Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #617 But I Turned Out OK
Transcript
- 0:03Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
- 0:05Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just answers.
- 0:10Speaker 3: Now, we've got a really big podcast episode today, Kylie.
- 0:13Speaker 3: Two things that really need a lot of attention. The
- 0:15Speaker 3: first one we're going to get to in a sect,
- 0:17Speaker 3: but just a quick highlight. When we as a society
- 0:20Speaker 3: say we don't accept this behavior anymore, then we can
- 0:23Speaker 3: offer support. We can step in and say hey, we
- 0:25Speaker 3: can help you to do things better because there are
- 0:28Speaker 3: better ways. A current affair last Thursday night I had
- 0:32Speaker 3: like a I don't know, seven minute interview with them.
- 0:34Speaker 3: We're going to talk all about that in a sect.
- 0:36Speaker 3: Smacking kids making it legal in Australia. There's a lot
- 0:40Speaker 3: of noise being made about it again and rightly, so
- 0:44Speaker 3: we'll talk about that in a sect. But first tonight
- 0:47Speaker 3: a webinar for anyone who wants to join in. Happy
- 0:50Speaker 3: Families members get it included in their membership. If you're
- 0:52Speaker 3: not a Happy Family's member, that's okay. You can buy
- 0:56Speaker 3: the webinar have access to it for the rest of
- 0:57Speaker 3: your life. It's all about autism. We've got Chris Bonello.
- 1:01Speaker 3: Chris Banello is autistic. He's a schoolteacher, in the UK,
- 1:04Speaker 3: he gives talks about autism. He's got a stepchild, so
- 1:08Speaker 3: the guy plays the role of dad. He also works
- 1:11Speaker 3: as a teacher and especially spends a lot of time
- 1:14Speaker 3: with kids who have additional needs. He's presenting It's not me, Kylie,
- 1:17Speaker 3: I'm not the one talking about autism tonight. It's Chris
- 1:20Speaker 3: and that's part of the Happy Families membership, or you
- 1:23Speaker 3: can buy the webinar just by going to our Facebook
- 1:25Speaker 3: page or Happy Families dot com dot AU.
- 1:29Speaker 2: I think as a parent, when you have a child
- 1:31Speaker 2: who has additional needs or is neurodivergent, there's that fear
- 1:36Speaker 2: within us that maybe they won't live life to the fullest,
- 1:39Speaker 2: that they won't have opportunities available to them. And what
- 1:43Speaker 2: I love about the fact that Chris is going to
- 1:44Speaker 2: be speaking with you tonight is just here's somebody who's
- 1:47Speaker 2: living with autism and having a fullness of life and
- 1:51Speaker 2: doing a great Yeah.
- 1:52Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, all right, let's talk. Well, that's enough about that.
- 1:56Speaker 3: We need to talk about a current affair conversation that
- 1:59Speaker 3: I have with a journalist. Here's how it went.
- 2:02Speaker 1: Smacking your child has become a bit of a taboo.
- 2:05Speaker 1: Is it necessary discipline or should it be illegal? Well,
- 2:09Speaker 1: there's now a push to make smacking a criminal offense
- 2:12Speaker 1: in Australia, and someone who believes it absolutely should be
- 2:15Speaker 1: illegal is doctor Justin Coulson, a parenting expert and star
- 2:20Speaker 1: of nine program Parental Guidance. I spoke with him late
- 2:23Speaker 1: today justin thank you for joining us. Parents have been
- 2:27Speaker 1: smacking their kids for really centuries. Why does that have
- 2:31Speaker 1: to change?
- 2:32Speaker 3: Well, there's not a shred of credible evidence to support
- 2:34Speaker 3: its use. It's an ineffective way of disciplining. There are
- 2:38Speaker 3: far better disciplinary strategies that are out there. But the
- 2:41Speaker 3: message that it conveys is what I'm most concerned about. Essentially,
- 2:46Speaker 3: it says I love you, but I'm going to hurt you.
