Latest / The BEYOND Podcast / Grant Murrell: The Psychology of Reading People, Building Trust and Success

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Grant Murrell: The Psychology of Reading People, Building Trust and Success · The BEYOND Podcast

• 0:00
  When I met you, just the way that you
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  approached me, I felt like you've known
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  me my whole life. I don't know what you
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  were NLPing with me, but whatever it
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  was, it worked. And I thought, I want to
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  learn that.
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  It's not just about learning cool new
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  tricks. It's about becoming. My name is
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  Dr Grant Murrell. I'm a specialist in
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  hypnotherapy, neuro-linguistic programming,
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  human behaviour, body language. In
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  essence, I'm a cognitive coach. Every
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  time you grow, there's a challenge that
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  did not exist. If we want to be that
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  person– Up here, we have to be willing to
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  change something.
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  Some of our viewers are are really
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  competent, but they're just ever so
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  slightly underperforming. So you would
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  say to them, what?
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  Who do you want to become? What do you
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  really want to do? Because this life is
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  not a dress rehearsal. If there was no
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  money in the world, what would you be
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  doing?
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  How do you read people's body language
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  to know whether the conversation is
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  working or not? I think you said, it. if
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  your feet point towards the person, you're
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  open to the conversation.
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  We always look at what I jokingly call the central communication department: the face,
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  the head. But people fake them. You've often seen people go, I'm really– I'm interested. And they're really not. Okay. But we can see it's fake. But what's going to indicate a lot is the feet.
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  What's holding people back from earning
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  more money? We become what we think. You have to become
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  a different version of yourself to get there. Yeah, you're still you, but [unclear: "this different
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  way"].
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  Um I do have to make a confession. The
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  conversation Grant. Dr Grant. Very excited to have
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  you on. We've met before. We've met. We've worked before. And I know how
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  good you are. Thank you. I know you are terrific. So
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  I brought you on because you are an
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  absolute treat to have on this podcast.
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  It's all about mindset to be successful.
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  And you know how that's done.
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  Yes. Yeah, that's it. We know what's going on under the bonnet. What's under the hood, as they say in the US. Yeah.
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  Yeah. When I met you for the first time,
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  it was actually at a course. And um just–
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  you remember, yes. And just the way that
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  you approached me, the way that you asked
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  me questions, the way that you listened,
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  I felt like you've known me my whole life.
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  Yeah, I did. I don't know what you were
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  NLPing with me, but whatever it was,
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  it worked. And I thought, I want to learn that. You want to learn
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  that? I want to know. I want to know. So yeah,
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  I don't know.
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  Did you do that on purpose? No. And that's a key point. And this is– we've all heard the concept of the 10,000 hour rule.
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  What's that? What's that, for those that
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  haven't?
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  Once you've done something 10,000 hours, it's– see, the whole essence of this, it's not about something. Yes, you've got to learn it. But it's not just about learning cool new tricks. It's about becoming. We're not human doings, we're human beings. It's about being. It's when it goes– let's use the analogy of the James Bond movies. The first
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  James Bond movies, as you know, James
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  Bond used to wear a suit from Savile Row.
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  an. And the director said to– and I think
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  it was Sean Connery– there's that suit,
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  and they had three of them, I think. And
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  he said, I don't want you to take that
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  suit off. When you go and make a coffee,
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  you keep it on. When you're watching a
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  movie, you t when you go to the bathroom,
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  I want you to keep it on. He said,
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  because I want, when you walk on and say,
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  my name is Bond, James Bond,
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  I want it to look like that suit belongs
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  on you. Oh, I love that. I love it. You see what I mean?
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  So let's use that analogy. I love it. I guess when we
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  were teenagers, a lot of us went through
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  awkward sort of fashion changes and
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  looking for things. And sometimes we wore
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  some things that weren't exactly right
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  for us. And it showed, and we knew it. And
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  we looked awkward. Yeah. This is what I'm
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  talking about. But when you wear
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  something that fits you, like a hand in a
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  glove, and people go, oh,
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  wow, that's you. It it looks like it's
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  moulded to you. That's what I mean. So it's
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  not about something you do. It's about
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  something you become.
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  Something you become. So you've become
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  really good at reading people, at
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  understanding people, at speaking to
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  people, changing people for the better. I
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  suppose, and you are– you are using
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  your skills for for the greater good,
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  which is– we we're going to come to it, because
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  these skills are are some skills, aren't
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  they? Um I'm gonna I I've got a lot of
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  questions for you. So I'm going to try and–
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  yeah, and you know, there's a there's a
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  lot to learn, but I'm gonna I've
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  essentialised
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  them to things that I know people are
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  going to benefit from quickly, directly. So
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  I'm going to start going through them, but I
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  know that it will never be enough to to
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  get to them. There's never enough time. We're
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  going to try our best. Okay. So,
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  f starting. What's holding people back
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  from earning more money? What's holding
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  people back? Great question. What's
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  holding people back from earning more
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  money? It's two things. Really One, let's
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  be honest. Some people don't want it.
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  No. Some people don't. So here's the thing.
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  If you say to someone, hey, like, would you
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  like some more money? And you haven't got
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  to do anything for it. Most people would
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  either do it– yeah, I could do with a nicer
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  car, I could do with a nicer house, send
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  the kids to a nicer school– however most
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  people would do it if they haven't got to
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  do anything for it. Like if you said to
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  me, would you like a yacht? I'm like, yeah,
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  okay. But yachts aren't a big thing to me.
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  If you said, would you like an aeroplane?
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  Yes, I really, really want one. I I fly
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  and I love aviation. But yeah, if you're
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  going to give me a yacht and pay for
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  it, yeah, why not? But I wouldn't really go
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  out my way to get one. It's not a big
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  thing. So some people don't want it, or
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  they're comfortable where they are, and
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  there's nothing wrong with that. But
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  probably the answer that you're looking
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  for is
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  belief. I said earlier about that that
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  Savile Row suit looking like it's you in
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  in the James Bond movie. Looking like you
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  belong. It's not something you you do. It's
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  not something you put on. It's not a
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  performance. It's who you really are.
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  That's my point. It's about identity. If
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  people don't identify themselves with
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  that kind of person, that's it.
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  What do you mean? So if you think like, oh, I'm not a rich person, or I am a type of rich person,
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  then that's what you become.
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  you become. We become what we think, quite
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  simply. Be careful We say be careful what
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  you eat, because it gets inside you.
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  Absolutely. Be careful what you read,
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  because that gets inside there. Be careful
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  of who you keep company with, because that
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  gets inside there. Your i Your
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  environment is hugely, hugely important.
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  If you look into Japanese culture, the
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  environment– on w New Year's Eve, it's
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  difficult to get Japanese people to go
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  out. most of them. They're indoors. You
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  know what they're doing? They're
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  cleaning. They're cleaning
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  the house to get rid of things, to make
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  way to welcoming new opportunities.
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  Wow. You know, when you were saying all
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  that, I literally– I had goosebumps all
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  the way down my arms. It's so– it's just
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  so powerful.
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  Well, it is about opportunity. It's about
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  taking things seriously and putting
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  things that you need. So it's who you see
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  yourself as, and and okay how you get someone
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  to be, let's say, a six-figure performer. It's
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  fine. It's completely different to the
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  strategy you all use to get them to seven
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  figures, to eight figures, to nine figures.
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  You have to become a different version of
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  yourself to get there. Yeah, it's still
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  you. It's still you. It's got to be congruent,
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  but there's different ways. So an experience–
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  The expression I say is that every time we grow,
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  there is a challenge. So if you think of
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  this– y if anyone out there is has taken
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  on a new job, you take on a new job and a
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  new promotion, and it's a bit of a
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  struggle at first. Oh, I've got to get this
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  right. I've got to do it. And you do it. And,
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  you know, you're you're oh, God, this is
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  tough. And you're working hard. After six
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  months or a year, you're like, what was
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  the fuss about? It's easy. Then you get
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  that promotion or that new job or that
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  new career, and it's harder again. And
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  while you're growing into– that, You think
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  back at that job you did a year ago,
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  and you think, God, that was so easy. Because
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  you grow. Every time you grow, there's a
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  challenge that did not exist. It didn't
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  come onto your radar when you was there.
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  So every way you go– look at a
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  relationship, or an affair of the heart, where you
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  go into different stages of a relationship,
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  there's new challenges that didn't exist. Yeah?
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  Different depths of perception, of
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  understanding. And that's about us. So if
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  we want to be that person– Listen, up here. We
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  have to be willing to change something.
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  It doesn't mean give up your soul. so It
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  doesn't mean that. So It's far from that.
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  It's really, in fact, getting closer to the
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  real you. Okay. It's taking layers off.
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  So really, it's um is this where the term
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  small-minded comes from? It's a horrible
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  thing to say, but if you're small-minded,
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  if you're not thinking big enough, is is
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  that what you mean? Well, yeah. I I I
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  kind of look at it in reverse, Aleksandra.
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  It's like where people ask me, you know,
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  oh, what more new things do you things you need to
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  learn? In fact, quite often it's unlearning.
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  It's taking layers off so that
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  we get tr closer to the real you.
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  Okay?
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  And also the way you look at it, I'm like,
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  what's going on? You're looking at my
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  body language and you're analysing me. I
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  know what you're doing. Not consciously. That's the thing. You
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  pick up on this after a while. No, totally. You know
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  when you're in the presence of greatness.
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  So uh Okay. So, um yeah. 'cause You have a
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  lot of really successful people– um people
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  watching now, they're doing well in their
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  jobs. They're doing well in their careers.
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  they're You know, they're running
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  companies, whatever it might be. Even in
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  universities, some of our viewers are
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  younger.
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  um And they are competent, really
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  competent, but they're just ever so
• 10:04
  slightly underperforming. So you would
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  say to them, what?
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  Who do you want to become? What do you
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  want to do? What do you really want to do?
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  Because this life is not a dress
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  rehearsal. It's live. We're here. We're
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  here now doing this interview. This is
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  for keeps. This is it. This is live.
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  You mentioned university. I know perhaps
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  one of the most smartest men I've ever
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  met in my life. He has got PhDs coming
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  out of his ears from top universities.
