Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 385: When Life Knocks You Down: The Power of Taking One Step Forward with Renea Linsom

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E 385: When Life Knocks You Down: The Power of Taking One Step Forward with Renea Linsom · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:00
  hello everybody.
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  Welcome back to another episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.
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  Today we have with us Renée Linsome, and I don't know much about Renée except that her podcast is super fun to listen to, and that she did go through a dark time in her life, and now she is
• 0:15
  using that and what she learned from that information to allow the sun to shine.
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  So welcome, Renée.
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  Thank you so much for having me.
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  Oh, you are very welcome.
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  I love that you call...
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  How, first of all, let's just get right to this.
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  Your thing says Queen Renée Linsome.
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  Talk about that.
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  Before I got married my, my husband always had a nickname.
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  He always called me Puddin.
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  But then it was once we got married, it was Queen.
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  It was Queen, and I remember thinking, "If I'm gonna be queen, I'm gonna need the merchandise to go with it."
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  So I actually ended up buying a necklace that says queen.
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  I even have some earrings that literally say queen on them, and I said, "You know what?"
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  And then I also realized that when you're a queen, there's a certain way that you operate.
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  There's a certain way that you talk to people.
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  And I was like, man.
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  I was like, maybe my husband was onto something, but maybe I just went a little deeper with it.
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  But it's a, it's the way that I talk to people, but it's, that is my nickname around the house.
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  I hear it all the time.
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  "Queen."
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  And I'm like, "Okay."
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  So- That's, yeah, that's pretty cool.
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  I actually have another friend who is very big into the, she does a lot of speaking, and she's very big into the education field, and she calls herself Queen Educator.
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  Oh, I love it.
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  I absolutely love that because, yeah, I...
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  Not for nothing, and I love your husband's little cute nickname Puddin, but Queen sounds much more empowered than Puddin.
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  It sure does.
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  It sure does.
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  And I said, "I guess I graduated," we got married.
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  But then it does make sense 'cause I was like, okay.
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  But I really like that, and I just kinda took it and ran with it, yep.
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  I like it.
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  Keep it.
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  You own it.
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  That's awesome.
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  So tell us, I know you talk about how you took kind of a dark story or a rough experience and really took it to kinda turn your life around.
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  I, and I know your husband and you talk about, a lot about the power of words and your spirituality, and everything like that.
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  So kinda talk about how you got to where you are now.
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  Boy, I am not an overnight sensation.
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  I am not.
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  There, the darkest period that I went through was due to a very sudden passing away of my mother.
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  Very quick, and I was like, one day we were talking "When are we gonna...
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  This is what we're gonna do," and then the next moment I'm, like, standing outside, sitting outside the window watching my life fall apart.
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  And and it was just a hugely dark time.
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  I couldn't find any reason to be happy or to smile, and to know me is to know that Renee loves to smile.
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  I do.
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  Every time, I'm like...
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  but I lost that.
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  I lost that for some years.
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  I lost my smile.
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  How old were you?
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  Do you mind if I ask?
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  And, I was 21.
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  21.
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  I was 21.
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  Okay.
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  I was actually a month away from turning 22, so it was, I, it was just like...
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  And I know some people will be like that's kinda old," but it, and also in the same place, you're just starting to get your footing in life, and to kinda have the rug kinda, taken from under you, it
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  was like- I was like, "I don't know what..."
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  I don't, I didn't know what to do, so I started to fill it with every- with everything with everything.
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  And that's, it wasn't necessarily the wisest thing, but that is what I did.
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  That's, it seemed like the right choice at the time.
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  When we have that kind of grief and that just, like you said, you were lost.
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  You didn't know what to do.
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  Here is this probably incredibly influential person in your life and then she's gone.
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  And 21?
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  You are still a baby at 21, no matter what they say.
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  Doesn't matter if you're grown up and you're out of the house, you are still a baby.
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  Very true.
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  Yeah.
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  And it's it took people, but it took me actually wanting to live, wanting to thrive.
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  I was in school at the time when my mother passed and I was just like, eventually I had to get back on track to be like, "Okay, I need to finish school.
