Latest / Trudge Report / Ep. 123 - The Weight Is Lifted: Growing Up, Staying Humble & Building a New Life

Transcript

Ep. 123 - The Weight Is Lifted: Growing Up, Staying Humble & Building a New Life · Trudge Report

0:07
SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to another episode of Trudge Report.
0:12
SPEAKER_00: We are a recovery-based podcast.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: My name is Greg.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: Our normal uh host, Sean, is rumored to have been kidnapped by himself.
0:22
SPEAKER_00: Cartel members, and maybe himself, but but mostly cartel members.
0:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, we tried to hire Liam Neeson to go in after him, but the price was a little bit too high.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: So um, as usual in these kind of circumstances, thoughts and prayers.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: That's all the action that we can do around here.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Right.
0:38
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
0:38
SPEAKER_00: Um but I am joined by my good friends, fellow Trudgers, Corey and Dan.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: Please remember to listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: Our videos will still be posted each week, so you can watch episodes on YouTube and Facebook.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: But as always, be sure to download on your listening platforms.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: Remember to like and subscribe on all social media outlets with Handle at Trudge Report Pod.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: This podcast is brought to you by Stella Mix Podcast Management and the lovely Janine Stella.
1:12
SPEAKER_00: Gentlemen, how are we this evening?
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: Another fine Sunday.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: Dan, let's let's start with you.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: You're you're mobile.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: You're mobile this evening.
1:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, we're cooking.
1:23
SPEAKER_05: We're uh we're riding through Ohio right now.
1:25
SPEAKER_05: Probably mid mid-episode.
1:26
SPEAKER_05: We'll be coming up by your way there, Gregory.
1:28
SPEAKER_05: Nice.
1:30
SPEAKER_01: You should stop by and punch them.
1:33
SPEAKER_05: Stop by mid-episode, dude.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: Swing on through.
1:37
SPEAKER_04: Jude walk right into the room.
1:40
SPEAKER_04: What are you doing?
1:41
SPEAKER_04: What are you doing in here?
1:42
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
1:45
SPEAKER_05: I will find you.
1:46
SPEAKER_05: That's all I too is great that Liam needs it.
1:49
SPEAKER_05: All I heard was his voice right there.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: I will find you.
1:53
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
1:54
SPEAKER_05: Uh we had a good week, man.
1:55
SPEAKER_05: We ended softball uh yesterday.
1:57
SPEAKER_05: We lost in the playoffs, but uh I mean my had a terrific season, man.
2:01
SPEAKER_05: She really did.
2:02
SPEAKER_05: She had last two games that I let her bat lefty, man, and she got two hits last.
2:07
SPEAKER_05: Pretty cool.
2:08
SPEAKER_05: And uh eight-year-old playing with ten-year-old girls, and uh it's pretty it's pretty phenomenal, man.
2:17
SPEAKER_05: It's pretty awesome to watch and see her growth and everything like that.
2:21
SPEAKER_05: And um right now we're on the road driving to Connecticut because my son is graduating eighth grade tomorrow, and he's gonna be a high schooler.
2:28
SPEAKER_05: So I'm officially older as I he he hit a deer.
2:37
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think he hit a deer.
2:42
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah, she got she got my mom an extra ticket and everything.
2:47
SPEAKER_05: So, like, that's good.
2:48
SPEAKER_05: Everything's on the the up and up, man.
2:50
SPEAKER_05: And Alyssa starts her uh job tomorrow, first day tomorrow.
2:53
SPEAKER_05: So we got a lot of a lot of good stuff cooking right now, the whole in the whole family, man.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: That's good.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna we're gonna act like you didn't cut out for most of that.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: But congratulations to Alyssa.
3:07
SPEAKER_01: I see it now.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: There it goes.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: Corey house housed things down in uh beautiful Florida.
3:16
SPEAKER_01: Uh it's getting hot, dude.
3:19
SPEAKER_01: It's getting hot, and this is this is yeah, I I hate this state.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: I really do.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: I don't hate actually well, I don't hate I hate the state.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: I hate the climate of the state, really.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: Um so whatever.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: That's where we're at, dude.
3:34
SPEAKER_01: Um I saw Noah Khan on Friday.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: And phenomenal.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: Phenomenal.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: So I will say this.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: We we all know that I just came off a disappointing Dave Matthews weekend a couple weeks ago, and uh so it's it's possible that Noah Khan could have farted in a microphone and I would have been like, this is awesome.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: But it was it was phenomenal, dude.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: It was a great concert, and like I got all the songs I wanted to hear.
4:06
SPEAKER_01: He wasn't even supposed to play them, and and I got them and God, and you know what, dude?
4:13
SPEAKER_01: More relevant to conversation, probably, but I don't know how you feel about this.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: But man, every now and again, like we go to a lot of amphitheaters.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: Every now and again, I do like a little arena show, man.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, oh I I love I love an arena show, it just depends on it.
4:29
SPEAKER_00: There's there's several factors there.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: Where was it?
4:32
SPEAKER_01: It was at the Kia Center where we saw Monday Night Raw back in 2019, if you remember.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah, so so a decent sized venue.
4:40
SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, the they just gotta have it set up right, man, because uh a lot of times those inside venues, um, the acoustics get lost, especially depending on what kind of show it is.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: If it's uh usually the instrumental shows do okay, but like if there's if there's heavy uh you know um backing tracks or something like that, the sound can get really lost and really muffled in a setting like that.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I love a good arena show.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: Um when you and I went and saw Dave in like the fourth row, um, I I had zero hearing for the next three days, but it was well worth it.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: So um but I think when you're like sitting up higher uh and you can kind of see it and take in the whole thing, pretty awesome.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: But it's cool um getting to go see like you know, um not your typical, not your typical shows, you know.
5:32
SPEAKER_00: Um and and uh kind of spread the variety around.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: Um to tell you the truth, uh and you know, uh, I mean our our buddy Mark uh bought the tickets, but he uh he him and his wife are coming into town.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: We're going to see Post Malone in a couple weeks.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: And you know, like I like that wasn't like on my bucket list, and I certainly don't think I would have paid for the tickets necessarily to go see it.
5:59
SPEAKER_00: But it's at the Brown Stadium, and I'm pumped for it, dude.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: Like it's gonna be you know.
6:06
SPEAKER_01: So I've heard he's a good show, and but so that's the thing I don't love stadiums, but they just you know that whatever.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: I saw Motley Crue.
6:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was Motley Crue, and they were fucking awful.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: But that might have something to do with it.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: That had a lot to do with it.
