Latest / ok storytime / My son's girlfriend handed me RULES to see my grandchild... so I wrote rules of my own! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3149

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My son's girlfriend handed me RULES to see my grandchild... so I wrote rules of my own! -r/AmITheAsshole | Reddit Stories | EP3149 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Keon, your favorite OK Storytime host, and
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: we've got some great stories coming right up.
• 0:05
  Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: the sponsors that keep the show alive. My son's girlfriend
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: handed me rules to see my grandchild.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: So I wrote rules of my own.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Rules are meant to be broken.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: I am 49, female, and I have a son, 21,
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: and his girlfriend, 21. His girlfriend is pregnant, and because
• 0:24
  Speaker 3: they're in a rough patch... Both of them also dropped
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: out of school. I have been helping them out with money.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: For the most part, I like his girlfriend well enough,
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: but she's been a bit overbearing during their pregnancy. Not
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: that I really blame her. Today, they came over and
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: his girlfriend decided to give a list of do's and
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: don'ts to my husband and I if we wanted to
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: have contact with their child. The list was mostly reasonable, like,
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: Have vaccines. Don't swear around the baby. Handle baby with care.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: Don't show up unannounced. No isms around the kid of
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: any kind. Some of them were a bit overbearing, like
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: when the baby is older, no tickling or sweets, no cartoons,
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: no baby talk, etc. By the way, this comes from Throwaway,
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: and if you want to submit your own stories, go
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: to the r slash ok story time subreddit.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: We're going to read this little baby story and give
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: our little baby thoughts. Let us know what you're... baby
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: talking down in the comments. It seems insulting and condescending.
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: Some of the items on the list are things we
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: would never do, like the isms part. We are also
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: not anti-vax. It feels like she was pretty much assuming
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: the worst of us. Example, of course, we would not
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: swear like sailors around a child. And we always call
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: before we visit. They show up unannounced more than we do.
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: Some of the items on the list are extreme. I
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: understand that these are her rules and how she plans
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: to raise the baby, but the idea that I would
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: lose access to my grandchild because I baked cookies with
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: them is extreme, and I don't want to walk on
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: eggshells or go through the hurt of losing my grandchild,
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: especially since I feel like it's the grandparent's job to
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: spoil the child, within reason, of course. Clarification, I understand
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: how these requirements could be necessary if we weren't suited
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: to be around children.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: I would understand.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: So in response, I said, fine. But now here's a
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: list of requirements to receive financial support. In the past,
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: we've always trusted them and given them a monthly allowance.
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: As long as we didn't think they were deceiving us
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: or blowing money or asking for even more, we let
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: them do what they will with the money. So I
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: added the stipulations like wanting to see their budget to
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: ensure they didn't eat out or buy unnecessary clothing. They
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: didn't go to hair salons instead of barbers and had
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: to spend a certain amount on the baby. and they
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: didn't buy hobby-related stuff. And finally, financial support would be
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: lost if we were to be denied access to the baby.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: There were more stipulations, but I'm sure you get the point.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: I made this list and gave it to both of
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: them in exchange for the list of baby requirements. Both
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: my son and his girlfriend were upset with this. I
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: said that previously I had trusted them, but since you
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: didn't trust us, we wouldn't trust them.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: See, that's where I feel like you've made your first mistake.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: I don't think you should have made it about us
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: versus you.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: I think you should have made it about how when
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: you have a child, it's different.
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: Now that you have a baby, I want to make
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: sure that we're giving you money and it's being spent
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: properly because you have a child.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: Don't make it about you.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Make it about the baby.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Exactly. I also told them how disrespectful I thought.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: They were for giving me a list when they rely
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: on my husband and I for support. His girlfriend said
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't be able to see the baby. I told
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: them they could leave. My husband and I are both
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: conflicted over this, and I'm wondering if I overreacted.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Am I the a-hole? And there are comments.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, great. I think everyone kind of sucks here. I
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: think obviously Sun's girlfriend is the... I think she's just
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: trying to be like this. But now that you're... It
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: sounds like some of it's rules. Some of it's just demands.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's understandable. It's like a frantic thing. And maybe
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: she's being a little difficult, whatever. But I think you
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: need to see that. And instead of responding this with justice,
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: where it's like you versus them... It should have been like, oh,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: that was a silly, a lot of this is silly
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: baby type stuff.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Truly. And you don't need to be worried about that.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: And you should have just been like, oh my God,
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: you don't need to worry about like almost anything in
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: this list. Like, you know, and when the kid is
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: older and you want to bake cookies with them, you
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: can revisit that at that point.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: I'm sure it will be okay.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: You can't tickle the baby?
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: I can't make baby sounds with the baby?
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: You want me to talk to it like an adult
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: and be like, how are your taxes going, baby?
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I can't wait for you to be able to do math.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Comment one asking for info. Is it possible girlfriend's parents
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: are much less trustworthy than you? So a list was
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: drawn up that applies to both sets of grandparents. To
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: be fair, OP says my son's girlfriend has very little
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: contact with her parents from what I can tell. So
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: I don't think this was a general list for both
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: of us, but I suppose it's possible.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Comment two. Also, do they have jobs?
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: Because they should start looking for work instead of mooching
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: off your generosity. OP says my daughter-in-law has had a
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: rough pregnancy and my son works minimum wage. I helped
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: them because surviving off a single minimum wage income where
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: we live is difficult. A one bedroom apartment is about
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: $ 1, 200 and we're not even in a big city. Comment
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: three asking for info. How do you feel about your
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: son's involvement with this list? Daughter-in-law didn't come up with
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: it on her own, but your post implies she did.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Is he off the hook since you think it's her
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: rules and how she plans to raise the baby? OP
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: says I was equally disappointed in my son. But I
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: realize it doesn't really come off that way in the
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: post and I wasn't fair in how I wrote it
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: because of that. She did most of the talking, but
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: I know my son was either involved or didn't stand
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: up to her. And OP replies to a comment explaining,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: I was offended by their presentation most of all. It
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: was a combination of feeling like they assumed the worst
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: of us and the fact that they immediately jumped to
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: threatening no contact. If when the baby was older, they
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: approached us with some requests or simply politely brought up
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: problems as they arose, I would be less insulted.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Very fair. Yeah, they were like, it's ultimatum time. You know,
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: if you don't abide by these rules, you only get
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: one strike. If you do baby talk, you're done.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I just think this, you know, maybe OP's a
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: little firecracker. Maybe they got firecracker spirit.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Listen, if I was financially supporting my child, which, you know,
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: I'm supposed to, but like, come on.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: What you needed to say was what you just said.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: You know, where it's like, okay, I understand why you
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: would make a list, right?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: But it does feel like you're expecting the worst of us. And,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: you know, some of it feels.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Especially after you've been helping them for God knows how long.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: We're literally financially supporting you. Like, why would you expect
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: this of us? Why would you assume that?
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: But we do have an update.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: It looks like the very top reply is not the a-hole,
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: but there are a great deal of everyone sucks and
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: you are the a-hole. I can acknowledge that a discussion
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: would have been a better approach. However, at the time,
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: I felt like I had just been slapped in the face,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: which is why I reacted the way I did. I've
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: had some time to reflect, but right now I'm still
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: more upset that in response to conflict, my daughter-in-law and
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: son both reacted by saying I will never see their child.
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: I can possibly forgive them for the list as being
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: overly cautious parents, but I'm not going to tolerate them
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: threatening no contact over any conflict whatsoever. Or using it
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: as a control method. It would be too hurtful for myself.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: But also, I think you're all very emotional right now.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Maybe try to also approach, because I agree with the
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: whole like threatening no contact.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, we read a lot of stories.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: And I get the sense that it's very in vogue
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: to be no contact. Or to, you know, threaten no contact,
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: especially over like a baby. I think you need to
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: approach it with a little less seriousness. For you, that's
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: like insane that they would say that, but for them,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: they see it everywhere. Some of you have accused my
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: list as being petty, which maybe it was, but truly
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: I was being defensive more than anything. I will not
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: leave myself open to emotional manipulation, and I plan on
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: making that very clear to my daughter-in-law. I do plan
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: on talking to my son and daughter-in-law and going from there.
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to wait, though. as I want to
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: be in a clear frame of mind. And right now,
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: I'm still very hurt and angry at them. Hopefully, in
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: a day or two, we will be in a position
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: where we can all apologize to each other and move on.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Thank you for the advice. And that is the end
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: of that story.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: At least you know you're not in a state to
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: have the conversation right now.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: That's the key.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: It's got to be a peace talk instead of a conflict. Yeah.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: I win talk.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: What's that big rule in Star Trek? If the captain
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: is emotionally compromised, the captain falls? The captain is no
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: longer captain of the ship?
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Spock can't be a captain. I love that movie.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: the next one.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: I paid for everything my mother needed and my sister
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: still called me selfish.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Well, you should pay for her stuff too. I, 38, female.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Am the youngest of three sisters, Tara, 43, and Bianca, 46.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I am the only one with a job. They are
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: both stay-at-home moms.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Years ago, my mom moved to another country and rebuilt
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: her life. She had a boyfriend, and I was the
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: only one that visited her. I was there for her
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: when she was hospitalized. as well as her birthdays and
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Christmases and so on, while my sisters only asked her
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: for money. Years later, my mom's boyfriend passed away, and
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: then she was diagnosed with Parkinson's. She had no family
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: in that country, so she wanted to be with us,
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: as she could barely move. We had discussed how to
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: care for her upon her return. We agreed that since
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: I was the only one working... I would pay for everything.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: I would pay for the care, the food, the treatments,
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: and whatever she needed, while my two sisters would handle
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: the actual caregiving. That was the agreement, or so I thought.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: And by the way, this comes from Calcifer1986. If you
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: slash ok storytime subreddit.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: I'm Savannah.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: And we're going to read this story.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: And have our thoughts, and you can have yours too
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: in the comments.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: My sister Tara took her in.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: I bought everything necessary and handled the paperwork for my
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: mom's treatment and medical appointments. I was the only one
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: with a car, so I drove my mom to all
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: her appointments every week. My sister and her husband started complaining.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: They felt it wasn't fair for her to do the
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: caregiving while I just worked.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: My mom's health.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Deteriorated, and he suggested that to make things equitable, I
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: should care for her after work while my sister did
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: it in the morning, all while I continued to pay
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: for everything, since they didn't have enough money. My other
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: sister Bianca refused to care for my mom and disappeared,
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: so I won't mention her much. I understand that caring
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: for my mother is a lot of work, but caring
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: for my mother while working, which is what they wanted
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: me to do, was even harder.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Towards the end of her life, my mother wore diapers.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Found out one day that my sister and her husband
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: had nicknamed her the pooper. Often they would call me
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: to say she needed to go to the hospital and
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: ask me to come pick her up. Since my sister's
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: house was a 40-minute drive away, they wouldn't take her
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: in a taxi. They would wait for me to arrive,
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: so I would take her. When my mother was hospitalized,
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: I would leave work to care for her at night,
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: because my sister could only look after her in the mornings.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Would only get about two hours of sleep before heading
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: straight from the hospital to work. This happened several times,
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: but they did not care. To them, I was just working.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Which is so insane for these jobless people, which I
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: know being a caretaker is really hard.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: It's extremely hard.