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  And he asked me advice on how to grow his
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  business. He needs nothing. He needs nothing. He's
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  very intelligent. He's a very intelligent person. He
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  He knows lots about everything. He has a
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  great way of learning and understanding. And
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  quite often I'll sit with him and we're
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  we're we do quizzes together on certain
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  things. And he'll ask, and I'll say
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  sometimes I'll come up with an answer if it's
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  correct. Sometimes he will. But if he
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  gets an answer that I don't get, I'll say,
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  how did you arrive at that answer? Because
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  I want to see his operating
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  system, how you got to that. Okay, I'll
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  see how you unwrap that. But yet, when it
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  comes to his career, he said, can I ask
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  you how to do this? I said, yeah. If he
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  wanted, he could go way, way, way, way
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  higher than he does. But there's
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  something that keeps us where we are. And
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  I think that people know that they excel
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  at certain areas of their life and not at
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  others. Example: there'll be
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  ways where you– and not just you, but
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  anyone–
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  will forge ahead with their life. They're a real
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  go-getter. They do things quick. And
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  there will be areas, let's be honest,
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  where we may procrastinate. Just a little
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  bit, because we're not all the same
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  across the board in all things.
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  Yet, when we think of it– and that's okay,
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  to an extent, that's okay, because there's
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  going to be some very high performers who
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  are procrastinators. um Or you could say
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  contemplators. But it reaches a point
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  when that fear is taking over.
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  It was once said that if you get some of
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  the world's best architects in the world
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  and say, do a design, perhaps the not-great
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  ones will start working on it straight
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  away. You'll say, I want a house uh next
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  to a waterfall. And I heard this, and then
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  I said, mm-hmm, maybe the best ones will
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  muse around for a couple of weeks, not
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  doing anything. And maybe a couple of doodles.
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  And then they'll say, yeah, I
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  thought about this. I'm going to build your
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  house not next to a waterfall, but over a
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  waterfall.
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  And they'll they'll take time to think of
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  it. I can give a thousand analogies like
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  this. That's an exaggeration, not a
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  thousand, but a lot. But the point is, you
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  take the time you need, but we're all
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  good in certain areas, but we hold back
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  in other areas. So it really comes back
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  to: what do you really want? Because life
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  is not a dress rehearsal. What do you– if
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  you– and I ask people this question
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  sometimes. If you knew you could not fail,
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  if you knew you just could
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  not fail, what would you go for?
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  Hmm I love that. Okay. And it's
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  different. That's unpacking. It really unpacks people. And
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  like they're here, and I'm like, why don't you
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  just go there anyway? Okay. So are you
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  saying that procrastination is a form of
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  fear, underlying fear? Absolutely.
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  A lot of procrastination, and a lot of
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  these things that hold us back–
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  we're we're often frightened of getting
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  it wrong, being ridiculed, and that's
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  a normal thing. There's nothing wrong
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  with you if you get that. It's normal.
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  We all feel this, because it it's
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  survival. Yeah. Millions of years ago,
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  when we lived as cavemen, you know,
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  we had to fit in with our tribe. We had
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  to do that, because if we didn't, we got
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  pushed out. If we got pushed out, one of
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  our most one of our
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  fundamental purposes of life was not
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  fulfilled. We wouldn't get a mate. So it's
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  important to us to be accepted, to fit
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  in. Not uh Because it's survival. It's
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  not just ego, it's survival. Yeah. However,
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  these days it manifests quite often. We
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  look at it and it is– why do we get– li
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  when people want to speak on stage or
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  speak on a camera or something and they get
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  fearful, I sometimes push their buttons a
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  little bit and say,
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  oh, you're quite egotistical. And I say
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  it with with, you know, a little bit of
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  love and a joke, because we're frightened
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  of looking silly. And that means maybe
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  we're over-focusing on ourselves a
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  little bit. But if we're like– like here
• 14:46
  now, I'm really excited to be here, because
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  I want to share this with as many people as
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  I can. This is not about me. This is far
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  beyond. This is about legacy. It's just–
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  long after I'm gonna be gone, this is the
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  stuff I want to leave here. So I don't care
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  if
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  I stutter, mess up a word, say something
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  wrong, sneeze. I don't care. I just want to
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  get the information out there. The objective. You're very clear. The objective is
• 15:08
  bigger than you. Yes. Bigger than the ego. And then it allows you to step into fear. And it's got to be.
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  and And, you know, this reminds me. Years
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  ago I used to be in a band, and and yesterday
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  I spoke to uh uh one of my greatest
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  friends, and he wrote a song saying "faith
• 15:25
  in something bigger". And it is– is your
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  pur your
• 15:31
  sense of purpose will outlive you. It's
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  bigger than us. Your passion is a fire
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  starter to get you started. The passion
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  can burn out. Purpose burns. We've
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  all heard the uh the analogy of of
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  wood– uh, sorry, paper. Paper, wood and coal.
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  Paper ignites very quickly, but burns out
• 15:53
  pretty quickly. Wood takes a little bit
• 15:56
  longer and smoulders, and and it burns for
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  a while. Coal,
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  on the other hand, takes a long time to
• 16:03
  ignite. But when it does, not easy to put
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  out. It smoulders for an age. So perhaps
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  we need all these things. We need the
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  paper. This is how you make a fire, right?
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  You need paper. You need wood. You need
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  coal. So your passion, if you will, is
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  like the paper, is like the wood. Your
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  purpose is the coal that burns. There's something I'm going to challenge you on here.
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  I'm going to play devil's advocate right now. Yeah, go ahead. The tribe
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  thing– you know, the fact that you you do need–
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  you know you want the mate and you don't
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  want to get the cancellation and everything.
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  I also think there's benefit in being a
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  lone ranger. I do too. Stepping away from the
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  tribe, who can hold you back. This is– I love the fact that you've asked that.
• 16:46
  Because I quiz myself about that. Okay, let's let's unpack this one.
• 16:50
  Right. Yeah, I I'm Brilliant question.
• 16:52
  Because I watch documentaries. I've been
• 16:54
  studying success since I was 14
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  years of age, in various forms. And yep,
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  there's how to conform and do all these
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  things and fit in and
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  da, da, da, da. And
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  that will keep you alive. Yeah. But if you want to thrive, you might need to be an outlier. When you look at– I'm nuts about music. I'm nuts about music. And I'm nuts about instruments and stuff. I geek out and stuff. And let me tell you about– there's a certain guitar and a certain guitarist I won't mention. And he had this guitar. And you know, on the guitar, where the sound comes from is a thing called a pickup. Yeah. It takes the sound and it puts it through, it goes into the
• 17:33
  amplifier. Yeah. And they always said, this guy,
• 17:35
  he sound he just makes that guitar sound
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  different. Well, he had the guitar for
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  years and it worked very, very well.
• 17:41
  And like all things, they need servicing
• 17:45
  now and then. And and after in between
• 17:51
  tours, he gave the guitar to his guitar
• 17:56
  tech. So He said, can you service it? And he did. He
• 17:57
  took it all apart and cleaned it and made
• 17:57
  sure the soldering was in place. And when
• 17:58
  he gave it back, he said, oh, by the way, he
• 17:59
  said that guitar you had, it it it was it
• 17:59
  was made wrong from the beginning.
• 18:01
  One of the pickups was wired back to
• 18:03
  front and it didn't work. So I put it
• 18:05
  right. The guitarist played it. He said, it sounds
• 18:07
  awful. Can you please put the mistake
• 18:09
  back in? Hmm. It was that beautiful accident
• 18:13
  of being a little bit different that made
• 18:17
  that signature sound. Now, here's the
• 18:20
  thing. We're in the world of AI, which
• 18:23
  is around us all the time. And I was
• 18:26
  talking to one of my AI colleagues the
• 18:28
  other day. He was an expert in AI. And we
• 18:30
  said, in essence, what
• 18:31
  does the AI do? There's a
• 18:32
  thousand ways of explaining it. And he
• 18:34
  said– and I think a very fundamental
• 18:36
  thing we've heard many times before– he
• 18:38
  said, it's great at doing the heavy
• 18:40
  lifting for most things. Now, there's now
• 18:43
  an AI company out there. They're run by AIs.
• 18:48
  When it wants to learn something new, the
• 18:52
  AIs hire a human. Crazy. You want to
• 18:56
  learn how to do a podcast? Let's hire a
• 18:59
  human to show us podcasting. Tell us
• 19:01
  about how that works. And then they learn.
• 19:03
  And of course, AI is a learning machine.
• 19:05
  So it's easy to get information now
• 19:07
  anywhere. We don't need– so where do we
• 19:10
  stand out? It's about being a specialist.
• 19:14
  You've mu and This is your DNA. I can
• 19:17
  I could study you and and model you as
• 19:20
  much as possible and compete with you. I
• 19:23
  could I would always come second. There's
• 19:27
  only one person who can be you, and that's
• 19:29
  you. There's only one person who
• 19:31
  can be me, and that's me. But you can
• 19:33
  become versions thereof. Modelling is a
• 19:35
  great thing to do. You know, modelling
• 19:37
  is that technique. But So
• 19:40
  let's go back to the guitarist. Did he
• 19:42
  learn from other guitarists? Did he learn
• 19:44
  these techniques? Absolutely, yes. But at
• 19:47
  some point, he put a little bit of [unclear: special
• 19:49
  sauce?] in there, a little bit of his angel
• 19:51
  dust, a little bit of something from him
• 19:54
  that made it unique. And that's what we
• 19:56
  must do. So that's why congruence is so
• 19:59
  important. We must be ourselves.
• 20:01
  Yeah, lean into being yourself and not
• 20:04
  trying to copycat your way.
• 20:06
  But that takes that takes bravery. It
• 20:09
  takes conviction, to being able to unpack
• 20:11
  those layers, as I said, to to get deeper
• 20:14
  to the true you.
• 20:15
  Okay. So what then separates, you know, a
• 20:18
  top performer? Let's say you've got two
• 20:20
  people, same everything, same talent, but
• 20:23
  one is a better performer. What is it in
• 20:25
  their mind that makes them the better
• 20:28
  performer?
• 20:30
  I think as a performer, they may not be
• 20:32
  thinking of performing. That may be the
• 20:34
  one thing. They do perform without realising
• 20:37
  it. They're thinking of– it again, it's
• 20:39
  the purpose. They're thinking outside
• 20:41
  of themselves. They're thinking of the
• 20:43
  the objective, the other person, the
• 20:45
  listener, the audience, the clients,
• 20:47
  whatever, the family, whatever the other
• 20:50
  thing is. So they're they're coming
• 20:52
  secondary to it. So they're it's like a
• 20:54
  servant leader. Yeah. They're thinking– of
• 20:57
  thinking about that and I think this is
• 20:59
  the reason.
