Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a High Achiever
Transcript
- Lucas: So here is a scenario I hear a lot from listeners, especially folks who are really good at what they do. You are a high achiever. You've been crushing your targets. You get promoted fast. But when you try to find a mentor… it is actually harder, not easier. Luna: That resonates. I've had friends who say 'I asked someone senior to mentor me, and after three meetings I felt like I already knew everything they were going to tell me.' Lucas: Exactly. The problem is that high achievers often outgrow mentors quickly. A mentor who is one or two levels above you might be perfect for six months, then you plateau. And if you go too far above — say a VP mentoring an individual contributor — the advice can feel too abstract, not grounded in your day-to-day. Luna: So what do you do? Just keep cycling through mentors? That sounds exhausting, and also kind of rude if you're always moving on. Lucas: It doesn't have to be rude. There's a concept called 'mentor stacking' — and it's not about collecting people like trophies. It's about recognizing that different phases of your career require different advisors. You don't need one lifelong Yoda. You need a series of smart people who each help you with a specific next step. Luna: Okay, give me a concrete example of what mentor stacking looks like in practice. Lucas: Sure. Let's say you're a software engineer at a mid-size startup. You're performing well, but you want to eventually move to a FAANG company. In phase one, you might find a mentor who's done that exact transition — someone who can tell you how to tailor your resume for Big Tech, how to prepare for system design interviews. That mentor serves a clear purpose. Once you land the job, that relationship naturally has less to offer. Luna: Right, because now you're at Google or Meta and the challenges are completely different. Navigating a giant org, getting visibility, managing up. Lucas: Exactly. So in phase two, you need a mentor who understands that environment — maybe a senior engineer or a manager two levels above who can help you build influence without a title. The key is that you're not dumping the first mentor. You can stay in touch, maybe check in quarterly, but you're honest that your focus has shifted. Most good mentors actually expect that. Luna: I think one trap high achievers fall into is using mentors as validation. They want someone to say 'you're on the right track' rather than challenge them. Have you seen that? Lucas: Absolutely. There's a great piece of data from a LinkedIn survey… let me check the exact year. It was 2025. They found that 62 percent of high-performing employees reported feeling under-challenged by their mentors. That's a huge number. It suggests that a lot of mentor relationships aren't pushing the mentee to grow. They're just cheerleading. Luna: So how do you avoid that? How do you make sure you're not just picking a mentor who affirms what you already think? Lucas: One tactic I recommend is to identify a 'stretch skill' before you even approach someone. Don't just say 'I'd love to learn from you.' Say 'I'm working on becoming a better strategic storyteller when I present to executives. Could you help me with that?' That frames the relationship around a specific gap, not general admiration. Luna: And it makes it easier for the mentor to say yes, because they know exactly what you need and can assess if they're the right person. Lucas: Right. And if they're not the right person, they might say 'I'm not great at that, but talk to Sarah in marketing — she's amazing at it.' That's still a win. You get a better referral than a vague 'sure, let's grab coffee.' Luna: I want to push back a little, though. Isn't there value in a mentor who's been in your shoes longer-term, who can give you the big picture even if they're not teaching you a specific skill every session? Lucas: Absolutely. I'm not saying every mentor relationship needs to be transactional. Some of the best mentors are the ones who ask you 'what are you not seeing?' and force you to step back. But for a high achiever who's growing fast, I think you need a mix. You might have one longer-term mentor who's more reflective, and then two or three shorter-term mentors focused on specific transitions. Luna: That makes sense. It's like having a primary care doctor and then specialists for specific issues. Lucas: Exactly. And by the way, this approach also takes pressure off the mentor. They don't feel like they need to have all the answers for the next five years of your career. They just need to help you with this one thing well. Luna: I think a lot of people worry about offending a mentor by outgrowing them. How do you handle that transition gracefully? Lucas: Honesty and gratitude. You say something like 'I've learned so much from our conversations, and I feel ready to take on the next challenge. I'd love to stay connected and check in every few months, but I want to be respectful of