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, being a stay-at-home mom. I mean, my mom did
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: this when her parents were sick. We just stayed at
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: their house. We lived there for a good two years,
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: I'd say. Yeah, but my mom did what she had
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: to do. She didn't complain.
• 10:48
  Speaker 5: They took shifts.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: So crazy for them to be coming at you sideways
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: when you are the one paying.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: They're like, you're just working.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, that's the thing that's allowing us to
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: even take care of mom in the first place. When
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: my mother passed away, I handled all the funeral arrangements
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: and paid for everything as they claimed they had no money.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: They told me that since I hadn't cared for my mother,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: it was up to me to pay for the funeral.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: What?
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: What?
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: Since I hadn't cared for? Since I hadn't cared for?
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: That would be the last straw for me.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: It's like, maybe if you guys had jobs, I'd be
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: able to take more time off work and take care
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: of her. But I have to always be at work
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: because I need to fund all of this. At the funeral,
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: nobody offered me their condolences. My sister's mother-in-law announced in
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: front of everyone that they were the only ones who
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: had taken care of my mom and that they deserved
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: a place in heaven for being such good people. And
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: that's when I laughed and told them they... wouldn't be
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: taking care of poopers anymore. So am I the a-hole
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: for laughing at my mom's funeral? That's a crazy way
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: to have ended up phrasing that story.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like, wait, wait, wait. I don't think
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: anything that you did here made you the a-hole. It
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: seemed like you made your mom comfortable, took care of
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: her in her, you know, last few years or whatnot.
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: And you, you did everything. You tried everything. You were
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: there for her. And the others weren't. So they can
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: say whatever they want. They don't want to change a
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: poopy diaper, which is hilarious because they have kids. I'm
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: sure they've had to do that. You know, it's just
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: that's just crazy.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard being a caretaker, but it really does
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: feel like they also did not care.
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, they were just takers.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story. And we've
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: got another one.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: My dad cheated and left our family. Now I'm living
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: in his house.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, take that, papa.
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: My parents divorced when I was 14. I'm 25 now.
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: Because my dad cheated on her with someone who worked
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: for him. My parents used to argue about him not
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: giving my mom enough time, not putting her first, not
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: respecting her as an equal. In some ways, it was
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: like a disturbingly logical culmination of their marriage. But for me,
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: until that point, he was my hero. I was a
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: total daddy's girl, which is hilarious to think about now,
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: considering the last 11 years. He would take me everywhere.
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: Grocery runs, mechanic, NBA, movie night, pizza night, homework, test,
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: exam help. It destroyed me when I found out. They
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: split custody 50-50 and I was a massive B to
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: him and later his new wife, the woman he cheated with.
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: Lots of locked doors, calling out his wife, calling him out.
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: I've maybe spoken like 20 sentences in totality to her
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: two sons, my stepbrothers. When they had their son, I
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: made sure to never let his wife think I was
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: going to be a loving older sister. With my dad, though,
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: he did kind of wear me down, and with him,
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: I did develop a kind of big sister bond with
• 13:32
  Speaker 5: my half-brother. I used to argue with my mom about
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: not wanting to go, but she insisted I maintain decency
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: with my dad, at least. By the way, this comes
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: from Sprained Ankle, 2011. And if you want to submit
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: time subreddit. I'm Sophia.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, and I've also sprained my ankle in 2011.
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: And we're here to give good advice goofily, maybe on
• 13:51
  Speaker 5: that sprained ankle. And if you've got advice, put it
• 13:54
  Speaker 5: down below. When it was time for college, I was
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: going to take student loans because I didn't want to
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: owe him. My mom said she'd saved money and I
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: believed her. It was during my third year when he
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: had offered to buy me a car and I told
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: my mom, heck no, while she tried to convince me
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: to agree. That she told me he'd been majorly contributing
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: to my tuition and sending her the money for it.
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: I don't think I've ever had a worse argument with her.
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: It effed with my mind, knowing he'd been doing it silently.
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: He knew I wouldn't know. They had thought that while
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: I was planning on taking student loans rather than his
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: help initially, inertia would do its thing if I found
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: out later. And they were right. I did end up
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: just taking it for the remainder of my university life.
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: without talking to him. On Tuesday, I went to the
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: ER because I had slipped while putting bird feed in
• 14:38
  Speaker 5: my apartment. My mom is away at my aunt's, so
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: I had just called my best friend to come to
• 14:42
  Speaker 5: the ER. Soon after my dad came to, my mom
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: had told him I wanted to just go back, but
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: he insisted. We spent like 15 minutes arguing, but I'm
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: at his place now while my sprain recovers. Or until
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: my mom comes back. My stepbrothers no longer live here,
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: but my half-brother, who's nine, now does. I haven't spoken
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: to my dad's wife yet. He or my half-brother are
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: the only ones I talk to, who come up to
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: my room to bring stuff while I work from home.
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: We've talked after a long time about work. my plans
• 15:09
  Speaker 5: for masters, and just random stuff. I've just been thinking
• 15:12
  Speaker 5: now that he was my dad. Instead, my stepbrothers got
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: more of him the past decade than I did. I
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: can't help but regret letting that happen. I also can't
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: help but just think about the life we were robbed
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: of because he cheated, because my stepmother chose to wreck
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: our home. and her and her sons got to be
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: the family we were. I know my mom wants me
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: to go to hers when she comes back on Saturday,
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: and that makes sense, but part of me wants to
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: stay here. The fact that his wife probably is hoping
• 15:39
  Speaker 5: I leave soon makes me want to stay too, if
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: that makes sense.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: That's funny.
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: OP's like, well, she doesn't want me here, so I
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: want to stay even more.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: I feel like OP is discovering exactly what I would
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: have said, which is like, you can hate that guy, but...
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: having the hate in your heart really ends up hurting
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: you more than anything.
• 15:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: I mean, he's realizing, oh, wow. For a good reason,
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: I have distanced myself with my father, but he was
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: still a good dad.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:05
  Speaker 4: Just a really bad part.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: And also good on your mom for trying to tell you, like,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: be nice. Yeah. Don't hate him.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Just it's because things are different and your family is different,
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: but it's not gone.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: No.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: It just looks wildly different.
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: He still loves you. He pays for this house and
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: its bills. I'm his daughter. I can stay since he
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: wants me to. I just wanted to get this off
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: my chest, but advice would be appreciated. And comment says,
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: Therapy helped me separate the good dad from the bad husband.
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: You could miss who he was without excusing what he did.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, yeah.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: I can't imagine any child going through divorce and then
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: not getting therapy. It should be like legally mandatory.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: I agree. I think it should be like you go
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: to the court and they say, okay, do you have kids?
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: And you do the whole custody agreement. And then at
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: the end of that, regardless of what the agreement is,
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: mandated therapy.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Like you got to.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: More from OP in the comments. OP says, I only
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: have one half brother who's currently nine. I have never
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: blamed him. Never been unkind to him. I was fond
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: of him when he was a baby and I'm fond
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: of him now. The last two days too. I was
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: also never cruel to my stepbrothers. I hardly ever spoke
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: to them.
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: She knew he was married, knew he had a.
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: Daughter, knew he loved his daughter, knew she'd be destroying
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: the bond between a daughter and her father. That should
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: have been her perspective.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah. To be fair, I don't think you ever need
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: to have a relationship of a positive nature with your stepmom.
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: No, absolutely not. There is no reason.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: I think it is utterly fair to nothing her. Like,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: don't even hate her. Don't be negative. Don't be mean. Just,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I don't care about you whatsoever.
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: She does not exist. OP says, my relationship with my dad,
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: whatever it will look like, is our own. My attitude
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: with her has never stopped him wanting to be a
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: caring father to me even when I repudiated him. And
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: I trust that he won't let it in the future either.
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: And OP says, I don't think ill of my half-brother
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: at all. I was fond of him when he was
• 17:51
  Speaker 5: a baby. He's curious, funny, and I enjoy talking to him. Sorry,
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: I absolutely do blame her. She was half of the affair.
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: Knew he was married and a loving father. And I
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: still blame him too. But I know he loves and
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: cares about me, and I am spending time with him
• 18:05
  Speaker 5: right now. I regret the time wasted. And we do
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: have an update. Do you have any other thoughts for
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: OP on this regret of wasted time?
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, that's a universal human experience. I think 100%
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: you should look into therapy.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Everyone should, really.
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: It gets boring to say that every time.
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: Everyone should go to therapy.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: We should just put that in our intros.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: She's like, we're here to read this story, and by
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: the way, everyone should go to therapy.
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: At the end of the day, we're not therapists, and
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: you should find one.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: That was perfect. We should do that.
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: I know you asked what I'm going to do once
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: my mom returns and wants me to make my choice
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: for healthy reasons. I ignored a lot of those because
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: I was conflicted then, myself, and about my reasons. But
• 18:48
  Speaker 5: I wanted to give an update. Whether my reasons and
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: my feelings are healthy or not, it's how I'm going
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: about it. And I wanted to clarify things. I have never,
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: even when I was rude to my dad and stepmom
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: back then... ever shouted at or been cruel to my
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: two stepbrothers. I've hardly spoke to them. I used to
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: ignore them, pretend they don't exist. They're around 20 now,
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: I think, and don't live in my dad's house. I
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: have absolutely no ill will towards my nine-year-old brother. I
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: felt protective and caring about him when he was a baby.
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: And now I like his company. I played games on
• 19:18
  Speaker 5: PlayStation with him because he asked. He's told me about school.
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: He's also learned chess from my dad the way I did.
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: And we've bonded a bit over playing chess too.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: Yay.
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: Love that.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: You've got a little brother. Little brother.
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: My mom flew back yesterday. I told her on the
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: phone that I wanted to stay at my dad's while
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: I recovered. She was disappointed and I hate that. I
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: hate making her sad. I asked her to please understand.
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: All these years she's wanted me to maintain a relationship
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: with my dad. And right now I actually feel like
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: doing it. I told her if I go to hers,
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: I'll be extra work for her. even if she doesn't
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: think that and I'd want to help out. Here I'm
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: not a burden like we have house help here. I'm
• 19:55
  Speaker 5: not causing dad to overexert himself because of me. She
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: asked if I'd be comfortable with my dad's wife there.
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: Said I didn't care. He wants me to stay and
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: I could care less what his wife thinks. My mom relented.
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: She came to check up on me and my dad
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: came in the room too. We were just talking about
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: my injury and he was making the case for why
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: I should stay here. His wife decided to enter the
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: room too for some reason and just stand there. I
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: very calmly said that I just like my parents right now.
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: She said to please.
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: Not tell her where to go in her house. Shut up.
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: Shut up.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, I'd just be like, just nothing this woman.
• 20:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd be like, okay.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just say, all right. It's just give her nothing.
• 20:34
  Speaker 5: I said my dad's house who pays for every cent
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: that runs this house. My dad tried to stop a
• 20:39
  Speaker 5: fight and stepped out with her and came back alone
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: and my mom left soon after. Last night when my
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: dad came up to bring my dinner, we talked about stuff.
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: Then he said he was glad I chose to stay here.
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: I told him I hated that mom was probably sad
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: about it, but that I thought I'd like to spend
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: time with him right now that I hadn't in a
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: long time. He thanked me. Later, he said that my
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: comment rubbed his wife the wrong way. That if I
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: was willing to clear the air with her, I'd probably
• 21:01
  Speaker 5: feel more comfortable here.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I told him I won't.