• 21:00
  And also experience, but it's the
• 21:02
  sense of purpose. They know what they're
• 21:05
  doing. They know why they're getting out
• 21:07
  of bed in the morning. They're not just
• 21:09
  getting out of bed and saying, let's see
• 21:10
  what happens. They're driven. They have a
• 21:12
  sense of purpose. They know why they want
• 21:14
  to serve. Okay. And that's what matters. It makes one person
• 21:16
  excel. It is when some people want it
• 21:19
  more. And that that doesn't mean an
• 21:21
  aggressive want. You know, some people
• 21:23
  just go get it and they're like they
• 21:25
  they'll murder anyone to get there. I th
• 21:28
  I don't mean that. It's a be it's
• 21:30
  selfless pursuit. Selfless pursuit.
• 21:34
  I had a I shouldn't say this on the pod
• 21:36
  pod podcast, but I'm going to say this. I.
• 21:39
  had I'm going to say it. I'm going to step into
• 21:42
  it. I had an ex-boyfriend um who was one
• 21:45
  of those m very ambitious people. Yeah. And he
• 21:47
  wanted to go to to a really ambitious um
• 21:50
  MBA school in in America. And um just,
• 21:54
  you know, there were certain things we
• 21:56
  were talking about– the approach to doing
• 21:57
  these things, and how do you get there, and
• 21:59
  what sort of exams are you writing, and da-da-da-da-da.
• 22:01
  -da-da-da-da-da. And we were sort of
• 22:03
  talking,
• 22:04
  and I I got the impression that he was
• 22:06
  trying to take a bit of a, you know, the
• 22:09
  easy way through to something that I didn't
• 22:12
  quite like. and I can't say exactly what
• 22:14
  it is, because of the person. Sure. But what
• 22:17
  he said to me, I will never forget. He
• 22:20
  said, you know, what you need to
• 22:23
  understand um is that some people will
• 22:25
  give their kidneys to do this, and to get
• 22:29
  this, and to achieve this. They would do
• 22:33
  that.
• 22:34
  And you're not that sort of person, but I
• 22:36
  am. And I was like– Yeah. Yeah. What's so
• 22:42
  burningly needing– Yeah. –to do. What do they
• 22:45
  absolutely must do no matter what. No matter what. Yeah.
• 22:49
  And this is– no matter what. This is something I talk
• 22:51
  about when I coach people. And I I I'll I
• 22:54
  'll give you a a tease of one question I'll
• 22:57
  ask them. is that You know, when we
• 22:59
  talk about commitment, when you say– if I
• 23:02
  said to you now– and
• 23:04
  people who who listen to me
• 23:06
  coach, this will be
• 23:07
  familiar– if I say to them now, uh hey, go
• 23:09
  on. I I have a theory. that No one does
• 23:10
  anything unless there's a sense of
• 23:12
  purpose to it. If I said to you, hey, go on,
• 23:14
  co run across the road and come back. You
• 23:16
  would say, wow, that's crazy. But if I said
• 23:19
  the secret of life, the elixir of life, is
• 23:21
  across the road, to come back with– Sprint.
• 23:23
  You sprint. You'll be
• 23:26
  gone. Sprint, then. Yeah. So you understand. So if I said to
• 23:29
  you, oh, you know, run across the road and
• 23:32
  run back, you go, okay. If I said
• 23:34
  run across the road and run back because
• 23:36
  your family's life depends on it– Okay. It's a
• 23:38
  different energy. Yeah. It is whatever it takes.
• 23:41
  You ever seen a dog when a doorbell
• 23:44
  rings? And it's just like, pfft it's gone.
• 23:46
  And like coffee cups will go everywhere. It will
• 23:48
  just go. That's what I mean. If we
• 23:51
  approached our life with WIT, whatever-it-takes
• 23:54
  energy, our results would be
• 23:57
  completely different. Can I challenge
• 24:00
  that again? Yeah, please do. I think what I'm trying
• 24:04
  to say in that is that whatever-it-takes
• 24:06
  energy, it's good. Whatever-it-takes
• 24:09
  energy. But in the whatever it takes come values.
• 24:12
  Values, ethics, morals. So whatever it
• 24:14
  takes– what do you mean by that? What do
• 24:17
  you mean by that? What are you prepared
• 24:20
  to sell? Are you really prepared to sell
• 24:22
  your kidney? And if you are, is it really,
• 24:25
  really worth it?
• 24:28
  To some people, yes. But I'm not
• 24:29
  advocating selling organs. I'm not
• 24:32
  advocating is that. You know what I mean. Yeah, I do.
• 24:34
  It's about values. You s You hit the key
• 24:37
  word there. It's about your value system.
• 24:39
  What are the values? So? uh And if you're
• 24:41
  doing something that you really want to do, what are the values? What do you want to do? And
• 24:44
  I always use this analogy. If there was no
• 24:46
  money in the world– we didn't need money,
• 24:49
  we didn't need it– what would you be
• 24:52
  doing?
• 24:56
  Now, what I'm doing is pretty much what I'd
• 24:58
  be doing if there was no money. I love
• 25:01
  this. It is my purpose in life. I've
• 25:04
  found my purpose. You know, and if there
• 25:06
  was no money, fine, great. This is what I
• 25:09
  do. And I think that's the thing. If
• 25:11
  people need to be doing it, you need–
• 25:13
  too many people do things because of this–
• 25:16
  this, I think, is a smart idea– as
• 25:19
  opposed to, this feels like the right
• 25:22
  thing. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess where
• 25:26
  I'm leaning to– with the I I'm going to knit
• 25:28
  through what I'm trying to say. Yeah, yeah. Is that,
• 25:30
  yes, c, your mission– when I met you, I
• 25:32
  could immediately see like your purpose
• 25:34
  in life. You've got it all written all
• 25:36
  over. It's all clear. You want to help
• 25:38
  people, and you do. You do help people, and
• 25:40
  it is what you're doing. And that's a
• 25:43
  very– it's pure. It's credible. It's
• 25:45
  genuine. It's a beautiful, positive thing.
• 25:47
  It's when money becomes the God that it
• 25:51
  can sometimes get– and in some ways it can
• 25:54
  be very, very positive. You're
• 25:56
  using it positively to help people. Absolutely. To
• 25:58
  build nations, to, you know, make people's
• 26:00
  lives better. You can do it, but it can
• 26:02
  also be corrupt and be used in the drug trade and
• 26:05
  fraud and things like that. And, you know,
• 26:07
  there's there's that kind of– that's where
• 26:09
  also the ethics, morals, values and things
• 26:11
  come in, where y if that's your God, if that's
• 26:13
  the objective, then how you get there– you
• 26:15
  know, with the c knocking over the coffee
• 26:18
  cup analogy with the dog– you can knock
• 26:20
  over a couple of things, but that's the
• 26:22
  objective, [unclear: "the sales being set"]. So it's
• 26:25
  kind of: with
• 26:26
  purpose should come some sort of
• 26:28
  connection to values, morals. It all connects. It's your sense of purpose, your values, you know, what it is, your code of how you live your life. I would do it, but
• 26:31
  I would do it
• 26:33
  this way.
• 26:41
  Yeah. Like when I was younger– [unclear: and this is vulnerability?]–
• 26:56
  I was extraordinarily ambitious, extraordinarily ambitious. I would say it's not my God any longer.
• 26:58
  I would do I I was a very, very, very good
• 27:00
  at, through sheer determination, making
• 27:04
  things work that shouldn't have worked. Interesting.
• 27:10
  Things were broken. I fixed them and they
• 27:12
  worked, they w but they'd normally break a
• 27:14
  little bit later, and you'd give yourself a
• 27:17
  lot of anguish along the way. What I
• 27:19
  would do now– I'm a little bit more
• 27:21
  peaceful. I was never aggressive, never,
• 27:24
  never, but I'm a lot more peaceful,
• 27:26
  whereby if things don't work– if I get a
• 27:29
  couple of barriers to things, I'll go,
• 27:32
  okay, fine, because I'm thinking, I'm
• 27:35
  guessing this isn't for me.
• 27:40
  But the difference is now– where I felt I
• 27:41
  needed to get things, I now think, I guess
• 27:48
  there's something better out there
• 27:49
  waiting for me and I'm not seeing it.
• 27:51
  Like, if you g keep getting the same
• 27:53
  problems in life showing up, it's because
• 27:56
  we're not listening. Yeah. Something's
• 27:59
  happening and you're like– okay, you didn't
• 28:01
  listen the first time, I'm going to give
• 28:02
  you the problem again. and t And then
• 28:04
  sooner or later you go, oh, now I get it.
• 28:06
  And thank God you're listening. It's
• 28:08
  because your destiny, your purpose, is
• 28:11
  here. And somehow we get distracted and go
• 28:14
  there, and there's something out there– and
• 28:17
  I'm going to say
• 28:18
  something– people would call it God, they
• 28:20
  will call it the universe, they will call
• 28:22
  it [unclear], they will call it whatever you
• 28:24
  wish to call that. And somehow, if we
• 28:26
  listen, if we tune in, it will take you
• 28:29
  back. Now, a couple of weeks ago, I had a
• 28:32
  a bad day, one of those days when things
• 28:35
  just aren't working. I was not in my flow,
• 28:39
  and doors [unclear: opened?]. It just wasn't
• 28:42
  working. And I have a I have a strategy,
• 28:45
  and I've had it for a long time: when I get days
• 28:47
  like that,
• 28:48
  if I get these things, I realise– apart
• 28:52
  from the things in my diary that I have
• 28:55
  to do that day, outside of that, I'll do
• 28:57
  nothing. Wow. I will take a day off. I'll watch
• 29:00
  YouTube, I'll go for a drive, I'll watch
• 29:03
  Netflix, I'll stay away from things,
• 29:05
  because anything I touch, it's like anything at all is just
• 29:08
  turning wrong that day. I can feel the
• 29:10
  energy. It's wrong. I haven't told you
• 29:16
  this, but
• 29:18
  last week I had completely the opposite,
• 29:20
  and I could feel the vibe. I In 48
• 29:22
  hours– this is what happened to me
• 29:26
  in 48 hours– I was asked to be
• 29:29
  on two podcasts, I was asked to star in a
• 29:32
  movie,
• 29:35
  I was asked to be an executive producer
• 29:38
  for a movie, which is an interesting one.
• 29:41
  Then 24 hours later, completely
• 29:44
  unrelated to this other thing, I was
• 29:46
  asked to be in another movie with some of
• 29:49
  the greatest people in my associated
• 29:52
  industries.
• 29:55
  But I knew it was a special time. I could
• 29:58
  feel the vibe. Now, when I get days like
• 30:00
  that, I don't stop. All those calls, all
• 30:04
  those those deals– I wanna I and I closed
• 30:07
  two directorships in companies in that
• 30:09
  time.
• 30:11
  So what are you saying? You get days like
• 30:12
  that, you go, go, go? Yeah. And if you feel the vibe– you don't feel the
• 30:14
  bad energy, you have to pull away? Exactly. So it's
• 30:16
  an energy thing?
