can go into it
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: and just feel like why oh yeah, Like I get
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: so in my head if something negative comes along where
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: it could just be something that can be fixed.
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: And then you know what happens to you as one
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: of Ellen's confidants for a long long time over a decade,
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: I then don't want to downplay it because it means
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: so much to her, of course, but in my brain
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: I want to go, hey, it's no big deal. But
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: if I say that, then it's like, oh, you're not
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: hearing me.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: Is it generally relationally like if you feel someone is
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: upset with you?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Yes? Where Yes, yes totally. That's why I'm a people pleaser.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: I do believe that. But also I didn't grow up
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: that way. I know this is about me. We're going
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: to get to Amanda in a minute, but I was
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: just thinking I'm the fifth out of six kids, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: I was always happy, go lucky and didn't bring drama
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: to the family. I was just always that kid and
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: that made me really happy. Plus I was a swimmer,
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: and so my endorphins are always going anyway. I would
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: like to get to a h Let's get to a medal,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: all right, Amanda, welcome. You are on with Therapy Thursday
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: the podcast and licensed therapist Sarah Dash.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: How are you?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: I'm good? How are you good? Amanda? So Sarah's here
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: for you. You've got a big concern. Does it feel
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: like a weight on your back?
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: It does like a huge weight carrying it around all
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: the time.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Tell Sarah what's going on?
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: All right?
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: So I never thought it would be that woman, but
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: you know, the one waiting for the married man to
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: leave his wife. But here I am two years later,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: and I'm still waiting for Eduardo h two years two
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: years okay to yeah yeah. And he said he's never
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: felt this kind of connection before. He tells me I'm
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: his peace and his best friend and you know, the
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: person who finally understands him. When we're together, it's it
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: feels real. You know. We talk every day and he
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: tells me what's the future with me? The pictures waking
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: up next to me for the rest of his life.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: But then you know, reality sets in and uh like,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: there's always a reason he can't leave. Okay, you know,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: first it was financial, and then the kids are too young,
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: and then his wife was going through a hard time,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: and now it's the housing market and the guilt and
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: the fear of hurting everybody.
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: Okay, Amanda, I'm hearing that. He says some very kind things,
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: some very loving things. But I want you to pay
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: attention to his behavior because behavior is the language that
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: we want to listen to. It's much more informative than words.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, Well, I mean his behavior is he's
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: wonderful when we're together, and he makes time for me
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: in his life. But you know, he has two kids
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: and he's saying he can't imagine not seeing them every
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: single day. And I get that, I really do. I
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: wouldn't want to come between a father and his kids,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: you know. But where does it.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Leave me when when you're with him and he's saying
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: these nice things, Are you usually naked in bed? Is
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: it pre during or after sex? Because I think this
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: is a it is, Yeah, it is.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: It's it's all the time. He's wonderful to me, he
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: really is.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: You do regular things like, you know, go to the
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: movies or dinner or whatever. I know you're hiding the relationship,
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: but do you Are you able to have some normalcy?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: We are, you know, we have to hide it, so
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: we do like secret weekends and it's always a hidden
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: dinner or you know.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: Okay, Amanda.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Have you ever heard in a parking lot? You know?
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: Oh god, okay, that's that's exciting. Have you ever by
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: the side of the room.
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: It's exciting, you.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: Know, right well, and being creative and you know, okay, Amanda.
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: Have you heard of something called intermittent reinforcement?
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: No, okay.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: It's why gambling is addictive. It's because the reward comes
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: unpredictably and inconsistently, and that is a harm out hall
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: mark of an affair. That's what makes it so seductive, exciting, erotic.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: Is you never know when it's going to be good.
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and so when.
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: It is good, it's amazing. It's bad, you remember when
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: it was good, and it keeps you hooked in because
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: you're waiting for that reward to come back around.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: He's a craps table.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, Wardo.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: He sounds swarthy to me. Is he like like you
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: would picture an EDWARDO like this handsome you know, what's like,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: what's his what's his swagger?
