Latest / F*ck, I’m Nearly 50! / What If You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself? | Elkie Hughes | F*ck, I’m Nearly 50!

Transcript

What If You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself? | Elkie Hughes | F*ck, I’m Nearly 50! · F*ck, I’m Nearly 50!

• 0:00
  Dom Hind: Hi, I'm Dom Hind, and fuck, I'm nearly 50.
• 0:03
  Dom Hind: Actually, I'm 48 now and I am counting.
• 0:07
  Dom Hind: Over the years, I've spent a lot of time trying to become the best version of myself.
• 0:12
  Dom Hind: You know, the drill, the self-improvement books, the wellness routines, the podcasts, the productivity hacks, the endless idea that if we just optimized ourselves a little bit more, life will somehow feel better.
• 0:27
  Dom Hind: And don't get me wrong, I love personal growth.
• 0:30
  Dom Hind: But somewhere along the way, I started noticing something interesting.
• 0:35
  Dom Hind: Sometimes in the pursuit of becoming the best version of ourselves, we start quietly rejecting parts of who we actually are.
• 0:43
  Dom Hind: The messy bits, the emotional bits, the imperfect bits.
• 0:47
  Dom Hind: And suddenly we're not really improving ourselves anymore.
• 0:51
  Dom Hind: We're editing ourselves.
• 0:53
  Dom Hind: Which brings me to today's guest.
• 0:56
  Dom Hind: Elkie Hughes is someone who has completely changed the way I think of this idea of self-improvement.
• 1:01
  Dom Hind: Elkie and I actually go way back to our advertising days where we worked together across a couple of agencies, including MC Saatchi and with Collective, where she worked in studio and production before taking a very different career path.
• 1:16
  Dom Hind: These days, she's the founder of Be You're Happy, where she works with women as a Psychic K facilitator, Reiki practitioner, and integrative wellness coach.
• 1:27
  Dom Hind: Now, I'm gonna be honest, the first time Elkie explained what she does now, I needed her to explain it twice.
• 1:34
  Dom Hind: And then the only way I really understood it was by experiencing it.
• 1:38
  Dom Hind: She did a session with me, and afterwards I felt lighter, clearer, and almost like my brain hadn't quietly recollaborated itself.
• 1:46
  Dom Hind: It was one of those experiences where you realize you've been carrying things.
• 1:50
  Dom Hind: Stress, beliefs, emotional weight that you didn't even know was there.
• 1:54
  Dom Hind: What Elkie helps women do is shift the subconscious beliefs that shape how we see ourselves, often without realizing it's even there.
• 2:03
  Dom Hind: Because here's the thing: sometimes the biggest things holding us back from happiness isn't our circumstances.
• 2:09
  Dom Hind: It's the story we're telling ourselves underneath it all.
• 2:13
  Dom Hind: And today we're going to talk about why the idea of becoming the best version of yourself might actually be missing the point entirely.
• 2:21
  Dom Hind: Because maybe the goal isn't becoming someone better.
• 2:24
  Dom Hind: Maybe the goal is finally accepting all the parts of who we really are.
• 2:29
  Dom Hind: And honestly, fuck, I'm nearly 50, and isn't it amazing?
• 2:36
  Dom Hind: Most of us have heard the phrase, be the best version of yourself.
• 2:51
  Dom Hind: It sounds inspiring.
• 2:52
  Dom Hind: But today's guest believes that the idea can sometimes create more pressure than freedom.
• 3:00
  Dom Hind: Because when we're constantly striving to become a better version of ourselves, we can start hiding the parts of ourselves we don't like.
• 3:09
  Dom Hind: The parts we feel ashamed of, the parts we think make us unworthy, the parts we believe we need to fix.
• 3:18
  Dom Hind: But real happiness and self-acceptance don't come from perfection.
• 3:24
  Dom Hind: They come from integrating all of who we are.
• 3:28
  Dom Hind: The good parts, the messy parts, and the parts we've spent years trying to ignore.
• 3:34
  Dom Hind: Today we're talking about why so many women struggle with self-acceptance, how subconscious beliefs quietly shape the way we see ourselves, why trauma isn't what we think it is, and how we can start letting go of the pressure to constantly improve everything.
• 3:54
  Dom Hind: Elkie Hughes.
• 3:56
  Dom Hind: Welcome to Fuck I'm Nearly 50.
• 3:59
  Dom Hind: That's wrong.
• 4:00
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 4:00
  Dom Hind: And fuck I am nearly 50 in a couple of months.
• 4:03
  Dom Hind: Yeah, just a little bit ahead of me.
• 4:06
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, just a tiny bit.
• 4:07
  Dom Hind: If someone met you at a dinner party and asks what you do, how do you explain your work?
• 4:17
  Elkie Hughes: I work with people to identify and shift their subconscious limiting beliefs and trauma.
• 4:26
  Elkie Hughes: What does that mean?
• 4:30
  Dom Hind: Yeah, well, can you like explain what does that mean?
• 4:32
  Dom Hind: Like, great.
• 4:33
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, so we we have a whole bunch of subconscious limiting beliefs that we don't even realize that we have.
• 4:41
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Elkie Hughes: Um for for want of a better word, we're programmed.
• 4:46
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 4:47
  Elkie Hughes: And we live our life in that program.
• 4:49
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 4:50
  Elkie Hughes: So that's our subconscious, and we do have, you know, obviously we have our conscious mind, like, and we think we're living from that more than our subconscious, but we are actually living, it's about 90 to 95 percent is subconscious.
• 5:04
  Dom Hind: Yeah, wow.
• 5:05
  Elkie Hughes: So with that, we have beliefs, not all are limiting, but some are limiting.
• 5:13
  Elkie Hughes: Actually, it's probably more limiting.
• 5:16
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, um, and and it affects us in in in life.
• 5:22
  Elkie Hughes: So it can affect us in relationships, career, health, um, financial, just and and all through our life.
• 5:30
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 5:30
  Elkie Hughes: So it's about find identifying those.
• 5:34
  Elkie Hughes: And that's a whole process.
• 5:37
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 5:37
  Elkie Hughes: Um, identifying those and then shifting them with a modality which we can talk about now.
• 5:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, go.
• 5:44
  Elkie Hughes: Um go.
• 5:45
  Elkie Hughes: Which is called psych K.
• 5:47
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 5:48
  Elkie Hughes: So psych K is an energy psychology that is I'm gonna say 50% spiritual and 50% based on science.
• 5:58
  Elkie Hughes: Um, and we are working with the brain, and how we identify those limiting beliefs is through muscle testing.
• 6:05
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, yeah.
• 6:07
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:07
  Elkie Hughes: I've done it.
• 6:08
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:09
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 6:09
  Elkie Hughes: So through muscle testing, and why we use muscle testing is because it's the it's a way of talking or communicating with the subconscious.
• 6:19
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 6:20
  Elkie Hughes: Because if I ask you, oh yeah, you know, you don't think consciously, you're like, yeah, no, no, everything's fine, everything's great.
• 6:26
  Elkie Hughes: And then I muscle test, and it's like, oh no, you're not.
• 6:28
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 6:29
  Elkie Hughes: So it's really interesting to see um that process and then to shift them, it is quite an easy process.
• 6:37
  Elkie Hughes: The hardest thing is identifying what's going on.
• 6:39
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 6:40
  Elkie Hughes: And I do that through a conversation.
• 6:43
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 6:44
  Elkie Hughes: So it feels like therapy.
• 6:46
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 6:46
  Elkie Hughes: Like it feels like you know you're at the psychiatrist and you're having this big conversation, but I'm listening for what you're not saying.
• 6:52
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 6:53
  Elkie Hughes: And then because that's where you hear those subconscious beliefs that you're not even aware of.
• 7:00
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 7:01
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 7:01
  Elkie Hughes: Um, and so that's that's what I do.
• 7:04
  Dom Hind: Right.
• 7:04
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 7:05
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 7:05
  Dom Hind: Great.
• 7:06
  Dom Hind: So that that's yeah, that's that's that sums it up.
• 7:10
  Dom Hind: I think it's it's really interesting because the subconscious beliefs, uh like I've been doing Vashti, who was on the podcast last, we were have been doing a lot of work with what my beliefs or my patterns and behaviours actually are and where they formed from.
• 7:26
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 7:27
  Dom Hind: And it's really interesting how you don't think that things actually impact you.
• 7:32
  Dom Hind: You don't.
• 7:33
  Dom Hind: But they do.
