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Why Healing Requires Community with Dr. Joe Tudman · Just Heal with Dr Jay

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  Speaker 1: Welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J, a production of
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  Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: another episode Just Heal with Doctor J. And I am
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  Speaker 1: your host, Doctor J. Barnett. Listen, some of y'all have
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  Speaker 1: been eavesdropping in this healing community, and I want to
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  Speaker 1: encourage you stop eavedropping. Man, go ahead and subscribe and
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: join this healing community by subscribing to Just Heal Doctor J.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: And you could also listen audibly on Spotify, the Black
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Effect Podcast Network, and on iHeart or anywhere you listen
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  Speaker 1: to podcasts. We are doing some amazing things in this
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  Speaker 1: healing community. And you know, my goal is to bring
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  Speaker 1: conversations that's going to bring enlightenment where individuals are sharing
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  Speaker 1: their journey and also sharing their life. You know, I
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  Speaker 1: think it's important that we share our life and pieces
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  Speaker 1: of our life to encourage others to begin healing, going
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  Speaker 1: to therapy, going to coaching, seeking counseling, whatever that looks
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  Speaker 1: like for you. So today I am honored to have
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  Speaker 1: the original good Brother with me. Listen. I've been waiting
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  Speaker 1: on this episode, man, for a long time. We have
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  Speaker 1: been talking about doing it, but I now I think
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  Speaker 1: The timing of it couldn't be more perfect because my brother,
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  Speaker 1: my best friend, got a new book coming out. Listen
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  Speaker 1: the fight to find yourself, bringing to the stage, bringing
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  Speaker 1: to our healing community, the incomparable, the magnetic, the powerful, strong.
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  Speaker 1: The brother can sing, the brother can preach, the brother
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  Speaker 1: can prophesy. As they said in coming to a marriage,
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  Speaker 1: what don't he do, You're about to make me say,
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  Speaker 1: coming to a brother? He terrible the baby. The man
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  Speaker 1: got his own money, got his own money. Man. Welcome man,
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  Speaker 1: doctor Joe Tuckman, my good brother. Man a man, I'm good.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you so beautiful to see you do your element
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  Speaker 1: and so many different facets. So first, before I say anything,
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  Speaker 1: I just want to thank God for you. I want
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  Speaker 1: to thank God for our friendship and to see you
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  Speaker 1: do your thing in so many different ways. It's so encouraging.
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  Speaker 1: So man, I want to say to you, I love you,
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  Speaker 1: I thank God for you, thank God for who you are.
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  Speaker 1: The boy got his own money. The boy got his
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  Speaker 1: own he got his own money. Yees, sir, man, It's beautiful. Man,
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  Speaker 1: do you think? Man? Man? Listen, brother, I mean you
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  Speaker 1: know how I feel about you. Man. I love you
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  Speaker 1: to the moon. And back. Man, I am so proud
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  Speaker 1: of you man. To see this book, to see the
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  Speaker 1: work and the ministry that God is allowing you to
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  Speaker 1: live out in real time. It just blows me away
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  Speaker 1: because I often think back to my friend Nicole when
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  Speaker 1: she first sent me your video you preach it, and
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  Speaker 1: she was like, hey, I found your spirit animal. She's like,
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  Speaker 1: you gotta go listen. We're gonna be real now. This
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  Speaker 1: is the good doctor and the good Bishop, but we're
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  Speaker 1: going be real today. My friend the Cole was like
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  Speaker 1: this Nigga's a beast. Just cur She's like, Jay, you
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  Speaker 1: gotta go watch it. So she sent me your video
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  Speaker 1: and I, you know, started going down this rabbit hole.
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  Speaker 1: And I saw you in the in the in the
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  Speaker 1: gym with the boys at Open Home the State, and man,
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  Speaker 1: I was listening to you. Man, that's when you walking
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  Speaker 1: over pew. Walking over pew was back then, man high stepped. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I said, Man, this brother is me and man, it's
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  Speaker 1: just been such a blessing to see God grow our
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  Speaker 1: friendship and just to see God grow us, you know,
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  Speaker 1: collectively as individuals. Man, I want to say this because
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  Speaker 1: I know you. I know he's the host, but we
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  Speaker 1: haven't say. I was at a service not long ago,
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  Speaker 1: and then the you know, you don't have everybody getrough preaching.
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  Speaker 1: They want to have a late night dinner, and that
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  Speaker 1: dinner was actually healthy. But I was sitting in the room,
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  Speaker 1: and all of the preachers have their friends. Now I
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  Speaker 1: knew the people in the room. I didn't have anything
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  Speaker 1: against anybody. Some of those guys are very good associates
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  Speaker 1: of mine. But I didn't have like a dog in
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  Speaker 1: the room, you know what I mean. So when I
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  Speaker 1: was just looking around the room, I said, man, none
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  Speaker 1: of my guys are pastors. And I sat back and
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  Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I said, man, I'm so
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  Speaker 1: blessed that they're not, because there's no competitive no competition,
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  Speaker 1: there's no this is what I got, this is what
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  Speaker 1: you got. We're so different, but yet we're so like.
