Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 101. What to do when life looks great on paper but still feels off with Christine Coughlin

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101. What to do when life looks great on paper but still feels off with Christine Coughlin · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

0:03
Hello. Hello, how do you feel?
0:06
Feel good, You look great. Thank you.
0:09
Are you going to say that anymore?
0:10
You're not supposed to care about how I look.
0:13
We're above our appearances. There was a big conversation
0:17
with your husband. Tell me about that moment and
0:19
the moments that hit you where it felt like something has to.
0:23
Change if it takes us not being together for us to both be
0:26
happy, we can be great Co parents.
0:28
I can't stay in this situation. That's not working for me.
0:32
I don't know if you're that happy.
0:33
I'm for sure not happy. At first, I had to say I was
0:36
doing it for my girls so they could see a mother that was just
0:39
going after what she wanted. Yeah.
0:41
And now I'm very much very clear that this is this is something
0:45
that I need. This is part of who I am.
0:49
Christine Koglin, thank you so much for joining me on the All
0:53
Figured Out podcast in Real life.
0:55
For those who are watching, it is so great to have you here.
0:58
Thank you for having me, I'm excited.
1:01
I there's so much I want to talk to you about and probably see
1:05
this every episode, but truly, there's so much I want to talk
1:08
to you about. You are not to be cheesy, but
1:11
you are an inspiration. You are a wild inspiration in
1:16
terms of those who are reckoning with meeting a point in their
1:21
life where they're realizing, I don't know if this is what I
1:24
want or if this is it. And you face that.
1:29
You took the challenge head on and you have, it sounds like,
1:33
completely changed and transformed what your life looks
1:36
like with three kids. We have, yeah.
1:39
It's been a lot of work. A lot.
1:42
So take me back. Take me back to.
1:45
I mean, I want to hear about you as a little girl, but we don't
1:47
have enough time for that. So I want to hear, you know, you
1:50
were in a big corporate job and you and your husband decided to
1:54
start a family. So take me back to that period
1:56
and what that transition was like for you.
1:57
OK, So yes, I was director of operations for retail company
2:01
started there when I was 19 and worked my way up and loved it
2:05
was I got to do lots of different things and it was like
2:08
part it was my identity. I'd been there forever and then
2:12
got married, had the baby and I knew that I didn't want to do
2:15
full time because my husband traveled a lot for work.
2:18
We'd both been raised by stay at home mom.
2:20
So it kind of felt like if I could have a bit of both, that
2:23
would be ideal, But the company was like, your job is just too
2:26
big. We can't have you not here all
2:28
the time. Um, so it was like, OK, then I'm
2:31
not going back. And honestly, I didn't really
2:33
know what else I would do because I had been with that
2:35
company until I was since I was 19.
2:38
So like I said, it was kind of like part of my identity had
2:40
grown up there and I wasn't sure where else to go.
2:43
So at that point I decided to become a stay at home mom
2:46
thought that was my dream. Like the fact that my husband
2:49
was like, so easy to like agree to do that.
2:51
I was like, great. Like that's the goal.
2:53
I'm going to watch price is right.
2:57
Prices right. So we're going to raise my
3:00
babies. Um, yeah, that didn't go, I
3:02
thought. Wow.
3:04
So at what point did you hit that moment?
3:08
I mean, I'm sure lots happened in there.
3:10
Yeah, a lot happened. And you raising babies and it's
3:12
all going, you know? It was no, it happened very
3:15
quick. Like I remember.
3:18
I mean, this is just a natural transition when you become a
3:21
mom. But I remember my baby was my
3:22
first was 3 weeks old laying on the carpet.
3:25
And I just remember looking at it going like, oh, my gosh, when
3:28
do I get a break? Like, when do I get a day off
3:30
from this? Like, just this, Like, we're
3:33
really into this for the long haul.
3:34
Yeah. So even before I was, I was the
3:38
mom that was like in the mummy groups and like, maybe it was
3:42
two months old. And I was like, I don't know
3:43
what to do with my life. And the other lady is like, you
3:45
don't need to worry about that. You have a year of maternity.
3:47
And I'm like, no, no, I need to figure out something to do with
3:50
my life like I need. I need some outside stimulation.
3:55
Also, because you didn't have necessarily that same timeline,
3:59
because it wasn't maternity leave at this point, this was
4:02
going to be it. Yeah, that's true.
4:04
Yeah, because it was about 6 months that I.
4:06
At six months, I messaged my company and was like, OK, I'm
4:09
thinking that I can't come back full time, I want to come back
4:11
part time. And they were like, no so, but
4:13
Even so, yeah, at two months I was already trying to figure out
4:16
my life. Six months I was like, OK, I'm
4:17
not going back there now. What?
4:19
So then it just started this this whole journey and.
4:23
Wow. And there was a bakery bake.
4:27
Yes, this year. Tell me, like, was that the
4:30
solution to the initial itch of, like, Tony Moore?
4:33
Yeah. OK, so I'd always been a Baker.
4:35
I'd you know, it's sold cookies to my ex boyfriend's company,
4:38
corporate company and like all of these things like Christmas
4:41
time. So it always been a Baker.
4:43
So I was like, well, I can do this.
4:44
People are always asking me what else, What else do you want to
4:46
do here with the baking? So I was like, OK, I'm going to
4:48
do anything. I want to do it.
4:49
Well, so I went to pastry school.