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah. No.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: That's silly. That's the wishfulest thinking I've ever seen.
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: I just hope that you can get along.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: No.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: That's never going to happen. It's like.
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: Not likely.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: It's like asking John Wick to get along with the
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: guy that murked his dog.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: Can't do that. That she shouldn't have been here when
• 21:22
  Speaker 5: I was injured and just wanted my mom and dad
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: in the room. I will never be okay with what
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: he did, but I still want to spend time with him.
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: I wanted to give my relationship with him and my
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: half brother a chance, but it will never be with her.
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: I want him and my half brother to be happy,
• 21:37
  Speaker 5: but I will never wish her well. That if he
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: genuinely couldn't deal with that, I should call my mom.
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: and go with her. He just said, let's forget about it,
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: and we talked about work and my applications. Again, I
• 21:48
  Speaker 5: read a lot of comments last time saying I need
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: to work this out in therapy about how to forgive
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: him and her.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: I can have a relationship with my dad without forgiving him,
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: and I have absolutely no interest in any kind of
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: relationship with her. I can despise her in peace forever.
• 22:05
  Speaker 5: I'm glad I have this place to get stuff out,
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: and I appreciate everyone who was so understanding last time.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: Thank you. And that's the end of the story.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: We're on a great path, I think.
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I would say so. Seems pretty positive.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that was great. And that's the end of this story.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one.
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: My parents spent years belittling my wife, and I finally
• 22:26
  Speaker 4: saw it.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: It took you long enough.
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: My wife and I have been married almost six years,
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: and during that time, we've been trying to make things
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: work with my parents. There have been some good moments
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: where it felt like things were improving, but just when
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: it seemed we were all getting along, they'd revert back
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: to the same pattern of coldness and microaggressions towards my wife.
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: For too long, I downplayed what she was feeling because
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: I couldn't believe my parents would treat her that way
• 22:53
  Speaker 4: and I was probably just used to their behavior. My
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: wife never wanted to tear me from my family, so
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: she put up with it. But eventually I realized the
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: microaggressions were real. They've been ongoing for years. Sometimes more frequent,
• 23:06
  Speaker 4: sometimes less, but always there. My mom refused to join
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: wedding dress shopping and was distant at our wedding. She
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: often speaks another language in front of my wife without translating.
• 23:17
  Speaker 4: even after being asked not to. She gushes over my
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: cousin's fiance and others, but almost never compliments my wife.
• 23:25
  Speaker 4: When my wife spent all day working on party decorations,
• 23:28
  Speaker 4: my mom took public credit. When someone asked her how
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: she pulled it off, she said, Just a lot of
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: time and dedication. By the way, this comes from nasty work.
• 23:37
  Speaker 4: And if you want to submit your own stories, go
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I'm Dakota.
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: And we're here to talk about some stuff and give
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: some advice, but we don't have all the answers. Of course,
• 23:47
  Speaker 4: we're going to say some stuff, but you should also
• 23:49
  Speaker 4: say some stuff. The contrast is huge. All our other
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: family friends love my wife. They can't wait to hear
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: her stories. They laugh with her. They appreciate her. It's
• 23:58
  Speaker 4: only with my parents that she's consistently met with coldness
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: and indifference. When I raised this to my dad, instead
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: of acknowledging it, he defended my mom and told my wife,
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: She was romanticizing what she expected from in-laws. He mocked
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: her as an immature little girl wanting princess treatment. He
• 24:15
  Speaker 4: even said, We can all keep witching and whining, but
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: what's that going to do? His fallback has always been
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: that she's too sensitive, misunderstood, or twisting things on purpose.
• 24:26
  Speaker 4: For context, I grew up in a very strict religious family.
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: About two years ago, I began questioning it, and about
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: a year ago, my wife and I stopped participating. Just
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: this week, I sent my parents a letter explaining that
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: I no longer want to be part of it. I
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: emphasized that I love them and don't want to lose them.
• 24:42
  Speaker 4: I just can't keep living that way. Then my dad
• 24:45
  Speaker 4: called me at 11 p.m. on a weekend when I
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: was with my wife. His voicemail sounded surprisingly supportive, so
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: I thought maybe it would be a good conversation and
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: put him on speaker. We ended up talking for two hours.
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: For 90 minutes of that, he attacked my wife and me.
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: Said my wife is negative, crazy. Spins things in her
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: twisted head. And then gets offended. Insinuated she's the reason
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: we didn't make friends in the community. Said we pulled
• 25:11
  Speaker 4: away from the family just to punish them. And cut
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: me off when I tried to explain we needed space
• 25:16
  Speaker 4: because we were hurt. Told me I was never generous
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: or helpful growing up.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Which like, it's extra funny because that just means you
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: raised me wrong.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: I guess.
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: So I missed chances to connect with people. Claimed he'd
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: been trying to get me to open up since I
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: was 10. But I refused because- Withholding was my way
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: of staying in control.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the 10-year-old is thinking that one, chief.
• 25:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah, what?
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: None of this had anything to do with my letter,
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: which was about my own choices and beliefs. But he
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: made my wife the scapegoat. He overheard all of it,
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: and she was crushed. I mean, yeah, I would be
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: too if I heard my in-laws talking crap about me
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: for 90 minutes.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: Well, at this point, I'm confused because it's already been like,
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: since you got married, like your mom's been like, like
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: she was weird at the wedding and she didn't go
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: wedding dress shopping.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: It's like, it's not like.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: It's a secret that these people have been acting like
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: this towards... specifically, I guess, your wife, and now you
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: that you are leaving whatever religion, you know, just like,
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: this is the perfect silly baby. Like, this is what
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: silly baby technique is for. Because it's like, you want
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: to fight back, but like, you have to give like,
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: the correct amount of like juice to it or like
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: you know like it's like if you were like fighting
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: back against like a toddler who's insulting you you wouldn't
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: give it the weight of like talking to like the
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: president or something like you know it'd be like okay
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: i'm gonna get you back but i'm gonna get you
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: back like you're a little baby because that's how you're
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: acting I.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: Mean, yeah. By the end, he told me he loves
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: my wife as an extension of me. Not on her
• 26:49
  Speaker 4: own terms. And suggested we just forget everything and start fresh, positive,
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: moving forward. But the truth is, he got to unload
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: while neither my wife nor I have ever been given
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: real space to be heard. After the call, my wife
• 27:02
  Speaker 4: told me she's done. Doesn't want to ever see or
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: talk to them again. She said if we have children someday,
• 27:08
  Speaker 4: they won't see them either. She supports me if I
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: want to meet with them for closure, but... she's out
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: feel worn down and gaslit by my parents my wife
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: didn't deserve any of that treatment and i defended her
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: at every point but i can't believe how sideways the
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: call went for nearly six years we've tried to make
• 27:24
  Speaker 4: this work i used to think maybe we were too
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: sensitive but now i see the horrible pattern clearly i
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: don't know how to move forward from here And there's
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: an update. I mean, it's either I would say go
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: low contact, if not, you know, full fully cut contact.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: They seem like they're very toxic and are never going
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: to change and get very defensive if you call them out.
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: So it's kind of like they're projecting, you know, what
• 27:47
  Speaker 4: they think you guys are doing, but really they're doing it.
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: And I don't think the argument that you guys are
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: too sensitive could hold water if you've been dealing with
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: this for six years.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: And it's just now coming to a head.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, they did mention that it like got better
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: for a little while and then they just like went
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: right back to the way that they used to be. Yeah.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Maybe that has something to do with them leaving the
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: church or whatever.
• 28:09
  Speaker 5: Sure.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: OP was so vague with whatever like religion they are.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: Like it really sounded like a cult.
• 28:14
  Speaker 5: Oh, I'm sure it is.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Probably like every religion, if you talk about it as
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: vague as possible, just sounds like it's like, what are
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: we doing here?
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: Yes. Update.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: Almost a week later, after a lot of research on
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: enmeshment and self-absorbed family systems, I sent my parents a letter.
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: I told them directly that the way things were was
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: not safe for my marriage and that had to change.
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: I described the specific things they said and did, the
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: patterns of dismissing my wife's feelings and how damaging it
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: was to call her manipulative or crazy. I told them
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: that even if they disagreed with my perspective, the bottom
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: line was that hurt Had been caused. And it needed
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: to be acknowledged. I also went into things he's done
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: to me. To hurt me in the past. And how
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: that affected my ability to speak up. When I should have.
• 28:59
  Speaker 4: I also made it clear that my wife was going
• 29:01
  Speaker 4: no contact. And for now I need a lot of space.
• 29:04
  Speaker 4: And will be no contact. Eventually maybe be okay with
• 29:07
  Speaker 4: low contact. If boundaries are respected. Limited to text or voice.
• 29:12
  Speaker 4: For a response to that message. Very rare check ins
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: and emergencies. As the only exception. Their replies came separately.
• 29:19
  Speaker 4: My mom sent a short message saying she hoped I
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: could heal, that she never wanted to cause me pain,
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: and that she wished me the best. My dad's message
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: was longer. He expressed regret for the things he said
• 29:29
  Speaker 4: on the call, said he didn't realize how they came across,
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: and that if he could, he would take on the
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: pain I expressed he caused me on himself. He said
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: that if I ever want to give him the opportunity,
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: he wants to get to know me properly, not who
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: I was in the past. He wants to sit silent
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: and listen and understand the pain he's caused. He ended
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: the message saying that me and mine are always welcome
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: in their home. What are we thinking?
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: Have they changed? Should we, you know, stay?
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I think it's just so weird that he's like, yeah,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: we can just, I don't mean to know. I'll let
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: go of the old you that I resent so much.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: And it's like, why? Why do you just like, I
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: He resents your 10 year old self. It's like, I
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: don't know why.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: I don't, I don't know if magically he's going to
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: just be able to sit and hear you and then
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: just accept like, okay.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now I know you. He's going to be like, no,
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: but that's wrong. Maybe.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Maybe.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: But I don't know. Behavior has to change over time.
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: It was emotional to read. But at the same time,
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: both responses fell short of what I had asked for.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: Even with all the kindness and understanding for me, neither
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: of them named my wife directly in their apologies or
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: offered a clear acknowledgement of the hurtful things said about her.
• 30:37
  Speaker 5: See?
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: That's the thing. It's like they're going to talk to
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: you and be like, yeah, yeah, we really understand. You know,
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: we're going to try blah, blah, blah. But then don't
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: even think to include her in that. And it's like
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: that was the main problem here. As much as, you know,
• 30:51
  Speaker 4: I want to go into past and, you know, 10
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: year old self of being like, you resent me for
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: some odd reason. But also resenting a 10 year old crazy,
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: but also not even acknowledging that you said all those
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: things about my wife and you're, we're just going to
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: look past that. Like, I apologize to you, but not
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: the things I said about your wife. Okay.
• 31:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: So we're at, we're at square zero still.
