Latest / Legacy Living with Dr. Gloria Burgess / The Path to Contentment | Episode #354

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The Path to Contentment | Episode #354 · Legacy Living with Dr. Gloria Burgess

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Hello, and welcome to today's show, Legacy Living, Make Your Life Count.
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I'm your host, Doctor Gloria Gloria Burgess, international leadership expert and trusted
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adviser. Welcome to Legacy Living, Make your Life Count. I'm so delighted
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that you joined me today. Today's episode is all about being on purpose.
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We are going to talk about what it is, what it means, and
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why it's so important for people of all ages, why it's important in your
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family, at work, and with your friends. So what does it mean
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to be on purpose? To live on purpose? That's a great question,
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isn't it. Being on purpose is about being focused, deliberate, committed,
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and aligned. Focused, deliberate, committed, and aligned with whatever has heart
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and meaning for you. In other words, being on purpose is about being
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intentional. Like anything else that you want to nurture, that you want to
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cultivate as a habit, you have to practice, practice, and then practice
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some more. That's right. If you want to be more intentional about being
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on purpose, let me just tell you that now is the time. Don't
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wait. Today is the day. Now is the time to lighten your load,
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to drop tomorrow's worries, to say so long, to yesterday's baggage.
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Why, because today is enough. You are enough. Now is the time
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to make the most of every day. There are no guarantees how many days
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we will get. Now is the time to seek authenticity, to be genuine.
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Guess what Being authentic, being genuine will set you apart. Now is
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the time to be you. Take time to discover yourself, find your unique
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you. Now is the time to cherish your memories, relive them, learn
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from them, hand them down to your children. Then go and add to
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those memories. Now is the time to cherish your family, treasure your time
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with them. Now is the time to look beyond yourself, to think of
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other people. Look where you can help, and do it with selfless passion.
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Now is the time to try kindness, to step outside of your world.
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Chances are there are many many people who are caught up in struggles.
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Now is the time to spread love. Why because it gives us meaning,
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It brings compassion, and gives us new eyes. Now is the time to
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embrace your challenges. Look upon them as opportunities. Use them to strengthen your
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resolve to gain wisdom and compassion. Now is the time to fight for justice,
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to stand up when you know something is wrong to support others who promote
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righteousness. Now is the time to keep trying. When things are not going
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your way, believe in yourself, keep going. Now is the time to
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watch the sunrise, since the stillness, enjoy the warmth, marvel at renewal.
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Now is the time to care for our planet. We hold its future
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in our hands. Make your commitment. Now is the time to find your
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inner leader. We all have an inner leader. We all have an inner
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leader within us. Now is the time. Now is the time to live
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in the present. Your time is precious, spend it wisely. In other
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words, now is the time to be intentional. Now is the time to
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be on purpose. Now is the time to celebrate the amazing, magnificent music
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of your life, because, as I always say in the Grand Song of
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the Universe, life is short and very very precious. So make the days
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in your life count. One of the ways that I keep myself on purpose
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is to take time to reflect. In fact, I love nothing more than
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having a few hours each day, or an entire day, an entire weekend
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to simply kick back and take the time to reflect. Now, reflection,
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true reflection, is a time to look again Traditionally, especially in Western culture,
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we take time to reflect at the start of the new year, right
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now. Why do we do this because the new year is considered to be
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a time of new beginnings, a time of transition, doorways, gates,
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passages, and endings. In fact, our month of January is named after
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Janus. In Roman myth and religion, Janus is usually depicted as having two
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faces, since he looks to the future and to the past. So in
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Western culture, and I probably should say Northern hemisphere Western culture, we often
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think of January as an opening the doorway to new beginnings, to transitions,
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and to endings. So January opens the door to reflection. Well, that's
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great, that's all well and good. Right, However, you know what,
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we can open that door to reflection at any time of the year.