- 2:48Speaker 3: We hear that in a range of other context where
- 2:50Speaker 3: that's inappropriate, domestic and family violence being the most obvious
- 2:53Speaker 3: and provocative one.
- 2:55Speaker 4: We can do better.
- 2:56Speaker 3: Our children deserve better, and smacking is linked to a
- 2:59Speaker 3: host of negative outcomes in children.
- 3:02Speaker 1: Well, most of us were smacked as kids. I certainly was,
- 3:04Speaker 1: and every time I was smacked, I deserved it.
- 3:08Speaker 4: I turned out okay, I hit that a lot.
- 3:10Speaker 3: I was smacked as a child, and I turned out okay,
- 3:13Speaker 3: a couple of things on this. First off, we don't
- 3:15Speaker 3: really know how we would have turned out if we
- 3:16Speaker 3: weren't smacked. We were The research evidence shows frequent smacking doubles,
- 3:22Speaker 3: if not more, doubles, the risk of anxiety and depression
- 3:26Speaker 3: in adulthood. It's associated with impacts on social relationships, ruptures
- 3:31Speaker 3: the relationship between parent and child. There's no justification for violence.
- 3:35Speaker 3: I can't say this any more emphatically, and I'm astounded, Chris.
- 3:38Speaker 3: I'm just astounded at how hard Australians will fight for
- 3:43Speaker 3: their right to hit a child. If I hit my
- 3:47Speaker 3: wife because she quote unquote deserved it, and let's face it,
- 3:52Speaker 3: we all have a different threshold for what deserving this
- 3:54Speaker 3: is when it comes to violence. If I hit my wife,
- 3:56Speaker 3: I will be taken to court and charged because of
- 4:00Speaker 3: family and domestic violence. If I hit you in the
- 4:02Speaker 3: shops or down at the park or at the beach
- 4:04Speaker 3: because you do something that I find offensive, you can
- 4:07Speaker 3: and probably will take me to court and have me
- 4:09Speaker 3: charged with assault. If I kick my dog because it's
- 4:12Speaker 3: barking too much, I'll be charged with the animal cruelty.
- 4:16Speaker 3: And yet here I am let's say, I've got a
- 4:17Speaker 3: toddler two years old. I'm more than double my toddler's height.
- 4:20Speaker 3: I'm probably six to ten times my toddler's weight, and
- 4:24Speaker 3: it's perfectly legal for me to hit my child because
- 4:28Speaker 3: they quote unquote deserved it.
- 4:30Speaker 4: Nobody, nobody deserves to be hit. What an outrage, what
- 4:34Speaker 4: an absolute But justin hang on a second. Rejected, But
- 4:38Speaker 4: we're not to mentally rejected. We're not talking about child abuse.
- 4:42Speaker 1: So my wife and I have.
- 4:44Speaker 4: Talked about we're not we're talking about hitting.
- 4:46Speaker 1: We've got a young son. He's a bit young for this,
- 4:48Speaker 1: but we've talked about circumstances in which he might put
- 4:51Speaker 1: his hand in a boiling pot of water or put
- 4:53Speaker 1: a knife into a toaster. Are you really saying that
- 4:56Speaker 1: a smack on the back of the hand is off limits,
- 4:58Speaker 1: should be made illegal.
- 5:00Speaker 3: I don't understand why we have this fascination with hitting
- 5:03Speaker 3: when our children are in danger. If your child's running
- 5:05Speaker 3: towards the road, you don't hit them. You pick them
- 5:08Speaker 3: up and move them away from the road. Kids see
- 5:10Speaker 3: what we do. They follow it. If we keep hitting
- 5:13Speaker 3: our kids, they're going to keep on saying I was
- 5:15Speaker 3: hit as a child and I turned out fine.
- 5:16Speaker 4: And they're going to keep hitting their kids.
