Latest / The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast / Your Wife Wants You To Act Like a Man (Not a Boy) | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.95

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Your Wife Wants You To Act Like a Man (Not a Boy) | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.95 · The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast

• 0:00
  It is my belief that so many marriages fail mainly because
• 0:03
  men aren't taught how to be good husbands.
• 0:06
  We don't take a how to be a good husband class in high school,
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  most of our fathers weren't taught how to be good husbands,
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  so they don't even know how to teach us.
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  And many of us have never even had an example of what a good,
• 0:17
  happy, healthy, thriving marriage looks like.
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  And so as men, we go into marriage lost and many men find
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  themselves spending years of their lives learning the hard
• 0:27
  way. And sometimes when it finally
• 0:30
  clicks, it's too late. If it's your first time here, my
• 0:32
  name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author,
• 0:35
  entrepreneur, men's personal development and marriage mentor,
• 0:38
  husband and father of six. And I teach men all over the
• 0:41
  world how to live fully optimized, leveled up lives.
• 0:44
  So if that's something you're into, definitely stick around.
• 0:47
  Subscribe to this podcast, subscribe to this channel,
• 0:49
  wherever you're getting this because this is what we do here
• 0:52
  every week. And today I'm talking about one
• 0:54
  of the most critically important aspects of having a happy,
• 0:58
  thriving marriage, actually acting like a man Stick around.
• 1:02
  Hello and welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast.
• 1:05
  I'm your host, Michael Riggs here to assist you on your
• 1:07
  journey to living a fully optimized, leveled up life as a
• 1:11
  man. So again, welcome and welcome
• 1:13
  back to the Warrior Kings podcast.
• 1:15
  It's great to be here today. It's great to talk to you today.
• 1:17
  The last couple of weeks have been a little bit of a
• 1:20
  whirlwind. We had a couple of sicknesses
• 1:22
  run through our whole house. You know, it's that season right
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  now, time for bugs and germs and sick kids and all that kind of
• 1:29
  stuff. We had a pretty gnarly stomach
• 1:31
  virus work its way through the house and then our baby girl had
• 1:34
  RSV, which I don't know if you've ever had a baby with RSV
• 1:37
  before, it's a respiratory illness, but that can be super
• 1:40
  scary. And it was.
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  That's one of the reasons that this episode is a little bit
• 1:44
  late this week. I apologize for that.
• 1:47
  But we are on our way to all being healthy and happy again.
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  You know, the germs have pretty much made their way through the
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  house and hopefully no more make their way into the house because
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  I'm honestly just exhausted with being sick all the time.
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  You know, if you have kids, you know exactly what I'm talking
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  about. It's kind of hard to escape the
• 2:05
  constant bugs and germs that make their way around and only
• 2:08
  to exacerbate things. My wife is a teacher, so she
• 2:10
  works with children too. So that is why.
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  But yeah, it's great to be back. It's great to talk to you today.
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  And with all that being said, let's dive right into the topic
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  of the day. And the first thing that I want
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  to talk about here today is that your wife wants to feel your
• 2:24
  strength. And this is something that is
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  kind of a mind blowing revelation for most men that I
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  work with in my on one coaching because like I said in the intro
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  to this episode, we aren't taught these things.
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  And though it seems so simple, once you get it, it's like,
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  whoa, I never thought about that before, you know what I'm
• 2:40
  saying? But back in the old days,
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  hundreds if not thousands of years ago, your strength as a
• 2:44
  man would have been on display every day.
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  It would have been very evident to your wife that you were a
• 2:49
  strongman, because if you weren't a strongman, your family
• 2:52
  wouldn't have survived. You would have had to have gone
• 2:55
  out hunting. You would have had to have
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  fought off invaders to the village.
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  You would have been actively provided fighting for your
• 3:00
  family, you know, fixing things, building things, making sure
• 3:03
  that your family survived. These days it's a little bit
• 3:06
  different. Our natural innate masculine
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  traits are not put on display as much as they were back in the
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  old days because life is so convenient and comfortable now.
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  You know, you don't have to go out into the wild, into the
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  wilderness to get dinner. You don't have to fight off
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  invaders to your village because enemies are mostly out of sight
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  and out of mind. You can just go to the grocery
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  store and get whatever you want, or you can even have delivered
• 3:30
  to your door. These days, there's hardly a
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  need to even get up off the couch.
