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Stop the Second-Guessing: How ADHD Moms Can Finally Trust Their Choices | 015 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, this is Jess, and you're listening to Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I am so glad you're here.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to start with asking you a question.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever say yes to something or everything?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then you instantly start doubting yourself?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you spend forever going back and forth making a decision, only to feel completely drained when it's over.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or for some of us, make everyone around us make the decisions for us because we just can't.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we'll dive into that in just a moment about how to make decisions without second guessing yourself.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And here's today's quick win.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Before you make your next decision, whether it's big or small, pause and ask yourself, does this line up with my values?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, first of all, did you know that you have core values?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: We all do.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: It could be subconscious right now, but if you spend some time reflecting, you'll discover that you do have core values.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when you align those values with your decision making, it can help you make choices with more confidence and less second guessing.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of that endless mental back and forth, which you still might have a little bit of it, that's just life.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of the endless mental back and forth, your values become your north star, giving you clarity when you're faced with many options.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So today's quick win before you make a decision, ask yourself if it aligns with your core values.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we're going to talk about how to find your core values in just a minute, also.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So why do we second guess ourselves in the first place?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think the second guessing comes from a place of doubt.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: When you have ADHD, you've probably experienced forgetting important things or missing appointments or meetings and making those mistakes despite your best intentions.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: So when this happens repeatedly, it's very natural to develop this fear around decision making.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: You start worrying, what if I mess up again?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: What if I make the wrong choice?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: What if I fail?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And these fears lead to procrastination and distraction because we don't want to feel.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it reinforces the cycle of not following through on things that matter to us.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And as moms, we feel this even more because our decisions impact our families too.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we do finally make a decision, we ask ourselves, did I make the right choice?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're going to talk about just getting out of that cycle.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: We'll explore how to use your core values, those are the things that matter most to you, as a compass to make decisions without the constant second guessing.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll also share a tool that I created called the Creative Core Test, which shows you your natural decision-making style and how it connects with your values.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to give you access to a very simple process that you can start using right away to just make more confident choices and save yourself from an endless loop of did I do the right thing?
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we second guess ourselves in the first place?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for creative moms, our brains see all of the options.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: They can make even the smallest of decisions feel huge.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: We care very deeply about people and outcomes.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's possibly the people-pleasing part of us.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us are more people-pleasing than others.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes us question if we're choosing what's best for everyone or if we're doing what's best for us or our family.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And with ADHD, you know that indecision isn't just mental, it's physically exhausting.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Decision fatigue is real.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: So discovering your core values gives you a shortcut or a little filter that helps you cut through all that noise.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your core values are your compass.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Core values are just simply the beliefs and priorities that matter most to you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really fun.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great quiz.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's called personalvalue.es.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Personal V-A-L-U.ES.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'll put a link to that in the show notes.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a fun little game where it flips all of these cards, and on each one of the cards is a personal value.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then it shows you two at a time, and you just choose which one you align with better.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it keeps pitting them against each other and it keeps going until you've narrowed it down to about five core values.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: So here's some common core values that people often prioritize in their lives.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: They have uh personal core values, authenticity, being true to yourself and your beliefs, creativity, expressing yourself and finding innovative solutions.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Health is another one.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe a lot of people have health, but maybe other people have it in their top two or three, prioritizing your physical and mental well-being.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people have adventure, seeking new experiences and taking risks.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's way up there.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's one of their top five.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: For others, it could be family, prioritizing time and energy for loved ones.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Loyalty, being reliable and steadfast in relationships.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um excellence, striving to do your best work.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's financial security, working really hard toward a stability and independence.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Another spiritual or philosophical core values could be faith, living in accordance to your spiritual beliefs, gratitude, appreciating what you have, or maybe mindfulness, being present and aware in daily life.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So all of these are different core values that are a filter for when you have a big decision to make, you run them through these core values, because these core values are what help keep you aligned with the decisions that you make.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: They're like a compass that you can keep coming back to over and over again when life just feels really overwhelming.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: So here's why core values matter for decision making.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: They clarify what's most important right now.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't get distracted by what looks shiny but doesn't actually fit.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: They help you allocate your energy towards things that feel meaningful and they anchor you to yourself so you're not pulled in 10 different directions trying to please everyone else.