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We can step back and take time to reflect on our life whenever we want
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to be intentional about taking stock of where we are, where we've been,
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and where we want to go. Let me ask you a question, do
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you know how to be reflective? I often incorporate reflection into the courses I
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teach, and I always include reflection when I lead retreats. Why because reflection
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is one of the many ways we can slow down so that we can remember
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who we are, whose we are, and what's important to us. When
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we take time to pause and slow down from our typical hectic pace and to
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breathe, we actually usher in the spaciousness of time. We actually have the
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time to become conscious and aware and to digest and metabolize what we've achieved or
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accused. When we consciously and intentionally digest and metabolize who we are, who's
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we are, and what we do, we can actually then begin to integrate
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all of that into our lives. Now, reflection doesn't have to be hard
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work, but make no mistake about it, it is work. Here are
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some questions you can ask yourself to help you track, digest, metabolize,
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and integrate the various arenas of your life. Now, I'm going to invite
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you to write these questions down. Okay, so grab a pen, pencil,
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your notepad, your iPad, whatever you happen to have. Here are
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the questions. What goals or milestones have I at, What goals or milestones
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have I achieved? What can I improve on? Where am I stuck?
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What is keeping me stuck or holding me in place? Holding me back now
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again. These are questions to help you track, digest, metabolize, and
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integrate the various arenas of your life. Now, I'm going to repeat those
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questions in case you were running around trying to get your notepad. What goals
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are milestones? Have I achieved? What can I improve on? Where am
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I stuck? What's keeping me stuck or holding me in place? What's holding
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me back right now? We all lead such busy, busy lives that are
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accomplishments. Our achievements often get buried in the daily minutia. We forget or
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we don't even notice sometimes our own efforts. That's why I'd like to take
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a moment to remember all the people I've met, the meetings I've had,
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the conferences I've attended, the articles or posts or books I've written, the
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projects I've tackled, the things I've read. Doing so helps me become conscious
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of how I've moved forward, as well as what threw me off track right
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the things that were not aligned with who I am and whose I am.
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Reflection can actually help you get clarity about how to stop living on autopilot and
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start living the life you want, which is the kind of life we all
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want, right, and that's a life of satisfaction and contentment. That sounds
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pretty wonderful to me. How about you? And did you know you can
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start today? You can begin nurturing and cultivating your own contentment today. That's
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right. Here's how you do it. Here are few tips for cultivating contentment
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in your life. Now. Despite what you see in the movies or read
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in romance novels or fairy tales, true contentment doesn't jest magically happen to you.
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Poof No, that kind of life doesn't just magically appear. But it
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is something you can make happen. In fact, that something you can actually
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cultivate. So let's take a look at what this is all about. Science
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tells us what spiritual leaders have known and told us for thousands of years.
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What's that We can all be happy, we can actually take charge, we
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can actually control our own contentment. Science tells us that circumstances make very little
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difference in how contented people are. In fact, research reveals that happiness,
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which is a key aspect of contentment, is due to personality. More importantly,
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we can change our thoughts and behaviors, which means we can actually learn
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how to shift our pattern. So, yes, you can learn how to
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be happy, or at least happier. Right now, many of us believe
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that happiness is the result of having oodles and oodles of money, you know,
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being rich wealthy, or being beautiful, or being blissfully fin or being
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free from the very real dangers of being stressed out. But here's the reality.
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Most of the folks who are financially well off or so called beautiful by
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the world standards, and even those who are less stressed, guess what,
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they are not happier on average than those who don't enjoy financial wealth or beauty
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or lower stress in their lives. People who are happy seem to know that
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their happiness is the result that their happiness is the sum total of their choices
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in life. Okay, so it's a sum total of the choices that we
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make. Those who are happy, those who routinely experience contentment in their lives,
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have built their lives and their life style on a similar foundation. And
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guess what you can too. Let's take a look at what I call the
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five intentional pillars of contentment. The five intentional pillars of contentment. The first
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pillar is all about devoting time and energy to your relationships. The second is
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appreciating who you are and what you have. The third pillar is about cultivating
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an optimistic attitude, the fourth having a steadfast sense of purpose, and the
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fifth one, the fifth pillar, is living in the present moment. So
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let's take a closer look at each one of these pillars now. The first
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one is devoting yourself to your relationships, devoting time and energy. One of
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the best gifts we can give to someone else is the gift of attention.
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For many people, that's what love is. Attention. We can give our
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attention to those we love in many many ways these days, listening, simply
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listening can be a huge gift. In a lovely little book called a Father's
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Book of Listening, doctor Mark Brady teaches us how to be a great listener.