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  And as a result of this, like I said, our masculine traits
• 3:37
  aren't always on display for our wives.
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  But for her, it's innate that she still wants to see your
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  strength. She still wants to know that you
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  are a strongman, that you are protecting her, that you are
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  providing for her, that she's safe with you.
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  But one of the ways that you can show your strength, and we're
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  going to talk about many in this episode, but one of the ways
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  that you can display your strength and let her feel your
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  strength is by being unmovable. And unshakable in life, the
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  masculine, the true masculine is safe, still, calm, reserved.
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  The true masculine doesn't get stressed out or fly off the
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  rails or let life just happen to him.
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  True masculinity, true strength is being unmovable, being
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  unshakable. Most men, because they were
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  never taught how to be strong men, just let life throw them
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  around. And then they put that on full
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  display for their wives. And ultimately, what this comes
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  down to, whether she realizes it or not, and while you don't
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  realize it, is that it makes you look weak.
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  Whereas if you were unmovable, unshakable, you knew what the
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  mission was, you knew where you were going, and nothing could
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  throw you off course. That would be on display for her
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  and she would feel safe. She would feel your strength
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  because you can't be thrown off course by anything.
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  Life isn't just happening to you, you are happening to life.
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  So when you face challenges and adversity in life, how do you
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  handle it, especially in front of your wife?
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  Do you get stressed out? Do you go on long rants?
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  Do you complain? Ultimately, are you whining like
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  a baby or do you handle it with don't worry, we got this.
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  I'm not even worried about it. Are you unmovable?
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  Are you unshakable? And what this comes down to is
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  handling stress like a real man, not like a wimpy, whiny baby
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  boy. Because like I said, your wife
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  wants to feel your strength. She still desires for you to be
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  a strongman. And though you're not carrying a
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  deer home on your shoulder after slaying it in the woods or
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  fighting off invaders to your village, she still wants you to
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  be a strongman. She wants to know that you are a
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  strongman. She wants to feel your strength.
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  When life tries to throw you down, do you get thrown down or
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  do you overcome? That's what it really comes down
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  to. And the second thing that I want
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  to talk about here today is that your wife wants to feel your
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  strong direction. Women want a man who has strong
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  drive, strong ambition, knows where he's going, has a goal in
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  life. She doesn't want to feel like
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  you're a dead end. She wants you ultimately to have
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  drive in ambition and be going somewhere.
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  I'm sure when you first met your wife, when you were first seeing
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  her, when you recording her dating her, you painted this
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  picture for her of a life that was going to be filled with
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  adventure and abundance. You showed that you had drive
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  and ambition. And you said, this is where I'm
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  going in life and you can come with me.
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  And that's one of the reasons that she fell in love with you.
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  And for many men, there comes a time, and it might be happening
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  for you right now, where you realize that you lost that drive
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  and that ambition because life got comfortable, life got
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  routine. And the problem with the routine
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  is that it actually works. But ask yourself what happened
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  to that drive? What happened to to that
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  ambition? What happened to having goals
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  and dreams and aspirations? Where are you going in life?
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  She wants to know that you are going somewhere.
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  She wants to build the dream life with you.
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  And one mistake that many men make when they start having
• 6:43
  marriage problems is they try to make their wife the center of
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  their world. They say, I'm going to put you
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  first in everything and put my entire attention on you.
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  And while that's not necessarily completely wrong, especially if
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  you're in one of those dynamics where you've been detached
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  emotionally and physically for a very long time, it might make
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  sense to put more of your attention on her.
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  But ultimately, women want a life of adventure and abundance.
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  They want to see a future of adventure in front of them.
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  And as John Eldridge puts it in his book Wild at Heart, women
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  don't want to be the adventure. They want to be caught up in
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  something much greater than themselves.
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  And what that means is she doesn't want to be the most
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  important thing in your life. She wants you to have Dr.
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  ambition and be going somewhere great.
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  And she wants to go on that adventure with you.
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  She wants to see you leading your lineage and your legacy to
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  greatness. And I gotta ask you, are you
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  leading your lineage and your legacy to greatness or have you
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  gotten comfortable? Have you started following the
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  routine a little bit too much? Have you lost sight of the
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  vision and the mission which is building the life of your dreams
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  with your beautiful wife? Where are you going?
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  You need to always and consistently be heading
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  somewhere great. And huge tip for you is share
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  the vision for your dream life with your wife.