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  Speaker 1: You're in a completely different feel You are the man
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  Speaker 1: of your field. And you know, we got some other
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  Speaker 1: guys that we run with that are the men in
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  Speaker 1: their fields. And I was sitting in the room, I
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  Speaker 1: was like, man, I wish Jay was here, you know,
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  Speaker 1: But at the same time, I'm like, I'm glad he's
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  Speaker 1: not here because he's killing it. Where he is. He
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  Speaker 1: in New York, he in Washington, he in Baltimore, he's
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  Speaker 1: in the Bahamas, he's in DC. I mean constantly. But
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  Speaker 1: I was just blessed to know that I have a boy,
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  Speaker 1: I have a homie that's doing this thing in a
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  Speaker 1: completely different field. Be for a second almost fell like, dang, man,
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  Speaker 1: I need a homie. But then I thought about, man,
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  Speaker 1: I got a dog. Yeah, I got it. Though he
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  Speaker 1: ain't no preaching, but the reality of it is, he
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  Speaker 1: is a preacher. If you've been to any of his sessions,
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  Speaker 1: you're gonna get prophesied too. Before it's over. He gonna
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  Speaker 1: lay hands on You're gonna put that good brother hand
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  Speaker 1: on you before it's over. But I thank God for
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  Speaker 1: our friendship. It is unique and it's powerful, and I
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  Speaker 1: thank God for it. Man. I wanted to bring it
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  Speaker 1: up because you were talking about friendship and I just
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  Speaker 1: thank God for a friendship. God, I thank God for it.
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  Speaker 1: You can kind of go into that j T because
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  Speaker 1: you weren't open to friendship zero and so zero I
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  Speaker 1: wasn't open to it. Had as an older guy, friendship
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  Speaker 1: went south that I had for twenty plus years. So
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  Speaker 1: I just wasn't open to being hurt again and not
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  Speaker 1: so much being hurt again starting all over again, the
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  Speaker 1: work that it takes to build something like that. I
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  Speaker 1: just wasn't open for that. But I knew months later
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  Speaker 1: that God sent you because you never left, like you
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  Speaker 1: never walked away. You kept saying, mar I, gon'll be here.
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  Speaker 1: Bro I disappeared on you like three or four times.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, you know, but the dude never left,
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  Speaker 1: So I knew it was a God assignment. And so, brothers,
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  Speaker 1: if you are struggling with friendship, and not just brothers, women,
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  Speaker 1: if you're struggling with friendship and you're older, give it
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  Speaker 1: a shot. It's gonna feel uncomfortable. It's not gonna feel normal.
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  Speaker 1: You're gonna feel like you're betraying your own borders, your
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  Speaker 1: own rules of engagement. But it's okay because I remember
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  Speaker 1: when we were on a session, and in that session,
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  Speaker 1: you asked the audience, how does it feel if you're
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  Speaker 1: choosing to be a certain way? How does it feel
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  Speaker 1: to be that way? Being lonely don't feel good. Being
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  Speaker 1: by yourself don't feel good. And you may think that
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  Speaker 1: you're protecting yourself, You're not protecting yourself. You're alone, and
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  Speaker 1: you're isolated, and you're only as good as your own
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  Speaker 1: arms and your own two hands and your own two eyes.
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  Speaker 1: But where you can get a good brother, a good
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  Speaker 1: sister in your life that actually cares, And let me
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  Speaker 1: tell you something is going to take you dropping your
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  Speaker 1: arms to find out if somebody cares about you. You
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  Speaker 1: can't have the knife and the shield in your hand
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  Speaker 1: and think somebody's going to care about you, because you
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  Speaker 1: owe that person is trying to be a friend to you.
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  Speaker 1: You owe them the respect and the honor to let
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  Speaker 1: them show you. And if you keep your defenses up
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  Speaker 1: the entire time, you're going to eventually run away who
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  Speaker 1: God sent to protect you and sent there to not
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  Speaker 1: just protect you, to befriend you, to relate to you.
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  Speaker 1: And man, that's what you've been. You've been that down
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  Speaker 1: through the year, and I mean through the years, and
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  Speaker 1: I wouldn't change it for nothing. I thank God for you, man,
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  Speaker 1: and I pray that I could be to you what
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  Speaker 1: you've been to me. And you have, bro you've been.
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  Speaker 1: You've been an example as a father, as a husband,
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  Speaker 1: as a man, as an oracle. You've just been a
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  Speaker 1: great example. But what I respect about you Jay, You're
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  Speaker 1: so real. Me and Kirk was talking about this and
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  Speaker 1: we were talking about, you know, just real brothers. And
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  Speaker 1: I told Kirk, I said, man, what I love about
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  Speaker 1: j T. As annoying it as he is and as
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  Speaker 1: powerful as he's a real brother, He's a brother's brother.
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  Speaker 1: And that's what I have really embraced and love that
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  Speaker 1: you've been able because you've been the big brother that
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  Speaker 1: I needed. You've been the big brother that has provided perspective,
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  Speaker 1: you know, expanded even my thinking, expanding even my understanding
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  Speaker 1: and things. I think some of my greatest memory is
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  Speaker 1: walking on a treadmill and you preaching a message. This
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  Speaker 1: is how we used to walm up before we work out.
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  Speaker 1: He will he will walk through his sermon and just
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  Speaker 1: to you know, just the way your brain works and
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  Speaker 1: just the way God allows you to dissect that word
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  Speaker 1: and to really break it down, and I would just
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  Speaker 1: be in awe. And also we're able to talk about
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  Speaker 1: life everything, but talking about life piece is kind of
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  Speaker 1: help me process the book. That's actually in the book.