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In this book, Brady focuses on a father and son relationship. But
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one of the reasons I love this jim of a book is that you can
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apply his lessons to any kind of relationship. His pearls of experience and wisdom
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apply to our friendships, our relationships with our teammates at work, our relationships
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with our spouses, even with people we don't know yet, but would like
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to know better. He says, when we listen. When we listen to
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people, often what we listen for are the things we understand or the things
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we agree with. We actually find great comfort in discovering the ways that they
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are like us. Now, when our kids or other people say things or
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act differently than us, it you can make us uncomfortable, And when they
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turn out to be very different from us, it can make us extremely uncomfortable.
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We don't necessarily like to see or hear about differences. Brady goes on
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to say, a listening father deliberately seeks out and pays attention to the ways
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our kids are different from us. And that's the same thing we do in
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our other relationships. Right, we begin to appreciate the ways they've been shaped,
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molded, and often distorted by culture, schooling, family of origin,
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genetic makeup, and any number of unknown factors like snowflakes. No two people,
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no two children out of the billions and billions are ever exactly alike.
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Now, after we've learned to listen to differences and to develop an appreciation for
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them and our kids, our friends, our spouses, our co workers,
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we can actually cherish and celebrate their special uniqueness. This perspective allows us to
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deeply appreciate the power and beauty in complexity and in diversity. Now here's another
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thing about contentment. And this might sound simple, but sometimes it's pretty hard
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to do. So what am I talking about. I'm talking about surrounding yourself
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with positive people. That's right, surround yourself with folks who are satisfied and
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content. Did you know that being in the presence of a positive, contented
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person actually lifts your own energy, your own vibration, so to speak,
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which alters or changes your mood. It changes your energy. And by being
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positive yourself, you can actually charge up, so to speak, you can
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charge up the folks around you. You can change the atmosphere. And in
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this sense, you are actually giving something back. You're giving something back and
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that's a positive change to the people around you. Now, that makes a
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wonderful gift that you can offer to your family, your friends, your co
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workers, your neighbors. How cool is that your family and friends and other
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loved ones help you celebrate the music of your life, your joys, your
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triumphs, your challenges, and your successes. Your family and friends and other
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loved ones also lend you their support when times are hard. Maybe you just
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received a difficult diagnosis from your doctor, or maybe you just learn that your
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job will be cut or you'll be furloughed, or perhaps one of your children
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is going through very difficult times in a significant relationship. Whatever the challenge is,
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your family and friends can be a lifeline. And although it's easy to
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take your lifeline for granted, your support network. Your relationships with your family
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and friends need nurturing. Just like any other living, breathing person or thing
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in our lives. You can nurture and cultivate relationships and build up your emotional
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bank accounts. So to speak through kindness. Kindness in your words and in
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your actions. So be gentle and gracious with the words you use in conversations,
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in your emails, in your text messages. And if you must correct
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or offer a critique, take good care with the words you choose, and
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to be gracious in how you offer your critique. Now, most of us
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probably remember this saying from childhood. Sticks and stones may break my bones,
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but words can never hurt me. Can I just tell you something that is
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a lie? In reality, sticks and stones sometimes hurt far less than the
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words we use. Words can hurt so badly that even though someone hurled harmful,
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unhealthy words at you when you were very young, six ten, fifteen
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years old, now as an adult, when you recall those hurtful words,
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the pain of memory that goes along with those words, the hurt, the
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shame, the humiliation, the emotion, and the physical pain of those words
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come flooding back, don't they. Doctor Mayagelo reminds us that although we will
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forget what people say, we will never forget how they make us feel.
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That's so true, so true. Okay, so let's talk about pillar number
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two. And pillar number two is appreciating who you are and what you have.
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This is all about letting the folks in your life know, letting them
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know how much you appreciate them. Not just what they do for you.
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That's not what this is about. It's also about letting them know how much
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you appreciate their presence in your life. Let them know how delighted you are
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that they are part of your life. Now. Gratitude is so much more
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than saying thank you. As most of you know. If you missed my
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episode on gratitude, be sure to download it and listen to it now.