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  Build that dream life together. Make it known to her that there
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  is an end destination. You are headed somewhere.
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  Show her that. Drive in that ambition and make
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  her a part of it. You might have felt like at a
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  certain point that the job was done.
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  You got the house, you got the career, you got the cars, you
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  got all the things and it got really comfortable.
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  That doesn't mean that there isn't a next level, a next stage
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  that you can still have that excitement about life and she
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  can too. She can go on that adventure
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  with you. This is a massive, massive level
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  up to your marriage. Trust me and stick around,
• 8:27
  because we'll be right back after this quick AD break.
• 8:33
  Most men don't lose their marriage overnight.
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  They lose it slowly, with one missed moment, one argument, 1
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  broken promise at a time. If you're here, you felt it.
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  The tension, the. Quiet the feeling.
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  Of being unwanted, not because she doesn't love you, but
• 8:49
  because you both drifted into patterns that you never meant to
• 8:52
  create. But.
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  Here's the truth. Your marriage doesn't need a
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  miracle. It needs a man who's willing to
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  lead. A man who chooses responsibility
• 9:00
  over blame, presence over passivity, strength over
• 9:04
  comfort. That's why I created Reforged
• 9:07
  Husband, a step by step system for men who.
• 9:10
  Refuse to give up. And are ready to rebuild
• 9:13
  themselves first so their marriage can follow level up and
• 9:17
  thrive. My name is Michael Riggs, I'm
• 9:19
  the author of Warrior Husband, How to be a better husband and
• 9:22
  save your marriage. Husband and father of six and
• 9:25
  host of the Warrior Kings. Podcast a show.
• 9:28
  That has now reached 10s of thousands of men in more than
• 9:31
  100 countries. And for the last few years, I've
• 9:34
  helped men all over the world reforge themselves and rebuild
• 9:37
  their marriages from the inside out.
• 9:39
  And I teach everything I learned over the years to thousands of
• 9:42
  men all over the world. And in this course I will.
• 9:45
  Walk you through the. Exact framework to reclaim your
• 9:48
  leadership, restore connection, and become the grounded,
• 9:52
  respected man that your wife can trust again.
• 9:55
  This isn't theory, it's transformation.
• 9:57
  If you're ready to stop drifting.
• 9:59
  If you're ready to rise, if you're ready to lead your home
• 10:02
  with strength and clarity, again, this is your initiation.
• 10:06
  This is where the warrior husband in you is.
• 10:09
  Forged. Your reforging begins now.
• 10:11
  Welcome to Reforged husband. Welcome back and the next thing
• 10:18
  that I want to talk about today is are you acting like a boy or
• 10:21
  are you acting like a man what is the version of you that your
• 10:24
  wife sees every time that she sees you and here's the thing
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  your wife's perception of you is being shaped every single day
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  and this is one that of so many men get wrong.
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  They miss this so critically important.
• 10:36
  So let's say that most of your day, most of your time you're at
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  work. What is the version of you that
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  you are when you're at home? Do you put yourself together
• 10:44
  every day? Are you showing your driving and
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  like we talked about before, or are you taking a well deserved
• 10:49
  break and sitting around watching sports, drinking beer,
• 10:52
  playing video games? And The thing is, if that's what
• 10:55
  you're doing every time that you're around your wife, every
• 10:58
  time you're home, every time she sees you, then that's all she
• 11:01
  sees you as. As the guy who's relaxing,
• 11:03
  drinking beer, watching sports, playing video games, going to
• 11:07
  play golf. You know, whatever your thing
• 11:09
  is, that is the version of you that she sees.
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  That's her perception of you. Ultimately, that's all she
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  knows. Let's say on your off time, you
• 11:16
  you just wear sweatpants. You are the sweatpants guy.
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  You understand what I'm saying? Like, doesn't that make sense?
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  And are you doing things that boys like or are you acting like
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  a man? And if you're having marriage
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  problems, if your marriage is on the rocks or if your marriage
• 11:30
  you feel like it's almost over, could this be contributing to
• 11:34
  that happening? How does your wife see you?
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  How does she perceive you? Does she see you as a strongman
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  or does she see you as a comfortable, checked out,
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  immature boy? That's really what it comes down
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  to. And I'm sorry if that's a hard
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  truth, but if it is, you need to hear it.
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  What are things that boys like to do?
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  Watch sports, play video games, drink beer, act like a dumbass.
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  Those are things that boys like. What are things that men like?