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  Speaker 1: When we start talking about the fight to find Yourself,
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  Speaker 1: I talk about relationships, and I talk about our relationship
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  Speaker 1: having someone in your life that can actually help course
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  Speaker 1: correct you, that can actually be honest with you, that
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  Speaker 1: you can actually be safe with, help you process, help you,
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  Speaker 1: help you strip stinking thinking, but also have the potency
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  Speaker 1: of thought and the potency of mind, the nimbleness of
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  Speaker 1: the mind to be able to pour back into you.
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  Speaker 1: Because I've always been the poorer. And so it's not
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  Speaker 1: like that in our relationship that I can call you
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  Speaker 1: and you're going to pour. I can call you, I'm
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  Speaker 1: going to pour. It's not a one sided relationship. And
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  Speaker 1: in the fight to find myself, our relationship is one
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  Speaker 1: of the chapters making sure that you have someone in
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  Speaker 1: your life that you can actually bounce life off of,
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  Speaker 1: because life is crazy, man, and you've got to have
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  Speaker 1: somebody in your life that can help you see right,
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  Speaker 1: especially when you used to seeing wrong. Man, somebody in
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  Speaker 1: your life to help you to see right when you
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  Speaker 1: are accustomed to see to see and wrong. Man, I
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  Speaker 1: y'all got to see the brother is already cooking. Man.
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  Speaker 1: When you think about this book and think about the
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  Speaker 1: last five years of your life, what was that? And
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  Speaker 1: I didn't know that? That is so layered and so convoluted,
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  Speaker 1: But what comes to your mind just to think about
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  Speaker 1: what did you have to give up to find yourself.
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  Speaker 1: Let me sum it up like this. I was a
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  Speaker 1: performer and when I and I don't want you to
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  Speaker 1: take the word performer and try to use pretender, it's
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  Speaker 1: not the same thing. My performance defined me. How well
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  Speaker 1: I did on stage, how well I did in any boardroom,
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  Speaker 1: how well I did and any type of previous books
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  Speaker 1: in school. The performance is what defined me. And so
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  Speaker 1: when COVID hit, everybody's performance stopped and you had to
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  Speaker 1: redefine or equip yourself to make sure that you could
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  Speaker 1: stay out there. COVID was tough for me. COVID was
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  Speaker 1: tough for a lot of people, and so I couldn't
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  Speaker 1: perform like I normally perform. And when I couldn't perform,
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  Speaker 1: I felt like I was losing my mind. And it
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  Speaker 1: was at that moment that I realized, Hey, I don't
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  Speaker 1: know myself outside of performing. And so since I didn't
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  Speaker 1: know myself outside of performing, man, I started losing it.
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  Speaker 1: I started eating crazy. All of my relationships went to shambles.
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  Speaker 1: How I processed thought went to shambles. I lost my
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  Speaker 1: son maybe a year later, and I lost my father.
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  Speaker 1: So this avalanche of emotions that I had never acquainted
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  Speaker 1: myself with. Those things were all foreign to me. So
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  Speaker 1: now I don't know myself I got. I have an
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  Speaker 1: avalanche of emotions that I don't even know how to
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  Speaker 1: even describe. I can't paint. The only emotion that I
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: was good with and I didn't handle it well, So
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: that's an oxymoron. I just knew it better than others
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  Speaker 1: was anger. The rest nothing had no words to understand me.
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  Speaker 1: But at the same time, when I moved right after COVID,
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  Speaker 1: I'm starting to rise back in my performance again because
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  Speaker 1: I made this big shift. So my performance goes back up,
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  Speaker 1: but the knowledge of self, it never rises. It takes
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  Speaker 1: a back seat. So all of these years, I'm winning
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  Speaker 1: on stage, but I'm dying as a man. I'm dying
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  Speaker 1: as a son, dying as a father, dying as a friend.
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  Speaker 1: Everything about me was going in the opposite direction while
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  Speaker 1: the stage was taken off. Some people will call it fake.
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  Speaker 1: It was me not knowing myself, and it was me
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  Speaker 1: not being able to process. How do you win and
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  Speaker 1: lose at the same time? And who can you tell
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  Speaker 1: that to without them judging you? Who can you tell
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  Speaker 1: I'm losing? But you're teaching in front of thousands of people.
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  Speaker 1: You're going across the country. I got other books. I'm
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  Speaker 1: selling books, I'm selling product, I'm going around the world.
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  Speaker 1: But I'm losing as a man. I lost as a father,
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  Speaker 1: I lost as a son, lost as a spouse, lost
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  Speaker 1: as a friend, but winning on stage. And on Wednesday night,
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  Speaker 1: Bishop Jakes talked about sortship and in the middle of
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  Speaker 1: the conversation, we was all trying to be real proper,
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  Speaker 1: he said, stop that, and man, I just blurted out
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  Speaker 1: to now. I said, Man, I don't know who I
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  Speaker 1: am at the age of forty I think it was
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: forty four. And I said, remember that night Washington, I said,
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  Speaker 1: I don't know who I am. Tears came down my eyes, man,
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  Speaker 1: and I was just like, I'm tired of this feeling.
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  Speaker 1: I'm tired of the performance, and I'm tired of not
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  Speaker 1: being able to just be me. Well, who is me?