- 5:18Speaker 3: But we have better solutions, and the research shows that
- 5:20Speaker 3: those better solutions aren't just better in the moment, they're
- 5:23Speaker 3: better for the rest of our children's lives. They do
- 5:26Speaker 3: better at school, they do better in their relationships, they
- 5:28Speaker 3: do better when it comes to mental health, the absence
- 5:31Speaker 3: of mental illness. Across the board, children who are not
- 5:35Speaker 3: hit do better. They're less likely to end up in jail,
- 5:38Speaker 3: they're less likely to do alcohol and other drugs, they're more.
- 5:41Speaker 4: Likely to behave pro socially.
- 5:43Speaker 3: There just isn't the evidence to support it, and there's
- 5:47Speaker 3: warehouses full of evidence for other forms of parental discipline
- 5:51Speaker 3: where we teach and guide and instruct our children to
- 5:54Speaker 3: live in better ways.
- 5:56Speaker 1: Seriously, saying, a parent who gives a light slap on
- 6:00Speaker 1: the back of a hand to a child who's about
- 6:02Speaker 1: to do something dangerous, that parent should be investigated by
- 6:05Speaker 1: the police because smacking should be made illegal.
- 6:08Speaker 3: We're not suggesting here that we should remove children from
- 6:11Speaker 3: their parents or remove parents from their children. We're not
- 6:13Speaker 3: suggesting that parents should be put into jail because they've
- 6:16Speaker 3: given their child a slap. What we're suggesting is that
- 6:19Speaker 3: when we as a society say we don't accept this
- 6:22Speaker 3: behavior anymore, then we can offer support. We can offer intervention,
- 6:27Speaker 3: We can step in and say, hey, we can help
- 6:28Speaker 3: you to do things better because there are better ways.
- 6:32Speaker 1: You have six daughters yourself. Have you ever smacked any
- 6:35Speaker 1: of those?
- 6:36Speaker 4: I'm sorry to say that I have.
- 6:38Speaker 3: In fact, after one smacking episode, I quit my career
- 6:42Speaker 3: as a former radio announcer for one of Australia's biggest
- 6:45Speaker 3: radio stations. I went back to school and I studied
- 6:47Speaker 3: psychology for eight and a half years so that I
- 6:49Speaker 3: could learn how to be a better dad, because I
- 6:51Speaker 3: saw what it was doing to me, to my wife
- 6:54Speaker 3: and my family. That one decision has fundamentally changed my
- 6:58Speaker 3: life course and brought my family together.
- 7:00Speaker 4: We don't hit, We don't need to.
- 7:02Speaker 3: There are far better things to do, and it makes
- 7:05Speaker 3: families stronger, It makes our kids stronger, It makes our
- 7:08Speaker 3: society stronger when we don't use violence.
- 7:11Speaker 1: One of the real concerns here, though, I think as
- 7:15Speaker 1: a society, is are we heading down the path of
- 7:17Speaker 1: just raising kids wrapping them in cotton wool.
- 7:21Speaker 3: This is not namby pamby parenting. This is not cotton
- 7:24Speaker 3: wooling and molly coddling. We're raising an incredible generation who
- 7:27Speaker 3: are doing amazing things.
- 7:29Speaker 4: Are there some bad eggs? Yeah?
- 7:30Speaker 3: There are, But you know what, there's a whole lot
- 7:32Speaker 3: of boomers, and a whole lot of Gen x's, and
- 7:34Speaker 3: a whole lot of gen wires, and even a handful
- 7:35Speaker 3: of millennials that are kind of getting a whole lot
- 7:37Speaker 3: wrong as well. Over time, though, are we improving as
- 7:41Speaker 3: a whole? I think the answer has to be yes.
- 7:43Speaker 3: And this is one more step in that direction.
- 7:45Speaker 1: If smacking's out of the question and it is made illegal,
- 7:49Speaker 1: what do you say to parents to stop bad and
- 7:52Speaker 1: dangerous behavior or prevent bad and dangerous behavior.
