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Monday Mini: When Men Don't Get It · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'll never told your production of iHeartRadio. And today I'm
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: just gonna talk about what's been going on that has
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: delayed my schedules so much for this Monday many. But
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it actually was an idea I've had for a while,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and it does involve some generalizations and stereotypes around gender.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that a lot of this is my
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: anecdotal experience, so I will put that at the front
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: because I've had this idea. We've talked about it before
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: of like when dudes just don't get it, they just
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: don't get it, and we've talked about it before of like,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: you know, I've had moments with dudes where they're like,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I tell them I'm going to cross the street, I'd
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: rather cross this side of the street. I know I'll
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: get cat called on this side of the street and
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: they're shocked. Like we've talked about that. We've talked about
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: how a lot of my guy friends, your guy friends
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: have had the moment of you know, no, when we
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: go to a club and we reject a guy, it
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: becomes this like we've talked about, sort of grows things. Today,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about something else come but that
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: is related to that. Because I am listeners, I'm in
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: the midst of like refrigerator drama to the likes you
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: would not believe. I mean, this has been a six
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: month ordeal.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: It surely has.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: It has. It's the reason our scheduling, our episodes have
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: been so haphazard this week because of this part.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Of the part of the reason, not completely.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: But part of the reason, but a big part of
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: the reason. And Derk my very special Star Wars we
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: go on top of that. But I just I I
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: have been without a working fridge for about five months.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: It was working okay, but it was like not working,
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  Speaker 1: and I hesitated to contact my landlord for a lot
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: of reasons. And what is happening now is one of
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  Speaker 1: the big ones is that it becomes a whole thing
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  Speaker 1: and it just impacts my schedule so much. But another
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  Speaker 1: reason is something where I've talked about before, like I
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: don't want to bother anybody. I don't want to bother you.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I'll just I'll just I'm making do it's fine, right,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: you know, that kind of mentality that I think that
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  Speaker 1: a lot of women do experience. But it's Also, I
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: feel like I've had several experiences in my life where
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I've had a moment where you don't want to say
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: something aloud to somebody and you're hoping they'll pick up
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  Speaker 1: on your cues right like please, and it's become this
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  Speaker 1: thing where I'm like, oh, he doesn't get it. And
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: one of the one of the first times that happened
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  Speaker 1: was I was traveling with a group of people. I
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: think I was a freshman in college, and it was
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: kind of evenly split between men and women, and we
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: were we had like a host who was guiding us
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  Speaker 1: through these things, and I really liked him, but half
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: of the group didn't. Kind of the nature of when
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: somebody's telling me what to do in some way. But
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: I needed to do laundry and he knew it and
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: he needed to do laundry, and I was like, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: we'll just do laundry together. And then all the like
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: other women in the group were like, you're gonna do
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: laundry with him. He's gonna see all your underwear and
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: all this stuff, and I was like, oh no, I
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: didn't think about this, and so then I had to
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: backtrack and I was like, oh, I don't really need
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: to do laundry. I'll do it later because I was
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear. Whether I
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: should have been or not, but I was. And then
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I had a backtracking. It was like, you're being weird,
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  Speaker 1: Like what are you doing? You need to do laundry.