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  Building something great, leading their family to
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  greatness, actually getting their life together, fixing
• 12:02
  things, making sure that their family is on their way to
• 12:05
  greatness. Learning, reading, studying,
• 12:07
  leveling up, working out. These are, you know, driving
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  ambition. That's what men crave.
• 12:13
  Boys crave vices, distractions, hobbies, things like that,
• 12:18
  things of that nature. That's what boys like.
• 12:20
  Are you acting like a man or are you acting like a boy?
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  That's really what it comes down to.
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  And how does your wife perceive you?
• 12:26
  Does she perceive you as a boy or does she perceive you as a
• 12:29
  man? What have you been showing her
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  every time that she sees you? Because every day that is
• 12:34
  crafting her perception of you, who you are in her eyes.
• 12:37
  Are you laying around in sweatpants, drinking beer,
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  watching sports, burping, farting and scratching your
• 12:43
  nuts? And if you are, is it a wonder
• 12:45
  that your wife is out of love with you?
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  And the alternative to that, if that is what you are doing, is
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  putting yourself together every single day and charging ahead,
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  taking control of your own life. In other words, acting like a
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  man. I mean, think about it.
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  Wow, light bulb moment. Doesn't that make sense?
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  She wants you to be a strongman that she can depend on, rely on
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  who isn't a dead end that she can desire.
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  Think about it. And the next thing that I want
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  to talk about here today is the I got this mentality, as I call
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  it. How much of the complexities and
• 13:16
  logistics of life is your wife having to handle because you
• 13:19
  won't? Is she having to handle the
• 13:21
  finances, the business of life? How much is on her plate that
• 13:25
  you should be taking the lead in that you are not taking the lead
• 13:28
  in. And I call it the I got this
• 13:30
  mentality because it's stepping up and saying, no, don't worry,
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  I got this. I'll handle this, I'll take care
• 13:36
  of this. It's taking the lead.
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  And this goes for all things. And this also relates to her
• 13:41
  innate desire for you to be a strongman, for her to feel safe,
• 13:45
  protected and provided for. How much are you stepping up,
• 13:48
  taking the lead, taking charge and saying, don't worry about
• 13:50
  that? I got this.
• 13:52
  When something is broken, are you fixing it or are you putting
• 13:54
  it off till later until she decides to go and get a
• 13:57
  screwdriver and do it herself? How often are you stepping up?
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  That's the question that I have for you today.
• 14:03
  And how can you develop more of an I got this mentality?
• 14:06
  Keep that as a mantra in your head.
• 14:08
  Every time that something comes up, every time that she's having
• 14:11
  to put something else on her plate, say don't worry, I got
• 14:14
  that. You don't even have to worry
• 14:16
  about it because I got you. And that's another way of
• 14:18
  showing that you are a strongman.
• 14:20
  Like we talked about in the first section of this podcast
• 14:23
  episode. How can you display that you are
• 14:25
  a strongman these days when things are so comfortable?
• 14:28
  Well, one of the ways that you show that you're a strongman is
• 14:30
  by saying, I got this. You don't even have to worry
• 14:32
  about it. Stepping up, taking the lead.
• 14:34
  Is she having to handle everything?
• 14:36
  Is she having to make all the appointments?
• 14:38
  Do all the finances, keep up with all the bills?
• 14:41
  Is she having to manage your life along with the children's
• 14:44
  lives ultimately to where you are just another child?
• 14:47
  And this goes back to are you acting like a man or are you
• 14:50
  acting like a boy? And there's not much more to say
• 14:53
  about that because that is just powerful on its own.
• 14:56
  Just saying I got this. Keep that as a mantra in your
• 14:59
  mind and take every opportunity to say, don't worry about it.
• 15:02
  I got this. And trust me.
• 15:04
  Watch your marriage level up and thrive immediately.
• 15:07
  And the last thing that I want to talk to you about today is
• 15:09
  her desire to feel safe, seen, heard and understood.
• 15:13
  One thing that we are never taught, and it is critically
• 15:16
  important, I don't know why we aren't taught this, but men and
• 15:19
  women are completely different. You might have heard many, many
• 15:22
  times as you are growing up that we're all equal, we're all the
• 15:25
  same. We can do the same things.
• 15:27
  You know, people really advocated and fought for that.
• 15:29
  And while we can do the same things, we're still vastly
• 15:33
  different beings. And this goes back to our innate
• 15:35
  nature, our innate drives. We're just completely different.