4:51
We had my, my cousins daughter come and live with us for three
4:55
months. So I could do this like short
4:56
concise pastry program. Um, and then I started my
5:01
bakery, sweet petite. So I did that for two years and
5:06
I realized really quickly turning that hobby into a
5:09
business was not good for us. Not good.
5:13
Yeah. No, this is this is such a good
5:17
one to get into because how many people do we do you and I
5:21
probably both know that have this is coming from a career
5:25
coach, this sensor shitty, but like that have dreams and
5:28
aspirations to turn a hobby like a really creative hobby into a
5:33
business. And I think that's there's so
5:35
much beauty in that. And I also often will say to
5:38
clients like what is it about that hobby that really sparks
5:41
joy? And is it the hobby itself, like
5:43
that particular pottery? Do you want to really turn that
5:46
into your everyday and have your livelihood depend on that, or is
5:50
there something about the pottery?
5:52
Is it like not being on a computer like that?
5:54
You can think about. Anyways, I could go on and on
5:56
about this topic forever. I think it's fascinating.
5:58
But tell me about your transition from a hobby,
6:00
something that you just loved into like this.
6:05
This is all a lot of work. Yeah.
6:07
The business. Like how did that go?
6:08
It was what I realized is I'm very good at the marketing and
6:12
the social media part of it. Like I literally still get
6:14
emails from people trying to book my banking services.
6:17
Like, no, no, we're not doing that anymore.
6:20
But yeah, what it was is that it's it's all on the weekends.
6:24
That's when everything's due with small kids, like to have it
6:28
fresh, you need to wait till like the last minute possible,
6:31
which my brain is just like, I can't do this.
6:33
Like with small kids, I was like, that's, that's tough.
6:37
With the hot oven. Going.
6:39
Yeah. And also we were just living on
6:41
fondant. Like by the time I like and I
6:44
was I, I would always make an amazing cake, but it would
6:47
sometimes take me 12 hours to make a $75 cake because I didn't
6:52
know. I didn't know how to monetize my
6:54
creativity in that way. Like I just was like, I will
6:57
work until this is amazing, but I don't know exactly how it's
6:59
going to turn out. And I will kill myself to get it
7:01
right. So that was not good for
7:03
business. That's not a good business
7:05
model. Yeah.
7:06
And then it was again, just eating fondant constantly, like
7:10
just like I didn't wanna feed my family cause I was like, I'm so
7:13
sick of being in the kitchen. And then the weekend thing and
7:17
it was like meltdown city. Like every night I would go, I
7:19
like make the cake and I'd have these like big three tier cakes.
7:22
I'd like, this is pure trash. And I would go to bed, wake up
7:25
in the morning and be like, oh, I guess it's not that bad, you
7:27
know, like I just, it's that creative angst of like, this is
7:31
trash. This is terrible.
7:32
And I was like, I don't want to live like this and be eating
7:34
sugar and be, yeah, it's just, there were so many things.
7:37
I was like, no, I just want to make my babies cakes.
7:40
And so now I say, unless you came from my uterus, I'm not
7:42
making you a cake. Like that's not I'm not think I
7:45
can do it. I love it.
7:48
Oh, my God, that's so interesting.
7:50
But then in that journey, in that exploration, it might have
7:53
not that it's not the word failed.
7:55
It's like a trial and error. Totally.
7:58
And there was no error. There was just trial.
8:00
And you were like, OK, this is what I liked about it.
8:02
This is what I didn't like. Yeah.
8:03
I always talk to people about how it's kind of like dating.
8:05
It really is when you have multiple.
8:07
You know, you date a few different people before you find
8:09
the 1:00 and you're like, Oh yeah, that was great.
8:11
Oh, you left your toes on the ground.
8:12
Hated that. Or like, I like this about you.
8:14
You're like picking and choosing what you like.
8:16
And it sounds like that's kind of what you did.
8:17
You started realizing there was a real passion for the marketing
8:19
side and content creation and so, OK, so you closed the doors
8:24
officially on. There So I was on maternity
8:26
leave with my second. So I I closed down when I was
8:29
like 8 months and then I never went back to that.
8:32
Oh my goodness, that was done. OK and then so then you went
8:36
back into stay at home mom life. How did?
8:37
That did, yeah. So then we had our son and then
8:41
2:00-ish years later we had our third.
8:43
So and then we moved to the suburbs.
8:46
We renovated a house and then, yeah.
8:49
So I kind of stood around there like I was just like, so in the
8:53
weeds there that I couldn't really make, you know, make any
8:58
big moves there. Yeah, so.
8:59
And then the moment you have, you have privately told me bits
9:04
of this story before, but I know there was a bike ride, there was
9:08
a big conversation with your husband.
9:10
Tell me about that moment, the moments that hit you where it
9:14
felt like something has to change.
9:16
Yeah, totally. It was.
9:17
There were so many moments. Some of the ones that stand out
9:21
was I was like approaching my 40th birthday and I was just
9:24
like, I just started writing. Like I just was hit with this
9:27
need to like, I have to shift this all.
9:29
I need more communication. I need more writing.
9:31
Um, and so then what the bike ride moment was, I remember
9:35
saying to my husband, like, if you could do anything and you
9:38
wouldn't fail, like, what would you do?