• 30:17
  It's an energy thing. And when– not I d I
• 30:19
  rarely, rarely get any resistance with
• 30:21
  things I do, but when I picked up the
• 30:23
  phone and said, what about it? Yep, let's
• 30:25
  do it. Fine. Madness. Simple. And it is– that's the
• 30:27
  point. Ride the wave. Yeah. Now, here's the thing. A friend
• 30:30
  of mine who's a numerologist, who deals
• 30:32
  with your numbers, your date of birth, your
• 30:35
  numbers, messaged me out of the blue the
• 30:38
  next day. Hi, how are you? I said, pretty
• 30:40
  good, actually. They said, yeah, thought so. [unclear: "and
• 30:43
  the doctor was"] looking at your numbers.
• 30:46
  And they know me. They know me from a
• 30:48
  different– they know exactly like the
• 30:50
  pattern of my life, and when to work
• 30:52
  and when not to work. And they're like, yeah,
• 30:54
  put the brakes on. here. Or just sit this
• 30:56
  one out. Or like yeah, or then now go, go,
• 30:59
  go. You know, they know. And that's that
• 31:01
  's what I I can feel energetically. And when I
• 31:03
  look at people– you're right. I'm Like, I
• 31:05
  know people. Yeah. I'm fascinated by
• 31:08
  people. For Human beings are beautiful
• 31:10
  things. And when you look at them, you
• 31:12
  can see. You can see where people are. You can see
• 31:14
  where they need to go. You can see where
• 31:16
  they need
• 31:16
  to tread carefully. It's it's It's like
• 31:18
  the human sat-nav. You you know, the the
• 31:20
  the navigator in your car. You'll go
• 31:22
  along– oh, I'm going to go from here to
• 31:24
  there, from this city– and then suddenly
• 31:26
  there's a roadblock.
• 31:29
  It tells you where to go around these
• 31:31
  roadblocks so that you arrive at your
• 31:33
  destination on time, in great condition.
• 31:36
  I love this. Okay. And we're going to take
• 31:38
  that and we're going to use it now in a in a
• 31:40
  in a networking situation. Okay. Where the
• 31:42
  humans themselves are either open to
• 31:44
  accepting what you're saying to them, or
• 31:46
  they close off and they go roadblock.
• 31:48
  Because I remember when I met you at this
• 31:50
  course, there was this discussion about
• 31:52
  how do you read people's body language
• 31:54
  to know whether the conversation is
• 31:57
  working or not, or whatever. And one of the
• 31:59
  things– I think you said it– was the way
• 32:01
  that the feet are pointing. Yes, sir. So if your
• 32:03
  feet point towards the person, you're
• 32:05
  open to the conversation.
• 32:06
  But when they start doing this, it's like
• 32:09
  they're running away. Exactly. Yeah. And I used to
• 32:15
  teach professional networking for 16, 17 years. Teach us. Teach us professional
• 32:17
  networking.
• 32:19
  Yeah, professional networking. So when we go here, we always look at what I jokingly call the central communication department: the face, the head. And we look at facial expressions and things like this, and slight tension around our lips. And we look at these things because there's a lot of cues there, if you know how to read them. Okay. But people fake them. You've often seen people go, hmm, I'm really– hmm, I'm interested. And they're really not. Okay. But we can see it's fake. Yeah. But what's going to indicate a
• 32:39
  lot is the feet. Wow.
• 32:49
  So if you're talking to someone, and like the there's a
• 32:51
  door behind us here, right, and your feet
• 32:53
  are pointing towards the door, I'm
• 32:54
  guessing that you might want to get away
• 32:56
  from this conversation. Wow. Okay. It's like that. Mad. It's
• 32:58
  just so crazy that the feet will give it away like
• 33:02
  that. The feet will. uh And if you're
• 33:04
  networking with someone and there's a
• 33:06
  group of people– and networking is a great
• 33:08
  thing. So let's say you're walking into a
• 33:10
  room and you don't know anybody. And we've
• 33:13
  all had that. Oh, go and network. I've
• 33:14
  been thrown into some situations. And you
• 33:16
  have in your career, because you told me
• 33:18
  some astounding
• 33:19
  stories where you're thrown in and– go in
• 33:21
  and, I don't know, sort it out. You know,
• 33:23
  go and make it yours. And you walk into
• 33:25
  th this networking and you're not sure who's
• 33:28
  there. You've got the person kind of with
• 33:29
  the stars and stripes on them. Yeah, The
• 33:31
  person who's in charge. They've been
• 33:33
  given the authority. They're in charge.
• 33:35
  All right. They're in charge, but they may
• 33:38
  not be the influencer in the situation.
• 33:40
  So you'll see a gathering of people, and
• 33:43
  people will be talking and looking at a
• 33:45
  certain person. Now, out of protocol, they
• 33:48
  might be
• 33:49
  looking at one person. Oh, yes, yes, yes,
• 33:51
  yes. Looking at. But notice where the
• 33:54
  feet and where the hips are going. Oh, no. Come on. Yeah.
• 33:56
  So we're not So, you know, I used to be
• 33:58
  involved with investigation, intelligence
• 34:01
  work years ago, and stuff like this. Yes. So
• 34:04
  sometimes you have to investigate things.
• 34:06
  And there were rumours of, let's say– it
• 34:08
  could be company directors having an
• 34:10
  affair, which could have been contravening
• 34:13
  their contracts and stuff like
• 34:15
  this. Or it could be something. And you'd look,
• 34:17
  and you'd look at people, and like, okay, [unclear:
• 34:19
  "stem to"]. No way. You can see what's going on. No way. You're watching the body language. You're looking at the cues, and you see things like that. And then some of the guys go, yeah, and that's the thing. And they look for agreeance, for confirmation, from you. Why did they look at that person? You know, like, let's go. And then their feet, or the– you know, they'd be angled like that. So we're looking here, but my body's angled over to Aleksandra.
• 34:49
  It's like, why is that? Now, it could be out
• 34:51
  of genuine respect.
• 34:53
  Absolutely. Right. So it's a good thing.
• 34:55
  It's a good rapport thing. But it's a
• 34:57
  subconscious cue.
• 34:59
  The feet. I can't believe how important
• 35:02
  the feet are. And the hips don't lie. The hips don't lie. The hips
• 35:04
  don't lie. Oh, I'm really interested in you.
• 35:07
  But then the body really wants to
• 35:09
  get over here. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is
• 35:11
  getting really interesting. Oh, So what
• 35:14
  about– because it's something that I've
• 35:16
  heard a lot about recently. And it's
• 35:18
  that when you're talking to somebody, the
• 35:21
  one that is generally the most calm is
• 35:23
  the one that has the most power. Do you
• 35:25
  agree with this? Is it a thing? Do you
• 35:27
  look at it?
• 35:29
  I do. I do. I do tend to agree with that.
• 35:29
  I mean, there could be enthusiasm. You
• 35:30
  know, people are just enthusiastic about
• 35:30
  what they're doing, and that's
• 35:33
  great. But if you ask a deep,
• 35:36
  thoughtful question, they won't need to
• 35:38
  say too much. They don't need to prove
• 35:41
  too much. And I always look at this– The
• 35:44
  when I was first– when I used to, what was it? It
• 35:46
  was networking. When I used to go to l lots
• 35:49
  of networking, I used to take these
• 35:51
  folders. And I remember I was at one once.
• 35:54
  And there was one of the– I was a director
• 35:57
  of an organisation,
• 35:59
  but there was a director who had been
• 36:01
  there like from day one. Day one. And
• 36:03
  everybody had the workbook. And all the
• 36:07
  new people in the first year, the workbook
• 36:09
  was full up. and They were even
• 36:10
  writing on the cover. There was so much
• 36:12
  information. And one of these guys, who I
• 36:14
  know who had been there from day one, he
• 36:15
  had lost his book. And I said, oh, he's
• 36:17
  lost the book. And I found it. And I
• 36:19
  wondered what he's got in the book. Oh. And
• 36:22
  there's about four lines written in it.
• 36:24
  Because he knew the rest. You know, I've
• 36:28
  been to 17 of these
• 36:29
  conferences. I don't need it. And he wrote
• 36:31
  about four lines. That's all he took away
• 36:32
  from the whole conference, because that's
• 36:34
  all he needed. His cup was already full.
• 36:37
  He didn't say too much. He was pretty
• 36:40
  quiet. But everything was worth it, within
• 36:43
  him. And that tells me everything about
• 36:46
  it. It's when people are listening. And
• 36:48
  I used to get this. When I was 17
• 36:50
  years old, and when I was, you
• 36:53
  know, trying to figure out what I was
• 36:55
  doing, I was always in sales. I was in sales. So
• 36:57
  sorry. So I'd be long before we had video
• 36:59
  calls, I used to be the guy on the phone.
• 37:01
  Bringing people– oh, would you like an
• 37:03
  appointment here? And I always knew when I
• 37:07
  had a professional on the other end of
• 37:08
  the line. And you know how I knew? How? [unclear: "I didn't"– they
• 37:11
  didn't?] say anything. They loved it. Listened to my
• 37:13
  pitch, because they were interested. And
• 37:18
  sometimes there'd be a pause. and they'd s
• 37:20
  And I remember one guy said, Grant, thank
• 37:23
  you very much. I'm not looking for what
• 37:25
  you're offering. But I really like your
• 37:27
  pitch, and I really like your style.
• 37:29
  Can I give you my number? And if you're
• 37:31
  looking for it, give me a call. Because
• 37:32
  they weren't offended. They were attracted.
• 37:35
  They were listening for that talent. And
• 37:37
  they were not saying, ah blah, blah, blah,
• 37:39
  listen to me, I know this and I know that.
• 37:41
  They were looking. They had nothing to
• 37:44
  prove. But they were always looking at
• 37:46
  getting better. And th They knew
• 37:48
  everything. But they thought, ah, we could
• 37:50
  use this, bring it in [unclear: "a company"]. That was
• 37:53
  calm and they were listening. So, yeah,
• 37:55
  absolutely. So, y you know, I think
• 37:57
  confidence– and re when someone's
• 37:59
  making a deep decision, they often go quiet. Yeah.
• 38:02
  Because you're tuning out what you don't
• 38:04
  need. And This is a little bit like hypnosis.
• 38:06
  We'll say in hypnosis, you have to tune
• 38:08
  out what you don't need. So let's say I
• 38:11
  was doing therapy on you now. And
• 38:13
  suddenly, and just about to, a train goes
• 38:15
  hurtling past. And you say, ju ju just tune
• 38:18
  that out. You don't need that. Because
• 38:20
  that's symbolic of life. Whatever we're
• 38:22
  doing now– now, I bet if I said to you
• 38:24
  now, have you got anything going on in
• 38:26
  your life outside of this podcast? Yeah.
