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How Hilary Healed Her Mother Wound · Reclaiming Consciousness

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: A year into the pandemic, my dad passed away.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was something that really rattled and shifted a lot and made me think a lot about how I was living versus how I really wanted to live.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of perceived my dad as being the one who always showed up for his family and did what was right and what was expected.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then he retired, and less than two years later, he passed away of a massive heart attack.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I don't want that to be my story.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think I need to live a little bit more and maybe do some crazier things.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because I was just like straight arrow.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Reclaiming Consciousness.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Elise Bassine, trauma and breath work expert and creator of the Metamorphosis Method, the only methodology bridging the gap between spiritual healing and clinical trauma work.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: For many years, our consciousness has been hijacked by societal and cultural programming, religion, the media, and familial and ancestral trauma.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: In this podcast, you'll discover my unique perspective on trauma healing and how it is the gateway to fully reclaiming your consciousness.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: You'll hear stories and teachings that expand your mind as you discover how every relationship challenge, business block, or limiting pattern is an invitation to reclaim the parts of your consciousness you unknowingly gave away.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: Get ready to go deep.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now let's dive in.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone, welcome back to the show.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I just recorded a whole eight-minute intro and realized that the I was on mute the whole time.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: So hopefully I can recreate what I just said in a shorter amount of time, maybe.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: So this week I have Hillary on the show.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And Hillary just finished up her year in the Mothership membership.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: So the mothership is basically the way to work with me for 12 months to apply the work, the metamorphosis, you get access to all of my other programs.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's basically the most supportive way to work with me and the way that I recommend because in order to really get the results you want from this work, doing it for a period of time and committing to a long period of time is the way to go.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: So Hillary just finished her year in the mothership at the end of August, and we talk about her journey.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so good because she's just a solid representation of how you really don't know exactly how your past, your childhood is impacting you until you really dive in.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, you can have an idea, right?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think she had an idea, but until we really dove in and we did the breath work, we dove into the subconscious, I saw what was going on.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: I gave her my feedback, she kept going, she trusted the process, even when she was like, wait, I don't know if I don't get this, you know.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then she talks about her breakthrough she has when the work went from being intellectual to being felt and experienced in her body.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she felt it on an emotional level, and she released it, and there was a huge shift.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And she'll tell you about it.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to ruin it, but it was just so good.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: And then the shift started to happen everywhere with her kids, with her husband, with her business.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is what happens.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I've seen it with every single person, but she just describes it so well.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: She's so articulate.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_01: We just had such a powerful journey together over the last year.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just so grateful to be able to support you all in this work.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was saying yesterday on the mothership call to some of my clients who've been with me for a while.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: The ones that were on the call yesterday both graduated from the certification and are now have running their businesses.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: And they both were like, I am never not amazed by this work.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yes, I have such a huge level of reverence for everybody who decides to jump into this because this is not easy, but it is the most rewarding, most exhilarating work on the entire planet, in my opinion.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because, you know, you go to these deep depths within yourself that you might be afraid to look at, or you might not even be aware need to be looked at.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: You might not even be aware the way that these things are impacting you.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: But when you look at, well, what do I want in my life that's not happening, or what feels challenging to me, or what pattern do I continue to recreate and I don't know how to stop it.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I promise you, the answers to all of those questions lie within this work, within the metamorphosis, within the inner child healing process.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: I promise you, they're here.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And all of the women who've mastered it have gotten the results.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: And Hillary's one of them.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm really excited for you guys to hear her episode.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Starting the second week of October, Unblock Your Business is going to begin.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: And this is such a perfect opportunity to work with me.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you have done the mini morphosis and you haven't been ready to jump into the metamorphosis or the mothership, this is the perfect stepping stone for you because it's just a four-week container.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm going to work with you daily to master the inner child healing process, to pinpoint the core wound that's stopping you from growing your business.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: So if you are a business owner and you want to grow faster, or you've plateaued, or you feel a little bit stuck and you're not sure why, or you know you're meant to start a business, you want to, but you are having doubts, or there's something that you can't quite put your finger on that's holding you back, or making you, you know, take one step forward and two steps back, you'll find the answer here and you will learn how to move through it here.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Cause I will help you pinpoint exactly what's happening and show you how to use the inner child healing process to shift it for good and get the result that you want in your business.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I promise you, if you show up and you do the work and you apply what I say, you will get a result 100%.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Because everybody who does, does.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: You heard David last week, his business is doing amazing.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: You heard Sage before that.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's crushing it.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: Dina, who hopefully will come on the podcast soon, she is crushing it.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: She's moving and grooving with her new client.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then she has just opportunities knocking at her door.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, when you master this work and you really go deep to make it your own and make it part of your practice, things shift and things become a lot easier.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was funny on the mothership call yesterday.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: The women were talking about how it was some of them that have been with me for a while.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: They've gotten to the point that there's no problems anymore.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's just about growth.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Now we're just talking about how do we grow?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: How do we expand?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing keeping them stuck anymore because they've mastered the process.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just so powerful.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: So that's gonna be starting in the second week of October.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna link it below.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: But please reach out if you have questions and if you want to know if it's a good fit for you.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: But it's gonna be a four-week intensive weekly calls plus daily telegram, plus you'll get access to the inner child healing process, teachings, breath work, and my plug and play flow chart, which is one of my favorite things I've ever created to make it super simple for you to master this process.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I will leave it there.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Have an amazing weekend and enjoy the episode with Hilary.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, everyone, welcome back to the show.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I am super excited for today's conversation.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I have Hilary Valentine with me today, and she is just finishing up a year in the mothership, and we're gonna talk about her journey and her story and all of the things.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, Hilary, welcome to the show.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for having me.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, I was just thinking too, we have to talk about where you are right now and your whole situation.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: So, can you just share a little bit about you, what you're doing right now, and then also kind of like what drew you into coming into the mothership initially?