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So we have not moved at all. My dad's
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: message did include regret about offending both of us, but
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: it was vague and framed more around me. On one hand,
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: it's progress that they responded at all in respect to
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: the boundaries I set, and there's some sincerity there. On
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: the other hand, they still can't bring themselves to directly
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: apologize to my wife. even when I spelled it out
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: as something I needed for reconciliation. That's painful. Untangling from
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: that hasn't been easy, but I'm ready to move forward,
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: be a better husband, and never let this happen to
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: my wife again. Oh, and that's the end. Yeah, I mean,
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: the thing is, it's still happening. Like, you may say,
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: I never want this to happen again, but it is
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: actively still happening because they still don't acknowledge themselves as being,
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: you know, bullies to your wife. They're just like, oh,
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry you feel that way. Maybe if she wrote
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: a letter, but I don't. It's just the fact of
• 32:06
  Speaker 4: they should include both of you in that apology. It
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: shouldn't just be, oh, I'm sorry you feel this way.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: That's like the most like, that's baby. Yes, it is baby.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: That's baby talk. And that's the end of this story.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one. Hey, this is Riley,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: the host that can't really read that well. We're going
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: worth of ads from our sponsors.
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: My girlfriend blamed me for not marrying her, so I
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: ended the relationship. She just wants to be committed.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: My girlfriend, 24 female, and I, 23 male, went to
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: college together and started dating three years ago. My girlfriend
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: graduated two years ago, could not find a job for
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: her degree, and decided to stay around in the city
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: where our college is and continue to wait tables. I
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: graduated last year. We moved in together starting last September.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: And we make roughly the same amount of money in
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: split shared expenses. Rent, utilities, groceries, 50-50. My girlfriend has
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: a number of expenses I do not have. Car payment,
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: car insurance, health insurance, cell phone, $ 80, 000 in student loans, etc. Hey,
• 33:12
  Speaker 5: where'd y'all go? I know. Where'd y'all go that didn't
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: give you a job out of school?
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. You pay all this money and
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: then you're not guaranteed a job as.
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: I do not have those expenses. My parents paid completely
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: for my college, and those other expenses are paid by
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: my parents. Also, I have a credit card on my parents'
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: account to use in case of emergencies. So they make
• 33:31
  Speaker 5: roughly the same amount of money, except she also lives
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: in so much debt.
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: She doesn't have any help from anyone else. He does.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 33:40
  Speaker 5: My girlfriend's birthday was in May, and I threw her
• 33:43
  Speaker 5: a surprise birthday party, and a number of her friends
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: came into town for it. Apparently during the party, she
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: expressed her frustration to some of her mutual friends about
• 33:51
  Speaker 5: our relationship, which is so messed up to do with
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: the party that your boyfriend threw for you.
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: Well, you know, if it's on your mind, it's on
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: your mind.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Shouldn't be.
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: Gotta get it off.
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: I think it's like actually ridiculous to complain about your
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: partner in a real way while they are Actively throwing
• 34:09
  Speaker 5: you a party. In the room.
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: Well, just in the room.
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: Also in the room.
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 34:12
  Speaker 5: Afterwards, I received some messages from some of these friends
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: saying I need to talk to my girlfriend. They did
• 34:18
  Speaker 5: not go into detail about what she said. By the way,
• 34:20
  Speaker 5: this comes from throwawayresent2000. And if you want to submit
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: your own stories, go to the r slash showcase story
• 34:26
  Speaker 5: time subreddit.
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah. I'm Riley.
• 34:29
  Speaker 5: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do.
• 34:33
  Speaker 5: So let us know what you would do in the comments.
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: And hope this is... I asked her about it, and
• 34:39
  Speaker 5: at the time, she admitted she had frustrations, but it
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: was on her to deal with them. I told her
• 34:44
  Speaker 5: I would like to discuss them.
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: So we did.
• 34:46
  Speaker 5: She said she's constantly worried about money, and I am not.
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: She said it's hard not to notice the contrast between
• 34:53
  Speaker 5: our lives, despite being basically at the same point in
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: life and having the same income. She feels like she
• 35:00
  Speaker 5: did the responsible thing and got a STEM degree. Her
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: degree is in biology, but got no offers from it. Well,
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: I went and got a degree, English, that was simply
• 35:09
  Speaker 5: the easiest to get. That's why I chose that degree program.
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: But I have a job I love. I work for
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: myself as a private music teacher. And she hates her job.
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: Wait, so he got a degree in English but works
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: as a music teacher?
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: I feel like that is how that goes. It's kind
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: of how it goes, though. You get a degree in
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: something that's not necessarily... Like, I.
• 35:29
  Speaker 4: Get a degree in education. Yes. But music education is
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: very different from English. Well, this is a private music teacher, though. Oh,
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: I guess so.
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: If it's private, you don't have to.
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: So he probably does English, but then on the side.
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: I imagine it's kind of like how I have a
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: lit major or a theater major and I work at
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: a podcast, you know, a podcast. Like you get what
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: you can find.
• 35:49
  Speaker 4: I have an acting degree. This is where it got me.
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: Is that good? Yes.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, cool.
• 35:55
  Speaker 5: That's my point. Like you find a job, like you
• 35:57
  Speaker 5: might not necessarily, you may not be in a job
• 36:00
  Speaker 5: that is an exact one-to-one of what you majored in, but.
• 36:05
  Speaker 5: he got a job um and unfortunately with biology or
• 36:11
  Speaker 5: majors like that you kind of have to have a
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: master's degree for a lot like chemistry and biology you
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: kind of have to have like more you have to
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: have so much more to get a job in like research.
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: Stuff yeah with research stuff and everything but the thing
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: is i think most people get like internships or something
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: and then eventually get hired by that company usually.
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: Is kind of how that happens that's how i got
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: hired here Yeah, but I just have a lot of
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: friends who work in, like, bio and chem and stuff,
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: and they all say, like, you can't really get a
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: good job unless you go back. But, Opie continues, I
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: asked her if there was anything I could do to
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: make it better. She told me no, but that she's
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: just frustrated is all. I mean, yeah, what could you?
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: Unless you're going to pay off her debt.
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so there's no solution here, basically, right? Unfortunately not.
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: I tried to inquire more, but she resisted going into
• 36:57
  Speaker 5: more details. I have an older brother, 25 male, who
• 37:00
  Speaker 5: I am very close to. He recently got engaged and
• 37:04
  Speaker 5: our set of mutual friends and my brother decided they
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: wanted to do a trip to Hawaii to celebrate. I
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: told them I probably could not go because of the cost,
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: but for them to have fun. He told my parents
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: who then told me to put the trip on the
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: credit card that they help him pay off. We are
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: leaving in a week. This pissed off my girlfriend and
• 37:21
  Speaker 5: in a heated moment, she said, this is why I
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: resent you.
• 37:24
  Speaker 4: Dude, yeah.
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: I mean, it's tough. It's not that it is in
• 37:29
  Speaker 5: any way your fault. But I can see where she's
• 37:31
  Speaker 5: coming from. I can also see it.
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: But the thing is, you need to be supportive of
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: your partner just because they have a better means of living.
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: Or their parents are more willing to help them.
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: That's not on them. He could say no, but then
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: the family's sad, he's sad, whatever. I can't be there
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: for my family.
• 37:52
  Speaker 5: Unfortunately, I think it is just really tough to be
• 37:56
  Speaker 5: in a relationship where someone makes a considerate about makes
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: a considerable amount of money or just has less money
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: troubles than you and can do more things that you
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: can never do.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: I think it's just tricky. She's trying to walk that back,
• 38:12
  Speaker 5: but it felt like that comment is an expression of
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: her true feelings. How do you work through resentment? I
• 38:18
  Speaker 5: love my girlfriend very much, but do not know how
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: or what to do from this point. And we have
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: decided in the coming weeks if we are renewing on
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: the lease for another year. And we do have an
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: update today.
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: Do you think they can work through this? No. She's
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: always going to resent him. No matter what. Even if
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: she makes more money, it's still going to not be
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: enough for her. She's going to somehow still be pissed
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: about everything that he gets that she doesn't.
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: And I think also there will be a point where
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: even when she's paid off all of this stuff, she's
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: going to be like, oh, well, I had to work
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: so much harder than you. Exactly.
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: It's always going to be a comparison. It's always going
• 38:54
  Speaker 4: to be, you got things handed to you, I didn't.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: So I should be able to do more. And it's like, I...
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: I don't know what you want from me.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Love holds no score.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: There you go. But we got an update. Six days later. Oh.
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: As mentioned in my comments, my girlfriend graduated from our
• 39:10
  Speaker 5: college two years ago, and I graduated last year. Right
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: after she graduated, she purchased a brand new car. The
• 39:18
  Speaker 5: car payment is exactly $ 678 per month.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 39:23
  Speaker 6: God.
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: That is expensive. What car did you get?
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: Why did you do that?
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: God.
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: During her first year post-grad, my girlfriend lived with a
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: couple of roommates. One of the roommates moved out about
• 39:33
  Speaker 5: three and a half months into the lease. While finishing
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: my last year of school, I helped pay that roommate's
• 39:39
  Speaker 5: portion of the bills. At the encouragement of one of
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: the commenters, I went through and ran the numbers on
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: expenses for my girlfriend and I, all of them. What
• 39:48
  Speaker 5: it made me realize is that had my girlfriend not
• 39:51
  Speaker 5: purchased that car, that I would never have to have
• 39:55
  Speaker 5: provided financial support during my last year of college. Also,
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: in our present situation, if she did not have that
• 40:01
  Speaker 5: car payment, she would have more money than me at
• 40:03
  Speaker 5: the end of the month. I am leaving tomorrow for
• 40:05
  Speaker 5: my trip with my brother. A couple of days ago,
• 40:08
  Speaker 5: I sat down with my girlfriend and told her that
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: I wanted to discuss finances. I told her that I
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: think in terms of her struggling financially... The most logical
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: thing is for her to get rid of her car,
• 40:19
  Speaker 5: as I did when we moved in together last year.
• 40:22
  Speaker 5: I offered her the option of using my car. I
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: use public transportation often and can go days without needing
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: to use my car. Also, since I have my own business,
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: I have greater control over my schedule, and we can
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: figure out a schedule.
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: I'm going to predict here. She's going to get angry
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: and be like, I'm not your pity party. I don't
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: want charity. Yeah, it's a pride thing. It's pride and
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: ego that gets in the way. And it's like, sure,
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: if you want to feel like it's an attack for
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: me helping you and trying to figure this out together, sure, whatever.
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: Which is so funny because she's already asked for help
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: with the rent. Exactly. But we don't know if that's
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: happened yet.
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: So I can help you with rent, but not help
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: you make financial decisions. Like, shut up.
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: She refused that plan. We have had a number of
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: fights about the car, and she thinks I'm being an a-hole.
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: Buying that car for herself on her own was a
• 41:12
  Speaker 5: great accomplishment for her. I mean, you didn't buy it.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: You don't own it.
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: That's true.
• 41:16
  Speaker 5: You're making payments on it.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: I told her it is just not affordable for where
• 41:21
  Speaker 5: we are. I told her that unless she's willing to
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: offer some compromise, I think we need to break up. Ooh.
• 41:27
  Speaker 5: She told me that I screwed both her and I
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: by not marrying her after I graduated. What?
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: She just wanted all your money. Yeah, she just, no,
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: she's in it for the wrong reasons, dude.