• 38:28
  How long have you got? There's a
• 38:29
  thousand things going on. But it's the
• 38:31
  art of tuning things out that you don't
• 38:34
  need at that moment, and tuning in to what
• 38:36
  you do need. And that's and that's the
• 38:39
  key aspect. It's sometimes hard for people, isn't it? I find that. And, well,
• 38:42
  insecure people will take on probably too
• 38:45
  many things that they shouldn't, which
• 38:47
  would wear away at them. And instead of
• 38:50
  using these things as information, and um
• 38:52
  like you're saying, to learn from
• 38:54
  something, to better yourself, you take it
• 38:57
  personally, badly, and it crushes you. And
• 38:59
  then you pivot away from it. And it's like–
• 39:02
  what do you because uh I I love this
• 39:04
  whole concept about life will teach you
• 39:06
  the lessons that you need to learn. You'll
• 39:09
  just ge keep getting served them. And
• 39:10
  then if you're advancing, like you were
• 39:12
  saying, from the hurdle, you take a step
• 39:13
  and you build up, then you're going to learn
• 39:15
  that little bit more, because you took that
• 39:17
  lesson and you've grown. But if you c
• 39:19
  allow yourself to be insecure and too
• 39:21
  afraid, you become blinded to that growth,
• 39:24
  and you're not– th you're You're blocking.
• 39:27
  You're always defending. And and and I was once
• 39:29
  asked in an interview– I think it was a
• 39:31
  magazine I think I was interviewed in–
• 39:33
  and they asked me, if you could rid the
• 39:35
  world of one thing, what would it be? Yeah. And
• 39:38
  I said, fear. Because ego is masked fear.
• 39:41
  It's a defence mechanism put up. That's
• 39:44
  why we're afraid of looking stupid. We're
• 39:47
  afraid of stammering or saying– it
• 39:49
  doesn't matter. I want to know what's
• 39:52
  inside of you. I don't care how you
• 39:54
  present it. But Yeah, there's certain
• 39:56
  techniques you can use, but it's it's
• 39:58
  fear. If you
• 39:59
  get rid of fear, people– most people are
• 40:02
  beautiful. Even the prickly people. once
• 40:06
  they have feel Prickly people. I love the way you put it. The prickly people. Even– we all know them, right? Yeah. Yeah.
• 40:09
  But even if you could–
• 40:11
  if you put away their fear, you will literally
• 40:14
  see their shoulders relax, and their their
• 40:17
  face will [unclear: soften?], and it's like, I'm safe.
• 40:20
  I'll only like prickly people if they're nice to animals. What's that? I'll only
• 40:24
  like them if they're nice to animals. If they're nice to animals. The animals are big to you,
• 40:27
  right? Yeah. And us
• 40:29
  British, we're normally animal
• 40:31
  lovers. Yes. That's why I love British people. They are animal lovers. They love horses, they love dogs. They treat them well. As
• 40:37
  I say, you unpack the prickly
• 40:38
  layers. it's, It's okay to be prickly as
• 40:39
  long as you do have that soft core, and
• 40:41
  the basics there are very– the good basics.
• 40:44
  It i It's normally that, yeah. Most most
• 40:46
  people– wi yeah and I think our biggest
• 40:48
  job, and our biggest target, is to
• 40:50
  make people– look, we're on this earth for
• 40:53
  X amount of time.
• 40:56
  We can go out and be difficult, or we can
• 40:58
  go out and help people. I love that. It's really
• 41:00
  a decision. It's true, actually. It's really a simple decision. Yeah, it
• 41:03
  is, actually. And do you want to go back and think, I did
• 41:05
  something good today, or I was a real pain
• 41:08
  today? Yeah. But if we go and do be good
• 41:11
  to people, it makes them feel safe. If
• 41:14
  people feel safe, they relax. If they
• 41:17
  relax, they open up. If they open up, you
• 41:20
  can get into the real person and find
• 41:22
  that absolute brilliance, that latent
• 41:26
  potential that I talk about, that's inside of them. And
• 41:28
  they can live a happier life. Okay. Let's
• 41:31
  go back to something you talked about:
• 41:34
  sales. um But we'll change it a little
• 41:36
  bit. So not make it like, oh, how are you
• 41:38
  good at sales? But let's more go to
• 41:40
  something more general, for people. So how
• 41:42
  can you be better at convincing someone
• 41:44
  of something? Something means a lot to you.
• 41:47
  You want to convince them. How? Cool. So
• 41:49
  something means a lot to me. And uh
• 41:51
  perfectly, it's exactly that. And this
• 41:53
  comes back to what I was saying about
• 41:56
  purpose. If you have a sense of purpose–
• 41:58
  if I n if I had something, and I knew it
• 42:00
  could change your life for what not I
• 42:02
  think is better, for something– if I got to
• 42:04
  know you, and I knew it's important to you,
• 42:07
  whether that be health, whether that be
• 42:09
  relationships of the heart, whether it be
• 42:11
  career, whether it be fulfilment,
• 42:13
  spirituality, whatever that thing is– if
• 42:16
  I had this thing, this elixir that gave it
• 42:18
  to you, it would be pretty selfish of me
• 42:20
  not to share that with you. I love
• 42:25
  that approach.
• 42:26
  You see where I'm going? And I would
• 42:27
  consider it my duty to share that. Whether
• 42:30
  you want to take it or not is entirely
• 42:32
  your decision. The choice is yours. But I
• 42:35
  should. And I did this last night at about
• 42:37
  midnight. A friend of mine came back to
• 42:39
  me, and I said, I'm glad you've come back. I had this
• 42:41
  wonderful opportunity come up and I
• 42:43
  really wanted to share it with you. What you
• 42:45
  do with it is up to you. Please do your own
• 42:46
  due diligence. But I'm going to take a very
• 42:49
  close look at this, and I wanted to share
• 42:50
  it with you. I've done my bit. Interesting. That's
• 42:56
  the way I see it. You know, so, right. So
• 42:59
  in the world of sales, if that's your
• 43:01
  question: you should never, ever, ever be
• 43:04
  selling anything that you don't 100%
• 43:06
  agree with. Yeah. And
• 43:08
  furthermore, you don't need to. Because
• 43:11
  in the world of sales– and and most of us
• 43:13
  out there are in the world of sales, one
• 43:16
  way or another, whether we're selling an
• 43:18
  idea or a concept to to to children that
• 43:20
  eating vegetables is better than eating
• 43:23
  fast food, whether we're a politician
• 43:26
  selling a methodology, a statement, a a a
• 43:28
  you know, a a maxim to somebody, or
• 43:30
  whether we're selling a car, or or
• 43:33
  whatever it is you sell in your business:
• 43:35
  web design, accountancy, consultancy,
• 43:37
  whatever it is you do– Yeah. Everything's sold.
• 43:40
  Look, thi this microphone has been sold.
• 43:42
  This sofa, these clothes we're wearing, the
• 43:45
  table. Everything has been sold. There's
• 43:48
  a world– nothing's given free. Everything's
• 43:50
  bought. So therefore, if you want to
• 43:52
  sell, there's a whole range of things you
• 43:55
  could sell.
• 43:56
  Please, please, please don't sell
• 43:57
  something you don't believe in. It will
• 43:59
  affect your sales. It will affect your
• 44:02
  soul. If you find something– and you can
• 44:05
  sell anything– if you find anything that
• 44:08
  you really, really resonate with, please
• 44:11
  sell that, because you'll be living your
• 44:14
  life more on purpose. Okay. I had someone in here talking about
• 44:18
  fraud. Fraud. Yeah, I saw it. Fraud. Yes. So [unclear: "release"] that episode.
• 44:22
  Fantastic. Fascinating. A
• 44:26
  comment came on from someone– you probably know
• 44:28
  who you are– saying, oh, well, I'm in fraud.
• 44:31
  It's it's no big deal. And I just– yeah. They're in
• 44:34
  fraud? Yeah, yeah. They've admitted to it. that
• 44:36
  They're in fraud. Anti-fraud? They work in fraud. They're actually
• 44:39
  committing fraud. They
• 44:41
  commit fraud? They literally commit fraud.
• 44:43
  And they're like, okay. Huge industry. Fraud, what's
• 44:46
  the problem? And I just– thought I sat on
• 44:48
  this comment for a few days, and it really
• 44:50
  bothered me. It really– it bothered me so
• 44:52
  much. I was like, do not reply. Do not do
• 44:54
  it. Don't,
• 44:56
  don't, don't. But I did. I did reply, because
• 44:58
  I couldn't help myself. And it was
• 45:00
  something along the lines of, you know, but
• 45:03
  your soul shouldn't be for sale. Yeah. And and
• 45:05
  you you you're taking down those layers
• 45:08
  and making it possible– Yeah. –it's easier to do that
• 45:10
  thing, because you're corrupting your soul,
• 45:13
  you know. I I I I'm with you. uh And I I
• 45:16
  actually do some advisory work on crime,
• 45:19
  actually. You do? Because I'm about community, the
• 45:22
  way we want to live in our life. Yeah, you're about positive togetherness. Yeah,
• 45:25
  I'm very,
• 45:26
  very big about that. And we talk about
• 45:27
  crime reduction and things like this, and
• 45:29
  it's a huge thing. But I look at the
• 45:31
  deep undercurrent, the underbelly of
• 45:34
  things. What's really going on at a socio-economic
• 45:36
  level? Why do– well, you can punish
• 45:39
  people for doing things, but I'd rather
• 45:42
  reward people for making better choices.
• 45:45
  And people who do– we are all victims of
• 45:47
  something. [unclear: "We are all a reason"] we do
• 45:50
  things, right? So it's because of our
• 45:53
  environment, okay? It comes back to our environment,
• 45:56
  our upbringing, our fear. Now, there are
• 45:58
  people who do things because they say, there's
• 46:00
  nothing else I can do. And I and I I help
• 46:02
  an ex-criminal who's got a wonderful
• 46:04
  charity, to and his whole ethos is
• 46:06
  basically: don't screw up your life like
• 46:09
  he did. Wow. And he he wants to bring me in to
• 46:11
  talk to people. They say Look, there are
• 46:13
  alternatives, okay? It may not feel like
• 46:16
  it. You may feel in a compromised position,
• 46:18
  but you can, if you really want it. And
• 46:20
  although people may say– and I– I'm who am
• 46:24
  I to tell someone
• 46:26
  they're wrong? Because when people say they
• 46:27
  have no values– yes, they do. They just
• 46:29
  have different values. We all have values. Yeah.