6:27
SPEAKER_01: I think that's my only stadium show was Motley Crue and Def Leopard.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: Def Leopard sounded good, but it was almost like just putting on the radio, like it was yeah, it was almost like you may as well not have even been there.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
6:39
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I don't know.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: It it was a really good show.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: I needed that so so badly.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: And uh we uh we got we actually had seats in the same row as Kyle and Joe, and with two seats in between us.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: So there was so we got there and there was these two girls there, and apparently uh we were gonna we were planning on asking them to switch, but I guess uh Joe leaned over and said, Hey, I'll give you guys 30 bucks if you switch seats with our friends over here, and so she been motor been with them 30 bucks.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Um instead of just asking for instead of just asking.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: I guess she I guess she didn't want to take the chance.
7:17
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
7:19
SPEAKER_01: But it fucking worked, I guess, you know.
7:23
SPEAKER_04: Damn.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: Well, Joe is Joe's out 30 bucks.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: So whatever.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: But yeah.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh so we we got to sit next to Kyle and Joe, and that was fun.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: And then Sean and Catherine were in the section over from us, so we met up with them right after the show and took some pictures and talked about.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: Sean hasn't been seen since.
7:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I guess I don't know.
7:47
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if the kidnapping happened that night or what, but I don't know.
7:54
SPEAKER_04: Do you guys all get tickets and don't get them together?
7:58
SPEAKER_01: Um not on purp.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: No, not on purpose.
8:02
SPEAKER_01: It was a convoluted story of them trying to leave me out of fun things.
8:06
SPEAKER_05: And yeah, not at the same time, not buying them at the same time.
8:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: And we actually, dude, we didn't even think we bought them in the same row.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: We went for the same section and was like, oh well, we'll be near each other.
8:20
SPEAKER_01: And then we found out we were, you know, two seats away from each other, which was funny.
8:23
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: That was good luck there, but I will say this.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: The fucking nosebleeds are an understatement, dude.
8:32
SPEAKER_01: We were up there, like scary.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, like our Kyle was like, yeah, Kyle was like, I'm not standing up.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: There's no way I'm standing up.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: But we all know.
8:42
SPEAKER_01: But uh, yeah, it was scary.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: And all I could think was actually I can't even say it.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: I can't say it.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: But what?
8:51
SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'll say it.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: All I can think is Owen Hart fell from this fucking distance.
8:57
SPEAKER_01: R I B R I P, dude.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: But um it's high up there, dude.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: It's high up there, but it sounded great.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: So anyway, that was that was the highlight of my weekend, and uh desperately needed a good show.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, on the rebound, man.
9:13
SPEAKER_05: You needed a bad.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was the happiest I've been in six months.
9:19
SPEAKER_04: That's what it takes, nothing to do with anything else.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh no, and then you came crashing back to reality the following day.
9:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh yes, actually.
9:31
SPEAKER_01: That's very accurate.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: So real life co game.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: Indeed.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
9:38
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, so what's up with you, Greg?
9:41
SPEAKER_00: Um, not a whole lot, man.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: Busy week at work.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh we uh Peyton had a baseball game on Friday night.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: They won 16 to 5.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: I know I've been um hammering Dan with this uh as of late, but I'll tell you right now, the first year of kid pitch baseball is brutal.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: I mean, these games are dragging on three hours, dude.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: For five innings, for five innings.
10:09
SPEAKER_05: Like it's it is brutal, especially when it's like a love band.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: That's a real love band right there to watch like and it's a weekday day, which again, I this is all self-imposed, so I do this myself.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: But like my ass is up early in the morning to go to the gym, and then I work all day for 10 hours, and then I drive home and I gotta like eat and everything.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: And and Lauren, Lauren's always like, Well, you know, if you're too tired, you don't have to come.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: But I I don't like uh there's no way I'm gonna not be there for him when he's playing baseball.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: So of course I'm gonna go.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, man, like these things would do they drag on till nine o'clock at night, and it's just like god, because the kids are pitching, dude.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: So, like, you you you have you go through the entire batting rotation and then some in one inning because they're just throwing balls left and right, and like god blessing they're they're all kids, man.
11:03
SPEAKER_00: And you just gotta let them have fun for it and love the game of baseball and whatever, but yeah, dude, like 16 to 5.
11:11
SPEAKER_00: The game before that, they lost like 19 to 15.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: It was just absolutely brutal, but um, yeah, so um, but they won.
11:22
SPEAKER_00: He had a he had a couple nice hits, a couple nice walks.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, so yeah.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: And then yeah, we were gonna go to a baseball game today.
11:31
SPEAKER_00: We were gonna go to uh some triple A ball.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: We we had tickets for it.
11:36
SPEAKER_00: It's been a beautiful week.
11:37
SPEAKER_00: It's been in the 90s, it's been like that too hot, you know, all week long.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: And then it was beautiful this morning, and then wouldn't you know it, dude?
11:45
SPEAKER_00: We're on the way to the game, and like tornado-like weather strikes.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: There's just this massive storm, winds blowing.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: We get to the stadium, we sit it up, sit there for a few minutes.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: We're like, maybe it'll all blow over.
11:58
SPEAKER_00: It's Ohio, like the weather's bipolar, but it did not happen, and the game was cancelled.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: So uh we went to the Chinese.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it w it was nice.
12:10
SPEAKER_04: It was it was nuts, bro.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: So thankfully, uh, they don't they don't do refunds for minor league baseball.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: So uh we can but we do have vouchers, we can choose another game.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: That is good.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: And uh then yeah, then then we went to the Chinese buffet, which was a huge mistake.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: I feel like absolute shit now.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: But it was great going down.
12:35
SPEAKER_05: Dude, dude, what uh what the uh what was it?
12:38
SPEAKER_05: I think it was last week, Greg.
12:39
SPEAKER_05: Alyssa hit Maya with the thunder man freaking uh sitting there watching these games, and Maya was being lazy, like super lazy in the field.
12:47
SPEAKER_05: Like just like you could see it all over her.
12:49
SPEAKER_05: And when we got home, I know like Alyssa never gets mad about softball at all.
12:53
SPEAKER_05: I'm always the one that has to say something to her.
12:55
SPEAKER_04: And she got mad, dude, and she said, I spend two plus hours watching you play softball.
13:02
SPEAKER_04: The least you can do is give us full effort, please.
13:06
SPEAKER_04: I was like, dude, I was like, uh, straight thunder stick, man.
13:10
SPEAKER_04: I was like, oh man, dude, Jesus.
13:14
SPEAKER_04: Next game, though, she was on it, on it.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: No, we had to I had to, you know, pull pull Peyton uh, you know, the next day we went out to the park in the sweltering heat and we worked on some batting a little bit, dude.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Like, because that that's the other thing is like dude, dude, uh you when when we're out here practicing, you're you're like giving it your all, man.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: And then in the game, you're like you're like barely swinging.