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: I mean he's funny, smart, like we talk about who
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: challenges my like perspective on things? It's pretty great, Amanda.
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: Do you have low self esteem? I'm just curious, just
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: just in general, would you define yourself for a.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Discuse a person who has those self esteem? Know they
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: have those self esteem?
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, most people, I would think, I think they do. Yeah, okay,
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: what's your esteem? Like just your self talk?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: It's pretty good. I mean, like I have a good
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: view of myself. That's why I'm here. And I'm like,
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: I'm surprised that i'm this person, you know, because I
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: don't like to be put second. I don't think I
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: should put myself on hold for somebody else. But here
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I am. You know, like, I know I'm worthy of
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: a good man, and he is a good man. But
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: you know he's married, and I see this. I see
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: the problem here.
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  Speaker 3: You know, kids, Amanda, what if I told you that
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: being in a relationship with you could very well be
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: making his unhappy marriage tolerable.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: WHOA, Oh, I don't know, I guess no.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Think about it. Like, yeah, think about it like this,
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: whatever's going on in the marriage, whatever in his by
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: his perception, certain needs aren't being met. You're meeting those needs. Therefore,
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: he really has no reason to leave that marriage. Your
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: availability is making the marriage tolerable. I want you to
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: keep that in mind. And he would actually be more
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: likely to leave his wife if you ended things. Oh
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: my god, that's how I see it.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Well, if she ends things, do you see him coming
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: back to her eventually or is that just going to
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: be the end there and he'll start something with someone
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: else fresh.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: Well, it's possible because he has shown us, you know,
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: by your description, he's showing you how he deals with
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: problems in his marriage. He doesn't work out the problems
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: in the marriage. He seeks support outside the marriage. And
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: I would be concerned if this behavior would show up
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: with you. Should he actually leave his wife?
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, of course, I want to say it wouldn't,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: but I mean that makes a lot of sense, you know,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: I mean I don't want to believe that.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: I'll tell you what.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I have a girlfriend who is in a relationship with
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: a married man. He is set rated physically, same scenario,
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: two or three kids, and so they are always fighting,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: getting back together, fighting, getting ba together. She even once
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: took a restraining order out on him because he was
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: so addicted to her and said, you're the love of
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: my life. And he was coming to wherever she was
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: she travels for work. He would fly to that city.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I mean it was like this.
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: Obsession that's kind of gross.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so she finally she's she's still dabbling, I
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: would say, but he can suck her back in so easily,
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: just with his words. Yeah, and the physicality she said.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: She told me when she started getting intimate with him.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: She said, it was like her whole body woke up.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: Okay, consistency, consistency builds trust. Unpredictability can like create obsession.
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: Oh that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense to me.
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: Hey really quick, Amanda, what are your friends? Do your
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: friends know?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Okay, so he's.
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: What do you think, Sarah?
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: Could he leave? Of course often times people don't. It's
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: impossible to know. It's another question would be can the
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: relationship survive if he's not married. It's part of him
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: being married. We've talked about this before. You know, the
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: transgressive arousal. You know something is very powerful because something's
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: powerful because it's forbidden. Without that taboo, it loses the
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: erotic factor.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: If you didn't have to sneak. Do you think he
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: would be this much of a snack?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so, I mean, but then I'm like,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. I mean, look,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: you know, he's like he should know by now if
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: if he wants me, and if he wants to be
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: with me and I want to be with him, I'm
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: willing to give a go. You know.
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: Are you willing to leave?
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I've pulled him that before, and then
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: he looks me in the eyes and he's like, please,
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: don't give up on us. You know, behavior is language.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: Remember what we said earlier. Behavior is the language you
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: want to listen to, not the pretty words. It's pillow talk.