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  Speaker 1: Is it my father that I don't know me? Is
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  Speaker 1: it my daddy's father. I'm too old to say that.
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  Speaker 1: So I had to do the hard work of getting
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  Speaker 1: to know me, and that was hard and it was brutal.
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  Speaker 1: Where did you start therapy? I went to therapy. I
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  Speaker 1: went to therapy. I would say therapy is the second level.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna say therapy. It actually started when
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  Speaker 1: you invited me to be a part of your tour.
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  Speaker 1: Because when you invited me to be a part of
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: your tour, if you remember, I didn't even talk to
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  Speaker 1: y'all on the trip. I was still on the back
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  Speaker 1: row of the bus and just I needed to know
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  Speaker 1: the script. Hey, what am I supposed to do? How
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  Speaker 1: am I supposed to do it? And I stayed away
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  Speaker 1: from them. I would laugh at certain jokes, but I
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: stayed away from y'all. But I was still thankful that
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  Speaker 1: you allowed me to come. But it was difficult for
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  Speaker 1: me to process, and as we went further, I got looser.
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  Speaker 1: But all of that became therapeutic that allowed me to
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  Speaker 1: get closer to you individually and then which made me
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: embrace therapily collectively holistically. Isn't bad. But it was a
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: lot of hard work, man, It was a lot of
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: hard work. And I'm glad I did it. I'm glad
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  Speaker 1: I did. I remember you telling me that this should
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  Speaker 1: wanted you to go. He wanted me to go. He
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  Speaker 1: told me that he said, you let us see the
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  Speaker 1: big old man, he said, but we need to see
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  Speaker 1: the boy. Wow, we need to see the boy, he said.
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  Speaker 1: The big old man ain't he ain't touching nobody. The
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  Speaker 1: big old man on stage ain't touching nobody. The little
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  Speaker 1: boys is gonna touch people if you get them to speak.
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  Speaker 1: But you got to let that little boy out, he said.
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  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. And that's scary. And I
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  Speaker 1: went to counseling and in therapy, it's in this book.
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  Speaker 1: In therapy, the woman says to me, Joel, where's Joel at?
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  Speaker 1: And I'm like about my daughter. She says, no, you
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  Speaker 1: tell me. Close your eyes and tell me where where
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  Speaker 1: Joel is? And I was like, I'm right here. She says, no,
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  Speaker 1: I want you to go back in your mind and
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  Speaker 1: your childhood and tell me whereas Joel and I saw
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  Speaker 1: him man trembling in a tree. And I tell the
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  Speaker 1: story and the book. I'm not gonna tell you because
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  Speaker 1: that's some crazy stuff happened to me that I had suppressed,
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  Speaker 1: that I didn't even know. I didn't remember because I
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: had dunked so much stuff on top of it that
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  Speaker 1: I didn't want to remember it. And that's a part
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  Speaker 1: of the hard work of healing, because healing is a
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  Speaker 1: dirty business man. And I know it sounds good at
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  Speaker 1: church when you can get the supernatural miracle, praise God
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  Speaker 1: for it, you know, but all of us don't get
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  Speaker 1: it that way. Some of us got to go dig
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  Speaker 1: for it. And I had to dig past a whole
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  Speaker 1: lot of stuff, and I uncovered some stuff that I
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  Speaker 1: didn't want to see, but I needed to see it
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  Speaker 1: so that I could find myself. Oh, you're making me
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  Speaker 1: get nervous that we just gonna let that breathe Listen,
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  Speaker 1: we probably gonna have a couple of card terror moments
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  Speaker 1: in this episode. Already know I won't let that just
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  Speaker 1: settle or just rest because you just that That's another book.
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  Speaker 1: Healing is a dirty business. When you begin to look
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  Speaker 1: at the things that you didn't want to see, what
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  Speaker 1: was the first thing that you acknowledge about what you
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: didn't want to look at? What was the first thing
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  Speaker 1: that stood out to you. I realized that that was
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: one of the first things that created my stands on
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  Speaker 1: my persona toxic masculinity, that I had become something to
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  Speaker 1: protect myself from what I saw. But I didn't know
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: that till I went and did the dirty business to
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: dig in to look and see it. I said, well,
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  Speaker 1: maybe I'm like this because of that. And if that
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  Speaker 1: had never happened to me. Now that's a big statement,
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: but when I looked at it, I realized that my
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: whole narrative, my anger, my stance, my disposition, my tone,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: everything came from that. And if that had never happened,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I wonder what kind of person that would be. And
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: broke I had to. I had to. I cried. I cried,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: I cried. I cried. I cried. I cried. I cried
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: because for years I let myself suffer in silence, not
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: understanding that if I had got help a long time ago,
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: maybe I could have fixed all the parts of me
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: that broke other people because I was broken and didn't
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: know it. Because I broke a lot of people, I
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: heard a lot of people. I heard a lot of
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: people unknowingly because I heard people hurt people and I
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: didn't even know I was hurt. So there's a lot
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: that I saw that I didn't want to see. But
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I did the work. I can tell
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: you that I am grateful that I did the work.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And it took a lot of time. Bro. Yeah, and
