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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just- Cultivating Independence from Materialism's Allure 7.31.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Let's look on three O 3. So his idea of please shoot, and
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  we've been discussing this and what he's telling us appears to
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  be portasious means have a degree of control when it comes
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  to all material items as it be be interested in certain foods,
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  like in certain vacations, like in certain cars, have a certain
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  level of control because if a person gets too connected to
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  these things, it eventually leads to problems.
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  That's clear. And how does a person develop
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  that control? So you can tell us now how a
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  person or really the problem when it comes to pretty sure.
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  First of all, you told us over the last couple of days, how do
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  you develop the control when you recognize are you being sketched
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  console? If you're aware of the whole
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  advertising industry, the entire thing, this whole idea,
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  marketing and advertising is pretty much to pull you in, to
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  make you get excited about something that really is not as
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  exciting or to make you get anxious or something that you
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  really didn't care for or to open up your appetite.
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  The things that you think imaginable, you recognize that
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  you're aware of that you're a little bit more careful,
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  understand some of the messages, understand they're trying to
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  pull you in, understand they need to make money.
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  And then you're careful about those areas because every time,
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  you know, some people fall for every gimmick.
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  Some people, like I say, it's only woman, but a lot of women
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  are too. They fought for every single
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  gimmick. And then there's some people who
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  have a more of a calm approach for things.
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  They never get so excited by something and they say, Oh my
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  gosh, it's the greatest thing ever.
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  That restaurant's best in the world.
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  All the talk, they hold us, us back from that talk.
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  They don't go on right away. And those people, there's a
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  little bit of level of control of voice and ever being super
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  excited. And it was super connected to
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  mature other things. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy
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  things, it just means don't get overly connected and pulled in
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  because if we're if we're fall for these things and they own us
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  and they control us and then a person has no control.
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  And then we know what are the problems that this can lead to
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  and probably lead to is a person doesn't have the money for it.
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  The problem probably lead to the levels of addiction to the
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  different areas or problems because you didn't have that
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  level, the initial level of some level of control.
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  Some I wouldn't call it cynicism, but some real approach
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  to everything that's pulling us. You realize our entire life is
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  pulling us. You're aware of that and you
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  have it to give control in a much better position.
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  Now you get a handjacked exactly constantly.
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  Now look at three O 3 over here being there three O yeah,
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  money's both cash right. You need to make money.
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  But you know what, sometimes people have a pull because they
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  need to make money, because they got used to certain lifestyle
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  and they got connected to so many different material items
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  and they can't imagine doing it with one of them.
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  So they pull themselves or a lot of themselves pull.
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  You pull them to do the wrong thing.
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  Same idea. Just a certain degree of pay.
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  Shoot our life. I hold them back pretty.
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  Expensive with other materialism.
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  Exactly right. So we have to part.
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  Of the community. We have to work to make that
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  living. That's true.
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  And you add 1 degree one element that we get excited about or
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  into that only powers on to our problem.
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  Rene. This is fundamental Camoche ET
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  bonein Azerdevar, Gorim Kenyatta play shoot.
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  The same way a person thinks about this level of control on
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  these concepts and he's wary of the falsehood of advertising and
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  Demyon that helps them become Paresh call Circuto Mavsidoto.
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  In the same vein, if he's ignorant and his matters, he's
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  really putting himself in harm's way.
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  But Madon, this is the one I wanted to analyze.
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  Madon bin Hassarim Bancher Goodulot, Harold FEMA, Hara
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  Kavod or Marbi Maheva. If you hang around with people
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  and his example, officers and important people, noble people
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  who chase Kavod and I'm very busy with nonsense.
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  Keep it. When you constantly see when you
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  see you constantly see these people and you schmooze with
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  them and you talk to them and you go to their affairs and hang
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  around them and you see all the honor that they're busy with.
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  Listen to his words. If Shard, it's impossible.
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  She loved the Torretta avatar that it will not ignite and
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  inspire and create a temptation like Modoto to follow us
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  through, to desire these areas. Even if you have full control of
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  Yetzada, full control. He don't let it be you.
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  But in this area, being in it with people who are busy with
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  material and people who are busy with honor.
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  Now, busy with honor doesn't mean they need cavort and the
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  simple nature, people who are busy with themselves and talking
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  about themselves and talking about the material and where
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  they went and where they're coming from and what they're
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  eating and what they're doing, what they're building.
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  If you hang around with such people, coin the Messiah shanim,
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  it's impossible. It's impossible to get away from
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  that mindset. You will not win that war.
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  You definitely not avoid that war, and you're putting yourself
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  in harm's way. And this is fundamental,
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  especially if we live among our kind of lifestyle.
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  It's fundamental to have an independent way of thinking and
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  more importantly, socializing. Don't socialize with people
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  constantly who are very busy with stuff.