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: I love. There's a quote I love. I've used this
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: a lot, and maybe you agree or disagree, Sarah, but
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: we encourage what we tolerate, and right now you are
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: encouraging him by tolerating this for two years you're doing.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you have educated him, You've really educated him. He's
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: learned that he doesn't have to.
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: Leave, not at all. Why would he's getting what he
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: wants here, and he has what he has here, there's
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: a safe he's just.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: He's a world has not gotten busted? Like, how for
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: two years with this relationship? How has he not been caught?
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know, We don't. We're really careful, but we
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: almostly kind of just sometime tidy plain sight, you know,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: like oh interesting?
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: Really will you show up at the restaurant where he
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: and his family are?
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: Interesting?
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: No, but like we won't lie about he won't lie
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: about where he's going. He just you know, there's it's
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: we try to lie at least as possible to keep
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: from getting caught.
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: Have you ever come close to threatening to tell his
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: wife or to come out with it?
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: Has it? Has something pissed you off so much that
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: you're like, you know what, F you, I'm gonna I'm
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: gonna tell her.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: No, I wouldn't do that because I I don't want
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, I I know how hurtful this is, but
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to get hurt, you know, like
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I don't want to pause pain every time by doing this.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: The marriage, The marriage is being hurt. She is she
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: is actually she's actually being hurt, whether she knows it
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: or not, that that doesn't make it right.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: I get that, but like I wouldn't go to her
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: and purpose her to get back at Ham or something.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't do.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: What about the kids? Do you ever think of the kids?
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Do you do the kids enter your mind?
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: Do you know the kids?
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I know them, Yeah, I don't like, I just I
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: just know I've met them, like, but not in this contact.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I just know them from the being around the family before.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: This would be an interesting This is what I would
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: ask him as a question if I could, just if
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: I was just like a fly on the wall, I
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: would be like, do you realize that you are doing
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: this to your children? Oh, you're doing it too, yes,
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: your marriage, but you're doing this to your two children.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: It's a betrayal of the family unit, not just the wife.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I agree with that, and so that might put things
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: in a harsh perspective, but that's really the truth. And
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: it just feels like you guys are so sexed up
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: with each other that that reality, like you said, reality,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: I think you even said reality comes roaring in.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it does, it does. I mean it's wonderful being
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: with him, and then reality sets in of all the
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: consequences all you know is he going to be with me?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Is he not going to be with me? What am
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I waiting around for? I am wasting time? You know?
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Well?
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: What I know is that you're putting a lot of
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: energy and a lot of time into a relationship that
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: has not been reality tested.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Right right? Yeah? I agree? I agree?
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Have you ever dated while.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: I'm alone with his family? Well?
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: And that sucks to go to bed every night knowing that,
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: right that he where's he? Where's he sleeping? He's in
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: bed with his wife.
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: If you knew that he was not going to leave
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: his wife for five years, would you stay?
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think so. No, not for five years?
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: All right, because that's likely what's going to happen, because
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: I keep hearing excuse after excuse after excuse. There's no
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: plan in place?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Right, you should know by now if he wants to
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: be with me or no.
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: You know, you should know now whether you want to
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: be with him.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, I'm going to ask you one more question.
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: Did this when you guys began this was was he
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: already Did he come into this with you with a
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: as far as you know, a desire to no longer
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: be married to her?
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: Was the marriage kind of unraveling and then you showed
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: up or did you showing up unravel the marriage?
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a good, good question.
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: I like it.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: I think there were some problems, but nothing that couldn't,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: you know, be fixed. I guess it wasn't like ending.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: You know, it wasn't great, but it wasn't ending.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Did you how did you meet Eduardo?
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I met him through work.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, is he okay?
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: We'll leave it there.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you, Yeah.