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I'm just sitting here, man, this is so therapeutic because
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I notice it's gonna bless somebody to go grab this
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: book because to see yourself. It's gonna cost you a fight.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: It's gonna come with a fight. Rather, it's going to
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: come with a fight. And not only is it gonna
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: come with a fight, you gotta have the You gotta
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: have the fire to fight. If you don't have the
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: fire to fight, you won't fight. You'll let what you're
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: dealing with burn you up, it'll cook you. And so
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: that's the beauty of having a great relationship. That's the
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: beauty of having the tools that are necessary to fight.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And that's the beauty of actually, and I talk about
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: this at the top of the chapter chapter one, realizing
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: that you are the beloved of God. If you can
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: realize and I'm not talking church jargon, I'm just talking
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: about really reading scripture and understanding that you are the
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: be loved of God, the faster you can recognize that
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: that it doesn't matter the laundry list of wrong that
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: you've done and all of the facades a mask that
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: you've put on to pretend to be somebody else. If
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: you can recognize man, Yo, he loves me and I'm
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: jacked up. He loves me and I'm messed up. He
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: loves me and I don't even know what to do.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: He loves me. I don't even know who I am.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: If you can get that, then you have the fire
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: to fight. But it's hard to fight without fire. It's
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: hard to fight without the fuel to give you what
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: you need to come out of something that's had you
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: buried for years. And that's where I've been. Broo, somebody
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: that is like watching him, says doctor Joe. How do
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I find that fire? Well, I can tell you this
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: right now. Everybody has the fire already in there. The
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: fire is already in you. You don't know it because
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: you've allowed stuff, challenges, circumstances, situations to snuff it out,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: to blow stuff over it. But it's kindling underneath there.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Because you were built to fight. You were wired to
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: fight for yourself. But there's so much stuff that we
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: have that we've allowed to submerge. We've submerged ourselves underneath it.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: So the first thing for me, because I'm gonna talk
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: to a Christian lens, is knowing that God is for you. Okay,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: if you can recognize that he's for you, that's one
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: of the greatest assets, one of your greatest weapons. If
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: you can get to therapy. Therapy is going to give
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: you the tangible tools to help you understand what you
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: don't have words for, all right. If you can find community,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: community is going to help you process out what the
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: therapist is trying to get you to do for yourself.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: All right, Those three alone will help you persevere through
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: the moments where you don't have the phraseology, you don't
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: have the fire quote unquote to make it happen your circle.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: The information, the wisdom that comes from it is going
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: to help you process through that. And as you go
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: through that, you're gonna have to make sure that you
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: stay committed to it, because you're gonna have moments where
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: you wake up when you're ready to go, and then
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: there's gonna be moments where you want to give into it.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I can't tell you how many times I want to say,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: you know, I forget it. This hurts too bad to
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: fight something that that I'm dealing with that I don't
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: want to deal with it, forget it. I want it. Man.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: There's many times where I was like that and you
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: called me, and he was like j T and I'm
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: like what. He was like, man, get up, get up,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, Bro, I don't want to get up.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: You're like, hey, bro, you're gonna get up. And then
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: if I didn't get up, this joker would call me
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: grown men look at him he called me, and be like, Father,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: in the name of Jesus, touch my brother, Touch my
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: brother right now, in the name of Jesus. I don't
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: know what he's going through right now, but Father, bless
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: his mind, bless his soul, give him to get up,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: touch his family, help him understand who he is. We
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: need you right now at this moment. And so Father,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: I sacrifice my time to stay here and entercede for him.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: That the devil is a liar. He can't have my brother.
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: The way I'm talking to you right now. That's how
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: the prayer would sound another man's voice praying about another man.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: To find the fire to try, you cannot do it
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: by yourself. It's impossible to do. You have to have
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: somebody to do it. And all of this fighting to
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: find yourself is simply trying to align your purpose destiny,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: to align the fire to and who you are your perspectives,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: all with the right actions and choices so that you
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: are okay with being who you are, the good and
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: the bad. All things work together, well, you can get there.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: That's what you know. You're there. Oh yeah I did that.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah I messed up. Yeah that was terrible. Yeah, but
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad I did All of that bad stuff
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: has allowed me to touch so many men around the
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: world and say, you know, I'm struggling with the same thing,
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: me too. It's crazy is so many men need their
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: me too moments? Me too? Brother, me too? Me too?