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yes.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: So currently I am in our RV home in on the border of Washington and Idaho.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I came into your world like two months before we set out on this big journey.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was living in Hawaii.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: We moved to the mainland, got an RV, and started the full-time RV family life, homeschool, business, family, like everything.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been one of the most, I would say, unstable years of my life in terms of what I'm doing.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not waking up going to a nine to five, and so much has changed.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a homeschooling mom of two.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a user-generated content creator.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: In Hawaii, I had a business that was holistic occupational therapy, pelvic floor therapy.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: I worked with moms and so I came into your world knowing I was about to enter this crazy year where I didn't know what would happen with my business.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was having a lot of struggles for years with my relationship with my mom and her feeling with me leaving Hawaii where she was.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: She was definitely feeling abandoned and I was having a lot of guilt.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I came into your world very much on a whim.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't in any of your like smaller programs prior.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I just full on went in because I was like, had gotten to the point, I was four years into my business where I was just like, I think I need to do more like deeper dive into me rather than just building more skills.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the hunch I got.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then also the relationship stuff with my mom.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, maybe it would help with that.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it has.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love that you just jumped right in.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I have had a handful of women who jumped right into the mothership without knowing me.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I just love that so much because, like, you get it, like you get that like you have to do it for a year.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I knew just this wasn't gonna be something quick and easy.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to commit to it, and I also saw it as a support through all this craziness, which it absolutely has been.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's an interesting perspective.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you don't need everything stable in your life to do your program.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually maybe a really helpful thing when nothing is stable because it was the stable thing that I could show up to and work on, and it felt always felt good.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and also I think it's important to say too like this RV life has been your dream and your vision for a long time.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's totally a growth expansion and like all of that stuff.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, like you were about to embark on this thing that you had always dreamed of.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: But I think there was a lot of like, how are people going to perceive me and the ways that people had reactions to this decision?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think was one of the things that maybe came up earlier on, now that I'm remembering.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, absolutely.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was really struggling because a lot of acquaintances and friends around me were so supportive, and some really close friends were like amazingly supportive.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But then the people closest to me, obviously, my husband was supportive, but my mom, who I've always had a really close relationship to, was really struggling.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then my brother had a surprisingly harsh reaction.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that was really, you know, your family, you like you want to live up to, or I'm the kind of person who's always wanted to live up to their expectations.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's my MO or was my MO in life.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to let down those around me.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I choose a path that alters from what they think I should do, I really struggle with that, even though in my heart I know I really want to do it.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: But in my brain and like this conditioning, it was shocking and really saddening to me.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I just want my family to cheer for me and encourage me and support me.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that was the struggle I entered the mothership with, not knowing, not knowing what or if there was anything I could do about that.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: And before we go into the mom stuff too, was there, and I don't know if we've ever even talked about this, but your wanting to do the RV life and travel around the country and find land to buy and all of that stuff.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Had that been something that you've like always dreamed of, or was it something that kind of came to you as you were just going through life?