9:39
And he was just like, I don't know, I just want to marry a
9:42
rich woman. And I was like, I'm not a rich
9:44
woman. I'm like, how are we going to
9:45
what like? And I kind of I really in that
9:48
moment was like, if, if it takes us not being together for us to
9:52
both be happy, we can be great Co parents.
9:54
Like I really was like, I can't stay in this situation.
9:58
That's not working for me. I don't know if you're that
10:01
happy. I'm for sure not happy.
10:02
And I'm not showing up the way I want to show up for my kids.
10:05
So we had a dinner date one time that we went out and it was like
10:09
I remember saying to him, like, are you more worried that this
10:12
will be successful or that it won't be successful?
10:15
Because he was just like kind of resisting all the things that I
10:17
was trying. Oh, your business being
10:20
successful? Yeah.
10:21
Because I've always been a stay at home mom, right?
10:22
So like, it's just easier if I'm doing all of the things.
10:25
So he is a very progressive husband, I would say, um, but it
10:32
is easier if I just keep doing all the things.
10:34
So we had to have those conversations and we've we've
10:37
done a lot of work, yeah. Wow, and I can't even imagine.
10:44
I have a hard time even putting myself in the position to get
10:47
that courage to a think that and be like, I am willing and strong
10:53
enough to walk away from this. If if the other party in this
10:57
marriage is not willing to meet me where I'm at and what I need
11:02
to even like think about that has so much.
11:05
There's so much strength in that.
11:07
So that just goes to show like your character and then to have
11:10
that to vocalize it, like how did you know you were going to
11:14
vocalize that? It was like a pure moment of
11:18
frustration, like, just like him kind of thinking like, what do
11:21
you wanna get from this? What are you like, why are you
11:23
making your life harder? Like, cause he, he has a good
11:26
job. Like financially we were fine.
11:28
So that was the other piece of guilt too, right where it's like
11:31
you're not doing this because we need you to do it.
11:33
You're doing it because you want to like, and that's actually a
11:36
real struggle for my kids still too.
11:37
That's something we navigate a lot as well as daddy really
11:40
works. Mommy works because she wants
11:42
to, and I'm like, yeah, there's layers.
11:44
Lots of layers. OK.
11:46
And so you had started your now business YVR Creatives.
11:49
At this point it was just getting off the ground.
11:51
No, so this was when I was had the in between.
11:53
So the in between was my blog. Yes.
11:55
So I started the blog, the in between and it was like just
11:58
trying to figure out what the heck I wanted to do with my
12:00
life. So I was interviewing ladies
12:02
that had like gone before me and figured it out.
12:04
I was what else was it doing? I don't know.
12:06
I was trying to just exploring like mom blogging and that kind
12:09
of thing. Yeah.
12:11
And so that's where I was when I was figuring it all out.
12:14
And then that led me to YVR Creatives.
12:17
And so it was pulling you, quote UN quote, away from your family,
12:20
away your free time that you free time that you once had.
12:24
Yeah, was no longer. And so it created this friction
12:26
of like, well, you're not even, maybe you're not even making
12:29
that much money or any money. Your money, your money.
12:30
From but I was like this has to. Happen.
12:32
Yes, yes, this has to happen, but why are you doing this to
12:35
you? Was there ever a moment where
12:37
your family kind of like did did your husband, you know, mention
12:41
or did it feel like from your kids it was coming?
12:43
That was like, well, since you're not making money, you're
12:45
just doing this to get away from us.
12:48
I know that's a. Crazy question.
12:49
No, it's not a crazy question. That's very, I had so much
12:52
personal work that I had to do around this.
12:54
Like I was the mom who for whatever reason, I wanted to be
12:58
there with my kids until they started kindergarten and my
13:02
youngest was 3. And I had heard that to start a
13:06
blog and monetize it takes about three years.
13:08
So I was like, OK, perfect, she'll start school at or so she
13:11
was too. So I was like perfect, she will
13:13
start school when she is in three years.
13:15
So if I start now, I can hide behind the stay at home mom
13:19
title and not worry if I'm not making any money because I'm a
13:22
stay at home mom. So it's cool.
13:23
It's we're safe here. Um, and yes, I was putting all
13:27
this time into it, like building my foundation and yeah, it was
13:32
hard. Like I had, I had, I had a lot
13:34
of stuff that I had to unlearn as well.
13:36
Like I, I was the mom that was like my skin was crawling
13:40
thinking of being a stay home mom fully, completely.
13:43
For the next three years. I was, I would look at moms that
13:46
were taking their kids to the grocery store or so I would take
13:49
my kids to the grocery store and I'd see moms are like, Oh, I
13:52
just dropped my kid off with my mom so I could have some time
13:55
to, you know, grocery shop. And I was like, like so spoiled.
13:59
Like because I didn't have that support to do that and I was
14:01
resentful of it, but I didn't really even recognize that
14:03
that's what that was. So I actually started therapy
14:06
and the therapist was like, if you put this one in even just
14:09
six hours a day, two days a week, what would that do to your
14:14
relationship with her? Like your skin won't be crawling
14:16
when you're with her. You'll get to do your things
14:18
that are even. Just take care of yourself, do
14:20
your business, do all of this. But it was all stuff that I had
14:24
to rewire for myself. As another my husband isn't that
14:28
interesting that you put business in quotes.
14:31
Because I at that point. That was where your mind was.
14:34
You were like my. Business, yeah.
14:35
Oh, I know, I know. It's a lot like.