- 7:56Speaker 3: What we're actually saying here is you don't have to
- 7:58Speaker 3: hit your kids to get really great result. It's on
- 8:01Speaker 3: ass to provide an environment with the kids where the
- 8:03Speaker 3: kids are going to do well. But yeah, I mean,
- 8:04Speaker 3: if they're drowning their sister in the pool, or if
- 8:06Speaker 3: they're running out in the road with their scooter and
- 8:09Speaker 3: doing silly things, then you go and you pick them
- 8:11Speaker 3: up and you move them. You switch the toaster off
- 8:13Speaker 3: and you put it away, You remove the knives, you
- 8:15Speaker 3: do the things that you need to do to provide
- 8:17Speaker 3: a safe environment, you just do it without violence.
- 8:20Speaker 1: Doctor Justin Coulson. It is certainly a controversial topic. We
- 8:23Speaker 1: really appreciate your time.
- 8:24Speaker 4: Good on your thanks, Chris.
- 8:26Speaker 2: Why, as you can imagine, this caused a significant stir
- 8:29Speaker 2: across the nation, across the nation and within our home
- 8:34Speaker 2: so on.
- 8:34Speaker 3: A current affair on their Facebook page, I think it've
- 8:37Speaker 3: got like one point eight million followers. Frighteningly, staggeringly, astoundingly,
- 8:42Speaker 3: the vast majority of them were up in arms about
- 8:45Speaker 3: what I had to say. I wasn't very popular, but
- 8:48Speaker 3: I got an email through a contact form on the
- 8:51Speaker 3: website that I want.
- 8:52Speaker 4: To read to you.
- 8:52Speaker 3: And just before I do, just a content warning. This
- 8:56Speaker 3: is an email that you might just want to skip
- 9:00Speaker 3: passed if you've got young kids listening. It's going to
- 9:02Speaker 3: take about sixty seconds to work through it. But I
- 9:05Speaker 3: really want to read it to you because at highlights,
- 9:07Speaker 3: just why this conversation matters so much. It's from somebody
- 9:10Speaker 3: whose name is John, and I'm going to read it
- 9:12Speaker 3: to you. It says, Hi, Justin, my son, aged twenty one,
- 9:17Speaker 3: passed away about seven weeks ago due to substance abuse.
- 9:21Speaker 3: I stopped hitting him when he was about six, but
- 9:25Speaker 3: by then the damage had been done. I didn't know
- 9:27Speaker 3: how to parent, was highly stressed and used negative reinforcement
- 9:32Speaker 3: in the form of smacking as it was all I knew.
- 9:35Speaker 3: Hunter was born at twenty eight weeks. It was touch
- 9:37Speaker 3: and go many times in the first few months of
- 9:41Speaker 3: his life.
- 9:41Speaker 4: This hard for me to read.
- 9:43Speaker 3: I thought when he started flourishing in high school, we
- 9:45Speaker 3: were passed the hard times. But as I said, the
- 9:47Speaker 3: damage had been done. In his mid teens he developed depression,
- 9:51Speaker 3: then it grew into bipolar, and then in his late
- 9:54Speaker 3: teens other mental health issues, which ultimately led to substance abuse,
- 9:58Speaker 3: and Hunter died on the nineteenth of Augus.
- 10:00Speaker 4: Hunter's risk of.
- 10:01Speaker 3: These mental illnesses was much higher due to his premature birth,
- 10:05Speaker 3: but if I hadn't smacked him so much and so
- 10:07Speaker 3: often in his first few years of life, he might
- 10:11Speaker 3: have just had one mental illness to deal with, rather
- 10:14Speaker 3: than all of them. It's a hard thing to live
- 10:17Speaker 3: with knowing that your action is more than fifteen years ago,
- 10:20Speaker 3: or probably a big part of the reason why your
- 10:21Speaker 3: son died. There's nothing I can do to get back
- 10:24Speaker 3: there and change my own behavior.
- 10:27Speaker 4: But it's a good thing that you're doing. Try to
- 10:29Speaker 4: change how we parent.