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Gratitude is all about recognizing and acknowledging the power of blessings. That means blessings
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received, blessings that are present right here and now, as well as all
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of the blessings that you will receive in the future. Gratitude is also about
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your sense of wonder and awe and deep appreciation and thankfulness for life. It's
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so easy to go through life without recognizing and acknowledging our blessings. I mean,
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let's face it, for some of us, we have to have something
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serious happen in our life, like a bad accident or serious illness, or
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some other traumatic event to wake us up, to wake us up enough to
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appreciate the great people, things, and moments in our lives. Let me
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tell you something, do not do not wait for something tragic to happen to
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you. Wake up. Make gratitude a practice in your life. Make it
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a habit, just like brushing your teeth, eating your meals, exercising,
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meditating. And I'm going to say, begin today, make your commitment.
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Each day notice at least one thing, one thing, or person or moment
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that has blessed your life. Now, if you find yourself being ungrateful,
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or thinking about something negative, or just you know, thinking about something in
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a negative way, or if you find yourself wanting something that your friend has
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or your neighbor has something that you don't have. Instead of wanting and craving
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and desiring and yearning for what someone else has that you don't, do this.
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Be grateful for who you are, for your unique strengths and gifts and
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flaws, all of it. Be grateful for the friends and family you have.
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Be grateful for the apartment you live in, the house you live in,
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the street you live on. Be grateful for the family members who support
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you, the perfect strangers who support you. Be grateful for who you are
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and what you already have. And I'm not just talking about physical possessions.
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I'm talking about those qualities, those character qualities that are also a part of
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who you are. Sometimes we find ourselves thinking bad or or negative thoughts about
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someone else, sometimes even ourselves. Right now, if that's you, instead
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of allowing that negative voice to rule to take over in your head, I
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want you to substitute a grateful voice, a grateful thought for your negative one.
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For example, if your sister forgot your birthday, instead of throwing yourself
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a pity party and moping around and saying to yourself, my sister forgot to
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call me on my birthday. Hey, substitute this thought instead. You know
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what, my sister has always been there for me through thick and thin,
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through good times and bad times, ups and downs. My sister has always
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been there for me. Well, maybe not all the time, but a
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lot of the time. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, sister.
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Before you go to bed, before you go to sleep each night,
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let gratitude be your last thought, And when you wake up each morning,
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let gratitude be your very first thought. Give it a go. You will
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be surprised and happy about how gratitude can actually change your life. So when
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you cultivate and practice gratitude, you actually add to your contentment. Now,
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let's take a look at that third pillar, which is all about cultivating optimism.
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Now, we know that some people are actually wired to see the glass
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as half empty and other people are wired to see the exact same glass as
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half full. Now, if you're one of those people who habitually sees the
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glass as half empty, then I encourage you to develop a new habit a
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new way of seeing, and a new way of being develop the habit of
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seeing the positive side of things. Do not let what's negative in the world
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filter your whole outlook on the rest of your life or on what's going on
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in the world around you. DeWitt Jones is a friend and an amazing photographer,
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and he reminds us to celebrate, to celebrate what's right with the world.
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Now. I just love that, because what's good, what's right with
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the world, far outweighs the negative. If you're not a naturally optimistic person,
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it could take some time for you to change your pessimistic thinking into optimistic
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thinking. So be gracious with yourself, be gentle with yourself. You can
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begin by simply becoming aware and by noticing your negative thoughts as they filter in,
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and as they filter in, as they come in, don't judge,
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just notice. The first step is just noticing, and as your awareness increases,
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you can then begin to ask yourself a few key questions. Is what
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is happening right now really as bad as I think it is? That's a
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great question, right, So when those negative thoughts begin to, you know,
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come in flirt, by ask it's what's happening right now really as bad
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as I think it is. Another question is how might I? How might
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I look at my situation differently? Love that one. Another question is how
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might I see one just one positive? And what's happening right now? Now?
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I love those how might I? Questions? Because how might I?
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Is actually what design ask themselves all the time. So in this way you're
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designing, you're designing a positive stream and interrupting, disrupting that negative stream.
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So how might I see one positive in what's happening right now? Another question
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is how will I express my gratitude? Again, gratitude changes everything? How
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will I express my gratitude? And another question you can ask yourself is what
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can I learn from my experience? What can I learn from my experience?
