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Transcript

EP.83: What To Do When You Don't FEEL Like Showing Up | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

• 0:00
  How does that person seem to wake up with like a battery in
• 0:02
  their butt? Like it just feels like they are
• 0:04
  constantly go, go, go. In that moment.
• 0:07
  You now have the second where you're like, I don't want to do
• 0:09
  this. And then the spiral starts,
• 0:12
  which is we start this negotiation with ourselves.
• 0:15
  Luteal phase. No, no, no, no, I want to sit in
• 0:19
  my bed and I want to eat an entire chocolate fudge cake and
• 0:22
  watch a reality trash TV show post cycle.
• 0:25
  I'm like, should I sign up for a marathon?
• 0:27
  Should I do a cycling program? Your mood is not always going to
• 0:33
  match your mission. Can we just give ourselves the
• 0:36
  permission slip that we are human?
• 0:39
  Hello and welcome back to Ambitious.
• 0:41
  Today we are talking about something that I feel like every
• 0:45
  single person, including myself, experience, which is this
• 0:49
  feeling when you have to work as an entrepreneur or maybe even
• 0:53
  outside of your business. When you know that you need to
• 0:54
  go to the gym and you don't want to.
• 0:57
  You know, you need to wake up at a certain time when that alarm
• 0:59
  goes off and you don't want to, you know, you need to post
• 1:03
  content today. Or maybe for me, if I'm going to
• 1:05
  be really transparent, sometimes I have these moments where I
• 1:08
  need to, I need to record for podcasts and I'm like, I would
• 1:11
  love to record just one or maybe none today.
• 1:14
  And we have these moments where we know that based off of our
• 1:19
  earlier state, what I consider to be or called my like
• 1:22
  ambitious state. The ambitious me told myself
• 1:26
  that I wanted to go for a night out with all those people.
• 1:29
  The ambitious me planned my calendar with all these 4
• 1:32
  episode recordings back-to-back. The ambitious me told me that I
• 1:36
  was going to be taking an entire day to make content.
• 1:38
  And now the time is here. The time is here to go out.
• 1:41
  The time is here to record the podcast.
• 1:42
  The time is here to make that content.
• 1:45
  The time is here to do the thing that you set out at an earlier
• 1:49
  stage to do. But in that moment, you now have
• 1:51
  the second where you're like, I don't want to do this.
• 1:54
  I'm not in the mindset that I feel like I can handle this.
• 1:58
  I have no motivation. I have no sparks to get into
• 2:01
  action, to start, you know, taking movements on this goal.
• 2:06
  And then the spiral starts, which is we start this
• 2:09
  negotiation with ourselves. And that's why I want to talk
• 2:13
  with us today because I think that there is this misconception
• 2:17
  that when we see people online or when we watch that, you know,
• 2:21
  whoever that person is for you, that inspiring influencer, that
• 2:24
  inspiring business owner, you feel like, how does that person
• 2:28
  seem to wake up with like a battery in their butt?
• 2:30
  Like it just feels like they are constantly go, go, go.
• 2:34
  They know exactly how to get themselves to do things that
• 2:37
  they don't want to do. And you start to ask yourself,
• 2:40
  does that person not struggle with motivation?
• 2:43
  Does that person just seem to not struggle with getting
• 2:46
  themselves to do things? And all of us have those days
• 2:49
  where we feel like we don't want to show up.
• 2:51
  We have the days where we just feel like not today and I'll
• 2:54
  start again tomorrow. And I myself have those days all
• 2:59
  the time. I have many days where I don't
• 3:01
  want to get out of bed. I have days where I don't want
• 3:03
  to do the tasks that are on my calendar.
• 3:05
  I want to have a quote UN quote sick day and just cancel it all.
• 3:08
  But we also want to recognize that if we want to build these
• 3:11
  big businesses, the reason you're listening to the
• 3:13
  Ambitious podcast is because you have ambition.
• 3:15
  You have ambition in your relationships and your health
• 3:18
  and your business in many different areas of your life.
• 3:21
  But just because you have the goal and you have the mission of
• 3:24
  something you want to do doesn't mean that your brain is always
• 3:27
  going to be in the perfect track of helping you to do that.
• 3:29
  So what do we do when we don't want to do the thing that we set
• 3:33
  out to do earlier? What do we do when we have this
• 3:35
  big goal, but we don't feel like showing up that day?
• 3:37
  And how do we navigate that? And so that's going to be we're
• 3:39
  going to be breaking down today. I'm going to start to talk
• 3:41
  about, you know, what this means and what might be underneath the
• 3:45
  surface of why you're struggling to show up.
• 3:48
  And also with this, I'm going to give you a couple steps today
• 3:51
  that you can take in these moments to kind of use as your
• 3:54
  little, you know, road map, if you will, in these moments to
• 3:57
  help you to get movement. And also with this, maybe
• 4:02
  understand whether you actually should push through, right?
• 4:05
  There's kind of this toxic culture of one of two sides, in
• 4:09
  my opinion. There's a lot of polarity.
• 4:11
  There's a lot of, you know, black and white thinking.
• 4:13
  We've got the one side of thinking in a lot of content
• 4:17
  that we consume, which is that you never care about how you're
• 4:20
  feeling. Screw your emotion.
• 4:23
  Stick to the plan that also for some people without any caveat
• 4:27
  to that message, could also be the fast track to burn out.
• 4:31
  You then have the other side of polarity, which is you have the
• 4:33
  other side of people saying, you know, do what you feel.
• 4:36
  If you don't feel like doing it today, that's why you became an
• 4:39
  entrepreneur. Just don't do it today.
• 4:40
  And then you think, OK, well, wait a second because I don't
• 4:43
  feel like doing it any day. And so where do we find this
• 4:46
  balance? And that's what we're going to
• 4:47
  talk about today. So first I want to say no
• 4:58
  motivation, no drive, no spark. You know, it really starts a
• 5:02
  spiral, right? We start to question ourselves.
• 5:05
  And it's interesting, we get right into this mode of shame.
• 5:09
  We start to shame ourselves being like, what's wrong with
• 5:11
  me? Why does everyone else seem that
• 5:13
  they can, you know, get into momentum, but I can't, You know,
• 5:16
  you start to maybe ask yourself, am I even cut out for this?
• 5:19
  Because I feel like I'm not consistent or I feel like I
• 5:23
  don't have motivation. So you start to question, is
• 5:25
  this even the right path for me? And with this, you start to kind
• 5:29
  of bully yourself sometimes to be like, see, like I'm so
• 5:32
  inconsistent and This is why I'm not getting results and This is
• 5:35
  why I'm falling behind. And So what goes from a moment
• 5:39
  of I don't feel like showing up can often very quickly transfer
• 5:42
  into this shame spiral of us, you know, beating ourselves up,
• 5:47
  if you will, in an effort to think that that's going to be
• 5:50
  the thing that actually helps to create movement for us.
• 5:53
  And so I think the first thing that's really important when
• 5:55
  you're having these days, and I know what that's really been
• 5:57
  helpful for me is that you're human.
• 6:01
  And I want to give you that permission slip because just
• 6:05
  even that short phrase for me has helped me to realize that my
• 6:10
  expectations of myself are not that typically of a human.
• 6:15
  And what I mean by that is I'm so driven and I'm so focused on
• 6:18
  these goals and these certain metrics and movement.
• 6:21
  For a long time, I never saw myself as someone who was
• 6:25
  allowed to have a human element. I wasn't allowed to have emotion
• 6:29
  impact my day. I wasn't allowed to have, you
• 6:32
  know, a physical sensation like my stomach's packed today,
• 6:35
  whatever it might be, affect my day.
• 6:37
  It was this belief that no matter the circumstances,
• 6:40
  internal or external, we are going to stick to the plan.
• 6:44
  And there was never a variable for like, OK, but TuneIn with
• 6:47
  yourself. And so I think one of the first
• 6:50
  things we need to do in these days where you don't feel like
• 6:53
  showing up, you don't feel like you've got the battery to do
• 6:56
  what you need to do today is you have to realize that it doesn't
• 7:00
  necessarily mean because you don't have motivation or you
• 7:03
  don't have drive today, that you're flaky, that you're
• 7:06
  inconsistent, you're not driven, that you're not ambitious.
• 7:09
  So let's just start there. Can we just give ourselves the
• 7:12
  permission slip that we are human and as a result, you do
• 7:16
  not operate like a robot, meaning you don't operate in
• 7:19
  this. I don't feel anything or
• 7:21
  experience anything. And it's just the plan.
• 7:23
  You are human and you have things that go with that, which
• 7:26
  is you have a nervous system that is on a roller coaster in a
• 7:30
  given month or week. I also want to recognize that as
• 7:33
  we are talking about this in the context of us being women, we
• 7:37
  also have our cycle, which gives us a whirlwind of emotions and
• 7:42
  physical sensations that are going to adjust how we show up
• 7:47
  and how we feel. I'm not sure about you, but like
• 7:49
  me and the ludial phase. No, no, no, no, it it's I'm just
• 7:55
  not showing up the same way. I'm just I'm just not.
• 7:57
  I don't have motivation. I want to sit in my bed and I
• 8:00
  want to eat an entire chocolate fudge cake and watch a reality
• 8:05
  trash TV show. I'm not in the mood to be like,
• 8:08
  let's get it now. Post cycle.
• 8:11
  I'm like, should I sign up for a marathon?
• 8:13
  Should I do a, you know, cycling program?
• 8:17
  Should I go into pottery? Like I start to have total
• 8:20
  different sides of my personality and I want to
• 8:23
  recognize there's also, again, the human factor.
• 8:25
  As women, we are going through hormonal changes the entire
• 8:31
  month. And so with that we have
• 8:33
  emotions and thoughts and physical sensations that follow
• 8:37
  suit with those hormonal changes.
• 8:40
  So to expect that in, you know, your cycle, you're going to show
• 8:44
  up in the same way that you did two weeks earlier is not going
• 8:48
  to happen. So we need to understand that we
• 8:50
  have fluidity in the feeling we're going to have, the
• 8:53
  emotions we're going to have. And also that's greatly tied for
• 8:56
  us as women to our hormones. Now with this, there's also a
• 9:01
  reality within responsibilities. So I want to take a second to
• 9:05
  speak to the mom, the mom who has whether you have one kid or
• 9:09
  you have 10, it does not matter, you know, and I don't have kids,
• 9:14
  but I have a lot of incredible women around me who do have kids
• 9:17
  and I cannot wait to be a mom one day.
• 9:19
  But in watching all of them, the thing that I admire the most is
• 9:24
  the fact that they are able to operate every single day.
• 9:27
  When really as soon as they had their son or their daughter, as
• 9:31
  soon as they started their family, their schedule no longer
• 9:34
  became their schedule. Their schedule became the kids
• 9:37
  schedule. And so with this, the idea of
• 9:40
  you consuming somebody online who feels like they are just
• 9:44
  able to go, go, go, their child may operate in a different way
• 9:49
  than your child does. You know their child.
• 9:51
  For example, if you have a child who has a neurodivergent brain,
• 9:55
  potentially that might be different than raising a child
• 9:58
  who doesn't, right? So these are just things that we
• 10:00
  need to consider. We need to consider our human
• 10:03
  element, right? If you're a mom who potentially
• 10:06
  has, you're seeing someone online who feels like she's
• 10:09
  getting everything done. We're also needing to consider
• 10:11
  the fact that she has full time childcare.
• 10:14
  Of course, she's getting more things done.