• 7:34
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 7:34
  Dom Hind: And they have a long-term impact on you.
• 7:37
  Dom Hind: And, you know, even just a shift in that or just consciously knowing where something has come from and why you are acting in a best particular way is great to do.
• 7:50
  Elkie Hughes: It's yeah, and it brings you freedom.
• 7:52
  Elkie Hughes: It does bring you freedom.
• 7:54
  Elkie Hughes: Um, which we don't realize, and we are, we're like, we're literally going through life programmed.
• 8:00
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 8:00
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 8:01
  Elkie Hughes: And it does, you know, it it starts, and you know, it's not something it's that it's that cycle of life, right?
• 8:08
  Elkie Hughes: Because we're all programmed.
• 8:10
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 8:10
  Elkie Hughes: So it's not like um, you know, you're like you're b and it is from conception to about eight, seven or eight.
• 8:19
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:19
  Elkie Hughes: So it's, you know, and you're picking up everything.
• 8:21
  Elkie Hughes: It's that whole saying of you're a sponge, and so you're you're in your parents, um, you're you're with your parents, you're at school, you're watching TV, it's society, it's our parents, and you know, cultural, religion, our parents, so your parents, all of those things, religion, everything.
• 8:39
  Elkie Hughes: So, you know, we pick up a program and we're like, okay, well, this is how I'm living life.
• 8:45
  Elkie Hughes: This is it.
• 8:46
  Elkie Hughes: But sometimes they're limiting.
• 8:47
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 8:48
  Dom Hind: Yep.
• 8:48
  Dom Hind: Yes, they are.
• 8:50
  Dom Hind: So many of us are chasing the idea of becoming the best version of ourselves, but you believe the idea can actually be quite damaging.
• 9:01
  Dom Hind: Why?
• 9:02
  Elkie Hughes: Uh I I do because um we when we think about the best version of ourselves, we according to society.
• 9:14
  Elkie Hughes: Yes, um, we okay, well, that's the magazine just said that this, you know, I have to have, I don't know, I have to be six, two, or whatever.
• 9:24
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, I have to have this, I have to have that cheap list.
• 9:28
  Elkie Hughes: So, yo, well, I don't have all that, so I'm gonna go and try and find that, and then I'm gonna put that forward.
• 9:34
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 9:34
  Elkie Hughes: And we forget about all the other things.
• 9:37
  Elkie Hughes: Being the best version doesn't mean it's good.
• 9:41
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 9:42
  Elkie Hughes: It's it's the whole, I believe it's the whole.
• 9:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 9:44
  Elkie Hughes: And so when we're talking about subconscious beliefs, right?
• 9:47
  Elkie Hughes: So you imagine you're okay, I'm striving for the best version of myself, but I've got all these limiting beliefs.
• 9:54
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 9:54
  Elkie Hughes: So and it's not that we can't be the best, you know, we it's not that we can't be the best version, but you know, until we get to the core of uh why I operate like that, or why do I have that belief, and shift it, then there comes the freedom, then there comes the joy, then comes the all the the happiness.
• 10:18
  Elkie Hughes: It doesn't take away from the sadness, the grief, and all that stuff.
• 10:21
  Elkie Hughes: Like we have all of that, and that's what makes us whole.
• 10:26
  Elkie Hughes: But who says that the joy and the love and all that is the best version?
• 10:32
  Elkie Hughes: Why can't anger, fear, like why can't they be part of that as well?
• 10:37
  Dom Hind: You don't have to have this perfect persona of what's expected.
• 10:41
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah, there are, but I mean there's there's light and shade in everything.
• 10:46
  Dom Hind: Everything.
• 10:47
  Dom Hind: And if you don't have the shade, you forget to appreciate how good the light is.
• 10:52
  Elkie Hughes: And it's balanced, so you can't really have, you know, the good without the bad, the light without the dark.
• 10:57
  Dom Hind: No, it is all it is all there.
• 10:59
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 10:59
  Dom Hind: Um, when do you think, oh sorry, where do you think the pressure comes from?
• 11:04
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, I mean society.
• 11:06
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:08
  Elkie Hughes: Someone made up something, and so it's society, and then you know, yes, our parents, but our parents get it from society or from so you know, yeah.
• 11:20
  Elkie Hughes: I'm just yeah, I society, yeah, ultimately.
• 11:24
  Dom Hind: And do you think it do you think it's even worse now for us with social, with everyone always being on, yeah, with the fear of missing out being such a big thing?
• 11:39
  Dom Hind: Absolutely.
• 11:40
  Dom Hind: I'm so happy to miss out.
• 11:42
  Dom Hind: I'm I love missing out.
• 11:44
  Dom Hind: What's that?
• 11:45
  Dom Hind: Um the joy of missing out on the Jomo, yeah.
• 11:49
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 11:49
  Dom Hind: I'm very happy to do that.
• 11:50
  Dom Hind: Very, very happy.
• 11:51
  Dom Hind: I'm very happy.
• 11:52
  Dom Hind: Oh, yeah, okay, good.
• 11:54
  Dom Hind: Um yeah, I was uh when did you start realizing that self-acceptance might actually be more powerful than constant self-improvement?
• 12:06
  Dom Hind: When did I realise?
• 12:09
  Elkie Hughes: What do you think self-acceptance actually is?
• 12:11
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, so for me, self- it's it's accepting every part of you.
• 12:15
  Elkie Hughes: Okay.
• 12:16
  Elkie Hughes: And and that might sound simple and easy and basic or obvious.
• 12:22
  Elkie Hughes: But it's being able to accept all of the good and all of the bad.
• 12:29
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 12:29
  Elkie Hughes: Because, you know, right now I'm like I'm passionate.
• 12:33
  Elkie Hughes: I'm like, oh, I'm so excited to be here and everything.
• 12:36
  Elkie Hughes: But you know, I'm gonna go and have a moment at some point where I am angry, or I, you know, have a meltdown because something like, but I'm not gonna come on here with all of that.
• 12:47
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:48
  Elkie Hughes: Like that's not gonna serve me in any way, but I know that that's part of me, yeah, and I'm not gonna shy away from it, I'm not gonna avoid it, I'm not going to um ignore it.
• 13:00
  Elkie Hughes: I'm gonna go, hey, well, this is where I'm at.
• 13:02
  Elkie Hughes: So, okay, let's sit in that and you know, and you do whatever.
• 13:05
  Elkie Hughes: For me, I'm like, get on the sofa, get my blanket, yeah, get my cup of tea, and I'm like, I'm just gonna wallow in this for I don't know, half a day.
• 13:14
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:14
  Elkie Hughes: If that, or you know, maybe I give myself a day, maybe give myself an hour, but it's being able to, you know, we look in the mirror and we are oh, I don't like this, I don't like that, I don't there's plenty about me physically that I don't love right now, especially with freaking perimenopause.
• 13:31
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, but it's accepting that this is where I'm at.
• 13:34
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, because once you can accept those parts of you, there's no resistance.
• 13:39
  Elkie Hughes: And when you're pushing shit uphill, yeah, you can swear.
• 13:43
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 13:43
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, good.
• 13:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 13:44
  Elkie Hughes: When you are pushing shit uphill, like how does that go?
• 13:47
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, it never goes well.
• 13:49
  Elkie Hughes: At all.
• 13:49
  Elkie Hughes: So it's it's that um what's that saying?
• 13:52
  Elkie Hughes: You're going with the flow.
• 13:54
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:54
  Elkie Hughes: So I feel like acceptance is going with the flow.
• 13:57
  Elkie Hughes: Now, self-acceptance is not easy.
• 13:59
  Elkie Hughes: No, it's definitely it's not an easy thing at all.
• 14:02
  Elkie Hughes: It's it's quite, yeah, it's it is hard.
• 14:05
  Elkie Hughes: But what, okay, so with the work that I do, what I have realized is if you can identify the parts of yourself that you don't like and where they come from, yes, then you can forgive yourself because you think it's you and you know, I was born like this and I don't belong, and I'm not good enough, and blah blah blah.
• 14:31
  Elkie Hughes: You think that that's in your DNA, right?
• 14:34
  Elkie Hughes: It's not.
• 14:36
  Elkie Hughes: And so when we realize that when I was five years old in the playground and Billy didn't want to play with me, I didn't, I didn't, I said, Oh well, I'm not good enough.