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it more came to us.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: So we always thought we would be staying in Hawaii, my husband and I.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: But then the biggest turning point, which I think is a turning point for a lot of people, was the pandemic.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then a year into the pandemic, my dad passed away.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was something that really rattled and shifted a lot and made me think a lot about how I was living versus how I really wanted to live.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I perceive my dad as being the one who always showed up for his family and did what was right and what was expected.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then he retired, and less than two years later, he passed away of a massive heart attack.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I don't want that to be my story.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think I need to live a little bit more and maybe do some crazier things.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, because I was just like straight arrow, did everything by the book, kind of girl.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing I did that wasn't by the book was move to Hawaii and marry who I married, which were huge things for me, and they were great things.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But then with my dad passing away so suddenly, and I was just like, I feel like he had so much more to live that it shifted something in me.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like we I was just going to the nine to five, raising my girls or going to preschool every day.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Saw him for an hour or two at night, you know, on the weekend, we try to make the best of it, and we're just doing that grind and not getting anywhere.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so we moved away from a multi-generational property we were on, and that was like my total reset.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And from there, it started to be like, we need to explore more.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it started with me being like, I want chickens, and we still use that phrase.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'm still waiting for my chickens, but I feel like we're getting closer.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we're getting closer.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're in this tiny apartment.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: There was like no way we were gonna get chickens.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I want more freedom, I want more.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: So it kind of evolved off of this, these two big turning point events the pandemic forcing me, or not allowing me, I shouldn't say forcing me to be home more with my girls.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then the passing away of my dad being like, there's more to life than grinding it away.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's where this ultimately the idea of we don't know where to go.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get an RV and go everywhere and see what feels good.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: When you came into the mothership, I think the first thing was definitely around your mom.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think it evolved to certain things and then came back to her eventually.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, let's talk about the beginning just around because I think you had a lot of big shifts pretty quickly around that relationship.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there was this huge realization.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it starts like we start in the metamorphosis with like the birth story, and I was like, my birth story stuff was like so beautiful, and like there was nothing there.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, huh, okay.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then we went to the mother's story, and I was like, there was this stark, and it was just a very like I'd never realized knowing that there was a shift of energy when I was about two or three, and then I was like, that exactly coincided with my mom and dad learning that my brother, who was older than me, was going blind, and then sure enough, to find out that he had a terminal illness and all this stuff.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: So that was like, whoa for me.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of was knowing after the passing of my dad, I would went to therapy, like that I had this more codependent relationship.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was trying to work through it, but we still like we'd be good, and then we just again like we butt heads and the relationship would just wasn't what it was before my dad passed away.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: But learning about like the inner child process connected things in a way that I had never thought of, never consciously recognized.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it was dark and it like started to explain so much.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, this is why I was like the happy go-lucky child, because that protected me and kept me safe.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I was problematic, my mom's resources would be depleted and she wouldn't be able to show up.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that just that realization started to, as you encounter different situations or interactions with my mom, just started to get more like, whoa, this isn't just since my dad died.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is from like before I can actually remember, which I also thought was super cool.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've always heard people talking about like, oh, I connected with past lives or like before my consciousness.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: I always think like consciousness is around six or so.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Can you really do that?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: I know I'm like, Yeah, you can, yeah, you can, um, with the right person to guide you to access that.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's in you, and that was just I found it really cool, like you hooked me, which is cool.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this is intriguing, and I want to learn more.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: So try to think because I definitely had two big episodes.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: I would say like episodes in the year of uncovering, and the first one's a little fuzzier for me, but it was like scratching the surface in the beginning.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was like you had an awareness of the codependency, like you said, with your mom, but you didn't know how to shift it.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's very common for a lot of people who come to me is they know, like, I'm a people pleaser, or I avoid conflict, or I have codependency, but then they don't know how to shift it because it's like you can't just white knuckle it and be like, all right, I'm not gonna do this anymore, because the reason you do that is a survival mechanism, like you said.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I think the beginning too was kind of unraveling that coping mechanism that you created, which was around like, okay, if I am this shining light of happiness for my mom all the time, then I will get my needs met because that's what she needs me to be in order for me to get my needs met.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then it was like this explosion of, oh my God, but I'm actually not happy all the time.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think you like had this permission to actually explore the darker emotions, the anger, the pain, like all of that.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I feel like that was the beginning.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Something that I'm remembering, it was like me realizing that I had a voice that was completely independent of what the expectations or survival stuff I had to go through was.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I always had either not recognizing that voice, but remembering like some core memories of me really expressing it, but it was always in private and I hid it because whatever about that I perceived not to be safe to share with my family.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: I go back to now, which is ironic because the content creation and stuff I do is very much like modeling and singing and acting and like being this creative, outgoing person where I was more reserved and just like the quiet, nice girl.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: But there was this part of me I can hear still like my inner child like was screaming to let that go.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: But my mom would have perceived it as like risky or something like that.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think like the beginning, the whole thing was like unraveling this identity that you had created based on what those expectations were.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think it ended up going into your brother, right?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: And all of the feelings around that.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that was like the whole middle part, I think, of the year.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I vividly remember exactly where I was.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a Saturday morning, and we were at this camp, huge campground, and all of a sudden it was like, I just feel it started with guilt.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel guilty about the life experience my brother had.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: He got totally depped, and I feel so guilty about that.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: But then we went under that so much more, and that's when I think I started to really unravel it's okay to feel the full rainbow of emotions, where Hillary, so the name Hillary means full of joy, and I've always been.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: That in my family, like the optimistic, happy go-lucky one.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: And that was like praised and honored in my family, that quality in me.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so then, like, I hid the emotions that were really brought up around my relationship.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one was the loss of a relationship.