• 10:16
  She's not having to necessarily in her day watch her kids all
• 10:22
  day while working. Maybe she has time to go to a
• 10:24
  space and work and then come home and be with her children.
• 10:27
  And maybe for you, you're not at a season where that's your
• 10:30
  reality or maybe your reality yet.
• 10:33
  And so to beat ourselves up to say, well, why am I?
• 10:36
  She's a mom and I'm a mom. Why are we not performing the
• 10:38
  same way? There's a lot of things that we
• 10:39
  don't see and we need to give ourselves some grace as to what
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  we're navigating within our reality of our life and also
• 10:47
  with this within ourselves. So the the thing that I look at
• 10:50
  for myself when I think about, OK, I'm human.
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  What I mean by that and how I still that down is when I'm
• 10:56
  having these moments where I feel like I'm not motivated and
• 10:58
  I have these moments where I don't want to do anything, I ask
• 11:00
  myself what's going on internally and what's going on
• 11:03
  externally. So internally, again, like where
• 11:06
  am I at within my cycle? How am I feeling stress wise?
• 11:08
  How have I been eating recently? Do I feel like that's
• 11:11
  potentially messing with my mental health?
• 11:13
  How have I been sleeping? I'm tuning in with myself to
• 11:16
  say, OK, like what potentially on an internal level could be
• 11:19
  going on. But then there's the external,
• 11:21
  which is like, are there family situations going on potentially?
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  You know me when just about over a year ago, you know, I ended a
• 11:28
  very long relationship. To expect myself to just show up
• 11:32
  the way that I've always shown up was not going to be a
• 11:34
  reality. Even if I was eating well and
• 11:36
  sleeping well and all of these things, which wasn't the case.
• 11:39
  Even if internally everything was great, externally, I had so
• 11:43
  many external factors and realities that were happening
• 11:46
  that I had to navigate in the effort of showing up.
• 11:49
  So we want to take a second to tune in and say, OK, if I'm
• 11:52
  going to allow myself 30 seconds here to just be human, check in
• 11:56
  and say what's going on internally, what's going on
• 11:59
  externally within my life right now?
• 12:02
  And can I give myself a moment of grace to just TuneIn and
• 12:05
  acknowledge it's not to say that we're going to use that as an
• 12:09
  excuse to be like, I'm not doing anything today because things
• 12:11
  are happening in life. But we're going to just give
• 12:14
  ourselves a place to acknowledge the reality of what we are
• 12:18
  navigating, which is we might be navigating a lot internally and
• 12:21
  we might be navigating a lot externally as well.
• 12:24
  So your energy is going to shift with these things.
• 12:28
  You're going to see a shift in one week.
• 12:30
  You're crushing it and you feel like there's nothing that can
• 12:32
  get in your way. Nothing can stop you.
• 12:34
  And the next week doing something like a simple, you
• 12:37
  know, for me, going for a walk in one week feels like, Oh my
• 12:41
  God, I feel like I could walk 20 kilometers and then the next
• 12:44
  week I'm like to walk 2K feels like an uphill battle.
• 12:48
  Or in one week I could do. And my team knows this.
• 12:51
  Thank you guys for being so patient with me.
• 12:53
  I have weeks where I'm like, I feel like I'm crushing and I'm
• 12:56
  like on a high and I'm like, yes.
• 12:58
  And I lean in and I, I film like 7 podcasts and I have another
• 13:01
  week where they're like, Kate, you didn't feel many this week,
• 13:03
  right? And that's because I recognize
• 13:06
  like there, there is a shift in energy.
• 13:07
  There's definitely something that changes week to week in the
• 13:11
  way that I feel focused energy and motivation.
• 13:15
  And so I want to first say, when you feel off, it is not a sign
• 13:21
  that something is like a red flag that you're not meant to be
• 13:24
  an entrepreneur, that you're quote, UN quote, falling off or
• 13:27
  any of those things. It's more a matter that you have
• 13:30
  to use this as an indication that like, I am human and this
• 13:34
  is an experience in feeling some shift in some way.
• 13:38
  This is the experience of being human.
• 13:40
  It's not a malfunction as an entrepreneur.
• 13:42
  It's not a malfunction as a person.
• 13:45
  So I think we need to 1st, when we think about how do we show up
• 13:48
  when we don't want to show up, you have to 1st acknowledge that
• 13:51
  you need to accept fully, deeply that you're not always going to
• 13:55
  want to do things that you have to do.
• 13:58
  And that if in a moment you have to do something and you're not
• 14:01
  in the mood to do it, it doesn't mean anything about you.
• 14:04
  You don't have to label it that you're unmotivated or that you
• 14:07
  lack consistency and all of these other pieces or that
• 14:11
  you're not going to be able to achieve what others do.
• 14:13
  Because see, I'm not consistent or I'm not as driven or all of
• 14:16
  these other titles. It's just first an acceptance of
• 14:20
  we have these things come up and now let's accept it to then
• 14:23
  decide how do we want to navigate this moving forward.
• 14:25
  So we want to 1st normalize that we're human.
• 14:27
  We then want to understand that being human means, as we noted,
• 14:33
  we have a lot of moods, we have a lot of roller coasters.
• 14:35
  We have a lot of up and downs that we're going to feel.
• 14:38
  And the thing that is most important is that we need to
• 14:41
  separate our mood and our experience from our goals and
• 14:45
  our commitments. So back to all of my mom's and
• 14:50
  if you're not a mom yet, you'll know moms in your life or maybe
• 14:52
  even your own mom. When you're a mom and you don't
• 14:56
  feel like getting out of bed that day, you didn't sleep.
• 14:58
  Maybe your, you know, son or daughter was up three times the
• 15:01
  middle of the night and you're like, I feel like I could sleep
• 15:02
  till 12 noon. What happens when they wake up
• 15:06
  at 5:00 AM, six AM, 7:00 AM. You have to get up because you
• 15:11
  don't have a choice. It doesn't matter how you feel.
• 15:13
  There is a commitment. There is a requirement, if you
• 15:16
  will, to sustain that commitment that you gave, which is that
• 15:21
  they need to get up, they need breakfast.
• 15:23
  You have a commitment to go be somewhere and do something.
• 15:28
  And so it's interesting because so much in our life, we have
• 15:31
  certain buckets where we have commitments just like that
• 15:34
  example. And we're like, OK, 321 go.
• 15:37
  Like we don't feel like doing it, but it's a commitment to
• 15:41
  something greater than us, which is our children and our family.
• 15:45
  And so we get up and we go. But imagine we were to just
• 15:49
  hypothetically play with me for a second.
• 15:51
  We have a kid who gets up at 6:00 in the morning.
• 15:54
  And you think, you know what? No, I don't feel like getting up
• 15:56
  today. I'm not getting up.
• 15:59
  It's not an option. And that's because you have a
• 16:03
  aspect that is a commitment to getting out of bed.
• 16:07
  Why? Because we have responsibilities
• 16:09
  connected to that commitment. The same thing is true with your
• 16:13
  business. OK, so your mood is not always
• 16:18
  going to match your mission. And that was something that I
• 16:22
  had to recognize because I had a lot of days where I thought, is
• 16:25
  this my mission? Because I don't want to get out
• 16:27
  of bed every day. And that was until I recognized
• 16:30
  that me having this mission didn't mean that I wasn't going
• 16:32
  to have days off. It didn't mean that I wasn't
• 16:34
  going to have moments where I didn't feel like doing it right.
• 16:37
  So maybe the mission is like massive impact and we're going
• 16:41
  on a flight to go do this event and all these things.
• 16:43
  That's amazing. Me also having a feeling where
• 16:46
  I'm like, I really don't want to fly today is OK.
• 16:49
  It doesn't mean that the mission is not true.
• 16:51
  It doesn't mean that the mission is not my purpose.
• 16:53
  It just means that my motivation is not always going to be
• 16:56
  perfectly lined up with what my mission is.
• 17:00
  And so the important thing to note is that we cannot wait for
• 17:05
  motivation in order to act. We can't wait for those two
• 17:10
  pieces to line up because what do we know about motivation?
• 17:13
  It's fluid, it's ever evolving. Our emotions and our thoughts
• 17:16
  and our feelings are constantly changing.
• 17:18
  So if we were to lead from those, think of the
• 17:22
  inconsistency you would have. Think of the inconsistency in
• 17:25
  your business, the inconsistency with your health.
• 17:27
  If every time you thought I don't really want to go to the
• 17:29
  gym today, you just didn't go, right?
• 17:31
  So when we have fluidity in the emotion, it means that if we use
• 17:36
  the emotion to make decisions, we also have fluidity in the
• 17:40
  action and therefore we have fluidity in the results and
• 17:42
  outcomes. And so your why and your values
• 17:48
  and your long term vision are actually the drivers of what
• 17:53
  should be your action and your steps moving forward.
• 17:57
  So when I was really struggling with burnout, I was the kind of
• 18:01
  person who was like, I had, I had no values.
• 18:04
  First of all, in a sense of the way that I made decisions.
• 18:06
  I was making decisions from this very rigid mindset of thinking,
• 18:09
  which was like, I never care about how I'm feeling and I
• 18:12
  always just act. Now, there's a caveat to this
• 18:14
  because if you go in that extreme and you never tune into
• 18:16
  yourself, it is the fast track to burn out.
• 18:18
  So what I got coached on was that I had to have values from
• 18:22
  which I live by. So I had to start to make a
• 18:26
  outline for myself of what are the core values, almost similar
• 18:30
  to values in a business or with a team.
• 18:32
  What are the values that are the the bumper lanes of how I
• 18:35
  operate? What are the values that are the
• 18:38
  anchor of how I show up? And values are things that you
• 18:41
  can tune into that help you to understand behavior.
• 18:45
  So for example, and if you're not, you know, religious, that's
• 18:48
  OK. I just want to use this as an
• 18:49
  analogy. If you are someone who, for
• 18:51
  example, like if you go to church and they say treat others
• 18:54
  as you'd want done unto you, if that is something that you are
• 18:59
  having as a belief or you have as a value, you don't really get
• 19:04
  to decide when you want to do those.
• 19:06
  That's something that you embody.
• 19:08
  A value is something that is not situational.
• 19:10
  It is not circumstantial. It is something that you have as
• 19:14
  a deep embodiment that helps you to use that across your entire
• 19:18
  life and your entire being. So you have to be fully aligned
• 19:24
  within your values and then use those as the bumper lanes and
• 19:28
  the anchors from which you operate.
• 19:30
  So the thing that is important is to 1st establish what are
• 19:34
  your values. And the values are important
• 19:37
  because then when you don't take action or when you say, have a
• 19:40
  day where you don't feel like showing up, and in fact, you
• 19:41
  don't, you can also make peace with that because they are
• 19:45
  anchored into your values. Meaning your values should be
• 19:50
  something that when you establish these as your own kind
• 19:53
  of, you know, personal bumper lanes of how you operate that
• 19:57
  say when you don't show up in a day, you don't feel guilt, you
• 20:01
  don't feel bad, you don't feel like you're behind, You're like,
• 20:03
  no, like this is just literally how I live my life.
• 20:05
  This is a value that is important to me.
• 20:08
  And so just like your values in your business can be established
• 20:11
  for teaching people and yourself how to operate or your clients
• 20:14
  how to operate, you can also have personal values.
• 20:17
  Yourself as an individual, maybe even as a couple.