• 14:49
  Elkie Hughes: I didn't, I didn't, I'm not, I'm not intelligent uh I'm not developed enough, you know, yeah at that point to go, oh well Billy's got something going on, like maybe got into trouble from his parents because he didn't make his bed.
• 15:01
  Elkie Hughes: I don't know, so then he's projecting onto me.
• 15:03
  Elkie Hughes: We don't think about that when we're five, we just go, oh my god, there's something wrong with me.
• 15:08
  Dom Hind: Yeah, right?
• 15:09
  Elkie Hughes: And then we take that and that's put that on the backpack and then we go walk through life.
• 15:14
  Elkie Hughes: So um, I've got enough on tangent.
• 15:17
  Dom Hind: No, no, no, I think no, I think that it is well, it's all part of the self-acceptance, and yeah, I think the the thing with self-acceptance is knowing what is in your backpack.
• 15:26
  Elkie Hughes: Yes, and understanding it so we can shift it because you don't have to carry that thing.
• 15:31
  Elkie Hughes: No, and and that's a thing like uh and I guess with the work that I do, it is that simple once we identify the the the blockages.
• 15:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 15:44
  Elkie Hughes: Um, but I think with self-acceptance, yeah, it you do have to do the work to understand where it's from.
• 15:52
  Elkie Hughes: Once you get that, walk in the park.
• 15:55
  Dom Hind: It's so funny, like everyone always, and I always say this to everyone, everyone always talks about doing the work, doing the work, doing the work.
• 16:01
  Dom Hind: And I freaking struggle so hard with doing the work because I'm like, what do I need to reflect on today?
• 16:08
  Elkie Hughes: Like, what what what but how much of the work are you taking on, right?
• 16:13
  Elkie Hughes: Because like do you have a checklist of okay, I've got 10 things that I have to do, do today?
• 16:18
  Elkie Hughes: Like on you, yeah.
• 16:21
  Dom Hind: No, I've got like a checklist of like thousands of the other things I need to do, but I never look at it and go, Oh, these are the things I need to do for me.
• 16:28
  Dom Hind: Okay, why should I be having a checklist of the work for me?
• 16:32
  Dom Hind: No, okay, good, absolutely not.
• 16:34
  Dom Hind: God, because that's making the work sound easy.
• 16:36
  Dom Hind: Yeah, I know, and that's why I'm like, oh, I hope, yeah.
• 16:38
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, because I don't think it's that.
• 16:41
  Elkie Hughes: I think it's more if you're consciously aware of oh, I'm triggered here, or why did I react in that way and go, oh I didn't that where does that come from?
• 16:55
  Elkie Hughes: Because that's not authentically me.
• 16:57
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, that is so I think it's awareness.
• 17:02
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, I don't think it's I have to sit and be meditate for half an hour and I and that's all great.
• 17:06
  Elkie Hughes: Like if you have all that time to do that, bloody fantastic.
• 17:10
  Elkie Hughes: But we don't every day.
• 17:13
  Elkie Hughes: No, I know.
• 17:14
  Elkie Hughes: So I think bringing awareness to your everyday interactions, see where you get triggered, go, oh, that doesn't sit right.
• 17:25
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, well, okay, well, okay, maybe that's something I need to work on.
• 17:28
  Elkie Hughes: And you look at it when it's time or when you do have a minute, or you don't you don't, you know, go, oh fuck, I did this, and oh my god, I reacted this way, and oh my god, now that person doesn't like me, and right, and you just spiral.
• 17:42
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:43
  Dom Hind: It's interesting.
• 17:43
  Dom Hind: Yeah, it is.
• 17:45
  Dom Hind: Well, and one of the things that I was working with Vashti on was observing.
• 17:49
  Dom Hind: So for that, for me, the big thing is to pause, like the power of the pause and the permission to pause, but also observe.
• 17:56
  Dom Hind: Yeah, so observe how you were in that moment, yeah, and yeah, why you reacted that way.
• 18:03
  Dom Hind: Yeah, and is there a way you can actually stop before reacting?
• 18:07
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 18:08
  Elkie Hughes: And that's the work.
• 18:09
  Elkie Hughes: To me, that is the work.
• 18:10
  Elkie Hughes: But I think people think the work is it's like I have to get up and then I have to get up before my kids because I have to do I have to sit and meditate for half an hour and then I have to do this, and then I have to stretch, and then I've got to stretch it, and then I've got to have it, yeah, da da da da.
• 18:26
  Elkie Hughes: I like I don't I don't think that's the work.
• 18:31
  Elkie Hughes: The work.
• 18:31
  Dom Hind: Yeah, the work is in in here.
• 18:34
  Dom Hind: And in here.
• 18:35
  Dom Hind: Uh yeah, and in here.
• 18:36
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah, sorry.
• 18:37
  Dom Hind: And even with the work, I always use my brain more than my heart.
• 18:41
  Elkie Hughes: You're conscious, because it's just subfinic.
• 18:43
  Dom Hind: Yeah, and that's it.
• 18:45
  Dom Hind: Like I always try and think my way out of shit rather than actually feel it out of shit.
• 18:49
  Dom Hind: Stop it and take a minute.
• 18:50
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 18:51
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 18:52
  Dom Hind: Which is killing.
• 18:53
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 18:54
  Dom Hind: Right side is literally just been all in surgery this year.
• 18:59
  Dom Hind: I wonder why.
• 19:00
  Dom Hind: Um, why do so many people feel the need to hide parts of themselves?
• 19:06
  Elkie Hughes: They just don't like them.
• 19:07
  Elkie Hughes: And they but they don't like them because again, it's this, it's, I believe, society saying, this is perfect and this is how you have to look, or this is perfect and this is how you have to be.
• 19:20
  Elkie Hughes: So, you know, for us as women in the workplace, you have to be a certain way, and you can't have a cramp.
• 19:28
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:30
  Elkie Hughes: You can't have a moment, you have to be everything's perfect.
• 19:35
  Elkie Hughes: And it's like, well, that's not the truth.
• 19:38
  Elkie Hughes: And then, you know, you have to, you know, have a flat stomach and not have hips, and you know, have a bust X, Y, you know, whatever size that is, and your hair has to be like this, and you can't have freckles, and you know, like you have to be a certain height.
• 19:53
  Elkie Hughes: That's not reality.
• 19:57
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, I know.
• 19:58
  Dom Hind: It's not, it is not reality.
• 19:59
  Elkie Hughes: So I think society again has a lot to answer for.
• 20:03
  Elkie Hughes: But the problem is we buy into that.
• 20:06
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 20:06
  Dom Hind: So and I think one of the hardest things is that we're all so worried about what everyone else thinks.
• 20:13
  Dom Hind: Absolutely.
• 20:14
  Dom Hind: Like everyone, like they everyone thinks that someone's thinking about them, but they're not.
• 20:18
  Dom Hind: They're all thinking about themselves.
• 20:20
  Dom Hind: It's like, why do we actually care so much?
• 20:22
  Dom Hind: Like, let's just stop giving shit.
• 20:24
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 20:25
  Dom Hind: So big realization.
• 20:27
  Dom Hind: Yeah, big realisation.
• 20:28
  Dom Hind: Yeah, in the last time.
• 20:29
  Dom Hind: But it's har it's hard to get off that hamster wheel and just go, don't care.
• 20:34
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 20:34
  Dom Hind: Um, where does that deep feeling of not feeling good enough actually come from?
• 20:40
  Dom Hind: Do you think it is like from a lot of childhood where we get in a situation where someone doesn't want to play with us or someone says something about us, or you know, is it that it can be that simple.
• 20:53
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 20:53
  Elkie Hughes: Um, or it can be, you know, I mean, we can go as far as abuse.
• 21:00
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:00
  Elkie Hughes: Right?
• 21:01
  Elkie Hughes: Like, you know, that's the extreme, but it can be as simple as, you know, um, Susie didn't want to play with me today, she's playing with her other friends.
• 21:11
  Elkie Hughes: Well okay, at that age, you can't how do you justify that?
• 21:16
  Dom Hind: You can't.
• 21:17
  Dom Hind: You can't.
• 21:19
  Elkie Hughes: You can't.
• 21:20
  Dom Hind: It was funny.
• 21:20
  Dom Hind: I was listening to on the way over here, I was listening to Zack Sidler talk about teenage boys and even with the whole manosphere, but how people the how they are being perceived with the looks maxing.
• 21:35
  Dom Hind: And it's so important to have those conversations, like just to keep the conversations opened with and I think that's even true with younger kids as well, and finding out why or what happened during the day, the feelings that you feel felt, so that we can try and help them understand.