14:38
Yeah. And and there's something you
14:39
said about just like the hiding behind the stay at home mom.
14:42
I think that is the truest feeling, whether it's somebody
14:46
who's listening, who's like hiding behind their corporate
14:49
job when really they want to be leaving.
14:51
And so they're starting to like, OK, like I'll be corporate job.
14:55
Really I just want to be a stay at home mom.
14:56
And so I'm going to like hide behind this corporate job until
14:58
this point when I can afford blah, blah.
15:00
Like once like kids are in school and we're not paying for
15:03
daycare. And then I can do like there's
15:05
just, it feels like there's so much masking that's involved in
15:09
all this. And it feels like it kind of
15:10
sounds like you had a moment where you were like, hey, I'm
15:13
going to do this. Like I am going to pull off the
15:15
mask Here I am world. And your husband was like, OK,
15:19
cool. Like ish.
15:21
Maybe ish. Yeah.
15:22
I mean with lots of awkward conversations and back and forth
15:25
and adjustments, yes, there was no like tada moment.
15:30
Oh my gosh. And there's so much I want to
15:33
get into about what you're doing now because I think it's so fun.
15:36
But for someone who's listening? Big sister advice, Yeah, pure
15:41
advice. Mom advice.
15:43
They're in a moment where they're like, this ain't it?
15:47
What on earth like what is the first step?
15:50
The first step for me was getting quiet, like COVID really
15:54
was a gift for us because I was always so busy.
15:58
Just like throwing the most amazing birthday parties and the
16:01
cake wrote the cakes, like spending 25 hours on a cake,
16:04
Like I'm not kidding you. I spent days on my daughter's
16:07
second birthday, did a sculpted dog, like just so much time and
16:10
energy into all the things just trying to get that sense of
16:13
fulfillment. So COVID just like stripped it
16:16
all away. And then I was able to just be
16:19
like, oh, I have these, let's have these feelings.
16:22
I have this like all of this stuff.
16:23
So it was just getting quiet, hearing, acknowledging and then
16:28
just following curiosity here and being like, does this feel
16:31
right? Like when I first started, I was
16:33
like, I want to start a blog And I had to find a very safe friend
16:35
to whisper like, I'm going to start a blog because I felt
16:38
embarrassed by that because that's not a real job.
16:41
And so that was one big step. And then I was like, well, what
16:44
kind of blog? Like you're supposed to niche
16:45
down? So I was like, well, maybe I'm
16:47
going to be a home designer blog or maybe I'm going to be a
16:50
person that renovates old furniture.
16:52
And so, like, I was doing these things.
16:54
And that's the thing I love about social media these days is
16:57
that you can try these things without blowing up your life.
16:59
So like, I was out there, like sandpaper and some benches and
17:03
varnishing benches. And then I was like, I hate
17:05
this, OK. Standing looks fun, but it takes
17:09
so much time. And then as far as like, if I'm
17:12
like a home interior designer Blogger, I was like, no, I'm
17:16
kind of adventure. If I'm trying to like, make my
17:18
house perfect and like, I like my house to be perfect, but I
17:21
don't want to live like that. Like, no, OK, I'm not that.
17:25
Am I a fashion Blogger? I don't think so.
17:27
Although maybe maybe I feel like I'm like, you know, I'm playing
17:30
with fashion. Style.
17:31
I can see that you are fashion on Socialist.
17:34
You take like, you're like my little mirror.
17:36
They're so cute. So it's really just trial and
17:40
error and like going where things lit me up and if it felt
17:43
good then I kept going. And if it didn't, I was like,
17:45
Nope, that's not it. And I just kept going.
17:47
And that has led me to the most amazing like it's led me here.
17:50
And would you have ever known at that moment where you took the
17:52
mask off, could you have imagined that this is where
17:55
you'd be doing this? OK.
17:58
I'm really honest. Like at the very beginning, I
18:01
got, I had a coach and she was like, what is your, what do you
18:04
want to do? I was like, I wanna like empower
18:06
women to live their best life and I want them to, I want to
18:09
help them with their marketing and I want to do events.
18:11
And but I was like, that is all impossible.
18:14
Like that's all impossible. Like I can't do any of that.
18:18
And so like I had this on my sticky for years.
18:21
And yeah, so I've slowly gotten there, but I don't know.
18:25
I've had to just prove it to myself that I can do all of
18:27
these things. That's incredible.
18:29
I actually haven't heard it something be put that way, like
18:34
even though a lot of times you kind of end up going full circle
18:37
and I have so many clients that are like, whoa, how are all
18:40
these things coming together? This is what I wanted to do when
18:43
I was a kid, but I never thought that it could be possible for me
18:46
or whatever. But I like that.
18:48
That might have been the vision of what you said just in a word
18:51
vomit. Probably true, coach.
18:53
Word vomit. Yeah.
18:54
And I was like, I don't know this coming from.
18:55
Yeah. But then what you didn't do is
18:57
try to like boil the ocean and be like, I'm going to push so
19:00
hard and like push a boulder up a hill to try to get there
19:03
tomorrow. Instead you were like, let's
19:04
just you need to follow the interests and see if it does
19:07
take me in that general direction.
19:09
Yeah. Which is so.
19:10
Yeah. So really.
19:11
Cool. I'm very big on vision boarding.
19:13
So I have my vision board every year and it really, if you look
19:17
back, it's like just accepting who I was and what I wanted was
19:21
like the whole thing like just she is courageous to just be
19:25
live a happy fulfilled life. Like that was the vision.