13:38
SPEAKER_00: It's like, come on, dude.
13:39
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: But they're kids, man.
13:41
SPEAKER_00: They're gonna learn.
13:42
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
13:43
SPEAKER_05: Just let it rip, man.
13:44
SPEAKER_05: Don't no no fear.
13:46
SPEAKER_05: That's what I was telling my.
13:47
SPEAKER_05: I said, No fear, just let it go, man.
13:49
SPEAKER_00: That's right.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's that's the long and short of it.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: Uh, anybody got any anything crazy pressing?
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Surprise, nobody burning desires.
14:00
SPEAKER_00: Do we have any burning desires?
14:02
SPEAKER_00: Do we do we have any um gripes and qualms about the fact that as of right now, in this moment, the president has a UFC fight going on on the front lawn of the White House?
14:14
SPEAKER_05: Or I don't know how anybody can be mad about that.
14:18
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I can't wait to see he was mad about it tomorrow, though.
14:21
SPEAKER_05: I'm super excited to hear it and see it all tomorrow.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm not even like a diehard UFC guy.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I watch a little bit.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: Always loved watching McGregor.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and and if a few of those guys, man, from way back in the old school, but Chuck Liddell and all those, those guys were badass.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, I mean, I just don't I don't understand like the hate for it.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: I think it's awesome.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Everybody's like, well, no other president has tarnished that.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: Well, first off, I don't know if it's tarnishing.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: Second off, it's the 250th uh celebration of America.
14:59
SPEAKER_01: Pretty sure, pretty sure we had a fucking pride celebration on it a few years ago.
15:03
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we did.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: Which like I didn't bitch about that.
15:11
SPEAKER_00: I don't fucking care if they do that tomorrow, but who cares?
15:15
SPEAKER_00: But no, I I think it's I think it's pretty sweet.
15:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, and again, I'm not I'm not a diehard UFC guy, but yeah, why not?
15:23
SPEAKER_00: I I I think it'd be cool if there was a freaking WWE match.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's it.
15:27
SPEAKER_01: That's the only way I could get any better.
15:29
SPEAKER_00: Vince McMahon versus Donald Trump, loser has to shave his head on the front lawn of the White House.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: Sounds familiar, but yeah.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes, indeed.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: I'd I'd be down for that.
15:43
SPEAKER_05: I'm down for any any any human connection to like politics and the White House, dude.
15:48
SPEAKER_05: Like he was like, I liked Obama, dude, because he was more of a real person that related to like play basketball, shooting hoops and stuff like that.
15:55
SPEAKER_05: Like that's why you and C and that stuff, like that's normal people stuff invited into the White House to politics.
16:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh I always think that stuff's cool.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: You know, which side of the aisle you're on, you know.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Um I think that is awesome.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: They they do get dehumanized pretty quickly.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: That's true.
16:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, that's cool.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: And dude, fuck yeah, America, you know?
16:22
SPEAKER_01: 250th this year.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: I don't I would have done this probably in July.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think July 4th is literally on a Saturday, but whatever.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: That's fine.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: We can do it today.
16:33
SPEAKER_05: We were trying to play it today because that would have been a whole hoopla.
16:37
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: All right.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, no, no more burning desires.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: We'll go right into uh the recovery topic.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: I thought um it'd be good and you know, we'd just play it fast and loose, boys.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: I know you you both know how to do that, but uh um no, I thought that that last week's episode concerning you know our first 30 days of sobriety was was cool.
17:02
SPEAKER_00: I think it we we touched on a lot of stuff, and I think I just wanted to kind of expand on that and go, you know, like one year, and um in that first year, what are some things that we found out about ourselves?
17:16
SPEAKER_00: What are some things that we found out about each other?
17:20
SPEAKER_00: What what are some uh some of the cool, amazing, awesome stuff that happened, and maybe some of the pitfalls that those in early recovery might look to avoid.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: So I know that a lot there as Corey rolls his eyes.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:39
SPEAKER_00: Hammer in on it, big dog.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: Let's hear it.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
17:44
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, um what did we talk about last week?
17:48
SPEAKER_01: First 30 days-ish, kinda, yeah.
17:51
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I mean, I don't know.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, from there on, you should be getting more and more uh grown up, if you will.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: I think.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
18:03
SPEAKER_01: I and at least that's how it felt like to me.
18:05
SPEAKER_01: And um, I swear this isn't a dig, but you and Dan were both I don't know, fucking however much older you are than me.
18:14
SPEAKER_01: Ten years older than me, something like that.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: That's a jab.
18:18
SPEAKER_01: It's it normally would be a jab, but I have a point.
18:20
SPEAKER_01: So like I'm interested to hear it from your point of view, from both of your point points of view.
18:26
SPEAKER_01: By like in the way that you had lives, right?
18:29
SPEAKER_01: To some degree at least, right?
18:31
SPEAKER_01: You had you had done adult things.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: Like, I like I hadn't paid taxes before getting sober.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Put it that way.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: I literally never filed taxes before I got sober.
18:39
SPEAKER_01: So from my perspective, there was a lot of growing up to do in the first year, and like Dan definitely remembers that.
18:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, I didn't I had zero life skills at all.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, you it I was naive, say the least.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and um but you know, it was uh it was a year of going to work on time even early and forming relationships with people that weren't completely selfish and self-serving, and um, like I said, paying my taxes, or not why I'd already paid them, but filing my taxes, uh shit like that, you know, just a lot of uh a lot of growing up, I guess.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: And um, I spent a decent amount of time from what I remember attempting to help people.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: Uh that see, I think that was important to both Dan and I.
19:33
SPEAKER_01: We we I think we were consistent with the amount of recovery we were involved in throughout that whole first year, right?
19:40
SPEAKER_01: I swear I'd like, you know what I mean?
19:42
SPEAKER_01: Like, I think there could be a notion that, like, oh, I got six months now, I can dial it back, or whatever, and um, or whatever, you know.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: That that kind of mentality is kind of dangerous no matter what phase of recovery you're in, no matter no matter how much time you have.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: It's like this is what I think of myself, so I'm so I should be the judge of how much or little I should do in recovery.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: Um and I just I just know that the pedal was to the middle for for pretty much the first year and beyond, but like we didn't really let up, and um I'm sorry if you hear my fucking doorbell going off.
20:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure if you do or not.
20:24
SPEAKER_01: But um and I don't know, I I met Gabby at like eight months sober, I think.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh so you know, started to learn how to be in a relationship, and then failed miserably for a couple of years, and probably still fail miserably at times, but like probably uh but I feel like I I've learned more and more as you go.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: Like it's kind of I mean it's like life, right?