• 20:21
  So for my partner and I, we have notes on our phone which is our
• 20:25
  shared values with each other. It's literally a set of almost
• 20:29
  like commandments, if you will, that are the bumper lanes from
• 20:31
  which we operate within our relationship.
• 20:34
  And so it's not to say in this situation, we do this, in this
• 20:36
  situation, we do this, it's saying the underbelly of how we
• 20:40
  want to communicate, how we want to live, how we want to show up
• 20:43
  for each other, what are the core values that we want to show
• 20:46
  up as? Now I want to 1st recognize and
• 20:48
  just like take a pin here, we're both business owners.
• 20:51
  So we do, we do a lot of nerdy things.
• 20:54
  So I'm not saying this, everyone has to do this.
• 20:56
  And I know it probably sounds weird that we have that, but I
• 20:58
  will say it's been very helpful for our dynamic.
• 21:02
  And so I also have those with myself.
• 21:05
  So establishing your values will also help, and also recognizing
• 21:08
  that discipline is not about punishment and it's not about
• 21:13
  rigidity. So discipline is not this idea
• 21:17
  that you don't care about your emotions, thoughts, or feelings
• 21:21
  and you just do. Discipline, as I see it, is
• 21:24
  actually a commitment to something greater than yourself.
• 21:29
  So for example, let's take the gym.
• 21:31
  If I don't wanna go to the gym, which nine times out of 10, I'm
• 21:33
  gonna be honest, I don't wanna go to the gym, OK?
• 21:35
  I don't know how those people get into that thing where
• 21:37
  they're like, I'm obsessed with the gym.
• 21:38
  I've never been one of those people.
• 21:39
  I'm waiting for the day I stole. Fingers crossed, hoping it
• 21:42
  happens, but I'm just not one of those people.
• 21:45
  So when it comes to the gym, you have this moment.
• 21:48
  You're like, OK, like, again, think a separate week.
• 21:50
  We're not in our ludial phase. Let's take this as an example.
• 21:53
  We're not in the ludial phase. We're like, yes, I'm gonna
• 21:55
  crush. I'm gonna be like PR today.
• 21:57
  This is gonna be great. Then ludial phase happens and
• 22:00
  you were like, you couldn't pay me to go to the gym.
• 22:03
  The going to the gym is not about punishing yourself.
• 22:06
  It's about the fact that, OK, my ludial phase happens for a week
• 22:10
  every single month. So that means if I do not work
• 22:14
  out or if I just completely throw away all my goals, then I
• 22:18
  have basically, what is that 12 different weeks?
• 22:22
  So I have a good three months of the year, right?
• 22:26
  A week each month. And if we put those all
• 22:28
  together, we have three months of the year that we are not
• 22:30
  making progress on our goals at all.
• 22:32
  We just said never mind, not into it.
• 22:35
  So when I think about that and I think about taking that week off
• 22:38
  or if I think about taking it to just say never mind, not this
• 22:41
  week. I asked myself for the life that
• 22:43
  I want and for the vision of who I want to be and for the way
• 22:46
  that I want to show up and for the way that I want to inspire
• 22:48
  others and for how I want to feel about myself when I lay my
• 22:52
  head on that pillow. How will I feel if I cancel this
• 22:57
  and if I don't go to the gym and if I don't move at all and I
• 23:01
  start to then say, OK, great. Well this is not about punishing
• 23:04
  me. This is about tuning into making
• 23:06
  peace with who I want to be. Now this is a pivotal moment
• 23:09
  because discipline is about in these moments saying do I choose
• 23:13
  my highest self Or potentially is not going part of your
• 23:18
  highest self. Meaning maybe your regimen for
• 23:22
  your workouts is to have a 90 minute workout every single day.
• 23:25
  Well, maybe that's too extreme, maybe it's too rigid.
• 23:29
  Maybe we need something that's a little bit more baseline, which
• 23:32
  is to say my value. Again, going back to our values,
• 23:35
  my value is daily movement. Your value shouldn't be to kill
• 23:40
  yourself and CrossFit for 2 1/2 hours a day.
• 23:42
  It should be that my daily value is movement.
• 23:45
  So if movement is a value for me, it means maybe I'm not gonna
• 23:50
  go do 2 hours of CrossFit, but what I will do is I'm gonna put
• 23:53
  my headphones on and I'm gonna listen to music and we go for a
• 23:55
  very slow walk just to move my body because my value is
• 24:00
  movement, not perfection, which is the ideal 2 hour workout.
• 24:04
  So that's where we start to get this fluidity.
• 24:07
  And again, discipline is not about rigid, it's about getting
• 24:10
  fluidity within the things that help us to align with our great
• 24:14
  revision. So this is also going to unpack
• 24:17
  when you have these moments you don't want to show up, are you
• 24:20
  trying to be perfect or are you trying to get progress?
• 24:23
  That's a very important distinction because progress is
• 24:28
  about seeing, OK, well, how do we get some movement within our
• 24:31
  values? How do we get some needle movers
• 24:33
  here underneath these buckets? Perfection is I have to do it
• 24:38
  the way that I've always done it, and if I don't do it that
• 24:39
  way, I have failed. That's where discipline becomes
• 24:43
  rigid. It's about perfection and not
• 24:46
  about progress around the values that we've set for ourselves.
• 24:50
  So I often ask myself and listen, I'm going to be really
• 24:54
  honest, I have these every day, every day.
• 24:57
  Like I'm not talking. I have this two days a month.
• 25:00
  I'm talking every day in some bucket in my life.
• 25:03
  I have a negotiation. And it doesn't mean that this
• 25:07
  noise goes away. It's just that I know how to
• 25:10
  handle it now. So I'll take one yesterday.
• 25:13
  I recently have been realizing that I have a lot of
• 25:16
  inflammation in my body. And so I decided that I was
• 25:19
  going to go on a paleo based diet or I guess I was a meal
• 25:24
  plan and eat paleo for the coming months to really decrease
• 25:28
  inflammation with my body. So it's basically no sugar, no
• 25:31
  like grains, no dairy, no any of that.
• 25:35
  And so I'm doing this and I'm like, I want an ice cream.
• 25:41
  I want an ice cream. And I have this really
• 25:44
  overwhelming feeling that I want an ice cream.
• 25:45
  And I'm like, but this is not like I want something sweet is
• 25:49
  really what I wanted. And so I said, OK, well, I don't
• 25:52
  want to be so rigid in this that I completely remove all joy from
• 25:57
  my life. But I also do not want to
• 26:02
  completely undermine why I'm doing this plan.
• 26:05
  And so I opted to say, OK, well, I'm going to have something
• 26:07
  sweet, but I'm not going to have dairy.
• 26:11
  So it became again, this negotiation with when I think
• 26:14
  about myself in six months, why am I even doing this plan is
• 26:16
  what I asked myself. So the reason I'm doing this
• 26:19
  plan is because I feel like I have a lot of inflammation and I
• 26:22
  want to decrease that. So with that, if I have the ice
• 26:25
  cream, it completely defeats the purpose of why I am doing this
• 26:29
  regimen for my health. And so I thought, OK, how am I
• 26:32
  going to feel after the eating ice cream for 30 minutes?
• 26:34
  I'm going to be really happy, but after I eat the ice cream,
• 26:38
  I'm going to be pissed because it means it resets my system
• 26:42
  while I'm in, especially the initial part here and the
• 26:44
  initial cleanse. It resets my system back to its
• 26:47
  original state. I'm basically undoing all the
• 26:50
  healthy eating that I had earlier today that's stuck to
• 26:53
  the plan. It basically undoes the plan by
• 26:55
  having this. So I said, OK, great.
• 26:57
  Well, six months from now, me, if I want to make myself proud,
• 27:00
  what would that look like? And I would say, here's what I
• 27:02
  would do instead. And so I picked something else
• 27:04
  that hit the sweet bucket for me, but it didn't mean that I
• 27:06
  was breaking the plan. It's about helping to say it's
• 27:09
  not an all or nothing we need to look at when we're negotiating
• 27:14
  with ourselves, normalizing that there is going to be the
• 27:18
  baseline of movement versus the perfection of what it's supposed
• 27:21
  to look like. So I also want to share this in
• 27:24
  the business setting. So I had a client and I wanted
• 27:27
  to share this because it really is such a case study to, you
• 27:29
  know, discipline and the impacts of this.
• 27:32
  One of my clients had a rule that when she doesn't feel like
• 27:34
  writing her newsletters, she hates writing her newsletters,
• 27:37
  but they are something that do super well for her business.
• 27:39
  So because of this, she was like, I can't stand doing them.
• 27:42
  So what she does as her baseline is she goes in to write the
• 27:45
  newsletter and she always still has that again, routine and
• 27:48
  regimen that she will go in and dedicate time toward doing this.
• 27:52
  In doing so, she'll sit down and she'll, she'll set a timer for
• 27:55
  10 minutes. After the 10 minutes, if she's
• 27:59
  not into it, she will then go and she will go do something
• 28:03
  else. But 80% of the time, which is
• 28:06
  what she shared with me, she's like, I set this timer and 80%
• 28:09
  of the time I end up doing the freaking newsletter because I'm
• 28:12
  already into it, right? She's already 10 minutes into
• 28:14
  it. So she's like, great, I already
• 28:16
  made progress. I'm going to finish.
• 28:18
  I have another peer. He actually created a structure
• 28:20
  for his workout routine. So when he was losing weight and
• 28:23
  he lost about 100 lbs, he made a structure with himself where if
• 28:27
  he didn't want to go to the gym, all he had to do was drive to
• 28:30
  the gym, sit in the parking lot for 5 minutes, and then after
• 28:33
  that he could drive home. And that was his commitment to
• 28:37
  the goal. He's like, ask me how many times
• 28:40
  I drove to the gym and never went inside.
• 28:43
  Like once you're there, he's like, you already see that
• 28:46
  you're halfway there in the sense of you're halfway through
• 28:48
  the process. So he committed to going into
• 28:50
  the gym, getting the workout in. And again, was every single
• 28:53
  workout his best workout? Absolutely not.
• 28:55
  There was many workouts he was noting where he's like, I went
• 28:57
  through the motions. I just, you know, moved my body,
• 29:00
  but it was definitely not my best.
• 29:01
  But that's going to happen. And it's about keeping the
• 29:05
  routine of the commitment without having necessarily
• 29:08
  rigidity around exactly how it has to look.
• 29:12
  And so the other thing that we want to look at when we think
• 29:14
  about these moments where we don't, we don't want to show up,
• 29:17
  we don't want to do certain things.
• 29:19
  I also think this is an invitation and I've seen this a
• 29:21
  lot with clients. This invitation also get
• 29:23
  curious, but not to be critical of yourself because they're
• 29:28
  often times when we don't want to show up can also be lenses of
• 29:32
  something underneath the surface that is actually out of
• 29:35
  alignment, which is the reason that we don't want to do it in
• 29:37
  the first place. And that's what I found out
• 29:38
  happened for me when I was super burnt out.
• 29:41
  The reason that I wasn't wanting to do things is not because I
• 29:44
  actually didn't want to do them. It was because there was
• 29:46
  something underneath the surface I eat overwhelmed.
• 29:49
  That was the real reason I didn't want to show up.
• 29:51
  So oftentimes there's this unspoken lens of overwhelm or
• 29:55
  there's this, this place of, you know, even misalignment, right?
• 29:59
  So maybe you need to show up in a certain offer.
• 30:02
  I had this with an offer way back when.