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: She told me that after my older sister and my
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: brother-in-law got married immediately after college, while they were both
• 41:42
  Speaker 5: going through grad school, my parents paid for all their
• 41:45
  Speaker 5: living expenses. Rent, utilities, groceries. And she thinks that same
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: thing would have happened if we were married, or at
• 41:52
  Speaker 5: least engaged. But now with a breakup, she's just screwed.
• 41:57
  Speaker 5: We've got a little bit left, but yeah, I saw
• 41:59
  Speaker 5: that coming.
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah. It's just, it's never going to work. She's, she
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: is in it for the money. She wants it to
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: win it.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: She sees how it has affected your family and whatever.
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: And it's like, and the thing is she wants to
• 42:12
  Speaker 4: take advantage of you and you never once.
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: She's like, Oh, I didn't want to marry you because
• 42:16
  Speaker 5: I wanted to marry you. I wanted to marry you
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: because I knew that they would take care of us financially.
• 42:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah. They would help me with my dad and I'm
• 42:24
  Speaker 4: part of the family now. Like that's not love.
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: Sorry.
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: Not going to work.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: Good job, Opie. She cannot afford her own place, and
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: most of our friends are in relationships, just or about
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: to get married, and she will have nowhere to go.
• 42:39
  Speaker 5: And she still loves me despite her frustration with me.
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: I told her I think we're just incompatible financially and
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: need to end things. She cried, and I left to
• 42:48
  Speaker 5: a friend's, and I've been staying there since until my trip.
• 42:51
  Speaker 5: This morning she called and said she would be willing
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: to sell or get rid of the car. She really
• 42:56
  Speaker 5: has no choice but to do it anyway. I told
• 42:58
  Speaker 5: her I still think we need to end things.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, good for you.
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: McKitten Man says, buying a brand new car the moment
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: you graduate is one of the most financially crippling things
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: you could do to yourself. Unless your starting salary is $ 100K,
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: it's going to unalive your financial development. It's a dumb
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: decision to make. You really shouldn't think about buying any
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: sort of car until you've paid off your student loans.
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: It just seems like it's the right thing to do.
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: I understand, you know, like, oh, I need transportation, blah, blah, blah.
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: You can get used cars.
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: There's public transport in their area.
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: Exactly. And now his thing was we can share a car.
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: That's great.
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: That was so nice.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 43:38
  Speaker 4: He didn't have to say that. He didn't have to
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: come up with that. But he very much felt that
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: you were in distress and this was a compromise for
• 43:45
  Speaker 4: you and him. And instead you spat in his face.
• 43:48
  Speaker 5: Great point. She keeps saying, oh, well, you get help.
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: You get help. He was helping her.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: Look at this.
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: Boom.
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: Cheap cars, man. Cheap cars.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: $ 4, 000. Yeah.
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: Just something. I mean, hopefully it wouldn't break down, but
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: like you don't need a brand new car. I've never
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: had a brand new car.
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: Me neither.
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: Never bought a new car. I don't even know when
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: I will.
• 44:06
  Speaker 5: I also have never had a brand new car. I mean,
• 44:08
  Speaker 5: because why?
• 44:09
  Speaker 6: Like financially, it don't make sense because the second you
• 44:11
  Speaker 6: drive it off the lot, it loses like $ 25, 000 to $ 4, 000.
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: It's just, I don't know. I don't know.
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: Maybe when I'm like... financially stable and have a great
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: living situation.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: I don't think I'd ever buy a brand new. Yeah.
• 44:25
  Speaker 5: I don't know if I would either.
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: I don't need it.
• 44:27
  Speaker 5: I'll just inherit.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: I love my car.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: And I, it's great.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: Obsessed.
• 44:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Getting a used car.
• 44:34
  Speaker 6: Like even if it's like a few years old, like
• 44:37
  Speaker 6: if I went out and I needed a new car now,
• 44:39
  Speaker 6: I'd probably look for like.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: A 2022, 2023. Yeah.
• 44:42
  Speaker 6: With a few like thousand miles on it.
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: That's new to me. And I'll take that. I don't
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: need anything brand new.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: I'm going to keep driving mine. I got mine. Mine
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: was 2015 and had 82,000 on it. That's great.
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: Now it has like, I don't know, I think like 120.
• 44:55
  Speaker 5: I just always inherit the car that my mom is
• 44:58
  Speaker 5: getting right now.
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, which is great.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: the next one.
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: I hosted my friend for a weekend, then made him
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: move out.
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: Two days after.
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: Get out, get out, get out. I, 30 female, and him,
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: 32 male. Dated briefly back in high school and had
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: a few flings over the years since, but nothing serious.
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: And we've mostly kept in touch online for the past
• 45:22
  Speaker 4: several years rather than seeing each other in person. He
• 45:25
  Speaker 4: lives abroad now.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: What's your name?
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: But is originally from my country. He was flying back
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: to visit and I offered to host him at my
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: place from Friday 3 a.m. when he'd land until Monday
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: morning when I'd head back to work.
• 45:39
  Speaker 5: I mean, really, that's Saturday morning.
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: Before he arrived, I made it very clear I wasn't
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: interested in anything romantic or spicy related with him, just
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: catching up his friends. I gave him his own room.
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: I also asked him multiple times beforehand if he was
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: planning to see his parents roll back or meet up
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: with other friends since I assumed the trip wasn't only
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: about me. He'd also mentioned meeting a university professor about
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: his PhD. He didn't take me up on any of
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: that and ended up spending basically the entire visit with me. Oof. Which,
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: in hindsight, he later used against me.
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: Oof.
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: Acting like the whole trip's purpose was seeing me specifically,
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: and I didn't value that.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Hmm.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: I feel like if you were even a little bit
• 46:22
  Speaker 5: worried about this being romantic, I just wouldn't have let
• 46:25
  Speaker 5: him stay there.
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: This guy did all of this to just get some.
• 46:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: But then didn't get any. And now he's like, hmm.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: Hmm.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: Hmm.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: Hmm. Hmm.
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from RealPlace8101, and if you
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: I'm Keon.
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: And we're here to give some advice, but we don't
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: have all of your answers. We're only going to tell
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: you what we would do, but, you know, let us
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: know what you would do in the comments. Please. As
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: OP says, day one, we went out and he hadn't
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: brought his wallet and hadn't mentioned beforehand that he had
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: left it in my apartment. I paid for the first round.
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: At the second bar, he just casually mentioned he had
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: no wallet.
• 47:08
  Speaker 5: No, I'll pay you back.
• 47:09
  Speaker 4: Nothing.
• 47:09
  Speaker 5: Hmm. I don't like that.
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: You don't have, you know, Apple Pay. You don't have Venmo?
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: How are you guys going to a bar? No wallet.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: How are you going to get an ID check?
• 47:19
  Speaker 5: Well, I don't bring my wallet everywhere, but I have
• 47:21
  Speaker 5: my ID.
• 47:22
  Speaker 1: Huh.
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: That's weird.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: I always put it in my phone.
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: Oh, she has that little thing in her phone.
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: No, I just put it in my case. I just
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: know that I will not bring my wallet everywhere, but
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: I bring my phone everywhere. And if I lose my phone...
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: That sucks more than losing my ID.
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: I also ripped my ID a little bit by just
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: playing with it.
• 47:39
  Speaker 5: Sounds like you got your own problems with your ID.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 47:44
  Speaker 4: I made an offhand comment about it to a bartender.
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: Not my proudest moment. I'll admit that part. He stood up,
• 47:50
  Speaker 4: said he was leaving, and then on the street started
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: yelling at me, accusing me of assuming he was trying
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: to scam me out of money, saying I should have
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: just known he'd pay me back because we've known each
• 48:00
  Speaker 4: other so long. He said dramatic stuff like life felt
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: pointless and he wasn't coming back to my place. All
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: in public.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 48:09
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 48:10
  Speaker 5: You go, no.
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: Wait. Oh, wait.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: Your wallet's there.
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: Dang.
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: Don't forget your wallet.
• 48:17
  Speaker 4: We talked it out that night, but it still bothered me.
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: So I brought it up again the next day, sober.
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: He just said, we already talked about this. And went
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: silent mid-conversation.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: Cool.
• 48:27
  Speaker 4: So he's a man child.
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 48:28
  Speaker 4: Got it. Sounds annoying. Over the past two days, there
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: were also several boundary issues in my apartment. He left
• 48:35
  Speaker 4: the toilet in a pretty bad state.
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: What?
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: Not just urine, which I cleaned without saying anything.
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: No, call that out.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: If he's your friend for a long time, you're going, hey, dude,
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: flush the toilet. You know what I hate? Nasty? When
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: you go into any bathroom and the toilet seat is up.
• 48:54
  Speaker 5: I'm like, women live here.
• 48:56
  Speaker 4: This is a woman's household is what I always say.
• 48:58
  Speaker 5: Wait, you mean the seat? Yeah, the toilet seat is up. Oh, yeah.
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: I hate that.
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: I hate when the cover's up. I also, yeah. No,
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: I always close the toilet. I always close it. It's nasty,
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: and people always leave it open. Yeah.
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: I know a lot of people who leave it open.
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: I just heard that when you flush it, all these
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: things can come. So I always close it.
• 49:15
  Speaker 5: I always close it, and people don't close the habit
• 49:18
  Speaker 5: and people are always in my bathroom yeah no i
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: always close it so you know but the worst is
• 49:23
  Speaker 5: when people come into my house and they guests guests
• 49:27
  Speaker 5: come into my house and leave that toilet seat up
• 49:29
  Speaker 5: i'm like how.
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: Dare he walked around in just his underwear on the
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: couch claiming i was dressed the same i wasn't and
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: we're at Peter Lee scratched his privates on the couch
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: like I wasn't in the room.
• 49:43
  Speaker 5: Is he trying to make you, like, fall in love
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: with him? Because this isn't the way.
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if he wants to, you know, have some spicy action,
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: he's really helping his case.
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he just sounds nasty.
• 49:54
  Speaker 4: On day two, he also started drinking again while I
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: wasn't drinking at all. He finished the remaining Prosecco, then
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: started helping himself to other booze from the fridge and
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: shelves without asking. I told him if he wanted to
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: keep drinking, he should buy his own bottle. I gave
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: him my keys so he could go back to the
• 50:11
  Speaker 4: apartment after his corner store trip while I went to
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: grab a package from the mailbox. I came back to
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: find him sitting cross-legged on the grass right outside my
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: building with a bottle of booze, which was pretty embarrassing.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: I think this guy needs help.
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: I think he needs help getting out of your house.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know what?
• 50:29
  Speaker 5: Help opening the door to leave. Help buying tickets home.
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: Why is he just sitting there just like, Yeah.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: It's five o'clock somewhere.
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he's like, yeah. I don't know. That's gross.
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: That's just weird. On day two, around 6 p.m., I
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: calmly told him the trip wasn't working for me and
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: I wanted to end it early. I even offered to
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: cover his hotel costs. Instead of accepting that, even begrudgingly,
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: he started insulting me and made unrelated comparisons to guilt
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: trip me. What are you doing?
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: I say, aw, okay, bye.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that sucks.
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: Aw, man, that's a bummer. That sounds like a you problem.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: Bye.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: It's you, not an it's me.
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Like, oh, dang it. Well, good luck. Yeah.