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have one.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like the disgust and the anger and the fear.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God, I was actually afraid of my brother because he had this serious terminal illness.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: He was blind.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: He was having outbursts and seizures and he fell and he would get hurt.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: And like this wasn't a simple illness.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: It was really awful.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I had never acknowledged any of that.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I also think, too, the narrative that had been given to you.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: So this is really important.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to highlight this, not just for you, but for everyone listening, is in families, there are narratives.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I say we need to deprogram from the cult of our families because there are these narratives that we just take on as the truth because they're said all the time.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: One is you're full of joy, but also the other one was I remember they said, but you handled it so well.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: You adjusted to it so well.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: So because of that, you were like running that narrative and it made it so that you didn't really allow yourself to feel or acknowledge like what that actually was for you and how traumatic it was.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Forever I was always told, I think once my mom felt it was safe to talk to me about these things, which wasn't until I was probably like 10, 11, or 12 when my brother was going into a nursing home.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so a lot happened before this.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I was always told, you're protected from this because you don't remember him the way he was before everything started.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then upon him passing away, I was a sophomore in college.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: And like the narrative around those events that happened afterward was like, Oh, you were so fortunate, it wasn't so bad for you.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, I was like fed how I should feel right about it for my entire life.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was the youngest.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: My brother who was ill was the middle, and an older brother.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And his narrative was, you're the dark and gloomy one because you lost the brother that was your best friend.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, and like how that affected him.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, obviously, that's his and I went into a caring profession.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: I went into occupational theory because, like, you know, the happy late one tries to fix everything, and then the dark and gloomy one goes into the dark and scary spaces of his mind.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just it's crazy to me now, especially being a mom myself, of how there is this, like these narratives we give our children.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm much more aware and cautious about these.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: You wouldn't think they're labels, but they are of who the these little people are becoming, and then they're gonna own it and live it.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And to unravel that and or at least become aware, and then be able to work with that.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I actually need to go here and feel these fear and disgust were huge.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And those are not socially acceptable things to generally feel about your brother, who is poor, unfortunate experience he had, like being so ill for his life.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Those aren't socially acceptable feelings.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: But to be in the safety, and like I remember messaging you one night, which is something I so appreciated through the mothership, is like being able to just flow of consciousness, message.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt so I was like, So why am I going here?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what I feel like, what is the point?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: How does this help?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: And you were so helpful.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember what you said, but whatever it was was so helpful in guiding me, like just forward to work through, and then ultimately actually build and have this.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's abstract to describe, but like a relationship that I never had with my brother.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I had lots of conversations with him, and I've never felt closer or his presence more fully until I did that.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I remembered the journaling because then we started doing where you did, I think it was like for a month where you journaled to him, like you talked to him through journaling.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna cry through every day.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: And like the transformation that happened during that was like insane.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: It was huge, and it was a really cathartic way to like go there that felt not out of control.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would just write to him as if he was alive and I was writing a letter to him like, can you believe this?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like how you would talk to a brother, like the way I wish I always like the relationship I never had.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: I started to see and feel and be able to have and also bring to the surface, like I would tell him all these things I felt about him.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that felt really good in a way.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was like it was being able to like move it.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I've learned about emotions is like they go into us.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was concurrently reading a book that talked about this too, which was really cool.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: They go into us and like they're really supposed to flow out again.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of these big ones, whether they're really good or really bad, get stuck.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a way to acknowledge emotions that were stuck since I was, gosh, I had to be like three or four.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: You're processing your emotions, like that was the point of the whole thing.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's important to highlight this too that like this isn't about just digging around in the mud for whatever you find.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is like very specific, and that's why we put a container around it.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: I said one month to specifically process these emotions that you had around him that you did not have the capability or space or safety to process at the time.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it felt like it just shifted everything, and it felt, I don't know how I explain it, just felt I helped me feel like more complete in myself.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: There was always this.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a brother relationship is a significant relationship, and it was always like this gray muddled thing that I didn't attend to because I didn't know how.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I often like wouldn't even say I had a brother.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: He was just like this not part of me, part of me.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he became like he was now that relationship was a part of me, and all the emotions were a part of me and made me more complete.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_00: You integrated it.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was really cool.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, I can believe a lot of the things that happened this year.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, once I worked through them and had the clarity where I could kind of, I always say, wrap my mind around it.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, duh.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like I never, the whole experience around my brother was traumatic.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: That wasn't traumatic for me, but that was a narrative I was felt.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: And like once I went through it, I was like, oh no, that was really traumatic.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: That really dictated a lot of my life without me realizing it and brought me in many ways to where I where I am and who I am today.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I can own that in a productive, useful way instead of hiding it because I don't know what to do with it.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think the interesting thing was like the trauma for you was processed, but then it came to also understanding like how you took on the trauma that your mom was feeling.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: And and then I think that kind of led us back to your mom.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it very much.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then we like went into these deeper layers with her.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I feel like the breakthrough around that was huge because I really watched you, and this is so powerful to do with this whole process.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: I really watched you go through this process of intellectualizing it.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember we had a long time of going back and forth intellectualizing it because you're trying to understand, and that's part of the process until the moment when it landed in your body and you felt it, and you were like, I get it now.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: You want to talk about that?