• 30:04
  And when I would have to do anything in connection to this
• 30:07
  offer, I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do the calls, I
• 30:10
  didn't want to do the modules, I didn't want to do the resources.
• 30:14
  And it very quickly presented itself for me to realize that
• 30:16
  this wasn't about my motivation. This was about the offer.
• 30:20
  I was misaligned to the offer. I didn't want this offering
• 30:23
  anymore. And so because of that, that's
• 30:24
  why it showed up in me not wanting to participate or not
• 30:28
  wanting to produce for it is because I actually wasn't
• 30:31
  aligned to it. I wasn't excited about it
• 30:32
  anymore. And so we also want to take a
• 30:35
  moment when we're feeling like we don't want to show up to ask
• 30:38
  ourselves what might be underneath the surface of this.
• 30:40
  Is there something deeper here that's going on that could be
• 30:43
  the reason or the culprit as to why we're feeling lack of
• 30:45
  motivation. So one of the ones I had to ask
• 30:48
  myself is like, am I just tired? Am I depleted?
• 30:52
  And I think that, you know, it's important for us to ask
• 30:55
  ourselves questions because if we are tired or depleted, it's
• 31:00
  not because you're not motivated.
• 31:01
  It's not because you don't want it.
• 31:03
  It's not because it's not something that maybe is your
• 31:06
  vision or mission. You don't have a battery, you
• 31:10
  don't have anything in your tank, which is the reason that
• 31:13
  you're not able to do what you need to do.
• 31:15
  So while you're, you know, labeling yourself and shaming
• 31:18
  yourself into the belief that I should be more consistent and I
• 31:21
  should be this or I should be that, the reality is you maybe
• 31:24
  should be resting. Maybe the reason that you're not
• 31:27
  able to show up in the way you need to is because you don't
• 31:31
  have any battery left to do it. It's not lack of motivation,
• 31:34
  it's not lack of purpose. It's not lack of drive, it's
• 31:37
  lack of battery. So if your iPhone was on 2%
• 31:41
  battery, you wouldn't yell at it and say, hey, like, what are you
• 31:45
  doing? Let's go.
• 31:47
  Like the apps are loading slower.
• 31:49
  This is so stupid. Get it together.
• 31:51
  You'd say I need to charge my phone.
• 31:53
  The same thing is true for you. If you want to show up in a way
• 31:58
  in your business that is speed and intention and drive and
• 32:01
  push, you also have to make sure that your battery is at a place
• 32:05
  that you have what you need to function that way.
• 32:08
  If not, that may be the real reason that you're struggling to
• 32:11
  show up, that you're struggling to do what you need to do. 2 is
• 32:15
  also to say is this resistance actually just, you know, dressed
• 32:21
  up or masked procrastination? And this is something that we
• 32:26
  see, we talked about this in the push pause pattern episode.
• 32:29
  So if you have not listened to that, that is a go to for anyone
• 32:32
  who feels like they struggle with inconsistencies in
• 32:35
  execution. The push pause pattern helps to
• 32:38
  understand the impacts of procrastination within a
• 32:42
  business. And procrastination is something
• 32:45
  that is actually very, you know, relevant within a lot of
• 32:48
  businesses that I work with because most people that I I've
• 32:51
  seen or interacted with, they need their back against the wall
• 32:55
  before they move. You need to have no client
• 32:58
  signing before you go, oh, crap sales.
• 33:00
  You need to feel like you have nothing moving or nothing
• 33:03
  activating before you go, oh, shoot, marketing.
• 33:05
  You need these like alarms to be going off, it seems like before
• 33:08
  you take action. And So what I also asked myself
• 33:11
  is, is this really that I'm exhausted and I get myself, you
• 33:15
  have to be very honest with yourself.
• 33:16
  Have I slept, have I feel like I've been resting?
• 33:19
  And if you're like, I slept 12 hours last night, maybe we're
• 33:22
  not going to be using the oh, I'm tired.
• 33:25
  I can't do it today. Let's be real with ourselves.
• 33:26
  OK? So yes, I did sleep well last
• 33:28
  night. That's not it.
• 33:29
  OK. Is this that we know what we
• 33:32
  need to do, but we just don't really want to do it or that we
• 33:35
  feel like it's not in a bad enough place or we're not at a,
• 33:37
  you know, a different, you know, focus level that we want to do
• 33:40
  it. And I find procrastination is
• 33:45
  really a massive killer of businesses and of goals because
• 33:48
  it means that your back has to be against the wall before you
• 33:51
  move or before you take action. And that's not a place where
• 33:56
  growth, especially long term happens because we don't want to
• 33:59
  have to be at a crisis state in order to be able to move.
• 34:02
  You also want to ask, am I just misaligned with this thing that
• 34:06
  I'm trying to do? Maybe the reason that I don't
• 34:09
  want to, you know, go on a date with that guy is cuz I'm not
• 34:12
  really into him. Or maybe the reason I don't
• 34:14
  wanna, you know, coaching that offer is because I don't
• 34:16
  actually like that offer. And maybe the reason I don't
• 34:18
  wanna show up and promote my one-on-one consulting is cuz I
• 34:22
  actually don't like having one-on-one clients.
• 34:25
  And maybe the reason that I'm struggling to promote my course
• 34:29
  or to focus on building up this entire funnel around my course
• 34:32
  is because I actually feel super disconnected from it.
• 34:35
  And I would rather coach people or work with them one-on-one.
• 34:38
  Like there may be something underneath the surface connected
• 34:42
  to the why around it. Why are you doing it?
• 34:45
  There's something that you feel that you were called to do today
• 34:48
  that you had to show up with that you're not able to do.
• 34:51
  What's the why around it? Why are you really doing it?
• 34:54
  And you need a intentional why. And even in business, I would
• 34:58
  say I see this all the time is that people often times, and I
• 35:01
  get it because obviously all businesses need money, but a lot
• 35:04
  of the time businesses will have their why be money.
• 35:08
  Like I just need to do this today because I need $20,000.
• 35:11
  I want to do this today because I want $10,000.
• 35:14
  It's just such a shallow why? And so when you don't want to do
• 35:18
  it, you don't have a big enough why to get yourself out of bed
• 35:23
  when, you know, we have things even, for example, as moms,
• 35:28
  right? If a mom has no energy and
• 35:30
  they're like, OK, well, we could just sit around the house all
• 35:33
  day. Or we're going to go and we're
• 35:35
  going to go to the park and we're going to go do this.
• 35:37
  It's not to say that she wants to do all those things or maybe
• 35:40
  even that she has the drive to do them, but she has a why,
• 35:44
  which is the fact that she wants her kids to have an amazing day
• 35:47
  and she wants memories. And there's something deeper
• 35:50
  than just it being about, you know, OK, we have to go to the
• 35:53
  park. There's a bigger thing connected
• 35:55
  to that than just the activity in front of you.
• 35:58
  And so you also want to ask, is this just misaligned to me?
• 36:02
  Is my why around this not deep enough?
• 36:04
  Is this actually something that maybe I actually don't want to
• 36:06
  be doing? Could I be removing it entirely
• 36:09
  because it's bringing it up every time it presents itself?
• 36:12
  And also asking, is there just a nervous system shutdown
• 36:16
  happening? And this is for all of you who
• 36:18
  are push, push, push, drive, drive, drive.
• 36:21
  If you are constantly going and if you were constantly trying to
• 36:24
  do more and more and more in your business, you are going to
• 36:28
  find at a certain point your nervous system may need a break.
• 36:31
  You may actually be in a state of fatigue or a state of Free
• 36:35
  State, right? So this is really where you feel
• 36:38
  like you can't do anything. You try to even send an e-mail
• 36:40
  and it feels like it takes you 45 minutes.
• 36:42
  And that's because you may be in a Free State.
• 36:44
  You're in a place where you know what you need to do.
• 36:47
  You have the intention to do it, but your body physically won't
• 36:50
  allow you. Often times that is a nervous
• 36:52
  system shutdown is literally your body and your physical
• 36:56
  state telling you that it cannot do it.
• 36:59
  And it's not because of lack of motivation.
• 37:00
  It's not because you're not aligned and it's not because of
• 37:03
  anything other than the fact that you're like Kate.
• 37:06
  It feels like it's 15 times harder for me to do something so
• 37:10
  small my body won't do it. I can't think it may be because
• 37:14
  your nervous system is literally shutting down because of
• 37:18
  overstimulation and being overstressed and over pushed
• 37:21
  over time. So what I ask people is if you
• 37:26
  were going to do something you don't want to do, is the task
• 37:31
  actually hard or are you telling yourself it's heavy?
• 37:37
  OK, this is a very humbling question.
• 37:40
  If you are having something you need to do or want to do, you
• 37:45
  have to ask yourself, am I telling myself it's hard or am I
• 37:48
  making it more heavy than it needs to be or than it actually
• 37:52
  is? And I think a lot of times when
• 37:57
  we don't feel motivated, we can really make large, large, large,
• 38:01
  comprehensive stories about how difficult things are for how
• 38:05
  complicated things are. But that's really just helping
• 38:09
  us to create the mountain bigger and bigger and bigger.
• 38:11
  And see, see, I can't do that today.
• 38:14
  Whereas if we really got honors with ourselves and we said, OK,
• 38:17
  well, let's just say again, going back to business, I have
• 38:21
  to post on social media today. And I don't want to do that.
• 38:24
  OK, great. Well, when we say post on social
• 38:25
  media, like I have to put up this post, that's just story and
• 38:28
  I have to do that. OK, well, you don't have to do
• 38:29
  that. You could post on social as the
• 38:31
  goal. So let's again not think about
• 38:34
  perfection, let's think about progress.
• 38:36
  If we just put up a story, what would that look like?
• 38:39
  OK, well, I'd have to show up my face.
• 38:40
  Well, who says you have to show up with your face?
• 38:42
  You could also just put text slides up today that you write.
• 38:45
  OK, fine, it's OK. Great.
• 38:47
  So how long would it take you to put up text slides?
• 38:50
  20 minutes. OK, great.
• 38:52
  How long would it take you to put up text slides?
• 38:54
  And then also with your face and also a post today.
• 38:56
  Oh, that would take me 90 minutes.
• 38:57
  OK, great. So if the full thing of
• 39:00
  everything you'd want to do or that you would usually do would
• 39:02
  take you 90 minutes, let's look at making progress toward that,
• 39:06
  which is just the stories. So maybe we just do the 10
• 39:09
  minutes of tech slides and then you're done for the day and
• 39:11
  that's going to be your needle mover for today in that bucket.
• 39:15
  Even though it's not perfect, it helps us to realize that there's
• 39:18
  moments where we, like in any moment, are making something 10
• 39:23
  times bigger because it gives us a reason and it gives us
• 39:25
  evidence to tell our brain. OC It's so difficult, it's so
• 39:29
  comprehensive, it's so exhausting.
• 39:31
  I can't do that today. And we make this negotiation
• 39:35
  with ourselves of it being bigger than it needs to be.
• 39:38
  And it's really a narrative I want you to be aware of within
• 39:40
  your mind. When you tell yourself that you
• 39:42
  can't, it's often because you're making it something bigger.
• 39:46
  Whereas if you ask yourself, if I looked at it at the smallest
• 39:49
  size it could possibly be, do I feel like I realistically could
• 39:52
  do that? And I've never found a moment in
• 39:56
  my life where the things that I made, again, contextual and
• 40:00
  small, I wasn't able to do or that I didn't feel like I can
• 40:03
  make progress on the thing. I want to know what this is.