• 51:13
  Speaker 4: Fuck with that. It's like, I don't understand. Like, she
• 51:15
  Speaker 4: offered to, like, Pay the expenses. Yeah. Like a hotel
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: just to be like, I just want you out of
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: my space. And he like got mad about it.
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: He was so angry.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: How dare you pay for my expenses to go live
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: somewhere else so I can do what I want. Yeah. Oh, well,
• 51:30
  Speaker 4: now I'm not going to pay for your expenses.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 51:33
  Speaker 5: And now I hate you.
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: And you're out, buddy. All right. Let's finish it up.
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: I ended up asking him to leave two days earlier
• 51:42
  Speaker 4: than planned. He's now claiming I threw him out. A
• 51:47
  Speaker 4: 12-year-old friend who flew across the world just to see
• 51:50
  Speaker 4: me completely blindsided him, etc.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: He's acting like a 12-year-old.
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: I mean, to be fair, that is what you did,
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: but also you were completely in the right.
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he's giving no context.
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 52:03
  Speaker 4: I don't think I owed him unlimited patience just because
• 52:05
  Speaker 4: he traveled far, because we have history, or because we
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: go back a long way. But now I'm second guessing myself.
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: Am I the a-hole? No, this guy is stinky and
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: icky and gross. And I don't want to see him
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: around these parts ever again.
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: He was just a moocher and he wasn't respecting your boundaries.
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: You literally told him before he came here. Yeah. And also,
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: you're a guest in someone's home. Don't be disgusting.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: Come on.
• 52:30
  Speaker 5: Do better.
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: Like, my mom would be so disappointed if I did.
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: oh yeah i mean like i'm going i'm making i'm
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: making stuff for breakfast i'm paying for groceries i'm paying
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: for booze i'm you know you're letting me stay here
• 52:43
  Speaker 4: for free why why would i not be grateful about
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: that i would never do that yeah and just like
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: even like buying flowers and like you know a nice
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: car just be like thank you so much for your
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: hospitality that's all you needed to do but apparently that's
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: the hardest thing in the world.
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah i always just make dinner for people yeah.
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I always, well, it depends. I'll, like, depending on, like,
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: what they like and whatever, usually if it's, like, someone
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: I don't really know, I'll do, like, flowers and, like,
• 53:11
  Speaker 4: a little, like, either gift card or, like, just nice
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: little notes saying thanks. Like, when I stayed at my
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: mom's friend's house in San Diego when we evacuated for
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: the fires, I went and stayed there for like the
• 53:29
  Speaker 4: weekend and she was i mean she's so funny she's
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: hilarious i love her and she obviously didn't ask anything
• 53:36
  Speaker 4: like in return she was like please stay longer and
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: we're like no no we can't have to go but
• 53:41
  Speaker 4: yeah she she said she loved uh the pandemic because
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: she was like no one could leave and i loved
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: being with my family they have a whole album of
• 53:51
  Speaker 4: like of that and they did like so many things
• 53:54
  Speaker 4: like in the backyard like you know together and like
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: found all these new hobbies and stuff just as a family.
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: And I'm like, that's so fun.
• 54:02
  Speaker 5: I really loved the Christmases during the pandemic. Cause we
• 54:04
  Speaker 5: had like a COVID fit, like my, my, one of
• 54:07
  Speaker 5: my best friends who lived two minutes away, her mom
• 54:11
  Speaker 5: and her would come over or that was just the
• 54:15
  Speaker 5: one Christmas, but would came over and her sister as well,
• 54:20
  Speaker 5: who was like this British husband. And we had like these,
• 54:22
  Speaker 5: Like British, like the Christmas crackers that you like pull apart.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 54:26
  Speaker 5: And like we all wore little crowns. It was so nice.
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: It was a good Christmas.
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: the next one.
• 54:34
  Speaker 5: I stopped reminding my boyfriend of anything and his life
• 54:37
  Speaker 5: fell apart. Oh, you little idiot. I've been with my
• 54:41
  Speaker 5: boyfriend for almost four years and for basically the entire relationship,
• 54:45
  Speaker 5: I've been the person remembering everything for both of us.
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 54:49
  Speaker 5: Birthdays appointments rent his car service stuff for work his
• 54:53
  Speaker 5: mom's medication literally all of it.
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh you're a little planner.
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: Oh but this that's like okay i had a certain
• 55:01
  Speaker 5: idea of this issue but uh this goes way past
• 55:05
  Speaker 5: that this is every like medication.
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: Birthdays you also tell them when to wipe yeah.
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: Probably He always says he's just bad with dates, and
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: I'm naturally more organized, so somehow it slowly became my job.
• 55:20
  Speaker 4: I guess.
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: A few months ago, we had an argument because I
• 55:24
  Speaker 5: forgot to remind him about his brother's birthday dinner.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: Psst, dude.
• 55:27
  Speaker 5: That's what phones are for.
• 55:28
  Speaker 4: That's what your phone calendar's for. Yeah, does he, like,
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: not have anything? No.
• 55:34
  Speaker 5: Mind you, this dinner was mentioned in the family group
• 55:36
  Speaker 5: chat like 50 times. He still got annoyed at me
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: because apparently I knew he would forget and could have
• 55:42
  Speaker 5: just reminded him because he made other plans. Like what?
• 55:45
  Speaker 5: I don't know. Something about that pissed me off so bad.
• 55:50
  Speaker 5: Not even the birthday thing itself, but the way he
• 55:52
  Speaker 5: said it. Like remembering his own life was some service
• 55:55
  Speaker 5: I suddenly stopped providing. So I decided fine. I'm not
• 56:00
  Speaker 5: reminding him about anything anymore. By the way, this comes
• 56:03
  Speaker 5: from Bloom Nira, and if you want to submit your
• 56:05
  Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash okay story time subreddit.
• 56:08
  Speaker 5: I'm Sophia.
• 56:09
  Speaker 4: I'm Savannah.
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 56:10
  Speaker 5: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 56:12
  Speaker 5: don't have all the answers, so if you've got answers,
• 56:14
  Speaker 5: give them. OP says, I didn't announce it because, ugh,
• 56:19
  Speaker 5: I already knew he would say I'm being dramatic. I
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: just quietly stopped. No, don't forget your dentist tomorrow. No,
• 56:27
  Speaker 5: reminding him about insurance payments. No, telling him we were
• 56:30
  Speaker 5: nearly out of cat food. No, Checking his work schedule
• 56:33
  Speaker 5: for him.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: What does he do with normal life?
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: Like, well, apparently he's been relying on OP this whole time.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: He's like, he wakes up and he's like, I just
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: forget everything.
• 56:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 56:43
  Speaker 5: This is like my boyfriend, but with plans. It's not
• 56:45
  Speaker 5: nearly this bad, but I just tell him like, Oh,
• 56:47
  Speaker 5: don't remember. Remember we have a party this week. And
• 56:49
  Speaker 5: he's like, who's party?
• 56:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I mean, I have a whole like whiteboard
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: that I like write things down, like little events that
• 56:56
  Speaker 4: he have or whatever.
• 56:57
  Speaker 5: And then, There are ways to remember things. And it's
• 57:00
  Speaker 5: also okay if you have one partner who's better at
• 57:02
  Speaker 5: remembering things than others. But not to this extent. But
• 57:06
  Speaker 5: not where it's like, you're blaming.
• 57:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, your fault. I missed this.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not your planner. I'm not your daily reminder.
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't be that.
• 57:14
  Speaker 4: Get an assistant. For real.
• 57:16
  Speaker 5: If you ask me something directly, I answered. But I
• 57:19
  Speaker 5: stopped volunteering information like I'm some personal calendar with a pulse.
• 57:23
  Speaker 5: The first month was honestly a disaster. He missed his
• 57:26
  Speaker 5: dentist appointment and had to pay a cancellation fee.
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: Sounds like a his problem.
• 57:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah. He forgot to buy his co-worker a birthday gift
• 57:33
  Speaker 5: until the literal morning of and then blamed shipping times.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: Been there.
• 57:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 57:39
  Speaker 5: I do that all the time. He ran out of
• 57:41
  Speaker 5: clean work shirts twice because apparently the laundry basket usually
• 57:44
  Speaker 5: empties itself through divine intervention.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: Holy crap.
• 57:47
  Speaker 5: This guy's stupid. He got a late fee on one
• 57:50
  Speaker 5: of his bills and spent like an hour ranting about
• 57:53
  Speaker 5: how companies... Make due dates confusing on purpose.
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: What do you mean?
• 57:58
  Speaker 5: They just list the due date.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: It's usually the same day.
• 58:01
  Speaker 5: Due date. And this is the part that makes me
• 58:04
  Speaker 5: feel horrible. But I enjoyed it. Not like evil villain
• 58:08
  Speaker 5: laughing while he suffers, but every single time something went wrong.
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: I felt this tiny bit of satisfaction. Yeah.
• 58:16
  Speaker 5: Because finally it proved I wasn't imagining how much stuff
• 58:20
  Speaker 5: I do for him.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: Honestly, it'd be really funny if he just asked LP, hey,
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: do you remember this? And she goes, I forgot.
• 58:25
  Speaker 5: I forgot.
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: I don't remember.
• 58:27
  Speaker 3: No.
• 58:29
  Speaker 5: He kept saying he was having the most stressful month ever.
• 58:32
  Speaker 5: And I was sat there thinking, no, babe, you're just
• 58:35
  Speaker 5: experiencing your own responsibilities without me putting pillows under every consequence. Then,
• 58:40
  Speaker 5: last week, he missed an important work meeting because the
• 58:43
  Speaker 5: time changed. He showed me the email and said, You
• 58:47
  Speaker 5: saw this too. Why didn't you tell me?
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: It's not your, it's not my job.
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't work there.
• 58:52
  Speaker 5: I don't work there. I said because it's not my meeting.
• 58:55
  Speaker 5: He just stared at me and later said he feels
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: like I don't care about him anymore because partners are
• 59:00
  Speaker 5: supposed to help each other. And yeah, obviously they are.
• 59:04
  Speaker 4: But helping someone and basically managing their entire existence are
• 59:08
  Speaker 4: not the same thing. How did we.
• 59:10
  Speaker 5: reach a point where me not monitoring a grown man's
• 59:12
  Speaker 5: emails is emotional neglect?
• 59:15
  Speaker 4: Does he even remember your birthday?
• 59:16
  Speaker 5: Like, what does he know?
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: Probably not.
• 59:18
  Speaker 4: I'm surprised he remembers to breathe.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 59:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he's like, and in?
• 59:23
  Speaker 4: I forgot.
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: I forgot.
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah. It's like I forget a lot of things.
• 59:29
  Speaker 5: And that's just consequences. Yes.
• 59:32
  Speaker 4: But the thing is, there are ways to remember them.
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: And there are so many ways to do it. Not
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: just one. There's like 10 billion ways to remember to
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: do something.
• 59:40
  Speaker 5: Forgetting is inevitable.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 59:43
  Speaker 5: And it's really just how you deal with it.
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: But there are ways to prevent it.
• 59:47
  Speaker 5: Exactly. There's ways to prevent it. And there are also
• 59:51
  Speaker 5: ways you need to learn how to.
• 59:52
  Speaker 4: Deal with it. And you can't blame anyone else for
• 59:55
  Speaker 4: you not remembering. Like, huh? That doesn't make any sense.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: Honestly, you're just doing what he does. He's like, oh
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: my gosh, that's what you do. So are you emotionally
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: abandoning me?