19:27
Like I didn't know what it was, but I just needed to feel good
19:30
with myself within myself. And it's just like evolved
19:34
slowly. Remember my first vision board
19:36
had a a woman with a microphone and I was like, I am never going
19:41
to speak in front of a group. Like never.
19:43
And now look at me, I'm like doing it all the time.
19:45
You're on a microphone right now.
19:47
On a microphone in a fancy setup.
19:49
Yes, oht my speaking to millions of listeners, that's incredible.
19:55
And really? Cool.
19:56
OK, so let me ask you this. How does your personal vision
20:00
board? If you like a vision board, how
20:01
does your personal vision board relate to the vision board that
20:03
you have in your marriage and as a family?
20:07
I just really want us to have a sense of freedom.
20:10
I want us to be connected, like, deeply and a sense of trust.
20:15
I want passion in my marriage. I want.
20:18
Yeah. For me, it's really about not
20:20
just being too stagnant and being able to like just enjoy
20:22
each other and have fun and spend time in nature.
20:25
And so I feel like my personal business vision board is all
20:31
about creating this life that has spaciousness and has
20:34
flexibility. I don't want to be somebody's
20:37
office from 9:00 to 5:00 and get 3 weeks of holidays.
20:40
A year like that makes me feel like I'm choking.
20:42
So it's really about creating that spaciousness.
20:44
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.
20:45
So spaciousness in All in all areas.
20:49
And does your husband? Do your children feel this as
20:53
well? OK, this is a work in progress.
20:54
Yeah, 100%. I feel like I'm at the point
20:57
right now where, so why VR Creatives has been, we're coming
21:00
up on a year and a half. It's very new.
21:02
So I have very much been 100% about the business.
21:07
OK, So this is where I am now working to try and like pull it
21:11
back and find more balance. So I think it's always a work in
21:15
progress. Yeah, I, I have ADHD, so I am
21:20
hyper focused on this business right now.
21:24
I've just finished the Motherhood Summit and I packed
21:27
May with all these different events and I'm like, OK, I've
21:30
committed to all this now I see how this feels in my body.
21:34
I will not do this again. So it's just constantly feeling
21:38
it out and just knowing what how you want it to be.
21:41
In the long run this doesn't quite feel right, so I will
21:44
adjust next year. Yeah.
21:47
What does the next, what is the next chapter look like for you?
21:50
Are you somebody that feels like there's going to have to be a
21:52
new, a new reiteration of the job of the business like
21:56
frequently or Yeah, yeah, so. I actually, I'm laughing because
22:01
I do a monthly mastermind with my community.
22:04
And when was it? I think it was last June.
22:07
We didn't mind maps. So I put, you know, teens goals
22:10
and it just had like all these things off of it.
22:13
And I have done like 85% of it since June of last year.
22:20
I think it was June we did them. And I don't remember when I
22:23
wrote it, but I looked at it the other day and then in the middle
22:25
it says now what I'm like, ohk, OK.
22:29
So I'm really trying to work on like, you know, yes, you can
22:34
just be you just I'm doing this for my family so I can show up
22:39
the best I can. And there has to be like some
22:41
balance. And I'm I'm really just sort it
22:44
out. I'm going to ask.
22:46
OK, We were joking. You were like, are you guys be
22:48
hard hitting questions? Better catch me out.
22:50
I was like, are you gonna be sweet, Andrea?
22:52
OK, I'm gonna ask you a tough one.
22:53
Yeah. Are you, have you reconciled or
22:58
are you, are you ever grappling with the I'm doing this business
23:02
for my family or are you OK with saying this business is also for
23:08
me? Yeah, I at first I had to say I
23:12
was doing it for my girls so they could see a mother that was
23:15
just going after what she wanted.
23:17
And now I'm very much very clear that this is this is something
23:21
that I need. This is part of who I am.
23:22
And I have buried it away for so long, and I'm good at this.
23:26
Why shouldn't I do this? Like I want to do this and it
23:28
lights me up. So yeah, I, I think I've come to
23:32
terms with the fact that it can be good for me and good for them
23:36
and it's OK. It's just good for me in certain
23:38
pockets. Because if it's good, it's so
23:40
cliche, but if it is good for you, it's good for them.
23:43
If they see you having fun and getting dressed up and they get
23:46
to troll you for that or whatever.
23:48
It's like still like, even though they're like, yeah, I
23:50
know on social media you post like your kids being like, but
23:54
like they probably secretly love it that you're lit up.
23:57
Yeah, I did a live last week with somebody and my daughter
24:00
came home. She's like, mom, were you on a
24:02
Live Today on Instagram? I'm like, yeah, she's like
24:05
somebody in my class was watching your live.
24:07
I'm like why is why is the 13 year old boy watching my live?
24:10
Like you're on the boy what? What kind of things like cool I
24:16
think and also so cringy. Yes.
24:19
So maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's a good thing.
24:22
Tell me. Tell me more about why we are
24:25
creatives. If you were to do it, you know.
24:27
Oh, I hate people say that elevator pitch.
24:29
No, tell me about it. Tell me about the business.
24:31
Who is it for? What is it?