• 40:06
  Maybe you're dreading recording the offer because it's actually
• 40:09
  deep down. That you have potentially a fear
• 40:12
  that people are not going to show up to this even if you make
• 40:14
  it. There might be deep down that
• 40:17
  you're not in the mood to sell on stories today because you
• 40:19
  feel disconnected from the offer that you're trying to go on and
• 40:22
  promote and, you know, push to your audience.
• 40:25
  There's often times layers underneath the surface that we
• 40:29
  don't decide to dive into. And then we just slap a label on
• 40:33
  it and we're like, I am unmotivated. well-being
• 40:36
  unmotivated is the symptom. It's not necessarily the source
• 40:39
  of what's actually going on. Being unmotivated may be the
• 40:42
  symptom of burnout. Being unmotivated may be the
• 40:45
  symptom of not actually liking your offer.
• 40:48
  Being able to be, you know, unmotivated may actually be the
• 40:51
  fact that you are in the thick of your nervous system shutting
• 40:55
  down. It may be the fact that you
• 40:56
  don't actually have AY connected to this, that you don't actually
• 40:58
  want this goal anymore. There's so much to unpack with
• 41:01
  it. And what I would say is where do
• 41:03
  you start with this? Because you think, Oh my gosh,
• 41:05
  well, I feel like I'm unmotivated, you know, multiple
• 41:07
  times a day and things. How do I do this?
• 41:10
  What I tell people is when you feel unmotivated, you guys
• 41:13
  always hear me say, if it's a pattern, it's a problem.
• 41:15
  That's kind of the motto that I use within this, which is if I
• 41:19
  see a pattern of lack of motivation, I dive into that to
• 41:22
  say, OK, but what about it? Why does it keep showing up?
• 41:25
  There's obviously a reason, but why does it keep showing up?
• 41:28
  And so I, I focus all my energy on that one thing.
• 41:31
  So let's just say if it's lack of motivation to go to the gym,
• 41:35
  great I'm going to unpack that. What is my why around going to
• 41:38
  the gym? Do I feel like I'm getting
• 41:40
  enough rest in between going to the gym?
• 41:42
  Meaning maybe I don't want to go cuz I physically have no battery
• 41:45
  left to go? Do I feel like I am aligned with
• 41:47
  the kind of workouts that I'm doing?
• 41:49
  Does this feel like it's something that actually I enjoy
• 41:52
  or that I like as a process to getting fit?
• 41:54
  Like I start to really unravel what is the deeper aspects, you
• 41:59
  know, underneath the surface? Like think of an iceberg.
• 42:01
  What are all the things that are underneath that I can't see on a
• 42:04
  given day that I can sit with? And I always do that to where
• 42:08
  the thing that I'm least motivated by.
• 42:10
  So the thing that I don't want to do is the thing that I attack
• 42:14
  1st. And so I would also ask yourself
• 42:17
  those reflective questions because by doing so, you're
• 42:19
  going to start to see that there may be a thread that you kind of
• 42:22
  have known in your gut, but maybe you've been ignoring.
• 42:26
  And so obviously, so many of us, myself included, have these
• 42:30
  moments where we're not in the mood and we have just times
• 42:32
  where we don't want to, you know, show up.
• 42:34
  And so how do we navigate this? So I want to break this down
• 42:37
  into what to do if you're not in the mood, If you are someone who
• 42:41
  is like, I don't want to show up.
• 42:42
  I don't do the thing today. I don't want to work out.
• 42:45
  I don't want to post on social. I don't want to show up my
• 42:46
  business. I don't want to do the call.
• 42:48
  This is what I would recommend to you.
• 42:50
  You want to ask yourself which category you're in.
• 42:52
  And there's two categories that are going to happen initially,
• 42:55
  which is know if you need a gentle push through day, AKAA
• 43:00
  functioning fog day, or if you need a complete I'm not touching
• 43:04
  anything day. So what I look at is there's two
• 43:09
  paths in a moment where I don't want to do something.
• 43:12
  I'm either going to do it half capacity and I'm going to go
• 43:15
  through the motions, or I'm not doing it all.
• 43:18
  And you'll notice I didn't say I'm going to do it as I've
• 43:22
  always done it. And that's because I recognize
• 43:25
  any time I'm feeling lack of motivation, I may end up by some
• 43:29
  fluke getting into that area of how I've done it always.
• 43:32
  But I need to reset my expectations because I in a
• 43:36
  moment I'm like, OK, I don't want to do this.
• 43:38
  So I have to pass. I have to go to the motions to
• 43:40
  hopefully eventually get into wanting to do it or I'm not
• 43:43
  doing it at all. So let's start with a, if you or
• 43:46
  someone who knows that you have a vision and you have a goal and
• 43:50
  you have something that you're working toward, you are going to
• 43:53
  wake up and you're going to say, listen, I don't want to do this
• 43:55
  today. I'm not interested, but I have a
• 43:58
  mission to do this and I have to find some way to get momentum.
• 44:01
  So I am going to have a functioning fog day, which is #1
• 44:06
  choose a micro goal. So you are not going to do the
• 44:11
  master To Do List the perfect plan, the all in blueprint, but
• 44:15
  you're going to make progress on it.
• 44:17
  So if you had to write a full blog today, maybe you're not
• 44:20
  gonna write the full blog, but you're gonna write out five
• 44:23
  bullet points. Maybe if I had a goal of I'm
• 44:26
  going to record for podcast today, maybe I'm not gonna do
• 44:29
  that, but I'm gonna do 2 and after two, I'm gonna see how I
• 44:32
  feel. That momentum in recording the
• 44:36
  1st 2 can often be the thing that helps us to be like, you
• 44:39
  know what, I've got two more in me, let's go.
• 44:41
  And you start to create that movement or you write out the
• 44:43
  five bullets to the blog and you realize, nevermind, I'm just
• 44:46
  going to finish this off again. There's so much context that
• 44:49
  tells us once we're in momentum, once we're in movement, we find
• 44:55
  that we actually do want to complete it because that's
• 44:57
  really what gives us a small win to create motivation.
• 45:01
  So let's just say again, if you don't want to be on camera today
• 45:04
  or you feel like you have to post stories if you don't want
• 45:06
  to, great, put up some text slides.
• 45:08
  If you have to answer, you feel like I have 25 DMS, I have to
• 45:11
  get back to you today. Great.
• 45:13
  Let's go in and we're going to set a timer for 10 minutes and
• 45:16
  we're going to go in and answer them.
• 45:17
  I can almost guarantee you that once you go to do those things,
• 45:21
  and I can tell you this because I've seen it with clients, I've
• 45:23
  seen it with myself, when you create a micro goal that is just
• 45:27
  a marker in the progress toward perfection of what you ideally
• 45:31
  had in your plan, you will often make a lot more progress than
• 45:34
  you think because you're removing the heaviness and the
• 45:37
  bigness of this perfect goal and you're making it bite size,
• 45:40
  which makes it feel like it's approachable.
• 45:43
  Then you get in movement, you get in motion and you realize,
• 45:45
  you know what, I can do this and you keep things moving. 2 is to
• 45:49
  shift your state. I am somebody who recognizes
• 45:53
  that a lot of the time when I don't want to do things, it's
• 45:56
  because I'm just in such a state physically that I just am not in
• 46:00
  the quote UN quote zone. I don't know if you've ever had
• 46:02
  this, but you get into this like I need to work, but like I don't
• 46:06
  want to work. I don't want to go to my desk
• 46:07
  right now. So what I'll do is I'll pick up
• 46:09
  my laptop and I'll go to a coffee shop or I'll pick up my
• 46:11
  laptop and I'll go to a separate, completely separate
• 46:13
  space in my house. Or the other day I had to work
• 46:16
  and I really didn't want to. Like I really didn't want to.
• 46:20
  And I said, OK, great. I'm just going to add up my list
• 46:23
  of 10 things. I'm going to do the first 3.
• 46:25
  I did get the entire time done in the end, which was amazing.
• 46:27
  But I again talk about progress. I did the initial 3 as my little
• 46:31
  bucket of what I was going to attack.
• 46:33
  But I said, listen, I want to make this a nice work session.
• 46:35
  I'm going to go get a coffee and I'm going to go buy a candle
• 46:38
  from the store and I'm going to make my office a vibe and I'm
• 46:41
  going to settle in and get this work done.
• 46:44
  So I thought, OK, great. I went and got my coffee.
• 46:46
  I went and got my candle. I came back and I crushed the
• 46:48
  list of 10 things. I set up my environment to be
• 46:52
  something that I was excited to go into, that I was looking
• 46:54
  forward to, that I feel like was supportive of the focus that I
• 46:58
  wanted to have on my work. I looked to shift into getting
• 47:01
  into a state. I also, for myself, sometimes
• 47:04
  when I'm working, I'll listen to a podcast in the background or
• 47:06
  I'll have music going on in the background.
• 47:08
  I'll do something that helps me to really get into a place where
• 47:12
  I feel like it will help me to be in flow or I do something
• 47:16
  physically. So I sometimes will, you know,
• 47:18
  have a really hot shower and then go work.
• 47:21
  Sometimes I will go for a walk outside and I'll listen to some
• 47:24
  really like, you know, pump up music and then I'll go home and
• 47:26
  I'll work. I'll do things that help me to
• 47:29
  get into the state. And I think this is also
• 47:31
  something we need to normalize, which is that your body is
• 47:35
  energy. Your body is, you know, maybe
• 47:38
  some days waking up and you're like, I don't have it in me
• 47:40
  today. I don't want to do this.
• 47:43
  That doesn't mean that that has to stay your energy all day.
• 47:45
  You have a choice to shift your state to be in control of the
• 47:49
  energy that's happening inside of your body.
• 47:51
  That can be to wind down your energy to do something more
• 47:55
  relaxing. And it also can be to wind up
• 47:57
  your energy, right. So when we're really tired or
• 47:59
  when we feel like, you know, I just need to relax, what do we
• 48:02
  do? We wind down our energy.
• 48:04
  We do things that help us to calm.
• 48:06
  We dim the lights in the house. Maybe we put on one of our
• 48:08
  favorite shows. We make ourself a cup of coffee
• 48:11
  or a cup of tea. We, we do things that help us to
• 48:14
  get into that calm state. Well, you want to ask yourself,
• 48:17
  why are you not doing the opposite when it comes to
• 48:19
  creating momentum in your business?
• 48:20
  Why are you not creating energy states?
• 48:23
  I know this is going to sound weird, but like put on your
• 48:25
  favorite playlist and like dance it out.
• 48:27
  Get a little baby trampoline for your house.
• 48:29
  If you need to go outside and move your body and literally
• 48:33
  just do a, a physical somatic practice for yourself.
• 48:36
  Do breath work, have a hot shower, a cold shower.
• 48:39
  There's so much that you can do within 30 seconds even to get
• 48:43
  your body into a physical state of movement and momentum and to
• 48:47
  wake your body up to say, hey, like, let's do this today.
• 48:51
  You can shift your state in a positive upstate and also a
• 48:53
  downstate. So you want to also, most
• 48:56
  important, set perspective. If you're going to go through
• 49:00
  one of these fog days, which means you don't have the perfect
• 49:02
  function, but you're going to go through it a little bit messy
• 49:04
  just to create progress, we need to change our perspective away
• 49:08
  from, you know, this is going to be the most perfect thing I've
• 49:10
  ever done. It's not about creating this
• 49:12
  masterpiece of a day. It's about creating momentum.