- 10:30Speaker 3: It just might save some other father from having to
- 10:32Speaker 3: bury their son or daughter. Now, I'm not going to
- 10:36Speaker 3: argue for a moment that's smacking is what led to
- 10:41Speaker 3: this good man's son's passing. It's impossible to draw a
- 10:46Speaker 3: straight line from a child being hit to all of
- 10:49Speaker 3: these issues and challenges. But we do have research that
- 10:54Speaker 3: says that the risks increase when they're smacking. I read
- 10:58Speaker 3: a note like that, and I think of all the
- 11:00Speaker 3: conversations that I've had with parents who smacked or kids
- 11:03Speaker 3: who were smacked, the interviews that I've done in the media,
- 11:07Speaker 3: the constant barrage of emails that I get from people
- 11:10Speaker 3: who want to get past this, and my heart just breaks.
- 11:16Speaker 3: It breaks because of the pain that so many people
- 11:19Speaker 3: feel because they're violent towards their kids. And I just
- 11:27Speaker 3: I got to keep doing it. I've got to keep
- 11:29Speaker 3: talking about it. I've got to keep arguing that this
- 11:32Speaker 3: is not in anyone's best interest for hitting kids to
- 11:36Speaker 3: be allowed, even if it's just a tap, because they're
- 11:40Speaker 3: doing something stupid.
- 11:42Speaker 2: Well, the reality is, while we see it is just
- 11:44Speaker 2: a tap, when you look at the physicality, the size,
- 11:51Speaker 2: the structure, the stature of you against your younger child.
- 11:58Speaker 2: Your definition of a tap could very much be what
- 12:02Speaker 2: they see as a slab or even more, and the
- 12:06Speaker 2: effects that that has and the way they see you.
- 12:09Speaker 2: It's devastating.
- 12:10Speaker 3: Back in two thousand and four, I wrote about an
- 12:13Speaker 3: article that was written an empirical article in a peer
- 12:17Speaker 3: reviewed journal by Terry Dobbs and Judith Duncan called Children's
- 12:20Speaker 3: Perspectives on Physical Discipline. They interviewed a whole lot of
- 12:24Speaker 3: kids and essentially they found that when kids get hit, they.
- 12:30Speaker 4: Feel like it hurts. They feel like it hurts.
- 12:33Speaker 3: That's completely at odds with adult assumptions on the use
- 12:36Speaker 3: of physical discipline, but these kids feel like it hurts.
- 12:40Speaker 3: Judith Duncan is a researcher at the Children's Issue Center
- 12:43Speaker 3: at the University of Otago in New Zealand. And it's
- 12:46Speaker 3: just a beautiful, a really really elegant little piece of research.
- 12:50Speaker 3: The feedback that I got from a bunch of people
- 12:53Speaker 3: was really positive, and I wanted to share that. But
- 12:55Speaker 3: I also got feedback like this from a guy called
- 12:57Speaker 3: Craig Willis, who said, justin I just watched current affair.
- 13:01Speaker 3: You are a complete I can't actually use the word
- 13:03Speaker 3: that he called me. Young people are absolute. I can't
- 13:06Speaker 3: use the word that he called them either. These days,
- 13:09Speaker 3: and you think it's fine. I cannot believe how many
- 13:11Speaker 3: children and younger adults swear at teachers who cannot punish
- 13:14Speaker 3: them anymore. He got a lot of typos in here.
- 13:17Speaker 3: They still and disobey law enforcement as there are no consequences.
- 13:20Speaker 3: Young people should be scared of doing unlawful and unsolvable things,
- 13:24Speaker 3: but without punishment, we are creating a horrible wood. It
- 13:27Speaker 3: should be world with no respect. I can't believe they
- 13:30Speaker 3: let you on a TV show with a can not
- 13:33Speaker 3: do wrong church type mentality. The world is going mad.
- 13:39Speaker 3: I happen to respond to Craig and say said, Craig,
- 13:41Speaker 3: you're a shining loight of goodness yourself, budd. It is
- 13:43Speaker 3: obviously not just kids that struggle with respect.
- 13:45Speaker 4: Check your mirror. But I don't know if I should
- 13:47Speaker 4: have said that or not.