• 16:57
  Speaker 4: Okay, what are you going to do? What are you
• 17:00
  Speaker 4: going to do? Man, if you if you had to
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: make a decision today, a decision you could not go
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: back on.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: My heart spells me to stay, and my gut tells
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: me to go, and if he really wants me, then
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: he will leave his life and come get me. And
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: like you said, okay, try to think.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: Try to think about what you want, not what you
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: hope he's going to write.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: What do I want him? But I want a life.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be the side piece forever on
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: the side.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Of the road.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Right, As exciting as that may be.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Sarah likes it, I don't know.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, look, having the experience of my friend who
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: has been in this same movie, you will stay as
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: long as humanly possible, and that this way, and I
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: believe that this is why my friend is still in
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: You don't have to think about other people and date
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: other guys because you know what you're getting with the
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: married man.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: It's true. I would encourage you to think about what
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: being with an unavailable partner actually serves you. How does
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: that serve you? I should say, And that's that's a
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: bigger question, and that's a longer, you know, discussion, but
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: it is something to consider. It's like, how does this
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: work for you rather than against you? Because maybe that'll
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: give you some insight as to why you continue to
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: tolerate this uncertainty.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's almost like it's safer, you know, because I
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: know what I'm getting. I know what the boundaries are.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just think of what you could be missing out on.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Right, it's risky out there, but.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: It could be wonderful.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I think it's risky in there.
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's risky on the.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: It's risky on the side of the roads, no matter
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: how exciting.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Okay, Well, so Amanda, have I mean, like,
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: do you feel like you've made any progress on this podcast?
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I really do. Like You've given me a lot to
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: think about in a lot of insight, and I don't
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: have to make a decision what's best for me and
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: not for him.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: Sarah.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: You probably, I know you've seen this probably multiple times.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, many times. What's the key, the key to getting
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: out of it or the key to finding her?
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: Hat? I guess Yeah, I guess he's not getting out
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: of it. That's what we've determined. Right.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: This is great for him, think about it. This is great. Yeah,
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: this situation works beautifully for him.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: That reminds me so the guy with my friend, the
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: married guy. You know what he said, I have such
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: I have love at home and I've got love with you.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: Have so much love in my life.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Ah.
• 19:58
  Speaker 4: Yes, Okay, a.
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: Corner co of abundance of life taking and.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Both women are allowing it. I'm sure the wife they're
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: separated physically. I'm sure the wife knows well. He's out
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: there doing stuff.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he's got the best of both worlds.
• 20:16
  Speaker 4: It's great for him.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: It's maddening, it is.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Wow, Amanda, you are actually making it easy for him
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: to stay married. I know it doesn't feel like that
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: you're making this easy.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Trust Sarah, she's seen this so many times.
• 20:36
  Speaker 4: You know, I'm looking at your name, Amanda, and I'm
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: just it's it's coming to me right now. He's a man.
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: All right, good luck out there?
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, well please let us know.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I will thank you. Bye, Amanda, Sorry bye.
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: What do we think now that she's off the line. Yeah, yeah, no,
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: you're good. What do we think just with her? Not yet?
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: I think she really doesn't want to leave. I think
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: she does believe that he is her true love, and
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: I don't think she can possibly know whether he is
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: a true love because the relationship has not been reality tested.
• 21:19
  Speaker 4: Is there a chance that he is, though? Is there
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: a chance that he's actually like, holy shit, I love
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: her absolutely?