• 49:15
  And so you have to use self talk and you have to coach yourself.
• 49:21
  OK, So you are either going to coach yourself out of what you
• 49:25
  want to do or you're going to coach yourself into what you
• 49:27
  want to do. So I will say things like you
• 49:31
  don't need to want to do this. You just have to begin.
• 49:36
  I don't need to crush this. I just need to take a step.
• 49:41
  It's not about doing the the perfect blueprint.
• 49:45
  It's about having it bite by bite.
• 49:48
  Like I have to coach myself all the time.
• 49:53
  The amount of times if I used to, you know, when I was doing
• 49:56
  some training stuff, I was doing like intervals in the treadmill.
• 49:59
  I physically out loud. I also live alone, so that's
• 50:01
  part of it. But either way, I was literally
• 50:03
  speaking out loud to myself. Like, OK, like one more 30
• 50:06
  seconds. You got this like as if I was
• 50:08
  going to coach someone else who was on the treadmill.
• 50:10
  I was coaching myself on the treadmill because my mind, you
• 50:14
  have to realize your mind is, is telling you things that are not
• 50:17
  real. It's saying you can't do it,
• 50:19
  you're tired. Get off.
• 50:21
  Your brain wants to keep you stuck.
• 50:23
  It wants to keep you safe, which often means anything that
• 50:27
  challenges you or stretches you is going to feel very
• 50:29
  uncomfortable and it's not going to want anything to do with it.
• 50:32
  So this is the invitation to coach yourself.
• 50:34
  I know it's going to sound weird, but I will literally,
• 50:38
  even when I have a really busy day and I feel like I it's 3:00
• 50:41
  PM and I'm having that 3:00 PM slump for whatever reason, I'll
• 50:44
  say, girl, you got this. OK, one more, one more, you got
• 50:48
  this of whatever it is. If it's a podcast, I'd have to
• 50:51
  do that. I don't want to do a call that I
• 50:52
  have to do whatever it might be. I'm coaching myself and I think
• 50:56
  so many of us believe that our brain should just have the idea
• 51:00
  that it wants to do it. You are in control and your
• 51:02
  subconscious is going to pull you in a million different
• 51:05
  directions because it's goal is to keep you at baseline and to
• 51:08
  keep you the least irritated, the least impacted of anything
• 51:13
  possible. But I coach myself all the time.
• 51:17
  I will be in bed and I don't want to get up on my curl
• 51:19
  321-GO-321-GO-321-GO and I will just be coaching myself.
• 51:23
  Get out of bed or I will be on a walk and I'm like, I really want
• 51:26
  to take a shortcut home, but that's not the goal.
• 51:29
  I'll be like, you got this. The easy way is not where growth
• 51:32
  happens. And I'll be like 321-GO.
• 51:34
  I'm coaching myself all day long.
• 51:38
  And that's because I know that parts of my brain don't want to
• 51:41
  do what I'm doing, but I coach myself.
• 51:43
  And when I do it, I feel amazing.
• 51:45
  I feel like proud of myself. I feel that I've built this
• 51:48
  little momentum and this little, you know, spout of confidence
• 51:50
  because I've done the thing that I didn't want to do.
• 51:53
  Now, in certain days, you're not going to pick that path where
• 51:56
  you set the micro goal and where you regulate and where you shift
• 51:59
  your perspective and you coach yourself.
• 52:01
  You're not going to pick that. You're going to be like, Kate,
• 52:03
  Nope, not today. I'm not doing it.
• 52:06
  And listen, I've also had those days.
• 52:07
  I have had days where I couldn't do it for whatever reason.
• 52:11
  I maybe had, you know, something mental health.
• 52:14
  Maybe I felt really anxious that day.
• 52:15
  Maybe I was physically sick that day.
• 52:17
  I just didn't have it in me to quote UN quote, push through.
• 52:20
  And so I recognized that I needed to pause or I need to
• 52:24
  kind of like recalibrate myself. So I asked myself, can I
• 52:28
  reschedule my day? Is this a reschedule the day,
• 52:31
  meaning I had calls at 10 and I can move them till three?
• 52:34
  Or is this like AI need to cancel the day and I am
• 52:36
  abandoning the day entirely? Could I also offer myself an
• 52:41
  opportunity here to say that I know that I don't need to be
• 52:46
  robotic in order to be able to make progress?
• 52:50
  So I've had days where I didn't feel like I could, like I didn't
• 52:53
  feel like I had the battery and I would literally just message
• 52:56
  like, let's say I had two calls that day.
• 52:57
  I would say, hey, you know, I'm just like not feeling the best
• 53:00
  today. I wanted to see if there's any
• 53:01
  chance you can move to Thursday. I recognize that there's certain
• 53:04
  moments that I just am not going to be able to do it.
• 53:07
  And you'll know what those are. And the way that I would say
• 53:10
  that you're, you're going to know is you have to be really
• 53:13
  honest with yourself. And I, I really do believe this.
• 53:15
  I think all of us know when we're copping out because we're
• 53:20
  lazy or we feel like we're like just not wanting to do
• 53:23
  something. Like we're just kind of like,
• 53:24
  oh, I don't want to versus we shouldn't.
• 53:28
  You know the difference, if you're really honest with
• 53:31
  yourself, you know the difference between if you could
• 53:34
  put up that story versus I can't today.
• 53:37
  You know, that difference between I really don't want to
• 53:40
  get out of bed today versus I can't get out of bed today.
• 53:43
  There's a big difference. And so I think what I've
• 53:47
  realized for myself in these moments of, of knowing, OK,
• 53:52
  like, well, what's the difference?
• 53:54
  I think it's honesty. The thing that I think led to my
• 53:57
  burnout, which is really, you know, not wanting to do
• 54:00
  something and always doing it regardless of how you feel, is
• 54:03
  that I think there were moments that my body and my brain were
• 54:06
  like, you need to rest. Like we're going under here.
• 54:10
  Like it's, I could feel it, I knew it.
• 54:13
  I was exhausted. I had brain fog.
• 54:15
  I could barely function in the way that I wanted to because I
• 54:18
  was just so burnt out. And I was like, Nope, see, goals
• 54:22
  are #1 that's it. My body knew and that's why I
• 54:26
  think these questions and asking ourself the intentional
• 54:28
  questions is really important because if we don't reflect, we
• 54:32
  won't be really able to tune in with ourselves to know what we
• 54:34
  need. So I asked myself, you know, to
• 54:38
  have that conversation every time I don't want to do
• 54:40
  something with myself. I kind of have that dialogue
• 54:43
  because that's the only time that I can be really honest to
• 54:46
  say, you know, the, there was a day actually just recently, I'll
• 54:50
  show this, there was a day about a week ago and I was invited to
• 54:53
  a birthday party. And this birthday party I really
• 54:58
  wanted to go to. Like I really, I did want to go
• 55:00
  to but physically something was wrong.
• 55:03
  I had like I felt like I was getting sick.
• 55:05
  So I had like all my nose was hot, almost felt like a like
• 55:09
  awful feeling like breathe in water and my head felt hot.
• 55:12
  My body was starting to feel weak.
• 55:14
  I just felt like I was coming down with the flu and I thought
• 55:18
  I could go to this like I could push myself through and I could
• 55:21
  go sit there and I could do it just to do it.
• 55:25
  But I was like everything in my body is telling me that I am
• 55:28
  going to be in hot water here if I go out tonight.
• 55:32
  So I just said to the person I can't make it.
• 55:33
  I'm so sorry. And what did I do?
• 55:35
  I literally all evening it was like a Friday night and I was in
• 55:38
  bed by like 7:00 PM and I did not move until the next day at
• 55:42
  12 noon. I woke up the next day, all
• 55:44
  symptoms gone. Everything is good.
• 55:46
  I felt like 1,000,000 bucks and I realized I just was so tired
• 55:50
  and I needed to tune into myself.
• 55:52
  And so again, my value in my life is about balance and
• 55:57
  socializing and seeing friends and family every single week.
• 56:00
  That's something that's a core value of mine.
• 56:02
  But I'm also tuned into my body comes first.
• 56:08
  And so with that, I recognize that my body was not in a place
• 56:11
  to do it. So I just, I wasn't going to do
• 56:12
  it. It was not going to happen.
• 56:15
  So can you reschedule your day? Can you potentially just
• 56:19
  abandoned the plans entirely? Do you need to give yourself a
• 56:23
  little bit more softness and fluidity and not be so robotic?
• 56:26
  Can you trust that your rest is part of the strategy?
• 56:33
  And here's my thing. If you're going to rest, meaning
• 56:37
  if you're going to take the time away and you're going to cancel
• 56:43
  it and you're going to abandon it and you're going to do
• 56:45
  whatever you're going to do, here's my only ask of you.
• 56:48
  Go all in and commit to it. This walking the line is where
• 56:53
  people get stuck because you're like, I don't feel like I have
• 56:56
  it to show up today. I don't feel like I have the
• 56:58
  ability to do it. But then you ruminate on the
• 57:00
  fact that you feel like you had to cancel calls.
• 57:03
  You ruminate on something that you were supposed to get done
• 57:05
  that you didn't get done. My ask of you is that if you are
• 57:08
  going to not be motivated and commit to not doing something in
• 57:12
  a day, that's fine. If you have rest that you need,
• 57:15
  if you need a break, if you need to just not do something, fine.
• 57:18
  But the most important thing is that you can't the entire time
• 57:21
  that you're not doing it, guilt trip yourself about the fact
• 57:24
  that you should be doing it. Because if so, your brain, your
• 57:27
  body, your system is not actually getting a break.
• 57:30
  It's just getting bullied the entire time that you would have
• 57:33
  been doing the task, which means that you're not getting any
• 57:36
  benefit. You're not getting the benefit
• 57:37
  of doing the task and you're not getting the benefit of the rest.
• 57:40
  So what I ask is that if you are going to have a day that you
• 57:46
  completely cancel, I want you to make the decision and you are
• 57:50
  going to cancel and you're going to commit.
• 57:51
  It means if you're canceling, we're not sitting on Slack,
• 57:54
  we're not sitting in your emails, we're not sitting in
• 57:56
  your Instagram DMS. We are not going to be in bed
• 57:59
  sulking about the fact that we canceled the day.
• 58:02
  But now we feel bad and I shouldn't have done that and now
• 58:05
  I feel like I'm behind. Instead, what I want you to do
• 58:07
  is say I am committing to canceling today and I'm not
• 58:09
  looking back. I'm taking space.
• 58:11
  I'm putting my phone away, I'm resting and I'm going to come
• 58:14
  back. I'm going to attack the issue or
• 58:16
  the To Do List tomorrow because that middle ground doesn't
• 58:20
  really give you any benefit at all.
• 58:22
  And so when you step away, step away.
• 58:25
  Give yourself that ability to say, if I made this decision,
• 58:28
  there's a reason. And I'm going to give myself
• 58:30
  that space. I used to be notorious for
• 58:35
  having a day, for example, that I felt like I couldn't do
• 58:37
  something. I would cancel a meeting or I
• 58:39
  would cancel a interview or something like that.
• 58:42
  And I the entire day would be like, I probably should have
• 58:44
  cancelled that. I probably should have done it.
• 58:46
  I probably could have this. And I would beat myself up about
• 58:49
  the fact that it could have looked different, yet I had
• 58:51
  already committed that I wasn't doing it.
• 58:54
  So I recognize now that when I commit to something, I'm all in.