• 21:52
  Dom Hind: Absolutely, absolutely because even now I still don't know whether I know how.
• 21:59
  Dom Hind: To describe how I'm feeling in a moment.
• 22:02
  Dom Hind: Yeah, okay.
• 22:03
  Dom Hind: Like I I'll either be like really angry and swear.
• 22:07
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 22:08
  Dom Hind: Or I'll be really upset and cry.
• 22:10
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 22:10
  Dom Hind: But there's very like it's it's hard for me to understand the range in between.
• 22:16
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 22:17
  Dom Hind: I think is that the work on the work?
• 22:20
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 22:20
  Elkie Hughes: No, but I I think it's I think it's probably the same for me because and I think you know it's like trying to describe how you feel.
• 22:28
  Elkie Hughes: It's like, okay, well, let's just feel it.
• 22:31
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 22:32
  Elkie Hughes: Just feel it.
• 22:33
  Elkie Hughes: Because I think you think the feeling rather than actually feeling it.
• 22:38
  Elkie Hughes: The feeling.
• 22:38
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 22:39
  Elkie Hughes: And I think, you know, it's it's because we're not, we're disconnected from ourselves.
• 22:48
  Elkie Hughes: We're not connected.
• 22:50
  Elkie Hughes: We're all out there.
• 22:51
  Elkie Hughes: I have to do this, have to do that, I have to do that, have to get here by then, have to do it.
• 22:56
  Elkie Hughes: Um she said this, he said that.
• 22:59
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:00
  Elkie Hughes: Noise, noise, noise.
• 23:02
  Elkie Hughes: And it's like, okay, come back here.
• 23:04
  Elkie Hughes: Come back to center, come back, connect into the heart and go, okay, how do I feel about this?
• 23:14
  Elkie Hughes: And feel into it.
• 23:17
  Elkie Hughes: And it's hard to do, right?
• 23:18
  Elkie Hughes: Because it's like we're going to go time and we're running lame.
• 23:22
  Elkie Hughes: But that didn't take long to do.
• 23:24
  Elkie Hughes: No, it takes.
• 23:25
  Elkie Hughes: And it doesn't.
• 23:26
  Elkie Hughes: It takes it takes a minute.
• 23:27
  Elkie Hughes: Like you could do it in a minute.
• 23:28
  Elkie Hughes: I grounded before I came, sprayed all my stuff around.
• 23:31
  Elkie Hughes: All right, I called in everyone.
• 23:33
  Elkie Hughes: I go on and the ancestors and the spirit guides were.
• 23:36
  Elkie Hughes: It took me a minute.
• 23:39
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 23:40
  Elkie Hughes: And how did you feel when you walked in there?
• 23:42
  Elkie Hughes: Bloody amazing.
• 23:43
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, well, amazing.
• 23:44
  Elkie Hughes: Um, no, like I do.
• 23:47
  Elkie Hughes: I feel grounded, I feel supported.
• 23:49
  Elkie Hughes: I just felt this whole energy holding me up from my from from behind here.
• 23:55
  Elkie Hughes: And I mean, I and I'm good, I'm ready.
• 23:57
  Elkie Hughes: Right, let's get it.
• 23:59
  Elkie Hughes: Good.
• 24:00
  Elkie Hughes: But times it takes a minute.
• 24:02
  Dom Hind: It does take a minute.
• 24:03
  Dom Hind: It's not long.
• 24:03
  Dom Hind: It doesn't need to take longer than that.
• 24:05
  Dom Hind: How much of that is conscious?
• 24:07
  Dom Hind: And how much of it is subconscious programming in us, just making sure that we can come back and actually be.
• 24:15
  Dom Hind: Oh, that's conscious.
• 24:18
  Elkie Hughes: Conscious.
• 24:19
  Elkie Hughes: We have to make a conscious effort to go, okay, just take a minute.
• 24:24
  Elkie Hughes: Because the subconscious is a reaction.
• 24:27
  Elkie Hughes: So we're just reacting.
• 24:29
  Elkie Hughes: And it's like, okay, so the subconscious, right?
• 24:32
  Elkie Hughes: The subconscious is great.
• 24:35
  Elkie Hughes: It helps us do all these things.
• 24:37
  Elkie Hughes: Like breathe.
• 24:38
  Elkie Hughes: Remember, breathe.
• 24:39
  Elkie Hughes: Now we're not thinking that we have to breathe.
• 24:42
  Elkie Hughes: We're just breathing.
• 24:44
  Elkie Hughes: So you imagine a reaction is like that.
• 24:47
  Elkie Hughes: There is no conscious thought in that.
• 24:49
  Elkie Hughes: It's just it's that I'm triggered, I'm reacting.
• 24:51
  Elkie Hughes: You know, it's the your dog runs out to the right, you're reacting.
• 24:56
  Elkie Hughes: Like there is no, I'm just gonna take a minute.
• 24:58
  Elkie Hughes: Am I gonna step out?
• 24:59
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 25:00
  Elkie Hughes: You know, you just do it.
• 25:01
  Elkie Hughes: You just do it.
• 25:02
  Elkie Hughes: So I think coming back to center, it is a conscious effort to do.
• 25:09
  Dom Hind: Okay, so yeah, see, and then I go back into thinking, how do I do that?
• 25:13
  Dom Hind: Do I set an alarm on my phone three times a day just to go?
• 25:16
  Dom Hind: Just once.
• 25:16
  Dom Hind: Just once a day.
• 25:17
  Dom Hind: When you go to bed, what give me your nightly routine?
• 25:22
  Dom Hind: Really?
• 25:23
  Dom Hind: No.
• 25:23
  Dom Hind: Okay, I put Hallie to bed.
• 25:28
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 25:28
  Dom Hind: Um, we do a meditation in her room, and then I go into Layton.
• 25:32
  Dom Hind: Late Juz and I will swap.
• 25:33
  Dom Hind: He'll go into Hallie, I'll go into Leighton, we'll say goodnight, whatever.
• 25:37
  Dom Hind: Come upstairs, finish off anything that needed to be done, or do washing or do housework, whatever it is.
• 25:43
  Dom Hind: I'll have a magnesium hot chocolate and then I know, then go and put like a thousand creams on my face and then clear my teeth, go to bed.
• 25:52
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 25:52
  Dom Hind: And so when you get into bed, are you like come out?
• 25:54
  Dom Hind: Most of the time I'm out.
• 25:56
  Dom Hind: Oh, and then we do have to watch Seinfeld every night, which as soon as I hear it, I'm asleep.
• 26:00
  Dom Hind: You're gone.
• 26:01
  Dom Hind: I'm I'm done.
• 26:02
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 26:02
  Dom Hind: So with with Hall, you're meditating.
• 26:06
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 26:07
  Dom Hind: So we we'll watch something.
• 26:08
  Dom Hind: So we're watching Harry Potter series at the moment.
• 26:10
  Dom Hind: We'll watch 20 minutes of Harry Potter, then we'll put on meditation, and then I'll swap and late till have the meditation.
• 26:16
  Dom Hind: So that's your that's your moment, you meditating.
• 26:19
  Elkie Hughes: You're already doing it.
• 26:19
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, okay.
• 26:20
  Elkie Hughes: So conscious okay, but you're doing it for her.
• 26:23
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 26:23
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, so now you're gonna do it for you as well, because she's doing it for her.
• 26:28
  Elkie Hughes: Allie's doing it for her.
• 26:29
  Elkie Hughes: You're now gonna go, okay, so this is also my time.
• 26:32
  Elkie Hughes: To think.
• 26:33
  Elkie Hughes: No, not think.
• 26:35
  Elkie Hughes: Oh well, okay, to feel.
• 26:37
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 26:37
  Elkie Hughes: That's a thing.
• 26:38
  Elkie Hughes: No thinking.
• 26:39
  Dom Hind: To be this not thinking thing.
• 26:41
  Elkie Hughes: To be and feel.
• 26:42
  Elkie Hughes: And you're gonna think.
• 26:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 26:44
  Elkie Hughes: But you so when you do your oh, that's a thought.
• 26:47
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, just put that thought away.
• 26:48
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, okay.
• 26:49
  Elkie Hughes: Don't don't don't be fooled that everyone meditating has an empty mind while they're meditating because they don't.
• 26:55
  Dom Hind: I try, I I do try and meditate, and then I'm just like, okay, there's 20,000 things I need.