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  I watched my mom do it.
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  I've gotta finish.
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  I, this is not just for me, but this is part of my mom's legacy that she put in me."
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  So I was like, "I'm gonna finish."
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  And eventually I did finish.
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  But- what were some of the steps that you took to start pulling yourself out of that dark place?
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  Boy.
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  One of the things that I did was I actually started going back, I start- I actually started going back to church.
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  Okay.
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  That was probably one of the things, but I did not actually want to go back to church.
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  But a friend of mine was like, "Hey, I wanna invite you."
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  And I liked her, so I was like, "Okay."
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  And then one Sunday started snowballing, and sitting in church one day and I was like- And I was like, woo.
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  And I really got hit and realized that even though the death of my mom really hurt, but I also realized that I wanted to live more than anything, that there was still something that I needed to do even
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  though I had really got decked.
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  And but all the things that my mother put on the inside of me were still there, and I was like, "I'm gonna do this.
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  I'm gonna make my, I'm gonna make my mommy proud, and I'm just gonna..."
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  She always wanted me to be like, "Go, Renee, go.
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  You don't have kids.
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  Go.
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  You're young.
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  Go."
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  And I was like, "Okay.
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  Okay.
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  This is gonna become the love letter to my mom, and I'm just, I'm gonna finish.
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  I'm gonna finish, Mom.
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  I'm gonna do this.
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  I'm doing this for you."
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  I'm...
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  Even though it's for me, but to let you know that it was not in vain everything that you taught me over these years.
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  Yep.
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  And sometimes it helps, sometimes if you can't do it for yourself, I tell people that all the time if you can't get out of bed for yourself, get out of bed for your children.
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  If you can't do it for yourself, and a lot of people are struggling, when they're in that deep grief or they're in, they're suffering with an addiction, or they're suffering with X, Y, and Z.
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  It doesn't even matter.
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  They don't have that, that self-love yet to be like, "I'm doing this for me."
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  I wanna do this.
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  I...
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  So I tell people, "Borrow someone else's confidence in you."
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  Yes.
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  If you don't have the confidence, if you don't have the love for yourself, borrow someone else's.
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  And in your case, it sounds like you borrowed your mother's until you were ready to do it yourself.
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  Absolutely.
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  Absolutely.
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  And I, when I graduated, and I remember kinda turning the corner, and I saw my two cousins were there, and my aunt and they were like, "Hi, Renee."
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  And I remember looking up towards the sky, and it was a beautiful May day, and I just was like, I was like, "Mom," I was like, I just kinda saw the clouds just breaking, and that my mom was
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  right there just looking at me.
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  And I was like- Oh.
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  I was like, "I did it."
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  I was just like- I put it to...
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  I finally got it together.
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  Yeah.
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  That was probably- And just looking- one of the best days yeah, and just looking at you and the people that are just listening to this and are not actually looking at her face is pure joy when she talks
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  about that moment.
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  Pure joy.
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  So that's what we're striving for, is those moments of pure joy, those little moments of pure joy, and it's hard sometimes.
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  And I know there's b- other than, you were doing it for your mom, but it's like there still has to be a process.
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  You went to church, and that is huge for some people.
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  Some people find that spirituality, and they just...
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  I feel when you're in church or with, when you're with a group of spiritual people or, I don't wanna say religious, but just spiritual in general, God-fearing people- there's a, there's an aura of an energy of love.
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  And- Yes you just feel that.
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  I stepped away from church for a long time.
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  I still don't go into a physical church, but I have my relationship with my God, and I'm...
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  I, whatever it is.
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  It looks different.
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  But when you're with a group of people, like you're, it's like this attraction, and you are clearly putting out that energy of love.
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  So is that what brought you...
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  You're a writer now.
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  So is that what made you start writing?
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  Or did you write to get out of the ick?
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  And you know what?
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  And I f- I feel like this is a part of the, a part of the chapter because I was a I said even as a kid, "Mommy, I'm gonna be a writer one day.
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  I'm gonna be a writer."
