Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How Narcissists Chase You First Then You End Up Chasing Them

Transcript

How Narcissists Chase You First Then You End Up Chasing Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So the relationship with a narcissist switches, you know
• 0:04
  that right? A lot of times in the beginning
• 0:07
  they are chasing you, but in the end you end up chasing them.
• 0:12
  That's what we're talking about today y'all.
• 0:14
  The ever changing dynamic of a relationship with a narcissistic
• 0:18
  person. The chase.
• 0:20
  How they go from being the chaser to the chasey.
• 0:23
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:25
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:27
  The Narcissist Code. Boom, y'all welcome back,
• 0:47
  welcome back, welcome back the narcissist.
• 0:50
  The narcissist, yes, you end up chasing them.
• 0:55
  And I know a lot of people are going to understand exactly what
• 0:59
  I'm saying. I know a lot of people are going
• 1:01
  to feel exactly what I'm saying. You're going to get it.
• 1:04
  You're going to get it off the RIP.
• 1:05
  You're like, well, Lee, you hit the nail on the head and the
• 1:08
  hammer on the bed, whatever. Like that is so true because at
• 1:14
  the beginning of relationship with a narcissist, with most
• 1:16
  narcissistic people, right? They chase you.
• 1:20
  They're chasing you. They're love bombing you.
• 1:25
  You're here. It's called a love bomb, not a
• 1:27
  love pop, right? They're trying to love bomb you.
• 1:31
  They're chasing you. They're pursuing you.
• 1:33
  Sometimes for years, right? Sometimes they are pursuing you
• 1:39
  for a very, very long time. Sometimes it's not that long.
• 1:42
  Sometimes it's a very, very long time where this pursuit is going
• 1:46
  on, where they're chasing after you, they're trying to make it
• 1:49
  look they're, they're chasing after you.
• 1:51
  They're making it seem like they can't live without you.
• 1:53
  They're doing all this stuff for you.
• 1:55
  They're going back and forth with you, whatever, whatever,
• 1:57
  whatever, right? But then at the end of the day,
• 2:00
  you end up chasing after them after a little while because
• 2:04
  they love bombing, y'all. And during the love bombing
• 2:06
  phase, you're going to feel infatuated.
• 2:09
  You're going to be head over heels in love with this person.
• 2:12
  You black. Oh my goodness.
• 2:14
  I have never met anybody else like this.
• 2:16
  This is the person of my dreams. I've never loved anybody like
• 2:21
  this before. This feels amazing.
• 2:24
  I've never felt this way before. It's not a robot on it.
• 2:28
  I've never felt this way before. So when you're feeling this way,
• 2:32
  when you're trying to achieve this happiness, when you, when
• 2:34
  you're just feeling amazing, they're chasing you, they're
• 2:38
  giving you this, they're just heating you.
• 2:39
  Look, they, it's damn near love. The love bombing might as well
• 2:42
  be called a dopamine bomb because they're bombing you with
• 2:45
  dopamine. They're making you the feel good
• 2:47
  hormones. They're making you feel good.
• 2:49
  When they come around you, you feel good.
• 2:51
  When they leave, you feel good. You're like, Oh my goodness.
• 2:54
  The butterflies are in my stomach, in my butt, in my
• 2:56
  heart, in my head. The butterflies are in my in my
• 2:59
  nethers, in my nether regions. The butterflies are in my
• 3:02
  nethers 'cause butterflies are in my nethers.
• 3:07
  I can't believe I said that, but that's what goes on.
• 3:10
  You're going to be feeling good. You're going to be feeling like
• 3:12
  this is the, the, the best case scenario, which you right here
• 3:16
  like they really, it really is. You're going to feel great.
• 3:20
  You're going to feel amazing. They want you to feel that way,
• 3:23
  but then Dun, Dun, Dun, they start to take it away once the
• 3:28
  love bombing phase ends. And then you go into the what I
• 3:32
  call the fracturing phase, but it goes love bombing,
• 3:37
  fracturing, devaluation. But once you hit the devaluation
• 3:42
  phase, right, once you hit that phase, that's when you start to
• 3:45
  really see this person who they are like that's when the love
• 3:48
  care affection damn near it. It can, it can slowly get taken
• 3:52
  away or it can be taken taken away with some expediency.
• 3:57
  It could be taken away like that.
• 3:59
  Sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's not.
• 4:02
  But when it, when it's slow, you feel it, you understand it, you
• 4:06
  see it, you see it going on. You're like, man, damn, this is
• 4:08
  kind of crazy. I, I, I want to feel good.
• 4:10
  I want this person to make me feel good.
• 4:12
  I want, I want this person to make me feel great, right?