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a chance. I don't want to discount that as.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: In the movie. Sometimes yeah, and.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: It can happen in real life. But okay, I was
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: talking about the intermittent reinforcement and the gambling. Yeah, every
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: once in a while you could hit a jackpart.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: Have you had clients that have hit the jackpot with
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: an affair.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: I'd have to think long and hard to find one.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so it's that a frequency. No. Now we
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: got Savannah who wrote to us so you can get
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: a hold of us multiple ways. Hit us up on
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: the top button on iHeart. You can also write to us,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: call us whatever it is. This is a Savannah, she says.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: I report your female boss, who happens to have a
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: very handsome, confident husband. He's like Don Draper mixed with
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Richard Gear Silver Fox kind of stuff. At our company
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: anniversary party a few months ago, her husband was really
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: friendly and chatty with me, and I was just being
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: polite by engaging in the innocent, slightly flirty conversation. I'm single.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I don't like bringing a plus one to company functions,
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: but this was the first one he attended, and he
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: was giving me lots of attention. He was laughing and
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: telling me funny stories about tennis with his buddies, and
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: then he told me I look great, and the wife
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: heard him say it. All right, So now, and now
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: everything has gone cold at work, she said. That's the
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: very moment things between she and I turned icy cold.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Cold shoulder Shorty responses the whole thing last week. Turned
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: in an important report to senior leadership a full week late.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: She's the one who verbally gave me the deadline. Okay,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: so there's sabotage here, setting her up, setting her up.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Do I bring it up? We both know what's happening.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Savannah, Okay, I have an idea about what I think
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: about this, but I'm going to ask the two of
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: you first. Does she bring it up or not?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: Of course she brings it up, she puts it right
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: out there on the table.
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: I also would say, yes, you have to confront.
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: It, and I would say absolutely not. You're now and
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: I'll tell you why. Do I really want to tell
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: you why?
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I want to know.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: I want to tell you why. It's it's let this go,
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: Let this go. Take a step back, slightly more boundaried.
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: Document everything. Somebody says reports to Friday. Send a text
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: or an email just to confirm reports you Friday, create
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: a paper trail. You want to document things, but don't.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: This is not a conversation. It's going to be helpful.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: I don't think.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: What do you think would happen if there were a conversation.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: I think you're going to create a situation that's even
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: more awkward and tense. You're going to bring it to
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: the forefront, and usually I would I am very much
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: about direct communication and transparency, but in this situation, I
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: really believe it's unwise. Okay, what the best settle?
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: But it's clear that this boss is already now on
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: somewhat of a war path, you know. So what's your
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: advice to think.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: She thinks the boss is on the war path?
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: Okay?
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: Don't want to presume that something is an action that
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: you can't be certain of, especially when you're dealing with
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: the boss.
• 24:48
  Speaker 4: That's fascinating. I think that that's really healthy advice right there.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: I mean, we do project things, Yeah, we do. Maybe
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: she did miss hear something, and I'm not doubting her reality.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: I don't think she's being dishonest, but maybe she feels
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: uncomfortable about something that happened, and so she's perceiving that
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: the boss is doing these things when in fact she
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: may not be. That's why you don't want to bring
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: up something like that.
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: Okay, So is it then possible that maybe even the
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: husband wasn't flirting with her? Right? Like? Did she misread that? Even?
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: Good question? It's interesting because she describes him in terms
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: that makes me think she was quite attractive.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Attracted him one hundred percent. Try a silver fox kind
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: of stuff. Don draper mixed with Richard gear and then
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: she puts, he was giving me lots of attention. It's
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: all caps, lots of attention.
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: But Ellen, that could have just been her perception.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: She was I'm telling you as a woman, she liked it.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: I think she liked the attention.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: I think I think it felt good. And don't flirt
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: with other women's husbands, especially if they are your boss.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: That is a very unwise decision.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: It sounds like she lingered. She could have said excuse me,
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: She could have made up anything to get away from him,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: and then he has to go and say you look great,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: and the boss wife hears him say, guys.
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: We don't know the context of that conversation. She may
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: have said, oh, yeah, I'm down thirty six pounds. I've
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: been doing you know, pilates, right, and he goes, oh
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: you look great.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, yeah, very innocent, very true. Yeah. But the
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: way that this wife reacted, I feel like maybe there
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: could be cheating history with this couple, and maybe the
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: wife has her radar on. They're at a work event.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: It's the first one he's attended. Here's Savannah, she has
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: no plus one, and she sees some giggling and laughing
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: and engagement. So with her background with this guy, she's like,
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: oh my god, he's strayed before I got to get
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: over there. And then there he is giving her the evidence.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: And that is a great point because maybe she is
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: actually very angry with her husband. Yes, but it's an
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: opportunity to kind of discharge that anger by placing it
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: on the subordinate.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: She filled in a lot of gaps there. Really that
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: you filled in a lot of holes.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, but she put the grenade on Savannah when really
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: maybe it's intended for her husband, mister Don Draper, Yeah,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Richard gear guy. Okay, well do you think these are
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: fictitious holes?