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: That was so cool.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have, I think a lot of people can relate to this relationship with their mom where like it's all good and dandy, and then it just flares up.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's like, and then it goes back to fine and dandy, or you don't talk for a little bit, and then it goes back to like, okay, and then that's the cycle, right?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I had many of those over the last year.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: You would help me with them, and I was just like, I don't, nothing's budging.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was literally just sitting at the table working with my oldest daughter on reading, and she was doing really well when reading has been a struggle for her, and I just started crying.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my god, I wish my mom had done this for me.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like the showing up and being present through the struggles to then be not struggling, yeah, kind of thing.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, not necessarily like the specifics of reading, but the process.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, she just wasn't capable of showing up in the ways I needed.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what it feels like to be able to show up in the ways my child needs me to, was just so immediate and cathartic.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that day, like I was pretty far along in the program.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I kind of hadn't learned the inner child process.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, okay, I need to go breathe through this, I need to journal about this.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Cause it was clearly like it went from being in my brain to just feeling it.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the tears.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: My daughter was like, Why are you crying?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Oh, this is good.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is really good.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: That was a really cool moment.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And again, like I can remember exactly where I was when it happened.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: And those are the things that are so powerful because it goes from being like these ideas that you understand to a felt experience where then you were were actually able to process the emotion that was holding it in place.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_01: So then things shifted with your mom.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about that.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, immediately.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, how many times up until that point was I like, should I talk to my mom about this?
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you're usually like, it's usually not that helpful.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think early on I didn't completely heed your advice.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: I sorted it.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't go as deep as I might have.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: But then at that point, I was like, Oh, yeah, I don't need to talk about any of this stuff.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I just processed it on my own.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And a week later, in a conversation, she was like, I sometimes think about how I just wasn't there for you in the ways I should have been when you were little.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, What?
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if my mom had said that to me before, like six months prior, I would have jumped on it and I would have like been angry at her and been like, Yes, you weren't.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you for finally saying that.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: And these are all the ways.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't do that.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had no inclining.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: I just was like, I didn't think I said anything.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was like speechless.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh my God, in my mind, oh my God, did she just actually like acknowledge what I just realized outwardly?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and the cool thing is too, is like you were past the point of needing that anyway.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, when that unmet need is still there, no amount of her acknowledging it or apologizing would ever help until you reconciled within yourself.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: So then you reconcile within yourself, and it's like she said it, but you didn't need her to say like you, it was just yeah, such a powerful reflection of like where you were at.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: I think that was like so great about it because it's like, oh, this is where I'm at now, which is so cool.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was so interesting.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the initial conversation, I don't even think she said it.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like, like I didn't actually process it even right away.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: It like took me like hours later.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wait, oh my God.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then it kept happening.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: And also now it's been probably three months or more, maybe about three months since that.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: And usually once a month, my mom and I have the whole cycle, and like it's been like not to be cliche, but like rainbows and sunshine with our conversations.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty just simple.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then there also has been the scenario that came up again where I was having a lot of struggles with my daughter and her wanting to be with me all the time, like a parenting struggle.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: And normally I would bring that to my mom.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like I also just felt more empowered in myself and like able to access my own, like the resources I need and work through it that I didn't need to bring this to her anymore.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, she's no longer the one the code of penancy has been split.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like before, I would need to go to her because she's my parent, so she would know, and she, no, no, no, no, but I wouldn't like what she says, so then it would cause a thing, right?
