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What steps help manage grief over estrangement? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Grief over estrangement is real grief, even though the person's still alive.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's actually what makes it so hard to manage, as there's no funeral, no clear ending, and no agreed way to talk about it with people around you.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: You might see them on social media, hear updates through your relatives, or wonder if you'll cross paths again one day.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And all of that can keep the loss feeling unresolved in a way that grief after death often doesn't.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now this kind of grief rarely moves in a straight line.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel angry one week and numb the next or think you've made peace with it and then get pulled right back in, that doesn't mean you manage it in wrong.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's just how this particular kind of loss tends to work.
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  SPEAKER_00: And what helps is focusing on what you can actually influence.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can't control the past or the choices the other person made, but you can control how you process what happened and how you treat yourself while you do it.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now practical ways to support yourself with this is by giving yourself permission to feel the anger and sadness rather than pushing them down, even just naming it privately, saying something like I'm angry about this or this really hurts can stop those feelings building up underneath the surface.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: It also helps to notice when you're grieving the family member you actually have versus the one you hope they become, as that gap between expectation and reality is often where a lot of the pain sits.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can also talk to people who can hold this with you without judgment, whether that's a trusted friend, a support group of people who've been through estrangement, or simply writing it down like in a letter when there's no one to say it out loud to.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now if the grief feels stuck rather than shifting over time, or if you're replaying the same memories again and again, or if it's affecting your sleep, work or other relationships, that's worth bringing to a professional, and it's worth looking specifically for a therapist or counselor who understands estrangement.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for more on coping with estranged family dynamics, you can take a look at the app's resources.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you're thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.