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: I just think we need more information. I think that
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: let's just again go to that you look great thing,
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: like I said you maybe she said I lost it.
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: There's a difference between yeah, you look great or you
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: look great? Okay, bit different, right, So how was it
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: we need to know?
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: Well, because of the wife's automatic icy behavior, I believe
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: that it was a flirtatious. Savannah even said he was flirting,
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: that he was flirtatious. So I think when he says
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: you look great, he was probably flirting.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: Okay, and again.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: We are relying on her perception. But for the sake
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: of argument, let's just say her perceptions are at say everything. Yeah,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: she's saving it accurately, we're seeing workplace retaliation. How do
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: you deal with it?
• 28:09
  Speaker 4: So is there like an internal way to deal with it?
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: Could she then go, you know, to HR and go listen,
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: this thing got a little like dicey at the party.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: She could. I would take that step.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: Yet, I think that's pretty extreme. I mean, yeah, you're
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: at a party and then now okay, yeah, your boss
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: sabotaged you on a deadline and things are icy cold.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: But Hr, I don't know.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: I just stay calm, professional document things, start putting it
• 28:38
  Speaker 3: in writing slightly more boundaried. Give it some time to
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: play out before you do anything like that.
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know, I think that.
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: And don't flirt with your boss's.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think he's I think he's a cheater.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: No, and he could be.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I just think to have that instant of reaction.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, jealousy is a strange thing. Yes, I think
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: jealousy actually gets a really really bad name.
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: Wait, explain that. What do you mean?
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: Because I believe there's such a thing as healthy jealousy. Oh,
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: I think it tells us what matters. Oh, it's certainly
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: very primal.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Ryan says he never feels jealousy.
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: I really don't. I'm pretty confident that.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: You are the one who suggested tracking each other. Why
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: for safe, for you can see where she is at
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: all time?
• 29:31
  Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, no, no, it's not that at all. It's
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: because we both lead very busy lives. We don't always
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: get a chance to check in or talk. You know,
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: she's got kids, I don't know. Anti tracking know it's
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: it's a good thing when we can't communicate, it's fine.
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: I don't track for jealousy's sake at all at all.
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: And I think it's weird you've never felt jealousy.
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: Because I'm so calm and I always feel like it's
• 29:54
  Speaker 4: like that let them philosophy. If someone's not going to
• 29:57
  Speaker 4: do you right, let them, that's it. I'm not going
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: to live my life in this like, oh God, where
• 30:01
  Speaker 4: are you? What are you doing? What's wrong? I hate that?
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: I don't think and I don't think there's anything wrong
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: with that. I think if you ever do feel jealous also,
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: that's not a horrible thing.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: I here I turned my jealousy into humor, Like, there's
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: this there's this guy. He's a florist and he's always
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: trying to send her flowers and stuff. Okay, it's it's
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: it's weird, right, but I like mock him in a
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: funny way. I don't I'm not threatened by the florist, right,
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: but I will. I will say.
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: Things like like, you know, did Dan send you tho?
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: I'll just make you know, I'll just make jokes about it.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: A lot of flowers.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: No, Like, you know, there was a move recently. He's like,
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: can I get your new address? And I was like,
• 30:37
  Speaker 4: please do not give this creepy your new address. Right,
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: it's weird. Yeah, Like, you know, I don't want that.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: One time there was a guy at a party that
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: was kind of chatting me up and stuff, and my
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: husband saw it, came over and I was just innocently.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: I didn't even really realize there was a flirt going
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: on on his part, right, And then we talked about
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: it when we got home. I said, hey, like, what
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: is he like hitting on me hard?