20:51
SPEAKER_01: You just learn more and more as you go, no matter what you do, and um, in every instance.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: But but I don't know.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: The um overall I like I said, I like I said as a joke earlier in in our in our group chat when we were talking about what we were gonna say tonight.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: Uh I said that the first year was my best year yet, and it's been downhill since then.
21:16
SPEAKER_01: I was sem semi-joking, but I do the truth in it is that the first year was very fun for me.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: It was very fun, like it wasn't so much a struggle to stay sober, right?
21:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, like I said, active in recovery, active in our recovery groups, active in trying to help people, active in you know, prayer and meditation life for the most part.
21:41
SPEAKER_01: Uh fairly consistent, I'll say.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: And life was pretty good.
21:46
SPEAKER_01: And not only that, but like for anybody that's bitching about being halfway house, like, trust me, there's plenty of time to bitch when you have like triple the amount of bills and stuff.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: So like it like it's like take that time now.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Take that time now because hopefully, if you do this right, you're never going to see this life again.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
22:07
SPEAKER_01: Just like you don't go back to high school, you don't go, well, you could go back to college, but you know what I mean?
22:11
SPEAKER_01: Like once hopefully you will stay sober lifelong, and that phase of your life will never happen again.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: So it's like take the moment to pay the$125 a week or whatever it is.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, and kind of put everything else on the back burner, bite your recovery.
22:30
SPEAKER_01: I think that's what most of the first year was was like for me was just just do the recovery stuff before anything else.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: You know, Dan, you're getting fucking honked at dude.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: You need the speed up.
22:44
SPEAKER_01: I got a horse trailer coming.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll shut up for now until we get rolling.
22:56
SPEAKER_01: Danny, what about you, man?
22:57
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, dude.
22:58
SPEAKER_05: I mean, uh, hey, if I cut out, just let me know.
23:00
SPEAKER_05: Just start talking over me.
23:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh, but uh, yeah, dude, I I I think like the biggest thing, honestly, in that first year, like Corey said, we were deep in it and all that stuff.
23:10
SPEAKER_05: But uh, even even now to this day, it's very important.
23:13
SPEAKER_05: It's that your ego doesn't get big enough where you can't tuck your tail and just listen to someone else and take that advice.
23:19
SPEAKER_05: You know, in my first year, I had no problem listening to anyone that traveled the road before me.
23:25
SPEAKER_05: And that was like my biggest thing of people and people like should do is like whether it's in the rooms, whether it's with your mentor or what whether whoever it is, man, like there's so many people that were in our circle.
23:37
SPEAKER_05: You know, we go to breakfast and there'd be like 20 people, you know, and I would latch on to all these different people and hang out with them, and I would heed their advice.
23:45
SPEAKER_05: You know, did the advice always work out?
23:47
SPEAKER_05: No.
23:47
SPEAKER_05: But I always had that that thought and that feeling that I ended up where I was because of me, but maybe someone else knows a little better than me.
23:55
SPEAKER_05: You know, I feel like that's like that's a huge thing that I carry with me to uh today.
24:00
SPEAKER_05: Like even in my job, in my relationship as a parent, you know, I ask people questions.
24:05
SPEAKER_05: I mean, me and Greg talk about all the time, parenting stuff, you know, dealing with exodus, like stuff.
24:10
SPEAKER_05: Like it's you, you, you really, and that's that first year, I think it's like so critical to not all of a sudden get to the point Corey was talking about.
24:19
SPEAKER_05: Uh, well, we saw so many people.
24:21
SPEAKER_05: Six months, I got I got a job, I got some money, I got a girlfriend, you know.
24:26
SPEAKER_05: Maybe I wasn't that bad.
24:27
SPEAKER_05: I could start doing this and doing that.
24:29
SPEAKER_05: But um it just and product your environment, man.
24:33
SPEAKER_05: We hung around each other, you know.
24:35
SPEAKER_05: Like Corey said, he had no life skills.
24:36
SPEAKER_05: I was literally legit his alarm clock for the first like six, for the first like six months, man.
24:42
SPEAKER_05: I had to wake him up every single morning, you know.
24:44
SPEAKER_05: But that's and like uh Corey was saying, like being older and having a life and stuff like that.
24:49
SPEAKER_05: When I was in the uh in the treatment house, which of those treatment houses were so badass.
24:54
SPEAKER_05: That was that was fun.
24:56
SPEAKER_05: Those houses were ridiculous.
24:58
SPEAKER_05: But uh when I uh when I was in those houses, man, I was with all these young kids and they're all playing around and stuff like that.
25:04
SPEAKER_05: And I kind of took the role as dad, you know what I mean, like pretty important, and it gave me a purpose, you know, and like that that was kind of important too to find a find a purpose, you know, within your sobriety that's not getting high or drinking.
25:18
SPEAKER_05: You know, that was that was like super important to me.
25:20
SPEAKER_05: And it made me feel like not responsible for other people, but it gave me duties to do to keep me busy, you know what I mean?
25:27
SPEAKER_05: While I started getting into work, into the work and doing all that stuff.
25:31
SPEAKER_05: But uh yeah, and that's like staying active in the recovery and all that stuff.
25:35
SPEAKER_05: But that's I feel like that also clashes back to the product of your environment.
25:39
SPEAKER_05: Who are you hanging out with?
25:41
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
25:41
SPEAKER_05: Like Corey knows like the I was close with a lot of people that you know what I mean, they they were for the first six months, they were deep in it and stuff like that.
25:49
SPEAKER_05: You know, I lived with a couple of them, then they slowly fade away and stuff like that because they started getting things.
25:54
SPEAKER_05: And I didn't hang out with them like that, you know what I mean, because I knew that's not what I wanted it, you know, that that's your choice that you can make in your recovery.
26:02
SPEAKER_05: It's uh what do you want and what do you want to be around?
26:05
SPEAKER_05: You know, and also like another big thing for me is like first year, like working in treatment.
26:11
SPEAKER_05: Yes, you can do it, you know.
26:13
SPEAKER_05: Yes, people can do it.
26:14
SPEAKER_05: You gotta have a strong base for it, man.
26:16
SPEAKER_05: Because we've also seen a lot of people doing that where that replaces their recovery.
26:20
SPEAKER_05: And in your first year, you need to really get focused on you and get all that help, man, and not not transfer that to other people.
26:27
SPEAKER_05: And you think you're doing it at uh at a treatment center, you know.
26:31
SPEAKER_05: That was like one thing for me was like getting life back, like you know what I mean, getting other life stuff back and doing all that jazz, getting a job, halfway house, best time of life, three-quarter house.
26:42
SPEAKER_05: You know, I'll go back to that any day of the week.
26:45
SPEAKER_05: It was so easy, you know.
26:46
SPEAKER_05: When people complain about that, it makes me nuts.