24:32
What are you? So I'll tell you doing what I am
24:35
doing is I started doing my in between and I was showing up on
24:39
Instagram all the time. I was telling my story and
24:41
everybody was like in my normal circle was like, why are you
24:45
doing this? Like you have friends, like what
24:47
is up with that? And I was just something that I
24:49
do and I'm happy. I share.
24:51
I like to share, I like to share information and just what I do.
24:55
So I started to meet other ladies that were doing the same
24:58
thing and I felt so seen and I was like, this is amazing.
25:02
And over COVID, we were the ones that were like commenting on
25:05
each other's posts and like, these ladies don't even really
25:08
know our supporting you and like just going for with you when
25:10
you're dreams and like, we need to meet, we need to do this in
25:13
real life. And it was just like instantly
25:16
like, yes, this is a community that needs to be together.
25:20
And it's just blossomed from there.
25:22
So what we do is monthly masterminds.
25:24
I bring in special guests. I really love just helping women
25:27
get their messages into the world.
25:28
And I do that through my creator society, which is the private
25:31
membership. I do in person events where I
25:33
have guest speakers coming in and we're all getting content
25:36
and they're all holding the microphones and being, you know,
25:39
amazing. And I do it through personal
25:42
content days. So which I have the privilege of
25:45
doing 1 and it was so fun and you're so good at it.
25:49
And you, oh, it's so interesting to see you're, you're
25:52
definitely, I would be so curious to know what your
25:54
personality assessment type is, someone who's certified and with
25:57
those like Myers Briggs style assessments.
25:59
You're definitely one of those people that has like this blend
26:02
of left and right brain for sure.
26:04
Because in that day you were so organized, you had a shot list.
26:07
You were like, let's do this. How could you say that more
26:10
succinctly? But then you've got this real
26:11
creative side to your brain, which is really cool to see you
26:14
to go on both and event planning.
26:16
Oh my God, I can't think of I I do small scale, very low lift
26:20
events and I have fun with them, but my God, I hate event
26:23
planning. Do you hate it?
26:24
I love it. I like the details.
26:26
Trust me out I'm. Love the I love the details.
26:30
I just saw it and you're also creative now on the word
26:33
creative. What does that mean to you?
26:35
So would you consider me like, what is a creative?
26:38
Live your creatives. Yes.
26:40
So to me, I always was like, I'm not creative because I can't
26:43
draw, you know, like I made these like amazing cakes, like
26:46
all these fondant things. Like I am not an artist.
26:49
Like I don't draw pictures. And then I started realizing
26:52
like, oh, I think I might be creative, you know, like I
26:56
started like doing reels and like I have these little ideas
26:59
pinging it all the time. So it was just like just letting
27:02
it be whatever it is. Like we all express our
27:04
creativity in our own ways. So whether that's content or
27:09
podcasting or whatever it is, like for me, it's just a way of
27:11
being. So it's a, it's a woman who's
27:15
willing to like, just be resourceful to get what she
27:17
wants. Like, you know, it's we are all
27:19
creative in our own way. Totally.
27:20
Do you have anybody who has full time Subs that's in your in your
27:24
orbit like other people who are kind of making that transition
27:27
in the world? Yeah, yeah.
27:28
We have a web designer who has a full corporate job and she's
27:31
part of the community community and she's wanting to work.
27:35
You know, she's doing both. We definitely have ladies that
27:38
are doing both. Yes, and for those who are in
27:43
the in between and they're just contemplating like, how do I
27:47
move in, you know, they're probably resonating with the I
27:49
feel like I'm a creative and in my day-to-day.
27:52
I am absolutely not that actually just recorded a solo
27:55
episode about how do you look at your day and like, is it really
27:59
expressing your values? And I feel like there's a lot of
28:00
people out there who they're calendar their day-to-day, their
28:03
work, their home life just isn't expressing their values.
28:07
And it sounds like that's a bit of a friction point that you had
28:09
where you were like, whoa, my values are not like of, you
28:13
know, fulfillment and flexibility and creativity like
28:16
weren't expressed as a stay home mom.
28:18
So for those who are listening, they're like math.
28:20
I like, I want to do this, but it feels oversaturated.
28:25
It feels like I know, I know if you know, everyone has a
28:30
podcast. I was told that everybody thinks
28:33
that they can be a tick tock monthly wincer, whatever.
28:36
Utah. I don't know.
28:38
It's it's so disheartening when you feel so passionate about
28:41
something, you're excited and then you just hear or see that
28:44
one thing that's like making fun of those who are going for it.
28:47
What do you say to that person? I've let that stop me before
28:49
with you. Like there's only one you.
28:51
So the way that you say things is gonna resonate with a
28:54
specific person. And I think it's your measure of
28:56
success too. Like do you need to be 100,000
29:00
follower kind of person or can you make an impact in your local
29:03
community? You know, what do you really
29:05
want to do? Like if if you are passionate
29:07
about something, it's in you for a reason and you oh, it's in the
29:10
world to put it out there like that.
29:13
I like. That it's such a good, you know
29:15
what? That's a really good point about
29:17
what's the goal? Like what do you, what do you
29:20
really want out of this? Is it I want to be a creator?
29:23
OK, Why you have to ask that? Why is it because like you, you
29:26
want fame, you want to have a really big impact?
29:29
That's amazing. You're allowed to want that.
29:30
Or is it because you really enjoy just connecting and
29:35
meeting with new people and forging more deep connections in
29:37
which maybe like a 5000 person community would be perfect for
29:42
you because you can go really deep with those people, you
29:45
know? So it's like, what is it that
29:46
you want out of it? I think that's such a good
29:47
question to ask. How did you do you know what
29:50
that is? Two, I'm curious.