- 13:48Speaker 3: But the overwhelming majority of people who responded to a
- 13:51Speaker 3: current Affair unfortunately had attitudes like that. And that's the
- 13:55Speaker 3: kind of feedback that actually motivates me to keep on going.
- 13:58Speaker 4: Because we have a lot of work to do.
- 14:01Speaker 2: This is a topic that I'm really uncomfortable talking about
- 14:06Speaker 2: because of the implications it's had in my own personal
- 14:11Speaker 2: life as a child.
- 14:12Speaker 3: We're all humans, like I know, some parents have actually
- 14:15Speaker 3: never hit their kids. We started off on the wrong foot,
- 14:19Speaker 3: and we struggled with it for a long time, and
- 14:22Speaker 3: we don't claim to be perfect and never have, but
- 14:24Speaker 3: my goodness, we are so much better than we ever
- 14:26Speaker 3: were because of these conversations.
- 14:30Speaker 2: I think the thing that really stands out to me is,
- 14:32Speaker 2: in spite of my shortcomings as a mum, at no
- 14:37Speaker 2: point would I ever be rallying for the right to
- 14:43Speaker 2: hurt my child. Every time I've placed myself in that position,
- 14:49Speaker 2: it has just left me so devastated to think that
- 14:53Speaker 2: this child that I am responsible for and have lovingly
- 14:57Speaker 2: brought into this world would be scared of me because
- 15:02Speaker 2: of my inability to check my own anger and find
- 15:06Speaker 2: more appropriate ways to lovingly guide them.
- 15:09Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I said it in the interview. I don't
- 15:12Speaker 3: think this made it into the final cut, but in
- 15:14Speaker 3: my interview with him something that must have been edited out.
- 15:17Speaker 4: I made the point no parent.
- 15:19Speaker 3: Ever goes and wacks their kids and walks away going. Sure,
- 15:21Speaker 3: nail that bes parent ever.
- 15:23Speaker 2: But not even that, like if I did that to
- 15:26Speaker 2: someone else's child, If I did that to someone else's child,
- 15:31Speaker 2: I would be arrested, like I literally we just had
- 15:34Speaker 2: a conversation about this about a man in his jocks
- 15:38Speaker 2: running out and.
- 15:39Speaker 4: That's right Matthew Vanderpolver cyclist, he got.
- 15:41Speaker 2: Charged, which just had this conversation. Yeah, yeah, and they
- 15:45Speaker 2: were those those kids were downright disrespectful and doing the
- 15:51Speaker 2: wrong thing.
- 15:51Speaker 3: But he's still not allowed to go and hit him.
- 15:53Speaker 3: And rightly so, absolutely rightly so.
- 15:55Speaker 2: But as a parent, if that was my child and
- 15:58Speaker 2: I chose to hit them.
- 16:00Speaker 4: Now it's okay, it's okay. Yeah, yeah. Now.
- 16:03Speaker 3: Now we are not sharing this because we want to
- 16:04Speaker 3: shame anyone. We're sharing this because we want to elevate
- 16:06Speaker 3: the conversation. We want to continue the conversation and help
- 16:09Speaker 3: parents recognize that there are better things to do. A
- 16:11Speaker 3: bunch of people have said, well, what are we supposed
- 16:12Speaker 3: to do instead? I've got this podcast. You're listening to it, like,
- 16:18Speaker 3: there's six hundred episodes of free material to tell you
- 16:21Speaker 3: what you can do instead of hitting your kids. Listen
- 16:23Speaker 3: to the podcast. Listen to a couple of them a day.
- 16:25Speaker 3: They're short, they're easy to hear, and there's so much
- 16:27Speaker 3: stuff there my blog. There are like four or five
- 16:30Speaker 3: six hundred articles on my blog.
- 16:32Speaker 4: They're free.
- 16:33Speaker 3: There's so much information there to help you to do
- 16:36Speaker 3: stuff other than hit your kids. We have the Happy
- 16:39Speaker 3: Families membership. It costs a little bit. It's eighteen bucks
- 16:42Speaker 3: a month or one hundred and eighty bucks a year.