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  People who always talk about their vacation.
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  That will be a problem for you no matter how much I have it in
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  the been the way of thinking. People who are just built the
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  house in Brooklyn and now talking about building the house
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  and deal in the constant of building, building, building.
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  It's very hard for our minds to avoid thinking that way until
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  we're talking that way. People are talking about the
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  view of a wedding or how much it's costing a lot of stuff.
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  If you keep hearing it all the time, you will be inundated with
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  that mindset and the mindset. The words are important.
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  People who are busy with Cavort and very involved in Heather,
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  very involved in waste of time stuff.
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  They're always talking about the vacations and always talking
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  about Thai restaurant I went to and you know, I'm going to go to
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  next week and all this stuff, all the stuff that sounds fine.
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  There's nothing wrong with any of this, right?
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  Nothing wrong with building a beautiful house in Brooklyn.
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  That's the wrong with building a gorgeous house in deal.
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  Nothing when we're spending a billion dollars on your on your
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  wedding doesn't matter to me. Nothing wrong with having very
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  sharp cars. Nothing wrong with vacation
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  whenever you want, but there is something wrong with being busy
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  with it. And for our sake, when we're not
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  that person, there is something wrong with hearing it all the
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  time. You have to separate yourself
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  from the mindset and the talk that isn't for you.
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  It's extremely. Tough.
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  I know I agree. With him enough.
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  I mean you'll lose all your friends because no, I can
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  imagine my friends when my kids get older, they're all going to
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  get married practically the same time.
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  OK. Me and my friends got married at
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  the same time. Good.
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  So I'm sure their wives is going to be talking about their
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  weddings they're making for their daughters.
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  Right. But there has to be a degree of
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  right now, there has to be an off switch, which says I, I tell
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  you, I give you a personal example.
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  I'm in the rabbi business, right?
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  So the rabbi business, there's also a lot of stuff and talk and
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  things and speeches and stuff like that.
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  So I'm going to deal in the summer, if you have a sure end
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  in the summer, by the end of the day.
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  I go to liquor every day and I step out every single day.
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  I can't tell you how many times I hear about the hype here from
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  the rabbi element, the hype of things, of what happened here,
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  what happened there, what someone said, what someone was
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  speaking. And because I step out every
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  single day, I literally can care less.
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  And whereas while I was while I'm here or while you're even
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  here on Shabbat and you're walking around hearing the talk,
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  it gets into your mind, someone else spoke here.
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  The crowds, the noise, donations, the big deal.
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  And you step out and you can care less.
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  And I had this at one point when I was in teaching for a little
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  while in the school. Same idea.
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  When you're in that zone, you care what people talk about in
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  that zone. When you step out of that zone,
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  you can care less. You think the guy in, in, in, in
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  Arkansas cares what happens in Deal, New Jersey, You know he
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  doesn't care. OK, well, part of one community
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  or you like the part of this community, but our brain has to
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  have a switch that says I am not going to be so interesting.
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  The people who are. So however good they have, if
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  you got the book, you read a book and then go back to
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  yesteryear, right? The people who are very much
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  with the times in every area follow how their whole life is a
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  rat race. You don't realize the connection
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  just because they're very busy with what's happening with so
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  and so sad. It was so and so deed it would
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  happen in the actual. Why does that relate to somehow
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  it translates into our lives being rat race minded.
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  That's how it works. If I hear everything that people
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  say, if I care about everything goes on in all the big places,
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  my mind thinks that way. And I'm a constant racing
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  person. If I have a degree, an element,
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  let's see, step out of these worlds on a very comfortable,
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  healthy zone. I'm making decisions on my own
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  pace. I'm getting involved in the
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  enjoyments I want. I take vacations when my family
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  needs it at the right time. I spend for my children's events
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  the way I like to. All these things are in my
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  control because I'm not being dictated by the mindset, the
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  thoughts or the actions of other people.
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  But he's telling you is, I know it's hard, but he's telling you
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  is allowing their talk to be in your brain constantly being up
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  to date with all the news and all these areas and all the
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  material things that people are doing.
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  You hear about someone to building that house and someone
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  suspending that and they're doing this.
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  If you're hearing all that, just hearing it, well, no matter
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  what, control and guide our brain toward liking those
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  things. That's how it is.
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  Now. Again, you want to be in your
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  own control. You want to be your own person
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  and not a dissent of being them. Because FYI it never made our
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  lives any happier. Never once did we feel good
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  about what everyone else is doing.
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  It doesn't make you feel good so why hear it?
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  There's nothing about it that makes you happier.
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  So also spend that much money on a wedding is how does it make me
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  feel happy every time I have to spend that much or it means I
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  can't spend that much? It brings stress.
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  Right, so it doesn't make you any better.
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  And our lives on their own are awesome.