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  But then I loved psychology in school, and so I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna go into this, but one day I'm gonna write a book, after I retire one day."
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  And I was 12, and I told my mom a, a name, the name of what my book was going to be, and she was like, that's a great i- that's a good idea for a book.
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  That's a nice title or name."
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  And it stayed with me, but I, the writing came to me a little later because I hadn't realized that I was sitting on this gift and that it was easy for me.
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  I'm the daugh- I'm the daughter of a classically trained singer, my mom, and my dad was a amazing organist.
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  Okay.
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  So I've got these two artistically inclined people, and here I am, the seed of that.
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  And and my dad was also a writer in hi- in his own right.
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  So it's like I had, I loved writing, but then I was just like one day I'll do something with it."
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  But then I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna do something with it now."
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  And then I realized, wow I've been doing myself a disservice because it's been in me for years.
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  Even my mom was a writer also.
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  But I was like, man, it's...
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  So I was like, I need to- I need to do something.
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  I need to do something with it.
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  And it's such- And so- Oh my gosh, and it's such an energetic release of- It is stress and anxiety and sadness and joy and everything else.
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  It's when you put it on paper, it's getting it out of all that energy.
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  So I'm sure, like I look back sometimes and I look back at the few b- or the few journals that I saved from when I was a child, and I was like, "Whoa, these were deep.
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  Like these were dark."
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  But it was a release.
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  It was getting it out and getting it onto paper, and I'm sure there was so much healing in that.
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  Like for the people listening, just start writing, and you do not have to be the seed of a, of an artist to just put- No your freaking paper and pencil together and start talking and telling your story and
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  getting it out of your body.
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  So much release.
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  Absolutely.
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  And it's so cathartic.
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  It's, there are so many things that I've realized in my writing and I was like, "Man, Renée Kimlin, you remembered that."
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  Or something that's been in the back of my mind for maybe 20 years and I was like, "Whoa."
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  And I just, it came out like it happened yesterday.
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  Yeah.
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  But it's, but then it's such a blessing when you write something and somebody says, "Yeah, I felt that same way."
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  And it's like- It's like that, it's like that, that light bulb that come, that, that comes up like in cartoons, and it's like, whoa.
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  Okay, I'm on the right track here because other...
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  If it's not just an isolated event with me, then there are a whole lot of people that feel the same way.
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  And you're doing one of two things.
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  You're either letting them know they're not alone, and maybe encouraging someone to tell their story.
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  Yes.
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  I have people...
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  I was the same way when I s- I journaled a lot, but I used to throw my journals out.
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  I didn't save a lot of them 'cause my mother would read them, and then I'd get...
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  it was a whole mess.
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  She would rip open locks, and it was crazy.
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  But I used to write, literally write, and then put 'em, put it, rip up, like maybe a month later I would take a whole journal, rip it up, and then watch it float away.
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  And it was so weird as a child that I did that because, now I'm like, God, if people could have read them, there was...
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  I could have helped so many.
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  If I could have un- published, journals of...
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  There were millions of kids out there that were going through exactly what I was going through, and at the time I thought I was the only one.
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  I thought I was, blah.
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  But like you said, it's...
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  And I've had people say to me who am I gonna...
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  who am I gonna write to?"
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  I know.
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  "Who am I gonna help?
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  Who am I gonna blah, blah, blah?"
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  And I'm like, "If only one."
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  Yeah.
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  If only one person in this world reads what you had and says, "Wow, if she can do it, I can do it," you've just made your footprint in the world.
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  Exactly, 'cause it's easy to feel like you're isolated.
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  It's easy to feel like it's only, like it's just you because, we're, we all live our lives.
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  It's it's just us in our lives that go through different things.
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  People don't go through the same situations the same.
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  No.
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  So you could have...
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  We could go through the same thing, you know Miss Tammy, but it's like you have a different not inspiration, but you have a, there's a different meaning to it- Yeah to you than it would be to me.
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  But it still makes it that much.
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  That's why your point of view it really can hit somebody at that moment, or even if it's not them in that moment, them in a prior moment, and be like, "Man- I thought it was just me.