your time.' Most mentors will respect that. They'd rather have an honest transition than a relationship that fades into awkward silence. Luna: And you mentioned staying connected. Do you actually do that, or does it usually just fizzle out? Lucas: It depends. If you had a really strong connection, then yes — a quarterly email or a quick coffee is totally fine. But if the relationship was more functional, it's okay to let it go. The key is not to ghost. Even a short message saying 'thank you, I'm going to focus on X for a while' is professional and respectful. Luna: I want to circle back to something you said earlier about the stretch skill. How do you identify what that stretch skill is if you're a high achiever and you're already good at a lot of things? Lucas: Great question. One exercise is to look at the next role you want — maybe it's a promotion or a lateral move — and list the three competencies that people in that role consistently demonstrate that you don't yet. Then pick the one that feels the most uncomfortable. That's your stretch skill. High achievers tend to lean into their strengths, so the stretch is often something they've been avoiding. Luna: For me, that would probably be public speaking. I'm fine in small groups, but give me a stage and I freeze. So I'd look for a mentor who's a great presenter. Lucas: Perfect. And you can be very specific. 'I need to improve my ability to present quarterly results to the board without reading from slides.' That's a concrete ask. A mentor can watch you practice and give feedback. And because you're a high achiever, you'll probably improve fast, which means that phase of the relationship might only last a few months. Luna: And then you move on to the next stretch skill. It's almost like a continuous improvement loop, but with different people guiding each step. Lucas: Exactly. And I think that's actually more respectful to mentors than asking them to be your career coach for life. They get to see you grow, they contribute to a specific win, and then they can celebrate your success from a distance. Luna: You know, this conversation is making me think about how we approach our own show. We have listeners who are high achievers themselves, and they come to us for career advice week after week. If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, that's exactly what we hope for. Lucas: Absolutely. And a lot of listeners have asked how they can support the show beyond just listening. The honest answer is that a couple of dollars a month is genuinely what keeps these going — buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo, if you've gotten something out of them. Luna: It's a small thing, but it really does make a difference. Every contribution helps us keep the episodes ad-free and focused on what matters. Lucas: And we appreciate every single one. Now, back to mentor stacking — I want to talk about one more pitfall high achievers face, which is the 'I don't need a mentor' mindset. Luna: Oh, that's a good one. I've definitely felt that way before. Like, 'I've got this, I can figure it out on my own.' Lucas: Right. And that's often a sign that you're about to hit a ceiling. High achievers are used to being the smartest person in the room, but eventually you enter a room where you're not. And if you haven't built the habit of seeking mentors, you'll struggle to find one when you really need it. Luna: So you're saying you should proactively build mentor relationships even when you don't feel an urgent need. Lucas: Exactly. Think of it as building your advisory board before you need it. When a crisis hits or a big opportunity arises, you don't want to be cold-emailing people. You want to have relationships you can lean on. Luna: That's a great way to frame it. I also think high achievers sometimes feel like asking for help is a sign of weakness. How do you get past that? Lucas: Reframe it. Asking for help is a sign of self-awareness and efficiency. You're not saying 'I can't do this.' You're saying 'I want to do this faster and better by learning from someone who's already done it.' That's a strength, not a weakness. Luna: So if someone listening is a high achiever and they've never had a mentor before, what's the first concrete step they should take this week? Lucas: Identify one stretch skill. Write it down. Then think of one person in your network — even a loose connection — who excels at that skill. Send them a short, specific email asking for 20 minutes. Not a lifetime commitment. Just a single conversation. That's all it takes to start. Luna: And if they say no or don't respond? Lucas: Try someone else. High achievers are resilient. You wouldn't give up after one rejected job application. Don't give up after one mentor ask. The right person will say yes. Luna: I think that's a great note to end on. Thanks for the conversation, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. And to our listeners — go find that stretch skill and take the first step. We'll be back next week with more.