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because we know how that goes.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the personal value dot yes, the personal values quiz.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I've also created my own.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little bit different.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the Creative Core Quiz.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a short assessment that helps uncover maybe your natural energy and how you approach decisions, how you create, work, live on your own terms, how you balance business and family.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can find it at theadhdmom.com slash quiz.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's theadhdmom.com slash quiz.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I try to keep it really, really, really simple and put four different types of people in four different quadrants.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so there's the visionary, the harmonizer, builder, or the spark.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So with visionaries, they're bold dreamers, thriving and chasing possibilities.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Their strength is inspiring what's next.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: But they also need to watch out for skipping details or losing steam when the vision blurs.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you would find yourself as a harmonizer.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're the steady heartbeat, thriving on trust and connection.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your gift is maybe uniting people.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: But what to watch out for is overgiving that can drain or mute your own needs.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you're a builder.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: You're the problem solver.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I know most of us with ADHD brains are problem solvers, but a builder is thriving when they figure out order, and order turns chaos into clarity.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You shine on building systems, but you need to watch out for overcomplicating things, or maybe stalling without having a plan.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you could be the spark, the wild energy thriving when ideas ignite and chaos fuels you.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your brilliance is spontaneity, but you've got to watch out for half-finished projects.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And boredom can maybe dim your fire.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: So when you know your creative core, you notice how your values show up in your decision making.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: For example, visionaries often value innovation and possibility.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Harmonizers value connection and relationships.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Builders would value order and excellence.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And sparks maybe more spontaneity and creativity.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there's definitely overlap in all of these.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: You could have pieces of all of these different creative core types, but usually one sticks out more than the other.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just a nice reference to see what kind of things you value and what to watch out for.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: The Creative Core quiz just helps us narrow things down.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It does not define us, it just guides us into a better understanding of not only ourselves, but have a lens to see people around us, even our kids.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Our kids are developing core values too.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't want to find out these core values to be selfish.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: We do this so that we can make decisions with confidence and clarity and teach our children to do the same thing.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: When we understand our values, we can communicate them more effectively and create harmony in our homes.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe a little less chaos.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you make decisions without second guessing?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Name your top five values.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Discover them, write them down, take some time reflecting on what you really value in life.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: For example, I've discovered mine include creativity, health and wellness, curiosity.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: I love asking questions and being curious about things.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom, proverbs, wisdom, those really important to me, and peace.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Probably because I feel like I live in chaos.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: I really look for lighting a candle or having those peaceful moments, having those peaceful moments with my coffee in the morning.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And from the creative core quiz, I'm a spark, which totally aligns with my creativity core value.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I would also say faith and family are very much a core value, but I kind of look at those as a given and then went on to my next top five.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So how to make decisions without second guessing?
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Figure out your top values and then ask your filter question: Does this align with my values?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: If family is a core value and you have a commitment that's coming up that someone's asking you to be a part of something, you can ask yourself, does this align with my values?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Does this help our family connect better?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it taking away from family time?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe if creativity is a value, does this next job choice open up space for being more creative, or does it close it off?
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then at some point, you just need to decide and move forward.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: If it matches your core values, then you might be leaning more toward a yes.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: If it doesn't, it's okay to say no.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Second guessing is exhausting, but you don't have to keep spinning in circles.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: When you know your creative core and you know your core values, you have that built-in compass that you can use.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: You can make decisions with confidence.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can help protect your energy because you understand how it works, and you can stop apologizing for living in alignment with what matters to you.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining me today on Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode was helpful, I'd love for you to subscribe and share it with another creative mom who maybe struggles with second guessing also.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can also leave a review so other moms can find us too.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's push past that fear of making decisions.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Our past doesn't define us, and you just maybe didn't have a filter like this before.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are capable of making confident choices.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: You have values that matter, and you're gonna spend time figuring out what those are.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to keep questioning yourself.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Trust those values that you've taken the time to figure out what those are.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Spend some time this week.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Spend some time this week, discover those core values.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you can find the Creative Core quiz on our website, the adhdmom.comslash quiz.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hope you have an amazing week.