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The fourth pillar is about finding your purpose. Now, people who have a
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mission or a sense of purpose show up differently than folks who don't have a
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mission or purpose. Their purpose could be carrying for their family, being an
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exceptional team member, starting and growing a business, or writing books. Whatever
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their purpose is, they just seem to be more focused, more focused,
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and more contented than those who do not have a purpose. It's been said
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that the two most important days of your life are the day you were born
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and the day you figure out why. Having a sense of purpose gives us
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our why in the daily events of your life. Your day just goes better
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when you say yes, when you say yes to the circumstances and opportunities that
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align with your why. If you're not sure about your purpose, about your
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why, or if you're kind to sure but not quite clear yet, here
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are a few questions to ask yourself. The first question is who or what
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do I love? Not like, but love? Who or what am I
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passionate about right now? This question is a really important one because your core
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relationships provide a sense of meaning and purpose in your life, So be sure
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to cultivate meaningful, life giving and life affirming relationships and let go of those
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that are not okay now. It's also important because your answer to this question
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will give you a sense of what brings you satisfaction and contentment in your life.
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So who or what do I love? Another question to ask yourself is
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am I engaged in work that I love? Or if you're a student a
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mind engaged in studies that I love right now? If you're like most people
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and you're working, you spend at least forty hours a week at work,
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sometimes much much more than that. Right when you think about it, you
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actually spend most of your waking hours working, So that makes it even more
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important to be engaged in work that provides you with a deep sense of meaning
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and purpose. Another question to ask yourself is what excites and energizes me?
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Now, If that's a hard question for you to answer, this next question
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will help you understand what excites and energizes you, okay. It'll also help
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you determine who and what you love. This question can help you get more
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concrete okay. So the question is what are my proudest achievements? What are
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my proudest achievements? Now, if you can make a list of your proudest
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moments, your proudest achievements, those special people, moments, circumstances, events,
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this list will actually point you in the direction of who and what you
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love and who and what excites and energizes you. For example, if I
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were to share my list of my proudest achievements, one of them would be
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having my daughter. Another would be receiving my doctoral degree. Another would be
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receiving recognition and awards for my writing. The books I've written or contributed to.
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I mean, the list goes on and on and on, and then
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if I review that list, I would actually find some very meaningful clues about
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what gives me satisfaction and contentment, what gives me my deep sense of meaning
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and purpose, my why. A final question to ask yourself is this,
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how do I want others to remember me? Now? This question should reveal
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to you what kinds of qualities you have. Remember, people will forget what
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you say or do, but they will remember what and how you make them
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feel. So ask yourself, how do I make people feel? Do I
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make them feel welcome? Do I make them feel good about themselves? Do
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I lift them a little bit higher? Do I express love, kindness,
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general city, and gratitude to those I know, to those I meet?
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How do I want others to remember me? Pillar number five is all about
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living in the moment. Now, A lot of people simply don't understand that
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today is a gift. I mean, they might get it mentally intellectually,
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but they don't really live it. Today is a gift. And you know
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what, Tomorrow is not promised. That's right, That's what I said.
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Tomorrow is not promised. In other words, do not put off or postpone
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your joy. Do not wait for that day when your life is less busy
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or less stressful. Why because that day may never come. Instead, look
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for opportunities to enjoy your roses today. Look for chances to savor the small
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moments, the small surprises, the small joys and pleasures of life every single
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day three sixty five, twenty four seven. We can learn a lot about
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how to do this by looking at and by listening to by paying attention to
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children. Most of the children I know understand how to live in the present.