• 58:57
  I'm either all in and I'm going to go do it and I'm going to try
• 59:00
  to, you know, take a bite off of the ideal picture, or I'm all in
• 59:04
  that I'm not doing it and I'm never looking back.
• 59:06
  And I'm moving forward the next day and we're just going to
• 59:08
  progress. Beating yourself up about it
• 59:11
  means that the time you took to rest is actually spent in
• 59:14
  rumination. And so that's something that's
• 59:16
  not going to allow either side to be helpful for you.
• 59:19
  So if you have back-to-back calls and now you're super,
• 59:22
  super drained and you feel like you can't do it, you maybe need
• 59:25
  to pause and ask your team or you yourself message your
• 59:28
  clients and look to reschedule. You realize that, you know,
• 59:31
  you're launching something and you feel like, you know, maybe
• 59:35
  am I not aligned to this offer? And I actually don't think I
• 59:37
  want to do this. Great.
• 59:38
  I can't tell you how many times I've cancelled different things
• 59:40
  that I was supposed to were quote UN quote scheduled to do
• 59:43
  because it didn't feel aligned to me anymore.
• 59:46
  But the difference is I didn't schedule it and think, oh man,
• 59:48
  should I have done that? Or was that the right thing?
• 59:50
  I trust myself wholeheartedly to be like, if I need to cancel
• 59:54
  that, then I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
• 59:56
  And that's conversation over and we're just going to move on and
• 59:59
  keep progressing. Or maybe.
• 1:00:02
  Your energy crashes in a given day and you had it planned to
• 1:00:06
  batch out all kinds of content and maybe now you're like, OK,
• 1:00:09
  great. I'm going to do more admin tasks
• 1:00:12
  moving forward in this day versus batching out all the
• 1:00:14
  content because that's progress for you.
• 1:00:16
  You want to recognize this kind of the, the quote that I wrote
• 1:00:20
  down to to anchor you into. I'm not failing by pausing.
• 1:00:25
  I'm building resilience by pacing.
• 1:00:29
  I'm going to say it one more time.
• 1:00:30
  I'm not failing by pausing, but I'm building resilience by
• 1:00:35
  pacing. And you want to reframe what
• 1:00:39
  these breaks mean. You want to reframe how you
• 1:00:44
  connect to them. What do they represent or mean
• 1:00:46
  about you? And you'll see a theme here
• 1:00:47
  today is that we need to start being kinder to ourselves about
• 1:00:52
  what our action or inaction means about us.
• 1:00:58
  If I'm deciding I'm taking, you know, even this week, I'm taking
• 1:01:01
  Wednesday this upcoming week completely off.
• 1:01:05
  And you someone might ask me why is that?
• 1:01:06
  For no reason. I'm having a spa day in the
• 1:01:09
  middle of the week and I'm just taking the day off to rest into
• 1:01:14
  the center and to just be with myself.
• 1:01:16
  And I have no guilt about that. And I also, I'm not going to be
• 1:01:18
  thinking about work at all while I'm there because at the end of
• 1:01:21
  the day, work is work and I'm taking a break and then I'll
• 1:01:24
  come back to work. That's it.
• 1:01:25
  It's not this, you know, well, I shouldn't be, you know, resting
• 1:01:29
  in the middle of the week and I should, you know, be online.
• 1:01:31
  And what about this, what about that?
• 1:01:32
  I just, I don't want, I don't care.
• 1:01:34
  It it's not something that in that moment is going to matter
• 1:01:38
  because I'm really focused on work when I'm working and I'm
• 1:01:40
  really not focused on work when I'm not working.
• 1:01:43
  And that division has been a godsend because I realized that
• 1:01:48
  part of the thing that was creating this emotional
• 1:01:51
  rollercoaster with my motivation was the fact that I was taking
• 1:01:55
  myself on a journey. I was literally emotionally
• 1:01:58
  bullying myself. When I wasn't acting, I was a
• 1:02:01
  bullying myself to act. And when I was acting, I was
• 1:02:04
  bullying myself to rest. And it felt like this like never
• 1:02:07
  ending battle of the two sides. Like I literally think about it
• 1:02:11
  like 2-2 little icons on your shoulders, right?
• 1:02:14
  Like you've got the two perspectives.
• 1:02:16
  That's how it felt is it felt like this constant internal
• 1:02:18
  battle of this dialogue, this narrative back and forth.
• 1:02:23
  And I just find that it's really about commitment.
• 1:02:27
  That's what it comes down to is that being able to show up and
• 1:02:29
  do things when you don't want to do them or even deciding you're
• 1:02:32
  not doing them at all. It's about commitment.
• 1:02:33
  It's about commitment to the vision or it's about commitment
• 1:02:36
  to your rest and to yourself. Either way, pick what you're
• 1:02:40
  committed to that day. You can't walk this line if I'm
• 1:02:43
  kind of committed to rest, but I want to be over here.
• 1:02:45
  That's where you get stuck. And you're going to constantly
• 1:02:47
  do that to the point where you just end up miserable within
• 1:02:51
  your business and within your life.
• 1:02:53
  You want to say, am I committed to my mission and my vision
• 1:02:55
  today, which means I'm going to, again, not go for perfect, but
• 1:02:57
  I'm going to make movement? Or am I committed to myself and
• 1:03:00
  my rest and I'm going to commit to that entirely today?
• 1:03:04
  Either way, we still are looking for a commitment of some kind.
• 1:03:07
  The, the, the limbo is where you actually are going to feel the
• 1:03:09
  most friction. The thing that I would say is
• 1:03:12
  there's also an identity piece, which is asking yourself who are
• 1:03:15
  you becoming through this process?
• 1:03:18
  And I will say, you know, of all the entrepreneurs that I've
• 1:03:20
  worked with, all of them have their own different journeys of
• 1:03:23
  how they navigate showing up in a given day when they don't want
• 1:03:28
  to. And I recognize that there's a
• 1:03:30
  lot of permission slips that we need.
• 1:03:31
  We need the permission slip that we're not going to feel on all
• 1:03:33
  the time. And I don't care who you
• 1:03:35
  consume. I don't care who you watch or
• 1:03:37
  who you aspire to be in business or in life or maybe in a certain
• 1:03:40
  goal you have. No single individual wants to do
• 1:03:43
  everything they want to do all the time.
• 1:03:45
  And it's important for us to know that because we have to
• 1:03:48
  also recognize that we may have a benchmark or perspective or a
• 1:03:54
  goal that is not actually, in fact realistic.
• 1:03:57
  And also you need to recognize that you may need to meet
• 1:04:00
  yourself in certain seasons. You may need a season right now
• 1:04:04
  in your life or in your business, that we need to adjust
• 1:04:09
  the spectrum of what we're looking to have as the, you
• 1:04:12
  know, quote UN quote marker of success.
• 1:04:14
  And so you want to recognize yourself in what season you're
• 1:04:17
  in. Are you in a higher energy
• 1:04:19
  season? Are you in a low motivation
• 1:04:21
  season? Are you in a transitional
• 1:04:22
  season? Are you an expansive season?
• 1:04:24
  Like what is the season you're experiencing within business
• 1:04:27
  right now? What's the experience you're
• 1:04:28
  experiencing in your life? Maybe you know, for me, when I
• 1:04:33
  was going through everything about a year and a better go, I
• 1:04:35
  was not in this place where like I just recognize that I'm not
• 1:04:38
  going to be in a push, push, push season.
• 1:04:40
  Like I'm not in a growth season right now.
• 1:04:42
  I'm not in an expansive season. Everything felt hard.
• 1:04:45
  Getting out of bed felt hard going and move my body at all
• 1:04:48
  felt hard working, felt hard. Showing up to a meeting felt
• 1:04:51
  hard. Now that doesn't feel hard, but
• 1:04:55
  that's because I'm in a different season now.
• 1:04:57
  So I also think there's a recognizing for ourselves to
• 1:05:00
  give yourself some grace of like, what is the season you're
• 1:05:03
  navigating right now? And do we need to really check
• 1:05:06
  in to say what does the season require of me and what is this
• 1:05:10
  season's, you know, level or metric of success need to be to
• 1:05:14
  help, need to get through? You also want to recognize that
• 1:05:17
  the person you're going to become is going to be developed
• 1:05:21
  in these moments. So when you want to become that
• 1:05:25
  really ambitious business owner, that really driven CEO that, you
• 1:05:30
  know, girl who's crushing her health goals and crushing her
• 1:05:32
  business goals and the crushing her relationship goals and all
• 1:05:34
  of that, you're going to be shaped in the moments you don't
• 1:05:39
  want to do. OK, So I'm going to let you just
• 1:05:41
  behind the curtain today to record today.
• 1:05:45
  I, it was, it's super, super hot here.
• 1:05:48
  So I recognized that I had to walk my dogs before I record.
• 1:05:52
  So I saw outside that it was going to be super, super hot as
• 1:05:56
  of like 8:00 AM here. So I was like, Oh my gosh, I
• 1:05:57
  have to get up at like 6:30 to go take them for a walk before
• 1:06:00
  it gets hot. And I was like, I got to get
• 1:06:02
  ready all of these things. And so I will be honest, I
• 1:06:06
  thought, I don't want to get up that early.
• 1:06:08
  Like I don't desire to get up at 6:30 so that I can record a
• 1:06:11
  podcast before our team meeting and all these things.
• 1:06:14
  But what I also recognized was like, OK, but who do I want to
• 1:06:17
  be? I want to be the girl who gets
• 1:06:21
  her steps in. I want to be the person who has
• 1:06:24
  time in the morning to not rush through a coffee, but who
• 1:06:26
  actually can enjoy her coffee and have stillness.
• 1:06:28
  I want to be the girl who keeps commitments to her team and who
• 1:06:33
  gives them what they need to be able to help them to do what
• 1:06:36
  they need to do. And I also told the incredible
• 1:06:40
  women who do our podcast last week that I was going to do
• 1:06:43
  this. So I thought to myself, OK,
• 1:06:44
  well, I don't want to have to go face them today and say I didn't
• 1:06:48
  do it because what would be the reason?
• 1:06:49
  I just didn't feel like it. So I thought, OK, well, who do I
• 1:06:53
  want to be to them? Who do I want to be to me?
• 1:06:56
  Who do I want to be for my health?
• 1:06:58
  Who do I want to be for the business?
• 1:06:59
  And when I started to really just like again, it wasn't
• 1:07:02
  tuning into like why I don't want to do it today.
• 1:07:03
  It was tuning into what would the ideal me, How would she
• 1:07:07
  perceive this opportunity? How would she perceive this
• 1:07:11
  moment? And I still had the thoughts of
• 1:07:14
  I don't want to do it. But I thought, OK, well, but who
• 1:07:17
  do I want to be? And would she do it?
• 1:07:18
  And she would do it because she knows that there's really no
• 1:07:22
  reason that she couldn't do it. There's more than enough time.
• 1:07:25
  I slept great. There's, you know, tons of extra
• 1:07:28
  time now before our meeting. And everything's in perfect flow
• 1:07:30
  today. Like there's no reason that I
• 1:07:32
  couldn't have. But my motivation was still not
• 1:07:34
  there. The only thing that anchored
• 1:07:36
  into me was the fact that this is the moment.
• 1:07:40
  That is the division of how my day goes.
• 1:07:42
  I either sleep in and it means the dogs didn't get walked and
• 1:07:46
  the podcast didn't get recorded and I'm facing them out on the
• 1:07:48
  team meeting saying I didn't do the XYZ that you needed from me.