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  Speaker 1: We'll just do laundry. And I was like, it's fine,
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  Speaker 1: it's fine, it's fine, because I didn't want to like
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  Speaker 1: vocalize to this guy I didn't know very well, like
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  Speaker 1: I'm kind of embarrassed by some of my underwear and
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  Speaker 1: now people have made me self conscious about and it
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  Speaker 1: was just a moment where he clearly like did not
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  Speaker 1: get it, and it was very awkward. It was awkward.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that's all on him at all
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  Speaker 1: because I didn't tell him. I felt like I couldn't
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  Speaker 1: tell him. It was just so it was one of
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  Speaker 1: those things where I was mortified over this quite small
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  Speaker 1: thing that didn't even happen, but then it became a
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  Speaker 1: thing where it was like every time I did laundry,
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  Speaker 1: it was kind of like what happened there? What was
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  Speaker 1: going on? And then like another example is so I'm
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  Speaker 1: having trouble my drains are draining very well, and you're
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: not supposed to use like products, chemical products in a
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: building like this because it'll eat the pipes. So I'm
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  Speaker 1: gonna have to, you know, use the old snake and
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  Speaker 1: do it. And someone was like, you should get ear
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  Speaker 1: leonlord to do that, and I was like, well, when
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  Speaker 1: I was a kid, I remember very clearly my dad
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  Speaker 1: did it and he pulled out like this, you know,
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  Speaker 1: lump of hair, slimy lump. And I wasn't even in
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  Speaker 1: the room. He came and found me and showed me
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  Speaker 1: and was like, look at this, this is your hair,
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  Speaker 1: and I was so there, really yes, yes, because it
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  Speaker 1: was gross. Like the fact that he was like kind
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  Speaker 1: of annoyed by it, it really it stuck with me,
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  Speaker 1: and it just became this thing that I'm so anxious
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  Speaker 1: about and like trying to always make sure I didn't
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  Speaker 1: get any hair in the drade and going all these.
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  Speaker 3: I know, it's not possible, that's not possible, that's silly,
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  Speaker 3: not for you, but that he would try to shame you,
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  Speaker 3: because mine is the same way. Like I've been losing
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  Speaker 3: a lot of hair and I will do my best
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  Speaker 3: to try to not let it go down. But it
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  Speaker 3: does because we have tons of hair and unless you
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: go to plug up the sink or whatever forever and
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: then slowly like fish out all the hair every day,
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  Speaker 3: which would take hours of your life.
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  Speaker 2: No, right, And we're not the only ones. It's just
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  Speaker 2: shorter sometimes.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, but it just it did feel very like
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  Speaker 1: this is your fault, you know. Whether I don't think
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  Speaker 1: he intended that. I think he was just annoyed and
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  Speaker 1: it's not fun. But I took it to heart. And
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: so like the idea of having to deal with my landlord,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: I mean I would.
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  Speaker 2: Not call my landlord for that. I never have.
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  Speaker 3: That's not a but you and I are the same
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: place of like I don't want to bother Ram, and
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: so like for me, if I'm calling you as a landlord, yeah,
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: it's something important like oh the roof might cave in,
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: Oh this might get be set on fire, like I
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: don't know, but like outside of that, yeah, Drane, I
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  Speaker 3: don't necessarily think that would be a thing. Although I
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  Speaker 3: think that's where we got have gone wrong, is that
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: we are self sufficient, and so it's easier to tell
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  Speaker 3: us no ye, because we're more or less like more
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: or less likely to push push back, and so we
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: would probably back down and they know that, but they're
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: more likely to pay attention to those who complained the
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: loudest we made a mistake.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Well if I if this was a different
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: episode and I really wanted to just go into what
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: was happening in my refrigerator situation, then yes, I agree,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: it's not like you.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, very upset for you.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. So like that's another aspect of this though,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: is the apartment stuff around, because I think what I'm
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: talking about more what we've talked about before when dudes
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  Speaker 1: don't get it is more of kind of like a
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  Speaker 1: romantic situation or just dating or existing. But I'm a
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  Speaker 1: part of this is more sort of logistical stuff. And
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  Speaker 1: one of the things that's annoyed me a lot lately
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  Speaker 1: is with my landlord, but other people as well, like
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  Speaker 1: he he kind of was frustrated with me because he's like,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I have a chain lock and I just keep it
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  Speaker 1: on all the time because because he was like, why
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: do you have this lock on? I'm like, why do
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  Speaker 1: you think? But also I bet if I didn't have
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: it on, then it would be my fault that if
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: something happens, right and It just was frustrating because I
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: was like, well, it's kind of a safety thing. It
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: makes me feel better at the chain on.
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  Speaker 3: He has it on his building, So why do you
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: have it if you don't want people to use it?