• 15:39
  And a woman's desires in her marriage, in her relationship
• 15:42
  are to feel safe, to know that you're a strongman, to know that
• 15:45
  she's protected, that she's provided for.
• 15:47
  She wants to be heard, she wants to be understood.
• 15:50
  These are the innate feminine traits.
• 15:53
  And the masculine craves freedom, driven by ambition.
• 15:56
  And her feeling safe is provided to her by your masculine core.
• 16:00
  Everything that we've talked about today, showing that you're
• 16:03
  a strongman, showing that you have drive and ambition, that
• 16:06
  you're actually going somewhere in life, showing that you have
• 16:09
  direction, showing that you were a man and no longer a boy.
• 16:13
  Having the I got this mentality handling the complexities of
• 16:17
  life so that she doesn't have to.
• 16:19
  And it is absolutely true. I promise you that you stepping
• 16:22
  up and acting like a man will cause your marriage to level up
• 16:26
  and thrive like never before. And I want you to really reflect
• 16:30
  on this concept. Think about it and maybe do some
• 16:32
  journaling about it. Kind of write down the things
• 16:35
  that you haven't been doing that you could be doing.
• 16:38
  Where have you been showing up like a man and where have you
• 16:40
  been showing up like a boy? And what do you need to change
• 16:43
  moving forward? And a lot of guys ask me,
• 16:45
  especially in my coaching, because I tell them like because
• 16:49
  they feel the need to prove something, they need to show her
• 16:52
  that they've changed, that everything's going to be better.
• 16:54
  And then they end up doing too much.
• 16:56
  And I got to tell you that the number one way that you can show
• 16:59
  her change is by actually implementing change, actually
• 17:02
  changing the things, putting them on display for her, not
• 17:05
  forcefully just becoming the new.
• 17:08
  You start acting like a man and don't say, hey, look, I'm acting
• 17:11
  like a man now. Now everything's better.
• 17:13
  See, don't you trust that I'm different?
• 17:15
  That's like the worst way that you can go about things.
• 17:17
  What you want to do is actually implement change, actually
• 17:20
  become the Newman actually be different in your life.
• 17:23
  Level up every aspect of yourself 1st and then the happy
• 17:26
  thriving marriage will follow that.
• 17:28
  What you need to prove is to yourself that you're a strongman
• 17:32
  and then everything else will level up and thrive as a result
• 17:35
  of that. The happy life, the leveled up
• 17:37
  marriage, all of these things are a result of you being the
• 17:40
  best that you can be in your life.
• 17:42
  It starts with you as starts on the inside.
• 17:45
  And ultimately the point that I wanted to make today is your
• 17:49
  wife wants you to act like a man.
• 17:51
  And have you been acting like a man or have you been living your
• 17:54
  life like a comfortable, checked out boy, succumbing to the
• 17:57
  comforts and routines of life and you need to step it up a
• 18:01
  little and are you actually going to implement change and do
• 18:04
  that? And so that's what I got for you
• 18:06
  guys today. I hope you got something out of
• 18:08
  this episode. I hope this episode inspired you
• 18:10
  to level up yourself, level up your life, level up your
• 18:14
  masculine energy in order to up your marriage.
• 18:17
  Links to all my stuff in the description of this episode.
• 18:21
  My books are on there, my social medias are on there, all that
• 18:23
  stuff. There's a link tree on there
• 18:25
  where you can find everything about me.
• 18:27
  If it's your first time here, if you haven't dove into the
• 18:29
  Warrior Husband book or the Reforged Husband online course
• 18:32
  yet, all that stuff is down there.
• 18:34
  Thank you so much for watching and listening and sticking
• 18:37
  around today. It's super awesome to talk to
• 18:39
  you. If this episode impacted you in
• 18:41
  any way, definitely let me know in the comments section.
• 18:44
  I love hearing from you guys and yeah man, I love you.
• 18:47
  I'm proud of you. You are going to do great things
• 18:49
  in this life. A life of overflowing abundance
• 18:52
  awaits you on the other side of you deciding to make the switch,
• 18:55
  make the change and level up every aspect of your life.
• 18:58
  There's a great calling and a purpose for your life.
• 19:00
  You listening to this right now? Get out there.
• 19:02
  Kill it. Have a good week and I'll catch
• 19:04
  you guys on the next one. Thanks, guys.
• 19:06
  Bye.