• 1:07:52
  Or that's one option of how my day could go.
• 1:07:54
  Or the other option of how my day could go is that I could, as
• 1:07:57
  I did today, take them out and I could have a great breakfast and
• 1:08:00
  a calm coffee this morning and record a podcast with extra time
• 1:08:03
  to go sit in the sun and then prep for our team meeting and
• 1:08:06
  then say, hey, yes, all set to go.
• 1:08:08
  You know, you've got your episode.
• 1:08:09
  Think of the difference of how those two days are going to go.
• 1:08:13
  The only difference between those two day realities is that
• 1:08:15
  one of them was me keeping my commitments and the other one
• 1:08:19
  was me not. And if I didn't, there wasn't a
• 1:08:22
  actual reason for me not to other than I just didn't feel
• 1:08:24
  like it. So I recognized that there's
• 1:08:28
  also a vision I have to tune into.
• 1:08:30
  There's an identity. And every day that I tap into
• 1:08:33
  that identity is the day that I start to become closer and
• 1:08:35
  closer and closer toward her. Each day that I show up, even
• 1:08:38
  like a day like today where I didn't make me feel like getting
• 1:08:40
  up early, every day that I do that is a day that I become
• 1:08:43
  closer to the version of me that I want to be.
• 1:08:46
  And so I recognize there's an identity piece here, which is
• 1:08:49
  that if you tell yourself, and I know this because I know the
• 1:08:54
  kind of person you are, you tell yourself that you want to become
• 1:08:57
  someone different. You tell yourself that you want
• 1:08:59
  to achieve incredible things. You tell yourself that you have
• 1:09:02
  these massive goals that you're going for.
• 1:09:04
  And yet every time that you're presented with an opportunity to
• 1:09:08
  tune into those goals, to step up to the plate, to put in the
• 1:09:12
  effort to show up with the action, you're finding a reason
• 1:09:15
  to go back to safety. And so it really today is about
• 1:09:19
  an invitation of saying, who do you want to be?
• 1:09:23
  What is the kind of person you want to step into?
• 1:09:25
  What is the version of yourself that you're wanting to become?
• 1:09:28
  And with this, do we maybe here have an opportunity to say, I
• 1:09:33
  need to flex that muscle and maybe showing up, maybe the
• 1:09:39
  thing that you don't want to do is truly the center and the
• 1:09:43
  unlock of you unlocking everything about that person you
• 1:09:45
  want to become. Showing up is the difference
• 1:09:49
  between scaling into the self that you want to be versus the
• 1:09:52
  self that you are today. And that's only a journey, which
• 1:09:56
  is why this is important for us to talk about.
• 1:09:58
  This is only a journey that you can take.
• 1:10:00
  This is not this is not something that you're going to
• 1:10:03
  have somebody in your corner being like, all right, let's go,
• 1:10:05
  let's go, let's go. This is a journey that you're
• 1:10:08
  having with yourself at 6:00 in the morning.
• 1:10:09
  It's a journey you're having with yourself at 10:00 at night
• 1:10:12
  when you're like, should I watch one more Netflix episode or
• 1:10:14
  should I go to bed? This isn't the moments where you
• 1:10:17
  have the choice between, you know, picking the the brownie or
• 1:10:20
  picking something else, right? It's in these small moments.
• 1:10:24
  And I think the reason I thought today was a very important topic
• 1:10:27
  to talk about is I think so many of us don't want to show up.
• 1:10:29
  And I don't want to show up a lot of times, but I think the
• 1:10:32
  reason I do and the reason I have been is because I just know
• 1:10:36
  that I don't want to be her. I have no desire in being her.
• 1:10:41
  The girl who doesn't show up and the girl who's inconsistent and
• 1:10:44
  the girl who has excuses and the girl who never fulfills and the
• 1:10:47
  girl who constantly has a reason to get out of it.
• 1:10:50
  I don't want to be her. I recognize that the new me is
• 1:10:55
  not always going to do everything.
• 1:10:57
  She needs rest too. Which is why, again, this is not
• 1:11:00
  about perfection, but I think when we anchor into who we want
• 1:11:03
  to be, we're going to get really honest with ourselves.
• 1:11:07
  And I think if we could distill this down, if I could distill it
• 1:11:09
  down to a question for you, it would be, is your life and your
• 1:11:15
  decision today? Are you more interested in the
• 1:11:18
  next 24 hours of safety or if the next 24 hours could stretch
• 1:11:27
  you to scale into the person that you were going to become?
• 1:11:30
  Which are you choosing? And I really, I genuinely think
• 1:11:34
  about it as like walk left or walk right.
• 1:11:36
  If you walk left and you, you know, make excuses and you make
• 1:11:39
  all these reasons that are not valid, It's not to say that
• 1:11:41
  there might not be valid ones. There may be valid ones as we,
• 1:11:44
  as we spoke about, But in the left, if you make all these
• 1:11:47
  reasons that are not actually valid to not do something or you
• 1:11:49
  could go right. And yes, it's going to be harder
• 1:11:52
  and you're probably not going to feel like it, you're not going
• 1:11:54
  to be motivated. But the end of it, look at who
• 1:11:56
  you become. Which path are you going to walk
• 1:11:59
  down? And when I, in those moments,
• 1:12:01
  don't wanna do anything and I visualize myself that way and I,
• 1:12:03
  Lily will close my eyes. I'm like, I don't wanna do this.
• 1:12:05
  I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna do this.
• 1:12:07
  And I, I think about the girl on the left and I think about the
• 1:12:09
  girl on the right. I think I'm not going there.
• 1:12:12
  That's not who I'm becoming. That's not what we're doing.
• 1:12:15
  That's not who we're stepping into.
• 1:12:17
  So I refused to allow myself to go left all the time.
• 1:12:23
  Are there gonna be days where I go left?
• 1:12:25
  Sure. But I want those to be 2%.
• 1:12:29
  I want those to be 5%. I don't want them to be 80
• 1:12:33
  percent, 70% because that means I'm choosing to step more into
• 1:12:38
  the mindset, the behavior, the consistency of the old me more
• 1:12:41
  than I am the new me. And so it's not about
• 1:12:43
  perfection. It's not about saying you're
• 1:12:45
  never going to lack motivation. It's not about saying you're
• 1:12:47
  never going to cancel your day. It's not about saying you might
• 1:12:50
  not have that day where you just need to stay in bed because you
• 1:12:52
  just don't have it today or the day that you cancel and you go
• 1:12:55
  for drinks with friends instead. You don't go to the workout, you
• 1:12:57
  go shopping. It's not to say that those days
• 1:12:59
  aren't going to happen. I don't care about those days
• 1:13:01
  happening at all. I care about the frequency in
• 1:13:03
  which they have it. And that's something that if you
• 1:13:07
  stop today's episode and you go, OK, if I'm being really honest
• 1:13:10
  with myself, what percentage would I give?
• 1:13:12
  I could give you, you, you know, a question out of 10, how
• 1:13:16
  consistent are you with going left, IE old version of you
• 1:13:19
  versus going right into the, the version you want to become?
• 1:13:23
  And if I say left, how many times out of one time would you
• 1:13:26
  say you go left? That's an indicator for you to
• 1:13:28
  know how much my choosing old me behaviors versus newbie
• 1:13:31
  behaviors. This is just an awareness, it's
• 1:13:33
  not a judgement, It's an awareness to say where can I
• 1:13:36
  change? Where can I evolve?
• 1:13:38
  Where can I be better? Where can I have different
• 1:13:40
  habits, different routines, different perspectives to help
• 1:13:42
  me to step more to the right. And it's just an evolution.
• 1:13:46
  So today what I wanted to go through was understanding, first
• 1:13:50
  of all, that all of us don't want to show up many times in
• 1:13:53
  our lives, but how can we overcome that?
• 1:13:55
  And also with that, how do we know if maybe we're not showing
• 1:13:58
  up is actually the best decision we can make for the day?
• 1:14:01
  And there are going to be these moments.
• 1:14:02
  So remember, it's not about black and white, it's not about
• 1:14:05
  perfection, it's not about judgement, it's not about
• 1:14:07
  labels. It's just about awareness.
• 1:14:10
  And use this as an opportunity to reflect and say, OK, where
• 1:14:13
  are the areas where I feel like I haven't been showing up even
• 1:14:16
  though I know I could. And use that as the invitation
• 1:14:19
  to start to flex this muscle. Take one category.
• 1:14:21
  You don't have to do this in every single category of your
• 1:14:23
  life. Take one category, one area of
• 1:14:25
  your life, one goal and use this as the anchor that says for the
• 1:14:29
  next week, I'm going to pick this X goal.
• 1:14:32
  So let's just say it's walking each day.
• 1:14:35
  I want you to set up a plan of how much you want to walk.
• 1:14:38
  And with that, I want you to then at the end of the week, say
• 1:14:42
  how much did I show up for myself?
• 1:14:43
  And in the moment that I didn't show up, how did I navigate it?
• 1:14:46
  Did I fully commit? Did I not commit?
• 1:14:49
  Did I get myself into the state? Did I set a micro goal?
• 1:14:52
  All I want you to do is just reflect on it.
• 1:14:54
  We're not judging how many walks you went on.
• 1:14:56
  We're not saying that you did or didn't do it.
• 1:14:58
  I'm not looking at that. I want to look at how did you
• 1:15:01
  shift your perspective and your behavior away from perfection
• 1:15:05
  and into the process. And if you can do that, I will
• 1:15:08
  tell you your results are going to compound over time.
• 1:15:11
  You're going to find that you went from one week of like I
• 1:15:13
  didn't walk at all to the next week.
• 1:15:14
  I started to have better negotiations, better mindset,
• 1:15:17
  better regulation. And before you know it, you have
• 1:15:20
  way more that you're being consistent in because you are
• 1:15:23
  dialogue in your brain has changed.
• 1:15:26
  Today is not about, you know, me bullying you to say go for a
• 1:15:29
  walk. It's about me teaching you to
• 1:15:32
  understand how to have that inner dialogue with yourself so
• 1:15:35
  that you can use that to give yourself more consistency over
• 1:15:38
  time. It's not about perfection.
• 1:15:40
  So I really hope today's episode was helpful for you as always,
• 1:15:44
  If you have like, I always feel like obviously I record these
• 1:15:47
  always by myself. So I'm in this like a little
• 1:15:48
  echo chamber over here. So if you have any downloads or
• 1:15:51
  awarenesses, or maybe you even want to share the thing that
• 1:15:53
  you're trying to create more consistency in or maybe the area
• 1:15:56
  that you're trying to show up more within in your life right
• 1:15:59
  now. I would love to hear from you.
• 1:16:01
  If you want to slide into my D Ms. I love chatting with you
• 1:16:03
  guys, the incredible messages that you're like, this is what I
• 1:16:05
  took away from the episode. Here's what I'm starting to
• 1:16:08
  integrate. I cannot tell you how much it
• 1:16:09
  fills my bucket. It's, it's incredible to hear
• 1:16:12
  about all the things that you're starting to integrate and aha
• 1:16:14
  moments and the downloads you're having.
• 1:16:16
  And so if you want to slide into my DMS, I would love to hear
• 1:16:19
  from you and just any takeaways that you had from today's
• 1:16:21
  episode. But with that being said, I hope
• 1:16:23
  today was helpful for you. We will see you on the next
• 1:16:26
  episode. And, as always, stay ambitious.