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I think as you just so eloquently put all of
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: that man and soundwich that together. Man, I we can't
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: echo enough how important community is. I think so many
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: brothers try to do it alone. And what it does
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: is it actually keeps you in isolation longer than you
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: anticipated because you're not wanting to be alone. But then
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: there's this guilt, there's a shame, there's this weight of
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: like what happens when I say to a brother, me too,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: or I'm struggling with this, and what I'm hearing you
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: say is that if you don't have that you the
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: fire won't be ignited, won't You're not gonna burn strong
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: enough to fight. You'll have a little You'll have a
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: little kindle that when you feel like you got the
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: strength to beat something, you will fight it. But there
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: are gonna be moments when something comes upon you that's
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: burning stronger than the fire that you have. And you're
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: gonna do two things I'll talk about in the book.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: You're gonna break down, are you gonna break through? And
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: you have to make the decision either you're gonna break
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: down or you're gonna break through. And I have broke
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: down so many times. I got tired of breaking down
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: in the same spot over and over and over again. Breakdown,
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: go good, break down, go good. Break down. So when
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I got the tools that were necessary and the circle
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: that benefited me every place I broke down, I broke
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: through every single spot. So now I have a whole
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: other perspective of what it means to break through something.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: And there's nothing that you're going through that you broke
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: down that you can't break through. You can break through.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: When as you were talking about breaking down, break through
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: one of my I mean, there's a lot of messages,
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: messages that you preach that I've had the opportunity to
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: sit on. But the one that just always stands out
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: to me. And this happened there was at the party,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: siuse yeah, my god today trying to feel your way
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: through life blindly. You talked about the blind man who
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: was blind, and you talked about coming out of a
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: dark after ben and his mother's womb in nine months
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: and coming out and still in the dark. What would
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: you say to the man that feels like he's in
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: a dark space right now, that he's in a dark
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: moment and we're hoping that it doesn't create a dark outcome.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Something very very simple to you. Everything that you need
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: to work in the light will work in the dark.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: And you don't think about it because you see the darkness.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: But if you take a look at the baby that's
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: in the womb, got hands, got as we were made
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: to see in the dark. We were made, we were
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: born in water for nine months, we were in a fat,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: floating feeling our way through, kicking our way through. Everything works.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: You can't let the dark stop you from using what
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I gave you. You work in the dark. You can
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: move through the dark. You can elevate in the dark,
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: you can process in the dark. You can get a
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: raise in the dark. You can find a wife in
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: the dark. You can do everything in the dark, and
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: when the day hits you can be like, is this
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: what the day is? Because I've been doing this in
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: the dark all my life. That's what I have learned
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: that the dark is not my enemy. Dark is just
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: the absence of light, and that's all it is. That
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: when light hits you, and the only light you need
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: is the light of the Word of God and period.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: So don't let the darkness drive you insane. Just burn
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: in the night. J T them priests about three or folks,
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: three or four different series over there. The day Man,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: the fight to find yourself? How did that title come about?
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Because I couldn't find myself and was embarrassing. It was
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: very embarrassing for me to say I was fighting to
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: find myself. But when hundreds of men started writing in
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: said man, I'm forty five, I don't know myself. I'm fifty.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you for saying that. So at that moment, it's
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: kind of like what you just said about the dark,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I said, Man, why am I hiding this? Let me
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: fight in the public, let me fight in the dark,
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: and let me fight myself through and that's what it is,
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: and I meant every word of it. Fight to find myself.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Had to fight through the fear, had to fight through
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: the trauma, had to fight through the winds, I had
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: to fight through the losses, every piece of me. I
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: had to fight, and I'm gonna call to you probably
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: the most difficult fight false identities and identity foreclosure. That's
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: probably the hardest fight because we put on the identity
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: that we need to put on to make it in
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: whatever sector that we're in. So I had to fight that.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I had to fight that to dismantle that I needed
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: to be this way to make it, that I need
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: to be this to get over there, when in reality
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I'm all of that. But I don't have to deny
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: pieces of myself so that this person will accept me.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: On that person, I don't need to be with them.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: God has the circle for me. Because I spent a
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: tremendous amount of time trying to get in certain circles
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: because I thought that man, if I get in that
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: circle right there, it's gonna be this I'm gonna be,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna make it. And none of them circles accepted me.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: I was trying my best to be seen by certain circles.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: They ain't care nothing about me. They didn't want me
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: in those circles. I'll drive hours, fly, spend money, go
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: to the green room, still didn't get in the circle.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: You shook the hands, you pay it. We paid the
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: fee to get in, sit in the front row, but
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: you didn't get in. I wasn't supposed to be in,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: got it a different path, had a different path of me.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: That was the hardest fight, trying to fight off what
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: I thought was success or what I thought was the identity,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: the personification of what he wanted from me. And so
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: that false narrative, that false identity, and then what I
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: had foreclosed on myself, my own identity that I had
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: foreclosed on. So everything that I've come into was what
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: I thought. I didn't what I was ashamed of. I
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: didn't want that part of me to come out. I
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: thought it was stupid to be smart. When I was
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: in school, I was smart, but I acted stupid because
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: all of the good athletes was you know, I'm not
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: saying everybody is stupid, That's not what I'm saying, all right,
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: But the classroom that I was in, nobody was studying.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: So I kind of stuck with that. You know, I
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: was just a different type of kid. But I foreclosed
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: on all of that and picked up a whole nother
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: style of living, a whole nother mode of behavior. And
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I have gone back
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: to the thing that I foreclosed on. I was a
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: little kid that would that we had a Kirby vacuum
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: that probably weigh a hundred pounds. I don't know if
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: you know about them. I remember them, really heavy vacuums.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Put the big face on. Yeah, we would. We usually
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: have one of the things that I was a little
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: kid man and I would I would be a traveling
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: evangelist in the house preaching. You know, the Christenchian call
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: was one hundred feet long. So I go through the
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: whole house running revival, praiase God. And I foreclosed on
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: all of that because I thought that was corny, thought
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: it was cornball, and I thought it was you know,
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: that's not who I am. And then here I am,
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: all these years later, and what people know me for
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: is preaching the Gospel. That's what they know me for,
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: preaching nothing else, preaching the Gospel. But I foreclosed on
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: all of that because I wanted to sell drugs. I
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: wanted to be a hero. I wanted to be a
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: ladies man. I wanted to be all of those things
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: and foreclosed on I could have been whatever God wanted
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: me to be when I was twenty, but I didn't
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: want to be what God wanted me to be. I
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: wanted to be what I wanted to be, you know,
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: and I think you know when we think about not
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: being what God wants us to be, and I as
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: we both were athletes. Being gifted as an athlete is
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: one thing, but being gifted spiritually and being gifted in
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: other ways that it's not celebrated because nobody's praising you
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: for singing and preaching. You know, when you when you
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: in your teens and your twenties trying to play ball,
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: it's like how fast can you run? How high you
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: can jump? All of those different things. And so I
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: share those similar sentiments because you know, I can remember
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: with my sisters, we stay in the house playing church
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: and I'm playing drums. How boss drums? You preach a
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: little bit and sing and just to think that God
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: has brought us back to who we were born to be,
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: and you can't help but to think about what he
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: said of Jeremiah. It is so I formed thee come on,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: I knew you. Come on, bro, I knew you. And
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: getting us back to the place because not only is
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: that is that where we thrive, but it's also where
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: we get to live, like I mean and truly live,
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: not just existing, but to really live. And it brings
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: this question to me in this season in your life,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: do you feel like you're really living now? That's a
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: great question. I think I am on the verge of
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: living my best life. I don't think I'm there yet,
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: but I think I'm closer than I've ever been before now.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: And the reason why I say that because I've had
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: some different fights that I wasn't anticipating. But there are
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: fights that I found out that as you navigate us life,
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: you can't fight them. You gotta let God fight your battle.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: And those battles morphew into who you are going to be.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: And I don't think you're going to get there without them,
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: those battles that are not yours, but they are the lords.