26:48
SPEAKER_05: It was like just such an easy, it's such an easy transfer.
26:51
SPEAKER_05: But um, yeah, man, I really just think like tucking your ego to listen to other people is huge because you see stubbornness or whatever you want to call it, man, that I know better is uh I carry it to me this day, you know.
27:02
SPEAKER_05: Even my work, man.
27:03
SPEAKER_05: There's there's 40 different ways to do things that I do at work.
27:06
SPEAKER_05: And if someone has a better idea, or even if it's a new guy that's been here a week, I'll listen to him.
27:11
SPEAKER_05: You know, you gotta.
27:12
SPEAKER_05: I think that's like super vital and very important, and what really helped me in my first year.
27:18
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
27:18
SPEAKER_00: And I think uh really with us really with us what the the common thread, I think, w as I look back on on everything that we've all gone through and what we talk about is is the simplicity of the first year, I think is so vital.
27:37
SPEAKER_00: It's it I I like what you said, Corey, about like you know, wanting to hear it from like an older person's perspective.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think Dan and I are Dan's uh a little bit younger than me by like some months, but um I think we're both like 31 when we got sober, you know, Corey or much younger, but in in a sense, we were all kind of infantile in the beginning, you know, um starting starting back over from scratch again, truly coming in having nothing, um, really not having anyone.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's why, you know, we talked about last week, you know, um, not listening to the people that said don't make friends and treatment.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: And I I was you know, kind of right along with that.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: You you you gotta know you gotta have that intuition about who's who's really there for the right reasons and everything, and sticking close with the good people.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: But I I don't think because you know, we were all kind of in the same boat, man.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: So you of course you're gonna gravitate towards the people that are like you and try and develop meaningful relationships.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: But I think that the simplicity of that first year are the things that I think about um a lot and that that I always hearken back to is learning how to do things all over again from scratch, learning how to um get a menial job, you know, and and not go into it thinking that uh you know we're we're worth more, you know, like that that you know, hoity toity ego and and whatever, you know.
29:03
SPEAKER_00: I I I went and got a job, and I was I wasn't like a chef, you know.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: I was I was just like a line cook basically after I, you know, um had done the day labor thing.
29:14
SPEAKER_00: Just basically a line cook, and I did that for the first year, and it was a menial job, and some days it really sucked, and some days it pissed me off.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: And certainly like my paycheck was certainly not what I was normally accustomed to uh before I got sober, but yeah, those those old paychecks all got spent on dope.
29:30
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, you know, like they they all got blown.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, the uh the fact that uh I made just enough to pay for car insurance, put gas in my tank, pay the halfway house weekly, um, have a little bit of of of money aside that I could go do stuff with, you know, was was fine because we kept it simple.
29:53
SPEAKER_00: As much as I hate those those corny little sayings sometimes, like that's the the absolute truth is you know, um we didn't invite um some of the crazier stuff into life that we have nowadays, and I think that that's such a recipe for success because uh you have to learn how to do this all over again.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: You have to I remember going to Sean um early on.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I don't know, maybe six to eight months in.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: And I'm we had a a financial talk, and it was right around the time that I was, you know, had had started doing some amends and all that.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm like, you know, what how the hell do I save money, Sean?
30:33
SPEAKER_00: Like, how do I do that?
30:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, and like we started talking about budgeting, and then we started about talking about like playing this game where we like look at our phone every morning and see how much money we can save, even if it's like five dollars more than last week, you know, and and little stuff like that that was a good foundation to build on.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: But I think that you know, um in the in the early days of it, you know, I went to a lot of meetings, uh, you know, probably a meeting almost every day, I think.
31:08
SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't because that was like a rule that I got told I had to do or or that my mentor told me I had to be at a at a meeting every single night.
31:18
SPEAKER_00: I just I was on fire for it.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: I enjoyed it.
31:21
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to go.
31:23
SPEAKER_00: We we went to the bowling alley a few nights, probably saw Corey working back there.
31:27
SPEAKER_00: Uh behind.
31:28
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I gave you guys a fucking discount.
31:29
SPEAKER_01: I know that.
31:31
SPEAKER_01: Little bastards probably only paid for shoes.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: I remember I remember when, you know, um not too long after I met Dan, I remember like along the lines of like the menial job thing, because a lot of us had him at that point, and I remember being like, Oh, Dan's got this shit figured out because he works for the city, he's got himself any job, you know.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: Hell yeah, you know.
31:58
SPEAKER_01: That was great, Dan.
31:59
SPEAKER_01: I remember when you got that job, we were so we were so happy for you.
32:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, that was a good one.
32:05
SPEAKER_05: Uh no, I know that Alyssa ruined it.
32:08
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, such a good job.
32:13
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
32:15
SPEAKER_05: I'd be I'd be retired in like 10 years, probably a full pension and everything, but no, yeah, oh yeah, no, no, you had to go and be turtle, didn't you?
32:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I legit.
32:32
SPEAKER_04: I legit according to us, I legit would go home and I'd sleep for like three hours.
32:36
SPEAKER_05: They told me to just like, hey, when you're done with your work, you work too fast, just uh go figure something out to do.
32:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, city, city were city works, like it's it's crazy.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: I I um in my line of work, I I deal with a lot of city employees, and like yeah, they're like two-hour lunch breaks on the big city baseball diamond and stuff like that, like or at the park or something like that.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: Just and they are the most like it in the construction business.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: Everything is like I need this now, now, now, now, now, now, now.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: Unless you're dealing with the city guys, and then they come in, they're like, Yeah, well, whatever, you know.
33:15
SPEAKER_04: So, yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:17
SPEAKER_04: Hey, six six weeks.
33:19
SPEAKER_04: All right, sounds good, thank you.
33:23
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, keeping it, keeping it simple.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, and there was something else you said in there, man, and I really wanted to like dig on that, but I it totally slipped my mind now what it is.
33:39
SPEAKER_01: Whatever, I don't know either.
33:40
SPEAKER_01: But you know what?
33:41
SPEAKER_01: I did think of something when you were talking about the car and stuff, because I had no vehicle for two years into sobriety, and uh, dude, so I'm sitting with a new guy um last week, and he's talking about how he just got a job at Publix.
33:55
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, that's a great first job in sobriety, dude.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: Publix is a good company to work for, so so I've been told.
34:02
SPEAKER_01: Um he goes, Yeah, but you know, I'm just gonna have to, I'm probably gonna have to Uber to work.
34:08
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, it's like music to my ears when I hear shit like that.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: It's like, yes, dude, yes, please spend six hundred dollars a month on Uber because it's you're gonna look back on it and you're gonna love it.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: And one day, one day you're gonna realize that, like, okay, I got my license back, and like, all right, so let's look into getting a car.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: Can I afford getting a car?