• 26:59
  Dom Hind: Yeah, great, great, right, right.
• 27:01
  Elkie Hughes: And just go forget about it.
• 27:02
  Elkie Hughes: Um, all right, and so okay, I'm just I'm gonna think about that in a minute.
• 27:06
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, just I'm just gonna literally visualize taking that, put that to the side, like I'm here now.
• 27:13
  Elkie Hughes: Maybe concentrate on your breath.
• 27:15
  Elkie Hughes: Just okay, in, out.
• 27:17
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 27:19
  Elkie Hughes: Because while you're doing that, you can't think about the other side.
• 27:22
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, true.
• 27:23
  Elkie Hughes: So that's your time.
• 27:24
  Elkie Hughes: That's it.
• 27:25
  Elkie Hughes: You don't need to add more time.
• 27:27
  Dom Hind: Thank God.
• 27:28
  Elkie Hughes: You focus on yourself.
• 27:30
  Dom Hind: Yep.
• 27:31
  Elkie Hughes: And that's time.
• 27:32
  Dom Hind: Yeah, you're done.
• 27:33
  Dom Hind: There you go.
• 27:33
  Dom Hind: You made data, didn't even know.
• 27:35
  Dom Hind: Yeah, but I was thinking in that time, not feeling.
• 27:37
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 27:37
  Dom Hind: Um for people who are hearing this concept, the subconscious and the conscious, for the first time, what what do they need to take out of it?
• 27:51
  Elkie Hughes: Um, understanding that your conscious mind is your okay, so alright, no, let's do it this way.
• 28:01
  Elkie Hughes: Your subconscious mind takes up 90 to 95%.
• 28:04
  Elkie Hughes: So we're operating subconsciously at that level.
• 28:09
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 28:09
  Elkie Hughes: So 10%, 5 to 10% is a conscious thought.
• 28:13
  Elkie Hughes: So while you think you're in control, you're actually not.
• 28:18
  Elkie Hughes: And we all have them, we can't escape it.
• 28:28
  Elkie Hughes: Because I mean, of course, like the whole bodily function and all that stuff, like that's how we survive.
• 28:34
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 28:35
  Elkie Hughes: Um, so great, tick, good.
• 28:37
  Elkie Hughes: But also when we're talking about programming and beliefs, they're set in from conception.
• 28:44
  Elkie Hughes: So you're in here until about seven, eight.
• 28:48
  Elkie Hughes: And that's just the way it is.
• 28:52
  Elkie Hughes: Like, because it five, like again, five, four, six, you're not like, oh, that's a question.
• 28:58
  Elkie Hughes: No, I'm not gonna take that on.
• 28:59
  Elkie Hughes: We don't have the capacity to do that at that age.
• 29:01
  Elkie Hughes: We just take that.
• 29:01
  Elkie Hughes: So it's not until we're you know beyond that, our front frontal lobes developed, we're all like, oh, okay, right, okay.
• 29:10
  Elkie Hughes: Now I can do it.
• 29:10
  Elkie Hughes: So now I can go right, Y, Y, Y, X.
• 29:14
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, let's do this, let's do that.
• 29:16
  Dom Hind: Um, okay, great, great.
• 29:20
  Dom Hind: Um so these beliefs, how are they shaped or how can we shift them?
• 29:32
  Dom Hind: So I even when you were talking about that, like I'm like, oh God, poor Leighton and Halle, they're already stuffed by a lot of people.
• 29:41
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, but look, I mean, we're talking about limiting here, right?
• 29:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:44
  Elkie Hughes: We're not, you know, like we've all got encouraging great positive, you know, beliefs that we think are we we think they're conscious though, but we we have we have as many, you know, limiting uh well, maybe we don't, but we also have encouraging positive beliefs, okay?
• 30:04
  Elkie Hughes: So there's not limiting, we're talking about limiting.
• 30:06
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 30:07
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, fine.
• 30:08
  Elkie Hughes: So um what was the question?
• 30:11
  Elkie Hughes: So I haven't stuffed them up yet.
• 30:13
  Elkie Hughes: No, no, no, no, look, have you stuffed them up?
• 30:16
  Elkie Hughes: Look, I mean, but that's why we're talking about the cycle of life, right?
• 30:19
  Elkie Hughes: Because where does it start?
• 30:21
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 30:22
  Dom Hind: Um I haven't started.
• 30:24
  Dom Hind: I do think even with that, like there's uh asking the kids the questions, like just questions that you wouldn't normally ask them.
• 30:31
  Dom Hind: It's it's been something really interesting.
• 30:34
  Dom Hind: So we got this pack of cards which had questions on them.
• 30:37
  Dom Hind: Oh, yeah, I've heard about this.
• 30:39
  Dom Hind: Yeah, which are which are great because at dinner we're all asked two questions each, and it's stuff that I wouldn't normally have asked the kids or they wouldn't have normally asked me.
• 30:48
  Dom Hind: Yeah, and it just gives me a little insight into what they think and how they feel.
• 30:53
  Dom Hind: Yeah, which is more what they think.
• 30:55
  Dom Hind: But you know, like it's it is something nice to do.
• 30:59
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 30:59
  Elkie Hughes: That's awesome.
• 31:00
  Elkie Hughes: We we had something similar actually.
• 31:02
  Elkie Hughes: My stepdaughter lives with us at the moment, and you know, like we come from work, it's like, how are you?
• 31:07
  Elkie Hughes: How's your day?
• 31:08
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, good.
• 31:08
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, you know, how is your day?
• 31:10
  Elkie Hughes: You you're gonna say good, bad.
• 31:12
  Elkie Hughes: You're not gonna really, especially me, like, oh I I I'm not going into all the feelings.
• 31:17
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 31:17
  Elkie Hughes: I'm like, yeah, it was good.
• 31:19
  Elkie Hughes: It was shit.
• 31:20
  Elkie Hughes: You know, like I'm getting it straight.
• 31:22
  Elkie Hughes: Good shit, great, bad.
• 31:24
  Elkie Hughes: And and so we had this conversation um around how look, maybe we need to, and it was on Steve Bartlett's.
• 31:31
  Elkie Hughes: I think it was Steve Bartlett.
• 31:32
  Elkie Hughes: And it and so the new question is um, what was the highlight of your day?
• 31:37
  Dom Hind: Oh, yeah.
• 31:38
  Dom Hind: We do we also do high low buffer light and yeah, yeah.
• 31:40
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, actually, like that's a whole other yeah, you know, um question that you can elaborate on and you feel like you want to answer, yeah.
• 31:49
  Elkie Hughes: Um, and you can still say because also what was the low light of your day?
• 31:54
  Elkie Hughes: Well, you know, this and this and fucking that.
• 31:57
  Elkie Hughes: So you still get that, but you know, you still and again, you're like you're talking, and it's okay to have those feelings.
• 32:03
  Elkie Hughes: We have to have those feelings.
• 32:05
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, I agree.
• 32:06
  Elkie Hughes: I do, I really agree.
• 32:07
  Elkie Hughes: And and and and more to that with have you stuff the kids up.
• 32:12
  Elkie Hughes: The thing that I don't think we really think about is we okay, I'm gonna get a little bit spiritual.
• 32:19
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 32:19
  Elkie Hughes: We're gonna go.
• 32:20
  Elkie Hughes: We've all come to Earth, this is my belief, to experience all of the feelings.
• 32:26
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, to experience all that life has to offer joy, love, grief, anger, sadness, frustration, rage.
• 32:38
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, we're here to experience all of that.
• 32:40
  Elkie Hughes: So, you know, where's the perfect in that?
• 32:44
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, there's no perfect in that.
• 32:46
  Elkie Hughes: Well, it's whole.
• 32:47
  Elkie Hughes: That we're doing it, the whole is the perfect, yeah.
• 32:49
  Dom Hind: The whole is the perfect.
• 32:50
  Dom Hind: That's it.
• 32:50
  Dom Hind: Okay, good.
• 32:51
  Dom Hind: Um, when people hear the word trauma, they often think of something very dramatic.
• 32:58
  Dom Hind: But trauma can actually be much more subtle than that.
• 33:02
  Dom Hind: How do you deform what define trauma in the work that you do?
• 33:08
  Elkie Hughes: Um, trauma can be anything from I was bitten by a dog and now I'm scared of them.
• 33:15
  Dom Hind: Yeah, right.
• 33:15
  Elkie Hughes: Right, to Billy doesn't want to play with me.