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: Or was he?
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: And my husband said, look, I don't know, but I'm
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: going to tell you if he was. I would have
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: taken him out. Yeah, yeah, I would have punched him
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: in the face.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: Yea.
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: And I loved that, Yeah, I loved that he was
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: like chivalrous. Yes, it made me feel really good, like, oh,
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: he really like he cares so much that he could
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: get a little jealous.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: I think I completely understand that. I think that it
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: makes a lot of sense. Again, jealousy tells us what matters.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: There's a difference when it turns into toxic jealousy. And
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: that's that would be when I'm trying to control you, oh.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: In order to feel safe.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: And I see that because even in this situation with
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: the florist, not to go back to this weirdo, but
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: uh like when I go on a little rant about
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: how ridiculous it is, she she'll tell me like that
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: kind of turns me on. When you when you when.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: You sound a little bit jealous of the flora, you.
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: Guys, I'm I'm not jealous of the flora.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: What's his name?
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: I don't want to say his name. Tray his trust.
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, you can be vulnerable, you can tell us.
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: No, I don't think he actually does. His name's in
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: the Instagram.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, have multiple locations.
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: No, it's just one.
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: Here's here's what does like irritate me a little, but
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: it's so bizarrely creepy.
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: At one point years ago, this was during the pandemic.
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: So he's been like he's had this whole like.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: This has gone for years, you guys.
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: He mailed her a catwoman leather suit and asked if
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: she would wear this in a video like he has.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: He said, this is obsession.
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: It's weird. I'm not jealous of it, but I'm just
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: like you.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: She could put that suit on and make money on OnlyFans.
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: I think she did, No, Ryan, Yeah, I don't know.
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: At one point, yeah, a little stalker. No No, No, No,
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: she didn't.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I saw her in a cat suit.
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: Okay, I mean then that was the cat suit that
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: this guy sent.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: Does she think it's like all car ish?
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: Now? She does cat suits?
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Odd?
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And so when I'm like, oh, is this this guy?
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: So I'll make jokes and then she's like you know what,
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: it kind of turns me out when you get when
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: you feel when you act like that.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Do you think you know the whole truth about the floor?
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: You do?
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: No?
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: I do you don't think that there.
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: Was No, No, I know the whole I know the
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: whole truth I do, and I'm not jealous. I just like,
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: I just think it's sad. It's like, move on, bro.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I think they had a thing.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: God, you're such a stir you just can't. You can't
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: resist because they're weird.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: That's that's fascinating.
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: And I don't want him having because I live there now,
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: I lived. I'm like, they're five days a week. I
• 33:44
  Speaker 4: don't want him having my address.
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: You don't want him sending you a cat?
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: No, But don't we get what we're receptive to? Meaning
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: if I was being flirted with at a bar or
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: a party, Am I not presenting myself as open to that?
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: Uh huh? Right? And I'm not saying she didn't at
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: one point, That's what I mean. Yeah, at one point.
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: That was six seven years ago. Now it's like, Okay,
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: we don't. We've got to we gotta get rid of
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: the floorst Okay.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: Has she ever requested that the flores cease and desist
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: from all context?
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: No, she's stopped responding though.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but she's got to be honest. She has to say,
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: my new boyfriend is really jealous and he knows about
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: the cat suit.
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: I had a weak.
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: Moment and he's disgusted by the cats. I can't, Bryan,
• 34:36
  Speaker 3: this is so funny, this is hysterical.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: So what does Savannah do? Guys, I don't know. Let's
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: wrap it up.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Was she talking about.
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: I took us off?
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: No, it's I agree document take a step back, slightly
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: more boundaried, and be more mindful in the future.