• 4:15
  So when you're dealing with this person, you understand it, you
• 4:17
  get it. So when they start taking it
• 4:18
  away, you feel that too. When they start taking the love
• 4:23
  away, you feel that as well, right?
• 4:26
  When they start withdrawing the love, you absolutely are going
• 4:29
  to feel that part of it too, because you, you get it.
• 4:33
  When they start taking it away, you be like, well, damn, what's
• 4:36
  going on? You're going to start, you're
• 4:37
  going to start questioning yourself.
• 4:38
  You're like, damn, but what's going on?
• 4:39
  What have I done wrong? What can I, can I do anything
• 4:42
  differently? What can I do to get the love
• 4:44
  back right? What can I do to make them love
• 4:46
  me again like they used to? What can I do in this situation
• 4:49
  right here? How can I go about doing this?
• 4:50
  How can I go about achieving this victory?
• 4:53
  Whatever victory looks like for you, you're going to wonder and
• 4:55
  ask yourself, how can you, how can you go about achieving that?
• 4:58
  Like how can you get the love back that was taken away, the
• 5:01
  love that you felt like was once yours?
• 5:03
  How can you go back? How can you go about getting
• 5:05
  that back? And that's going to be a
• 5:08
  question for so many people to answer and ask for themselves
• 5:11
  right there because it makes it's going to you.
• 5:13
  You're going to ask yourself this question and then you're
• 5:16
  going to talk. Guess what happens when the love
• 5:19
  gets taken away and you want it back?
• 5:22
  You're going to start ask yourself, how do I get it back?
• 5:26
  How do I get this person to love me like they once did before?
• 5:31
  How do I get this person to care for me?
• 5:33
  How do I get this person to love bomb me again, even though you
• 5:35
  might not realize it's love bombing.
• 5:37
  How can I get that back? They were, they were after me,
• 5:40
  they were pursuing me. They were chasing me.
• 5:42
  They did this, they did this. So how can I get it back?
• 5:44
  Maybe I need to do more. And guess what happens when you
• 5:51
  feel like you need to do more? You start chasing them when they
• 5:56
  start taking their love away and you feel like you need to do
• 5:59
  more. You start chasing after them.
• 6:02
  You start pursue, You start pursuing them, you start going
• 6:07
  after them. You start doing a lot of
• 6:10
  different things in order to try to get past it, to get this
• 6:13
  person back. So you damn near start to love
• 6:18
  bomb them. It's going to look like, yeah,
• 6:21
  look, you damn near start to love bomb them because you want
• 6:25
  that love back, because you want that affection back, because you
• 6:28
  want that satisfaction back. You damn near start to love bomb
• 6:33
  them back. You really start to give them
• 6:35
  the love you. You really start to try to give
• 6:38
  it back to them. It's it is crazy how that works
• 6:43
  in these situations. It really is because you start
• 6:46
  to chase them and they look narcissist.
• 6:49
  When you start to chase out of the narcissist and you start to
• 6:50
  give them what they want, you start to bend over backwards,
• 6:55
  forwards, sideways. When you start to do everything
• 6:56
  for them, they're not going to make it easy on you.
• 7:01
  You might can make them happy for a little while, but
• 7:07
  eventually they're going to be unhappy again.
• 7:11
  Eventually they're going to be upset with something small that
• 7:14
  you have done. Eventually they're going to pull
• 7:17
  the they're going to pull away from you again and they're going
• 7:19
  to make you chase after them again.
• 7:20
  It's a continuous, damn near never ending cycle when you're
• 7:24
  dealing with an abusive, manipulative person like this.
• 7:28
  It just one of those things that happens to so many people and it
• 7:31
  can be such a frustrating dynamic to be a part of, right?
• 7:36
  It really can. It can be extremely frustrating
• 7:39
  to be a part of this situation where you have this person that
• 7:42
  you love and care about that is intentionally pushing you away.
• 7:46
  So and it gets to that. You y'all probably hear me say
• 7:48
  this before on videos like you, no matter what you do, you can't
• 7:52
  do enough to make this person happy, right?
• 7:56
  You can't do enough to make this person start to love you and
• 8:00
  give you what you need. You can't.
• 8:01
  Like they're always going to be moving the goal posts.
• 8:04
  They're always going to be asking for more.
• 8:06
  No matter what you do, it's never going to be enough and
• 8:08
  you're going to feel that you like, well leave, damn it.
• 8:10
  No matter what I do, it feels like it's never enough for this
• 8:13
  person. No matter what, no matter how I
• 8:15
  go about it, no matter how I do this, no matter how I do that,
• 8:18
  it feels like it's never enough. Like no, I can't make this
• 8:21
  person happy. I've bent over backwards,
• 8:23
  forwards, sideways. I did a split.