• 33:18
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 33:19
  Elkie Hughes: Um to sexual abuse, yeah.
• 33:22
  Elkie Hughes: To um, you know, I mean losing your loved one.
• 33:27
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 33:28
  Elkie Hughes: So I think it's very vast.
• 33:30
  Elkie Hughes: I think when we're talking about PTSD, I think that is different.
• 33:34
  Elkie Hughes: Um trauma.
• 33:38
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 33:39
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 33:40
  Elkie Hughes: It can be the smallest thing.
• 33:42
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, it can be.
• 33:43
  Dom Hind: Or it can be a lifetime of something.
• 33:45
  Elkie Hughes: And it can be a lifetime, yeah.
• 33:46
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:47
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, and and to shift that as well is simple.
• 33:53
  Elkie Hughes: To get to it, it might not be, but to shift it is the same process, and it is quite simple to do.
• 34:00
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 34:00
  Dom Hind: Um, you work with modalities like psyche K and energy work to help shift subconscious beliefs.
• 34:08
  Dom Hind: You spoke about it a little bit before, but how does it work?
• 34:14
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, so it's it is spiritual and it is scientifically based.
• 34:18
  Elkie Hughes: So it's it's epigenetics.
• 34:20
  Dom Hind: Yep.
• 34:21
  Elkie Hughes: Um, so and that's the whole belief, right?
• 34:25
  Elkie Hughes: So we've established the whole where to subconscious given new belief.
• 34:28
  Elkie Hughes: How do we shift them?
• 34:29
  Elkie Hughes: So we're working with the left and right brain to um bring that back into a whole brain state in relation to the trauma or the belief, right?
• 34:40
  Elkie Hughes: Or the limiting belief.
• 34:41
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 34:42
  Elkie Hughes: Um we establish that through muscle testing.
• 34:47
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 34:48
  Elkie Hughes: And then we sit in a position that we've muscle tested where you cross your hands and connect your fingers and you cross your ankles.
• 34:59
  Elkie Hughes: Now it could be left over right, right over left.
• 35:02
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 35:03
  Elkie Hughes: And then you'll sit there and you'll feel into uh the trauma, or you will repeat the limiting belief that we've established.
• 35:12
  Elkie Hughes: Okay.
• 35:13
  Elkie Hughes: Okay.
• 35:13
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 35:14
  Elkie Hughes: And then you'll sit in it, close your eyes, sit in it.
• 35:19
  Elkie Hughes: Could take seconds, could take a minute, could take seven minutes, is probably the longest for someone that I've worked with.
• 35:26
  Elkie Hughes: Uh and it literally leaves your body.
• 35:30
  Elkie Hughes: So and you know through either you'll feel um something shift physically, mentally, or emotionally.
• 35:40
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 35:41
  Elkie Hughes: And it could be a cough, it could be a my eyes open, it's done, it could, you could get tingles, like it's different for everyone.
• 35:48
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 35:48
  Elkie Hughes: But what I want to say about that is is so with trauma specifically, we hold that in our body.
• 35:57
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 35:57
  Elkie Hughes: So we retain that in our muscle memory.
• 36:00
  Elkie Hughes: So when you have a trauma, it's there.
• 36:02
  Elkie Hughes: It's not, oh, that happened and now it's over.
• 36:05
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, it's over.
• 36:07
  Elkie Hughes: Like, you know, it's the the what happened is over, but you've held the trauma in your physical.
• 36:15
  Elkie Hughes: So you're going through life with that trauma.
• 36:17
  Elkie Hughes: So, and when we look at something, and I don't want to say it's, you know, getting bitten by a dog is small, yeah, because it's not, but when we talk about that versus someone who's gone to war, yeah, it's the same reaction, the same response.
• 36:32
  Elkie Hughes: So you see a dog and you've gone straight back into that trauma.
• 36:36
  Elkie Hughes: You hear a um car backfire, yeah, yeah, you go straight back into that trauma.
• 36:43
  Elkie Hughes: So your body reacts, and that's why subconscious, like sub because consciously, yeah, you know, you you know, like, oh that dog's fine.
• 36:52
  Elkie Hughes: Like, I'm holy fuck, holy fuck.
• 36:55
  Elkie Hughes: That dog's fine.
• 36:55
  Elkie Hughes: Holy fucking shit.
• 36:56
  Elkie Hughes: Oh my god, yeah, you know, you so it that and so that that whole brain position, it's got a whole brain position, shifts that out of your physical.
• 37:05
  Elkie Hughes: I know it sounds cuckoo, yeah, and woo-woo, I know it does, but it is incredible, yeah, and it and it works.
• 37:16
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, if you're willing, and if because I need to also test, is it safe?
• 37:20
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah, you know, um is it ready?
• 37:23
  Elkie Hughes: And and you know, we go through that.
• 37:26
  Dom Hind: Yeah, also are you I I know it sounds weird, but even are you ready?
• 37:30
  Dom Hind: Are you ready to let go?
• 37:31
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, and and some people like no, and I had a client who sexually abused, and he was actually going to court and he came to see me, and we did everything, and I'm like, I'm getting no, like, no, no, no.
• 37:44
  Elkie Hughes: And I'm like, Are you sure you're ready like to let this go?
• 37:48
  Elkie Hughes: And he's like, No, I don't want to, I need to hold on to it for court because the anger.
• 37:53
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, and so yeah, you have to be ready.
• 37:56
  Elkie Hughes: If you're not ready, it's not going anywhere.
• 37:58
  Elkie Hughes: And that's part of the testing if it's safe.
• 38:00
  Elkie Hughes: If you're not ready, yeah, uh you know, it's not happening.
• 38:04
  Elkie Hughes: Um so yeah, you do have to be ready.
• 38:07
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:09
  Dom Hind: Um okay.
• 38:11
  Dom Hind: What okay, we've we've done that one.
• 38:14
  Dom Hind: Uh what do you see changes in confidence, relationships, health, or happiness after you have released it?
• 38:23
  Elkie Hughes: Uh what do I see?
• 38:24
  Elkie Hughes: Um so instantly people leave a session with me feeling a light.
• 38:31
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 38:32
  Elkie Hughes: Um, they feel like a weight's lifted, they might be beaming from ear to ear, they might just feel more grounded.
• 38:40
  Elkie Hughes: It's always positive apart from that.
• 38:43
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 38:43
  Elkie Hughes: Um and then from there, I can't like I can't determine or predict what's actually going to happen.
• 38:54
  Elkie Hughes: Yep.
• 38:55
  Elkie Hughes: That's between you and God, yeah, yeah.
• 38:56
  Elkie Hughes: Or your your God, whatever.
• 38:58
  Elkie Hughes: Um But I've had I've had people who haven't spoken for years because they've been arguing and they've now reconnected.
• 39:09
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, right.
• 39:10
  Elkie Hughes: So it yeah.
• 39:11
  Elkie Hughes: I've had people who you know can't get that um promotion, can't, you know, want to want to find their soulmate or their true love, can't find that.
• 39:25
  Elkie Hughes: You know, they've had you know, and it go so the limiting br with that, the limiting belief could be they're too scared to go out there because they're not good enough, right?
• 39:34
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:34
  Elkie Hughes: You know, it could be that they're out there now.
• 39:36
  Elkie Hughes: You know, it's the journey is is yours.
• 39:40
  Elkie Hughes: I don't know what your journey is.
• 39:42
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 39:43
  Elkie Hughes: Um, but you go through life feeling more connected.
• 39:50
  Elkie Hughes: Things definitely occur um and more in line with who you are.
• 39:56
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 39:57
  Dom Hind: It's interesting.
• 39:58
  Dom Hind: So, I mean, when you talk about journey, something that I have only realised in the last few years is, you know, my mum has battled anorexia all of her life, and she's now 71 or 71 this year.
• 40:10
  Dom Hind: She still has anorexia.
• 40:12
  Dom Hind: And I tried all of my life, all of my life to try and help her and try and fix her.
• 40:18
  Dom Hind: And you know, it was me who admitted it a hospital three years ago, and I finally realized and let go that it's actually not my journey, it's hers, and it's hard, like it's really tough.
• 40:34
  Dom Hind: It's but I had to give myself that space because I couldn't hold it anymore, and I didn't want to hold it anymore.
• 40:44
  Dom Hind: Yeah, because it does just I mean that it's a massive self-limiting belief, that one.
• 40:50
  Elkie Hughes: It's it's huge, yeah.
• 40:51
  Elkie Hughes: But it's also huge that you've been able to do that.