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  And, like you said, looking at it from different perspectives.
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  And I tell people all the time, people are like, "Tammy, how do I tell you these stories and you don't even flinch?"
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  And I'm like, "Because we all have the same version, or a different version of the same story when you grow up- Yeah in childhood trauma, or you grow up with abuse, neglect."
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  And it's...
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  Nothing shocks me anymore.
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  I'm like, "I'm an open book.
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  You can tell me anything.
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  I can listen to anything."
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  But it's letting people know, that they're not alone.
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  But I listened to a p- one of your episodes that you did, and I don't know if that's your brother, your husband, or is that on your...
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  Is that your husband?
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  Yeah, that's him.
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  Okay.
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  I was like, I was just listening real quick.
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  It was and you guys were talking about the power of words, and the power.
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  And that's why, we were talking about...
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  it just made me think of that the way you guys were talking about it.
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  'Cause when you're putting things on paper and people are reading what you're putting out there, a blog or whatever, their perception of what you say is their reality.
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  And I always tell people that.
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  You might not mean something some way, but their perception is their reality.
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  So it's how- their experiences interpreted what you said based on their reality, right?
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  So I love that you I honestly love that you pulled the, the God, the religious, whatever, the spiritual side into it, because I feel like that's like a spiderweb you're sending out with your writing.
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  And, like with what you're saying, there's so much power in your words.
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  I- it's, a lot of the times I think people when they say, "Oh, you're a writer?"
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  And I think when I first started people were like, "Oh, wow."
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  Because there's so much, there's so much power with the things that you are writing down because...
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  And I've come to, to understand that words are spells.
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  Words are, because when you put something down it, it is le- it is leaving I guess you could say like an o- an online footprint, or maybe a, an, an online fingerprint of your life at a particular time,
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  or where you w- or where you see yourself going, and so it's so powerful, that's why you can't take it for granted the things that you say or the things that you are writing down because it's still DNA.
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  It is DNA.
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  Yeah.
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  And I was like, "Wow."
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  It's, I didn't think of that necessarily at first, but then I was like, "Yeah."
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  Especially when people would be like, "Yeah, I f- this is, yeah I agree with this," blah, blah, blah.
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  And I was like, "Wow."
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  Yeah.
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  Okay.
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  And it's just tweaking words to...
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  And even just in the spoken word.
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  Words are, like you said, words are so powerful.
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  I used to hate that expression when they used to say, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names..."
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  Words, or was it names, "Words can never hurt me."
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  Words can never hurt me.
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  That is a crop.
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  And I was like, "Whoa."
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  If they said that in this day and age somebody would be like, "What is wrong with you?"
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  But back then it was, we can say anything we want or, you can s- even now people will, at work people will just say something so demeaning and then be like, "Eh, JK, LOL."
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  Just kidding, laugh out loud, and I'm like, "Not funny."
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  You can't take back a word.
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  You can't...
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  You have to think about it when you put it out into the world, because you never know what kind of effect that can have.
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  And then, like I said, I love looking at you 'cause you've got this great big huge- smile on your face, so I know that the words that you choose are going out, and they're thought about.
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  And they're to help, not to hurt.
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  'Cause words can do just as much damage as help, right?
• 18:27
  Yeah.
• 18:28
  People will forget, I don't know about you, but I've ne- I don't, I have never forgotten somebody that says something and really rude to me.
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  But then I remember also people that said something that was really nice, that really helped me to go from one, one level to the next.
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  But I remember the ones that were like, "Oh you can't..."
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  And it's like, when I see that, when I see that person, or if I, i- if I am able to cross paths with them and I look at them because they look, those words have come back to them,
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  and now they look, they- they've aged.
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  They've aged a lot more because those words have come right back.
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  Well- And it's like- Ye- yeah.
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  Go ahead.
• 19:20
  No, go ahead.
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  No, go ahead.
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  It's almost like a, a venom that has come back to do them in a little bit because of the words that they spoke on somebody else.
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  And- And it's wait.
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  Yeah.