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I still haven't told him this was intentional from
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 5: the start. He thinks I've just been distracted lately.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, about to break up with him.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 5: Now I feel guilty because technically, yeah, I could have
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 5: prevented most of this. It would have taken me like
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 5: 10 seconds to remind him. But I also feel like
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 5: if I start again, then nothing changes. and I'm going
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 5: to be 70 years old, reminding this man where his
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 5: glasses are while they're literally on his face. I love him,
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 5: I really do, but I don't want to be his mom.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 5: At the same time, secretly watching someone fail just to
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 5: prove a point is kind of insane behavior. So I
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 5: don't know, maybe I am the problem too. But how
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 5: hard is it to remember your own dentist appointment genuinely?
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: I mean, it is a little hard. It is a
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: little hard. Because you do book it out like six
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 4: months in advance.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's six months in advance. It's a little bit hard. Yeah.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 5: I think that's, yeah.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 4: I think that's a little reason.
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: Just set a reminder or put it in your calendar.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: But usually I feel like, yeah, they usually call you
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 4: or like.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: Or if it's an email, you know there's a way
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: that it tracks it for you. Like, add to my calendar.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah. They just also like call you.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 5: But that is besides the point because clearly he has
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 5: other issues and he needs to figure out how to
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 5: manage his life.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: What was he doing? What was he doing before you?
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 5: His mom was helping him.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 5: Or he was just like.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: It's just you can't put that responsibility on anyone else.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: Like you just didn't remember. I don't take it. Take responsibility.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 5: And move on.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: I think he needs to have a conversation with him.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 5: Just do better. And say I feel like you were
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 5: putting all this on me. Now you're blaming me for it.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: And I don't appreciate that.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: And that's not cool. That the projection of you not
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 4: being able to do anything. Because you don't remember things.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 5: But that's the end of that story. And we've got
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 5: another one coming right up.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: Hey, it's Keon, your favorite Filipino here. We're going to
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: ads from our sponsors.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: My boyfriend ran errands for his sister, but never once
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 4: for me. What the heck, man? I, 24 female, and
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: my boyfriend, 24 male, have been together for a little
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 4: over a year and a half. We live together and
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 4: do pretty much everything together. This weekend, we invited his
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: sister and one of our friends to come over to
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 4: have a couple of drinks, hang out, and play some
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 4: board games. Everything went great. We all had a great time.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: And by the time we were all tired, it was
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: 5 a.m., and we offered to let them stay the night.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: That's crazy that you guys got tired at 5 a.m.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: I wish I had your tenacity.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's crazy.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 5: That's the morning. That's when I wake up.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: The sun is up. That's when you know it's rough.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 4: When you hear the birds in the morning, you're like,
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 4: oh my, I did that at a bar once. Me
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: and the bartender just sat. It was just me and him.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 4: Why were you still there? Because it was my improv bar.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: So we would all hang out and everyone left at 3.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 4: I left at 6 a.m.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: As long as you're not doing that every night. No, no.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 4: Because I hadn't seen him in a while. We were
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 4: catching up. And then we started watching TV and we just,
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 4: it was great. Love him.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 5: Did you kiss him?
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: No, he's like 50 some. And he also has a
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 4: girlfriend and like two kids.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 4: Our friend, we will call him Bryce, 28 male, slept
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 4: on the couch while my boyfriend's sister, we will call
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 4: her Hannah, 28 female, slept in our guest bedroom.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 5: Noice.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 4: Our HVAC has been out lately. We've got a lot
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 4: of issues with our rental property and the last few
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 4: times we called out maintenance. They told us that the
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 4: property manager only replaced half of our AC unit. The
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 4: inside was new, but the outside was not, or vice versa.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 4: And so when it reaches extreme highs and extreme lows,
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 4: the unit stops working. We live in Georgia, and it's
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 4: hot as heck here, plus humidity. So we put an
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 4: AC unit in our bedroom upstairs and keep the door open,
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 4: circulate cool air. It's been working well enough for the
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 4: house to stay 75 and below. And it's even cooler
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 4: at night. When his sister stayed the night with us,
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: she poked her head in our cracked door to tell
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 4: us she was hot and not feeling good and asked
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: if we could turn the HVAC down even lower. We
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: turned the AC unit too high and opened the door
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 4: all the way. There was a fan in that room,
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: and she was sleeping with a sheet and a heavy-weighted
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 4: blanket that was in the guest bedroom. Girl, take the
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: blankets off. I wonder why you're hot. That's crazy. By
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Givinaret, an Englishman. If you
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to r slash
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 4: okay story time subreddit.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 5: I'm Savannah. I'm Sophia.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 4: And we're here to give you some advice, but we
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 4: don't have all of the answers. We're only going to
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 4: tell you what we would do, but let us know
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 4: what you would do down in the comments.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 2: I like how this person doesn't know how to control
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: their temperature. Yeah.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, they're like, it's too hot. I don't feel good.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 5: It's too hot.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: I have another blanket.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 5: Three blankets.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 4: I'm really hot under this weighted blanket and sheet. Could
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 4: you please turn down? Turn down the heat, please.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 4: As Opie says, my boyfriend woke me up at 9 a.m.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 4: after going to sleep at 5.36 so that his sister
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 4: could come into the room. I didn't know she was
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 4: coming into the room to lay down in our bed
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 4: in her underwear with a full face of high-end, think waterproof,
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 4: lasts for hours, makeup.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: Huh? Why are we doing that?
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 5: What is going on.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 4: With this girl?
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 5: Is she just, like, very, very hungover?
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: Also, why are we letting her, like, come into our bed, like,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: It's a child or like a pet.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I flew up.
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 4: I need to sweep in your bed, but also.
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 5: In my undies.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: I wet the bed again.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 4: Can I bring my blanket?
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 5: Can I bring all my blankets?
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: She has the weighted blanket with her. Dragging on the floor.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 4: We turn the.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 5: Air on and also I bring in all my blankets.
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 4: She smeared makeup all over our fresh sheets in our
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: room and the sheets in the guest bedroom. I got
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: up to let her cool down, but we left the
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 4: house to take Bryce back home. And when we got
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 4: back at 3.30 p.m., She was still in her bed,
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 4: making over-the-top gagging noises when she could hear somebody in
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 4: the house moving around.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 5: What is her.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 4: What's.
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: Going on with her?
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: I think she's just extremely hungover.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 5: I think so.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 4: I went into our room and picked some things up
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 4: because I had my personal belongings all over the room
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 4: and I needed to get ready for us to go
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 4: out later that night. I usually get ready in the
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 4: guest bedroom because it has half of my closet and
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 4: all of my hair and makeup stuff, but I still
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 4: needed several things from that room. His sister was asking
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 4: him for Sprite over and over and was using this
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 4: voice of agony. Sprite! Yeah.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 5: Sprite!
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: Sprite!
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 4: Sprite!
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 2: You know what you do? Give her a liter of
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: Sprite and some bananas. That'll help her.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 5: Bananas?
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, you don't know?
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 5: Clearly not.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: If you drink a lot of Sprite and have bananas,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: it will make you vomit. Oh.
• 1:06:47
  Speaker 4: It will make you vomit?
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Why? It's like a mixture of everything, yeah.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 5: She probably is nauseous, though. That's probably why she wants
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 5: a break.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 2: Well, that will probably help her.
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 5: I guess so, if she threw up.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: But when he couldn't hear her, she could all of
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 4: a sudden speak up just fine. Then she asked him
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 4: to run to the grocery store to pick her up
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 4: a gallon of tea. Gallon of tea. Brother, gallon of tea. Tea.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 4: She asked me if Bryce and my boyfriend were back yet.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 4: I only said no. And she said to me, I
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 4: need my tea as soon as they get here, which
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 4: just rubbed me the wrong way. Now here's the thing.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 4: I don't necessarily mind that she got hot and needed
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 4: to cool off, but half of her ongoing health problems,
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 4: I suspect to be a lie. Anyways, I told him
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 4: to text his dad and ask him to come get her.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 4: Hannah wasn't going to get better and we were going
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 4: out that night. I wanted to sleep in my bed
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 4: that night and we had nothing to make her comfortable.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 4: The only food we have is planned for meals for
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 4: the month. And I am the only one who cooks
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 4: and buys groceries and she has so many food allergies
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: that I didn't even think we'd have anything besides a
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 4: box of Velveeta for her to eat. He texted his
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 4: dad and his dad said that she didn't bring any
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 4: of her medicine because she didn't expect to have an episode. However,
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 4: she says that she... Has these episodes randomly all the time,
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 4: so I can't understand why she didn't bring any with
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 4: her to her dad's, where she was staying when her
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 4: house is four hours away. And that she may not
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 4: make the car ride without throwing up. So the best
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 4: thing for her would be to stay put. I left
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 4: the house for the night. We were all supposed to
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 4: go out and have fun that night. But I just
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 4: got frustrated and started crying.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: Aww.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 4: Episode of what?
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 4: Like, what episodes is she having? Heatflash?
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 5: I really don't understand.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: Violent hangover. Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 5: It seems like she's, like, nauseous?
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 4: But if she was nauseous, ginger would help better than Sprite.
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: Well, not Sprite, but, like, ginger ale. Blue Powerade.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like ginger ale or.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: Give me that Blue Powerade.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 5: She's asking for a lot of weird things, but okay.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 3: I have.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 4: sinus surgery three-ish weeks ago and was unable to move much,
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 4: breathe out of my nose, go anywhere, or even bend over.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 4: I asked him twice for flowers, which he never got
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 4: because I felt sad being stuck on a couch or
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 4: bed for weeks with nothing to look at besides the
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 4: mess forming around the house.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 5: I'm sorry, your boyfriend wouldn't get you flowers?
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: No.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 5: Does he ever get you flowers?
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 4: She couldn't smell them anyway. I don't know. You should
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 4: always be getting your partner flowers. I do most of
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 4: the actual cleaning and for three days he left dishes
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 4: in the sink while the dishwasher was ready for dirty
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 4: dishes to be loaded in. It wasn't until I felt
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 4: okay enough to go make myself a snack downstairs that
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 4: the dishes were put away because I did it. I
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 4: have a weak immune system, so I've gotten sick a
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 4: lot over the time we've been together. And I've had
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 4: several dental surgeries to fix birth defects in my mouth. OP,
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 4: what's wrong with your face?
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 5: I think she just has medical issues. Clearly more than
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 5: your boyfriend's sister. And also your boyfriend sounds like he sucks.
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 5: I'm going to say it right now. Boyfriend sucks. Sister sucks.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 5: Runs in the family.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 5: Kind of true.
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 2: I'm giving the sister a little leeway because she's extremely
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: violently hungover. But also... I don't think she is.
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 5: I think they're implying that this is just kind of
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 5: she has these episodes.
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 2: On the next episode of Sister having a meltdown.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think she just like melts down. The last
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 4: time I was sick, I called for him for several
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 4: minutes and texted him. He finished his Xbox game and
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 4: came to ask if I was okay and then went
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 4: back to playing his game.