• 40:54
  Dom Hind: Well, yeah, it is like it's hard, it's hard, it is and you do question yourself a lot, but you know, it's it's it's her journey, it's not mine.
• 41:04
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 41:04
  Dom Hind: That's a tough one.
• 41:06
  Elkie Hughes: Uh that is a tough one.
• 41:08
  Elkie Hughes: That's the I I had to go through that with mum.
• 41:11
  Elkie Hughes: It's a tough one.
• 41:11
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:13
  Dom Hind: Um, does it get easier to accept ourselves as we get older?
• 41:20
  Elkie Hughes: Um look, I think it does.
• 41:23
  Elkie Hughes: If you do the work, it does.
• 41:25
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, if you do the work, if you do the work, it doesn't do the work.
• 41:27
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, you can shift those with great.
• 41:29
  Elkie Hughes: Um, but I think there's levels because right now I'm in the stage of menopause, paramenopause.
• 41:38
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:38
  Elkie Hughes: Like there is shit that I have to accept that I didn't think I'd have to accept.
• 41:42
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 41:42
  Elkie Hughes: Like, so there's different levels of that as you go through life.
• 41:46
  Elkie Hughes: Like you're like, yeah, I'm great, everything's great, I'm I'm accepting of all parts of myself, and then holy fuck.
• 41:51
  Elkie Hughes: Something else happens.
• 41:52
  Elkie Hughes: Something else happens.
• 41:53
  Elkie Hughes: So I think we're constantly, again, it's the constantly evolving, working on yourself.
• 41:58
  Elkie Hughes: And when I say working on yourself, it is the awareness.
• 42:01
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, right.
• 42:02
  Elkie Hughes: It's like once you've seen the other side, you can't go back, you're in that state of you know, I'm gonna work on this, or I'm gonna take accountability for myself and I'm gonna do it this way.
• 42:16
  Elkie Hughes: Um, I think I think it gets easier because of experience, but it's yeah, again, it's it is it's everyone's journey is different.
• 42:30
  Dom Hind: Yeah, it is, and it is kind of like it's you're right, like the self-acceptance thing.
• 42:35
  Dom Hind: Like before I had knee surgery, shoulder surgery, eye surgery this year, I was really happy with how I was training, how fit I was, like all of that.
• 42:45
  Dom Hind: And then I've had to go through recovery and rehab, and I'm like, oh, this is the most boring thing.
• 42:51
  Dom Hind: I'm not challenged, I'm not happy with how I I feel because I'm not pushing myself, but I have to accept that that's where I am right now.
• 43:00
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 43:00
  Dom Hind: And so what's the flip side of that?
• 43:02
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, yeah, I beat myself up, yeah.
• 43:04
  Elkie Hughes: Or I like, yeah.
• 43:06
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, and then going one step further, okay, I'm accepting where I'm at.
• 43:11
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 43:12
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, what what can I do now?
• 43:14
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 43:15
  Elkie Hughes: So because there again, it's the it's the resistance, yes, what you resist persists.
• 43:23
  Elkie Hughes: So once you accept it, it's like, oh, well, hang on, no, I can do this.
• 43:28
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 43:28
  Elkie Hughes: Even though I can't go to the gym, uh, do all the things that you want to do, oh, that's an opportunity for something else.
• 43:34
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 43:35
  Elkie Hughes: And that's the awareness.
• 43:37
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:37
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 43:37
  Dom Hind: Yeah, I know awareness.
• 43:40
  Dom Hind: So your awareness is my observe.
• 43:42
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 43:43
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 43:43
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:45
  Dom Hind: Um, have you noticed shift in your own sept self acceptance over time?
• 43:49
  Dom Hind: Oh, yeah.
• 43:50
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 43:50
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, I used to hate myself.
• 43:52
  Dom Hind: Yeah, right.
• 43:53
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, I didn't, yeah.
• 43:54
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 43:54
  Elkie Hughes: So what changed then?
• 43:56
  Elkie Hughes: Uh, what changed for me I left out of time.
• 44:00
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 44:02
  Elkie Hughes: Well, that it's different now.
• 44:05
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, it is different now.
• 44:06
  Elkie Hughes: What changed for me?
• 44:08
  Elkie Hughes: I I got a calling that wouldn't go away until I answered it.
• 44:17
  Elkie Hughes: It was to go to Israel.
• 44:19
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 44:19
  Elkie Hughes: And that was never on my radar.
• 44:22
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 44:23
  Elkie Hughes: But at one point, but one day it's just like and I kept getting this.
• 44:25
  Elkie Hughes: And I'm like, oh, I've got to go.
• 44:29
  Elkie Hughes: And um I took off, and for you know, for me it was I found my soul.
• 44:37
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, right.
• 44:37
  Elkie Hughes: So that's that and that was huge.
• 44:40
  Elkie Hughes: It's like I went home to work out who I was.
• 44:44
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 44:45
  Elkie Hughes: Um the other thing was like two big things.
• 44:48
  Elkie Hughes: Like I lost mum at 40, 30, 34, 33, 34.
• 44:53
  Elkie Hughes: When stuff like that happens, like your whole foundation goes, like you don't give a fuck about anything.
• 44:59
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 45:00
  Elkie Hughes: Um, so you you reevaluate stuff.
• 45:02
  Dom Hind: So but also like that, it makes you re-evaluate life and how precious it actually is.
• 45:09
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 45:10
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 45:10
  Elkie Hughes: And that's then, you know, I I did a few things, but then the Israel trip came.
• 45:16
  Elkie Hughes: Once I started to kind of work through the grief, I then got that calling.
• 45:22
  Elkie Hughes: So they weren't connected, like losing mom and that trip.
• 45:26
  Elkie Hughes: Um but I certainly stopped giving a fuck about what everyone thought.
• 45:32
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 45:33
  Elkie Hughes: And I think that trip gave me the grounding to go, this is me.
• 45:38
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 45:39
  Elkie Hughes: And I'm accepting all of it because maybe I've got something else to give.
• 45:43
  Elkie Hughes: You know, like, and again, like when I even say that, when that comes out, I kind of go, well, you know, it's that expectation of what does society want me to give?
• 45:54
  Elkie Hughes: Give, yeah, yeah.
• 45:55
  Elkie Hughes: Versus, well, what he this is what I have to offer.
• 45:58
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 45:58
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, interesting.
• 46:00
  Dom Hind: Wow.
• 46:00
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 46:01
  Dom Hind: Um if you could go back and tell your younger self one thing about self-worth, what would it be?
• 46:12
  Elkie Hughes: Oh gosh.
• 46:13
  Elkie Hughes: Um self-worth comes from other people's judgments, not your own.
• 46:22
  Elkie Hughes: Wow.
• 46:23
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, that's a good one.
• 46:26
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 46:26
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 46:28
  Elkie Hughes: Or other people's perceptions or other people's crap.
• 46:32
  Elkie Hughes: No, no, I reckon yeah, it does.
• 46:34
  Elkie Hughes: Other people's baggage, other people's everything.
• 46:36
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, not not your own.
• 46:37
  Elkie Hughes: Not your own.
• 46:39
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 46:39
  Dom Hind: Okay, good.
• 46:40
  Dom Hind: All right.
• 46:41
  Dom Hind: Now we're moving on to a rapid fire question round.
• 46:45
  Dom Hind: Are you ready?
• 46:46
  Dom Hind: Um, what's one belief about happiness that's actually wrong?
• 46:50
  Elkie Hughes: Um, I think everyone's happiness is different and is fuelled by different things.
• 46:55
  Elkie Hughes: It's not all the same.
• 46:57
  Dom Hind: No, it definitely is not.
• 46:59
  Dom Hind: What's one thing people misunderstand about subconscious beliefs?
• 47:03
  Dom Hind: They think they're in control.
• 47:07
  Elkie Hughes: One small daily habit that supports emotional well-being.
• 47:11
  Elkie Hughes: If you can find one minute, if you can find more, great.
• 47:15
  Elkie Hughes: If you can find one minute to just center and connect into your heart, that's gonna set you up for the day.
• 47:25
  Dom Hind: Amazing.
• 47:25
  Dom Hind: One thing women underestimate about their own inner strength.
• 47:31
  Elkie Hughes: They don't, we don't realize how strong we are.
• 47:34
  Elkie Hughes: Like we don't, we underestimate the power and the strength that we actually have.
• 47:43
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 47:44
  Dom Hind: Yep, I agree with that.