29:52
It's been I've been doing this for a.
29:53
While now and I definitely got stuck in the like, I have to
29:56
have like good engagement because I was doing like the
29:58
content creator thing. So it was all about engagement
30:00
and all of that. And then when I really started
30:02
taking off is when I was like, actually, I don't give a shit
30:05
about engagement. I just have this thing in me
30:07
that needs to be out. So once I just started like just
30:10
expressing myself for like the pure need to express myself.
30:14
I feel like it was a game changer.
30:15
Tell me about the viral. Moment.
30:17
I feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't if we didn't talk about
30:19
this. So you've been posting a lie,
30:22
like you said, you're just expressing yourself.
30:23
You're following your intuition, what feels right.
30:26
And yeah, went viral. Yeah, it was shocking.
30:31
And what we're talking viral here.
30:33
How viral? 10 point. 8 million, 3rd of kind
30:37
of quarter. Of Canada right I I asked my
30:39
yeah people are in 4040 million yeah yeah so it.
30:44
Was and it's so funny because like I have put production value
30:49
into my things and this one, of course, here we are.
30:52
Like I have tried, Not really. With the goal of going, the goal
30:56
of going viral, but just like I've put effort into these
30:58
things and it's like casual, whatever, 5000, whatever.
31:02
And this one, it was Christmas time.
31:05
I think it was like over the holidays.
31:07
And I came downstairs, I tried on this outfit that I was like,
31:11
I don't know, just get outfit, but I'm like, I'm trying
31:13
something new. I was going on a date night with
31:14
my husband. I have hair all cute, and it
31:17
came down and my teenager was in the kitchen and she was just
31:19
like, what are you wearing? Like, you look like a train
31:23
conductor. And I was like, that's
31:25
hilarious. Do that again.
31:27
I literally just handed my phone to my husband.
31:30
I was like, just get me coming down the stairs and then I just
31:32
saw her. So she's like, she's like 10 out
31:35
of 10 actress. Alright, because that was not
31:37
her first take, but that's exactly what I wouldn't have
31:40
known. That I was like, how did you get
31:43
this? It wasn't redo because I was
31:45
like this is funny and relatable.
31:46
Like, I have been sharing my fashion and like, yeah, I love
31:51
fashion. So I also know that there's a
31:53
lot of women that are like, this is hard when you have kids and
31:56
you have a body. That's not the same as it used
31:58
to be, though. I knew it was relatable.
32:00
I know that teenagers are mean as fuck.
32:03
Like I'm just gonna post this. And it was like, yeah, not well
32:07
lit, all of that. And it just, it's, it just went
32:10
immediately and it got to like 500 and I said I think it's
32:14
going to get to 1,000,000. Like that was like, so like no
32:18
concept that that could happen. And it got to 10.8.
32:21
And then I shut off the comments because people are terrible.
32:24
Yes, I remember talking. To you, I was like, how are you
32:26
doing over there? Because you were also posting
32:28
stories being like, well, this is a trip.
32:30
Like, yeah, ask and you shall receive.
32:32
But then you're receiving some. Yeah, we went to the dark.
32:35
Corners of the Internet like my my community is very much about
32:38
like female empowerment and like express yourself and do your
32:41
thing and March to the beat of your own drum and then I was
32:44
like, well, these people are terrible like they need more
32:46
hugs. So yeah, so turned off the
32:48
comments turned. Off comment, I know you blocked
32:50
a lot. Of people I blocked hundreds of
32:52
people reporting them. Yeah, those.
32:55
People I've blocked. Oh my goodness, yeah.
32:57
Incredible. That was fun.
32:58
Um, OK, Christine, Yeah. Why do?
33:02
You think that? So many moms and women in
33:05
general are attracted to building and creating personal
33:09
brands right now. What is it about the timing?
33:11
Like what is it? It's accessible you.
33:14
Can do it anytime. You can pick up your kids from
33:17
school or you can take them to the gymnastics.
33:19
And it's just everything is about the personal brand right
33:23
now. Like, if AI is taking over the
33:25
world, people need to know who you are, what you stand for,
33:28
what your values are. And they want to connect with
33:31
real people. And we're just also nosy.
33:33
Like, we're just wanna know, like, what's Andrew up to on the
33:35
weekend? What is she drinking her coffee?
33:37
What nail Polish does she like, you know, like for so nosy.
33:40
For so nosy, Yeah. That's a great point.
33:43
What do you think personal brand, what role does personal
33:45
brand given? I would say you're a personal
33:46
brand expert and what do you say?
33:48
What would you say the role of a personal brand is for someone
33:51
who is not an entrepreneur, not a creator, but is, you know,
33:57
wants to wants to think about who they are, how they show up,
34:00
but like, what is what is that? I started my personal.
34:03
Brand before I knew what I wanted to do, I knew that if I
34:06
had a community that knew me, liked me and trusted me that
34:09
when I figured it out, I would be able to present them because
34:13
they they would be like, oh, of course we want to support you.
34:15
We know we know your journey. So you can start long before you
34:19
have a product, which is what I did and it's been helpful.
34:24
And how much do you? Think is important to share?