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 5: He said, are you okay? I know people, I need help. Okay, bye.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: Well, I needed help 15 minutes ago. So you're good now.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 2: I'm out there saving lives on Xbox right now.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 4: I gotta go, babe.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 5: I'm in the middle of the game.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: My team needs me.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 4: Before we moved in together and I started getting some
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 4: of the dental surgeries, he would tell me that he
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 4: would come over to help me with a few things
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 4: and then let me know at 11 p.m. that he
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 4: would just come over the next day. While Hannah was
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 4: sick in our bed, she asked my boyfriend to go
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 4: to the grocery store to pick her up a gallon
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 4: of Milo's sweet tea.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 5: I don't understand what she's sick with.
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 4: He got up and went to Kroger for her, and
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 4: before he left, I told him I was going to
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 4: stay the night with a friend and that I didn't
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 4: feel like coming out. He asked if I was upset
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 4: with him. With his sister in the next room, all
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 4: doors open, and I just quietly said that I was
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 4: upset in general. He went to Kroger for her and
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 4: brought me back a small bouquet of flowers. I just said, thanks,
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 4: you can put them downstairs, and he got upset. I
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 4: guess because I didn't gawk over them?
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 5: Little too late, bud.
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 4: My boyfriend will not even stop on his way home
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 4: from work at the grocery store for a gallon of milk,
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 4: no matter how hard I ask.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 5: Okay, so this story started with like, oh, my sister,
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 5: or my boyfriend's sister is kind of annoying, and then
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 5: it became, my boyfriend sucks. You're just telling us how
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 5: much your boyfriend sucks, OP. Break up with him.
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's kind of true.
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 5: It should not be this hard to ask your partner
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 5: to do stuff like this.
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah. He won't go with me to the store to
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 4: get anything and mostly I end up just going because
• 1:12:11
  Speaker 4: of it. Because he's tired or doesn't feel like it.
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 4: I had to take myself to a root canal back
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 4: in March. I was terrified and I didn't want to
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 4: go alone but he couldn't get off work and I
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 4: couldn't get sedated for it because I had to drive
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 4: myself home. I asked him to stop at a pasta
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 4: place on his way home to pick up some pasta
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 4: for me because we had nothing ready to cook. I
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 4: didn't feel like cooking and I had to have something
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 4: soft because I only had a temporary filling in my mouth.
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 4: He said he'd rather just go home because he was tired.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 5: And there we have it. Your boyfriend would rather not
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 5: inconvenience himself, even when it means helping you out. And
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 5: that's not a good partner. We don't want a partner
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 5: who's not going to be there when things are tough.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 4: He said he'd rather just go home because he was tired.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 4: I left the house to go get it myself. I
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 4: even picked up food for him while I was there. Why?
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 4: So for him to be willing to jump up and
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 4: go when she asks, I was angry and confused as
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 4: to why he had literally never done that for me,
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 4: even when I've been recovering from surgery. I haven't had
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 4: a job in about seven months, but I pay my
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 4: part of all bills and rent. I pay for groceries,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 4: I cook, and I clean. He makes comments sometimes about
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 4: how he'd rather be at home than be at work,
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 4: but that's because he comes home and dinner is made,
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 4: the house is clean, and he doesn't have to worry
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 4: about anything. It rubs me the wrong way that he
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 4: thinks I have it better at home all day, but
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 4: he doesn't actually consider how much time and energy goes
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 4: into cleaning the same crap every single day, day after day,
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 4: taking care of his husky, taking care of his two
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 4: cats on top of my one cat, and that isn't
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 4: even mentioning the things from his animals, such as his
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 4: cats peeing all over the place, ripping up carpet in
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 4: one of our bedrooms, and their litter boxes stinking the
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 4: entire house up.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 5: O.P., Break up with him. You told me zero good
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 5: things about your boyfriend.
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 4: Are you happy?
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 5: No, she clearly is not happy. Oh, okay.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 4: I'm frustrated and upset because the situation showed me exactly
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 4: how capable he is of caring for somebody who's not well,
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 4: and it makes me believe that it's a choice he
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 4: makes when it comes to me.
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 5: Yes, he's choosing not to.
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 4: I've always figured crap out, been on my own from 16,
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 4: and have never had anybody to fall back on. He
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 4: jokes that I'm Miss Independent. I'm on my way home
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 4: now and I plan on just telling him I'm not
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 4: happy anymore and we need to figure out a game
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 4: plan for our last few months on this lease but
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 4: I need reassurance that I'm not blowing this out of proportion.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 4: I also feel like him bringing me back flowers after
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 4: I told him I was staying somewhere else for the
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 4: night was manipulative and I know that if I don't
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 4: address this when I get home he's going to not
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 4: address it and just wait for me to not be
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 4: mad anymore and act like everything is normal. He hasn't
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 4: texted me since I left yesterday around 4 p.m. and
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 4: it's almost 3 p.m.
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 4: Am I overreacting for feeling like this was my final straw?
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 5: No, you're not overreacting. Your boyfriend just doesn't put in
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 5: any effort. And I wonder if he ever did. And
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 5: if he did at one point, he probably was just
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 5: waiting until you were kind of stuck.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah. He has made choices and they haven't been made.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 4: And that's the that's the big thing here.
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 5: He doesn't choose you.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 4: Yeah. He doesn't choose you first, even when you need him.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 4: Like after like all the surgeries and all these things,
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 4: you know, like, come on. The flowers are to shut
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 4: you up, Opie. I mean, yeah.
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 5: And Opie even recognizes that. She's like, it seems like
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 5: he just didn't want me to, you know, be mad
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 5: at him. And he was like, oh, I know she
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 5: asked me for flowers that one other time. So it
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 5: must be the perfect way to, you know, appease her.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: Gotta do better than that.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah. It's just.
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: Should have bought a whole garden.
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 4: This guy just is not it. You need... It's not
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 4: even the fact that you need someone to take care
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 4: of you all the time. It's just like in your
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 4: time of need, he's nowhere to be found. I also
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 4: hate when... And that's not fair.
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 5: I hate when people, especially partners, but also like friends,
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 5: only do things... If it benefits them? Well, yes, if
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 5: it benefits them, but specifically only do nice things when
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 5: you are mad at them.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 4: Yep.
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 5: It's like, oh, I'll get you flowers because you're mad
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 5: at me. Or, oh, yeah, like I'll pick you up
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 5: something nice. Or I'll write a card as an apology.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 5: But it's never– there's never that just, I don't know,
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 5: like feeling or– impulse to do that just cause yeah
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 5: like my boyfriend will just bring me flowers and I'll
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 5: just get him flowers or like he'll bring me food
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 5: from work like you.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 4: Do nice things cause you're just thinking of them and
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 4: it's a nice gesture it doesn't have to be for
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 4: something it doesn't have to be because of something it.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: Doesn't have to be grand yeah I.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 4: Just I just you know I was at the store
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 4: and this just reminded me of you and here you
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 4: go yeah and because you want to make them happy
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 4: yeah there is an update I got home and he
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 4: had cleaned the house and stripped both makeup smeared sheets.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 4: I don't think I've noticed what happened to the flowers.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 4: They may be downstairs. His sister was not there when
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 4: I got home, but he was being short with me.
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 4: I went to the guest bedroom when I got home
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 4: and stayed in there until I was hungry. I got
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 4: up to get food. He told me he ordered pizza
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 4: and I said, can we talk and you can decide
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 4: if you still want to share that pizza with me?
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 4: He said, sure. Yeah, you already know what's coming.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 2: Oof.
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 5: He's like, uh-oh.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 4: No.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 2: He's going, pizza. Pizza's coming?
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 5: It's going to be all my pizza?
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 4: I told him I wasn't happy, and he essentially broke
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 4: down and told me he was working to be a
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 4: better man for me and for us and that he's
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 4: doing his best. I did not offer much of an explanation,
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 4: but when he asked, I just said I was tired.
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 4: I didn't have patience anymore. I couldn't tell him what
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 4: to do all the time, and we are at two
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 4: different places in life. When he asked for more information,
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 4: I didn't really say much. Well, why not? Give him,
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 4: you know, you're having the conversation. Why aren't you actually
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 4: saying what you're feeling?
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you said. You told us, oh, should I go
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 5: home and tell him how I feel? And then you
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 5: didn't tell him how you feel.
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 4: And you definitely should because that's part... of a good
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 4: relationship you have to have communication and you need to
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 4: tell him what he's doing wrong so he can fix
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 4: that yeah if you don't tell him he's not gonna
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 4: know trust me he's not gonna know no one is
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 4: a mind.
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 5: Reader yeah and you cannot expect people to just get
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 5: like do better when they don't know what you're upset
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 5: about yeah um that is to say i think you
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 5: have expressed multiple times before specific things and the fact
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 5: that he has not changed is absolutely grounds for you
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 5: to say you know what I'm done.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 4: With yeah I asked him if he felt like we
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 4: could coexist in the house until November he said sure
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 4: and I told him that if he didn't think we
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 4: could he didn't have to say yes or sure We
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 4: could figure out what to do. He said he was
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 4: fine with it and I asked about day to day.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 4: He got flustered and said, I don't know, OP. I
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 4: guess worry about yourself. I'm used to all of this
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 4: with you, gesturing around the house. So I'm gonna have
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 4: to figure that out too. Then he said he needed
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 4: a minute and went into the garage and I went upstairs.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 4: He slept on the couch last night and I think
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 4: we've both been awake for a couple of hours now.
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 4: It's 6.55 a.m. but haven't really talked much. I think
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 4: he's unloading the dishwasher right now. And that's the end.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, not looking good. Future is not looking bright. Yeah,
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 5: you really.
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 4: I don't know why you didn't say anything. I mean,
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 4: I'm that way too. Now I feel like I would
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 4: be a lot better in a relationship. But before, I mean...
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 4: I couldn't come to my partner for anything because he
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 4: would just either criticize me, say I'm being dramatic or
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 4: being like, oh, you're too sensitive or whatever. Or, oh, well,
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 4: it didn't take me that long or something. It was
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 4: always met with disagreement. And so I just learned to
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 4: not bring anything up because it was just going to
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 4: cause an issue for us. But now I feel like
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 4: I'm more confident in the way of like, I'm going
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 4: to express myself. And if you don't like that, that's
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 4: a reflection on you. That has nothing to do with me.
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 4: And so the fact that You know, he's saying like, oh,
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 4: you know, I don't know. I guess I'm going to
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 4: have to figure it out. He is projecting he's upset.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 5: He's upset.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 4: I'll give him that. He didn't like call your names
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 4: or bring you down or whatever. He's just like, I
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 4: just have to figure things out. You know, that was
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 4: a big load you just put on him. You know,
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 4: so I think just taking some time to understand the
• 1:20:37
  Speaker 4: situation and coming back to it and having a real
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 4: talk about it, not just kind of bringing it up.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 5: Even if that talk leads to breakup.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 5: You have to have it.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 4: And it is uncomfortable and it is sad and it
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 4: is going to be frustrating. But you have to have
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 4: the talk because you're never going to get anywhere. If
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 4: you never say your piece, you're going to have regrets.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 4: You're not going to be able to live with yourself.
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 5: Indeed. And he's not going to have any closure either.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 4: You're just going to be up in the air. That's
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 4: not fun. I'll tell you. It's not fun.
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 5: Get out of the air, OP. Get out of the air.
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 4: But that's the end of that story.