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  And it's not only that too, but I look at it, I always remember teaching, and when I taught first grade, I used to think this, and I always kept it in my head, of if you learn nothing else,
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  you learn the golden rule.
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  You learn do unto others as you would do unto them, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
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  Sorry.
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  But I always thought too- I, and I taught this in sales, and I taught this when I was teaching first grade, and I taught this to my own children.
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  Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, "I think I'm gonna have a really freaking shitty day and be mean to everybody I meet."
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  Nobody does that.
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  It's a manifestation of everything that's happened, their experiences, their whatever.
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  Everything that's happened to them in the past.
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  So I always flip it.
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  I used to c- I couldn't stand when teachers would be like, "These kids are such brats.
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  These kids are so angry."
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  They're angry because they're hurting.
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  So my biggest thing, and I tell everybody, no matter where I've trained them, no matter where I've taught them, is when you use your words, give everybody the benefit of the doubt.
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  And know that, when you see that grumpy old cashier, that 72-year-old cashier at the grocery store, she doesn't wanna be there.
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  So- telling her to have an amazingly blessed day, watch the reaction and the ripple effect.
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  And you w- it's just amazing.
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  Amazing.
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  I think every, I just think everybody, give them the benefit of the doubt.
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  Like I said, nobody wakes up, nobody...
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  I deal a lot with people in recovery.
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  Nobody wakes up and says, "I think I'll drink myself to death today and destroy my family.
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  That sounds like a great idea."
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  Exactly.
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  So it's like we just have to start u- I think using our words and little tweaks.
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  The difference between s- telling somebody, "Thanks," and saying, "Thanks, have a blessed day," doesn't matter if they're religious or not, nobody takes that and is "Eh, have a blessed day."
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  Nobody does.
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  They're like, "Oh, thank you."
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  And it's almost like a, a dom- a domino effect because- if you can...
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  i've been, I have worked in sales, I worked as the cashier where I was like, whoo and somebody come in and say something really nice, and I'm like, "Oh, hey," and sometimes with me, a smile, if you, I
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  bet you, you smile at one person, then you just be like, "Hey, how you doing?"
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  And they walk away just visibly "Hey, all right, someone smiled at me."
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  They probably will smile at the next person, and then here it goes.
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  Yep I was, we're, I think what, my husband had a doctor's appointment yesterday and this woman came up and she was literally coming right towards me, and I looked, and I smiled, and she just went.
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  And she smiled right back at me, and she was wheeling somebody in a wheelchair.
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  And I was just like, and I thought, "Wow, it's, that's all it takes."
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  And if everybody- So- did it, that's what I don't understand.
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  People don't understand.
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  We're energy.
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  We're all energy.
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  So when you go out into the world, you're doing one of two things.
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  You're either putting positive energy out into the world, and people are matching that energy, because that's how it works.
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  The energies coincide, they match.
• 22:56
  Or you're literally sucking the energy out of someone else, because you can only- Yeah do one of two things.
• 23:02
  It's an energy exchange.
• 23:04
  Yeah.
• 23:04
  So how much better if everybody went out there and just thought, "Huh."
• 23:08
  I used to make it a challenge.
• 23:09
  It was, I still, I wait tables at night for my health benefits, and I love...
• 23:15
  And people are like, "Oh my God, I don't wanna wait on them.
• 23:17
  They're grumpy."
• 23:18
  And I'm like, "Oh, good."
• 23:19
  I love that.
• 23:20
  I love to take someone, a couple that sits down and is like big frown on their face, barely speaking, on their phones, and have them walk out smiling and laughing.
• 23:30
  It's be- because you know that energy is going home, whatever they were gonna go home to completely grumpy, whether it was to their dog, their cat, their fish, or their kids- That's what they're putting out.
• 23:43
  And that's the same thing that you, that can be done in writing because it's like somebody can be like, "Man let me see what they're talking about in this."
• 23:53
  And then be like, "Wow, I never thought of this that way.
• 23:57
  Now I see things a little bit differently."
• 24:01
  And their mindset has shifted or they come out at, with a new attitude, and it's And it's oh.