• 46:32
  But I would say to that person, again,
• 46:35
  look, you've got to– you've got your reasons for doing
• 46:39
  and thinking that's okay.
• 46:43
  I get that, because we're born
• 46:45
  in certain places, we come from certain
• 46:47
  environments, we have a certain
• 46:48
  experiences. I get that. But given the
• 46:51
  fact, again, we're only on this world, on
• 46:54
  this planet, for X amount of time, why don't
• 46:57
  we make this life truly remarkable? So
• 47:00
  if that's the case– and again, if you
• 47:03
  knew you couldn't fail at anything, what
• 47:07
  would you strive for? I doubt they'd be doing the fraud thing. Right? Would you be
• 47:12
  doing that? Because I
• 47:13
  don't think they're living their life at
• 47:14
  their highest purpose. No, they're definitely not. And the fact
• 47:17
  that they put their comments on shows
• 47:19
  that they there's it's bothering them.
• 47:21
  And that's not to blame them or ridicule them, not at all. I'm just saying, I
• 47:25
  think they're selling themselves a little
• 47:27
  bit short. You're being too kind. I'm very kind. You're very kind. I'm very open-minded.
• 47:30
  You actually are. You actually are. And this is because you have
• 47:33
  to control your emotions sometimes. Yeah. No, for sure. For sure.
• 47:37
  Let's talk about trust. Trust? Yeah. What develops trust the fastest,
• 47:43
  and what destroys trust the fastest?
• 47:46
  Let's talk about that.
• 47:48
  Congruency. Congruency. And we read this in body
• 47:50
  language. So you know I'm like again, I
• 47:52
  might say, oh, I'm really interested, and
• 47:54
  my feet are edging towards the door, and I've
• 47:56
  got to go like this. And you're like,
• 47:58
  well, I don't really get the vibe you are.
• 48:00
  Now, we people may not– unless they're
• 48:02
  trained in that, they may not consciously
• 48:04
  realise it, but they may feel that
• 48:06
  something's off. Yeah. So quite often people– I
• 48:09
  mean, I I often laugh. We look at
• 48:10
  photographs, and we see those false smiles.
• 48:13
  Oh, let's have a photo. You know, this kind
• 48:15
  of thing. We we get that very obvious analogy.
• 48:18
  It's incongruent. People will say things,
• 48:21
  or they'll say, how are you? Okay.
• 48:23
  Right. Okay. Yeah, they don't care. I haven't just told
• 48:25
  you– I say ma ma I'm having a really bad
• 48:27
  day, and I haven't told you. like I wanted
• 48:30
  to share that. So So it's incongruent.
• 48:32
  How are you? Okay. Well, you've just
• 48:34
  answered on my behalf. You know, it's
• 48:37
  incongruent. When people are con When
• 48:40
  people are congruent, people will buy
• 48:42
  things from people they don't necessarily
• 48:45
  need, because they can sense the congruency,
• 48:48
  uh and that
• 48:48
  the person's behind that product or service.
• 48:50
  Right? I love the way it's your– and
• 48:52
  Unknown: if you have a
• 48:54
  business, you'd better be the embodiment of
• 48:56
  what you're selling. You'd better be. Yeah. If
• 48:59
  you're just passing through, well, great,
• 49:01
  you know, have a happy journey, but you're
• 49:03
  not going to excel. But please, do
• 49:05
  yourself a favour and find your thing,
• 49:08
  your sense of purpose, and make this a truth.
• 49:10
  We spend a lot of time in our jobs, our
• 49:12
  careers, do it or in relationships. So
• 49:14
  be doing the one you really love being
• 49:18
  at, because it's a way better journey, and
• 49:20
  work never feels like work. It just feels
• 49:23
  like a great adventure. And if you're
• 49:26
  doing that, people feel that congruency.
• 49:28
  And fl let's flip the script on that. If
• 49:30
  you're being incongruent, people can feel
• 49:33
  it, and it breaks trust. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 49:35
  People can feel it. But, you know, there's
• 49:36
  things– um again, it was something that I
• 49:38
  was listening to the other day, where
• 49:40
  someone said that one of the most
• 49:41
  important decisions you'll ever make in
• 49:43
  your life is choosing your partner, the
• 49:45
  person that you spend the rest of your
• 49:46
  life with. It's one of the really
• 49:48
  important decisions. And, you know, f for
• 49:51
  me, I always thought when I was growing
• 49:53
  up that when it comes to my life partner,
• 49:56
  I will not compromise on anything. You
• 49:58
  know, I'm not going to, you know, talk
• 50:01
  myself into it. I'm not going to, if it's not
• 50:03
  right. I'm perfectly happy to be [unclear: on
• 50:05
  my own?]. And I would much rather that a
• 50:08
  million times than having the wrong
• 50:10
  partner. The wrong partner can kill– like, it
• 50:12
  can destroy your life. So it's like, if
• 50:15
  you're not in the right relationship, get out.
• 50:18
  And if you are, enjoy. But when you're
• 50:21
  making that decision, be congruent, is
• 50:23
  what you're saying. Congruency in
• 50:25
  everything.
• 50:27
  And c Absolutely. And you you've hit the
• 50:29
  down on one of the most fundamental things.
• 50:30
  When people say, oh, they can't find
• 50:32
  a life partner in life, I I jokingly
• 50:34
  say: you're not bad at relationships, you're
• 50:36
  just lousy at marketing, Right?
• 50:38
  because you haven't marketed. Because
• 50:41
  if you market yourself correctly,
• 50:43
  there's so many of the right people out
• 50:45
  there for you. Your biggest challenge
• 50:47
  then will be in saying to say no to
• 50:49
  people. And I I'm with you. If you want to
• 50:52
  have a great– I I I used to meet people
• 50:54
  and they'd say, oh, I'm looking for the perfect
• 50:55
  man, the perfect woman.
• 50:57
  And I'd say, oh, what are you looking for? And out
• 50:59
  comes that list, that like like the [unclear: shopping
• 51:01
  list?]. I'm like, are you these things? They're like,
• 51:03
  well, no, but they've got to have that. And I'm
• 51:06
  thinking there's something wrong with
• 51:08
  the exchange. The list doesn't work. Yeah. So if you want to attract– you
• 51:11
  want to attract a really successful person?
• 51:14
  Yeah, easiest way to do it: be successful
• 51:16
  yourself, so that it matches like a hand
• 51:19
  in a glove. If you want to have a great
• 51:22
  partner, the best gift you can give them
• 51:27
  is a great partner. Be be the change you
• 51:30
  want to see. Because you can. You can. And that's
• 51:35
  not hard work. That's actually very
• 51:37
  liberating. That's very empowering. Yeah. So well
• 51:39
  said. Yeah. Work on ourselves. When you work on the
• 51:42
  inner part, on the inner s part, the outer
• 51:44
  part becomes easy, because it fits. Yeah.
• 51:47
  There's no resistance. It's that energy
• 51:49
  thing. If you want a soulmate, be a soulmate.
• 51:51
  If you want true love, love. You've got it. It's
• 51:54
  not all about these selfish requirements
• 51:56
  of, this
• 51:57
  is my list, and I've got to, tell
• 51:59
  and then– I want someone to listen to me. Just give. I will listen to them. Yeah.
• 52:01
  Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, it's it's– I love it. And it makes them feel safe. And this comes back to networking. Because the greatest way to get someone to help you is to help them. So when I used to network, I used to sit there– and if I've got something really serious to think about, it's something about water and walking. Either walking and listening to a certain kind of music, which I do– probably involves a large cup of tea.
• 52:27
  Sorry, I'm English. So tea is
• 52:28
  really important to me. Or it's a long
• 52:30
  shower, or a bu long bath, when I really
• 52:32
  need to think something through. And I used to
• 52:35
  sit there and think, I've got this big
• 52:37
  networking meeting. Who's there? How can
• 52:39
  I help them? How can I be of value to
• 52:43
  them? Now, this is a bit of a karma thing.
• 52:46
  that When you put that out there, you
• 52:49
  help them. They actually may never be
• 52:52
  able to help you back directly. But if
• 52:56
  they help someone
• 52:57
  else, in it it it just tends to come back,
• 53:00
  sooner or later. Three weeks later, six
• 53:03
  months later, 16 years later, it
• 53:05
  will come back. And the more people you
• 53:08
  help– that's it. And I believe my purpose
• 53:12
  is to go out there and help as many
• 53:14
  people as possible to get what they want.
• 53:17
  Then the world's riches come to you. Okay. So what goes around does indeed come around. It
• 53:21
  really does. And it really does. But
• 53:24
  it may not come back from that
• 53:27
  individual, or it might do. So uh some of
• 53:29
  the greatest success I've had– I've
• 53:31
  gone to help this person, and they've not
• 53:34
  helped me, but they've been so impressed,
• 53:36
  they said, can I introduce you to someone?
• 53:38
  And that's the person, yeah. And and I
• 53:42
  think we should all look at life that way.
• 53:45
  So yeah, it it is. So again, and that's
• 53:47
  in the relationships: give the best of
• 53:50
  yourself to someone. And it will make
• 53:52
  someone feel safe to open up and give the
• 53:54
  best of themselves back to you.
• 53:57
  I do have to make a confession. A confession?
• 53:59
  Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Because you
• 54:01
  know the list. Um So when I met my my
• 54:04
  husband, I knew that that was the going to
• 54:06
  be the husband. I'd made up my mind. Yes.
• 54:09
  And then I I thought, but th I have to
• 54:11
  just check one thing. And it was really
• 54:13
  important to me. I hadn't spoken to this
• 54:16
  m person yet, ever in my life. So the
• 54:19
  first conversation we ever had was in a
• 54:22
  pub, waiting to get a drink, and I walked
• 54:26
  up to him.
• 54:27
  I said, hello, I'm Aleksandra. He goes,
• 54:29
  hello, Aleksandra. I said, do you want to
• 54:31
  have children one day? That's what you asked? I swear to you. I
• 54:35
  swear. I love it. But I just thought, you know what?
• 54:40
  I don't care. If he runs now, run along. But
• 54:44
  if he doesn't, I'm right. And he didn't.
• 54:48
  He was like, yeah, I do, actually. I was like, perfect. That's
• 54:51
  it. Perfect. I went home that evening and I
• 54:54
  said to my friends in Battersea, I've
• 54:56
  met my
• 54:57
  future husband. And my best friend just went,
• 55:00
  oh no. She probably– she's– she's not– She has. She
• 55:02
  knew how I am. Probably thinks she has. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're
• 55:05
  right. Sometimes. See, so that's that is
• 55:07
  your buying criteria. That's your
• 55:09
  criteria and values. It was really important. Yeah. Yeah. And that
• 55:11
  that is what's important to you. Because,
• 55:13
  you know, if that relationship is going to go to
• 55:15
  the end of the line, ultimately that's
• 55:18
  what you want. Absolutely. So if that's not going
• 55:20
  where you want it to, that's it. And [unclear:
• 55:23
  "somebody wants to describe"– somebody once described?] me uh as a as
• 55:25
  a fast-forward, backward thinker.