34:28
SPEAKER_01: And then you're gonna add up how much you spend on Uber, and then you're gonna go, Oh shit, I'm gonna save money by getting a car, you know?
34:35
SPEAKER_01: So that's exactly how it went for me, and I was stoked.
34:39
SPEAKER_01: Did you tell him damn?
34:40
SPEAKER_00: Did you tell him to take$400 and buy a nice bike and just bike his ass to work, or what?
34:46
SPEAKER_01: I I do think he has a bike.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: It might be out of it might be out of biking range.
34:51
SPEAKER_00: Boy, pump them legs, dude.
34:53
SPEAKER_00: How many do how many dudes down there do we do a bike like 30 miles to work?
34:59
SPEAKER_05: I understand what's biking range?
35:01
SPEAKER_05: I don't understand that.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: Our boy Ruben hitchhiked from Arizona to get to Florida.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: With a trash bag.
35:11
SPEAKER_00: With the trash bag.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: That was wild.
35:16
SPEAKER_01: That was wild.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, all those all those hardships and in the first year early recovery are are like gold, you know.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: It's like that's like the foundation of what you build upon is all the bullshit.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: Something something you did say, and I think that all three of us can relate, but like because so often, you know, by the people around us, by the the normies, by our wonderful uh parents and and family and friends, the oh, you know, the the the daily struggle of of sobriety and and everything like that.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: And you know, the more and more I think about it, like I don't remember struggling in that first year, aside to from what I've already been candid about, which was when like I left treatment and wasn't doing anything but going to work and hanging out with the people at the halfway house, you know, um and wasn't working on myself spiritually, but like why why do you guys think that is like the you know, we weren't we weren't struggling to stay sober.
36:22
SPEAKER_00: We were struggling in other things for sure, you know, like trying to do everything we just talked about, how to save money, how to how to get ahead in life, but why do you think we weren't struggling?
36:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think when you I think uh what the fuck did you just say, Dan?
36:41
SPEAKER_01: Dan, watch out, watch out for the other guy, okay?
36:45
SPEAKER_01: Okay, Dan.
36:46
SPEAKER_01: Um Dan has drugs in his remote car right now.
36:51
SPEAKER_01: Probably just so everybody's aware.
37:02
SPEAKER_01: You're you're just cutting in and out.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: It's fine.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: Um anyway, I think I think Greg to answer your to answer your question, uh God, I think when you've when you've had enough, um and not to say that you knew you were done, because I don't I think I kind of call bullshit on anybody that like knows they are done with drugs and alcohol, you know what I mean?
37:29
SPEAKER_01: Because like if you know that, then are you are you underestimating the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction, right?
37:37
SPEAKER_01: Because because coming to grips with that disease, it's kind of all about admitting that it's got you by the balls.
37:44
SPEAKER_00: So unless unless you're not of the hopeless variety, uh who can who can decide and choose when they're gonna be done.
37:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes, agreed.
37:55
SPEAKER_01: And uh, but I do think when your ass has been whooped enough by it, and uh you you are much more willing to do the things that we talk about every week um and and suggest for people that are new.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: And I don't know, like that first, like you said, like struggling to stay sober wasn't really a thing.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: Um guy and like I I think I said it before on here, I think, but like the last time I can remember um I don't know how to put it, like grip like uh dealing with the urge um was in treatment.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: Like I remember in treatment I I had a strong desire to go to use.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: And like strong enough that I was like making plans to do so.
38:47
SPEAKER_01: Um I don't really remember what happened.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: I stayed in treatment, so I you know, I I don't know.
38:53
SPEAKER_01: Um but regardless, I think um we we we become immersed in everything we're doing in recovery, I guess.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: All the spiritual activity, but like also the fellowship of going to Denny's and getting service commitments and whatever the fuck, dude.
39:16
SPEAKER_01: Just staying busy, right?
39:17
SPEAKER_01: We just stay busy in recovery and it it become like staying sober while it's like the main point of this whole thing, it almost starts to feel like a byproduct of everything we do because what we do and ends up making us like almost happy and content and like gives us purpose and joy and stuff like that.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: So staying sober becomes like it just it it just becomes like the thing that it just happens, you know what I mean?
39:50
SPEAKER_01: That's the miracle of it, as some literature would say.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: You know, is that a good way to put it?
39:57
SPEAKER_00: I think so.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: I my daughter also came in the room trying to flag me down just now, so I lost my train of thought like six times.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: And the fact that I hung on for that long was a miracle.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, impressive for sure.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: Dan, what about you?
40:15
SPEAKER_05: Uh yeah, am I good now?
40:16
SPEAKER_05: Are we good?
40:17
SPEAKER_05: I pulled off into a sheets.
40:18
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
40:19
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
40:20
SPEAKER_05: Am I sounding all right?
40:21
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
40:21
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, good.
40:22
SPEAKER_05: Okay, all right.
40:24
SPEAKER_05: What was the question again?
40:26
SPEAKER_05: I forgot.
40:26
SPEAKER_05: I was pulling off the highway myself.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, like why why um why do you guys think that is that you know we we talk about not struggling, you know, even though the the impression from a lot of people is that especially early in sobriety, it's just like a it's like a white knuckle.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I can't do this today.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: And and look, we we've come across and met and known people that have been like that, but I think with the three of us and and many people that we know, it wasn't a struggle.
40:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it wasn't a daily thing.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: And you know, I think it'd be cool to hear everybody's input on where that is.
41:04
SPEAKER_00: Almost just yeah, yeah, man.
41:07
SPEAKER_05: Man, I was uh I mean, like I was thinking like when you guys said that to me, like getting sober, you know, coming down to Florida with a trash bag of clothes and no clue what I was gonna do and all that stuff.
41:18
SPEAKER_05: But man, I don't know about you guys.
41:20
SPEAKER_05: I was living with the weight of the world while I was getting high.
41:24
SPEAKER_05: And when I came down to Florida and started gotten so you started getting sober, man, all that weight was gone.
41:30
SPEAKER_05: All I had to do was focus on me.
41:32
SPEAKER_05: There was none of the weight of all the people I lied to every single day.
41:36
SPEAKER_05: Lying to my boss, lying to my wife, lying to these people, you know, and doing all these nefarious things.
41:41
SPEAKER_05: And like for me, it was like all I gotta do is chase this sobriety thing, you know.
41:46
SPEAKER_05: Like to me, like that was that was the weight that was lifted for me.
41:49
SPEAKER_05: I was like, man, this is it not obviously not easy, you know.
41:53
SPEAKER_05: But like for me, like honestly, you know, like I first I went to treatment one time, you know.