• 47:45
  Dom Hind: Uh, your mood in one word right now.
• 47:48
  Dom Hind: With me singing it like that.
• 47:54
  Elkie Hughes: Oh gosh, happy, joyful, passion, yeah, yeah, joyful, joy, happy, content.
• 48:00
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, that's more than one word.
• 48:01
  Dom Hind: Yeah, you can have a you can have a string, a bag of yeah.
• 48:05
  Dom Hind: Um, truth bomb.
• 48:07
  Dom Hind: What's one thing about happiness and self-acceptance that more people need to hear?
• 48:13
  Dom Hind: Oh gosh, okay.
• 48:17
  Dom Hind: Uh give give that give that.
• 48:19
  Dom Hind: Okay, okay.
• 48:19
  Dom Hind: What's one truth about happiness and self-acceptance that more people need to hear?
• 48:26
  Elkie Hughes: Okay, your happiness is your own.
• 48:28
  Elkie Hughes: Don't measure it by anyone else's expectations.
• 48:33
  Elkie Hughes: Love that too.
• 48:38
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 48:38
  Elkie Hughes: This isn't me talking about the way.
• 48:40
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 48:40
  Elkie Hughes: And um self-acceptance.
• 48:45
  Elkie Hughes: Self-acceptance.
• 48:47
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, okay.
• 49:00
  Dom Hind: Self-acceptance.
• 49:01
  Dom Hind: Give it to me again.
• 49:02
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 49:02
  Dom Hind: What's one truth about happiness?
• 49:04
  Elkie Hughes: What's one truth about self-acceptance that more people need to hear you in order to s to um accept yourself, you need to go within.
• 49:16
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 49:17
  Elkie Hughes: It's about going within and connecting here, but not listening to all the noise out there.
• 49:22
  Elkie Hughes: Because we have everything we need.
• 49:27
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 49:29
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 49:30
  Elkie Hughes: We have it, it's there.
• 49:32
  Elkie Hughes: So if we can just find that silence or that moment to just listen to ourselves, and again, it's not easy, but yeah.
• 49:41
  Elkie Hughes: Then you'll hear it.
• 49:44
  Elkie Hughes: And again, I know that's not easy.
• 49:47
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 49:48
  Elkie Hughes: But you we have it within.
• 49:50
  Elkie Hughes: So if we're listening to ourselves, our truth is here.
• 49:54
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 49:54
  Elkie Hughes: It's not out there.
• 49:55
  Elkie Hughes: Nah, not out there.
• 49:56
  Dom Hind: It is all within you.
• 49:57
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 49:58
  Dom Hind: Okay, last question.
• 50:00
  Dom Hind: Um, if I could do one thing before I turn 50 that would make me feel more connected to myself, or to accept myself, or accept the whole version of myself, what would it be?
• 50:21
  Elkie Hughes: It's again, it's going within.
• 50:24
  Elkie Hughes: If you can find time, and it could, again, it could be a minute, it could be longer.
• 50:29
  Elkie Hughes: It's look for for people, for people like I've been doing this for a while, so I can just go, okay, connect in.
• 50:34
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, one minute, great, go, done.
• 50:37
  Elkie Hughes: But I know that's hard.
• 50:39
  Elkie Hughes: And it wasn't always that quick for me.
• 50:41
  Elkie Hughes: Yes.
• 50:41
  Elkie Hughes: Oh, is that long enough?
• 50:42
  Elkie Hughes: Hey, where am I getting it?
• 50:44
  Elkie Hughes: I've learned now to go, okay, in, done, done, done.
• 50:49
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 50:50
  Elkie Hughes: It if you can find it how long did that take you to do?
• 50:55
  Dom Hind: Like years, months, weeks?
• 50:59
  Dom Hind: Oh, uh years.
• 51:01
  Dom Hind: Yeah.
• 51:04
  Elkie Hughes: But again, but again, it was like, okay, it comes to the so it's it's all in one, right?
• 51:08
  Elkie Hughes: Like it's it's under it's the self-acceptance to go, you're fine, everything is fine, you are whole, complete, and perfect just as you are, and you're perfectly imperfect just as you are, right?
• 51:23
  Elkie Hughes: Like it's all it doesn't have to look a certain way.
• 51:27
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 51:28
  Elkie Hughes: Connect in.
• 51:31
  Elkie Hughes: Um, yeah, it did take me a while, and then now I can do it really quickly.
• 51:38
  Elkie Hughes: If you though can carve out half an hour even in a week, yes, to just connect, and if it means for you you do need, you know, the meditation, you do need a guided meditation, or you can just go down and put your feet in the water and just go, okay, I'm present.
• 51:55
  Elkie Hughes: My feet are in the water, I'm present.
• 51:57
  Elkie Hughes: Stare out there into the onto the horizon or whatever, or into the water.
• 52:01
  Elkie Hughes: Look for the sharks.
• 52:02
  Elkie Hughes: Oh no, don't we trigger, trigger, trauma, trauma.
• 52:07
  Elkie Hughes: Um if you can just do that, like and focus, you because meditation is focus focusing on one thing.
• 52:15
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 52:15
  Elkie Hughes: So you can literally sit here and I can take you into it, and you're focusing on that leaf.
• 52:19
  Elkie Hughes: Like it's not the um and it's it is that, but it's also not that.
• 52:25
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 52:25
  Elkie Hughes: So it's about if you can sit, light a candle, look at that candle, and focus on that for one, two, three, four, five minutes, you'll find the muscle gets stronger.
• 52:38
  Elkie Hughes: It's the same as going to the gym and doing your bicep curls.
• 52:41
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah.
• 52:42
  Elkie Hughes: The muscle gets stronger.
• 52:43
  Elkie Hughes: It's the same concept.
• 52:44
  Elkie Hughes: So it's just carving out that time and your intention, have an intention of I'm gonna connect.
• 52:51
  Elkie Hughes: I'm connecting within.
• 52:53
  Elkie Hughes: And if you can do that, and again, guys, it's like one minute.
• 52:57
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, yeah.
• 52:58
  Elkie Hughes: Don't think it has to be I have to sit there for an hour and meditate.
• 53:01
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, it's not that.
• 53:03
  Elkie Hughes: It's not correct.
• 53:04
  Elkie Hughes: If you like walking, like you can walk and meditate, yeah, because again, it's the intention.
• 53:10
  Elkie Hughes: Feel the rhythm.
• 53:12
  Elkie Hughes: You you not only connect in here, but you're connecting in physically because you're going with the rhythm, so you're walking and you're I get a lot of my ideas through walking.
• 53:21
  Elkie Hughes: Yeah, right.
• 53:22
  Elkie Hughes: Um, so it's that, and again, it doesn't have to look a certain way.
• 53:25
  Elkie Hughes: Find what works for you and just still your mind.
• 53:29
  Dom Hind: Okay.
• 53:30
  Dom Hind: Yeah, yeah, perfect.
• 53:32
  Dom Hind: Great, great.
• 53:33
  Dom Hind: It's just basically another thing to lose.
• 53:35
  Dom Hind: No joking, joking, joking.
• 53:38
  Dom Hind: Okay, all right, yes.
• 53:42
  Dom Hind: Uh, yes, thank you so much.
• 53:44
  Elkie Hughes: You're welcome.
• 53:45
  Dom Hind: Uh thanks for having me.
• 53:46
  Dom Hind: It was uh lovely to have you here and lovely to see you again.
• 53:50
  Dom Hind: Um, because the truth is so many of us spend years trying to improve ourselves, trying to be better, stronger, more productive, more successful.
• 54:00
  Dom Hind: But sometimes the real shift doesn't come from becoming someone new, it comes from finally accepting the parts of ourselves we've been trying to hide and letting go of the pressure to constantly optimize who we actually are.
• 54:18
  Dom Hind: Because happiness isn't about becoming perfect, it's about becoming whole.
• 54:24
  Dom Hind: Keyword whole.
• 54:26
  Dom Hind: Whole.
• 54:26
  Dom Hind: Uh Elkie, thank you for helping women reconnect with themselves in such a powerful way.
• 54:33
  Dom Hind: If you want to learn more about Elkie's work, uh, we'll link everything in the show notes.
• 54:38
  Dom Hind: And if this conversation resonated with you, please send it on to someone else.
• 54:43
  Dom Hind: Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is remind each other that we are already enough.
• 54:50
  Dom Hind: Because fuck, we're nearly 50, and isn't it amazing?