• 55:27
  Explain that. Yeah. What is that? And
• 55:30
  this is true. I know when people say, hey
• 55:32
  Grant, we've got an idea– and I'll sometimes
• 55:34
  sort of n appear like I'm zoned out. And
• 55:36
  they think, are you? I say, oh yeah, now I've g
• 55:37
  I've gone. I mean You give me an idea, and I
• 55:39
  think, where can that go to? It So if that's
• 55:42
  here– give me an idea– where can this
• 55:44
  actually go to, over here? If this could
• 55:47
  go where I want it to, all I've got to do
• 55:49
  is work backwards and reverse-engineer
• 55:51
  the process. Then I'm in. If it's not
• 55:54
  going to take me where I want to, I'm like,
• 55:57
  yeah, let me think if I can p
• 55:58
  introduce– I'm going to introduce somebody who may be
• 56:00
  interested in that, but it won't be me.
• 56:02
  So, and that's what you did. Yep. Great.
• 56:04
  but Yeah. You look fine. You sound [unclear: "under"],
• 56:07
  but ultimately, are you going to have
• 56:08
  children? Yeah. Yeah. If not, you're a great guy.
• 56:11
  Let's have a drink. Yeah. blah blah blah.
• 56:14
  But I hope I wish you success and I'll
• 56:15
  have love, but it's probably not going to be
• 56:18
  with me. So it's it's where it's going to
• 56:21
  ultimately go. I'm a very– I'm a very big
• 56:24
  thinker. I I look at big things. I I don
• 56:26
  't
• 56:27
  I I'm not a minutiae kind of guy. I'm
• 56:29
  really not. Um. There are people who have–
• 56:31
  found so I had a message from someone
• 56:34
  before I did this podcast, and they were a
• 56:36
  great minutiae thinker. They think t t t m
• 56:38
  amazing details on things. I do
• 56:40
  quite the opposite, and they're you need
• 56:43
  these people. You need these people. But
• 56:45
  that's what you did there. You you you uh
• 56:47
  chunked out, as you were. Yeah. I thought it was an easier
• 56:48
  way when it comes to relationship things, but I'm just
• 56:50
  wondering, for people listening– because we've heard a lot,
• 56:51
  and it's like,
• 56:57
  find your purpose. It's very difficult to
• 56:58
  find your purpose. You might not know
• 57:00
  what it is. And then you've got these
• 57:01
  layers. Yeah. So, uh and then you've got this
• 57:04
  thing where we just talked about, you know,
• 57:06
  you fast-forward to then work your way
• 57:08
  back. It's it's all quite confusing as
• 57:10
  well. So for people listening, what's
• 57:13
  the simplest way for them to help
• 57:15
  themselves like advance and get to that
• 57:17
  next level? Like, how do they do it? To help themselves to get what? What
• 57:20
  they want, and to know what that is. Okay. Yeah.
• 57:25
  Which is hard.
• 57:27
  To understand. And and I think it's a
• 57:28
  great question, because I love to
• 57:30
  make complicated things simple. Uh I
• 57:32
  think my father had this wonderful skill.
• 57:34
  He he he could listen to people, and they'd
• 57:37
  be talking about things way beyond his
• 57:39
  pay grade, you know, so to speak. And he'd
• 57:41
  listen and say very little. And he'd
• 57:43
  stand up and walk out, and between there
• 57:46
  and the door, he would say about a couple
• 57:48
  of sentences that nailed the whole thing.
• 57:50
  And you'd say, how would you know that?
• 57:53
  And I think if anything, I've inherited
• 57:55
  that kind of skill. with Being able to
• 57:57
  take the complicated and make it simple.
• 57:59
  So what all we're essentially doing
• 58:01
  here is trying to do that, that, and that.
• 58:04
  Is that right? Cool. So how would it– so
• 58:07
  in their life, where you are now: be a
• 58:12
  child. Because when we were children– and
• 58:16
  I I I I love music, right? I was watching
• 58:18
  a band in a pub a little while ago. And
• 58:21
  and for some reason, the the venue
• 58:23
  upstairs was closed, and the band was sort
• 58:25
  of stuffed under the
• 58:27
  staircase at the bottom. And some people
• 58:29
  had been upstairs– some adults came down,
• 58:31
  and they came down, walked in front of
• 58:33
  the stage and they crouched down and did
• 58:35
  that tiptoeing, apologetic walk.
• 58:37
  And I was kind of laughing. I thought, why?
• 58:39
  Because I can still see you. Right? And
• 58:42
  then suddenly the kids came down and
• 58:44
  just ran in front of the stage and went.
• 58:45
  And I just burst out laughing. They paid
• 58:48
  no attention. They just wanted to get out
• 58:51
  the door, and they were in their own world.
• 58:54
  They had no inhibitions. When we
• 58:57
  were children– when we were children, we wanted to do,
• 58:59
  we did. Children are so honest. You know
• 59:01
  that, right? Yeah. They don't like your clothes.
• 59:03
  I don't like those trousers. They'll
• 59:04
  tell you. Yeah. Oh, thank you very much.
• 59:06
  They'll just They'll just say it. We
• 59:08
  learn not to do that as we get older. We
• 59:13
  tune that out. We stop daring to dream.
• 59:17
  We become realistic. There's the problem.
• 59:21
  Some of the best entrepreneurs in the
• 59:25
  world– a a a and
• 59:27
  people who don't achieve come up with no
• 59:30
  excuses. They come up with some very,
• 59:33
  very logical reasons not to do things.
• 59:35
  Yeah. Mind-blowingly sensible.
• 59:40
  Some of the best entrepreneurs I've ever
• 59:41
  met– although there's some business smarts
• 59:43
  behind it–
• 59:46
  they come up with some ideas which are
• 59:49
  absolutely back-wrapped crazy. Yeah. But they
• 59:52
  still work, because people sometimes don't
• 59:55
  dare to dream. So what I call the
• 59:58
  freeway, or the motorway, analogy.
• 1:00:03
  We know there's not technically a fast
• 1:00:04
  lane on the motorway. Right? But when if
• 1:00:07
  you've got a little old car that's
• 1:00:09
  hardly working, you're on that inside
• 1:00:11
  lane. It will only ever get up to 50
• 1:00:14
  miles an hour if you make a lot of a lot
• 1:00:16
  of effort. The problem is, that's where
• 1:00:19
  all the debris goes. All the broken glass.
• 1:00:22
  All that stuff. And then they get the v
• 1:00:24
  the flat tyre. Then they break down. Then
• 1:00:26
  they're on the hard shoulder. Then they
• 1:00:28
  have to go and phone someone. In the
• 1:00:30
  meantime, they've got the car towed and clamped.
• 1:00:31
  All the bad
• 1:00:33
  luck goes there. Meanwhile, there's a
• 1:00:35
  person in a super sports car going down
• 1:00:37
  the outside lane who doesn't even see
• 1:00:39
  that.
• 1:00:42
  Wow. The difference is the lane you choose to be in. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, my God. And I know you're thinking, oh, I'm a single parent, and that's easy for you to say. I get that. I really, really, you know– I've had times in the past when I've been in that slow lane. And I know. Yeah. Everyone gets in the slow lane sometimes. Yeah. I know what that's like. Yeah.
• 1:00:58
  Yeah. Sure. And I've also been in the fast lane. I know what that's like. And I know how to operate throughout the lanes. And you can. It is a choice. Dare to dream. How can you do it?
• 1:01:12
  If only you make a micro goal. So I said
• 1:01:15
  to somebody yesterday– and I said, what did
• 1:01:18
  what did you learn from today? And they
• 1:01:20
  said, micro goals.
• 1:01:23
  So, okay. She made a goal, a great goal,
• 1:01:26
  and didn't achieve it. and I thought Fine.
• 1:01:29
  It was a big goal. And I said, I'd rather
• 1:01:31
  you take that big goal and chop it up
• 1:01:34
  into bite-sized chunks. And every time you
• 1:01:36
  hit one goal, you've moved the needle. Right?
• 1:01:39
  If you do it, I want you to celebrate.
• 1:01:42
  However you want. Whether that's a glass
• 1:01:44
  of wine, jumping up and down. However you
• 1:01:47
  choose to. Because that will give dopamine
• 1:01:50
  to the brain. Yeah. Which is an expectancy drug.
• 1:01:54
  It's a natural drug. It's healthy. It
• 1:01:56
  inspires you to then look for more things.
• 1:01:58
  Just like that. Now, I used to hate this
• 1:02:01
  stuff. I used to think– that's I'm English,
• 1:02:03
  right? We don't do that. That's absolute
• 1:02:06
  nonsense. Until I realised what was going
• 1:02:08
  on at a cognitive level. Now, that's
• 1:02:11
  important. I'd been missing a trick for
• 1:02:13
  years. Take a big goal. Chunk it down.
• 1:02:16
  Because you will never fail.
• 1:02:21
  Right? So if I say, I want to go to the gym
• 1:02:23
  and bench press 500 pounds– I
• 1:02:25
  ain't going to do that today. That's not
• 1:02:27
  going to work. But if I looked at that and
• 1:02:30
  made a plan to do that– I'm going to do that in stages– I could,
• 1:02:32
  in time, probably get to that, or as near
• 1:02:34
  as damn it. that it wouldn't i I wouldn't
• 1:02:36
  even care if I didn't. It would still be a
• 1:02:38
  really a close place. Yeah. And that way, you're
• 1:02:41
  always winning and succeeding. Now, there's
• 1:02:45
  nothing that breeds success like success.
• 1:02:48
  So give yourself success one chunk
• 1:02:51
  at a time. Nothing that breeds success
• 1:02:54
  like success. Yeah. So give yourself the
• 1:02:56
  success. Celebrate those. Mm-hmm. Right.
• 1:03:00
  So look at sports psychology. What do
• 1:03:02
  they do? They pick them up against a team
• 1:03:04
  where they can beat them. Not by a mile,
• 1:03:06
  but they have to push a little bit. They
• 1:03:08
  you know, they'd burn the muscles a
• 1:03:10
  little bit. It's a bit of a challenge,
• 1:03:12
  but they beat it. And I'm like, yeah,
• 1:03:14
  I felt some sense of achievement there.