41:58
SPEAKER_05: For me, it was like I made up my mind that I was done, and I was willing to do whatever it takes for me to stay done and for me to be okay, you know, and just going after that sobriety thing was like I was working towards a goal to make myself better, to be present for me, for my family, you know, for my kids and all that stuff.
42:18
SPEAKER_05: And yeah, it was really honestly like such a weight was lifted just being there, you know, and like my family supporting me, and just just the bare minimum of all these people happy that I'm just alive.
42:31
SPEAKER_05: I didn't have to do this, I didn't have to do that, and I have to do all these different things or make money and all that stuff.
42:36
SPEAKER_05: And you know, like it really was just like I lived with such a weight on me trying to keep all the lives together and you know, the the my truck getting repoed and these things and that.
42:47
SPEAKER_05: And then when I come down to Florida, all I gotta do is wake Corey up in the morning.
42:51
SPEAKER_05: Like that's a that's a that's a good trade for me.
42:53
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
42:54
SPEAKER_05: Like that was like really that that's that really was for me.
42:57
SPEAKER_05: I lived with such weight on my shoulders for so long, and coming here and going to meetings and meeting you guys and doing all these things.
43:05
SPEAKER_05: And once you feel it, and once you get that camaraderie and stuff like that, and honestly, like you know, everything talks about it, you know, once the fog lifts, you know what I mean, you start seeing things straight and you start putting the work in, you know, and uh, you know, like Greg said, day labor, you know what I mean, which is 100% human slavery.
43:22
SPEAKER_05: I mean, day labor is that that was that that was rough, man.
43:25
SPEAKER_05: 50 bucks a day.
43:28
SPEAKER_05: Ah, dude, that that's that is human slavery, but I mean it's the great it was the greatest thing ever, man.
43:34
SPEAKER_05: It was awesome.
43:34
SPEAKER_05: I was so happy to wake up at 5 a.m.
43:37
SPEAKER_05: to work to be gone for like 12 hours and get paid for like seven and a half of them.
43:42
SPEAKER_05: And I was ecstatic about it.
43:44
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
43:45
SPEAKER_05: Just feeling accomplished.
43:46
SPEAKER_05: I'll get a little money, I could buy maybe uh a nice steak at Denny's or something, you know.
43:52
SPEAKER_05: And uh, you know, just I mean, like all that stuff.
43:54
SPEAKER_05: My my part time job at Harbor Free.
43:56
SPEAKER_05: I was making nine bucks an hour and you know, stacking shelves.
44:00
SPEAKER_05: post and doing stuff like that.
44:01
SPEAKER_05: And then I got the job at the city.
44:03
SPEAKER_05: You know, and um like just all that stuff.
44:05
SPEAKER_05: Like I was just I I was so grateful.
44:07
SPEAKER_05: And I knew when also when I came in the doors that like I was done, man.
44:11
SPEAKER_05: Is that like this is it?
44:12
SPEAKER_05: And also like in my head is like if I drink or get high again, I'm gonna die.
44:17
SPEAKER_05: And I held that to the teeth.
44:19
SPEAKER_05: You know what I mean?
44:20
SPEAKER_05: That like I need to find a different way.
44:21
SPEAKER_05: And when I found that different way in the likes of you know the first thing was Corey in the likes of Corey and we started doing it together.
44:28
SPEAKER_05: I mean there was nothing else I wanted you know what I mean because I I felt better about myself.
44:33
SPEAKER_00: But uh yeah it was really like the the weight of the world was lifted that addiction brings man it really was yep I like what you said too about what both you guys said you know as far as that's concerned like with uh like I didn't know I didn't really know if I was done I felt done and I felt um you know and and I would say that like I gotta be done because I was right at the edge of death and um you know I knew what would happen if I went back out but I struggled greatly I think certainly while I was in treatment you know because you you guys we all know like what it's like to be in those early stages of even after you've been detoxed like the the restless legs at night and the mind racing and you're with a whole bunch of other people that are going through the same thing and half the people are going to like jump ship before treatment's even over to go run out.
45:28
SPEAKER_00: I remember one dude they used to take us to the grocery store while we're in uh treatment that and they would take us like uh like once a week right and they'd have like techs that would walk alongside of us in the grocery store and these dudes um that that were in my house they went and got um emodium right they got they got like four and uh you know I'm not I don't want to give give out like the the recipe out here but basically if you take enough Imodium um it will produce very very very light uh but similar effects to uh that of opioids and the these two dudes ended up getting themselves so sick and then discharged but it was just like you know whatever whatever they you know like the the craving the the mental obsession is is running rampant in those days and so the thought of never scared me um because I had no idea how to live without you know uh my biggest comfort was drugs and alcohol you know and I I had no idea how I was gonna live without them but that is why um once I once I found um you know the the fellowship of recovery and and started getting involved in meetings and stuff like that I I just chased that but I think the other thing that was brought up and I think is is a very good sign there's there's a lot of other pitfalls in early recovery but um you know I think that whole working and treatment in certain areas of this country you know that that's that's a big thing and you know there's a lot of promises that get made and this isn't to sit here and shit on people that I know a lot of really good people that work in the treatment industry.
47:21
SPEAKER_00: A lot of people that really care about helping other people but coming from someone that has done it I can tell you one thing is is especially early on adding all of that undue pressure on yourself and putting all that on your shoulders because essentially your job for the most part is tied to whether or not people who do drugs and drink alcohol stay sober, which is uh you know an uphill climb in and of itself.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, and so you know things that I struggled with heavily while I was in that um because uh the the ideas start coming back in your head of like oh well you know I must not have done something right because this person didn't stay or this person you know whatever that that person died and you know and all that and it's like you start to forget that you're you you're you have don't have even come close to having the power uh over over anybody else over drugs and alcohol or anything like that.