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: But you got to go through them. But they're not yours,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: but they're the Lord. Those battles help morph you into
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: who you need to be so that you can live
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: the life that God intended for you. Because I think
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I'm at the verge. I think I'm at the door.
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I'm living my best life. You know, you at the precipiceone. Yeah,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: like you're right there, because just to see the levels
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: that you have graduated from, you know, from preaching in
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: the empty church during COVID and now all over the world.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: You know, I remember when we were talking when this
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: is I think when one of his videos that they
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: added doctor dre Beat when it went viral. I called him.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: I said, Nigga, you going viral? He said, Man, Dog,
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: that's crazy. I said, Dog, I said, I said, Jat,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: you'd have made it. Oh, and that thing has been
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: reversed rehearse, replayed millions. Man, what was that like? Because
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: listen y'all to note JT. Bear he ain't with all
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: this just this, this this celebrity, this this popularity. He's
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: a country boy. Like like if we talk about this
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: all the time, when you really called and really God
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: has chosen you, but we're not running to get on stage.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: In fact, you're trying to get away from it. How
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: to hit away from the stage because of what comes
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: with it. It's the stage with them lights will burn
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: you up. You know, everything you do, somebody don't like it. Yeah,
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: and so you always getting cooked, you know. So I
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: sometimes I don't want to be cooked. I just want
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: to just sit out in the audience and just chill,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Forget that stage. But I
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: will tell you this, because I know we're getting ready
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: to wrap up. I want to say this to somebody
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: that's out there. When you fight to find yourself, there's
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: one thing that you're going to have to come to
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: grips with, and this is mess me up. You're going
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: to have to come to grips with the truth of
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: who you are. You got to come to grips with
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: the truth of what you're not, and then you're going
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: to have to deal with the fractures of the truth.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: What I learned is that there's so many types of fractures.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: When we play ball, stress fractures, spiral fractures. No matter
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: what kind of fracture it is, it's a fracture. And
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: there are things you can still do with fractures until
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: there's a certain impact that turns that fracture into a break.
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: And so you can only navigate life fractured so long,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: and we don't know yourself. You're fractured when you don't
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: understand why you do certain things. You're fractured, and all
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: it takes is just the perfect blow. It could be
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: a child, it could be the loss of a career,
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: it could be a divorce, it could be you just
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: flipping out for a second, and that one blow could
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: shatter everything. Man, And you don't want to wait until
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: things shatter to fight, because now you're fighting handicaped. So
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: if you know you're fractured, and you know your fractured
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: because you can feel it. You can feel the pains
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: in the marriage, and you can feel the pains with your children,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: you feel the pains on the career. If I were you,
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: I would get the fractured reset then while you're feeling
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: the pain, so you don't have to deal with the
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: severity of the blow when you're not taking care of
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: yourself when you know you're fractured, So deal with the truth,
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: deal with what's going on with you so that you
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: can heal correctly, because if you don't set that bone right,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: you're gonna heal in a way that will hurt you
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. Then I don't know
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: if that's healing. No, no, not at all. And for
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: those that are watching, you know when I listen to
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: j T break all of that down. Many of you
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: are unable to fight because of the trauma, and some
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: of you may be doc what is trauma. Trauma is
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: a psychological or physical experience that has taken place in
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: your life that has negatively impacted you for the rest
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: of your life. And when he started off by saying,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: to know that you are God's beloved, to add from
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: a clinical lens, you got to know that you can
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: rewrite the story and God. Here's the thing that God does,
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: just like Jesus told the man at the pool of
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: Salam Shalem, is will that be made whole? Come on, man,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself, do you want to behold?
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: Do you want to fix the fraction? Wow? Wow? Wow,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: you blessed you read this? You do you want to
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: fix a fraction? And here's the other part of that.
