Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S4 Ep2: White People, Explained (By Comedians) 🤣

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S4 Ep2: White People, Explained (By Comedians) 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Can you believe that's an actual stance you could have?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: You could be four equal rights?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_02: I mean there's people out there saying, I think everybody should have the same rights as everyone else.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_02: And there's other people like, nah, son, I disagree.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_03: White people make me nervous.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: Not white people.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_03: White women have made me nervous lately.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: And not because of white pillars, because of white women and their cell phones.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_03: They love to use their cell phones to call the police.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: For any motherfucking thing.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: They can't wait to pull that phone out.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know what the fuck I'm talking about.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm telling if you black, that's one sound, you don't ever want to hear white women say on their phone.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: If you get two hours in a row, you're going straight to jail, nigga.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: Call a law cars.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: We have a ha ha ha.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: For anything, they just walk around looking for shit.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: Excuse me, little boy.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Do you have a permit for your lemonade stand?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: No ma'am.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: There's no permit.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: This wife wanna call the police on this black guy because his dog humped her dog in a dog park.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck you think dogs go to the park for?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: To hump.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_03: You ever see a dog in the park?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: As soon as they walk it, they like, oh these bitches in here.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: This is a white dog park.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody fix.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: Ain't nobody gonna get pregnant.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: This motherfucker.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: You know who started this shit?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: Barbecue Becky.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: Did you know who Barbecue Becky is?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, Barbecue Becky was a white woman from Oakland, California, and she was a snitch.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: And most white women from Oakland, California are snitches.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: But she was a super snitch.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: She had a cell phone with an external battery cord, going into a motorcycle battery.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: Bitch was on the phone with the police for two hours.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: With 100% battery life.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: Who the fuck ever has 100% battery life?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_03: Soon as you wake up in the morning, fuck, I just woke up.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm on 85%.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta bang, I took a shit.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm on 55%.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Go outside 1%, fuck that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: I ain't going over 1%.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Barbecue Becky on the phone, the police, black people behind her in the park.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: Barbecue Becky.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: Poli said, what are you doing?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: She said, They're barbecuing.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_03: Poli's like, what?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_03: She said, with black charcoal.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_03: I thought this was the dumbest shit I ever heard in my life.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_03: I had to begin to do more research.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: You know why barbecue Becky was so upset?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Because the black people invited her to the barbecue the year before.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: They said, barbecue, you can come to the barbecue.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_03: She was like, ho ho ho ho.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: She said, What should I bring?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_03: They said, bring whatever you want.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_03: Bitch, just come to the barbecue.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: Barbecue Becky showed her the next day to the black barbecue with some white people potato salad.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: That shit had apple chunks and raises and grapes and cinnamon flakes.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_03: She had olive oil and hummus and yogurt and shit.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: That shit ain't had no mustard, no relish, no mayonnaise.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: They was like, where the egg at, hoe?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_03: They don't need no egg in this white people to taste out.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_03: Bitch, I can't eat this shit.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: I like to start with race stuff because I feel like right now there's a lot of tension.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Blacks and cops aren't getting along.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you've seen the news in the past 400 years, but I don't have you seen it.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Apparently we've hit a rough patch.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: My brother's a cop, actually.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't fuck with him.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: I love him, I love him.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't fuck with them.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Not right now, it's too hot.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: I only see him Thanksgiving.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: And even then I'm like, I'm reaching for the potatoes.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: He hates that shit.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: He doesn't find it funny at all.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's hysterical.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: We can't agree on anything anymore.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: As a country, we just can't agree.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: We just fight about everything.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: We can't even agree on black lives matter.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's a controversial statement.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_02: Black lives matter.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: Not matters more than you.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: Just matters.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Matters.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_02: Just matters.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's where we're starting the negotiations.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: Matters.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: We can't agree on that shit.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: What the fuck is less than matters?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: Black lives exist.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: Can we say that?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: Can we say is that controversial?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: We always ask for the lowest common denominator.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: We ask for the lowest rights.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_02: Gays were fighting for equal rights.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Equal rights.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_02: Could you believe that's an actual stance that you could have?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: You could be for equal rights.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_02: That means there's people out there saying, I think everybody should have the same rights as everyone else.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: And there's other people like, nah, son, I disagree.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't think so.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Black people was fighting for civil rights, not even equal.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: Just civil.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: Can we get civil?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: Can we get, I take civil rights.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Just be civil.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: Can you get civil?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_02: Turn the fucking hose off.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: Can we just get they don't tell you black lives don't matter?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's not what they say.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's not the argument.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: They hit you with that slick shit.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, well, all lives matter.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Semantics?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: That would be like if your wife came up to you and was like, Do you love me?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: And you were like, baby, I love everybody.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: What are you talking about?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: I love all God's creatures.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: What are you saying?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: You're no different.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: Why do black people always have to get over shit so quickly?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, black lady.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: Why do we always gotta get over shit?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: Every time we bring some shit up.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Slavery.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that was 400 years ago.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Segregation.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: You guys got Black History Month out of it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: We gave you February.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Police shooting.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: That was two weeks.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Come on, you still, still?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: 9-11.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, never forget.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's why this September I'm getting a t-shirt that says all buildings matter.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Let me see how that works.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: No?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: You want the money?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Let me get you one.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: I got some new shit though.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm finna buy me a self-driving car.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck out of here.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be in the back seat.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: You pull me over.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what to tell you.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to the driver.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to the driver, officer.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here in the back seat reading the Bible.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: As you can see, I'm naked with a little pit bull puppy.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: He's in his seatbelt.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Just saying.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Cause it's a new world out there.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: This new election changed everything.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Everything has changed.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: And don't worry, white people, we're not gonna talk politics, we not gonna say who voted for who.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: We're not finna get in that.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: We learned white people know how to keep a secret.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all didn't tell us shit this election, not nothing.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't know white people was up to something until they started showing white people inline voting.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: And all the white people looked like they had a secret to keep and shit.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think white people is up to something.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to see what 2018 is gonna be.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: 2017 is already a doozy.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: We we used to seeing people be wrong.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: We ain't never seen nobody be this wrong.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: CNN was wrong, wrong wrong, wrong, wrong.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: CNN was talking big shit before the election.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_01: They had the map up, had all the states highlighted and shit.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: They was talking big shit.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's no way that Trump can win this unless he wins here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: White people done took over now.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: Shit that used to be black ain't black no more.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: First thing white people took over was rioting.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Riots used to be some black shit.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: We'll get so mad, we riot.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: White people done took it over.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: White people, let me just say in front of all these minorities, y'all are terrible at it, white people.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: We taught y'all better than this.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all had a million white people out there, y'all didn't do no damage at all.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all out there obeying the crosswalks and passing out orange slices, walking in single file lines and white people.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: We talked y'all better than this.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: If it's a riot, you gotta be willing to fuck some shit up.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Y'all can't fuck the shit up because y'all own the shit, so y'all out there fucking it up and cleaning it up at the same time.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Not a riot, white people.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: White people just out there shaking their signs hard and shit.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Using the shake wave, I'm riding, goddamn it, I'm riding.