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: And now I was like, I don't really need to go to her about this, it's not gonna help anyone, it's not gonna help me, it's not gonna stress her out, and she's not gonna give me anything that useful, and I know all this now.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: So that was an example of breaking of that codependency for sure, that I can navigate these things on my own and yet still have a really beautiful relationship with my mom that's supportive and we talk we talk about once or twice a week.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: And like even in her life, I see some cool things happening.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like she's painting again, which she hasn't done in years.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, she's been an artist her whole life, but she's really struggled with accessing that.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: And out of the blue, she's like painting.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the energy between us has been just lighter than it has in years, and it's gone to a healthier relationship than we've ever had, because we had a codependent relationship forever, and then a very rocky codependent relationship after my dad passed, to now just a supportive relationship.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's huge, it's so huge, and it's it's such a weight lifted off too because my mom is like one of the most important person in my life beyond my immediate made family.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I always thought we had this beautiful, gorgeous relationship, and we did, but I didn't realize like the underneath the rug stuff, and now I've cleared the junk out of underneath the rug, and it's laying flat and it's beautiful, it's nice and vacuum.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like stuff was just shoved under the rug for years because I didn't know how to process it.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's so cool to also see my mom thriving a bit more.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think it all goes around, like it's not oh, a hundred percent.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like when you heal, the people around you heal and they benefit.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's annoying because it's glad you guys benefited from all this fucking work I'm doing.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but at the same time, like it's really cool.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's really cool to see that, especially when they're not even aware of it, and it's like, oh, they're doing, they're thriving.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think my nature is, I think it's really cool.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: I think all this work is it has me so curious and intrigued, and I love it.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, my mom has always hated any therapeutic anything.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like she's just averse to any.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm always like, you would benefit from, but now I feel like by me working on myself, I can help her in ways I never could have by urging her or encouraging her to go to therapy or get help.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like that never that never worked.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it is magically like you're benefiting yourself and it trickles out to others.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's like a win-win.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, totally.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's worth it.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that was, I feel like there were so many more things.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: But the other thing that's coming to me too is just like throughout this year, largely you were traveling all around, and there were a lot of things that came up.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_01: So let's go into that a little bit.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: And also, I know one of the biggest things was like around your daughter and her struggling with the transition and like how you were able to just show up and meet the moment.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think it's important to highlight too, like, just because you do this work doesn't mean like your life is magically perfect and you have no problems.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's literally just about how you show up.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you are able to show up from such a like powerful place in a lot of these really difficult moments.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's a lot more just awareness of how you're responding to things that are happening around you.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like the the experience with my daughter was like, I was instead of we get triggered by our children all the time.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of me just going into myself and being triggered, I'm more emotionally regulated and also aware of the value of all emotions.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that is some is something that I've always thought was really important, but I didn't really know how to do it.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm like, wow, it's okay to feel all these ways.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so the ability as a mom to be able to validate and support while not being triggered yourself has been really key.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the best things you told me was because you start to understand and build a bit of a relationship with your own inner child, is when you're approaching challenging situations with your own children to imagine that it's yourself as a child.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that is was really helpful because I was like, oh, if this was me, I wouldn't be like screaming at her.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's obviously not gonna help.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like just these little minds, these little tricks that help.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna give another example that just happened.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we have a giant RV, it's 42 feet pulled by a truck, so it's a fifth wheel, and parking it, I don't park it, my husband does, but it's very stressful because you never know where you're gonna go or if they're gonna give you a spot that's like easy to pull in or really challenging.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_00: So, this where we are right now is a very challenging one.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_00: And earlier on, or like a year ago, or even like six months ago, there would be the couple arguing, not like horribly, but like you're just like it takes six hours to like settle each other down.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, this was a particularly stressful one.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew I could see my husband's energy and how he was feeling.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, be as quiet as I can and not try to fix his emotion.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, because I'm the kind of person who is always more like, oh, he's so stressed out.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to help him, I want to fix it for him.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: But no, he needs to fix his own frustration, stress, whatever he's feeling.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: And by me recognizing that and being able to step back, he actually was able to, we did it.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we were able to like, I would say, like the coming back together within an hour.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was fun.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_01: And the other thing I just wanted to say about that is it's not just that you were like allowing him to feel it on his own.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's also that, like, usually when we want to fix it, it's because of our need to not be uncomfortable.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: But because you are now comfortable with all of your emotions and feeling all of your emotions, you had the space to let him be in that without needing to try to fix it or change it.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I think you just hit it on the head because I was just kind of like, cool, he'll figure I know he can figure it out.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so I wasn't feeling as stressed.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a high tension, like very pressure cooker situation.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: I can imagine.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like a lot of couples would just never put themselves in.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, so I was reflecting on that.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wow, that actually it was intense, it was nerve-wracking, but so much better.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: Such a difference in yeah, the allowing of the discomfort, being okay with the discomfort, and like being able to give what each person needs is a skill.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like women very often are like people like me, very like just want to band-aid and help and help and help.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what then I like link it to my childhood.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: That was like my role to just help people and be happy and be like, everything's fine.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have the urge to say, everything's fine, Jason.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_00: It felt refreshing.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_01: I know how stressful that is.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: So when I moved back from Tucson, my dad flew out and we like rented a truck and we had my car like attached to it, and we drove across the country like from Tucson to Philly.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: And my dad was so fucking stressed out driving this truck.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: He also hit, like, we were at a gas station and he fucking hit the truck and got it all fucked up.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_01: And he was so stressed out.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we were listening to like meditation music the entire ride because he was like, couldn't like relax.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just being like, oh my God, this is horrible.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, just my little encounter with that, like, I understand how stressful that is.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: I can't even imagine.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_01: So the fact that you were able to like really be present and hold space in that situation is huge.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's huge.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I can we had an experience very similar to that one back in what was it, like early March.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: March, where we my husband hit something and it was like, oh, and there's been an evolution.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like every three months in the mothership, I was getting to like a new level, and I could handle a bigger level of trigger.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this recent one was like, this is a pretty hype, like everyone's gonna freak out in those moments, and to be able to handle it.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then I always view like the level of triggers and how well I handle it is how fast I can come back together with that person in a healthy, comforting, good way.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's kind of my gauge.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so high pressure came back together in a good way within an hour or maybe about an hour.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: That is transformational over the long term for a relationship.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and for what you're modeling to your kids, too, of just how to handle stress, how to process your emotions, and then come back together.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's huge for them to witness.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I just want to make sure we touch on is also like there was also a journey in the mothership with your business.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then you coming, it was actually so perfect at the very end.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: You really came to one of those moments where you're like, duh.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of this.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of this because I just feel like this year, like in everyone's lives, not going to minimize anyone else's life experience right now, but there's always lots of moving parts.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like this year I've had 10 additional moving parts because nothing in our life was consistent from the year prior.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_00: Literally nothing.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the big question marks leaving Hawaii was like, could I transition my maternal health business into this more virtual-based thing?