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: Once they have reset the fraction, you have to participate
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: in the doctor's order. Last chapter of the book. Wow,
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: I didn't even notice last chapter of the book. Writing
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: a new story the last chapter of the book. You
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: can write a new story. But you have to participate
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: in the healing process, right. And that's what he just said,
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: is that you can't keep working handicap. You can't keep working,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Hanney cal If you don't write a new story, you're
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: gonna keep telling the same story ten years from now,
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: fifteen years from now, twenty years now, thirty years from now,
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: and you're gonna be the same guy telling that same story.
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: And I refuse to be the same man telling the
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: same story. Someone ran a new story. And that's the
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: life I'm living now, the story that I want to live,
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: because he who has the pen can control the narrative. Woo, listen,
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you in here, y'all. Go get this book, man,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: go get this book. As I ask every guest about healing,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: and we were able to traverss country for three years,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: thirty three cited, thirty three cities, reached eighteen thousand men.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: And though we talked about healing collectively to men. And
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: this is a question that I would have loved to
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: ask all of us when we were on stage, or
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I want to ask you, what is healing for you? Wow,
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: that's a powerful question. Healing from me is a daily process.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: It is one step at a time, it is gradual,
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: and it's me embracing that I may feel what I
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: felt yesterday, but that doesn't mean that I'm not okay.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: It's going to be okay even though I still feel
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: something that hurt me, and that I can take one
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: step at a time and ease my way out of
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: it and don't allow it to pull me back. And
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be as only as strong as my community.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: So for me, it's important that everybody that I'm connected
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: to is not broken in the same area I'm broken in,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: build a trauma bond with somebody and just stay in
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: the same cycle. So for me, one day at a time,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: gradually not allowing my feelings to rule, but yet acknowledging
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: my feelings truthfully talking to myself and talking to therapy,
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: to a therapist and making sure that I'm talking to
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: a circle they can help pull me forward one day
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: at a time. Need I say more? Need I not
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: say more? Nothing? This needs to be said. Everything has
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: been said. Brother. I just want to say to you publicly,
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: man that I am proud of you, man, proud of
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: the man that you become, proud of the man that
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: you were yet becoming, brother, and I couldn't be more
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: proud of you for this book. We're calling it because
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: this will be a New York Times bestseller. We need
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: seven thousands copy Soul of Telling, and we're gonna get
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: it because I gotta get my brother to this New
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: York Times bestseller list because I know that this book
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: is written from a place of lived experience. It's not
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: written from something you heard, You lived it. And I
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: just want to say, Man, my mind, my love for
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: you as a brother, man exceed even what I'm able
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: to understand, because I'm just in awe in what God
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: has done through you, and it's just encouraged me that
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: it's possible if you stay on course. And then I
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: had to learn that when we're off course, we're on course.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: And I know there's been times where you probably felt like, man,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: what am I doing? And I thank God that He
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: is reassured you that you was doing exactly what He
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: caused you to do. Brother, and so Man, blessing many
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: blessing brother, thank you for sharing space with my audience.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: They love these conversations. I know they love you because
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: my DM is always blown up with everything he got
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: going on and so I want to say to the audience,
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: this book released November four, five days from today. This
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: book is going to drop the Fight to find Yourself.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Go to the bookstore, go to Amazon, everywhere books are sold,
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: and go grab this book from doctor Joel Tugman. And
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you it's gonna bless your life because there's
• 46:20
  Speaker 1: so many people that are trying to find themselves and
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: they don't know where to start. They know that they're
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: in a fight, but they don't have the fire to fight.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: And so I'm hoping that you go out and grab
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: this book to find yourself because it's gonna cost you.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: It's gonna as as my old man just says, may
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: cost you a little, may cost you a life, but
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: it's gonna cost you. And the Fight to find Yourself
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: is the book that you need to find yourself. So brother,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: thank you man, Love you man, Make you man for
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: doing this. Man again. Follow doctor Joel Tugman on Instagram, Twitter,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: if anybody even use x anymore to it, but he's
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: on TikTok everywhere. Listen, man, go blow up his page,
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: Go blow up this book, because we definitely want to
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: make sure the world get this book. Man, because the
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: time that we're living in right now, I think we
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: need this because a lot of people don't know themselves
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: and they crash it out and we're wanting to challenge
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: and challenge people to find themselves. Man, Thank you, Doc,
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you, love you, love you man any last words, brother,
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: good Again, go out and grab this book, Doctor Joel Tuckman.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: And also forward by our mentor and as we call him,
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: the greatest all time Bishop td Jakes. Listen man, and
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: what he wrote is killer too. Yeah. Oh, I know
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: you been the greatest all rate of all time man,
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: and we're so grateful to share space with him would
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: be remiss man, because Bishop poising to us man like
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: no other, and it's just a blessing to be able
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: to walk alongside him and for him to write this forward. Man,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: I'm just blessed man that we're behind our brother, doctor Joel.
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: So again, go grab this book to fight to find
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: yourself moving from uncertainty to unstoppable again. Subscribe just here,
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: doctor j join the healing community. You can listen audibly
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: on Spotify, The Black Effect and also iHeart Podcasts or
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your podcast. And until next time,
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: remember healing is a journey and wholeness is the destination.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: God bless Just here with Doctor J, a production of
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. And you can follow me at
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: King J. Barnett on Instagram and x and follow us
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: on YouTube. Just Heal Doctor J.