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  Speaker 2: I know it that makes those sense.
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  Speaker 1: No, it doesn't. But it's also it reminds me of
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  Speaker 1: so many times when I have to kind of explain
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  Speaker 1: like I don't feel safe for whatever reason.
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  Speaker 3: Right, I mean, this dude has no idea because he
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: just walks in anyway, and as the time, which is
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  Speaker 3: against the law. By the way, yes, if you're a renter.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's what I tried to talk about one time.
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  Speaker 1: It's like he doesn't get it. He doesn't like, why
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  Speaker 1: would you think that's a good idea to just walk in?
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  Speaker 3: But that's the thing is like we are even more
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: like aware and very suspicious because I think you had
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: told me he came through, and you didn't know he
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: came through, and I'm like, you check your apartment for
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: cameras because that's where I am in life, Like this
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  Speaker 3: is bad. This is a dude who just walked in
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  Speaker 3: without talking to you. That's very very concerning. And also
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: any person gender, if you just walked in. They're gonna
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  Speaker 3: fight you, or at least be on the defensive, you know, like,
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  Speaker 3: what are you doing?
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  Speaker 2: Why did you just walk into my house?
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  Speaker 1: M Yeah, And I feel like I've had this play
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  Speaker 1: out before, because I was thinking about this, I've actually
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  Speaker 1: this is the first time I've been in a renting situation,
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  Speaker 1: a living situation where I'm kind of responsible for all
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: this stuff, right, Like for a while, I was mostly
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: dorms in college, and then I lived with a dude
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: who I was sort of subletting his apartment, apartment in
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  Speaker 1: his place, so he was taking care of all that.
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  Speaker 1: This is kind of a new so I'm not really
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  Speaker 1: sure in a lot of ways, like what I asked for?
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  Speaker 1: What do I not ask for? What is the expectation?
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  Speaker 1: And I have been living here for a long time,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: but I that's that's interesting. But also I feel like
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I have been in a situation before with a repair
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: guy who came in and I was clearly kind of
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: like on edge about it, and he was like, oh,
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I get it. I have I have a daughter and
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable when dudes come into her place either,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm not sure this is you're
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: not making me feel better. I get what you're trying
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: to do.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: A daughter understand, No, it's all right here.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: We we've heard that so many times of like, well
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I have a mom, and I'm like, okay, I know,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: but it's just like I don't. I feel like I've
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: been getting that a lot too from some people of
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: you know, oh, I get it, you don't feel safe.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I've got a daughter and she used to say, but
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know, I just okay.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: That's not tokenizing.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, it's not the extreme of us, like I
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: have other Asian friends, but it's sort of I know,
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: I know women, okay, great, but.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: It's also sort of implying like, oh, I get that
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: there's a power and balance here and you don't feel safe.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Let me comments on it.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know, Bob come in.
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  Speaker 1: It's like I said, I get what they're trying to do,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: but it's also like no, it's not it's not. And
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: then they'll last for your numbers sometimes, which just happened
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: to me too, and then you're like.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, yeah, anybody in access like that. When I
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: will live in an apartment. The dude hitting on me
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: was a maintenance dude, and I was like, oh, I
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: do not feel safe mm hmmm, because you have keys
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: to my place.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, I don't know. I just had a lot,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: a lot on my mind about this.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's been a six month thing.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: It has, it has, and I've been I hope so
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: today fingers cross, fingers cross. Who knows, six months from now,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: I might be back with another update about this.
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: You get a house.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Your message has heard loud and c well. Thank you
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: for letting me rance a little bit and share my
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: sort of messy thoughts about this, And as always, if
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: you have any messy thoughts about this, you can email
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: us at stephaniea mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok at Stepmom've Never Told You. You
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: can also find us on YouTube, and we have a
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: book at stuff you should read Books dot com. You
• 13:27
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• 13:29
  Speaker 1: super producer Christina, executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you very much, and thanks to you for listening
• 13:36
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