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I was familiar with.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's what I had been doing.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I'm gonna make it work.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: I gave it some goes, and then finally, like all along, like you knew, I think from pretty early on, I always had this like side thing that I would talk about, which was my user-generated content where I make basically social media ads for companies that they put up on their stuff.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I never viewed it as what my work was.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was like my side gig that I don't really talk about.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: And all of a sudden I'm like, wait a minute.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: If I look across the last nine months, the only business bringing in money and actually bringing in good money is this.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've finally, just in the last couple of weeks, been like, you know what?
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna own this.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: And imagine if I gave this the energy I've been giving my maternal health work, my coaching work, what could happen?
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I literally have treated it like a black sheep, because that conditioning from childhood is like separate from my inner child stuff, just like childhood conditioning is like you are supposed to go to school and get a degree and work in that degree until you pass away.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_00: Basically.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I was an occupational therapist, and I've always like proudly, I am still an occupational therapist, but I'm like, it's not working for me right now.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what is working is this, and it feels so well, one, I don't feel like I have to talk to my mom about this.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_00: Two, it feels so good to feel like I think the whole evolution and me feeling the full scope of emotions and owning what I who I really am, irregardless of what my family or people around me think, and being able to acknowledge my truths has led me to my truth is I'm actually really good at this.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's really easy, and that's why I take it for granted.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: And oh my God, imagine if I took it seriously.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_00: So here we go.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's also funny that you kind of like categorized it as like this part of yourself that your mother wouldn't have accepted or something, which is why it was always over here on the side.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: But I feel like it was just interesting because the whole time with the business, it felt so trying to do the other business just felt so draining to you.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_01: And this was something that was just like, oh, but this is paying the bills, this is easy, whatever.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like, obviously, this is the thing.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I do feel like you have this really on camera and just your voice, like you are really natural to watch and entertaining, and like it makes so much sense.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: And like it was just so cool to have that kind of come forward at the end because it was just kind of like it's kind of like I feel like when people have this moment of understanding their purpose where it was like this thing that they knew all along, but they were just like not fully owning, like it was that kind of a thing.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like to some degree, like I mentioned at the beginning of our conversation, like that part of me that I hid that's like modeling, acting, singing, creative, artsy part of me, which is so odd because my family does value those kind of people and talk about how we have lots of those people in our family, but I didn't give myself that permission for whatever reason.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: But that is now coming out of the closet, and I'm owning it and being like, this is a part of me, and always has been.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've spent countless hours standing on my bed singing, dancing, and modeling in the mirror.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: And now people are paying me to do this good money, yeah.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm hiding it, I'm pretending that this is that's not really something that I do to some degree.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I have people have seen me out there and like, is this you?
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, that's me.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it actually feels really freeing and good in a similar way to when I finally was just owning that this is the lifestyle I want for my family to my my brother and my mom and owning it, and it just felt finally good.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't have guilt over it, or this isn't what I should be doing.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's that same layer.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited about it.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's it's self-acceptance, right?
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so much of this work is like embracing your inner child that you've compartmentalized, but also like embracing all parts of yourself and not making yourself wrong.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: And for like things that are just you, but you're you think it's wrong because this person won't like it or that person won't like it, or whatever it is.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_01: And now you're just allowing yourself to just fully accept all parts of you and let them all be like integrated.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it's huge.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's huge to go from like thinking that something is so wrong or bad or something or not okay to being just, yep, this is who I am and what I'm doing.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's a huge shift.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is, it's a huge shift.