• 24:07
  'Cause I love a good, I love a good book, Ms.
• 24:10
  Tammy.
• 24:10
  I love a good book, and when I read a great book and I'm like, "Wow, I never thought of that."
• 24:17
  And now I'm like that means I could do this better."
• 24:22
  And now when the situation comes up, I know how to address it because of something that I read that empowered me, and I was like, ooh.
• 24:34
  So what do you re- write about?
• 24:35
  What is your blog about?
• 24:38
  So I have a personal a personal blog that is on WordPress that is actually about my life.
• 24:46
  Certain things that I read, that I saw that was coming up, and I was like, whoa, okay, this reminds me of, this that happened in my past, and how I had to, how I've had to learn from it.
• 25:00
  And so it's more of a personal development.
• 25:03
  I was just like, okay.
• 25:04
  I was like, okay you may want to do something better than what I did, 'cause I want you to do better than me, 'cause I really messed this up here, but you don't have to.
• 25:17
  You can do this instead.
• 25:20
  But I use my life as the as the foundation.
• 25:24
  There's some things that I, I'll write, that I wrote about that were funny because I'm a naturally funny person.
• 25:31
  There's some things that, I went to the bottom of the ocean a bit, but it was still like- Yeah.
• 25:38
  But for my business, for the blog writing, I do for coaches and therapists that are wanting to enhance their online presence.
• 25:48
  So I'm an SEO blog writer, so I'm just like, "Okay."
• 25:52
  Okay.
• 25:52
  "You need to know your ideal client needs to be able to find you and find you organically, and I'm gonna help you to do that.
• 26:00
  And so let's help you do...
• 26:02
  go from one place to another."
• 26:05
  So I love doing that with writing.
• 26:07
  Okay.
• 26:07
  So yeah, so two totally different kinda aspects of it, but learning from both, so that's good.
• 26:13
  When you stop learning- Absolutely you stop growing.
• 26:14
  So that's what we're all here for.
• 26:16
  Absolutely.
• 26:17
  Yeah.
• 26:18
  Absolutely.
• 26:19
  So yeah, of course, when I write for me it's coming from a very, still, even when I write for other people, it comes from a very honest place.
• 26:26
  It comes from a very a learning place because I like to learn when I'm r- when I'm reading.
• 26:33
  There, there are certain ways that I want to get better.
• 26:37
  And of course, when someone reads something of mine, I want them to be like, "Yeah, I think that's possible.
• 26:42
  I can get better with this."
• 26:44
  And I'm also the daughter of a teacher, so it's, there's always gonna be teaching teachable things that are gonna be in there because i- it's just the background I come from, yeah.
• 26:54
  And that's kinda where I am, too.
• 26:56
  It's every job I've had, whe- it didn't matter where I was always the trainer, the teacher, the- Same the motivator, the mentor.
• 27:02
  Whatever it was.
• 27:03
  And that's how I got into coaching because sometimes it just takes, like you said, it takes a different perspective.
• 27:09
  I can literally- Exactly have a coaching client and try to tell them something for three months, and they're like...
• 27:14
  It's like after a while, when you deal with the same people, sometimes the same therapist, the same coach, whatever it is, after a while you're kinda like, "Wha wha."
• 27:21
  It's like you feel like Charlie Brown, right?
• 27:23
  You just listen.
• 27:23
  Yes.
• 27:24
  And you're like, "Okay, she said this to me 1,000 times."
• 27:26
  So I will literally, if I can't get something across to someone, I will have a podcast guest on, and I will ask the question initiating that conversation, and she'll say exactly what I've been telling this person for three
• 27:42
  months.
• 27:42
  And then they'll, the next session they'll be like, "Oh, okay, I heard your podcast."
• 27:46
  That, 'cause I'll send it to them and be like, "Hey, I had this great podcast episode.
• 27:49
  I sh- wanted to share it with you."
• 27:50
  And they'll be like, "Yeah, that's what you've been trying to tell me for three months."
• 27:54
  So it's just timing is everything.
• 27:57
  I- implement- the implementation is everything.