- 16:43Speaker 3: But I'll tell you what would you pay one hundred
- 16:45Speaker 3: and eighty bucks a year to not hit your kids again?
- 16:48Speaker 4: This why do what I do?
- 16:49Speaker 3: I mean I literally do what I do because when
- 16:52Speaker 3: we had a three year old, I lost the plot
- 16:54Speaker 3: and I blew it and I knew that I had
- 16:56Speaker 3: to change. That's literally why I do and why we
- 16:59Speaker 3: do what we do. So a current affair came out
- 17:04Speaker 3: like an attack dog when at me. I don't know
- 17:07Speaker 3: what everyone else thought of the interview, but you've heard
- 17:10Speaker 3: it now and hopefully it's given you some food for thought.
- 17:14Speaker 3: There's been some big reactions from one extreme to the other,
- 17:17Speaker 3: and some of them are heartbreaking for heartbreaking reasons. And
- 17:21Speaker 3: some of them are heartbreaking because people just won't listen.
- 17:24Speaker 3: They won't be told, But that's the conversation, no matter how.
- 17:28Speaker 2: Many times we have this conversation, though, the only point
- 17:33Speaker 2: that the opposing side has is that I was smacked
- 17:36Speaker 2: as a kid and I turned out. Okay, that's the
- 17:39Speaker 2: number one argument for being allowed to smack our children.
- 17:44Speaker 3: But do you know how you would have turned out
- 17:45Speaker 3: if you weren't smacked?
- 17:46Speaker 2: When I talk to you know the multitudes of friendships
- 17:51Speaker 2: and relationships I've had over the years, the relationships they
- 17:55Speaker 2: have with their parents are different to the relationships that
- 17:59Speaker 2: I'm striving to build with my children, so.
- 18:01Speaker 3: Beautifully said, yeah, the research actually shows that as well.
- 18:05Speaker 3: The research actually shows that kids who are smacked have
- 18:08Speaker 3: a different quality of relationship with their parents than the
- 18:11Speaker 3: kids who weren't.
- 18:12Speaker 2: The way we choose to parent doesn't give us the
- 18:15Speaker 2: quick fix or the quick response that a good slap
- 18:19Speaker 2: around the years or you know, the backside or the
- 18:23Speaker 2: backside would give. But the relationship, trust and building that
- 18:31Speaker 2: is entrenched in our children, that's what's so important.
- 18:37Speaker 3: The research also shows that if you wack your kids,
- 18:41Speaker 3: seventy three percent of them will be back at some
- 18:43Speaker 3: sort of troublesome behavior within ten minutes. Fascinating research from
- 18:47Speaker 3: George Holden a few years ago where they went into
- 18:49Speaker 3: homes and recorded what was happening, so they didn't have
- 18:52Speaker 3: to sit there and watch, but they just set up
- 18:53Speaker 3: cameras and tape recorders or whatever and recorded the audio.
- 18:56Speaker 4: And they found that within.
- 18:58Speaker 3: Ten minutes the parents were like, I'm going to have
- 18:59Speaker 3: to you're again. In seventy three percent of cases, it
- 19:02Speaker 3: doesn't work. There are better options. They're all over the website,
- 19:04Speaker 3: they're all over our Facebook page, they're all over the podcast,
- 19:06Speaker 3: they're all over everything. They're free or become a Happy
- 19:09Speaker 3: Family's member and join us tonight for the autism webinar
- 19:12Speaker 3: as well. That should be great. Kylie, thanks for having
- 19:14Speaker 3: the conversation. I know that you don't like having this conversation.
- 19:17Speaker 3: I don't either, but we need to keep having it
- 19:19Speaker 3: because we need to get the message across. The Happy
- 19:22Speaker 3: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media.
- 19:24Speaker 3: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. For more information about
- 19:28Speaker 3: making your family happier, check out the blog Happy Families
- 19:31Speaker 3: dot com dot you, or our Facebook page Doctor Justin
- 19:34Speaker 3: Colson's Happy Families