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In fact, they are experts at it. Children focus on the many
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delights, joys, and positive experiences that are happening right now in this present
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moment. We could all take a page out of that book. If we
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did, we would truly enjoy today instead of dwelling on the past or worrying
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about the future. We can also learn a lot by cultivating what doctor Mark
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Brady calls beginner's ear. He describes this way of paying attention to the present
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moment as being open and curious. To gain a sense of what beginner's ear
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might be like, think about how the sounds of the world affected you as
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a small child. Can you recall what it was like on a warm summer
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night when you heard your very first cricket chirp, and then you heard the
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smaller details, the rhythm, the silence between chirps, and the answering call
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of the other crickets. Paying attention to and living in the present moment is
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paying attention to discriminating details. In fact, this is exactly what we must
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do to keep things from going in one ear and out the other. When
41:31
we pay attention to and live in the present, we actually find the cure,
41:37
the antidote, the remedy to our modern obsession with speed, speed at
41:45
any cost, it seems, and the resulting sense of loneliness and alienation that
41:55
can result from speeding from one adventure to the next, from one relationship to
42:00
the next, from one experience to the next, without slowing down, to
42:06
pause, to inhale and exhale, to fully experience and metabolize and appreciate the
42:15
amazing weeks and months, the awesome moments, the many sumptuous and marvelous details
42:28
in the days of our lives. Wow, We've covered a lot of ground
42:42
today, So I just want to pause for a moment, to breathe,
42:52
to breathe in, to breathe out, to reflect on and summarize these key
43:04
notes about contentment, about being on purpose and living on purpose. Remember,
43:16
the folks who routinely experience contentment in their lives have built their lives and their
43:22
lifestyles on the five pillars, the intentional pillars of contentment. They devote time
43:30
and energy to their family and friends. They appreciate who and what they have.
43:39
They have an optimistic outlook on life. They have a steadfast, solid
43:45
sense of purpose, and they live in the present moment. So that's how
43:54
you do it. That's how you live on purpose. That's how you make
44:00
your life count so that you can be the change you seek. Now,
44:07
remember how you live, it's how you lead, It's how you do everything.
44:15
You have the power to make your world, to make our world a
44:21
better place. As you delve into your day, I sure hope that it
44:29
is filled with love and joy and gratitude and grace. All right, I
44:37
want you to be sure to listen to this episode again and again, and
44:43
hey be sure to tell somebody, tell your family and friends. You can
44:49
find me right here on iTunes, Audible, Alexa, SoundCloud, I Heart,
44:55
tune in sprigger dot com, Talk Network Radio and so many other places.
45:04
Now, if you happen to miss any part of this week's show,
45:07
or if you miss last week's episode, you can simply download the recording and
45:13
listen to it at your convenience. You can even listen to it on the
45:16
go. Check us out at www dot Talk network Radio dot com. Forward
45:25
Slash Hosts, Forward Slash Legacy Living. That's Talknetwork Radio dot com. Forward
45:35
Slash Hosts Forward Slash Legacy Living. You can learn more about my work and
45:44
Legacy Living. Make your life count by visiting the Gloria Burgess website, and
45:49
you can subscribe to my inspiring words right on my website. Just scroll down
45:54
a bit look on the right sidebar until you see the place to add your
46:00
email to subscribe to my weekly inspirations. It's that simple. So again,
46:07
to learn more about me and my work, just browse a bit on my
46:09
website or visit me on LinkedIn or on Facebook, and you can find me
46:15
on Facebook at Facebook dot com. Forward slash Dr for doctor Dr Gloria Burgess,
46:23
pH d. You can also check out one of my Ted talks at
46:30
ted dot com. Now, before I close today, I want to thank
46:36
each of you for tuning in to today's episode, for allowing me to share
46:40
a bit about my journey with what legacy living is all about, not just
46:47
living and learning, but living and learning and serving so that you make a
46:52
difference in your own life and in the lives of others. It's about being
46:59
on purpose every single day. Three sixty five twenty four seven. Legacy living
47:07
is a powerful way to make your life count. Once again, I want
47:15
to thank you for joining me for today's show. I'm your host, doctor
47:20
Gloria Gloria Burgess, and this is Legacy Living, Make your life count.
47:29
Please join me again next time right here on Talk Network Radio for another show
47:36
of legacy living. Make your life count. Don't just count the days in
47:43
your life. Make the days in your life count. That's what legacy living
47:51
is all about. Have a fantastic day, and remember, make the days
47:59
in your life count. God bless you. That's our show today. I'm
48:17
your host, doctor Gloria Gloria Burgess. I hope you'll join me again next
48:24
time. Until then, don't just count the days in your life, Make
48:30
the days in your life count. That's what legacy living is all about.
48:37
Here's to you have a fantastic day and be sure to make it a Yes
48:42
kind of day. Remember to celebrate the music of your life. Make the
48:51
days in your life count