34:27
Do you share? I heard something once, I always
34:29
do this, like I heard something on a podcast once, but I
34:31
couldn't tell what the podcast was or what it was, but it was
34:33
something around the not sharing the like open wound, but maybe
34:37
sharing the scar and I don't know.
34:40
I, I struggle with that sometimes.
34:44
Sometimes I think it's true because I think sometimes
34:46
there's people who react too quickly in the moment and really
34:48
could have taken a beat before reacting or sharing the thing
34:52
like they should have. They just let themselves have
34:54
that for a second. I even think about, you know,
34:57
you get engaged, you have a baby.
34:58
I had two planned C sections. I kind of wish people didn't
35:02
know what the dates were because I kind of wanted that moment for
35:05
myself to just sink in and enjoy it.
35:09
Think about the thing anyway. So that's like the wound,
35:11
literal wound. And then there's this car.
35:13
So what is your philosophy on that and what you share?
35:16
And I think I. In the past have done from the
35:20
scar. Like I'm definitely looking back
35:22
and being like this is what I took from this moment.
35:24
That was tough for me. I think it's it's really about
35:28
your own personal boundaries. Like I, I definitely have
35:31
boundaries where I am really my story.
35:33
I'm not telling my children's story.
35:36
So they have their own lives and I'm kind of talking about my
35:38
experience of motherhood, but I'm not crossed.
35:41
There's a line that I'm not crossing with sharing about
35:43
them. It's really what you're
35:45
comfortable with. I do, I do think there's a place
35:49
sometimes for things that are really raw and emotional, but I,
35:53
I kind of feel the same about you as you as like maybe process
35:56
that a little bit and like have a moment and like I did, the
36:00
world now is just so immediate. So the power comes from like
36:04
going inwards and being like, what do I want to take from
36:06
this? What do I want to share from
36:07
this? What is my lesson?
36:09
And I think that's personally where it's more impactful.
36:13
I like that. I think there's.
36:14
Something to be said about the What's the weight of the
36:17
situation? You know, is it again, I'm
36:19
having a hard day. You know, this, this thing
36:21
happened like I'm, I'm so clumsy, you know, that those
36:23
things happen to me all the time.
36:24
That's relatable. And that's not, that doesn't
36:26
have a huge impact on me, on the people around me.
36:30
I can share that. And I think that that's a, it
36:32
turns into a scar pretty quickly.
36:34
Yeah. But I think you're right.
36:35
There's something to be said about waiting for the bigger
36:38
things and I really like what you said about the boundaries
36:40
around your kids and just not sharing.
36:42
I think that's an AA ISM as well.
36:45
We're like or Alanon, which is like the for those who are
36:49
support caregivers for those who have addiction issues.
36:52
I remember hearing that, you know, for that you don't ask
36:55
somebody how their person in their life who's an addict is
36:58
doing because that's their story to tell.
37:01
And yeah, I think that's a really good one for for kids as
37:04
well. I think at the end of the.
37:05
Day I want to make sure that when my kids actually like their
37:08
friends are now on the Internet. Like I said, like the 13 year
37:10
old was watching me on a live right like so I need to know
37:14
that mindful of what I am sharing and yeah and I've always
37:19
thought that from the beginning, like I want my kids to be able
37:21
to watch my content as like a journal of me that they would
37:26
maybe understand their mother more, but not like that I shared
37:30
all of their like I don't like it when like kids are crying and
37:34
parents are like recording them to get the shits and giggles
37:36
Like that's just gross. I don't there's a line.
37:39
Yeah, there's a line. There's a line.
37:41
Yeah. Christine, you've been through a
37:42
lot of figuring things out. What would you say right now in
37:47
this season? What are you trying to still
37:49
figure out the balance for? Sure, the balance.
37:52
You guys are that quick? Yeah, because I'm.
37:56
That balance I, like I said, I could work on this business
37:59
24/7. Like I love what I'm doing.
38:03
I'm so grateful that I get to do this and connect with this
38:06
amazing ladies. So it's the balance for sure.
38:11
Yeah. Yeah.
38:12
So I figured out like in my week, like if I have like these
38:15
specific times that are kind of sacred and like how many times I
38:19
can kind of go out a week and like I'm just figuring it all
38:22
out. But yeah, yeah.
38:24
And like just I like. What you said earlier about
38:26
recalibrating, realizing that this particular season, a few
38:29
too many things, there was a few too many things, and you're
38:31
like, OK, next time I'm going to tweak that little recalibration,
38:35
if you will. For those who want to learn more
38:38
about you, find out sleuth. You find out about this light
38:42
stalking. The heart, the.
38:44
Heart stocking see your viral already all the things where can
38:48
they connect with you? How can they find you?
38:49
Learn more. Yes, so I am on YVR.
38:51
Items with yvr dot creatives on Instagram.
38:55
I am Christine Koglin and then the website is Why VR
38:59
creatives.ca beautiful. And they can learn more about
39:03
what you're doing in person to do virtual virtual stuff
39:07
sometimes. No, I love in person.
39:09
I don't want to be on the Internet if you were in the.
39:12
Greater Vancouver area, You may hang out with Christine, but you
39:16
could also follow her and she is an inspiration to like.
39:20
Thank you for sharing your story.
39:21
I think it's such an important one to talk about and I think
39:24
it's. Man, you're so inspiring.
39:26
Yeah. Thank you.
39:27
Thank you. You're telling.
39:28
Me. I love what you're doing.
39:29
I appreciate you.