48:25
SPEAKER_05: Um but you start to lose yourself in all that you know and I think that that that particular type of career path um has has a lot of pitfalls especially early on but I also think and we've seen it too with other careers you know people people shooting too too high shooting for the stars way too early on trying to put the cart before the horse you know uh we talk we talk about we see all the time like people just diving headfirst into the gym diving headfirst into relationships you know dating six girls at the same time all all that kind of stuff you know um early on and and all that pressure that it puts on somebody you know to to do that kind of stuff instead of getting right with yourself and getting right with the man upstairs and getting right with your fellows first and foremost you know um so I think that that is you know especially yeah day labor it was slavery in a in a sense man I uh it was there so bad man so I don't I don't know you know some some people might only listen to this show but if you ever watch it my my skin type is not of the variety that belongs digging ditches and trenches on the side on the side of the road in South Florida okay your boy was burnt I always wondered that I'm like dude it's almost 90 degrees why are they all wearing long sleeves and sombreros you know I found out real quick why yeah yeah dude even even Alyssa man Alyssa was working on a road crew pavers bro they were paving the roads and she was working on the road crew she was uh like a sign person in the middle of nowhere like I'd have to drop her off they'd pick her up or 170 on the hot pavement might never see her again because she's in the middle of nowhere Florida Gator might get you yeah so I felt so unsafe dropping her off there and I was like this is this is not this is not okay right now I should have took the bowling alley gig dude at least it's AC that's the inside it might only 575 an hour but no it was it was and the car wash you got oh yeah the car wash I I totally forgot about the car wash beforehand you got free free showers bro it was a free free shower oh my god you know I prayed more in my first whatever few months like than I would have not being at the car wash because I was literally all day long that I will be done that I will be done that I will be done because it was so fucking annoying you would just get soaked and you were just working wet and hot and it's gross and there's just shit everywhere and it's fucking actual poop or dude when when I when I would see you after after work like whether it was Iop or after that man like I wanted to kill myself dude I can only imagine he was he was so oh you're so dirty head to toe man and it was so miserable I was like I want to off myself right now dude when I when I got hired at the bowling alley that was like first off it was an actual raise um because you don't make shit at the car wash obviously but two it was yeah dude it was a big upgrade because like you said working in the AC I got some managerial experience there and stuff I haven't not been promoted to management since like you know what I mean so which is a kind of a curse and a blessing but um yeah it taught me a lot that's for sure I always point but I will I I point people in the direction of that damn car wash all the time too though because you know it's dude like you said it's humbling like fucking get like you're not better than working at the car wash you're not so get your head out there.
52:33
SPEAKER_00: Let's face it dude some of us come into this and not knowing the true um humility uh of and the the the strength of of a good work ethic you know so I think that oh yeah learning that all over again you know uh and and being humble enough to to you know just put your head down and go to work is is an important thing.
52:59
SPEAKER_01: Dude I said it when I got when I was looking online for a job right before I got the car wash I literally said to myself I remember very clearly I said I'm not working for anything less than 10 bucks an hour.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: Now I remember this is 2015 10 bucks an hour went a little further but it still wasn't much but it was but I never made more than 10 I've never made more than eight bucks an hour at that point in my life.
53:23
SPEAKER_05: But I said I'm I'm I'm better than you know nine eight bucks I I gotta make 10 enough and so I got a job paying seven and dips so um it worked out yeah I wanna I want to say the I think I think that's my big go ahead Dan go as I I think that's my big like anti-treatment thing man is that uh you know like people can get those jobs because it's easy you know because like you're going to meetings you're doing this stuff and then someone just offers it to you so I would always tell people not to do it go get a real job put the work in submit some applications and do all this stuff and do the legwork and go get a job because that was my thing with it it was like it was so easy you know what I mean I have to I have to say I was gonna avoid it Dan I was gonna avoid going in on the treatment industry and I will I will abstain for the most part but to to I agree with you there.
54:24
SPEAKER_01: For whatever reason when we're all sitting in fucking detox we see the tech walk in the room and go oh that's a job I could do I finally I'm I'm worth something and that's great that you have an ambition but I would say to anybody else everybody else in this in the treatment and in the uh treatment center you're in is probably think thinking the same thing like oh I can go be a tech after this and sure they need techs that's great but yes I agree with Dan like you actually can amount to anything you can go apply yourself anywhere.
54:57
SPEAKER_01: And just because you're a drug addict and a felon does not mean you are banished to working an overnight tech job.
55:03
SPEAKER_01: You know you can go do anything.
55:06
SPEAKER_00: And then some people become techs and then they make careers out of the treatment industry and if that works that works but but I just I know I I had a similar thing in my mind um when I was sitting in detox I was like oh look at this and and then when I met when Dan when we met Mike over at IOB he he had a fucking rap he had a rap sheet a mile long so I'm like oh my god I you know I'm only ever gonna have a career in treatment you know which I did I never even worked in the treatment industry so obviously that wasn't true but anyway well one thing I I will say about it at least from my experience is that I was 100% underqualified to get the position that I got and you know even though like I worked hard at it and and I really did um study my ass off and and try to better myself or whatever is at the end of the day like I'm not a clinical professional.
56:04
SPEAKER_00: I played one really well for for a good few years but I I have no schooling in that regard I don't know the procedures outside of what I kind of taught myself which I guess is a testament to work ethic you know like I was just talking about and the fact that I was able to learn all that myself but like I'm sitting here on a team of with people that have their master's degrees you know in this and I'm giving my opinion like and I look back on that now and I'm like man what an asshole you know like who am I to tell these people anything you know they're the ones that have gone and studied in school I'm just a dude that got sober you know and I think that um more often than not in certain areas of uh this country in certain areas of treatment um you find that it's more it's less about what you know and what you're capable of and more about who you know and how you can get that job and I think that that is um where I'll leave that because that could spin into uh another several hours of talk I'm sure um so yeah um anybody anybody got anything else on uh our first year any advice for for those new to it um coming back oh that's a heater that's a heater I would say this I would I would end with this I would say the first year the first maybe three four even five years I think I think the earlier it is the more we have to um keep it humble you know what I mean I think like I think I was way more egotistical about my first and second year than I was about my 10 which is a good thing I think but we have we gotta remember to keep it in check while it's like such a I don't I don't hesitate to even call it accomplishment but like such an important thing and such a thing to be grateful for and happy about and all that stuff.
58:12
SPEAKER_01: We don't need to throw ourselves a fucking party we don't need to make sure everybody sees it um you know what I mean like it's just uh I feel like it's way more cool to be a year sober than it is to be seven years sober or whatever for some reason.
58:29
SPEAKER_00: And and by cool I mean like dangerously um like uh egotistical can be can be so I think um we stay grateful rather than boastful work hard stay humble that's all B dubs yeah yeah B dubs um I do want to mention real quick before we outro just uh to to throw up some prayers thoughts whatever um my aunt uh who is certainly uh like us of of the hopeless variety and and has struggled a good many years but she's been bouncing in and out of the hospital all week with a a GI bleed and and now uh they discharged her after some surgery and then she like fell today and broke her hip and has to go back into the hospital.
59:28
SPEAKER_00: So um yeah just just prayers up for her man you know uh and again like I said someone that um has struggled um a little bit more than than us on trying to trying to get this thing and nail it all down so hopefully she can find the the right way and and you know heal up and all that good stuff so um shout out to our listeners please like follow and share on all socials at TrudgeReport Pod.
1:00:00
SPEAKER_00: Email us at TrudReportPod at yahoo.com send mailbag requests for topics questions and comments to any of these handles remember we're all here if anyone wants to talk about recovery and our experiences or if you're struggling with some form of addiction thank you again to Janine and Stellamics podcast management good night God bless and may you trudge the road of happy destiny we'll see you next week