• 28:00
  It's kinda when you wanna teach your kids something and they're not listening, you tell grandpa to tell them.
• 28:06
  And all of a sudden it makes sense Yeah.
• 28:09
  'Cause it's a different, it's a different word, it's different languaging, it's different everything, and timing.
• 28:13
  Absolutely.
• 28:14
  Yeah, so- Sometimes too, we don't necessarily like to listen to our mothers and our fathers.
• 28:20
  Sometimes it takes somebody that is outside of the house to be like Tammy said that to me and I didn't listen.
• 28:30
  I don't know how many times Now I'm a believer- Yeah, I know 'cause I got that, that, what do they call it?
• 28:31
  That that verification, so now I'm like, "Yeah."
• 28:35
  Yep.
• 28:36
  I don't know how many times my kids were like, "Yeah, I know."
• 28:38
  They'll come to me and be like, "Hey, you know what?
• 28:40
  You were right.
• 28:41
  Grandpa just, he said the same thing you've been telling me for a month."
• 28:44
  And I'm like, "I know.
• 28:45
  You just needed to hear it from someone who had a different voice, so it's funny, but it's funny how words work, but they're amazing, and we use them, and we all have them, and we all need to get
• 28:54
  better at using them.
• 28:56
  And writing is an amazing way, because you don't have to show it to anybody, so you don't have to worry about it.
• 29:03
  Sure.
• 29:04
  When you're speaking out loud, especially when you're not h- don't have that confidence yet, sometimes you're still worried about what other people think.
• 29:13
  And not, I'm not saying you should not worry about what other people think at all, but if you're so worried about offending and everything else, you're not saying what's really on your mind.
• 29:22
  You're filtering everything and processing everything through a different lens.
• 29:25
  When you are writing in a journal, in a book, in a blog, in anything, you don't have to put it out there to the world, so you're just writing what comes from the heart.
• 29:34
  Exactly.
• 29:36
  Exactly.
• 29:36
  And there's a certain amount of just being raw that, that really helps because it's just this is me.
• 29:43
  This is where I'm, this is where I'm at."
• 29:45
  And I think that's one, one of the great things when you write something and you can come back to it, 'cause I've read some of the blogs I've done and I was like, "Boy."
• 29:55
  I was like, "I've really come a long way because..."
• 29:59
  Or even when I picked up an old journal, Ms.
• 30:02
  Tammy, and I'm like...
• 30:04
  And I laughed a couple times at certain things that I wrote, 'cause I was like, "Oh, Renee, you ham.
• 30:10
  You said this or you thought this about such and such, and it turns out that you were absolutely wrong, because this person ended up doing this.
• 30:18
  And you were trying to see the absolute best but found out that they were not."
• 30:25
  But it's I have laughed quite a few times at stuff that I wrote.
• 30:29
  But there's been a, a progression I've noticed every time, and I'm like, wow.
• 30:36
  And certain things come with age, certain things come with situations, but certain things just come with when you know better, when you want to know better, you do better.
• 30:48
  Amen.
• 30:48
  And that requires an elevated version of you.
• 30:53
  21, 21-year-old Renee did not know did not know, but 41-year-old Renee is like- Yeah that's your mic drop statement right there.
• 31:06
  When you know better, you do better.
• 31:08
  And it is just so true.
• 31:11
  That's why I tell people that grew up in that kind of chaos and craziness that haven't s- been on that healing journey for 30 years, don't beat yourself up about what you did.
• 31:22
  Because what you, when you didn't know, you didn't know any better.
• 31:26
  But then once now it is your responsibility to take responsibility, with, what do they say, with knowl- was it Ben Franklin?
• 31:33
  With knowledge comes great responsibility, or with awareness comes great responsibility, and that is so true.
• 31:39
  Yeah.
• 31:39
  So you can't spend your life beating yourself up for the past when you were doing what you would've been expected to do based on your situations.
• 31:48
  But you can learn from it, move forward, and make better choices, and that's all we can do.
• 31:53
  That's all we can ask of ourselves.
• 31:55
  That's right.
• 31:56
  Keep moving.