• 50:56
  SPEAKER_00: I always hear in my head, you're saying like not to make yourself wrong.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think you've said that to me a thousand times.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because that has been one of my biggest struggles, I think, over this year is to not make myself like I know what I really want, but I feel a lot of the urges just felt wrong for whatever reason.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're not showing up as your complete self, like in your power.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're not showing up in your power.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: Which makes everything harder is what I've learned.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: It makes everything harder and more uncomfortable and more confusing.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I have so much more like clarity and I feel understand belief and trust in these deeper, like heart or gut-led urges to just go for them.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I think you've done a really good job with that I just want to touch on before we finish, too, is like applying the tools in the moment, like, especially being able to use the inner child healing process and recognize what's happening in each moment.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I forget, I remember I was in Spain when we were talking about it.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think it might have been something going on in the world that you got triggered by and you were really able to like recognize exactly what was happening and use the inner child healing process.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: So when you talk about just how you've been able to apply that for yourself in the moment, I got super triggered about some political thing.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know I don't remember what it was.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no one's that's not happening to anyone this year.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so super triggered.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I it was just like pulling me down and pulling me down, and I was like, this is crazy.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then going through your inner child process made me realize actually, this is nothing to do with that.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it has to do, I'm trying, I'm forgetting what exactly I labeled it had to do with, but it was something about me.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: It was like something within myself, deep within myself, that was actually the reason I was being triggered by this thing, which is always, which is always a thing.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's the funny thing, is why people get so triggered by what's going on the world stage is because of their unmet needs from their inner child.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and so it was just cool to see that whole like how it was all connected.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was so perfect because it's instead of these deeper familial, like things that have been happening for years, it was just like a one-off, like more of a one-off current event thing.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it was cool to be able to see how even with that, you can work through this inner child process, and it's still helpful because anytime now we know, anytime I'm triggered, it's something going on within me and myself.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: It has nothing to do with the thing that triggered me really at all.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just brought something up, and that was cool because it was it was more tangible once I got there.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I and immediately I was like, oh, okay, I'll work on that, you know, and then you work through journaling or breathe breath work on the thing that it is actually about, and it had nothing to do with politics.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're able to come back to your power very quickly.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was feeling powerless about there's nothing I can do about this situation, but really there is.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: If we can get back to our power, that's where we make the we show up and make the biggest impact in the world.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like it doesn't have to be a direct shot.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: A hundred percent.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a really important connection to that.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: I've been making is anytime you feel powerless, or anytime you feel like you don't have power, you immediately know that your inner child is triggered.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly what it is.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you're a kid, you feel powerless and those unmet needs that you had, you felt powerless around getting those needs met or getting the love that you wanted, or whatever it is.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, like you can automatically know if you don't feel like you're in your power, if you feel powerless to change something, like inner child healing process immediately.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think through the inner child healing process and going through that many times over the year, you just start to connect more deeply and fully to your intuition, which is something I've talked about for years in terms of maternal intuition, that like we all have it and it's not valued or talked about or accessed very often.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_00: But like I I understand that on a whole new level in many other contexts as well now, which feels really empowering to be able to like go in and see what's really going on.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you teach that really well in a way that's like not overwhelming.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_00: Once you get it, it's a little it's a little hard the first few times.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_00: Once you get it, it clicks and it's it's accessible so easily, so quickly.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you did a really good job of like you had these moments where like, wait, explain this to me again, explain it again.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_01: What you know, but then you got it.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_01: But it just because again, I think it's also like when it's you, it's harder to see because you're so wrapped up in your stuff.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: If I was to explain it to you about someone else or something that has not that you're not attached to, it would be a lot easier to see.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_01: But when it's your stuff, it feels confusing because you have so much emotion around it, it's hard to see.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's easy to get lost in your own mind and body and psyche because there's so many routes and paths you can take.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_00: And to have someone like yourself to guide you and bring you back to just the outside voice is so helpful in making this a lot more accessible and usable and like transformational.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_01: And is there anything else you wanted to say or share before we complete?
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, just so much gratitude and so worth taking the leap.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I would have never, I did not know what to expect.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_00: And like at the end of this year, I'm just like, wow.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like so much has happened and shifted that it just feels it's been amazing.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_00: So grateful for your mentorship and your guidance all this time.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_01: And it was incredible to just watch everything unfold this year, especially with your unique circumstances.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it was perfect too because it brought so much up, just like being in that situation.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_01: It was so perfect.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, we'll have to have you back on once you settle and find your place so we can get updated.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, talking about I'd love to come back and talk about business.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited for where it goes.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: Bye.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for being here.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_01: Don't forget to follow the show on Apple or Spotify.
• 57:56
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• 58:00
  SPEAKER_01: When you leave a review, send us a screenshot and we'll send you a$250 credit that you can apply to joining anything new in my world.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_01: You can stay connected with me by following me on Instagram at Elise underscore breeds.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure you download my Clear Trauma Cheat Sheet at elisebreeds.com.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: See you next time.