• 1:03:16
  I done t I've achieved something today that I
• 1:03:18
  couldn't do yesterday. That spurs the
• 1:03:21
  them on to then go to the next level, and
• 1:03:22
  the next level. And each time we grow,
• 1:03:24
  there's a challenge, which we said at the
• 1:03:27
  beginning. And once you overcome that,
• 1:03:29
  you feel fulfilment. Yeah. And it inspires you to do more. You've
• 1:03:31
  got to want to do the work. That's why you've got to
• 1:03:34
  have the right purpose, because it's the
• 1:03:36
  little steps– That's it. –that can get quite– seriously,
• 1:03:38
  do I have to– That's it. Yeah, they're quite tedious.
• 1:03:40
  I mean, even chess. you know, I'm trying
• 1:03:43
  to get better at chess. I used to be really
• 1:03:45
  good at chess in university. And then– I
• 1:03:47
  am not as good at chess as as I thought I
• 1:03:49
  was, actually, because playing against
• 1:03:51
  the computers. And I've gone down a couple
• 1:03:53
  of levels. I'm not going to say where I am. But
• 1:03:55
  uh but But I played the master bot, and it
• 1:03:58
  just thrashed me. It destroyed me. And the
• 1:04:01
  the feeling you get from that is awful.
• 1:04:04
  But then you have to go back, and you try
• 1:04:06
  and get the ones where you only just beat
• 1:04:08
  them. It's what you're saying. Give
• 1:04:10
  me some dopamine. show, me
• 1:04:11
  Show me something. And then the steps. of
• 1:04:13
  Do the exercises, right? to do To learn
• 1:04:15
  these moves. Remember those moves? Oh
• 1:04:17
  yeah, I remembered that. And then you slowly
• 1:04:18
  get better, but then you're motivated
• 1:04:21
  to do that. And then you can go up the
• 1:04:22
  levels. But it's work. It's basically
• 1:04:24
  work. It's w So you said the master bot
• 1:04:26
  thrashed you. Yeah. Can you not tune that bot
• 1:04:28
  down? You you can. But it's the pride. So
• 1:04:28
  I was like, oh no. Are you saying that
• 1:04:29
  I'm not a master? Okay, I'm not a master.
• 1:04:31
  Fine. So you have to go drop the
• 1:04:34
  levels down. So go down. Then it's like
• 1:04:37
  you know advanced, intermediate, intermediate
• 1:04:41
  two, intermediate one. Intermediate.
• 1:04:45
  So you're you're you you could get there.
• 1:04:48
  Yeah. In my opinion, I would say some
• 1:04:51
  people want to learn certain ways. And I
• 1:04:53
  say, to people, how do you want it? How do
• 1:04:55
  you want it? Do you Do you want it– like,
• 1:04:57
  do you want it really hard between the
• 1:04:59
  eyes? this is That was rubbish. That was
• 1:05:01
  rubbish. Do this. Do that. That's mentoring.
• 1:05:04
  And mentoring isn't for everybody. It's
• 1:05:06
  a little bit in your face. And mentoring
• 1:05:08
  can only be given to someone who's
• 1:05:10
  actually been there before and done it.
• 1:05:12
  Coaching brings it out of you. Okay. It
• 1:05:15
  finds it inside you, and leads to breadcrumbs,
• 1:05:17
  and leads to the treasure. And you'll
• 1:05:19
  discover
• 1:05:21
  it, because most people, whatever you tell
• 1:05:23
  them, they reject.
• 1:05:25
  Why?
• 1:05:26
  Ego, fear, they want to do all these things.
• 1:05:28
  But if you allow people to find
• 1:05:30
  something and discover it themselves–
• 1:05:33
  make them the hero of their own journey–
• 1:05:35
  they will embrace it forever.
• 1:05:39
  Hmm. My husband has someone at work, and
• 1:05:41
  he always says that this with this
• 1:05:43
  particular person, he always has to
• 1:05:45
  present things to them in a way that they
• 1:05:47
  can then take it as their idea. Right. It only
• 1:05:50
  then gets incorporated. God forbid it's–
• 1:05:53
  Yeah, because I've got to buy into it. It's
• 1:05:55
  got to be there. It's their idea. And it it's
• 1:05:57
  the often the art of getting other people
• 1:05:59
  to agree to the things that you want them to,
• 1:06:01
  um and la allowing them to think it's
• 1:06:03
  their idea. And it can't be– because if it's
• 1:06:05
  hitting their criterion value, then
• 1:06:07
  they will want to do
• 1:06:09
  it. Mm-hmm. Wow. Okay. Gosh, my cup is filled.
• 1:06:13
  Well, yeah, it's um there's a lot of work
• 1:06:16
  that we need to do on ourselves, is what I'm
• 1:06:18
  realising. The more I speak to you, the
• 1:06:21
  more I learn from you, the more I realise
• 1:06:24
  how much I'm not doing, how much more
• 1:06:26
  than i I need to think about things and
• 1:06:29
  practise and s stretch that brain, and
• 1:06:32
  also to step into all of the the fears,
• 1:06:34
  and into the– p we all have those procrastinations.
• 1:06:37
  I've got a
• 1:06:39
  list of procrastinations. And when you
• 1:06:40
  were speaking about this, I was like, oh
• 1:06:42
  dear. So yes, but but it just shows you,
• 1:06:46
  you know, there is work to be done. There is. There
• 1:06:50
  is work to be done. It's good work. And
• 1:06:54
  there is for everybody. But, you know, don't
• 1:06:56
  look at this as a a huge list. Make it
• 1:06:58
  a fascinating journey. Because, I I
• 1:07:04
  you you know, we must we watch these
• 1:07:06
  movies, don't we? We watch movies of the
• 1:07:08
  Terminator and things like this, of these
• 1:07:10
  ultimate humans.
• 1:07:14
  Well Why don't you make that you?
• 1:07:17
  Why don't you live life with the least
• 1:07:19
  resistance
• 1:07:21
  and the best outcome you can possibly get? Gosh.
• 1:07:22
  How good, how fulfilling your life would
• 1:07:22
  be if this– because I want to get to the
• 1:07:23
  point that when you finally leave this
• 1:07:28
  earth, I want to say, yeah, I want to go. I've
• 1:07:33
  I've done enough.
• 1:07:37
  I'm ready to go to the next adventure.
• 1:07:41
  And I think most people do that when they're
• 1:07:43
  really, really fulfilled. So why don't
• 1:07:46
  you let your cup overflow? Why don't you
• 1:07:49
  li let your your life be truly remarkable?
• 1:07:52
  And you can. So don't see this as hard
• 1:07:55
  work. See this as a beautiful journey. I
• 1:07:57
  once met a lady– I think it was– yeah, it
• 1:08:01
  was a friend of mine who was an airline
• 1:08:03
  uh flight attendant uh in Japan. And And
• 1:08:06
  she said her mother um taught the
• 1:08:10
  Japanese tea
• 1:08:11
  ceremony. I said, oh, great. well It's a course? How
• 1:08:13
  long does the course take? Yeah. And she looked
• 1:08:16
  at me like I was crazy. She said, what do
• 1:08:17
  you mean? I said, how how long? Is it like
• 1:08:20
  a week or two? She said,
• 1:08:23
  your whole life.
• 1:08:25
  I said, there's different levels of
• 1:08:27
  understanding. So I suppose it would be like,
• 1:08:30
  say, martial arts. Oh, yeah? When have I
• 1:08:32
  learned it? What do you mean? You s It's
• 1:08:35
  a study for your whole life. You're
• 1:08:37
  studying yourself
• 1:08:41
  in a beautiful way. And I I once I I did
• 1:08:43
  hypnotherapy, actually, for a a female bodybuilder.
• 1:08:46
  And I said to her,
• 1:08:48
  what you've done is truly remarkable. You've
• 1:08:51
  changed the shape of your body. You
• 1:08:53
  know how hard that is? That? tha tha tha
• 1:08:56
  That's truly remarkable. That's truly
• 1:08:58
  remarkable. I see it But I'm I'm curious
• 1:09:01
  to wonder
• 1:09:03
  just how unstoppable you'd be if you
• 1:09:06
  developed your mind in the same way.
• 1:09:10
  And it blew her apart. She's like, yeah.
• 1:09:11
  Because you would be like the whole
• 1:09:13
  360-degree process.
• 1:09:16
  You would be like an android, you know,
• 1:09:18
  if you'd done that. But it would
• 1:09:21
  be you. And that's the beautiful
• 1:09:23
  thing. There'd be only one of you.
• 1:09:26
  And you could live your life at optimum
• 1:09:27
  performance. Now, we we take our car, don't
• 1:09:30
  we, to a service, so that it it it
• 1:09:33
  travels further. with It burns less fuel,
• 1:09:36
  less energy. Its longevity is better. And
• 1:09:40
  it's a smoother journey. We do that. But
• 1:09:45
  we don't do it with ourselves. We don't. That's
• 1:09:50
  crazy. And not everyone has someone to talk to, either. Right. That's important. It is, because
• 1:09:56
  people need connection. So if you look at
• 1:09:58
  Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we need
• 1:10:00
  connection. Human beings need connection.
• 1:10:02
  Yeah. It's a human factor.
• 1:10:06
  We need to talk things through with
• 1:10:08
  someone. Yeah. And bounce ideas off. I love
• 1:10:12
  what I d I just I'm going to think about it.
• 1:10:16
  I'm going to think about it all day. And I'm
• 1:10:18
  going to take it with me, to live the life of
• 1:10:21
  least resistance. That's it. Just be unashamedly
• 1:10:24
  yourself and and fly. It's like a paraglider.
• 1:10:28
  It's like, whoo. That's it. And just soar through the
• 1:10:32
  skies, and just go. And you really can. You really can. And so can everyone watching.
• 1:10:36
  Everyone can, if you make the decision to
• 1:10:38
  do it. If they work on themselves. And that's what I love to help
• 1:10:41
  people do. And cha and I b m two days ago,
• 1:10:43
  I had a client who wrote and said exactly
• 1:10:45
  this. They they they freed themselves from
• 1:10:48
  something. I think they were stuck. in
• 1:10:50
  And the thing they were stuck in was
• 1:10:53
  not a bad thing. It was like the top of
• 1:10:55
  their game, for most people. But they were trapped. Yeah. And
• 1:10:58
  they wanted to come out and do something
• 1:11:00
  different. And she said, do you remember I
• 1:11:02
  remember every step of the journey we've
• 1:11:05
  been through. And she's
• 1:11:06
  liberated now. She's free.
• 1:11:09
  Grant, it's been mind-blowing. Thank you
• 1:11:13
  so much for coming on.