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Why so many Men struggle with their Emotions · Health and Healing Dealing with Trauma and Addictions

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hey guys, once again it's Shiman Mighty.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I stopped in to talk a little bit about the struggles that men have, and a lot of them have struggles with their emotion.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why so many men struggle with their emotions?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Men first off need to learn how to better recognize, own, and verbalize their feelings.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Boys endure the loss of the relational, being forced to separate from their feelings, and their mothers on their way to becoming men.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: They learn to turn away from their fathers and their own pain toward work, money, success, sex, drugs, and other distractions.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: They covertly experience depression, which manifests mostly in numbness, boredom, apathy, limited emotional range, and cynicism, or pessimism.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Besides taking a toll on their mental health, their physical health may take a beating too.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: It is a universal belief that men process emotions differently than women.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: While women tend to recognize and understand how they are feeling rather quickly and learn to rely heavily on their emotions sometimes.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It can take men hours and even days to realize how they're feeling and how it affects them.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: For men, understanding and accepting their emotions may take some time to process, meaning a while or a good while at that.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: The initial instinct for most men when faced with strong emotions is to look for a problem to solve.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: They don't necessarily think first about feelings and emotions that may be involved.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Men do experience emotions, but they typically do not show them.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Why so many men struggle with their emotions?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: When men and fathers appear to struggle with their emotions and feelings, consider these steps.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Men need time to understand the feelings they are having.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Most men and fathers would rather solve problems than talk about their feelings.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: They prefer to get to the solution first and talk about how they got there later.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Solving a problem tends to give men the time to process and understand how they are feeling, giving them the necessary time to think before communicating.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Please do not place a timeline on them.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's their emotions allow them to work through them without judgment.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Men often express their feelings in a physical nature.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Men often express feelings outwardly through body language instead of expressing those emotions with words.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Men may give hugs, pats on the back, and high fives to express their feelings of love toward the children.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just because a father doesn't verbally express his feelings doesn't mean he is not loving or affectionate toward his family and his children.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: The greater the emotion, the longer it takes.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: When an emotion is less complicated, men can recognize what they are feeling quicker than with a more complicated emotion.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Less complicated emotions would include being fill in a blank, while more complicated emotions would be fill in a blank.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, understanding that men will need to take time before they can talk about their emotions is vital to growth and healing.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Talk about feelings once some time has passed.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Allowing men and fathers time and space to process their emotions gives them the time and the support they need to respond appropriately.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: They may need to speak to their boys for a perspective or someone to tell them the truth and love.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yet cornering a man due to your desire to talk and resolve an issue may not be the best interest in the moment.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: When you force someone to talk about their emotions before they are ready, you risk alienating them and encouraging them to shut down and stop sharing, which is a huge complaint amongst women.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Emotional struggles don't always show up as depression.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Although these struggles can lead to depression, there's something called emotional avoidance.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's a strategy of sidestepping feelings that feel too big, too uncomfortable, or too threatening to sit with.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: On the surface, it looks like discipline, high functioning, like you got it all together.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's a learned survival strategy.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Most men were conditioned by their parents, their culture, their coaches to keep it moving.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Stand up on ten toes, stop crying because it's a weakness.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Anger was acceptable, though it says you are strong and dominant, crying dispels a soft emotion.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Vulnerability was a liability.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: So boys learn to compartmentalize, suppress, and perform under pressure.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Is this the mode most men are shaped in?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, most.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Also, there's a cost associated with this emotional avoidance.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Our relationships suffer because intimacy requires emotional access, but you've severed the artery that delivers the flow to that connection.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: Your identity shrinks.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Who are you?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because you've been on Front Street for so long you aren't who you say you are.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your mental is challenged.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety, stress, unexplained health issues creep in without your knowledge, and you allow loneliness to override.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Even amid people showing emotions you feel in bondage, the couch becomes your friend.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Men are rewarded for their achievements in getting things done, and emotions can be seen as character flaws hindering performances.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It fuels competitive, toxic, and unhealthy emotions, which are, on top of that, unable to be expressed.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Even if the feelings are exposed through emotions other than anger, they are hard to deal with and confront.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: It wreaks havoc on how men are supposed to behave and manage their emotions and skills, the potential empathy inside men.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: Most men fear coming across as feminine or gay as much as weak.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is that everyone has a balance of feminine and masculine qualities.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is a secret most people haven't or won't stomach.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: The soft nurturing qualities and the empathy and labeled as feminine, often with derogatory implications.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: The internet is inundated with women and young girls calling men simps, wimps, and sassy.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: What have we become?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: No, really, as humans created to and for affection, support and love for each other, this is what we're doing?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: The lack of empty and kindness makes men susceptible to stone cold heartedness.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: As more and more men realize their problems and seek help through therapy to deal with mental health issues, there is still hope and healing.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Men don't have models for what it looks, sounds, or feels like to be emotionally open.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is vital to note that these feelings are innate in all human beings.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: When men are guided and shown consistent to express their feelings, they can do it powerfully, and there is nothing weak about it.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is struggling with emotions vulnerable?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Of course it is.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Society often rewards stoichism in men while punishing emotional openness.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: And as I get ready to close, boys who express fear and sadness may face ridicule from their peers.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: They learn quickly that vulnerability invites judgment rather than support.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: This condition creates eternal conflict that persists into adulthood.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Men want to connect authentically but fear the consequences of emotional honesty.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Shame plays a powerful role in preventing emotional vulnerability.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: The shame, the shame, and the shame can feel overwhelming and paralyzing at the same time.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Men often compare themselves to impossible standards of masculine strength.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: When they struggle emotionally, they view it as personal failures, weakness.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Breaking free from emotional suppression requires intentional practice and support.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Therapy provides a safe space for men to explore vulnerability and to find effective support.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Men groups help to shore up those emotional gaps and allow men to vent and rid themselves of the need to box in the emotions that desires to break free from the jail of the trauma of vulnerability.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sharing one's feelings with a trusted person builds confidence.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence builds character.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Character builds identity.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Realistically, vulnerability often strengthens relationships rather than straining them.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Open the door to intimacy with mates, partners, friends, and family, typically who appreciate it when men share authentically and organically.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: These moments create opportunities for deep connection and mutual support.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Vulnerability invites reciprocal openness from others.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why so many men struggle with their emotions?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Struggling is not a weakness, but being able to be vulnerable, open, and honest in expressing really does help to cure, heal, and make you a better person.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Brothers, if you're listening, be encouraged and remain faithful.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: God bless.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk soon.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Bye now.