• 8:26
  I did all of this stuff and none of it was enough.
• 8:29
  They still did not care. They still, but they didn't
• 8:32
  break up with me. They still kept me around, but
• 8:35
  they let me know that what I was doing was not enough for them.
• 8:39
  They definitely let me know that the work that I was putting in
• 8:42
  was not enough. They let me know that right?
• 8:45
  So it's just like when you're dealing with this type of
• 8:47
  person, this is to what something you gonna have to
• 8:49
  understand sometimes. Y'all like you're going to be
• 8:51
  the chaser. Like you were the chase E at
• 8:54
  first, right? You were getting chased.
• 8:56
  But now they have switched the dynamic around and made you
• 8:59
  become the chaser. Now you're chasing after them.
• 9:02
  Now you're pursuing them, which to a lot of people can make them
• 9:06
  feel like you can to a lot of people.
• 9:08
  When you pursue A narcissist, it can make you feel like you're
• 9:10
  going damn crazy because it's like no matter what I do, this
• 9:13
  person is always asking for more.
• 9:15
  I can't do enough to make this person happy.
• 9:18
  And you want to drain yourself when you become the chase.
• 9:21
  When you were, when you were being chased by the narcissist,
• 9:24
  right? They made you feel like the top
• 9:26
  of the world, like nobody was above you.
• 9:28
  But now that you're the chaser, now you're chasing after them.
• 9:31
  They're going to make you feel like you, the bottom of their
• 9:33
  shoe, like everyone that's above you.
• 9:36
  And this guess what happens in your own life, in your real
• 9:38
  life, you start to struggle in your real life, you start to
• 9:41
  become sad. In your real life, you can be
• 9:43
  starting to become depressed and things in your real life can
• 9:46
  start to suffer because you're trying to make this person
• 9:49
  happy, because you're trying to give to this person, you're
• 9:52
  trying to give everything to this person.
• 9:53
  You starting to neglect the things that are actually going
• 9:56
  on in your real life, your job, sometimes your kids.
• 9:58
  And this is not me calling you a bad parent.
• 10:00
  This is me trying to wake some some people up because you
• 10:02
  didn't realize you're doing it because you get because this
• 10:05
  becomes damn near a set part of your life.
• 10:08
  You don't even realize that you're doing it.
• 10:10
  You don't even know that you're doing it.
• 10:11
  You don't even understand that you're doing it, but you're
• 10:13
  doing it anyway. And then you realize like, damn,
• 10:16
  I'm I'm neglecting my children, I'm neglecting myself.
• 10:19
  I'm neglecting you going to look in the mirror.
• 10:21
  I know I look rough right now. Do not judge me.
• 10:24
  You look in the mirror. I'm like, what the hell happened
• 10:27
  to me? And they're going to hear you
• 10:30
  and they're like you happen to you.
• 10:31
  You a horrible person. That's why you ain't done
• 10:33
  enough. You, you, you getting your your
• 10:35
  karma is looking like that. This you looking the way you do
• 10:37
  right now. That's your karma for how you
• 10:39
  treated me. That's your karma for how you
• 10:41
  been behaving. That's your karma.
• 10:42
  They're going to tell you your karma is looking how you look
• 10:45
  right now. Your karma for dealing with them
• 10:48
  is looking how you look right now, which is damn near evil
• 10:50
  thing to say to somebody damn near evil thing to say to
• 10:52
  anybody out. So if you feel like you're
• 10:55
  chasing at the narcissist, put your put your Nikes up, right?
• 10:59
  Put your Nikes up, slow yourself down, take your time, be, you
• 11:04
  know, take your time and just give back to yourself.
• 11:07
  You're not like I said, but leave.
• 11:09
  What if I stop chasing them and they leave me alone?
• 11:11
  That's going to show you that. That's going to show you that
• 11:14
  they know they were purposely draining you.
• 11:16
  They're going to show you that they were purposely taken from
• 11:20
  you and giving little to nothing in return.
• 11:23
  Yeah, being with y'all. Hit that subscribe button if you
• 11:25
  haven't. We're creeping closer to
• 11:27
  500,000. Check out the everything
• 11:31
  available. My coaching, my courses, my
• 11:33
  support group, my support group, definitely everything is
• 11:35
  available at mentalillness.net. Yao and I will see you later.
• 11:38
  Peace what up y'all what up? Before you leave make sure to
• 11:42
  hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 11:43
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 11:45
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net,
• 11:49
  my coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 11:51
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 11:54
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 11:57
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 11:59
  later. Peace.