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  The only reason why much of our lives have small issues are
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  because of the fact of what other people are doing.
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  So if me, myself alone or my family, if I would look at my
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  life on its own, I'd say that's amazing.
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  Why should it be ruined or what someone else is dealing with?
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  FYI they're not even having a good time but they're doing it.
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  So why should it ruin my life? Why are there so many people are
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  miserable about not having the money to do extra things when
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  their life is great? They can pay tuition to take
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  care of their family. They can be in two places over
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  the course of the year. Brooklyn a deal.
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  OK, great. But it's ruined because
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  someone's always doing more. And he's telling you, along with
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  the ruining, it'll guide our brain to try to be like them.
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  And I will be connected to levels of material.
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  My standards. Everyone says it's a community
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  standard. Fine, the community standard is
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  high, but our standards are dictated by what the wealthiest
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  people are spending. Who's who decided that?
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  Why does that make sense? They have the money, let them
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  spend it. Even the wealthy is looking at
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  the the other guys. Exactly.
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  All right. This guy is right.
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  Has nothing compared to what I have.
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  I was living right. True.
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  It's all all the all everyone's thinking about the person.
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  Why? Why does he create my standard?
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  Why is it even the months? Mine is called the community
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  standard. Why is it OK?
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  Why is it person embarrassed if they drive a car that is not as
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  expensive as the average? You know, there's an average,
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  you go to a parking lot, all the cars are going to do the same.
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  Why is the person embarrassed? They can't afford it.
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  I understand it's difficult. And by the way, the truth of the
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  matter is it's not only our community, it's true every
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  community. If you sign up to be a certain
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  type, I'm telling you, even if you live in the most religious
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  observant as she can ask you is you could live in Muncie, you
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  could live in Lakewood. If you decide if you're a
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  Lakewood in your car, you can care less the car you drive.
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  If you're on liquid and you decide you're a working guy, you
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  decide your guy with money. The moment you saw you assign
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  yourself with those people and your friends and your social
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  life with those people, you need to be exactly like them.
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  And you can't function and tell you that way.
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  And every community in every place in the world.
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  So we have this one level thing called community.
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  But once we associate with that mindset, our plateau and our
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  level and our threshold is exactly like everybody else.
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  You make that your rules, you're going to be connected so much
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  more. 1, you can have stress constantly because you need to
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  do that. And two, two, you're going to
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  have a pull to feel that I need that material.
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  And once I get involved in that, I imagine that world and that's
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  my world. You're ruining your life for no
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  reason. We all have beautiful lives and
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  that is our most of us have rich people problems which are that
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  issue, that kind of issue because.
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  You see it, right? You.
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  See it you don't, you don't miss something unless.
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  You realize 100%, and if you associate with that and you make
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  it as if it's yours and it's supposed to be ours and
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  everyone's supposed to be the same, we're just creating
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  problems for ourselves. And in his zone, he's telling
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  you, you figure out ways to try to be part of that materialism
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  and it pulls us down. The best move is to create in
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  our minds conversations. I don't constantly talk to
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  people about this stuff. I'm not constantly hearing about
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  things I can't afford. I'm not getting involved in the
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  level of life. That's not my level.
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  If I do, I'm creating problems for myself.
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  If I don't, I have full control of my material life and I'm in a
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  much healthier place. I'm in a much happier place.
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  I'm in a much clearer zone. I'm developing my life as it
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  goes. That's great, but I'm not living
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  someone else's life. That's what people are doing all
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  day long, imagining and living other people's lives.
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  That's why it's so important to have a degree of disconnect from
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  the people around you when it comes to what they're spending
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  and what they're doing. That's his time, right?
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  Otherwise, and he says, oh, can Yanze a Marshall Lamont, 12,
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  elecate a bet evil elecate a bet a mistake, which literally means
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  it's better to go to the house in mourning than it is to go to
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  the House of feasting. So he translated me.
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  Such a shame for this point, which is when you go to the big
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  time social gatherings, you are putting yourself in such a
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  stressful, unhealthy mindset. If you allow yourself to think I
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  need to be like them. That's how it works.
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  Best thing for a person is to create in his own mind his zone
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  or where he feels he's supposed to be not connected to anybody
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  else. My family is unique because of
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  its simplicity. My family is unique because we
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  take nice, calm, simple vacations.
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  My family has beautiful Shabbat table.
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  Create your own zone not connected to the level of
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  threshold of other people. And my goals now are not their
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  goals and therefore my life is not their life.
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  And therefore I don't have their pulse, I don't have their their
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  their attractions. I don't need their excitements.
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  Therefore my life is not fully dependent on their life.
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  That's the case. I'm in a Gray zone and I could
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  soar if I'm connected to theirs. I'm lagging behind constantly
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  and life is really not fun because of all these issues.
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  That's what he says. Stop with this.