• 31:57
  Keep moving.
• 31:57
  Keep moving.
• 31:58
  Keep moving forward.
• 31:59
  So this has been super fun.
• 32:01
  Yes so tell people if they wanna work with you, if they wanna see your blog, where's the best place to find Queen Renee?
• 32:09
  You can actually look me up.
• 32:12
  I am, Actually, you know what?
• 32:14
  Hit me up on my Instagram.
• 32:16
  If you have Instagram, it is queenreliablerenee.
• 32:21
  You can look me up.
• 32:23
  I am on Instagram feel free to be like, "Renee what were you talking about, and how can I work with you?"
• 32:30
  I am forever on Instagram.
• 32:33
  Okay.
• 32:34
  No, that's good.
• 32:34
  That's your platform, and I will put that in the show notes because I've already forgotten.
• 32:38
  It was queenre- reliablerenee?
• 32:41
  Yes.
• 32:41
  Yeah, okay.
• 32:42
  I'm on every social media platform, but so if you actually look up queenreliablerenee, you'll find me either way.
• 32:48
  Okay.
• 32:48
  Either way, but yeah, you can hit me up on Instagram if that's what you prefer to do.
• 32:53
  Okay.
• 32:54
  Sounds good, and like I said, I will have the links in the show notes so nobody has to be driving and try to write down, or whatever they're doing right now.
• 33:01
  Stay focused on what you're doing and just listen.
• 33:04
  And then before you go, I...
• 33:06
  First of all, thank you so much for coming.
• 33:07
  I really appreciate you.
• 33:09
  Thank you for having me.
• 33:10
  Before you go, can you give the listeners one last piece of advice or words of wisdom or something to take with them throughout the day to make their day a little brighter?
• 33:21
  Moving forward solves all problems.
• 33:27
  If you are, if you feel like you are stuck and you feel like, "Man I don't know what to do," move, moving forward solves all problems.
• 33:39
  Don't just sit around and hope that change is going to come to your door.
• 33:44
  It is not going to break in.
• 33:46
  You must decide that whatever you do, that you're going to move forward, and that starts with even just one, one change.
• 33:57
  One change a day and being consistent.
• 34:03
  I did not, at first, I did not always like to read, until I said one day, "I need to read more."
• 34:09
  And do you know what?
• 34:10
  You know what, Miss Tammy?
• 34:12
  I said, "I'm gonna read a book, at least a book a month," and then I looked up and I had read 25 books in a year.
• 34:21
  Yep.
• 34:21
  But one change every day.
• 34:25
  Do something different today.
• 34:28
  Amen.
• 34:29
  But moving forward solves all problems.
• 34:31
  I hope to see you at the top, not from the top, because the bottom is already too crowded.
• 34:38
  Amen.
• 34:38
  I love it.
• 34:39
  I absolutely love it.
• 34:40
  And if you're out there thinking I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to move forward, and I don't...
• 34:45
  I just don't," just do something.
• 34:47
  Wake up in the morning, lay in bed, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself, "What is one thing that's gonna make me feel 1% better today?"
• 34:55
  And do it.
• 34:56
  Doesn't matter what it is, just do it.
• 35:00
  So you deserve it.
• 35:01
  You definitely deserve it.
• 35:02
  So thanks again, Renee.
• 35:03
  I appreciate you coming on, and we will share this with as many people as we can.
• 35:09
  Thank you so much for having me.
• 35:11
  You are very welcome.
• 35:12
  For everybody else out there listening, you heard her.
• 35:14
  You heard her.
• 35:15
  Just go, move forward.
• 35:16
  Just do something.
• 35:18
  No matter how hard it is, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just make a move, because what's the definition of insanity?
• 35:25
  Is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting change.
• 35:29
  It does not happen.
• 35:31
  And if you need help with that, reach out to someone.
• 35:34
  Reach out to me.
• 35:35
  Book a call.
• 35:35
  We'll figure out what's stopping you, we'll figure out how you get started, and we'll make those leaps together.
• 35:40
  So thank you all, and you have a blessed week, and we will see you back.